Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - Overcoming Trauma Reactions in Relationships

Episode Date: March 6, 2024

In this Language of Love Session, we continue our conversation with Ken and Marla, a couple who has been going through some sexual struggles, and we really got into the nitty-gritty of how stress and trauma can mess with your love life. Ken's been feeling super stressed and it's been hitting their intimacy hard. He's distracted, tired, and just not in the mood, which has been causing some tension between them. Marla, on her end, is experiencing PTSD symptoms in response to Ken’s anger, even though it’s not directed at her. This is not at all uncommon for those with a trauma background. But the dynamic is making her pull away and shut down emotionally. It's like they're stuck in this loop where they just keep triggering each other. So, I suggest they try somatic experiencing therapy. It's a game-changer for understanding and dealing with trauma responses. And one big thing I emphasized was the need to separate their actions from their reactions. It's not easy, but it's so important for healing and moving forward together. I'm confident that this session will not only provide you with a deeper understanding of the complexities of trauma in intimate relationships but also arm you with practical guidance to face similar challenges head-on. Remember to check out my recommended books The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma and Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma and let's keep growing together. Keep pushing forward, and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Here's to healing and growing stronger together! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm sex, love, and relationship therapist, Dr. Laura Berman. And for the past 30 years, I've been helping people just like you learn to love and be loved better. Here on the Language of Love Conversations, I'm talking to some of the world's most influential and revolutionary experts, thought leaders, spiritual teachers, and celebrities about love, sex, and relationships from a mind, body, and spirit perspective. And that way, my goal is to awaken your mind, body, and soul. It's time to become fluent in the language of love. Marla and Ken, welcome back. It's time for our update slash session. So what's been happening with the two of you?

How you been over the past month? What Marla had said, which was not much has been going on. We just both were kind of flat. We just had a lot going on with the house, which is no excuse. It just is what it is. From my point of view, I was highly distracted, and I don't like engaging, you know, in sex with my beautiful wife unless I'm into it, and I just really wasn't into it this past month.

Why weren't you into it? Because you were stressed or distracted or tired or what? Yeah, I would say tired for sure, distracted, pissed off, not at Marla, but stuff. I've never been one to let stress get to me. I mean, every day you have to deal with stuff. That's fine. But when things can't get done and you have to continue to follow up and pound on people to get things done, it's just a big waste of time.

And it's just, again, the old pie chart thing, it just cuts into your emotional or your passion sector of that pie and it just it ate it up this past month it just totally like squeezed it out and it was clear it was clear to me it was clear marla and um made some people did you talk about it uh marla's better bringing these things to the table than i am we did we did we talked about it well marla does initiate the calls you know i i tend to view that anyone can see the 800 pound gorilla in the room so you don't really have to talk about it but marla's much better than i have at bringing it up but did so extremely gently which i was grateful for we both agreed that it was just a tough month which made me feel better that it wasn't you know just me like you

never want to be the one responsible for for something like that so i was kind of happy that you know marla felt not in the mood either uh if i'm saying that right at birth strokes yeah i'll let you finish and then i'll weigh in but you know we also have some people in the house from time to time so that that cuts into it but that you know again it's kind of making an excuse you know i can't say if they weren't here that things would have been different you know that that's just not fair but we got our house back we chatted about it we talked about it very kindly very passionately reaffirming that you know we're here to stay we just had a bad month and that I guess that's going to happen so yeah I guess for me it was sort of like extra yucky because

when Kenny gets frustrated he has you know some anger like little quick rapid outbursts and that just kind of you know it goes back it's my stuff and I shut down for sure was he angry in general It was just, he was angry at a situation, had nothing to do with me, but I was in the room and I could have helped him. It was a technology thing. And I've offered to spend as much time as he needs just so that he's more comfortable with doing things on his phone and his iPad. Cause you know, he came from, you know, corporate America where he had people doing his stuff and I'm happy to help him. Um, but when those outbursts occur, they, they, that little girl inside of me goes to a very, yeah, she just goes, you know what? I don't really want to be around this.

It just gets me raw inside. And then you withdraw. I do. I do. And I withdrew. I actually get pissy. I get pissy. Yeah. And then I shut down and I didn't even want to be in the same room, which is a sad feeling for me, you know, and I was very honest. I just said, I just need some space when you lose your temper like that. And it's quick and it has nothing to do with me. I get I it makes me feel this way. So it took about seven days for me to rally from that. And then it happened again.

wait now wait a second hold on a second he's having a temper tantrum about something that upset him because he's already feeling raw and out of control and frustrated and he reacts to feeling help like a lot of men and a lot of women but especially a lot of men he reacts to feeling helpless and frustrated and in a corner with anger he that's how it translates right correct Correct. People. So he's there dealing with that. He gets angry and you withdraw because of your own traumas and and reactions to anger. You instead of going home and being like, look, you know, taking making some space and then coming back and saying, look, it really causes a lot of anxiety and anger in me. when you get angry you're saying that you withdrew for an entire week not not fully no no no not fully my emotional bandwidth like in other words I love you we did things but as far as the coming back together to do our to see stuff so you're right you are not him and but you were yeah you

just want to get too close right I had to like come down from the you know have you done any kind of trauma a lot yeah i've done yeah apparently it wasn't the right kind because i was like i was like one failure no it's no it's true you know i mean what kind of trauma work have you done i worked with a trauma therapist for about three years and she wanted and I had therapy well before that and she wanted to do a lot of dbt and cbt to make sure I was equipped to really go into the dark spaces but what would happen is she's like how was your week and then I would tell her and then you know in her helper way and she was great we would go over those things on that rather than the yeah so I really do I really do need to take that by you

Yeah. What I would encourage you to do, because it sounds to me like you're one of those people that has done a lot of work cognitively. Yes. Around the trauma, which is a huge part of the work. And by the way, that includes DBT and CBT because that's cognitive. And that's extremely important and helpful, reframing things, understanding the stories you're telling yourself and challenging stories. But at a certain point, really at all points, I think you have to include somatic experiencing. And so if I were to prescribe something to you, it would be that, that you've already done the talk therapy, but that trauma lives in the body and that's what causes you to clench, feel tightness, feel all the feelings of anger and

despair inside your system that you don't yet know how to move. By the way, this would be something glorious for the two of you to do together. So if you did it individually and then sometimes as a couple, because it would solve both of these problems. Yeah. Solve your issue with when you get angry or frustrated or scared, really, which is what was probably happening because all these things are out of my control, right? Instead of allowing yourself to feel the core feelings and move them out of you so you can come back to center, you stay stuck there.

And both of you were doing that in your own ways. And so what somatic experiencing does is it actually works with the body because trauma, anger, all of that gets stored in the body. And until we learn how to move it, right? When I'm in the situation you were in, Kenny, I definitely, I mean, I'm not perfect. I sometimes lose my shit, but most of the time I go into my back studio and beat the crap out of a pile of pillows until I have moved all the anger. And then I'm calm and I'm still annoyed

and have my exchange with whoever has not treated me well or not come through. I'm not blowing up, Right. And for you, Marla, that trigger of his anger, right, being able to hold your center and shake out. Like, for instance, my husband has really big anger that, you know, he always works on, but he's great at it. He sometimes, you know, not at me, just gets angry. And I have a similar reaction because I have a trauma history. and now over the past couple of years even the other day it happened he said something that just like I get a feeling of gross outness inside and so now I just like literally sometimes even in front of him because he understands what I'm doing I'll just shake myself out and go

and then I just shake myself out and then I move on because we both know what's happening and I'm having a physical reaction in my body. And I mean, we're all acknowledging what's happening and none of it, it's all our triggers in the room with each other. It's not our true selves. And then he'll, you know, if he's still in his trigger, he'll kind of be annoyed and shut down a little bit and that's okay. And then he works through his thing, however, he's going to work through it. And I work through my thing and then we come back together. But what you're describing is you were going through the motions for a week i was but you weren't releasing the trigger no and i'm usually better at it like yeah i've been really good at it kenny's been really good

at it and i've been really good at it i don't know where the week it was like i was on black ice and I couldn't yeah it can happen as due to astrological input you know yes yes environmental stuff and vitamin d deficiency yes the sun has not been out much at all and high levels of stress you know especially around the home and the nest can make people really crazy so there's no judgment But what we want, it's not that we don't want, and we're saying these little hiccups can't happen. They're going to happen. You're going to get angry. You're going to shut down.

You're going to get triggered. The idea is to create less and less time before you can bring yourself back to center so that you can do that quicker and quicker. And also for you, Kenny, creating, and for both of you, for all of us, we want to create more distance between action and reaction. Yeah. Yeah. So those are all strategies that you learn in somatic experiencing. You learn how to calm down your nervous system.

You learn how to identify, okay, I'm having a big reaction. What am I even feeling right now? Is it sadness? Is it fear? Is it anger? You know, I feel like this surge in my body and I want to yell at someone, but what am I really feeling? Okay, let me release that. And there are all these strategies for releasing that from your system so that then you can think clearly and have a reasonable angry reaction rather than an explosive one. And a reasonable fear shut down reaction rather than a week-long withdrawal. Right. I actually stopped trauma therapy because I said to her, I can't keep talking about this. It's still in my body. I have to figure out something else. And that's when I saw what you were doing with your grief. And I was like, how do I do that? and then it was the kids moved away other things yeah took precedence yeah and I was shocked that

it banged me so hard but I didn't judge it and I you know I said to Kenny I made amends I'm like listen I have a plan for you for what you to do but I don't have a plan for me for what I need to do you know and I need to tell that little girl she's safe it's fine you know this is not an old story. This is just the man that's stood beside you having a moment. Yeah. Yeah. But even if I'm near anger, if there's a fight in the grocery store, I leave, but I, I just don't, I'm very sensitive to that. Yeah. I understand. And I'm not suggesting actually that you should be less sensitive to it. Quite frankly, I think none of us need to stand there around waves of negative energy. And I love what you're talking about with regard to comforting the little girl in you who's

the one having the reaction. But you also have to, that's once again, cognitive. That will only take you so far. And then your body is literally fighting you, fighting your brain. Your brain and body aren't in alignment. And you're trying to convince yourself of something rather than feeling the full breadth, like what that little girl needed back then was to sit with someone who could hold space and contain her while she cried and released her fear and her sadness at the way she had been treated. She needed to be able, she couldn't express that because she would have been beaten more or gotten in more trouble and it wasn't safe. And there were no trusted adults around that could really protect her or hold her or say, honey, it's going to be okay.

Yes, this is not cool. Yes, it's okay to cry. Let me hold you while you do that. No one did that, right? So what you're doing to your little girl is partial comfort. You're saying, sweetheart, it's not you. You don't have to take this personally. But imagine saying that to a four or five-year-old who just, you know, the crap beaten out of her or witnessed some huge violent argument, you know, being, it's okay, honey, you didn't do anything wrong. Everything's fine. Like, okay, that helps. But like, what's that? You're right. I mean, so part of the most profound part for me of inner child work. Yes. I mean, I still do that myself. I go to the mirror and I'm like, girl, do not let this, we're okay. I'm going to protect you in this. We don't put up

with this kind of behavior, all of that. But you also have to let that part of you feel it. And it only, it's not like you're going to, you absolutely won't feel it for a week. You will feel it for 15 minutes and then it's released. It's out of you. It doesn't mean cognitively, maybe you have some things to talk to yourself about, but physically you aren't, it's then released. And, and so there are a couple of really good books. One is the body keeps the score. I have that book. And the other is, I think it's John Levine. I hope I'm not getting his name wrong. Walking the tiger, the tiger. Yeah. I have both of them, but I haven't read them. I guess. Yeah. Well, so that's your homework, but also to find a good somatic experiencing person

that you can work with. And there's an organization called traumahealing.org, I think it is. And they're like a somatic training. You know, they're the international somatic experiencing whatever. And you can find their somatic experiencing therapists through their website by code or whatever.

That's great. Thank you. I appreciate that. I think Kenny should do a few sessions too around releasing anger. Because your way of doing it is just like, we all know what's happening here. So let's just not look at it or talk about it. It's happening.

Let's just let it happen and wait for it to be finished. Right. And that's fine. I mean, that's better than staying and wallowing in it, but it does make it last longer. And so while Marla needs to be able to process and when she has a trauma reaction, You have some trauma reactions to around feeling out of control and helpless and ineffective, like you're not you're not good enough. You're not effective enough. None of that is true, by the way. I'm just saying there's one in you who has that story and that's who gets triggered.

I am in a corner here. I can't make that. you know, there are all these people working against me and I'm being attacked. And even though you're not technically being attacked, you're being attacked by ineptitude or absence or drop. Yeah. You know, it's interesting, right? The, the things that annoy me and Marla and I talked about this and, and, you know, there are some times that I hear Marla, what Marla was saying, where she's coming from and all that, but I don't always agree with it. I mean, you know, i'm not worried about control i'm not worried about being right i get extremely frustrated when you run into utter incompetency and there's not a damn thing you can do about it right and

it's it's an impulse thing i don't sit there and think about tim and i had this conversation on the away from the airport, by the way, about what's impulse and what's thought. And the example this guy gave, a friend of ours, was some guy, and, you know, Tim getting all excited about it. So some guy crosses the highway at Interstate 5 to get lanes, and what's he going to do? And I go, well, you know, I go, Tim, you know, he thought about doing it. He just thought about it wrong. You know, he knew he wasn't going to make it across eight lanes.

Apparently, he thought he would. OK, so he goes, no, it's impulse. I go, well, no, I really don't think that that was an impulse thing. It was a thought. I think most people do think through what they're doing, but there are times where it is an impulse thing and it takes more time to process what's happening than it does for the impulse to ignite. Right. So it's not an active thought process. What I was doing with Marla was simple. I renewed my license online. I was trying to renew Marla's license online and save the time. Piece of cake. 020156, piece of cake. 03202261. Apparently, the computer didn't like that. So if they're trying it like five times, the reaction was... It's okay, maybe. You scared the dog. Come here, baby. What's wrong? I go, you know, it's not taking your birthday. It's just ridiculous. And should that generate that kind of reaction? Absolutely not. Did it? Absolutely. It's not an act of. Why do you think it did? Because what you were facing was incompetence and an inability, even though you had all the information and this was not at all your fault, you were being, quote unquote, punished, so to speak, because, you know, for lack of a better term, you were being punished, even though you did nothing to deserve being punished. and you were being cut off at the knees, so to speak, unable to accomplish what you wanted to accomplish because of no fault of your own, right? You had all the information, you had all the

numbers because of some stupid computer glitch, you weren't able to do it. It's the red tape, it's the bureaucracy, it's the ineptitude of our bureaucracy in this country, you know, that is infuriating, right? But I can tell you that if I took 100 men and had them go through the same thing, 80% of them or 90% of them would react the same way. But that's not because it's a normal reaction. It's because men in this country are not raised, especially of your age, younger men, you know, under 30 are being raised that have been raised this way, but anyone over 35, most men have not been raised to be in the moment with what they're feeling, move it and then carry on. Right. So your frustration was normal. Your anger to be angry about that is normal to be in

rage about that is a form of a trauma reaction. It's an unconscious impulse reaction. And I I'm going to argue with you. You say it's not a matter of control. It is. No, I wasn't going to go there. You were out of control. You were not in control. You had their mercy. You were at their mercy. And that's what mercy of incompetent organization made you mad. So another way to do it, right, is if in that moment you're mad because of being at the mercy of an incompetent bureaucracy. You get up, you go outside and you go scream like a crazy person, or you take a baseball bat and beat the crap out of a bunch of pillows in the other room. And then you come back to the computer. Then you've moved the anger out of you. First of all, you're not going to be able,

the computer isn't going to hold the anger. You can't even get someone at the DMV to even get angry about too. And if you get angry at them, it's not going to solve anything. It's not going to solve the problem, right? But you are entitled to your anger and you need to move that. It's there. Whether you want it to be or not, it's there. And it doesn't matter. Emotions are energy in motion, emotion. That's all emotions are. Anger, sadness, fear, happiness, lust, all of those are energies that move through us and sometimes stay stuck and then we react from those places so this is none of this is to say that either of you did anything wrong it's just that you got triggered kenny and that your trigger reaction triggered marla's trigger reaction

and then your triggers played together for the past month which we talked about yeah yeah like i said to kenny kenny number one you didn't have to do it for me i could have done it myself which was so sweet of you to try and when i'm right here but here i am like lecturing that doesn't work you know um it felt a little lecturing and then i was like oh man i'm never gonna want to use the vibrator now because i'm you know it's just like and then every night i'd be like i didn't get it out again and i bought the one you told me to buy and we're all ready already. Every time we got close, something seemed to happen. We never got close.

Over the past 30 days. We're wiping the slate clean. We are. Absolutely. Exactly. There's no overhang. No, there's no overhang. Hey, it's Dr. Laura Berman. I've been a sex, love, and relationship

therapist for over 30 years. And the main question I always get asked is, how the heck do we spice it up in a long-term monogamous relationship? Well, if you want to take your love life, your sex life to the next level, whether you're in a relationship or not, check out my free course on quantum sex. It's going to teach you how to take your sexual response to the next level capable of full body orgasms, how to use sex magic to manifest your dreams and how to connect on an even deeper level sexually with your partner.

Just go to drlauraberman.com and you'll find it right there on the homepage, the Quantum Sex free course. Check it out and let me know what you think. No overhang. Everybody has crappy days, crappy weeks, crappy months. And now you're resetting and you'll go back to doing your homework with the toys

and explore somatic experiencing. I don't see Kenny being willing or excited about going weekly. I would like you to go weekly. And then if you like the person and think Kenny would like them, maybe Kenny can do a few sessions with them. But what would be really fun is to see if you could do some sessions together. Yeah, that would be nice. I think it would be really fun to get used to also moving emotions while the other bears witness.

Because then it gets really comfortable. It becomes part of the norm in your house that you, like I was saying, my husband knows that when I'm like, you know, done something or he's had a big reaction that is triggering me to be grossed out. and both of us understand that neither one of us are making judgments about the other. We're aware that we're both having our reaction and trigger, which we're entitled to move it out and then move on. Yeah. Cause that is really how I did feel grossed out. Cause I'm like, when I see you in that space, that's not the you that I know. Yeah. And it, and it's not safe and you don't feel, we've talked in the past about the masculine and the feminine, right? And the masculine for the feminine to express, which is flowing and creative and sensual and open. She has to feel

contained. I describe that the feminine is like the river and the masculine is the banks of the river. And we all have feminine and masculine in us, but in your relationship, you Marla are more in your feminine and you can hear more in your masculine has nothing to do with gender. But when you are in your unhealthy masculine, which is the unconscious aggressive reaction and out of control anger, especially for someone with her trauma history, that doesn't feel safe. Not that she thinks you would ever do her harm. That doesn't feel safe emotionally to her. So then she can't open and soften and sensualize because she's not feeling the healthy banks of the river right so that's all that's happening right that's a great way yeah and yeah that that

that's really helpful because i'll tell you that there have been you know through our 38 years together there's been you know more than a handful of occurrences where the things that i did which i thought were perfectly harm harmless bothered marla and marla would try to explain to me you know what was going on and you know there were certain things that i could kind of figure out without any explanation and then marla sent me this uh podcast on ptsd and you know the good news it was super short i know my audience my attention span like if you're gonna take a half hour to explain ptsd to me in like nine minutes this guy just nailed it okay and it explained so much to me good so i i become very sensitive to that and in this conversation

well i've heard marla say it before and until really this this session i haven't really zeroed in on it or accepted it that it takes marla to a place when she was you know a young kid yeah and you know that's you know like what's worse than that right quite honestly i mean a few things but not much not much so that that you know that's probably worth more than 100 sessions to me because you know the impulses are going to be there i mean it's it's just who i am yeah monster but if i can't figure something out that's so blatantly obvious i get pissed off at myself if i can't figure it if right if i get pissed off because technology's not working well it works 99.99 of the time it makes my life great gotta deal with the 0.001 times where it

doesn't but i can be an asshole so i get pissed off and i get mad and i scream and i yell and i curse whatever but you know now that i'm hearing it in a certain way that the little light bulb is going off kind of like the podcast on ptsd i think that if that doesn't change me no no amount of therapy is going to change me because there's nothing nothing i wouldn't do to protect marla emotionally and to hear that it takes her back to her childhood is like like i i don't know what to say quite honestly well the most important thing is that this isn't about beating yourself up this is you didn't do any of this consciously yeah yeah right exactly and i just want to caution you also that while this awareness or epiphany or understanding of how it affects her is putting a

fire under your butt to really get control of your impulses, it's not going to happen naturally. That is your way so far. It is not. It is your way so far. So you are going to need the support. I'm not saying you have to get into months of therapy, but like some somatic experiencing sessions to learn how to lengthen that time between when you get triggered to a feeling of getting angry at yourself or someone else. And when you and your reaction to that and an understanding and a clarity of how to move it, because the goal is not it's not not to get angry. right that's what i want you to be able to get angry as angry as you need to get but we want you to be able to move it and express it in a way that supports you and marla and the relationship rather than you know creating conflict or separation or re-trauma disease right so nothing you're doing is wrong your reaction isn't wrong the only issue is how you're processing

your reaction so if you're motivated now by this then that's what i would recommend is that is not to try to do away with your anger but to change how you move express and experience your anger i appreciate that that makes a lot of sense and i've always you know an easy analogy for me is i don't know if you're a sports fan or not but you know when they interview you know a player or coach you know after a game they lost a bad call or something like that it's remarkable to me how composed some of these guys can be when they just had the rug pulled out from under them and cost them in some cases literally a super bowl win or playoff win or something like that and if that were me, the hook would come out in three seconds. You know, it's just who I am. And even it works

sometimes. It's not who you are. That coach is as angry as you would be. Right. Right. He has learned because he has a whole team of people to manage and he has learned how to process his anger, how to contain it when needed. So like an interviewer, not you don't need to do this, but an interview is coming up. I'm putting it in a container with a lid right now. I'm breathing deeply. I'm calming myself down. I'm doing this interview. And then I'm going to go off and lose my shit by myself for a minute and move all this frustration at the wrong calls the ref made and every and this dumb move i told that player a million times that he needed to go left and he went right or whatever and then he moves it but he's not moving it on the players themselves because

that destroys the team you know that help anyone so it's not that you know they everyone gets angry it's about you know the composure that you're seeing them practice practiced you had that practice. That's all. We don't have the tools yet, but that's easy if you're motivated to learn them and practice them. Yeah. We had a long conversation because I go to Al-Anon and, you know, I say, Kenny, I, you know, if you really want to hear how I manage my anger, you know, this is, these are the tools that I have. I start my day and I'm grateful. And, you know, I said, maybe in the morning, just dump down all your things you're mad at, you know, I've given him, you know, all the things and then I said but only if you're open to it but it takes practice you practice so you

because we're not taught and he's like I forget exactly how he said it but something like the anger or not anger but that's just part of my soul how I in some way you used the word part of my soul and then I was like oh man this is getting worse and worse but but it's but it's true and I think Kenny you're not I don't want you to I don't want you to repress yourself No, I just want you to practice managing your emotions because you never. And I used to say to him, you don't you couldn't do this at work. You'd be fired. Well, so here's the thing.

Anger is the shadow side of passion, right? Yeah. Passion is a beautiful thing. Anger is one expression of passion. So we don't want to get rid of your anger. No. Quite frankly, Marla, while I love the tools you gave them, they're not going to work for him because he doesn't have generalized frustration, depression, anger. He has in the moment

impulsive, impulsive anger. And so that's a very different animal and all, and he, and he's not going to get a hand. He needs concrete somatic strategies for in the moment. The second he recognizes he's pissed, I do ABC to discharge it. And then I come back, right? Like, and I'm those things. That's what's going to make the difference. And we are not getting rid of the anger or the passion. We're channeling it and allowing it the, the, the anger that doesn't serve or that's going to shut Marla down to discharge in a healthy way. So that not only helps your relationship. But what you're going to find, Kenny, is that you're still going to feel the rush of the anger. You're still going to have the anger, but it's not going to be as sticky.

You're not going to taste that feeling even after you've thrown, like had a moment of rage, you know, that hangover feeling when you've not done it in a healthy way and she's having action, that yucky feeling, that's not going to be there. It'll feel like the only way I can, you know, I've used this analogy before, but what somatic experiencing is like when you are able to learn to move this, these big feelings out of you, it only takes about 10 to 15 minutes max. And it's like, I don't know if you've ever been, you know, it's usually women that get constipated. I don't know if you've ever had constipation, Kenny, but when you've been constipated for a really long time and you can't poop, and you finally take the biggest, slightly painful poop that isn't fun while you're doing it, but as soon as it's in the pot, you have this huge feeling of relief. That's what it's like to move your emotions in a healthy way.

i have to learn it too can i you're not alone no that's okay that's okay i appreciate that well i i have been there on the constipation so i look forward to that wonderful feeling on the emotional side okay good it was a special feeling it is a special feeling so it's the emotional version of that and it even feels physically like that that you know that oxytocin kind of like okay so that is your homework to to explore that to have at least one or two sessions and to get back into your sensual sexual homework okay yeah that sounds wonderful sounds good we appreciate your your help on this this is this is huge for us so

Absolutely. Thank you. Very proud of both of you for working through this and staying with it. And we'll check in with you in another month. Okay. So grateful. Thank you. For your love Roll me a prescription But there is no cure For a crush All I wanna do, I wanna do Is take you home with me

I wanna make a move, I wanna make a move But I'm too shy I can't fall asleep without you