Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - Quantum Love

Episode Date: August 11, 2021

On this episode of "The Language of Love," Dr. Laura Berman talks about the meaning of Quantum Love and how to implement Quantum Love principles in your own life, both inside and outside the bedroom.��Scientific discoveries over the past 25-50 years have established that at our core, we are all pure energy. Our bodies have an energetic frequency that is always shifting and changing as a result of our thoughts and feeling states. That energy doesn’t stay within our bodies, but emanates out, impacting everyone around us, most especially our romantic partners.  Dr. Berman says that couples are like human tuning forks, constantly matching one another’s frequency. You and your mate are constantly entraining your energy to one another. Most of this happens outside conscious awareness, but not when you are practicing Quantum Love. In this episode, Dr. Berman teaches you how to consciously take charge of your body’s energetic frequency so that your partner matches to you; your wants, your desires, and the love you want to experience. You have everything you need to create the love life you desire right here, right now.  After you listen to this episode, go to Dr. Berman's website to find her Guided Quantum Love Meditations that will help you get grounded and open your heart so you can create the love you deeply desire and deserve.  Find Quantum Love on Amazon.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm Dr. Laura Berman, a sex and relationship therapist. And for the past three decades, I've been helping people learn how to love and be loved better. That's what we're doing here on The Language of Love, where I get to answer calls and emails from people just like you. My goal with The Language of Love is to help you discover more meaningful emotional and physical intimacy and to help you build more awareness of how precious and sacred your sexuality really is. Be sure to email me or reach out with your very own love-sex relationship questions, and I might just answer them live on the air. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love.

One of my favorite subjects about harnessing our body's energy to create the relationships and the love life we want. Quantum love is the term that I gave in the title of my latest book to this phenomenon that I kind of stumbled upon about four years before writing the book. It took me four years to get a hold of the science and figure it all out. But basically, it's applying the science of quantum physics to your love life. A lot of us have heard about the secret or the law of attraction, but quantum love is really the science behind that and how to apply that to your relationship. So it's really what was so fascinating to me in uncovering this is that it's something that we all do naturally.

Our bodies are pure atomic energy and we're constantly matching each other's energy in our love relationships and in our general life. And we're very intimately connected to one another energetically. Anyone who has a roommate to a lover, to a dear friend knows that you walk into the house and you know whether they're in a bad mood already, you know, or you're thinking about someone and all of a sudden they call you. You know, those sorts of serendipities also have an energetic explanation. And what I learned is that we're all like human tuning forks that are constantly match. If you take two tuning forks, have you ever seen that? And you ding one, the other immediately matches the frequency of the first one. And that's what our bodies are like.

And what was fascinating to me to discover is that we're all just walking around the world, matching each other's frequency totally unconsciously and at the effect of one another. And what I discovered is when you can harness your own energy and start to really direct it and control it, not only does that superpower your manifesting abilities, but it really changes your relationship. And as a couples therapist, I discovered that I could actually do couples therapy with one person using a lot of these techniques. Because when you take control of your own energy and really set those intentions and hold your own frequency, everybody else matches you whether they realize it or not it's like a secret jedi trick for your

life and for your relationship we all do have an energetic frequency and one of the things that you highlight is this quantum love map wonder if you could talk a little bit about what that is and then we're going to go into some of the questions let's start with this question about the love map what exactly is that well the quantum love map is really a it lays out what they've are the scientists have already discovered. I'm just standing on the shoulders of giants. I put a system around this, but I certainly didn't invent all of these findings. But David Hawkins, who's a really well-known and brilliant kinesiologist, put together along with psychiatrists and physicians and psychologists and sociologists and using kinesiology and electromagnetic measurements and

all sorts of cool stuff, they were able to quantifiably measure the energetic frequency of different emotional states. And that is what has been discovered to really set our, you know, our body is constant. It's pure energy. We seem solid, but we're not. We're pure vibrating atomic energy. And that frequency, we each have a unique frequency, but that frequency is constantly shifting, changing in intensity and vibration. And it has almost everything to do with our thoughts and emotions, conscious ones and unconscious ones. So what the quantum love map lays out is the energetic frequency of different emotional states and how we, and it helps you figure out how you move along the scale. So for instance, the lowest frequency state that is going to put your body in

the lowest frequency, which is shame and guilt. And the highest frequency is love and bliss, you know, and then there's about 30 in between. But any state above curiosity and all the way up to bliss, so that would be curiosity, openness, forgiveness, optimism, love, all of those emotional states have a high energetic frequency. And so what ends up happening to most of us is that we sort of stay stuck in these lower frequency states, either consciously or unconsciously. And then it's accidentally creating more and more negative results for us, not only in what we're manifesting in our lives, but on the unconscious impact we're having on other people, because moods really are contagious on an energetic level. And so when you can, even if

you can stay in what I call home frequency in that quantum love map you refer to, which is anything from openness and curiosity. It doesn't have to be like you're thrilled with the world and everything is beautiful. Just openness and curiosity. If you can be in that state or higher, 51% of the time, you will be astounded at how positively your life changes. Hi, guys. Hi. Actually, I've studied this area a lot for many years, and I've seen stuff that was as early as the 50s that mapped absolutely every wavelength of um the human emotional tone band and uh you can actually manipulate them by being conscious or reading learning to read what the other band

is and just doing a slight wave above it like not too far out because you you lose the wave but you can actually raise the tone with just a slight wave above the one that you're sitting in front of but that takes so much concentration and difficult to do outside of kind of a clinical level from what I've observed I mean you can do it but it's it's very difficult in a love situation and I my question to you is with the five languages of love it's very well to know or learn what your own language of love is and even to maybe have the other person know what theirs is but it's very difficult to get somebody to like you can do what you know theirs is but my observation is that they then sort of tacitly start realizing you've you're doing like you're

you're recognizing how they like to be loved but it's very difficult to get them to do it back I've only really seen a few people that the both partners do it to each other. And how do you actually educate the value of that in a powerful enough way for the other person to realize it? I respectfully disagree with both of your points. I'll tell you why. First of all, I don't think it's hard at all to convince a person who wants to love you in a way that lands how to do it. Okay. Unless it's significantly costing them something. For instance, if they're, you know, if they have one language of love and your language of love, let's say is physical affection

and they're a trauma survivor or sexual trauma survivor and physical affection triggers them, and it's really hard for them to do, maybe then there'll be an issue. But I think it's a matter of choosing the wrong partners and settling for people who aren't invested in really wanting to love you in a way that lands because someone with the emotional maturity and openheartedness that you would want in a partner, if they are guided adequately and have specifics, especially let's just say if they're male, and I don't mean to generalize all men by any means, but if they are men, men tend to really need specific instructions, right? So if you're talking about a relationship with a man and convincing him to love you

in the language that you need and want and really lands with you, often you have to give them a very long list so that they can choose from those things because it can be hard for them to come up with those things on their own and then they'll avoid it because they don't wanna fail. But I find that when you are with someone

who's really emotionally mature enough to grow and to love and be loved in a healthy way, all they need is direction, understanding, and instruction. The second part, which was really the first part of your comment or question about how hard it is to tune into and shift other people's frequency. I've been working with this extensively, not only in my life, but with hundreds and hundreds of couples, and I teach it all over the world. And I find it unbelievably easy once you understand what you're doing and what you're shifting. And even more easy, the more intimate and close your

relationship is because the truth is in a close love relationship, and by the way, in close friendships and parent-child relationships and sibling relationships, anyone who you're spending significant time and emotionally invested in, you are constantly entraining to one another, right? Which is the energetic or quantum physics word for what happens on an atomic level. Atoms entrain to one another and entangle with one another. So just to give you an example, There was a beautiful study done at the University of Washington with couples in loving relationships. They took one partner to one end of the building and shined a light into their eye. And then they took the other partner to the other end of the building and put them in a brain scan while the light was being shined into their partner's eye, not telling them what was happening, of course.

And in the moment that the light was shining into one partner's eyes, the ocular receptors in the brain of the other partner lit up. The HeartMath Institute, which is, you know, you can go down a wormhole with them. There's so much fabulous and fascinating research has shown a lot of fascinating ways that we entrain to or match one another. When two atoms are entangled, they are vibrating at exactly the same frequency. Think of frequency, what I'm talking about is frequency like those old-fashioned radio dials where you have the station, let's just say the tone or the quality of the frequency, and then you have the volume, which is the intensity of the frequency. And that's constantly shifting and changing because we are unconscious of it.

And what I discovered working with this so many years ago and have continued to reinforce in my work, is that when you consciously move your body into the energetic frequency of that which you want to experience, everyone around you matches it. You know, I'll give you an example just from my work life. I remember I was at this meeting and it was a meeting that my agent had set up. I was in New York for other reasons. And he said, well, just come meet with this woman. She runs this network. You really shouldn't meet her. They're always developing new shows. So there wasn't really a purpose of the meeting per se, but he really wanted me to meet with her. So I go in and she's late to the meeting. I'm sitting in her office. She finally comes in.

She's has her lunch with her, which, you know, I have an aversion to the smell of fish and she is eating this really stinky fish, something or another. Right. And that's fine. You know, I can deal with that. But then she looks at me with such disdain, like, what the hell are you doing here and says, you know, you have as much chance of having a television show as flying a rocket to the moon. And she was talking in general terms, not about me specifically, but I immediately felt myself constrict and think to myself, all right, lady, you know, I don't have an agenda here. Who crawled up your behind? You're sitting here eating your lunch in front of me, you know, speaking insultingly to me. And my natural instinct was kind of to get defensive or whatever.

and I had been really practicing this at that point. So I moved my body into home frequency, which I, once you practice it, you know how to do naturally without even thinking about it. And I'll take you guys through this process so you can learn, you know, during this conversation today so you can learn how this works. I moved my body into that home frequency

and I also was having the thought, which was assisting, that like, okay, this woman, I don't know this woman. She's obviously having a hard time in life or today. And I'm just going to remember who she is at a soul level and hold her with love and move myself into home frequency. And I'm just sitting there listening to her quietly, not changing my affect, you know, just sitting there energetically shifting. And all of a sudden she stops in the middle of her tirade she was going on. And she just kind of cocked her head and said, well, you know, tell me about you. What's your story? And I said, well, you know, I'm a wife, I'm a

mother. I'm a teacher. I'm a therapist. I'm a breast cancer survivor. Just know that I'm on the planet to help people love and be loved better. And my agent felt like it would be really valuable for us to meet, but I don't have any agenda other than that. And she just looked at me and said, I think my husband and I need to work with you. And the entire meeting shifted. And that's just a small example. I do this in my relationship life. I've done it repeatedly and excessively with my children. When you want people to show up a certain way in your life, and they're not, back to your question about the language of love, if you, and there's so many cases like this that I describe in my book, if you get really, really clear about what it is you want and the energetic

state that that will create in you, and you move your body into that state, everything and everyone that matches that state shows up for you, including your partner. Everyone in the house shifts to my frequency if I want them to. I'm not walking around intensely conscious of it all the time, but if I'm about to have a difficult conversation with one of my kids or with my husband, or if everybody's kind of discombobulated and I want them to pull it together, all I do is quietly shift my energy and they all come to match it. So it's actually, it's something that I have found comes unbelievably natural to us. We're born with the capacity. It just gets conditioned out of us. We're born home frequency, quantum love beings, and it gets conditioned out of us.

But once you recognize how to do it, it's just practice because it's our natural birthright and it comes very naturally to us. Thank you. Thank you. If you're like the millions of women out there and the people who love them whose sex lives have been negatively affected by chronic urinary tract infections. I wanted to tell you about a product line I discovered called Eucora because people don't talk about this enough. UTIs can happen due to menopause, pregnancy, so many other factors. And so many women struggle with this and go to the doctor repeatedly and then end up avoiding sex as a result. Eucora not only offers UTI relief and Proactive Urinary Tract Health Supplements, but they have a whole learning center on their website

with research and information for you. So get proactive about urinary tract health with Eucora. Right now, Eucora is offering 20% off when you go to eucora.com slash love, but hurry because it's a limited time offer. Go to eucora.com slash love and get 20% off your order. That's u-q-o-r-a.com slash love. Let's go to the next question. I will take you guys through a little guided meditation to sort of give you a sense of what it feels like to be in home frequency and how to move your body into the intention that you want to create or the result that you want. Should we go to Evie now? Hello, everybody. This is Evie Toddy, like a hot toddy. Nice to meet you. I have to admit that I don't know a lot about what quantum love is. Language of love, and I'm

familiar with those love languages. Is there a correlation to those? I do get how vibrations work and stuff. So to answer what you referred to, the language of love is the name of my podcast, and it's not specifically about, you know, the five love languages, although that is one way to approach the language of love. What I'm talking about with the language of love and what I cover in my podcast is all the ways that we can learn to love and be loved better.

So on the podcast, I'm either, I sort of alternate between answering calls, questions, inquiries about love, sex, relationships from individuals like you guys. And then every other week, I talk to a thought leader or expert who's helping all of us learn to love and be loved better. So this week, the podcast is with Dr. Shefali, who wrote Radical Awakening, is her new book

that's already a bestseller. And it's a fascinating conversation about women in particular. She's writing about the awakened woman and about being in integrity with your power and stepping into your power in a whole new way in service to your life and your love life. So that's the language of love. It's not just about the five love languages, although that is a language of love. And in terms of quantum love, that is one way to love and be loved better, an extremely powerful way.

And it is the way that I have been moving in the world over the past 10 years now. I've really been studying this, working with this, teaching this, living it. And it's changed my entire life and my patients' lives and my students' lives. And it's something that I deeply believe in and I'm passionate about. But we'll get into that. what about Robin? Robin, what's your question or comment? I'm just really eager to learn more about all this. I don't really have a question until maybe we get a little deeper into what what it's all about. But it's something that as you're talking about it, I can really relate to

it. So I'm just really excited to hear more. Maybe I should go into sort of giving you an experience of this before we get to more questions. Does that sound good? And I would say to all of you that when you get a chance, go to my website, drlauraberman.com and click on the Quantum Love page and you can find guided meditations there, the Quantum Love Map, lots of information, you know, in addition to obviously the book, which is also an audio book where I lay all of this out in much greater detail, including all the science behind it and the research that's been done to kind of the proving because I wrote this book as up until the time that I got breast cancer about 10 years ago and had to stop my life. And then everyone and everything around me started falling

apart. It's a longer story that I get into in the book, but that's how I ultimately stumbled onto what became Quantum Love. So there's a lot of that story. And also I really wanted to write it for people who weren't already drinking the Kool-Aid, so to speak, you know, people like me who needed to really understand the science behind something in order to really buy into it or trust it. So I'll just mention that now. I'm going to take you through a very simple experience of feeling what home frequency feels like in your body and giving you a little taste of how this works in action. So we're working with our bodies as an energetic being because, you know, we seem and feel solid, but we're not. We're actually all part of the same quantum soup. There's no

separation in reality between me and you, any of us, from any of us and the inanimate objects all around us. There's no place where I end technically and you begin. We're all intertwined energetically. That's what the mystics are talking about when they say we're all one. So first, it's important to just start getting aware of your body as an energetic frequency in and of itself, as a system of vibrating atoms that are a part of all that is. And for those of us, this is especially helpful, but I do this every time I'm doing any kind of quantum love meditation. But certainly in general, if you're someone who struggles with being really affected by

other people's moods and energies. If you tend to have a lot of anxiety, if you tend to be more on the ADD side, this is a really important part of it, which is grounding. Because if we don't regularly ground, we become like an ungrounded electrical cord. I don't know if you've ever seen one of those, but they're whipping all over the place. Have you ever seen that one? An energy, like from a phone line or something, unhooks from the ground and is whipping around. that's sort of what happens to us if we don't consistently ground we don't stay in our bodies and we can't really harness our frequency so the first thing i like to do is ground and when i first started doing this i had post-it notes in my car on my mirror in my closet that

just said ground to remind me to do this repeatedly throughout the day because it really helps so just sort of you know sit wherever you're sitting right now hope you know if you're driving pull off the side of the road, just so you can get the full experience. I'm going to have you close your eyes so you can focus, but you don't have to moving forward. And imagine a beautiful light. It can be any color that comes to you. There's no wrong answer. But as you take a deep breath in, imagine a beautiful light coming in through the top of your head. And as you continue to take that deep breath in, it is flowing through your entire body, bathing every cell. And as you start to breathe out, it flows through your body and shoots out your tailbone

deep, deep, deep into the earth, rooting there. So just take some breaths like that, where the energy comes in through the top of your head. As you're breathing in, it's flowing through your body. As you're breathing out, it's flowing down towards your bottom. And as you finish the breath, and I like to do a little forceful, like imagine the energy shooting down deep into the center of the earth and spreading roots there and as you take a few more breaths like that I'll explain a little more about energetic reach

because the rooting I find the grounding you really want to match to your reach so if you're going to be staying home that day and maybe just interacting with a few people your grounding roots might be more narrow. If you think about a tree, right, the roots are twice the width of the branches always. So if I'm going to go on television on a morning news show, let's say, and millions of people are going to be watching it, I ground way, way out. I imagine grounding my roots as wide as the United States, right? If I'm just staying home, I'm grounding it twice the width of my arms. What you'll notice as you do this and you imagine rooting into the center of the earth, that you feel a settling, you feel an awareness of being more present and more in your body.

Hopefully you're all feeling that now. So let's move to what I call the open hearted state, which is home frequency. Okay, so here's how we do it. Very simple. Think of a time in your life. it can be real or totally fantasy made up. When you felt pure, unadulterated, all is right in the world, loving joy. So it could be when you held your baby for the first time or when you kissed your beloved or when you finished that race or stood at the top of that mountain that you had

climbs literally or figuratively, right? Just whatever comes to mind, you can continue to play with this later, but just for the sake of this exercise and knowing that there's no wrong answer because your unconscious and conscious will come up with the perfect image here. Coffee Plus B6 to keep your day moving. Or go with the flow and choose Ginseng Delight, our new double espresso with ginseng extract. Whatever lies ahead, don't change your morning. Let your morning change you.

Discover Coffee Plus on Nespresso.com. As you take that image and you settle on that, here is the key. I want you to go into that scene of that memory or that fantasy And put yourself in that situation as if it is happening right here, right now, in this moment, and very important, in first person. So you are not watching yourself in your mind's eye in the scene. You are in the scene. So if you're holding that baby, you are looking down at the baby in your arms, and you're imagining employing all of your senses, how it feels, how it smells, how you feel holding the baby, or whatever that image is.

So I want you to be there in first person as if it's happening right here, right now. The body and the brain have no ability to distinguish between reality and rehearsal. So what's happening right now is that you are moving your body into the energetic frequency of that feeling, that state, and that sensation. So just stay in the scene for a moment and notice what you notice. For many of us, you feel a little bubbling or spreading in your chest. Maybe you feel a smile on your face. Maybe you feel your shoulders and your back relaxing, your hips loosening,

feel a little happy fluttering in your belly. Just notice what you feel and stay in that state just for a little bit longer because this is literally moving your body into the energetic frequency of joyful, loving, all is right in the worldness, that state. So just bathe in that for about 15 more seconds. And then I'm going to show you something else from this state. this is a beautiful way to meditate as well and you can imagine a scene in your relationship in your love life in your life in general that you want to manifest and put yourself there in first

person. Get clear on the feeling you want to create. Because everything we want, what we're really wanting is a feeling state. That's what we're really wanting when we want something is to feel a certain way. Okay, so hopefully you're feeling the spreading, the opening, the love, the open heartedness. And now just to show you the contrast, I want you to shift in your mind, which will be much easier to find something that stresses you out anything in the past present or future and do the same thing put yourself there and we're not going to stay that long here put yourself there in your mind's eye as if it's happening right here right now we do this much more naturally unfortunately so it shouldn't be hard

and notice the difference in your body notice the tightness closing in the constriction the absence of the bubbling the absence of the openness and now I want you to take this problem whatever it is this problem this issue this fear this concern, this conflict. And if you can, I want you to fantasize about the solution. Or maybe there really has been a solution. For instance, maybe you're in a period of conflict with your partner right now, but you can remember a time when you were totally aligned and things were romantic and connected and beautiful, even if it's just a moment in time. Or maybe that hasn't happened, and there hasn't been something from your past that contradicts this conflict you're

in now. So imagine if I could snap my fingers and this thing were totally resolved, what would that scene look like? What would be a sample scene that would depict a total resolution, a beautiful resolution of this conflict, the perfect scenario? And now go there in your mind's eye as if you're in first person. You're not looking at yourself there. You are there. Imagine employing all of your senses. Notice the spreading again. You'll probably notice moving back into that more home frequency state. So let's just stay here for about 10 more seconds so you can really marinate in some yummy stuff before we come back and talk more about it. and what's powerful about this is that if you practice this you know what i just kind of did

with you is a and you can come out of it now if you want is a biofeedback of sorts where you're moving from what I call home frequency on the quantum love map to ego frequency, those lower frequencies of shame, guilt, blame, fear, anxiety, anger, frustration, apathy. You're moving back and forth between ego frequency and home frequency. So your body is starting to know the difference. And what happens is if you practice this, I can move myself into that open-hearted home frequency state without thought now because my body knows how to do it. And I can move into those states before I walk into a room or just to feel something or whatever very easily. And part of it

is in practicing the contrast. So there's so many cases, you know, many of them in the book, many of them are just in my day-to-day practice in life where you want your partner to show up a certain way or to show up differently in the relationship or you want something to happen in your life, as I was saying earlier, what we are ultimately looking for when we want our partner to be a certain way, when we want to experience a certain thing, when we want to accomplish a certain thing, from having a sports car to having the man or woman of our dreams, is that we are looking, what we really want is a feeling, right? And I always say, I've said that to you many times we've talked about finding love. Don't think about the qualities that you want that person to have

or the characteristics you want that person to have as much as think about how you're going to feel in your day-to-day life when you have that person that's perfect for you. Because that's how you change the frequency of your body. And by the way, all of us, and in order for us to be in this orbit together, we are all vibrating in harmony with one another. You can only perceive with your five senses things that are vibrating in harmony with your frequency. So as you raise your frequency, you may find that people sort of drop, you know, just gently drop away from your life. Some of them not so gently, but all of a sudden people will sort of disappear, not in a bad way, but you kind of move on it because you're going, wherever your frequency is, that is what you

attract in and are attracted to on a quantum level. So with that said, we'll go to Sebastian. Dr. Laura, that was such a beautiful exercise. I really, really enjoyed that. I love conversations about the quantum. As I step further into my discoveries of what evolution of consciousness is, you know, it's just such a beautiful discovery. And I just love it. So I'm happy to just express that. Beautiful. Can you feel the difference in your body when you are in those higher frequencies of that which you want to create versus the lower frequencies? Absolutely. I have been working with energies and aware of them for a few years. So I totally understand that space and get that space. So I was right there. And I love this idea of the

spreading. I just love those words. And then I also loved when you said grounding is a new concept that I've been exploring as well, because in meditation and learning about chakras, we all want to kind of go to the upper chakras. And I'm discovering the power of those lower chakras. and that how you had the roots expand wide. That was, I loved that. I loved that. I think if you think about even just the human form or trees in nature, the higher they reach,

the wider and firmer our roots need to be. And so what I did the same thing when I was first learning about this, oh, I want to be up there. I want to be talking to the spirits and the entities. I want to be in my intuition, which is all beautiful. But what I didn't realize are two things. One, remembering that we aren't humans having a spiritual experience, we're spirits having

a human experience. And so that means the more I can be, and I tended to be someone because of my own traumas and dramas in my life who didn't spend a lot of time in her body already. So I found that not only was it really important to be in my body, to have the full experience of a spirit having a human experience, but also from that grounded place, I feel safer. I feel steadier. I feel more attuned and then I can reach even higher and go even wider in my spiritual pursuits. So thank you for that. That's a really good point. Yeah. I love that. If I have one more little thing, if I may add, if that's okay. Sure. You were speaking of unity, basically unity

consciousness. And yeah, that's making so much more sense now. And I don't know if you're aware of the books, The Law of One, they speak so much of that in those books. And they call other people other selves. And that really resonated with me. Like there are no other people, it's just other selves. So when you were speaking of that, that popped into my head that I wanted to share. The Mayans greeted, I'm trying to remember, it's like, and I can't remember the term now, But the way that the term that the Mayans greeted each other with translated means, I am another yourself. And that's how they would greet each other when they met in the street or met someone for the first time. Hello, I'm another yourself, which I think is really beautiful.

So thank you for that. Should we go to Simon? Simon, welcome. Thank you so much, Laura. I can actually resonate with the last thing that you said, Laura, because in my native language or in my mother tongue, which is Luo, the way that people greet each other is exactly what you are saying. And I actually remember my dad and his friends as a little boy. I remember him and his friends greeting each other and saying my eyes, you know, and the other person also saying my eyes. It's like they are seeing everything for each other.

Yeah. And I think that's so powerful. If you look at any culture that hasn't been too westernized or Americanized even, but certainly westernized, if you look at any indigenous group or any culture or tribe or area of the world that hasn't been too infected with Western philosophies and capitalism and whatever else. And we started this way, too, hundreds of years ago. They are much more attuned to this truth. We are coming back to that now, energetically, intellectually, spiritually and emotionally. But for hundreds of years now, really, since farming and agriculture began, we have been moving farther and farther away from that connection and more into separation and competition and disconnection, which I think is at the root of almost all the problems in the world. So I always love one of my favorite people and a dear friend of mine is a woman named Dr. Teradai Trent. And she wrote a beautiful book called The Awakened Woman. And she talks a lot about her tribe in Africa where it was the same thing, where everybody was aware that and it was just part of the education and part of the culture that we're all intimately and intricately connected. And she was even taught by her mother that when you have a dream to do pretty much the same thing I just described to you with quantum love, you know, to move into the energy of it happening, to put the wish in a box and bury it underground, to be as if it already was.

And they knew the secrets to manifesting. And I think we all did. We just lost it somewhere along the way. So thank you. Thank you for reminding me of that. I actually have a couple of questions for you, Laura. So I know in the book you highlight four key commitments designed to raise your energetic profile. I wonder if you could highlight some of those because I think it's important to understand that as well.

I'm so proud you're reading the book. This is from several chapters about getting clear on how to shift your energy. And the first commitment is getting clear on your own energetic profile and taking responsibility for your own energy. And there's been some really fascinating research. A well-known neurologist who had a full stroke and she couldn't communicate and the thinking parts of her mind were totally shut down. She had to learn how to eat, talk, walk, everything again. But her consciousness was not shut down. And it taught her so much, not only about neurology, but about the universe, because she had to put a sign in her room that said, be conscious of the energy you bring into this room, because whatever was going on in the nurse's mind and heart or the visitors was like she felt so deeply and strongly.

And so that is about just getting really, really clear. And I do this before I come into the house, especially if I've been on a long trip or before I go into a room, I learn this. And it's really what introduced me to quantum love because I have three sons who are empaths and ADDers and highly sensitive. And a lot of them, as I mentioned,

when I discovered quantum love, I was in a medical crisis and they were all breaking down in their own ways. And as soon as I started to get really clear, not just about my conscious energetic state, because I was always like, hi, honey, how was your day, you know? But unconsciously, I was thinking, oh, shit, what happened in school? Are you OK? Are you feeling depressed?

You know, that was what was going on energetically. And that's what they would respond to. And children are unbelievably entrainable. They entrain to you like crazy. So as soon as I started getting really clear before I opened the door to the room or before I walked into the house and I moved myself into home frequency and I set the intention for what I wanted the mood to be and the experience to be, they automatically matched me there. So that is really about recognizing your energetic tendencies and starting to play with those

and recognize the impact of how that consciously and unconsciously impacts everyone around you. The next commitment is about getting clearer on what you want out of love. And that is, as I sort of started to refer to earlier when I tell you when you're talking about finding love, it's not what you want your partner to do per se. It is how you want to feel.

And so if you start to get really clear, whether it's in your dating life or you're already in a relationship, how you want to feel and you start moving into the frequency of that feeling and seeking opportunities, maybe not even in the relationship, but certainly in the relationship to experience those feelings, then your partner naturally matches you. So perfect example from my life, I remember back then, especially coming out of cancer treatment, I was really craving play. And my life had become really serious and really practical. And, you know, I would say that to my husband and he would be like, OK, you know, let's play. But it wasn't really landing. And so I started really moving myself into the energetic frequency of play.

I invited play into my life. If I passed a playground, I'd hop on the swings. If I passed a trampoline, I'd jump on it. I'd have crazy dance parties. And just naturally, as I moved into the frequency of play, playful people came into my life, friends and colleagues. And my husband naturally started matching me in the play. And that became really powerful.

So the kinds of things we're looking for in love might be playfulness, might be connection, passion intimacy cherished you know choose five ways you want to feel in love and cultivate those feelings in your energetic states and in your intentions and in those quantum love open-hearted meditations that i was talking about earlier let's see what other commitments were there there was like getting really clear on your body's energy working with your chakras making that commitment and making the commitment to that, to our vessel, right? To our human body, energetically and physically.

And then I think the fourth commitment was really about getting unstuck, making a commitment to getting unstuck because we can make all these proclamations about how we wanna be energetically and what energetic states we wanna cultivate in our lives, but we also have these very old habits and set points that have kind of been ground in that we have to break.

And so a lot of what I spend time teaching in that level of commitment is how to recognize when you are in home versus ego frequency, how to shift out of it without bypassing. Because it doesn't work to say, you know, you're having a shitty day and to be like, woohoo, everything's wonderful, you know, and decide, you have to allow yourself to feel the feelings,

but then shifting out of them and not staying stuck there becomes really important. New from Nespresso. Blend wellness into your coffee routine with the Coffee Plus range, infused with functional benefits. Choose the coffee you love with added B vitamins, like Coffee Plus B12 to help support immune function and Coffee Plus B6 to keep your day moving. Or go with the flow and choose Ginseng Delight, our new double espresso with ginseng Extract. Whatever lies ahead, don't change your morning. Let your morning change you. Discover Coffee Plus on Nespresso.com. I really love everything that you just shared, especially, you know, this getting unstuck piece and also the matching. You know,

you mentioned playfulness is one of the things that you, the frequency you were putting out is that playfulness. It brings me to the next question. And when we think about our frequency and we think about how often it is something that our partner feeds off of. And there's that harmony that's created between the frequency we put out and that of our partners. And that's one of the ways that we grow closer together.

I'm gonna be a bit vulnerable and share a quick story. So yesterday was my anniversary, 13 years. Thank you. Except for both my wife and I forgot. Oh no. We both forgot. I know, it's horrible. So we laughed about it today. I mean, we remembered last week, we talked about it, but it was my son's playoff little league game and I'm the head coach and

she's got her preschool graduation. So we both forgot. But my question is, what can we be doing proactively? Because I mean, that's a case where, you know, it's not necessarily apples to apples, but I think in a sense, we had so much going on that it just wasn't top of mind. But what advice do you have for, you know, married couples that have been together for a really long time that we're, you know, we're, we're happy we're in sync. Um, you know, I'm not saying we don't have any issues like any married couple. We, of course we do, but ultimately, you know, to get to that quantum love, to get to that love in a way where we, you can never ever get exactly what you had when it first started, but it's different and different in a new way. What, what suggestions

or advice do you have to allow our frequency to, to work in a positive way to, to support each other? Well, it's really about each of you taking your own responsibility and then it naturally, or even just one of you. That's what I love about this. Cause I had so many couples where only one of them wanted to come to therapy. And for most of my career, you know, you can only get so far before you either have to bring that person in or try to, you know, remotely work with that, you know, somehow indirectly, right? Couples therapy required a couple. But with this, I find that I can just teach one person in the relationship.

And because we're all so entrained, the other person just naturally meets them there. And so what I would say to you, Billy, is let me ask you a question, you know, if you know the answer off the top of your head, and this would just be one feeling, right? What I'm going to want you to do event, you know, on your own is to think about if you had the perfect scenario with your wife and you really were feeling in flow and loving and attuned to one another? What are the five ways? And this may change year to year, month to month, but these days, what are the five ways you most want to feel? So let me ask you about the forgotten anniversary. If you had remembered the anniversary, both of you, and you had done something really beautiful

to celebrate it and to honor it, what is one way you would have felt? Hmm. Loved. I mean, I would want to feel loved. Yeah. And so you would feel valued. You would feel connected. You would feel loved. You would feel attuned, right? A hundred percent. Yeah. I mean, we literally laughed. We laughed about it today because I called her while she was doing in the preschool and I'm like, honey, do we both forget our anniversary and we both started dying laughing. So it actually ended up being, I mean, I don't think either one of us holds resentment. I'm glad that we, I'm glad that we both forgot. We both

forgot. I know. Thank goodness you both did. That would be a problem if you didn't both forget. But the reason I mentioned the anniversary is because it's a symptom. It's a symptom, especially if you were a couple that said, we're never going to celebrate our anniversary. That's not the meaning of our relationship or what's important. Then I wouldn't feel this way, But that's not the nature of your relationship. So the fact that both of you forgot the relationship is good because like I said, it would be worse if one of you did, but it is a symptom of putting everything else first, putting your child in front of your relationship with let's face it in today's world, way too many of

us do. And we are under a tremendous amount of pressure to do that, you know, and take them on a race to nowhere and sign them up for a million activities and be everything and, you know, counteract our parental guilt by being there for them every minute we have. And accidentally, and you're both focused on that, and accidentally we aren't focused on each other. So it's a symptom that you're putting everything else in front of your relationship. So of course your relationship is not going to be, even if it's wonderful and I'm not, I know it is, it's not going to be everything it can be if you aren't making it a priority. Yeah, that's a really great point.

And this is why you're a doctor because you're diagnosing the symptoms, right? The symptoms and how the symptoms are clues, right? They point a direction that, you know, there's so much damage that it's in disrepair, but clearly it's indicating that it hasn't been prioritized. And I think to the point you're making, I think we both proactively need to figure out ways to make our relationship a priority, not to minimize all the other priorities that we have, but maybe just share a little bit more and not make it so one-sided because we do put so much into being a parent. Yeah. And you're actually doing your child a disservice when you

do that. And I'll tell you why. I listen, you're 99% of American parents today do exactly the same thing with all of their best intentions. And by the way, the economy and the parenting businesses and everything else, you know, feed this to us and manipulate us into propagating all of this. But the bottom line is what your son needs more than anything else, even your, you know, as much attention as you're giving him is a model of what a loving, healthy relationship looks like and an extremely healthy foundation with two happy parents that are connected to one another and love one another. That's what's teaching him what to expect out of love. That's what gives him his sense of security to go for. That's much more important. I'm not

saying you're doing this, but just to give other examples, that's much more important than taking him to that, you know, mommy and me Chinese language class every Tuesday and all the things you're signing your kid up for to, you know, enrich their lives. So much more important than that is investing in your relationship with your co-parent because, you know, when I see divorces happen, I've worked with so many adult children and children, children of divorcing parents, and all they want is for their parents to be happy and for their home to feel stable and loving. And so you're actually, we're all doing a disservice when we put our children in front of our relationship. Yeah, no, you bring up phenomenal points. And I fully agree that

We're modeling what it looks like to have a strong foundational relationship. And that there's so much value that is passed along when we show him what it means to love another human being and how to love another human being. And how to be there for each other and how to prioritize each other and how to take time for each other away from him is really important. My last question really relates back to the book, but most specifically, quantum sex. So how do we have quantum sex? What is that? And how do we make sure that it's every bit as good as it sounds? Yeah, it's really good. In fact, that was going to be one of my answers to your question about how to, you know, it's

never going to be as good as in the beginning of the relationship in a long-term relationship. And, you know, part of what you're talking about is that sexual intensity that every relationship starts with, the infatuation stage where you're all over each other and then with familiarity and life and stressors and everything else that tends to go by the wayside. And we can't go back to that because the novelty isn't there. You can certainly try tools and toys and fantasies and role plays, and those work for a while, but eventually you work your way through those and the novelty wears off of those too.

So what I have discovered is what we're really looking for when we're thinking about spicing it up or we're longing for the days when we felt that feeling in the beginning, what we're really looking for is intensity, intensity of sexual and romantic and emotional connection. And that's where quantum sex comes in. So that's a chapter in my book, but it could be the whole book, certainly one of the most popular books, popular chapters in the book. But it's basically teaching you different techniques to share and move the sexual energy. So for most of us, when we're sexually stimulated or being stimulated ourselves, the sensation is localized to the genital area, right? I mean, for most people.

So one thing you're doing with quantum love is learning through these different exercises to use your muscles, your Kegel muscles, and your chakras and your breath, visualization of the chakras and breath, to move that energy up. So you're actually moving what is typically sensation localized to the genitals up to your belly, up to your chest, up to your throat, you know, out the bloat, mind blowing right out the top of your head. So you can start to move that energy yourself through self-stimulation and then do it as well during sex with someone else. And the other, so there's lots of different exercises for playing with that. And then also for sharing energy.

So just a simple example is because I use a lot of the Taoist and tantric techniques and kind of explain it to you through the quantum perspective. But the energy circle between masculine and feminine, for instance. And so we could say male or female, but it could be two females. It could be two males. It could be two days. It doesn't matter. If you have a sexual attraction to each other, there is a polarity there where one of you tends to live more in your masculine sexually and energetically, and one of you tends to

live more in your feminine. So we're not talking about genders when I'm saying masculine and feminine. But the masculine, or the male, tends to take sexual energy in through the genitals and share it through the heart. And the feminine tends to take energy in through the heart and share it through the genitals. And so, you know, if you think about it, even just behaviorally, women, the women or people more in their feminine, they really need that emotional connection in long-term relationships, especially, or in general, they need to feel a connection in order to really share themselves

sexually. That doesn't mean they won't have one night stands or whatever, but to really share yourself sexually, you need to feel that emotional connection. And the masculine typically needs to feel the sexual connection in order to get to the yummy emotional stuff, right? So it even makes sense behaviorally. But if we're talking energetically, you can create a circle between the two of you. So if you imagine, let's just say a man, you know, to make it simple, a man and a woman in the missionary position, right? She's imagining pulling energy through the top of her head, for instance, flowing all the way down her body and shooting into her male partner's genitals

from her vagina. He's taking that energy in through his penis, through his genitals, pulling it up to his heart and sending it into hers. So you're creating a circle of energy from heart to heart and genital to genital where she's sharing through the genitals and receiving through the heart and he's receiving through the genitals and sharing through the heart. That's just a little tidbit, but there are lots of exercises in there. Yeah, no, I appreciate that insight. I hadn't thought about it from that perspective, but it makes perfect sense. I think you've shared something similar in the past. And I do understand the nuance between the masculine and the feminine in it. It isn't sex.

You know, some people are more in that masculine space than others in the feminine. We both have masculine and feminine energy. Yes, we do. We all have it. But we tend to lean more toward one than the other. And in relationships where there's that sexual connection, there's also that polarity. So, by the way, I'm not saying this is true for you, Billy, but you could be a man who tends in the relationship to be more in your feminine. And she could be a woman that tends to be more in her masculine. So it really has nothing to do with gender. Although for the most part, women tend to be more in their feminine, men tend to be more in their masculine, but it's certainly, there's certainly variation there. Right. It makes perfect sense. We come up with topics every week, but if there are topics that you really want us to

talk about and dive into more deeply, definitely let me know. And you can message me on any social media platforms. I'm at Dr. Laura Berman and make sure to go to drlauraberman.com to that quantum love page and you can check out there's even a guided meditation kind of like the one I took you through today that you can do on your own and have guidance through and some other guided meditations as well there in the quantum love realm and I would just say to play with this because like I said this is our birthright this is something that comes unbelievably naturally to each of us and as soon as you start to play with it and tune into it and even just try it in low stakes and small

ways at first to see what happens, I think you're going to be amazed at what starts to occur and what you start attracting into your life and your love life and in the rest of it as well. Thank you so much for joining me on this episode of Language of Love. I love all these questions from you and you remember that you can keep them coming. You just go to drlauraberman.com right there on the homepage. You can either leave a voicemail question or an email question. You can also go to speakpipe.com backslash language of love directly and leave a voicemail question as well. But it's sometimes easier just to click on the link. I will meet you back here. A brand new podcast is coming out next Wednesday. So look for that. Make sure to subscribe if you like it.

And I'll see you next time on the Language of Love. Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know, the same way you can skip an ad? I get it. I'm Siyaya and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better.

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