Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - Size Matters... or Does It?

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

In this Language of Love Bite, I'm diving into a topic that seems to be on a lot of men's minds: penis size. I know it's a sensitive subject, but it's important to talk about the concerns and misconceptions that surround it. Let's get one thing straight: the myths about what's considered "average" size are pervasive. I came across a study that really puts things into perspective—50% of men weren't happy with their size, yet a staggering 80% of women were actually content with their partner's size. This discrepancy shows that the pressure men feel is often internal and not based on the reality of their partners' satisfaction. I want to caution you against making comparisons to what you see in pornography. Porn is not real life, and it's certainly not a benchmark for your own body. And when it comes to treatments that promise to increase size, please be wary. There are countless products and procedures out there, from penis extenders to surgery, but they come with limited benefits and significant risks. I want to reassure you that in most cases, your size is more than adequate. What's truly important in a sexual relationship is technique and the emotional connection you share with your partner.  Remember, if you're seeking to elevate your sex life, visit my website and explore my course on quantum sex. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm sex, love and relationship therapist, Dr. Laura Berman. And for the last 30 years, I've been helping people just like you learn to love and be loved better. Welcome to the Language of Love Bites, where I tackle your most asked questions and requested topics. These episodes are designed to be fun, quick and to the point. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. All right, guys, you're worried about your penis length. You want it to be longer. In this video,

I'm going to get into what's considered average size and what's available out there to increase the length of your penis, if that's something you're interested in. Okay. So first of all, this is really interesting and really important. There was a national study done that found that 50% of men, half of men are unhappy with the size of their penises. While these men with female partners, 80% of the female partners were very satisfied with their partner's size. So I think one of the things that's happening, just like with lots of aspects of sex, we have this skewed sense of what we're supposed to look like because of porn, right? Now, remember, Porn stars are typically abnormally, guys are abnormally large.

That's why they can be porn stars. So do not measure yourself against those or more often than not, just like if a woman were to measure her body or her breasts against a porn star, they probably wouldn't measure up either. Most of these people were gifted abnormally. so by nature or in the case of women and breasts have surgically altered themselves. But here's the thing. Let's talk about what an average penis size is. So let's talk about what the average penis size is. Okay. The average penis is actually 5.2 inches, 5.2 inches. That's about 13.2

centimeters. And so that might be a few inches smaller or a few inches larger, but that's the average. Now what is considered a micro penis or a medical issue or a problem would be any penis smaller than 2.9 inches. Okay. So that's about this, right? Then you have what's considered a micro penis. And typically that's congenital or some sort of genetic issue. And that is extremely, extremely rare. Maybe 1% of guys have a micropenis. So chances are you are not one of those people, but you believe that your penis is an inadequate length or you'd like it to be longer. Now there's even a term for this. It's called small penis anxiety, right? So if your penis is in the average size, 5.2 inches, give or take a few inches, and you're really concerned about it

and thinking about it like every day, several times a day, you may actually have a form of body dysmorphia called small penis anxiety. And it's really important to get treatment for that because that's going to inhibit your arousal and your sexual interests. So let's talk about the treatments, okay? There are basically, in most cases, we talk about surgical treatments and non-surgical treatments. And it turns out when it comes to increasing penis size, It's the non-surgical treatment that works the best, and it's actually psychological treatment. What they found when they've done the national studies is that when guys get into therapy

with a sex therapist, and it doesn't take a long time, and get to understand what's realistic, what's average, how they measure up, and address any body image issues that are going on, the large majority of men, and they found this in studies, who go into to therapy to address a small penis or what they imagine is a small penis come out of treatment, no longer wanting any other treatment and very satisfied with their penis size. Hey, it's Dr. Laura Berman. I've been a sex, love and relationship therapist for over 30 years. And the main question I always get asked is how the heck do we spice it up in a long-term monogamous relationship well if you want to take your love life your sex life to the next level whether

you're in a relationship or not check out my free course on quantum sex it's going to teach you how to take your sexual response to the next level capable of full body orgasms how to use sex magic to manifest your dreams and how to connect on an even deeper level sexually with your partner Just go to Dr. Laura Berman dot com and you'll find it right there on the home page. The quantum sex free course. Check it out. Let me know what you think. Now, another thing has been shown effective in the only thing really that has been shown

effective other than psychological treatment that actually improves penis size, ready for this, is something called a penis extender. Now, let me just show you an image of this. It does look a little bit like a torture device. It doesn't hurt, but it's not extremely comfortable. and it slowly over time expands the penis, almost like a form of penile traction. Now this is labor intensive. You have to do this several hours a day, every day. And the maximum gain and length that has been found

for people who have done this religiously and exactly as indicated and spent a lot of hours every day in this extending device, the maximum gain was two centimeters. So that's not a lot. And there are reported side effects that many people experience, not all, but that could happen, including numbness, bruising, and the device just not working, right? So you're going to be doing all of this effort, putting your penis in a traction device, and it may not make a difference. The other things you may hear about like vacuums or injections don't work and there's no indication and no studies or anything that show that those treatments are effective. And because this is such an issue for men, when you go online, you'll be seeing thousands, be careful because you might get on lists too, thousands of weird treatments and all these injections and vacuums and things they claim or nutrients or pharmaceuticals or supplements that increase your penis size.

do not fall for it. Most of these are scams and you don't even know what's in the things you're taking and none of them have been proven to work. There is one surgical procedure that is really only indicated in that micropenis scenario and it's called a suspensory ligament incision where basically there's a ligament that they release inside. It's a surgical procedure that may extend and often does extend the length of the penis a little bit. But there are a lot of complications and it's a major surgery. The bottom line is,

chances are your penis is perfect exactly the way it is. Remember that initial statistic. 50% of men are dissatisfied with the length of their penis. 80% of women are very satisfied with their partner's penis. The math isn't adding up. And remember that it is not the size of the ship. It is the motion of the ocean. I cannot tell you how many guys I've worked with who have huge penises.

In fact, there was a study done, and this is crazy, but it makes a lot of sense when you think about it, that guys with the largest penises are actually satisfying women the least. Why? Because they think because they have a large penis, they don't have to make any effort. they don't have to do any foreplay. And the opposite is true. 70% of women can only reach orgasm through things other than intercourse, like manual or oral stimulation. So if you're concerned about your penis size, make sure you beef up on the stimulation, on the foreplay

techniques, on your oral sex techniques and your manual stimulation techniques. And make sure you watch my videos on those techniques because you will learn a lot about how to stimulate a woman and that's where the orgasms happen. So that's what I mean when I say it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean. It's how you use the assets you have, not only your penis, but your tongue, your mouth, your fingers, your hands, other parts, other devices. So don't be so hung up on the size. And the only other thing that might, if you're really concerned about it, that you may look out for is clinical trials. There are always clinical trials going on in the field of sexual medicine and urology. And if you are really concerned about your penis size

and you go to a urologist and you talk to the doctor, you will find out about clinical trials. clinical trials, they're collecting data. They're under FDA scrutiny. You're not going to get be in as much danger. And the data that's being collected is actually really being documented and studied. But chances are you don't even need it and you're perfect and your penis is perfect exactly the way it is. If you enjoyed this episode of the language of love, make sure to follow and listen to the podcast wherever you listen to your favorite. I went to the doctor