Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - Stop Making this Mistake in the Bedroom

Episode Date: December 22, 2021

On this episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman talks about the most common mistakes that people make in the bedroom. How can you create passion and meaningful sexual intimacy even when you have been together for years? How can you make sex special on a regular weeknight when the kids are down the hall and there are still dirty dishes in the sink? From understanding the different ways that men and women approach sexual pleasure to getting in touch with what you really want in the bedroom, Dr. Berman explains that the most fulfilling and passionate sex is often born out of self-knowledge and a willing to go beyond the surface. “When we think of exciting sexual encounters or passionate hookups, we tend to imagine a very Hollywood image of what that kind of sex looks like. We picture a couple stumbling home from their date night or a night out at the bar, pulling each other’s clothes off as they trip down the hallway and then land in bed together. The sex feels very spontaneous and unplanned,” says Dr. Berman. “But what I have found throughout my years as a sex therapist is that the best sex really happens when couples consciously do the work necessary to make uninhibited, whole-hearted sex possible. It’s not about a drunken hookup where you’re struggling to pull off each other’s close as fast as possible. It’s about slowing down, feeling what’s really happening inside, and knowing that you are safe enough and loved enough to show your whole self.” Dr. Berman explains that this type of sex is also so special because it requires no preparation or extra window dressing. “You don’t need the lingerie or the date nights or the candles,” says Dr. Berman. “Those things are wonderful and special, but if you’re having conscious, whole-hearted, enlightened sex, or some form of conscious physical connection (even if it’s just for 10 minutes), that means more than a whole night of bells and whistles without any emotional depth or real intimacy.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm Dr. Laura Berman, a sex and relationship therapist. And for the past three decades, I've been helping people learn how to love and be loved better. That's what we're doing here on The Language of Love, where I get to answer calls and emails from people just like you. My goal with The Language of Love is to help you discover more meaningful emotional and physical intimacy and to help you build more awareness of how precious and sacred your sexuality really is. Be sure to email me or reach out with your very own love sex relationship questions

and I might just answer them live on the air. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. I thank you all for joining me on the language of love. And we're talking about a topic that I think affects absolutely everyone, no matter who you are, we have all made mistakes in the bedroom or beyond, right? Because all sex doesn't happen in the bedroom. But I figured this would be a really great topic that everybody can relate to. I thought this would be a great topic to cover. And I want you to weigh in here

if you are wondering if you made a mistake, if someone like, I want to hear about the worst mistake that someone else made. It doesn't even have to be about you. Any of your comments or contributions or questions, I always want to hear from you. And you can ask here, or you can go also to the languageoflovepod.com. And you can leave always, even at other times, if questions or topics come up for you, you can leave a voicemail or an email question there. But I thought I would start, and please weigh in here and come up on the stage if you have a question or a comment to share. But I thought I would start with some of the most common mistakes I see men and women. And you know, it's it's to some extent around heterosexual relationships, but it doesn't

have to be. So I'm certainly generalizing here. But when we're talking about the common mistakes, here's what I see. Okay, let's just talk about men first. First of all, if we're talking about a man in a sexual relationship with a woman, one of the main mistakes I see guys make is thinking that her lower desire means that she finds him unattractive or sexually repulsive or is turned off by him or he's not good at sex. Those things certainly could be the case. If he's put on 100 pounds or he's become a really selfish lover or whatever else, obviously, that may be the situation. But in my clinical experience, and even just statistically speaking, very rarely is a woman's low desire because she finds her partner unattractive. In fact, when I asked her

that. Like objectively, if you saw your partner, you know, would you want to have, would you find them attractive? Yes. But I just don't want to have sex. But men often, and it's natural, women would feel, you know, feel the same way when their partners have low desires, just that women have it more often, right? Our first thought is, well, it must be me. And that's a big mistake. The other that I see just practically that guys make is moving too quickly to the genitals. I always say that for guys, there's two kinds of foreplay, having their penis touched and waiting to have their penis touched. And so of course, when they're stimulating someone else, including a woman, you know, if they're with a woman, they're doing the same thing, they're thinking, what would

I want? And so they're going right to her genitals. But most women, the majority of them really don't like that they want the genitals to kind of be toward the end of the foreplay scenario, they want lots of kissing. They want their erogenous zones, their neck, their shoulders, inner thighs, lips, you know, they want the buildup and then skirting around the breasts and then moving to the breasts and then skirting around the genitals and moving to the genitals. And the other practical mistake I see guys make is not paying enough attention to the clitoris. In fact, I was joking with my sons the other day, because I said, I thought that God gave me three sons so I could rate, because they all seem to be heterosexual. So I could raise three boys who knew where the clitoris

was because they all learned. But it's astounding to me that most men will focus more on the vagina than the clitoris. The clitoris has more nerve endings in it than the entire body put together. It's just in the clitoris alone. So it's overlooked. Let's move to the females. One of most common ones I would say is being too subtle in their sexual initiation. I find it sort of epidemic how many women think that a man or their man should be able to read their minds when they're in the mood for sex. And you have to be really explicit and really specific. And one of the most common complaints I get from men in relationships with women, even when there is good desire and everything else, is that they don't feel as desired as they could or should because their

partner always waits for them to initiate. They never initiate themselves. And I get it. We have a culture, even though it's much more accepting and permissive and encouraging of women to claim their sexuality, certainly in the under 35ers, I would say even still in long-term relationships, A lot of women feel really uncomfortable initiating. They've got this, even though they know intellectually it's silly, they've still got this awkward good girl thing going on, or they're scared of rejection. Not that guys aren't scared of it too, but somehow women tend to avoid that. So I think that's a mistake.

I also think a huge mistake women make in the bedroom is focusing on their body flaws. I mean, I think we do that too much in general. But certainly in a love relationship and in a sexual relationship, I was just actually with my old college roommate for a couple of days and I was staying with her and her partner who she lives with and who's an amazing guy and he's really into her. And I had to like give her a talking to because at least three times in front of him, she was like, oh, I'm so fat, my fat. She's constantly talking about how much she hates her body and how fat she is and her cellulite. And I said to her, the same thing I'll say to you is that they don't notice those things. Once again, if you gain 100 pounds, yeah, maybe he'll notice. But he does not notice your cellulite, your flab, your rolls, all the things that our

eyes go directly to. He is not going to notice unless you're incessantly pointing it out to him. And then that's kind of a turnoff, right? Not only is he going to notice then and you're pulling his attention constantly to it, but also, we all want to be with someone who's present in their body and who's into it and isn't beating themselves up. The other mistake I see a lot of women make is the reverse of what I was saying guys do. She's thinking, well, if I were him, you know, I'd want me to work my way down to his genitals.

So she's spending all this time kissing his neck and his ears and, you know, his nipples and whatever else. And, you know, of course, some guys enjoy that and they do enjoy it. But what they're really doing is silently tapping their foot, you know, waiting for her to get to the penis. And the other thing women like that they often will do to a male partner that men don't like as often is a really gentle, light touch. And women really enjoy that until they get really aroused. Men more often than not find that ticklish and like a more, a stronger touch. So those are some of the most common complaints I can tell you more about. If you have any questions or comments or anything, do you have any questions, Billy? What are the most damaging, meaning what are the ones that we should really, really be most conscious of because they could potentially cause more damage than others? Well, I think the places where we tend to do the most damage in the bedroom or beyond is the way that we communicate. Right. Like obviously I could say, you know, consent, like not getting consent, not following up on consent, you know, all those things obviously is a big whopper of a mistake and that's going to do serious damage. But that's an exception, not a rule. But I think where a lot of people do mess up in a big way is the way that they communicate their sexual needs.

either, especially for women, we say nothing and just kind of try to move away from the stimulation that doesn't feel good and kind of move toward physically try to give all these hints and nonverbal cues about what we like, or we do damage when we give a lot of negative feedback. I find that in general, people don't know how to give feedback, but they especially don't know when and how to give sexual feedback. And I always say that if you have something that you aren't liking or something that you really want to try, do not bring it up in the moment unless it's like really triggering you or painful or really uncomfortable. Obviously you shouldn't tolerate, you know, extreme discomfort, but otherwise don't bring it up in the moment because everybody is vulnerable.

You know, you're very, there's no more vulnerable time than when you're having an orgasm. I mean, But even just through the second, you're naked, you're being sexual with someone, you're being really intimate, you feel very vulnerable, even if you don't. And those things sting, you know, much more than if you talk about it later. So I always say, bring it up after the fact or before the next encounter. And you say, you know, the other night or the other day when we were together, and you always use, you know, like they do. And like my husband learned when he was a soccer coach, and I thought it was so cute, but they would say, when you give the kid constructive criticism, make sure you give them five compliments for every piece of criticism you give them. And it's sort of the same with this. You say, you know, the other night when we were together, it felt so good. And I so crazy about you and you turn me on so much. And, you know, I love when we're together. And I was also thinking, I really love it when you touch me here or when you do this to me or when we do that. Or I was thinking it would be really, it would turn me on. And I kind of have this fantasy about trying X, Y, Z. Would you be open to that? So that's kind of how you bring it up. Not in this scenario, but you don't want to spring a new toy or outfit or new out of the box activity on your partner in the moment, unless you have explicit agreement from them that they

like that. Most people want a little advanced warning. I think that's where I see the most. And then if you do it in the bedroom and you're too critical or you say, I don't like that, move your hand here, you know, or whatever. And then one of you starts pouting. And then it just feels very intense when you're in, when the vulnerability is high like that. One of the things that you mentioned, Dr. Berman, that I really resonated with was this idea of the soft touch for a guy to do that for a woman. And they really like that. I wonder if there's some other specific examples because I'm all about getting as practical as possible. Specific examples for both a man, I might be asking for a friend, but also for a woman. What are some of the equivalent what a woman would do for a man in the bedroom that would really get him excited in the same way maybe that soft touch would get a woman excited? Well, I think it's sort of we're polar opposites for the most part sexually. So while a woman likes certainly until like you have to think about the overall arousal cycle. Right. So we all go through the same cycle, but it's at a different pace. The average man takes seven and a half minutes to reach orgasm. The average woman, it takes her 20 minutes. So our arousal process is more slow moving. And yet once women get really in that arousal space, yes, she's going to want more direct, more intense touch, all of that. But getting her there is the key. And because men's arousal process is so much quicker for the most part, they typically really want to get down to the soup and nuts pretty literally figuratively pretty quickly. So for men, I think it's when you're stimulating a man, I think it's a lot, a lot, a lot about

his penis. It's stimulating his penis, complimenting his penis, worshiping his penis, focusing arousal and stimulation. That is really where his bread and butter is sexually. Not that he doesn't enjoy those other parts in the stimulation, but that's really, you know, and I see it a lot in long-term relationships, especially, you know, this is another mistake we all make in the bedroom in long-term relationships is that things get formulaic. I do this to you, you do this to me. We know this works, bada boom, bada bing, we're done,

go to sleep. And that's okay. That could and should be your mainstay of your sex life, but you definitely need to mix it up a little bit. And I think in those long-term relationships, when we get more formulaic, a lot of the penis focus goes by the wayside, especially if her desire is lower, which we see very often in long term relationships with kids and life and hormones changing a lot, you know, more women than men struggle with low desire doesn't mean men don't struggle to but more many more women than men. And so you know, she's going to avoid like she's going to just because she's not that into it, she either won't have sex or she'll have sex and want you know, just be much more formulaic. And a lot of so women mostly complain that kissing and making

out goes by the wayside unless it's part of foreplay, but they don't really get kissed or cuddled other times. And most men complain that they never get oral sex. And they did in the beginning of the relationship, but once things got more formulaic and she got less into sex in general, you know, she just got lazy about that. And I know men get lazy about giving oral sex too, but it seems to be much more prevalent among women. And what I would say that, you know, So that's what women can do to kind of be better, right, in the bedroom. And the confidence thing, you know, it's men are much simpler sexually than women. Like they want a partner who is into them and shows it and who wants to be sexual with

them and who appreciates them. With women, we want that, you know, yeah, that's great. But what we really want and the key to a woman's sexual satisfaction, and I did national research on this is not how many orgasms she had, although that certainly is a worthy goal. It's the emotional connection she feels to the person she's having sex with, and it takes her longer to warm up. So that's why for her, not going right to the breasts and genitals at all, and really taking your time getting there. And then once you get there, do the brush by a few times before you land there and focus on the lighter touch, especially at first. And then

once she starts getting really aroused, then she's going to want more direct clitoral and or vaginal stimulation. And she's going to want a harder touch and more direct stimulation. But at first, it's about the lighter, more indirect touch. Curious, as we look at the approach that a man should take with a woman in the past, you've recommended scheduling sex is not a bad idea. You said that can work, but in absence of that, for more impromptu lovemaking session, what is the best advice that you could give when it comes to the foreplay? Because you just talked about foreplay, the foreplay that a man can do to start to get his lovers, you know, spouse or significant other, get them excited about going on that

journey. Because I know from experience that if you start going down that path and they're not in the mood, you can quickly, it's a little, you know, you've broken up the wrong tree. Well, that's why if you're struggling with low desire in a relationship, you definitely, and you want, you're both willing to work on it. Just take the guesswork out and freaking schedule it. Okay. Because what happens when you're dealing with low desire, this is the conundrum. Okay. Is that what is going to build her desire if she has low desire, assuming it's not a medical or physical issue. If she has low desire, what's going to really build it is emotional and sensual

connection to her partner that is not about initiating or having sex. And so foreplay actually starts 24 hours before you even have sex, right? Starts because you're connecting, you're cuddling. And so what happens then is when she's not interested in sex and maybe has rejected her partner a good bit. Not only does she cringe and stiffen when he goes to kiss and cuddle her, even if he's not wanting or meaning to start anything, she thinks he's trying to start something or she thinks once I make out and cuddle him a little bit, he's going to get really turned on and then get frustrated if we don't have sex, but she's not really wanting to have sex at that point, right? And so what he does then is withdraw from kissing and cuddling because he doesn't want

to be rejected. He doesn't want to make her uncomfortable. And then she is less emotionally and centrally connected to him and less interested in being sexual. So like I get, when I treat couples like this, and I would say this is the most common issue I see in my practice is uneven desire. And with all the people I advise and teach, it's, I get very specific because you have to take, it's like this 800 pound gorilla in the, in the room with you all the time that no one's talking about. So you have to get really specific about the expectations. And I will have them literally schedule sex once a week so they know when it's happening and there's no guesswork and prescribe that three times a week, separate from that sexual encounter, they need to spend 15 to

20 minutes only kissing, cuddling, making out without it going any talking, whatever, with no technology and without it going any further. Like you are not allowed to have sex except on that one day a week for the foreseeable future. I don't mean forever, but what I see happen once the landscape opens up for them to create more sensual and romantic connection without this big question mark, are we, or aren't we, are you going to be rejected or are you not? Then they can start to get really present, get more connected. She can tune into her sensuality more. And then often her libido improves. What you've just given right there is such gold advice. Tell us the craziest mistake someone else, you know, of a story you've heard. I was trying to

think of some of the, you know, like the mistakes I often hear about as you scream someone else's name out in bed or you were surprised by something you found once you, you know, got into bed that that person had different genitals than you thought, you know, there's all sorts of fascinating stories or all of a sudden they only wanted to have sex with your feet, you know, and you didn't know they had a foot fetish or whatever. I do have an email question that came in on this topic from Cynthia Lavoie, and she was concerned about this. It's sort of in the mistake category. She says, I'm a 64 year old woman who's been dating a 60 year old man long distance for their three hours apart, she says, for over a year without any type of romantic experience, no French kiss,

a little cuddling, no sexual intimacy. The first six months of dating, we were in bed and I was rubbing his arm when he tapped my hand to stop. I asked if I was annoying him. I thought I made a mistake. And he said, no, the opposite. I told him I was interested in making love. And his response was, he falls into love easily and wants to wait. How long does one wait at our age? And how do I approach this situation and subject again? So she was like worried. She said, did I make a mistake either in getting together with him? And she was cringing, like I was saying before, because she tried to initiate and then she felt rejected. And, you know, I think it's interesting that he said, you know, I fall in love too easily, because it is true that men in

particular, I mean, we all get more attached, whether we want to or intend to or not, when we have good sex, like all of us do. So that's why, especially women, because our brains get washed with oxytocin, that chemical of attachment when we have good sex. So even if we're trying to have casual sex with someone, we often accidentally get attached. But I find that men in particular, and this man absolutely knows himself, is that once he has sex, then the relationship tends to pick up pace and move very quickly. And he thinks he's in love because he's had great sex with someone. And then he dives in head first and then realizes, wait a second, this woman is crazy or this woman has totally different values than I do or whatever else. So I totally get the idea

that he wants to wait. And that's actually very insightful of him that he realizes that happens when he has sex. But I would say six months dating, assuming you're seeing each other often and you understand each other's values and everything else, this is starting at this point to sound like an excuse. Either he is not interested in sex, which may be the case, and he's using this as an excuse, but more likely, especially at age 60, a lot of guys start to struggle with performance. So, you know, it may not be, their erections may not be as strong and may be harder to achieve and maintain them. And the way that most men respond to those sexual challenges, because it's so embarrassing for them, and, and they're afraid of failure is by avoiding

sex altogether. So, you know, I think after six months, if this is still going on, how long does he want to wait? And what are the circumstances under which he will know that he actually is in love with you? Or is this really about him holding himself back from true intimacy because he's too scared to love again? And that would be important for you to know. So I don't think you made a mistake after six months of dating to try to have sex. I don't think that's a mistake. I think it just requires a little clearer communication. I wonder if you could talk a little bit about the mistakes that when we're not careful, mistakes that can happen from overthinking things. So for example, we talk about the bedroom, but we don't need to have sex in the bedroom. It could be other

places. So what are some other things we can do that maybe will allow us to spice up our love life in a really important way? Well, definitely listen to the episode we did on quantum sex, because those are lots of great ways to kind of create more intensity and excitement. But I think you're absolutely right. It's back to that formulaic thing. We tend to get in a rut where, and we, granted, if you have little kids running around the house or any kids, you know, you're not going to necessarily be able to have sex on the kitchen counter while they're home. And I think that's why a lot of people end up doing it in the bedroom just for privacy. But if you have the space and privacy, definitely try to mix it up. And you're, you know, this

reminds me of another common mistake that a specific population, but, you know, larger and larger numbers because of how long we're waiting to have babies are struggling with this is, is fertility challenges. And one of the big mistakes that is that, you know, fertility struggles really can do a number on your sex life, because sex starts to get wrapped up with achieving this pregnancy, which often is difficult and lots of failures. And, you know, especially if you're struggling with infertility or fertility challenges. And so I always say to couples, when I counsel them, make sure that you separate and this mistake people do is not separating, Make sure you separate baby sex from regular sex.

So whoever's trying to conceive, you know, have your baby sex in bed and have other sex in other parts of the house, have it in a different position, like do what you can to literally separate the experience of baby making sex from regular sex. And I find that those couples that do that, even with or without a successful pregnancy are able much better to not get their sexuality mixed up with their fertility challenges, which you can imagine how that does a number on you. So absolutely spicing it up by mixing up the places and locations, the toys, bringing in role plays or acting out fantasies. But all of these things, while they definitely can spice things up and keep things interesting, surprising

with a new technique, reading up on, you know, I have a book called Loving Sex that has all sorts of tips and tools for positions and oral stimulation and manual stimulation and fantasy play and all of that. But most of those things, like I said earlier, you really want to talk about beforehand. You know, you don't necessarily want to suddenly whip something out unless you know that your partner is adventurous that way and would be into it. The best thing to do is to talk to them about it first so you don't make a mistake press what's on your mind now first and foremost i'll say this i was never elected the representative of all men so my experience is totally my own but one of the biggest mistakes i think that happen is the assumption that men

are ready to go all the time every single time that they're ruled by their penis i hear that said a lot yeah and especially i think that there's a point in time it was way different for me when i worked in the corporate world and my hours were cut and dry and i was obsessed about the career, secondarily to then being an entrepreneur where, you know, there's a lot going on. And so you get to a point where the biggest mistake I think that I've made personally was not being able to separate that and my thinking before I ended up in that situation, because the male brain is one track minded, you know, so if you end up in that in that space, and you don't allow yourself to sink into it, that can be really, really hard. So I think that

that's been one of my biggest mistakes was separating out all that stuff that didn't matter that nothing to do with sex or making love before that and allowing that to just simply reduce my ability to be present which totally ruined the mood right and i think that um the second mistake that i think that happens especially in a relationship with a woman is one not allowing or thinking that pleasuring her would lead to massive arousal on my side which is that is it that is a lot of fun and very gratifying and also a stronger drive right and then i think there's also that other prevailing thought which is yes men love to have their penis pleasured but there's also a sense of not being overly aggressive and assuming that that's the case all the time either

right so that can also lead to a space where there's miscommunication and it's kind of like hey this is this is getting a little aggressive maybe we're we're going and i wouldn't say too fast but we're literally being too aggressive with either the hands or whatever's going on there i think that's another piece but my biggest question i would have for you is you know as we as we begin to think about, like getting into the bedroom, I know that's what we're talking about specifically, what are some ways in which you could think about separating out all that stuff? You talked about kids, we've talked about businesses, all these different things. What are some things that you've seen with clients that were effective to help separate that so that when you do show up

in that moment, you can be fully present and engaged 100%? Chris, the comments you made are spot on. And I think your question is also related to the first comment you made. I think, you know, it's really true that what we find is that stress in general, this isn't, you know, I'm generalizing here, but for the most part, stress affects a woman's presence, desire, ability to get into a sexual situation, you know, really easily. If she's under chronic stress, any kind of stress about her friend or the fight she got in with her sister or whoever, she's often that negatively affects her sex life. And women who are chronically stressed often have low desire. There's even a chemical reaction. But what we have discovered about men is not all stress negatively affects

their desire and their sexual interest. Specifically, financial or work-related stress does. That's the kind of stress. So I think it's really telling that you were saying, once you went from being an employee to being the boss, being the entrepreneur, carrying it, dealing with the highs and lows and the question marks and the risks that an entrepreneur takes, that can be stressful and scary. And so I do find actually that a lot of entrepreneurial men do struggle, especially if they're in a tough spot for the moment with their business or struggling with stress around their business or consumed by stress around their business, it will negatively affect their sex life. And I think it's like everything else in your relationship, sex,

your relationship in general, especially if you're an entrepreneur and don't have those nine to five hours, so crucial to create pockets of time that are technology and work free. because most of us now, especially if we work for ourselves, never stop working. And even if we're hanging out watching a movie with our partner, we're still doing stuff. Or even at the dinner table, sometimes I see people doing this. And it's like, somehow we're supposed to be working 24 hours. So really committing to a minimum of two hours a day, unless you're in crunch time. And then maybe for a while, it's an hour a day, or it's an hour, it doesn't have to be in the middle of the day or in the evening. It can be in the late evening or early morning,

but that you ideally have two hours a day where you are technology free, you're not working, and you are available for connection with your partner. And if you can manage that, not only can you give more to your work because you've recharged your batteries a little bit, but your relationship will be so much more deeply connected. You know, we have to cultivate and nurture that connection emotionally as well as sexually. And in the work for yourself mode, and I'm an entrepreneur too, and so is my husband, so I understand this, you have to create those boundaries yourself because no one else will do it for you. In fact, my husband in every business he started, he has a, unless it's like an emergency, no one answers emails after 6 p.m.

And, you know, he often there was stuff that needed to be done, you know, or someone got worked in PR and someone got an offer to go on TV the next day, you know, then he would call the person or whatever. But otherwise, all their clients knew and all the employees knew that once it hits between 6pm and 8am, they were off. And he found that productivity was significantly better morale was significantly better mood, energy, everything. And certainly for those people's lives, it's much better. And I understand you can't always do that. Like if you're in the middle of trying to get funding or you're in the middle of something coming out, like you can't launching something, you can't always do that. But if you can do it 80% of the time,

everything, including your work is gonna be better. So I hope that helps. How do you date in the current landscape? Cause it's, you can't even say post pandemic cause we're not even there yet. So how do you date in a pandemic is really the question. So and all the weird stuff around like vaccine or not vaccine and mask or not mask. And oh, my God, I have to literally decide if kissing this girl is worth my life.

That's not a conversation. Before it was hard enough just to talk to a girl. But now it's like, all right, not only do I want to talk to her, but is it worth dying for? Yeah. It sort of reminds me of the 80s when AIDS, you know, before when AIDS was like at an all time high. the early nineties and people had a lot of fear around sex. And, um, you know, that went away by the end of the nineties, but it's a different, totally different than AIDS, obviously, but there is the same fear about fluid exchange and closeness, you know, you guys got to do a room on is dating worth dying for? I like that topic.

And if any of you have any topics that you want to hear about or think would be good or that you want to learn more about, just let us know. You can always do it here, but you can also go to languageoflovepod.com and you can leave a voicemail or an email

or anything else on your mind. Thank you guys so much for joining me. and you know just know we all every single one of us whether we're willing to talk about it or not have made a mistake sexually and we'll make more and it's all about what you learn from them and moving beyond them so that's what i'm here for helping us all learn what we need to learn to live our best love life so i will look forward to seeing you all next week on the language of love. Thank you so much for joining me on this episode of Language of Love. I love all these questions from you. And you remember that you can keep them coming. You just go to drlauraberman.com

right there on the homepage. You can either leave a voicemail question or an email question. You can also go to speakpipe.com backslash language of love directly and leave a voicemail question as well. But it's sometimes easier just to click on the link. I will meet you back here. A brand new podcast is coming out next Wednesday. So look for that. Make sure to subscribe if you like it. And I'll see you next time on the language of love. Thank you. Thank you.