Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - The 5 Mistakes That Could Be Sabotaging Your Intimacy

Episode Date: March 31, 2025

Are you unknowingly sabotaging your relationship? Are you caught in a cycle of recurring arguments, wondering why the spark that once brought you together feels like it’s slipping away? The truth is we often blame our partner for the growing distance between us, convinced they’re the one creating tension—when in reality, it might be the subtle, unnoticed mistakes we’re both making.  In this Language of Love Bite, I dive deep into the five common mistakes that could be quietly eroding the connection between you and your partner. I also reveal simple, actionable tips to turn things around and reignite that spark. Plus, stick around until the end for a transformational question you can ask your partner tonight that could change everything. Ready to uncover what’s been holding you back? Let’s get started! Also, don’t miss out on the 7 Days to Better Sex program and the Free quiz, What Do You Want Out of Love? — both designed to guide you on your journey to deeper connection and fulfillment. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm sex, love, and relationship therapist, Dr. Laura Berman, and for the last 30 years, I've been helping people just like you learn to love and be loved better. Welcome to the Language of Love Bites, where I tackle your most asked questions and requested topics. These episodes are designed to be fun, quick, and to the point. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. most couples don't realize they're making these intimacy killing mistakes and they are so common you may be doing them too so stay tuned because I'm not only going to reveal what they are but

I'm going to share simple tips to turn those mistakes around and stay tuned till the end because at the end of the episode I'm going to be sharing with you a transformational question you can ask your partner tonight that will turn everything around for the better Number one mistake folks make in intimate relationships is ignoring the emotional connection outside the bedroom. Now, intimacy doesn't begin in the bedroom, although it is true that for most men, they achieve that sense of closeness through the physical act of sex. But sex in a relationship, especially a long-term one, starts with emotional closeness. So if you're not engaging with your partner emotionally during the day, during the week, physical intimacy will

start to feel disconnected, and then the desire will start to go down as well. So what do you do to fix it? Well, there's so many things you can do to create a deeper connection with your partner. Send them a thoughtful text during the day. I was just thinking about how much I love you, or even better, something specific, how much I love something special that they do, or something helpful that they do or how meaningful that is. A just-because text goes a long way in fostering connection. At the end of the day, spend five to ten minutes without technology talking about your day. What were the highs? What were the lows? What were the roses? What were the thorns? Take the time to be interested in what's happening in each of your lives beyond the logistics that

you have to discuss together. The second mistake couples make is taking me time at the expense of we time. Now, I'm not diminishing the importance of me time. I think it's so important to take time for yourself to refill your energy stores and to keep life interesting and to keep you happy. But what I find is between all the things we have to do on our to-do lists and the things we're doing to sustain ourselves, we're giving up that time that we could be spending together. So what do you do to fix it? Create a weekly we time ritual, ideally a date night if you can swing that, but even just a brief walk together or cooking dinner together, doing something without distractions, without technology, even 15 to 30 minutes, the longer the better, on a weekly basis fuels and

feeds your connection. The third mistake that I see couples making all the time is assuming your partner knows what you need without actually communicating explicitly what you need. Your partner is not a mind reader, so expecting them to know what you need without expressing it is a recipe for frustration. So use those I feel statements. Express your needs. Like in the positive, I feel closer to you when we spend uninterrupted time together. So letting your partner know in a positive way, using those feeling words, taking your own responsibility without pointing the finger of blame goes a long way to letting your partner know what makes you feel connected and what your needs are in the relationship.

Hey, it's Dr. Laura Berman. I've been a sex, love and relationship therapist for over 30 years. And the main question I always get asked is how the heck do we spice it up in a long-term monogamous relationship? Well, if you want to take your love life, your sex life to the next level, whether you're in a relationship or not, check out my free course on quantum sex. It's going to teach you how to take your sexual response to the next level, capable of full body orgasms, how to use sex magic to manifest your dreams, and how to connect on an even deeper level sexually with your partner. Just go to drlauraberman.com and you'll find it right there on the homepage, the Quantum Sex free course. Check it out. Let me know what you think.

The fourth mistake couples make, letting routines take over spontaneity. Now, routines are great for stability. And to a certain extent, I'm a fan of routines, or at least making a date for intimacy. But we want to be careful that we allowed some room for spontaneity or else intimacy can become stale. So you can introduce spontaneity by surprising your partner with something simple like a kiss in the middle of the day, a love note. Even better, an impromptu adventure you take them on together. Do a few little things every week to mix it up to surprise your partner in a positive way, and it will go a long way to building intimacy. Now, the fifth mistake that couples make is avoiding those important and sometimes tough conversations about intimacy.

It's easy to avoid awkward or difficult conversations, and for most people talking about sex, especially if things aren't working perfectly and you want to discuss that or you have a specific need that you want to discuss, it can feel difficult to bring up. But ignoring those issues lead to problems festering. So to fix it, set aside time to talk openly about your relationship. Set the stage and say, listen, this isn't easy for me. It's kind of awkward to talk about, but I love you and I really think it's important that we talk about our intimate lives. Create a safe space to share your thoughts and feelings and your needs without judgment. Now, are you ready for your special bonus question that you can ask your partner tonight? Super simple, but will change everything. And if you do it on a regular basis, you will be shocked at how much you learn about each other and how to meet each other's needs in a more fulfilling way.

what's one thing i could do this week to make you feel more loved that's it what's one thing i can do for you honey this week to make you feel more loved you may be surprised at their answer and it's probably a lot simpler than you think so there you go hopefully that gives you a little roadmap to avoid those pitfalls and intimacy if you like this episode make sure to follow on your favorite platform.