Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - The Art of Kissing

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

A kiss is so much more than a fleeting expression of affection. It's a silent language that can speak volumes, not to mention plays a huge role in maintaining healthy long-term attraction in love. This Language of Love Bite is all about the power of a simple kiss. I shed light on the often-overlooked importance of kissing in intimate relationships. I also introduce the concept of non-demand kissing and a kissing practice that you can try with your partner to heighten your connection and intimacy. Try the four-time-a-day, ten-second kiss practice for a week, and let me know how your experience goes! You might be surprised at the power of this simple yet impactful gesture. Don’t forget to check out my Seven Days to Better Sex program for more practical strategies and tips to spice up your sex life! Visit my website to explore my range of books and courses on love, sex, and relationships, and be sure to tune in regularly to the Language of Love podcast for thought-provoking discussions and invaluable advice aimed at helping you love and be loved better. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm sex, love, and relationship therapist, Dr. Laura Berman, and for the last 30 years, I've been helping people just like you learn to love and be loved better. Welcome to the Language of Love Bites, where I tackle your most asked questions and requested topics. These episodes are designed to be fun, quick, and to the point. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. The art of kissing, I cannot stress enough how important kissing is in intimate relationships. And one of the biggest complaints that I get, in particular from women who are in long-term

relationships, in particular with men, is that kissing goes by the wayside, unless it's part of foreplay. But in the beginning of the relationship, there's all this making out, there's all this kissing and then it starts to disappear and it's really missed. And one of the things that I found that actually really inspires desire, libido in women is what I call non-demand kissing. Now, what do I mean by that? I mean, kissing, making out, there's no other expectation, right? So for instance, when I have a couple where there's really low desire, She has really low desire. I will have them do this thing where twice a week for 10 to 15 minutes, they have to kiss and cuddle. They do not have permission to go any further. That is all they're

allowed to do. Okay. So they just need to make out. And I even have them play a kissing game. Now the kissing game is a really good way to not only improve your makeout strategies, but also if you don't love the way your partner kisses, this is a great way to teach them. So what you do is you kiss each other. You take turns kissing each other the way you most love to be kissed. And you'll be surprised at what you learn when your partner isn't just responding to your style of kissing and you to theirs. When you really follow your partner's lead, you may be surprised that they really like deep tongue or something more gentle or something that maybe he doesn't even include tongue, right? You'll learn what your partner is into. So you kiss

each other. You take a few moments to kiss the way each of you like, and then you just play with that and kiss for a while, but it doesn't go any further. And more often than not, when I do that with couples with low desire and I say, you're not allowed to do anything but make out, they almost always come back and say, well, we cheated because she got really turned on when she didn't have the pressure of it leading somewhere with her low desire. And she could just get really present with the sensuality of kissing because kissing has physiologic reasons. It's not just very intimate and sensual and loving and connecting because as I'm always telling you, in particular for women, we are in large part inspired to be sexual when we feel an emotional

connection to someone. It doesn't have to be there, but in a relationship in particular, really helps. So if she's able to just get really present with the kissing and isn't thinking about where is this going to lead, or I don't know if I'm in the mood for sex or whatever, and she's just present with the kissing, it really awakens the sensuality in her. Hey, it's Dr. Laura Berman. I've been a sex, love and relationship therapist for over 30 years. And the main question I always get asked is how the heck do we spice it up in a long-term monogamous relationship? Well, if you want to take your love life, your sex life to the next level, whether you're in a relationship or not, check out my free course on quantum sex. It's going to teach you how to take your sexual

response to the next level, capable of full body orgasms, how to use sex magic to manifest your dreams and how to connect on an even deeper level sexually with your partner. Just go to drlauraberman.com and you'll find it right there on the homepage, the quantum sex free course. Check it out. Let me know what you think. But it also has been shown to actually, you're exchanging not only pheromones when you kiss someone, those key unscentable hormones that we smell unconsciously on each other. There's a nerve in the brain called nerve zero that is responsible for smelling pheromones in each other. So that is exchanged when you're kissing. And in fact, testosterone can be exchanged when you're kissing. So it's really powerful. And if you

really want to heighten the connection and the intimacy in your relationship in general, try the four-time-a-day 10-second kiss. Ready? First thing when you wake up, you can brush your teeth first if you want to, before you leave each other for the day, when you come back together at the end of the day, and before you go to bed. 10-second kiss. And you will be shocked. Doesn't seem like a long time, but you will be shocked at how long 10 seconds feels like when you're actually doing it. And you'll realize how short your kisses have actually been. And that 10 seconds is long enough for the oxytocin and dopamine to get going in your system that kissing helps stimulate. And if you do it, you can do it around. If you have kids,

do it around them. I mean, I'm not saying that you start feeling each other up and having a major makeout session. But if you're giving each other a really sweet 10 second kiss, your kids will gather around you and say, oh, gross. But they actually are secretly loving it because they love to see their parents in love. They love to see their parents connected. They love to feel the strength of the foundation between the two of you that makes them feel so safe. And it inspires them because remember, you are their model for what a loving relationship looks like and feels like. I mean, you don't have to do it in front of your kids, but don't be shy about doing the 10 second kiss in front of your kids, all or any of them. But if you do that four

times a day, a 10 second kiss, I promise you it will drastically improve the erotic and sensual connection and the emotional connection between the two of you. So I want you to try it. Try it for a week straight and let me know how it goes. And if you like this episode, make sure to follow.