Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - The Beautiful No and Beyond - Sheri Salata

Episode Date: June 23, 2021

On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman sits down with one of her dear friends Sheri Salata. Salata was an executive producer for “The Oprah Show” as well as the president of the Oprah Winfrey Network and Harpo Productions. Since leaving Oprah, Salata began to focus more intentionally on her own personal growth and leaned into the power of ‘the beautiful no.’ What is the beautiful no? Salata says that her people-pleasing nature and her desire to excel in her career and her personal relationships led her to struggle with setting boundaries and saying no, whether it was to opportunities or favors or constantly giving to those around her. Like many people, especially women, Salata says she struggled with codependence and was unable to prioritize her own needs and emotional health. This left her always feeling unfulfilled and disconnected from her own self-worth. On this episode, Salata and Dr. Berman talk about Salata’s book “The Beautiful No,” and what led her to finally grow into the power of no and learn to not only be comfortable setting boundaries, but for it to come naturally and easily, without feelings of guilt or regret. This is an episode that is a must-listen for anyone who ever struggles with setting boundaries or putting themselves first! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm Dr. Laura Berman, a sex and relationship therapist. And for the past three decades, I've been helping people learn how to love and be loved better. That's what we're doing here on The Language of Love, where I get to answer calls and emails from people just like you. My goal with The Language of Love is to help you discover more meaningful emotional and physical intimacy. and to help you build more awareness of how precious and sacred your sexuality really is. Be sure to email me or reach out with your very own love-sex relationship questions, and I might just answer them live on the air. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love.

Hey, everyone. Welcome. I'm so excited because I have one of my favorite people here with us on the language of love, Ms. Sherry Salata. She is the author of The Beautiful No and Other Tales of Trial Transcendence and Transformation. It actually was named an Amazon Editor's Choice Best Memoir and Apple Must Listen Audiobook. And actually, yours truly had a chapter in it, right, Sherry? Say hi. Hi, everybody. A lot of people know her from her days as the executive producer of The Oprah Winfrey Show.

That's actually when I first met you many years ago and was a key character feature in the season 25 Oprah Behind the Scenes. She was the president of Harpo Studios and OWN. And what I think is so powerful about the work that you're doing now, because you made a huge life transition, and that's really what I want to focus on. Not only your beautiful no, but also, you know, your story is so compelling because you started off, you know, working it at 7-Eleven, right? And then you find yourself eventually. Oh, that was the middle. That was the middle?

That is when I made my way a little bit. Oh, Lord, Laura. It's a tale. It's a tale. Yeah, but it's an important one because I think during this time especially, but at all times in our world's history, people are feeling a lot of grief, a lot of stuckness, a lot of hopelessness, a lot of questions about what the new normal is going to be. And, you know, I can't change my life. I can barely pay the bills. And I, you know,

I'm miserable in my job. I'm overworked. I'm overstressed. But like, at least it's better to be with the devil. I know, you know, what is my purpose here? And I think that's like a huge part of The Beautiful No, your book, but also your work in the world. And you have so many cool new initiatives and projects that I want to talk to you about. But will you just tell us a little bit first for folks who maybe don't know you what your story is and what led you to this place? Well, as you know, I stumbled and struggled and I had all those same complaints and worries and fears that a lot of people are having right now. And, you know, my twenties, it was basically a shit show, you know, basically was, it was just a desperate attempt to find meaning and make

something out of nothing over and over and over again. You know, what I realized so many years later was actually I had made misery my compass where I wouldn't make a change. I wouldn't shift my perspective. I wouldn't try something new until I was so miserable I couldn't get out of bed. Now, a lot of people understand what I'm saying, but here's the problem with that, my friends. That means misery is waiting for you around every corner. And you're living in misery. And you're right. But I mean, I think it's true that for so many of us, the pain of being in a situation has to get greater than our fear of leaving the situation. That's true for a job, relationship, whatever.

But you're saying like you, you know, that was your life compass. Like you would just stay until you really couldn't take it. I mean, Laura, I ended up having all these teeny weeny little 401ks, you know, because I'd finally get so miserable and I'd finally have to leave. But here is the problem with that. The problem with that is that you are never happy. And I realized so, so much later on that if I could shift that compass to happiness, where I would just lean into what toward what felt good, like even if I didn't know what happiness was and I thought it was a big fancy job or a better car or all that, even if I was still confused about all that, at least if I leaned in toward what felt good over and over and over again, all those little steps and choices over and over and over again, kind of developing my own

internal guidance system. That is what making happiness your compass looks like. Yeah. It's following those breadcrumbs of joy, right? That's right. Yeah. And then, and then what's the result? What do you get for doing that? Happiness. And so you had started to do that, I guess, while, I mean, you were working your butt off, had what many would consider a dream job at Harpo and OWN. You had all the power in the world working with one of the biggest brands, if not the biggest brand ever, and very powerful and amazing human being. But at what point, like how long before you left Harpo and OWN to kind of pursue this next chapter in your life, did you know, did you start leaning into the happiness piece and following those breadcrumbs

of joy? I probably didn't do that till after, you know? So, okay. So I'm going to blow your mind. All right. Yesterday, yesterday was the one year anniversary of the last Oprah show. No, I mean the 10 year anniversary of the last Oprah show, 10 years, 10 years. It feels like yesterday for me, it's like it never happened. That is such another life ago. I almost can't recognize myself. Like I think about it, it's like I have some important fleeting memories, but it's a blur. It's a blur. That was a once in a lifetime ride and I wouldn't do it again like a second time. Yeah, well, that's important to recognize.

As powerful and as instructive as it was, you weren't really living. You were grinding. Well, yeah. And the truth is I had all the tools. I just wasn't willing to make the choices. That really is the real truth. Because, you know, if anybody wonders, can you have the big career and the dream life? Yes.

Yes, you can. And that means, you know, instead of stress eating and smoking and downing a bucket of Chardonnay, you're meditating and doing some yoga when you're under stress. You're just making different choices and you're putting the care and stewardship of your own being at the top of the list, no matter what. Yeah. And I think that's so hard for us, or at least speaking for myself, recovering codependence to do because we want to please everyone.

We want to look to the world like those superficial images of success. We have stories of how we're supposed to be. And I remember this was, you know, after the Oprah Winfrey show had ended and you were now the president of OWN for several years. And then you left and you called me and said, I have decided. I've moved in with my best friend, Nancy, of what, 25 years. We're going to lose a collective hundred pounds. We're going to get clear on what we want out of love and hopefully call that in.

We're going to eat a plant-based diet and we're going to figure out what we really want to do with our lives. And will you help us in the relationship realm, right? You remember that conversation? Yes, I do. We met you in Chicago at Soho House. And I dove in there with you guys and had really a beautiful, I won't say front seat, but seat on the bus of the journey of, you know, you guys were starting, which was so exciting and

gratifying and so conscious, like so the two of you got so clear. And it speaks to not only what I want to ask you about this kind of plan for really creating these changes in your life and how to create a plan and how to find new meaning, but also the importance of support. Yeah, that there's no question about that. And also I would say whenever, even my understanding now compared to just five years ago, which is what you're talking about that time of, okay, you know, here we go declaring for a new future and a new kind of life that my understanding even now of what it takes has grown deeper and richer and wider in that I'm a person who likes the grand gesture. Yeah. You know, I like the, you get a car, you get a car. Exactly. I'm the person who

likes that. And, and really the key to that living, breathing walk along the path of transformation are the million little things, the things that I would dismiss. Yeah. What's that going to do? well, that's going to take forever. It really is just that the simplest acts of caring for yourself every day. It's interesting to me, you brought up you're recovering from codependency and I'm not sure in thinking about you, I would have thought that about you, but I have just recently realized is that that is a new part of my healing journey too. It's a big one. That just because I ran a big, huge thing and that looks powerful and tons of people and tons of responsibility, yada, yada, yada, that it was still in source with this codependency that

originated when I was a little bitty girl. That's when it starts, right? I'm not okay unless you're okay with me. Oh my gosh. It's been so shocking to me that almost every relationship, every single one is, has been founded on that false premise and like going back and untangling that and looking at that and being like, whoa, that really is. It's an eye opener. It is. I tell you? Yeah, I tell you. You know, it's interesting because you, I think, have some of the best boundaries. I mean, at least from what I've witnessed and even being on the receiving side of healthy boundaries. I mean, they've never been inappropriate boundaries, but, you know, you seem to be really good. I mean, you ran a huge company. You seem to be really good with

boundaries. But I think what you're saying is in those higher stakes relationships where you feel really emotionally tethered or tied to that person that the boundaries maybe are harder or harder to establish. I think maybe that's true. And maybe it may, maybe it's not even just the higher stakes, but if I'm doing it for somebody else, then I find that a breeze because that is me codependently protecting and increasing my value and all of that. So, you know, I'm a slippery character that way. I can assume the mantle in service, but in service to myself, really looking at how I'm responding to other people, how I show up for myself, no matter how anybody else is behaving. And I am, listen, I'm going to tell you, this is the last Bing unraveling before my great

love. Ooh, I just got chills. I really feel you might be right. This was this last Bing piece. Yeah. That, you know, it's like, I would hear the word codependent and I'd be like, hmm, that sounds like, you know, recovery language, which I, you know, I applaud in value, but it was more like I identify with it. I'm walking past the farmer's market going, none of that for me. You know what I mean? It looks fine. It looks delicious, but none of that for me. And now this has, this has risen up and maybe it's the first time I've really been, and everything's contributed to my openness. That's what I'm saying. We're all on a journey here and it's very layered and like writing my book and really not wanting to publish it and

publishing it and then not wanting to go on a book tour and doing that and not wanting to like share my stuff and doing that prepared me for a moment where I could be willing to say maybe there's something about this codependency thing that I need to look at. And that's been very recent. Wow. And now I see it everywhere. Isn't that amazing how all of a sudden just such a slight awareness can create such a cosmic shift in your perception of your whole reality. Yeah. And honestly, I think if you're a woman, take a good hard look at this little piece. Yeah. Because I have this little theory that the energy, the philosophies, the foundational piece that we're given that that raises us is the combination of the last three women

in our inherited lineage and when you think about it it's only now yeah that we have access to quantum love yeah it's only now we're having these kinds of conversations my mom didn't have that my grandma didn't have that my great-grandma didn't have that so eventually generationally we're gonna this isn't gonna be so insidious and pervasive yeah but right now where i think we're ending that lineage right we're undoing and that's a big part if you look at the metaphysical stuff and what the prophets and the spiritual teachers and everybody are saying that this is a time in our world history of awakening. Right. And so it kind of makes sense. And a time of kind of ending a long lineage of abuse or codependence or addiction or damage or trauma, you know,

and I see that happening everywhere, not only with you and me, but it seems like it's happening everywhere that as, and on a quantum level, as you heal yourself, you're not only healing everyone that comes after you, but everyone that came before you and all in the now moment, it's all in the now moment. I just want to take a little segue here and talk about an important issue that I find really affects women's lives and the people who love them. And it's something not talked about nearly enough. Millions of women, so many of them, struggle with chronic UTIs, urinary tract infections. And it can happen due to all sorts of reasons, menopause, pregnancy, other hormonal changes, other factors, but it can drastically and negatively impact your interest

in sex as well as your enjoyment. And, you know, the most common prescriptions doctors will give you to avoid them is peeing after sex and lots of cranberry juice, which can help, but certainly often is not enough. And Uquora, this company I've discovered, has a UTI relief products that will help you address the UTI symptoms until you're able to go see a doctor. But they also have a proactive urinary tract health supplement line that helps you maintain a healthy urinary tract and avoid those infections. So get proactive about your urinary tract health with Eucora. And right now, Eucora is offering 20% off when you go to Eucora.com slash love. But hurry, it's a limited time offer. Go to Eucora.com slash love to get 20% off your order. That's

uqora.com slash love. And so I know your work. I've seen you speak. I've seen the crowds and how they respond to you. And I know your work resonates with all ages, with anyone who's really, especially your more recent work around finding meaning, figuring out what your purpose is and really moving into that purpose. You know, that's been a huge part of your journey. But I also think it's important to say that when you started this journey, a lot of it in the beginning, until you realized how much it resonates with every age was about this is 50, right? That I think it's important to mention that all of this awareness, all of these huge life changes that you've made happened really after 50. Oh yes. Yeah. Oh yes. Yes. And I'm 61 now and they keep

coming. Yeah. It never stops. Epiphany, epiphany, download, download. Yeah. I mean, I think that is a really joyful time. This timeline of humanity for me is that I get to completely live another life if I so choose. Isn't that amazing? Yes. New from Nespresso. Blend wellness into your coffee routine with the Coffee Plus range infused with functional benefits. Choose the coffee you love with added B vitamins like coffee plus B12 to help support immune function and coffee plus B6 to keep your day moving or go with the flow and choose ginseng delight our new double espresso with ginseng extract whatever lies ahead don't change your morning let your morning change you discover coffee plus on nespresso.com and our mothers I've thought about this a lot our mothers

and certainly our mothers before them you know 50 you're kind of done like i'm done i'm gonna die soon i'm just waiting for my grandchildren like any chance i had to create a life can i babysit yeah like that was it basically you know you can go to florida yeah it's too late this was the idea and yeah and there's you know you were taking in all these cultural messages which basically says take a seat, please. Yeah, you're done. If you didn't do anything of value in your life, if you didn't create the joy and create the love, then take a seat. And that's what is so thrilling to say, who says, who is saying that? Because I don't believe it. No, and you're a living example of that. Both you and Nancy, I think are. And I want to talk

about some of the things that you've been up to lately, because not only with the beautiful know your book, but with some of the courses and programs that you're offering, because I think there's so many people, like I was saying earlier, who are questioning and want to create a new normal for themselves, like a new fulfilling life for themselves and have no idea what that is. I talked to so many people who are like, I'm unhappy with what I'm doing, but I don't know what else I want to do? Right. Well, you know, listen, I am the head student. You know, I am leading the study hall because this is right where my life is simmering as well. This is the conversation I want to have. These are the things I want to unlock for myself. So like everything really,

really great. Once you're in fairly consistent alignment, there's synchronicity. And this woman who has a huge podcast asked me on and said, you should be doing live launches and courses. And I'm like, I don't know about that. And she was quite insistent. And I thought, wow, you don't even know me. And you're really invested, you know, in me making a good choice. Well, it turns out she's one of those angels that comes along in life and makes you see something differently. So in January, I launched my first 12-week course called The Course, and it's called Write Your Story, Transform Your Life. And it started out, I was like, hmm, maybe there'll be something around memoir writing. And then it got to be much deeper because that's the journey I'm on,

which is how do you inhale and exhale transformation on a daily basis? How do you just keep yourself steady, keep your heart open, keep up leveling, keep that foundation going. So I did the first run of it and had more joy than I can tell you. You did. You love that. It's the best thing I've ever done. Really? How many people came? I've done some things. Yeah, you've done some things.

It's the best thing. I mean, I had this magnificent cohort, two men and these fabulous women. And we just went on this journey of co-creation where we were all changed by the end of it. We were all changed. And then I'm like, as we were coming to the end of the 12 weeks, I was like, we need somewhere to go. So I launched a membership site called the support system and they all went right in there. And we've been, we've been doing masterclasses and workshops and a book club and all kinds of things. It's been really, really great. So that's kind of I'm just following my heart. Yeah. Like where it's leading. And it really seems like it's going to be, you know, continuing to create this experience. And what I love about your what you're doing,

you know, one of my favorite lines, I couldn't tell you a book it is from because I've read every one of his books. I think it was from one of the lesser known ones by Paolo Coelho. But I've never forgotten it. I think I read it in my early thirties where he just says in this moment, you know, you don't have to believe the story of your life you've been told. And it just, I've never forgotten that phrase. I think about it. I say it all the time. And to me, that's like a key crux of what you're talking about when you talk about write your story. You know, I forget the title you said, write your story. Yeah. Transform your life. I mean, it's all transformative.

Yeah. We're telling ourselves a story on repeat. What are we saying? Yes. About everything, about what we're capable of, about who we are in love, about what we deserve, about everything. And by the way, if you're codependent, those stories are pretty screwed up. Okay. Okay. Okay. So, so, so let me ask you this one question. Give me, what are, as you told me you're healing and I've just found out I am. I mean, I found out I was probably 20 years ago. So it's like being an addict, but on the other side of the addict. What are a couple of things you do? What are the questions you ask yourself to check in and make sure you aren't creating another codependent relationship?

So one is I don't trust my brain when it comes to codependence because that my thoughts are where, so I run every decision I make through my heart because the heart doesn't lie. The brain can get crazy. So anytime I'm really quiet, because one of the key problems that a codependent has, I mean, everyone has different types, but this type is really strong for me is a lack of discernment. So I'll question my boundary or my decisions. I'll feel guilty about it. I'll wonder, am I really making the right choice in saying no, which is the other thing I do inside my head. I've learned to say no first before I say yes, because the yes comes out so quickly. And then later I'm like, shit, why did I?

I shouldn't have said yes. You are singing my song. You know, that was one of my goals this year. I need to have good yeses. Yeah, the beautiful good yeses. So it's the beautiful no. So you say no to yourself again and again and again inside your head every time you're asked something and then you let yourself say yes.

But that's like a habit I've been developing for a long time. And then if I'm questioning it or questioning myself, or even if I don't trust myself, I run it through my heart. The other is really getting clear about, you know, we say it a million times, you put your own oxygen mask on, but like I have seen it in action. It is so hard to say no or to set those boundaries when someone wants something from you emotionally or logistically or financially or whatever. When it's someone you really care about, especially, or someone who's important to you for some

other reason. And so then the tendency is to go to those lower frequency places of guilt or fear or shame. And is that if you're depleted because you haven't taken care of yourself? Yes. Or sometimes it's just those old habits rearing their head. So with practice, you learn that it's okay if I disappoint someone, because in the end, I'm of more service to that person and to the world and to my kids and to my family if I am respecting my own boundaries. And I've said a lot of no's in my life, but still more yeses than I probably would have or could have until this recent horrible tragedy in my life of losing my son. And now I find myself saying no so much more and to things that I would have said yes to before. So I'm getting even better

at it. And I think sometimes in your case, this didn't have to happen, but sometimes our whole personality has to be shattered by a tragedy in order for us to wake up to the boundaries that really sustain our gifts in the world. Right. I hear you on that. I hear you on that. So it's a practice and it's something that you slide back into when you're depleted or when you are faced with a high stakes situation or person in your life, or if you're really scared or if you're triggered, you know, just like an addict would just, it's a different, it's an emotional addict more than a drug or alcohol addict. And it comes from a beautiful and wounded place, you know, where it kept us safe. And in many cases, it makes us very successful socially

and otherwise. So there are a lot of gifts that come and a lot of reinforcement for codependence, especially if you had addicts or narcissists in your life growing up like I did. And so it becomes a well-worn default that you have to just be really conscious about and work against. New from Nespresso. Blend wellness into your coffee routine with the Coffee Plus range, infused with functional benefits. Choose the coffee you love with added B vitamins, like coffee plus b12 to help support immune function and coffee plus b6 to keep your day moving or go with the flow and choose ginseng delight our new double espresso with ginseng extract whatever lies ahead don't change your morning let your morning change you

discover coffee plus on espresso.com yeah i see the gift in it i see the freedom in it I see that, Whoa, how somebody responds has nothing to do with you. You know, you, you, you are to tend to your garden, which I've said for a long time, but I don't think I understood it quite this way that I really that, and, you know, for some reason that whole idea of people pleasing, you know, it didn't, it didn't, you know, I also didn't think that was me. I didn't either. I wouldn't have thought that was you. No, but there is, there is wanting to be liked, not wanting to disappoint, wanting to be achievement and worthiness, very tangled in me for a long time. And a lot of times

achievement is tied to people liking you. Yeah, that's true. And that's part of that, the political process of achievement. Yeah. So, and liking you at all costs. Yeah. Like with no consideration, for, you know, caring for yourself and making sure it lines up for you. And it's an integrity. Yes. I did a podcast not long ago with Martha Beck about her new book and the way of integrity.

And, you know, I think that, and I may have even said this to her during our conversation, for a codependent, that's the key is like knowing what integrity feels like, staying in integrity with your no, with your boundary, with your response. That is key. Yeah. I love that. And I love that you're constantly peeling the layers of the onion away and continue until my final day. We all will. I mean, that's part of the journey, right? It's an evolution. It's we're never a fully baked pie.

That's right. That's supposed to be the fun of it. And that's the thing I think for all of us is that there's joy in this work because we become more free. We just become more free. We're setting down baggage left and right. We become more free. We feel lighter. The world feels like a more joyful place. So what would you say is like the first step for someone who's asking this question, you know, about I'm not happy where I am, but I don't know where I want to go? Well, for me, I think the first step is something that I call excavation. However, you'll fail dismally if you take that old, hateful, harsh voice that you've been judging yourself with for 40 or 50 years. You got to start by, and this is one of those, you just,

you pretend until you can sink into it and it feels kind of real. You find that voice that you would soothe someone you love with the voice that you'd speak to a new puppy with yeah you know a little a new baby you're just being introduced to there's a sweetness and there's an understanding and there's a compassion and a no need for perfection it's it's very accepting and gentle and what are you excavating well you start I think by really seeing where you are you know many of us, like, we just keep our blinders on. We don't even want to see what we've created so far. It's like not wanting to get on the scale when that's just information. But for most of us, it's not just information. It's an invitation to a hell ride. Yeah. To judgment. We're just

going to tear ourselves up, you know, to pieces. So it's kind of like find that voice and the excavation is okay. Where am I for reals? You know, when I peel back, when I dig beneath all the fluffery, which is blaming other people, the stories I tell on. And if only X, Y, or Z were the case. All my sorrows and he did this and blah, blah, blah. If I wasn't divorced, if I didn't lose all my money, blah, blah, all that stuff and buried underneath all those very familiar stories that are just self-perpetuating, you know, is the truth, which is really super simple. I don't have the money I wish I had. I don't have the relationship I wish I had.

I don't have the health I wish I had. Just some truth. Yeah. And it's like, you know, you've done the best you can. And so let's wake up and start anew with that tender voice. Yeah. Like, it's all right. It's okay.

Here's where we're starting. Like, just taking yourself out of the witness box. Yeah. Where you're being tried for all your failure and just being like, here's what it is. And then you move on to what? Then you move on. You move on to, I call it the build because I like to see some movement. I like to see some shifts in energy.

And those things are, I call them esteemable practices. They're little things that even that I find that I add to my life. I add, I revise them. I try them. This doesn't, not so much. this one feels good. And they're as simple as it's the stuff you already know, but now you're doing it with intention to raise your level of care for yourself, of reverence. So it might be your daily walk. It might be a morning candle ceremony. It might be your daily green smoothie.

Right. Now, listen, you might've been doing that as a ritual without knowing it, but when you do it with, with some reverence as a, as a practice of self-care ceremony, all of a sudden your life starts to feel more sacred to you, like worthy of being cared for. And so that's what we're building on just building and building and building and building. And like every three months I go back and take a look at mine, like, Hmm, I'm done with that one. Let's add something new. And, you know, it's a living, breathing thing. Like I've given up the patriarchal goal setting. Yeah. I think that's good. Keep it flowing and changing. Flow, flow, flow, flow, flow. Call in that divine energy. And that keeps you from getting stuck as well. And then I know

you've done five, like five day intros to this kind of process. You, and those are, have been free. You have a course, is it a 12 week course? Yeah, it's 12 weeks. And then you have the subscription where you're kind of joining a community and getting the lives and the book clubs. Is Quantum Love going to be part of your book club? Yes. Would you like it to be? Of course. Did I ask you? Of course. I'm asking you. I'd be fantastic. Done. It is done. And so it is. Yeah. I think this is so beautiful and I'm going to send a lot of people your way. If you're listening and you're at a place in your life where you're ready to make some changes, which I think every freaking one of us is. And you're ready to change the story of your life. You've been told

and step more into your joy and your work and your love. You talk about your pill, the pillars and your book, you know, like work, life, love, health, all of those things, sex. Um, but you know, if you're ready to do that, they can learn more aware at your website, Sherry. Yeah. Sherry SherrySalata.com. And it's with one R and an I. So it's S-H-E-R-I-S-A-L-A-T-A. SherrySalata.com. I'm so, I want to say proud, but I don't feel, I just feel excited for. You get to be proud. I know. It feels condescending and patronizing to say I'm proud. I'm proud of you too. Okay. We can be proud of each other. Here's a phrasing. I'll share this with you. See if you like this better. I feel such pride for you. Yeah, that's what I do. And the way, you know, you're always

the teacher, always the teacher. Now you're teaching us how to walk through fire. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the other thing I would say that is really helpful to get back to your question about codependence, whether you're walking through the fire or not, although it sure as hell is helping me walk through the fire is repeatedly and continually staying in your body, like really listening to what your body wants, which is a big part of those rituals you were talking about as well. And I've seen more and more in the work that you're doing along those lines, too, which is so important. And that's going to be real good for your sex life when the love for your life. Yes, yes. Oh, this is the last piece. I can I can totally feel it. I love it because now I don't

need to repeat any of those old patterns. Do you like me? How much do you like me? No. Am I enough for you? No. Well, I'm ready to, I'm ready to hold your hand through that one, my friend and all things, and make sure to check out the website, Sherry Salata.com. You can find out about the courses and the subscriptions and the free stuff and learn to build your beautiful life. Sometimes starting with your beautiful. No, thank you. Thank you, my friend. Any last words you want to say? Well, thanks everybody for joining us. This is the time let's link arms and fly together. I love you. I love you too.