Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - The Kissing Game: How to Fine-Tune Your Techniques Together

Episode Date: January 6, 2025

When was the last time you had a kiss that truly took your breath away? Not just a peck on the cheek or a quick smooch in passing, but a kiss so meaningful it sparked something deep inside? If it’s been a while, you’re not alone. For many couples, kissing tends to fade into the background of a long-term relationship. But here’s the good news—it doesn’t have to. In this Language of Love Bite, I’ll show you how to bring the magic back with eight key tips that will make you a better kisser. And yes, there’s even a playful game to help you and your partner rediscover the joy of kissing together. What you’ll discover in this episode: Why does kissing fade in relationships, and how can you reignite the spark? What does it take to set the perfect mood for a memorable kiss? How can you fine-tune your technique to make every kiss unforgettable? The little things to up your kissing skills that make a big difference. A simple, fun game to uncover what you and your partner love most about kissing. But wait—did you know that kissing isn’t just about physical connection? It actually boosts emotional intimacy and can even affect hormone levels! Who wouldn’t want to unlock all that potential with just one kiss? Looking to deepen intimacy and connection in your love life, or even elevate your personal understanding of relationships? My free course on Quantum Sex is a fantastic place to start—it’s designed for anyone, whether you're single or partnered. Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm sex, love and relationship therapist, Dr. Laura Berman. And for the last 30 years, I've been helping people just like you learn to love and be loved better. Welcome to the Language of Love Bites, where I tackle your most asked questions and requested topics. These episodes are designed to be fun, quick and to the point. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. we're getting into the art of kissing. I am going to be giving you eight key tips

on how to really kiss well. And at the end, I'm going to tell you about a special game you can play with a partner to fine tune your kissing techniques together. So let's get started. Kissing, first of all, is so important to a love relationship. Like if I were to tell you the most common complaint that I get from women in long-term relationships, it's that kissing is gone by the wayside and they miss it. And the only time they get kissed is maybe a quick peck when they see their partner or say goodbye to their partner and maybe a little bit as part of foreplay. But all that making out and yummy kissing that happened in the beginning of the relationship and long-term relationship starts to fade. And in fact, one of the ways as

a sex and relationship therapist that I find is most effective in creating more desire in relationships where desire has waned is by actually taking sex off the table for a little bit and bringing back kissing. Now, I'm not saying you have to do that, but if you want to do a little experiment, if you're having trouble getting your partner, especially a female partner, to want to have sex with you, say to her, okay, for the next several weeks, I'm not even going to ask you to have sex. We're taking sex off the table. All I'm going to do is kiss and cuddle you and you can be guaranteed it's not going anywhere else. And just spend some time kissing. I bet you anything you're going to see a drastic increase in her wanting to get busy with you. But let's

get into these tips. Okay. Number one, create a comfortable atmosphere. And by that, I mean, set the mood, you know, comfort and relaxation are key. So you want to be receptive. You want to be ready, lighting, candles, ambience, you know, maybe some privacy, create the mood. And especially really at any point in a relationship, but especially if it's a new person, consent is key. Make sure they're comfortable and willing. Reading body language is crucial here. Now, when you're kissing, you want to start off slow and gentle. So you're leaning in softly. You're building anticipation. You're adjusting and getting into the moment. Keep your lips relaxed, not too stiff or pressed tightly because a soft touch makes the kiss feel

more natural, more tender as you're getting started. Next, use your hands thoughtfully. touch with intention, stroke your partner's face, their neck, their hair, maybe give them a gentle tug, gather their hair together and pull them towards you or pull them away from you. Don't overdo it. You don't want to grab them too aggressively, but thoughtful touches, sensual touches will definitely build the excitement and intimacy. You want to follow the flow. So, follow their lead. Switch it up. Bury the pressure and the speed and the tongue depth. Keeps the experience engaging. Give them light teasing kisses mixed with some deeper ones to heighten the moment. Next tip, mind your breath. Maybe this should have been number one.

Stay fresh. Clean, minty breath ideally helps improve the experience. You may not want to start a make-out session when you've just had an extremely garlicky meal without brushing your teeth first. But just pay attention and be mindful of the breath. Also, engage your senses. Make eye contact before and after the kiss, even during the kiss. It creates a deeper connection. Pay attention to sound. Gentle sighs or other vocal expressions can heighten the intimacy as well. hey it's Dr. Laura Berman I've been a sex love and relationship therapist for over 30 years and the main question I always get asked is how the heck do we spice it up in a long-term monogamous relationship well if you want to take your love life your sex life to the next level whether

you're in a relationship or not check out my free course on quantum sex it's going to teach you how to take your sexual response to the next level capable of full body orgasms, how to use sex magic to manifest your dreams, and how to connect on an even deeper level sexually with your partner. Just go to drlauraberman.com and you'll find it right there on the homepage, the Quantum Sex Free course. Check it out and let me know what you think. be present, focus fully in the moment. I can't tell you. I mean, if you think about it, you'll even recognize how often we're kissing or doing anything for that matter and thinking of the next thing or what we're about to do or a million other things. Put all of your conscious

awareness on the moment, on your senses. Put all of your energy into your lips. Imagine sending love from your lips through them into your partner's. Really put all of your conscious awareness in the now moment. Not only will you enjoy it more, but I guarantee your partner will feel the presence. Obviously, respect boundaries. You want to know when to pause. Not every kiss needs to lead to more. Sometimes a kiss is just kiss and stopping while things are still exciting will actually build the anticipation for future encounters. Now, are you ready for the game you can play with your partner?

I call it the kissing game and it really helps because everybody has kind of a different style they enjoy. So it's really simple, but really effective. I want you to just say, okay, we're gonna play this kissing game for the next 10 to 15 minutes, we are going to kiss. But here is how it's gonna work. First, I'm going to kiss you the way that I most love to be kissed.

And you're going to follow my lead. And we're just going to kiss that way for a while. And then you're going to kiss me the way you most love to be kissed. And we're going to kiss that way for a while. And we're going to each make sure that we get each other's favorite way of kissing. And then let's just see if we can mix it up. And you're going to learn so much. I've had couples that have been in relationships for 10, 15 longer years, they couldn't really

tell you how their partner most loves to be kissed. You are definitely going to learn a lot through this exercise, and it's going to be really exciting. And then you're just going to make out in a way that feels really exciting and fulfilling to each of you. It may or may not lead to other things, but it definitely will heighten the sensuality, the sexual chemistry, the energy between the two of you. There have even been some studies that have shown that when you kiss, you're not only creating more sensual and sexual connection and

emotional connection, you're actually sharing hormones and that women actually get an infusion of testosterone through kissing men, which I think is really interesting. There's some evidence to support that. That's pretty fascinating. But either way, it can't go wrong building a little more kissing into your relationship.