Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - The Reinvention Formula with Craig Siegel

Episode Date: November 20, 2024

Is your inner critic throwing a party, and you’re not invited? We’ve all been there! It’s easy to get caught in a loop of limiting beliefs that keep you from living your best life. But what if I told you that the key to breaking free is simply a mindset shift away? In this Language of Love Conversation, I have an amazing conversation with Craig Siegel—renowned motivational speaker, performance coach, and bestselling author of The Reinvention Formula, a Wall Street Journal and USA Today bestseller. Craig’s journey is nothing short of inspiring—from a high-flying career on Wall Street to becoming a global force for personal transformation through his podcast, The CLS Experience, and his impactful keynote speeches. His mission? To help people crush their limiting beliefs and step into their most authentic selves. We dive deep into the power of personal reinvention, exploring how it’s never too late to make meaningful changes in your life. Craig opens up about his own transformation and shares brilliant insights on how he left his limiting beliefs behind to pursue his true calling.  Here’s what we explore: Why personal reinvention is possible at any stage of life Overcoming limiting beliefs and clearing out mental “files” How self-discovery and journaling can challenge old patterns How to align your passions with your true purpose and take messy action toward your goals The role of faith and spirituality in growth Balancing positivity with acknowledging your emotions How the COVID-19 pandemic sparked introspection and transformation for so many Be sure to grab a copy of Craig's book The Reinvention Formula for powerful insights and inspiration! You can also connect with him through his website or follow him on Instagram for even more guidance on your journey. Visit my website for transformative courses like the Good Grief course. Remember, you’re never alone on this path. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm sex, love and relationship therapist, Dr. Laura Berman. And for the past 30 years, I've been helping people just like you learn to love and be loved better. Here on the Language of Love Conversations, I'm talking to some of the world's most influential and revolutionary experts, thought leaders, spiritual teachers and celebrities about love, sex and relationships from a mind, body and spirit perspective. And that way, my goal is to awaken your mind, body, and soul. It's time to become fluent in the language of love. Craig Siegel is a Wall Street Journal and USA Today bestselling author of The Reinvention Formula. He's a globally recognized keynote speaker, coach, podcast host of the CLS Experience, and his journey from Wall Street to inspiring millions worldwide has all been driven by his

commitment to helping people overcome their limiting beliefs and embrace their true, authentic purpose. We're going to be getting into how you can reinvent yourself in big or small ways, depending on what you're going for in this episode of The Language of Love. Craig Siegel, I'm so excited to have you on The Language of Love. Thanks for being here. My pleasure. Literally no place in the world I'd rather be than right here with you. Let's have some fun. Let's go deep.

Let's get nuts. All right. Let's go deep and nuts. The reinvention formula. You know, one of the things that I think or the themes that I think is so important that you talk about in the book and in general is that it's never too late to reinvent yourself. Because, you know, a lot of my peeps, some of them are in their 20s and a lot of them are middle-aged and have been living a life for some time that they don't absolutely love,

but they kind of feel like this is my life. Like I can't reinvent myself. So let's start with that idea. Yeah. First, I want to change the misconception that people have in regards to reinventing yourself. I think it could be intimidating for a lot of people because like you said, a lot of people think, oh, I'm too old or it's too late, or I have no experience. and we recently did a whole TED talk just on this, on reinventing reinvention. And so just to be clear, in my perspective, reinvention is not starting over because as long as you've had a human experience up until this point, you're never really starting from scratch. You're taking the lessons, all the things that you've learned along the way, and you're reapplying them to something

that's more in alignment. And I saw a really crazy, alarming stat, Dr. Laura. Only 20% of Americans are finding purpose in the work that they do. That makes sense, though. But it's really sad. It does, because I was actually one of those cats not so long ago before I reinvented myself. And so I know what it feels like to think that you don't have a choice or that this is the only narrative in your movie. But the truth of the matter is, is it's never too late and you're never too old. And we should be looking at reinvention as almost a daily practice, not just with your career, but some of the beliefs that you have. I think that most people are where they are based upon their subconscious programming and whatever they believe to be

possible for them. But if we were to just take a moment and go back into the script room where they actually make the movies, the production, and start deleting files that no longer serve us, all of a sudden we become more available for what we're actually called to do or what we feel in alignment towards. And I want to encourage everybody to take the journey back to themselves and start focusing on their purpose and what they really want to do and be in this world. Okay. So there are a couple of things I want to unpack.

and I love what you said, and I want to talk about purpose in a second, but this idea of deleting files is really cool, right? So that's like the things that feel no longer in alignment or things that just don't serve you anymore. How does one start even identifying what those files are, so to speak? And my guess is it's connected to the purpose question, right? that they're kind of connected to one another. But, you know, listening to it, it's a great idea. And I know what you're talking about. And as I think about my peeps here listening,

they're like, how do I even know what files to delete? You know, this is where someone's mind is going to go. So what would you say to that? Yeah, I love the question. So think about this. For anybody that's listening now, your community and so forth, if you were to strip yourself of all the judgments,

the personalities, all the BS that you've cultivated over time that has you feeling some type of way, or maybe in a specific situation in life. If you were just to remove all of that stuff and just act from your actual being, your true essence, your soul, what else is possible from that standpoint? And so I imagine everyone listening would start hopefully to start to think outside the box and realize, wait a minute, maybe I could do this, or maybe I am a candidate for that, or maybe I can learn how to do this. And so, look, you can't really get to the next level if you're operating from the same consciousness that got you to this level. So by going into the room and changing some of the files

around or deleting some, you're deleting the files that got you to where you are. Thank you so much for coming. We're very thankful for them, but they're no longer going to serve you in you wanting to go and ascend to your next level. So you have to remove those and create new beliefs or expand our vessel on what's possible, what we can begin to receive. So the ones that you feel as though are no longer serving you on your current path, I would say is a great place to start

to delete those files. Yeah, and the reinvention formula, you lay out so many strategies and there's a lot in there, guys, that really speaks to what he's talking about. And you also even talk about the quantum field, which you know I love, and how all things are possible.

And I know you're a huge fan of journaling, and it seems to me like that may be a good place to start on this specific question, like writing down all like really airing the laundry. I'm curious what you think about this of all the kind of, OK, here's what I'm unfulfilled in my job or in my life, because, by the way, as a couples therapist, I help people reinvent their relationships every day. Right. So it could be in my relationship, whatever it is, I have 100 percent responsibility for what's up with me. I want to start exploring reinvention. So what do I want to do? What do I want to change? What is the purpose I want to step into? And we will get to purpose. And then what are the stories I have or the limiting beliefs or the things I believe are holding me back from this, maybe even logistically and writing them all down. And then maybe starting to see which ones really are arguable or which ones maybe are old beliefs that now that they're, this is one of the reasons

I love journaling too, because I do this with people, for instance, I mean, this is a totally different topic, but it's a good example around sexual inhibitions, right? I'll have them write down, like, let's say I'm seeing a woman who's really inhibited. I'll have her write down all of her stories about what a nice girl or a well-respected woman would or wouldn't do sexually in one column. And then in the next column, like, where did you pick that up? You know, was it what Sister Mary said to you in school that day? Was it when your mom walked in on you when you were diddling? You know, what was it? And then on the next column, like, if any, do you still subscribe to as the adult you are now who has a much different perspective on her body and

her sexuality? And just that act of externalizing it, then the next time that inhibition comes up, she's like, oh, that's not me. That's Sister Mary. I don't want to, you know, I don't subscribe to that anymore. So it starts to kind of loosen the grip of some of these limiting beliefs that we have when we can externalize them. I'm curious what you think about that. Because I like I mean, obviously, the book is full of strategies, but I want to give them a few here, too. I love everything that you just said, except that would make one correction. You don't just help navigate couples. You're the best in the world at it. Reinventing the relationship. it. I couldn't agree more. Look, it's very easy to coach or teach somebody to change a behavior.

But if you don't really go deeper and really go scuba diving and find out why they're behaving a certain way, then I believe that the different behavioral changes won't be sustainable. That's why like a lot of therapy, I think there's a bad rap sometimes on therapy that you just want to like stay in the past and childhood trauma. And then sometimes coaching is like, I don't want any of that. I just want to move forward. I think it's important to marry the two and do a little bit of both. Find out why you're behaving a certain way and maybe change the story that you have and then make lasting results. And I love what you just said about externalizing and bringing to the, kind of pushing the envelope and bringing it to the surface, all the stories that you've

cultivated on why you believe this, and then ask yourself if that really is a vibrational match to really who you are now without all the judgments of personalities. And what you're probably realize that moment is now they no longer serve you some of those beliefs. Yeah. And yeah. And I don't even want to hang on to them. And I also love what you said, because I have found this to be true, having in some cases intentionally, in some cases, accidentally reinvented myself, even career wise. And I was just talking to a girlfriend the other day who has been in like PR and marketing for so many years. And she now kind of has been downloaded, like just all these channels have opened and she's really feeling called to the metaphysical and being a metaphysical

healer. And she's like, I can't leave this lucrative marketing and PR world. And I did all this work for nothing. And what I started exploring with her is that, and this is what I find in my own life time and time again, is that it feels like you're making a complete departure from something, but there are so many skills and so many pieces of knowledge and wisdom and so many other things that you've gleaned along the way that are going to be applicable, that weren't wasted. All the experience and the knowledge, even if you're making a total pivot, there's so much that you're taking with you that you wouldn't be able to be as successful without that past experience, even though it looks very different than the experience you're wanting to create now.

A hundred percent. And also like for anyone that's listening to this and they're very intrigued about maybe stepping more into what really grabs them or why they think they're here, their purpose. First of all, two things. Unapologetically, you will make a lot of money doing it. It's a byproduct of you adding a lot of impact and value to the world. But also everything that you just said, you're never starting over. And I dare to say that if somebody, and I know that they already have, has been successful in something in their life, whatever arena that might be, there are certain similarities and characteristics and traits that will be transferable to something totally different that can also make you successful. Because more times than not,

it's not the thing that makes you successful. It's you. Yeah. And you talk about that a lot in the book and you use your own journey a lot as you're kind of explaining things and how you kind of have made your pivots and shifted your purpose first stepping into Wall Street, which is kind of relevant to what you're saying, because I think I remember reading that there was this element

and it struck me and I was reminded of it when you were just speaking of like looking around and seeing all of these successful people. And instead of kind of being intimidated by it

or feeling like I'm never going to get there, you were inspired like, wow, if they can all do this, there's a path to doing this. And all I have to do is follow the path, you know, that I can do it, too.

I thought that was really cool. But speak a little bit about that journey, not only getting into Wall Street, but really how you shifted from that to finding your purpose. Let's get into purpose a little bit. Yeah. So when I graduated college, I wasn't one of those cats that grew up and knew exactly what I wanted to do, like play for the Yankees or be a doctor. I was a little bit immature, lost in the wilderness with no compass, but I had bits and pieces

and flashes of ambition. I just didn't really know where to place it. I was infatuated with stocks and like to make money at that season of life, still do, but it was more of a priority back then. And so I lived in New York and I graduated college and I went to Wall Street. And that's really, I really began to become a man. And also simultaneously, when I got to Wall Street, probably by no coincidence, I stumbled upon personal development. And I was just so fascinated with that. Wait a minute, where I'm at now is not an indication of where I could be or who I can become. And I started working on myself. I started studying NLP, found a practitioner. I was working with him every

week in New York City in the law of attraction, different paths to Kabbalah and stuff like that. And I used that to become a better human being and really establish myself in Wall Street and become successful. And when I use the word successful, I want to be responsible. At that season of life, I measured success by making money and status and things like that. Obviously, I was a bit more unenlightened back then. That's many people's idea. I think that's an important thing to consider, right? Like what, even separate and aligned with your purpose, what does success look like to you? You know, I have that because that was my dad's, your Wall Street years idea of success is the same as my father's, my father's idea. You know,

so my father, if I didn't have, you know, $20 million in the bank, he literally, he considered me not to be a success. And he would say that to me, like, why is it that your girlfriend from college has all these millions and you don't? And I was like, well, she divorced someone who had the millions and got it. But if that's what success is. So we had this whole conversation about what success was. And when I said, you know, that's not my definition of success. And he looked at me like I had six heads and is like, well, what is your definition? And I told him. And it was about like, I'm not going to go all into it, but it was basically about how living your purpose that feels aligned with your soul, having fulfilling relationships in a

community of friends and coworkers who really light you up and children who are healthy and happy and a family life that's fulfilling and being able to pay the bills and take great trips and send them to great schools. But that's only a small part of it. And he just like did not compute. So there's nothing wrong. Everyone has their own definition of success, but I do think it's an important piece of this puzzle of reinvention of really getting clear on what success is and that can shift and change like it did for you. For sure. And I do want to reiterate, making money is absolutely a part of success for sure, because it's a tool and it's a ladder to be climbed and you could do great things with money. It's just back then that was my sole

motivation, which I have no regrets because I didn't know what I didn't know. And so I climbed the corporate ladder, if you will. And I started to have a lot of success. And then ultimately the whole stock thing wasn't really for me. It started to become a lot more stressful than it was fun. And so I pivoted and I started my own business, still in finance, but a little different, a little bit less stressful. And even though I had my own business and employees and all that, and was making money, the void started to become bigger and bigger. It was like I was waking up every day and picture your soul. Instead of expanding, it was contracting because I was out of alignment and I was doing something that I didn't really feel connected to.

So you were in that 20%? Yes. Correct. Or 80%, sorry. No, only 20%. So you were in the 80% that didn't. I was in the 80% that don't love what they do or don't find purpose in what they do. Yes. And then a couple of things happened at once. It was a pretty dark season for me. My best friend, my dad had just gotten diagnosed with cancer. He's still paddling. And I just got out of a toxic relationship, which at the time is never fun. And I just, I don't know, I didn't like what I was seeing in the mirror, I'm being honest. And then wasn't really loving myself and probably

drinking a little bit more than I'd like to admit. But then pretty quickly after that, I started running marathons and I'd never been a runner before, but I wasn't really looking for like the 26.2 miles. Yes, that's great. It was all about the transformations for me, because who did I have to become to be the type of cat that ran marathons random fast, a better human being, right? Cut out the stuff that doesn't serve me, more discipline, consistency, and so forth. And so that was a great arena for me. And that ended up being the thing that led to the thing. And oftentimes people are like, what if I don't know what I want to do? What if I don't have my purpose? I would say, take some messy action and find something that

you could sink your teeth in it. And often that might lead to the thing. And then fast forward the pandemic. I shut down my office for what I thought would be two weeks, LOL, who knew at the time. And I just said, if not now, then when? And I really connected. I got quiet probably for the first time in my life that was kind of forced. And what I noticed is in that mindfulness, it was like a portal to expansion because I was able to receive all those downloads and really be the channel with no distractions. And it started to occur to me to circle back from the beginning of the conversation, how obsessed I had been with personal development. And I think this is more than just a passion. I think this might be my assignment. And then combining my business

strategy, I put together a whole strategy, started putting out content. And over the last four years, it exploded, left Wall Street for good, but finally found a mission that I'm connected to. And I never had more fun. And to circle back to what you said with money, interestingly enough, making more money than I ever made in my life too. But that's just the energetic exchange in a by-product. Yeah, because you're really living your purpose. And this is what I see time and time again, when you're passionate about what you do.

And that is one thing, ironically, the same father who thought I was not a success without 20 million in the bank, also told me all through my college years when I was be like, you know, I really want to be a therapist, but I know therapists don't make a ton of, you know, I don't know how I'm going to support myself.

And my dad just kept saying, just do what you love and success will follow. Do what you love and success will follow. And I absolutely found that to be true, not only in my life, but when you're lit up, it's hard not to be successful. And the universe kind of supports you in that. So I want to just unpack though, come back to the running thing, because I thought that was really beautiful. You spoke to this a couple of times in the book. And one of the things, you talked about how running helped you begin to love yourself. And back to this, really highlighting this idea that the physical goals was not because of the goal itself, but

because of all the things you were going to change inside yourself mentally, emotionally, physically in order to achieve this goal, the better decision-making, the discipline, that's what the real payoff was. You nailed it. And that's what started to call the momentum. So for me at that time, I was desperately yearning for more from my life than obviously just money and stuff. I wanted to be connected to something. I knew that I was here for more. And so for me, when I discovered running or maybe running discovered me, it seemed like such a stretch. Like I had never been a runner before. I'm five foot eight, a little stocky, not my thing. But for me, leaving my comfort zone and really pushing myself to the edge of my capacity was such a big deal for

me because if I can do that, what else can I do? And it goes back to what you said earlier in the conversation, right? It's never starting over. So the same characteristics that helped me become successful in running marathons, I transferred over to starting CLS, my brand with no following, no connections, no social media at the time, the same thing as consistency, discipline, stretching myself and so forth. And those were pivotal in me getting to my next level there. So the running was it was such a beautiful season. I'm romantic about it. And it's still a big part of my life now. I'm training for the New York City Marathon, which is this November. Amazing. You've alluded to this a couple of times, especially as things were happening during the pandemic. And I know you speak to this much more overtly in the book as well. But faith has been a really big part of your journey, in particular, stepping out of Wall Street and into your whole reinvention.

There is a huge element of faith and you write a lot about faith. So I'm wondering if you can share some of those thoughts, because Lord knows we talk about that a lot on this show. This is my jam and I love all I can't talk about this enough. And so I grew up Jewish, but I'm much more spiritual than I am religious. but I always had a relationship with, for me, God, creator, but really over the last five years, quadrupled down. And then obviously over the last year and have a lot of Kabbalah and stuff,

which has really helped me actually gain more of appreciation for being Jewish, but really just connected to source and so forth. And so- Let me just pause you for a minute because people may not know what Kabbalah is and I don't want them to get lost, but hold that. So Kabbalah, well, you can explain it better than I can,

but it's like a metaphysical aspect that is much more esoteric. That's part of the Jewish tradition, but not really typically taught in temples. And it's not like anybody from any religion or spirituality can practice it or try it on. And it will most likely help you appreciate whatever it is that you believe in more. So it's not just for Jewish, but yeah, there's a lot of mystical behind it. Basically, it's the blueprint for the human soul. And so that's helped a great deal.

Look, if someone's listening right now, they're like, what does it even mean to be spiritual? They probably won't be asking that because they're listening to your show. But I would just say like 101, it means that you believe that there's something else going on here beyond our logic. And if you subscribe to that and you can connect to that, that's where it really begins. And that relationship will change everything. and i can't think of a more powerful relationship to build in the world than your relationship with that well god create whatever your thing is and i always been a believer in that but then i really started to understand it and understand what praying means to me and to get quiet and to connect and to ask more and to understand intuition people have heard like intuition before or you know divine intervention to me now that's like the tug at the soul and the whisper from creator

that will guide you oftentimes we get in our own way ego and so forth and so really building that relationship and really having that be a compass for me and then you mentioned the word faith look if you have faith and hope you're always in the game even if you get knocked on your ass like as long as you have that there's something bigger to get back up and to keep you excited about life and i know that i'm seeing my dad right now he's battling stage four cancer and he ain't no spring chicken. So it's just faith, hope. Something bigger is something that I hope everybody can subscribe to and really build a foundation and relationship with. Yeah. And it's this sense, and you speak to this in many of the things you're talking about that have happened in your life in

the book, but this sense of I am being held and that which is right is unfolding. And I may not understand the whole blueprint and why this thing that seems really terrible is happening right now. But later, I probably will see in 2020 hindsight how it served me. But it's sort of a surrender, right? Like to me, that's what faith is. It's like a believing in that which can't be proved or seen. But it's also a trust that it's all good, even if it doesn't seem so good in this now second. You know, everything kind of I'm supported.

It's going to be OK. So I wanted to just, you know, check in with you about that. But also, there were a couple of things. There was when you had a potentially cancerous tumor on the bottom of your foot that was just like randomly, intuitively discovered and then got totally hit by a car, hit and run and survived it unscathed. And those were two huge moments of faith for you, it seems. So I wanted to share a little about that. Yeah. So don't make me go back. Right. about it if you if you so look when you have a relationship with what we're just talking about

like for me it's greater for anyone else whatever you want to call it there's a big difference between a belief a confidence and a knowing and i believe a knowing or a trusting or surrender like you comes from that and there's no stronger sign of courage or belief or just trust that you can have than that. And that comes by having faith or by trusting. And so I was at a speaking engagement, we're playing football, I got injured. And then I came home and I was misdiagnosed with a sprained leg in my foot. And we facilitated an MRI, even though the doctor said it wasn't necessary. And as it turns out, there was a rare tumor in the bottom of my foot. And it's funny because the old Craig, like of years back before a lot of the development would have definitely had more of a

anybody. I mean, I'm talking victim consciousness, why me, all that stuff. And to be clear, first of all, I'm still a work in progress. I think we all are. But when I got the news, I gave myself the rest of that day to kind of feel like shitty and this sucks, why is this happening, whatever the case may be. But then I tapped back into the certainty consciousness of I'm not sure exactly why this is happening, but I know somehow it's going to be a net positive. And so very next day, started seeing doctors make a long story short i got it taken out it was not cancerous thank god ended up running the new york city marathon that year just a couple months later and i'm so glad i was able to kind of catch it relatively early and get it out because i had not it could have turned

into something else entirely that's an example right there and then i think it was the next summer maybe two years ago i was walking in new york city like i usually do probably in between meetings and i look to my right and a car is coming right at me dr laura i like i couldn't even believe it. When I looked, it was probably two feet away. And I knew at that moment that I wasn't going to get out of this. I just said, all right, what's the best course of action here? And so I kind of just braced myself. And my thought process was, I wasn't scared. It's weird. I just thought if it hit my arm, maybe I could recover. But if I flip over the car, it hits my head, I'm done. And so it hit me right in my forearm. I spun around and it grazed me and it

kept going through two red lights gone. And physically, I had like a scratch. And I just want to be clear. It didn't almost hit me. This thing smacked me and nothing happened. And so I know that was something bigger. And my message here or my mission isn't quite complete. I will say about that, because you and I have had private conversations and so forth. I felt so violated from that, that I actually had some trauma for a couple of weeks that I just couldn't shake. I just like, how could somebody do that and not get away with it? I finally made peace with it. And New York city is kind of a war zone these days. You don't have to approve of it, but I did accept that. But yeah, those things right there. I mean, you can't tell me there wasn't something bigger

going on there. Yeah. Yeah. It's beautiful. Here's a shout out to any woman who has experienced a horrible loss is going through grief. I just want you to know you don't need to do this alone And you also don't have to go through this. You can grow through it. You can come out the other side of horrible loss, a more self-actualized, tapped in, tuned in, empowered version of yourself. You can continue a relationship

with your loved ones on the other side. I am living proof of that. With the losses I have had, especially of my sweet boy, Sammy, who's forever 16, I can tell you that you actually don't have to just suffer through this. And that is why I am holding a retreat for women in Chicago

called From Heartbreak to Healing. I'm bringing in a whole bunch of my favorite healer teacher friends and we are together going to take you through the process not only of showing you how to heal but making it inspiring, uplifting and beautiful.

It's only women this time. I'll do some for men and for couples as well. but this time it's only women so come and be embraced by a sacred sisterhood meet other like-minded people and learn how to not just have to go through this horrible pain but grow through it in beautiful ways just go to the link in my bio on my instagram page of dr laura burman or go to eventbrite and search for heartbreak to healing chicago and it'll come right up i hope to see you there

You speak to like letting yourself be led and this idea of kind of the law of attraction, which we talk about a lot. I always say that a missing piece of the law of attraction is the energetic piece of understanding how you're going to feel with that which you want to manifest, because that's the inroad to really manifesting is moving yourself into the energy of the one who already has or is living that thing. You say, and I agree with you, so this is an additional thing that I feel the secret is missing or the law of attraction is that when in the movie or in the book, a piece missing is the action piece. And I know you are very, very, you got the faith, you've got the metaphysical piece, but you are really big on taking action. It may be messy

action, but taking that first step and taking your shots and how important that piece is. So I'm wondering if you can speak to that a little bit. You have to be able to get in the damn arena in life. And then once you awaken the desire and start taking action based upon my experience, then it becomes really metaphysical and all, because then all of a sudden they'll open up doors, surprise, support opportunities, blessing that you didn't even see coming. Because in my opinion, creator wants to see that desire waking. But if we're just putting that aside for a second and just being practical, I mean, you

got to make shit happen. Like you have to plan. you have to get after it. You have to be consistent. You have to be disciplined traits, which also made me successful in the marathon and so forth. You have to be persistent. You have to build resilience and you have to be willing to work hard. I spent 35 years in that masculine energy. And I, I realized now that that's not sustainable. And that's why I like to blend that with the feminine. So you work hard, but you also allow and be, be able to receive. But I think there's always a season for the grind, especially when you're starting something new,

like if someone's listening today and they're very inspired to reinvent themselves, do something great, find their passion in the beginning, you got to take some messy action, give yourself permission to be less than perfect, get off your butt and start making things happen. And then eventually you start to figure out what works, what doesn't, but you got to not only just go the extra mile, but the empty mile where it's never crowded. People ask me all the time, like, how the hell did you build what you've done in such most people would consider a short amount of time. And look, the first answer is this probably isn't the sexiest, but just between me and you, it's because I decided to. I made a decision. And then

once I made that decision and I put out that frequency, now I meant business to myself. And so now I was going to make moves. I was going to put myself out there. I was going to make posts. I was going to film podcasts. I was going to have weekly shows. I was going to be super consistent. Nobody was going to work harder than me for the things that I really felt called to do. And so then you take that and you marry that with the manifesting and the creating and all that great stuff. And I just think that's the ultimate recipe for success. Yeah, I once heard Mike Dooley, I love that, who writes notes from the universe. I don't know if you're familiar with that, but I love that. Was he also in The Secret?

He probably was because he's one of the OGs. But I remember him once saying to me, think of manifesting and the support of the universe like a GPS. You put the destination in and it's in. There may be, you know, detours and roadblocks, but it keeps realigning and redirecting you to that which is meant for you and that you're asking for. But none of that happens if you don't turn on the car and push the gas. And I just have always remembered that metaphor because it's similar to what you're saying. You know, you have to take action.

And also, you speak a lot to mindset, which is part of this. And this is your lingo, which is very much you, the bulletproof mindset. You mentioned a lot. So speak to us about what a bulletproof mindset looks like. Yeah. And just to add on to what you just said, at some point, God told Moses to stop praying and get moving for so long. Time to go. And so look, bulletproof mindset. I think that I'm extremely optimistic, as you know, and very positive. Sometimes I would consider myself delusionally optimistic, not toxic, but delusional, because I just look at the world from a different frame, a different lens, if you will, a different map. I see where people, I guess, sometimes would see

like dead ends or obstacles. I ask myself, what else is possible that maybe I'm not considering? And then it helps me see the world from a different perspective. And that's my reality is different. And so I just think that's so big. And then also being able to understand that there's nothing that you can't do or can't accomplish if you set your mind to it and you're willing to work on yourself simultaneously. So whatever limitations that you have or limiting beliefs, as long as you're willing to acknowledge that they're not actually real, then all of a sudden going back into the room and deleting them files and then putting new stuff there, I mean, there's nothing that we can't go after. And so I just think it's so important for everybody

to realize when you're getting going and you're staying positive and you're making moves, be intentional, right? Like you don't have to have all the answers. You don't have to have the whole staircase and all that, but be intentional. Don't leave your life up to chance. Be open and available for surprise support and blessings and so forth. But you want to have a vision, have a plan, get off your ass, start making stuff happen. And when you do that, that's when you allow the magic to come in. Yeah, that makes so much sense. I do wonder though, and you alluded to this a little bit in the book, but I wanted to drill down into this a little more with you because to me, this is important. There is this very fragile balance between

what you might call a bulletproof mindset. I don't know if it's exactly this, but really not letting those negative thoughts linger when you face adversity, not letting it define the situation, you know, looking out of the box, as you say, what else might be possible? I'm not going to be defined by this. I'm not going to subscribe to this. I'm not going to spend time in these thoughts. That is really important and really powerful. And there's also, I find, and this is always concerning to me in the personal empowerment world as a clinician and all the people I help with this, is that we do run the risk very easily of what we call spiritual bypassing. Like there are some real feelings here, some real fears here that aren't going to defy me. I'm not going to live in them. I'm not going to choose them as my reality. But I do need to sit with them a little bit and understand like why they're here and where they come from so I can release them and so they don't keep visiting me.

but instead we're like, no, I'm only going to have positive thoughts. Right. So I'm not saying you do this, but I find that a lot of people do, or they judge themselves or they tried so quickly to do whatever they can to shift out of these quote unquote, lower frequency States, which I agree with, but I think it can almost become sort of dysfunctional in the other direction. You know what I'm saying? A hundred percent. And I'm so happy that you brought this up because I believe that our soul has two parts to its purpose. And one is to actualize our unique gifts that were given to us because I don't believe they're ours. We're the manager of them and to identify them and share them with the world and make a difference and all that good stuff.

And then one of the other purposes is to identify our negative tendencies, meaning our own individual. And unless the audience thought that we were all saints, spoiler, we all got some stuff that we need to clean up and it's on us to identify what that is. And that's one of our purposes. So not only would it be counterproductive to bypass that, but I would encourage everybody to get super curious about anything that triggers you, because that's an invitation to mastery. And thankfully, people tend to show up in our world or in our movie, if you will, and show us our negativity by either being a mirror or a trigger. And oftentimes, if we're willing to just stop, pause, delay the need to react, exercise one of our greatest

superpowers, which is restriction, we'll figure out that that must be something that I've been dealing with either in this lifetime, maybe another different conversation, but that's probably something that I really need to transform. In the Kabbalah world, we call it a cocoon, but again, I don't want to confuse anybody. Just something, look, in order for us all individually to get to our next level of expansion, professionally, personally, whatever that looks like for you, success. We have to continuously look for things to correct within ourselves. That's how we expand our vessel and get better. So absolutely pay very close attention to the things that typically bother you or maybe inhibit you from moving to your next level.

And then that might be the exact thing that you're called to get over or overcome. Yeah. And not necessarily just positive thinking away. So you speak about, and I love any good acronym or initials, the three R's of reinvention. What are they? Yeah. Reinvent, obviously, is one of them. Re-energize, right? I think it's so important to get super excited about why we're doing this. Why are we doing it in the first place? What are we most pumped about? If you're not excited about something emotionally, I don't think that you can sustain the momentum, right? Yeah. And you got to know the why. That's so important. Because the how may not, you can figure out as you go. And that may be messy in the beginning. But if you know the why,

that's what sustains you, I think. Yeah. And then also we have to reprogram our mindset. Yeah. We have to change all the, clean out all the BS, those files that no longer serve us. Most people's mindset is the difference between being successful, not liking your life, or getting to that whole nother level. And so it really all is an inside job and it starts with that. And the good news is, is we have the tools and I talk a lot about this in the book

to use to overcome all the stuff that's typically holding us back so we can get rid of that and ascend to find our purpose, to make action, to find our soulmates, to make money and all that stuff. Yeah, and it is really, I mean, to me, that's maybe I'm biased, But to me, that's one of the most important pieces is really like getting clear on what

those limiting beliefs may be and starting to shift out of them, not by just deciding you're going to erase them and they don't apply anymore. I mean, there may be a few like surface level ones you can do that with, but sometimes you got to go a little bit deeper to release the hold of that. One of the things you speak to, I guess another action item you speak about that I really liked once again with writing, I love writing exercises, is to write down your highest version of yourself. So like that most abundant version, that version that has the dream job, or even if you don't even know exactly what your purpose is, that I would be living in my purpose and making

such a difference in people's lives. And when I walked into a room, you know, and spoke to someone and really invested my energy in them, they would leave changed. Like it doesn't even need to be that specific. I don't think. I didn't mean to interject. I would say that a lot of people that we probably know have altered egos, right? If you think of like Beyonce on stage, Sasha Fierce, and I'm sure there's other people. And so one of the movies that I really gravitated toward a few years back was Bohemian Rhapsody and Freddie Mercury and Queen. I just loved how he would perform on stage and make a long story short. What I would suggest, and I did this when I first got to Wall Street, it was NLP technique called modeling. I would write down the attributes

of people that I held in very high regard, such as James Bond and people that I just thought had a lot of confidence and I needed to gain more confidence. So I would behave similar to them until I made it my own. But with this exercise specifically, it's even more fun because I do this today. Sometimes if I'm feeling nervous or I'm a little hesitant to do something that I know needs to get done because I am having a human experience, I give myself grace. I often act from the position of myself two years out. So in other words, I have a vision of what my life looks obviously I'm flexible, but let's just say that the version of you, the listener right now, two years from now, as you continue to work on yourself, expand your abyssal, what you're capable

of, what you can receive, better job, more money, the right relationships, fulfillment, all that stuff. If that version of you was walking around, how would they act or behave in this moment? Yeah. You're committed to acting like that. I never really liked the expression. Take it till you make it. I just sit right with me, but maybe be it until you become it. Yeah, yeah. Act like hot shit until you become hot shit. That's what I would say. And I remember in the early days when I was first starting to speak publicly, give lectures, and I was a little therapist in a huge medical field of like all of these white old male doctors at the time. and mostly urologists and gynecologists. And I had just been recruited to join the faculty and to start the first women's sexual health center. And I was going around doing in-services and lectures

and these doctors were looking at me like, who the hell are you? And what do you have to teach me? And the first time I had my little slide presentation, I like almost choked and I was so cringy. And I was like, these guys think I'm idiots. And then the next time I went, I was like, no, no, no, no. I know more than anyone in this room

about this topic. I am going to act like hot shit until I become hot shit. And it totally changed everything. It made such a huge, huge difference. And I think you're absolutely right. I think almost every celebrity does that to a certain extent. I was just talking to Nick Cannon not long ago about this. He's a good friend of mine and people don't understand why, because on camera. He often acts like such an idiot, but that's a persona. He's very clear. Even on social media, he has a persona. So it's really, really interesting to me how people operate that way. I know that's not what you're saying. You're saying you may start there, right? Look, I think everybody should take the fruit, leave the peel, file works for them.

I'm just really, really, really big, especially these days on being authentic. So instead of gravitating towards a trait that is so just out of the world to you, create the best, most optimal version of you and what that might look like, the quality of that avatar's thoughts, how you walk, the swag or the confidence, and then emulate that. But whatever, if it's someone else you hold in really high regard and you can access some of their attributes until you become that hot shit, as you said, whatever works for you. But it's a great tool to have in your arsenal. Yeah. And to get clear, like as you envision that version that you want to be that abundant highest version, like what kinds getting writing down what kinds of qualities and characteristics that person has really helps you start stepping into that. it really is like quantum love in a way, because as you do that, you're moving into the energetic

frequency of he, she, or they who has that life. So you're starting to magnify that life towards you, which I think is really cool. On that note, real quick, you do such a phenomenal job in that book of breaking down quantum physics, because I've read so many books on this stuff and I love to nerd out on it, but you help any, if anyone was like skeptical of it, and I know that they really can't be because you say it's not philosophy, right? It's physics, but you make it so accessible. And I just want the knowledge of that. It's phenomenal. Ah, thank you. And it's funny. That's interesting. You say that because for most people, that is their least favorite chapter and they read that it's chapter two, I think. And so

they read that chapter and I've heard this from so many people and they think, oh, this book is too, it's not academic. I try to dumb it down as much as, you know, not dumb it down, but make it as accessible as possible. But they're like, that's too heady for me. That's too academic. I'm not going to like this book. So if I had to do it over, I would actually put that chapter.

To me, it's proof of concept. If I reprint, I would put it at the end. Because you got to be available for it, right? Yeah, you got to be available for it. You know, I wrote that book. And in particular, that chapter with my husband in mind, who is the most left brain, like needs to be convinced of things.

And I was like, OK, this is the convincing chapter where I'm like laying it out so that you understand how this all works. So that's cute that you like that. I love that you like that chapter. Thank you. So, yeah, I think this is such a beautiful roadmap, really, to thinking about. And I think all of us, especially after covid are almost all of us. Very few of us came out of covid thinking like, oh, I want to just live my life exactly as I did before covid. Let's just like pretend that didn't happen and go back to whatever I was doing before, whether that's your relationship or your job or the way you worked or who you worked for or how you worked. We're all I feel like on a if we're talking metaphysical, I feel like on a metaphysical level on one of the many, many purposes of covid was that to force us because we could no longer go outside to force us to go inside. So all the shit would rise to the surface for us to deal with and clear.

And so all the ahas would happen and the opportunities like you had for like going inside and going deeper into your faith and getting all the downloads you got that led you to where you are today. Like that wouldn't have happened if this crisis hadn't happened. So that's like one more example of how everything is for us. But I do feel like people are so hungry for deeper meaning and purpose now, which is so exciting to me. I really love the fact that you're tackling this in the reinvention formula because it doesn't matter how and what you want to reinvent about yourself. There is a pathway to

doing so. And it doesn't mean abandoning everything up to now. It means shifting into a higher frequency that's more aligned with your soul, I think. I think everybody wants to ascend to get better and just become a better human and achieve more fulfillment in their life. And if that's you or anyone listening, then this book caters to them because though, yes, I did reinvent my career and my life, obviously I'm engaged and so forth, getting married in two weeks, which you know, there's so much more about reinvention than just a career. It's the subconscious, it's the identity, it's the belief system, it's finishing and executing on what you been dying to do. It's the path back to yourself. It's about being authentic. It's about connecting

to your purpose, your mission, and making money, and just making an impact, and identifying what needs to be corrected, and all that stuff. And it's funny, because when you were describing the pandemic, the lockdown, I feel as though it was the great reset. I agree with you. And I know that not everybody utilizes it in that capacity. And there's a lot of people still trying to recover from it. Absolutely. Yeah. And I would just say to anybody, one of the biggest things that I learned is that it shouldn't have a virus of the world have to stop for you to take time to get quiet and to connect and get those downloads. You can create that time. And I think it's a necessity for all of us. Absolutely. I have had to force myself since the pandemic to do that.

And there've been times that I haven't and things start going off the rails. And so like, even if I just give myself 10 minutes first thing in the morning and then, you know, intermittently throughout the day, I kind of tune into myself, but just like, even if it's just 10 minutes of quiet and receptivity and welcoming in whatever messages or asking a question and letting the answer come will like change your life astronomically. I feel it has mine. Quick question for you. So what do you do when you find yourself going a little bit off the rails? Because maybe you didn't take the time to get quiet. What do you do to recover from that? I start going back in. Like that's how I know what my tendency is. And this is one of my shadows is

like, I go quickly into what I call in quantum love FMC mode, fixed managing control mode. So that's my default position. That's much less sticky now at this point in my life, so many years into practicing this, but it's still in there. So if something has been coming up, that's really stressful, or I get super, super busy, or I start feeling overwhelmed or have lots of deadlines, I will forego even that 10 minutes, 10 minutes. But I'm like, nope, got to hit the ground running, got to write these things and answer these emails and I'll do it. Of course, I never do it. And so after like a week, I start feeling shittier and shittier. And I'm like, all right, I know what I need to do. And I just start doing it again. And then

everything recalibrates. So it's just like with relationships, our relationship with someone else versus our relationship with ourself and our relationship with spirit, you know, we, our natural tendency, I think as humans is to take our hands off the wheel and get distracted. I mean, certainly is what maybe it's my history of ADD. I don't know, but I take my hands off the wheel a lot if I'm not paying attention. And then the next thing, you know, you're in the cornfields. So to me, the exercise is always noticing sooner and sooner. Like I notice much more quickly now when I'm veering off course. And then it's so much easier to just come back to center.

But the farther you veer off course, that doesn't mean you can't come back to center. It just takes a little bit more to do so. Yeah, I've been staying consistent. And I like the analogy, hand off the wheel. It makes perfect sense to me. Yeah, we all do that in our relationships too. So like, you know, with my husband,

we have this reboot thing, which we don't even really need that much anymore. But when we were deep in child rearing and different ideas about absolutely everything, the tendency was just to get really complacent with each other and really distracted and really busy. And as soon as we started getting snarky with each other and fussy and, you know, we'd be like, all right, calling for a reboot. And then like, whatever had happened up to that point was moot. We weren't talking about it anymore. We loved each other. We were on the same page. We

were coming back to center and acting like that and acting from that. I think that's really, really important. How long have you been married? We just had our 22nd anniversary. And what's maybe something that comes to mind as the biggest lesson that's really helped you that maybe you would suggest to me going into day one of marriage? Honestly, I wrote Quantum Love first and foremost for me. And I'm not saying this to sell my book, although, you know, obviously that's great. But like if I could have seriously, that changed everything. It changed everything for me as a therapist because I could change couples relationships with just one of you. I didn't need both of you if I couldn't get both of you, but it changed everything.

The reason I even wrote the book is because it changed everything in my own relationship, because the fundamental principle underneath it all is that everything begins and starts with you, that each of you have your 100% in the relationship and you have no control over the other person. You have all the control in the world around how you respond, how you react, how you behave, but also the energy with which you bring to your relationship and walk into the room with every single day. And that is like the secret beyond the secret beyond the secret, like every difficult conversation, everything I want to happen or things I want to happen that I'm not

sure he's going to be on board with. If I am impeccable with my energy and get really, really clear and move into the energy of how I want to feel when it's all beautifully resolved in the way I want, he immediately entrains to that. He has no idea he's doing it, but he immediately does. It's like a Jedi mind trick. And you know what's powerful? That's something that anybody can choose. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's astounding, but it really, really works. And I think that that's a huge piece of it. And grace and like playing a really long game, taking responsibility for your own triggers, your own traumas so that you and boundaries and all of that is really, really important. It was really hard for me as a codependent. I've now been in

recovery for 15 years, but really, really hard to advocate for myself, get my needs met, or set boundaries. Obviously, there are all those logistical things that are really, really important. I always say I spent the first 20 years of my career in the logistical field in my work as a couples therapist in the past 10 to 15, pulling in the quantum field, which is even more powerful. So that was a long answer, but since we've been buried in two weeks, I let you have it. Thank you for sharing. Very helpful. Listen, I know you have questions and things that you want some assistance with, and I am here to help. So that's what my Language of Love sessions are for. I can talk to you live on the line, or you can email your questions,

and I will answer them. And you can send them anonymously. It can be about a friend or a neighbor or someone you know. But what I want you to know is that when you ask that question, you're asking not only for yourself, but all the millions of other people

who have the same question because they do and are learning right along with you. So if you have a question or you want me to talk about something or answer something or help you with a struggle, you can always email me

at languageoflovepod at gmail.com. That's languageoflovepod, as in podcast, at gmail.com. Thank you so much for taking the time to be with us. And we'll put all your links in the show notes, but anything you want to say about where people can find you or what kind of offerings you have on available now? Yeah, we do a lot of one-on-one coaching, but at the moment I'm at capacity.

One of the things that I'm really excited about is we have a membership where it's 600 people in one group, it's a community. We speak once a week, then we bring on big guest speakers. We should bring you in there too. And then we have these coaching pods, which are like three in a vessel,

a little bit more intimate, help people accomplish fulfillment, find their purpose, connect to their mission, make more money and all that stuff. Anywhere you listen to podcasts, the CLS Experience, anywhere you buy books, the Reinvention Formula. And if you like inspirational, fun, weird, because I have weird, juicy nuggets throughout the week, you can join our free texting community. Just text 917-634-3796. Text the word Laura so that I know that you heard it here.

Aw, that's cute. All right. We'll put that in the show notes too. All right. I love that. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the juice and beauty you're bringing to the world and to everyone. And Thank you so much for spending time with us. Thank you for everything that you do. You know how I feel about you. I love you. And this was awesome. Thank you for having me.

I went to the doctor, said I'm crazy for your love. Roll me a prescription.