Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - The Secrets to Female Orgasm

Episode Date: April 1, 2024

Did you know that most women fake their orgasms? It's a shocking reality that brings to light the underlying issues surrounding female pleasure. However, amidst the discussions on faking orgasms, there's a lesser-known side to the story. What happens when a woman actually cannot reach an orgasm? This Language of Love Bite is all about a topic that is both captivating and incredibly important for women – achieving orgasm. I acknowledge that it can sometimes be a difficult subject to discuss, but let's have an honest conversation about it. Understanding our bodies is essential, and this includes becoming comfortable with self-stimulation. Ultimately, it's about being self-aware, right? Here is a glimpse of what I unpack:  What happens when a woman can't reach orgasm  The common causes for an orgasm, or difficulty or inability to reach orgasm  The most common myths about women reaching orgasm  Importance of self-exploration and understanding one's body Why many women fake orgasm The guilt and shame around sexuality  The impact of attention deficit disorder on orgasm The lack of enough foreplay among couples  The physiological aspects that influence a woman's ability to orgasm. Debunk the myth that mutual orgasm is the ultimate goal The significance of intimacy and connection in sexual satisfaction Please remember to visit my website where you can find my free course on Quantum Sex. This course is designed to help you enhance your sexual response and experience full-body orgasms. It will also teach you how to use sex magic to manifest your dreams and establish a deeper sexual connection with your partner. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm sex, love, and relationship therapist, Dr. Laura Berman, and for the last 30 years, I've been helping people just like you learn to love and be loved better. Welcome to the Language of Love Bites, where I tackle your most asked questions and requested topics. These episodes are designed to be fun, quick, and to the point. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. All right, let's face it. For most of us, orgasm is the holy grail of a sexual scenario, right? So what happens when a woman can't reach orgasm, which, by the way, happens all the time?

Only 30 percent of women reach orgasm with intercourse and just reaching orgasm through other forms of sexual stimulation can be really challenging for women. So I'm going to talk to you about the common causes for anorgasmia or difficulty or inability to reach orgasm and what you can do about it. And at the end of this video, I'm going to be sharing with you one of the most common myths around women reaching orgasm. So stay tuned for that. Okay, so the number one reason I find women have difficulty reaching orgasm is simple, lack of information and personal practice. I can't tell you how many women come to me and say, I've never reached orgasm alone or

with a partner. I think I just have to have the right guy. No, that is not how it works. You have to understand your own body. she has to explore herself and figure out how to reach orgasm through self-stimulation first. And then it's so much easier to direct a partner because if you don't know what turns you on, if you don't know what feels good, if you're not able to reach orgasm by yourself, which is step one. So if you can't reach orgasm, first figure out how to do it on your own.

But if you can't figure that out, then how do you expect a partner to figure it out? I can't tell you how many guys have said, oh, I've been with 100 women and not one of them before this one ever had a problem reaching orgasm. That's because many women fake because they're embarrassed they can't reach orgasm. In fact, over 70% of women fake. Watch that video about faking it. So if she is able to reach an orgasm alone, but not with a partner, what do you do? Obviously, you trial and error, but sometimes the reason that she can't is because of inhibitions.

And so this is true for women who can't reach orgasm at all or women who can reach orgasm by themselves, but once they're with a partner, they feel anxious or self-conscious either about their body or how long it's taking or do they look okay or is this are they doing it right and they're worried about their partner's pleasure so there are many more variables that come into the scenario when you're with a partner and one of the most common issues I see is really guilt and shame around sexuality and it can be very subtle like it could have been I had one client not long ago where her first sexual experience, her parents called in the middle of it. She was a teenager. She didn't answer the phone. And it turned out that her father had had a heart attack.

And from then on, for some reason, she, you know, in her family, there was a lot of repression around sex. So in her mind, she had sinned having sex with her boyfriend and now is being punished by her father having a heart attack. And even though she knew on some level that probably wasn't the case, her personal guilt and inhibitions around sexuality kind of held on to that story. So make sure you watch the video on how to release inhibitions if you are someone who has any kind of guilt or shame around sexuality, because that will definitely inhibit orgasm. Another common reason that women have difficulty reaching orgasm, which very few people know about. It just so happens that I'm an outlier when it comes to helping people with their sex

lives. So I see these trends is actually ADD. If you are a woman with attention deficit disorder, it's going to be hard for you to reach orgasm. Why? Because your mind is on a million different things at once and you're rarely in your body and fully present in the moment with all of your senses. And that's what's required in order to have an orgasm. An orgasm actually takes concentration and body-centric awareness. Orgasms also take lots of stimulation. And one of the biggest mistakes I see couples make when it comes to women having difficulty reaching orgasm is that there isn't enough foreplay. Remember, most women reach orgasm through manual or oral stimulation. So if you're worried about her having an orgasm during the sexual encounter,

it's really great for the two of you to focus on giving her an orgasm through oral or manual stimulation first. And then not only is she kind of warmed up and she's had her orgasm, so at least you've achieved that goal, but maybe she'll even have another one because women are capable of multiple orgasms. Men are too, but they have to work it a little bit differently. Hey, it's Dr. Laura Berman. I've been a sex, love, and relationship therapist for over 30 years. And the main question I always get asked is how the heck do we spice it up in a long-term monogamous relationship? Well, if you want to take your love life, your sex life to the next level, whether you're in a relationship or not, check out my free course on quantum sex.

It's going to teach you how to take your sexual response to the next level capable of full body orgasms, how to use sex magic to manifest your dreams and how to connect on an even deeper level sexually with your partner. Just go to drlauraberman.com and you'll find it right there on the homepage, the Quantum Sex free course. Check it out. Let me know what you think. The final reason that I want to talk about, and then we'll get into the most common myth, is that you have to make sure that you are physiologically able to have an orgasm, meaning that you are hormonally supported and sensorily supported. This is an area that I don't think is talked about enough. And it's one that I'm really passionate on educating people

about because there are medical factors that play a role in sexual issues, including difficulty reaching orgasms. So that could be if your testosterone is low. So that could be for numerous reasons, including taking hormonal contraceptives or just moving into perimenopause, you know, into your mid to late thirties, which is when it starts to decline testosterone levels. testosterone is key for genital and nipple sensation. And obviously the more sensation you have, the easier it is to have an orgasm. So if her testosterone levels are low, sometimes I see women who have had some sort of pelvic injury. They fell on a balance beam or a bicycle, a boy's bicycle when they were young, and that created some nerve damage. So if your

testosterone levels are low or you've had some sort of pelvic injury, chances are it's going to be difficult to reach orgasm and get around. So when you touch yourself, if there isn't a lot of sensation there, that may be what's going on. And finally, be patient with yourself. I did national research on what the most sexually satisfied women have in common. And yes, they love having orgasms, but orgasms are not the key to their sexual satisfaction. It's the intimacy and connection they feel with the person they're having sex with that really determines how excited and satisfied they are afterwards about the sexual scenario. Now, that doesn't mean that orgasm isn't a worthy goal, but the biggest myth that I find is that women and men, couples in general,

feel like if a woman doesn't reach orgasm, the sexual scenario was a failure. And that if even worse of a myth is that if we're not having an orgasm at exactly the same time, that's a fail. That the ultimate holy grail of holy grails is a mutual orgasm at the same moment. To be able to choreograph that is not easy. Both of you have to be really orgasmic and really attuned to your own arousal processes with lots of communication between the two of you. So do not get hung up on the mutual orgasm. An orgasm is an orgasm. However it happens, whether it's through foreplay or intercourse, it's a win. And remember that orgasm doesn't have to be the punctuation mark on a sexual encounter. Talk to your partner. If she is a woman who is okay not reaching orgasm

and enjoys the intimacy and the connection and the joy of the sexual exchange and it still feels really good and the two of you feel really connected, don't get so hung up on it because the more pressure you put on yourselves, the harder it will be. The one way to be sure you're not going to have an orgasm is to obsess about having an orgasm. So there you have it. I'm here always to help you love and be loved better. So if you have a topic you want me to cover, make sure to let me know on my website or in the comments and subscribe to this channel and hit the bell so you'll be notified when new episodes release. Doctor said I'm crazy for your love

Wrote me a prescription But there's no cure for a crush All I wanna do, I wanna do is take you home with me I wanna make a move, I wanna make a move