Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - The Struggle with Self-Sabotage

Episode Date: January 24, 2024

Have you ever found yourself caught in the complicated dance of self-sabotage, where the haunting echoes of past trauma manifest as destructive behavior, over using substances and withdrawal from the world? In this Language of Love Session, Pamela opens up about her struggles with self-sabotaging behavior and past trauma, including excessive drinking and withdrawing from people due to past abuse. In this episode, we’re diving into: Maintaining self-love and overcoming self-sabotaging behavior The impact of past trauma on self-perception and behavior The importance of acknowledging and speaking about past trauma  The role of somatic experiencing therapy in healing trauma  The physical symptoms and coping mechanisms associated with unresolved trauma  Finding peace, love, and happiness within oneself Remember, the journey toward self-love and healing is a continuous process, but with the right tools and support, it is indeed possible. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm sex, love, and relationship therapist, Dr. Laura Berman, and for the last 30 years, I've been helping people learn to love and be loved better. Welcome to the Language of Love Sessions. This is where I get to work with you one-on-one, on air. You, my listeners, my goal in these sessions is to empower you to enjoy better relationships, both with others and with yourself, and to help you embrace how precious and sacred your body, your love life, and your sexuality really is. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. Pamela, tell me what's on your mind. Sure. I think what's been on top of my lately is self-love,

maintaining, I guess, that self-love throughout my years. I tend to get into self-sabotaging behavior. And I can get out of it fairly quickly. But it's been an ongoing, I guess, trend of mine since I was an adolescent. And it's just at a point where I'm thinking how much can I keep self-sabotaging before it's too late to undo any damage. Give me some examples lately of what you're doing that you'd call self-sabotaging. Well, I think lately I've been just not fulfilling the commitments that I make to myself. So I tend to, sometimes I think I maybe drink too much. In the grand scheme, it's not a whole lot, but it's consistent and it's a behavior that I think I rely on as a crutch sometimes. And I feel like that's a self-sabotaging where I'll set these

unrealistic expectations for myself. And then I tend to take another drink when I didn't want one or have an extra one when I didn't want one. I think the other thing is I withdraw from people a lot, just not opening up to folks when I probably should. But I think it's more the commitments I make to myself. If I say I'm going to do something and it's not a commitment that anyone else is expecting of me,

it's the expectation I have of myself that sometimes I don't always hit the mark. Are you making realistic commitments to yourself? Like in other words, if you're someone who has two glasses of wine every night of the week, and then you say, I'm committing to never take another sip of alcohol, you're kind of setting yourself up for failure, right? So are your quote unquote commitments you're making to yourself grandiose or realistic or somewhere in between? I think they're grandiose. I'm all or nothing

and type of, I have that personality. It's all or nothing. And that's probably another just area that I need to kind of wax on. Well, so there's a lot of shoulds and need tos in your vocabulary, even as you're describing this to me. I'm feeling a, how do I explain this?

The only way I can describe it is you don't measure up trauma, like all one word. You don't measure up. Like there's this, theme in your life from the time I think you were a little girl is the sense I'm getting of like, you'll never measure up. You don't measure up. So like, I see this image of this little girl thinking she's doing a good job or thinking she's doing what she's been bitted to do or asked to do. And it's not right. It doesn't measure up. It sort of feels, it falls into the

category of what I like to call a gobsmack trauma. The way you experienced, not now, but the way you experienced it as a little girl. So what I mean by a gobsmacked trauma is that you aren't expecting it. It's like a slap across the face out of thin air is what it feels like energetically in the system. So for you as a little girl, there was this sort of shuddering, scary kind of like what element to like, I thought I was doing great. I thought I was fine. And like, oh no, the complete opposite. So when I feel that in people, very often there was physical or emotional abuse. Was that the case in your life growing up? Yes, it was. As a young child, abuse, it took a long time package. I really am just grateful to be here talking with you. I actually,

I've never gone to counseling, tried it a few times, didn't work for me, not as an adolescent and not going through the trauma, but as a young adult is when I started to try to explore my own like well-being. But I saw a show that you did probably 20 years ago, early 20s. And I think just the way that you explained certain situations and how you elaborate on certain topics, that really helped me to get past a lot of some of the things that I went through. So that's why I'm so grateful that you're here, that I get to talk to you today. But I think I've learned a lot from like the lessons that you've taught and it's really helped me get past certain things and I know better right but I think I get in that space where the memories come back yeah of course they

do it's okay of course they do I mean I can feel that and in many ways now my love you have become your own abuser that's the problem I feel that yeah and so that's really feel that yeah so when you asked how do I find self-love, what you're asking is how do I stop internalizing my abusers and taking on their voice and abusing myself? That's a very good point. I do internalize a lot and I think I've developed really strong survival behaviors or mindset. And so I tend to really keep people at distance if they're in situations kind of give me a red flag i'm quick to go down the path of how are they yeah quick to be the judge jury and executioner of them but also of yourself that's what i mean you're internalizing the abuse on yourself you're

abusing yourself right like you suck why can't you stop drinking you're disgusting you're stupid you're fat, you know, whatever those things are that you're saying to yourself that aren't true. I'm not, I don't think those things, I'm just giving voice to, to what I'm hearing in my head as I tune into you. And it's, and it's not pretty. And that's not who you are to anyone else, except yourself. And so I'm going to challenge you on, because here's the thing. I mean, I'm honored and I'm so grateful that I could help you indirectly. And that was why I've done all the shows that I've done, not only, you know, but with that hope that people watching will be helped along with the people that I'm helping on camera or on air, like right now, I'm hoping someone is

helped by this conversation, but healing from trauma, especially the trauma of abuse and yours, I can feel is started pretty early. I mean, it probably peaked in adolescence when you started acting out like every adolescent, but it started really early. I mean, that's why you acted out as much as you acted out. So it was a lot. And I don't care who you are. I don't care how brilliant and self-actualized and studious you are. It is pretty much impossible to heal on your own from this. And that's what I'm finding. God bless you because I can tell that you're pretty high functioning. And in some ways that's harder because to the rest of the world, you seem like you have your shit together. And so there's that expectation of you and also your own expectation

of you that makes it hard for you to really kind of honor yourself in the way, you know, it's almost harder when you're high functioning. I mean, it's easier in some ways because you can pay your bills and you can sustain relationships, but it's painful because you're living an illusion to the outside world. You seem like you're together and inside yourself, you're like, I'm a freaking imposter. And that's the trauma talking. So I get that when you were a young adult and you finally were going for help, that maybe it wasn't a good fit or maybe the kind of therapy you were exploring didn't really work for you, but I feel like for you in particular, there's a lot to unpack there. I mean, I'm getting like, I'm finding it hard to breathe as I have. No, no,

don't feel bad. I'll shake it off. I'm not living in your body. I'm just visiting. I feel bad for you. This is how you're living with this. It feels like there's this deep kind of constant energetic push down of the pain. And that's almost suffocating. It's suffocating to me because I'm not living with it. Right. Like for you, it's just become your. Yeah. You don't notice it. Yeah. We can get used to just about anything, which is pretty amazing about the human body and spirit. But that's why you're drinking. That's why you're abusing yourself. It's because you haven't, and those are not the same thing. I mean, the drinking is a form of abusing yourself, but I'm talking about the way that you treat yourself inside your own mind and your heart,

right? You have taken on those voices from the past and instead of healing it, you have picked up the mantle and are doing it to yourself. That's exactly. And I think I started recognizing that a few years ago, I didn't start to share my abuse experiences outside of maybe two close high school friends and a couple of boyfriends, but my immediate family, I didn't share until I was 35. And so there was, I recognized at one point that I was like, oh, if my, if my mom passes and my grandmother passes and they never found out like bad things happen like that's good like they don't have to experience the trauma with me and I learned that at a young age when you share that experience you tend to bring people into your trauma and

they start to feel like you like you mentioned you feel those feelings and stuff and so I never wanted to bring them pain so that was at a very young age I would try to protect other people from that experience because no one protected you so I'm a big protector of people because I understand but that but I know but that's kind of where as I got older and my mother grew older I recognized I need to like let it out because it's going to destroy me if I don't so just the last few years I've been starting to be a little bit more open and it's it feels better but I'm like okay it's still not driving me to change some of the behavior things that i'm not but you aren't you aren't a pressure cooker about to explode anymore because you've let the some of the truth

out right that's the piece only it's only one phase right and is bringing the darkness and out of the shadows and into the light right and that's a huge step to acknowledge what happened and to have that held and to speak the truth that can't be spoken that's never been spoken is a huge huge step but then that's where the healing that's only the first step that's then the healing has to begin because in your body so what's happening i don't mean to say this is fact but it feels in my system like fact but i don't know i don't have the facts but what i'm getting is that what happened and and i see this happen i mean it's not like i'm making this up either way because i see this with so many other people, but I definitely feel this in you. That what happens is there's this

energy of, I should be over this. I'm a grownup now. This is in the past. This shouldn't run my life. There's so many shoulds and shouldn'ts. And then it's held. What I'm seeing is that it's held, which is why I think that my throat was closing. It's held so tightly in your body. So let's say you're saying, I'm just giving a scenario. I'm not going to drink tonight. And then you're home and you're cooking or doing something around the house and your chest starts to feel really tight. Or maybe you're just watching TV because it probably happens more when you're not really distracted and busy. And then your chest starts feeling tight and then your stomach starts clenching. and you're so used to that state of being that you're not even necessarily registering, oh, my chest is, like, you're not in your body, okay? Awareness is not in your body,

but your body is definitely aware. So your body is starting to feel the anxiety come up of all that you're squelching and not dealing with. And then you're not even aware of it. You just know, I need a drink. i gotta get it i'm gonna drink it's a lot just of like just have a habit it's just reaching for something that i guess is comfortable and that's gonna take the edge off the anxiety you're living with a baseline agitation and anxiety of having to be constantly vigilant constantly shut down

constantly scared and ready to be gobsmacked. And so what's going to resolve this for you? I think the most powerful thing that you can do, if I were to choose one thing, would be somatic experiencing. Because for you, for all of us, it's true that we hold our trauma in our body. but for you, it's really deeply in there. And so for you to start learning techniques for not only attuning to your body, cause you ain't even in there. I mean, my guess is your pain tolerance. You probably have one of the highest pain tolerances of anyone, you know, right? I probably do. I have gone through a few surgeries that I was like, Oh, that was fine. I could do it again right and everyone was telling you it's the worst thing right yeah yeah that's because you're

not in your body yeah and that's not good I experienced cancer I had cancer at 20 and had a hysterectomy right after I had my daughter and I really try to change to be a different example for her I I've been very fortunate I think the high functioning has helped me yeah but I definitely broke a lot of cycles with her and she's never experienced any hatred or anything towards her abuse and so when she sees it out in the world she's yeah she's so mindful of it and so that's where I'm I'm like okay I definitely need to figure something out so that I don't get back to ways that'll affect her because she's just turned 21 and she's starting to know me as a person versus another, just making sure that she doesn't repeat any of the mistakes I've done and

but also or inherit any of the family trauma. Yeah. And one of the greatest gifts you can give her and, you know, I do this in theory, but now that my oldest is 27, he has recently verbalized this to me, which was such a gift that he gave me. But he was like because he's been going through a hard time and he said you know watching you and the things you've been through and watching you fall apart but more importantly watching how you really healed and you really did the work to heal and you were able to heal and that you're happy and like gives me so much hope and the greatest gift because your daughter whether you know of course okay so she had a childhood with a mother who nurtured her and protected her.

But she guaranteed is going to be fucked over at some point, is going to have her heart broken, is going to have bad things happen to her. We can't, none of us gets through life without that. So it's going to happen, right? And you can't stop that from happening. That's life. But you modeling for her and her being able to witness,

even at a distance, that like, yeah, some bad things happen to me. I struggle just like everyone else, but I am taking responsibility for it. I'm healing it. I'm getting help. All of those things model for her a path to resilience because resilience is something that we have to learn through struggle and how we manage that struggle, right? We can't just teach resilience in theory. It has to be learned and practiced. And so you being willing, I'm not saying you have to give her all that necessarily at 21, give her all the ins and outs and details of your abuse. But I think her knowing even, I mean, if that's what you need to heal yourself, because you're so not willing to love

yourself, that you will only heal for your daughter, then fine, heal for your daughter. if you want to heal for yourself heal for your daughter but yeah you can do some somatic experiencing two key things will happen one you will which is going to be the biggest one huge one for you is you will start to learn how to become what we call embodied in the body embodied is with an em but it's literally in the body right like you will come back into your body and it will be painful at first at times because once you're, the reason you're not in your body

is because you don't want to feel all the sadness, despair, rage, fear that's in there. And it's how you survived your childhood. It's a beautiful coping mechanism that we learn as children to survive horrific situations. And then we just stay that way, right?

But so once you come back into your body, there may be some big feelings that come up, but with the support of a somatic experiencing, therapists, you learn how to surf the waves of those feelings, release the feelings, process the feelings so that you feel lighter, clearer, stronger, more peaceful, more abundant as a result. And you really do, as you learn to release these things, it's a huge, huge relief and release.

But the other benefit to becoming more embodied is that once you are comfortable being in your body and you're able to stay there, you start to have access to a whole new level of intuition and a whole new level of discernment, which for you is super important because you don't trust your own compass yet, which is one of the reasons that you sabotage relationships that maybe don't deserve to be sabotaged because the minute you even smell a pink flag, you think it's a red flag you're so defended against being hurt again which I don't blame you for but imagine being able to really discern it yeah and I'm so grateful I did I did look out with the my second phase of life my husband we've been together about 12 years now and I looked out

because he's definitely been a very strong supporter for me I'm going through emotions so But I definitely don't want to bleed over my bad behaviors and influence him in any way. So I always try to be mindful of that. But you're so busy taking care of everyone else and protecting everyone else. What they need more than any of that protection is for you to be grounded, whole, and loving of yourself. Because you think you're loving them all now, and you are, but you're loving them with a cup that isn't as big as it could be, because all the love we have to give starts with the love we're able to receive. hey it's Dr. Laura Berman I've been a sex love and relationship therapist for over 30 years and the main question I always get asked is how the heck do we spice it up in a long-term monogamous

relationship well if you want to take your love life your sex life to the next level whether you're in a relationship or not check out my free course on quantum sex it's going to teach you how to take your sexual response to the next level capable of full body orgasms, how to use sex magic to manifest your dreams, and how to connect on an even deeper level sexually with your partner. Just go to drlauraberman.com and you'll find it right there on the homepage, the Quantum Sex Free course. Check it out and let me know what you think. And when you inherently have internalized, I mean, for lack of a better term, I'm way oversimplifying here for the sake of time, but like that you're basically a piece of shit, which is when you have internalized that as a child, that doesn't just go away on its own. Even if you, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, I'm like, you still inside feel like a piece of

shit. And until you heal that and the way you heal that is by releasing all the things that are still in there telling you you're a piece of shit, all the trauma, all the abuse, all the loss. It's not a matter of going back into the belly of the beast and discussing every single thing that happened and reliving it all. It's like, that's why I think somatic experience would be helpful for you. What I'm talking about with you is that you go in and you're going into your body, into the places where you're unwilling to go, into the places where the grief, the loss, huge rage, huge rage is still sitting. And you're so busy making sure you don't hurt anyone else that you're repressing, squelching, and suffocating and criticizing yourself 24-7.

And you don't even realize to what extent you're doing it because you're so used to it. that sounds about right and you somehow adopted the story that you could easily become weaponized it's like you're working against this i don't know did people did someone tell you you were evil no there was no really any like verbal abuse it was mostly sexual abuse from a very young age okay well so then maybe you decided you were evil but there's something i think that could be part of it. And then also I think it's the environment I was in just a lot of dysfunction and drug use within my immediate family or close relatives. I'm an only child. So I just learned from, you know, watching my extended family and the traumas that they went through. And I think

because a lot of it was similar to mine, I probably adopted some of what they've also experienced in a certain way but I think when we talk about abuse and stuff there's people that I met through life that have been fortunate to not encounter that within their selves or their circle and that I didn't realize was a thing until my late 20s so it's it's just a different experience when you're around a lot of trauma and abuse and you have to be in survival mode I think most of the time stop And the child, every child, they aren't looking at it with adult eyes. They aren't saying, oh, Uncle John is an addict. So this is about him, not me, that he's doing this to me right now.

You know what I mean? We don't think that way. The way a child thinks, everything in the world that happens around them is because of them. That's developmentally how the child's mind works. So when daddy abandons us, it's not because he was abused himself and didn't have a model of commitment or met some other woman or all of it is because, in my child's mind, I'm too much of something or not enough of something. If I were more of something or less of something, then daddy would stay, right? Or when we're sexually abused, it must be my fault. I'm bad, wrong, dirty, evil, whatever.

So there are these ways in which we internalize these stories about ourselves that never get checked, that never get questioned, that never get challenged, and then embed themselves in our psyches that become part of our operating, our standard operating procedure. And so for someone like you, and there are many people like you who were raised in a really unsettled, volatile, abusive, chaotic, aggressive environment, you're constantly in that state of self-blame and shame because, once again, it must be because of you, right? So the issue now is all these decades later, that's still in there, right? And you're walking around trying to protect your loved ones from you. Even though I wouldn't do anything. Of course, because you really believe you're a piece of shit, which you're not, but you don't. I mean, I know you, the person I'm talking to right now doesn't, but the little girl

inside you or girls, because there are many versions of you in there, who feel like crap about themselves who feel evil, wrong, bad, dirty, unworthy, undeserving, all the things you believed about yourself as a child, they're still believing that. And they're the ones that are driving the bus right now. And they're the ones that are reaching for the drink because they, or you're reaching for the drink to quiet them. So once you come back into your body with support and you start learning how to move through releasing, there's the thing I feel even more than anything else, which makes sense to me as I say it out loud, is rage. And I'll never forget learning in graduate school, one of my professors saying, it's just a line that always stuck with me,

is that depression is anger that is unexpressed turned inward. And I think that there's so much understandable, deservable rage in you about all the injustices that happened to you, all the unfairness, all the things you had to see, all the ways you weren't protected,

all the things that happened to you, all the ways in which you were hurt, well-deserved rage that you have never been able to express. And I'm not saying you have to even express it to the people who deserve it, right?

But it must be expressed because what you're doing instead is turning it on yourself. yeah that's true and I always thought like because I'm really good at compartmentalizing my emotions and that's why you're so high so I'm like you know I'll package that for later and then the later never comes for that particular issue exactly yeah that's why the somatic experiencing so if I could design a treatment plan with you I would have you find a good somatic if you go to traumahealing.org and we'll put the link in the show notes but if you can find

a somatic experiencing therapist near you and you are willing to do six months ideally if you can of weekly therapy if you can't do six months try three months but i would love it to be at least six months, you will notice a huge difference in your anxiety levels, in the unhealthy coping strategies you're using to deal with your anxiety and unexpressed rage. You'll learn all kinds of strategies and techniques for surfing the bubbles of anxiety, self-criticism, and rage when they bubble up to the surface and fear when they bubble up to the surface. You'll learn all sorts of strategies of being more resilient through these things and more productive ways to deal with the not only being your feeling and notice what you're feeling, being your body, excuse me,

and noticing what you're feeling, but being able to process and move through those feelings with grace. All of that is going to make a huge difference, not only in the drinking, but just in And I think you're not even aware, because I don't think you're even aware of what you're living with. I agree. Because you're still living with it. Yes. And then I tend to out of sight, out of mind as much as I can.

As much as I can. Yeah, you're a master disassociator. And God bless you, because look, and that won't go away. So don't be afraid. And this is why a lot of people don't do this work. I do not want to open that Pandora's box because it's going to take me over and I got to go to work tomorrow. That's what you need to understand about somatic experiencing, especially if you work with someone. It will not take you over. In fact, the opposite is true. That which you

can't be with will always run your life. And you will be shocked. It just takes a few times. That's what I love about this. It just takes a few times to realize like, oh God, how I really do feel better. And that only took 10 minutes and I'm fine. And oh my God, like, I feel like I just took the biggest, hugest, gigantic, emotional poop. I was so constipated and I feel so much better. You know, when you've like, haven't been able to poop and I really got a huge poop and you're dying and you finally feeling that's how you feel emotionally i can yeah i can relate to that physically and literally mentally so that's what it feels like and then you're like oh okay i can do this and then the next time you do it and you realize that you don't get taken over

that you don't drown that in fact you're more buoyant as a result and it's not all going to go away in one huge crying fast for 10 minutes. It's a process. But over time, you release more and more and more, and you learn more and more and more techniques for doing so. And that is absolutely unequivocally the path to healing. Yeah, I've never done somatic training. So that's a good recommendation. I've never approached that. Yeah, because you're too smart. I wouldn't want to do talk therapy with you because you'll just like very calmly and disassociatingly tell me all the things that happen to you without actually processing them. And that's what often happens in talk therapy. And I'm saying that as a talk therapist, but I'm ironically a talk therapist who does a lot less talking now at this point in my career and a lot more of this kind of thing because it is so potent and powerful and healing.

and it's so much quicker than talk it's not that talking about like you like when you came out with the truth to your family i mean of course that is huge and unbelievably necessary to releasing the shame and claiming your power is to speak and to be heard about what happened but i also think that a lot of therapy is just hashing and rehashing and hashing and rehashing what happened without resolving it and somatic experiencing allows you to release and resolve it And then you start to notice as you become more embodied, you'll be at work and some customer will make a crack or a comment or be a jerk. And you will now notice being in your body like, oh, OK, that is triggering some trauma. Oh, all right. So this is reminding me of something.

I'm not going to I'm not going to act out on this customer, which you would never do. But I'm also not going to repress it and pretend it didn't happen, which is what you do. And instead, when I get home from work later, I'm going to process this and release it. And I know how to do that now. So it's not going to pile on and suffocate me and drown me and make me have to disassociate more and more and more because I don't want to even be near my body with all the shit it's carrying. Right. And it's also going to keep you healthier. Yeah, I'm getting older.

I need to take care of myself. I'm getting older. And we start to get more and more inflammatory diseases, everything from lupus to cancer to connective tissue stuff to arthritis. You know, there are all of these inflammatory and chronic diseases that we now know are often fueled by repressed stress and depression and anxiety and things that are mental health, basically. so you're a beautiful testament to how you can be on the outside totally high functioning fine living in the world and deeply suffering and be very used to deeply suffering until the house falls on your head because you can't do it anymore yeah we don't want that to happen so you're gonna take a different track yes i am no that's a good recommendation i i think

i've heard of somatic therapy kind of didn't like a little scared to be honest to go down that path but i think it is something different than i've ever done before and i think it's probably more than what i need than just the talk therapy because i i have my story i know how to i know where my trauma is coming from i know like the different behaviors that i have that art that stem from it and I can attest to what what was survival what's you know how do I compartmentalize it but it's like that's all fine and dandy it's how do I just when I'm by myself can I feel good right and so what you've been doing is all in the intellect which is very very important and helpful and I don't mean to minimize that and say that we don't need that too we do

right but this is a deeper phase of it and in my opinion just feeling into you and hearing your story is a key key I mean I think it's key for anyone who has trauma but certainly for you and just to warn you it's going to be it's not going to take you over by any means you'll still be able to go to work and function everything else but it's going to be shocking when you come back in there at first like you're going to be like holy shit this is a lot to feel but you will do it piece by piece and with support and you'll get more and more confident in your ability to do it and it'll get easier and easier and you're going to get lighter and lighter and less and less triggered and less and less self-sabotaging and then once you are in your body again and it's

safe and it feels safer to inhabit then you are going to start tapping in and tuning in more to all the feedback in the world around you, because I can already tell that you have pretty profound psychic abilities, but you don't really access them because you have to be in your body to access them. So I would agree with that too. So once you start coming back into your body, then you're going to be opening some really profound channels that will take your life to unbelievably beautiful places professionally and personally and you're going to help in some way can even be doing the work you're already doing i'm not saying you have to change careers but you're going to start helping other people with similar histories as yours even just

yeah is that your plan yeah well it's not necessary like like i don't have a plan a but I do my intention is you know I feel like I did go through all the trauma all the abuse been around the block seen it all from family members and all of that but I am high functioning I can separate not that the separation is always good but it's I can make choices based off of the knowledge I have to not go down worse paths that I could go down that I see others do with no I mean I'm so grateful that you can do that we just need to get it to the point where you're doing that with intention and choice and not living that way because your body is too pained to be with the emotions of so that's the goal that's the goal because then I can be just an example for people

that have gone through it and share my story to say there's you may be good on the outside but you got to be good on the inside. And if I can do both, considering the experiences I've had, it's just another example of, like you said, the resilience. And I'm not the only one that has that. I think there's a lot of people that can do it. Hundreds of thousands. And you can be a living example of that and a guide and inspiration. And once again, if that's what it's going to take to get you to do that, you know, if it's not enough to do it for you, do it for your daughter do it for all the people you're going to help as as a model for that and then once you do it then come back to me in like three to six months and my guess is you will also

in the mix of wanting to help others and be there for your daughter you will also have started to realize how much you deserve it as well. We all do. We all do. We all do. Yes. You do. You do. I do. I do. I do. I deserve. I deserve love. I deserve peace. I deserve it all. Peace, love and happiness. Amen. All right. Well, keep me posted. I want to talk to you in three to six months and see how you're doing. Okay. Thank you so much, doctor. I really appreciate all the work that you do. Please don't stop. It's very important. I believe in it. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for being here. There's no cure for crime