Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - What Do Fantasies Really Mean?

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, I'm sex, love, and relationship therapist, Dr. Laura Berman, and for the last 30 years, I've been helping people just like you learn to love and be loved better. Welcome to the Language of Love Bites, where I tackle your most asked questions and requested topics. These episodes are designed to be fun, quick, and to the point. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. what your sexual fantasies really mean, at least according to a sex therapist. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy that made you wonder, what is wrong with me? Or maybe a dream

Starting point is 00:00:40 about someone unexpected or a desire that at least to you feels too kinky or too taboo or too wild, or maybe just really confusing? Well, here's the truth. Nothing is wrong with you. And we're going to explore what your fantasies are really trying to tell you, not in a way that shames or pathologizes you, but in a way that honors your deepest emotional, energetic, and erotic needs. And by the end of this video, I'm going to guide you through a beautiful reflection, a ritual of sorts that can help you understand your fantasy better as a message, not as a mandate. So let's get one thing straight. Fantasies are not confessions. They're not necessarily anything you even want to act out if you were given the chance. They are symbolic,

Starting point is 00:01:32 emotional, energetic. They're like dreams. They speak the language of the subconscious. And often what you're fantasizing about isn't necessarily what you really want to do in real life. It's what you're trying to feel. So let's go over some common fantasies and what this might mean for you. If you're fantasizing about dominance or submission and you're wondering why, you may be craving release or longing to surrender or want the freedom to stop trying or needing to control everything. Or maybe you're longing to feel powerful in a part of your life where you're feeling helpless. So the idea of being dominant is really appealing to you or dominating over somebody. If you're fantasizing about infidelity or forbidden lovers, it's probably likely that

Starting point is 00:02:27 you don't necessarily want to cheat, but you're longing for novelty, attention, flirtation, the rush of being desired again. And this often shows up when the routine of life has muted your aliveness. So make sure to watch my video about what to do when the honeymoon ends to get some help with that. Now, what if you're fantasizing about group sex or voyeurism, which is watching other people have sex, or exhibitionism, which is having sex in front of other people? In those cases, I find that people are often craving permission to be fully seen, fully expressed and accepted in their expression and celebrated in their sensuality. The point is your fantasy is like a flashlight. It shines a light on your unmet needs, your unspoken desires and the parts

Starting point is 00:03:23 of you still wanting to be expressed. And when you decode them with compassion, they become powerful tools, not dirty little secrets. So instead of judging or suppressing your fantasies, let's learn to listen to them. So here's a short reflection ritual that you can do to understand the real message behind your fantasies. It's called the fantasy mirror reflection ritual. Hey, it's Dr. Laura Berman. I've been a sex, love, and relationship therapist for over 30 years. And the main question I always get asked is, how the heck do we spice it up in a long-term monogamous relationship? Well, if you want to take your love life, your sex life to the next level, whether you're in a relationship or not, check out my free course on quantum sex. It's going to teach you how to take your sexual response to the next level capable of full body orgasms, how to use sex magic to manifest your dreams, and how to connect on an even deeper level sexually with your partner.

Starting point is 00:04:33 Just go to drlauraberman.com and you'll find it right there on the homepage, the Quantum Sex Free course. Check it out and let me know what you think. here's what you do. Name the fantasy, write it down or say it out loud in a safe space, no censoring. And once you've done that, ask yourself three questions. What does this fantasy allow me to feel, right? Does it feel like free or powerful or safe or desired, right? Write down all that you imagine this fantasy allows you to feel. Next question, what part of me is being expressed in this fantasy? And the third question, is this something, this fantasy, that I want to act on or just to understand more deeply? Because the truth is, in most cases, our fantasies are

Starting point is 00:05:41 just that, fantasies. And we don't necessarily want to act them out. And then ask yourself, what emotional or energetic need is this fantasy pointing me toward? Because your fantasies will point you toward what your heart, your mind, your body is really longing for. And how can you honor that need in real life in a safe, aligned, consensual way. Because this ritual isn't about acting out everything. It's about owning every part of yourself without shame. Because your erotic imagination isn't broken. It's brilliant. It's a sacred map leading you back to your full, turned on emotionally whole self. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to follow on your favorite podcast platform. And if you want to go even deeper into the sacred soul

Starting point is 00:06:39 whole and erotic side of sex and desire, make sure to grab a copy of my book, Sex Magic, because fantasies don't make you dirty. They make you human. And your pleasure was never meant to live in a cave. I'll see you next time on the language of love. Said I'm crazy for your love Wrote me a prescription But there's no cure for a crush All I wanna do, I wanna do Is take you home with me

Starting point is 00:07:18 I wanna make a move, I wanna make a move But I'm too shy I can't fall asleep without your arms around me I guess I'm falling in love Baby, you're my rockstar Smashing all my guitars One day I will charge you For breaking my heart

Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - What Do Fantasies Really Mean?

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