Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - What Really Excites a Woman

Episode Date: September 16, 2024

We’ve all heard debates about what really excites a woman intimately — whether it’s the clitoris, kisses, nipples, or other sensations. But what if I told you the real secret might surprise you? In this Language of Love Bite, I dive into how to excite the vagina and keep the passion alive in ways you might not expect. I explore some of the best exercises and tips that can work wonders and add an extra spark in the bedroom. I also share a little something you might not have considered that can play a huge role in arousal, building that emotional connection and setting the stage for deeper pleasure. Ready to discover what really makes a difference? Remember to visit my website and unlock your free Quantum Sex course, designed to help you elevate your sex life to new heights! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm sex, love and relationship therapist, Dr. Laura Berman. And for the last 30 years, I've been helping people just like you learn to love and be loved better. Welcome to the Language of Love Bites, where I tackle your most asked questions and requested topics. These episodes are designed to be fun, quick and to the point. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. This is a good question, right? How do you excite a vagina? I'm going to tell you all about it. And at the end, I'm going to fill you in on the main thing you need to know, the most important tip to exciting a vagina. So let's start with one of the important aspects that allow a vagina to become excited, which has nothing to do this

part with a partner, but with the owner of the vagina. And that is Kegels. Kegels are the muscles that surround the opening of the vagina and the anus. They run in a figure eight pattern. And when you squeeze them, it's the same muscles you use to stop the flow of urine. Two things are happening. From a physiologic standpoint, you're priming yourself for better orgasms. You're also supporting your pelvic floor more, which is good if you want to prevent incontinence or prolapse where those reproductive organs drop down. But the Kegels are really important for sexual pleasure and they're really important for exciting a vagina because if she is doing her Kegel exercises prior to sex, she's literally pumping blood into the region and blood

flow is key to exciting a vagina. Okay. So when a woman gets excited, the blood starts flowing in mass to her genital region. This is a big part of what creates arousal as well as orgasm, as well as lubrication. So Kegels, pump them up, get the blood flow going. Next is lots and lots of foreplay. You don't necessarily visit the vagina you want to excite right away. You kiss, you touch, you explore the erogenous zones. You're avoiding the breasts, the nipples, and the vagina and the vulva, which is the outside part at first. Maybe once you get going and things start heating up, her breath is coming more rapidly, maybe her chest is flushed, she might be moaning or making sounds of pleasure, then you can brush by at first the genitals and

the breasts and maybe then linger. Then maybe do touching more directed or kissing or some sort of oral stimulation. But lots and lots of foreplay. It takes the average woman 20 minutes to reach orgasm. It takes the average man seven and a half minutes. So you really need to promote the arousal and the buildup. Okay. If men are a microwave oven, women are a slow burning stove that you got to stoke for a while to get her vagina excited. Hey, it's Dr. Laura Berman. I've been a sex, love and relationship therapist for over 30 years. And the main question I always get asked is how the heck do we spice it up in a long-term monogamous relationship well if you want to take your love life your sex life to the next level whether you're in a relationship or not

check out my free course on quantum sex it's going to teach you how to take your sexual response to the next level capable of full body orgasms how to use sex magic to manifest your dreams and how to connect on an even deeper level sexually with your partner. Just go to drlauraberman.com and you'll find it right there on the homepage, the quantum sex free course. Check it out and let me know what you think. Now back to blood flow and the fact that it takes 20 minutes for women to reach orgasm. we definitely I mean this is why Viagra works right because Viagra promotes blood flow to the genital regions men need blood flow for erections and arousal as well but lots and lots

of lubrication not only excites a vagina because it's less painful and it's very slippery and sensual but it takes the pressure off I'm not saying you shouldn't still seek to arouse her But then she doesn't have the concern that, oh, am I dry? Am I not wet enough? And it makes it much more pleasurable. Now, ideally, you always want to use an organic lubricant or in a pinch. My favorite lubricant is organic coconut oil, the same stuff you cook with. You know how it solidifies?

You just take a little in your hand and it melts. Or you can even get organic fractionated coconut oil, which stays in liquid form. But either way, as long as you're not allergic to coconuts, have a ball with that. Give a body massage, stimulate the genitals manually with coconut oil and use it as a lubricant for penetration. Okay. So you got the Kegels, you got lots of blood flow, you've got lots of foreplay, you've got lubrication.

Now, are you ready for the most important tip for stimulating a vagina? It's not between her legs. it's between her ears her brain is her main sexual organ again and again and again research shows that how she's feeling and what she's thinking is as or more important to her sexual response than anything else so what you need to know is that foreplay starts as soon as the orgasm is over if you want her to have another one tomorrow, next week, or whenever that is. Because the more connected she feels, the more erotic charge she feels. The more romance and quality time and non-sexual engagement like kissing and cuddling and spending

time together and sharing and talking and supporting her and having fun together and confiding in her and letting her confide in you. Those are all forms of mental foreplay as well as telling her how beautiful and desirable she is. Right. So you start that way before you want to engage in sex and her vagina will become a lot more excited. If you like this episode, make sure to follow and make sure to let me know if there's another topic you want me to cover. This excited vagina thing came from you. I love hearing your ideas on the language of love.