Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - What to Do When You Love Your Partner But Don’t Feel Turned On

Episode Date: September 15, 2025

Like it or not, attraction can dim even in the brightest, most loving relationships. Maybe you're loyal. Maybe you care deeply. Maybe you've built a life together. But that spark? It flickers. And when it does, you're left with questions, guilt, maybe even shame. It’s heavy, confusing, and painfully human. In this Language of Love Bite, I break the silence around why you may not feel attracted to your partner anymore and guide you back to the root of your own erotic energy. Because when desire fades, it’s not a sign of failure… It’s a call to deeper awareness and reconnection. We explore the four core reasons attraction fades and why this doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. And I also  guide you through a gentle, powerful embodiment practice called the Pleasure Mirror Practice, a ritual designed to help you reconnect with your own sensuality, aliveness, and desire, from the inside out. Here’s what you’ll hear in this episode: Why attraction naturally ebbs and flows in long-term love What unspoken resentment does to desire How safety and routine can dull erotic energy What happens when you disconnect from your own sensuality How nervous system trauma or stress can suppress arousal How to do the Pleasure Mirror Practice to reignite your erotic energy If you want support with intimacy, sexual connection, or rediscovering your own sensual fire, check out my free Quantum Sex course on my website, and my book Sex Magic. Because true attraction isn’t something you lose, it’s something you learn to consciously recreate. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm sex, love, and relationship therapist, Dr. Laura Berman, and for the last 30 years, I've been helping people just like you learn to love and be loved better. Welcome to the Language of Love Bites, where I tackle your most asked questions and requested topics. These episodes are designed to be fun, quick, and to the point. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. let's be honest about something no one talks about enough you love your partner you're committed you want it to work but you're just not turned on by them anymore and the guilt the fear the shame

around that can be devastating so today we're going to break the silence we're going to talk about why attraction fades in long-term relationships and how to reignite it in a way that's not about pretending or forcing or faking it. And at the end of this video, I'm gonna guide you through a liberating, reframing and embodiment practice that can help you reconnect to your turn on, not just for them, but for yourself.

So let's start here. Losing attraction does not mean your relationship is doomed. It doesn't mean you're broken or that even your partner is broken. It means something is calling for your attention. Attraction is responsive. It ebbs and flows throughout the life of a relationship. And there are a few reasons it may have dipped for you.

So let's talk about those. Number one, unspoken resentment. Desire and resentment can't live in the same place. If you feel emotionally unsupported, unseen, overburdened, your body will shut down to protect you. It's not about attraction. It's about self-preservation. second reason familiarity can breed flatness the very thing that makes long-term love safe

predictability comfort routine can dampen erotic energy because passion typically feeds on mystery but it also feeds on play and polarity so when you become too fused with your partner you lose a lot of the tension that desire needs to spark. Number three, you've disconnected from your own erotic self. Sometimes it has nothing to do with your partner. Sometimes it's that you're tired, disconnected from your body, or haven't felt sexy in your own skin for months or years. And you can feel turned on with anyone else if you've lost access to your own pleasure, creativity and vitality. Hey, it's Dr. Laura Berman. I've been a sex, love and relationship therapist for over 30 years. And the main question I always get asked is how the heck do we spice it

up in a long-term monogamous relationship? Well, if you want to take your love life, your sex life to the next level, whether you're in a relationship or not, check out my free course on quantum sex. It's going to teach you how to take your sexual response to the next level capable of full body orgasms, how to use sex magic to manifest your dreams, and how to connect on an even deeper level sexually with your partner. Just go to drlauraberman.com and you'll find it right there on the homepage, the Quantum Sex Free course. Check it out. Let me know what you think. number four unprocessed trauma or nervous system shutdown so if there is past trauma or chronic stress in your system your body may suppress arousal as a defense this isn't a character flaw

it's just biology and healing your nervous system may in fact be the key to reclaiming attraction so if this is resonating with you and you want to feel attraction again but you're not sure how to get there let me guide you through a practice that has helped so many of my clients reconnect to their sensual energy it's called the pleasure mirror practice this is not about fixing your partner it's about reigniting your own erotic spark so attraction has a place to land so stand or sit in front of a mirror alone and look into your own eyes. Breathe deeply and ask yourself this question. What do I need to feel turned on in my life? Not just sex, but in my soul. What do I want to have my soul and my aliveness turned on? And as you breathe, let your body move.

slowly, gently, sensually. Move your hips in non-linear ways. Sway side to side. No pressure, just expression. And begin to notice, what do I feel in my body? Where do I feel desire in my body? what part of my body wants to wake up again you may be surprised at what you discover and this practice when you do it not only informs you about areas of attention that you can focus on to rekindle desire it helps you reclaim yourself because attraction isn't just about the other person it's about feeling alive again and when you feel that energy moving through you your capacity to feel desire for your partner, for your life, for everything naturally returns. If this opened something in you, inspired something, or you enjoyed this episode,

make sure to follow on your favorite podcast platform. Thank you.