Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - Who Do You Think You Are? with Joe Dispenza

Episode Date: May 24, 2023

So many of us struggle with low self worth. But, if you’re not happy with the person looking back at you in the mirror, you can actually change everything by changing your thoughts, especially your habitual thoughts. This week on The Language of Love, I’m so excited to share with you my conversation with Dr. Joe Dispenza. He is revolutionizing the hearts and souls of millions with his teachings around making what seems impossible, possible through the focused power of thought. In this conversation we discuss how the mind, and memories from our past can affect our health even shape our reality. The truth is an amazing life is waiting for each of us. It just requires a shift of mind. In this episode, we’ll also discuss: ● How to change your mind to change your health for the better. ● The power of using daily reminders of the person you want to be ● Key question to ask yourself that changes everything in your dating life. ● How to end addiction to negative thoughts Visit my website and check out my books on love, sex and relationships. Be sure to tune in regularly to The Language of Love for great discussions and thought-provoking conversations with accomplished individuals and experts offering invaluable advice on how to love and be loved better. Dr. Joe Dispenza ● Joe Dispenza – Official Website ● Instagram – Dr Joe Dispenza ● Facebook – Dr Joe Dispenza ● Twitter – Dr Joe Dispenza ● Youtube.com – Dr Joe Dispenza Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm sex, love, and relationship therapist, Dr. Laura Berman. And for the past 30 years, I've been helping people just like you learn to love and be loved better. Here on the Language of Love Conversations, I'm talking to some of the world's most influential and revolutionary experts, thought leaders, spiritual teachers, and celebrities about love, sex, and relationships from a mind, body, and spirit perspective. and that way my goal is to awaken your mind body and soul it's time to become fluent in the language of love i'm really excited to share with you this interview that i did with dr joe dispensa it was a

conversation we had that i've never released on the language of love and i'm really excited to share it with you now because his wisdom is more relevant to us than ever before during these trying times. He shares some of the key secrets in this episode around what it is to let go of the past and live into your future, which is really the key to manifestation. Certainly our diet, exercise, lifestyle, all of that is so central to our physical health. But one of the things that you know that I am always speaking to you about is how important the way we think, the way we view ourselves in the world, how important that is for our physical health, not to mention, of course, our emotional and relational health. And so teaching your body

emotionally what love and health and success feels like ahead of the actual experience is so important because your body is living in the future then instead of the past. We are actually training our bodies. When you imagine something as if it's happening right here, right now in first person, whether that's being in perfect health or running that amazing marathon and reaching the finish line, whatever it may be. When you envision that in first person, the studies show that the brain and the body don't know the difference between reality and rehearsal. So when you think in a loving and positive way authentically about yourself, your health, and your body, your body actually is living in and through that reality. Your body

is your unconscious mind and also the bridge to your soul. So becoming conscious of your unconscious thoughts is super important, both for emotional healing, but also for physical healing, becoming greater than your environment that way. And so as you start to change the way you think, You start to change your brain, and then you start to change your mind to map the future and not to just keep living on a repeat recording of the past, of our past pains, of our past trauma. So that's why I'm so excited to bring you this episode with Dr. Joe Dispenza, because he is discussing with me how to train our brains to not be a record of our past, but

instead be a map of our future because the trauma we've all experienced over the past several years has been massive. There isn't one of us that hasn't been affected by this. So how do we move forward and let go of the past, the injustices in the world, the pain we've all suffered in the micro level as well as the macro level in society, the trauma we've all experienced to our own degrees, right? Some of us had trauma with the loss of a relationship or the loss of a job or with illness or with death or with a difficult time in our family life or with friendships coming to an end. There are those big T traumas and those little T traumas, but trauma affects all of us. And our tendency when we experience trauma, it affects all areas of our day-to-day life,

affects our brains in a significant way. But we end up accidentally getting trained to be living in fear, to be living in the trauma reaction, which is the opposite of what we want to be doing to manifest a different future and to live from a wholehearted, healthy way. So it's about training our brains to live in the possibilities of the future rather than in the difficulties of the past. That doesn't mean we bypass what happened to us in the past, but we are teaching then our bodies and our minds emotionally what love and success feels like ahead of the experience actually happening. That is one of the keys to manifestation. And it's something that takes practice, but it's more important now more than ever.

So I hope you enjoy this amazing conversation I had with the brilliant Joe Dispenza. Let me know what you think. So welcome, Joe Dispenza. Dr. Joe, you like to be called, right? I'll call you whatever you want. I'm a huge fan of your work. You could call me Joe. Hi, Laura.

How are you? I'm great. So the listeners on our show have such a range of questions and thoughts and ideas and struggles, just like everybody does, about love, about relationships, struggles with health issues. And I'm talking to them all the time. And we talk about sort of the power of your thoughts and the way you feel about yourself and your sense of worthiness of love and the way that that impacts the reality that you're maybe even unconsciously creating for yourself, but certainly who you're attracting into your life. So I wanted to just see what you had to say about that and what kind of wisdom you could share about the power of our thoughts and self-perception on our relationship reality for the average layperson who's just trying to make their life and their relationships better. Sure. I mean, it's a great question if you think about it, though.

I mean, the brain is organized to reflect everything you know in your life. Your brain, in fact, is a record of the past. It's an artifact of all the things you've learned and experienced to date. So then if feelings and emotions are the end product of past experiences, and we can remember experiences better because we can remember how we feel, or feeling the same way every single day, it literally means nothing new is happening in our life. And if those feelings are driving our thoughts, then for the most part, we're thinking in the past.

So most people then become hardwired in their brain and emotionally conditioned in their body to literally be in their past. And that's kind of what a habit is. So then we react to certain conditions in our life, certain external stimuli. We see certain people, we go to certain places, we do certain things at the exact same time every day. And it's our external environment that's reminding us of who we think we are. So to change then, to truly change is to be greater than your environment, to be greater than the conditions in your life. And so if we begin to think about a vision of ourselves, a new way of being, and it requires learning some new information and remembering it.

because learning is making new connections and beginning to remind yourself of who you want to be every single day it turns out that the process of just contemplating and thinking about a new way of being and mentally rehearsing how you're going to act in certain situations in your life begins to install the circuits in your brain to no longer have your brain be a record of the past but in fact be a map to the future and if you can teach your body emotionally what that future is going to be like. In other words, don't wait for your new relationship to feel love. Don't wait for your success to feel empowerment. Don't wait for the mystical moment to feel awe or your healing to feel whole. In fact, you have to do the opposite. You have to create the wholeness to have the

healing. You have to teach your body emotionally what love feels like ahead of the actual experience so that your body now is living in the future instead of living in the past. And in our research, we've seen over and over again that when your brain and body are primed into the future, you're more prone to act and behave in different ways. And that begins to lay down some very strong patterns, not only within your health, but also in your life. This is so great. Let's just follow one vein of this to kind of illuminate how this might work. So one of the most common questions I get on Uncovered is some version of, I am now in a relationship with someone who isn't emotionally or literally available to me,

doesn't treat me well, doesn't really love me the way I want to be loved, but I don't really know how to get out. And if I do get out, this will be one more in a string of relationships like that in one form or another. And how would you advise shifting your thought processes so that moving forward, you're not attracted to and attracting in another person who's not going to really show up for you? Well, this is a fundamentally important question, because what you're asking is how do we not repeat our past? Yes, exactly. Well, first of all, in a relationship, the question that I always ask is, would I go out with myself? Would I be in a relationship with myself? Right. Good first question. If the answer is no, then you have

something to work on. The brain is an anticipation machine. So we begin to anticipate the next moment based on our past memories. And we do that in relationships all the time. So we anticipate people showing up in the exact same way because we're showing up in the exact same way. Yeah. So you and I begin to make very strong shifts and changes in the way we think and the way we feel our reality will absolutely stay the same. So then people use each other to reaffirm their addiction to certain emotions. So you may use your partner to reaffirm your addiction to guilt or to unworthiness or to insecurity. And that person may use you to reaffirm their addiction to frustration and impatience. And these are not conscious addictions. Let's just segue for a minute

because I found this so fascinating. I think it was in one of your books that I first read this about that scientist, Candice Pert, who had found that negative thoughts especially, but any kind of thoughts are really addictive physiologically, right? Can you explain that? Because you'll probably do a better job of it than I will. Sure. Every time you have a thought, you make a chemical. If you have a great thought or an unlimited thought, you make chemicals that make you feel great or unlimited. If you have a negative thought or an insecure thought, you make chemicals in your brain that literally signal hormonal systems in your body that make you feel bad or unworthy or insecure. The moment you feel a certain way, you're feeling insecure,

you're feeling unworthy, you're going to think more corresponding thoughts equal to those feelings and then those thoughts are going to then produce the same chemicals and we get caught in this loop of thinking and feeling. Now your body is your unconscious mind. It does not know the difference between an experience that creates an emotion in your life and a feeling or emotion that you fabricate by thought alone. So your body is the unconscious mind is believing it's in the same past experience, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. And you're conditioning your body literally to be in the past. This is where we get in trouble because once the body moves into that state of being, then that's 95% of who we are by the time we're 35 years old,

we become habituated. So then to change then is also to be greater than the body. And that means that you have to step from the known into the unknown. And that's where the talent and the practice really has to be developed. As most of you know, for the past several years, I've been on a pretty intense grief journey. And it's been a path of healing. I've shared lots of that healing with you and lots of the healing resources that I found. And I am so thrilled to announce that I am doing my first ever retreat for grieving mamas. So if you or someone you love is a mama who has lost a child in any way, at any stage, at any age, I would love for you to come join me at 1440 Multiversity in the Redwoods near Santa Cruz, California for four amazing days

of beautiful, uplifting community and healing. We've got David Kessler. We've got Paul Selig. We've got Catherine Woodward Thomas. We've got me. We've got body work. We've got organic food, beautiful rooms. Go to 1440.org.

Check it out. It's right there on the homepage. I really hope you can join us. And so one of the things that fascinates me, and I've practiced this a lot in my own life and in my relationships and with my kids, and even with the couples that I counsel, You make a decision, okay, I am no longer going to go right to blame and shame in my

relationship. That's sort of my go-to pattern of thought for a variety of habitual thinking that I've done my whole life, and I'm now making this decision to really look for the positive in my partner and to not move immediately to blame, and you set that intention, and you're all ready to do that, and then the next thing you know, you come up with some thought or something to get angry about and the whole thing gets sabotaged. And I always think of, you remember that movie, Look Who's Talking with Kirstie Alley. And so there's that scene where the baby is in the uterus and wants apple juice and is yanking on the umbilical cord for apple

juice. And then the next thing you know, the mom, Kirstie Alley, is glugging down a whole cord of apple juice. She doesn't know why. And I think of it the same way that your body starts yanking on your brain for the chemicals it's used to from those habitual negative thoughts. So your brain starts making those habitual negative thoughts. This is exactly how it works. If you condition your body to some emotional state and you're addicted to that emotion, an addiction is something you can't stop. The moment you stop thinking those thoughts, the moment you stop complaining or blaming or making excuses or feeling sorry for yourself. The moment you stop feeling those emotions, your body is literally

craving those chemicals. So it starts to send signals back to the brain and it says, start tomorrow. What's wrong with you? You know, you'll never change. This is too hard. It's your mother's fault. And that's the onslaught of the body wanting to return back to familiar territory. So then going from the old self to the new self, there's a gap there. And that gap is the biological, the neurological, the chemical, the hormonal, and even genetic death of the old self. That's where it requires a Herculean effort to step into the unknown and become comfortable in that unknown. And when you're comfortable there, then you begin to create your new future. And the best way you predict your future is to create it, not from the known, but from the unknown.

And so how do you do that? What do you do? Like, let's say, going back to our example of the individual who just really wants to experience full available love in their life with someone who's really going to show up with them and has this longstanding pattern of that and walks around really internally, not really feeling worthy of love, wants to change those beliefs. What's the first step they take? Well, the first step in neuroscience is called metacognition to become conscious of your unconscious self. Now, your personality creates your personal reality And your personality is made up of how you think, how you act, and how you feel. So if 95% of who we are is an unconscious set of thoughts and automatic behaviors and reactions and emotional conditionings, then the first step is to become conscious of your unconscious thoughts.

Become aware of your automatic behaviors. Look at the emotions that keep you anchored to the past. And so then if you're observing this old self, it means you're no longer the old self. You're the consciousness that's observing the old self. And that's when you begin to pull out of the program. So simply write down two thoughts that you think every single day that keep you enslaved to your same self. Look at two behaviors that you want to change. Do you complain?

Do you force outcomes? Do you judge other people? Just list two behaviors. Look at two emotions that bring you to a lower level, a lower denominator, and decide if you want those emotions to be in your future. and become so conscious of those unconscious states of mind and body that you won't go unconscious the rest of the day. This is the part that separates this kind of positive thinking modality. It's not enough to just think positively if you've been feeling negatively for the last 35 years.

Yeah, that's just a Saturday, a Stuart Smollett skit. Then what thoughts do you want to fire and wire in your brain? What behaviors do you want to demonstrate and rehearse them in your mind? It turns out mental rehearsal actually installs the circuits in your brain. And then teach your body emotionally what that future could feel like. That means then allow yourself to cultivate an elevated emotion like gratitude or worthiness or love and allow your body then to begin to feel those emotions. And if your body is feeling those emotions, your body as the unconscious mind

is believing it's living in that future reality in the present moment. And you're beginning to signal new genes and new ways that your body's prepared for a new experience in your life. And it takes a little practice, but our research shows that if you give it a little effort, you begin to see very strong as well as subtle shifts that take place in your life. And it really changes the neurochemistry over time of your body so that instead of your body and your cells expecting those neurochemicals as a result of those painful thoughts, Your body starts to expect the more positive emotion neurochemicals that you're really changing your body's expectations, which is certainly going to change your cells and your body's health, because you found that as well, too. That's a big part of your book. You are the placebo that how you think and really shifting the way you think when you move to those more positive thoughts, even if you're not even thinking about your actual reality, but thinking of an imagined reality to create those thoughts that changes the cells in a positive way. The cells are always spying on the brain. And bottom line is that back to your original question, then you're not going to react to the same person in the same way because your body and brain are no longer in the past.

So you get to show up differently and it creates the space then for someone all of a sudden. Now you're not the same and they're not anticipating you as showing up differently because that's the same. And now you're showing up differently. That gives them the space to begin for them to show up differently. And a lot of times it's just small shifts in ourselves that produce big shifts in our relationships. Yeah. And that's a big part about what my new book is about. I'm going to have to send it to you so you can check it out. Certainly, I want you guys to check out Joe Dispenza's website. It's drjodispenza.com. There are workshops on there, webinars, books, all sorts of things. And we are both actually going to be speaking. If you are near the Seattle area in February, we're speaking at the Big Hay House I Can Do It conference in Seattle, both of us.

I think he probably is a higher keynote speaker than I am, but we'll both be there. Any last words of wisdom you can leave us with? Yeah, the hardest part of all of this is making the time to do it. And if you just take out a little time in your life and to ask yourself this question when you start the day, what is the greatest expression that I want to present to the world today of myself? And you make a choice then to become conscious of your unconscious self and be aware of who you no longer want to be. And then really begin to anchor those thoughts and feelings in your

body and then get up from your little simple change. And your job then is to maintain that modified state of mind and body your entire day. Get ready because something unusual will happen in your life. It's the law. And what will happen? Just more positive things come in for sure, right? Synchronicities, serendipities, opportunities that you would have never anticipated by living at the old self. Yeah, absolutely. I've noticed that in my life for sure. And it's really, really powerful.

So I encourage you to check out Dr. Joe Dispenza's work. We've only touched the tippy-tippy top of the iceberg here. Thank you so much, Joe, for joining us. Hi, you're welcome, Laura. It's always a pleasure to be with you. Crazy for your love