Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - Why Your Soulmate Isn’t Who You Think

Episode Date: May 26, 2025

What if everything you've been told about love...is wrong? That magical moment when you'll meet "The One"—the perfect partner who completes you, understands you effortlessly, and makes love feel easy forever. But what happens when the fairy tale doesn't come true? When the spark fades and you're left wondering: Did I choose wrong? Is my real soulmate still out there? The real question isn't "Have I found my perfect match?"—it's "Am I with someone worth growing with?" Because the most powerful love stories aren't about finding—they're about building. In this explosive Language of Love Bite, we get into: Is finding "The One" a myth or a real possibility The 3 non-negotiables that matter more than chemistry or shared hobbies The #1 predictor of long-term success The must-ask question before committing to someone  Monthly "growth check-ins"—how thriving couples stay aligned  When to walk away  Take my free quiz to get a clearer picture of what you’re really looking for in love.  And make sure to check out my newest book, Sex Magic, which will take your sex life to the next level whether you are single or in a relationship!  Got any questions? Feel free to email us at [e-mail]. And hey, love grows when we learn together—so share this episode and let’s spread the love! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm sex, love, and relationship therapist, Dr. Laura Berman. And for the last 30 years, I've been helping people just like you learn to love and be loved better. Welcome to the Language of Love Bites, where I tackle your most asked questions and requested topics. These episodes are designed to be fun, quick, and to the point. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. You think your soulmate is out there waiting for you?

Well, the truth might surprise you and it could save your love life. In my opinion, every deep, meaningful relationship is a soulmate because every relationship grows our soul and there's a soul connection in every deep relationship we create. And at the end of this episode, I'm going to share one question that you should ask before deciding if someone is really someone you should commit to. So let's talk about the myth of the one. Hollywood and the movies would have us believe that there's this perfect one person, the perfect match out there waiting for us.

But real love isn't about perfection, and it isn't about finding the right person. It's about building the right relationship. So long-term couples that I know have evolved together, not because they were perfect matches without any conflicts or any contradictions, but because they were able to work through those issues and imperfections and how well-suited they were. Now, you need to have shared values, a shared vision of the future. You need to have chemistry, right? You want to be with someone who can align with you along those lines.

But beyond that, it's really about how much you can grow together. So let's talk about what really makes love last. It's that shared values, the shared communication, the emotional safety. Those things are better predictors of success in a relationship than anything else. So instead of focusing on your non-negotiables, and you may have a long list of non-negotiables as we call them, think in terms of preferences in a partner. What I would suggest is take a piece of paper and write down what three values do you want in a relationship?

What are the three values that you want to be guiding principles in a life you build with someone, and especially in your relationship? Maybe it has something to do with wanting children. Maybe it's charity. Maybe it's honesty and integrity. Put down your top three. And if you want to, you can put your top three for your relationship, how you want to live your life in a relationship, the top three values, and life in general.

But I find the two more often than not overlap. Hey, it's Dr. Laura Berman. I've been a sex, love, and relationship therapist for over 30 years. And the main question I always get asked is, how the heck do we spice it up in a long-term monogamous relationship? Well, if you want to take your love life, your sex life to the next level, whether you're in a relationship or not, check out my free course on quantum sex it's going to teach you how to take your sexual response to

the next level capable of full body orgasms how to use sex magic to manifest your dreams and how to connect on an even deeper level sexually with your partner just go to drlauraberman.com and you'll find it right there on the homepage, the Quantum Sex free course. Check it out and let me know what you think. What I find and when people say to me, how do I know I've been with this person for a while? How do I know that they're the one?

Yes, you may have all these shared things in common, but in my experience over 30 years as a sex, love and relationship therapist, the key to a relationship success is that both partners are willing to grow individually and as a couple. They are open to learning. They are open to expanding themselves. They are open to new ideas. And those couples that really last have some form of growth check-ins. They talk regularly, maybe even monthly, discussing their goals and their feelings and getting aligned on those.

They encourage one another to try new perspectives and try new experiences together as well as apart for their own personal growth. Now, are you ready? Here is the must-ask question that I promised you that you want to ask to know if someone is really right for you. The question is simple, but not so simple. Can I grow with this person, and do they inspire me to be my best self? Can I grow with this person, and do they inspire me to be my best self? So when you ask that question, you're moving beyond fleeting infatuation, and you're really thinking about whether this relationship is going to foster a journey of evolution together and apart and support. It shifts the focus away from finding that perfect partner to building the right

partnership with someone who can build it with you. This one question can predict the future of your relationship. So let me know what you think. And if you like this episode, make sure to follow on your favorite podcast platform.