Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "A Story Like Mine..." (w/ Jaboukie Young-White)

Episode Date: October 4, 2017

Warning: this episode is a "whirlwind of culture" and no one is safe! Las Culturistas go deep on Beyonce, Kanye, Kelly Clarkson, Donald Glover, the service industry, and Jaboukie's socialist co-op. Matt tells a disturbing/ hilarious story of a wild night in Chicago. Bowen passionately attacks the abuses of the ice-cream industry. Jaboukie regales the room with heroic "quitting the job" stories. It's episode 50!!! Time to CELEBRATE!! -HPJLAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasCONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttp://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/las-culturistas/ Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You guys, this is Matt. I'm here to talk to you for a hot quick second before we get into this very good episode now you might be wondering where's bowen bowen is at the bottom of the world he's in australia visiting his birth land yes another interesting fact about bowen oh boring anyway we just got into the the cultural news and i'm by cultural news i mean last cultural news. And by cultural news, I mean lost cultural news. Lost culturistas, that is. We have two shows coming

up in November, and they are real gags, people. On November 7th, we are part of New York Comedy Festival. We're so excited. Bowen and I are pumped to bring Coach War and I Don't Think So Honey Deathmatch to the Villain stage in Brooklyn on November

7th. This is going to be two teams. One Team Matt, another Team Bowen. Boo. And they're going to be going head-to-head to find out which team can deliver the best. I don't think so, honey. This is a head-to-head death match tournament competition. And Bowen and I are going to be captaining

two teams. We have an amazing blue ribbon panel we're going to be revealing very soon. It's going to be very good. November 7th, Culture War, New York Comedy Festival, tickets on sale now. And then, it's back to basics, bitch. On November 18th, we're going to be bringing our

third edition, can't believe it's been three times, of I Don't Think So Honey live. 50 comedians all killing it on the stage. You and the audience getting your laugh on, getting your gig, getting someone's phone number. I think a show is a really good place to meet someone.

Because you're having a good time. You don't have to talk about shared interests. You can talk about the show. It's happening right there. I don't know. I think it might be a good idea. So come as a single person or come with a new date. But either way, come. To either show or both, we have Culture on November 7th

at New York Comedy Festival and I Don't Think So Honey Live, Brooklyn Podcast Festival on November 18th. Rest in peace, Hugh Hefner. Ding dong, Las Culturistas calling. If it isn't you again, my greatest rival. If it isn't you again, my greatest rival.

If it isn't my nemesis. No doubt you've been hooking around town. Yes, I've been turning all the tricks. What about you? Who are your Johns these days? Not so much hooking as booking. Okay, she's a booker. Yes, all I do is book, book, book, no matter what.

So in this scenario, I'm a sex worker and you're an actor. An actor who's doing well. Wow, guys, these mini audio plays are our new specialty. And you know what? With that, welcome to Las Culturistas. Like, clearly culture warriors here. I mean, you just got some right served on your little tiny plate as an appetizer. We say appetizer because the episode is just beginning.

Is just beginning, honey. And oh, the main course is scrumptious today. I think scrumptious. I think this is a scrumptious one. And also an eligible batch. An eligible batch. Well, let's get into the credit. Well, we'll find out if it's currently

that's the situation. Okay, sure, sure, sure. But you know, at a certain point it was. He will expound. Okay, that right there was a reference to our guest being on Elle magazine's 40 singles under 40. He had a great little write up. He had a great little profile.

He was also in Rolling Stones 25 under 25. He was also written up on Splitsider for their On The Verge feature. And for being a Twitter titan. Maestro. Yeah. Yeah. Genius. Genius stuff. I mean, I'm just like, okay, yeah.

Oh, he's... He's peaked. It can't get better than this. But that fucking is crazy of you to say because he's literally in the room. He's in the room. You didn't let me finish my thought. Go ahead, finish. After every tweet I see, I go, oh, wow. How is he going to top this? And yet, he does.

Oh, my goodness. This is our guest, Jaboukie Young White. What's up? What's up? How do you feel about Bowen constantly decreeing where your career stands? Honestly, do it every morning. Okay. It's great to see you reflected back at me.

Yes. Wake up in the morning, open your eyes and think, is today it? Yeah. Was that my last fire tweet? Has the fire extinguished? There have been

so many fire tweets. Oh, Jaboukis? Yes. Of course. I mean, okay, here we go because you have, there's a wide sample to choose from.

What would you, like, how do you, like, when will you, this is such a basic question yeah basic but you'll draft a tweet up and you'll go let me let me just um ballpark this wager 20k like will you do that ever and you can and that's such a you can say yes and have no shame about it yeah yeah um occasionally sometimes i'll be like i know this is gonna get this yes yeah yeah good i mean of course it's not like i'm like i don don't know. Like, at this point, I kind of know. But there's some that just, like, take off that I'm like, I did not see that.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Are you the type of tweeter? Because right, like, in the nascency of Twitter, I remember just being, like, in our little group of friends. But this was back in college, like, 2011 times. When Twitter was, like, it was, like, baby Twitter. It was baby Twitter.

And, like, writing jokes was this novelty. And then, good friend, Henry Gamble, he lives in LA now. He writes for Efforts for Family. Really great guy. I remember him being so academic and diligent about it. He kept a notebook. Yeah. I think Billy Domino had a Twitter notebook. People had notebooks and I feel like, I mean, I don't know if people

still do that, but I feel like there's still this drafting culture where it's like, I'll save it to my drafts. I'll walk in this later. I wish I was better at that. I don't do that. I was going to ask you that. See, I'll save it to my drafts. I'll work on this later. See, I wish I was better at that. I don't do that, actually. I was going to ask you that. See, I think that makes sense. That reads because Jaboukie's whole sort of oeuvre is, like, just very, very, very.

It's not bound by, like, some, like, hyper-intellectualism. It's very intellectual. It's very highbrow. But there's this, like, palatability to all of it, which is the best part. That's what I shoot for. There you go. My tweet is spelling errors and my tweet. My Twitter.

See? Fucking take a picture of that. My tweet is spelling errors and celebrities. Sometimes I look back at my Twitter and I'm like, hmm, what am I coming across as? And it is as a full idiot. But I still think I deserve more likes. You do.

And being a full idiot self-awarely is better than my sort of, sorry we're talking about us. We're kicking this off talking about ourselves. My sort of whole thing is that I'm looking back at my tweets and I'm like These are aging these aged horribly And I'm coming off as this smug Pseudo intellectual little Bitch and I fucking hate myself

Okay but I remember when I first moved to New York I saw one of your tweets that was like I'm actually fighting the patriarchy by making Electronic music right now And that was great that stuck with me I think about that tweet every so often. Wow, thanks, Jaboukie. Or something like that.

Honestly, Henry, my boyfriend at the time, was like, he was nervous to meet you because he thought that your online presence was very severe. No. And he thought that you were going to be this serious person who could kill you with their gaze. No way. And let me just... And no to be this like serious person who could kill you with their gaze.

No way. I can. And let me just. And no way. You're so nice. Thank you. You do have a lot of photo ops, though. Like some good photo. Yeah.

For real. Oh, you're talking about like on like on Insta and stuff. Yeah. Or like Facebook. Oh, sure. Sure. Sure. I mean.

Oh, thanks. Thanks. I don't know if you can tell if it's like an Instagram model like posing in her kitchen kind of thing. It's like clearly this was staged. I mean, no, I'm upfront about that. But I was going to say I felt that same way about Jaboukie because Jaboukie and I, Jaboukie came at the highest recommendation of Sam Taggart to be in this show.

Live on Broad Gay. And he was like, Jaboukie, let's bring Jaboukie in. And I was like, great, who is he? And then Sam showed me his Twitter and I was like he was like Jaboukie let's bring Jaboukie and I was like great who is he and then Sam showed me his Twitter and I was like this guy's too funny too good for this

small role of Joe Firestone's child that's what I thought I was like he's gonna hate this this is okay that's insane because I was like

oh my god these are like all the like cool gays I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do I'm just like

some Twitter dude you know we all have our inferiority complexes. Let's just leave it at that. That's true. That's true. We're all imposters on the inside. But not you.

Not you, baby. Real deal. Real deal. And Jaboukie does this thing very well where I feel like he will take some sort of Twitter meme to the hilt and then it's like, okay, everyone else go home. He'll do the acrostics better than anybody.

He'll do, and I'm just throwing a lot of praise on you. Thank you. You must be praised. You must be praised. And he does the dialogue. Most, I want to say most dialogue tweets are like, a B plus, but then Jaboukie zinging it in for an A.

For an A plus cinema score A thank you cinema score A so let's find out more about him okay so now we're gonna ask you

the question that we ask all of our guests which is Jaboukie yes what is the culture that when you were

developing made you say oh I feel a change in me this is the culture that defined you the culture that made you who, oh, I feel a change in me. This is the culture that defined you, the culture that made you who you are today. Okay, I'm going to say first and foremost, the I Love Thee, the H1 series.

Yeah, for real. Thank you. My whole childhood. And that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, so good. Because my parents were immigrants, so I didn't have cultural American touchstones like passed down to me

so it was kind of like oh I'm playing catch up now of like learning everything that's American like now in this condensed way yes

yeah it's like really the spark notes of like American pop culture I was gonna say that's rule number 81 of culture best week ever is the spark oh no not best week ever

I love the blanks on VH1 is the spark notes of culture American pop i love the blanks on the h1 is the spark notes of pop culture those were great they were so good 80s 90s were both so good and then they did i feel like this i feel like this went so under the radar but they did i love the new millennium which was like the uh it came out in 2008 2009 it was still like we were in yeah it was too soon it was too soon jump the shark yeah you're They jumped the shark for sure. Yeah, you're right. They should have just kept doing I Love the 80s part two, part three, part four, part five.

Yeah, go deeper. Yeah, go deeper. Because also when you look back at the first I Love the 80s, some of the movies that they picked were like, I think they were definitely iconic of that year, but there was many other things. I remember they did a big thing on Heathers. And I don't think, maybe I'm wrong,

but I don't think Heathers was a huge movie at the time. I think it became a cult film, like, in the years following. And so, like, but they spent a long time on that movie. So that's, like, a very kind of retrospective thing to feature. But, like, what is interesting to me was hearing about the things and the trends that were popular literally at that time. Yes. I want the window. I don't need the retrospective like Rubik's cubes.

Like, yeah, OK, I get that. Yeah. They're still around. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. That's what it is. And they could benefit.

They could have done this thing where they like devoted a whole 20 minutes to one thing instead of like the five or the ten do you know what i'm saying yeah i mean they could have definitely expanded it i love the 80s just tv which i know sounds like whatever basic but like that i mean that would that i would watch that yeah also i will say it got me to have quite a crush on house sparks remember house sparks house was the cutest one yeah but i don't know michael ian black was like the babe of the i don't like michael ian to have quite a crush on Hal Sparks. Remember Hal Sparks? He wasn't the cutest one. Yeah, but I don't know. Michael Ian Black was like the babe of the house. I don't like Michael Ian Black sexually.

I don't think of him like that. So cute. So cute. Hal Sparks. I was in love. Really? With MIB? Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just so snarky, so dry. I was like, I aspire to be that. Right? I guess I don't really respond to dry i respond to like doing a little too much hal never really did that he did too much all the time how how would get loud that's all yeah i know and you responded to that i loved it i loved him yapping like a little dog um but then I found out, he was very confusing

because that guy was also on the show Queer as Folk playing like a very gay man, but he himself was straight. And so that was confusing for me as like, a young person wrestling with their own sexual identity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. I was like, are all the cute guys straight?

But then we come to find out that's not true. That they're not straight. No, that there are cute gay guys later on in life we found that out but you also confronted this reality that is still relevant today where the straights are taking our roles so i don't know can you believe it was called queer as folk and there was literally like the women were gay were they like two of the women were gay i think almost everyone on Queer as Folk did you ever

yeah I never watched it I think at least half of the guys you ever watch Queer as Folk I'd seen like some episodes when I was really young then you get it

yeah you get it but I feel like I'm gonna separate off me and Jaboukie from you like just like window wise

like we missed that boat we missed that you know what I'm saying how much younger do you think you are than me bitch 18 months so like in that

18 month window like there was a generational gap absolutely and I'm like the one that was 100% okay

there you go 100% that's when they stopped airing reruns on Logo yeah wait did you grow up with cable though yeah

well okay there was a period of time that I didn't sure but then when I got it I was like ravenous like getting as much as I possibly could the floodgates opened I didn't get cable until junior year of high school wow yeah and like deprived the whole time

and that's and like in that sort of desert phase like I fucking loved going to hotels because it meant that they had VH1 and MTV and I could watch that shit and like yes because it meant that they had VH1 and MTV and I could watch that shit and like yes like it was that was my way of like picking up all this stuff and it is

a real thing it's an immigrant experience thing that some people will never understand they're both crying a lot they both began to cry they both cried no I totally get that. That is such a good answer.

I'm just very emphatically like, that's cool. Speaking of a gay cultural touchstone, which is returning I think, what, next week? Dynasty? No, bitch. What? Will & Grace. Did you watch a lot of Will & Grace? I occasionally did because in the period of time that I didn't have cable, I would just

watch all those multi multicam sitcoms. Right, right, right. Because they're always on. Yes. But I never got any of it. Like it was just so far away from me. Yeah, I can definitely see it. See, that was like all that was on like in my household was like,

another episode of Seinfeld and like Friends and like Will and Grace. And now it's funny because you think back on those shows, that absolutely could never happen again like with these like all white cast like it would be crazy it's insane like friends they literally all look the same those guys literally all look the same but

and yet Will and Grace is back and I know that they get the I know they get like a pass because it's like gay so what's your thesis here what are you trying to say I don't know I'm trying Will and Grace is back. And I know that they get the, I know they get like a pass because it's like gay. So what's your thesis here? What are you trying to say? I don't know. I'm trying to say I,

and I have had this theory that big media is trying to like push us a little bit back. Okay. You know what? Let's speak on it. I speak on this. Because I feel the same. Like when I saw Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt, like really rising the ranks in Hollywood,

I was like, this feels a little too cornbread. Yep. Like raised in corn. Yes. Like it was like very much like middle America. We know what you want. Yes.

Like, yeah. And it was kind of just like serving that to them. I think that as we've seen recently with some recent castings, I think like this is all very true. It's very true. I feel that, however, there's an interesting rub because you have someone like Jennifer Lawrence

who's this middle American princess and star of all these beloved movies or whatever. However, the project she chooses is Mother. You know what I mean? It's this person who's obviously pretty progressive, I think. Takes fucking nudes, wants to be in Mother, all these things. However, she's been cast as America's sweetheart who's like, that chick at the football game who can hang with the guys. And it's like, I have a feeling that's not her

what is that gap though between like like an outwardly projected person persona personality maybe that's just well we'll never gonna know who any of them really are ever ever ever and so we have to accept the fact that like when you see so and so on an interview you're literally seeing them for three minutes and they do live a full life outside of that right so it's like we're never gonna ever know them i feel like i you know who i know so so deeply who do you know i just i feel like i know this person who bitch um i honestly don't have an answer there has to be i thought there has to be an exception to that though uh kelly clarkson kelly okay she is back with Avengers.

Yes, bitch. There you go. Loving the sound. I'm very happy that you said that. Feed this open, Ma. So basically, I feel like because I was 11 years old, like when I was watching her, 12 years old. I mean, speaking of corn-fed. Oh, yeah.

I mean, truly a George W. Bush era girl next door. But she embraces it. That's why I love you, you know? Exactly. She doesn't make any apologies. However, she is a Democrat and did support Hillary. Although, no, but remember when she voted for Ron Paul? She did not vote for Ron Paul.

She stopped for him. She said he would be my guy at one point, and then she got read to film. And you're still going to let her slide on that? Like, that's crazy. She could have said a lot worse people than Ron Paul. She could have said a lot worse people than ron paul she could have said a lot worse people than ron paul what year was that this was the 2012 election oh come on i think it was actually 2008 it was during the primaries of the 2008 election i don't think it was 2008 because i remember this so clearly okay if you're gonna go from george

bush to ron paul i don't trust you. No, no, no. Well, I don't know that she voted for George W. Bush. But she was like a Bush-era girl. But what I mean by that is like... But we're coming off of that and you're like, we need Ron Paul. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. That's what throws me.

No. See, the thing is, I think the reason I feel like I know her and I feel like if I ever saw her, I would just start talking to her like normal is because... Well, I don't know if that's true. But you laugh. Our producer is laughing. He knows that it's not true.

He knows I would start crying and thanking her for what we don't know. Well, I do know. But I think that because she literally, I watched her become famous, and I knew who she was before, and have literally Googled her most days of my life to find out, like, what's she doing?

Like, I feel like pretty close to her. Is there a celebrity that you feel like you know, even if it's like ridiculous to think so? This is probably the most ridiculous answer. Here we go. Come on. Kanye. Cool.

Yeah, I feel like I know Kanye. But the thing about Kanye is you could make the argument that he is unknowable. Yeah. Would you say that? He's a total cloud at this point. Right. You don't know where he's at at all.

Simply a cloud. Completely disarrayed or arrayed, like just spread out. I'm someone who's just so conflicted because I have loved him since day one. But now it's just like, how do I reconcile that with who he is now? It's so hard. I'm like a closet Kanye apologist at this point. That's fine. It's hard to even speak out about it. No, you can't. You really can't. I feel like you...

He's not like the most reprehensible person in the world. That's true. He's not the worst. And he has been subjected to this thing, especially with fucking Taylor, where it's like, scary black dude versus pretty white Taylor where it's like scary like scary black dude versus like you

know pretty white girl it's like that has been projected onto him kind of yeah so I don't think that anyone has changed the fabric of the American zeitgeist as much as Kanye has in the 21st century that's there really is you think he's changed it more than someone like

Kim Beyonce has oh I will say this is my argument Kanye made people wear shutter shades We were literally half-blind That was so even back then 2007 2008 or yeah during when stronger came out I was just like this is stupid I was like this is bad that was the tour oh yeah that was that tour because I remember that was when we all first came to college we did and they saw St. Mark's

everything on St. Mark's had those shuttered shades yes and I would look I was trying to make friends with all the other new freshmen and so I would look back into their profile and the summer before everyone that went to NYU had gone to the Kanye West concert and we were wearing those shades and I was like I literally thought to myself god damn to the Kanye West concert and were wearing those shades. And I was like, I literally thought to myself, God damn it. I missed that concert because those shades look really fun to wear.

I don't really care for Stronger. I think Stronger is like a C plus of a song. But I would have loved to wear those fucking shades. In and of itself, the shades were like an amazing, brilliant merch moment. Like, amazing. Genius, genius, genius. Like, I am inclined to agree with you because beyonce has changed the zeitgeist in a way that is very like deliberate and calculated i'm not saying that pejoratively but connie it's like you're really like it's not

even like a justin bieber type or it's like oh he's a mess it's like with connie it's like you're transfixed like what is gonna happen next yeah i like oh he's a mess it's like with Kanye it's like you're transfixed like what is gonna happen next yeah I think that's I mean every time Kanye does something new fashion wise it's in H&M like three months later is that so yeah I guess I'm not I guess like I'm not that fucking like you know like the like last

year before Pablo like just nude shit like and then everyone was wearing nude yeah I guess they were yeah like no that's that's fair that's a fair assessment I will will say, though, music industry, I would say probably Beyonce has changed more. Just from the digital drop, that, like, revolutionized. Before and after the digital drop. It's a game.

It's a two different people. Yep. Like, it's so funny to think about the Beyonce that was singing, like, single ladies, and to now think about... And even then, that was a different person. Yeah. From fucking... I listened to Bills, Bills, Bills, like, on repeat recently. and to now think about and even then that was a different person from fucking I listen to Bills Bills Bills

like on repeat recently the way she's singing at first we thought it was real cool and I was just like she sounds like a fucking dying bird and now she's like

oh no like she's screaming or there were the years where she screamed and now she's like Like giving you like female Kendrick Yeah yeah yeah I was trying to do an impression of her singing Ghost

And it sounded like this I recognized it But I meant like that I knew it You knew what I was alluding to I will never forget when she put that album out. I started listening to it literally at 12.02 a.m. We texted each other.

Yeah. You said, I remember the words you said, this is a sick dream. Yeah. And I go, yes. I was like, I can't believe this is happening. It probably, I feel like it's probably not happening. There must be a mistake.

But then it happened. I got home from this Christmas party. It was December. I got home from this Christmas party was December I got home from this office Christmas party I was wasted went back to my shitty apartment and it opened up my computer no it was on Instagram and then she like dropped it on it like she's like she like marketed it on it she was like go die change bitch yeah right now go go go go go overdraft your account yeah draft I bet I probably did at the. And God, don't regret it for a single second. Like, God, yeah. No, Beyonce.

But also Kanye, just socially, it's like you will have discussions about what he says, why he's saying it, who he's fighting with, et cetera, et cetera. I will say, though, Beyonce really low-key did put feminism into popular vernacular. Everyone's mouth. Sure, yes. Yeah, like high-key.. Like, high key. Yeah, high key did that. And brilliantly, like, would

use other people's words. Like, Chimamanda, like, she's like, let me just cut this Chimamanda TED talk. Because someone else, it'll just be someone else's words that I'm, like, elevating. And, like, of course you do that. Like, that's brilliant. And literally, like, not for nothing, I know Chimamanda Adichie has, like, her perspective on Beyonce, but like not for nothing i know chimamanda adichie has like her perspective on beyonce but people know who the fuck chimamanda

adichie is because of beyonce also i think some something that gets kind of like forgotten is i think sometimes the way you measure an artist's impact is you think about who comes after them beyonce when she became what she became, I think around Crazy in Love is when it really started happening. The way they packaged Rihanna in the beginning was Beyonce-like. What they tried to do with Ashanti

was Beyonce-like. Amiri? Do you remember one thing? Someone owes Amiri an apology because we need more Amiri. Rule number 84 of culture. Amiri an apology Because we need more Amiri Rule number 84 of culture Amiri It's this one thing bitch One thing

That was in the Hitch It was in the Hitch soundtrack Remember Hitch What is she saying during the beginning No no no not that part Where she's like Stop stop not that part where she's like trying to keep my eyes closed

stop stop she goes like that part what is she saying what is she saying I don't know I think it's literally na na na na na

oh yeah it was a lot of that and even that is like very Beyonce what happened to her you know what I mean there were so many fucking

copycats and that's how you measure something that's like really hitting culture. For example, Desperate Housewives becomes the iconic thing it was. And then the Real Housewives happened. And there are all of a sudden these network dramas with all-female casts. Things like that. Lost.

How many copycats did that cause? And you see with Beyonce, not only the impact she's had on like black women but also women in general like in the music industry just like the way that they packaged pop stars was different and continues to be different now because she's changed it again now

you have people coming at changing the way they release music because it has to be at least a little different than the, hi, my album's coming out in three months. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will be on the Today Show.

God, remember that. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah, of course. I will even say now, like, Beyonce now, like, has, like, been able, her success as a proven quantity

has been able to, like, has enabled people, like, I don't know if this is a good example, like, SZA. Like, have you listened to SZA's album? No. She's great. So good. So good. So good. I feel like, maybe that't know if this is a good example. Like SZA. Have you listened to SZA's album? No.

She's great. So good. So good. So good. I feel like maybe that's not a fair line to connect those two dots. But it's like, oh, but it's like that sort of allows these other people to be successful. In terms of people being on that level, I think everyone on Beyonce's level said to themselves, oh, now it's different.

Like now I have to do it different. And I have to figure it out. If she didn't do that, Frank Ocean wouldn't be able to be as recursive as he is right now. Like just dropping something digitally or like teasing like a music video. Right. Doing no press.

Yeah, no press. Just like, here's something. Like it really created that whole like excitement around that. Now it's like if you saw Frank Ocean or like Beyonce on like Saturday Night Live, you'd be like, why are they doing this? Aren't they better than this? Like when Kanye did SNL last year, I was like, isn't he a bigger rhythm? Yeah.

And this isn't to say that like Beyonce like invented this whole thing. It's like, no, like there were like the Erykah Badu's and oh my God, I saw her live last weekend.'s amazing she's incredible and her voice is like you think like you think i'm gonna do a really bad erica impression you think erica's voice is like and see you next time like you think it's that it's like that soft dulcet thing but it's like she can belt her fucking face off i didn't realize she't realize. She like hit this note, like it was beautiful and I'm just gonna try it. She was like, ah!

And it was just. Well, you tried it. I tried it. I immediately stepped off of it. It's rule number five of culture. Try it. Try it. Number five?

Yeah, it's number five. It's up there because it's important. And it's general. No, but I'm saying like, you had those people, like you had those artists here's the deal

Beyonce didn't invent anything no she didn't I mean Jaboukie's upset I think she she revolutionized

and modernized a lot but if you look at old Tina Turner you know what I mean the whole like formational dancing like

three chicks on stage like ripping it in terms of dancing and vocals like that's uh repackaged and repurposed by beyonce and it's given to us and thank god it is but it wasn't a creation of beyonce and i don't know if it was a creation of tina turners but these things are reincarnated. I think Beyonce invented having twins though. I think she was the first person to do that. And it wasn't even her twins. It was the

late twins French dancers that she had on her Mrs. Carter Show World Tour. Those two gorgeous That was such a deep cut. Remember those gorgeous French twins? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like b-boys or whatever, and they were spinning and twirling.

They've been on all her tours. They've been on all her tours. Yeah. They were at the formation tour. She didn't invent having twins. You're right. I think so. I think she invented just doing a pixie cut.

Doing a little, remember that little cut? Yeah. Sorry. So you don't think Rosemary's Yeah. Sorry. So you don't think Rosemary's baby Mia Farrow, you don't think that revolutionized the haircut? No, not at all.

Even though it happened 40 years before? She didn't take a mirror selfie. Mia Farrow didn't take a mirror selfie and destroy the internet for a day. Remember when that was

like the big Beyonce and he was like, she cut her hair! And now it's like, she might have had an in vitro pregnancy or whatever. Wait, here's the thing.

People still fucking coming up to me saying Beyonce didn't have her kids. That's wild. Okay. Why does it even matter? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I think it matters to people because she pretended

that she was having them if it's true, which I don't think it's true. For the twins, I feel like maybe she wanted specifically twins and had it done in vitro and then had, had some sort of insertion, whatever. That's not the right term. Insertion. Um,

so Michelle would say that she hasn't had any of her kids. None of them. I don't know. She actually gave. Some people say, I don't, I think the twins, people think she really had them,

but when she was pregnant with blue, there was like an interview she did where she sat down and it appeared that her belly indented and then people were all really going crazy about this video it's pretty funny it's funny on a base level it's funny it looks like what people say it looks like it looks like her belly pops in one of my favorite videos like that is the one of justin bieber blinking his reptilian eyelids have you seen that one like he's in the Illuminati like the the grain is like so poor on the camera that it looks like he's like blinking a second eyelid like underneath his I love those conspiracies

yeah so good here's a question if there is an Illuminati who sits at the table who's this is a bull um honestly I don't think that it's really any celebrities. I think it's bankers. Yeah. Like, realistically. It's definitely not Beyonce. Or it's, like, VC people. It's, like, people who are, like, rich enough to, like, buy immortality.

It's those people. Yeah. Yeah. Like Rockefellers. Rockefellers. That's this new thing with, like, rich new thing with these rich men, is that they want to... What?

Is that a thing? I mean, old dude, when he died, he had like six heart transplants or something. You're talking about Rockefellers? Yeah, one of the ones who died recently had had an absurd amount of organ transplants. I mean, that's the thing. It's like once you're that rich,

you have everything and like you feel like godly at that point and you're all the thing you care about most at that point isn't like necessarily your business or whatever any of that stuff it's just how do i keep how do i stay here for as long as possible so yeah i can experience this for as long as i want to which is like that's scary yeah i don't know and you know what's to, which is like, that's scary. I don't know. And you know, what's the scariest part is the fact that that is in all of us.

Yeah. That's why we wake up and like work. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, oh man. This fall on Bravo. It's time to turn up. Think you've seen it all?

I don't think you've been a good friend to me lately. We're friends like that. Who needs enemies? You ain't seen nothing yet. Here's to being dramatic. With the Real Housewives of Potomac. Oh my gosh, can I take this in? It's gonna be amazing.

New York City. Everyone is a gossip. No one gets out of here alive. Salt Lake City. We don't wear costumes, we wear fashion. And below deck sailing. You broke the rules and now you're here getting upset. Watch all new seasons on Bravo or stream it on City TV+.

Let's have a real good time. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude, you're a dude, and Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past, and we're just going to sit here and talk about them.

And we'll get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, Gronk? We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes dude. We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games.

We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999,

a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looks so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom.

At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations. a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything but me. It took years for me to

break that, like years of work. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. Moo! That's the sound I make when something's kooky. Okay, let's go. What is it? Moo! There you go. It's a little bit of a kooky bit. Do you think you're a singer? No. Not at all. I think

there's some untapped potential. That's because you haven't had lessons. I haven't. You have such a nice, rich, deep voice. Thank you. Do people say that to you? that's because you haven't had lessons I haven't you have such a nice tone chamber voice thank you I did do people say that to you because you really do you sound real smooth on the mic really yeah right now here we go okay so you love music yeah I love music I'm definitely a music head are you a childish Gambino fan okay Okay. Oh, shit.

Yes. But it didn't happen until later, and it's only casual. That's fair. Because I was compared to Donald Glover so much. Damn. Growing up, I was like, I'm not like him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was kind of like, no, I don't. Why would people make, I mean, other than the basic, because that's it.

That's all it is. It's like, well, you're. That's why it's annoying, I bet. You're queer. You have a different, whatever. Is Donald Glover queer? I'm saying Jaboukie's queer and Donald isn't. But it was just like, oh, you're, like, black,

but you're not, like, a Martin Lawrence type. And you're funny. And you're smart. You're smart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was literally that. Which is insulting to, like, other, whatever. Anyway, that's

i mean i will say i'm the reverse of my childish gambito fandom because i liked him back in college when he was like our little secret me too i well the thing is like we i was in the sketch group that he and his uh like contemporaries like started and so he was in the same program as me too at nyu and we knew him from looking up to him because he was this like you know up and coming like the legend was and this is true that while he was still in school he got hired as a writer on 30 rock and no one could fucking believe that he was this like ucb like kind of ingenue yeah like he like really took off in a way that was like he was young and he was cool and there was a legend

um and a writer and an actor yeah and there was a legend like for the for the 2007 season of snl or no for the 2008 season of snl when like uh tfa went on for sarah palin like he was like contender front runner for the for like an obama he was he had auditioned and it didn't happen even back in the day it's like oh don Donald Glover's this guy who's gonna blow up and then he did. Well, it just, the thing is,

he did blow up in, respective to like us, you know what I mean? Of course. Watching him as like people that were younger, but it's crazy,

and I mean crazy, to see where it's gotten now. Yeah. He won two fucking Emmys, like history making Emmys. Next level. Like seeing him at the Golden Globes,

seeing him at the same award show as like fucking Rachel Bloom, who also we know. And it's just like to see them both. We know a lot of people. No, no, no. I'm not saying it like that.

I'm just saying it's fucking crazy because those people that like you were told were special and thought were special like really were on this huge scale.

And that's like surreal. And so that's why I ask you about him because he's such a thing right now. What were you going to say? I was going to say, I want to make the distinction. I love Donald Glover, but Childish Gambino,

I was always hesitant to get into. That's fair. I totally hear that. I will say something kind of obnoxious now. I feel like that sentiment that you just expressed, Matt, of these people who were told are special

really did end up being that way. I feel like, I kind of, I feel that way now with, like, this, like, this community. That sounds so cloying,

but, like, I believe that. I do, too. I for sure do, too. the Jabookies of the world, the, you know, the little, the little

Joe Firestones of the world she was on last week. That's all good. I just genuinely feel like it's so cool because you look up there and you're like fuck if it can happen to them it truly can happen to us

and to anybody and not because I feel like they're the same as us. They're not more talented than us but I just feel like you see it realized in a way. And it's so crazy to see not only Rachel and Donald go up there and win Emmys. It's not just that. They created their own shit and are in it in every way. They're starring in it.

They're writing it. Their vision. Directing it. Show running it. It starring in it. They're writing it. They're vision. Fucking, yeah. Directing it. Show running it. It's the fabric of their mind, basically. And that is, they're these auteurs.

Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. And, you know, hearing that he was a musician was like extra. Yeah. Like, I was just reading

an article today that was like talking about, but I guess because the Emmys are over, now they're thinking about what the next award show is and it's like, they're going to be the Grammys. And it's like, childish Gamby.

But the Grammys are next. Well, they're in February. I guess the Oscars aren't until March. So, I don't know, for some reason. I guess because the submission deadline is happening for the year that you can be eligible for the Grammys, because it ends on September 30th. That's how the Grammy year works. They were talking about what

is going to be within that period and what we should look for. It was like Childish Gambino, Childish Gambino. I'm like, if this guy goes up there and wins six Grammys now, that's crazy. He's so absurdly talented. It's bizarre. It's hard to wrap your mind around. I just started

watching. I just caught up on Atlanta and I'm like, God, I'm going to say it's frustratingly good. It's bizarre. It's hard to wrap your mind around, truly. Yeah, and I just started watching. I just caught up on Atlanta, and I'm like, God, I'm going to say it's frustratingly good. It's like, damn it. I wish I... Because it's good enough and accessible enough at this level where you're like, oh, why didn't I come up with that? Yeah.

It's like this whole Hizzle episode on this public access talk show. So good. That's so simple and straightforward enough, and he has commercial parodies. It's like... That was a whole episode? It was a whole episode

and it's like, I could have thought of that. And this is a very solipsistic thing, but it's like, you know what I'm saying? It's that kind of goodness that it's like, but wait,

that's so simple. And like, you know, it's wild. It's that perfect medium of like, truly a vision, but also something

that everyone can enjoy. Right. I have to get into that. Because I was intimidated by Atlanta because I was like, it's going to be Donald's wild. It's that perfect medium of truly a vision, but also something that everyone can enjoy. Right. I have to get into that. Because I was intimidated by Atlanta because I was like, it's going to be Donald's thing. It's going to be so, so intellectually hefty and great. And I don't know. I need to be in the right mood for that.

But no, it's like the pilot's almost perfect, basically perfect. Well, you forget that he's also just fucking funny. He's a writer. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Some of those old Derek comedy sketches. Do you know Derek comedy? Like the old sketch group that he's also just fucking funny. He's a writer. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like. Yeah. Some of those old Derek comedy sketches.

Do you know Derek comedy? Like the old sketch group that he was in. So just go back. Like some of the sketches are a little problematic now. Like their first big, literally their first huge sketch was called Bro Rape. Yeah. Oh yeah. Like, like, but it was a huge sketch and it was just like, but at the end of the day,

like. No. That's their like, like, that's their, like, not saying that's their humor now, and I'm certain they're not proud of like that and like Blowjob Girl featuring a then unknown Ellie Kemper. And also, this other sketch, which is called Spelling Bee. But Spelling Bee is legit funny. Spelling Bee holds up, and it's not.

Oh, wait, no, I remember that one already. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay? So funny. Yeah. and it's not oh wait no I remember that one yes yes yes okay so funny and like it's fine it's problematic but it's fine

because it's because it's Donald and he's so good at it it's of the time I don't know if they're proud of that shit now but you also

I'd watch it and laugh my ass off yeah I know me too that one yeah and he says the word faggot and I'm like no this is hilarious

yeah it's great but what I'm saying is like deep within him there is that person And I'm like, no, this is hilarious. Yeah. It's great. But what I'm saying is, like, deep within him, there is that person that's just, like, a stupid comic. Which is great. And I love it. Yeah. No, yeah.

Right, right, right. Knowing that he has to come back down to that at some point. I mean, we almost returned to our base. Yeah. There you go. Tsubuki, okay, you don't have to talk about what the pilot actually is. But you just finished. So, like, you're, like, is that, like, is that like your, like what's your like blue sky?

Like, and just answer this. Yeah. What do you want to be doing? Answer this like as openly as you want. And like, who cares about ego or anything? I don't know.

For sure. Okay. Go for it. Well, I want to be president of the United States. There you go. You know what? It's possible.

Chicago, Chicago guy, Chicago guy, Chicago and has one has done it before. It's been done before. Exactly. No, I am. Abe Lincoln. I, it it before. It's been done before. Exactly. No, I... Abe Lincoln.

It's actually funny that we were talking about Donald Glover because he was really the person who I saw growing up and was like, oh, wait, you can do comedy and you don't have to be the star of it. Do you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Because when I found out about 30 Rock and I was obsessed with 30 Rock

and then I found out about the writers from reading Bossy Pants. I started learning more about Don and I was like, oh, he was just a writer on that, but he was also doing acting. But like, before, I'd always wanted to be a comedian but all the comedians were like, oh, Dave Chappelle or Kevin Hart or

people who were at this unreachable level that made it seem so unreal, not a thing that you could do. And Donald was really the first person that showed me, oh no, this is a thing. It's very viable. There's jobs in this that aren't necessarily huge, but you could for sure make a living. So yeah.

For right now, I love writing. like love being in a writer's room um that's like a super fun experience yeah just like you've got a good roommate now yeah it's amazing yeah you've got good people yeah it's so great and everyone's like playing off of each other really well and just the the feeling of having like a brain trust with so many different voices that are like on the same page but like all contributing like their own unique inputs really sort of kind of puts their voices in your head where it's like now on other bits that i'll be writing i'm like oh but like how would this person approach it like maybe i could try to like incorporate sort of a different angle yeah from this so uh yeah right now i'm kind of just trying to experience everything, really. Because

I would like, I have a pilot written, would love to produce that, write for it, ideally star in it. But I want that to be the most informed, highest version of what I'm able

to produce. And that requires me knowing the technical aspects of it. Yeah. Like other things that I can't just like go in with like some bustle and elbow. Right. You know. And it also requires fucking time and like years.

I mean, like we were talking before we went on and about Issa Rae and Insecure. So you watch the show, obviously you did. You watch the whole show. I'm catching up. i'm catching up okay oof i wish that you were caught up because i mean you guys i think i know some of the big things that i just finished the second season and i thought like i did love the first season

i thought the second season was like something else i thought it was like just like if if not a perfected version of the show because who's to say where it will go in season three it could be even better like a fucking home run um that season finale there's a scene between lawrence and isa which is just like so written so beautifully acted so beautifully yeah that was one of the most realistic breakup scenes i had seen on tv in a long time yeah i was shook it was and it was it was like it it it doesn't allow you to think well we'll see what happens with them because that's not how things go you know what i mean it almost makes you it almost makes you say well how is he gonna be a character on the show anymore because this show this is a show about her and like she's closed a a book on this. Like it, it's so, so hard to accomplish that in a scene, but you know,

directorially in terms of the writing, in terms of the acting, it was like this beautiful goodbye and it was really well done. I think it was one of the best scenes I've seen on television. And I think that like along the way over the first two seasons, there's been, there's been some scenes like in last week's episodes I talked about, and I want the way, over the first two seasons, there's been some scenes. Like, in last week's episode, I talked about, and I want to know what you thought about this.

The scene where Molly finds out that her boyfriend. Langston. Langston Kerman. Yeah. Had. Jared, yeah. Had been with a dude. Yeah.

In college. And everyone was like, fuck that, he's gay, he's gay, he's gay. Yeah. What did you, what was your read on that? For me, I was like fuck that he's gay he's gay he's gay yeah what did you what was your read on that um for me i was like that reads pretty true really yeah i know a lot of people who are like open my open-minded heavy air quotes that will be like so down for that but they're like but not my man like wow everyone can be like sexually open experimental but my man has to be heterosexual yeah yeah yeah so like i was like unfortunately that's just real yeah and i thought like i was

wondering if they were making a comment on like molly the character or this was just a thing that like women felt like this sure no i know a lot yeah yeah yeah that can be pretty oof i actually know a couple that ended like that. Wow. It was like, Oh no, no, no,

no. Like he's like, you're gay. Like, yeah, it's rough. It's a real life thing. Yeah.

If your boyfriend ever liked to puss, what would you do? Well, he used to tell me, kill him. Kill him. I will embarrass him by saying he did used to tell me that he wasn't like a Kenzie Six gay. Like he was a 4 or 5.

Like that he was sometimes attracted to women. Sometimes he would come home and be like, I was attracted to a woman. And I was like, what? I was like, and that makes me, that causes me to ask so many questions. Because I'm like, because I would absolutely, and I love women, I can't even dream of having sex with a woman. Dream? But you're not a gold star gay.

You've had sex with women. No. Really? I have not. I am a gold star gay. What about you? I bet you're not. Gold star is you haven't.

Gold star is you haven't had sex with a woman. Oh, no. I'm gold star. Wow. And then you're platinum if you with a woman. Oh, no. I'm Goltar. Okay, great. Wow. And then you're platinum if you are a cesarean section, which means you've never gone through a vagina. Wait.

Oh, my God. I am platinum. You're platinum. Wait, wait, wait. Describe what a platinum is. Platinum is like you have never touched a vagina. Yeah, platinum. No.

C-section. No. What are you talking about C-section? Like, surgically, just cesarean sectioned out. Like, they did not pass through the vagina. You know what I'm saying? Right? Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

So they have, like, you're a gay who has not even, like... Whatever it is, I'm platinum. I've only ever felt a titty over a shirt. No, you're not. You're not platinum, Matt. Did Katrina... Were you born through a C-section? Oh, no, I was born through the vaginal canal.

So then you're a gold star. Then you're a gold star. But that's unfair. We have to celebrate. She's gold. She couldn't sell. We must celebrate Jaboukie's platinum.

Wild. But I bet girls do try to hit on you. All the time. When they don't know. Still. Yeah. And do you let them know?

No, no. That's a stupid question. No, it's not a stupid question. Let's just let it ride out. You know? Yeah. But then sometimes I am not up for it enough and then then it's like, this has gone on too long.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you gotta, you know. Fuck them. Yeah. You gotta have sex with them. Sometimes I'll be at work. Someone take my platinum, sorry, please. Yeah, there you go.

I'll be at work, and I'll be like, doing my thing with the tables, and I'm like, not, not gay. You know what I mean? Like, I'm like, definitely gay. You can pass. Well, I guess, because I will get so many phone numbers from women that's right and I'll be like this is crazy to me because I definitely just left your table being like sure thing I feel like some like saying sure thing like I know some shut up HPJ so gay so gay so gay I feel like I know a couple straight guys that will definitely gay it up in service positions.

Or just like. Because it works to their benefit. Yeah, just because it works to their benefit. It's like non-threatening, you know. You said straight guys? Yes. Damn it. So the straight guys, maybe if a girl's on a date with a guy, the guy can't think like,

this fucking server is trying to hit on my girlfriend. They can think, oh, this guy's gay. He's cool and getting a tip. Yeah, and sometimes it just lowers women's defenses too. Sure. It makes them feel... No, that's fair.

That's fair. Yeah. I don't want no straight guys gaying it up. That's what I'm saying. At the end of the day though, that's the thing. Be yourself.

Just be yourself. That's... I don't like it. It's appropriation. Yeah, there you go. Don't co-opt. Don't co-opt. Don't co-opt, sure thing. I might as well be on a scooter at work.

I say literal 1950s slang. Sure thing, you betcha. Whoops-key-doo. You want a vanilla Fosbite? Classic 50s. Shut up. Yeah, I guess that's... You know what? On the other side of that,

I will gay it up when I am. Yeah, I guess that's. You know what? On the other side of that, I will gay it up when I am a customer. And it's like this. And usually it's like a female, you know, person behind the counter. Like just a female behind the counter. And just to like break that tension, I'll just be like, thank you. I'll just be like, thanks. So much. Yeah.

You know what? Just to like add some levity to that. I don't know what that means though. Because you think you're going to be treated better? Because I think, I don't know. No, you know what? There's no function. That's just who I am.

Fuck that. Fuck straight guys who gay it up in service jobs. That's bullshit. Not necessarily even service, but like I can see where it's like, oh no, like I see what's going on. Yeah. I see what's happening. Damn Yeah. I see what's happening. Damn it. You know.

Ugh. Well, have you ever been in a service position? Yes. What did you do? I was working at a pizza place for a couple months. Only a couple months? Yeah, only a couple months. Literally in the middle of my shift, I was like preparing a pepperoni pizza.

And I just like put it down. I was like, honestly, this like is not for me and the manager was like oh do you want to like do cashier or like do you want to sweep or something i'm like no as in like this job is just not for me so um i'm gonna go oh my god how old were you i was 18 yeah that was my first real job that's that's crazy i would never have the balls you know how many times I've wanted to do that thousands I've been in the industry for 11 years

and then I also worked at Clark's Shoes oh wow I could never do retail oh my god it was so vicious it was ugly I quit that one pretty bold too how so Oh my God. Like it was so vicious. It was ugly. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

I quit that one pretty bold too. How so? So I went in on a Mother's Day late as hell, like passive aggressively late. I was like 45 minutes late and I had like asked for Mother's Day off and she was like, no, like I'm not going to give it to you. So I come in late and then she was like, Jaboukie, you're late. And I was like, yeah, I know. It's like 45 minutes. And she was like, well,kie, you're late. And I was like, yeah. I know. It's like 45 minutes.

She was like, well, I'm going to write you up. And I was like, I mean, you should do that. That is like the proper recourse for lateness. And she was like, I want you to clean the bathroom. And I was like, sure. The bathroom at Clark's? Yeah. In the back.

In the back. And I was like, OK, cool. Like, that's a thing that we do at this job. And then she was like, I want you to clean it so good, your mother would eat off of it. Ew, fuck her. She's vicious. Right?

So then I wrote this long ass letter that was like, I almost said her name. I was like, my boss said these things to me, and I understand that like this is a colloquial term, but this was fucked up for these reasons. Yeah. And then like I literally dissected the sentence andial term, but this was fucked up for these reasons. Yeah. And then I literally dissected the sentence and then explained why everything was fucked up

and then called her racist. And then I was like, I'm leaving. And I walked into work and then I put the letter down on the counter and I just turned around and walked right back out, didn't say anything. Jaboukie. I hope that she didn't read it and throw it out.

I hope someone's one of her superiors saw it. No, she wasn't there that day and I think everyone low-key kind of didn't like her so I know that they were eating that shit up in the back. I just dropped that. It was good for you

for calling that out that like that that racial element because it is just like so fucking gross and loaded and Yeah, it was intense. But like

but like that's I mean that's great. Like I feel like there is there are so many lessons in both of those anecdotes where it's, like, I don't know, man. Like, if you fucking hate a job, just leave it. Have you ever been in a service position?

Yeah. First job was serving ice cream at Maggie Moo's, which is, like, a more cartoony version of Cold Stone. Did you sing for tips? Did not sing for tips. And people would constantly ask you to sing for tips did not sing for tips and people would constantly ask you to sing for tips like they would drop like a quarter in the bucket

and I'd be like and they'd be like don't you sing and I'd be like no sir even though I could've could've fucking belted the house down

and then you belt like Erykah Badu exactly and yeah no and it was awful it was awful and it was run by these

like two Mormon lunatics oh my god and those fucking freaks those freaks Matt's looking at me it's horrible It was awful. It was awful. And it was run by these two Mormon lunatics. Oh my God. Those fucking freaks. Those freaks. Matt's looking at me. It's horrible. Like Terry Gross would.

Yeah. If I were to... Did you ever feel like you were gonna get carpal tunnel from scooping? Yeah, no, I would. I would get wrist shit. Yeah, I've heard of people breaking their wrists scooping ice cream. That's real. It is real.

It was real. It was bad. And like hated the smell of any kind of dairy for like a solid two years. Was just like, I can't be around you. You didn't eat the ice cream while you were there? You would eat it all the time, but then you would like fucking hate yourself.

Oh. Because it was just like. And that's a rich ice cream too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it just, the smell clung onto you. See, I would say that I wouldn't want to ruin ice cream for myself, so I wouldn't work at an ice cream place, but I have worked at a seafood restaurant,

different seafood restaurants for years and still would rather eat seafood every day. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, I can't get enough of the stuff. That's another thing that has a stuff. Love the stuff. There you go. That's, I mean, I mean, but no, I can't get enough of the stuff. That's another thing that has the stuff. Love the stuff. There you go. That's, I mean, I mean, but no, I'm, I'm like, I love this, the way that Travuki has quit

his job. How do you make the checks now? He's writing. Honestly, yeah, writing, stand up here and there, and my living situation is just very interesting. Oh, how so? Okay. I live in basically like a socialist co-op.

Great. Wait, where? Yeah, it's in Bed-Stuy. Okay, cool. It's off the Franklin AC. Great, stop. Yeah. And yeah, it's really cool.

How many people? 11. Great. That's a lot. And it's like a full four-story brownstone. So there's a decent amount of space. And it's protected by New York government and everything. So like the landlord really can't fuck with us.

Wow. Do you ever feel like you have alone time? Yeah. Yeah. Cause I have my own room. So it's like, I could always retreat to that. Right.

But in a way, not, not in a way that like a lot of people I know who have like two, three roommates where it's like, oh, everyone's gone. Someone is always home.

So it's never like you have the house to yourself. Which is fine. In what ways do you contribute? How does this work? Yeah, so basically a part of the rent is utilities and groceries. So we all go in on groceries and we have like bulk, like quinoa, pasta, rice, like all that stuff.

It honestly is a great model. That's actually great. I think more people should replicate it because you save so much money. I bet. And you have food. Yeah. I don't know.

Yeah. So that's really cool. And yeah, you like split up duties like Sunday is like my day to like clean the kitchen or whatever. Because it's like high traffic as fuck. So like there are some tradeoffs where it's like that's kind of a job, but it ends up being worth it. No, and then like, yeah, it just, you just save.

It just pays, it doesn't pay for itself, but you know what I mean. It's like so worthwhile. It's great. Honestly, I would not have been able to stay in New York probably if i did not find a situation like that beautiful how long have you been in new york now i've been here a year and some yeah i moved here last july jaboukie is one of those people who hits the ground fucking running pounds that pavement his name fame live forever um I

Chicago was before that right yeah and then all your life before that yeah great oh my god see like one Barack Obama

who became president what neighborhood did you grow up in I grew up in Harvey it's like a suburb on like the far south side of Chicago

great but it's weird because uh Chicago culture of like the south side side of Chicago. Great. But it's weird because Chicago culture of like the south side just kind of extends sort of into the suburbs just because of like gentrification. Same goes for

same goes for same goes for like stuff like above like same goes for north side too. Whatever. Yeah, the north side too. Do you know Chicago? Not really. I pretend like I do.

You certainly do. You certainly do. You certainly do. I always tell people, if it made sense for me to move there, I would move there like that. I think people say that, but then there's Joukki leaving Chicago. The letters are, oh my God.

Heinous. Horrible. There was one year, my freshman year of college the polar vortex yes it was we went the week after literally negative 50 degrees i'm not exaggerating how could we went we went we went we went the week after and it was like it was like seven degrees and we were like oh my god we're going to die like we ran out of groceries we had to go to jewel like two blocks away and like it was so windy that my eyes were watering.

But it was so cold that my eyelashes froze together. And I had to rub my eyes to get my eye open. Oh, no. So you can't go outside at that point. You can't. Like, there are, like, three months out of the year that it's, like, fun to go outside in Chicago. Truly. But it's so beautiful

then but it is so nice it is negative five zero no okay with windshield with but of course yeah but that is that's not for humans that is plutonic can you imagine like literally if we were not like a civilized like like species like and that just decided to happen like probably everyone will be dead yeah i guess like protect yourself no yeah that's oh my god you need slabs of concrete to separate you from that yeah that's literally crazy oh my god i'll never forget when we went to the week after the poet vortex and i would like skip into like a muffin store and like talk to the girl and be like i like it here do you like it here and she'll be like no you you are so fucking annoying you

don't know what it's like you weren't here last week and i was like well this muffin's cheaper than it will be in new york i'll tell you that and you're friendlier than the people there she's like i want to kill myself i was like bye i, fair. I just, I romanticize the times that I am there because I've had fun, fun, fun. Like I've only, I've never had like

a truly like, As you romanticize what might have been if you lived in Chicago. Oh, I was like, what is that Hamilton? Yeah. I,

I, yeah, no, I did not get that at all. I've only had like benders of nights in Chicago and not really here. Oh, you can be such an alcoholic in Chicago.

It's fun. It's fun. It's a lot of fun. They sell alcohol everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere. You're just like in line at CVS. No.

Shut up. I had to think about it though. I had to honestly think about it though. At the burger? No. Taco Bell. What? Yes.

What do they sell? Margaritas Oh The way they do it Chipotle Sure sure sure You ever get a Chipotle margarita?

Chipotle does It's pretty good I had it once Yeah It's okay Chipotle No Chipotle does Queso now

Isn't that wild? What? Chipotle does Queso It's crazy I had some And it wasn't It was fine Qdoba

They're coming for you sis Come on Oh Qdoba Qdoba's coming Qdoba I don't think I've ever No I have been to Qdoba Are there Qd for you, sis. Come on. Oh, Qdoba. Protect yourself. Qdoba? I don't think I've ever. No, I have been to Qdoba. Are there Qdobas out here? There used to be one by NYU.

I think there is one. Oh, okay. Wait, did they turn that down? Yeah, they threw it down. They threw it down. I said, did they turn it down? They closed it down. Qdoba, it's not going to work this time.

You're turned down. I was going to say, best gay club in the world no not roscoe scarlet is that where we went that's where we went and it was the best night we were there in chicago and it was cold it's very cold and naomi smalls came in after us the drag queen yes and it was scarlet and it was lit any any opinions on gay bars on gay nightlife i feel like chicago has the best gay nightlife i I'm going to say it. Honestly, I was never really into it when I was out there. Like, it's really...

Kinsey 4. No kidding. It's like, it's so aggressive and it just was not for me. Okay, that's fair. Maybe I am wrong. The Chicago gays are no joke. You know, I hooked up with a Lithuanian guy who was 50 years old. The story... We haven't told this story. I who was 50 years old. The story.

We haven't told this story. I don't think we ever told this story. Can we tell this? Yes, please, please, please. All right, so this was when Papi Roulette went to Chicago Sketch Fest, like, what, four years ago? Three years ago? This was 2013, yeah.

Okay, a long time ago now, like four years ago. And I really hadn't, like, gotten laid in a long time. And we all were kind of like,'s go out, let's get laid. We want to go out and definitely try to have sex. We went to Berlin. Went to Berlin and I wore this three quarter sleeve

baseball shirt. Really trying to twink it up. I was asking for it hard. I was really trying. I walk in and immediately this guy says in a Russian accent, I can't do a Russian accent, but he was like, hi, it's my birthday tonight and I'm going to give you my business card.

When you leave, call me and I'll have a car come pick you up and you'll come over and we'll have a good time. I can't believe you fell for that. No, it wasn't him. It wasn't him. So I was feeling good. So I was like, okay, cool. And I looked at my friends

and I was like, I think this might really happen for me tonight. I don't know if I'll call this guy, but I'm gonna keep my options open. So then we start like fanning out, like dancing around

and our friend Dave gets like carried away by someone and you and John Sokolow were like dancing around. No one was, people were probably looking at John. People were notow were like dancing around and no one was people were probably looking at John I was loving it because no one was looking at me you were not interested in the meet?

I was interested in the meet but I was also like I hate that I just said that I was like pressure's off like I'm not here for anything oh they're so racist I'm sure they are especially this place it was all white guys it was like all Eastern European oh yeah, yeah. Especially this place. It was all white guys. It was like all, it was like Eastern European white guys. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

For sure. Berlin's like pixie dream, like manic pixie dream girl gay bar. It's like the white, the quirky white gays go. Well, I like dressed the part and like was like trying it. So this,

I feel like we're dancing and I just feel this one gonna come up behind me and I'm like, okay, cool. So we continue to dance and I look over to Bowen and I go, go bowen is he cute like i pointed is he cute i can't see him we couldn't see him at all you should say that i was right behind i was next to dave well john john

john yeah but dave is like off with his guy dave's getting like dry humped in the corner so like and then he actually, he was hooking up with a crazy guy. That guy tried to suck Dave's dick in the bar. And Dave was like, absolutely not. And that guy was closeted and was like, I have to do it here because I can't go anywhere. And he was like, that's so sad.

But like, no. We got Ellie's. We got Ellie's in Chicago. You do have Ellie's. Do it in an alley. So he was trying to do it in the club but I said to Bowen is he cute and Bowen goes

yeah like I was like yeah no no it was the opposite John goes yeah oh wait no

John goes yeah yeah he's cute and then I said Bowen is he cute and Bowen goes no

no so at that point oh my god this is such a fucking crazy story literally if you're out there like the young gays never do this like you could be dead so he tells me like we should go home now

I was like okay so we go outside and I tell them I'm leaving we go outside the light hits him and I see he's like older which is fine which is fine but it's not what i thought was happening yeah yeah i expected to turn around and i would see like some guy and it's like you know 30s i was like 23 i was i knew he was older like and i was

excited about it but he was like older older um so you get in a car with him so we get in the car and i said and he tells the driver his address. And I'm like, do you live really far away? And he goes, everywhere in Chicago is very far. And I was like, that doesn't sound like it could be true. Everywhere in Chicago is far? Well, I think you asked him, so where do you live? I was like, so where do you live?

And he goes, very far. I was like, you live in Chicago, right? He goes, well, everywhere in Chicago is very far. And then I was like, how old are you? I just flat out asked. And he goes, how old do you think I am? And I was like, 35. He goes, I am 47.

I was like, okay, cool, cool, cool. Again, fine. But then, what else did he say in the car? It was like so, there was like more insanity. Sure, sure. He said that he was like a nurse. He cares for the elderly all day, and he never gets to see anyone my age. And I said, so were you there alone?

And he goes, yes, that is where I go to find them. I said, I said, I said, find who? I said,

boys like you. And we're in the car leaving Chicago. Like we're driving well out of the city at this point. Like, and we were in that cab,

Jaboukie, for a half hour. Like we drove out. No, Jaboukie, for a half hour. Oh, my God. We drove out. No, that's like Evanston. No, no. We drove out. Naperville. And I keep saying to myself, do I ask this guy to pull over?

I'm starting to get a little uncomfortable. Was this pre or post Uber? This was right as Uber was hitting. We were definitely in a cab. For sure. So we eventually like get to his like place. And again, mind you, this is like, it's so fucking cold. Everything is frozen over.

Yeah. So he's like, I live over here. And then we're like, have to like essentially ice skate across this pond to get to his apartment. And we get to his apartment. He opens the door and I swear to god we're like in like I don't know where the fuck we are we get to his apartment he opens the door

and I swear to you it's an empty room with a Bowflex machine a mat and a dog like a Doberman or something like sitting on the mat like waving it was so and serial killer like a Doberman or something, like sitting on the mat, like waiting. Eastern European.

It was so. And serial killer. It was so, and I was like, oh my God. I was like, you know, I need to use the restroom.

It was Eastern European. I was like, I need to use the restroom. He goes, okay, it's right over there. I'll be in the bedroom. And like,

I was like, oh my God, okay. So I go into the bathroom and I'm like, I was like, I was like, I looked at myself in the mirror

and I'm like, you literally could leave right now. Just walk out, walk back to the main road. Like, just wait for a taxi to come. Stand there, wait. Then you'll get in the cab. And I remembered John's address where he was staying. But then I, for some reason, said to myself, like, you know what?

No, like, have an experience. Like, he's a nice guy. Like, this is fine whatever like it's all good like this is fine like you're 23 years old like he's a little older he's a little weird he's just foreign he's not strange he's not gonna do anything he's a quirky white guy at Berlin so by himself so I go back out I that I really also realized i couldn't leave because i had taken my shoes off which was so stupid so i go back out and he's like fully naked on the bed

and it was he was like all right come on let's do this and i was like oh my god so i proceed to like get undressed and before anything can happen i just go no there's absolutely no way. So then I turn on this performance where I just say like, I'm so sorry. I can't do this. I just broke up with my boyfriend. And this is not true. I'm just like, start having this scene. And he says to me, and I'm laying on the bed at this point. And I like don't have my clothes on.

So I go to get up and he takes me and pushes me back on the bed. And I said, no. I looked at him, and I said, this is not happening. So then he gets off, and he starts almost crying. He's like, I'm so lonely. They always leave. All of the boys that I bring back here, they always leave. And I was like, I'm so sorry.

I wish I wasn't in such emotional turmoil like getting dressed again and I'm like I'm so sorry like and I thought to myself like you're crazy like you're hurting this guy's feeling and then the other part of me was like no get the fuck out of here you should never have come I was like imagine like hearing like my mother hearing this is how I went yeah yeah. Yeah. So. Push back on the bed. I was with you. Yeah. In that story. That's so scary.

But the thing is, like, I was in the worst place. I was like, oh, this is literally how people die. They go with single people that are, like, older by themselves who literally said he goes there to find boys. Yeah. And I was like, no. I freaked out. And I was like, get me the fuck out of here

so i get dressed and i go to leave and i'm like and the door was like like locked from the inside and i'm like can you open this he's like all right please stay please and i was like i'm not going to and the dog is looking at me like also begging me to stay and he just holds me at the door. And I was like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. And he eventually lets me go. That's when I realized it's like literally four in the morning in a part of like Illinois that I don't fucking know.

And we're so far away. And it's so cold. So I walk out to the main road and I'm like, what the fuck? Like I'm literally going to wait for a taxi. I seriously waited like 15 and i'm like what the fuck like i'm literally gonna wait for a taxi i seriously waited like 15 20 minutes like on the side of the road like by myself i had no other way because uber wasn't like really a thing yeah so finally a taxi comes and i jump in and also you know my phone was like on six percent yeah so we got in and i got them to take back take me back to the city yeah and i got in and the doorman to take me back to the city.

Yeah. And I got in and the doorman was like looking at me like, what the fuck? Like it was like literally four in the morning. And I was sleeping with Bowen and I crawled into bed with Bowen and I'll let you see this. So we were sharing a sofa bed the night before. And then this night when Matt comes back, he's wasted. I'm basically coming out of a drunken stupor, but I'm asleep. But I wake up to him, to his body over mine, with just a terrifyingly drunken grin, and he goes,

a story like mine has never been told. I did not do the accent. I did not do the accent. But I did say the line for memoirs of vacation. Because a story like mine had never been told. And it was. And then I screamed. He screamed and said, get the fuck off me.

And I pushed him off. And then, yes, I told the story the next morning and no one believed me. And that's so funny. He also said a lot of really weird shit that I can't remember. But, oh, my God. Thank you for indulging that story, Jaboukie. Jaboukie, before we move on, we want to ask you. Chicago's weird.

Chicago's great. Just a yes or no. Yeah. Still single? Yes. Damn it. Wow. Check that out, guys.

Well, I'm only asking because I'm following up on the L piece. And also looking? No. I don't really have time. Also, really just rethinking monogamy. Get into this. Okay. Wait, do you want to talk about this?

Yeah, no. I just don't think that it really works for me at this point in my life. Cool. And yeah, I don't think that it's something that you should try to force. It is a, it is such a conversation. Yeah. It's a whole thing.

It's really such a whole thing. And I don't have the education or the knowledge to really speak on that. That's fine. I'm such like in the beginning stages. Have you been in a relationship before? Yeah. And, but,

and that's how he knows. Yeah. And also try to do like the open thing, but it was so clear that I was like way more comfortable with that than sure person was yeah yeah it it's it's very hard it's it's like it's it's like a whole nother layer too in like the gay community because there's so many couples that are open and you're just like gosh that's it's and just because it works for them doesn't mean it works for you but you do compare yourself to those couples all the time. Yeah. Wow. I mean, hey, listen, people.

Jaboukie is available, but he's not exactly down for... You know what? If you fell in love with Jaboukie while listening to this, you need to fucking relax. You need to fucking relax because Jaboukie, like all celebs, you don't know him. You don't know him. You've only heard him speak for a little bit over an hour. You don't fucking know him. And also, he's not that into maybe that kind of relationship right now. So everyone listening to this, fucking relax.

Relax. Just get... Step off. Step off. The title of this episode will be like, will be relax, step off. Relax, step off. Monogamy is dead. Okay. Let's move on to... Yeah, there you go. Let's move on to I Don't Think So, Honey. relax step off relax step off monogamy is dead okay

let's move on to I don't yeah there you go let's move on to I don't think so honey this is the moment I don't think so honey the length of the story

I just told I'm so sorry I mean was it really long it was a saga but I loved it okay the build up

the build up and the denouement well the build up all goes to you crouching over me and saying quoting a movie to me that was

completely repulsive and that was it that's like I was younger then and didn't understand I'm not saying it's like the movie itself

was inappropriate it's just you whispering that in my ear at five in the morning are you saying that I'm a gross drunk you're such a gross drunk and it infuriates me

I called Bowen one time when I didn't have Uber on my phone and I said call me an Uber and his response was ugh you're so drunk and it infuriates me. I called Bowen one time when I didn't have Uber on my phone and I said, call me an Uber. And his response was, ugh, you're so drunk. And you know what? I had to call him the Uber from my

phone and tell him, Matt, when you get into the car, make sure you say my name, okay? And he was like, what? Why? And... Like a friend, yes. You know, I haven't had to put Matt through that scenario. Let's just say that.

You would see me die on the street. No, no, Matt. Very soon. You know for a fact that I wouldn't let that happen. But I don't know if I can say the same about River. You wouldn't let that happen, but Bone would give you shit about it. There you go. Yeah, and you know what?

Maybe I'd rather die. Maybe I'd rather be dead. I didn't let you die is the thing, you idiot. That's what's important. I was in Red Hook at one in the morning. I don't know. I don't know, man. And I told you.

I said, Matt, download Uber on your phone. At the time, Uber was not problematic. You know my phone's not good. No, come on. Matt famously thought his computer couldn't make PDFs alright so this is I don't think so honey this is our one minute I was gonna say screed

and I just learned today screed actually means long boring speech which is not people in the press have described I don't think so honey as a screed and it's not yeah shockingly we've been using vocabulary words wrong which for Bowen is very off-brand and for me is pretty par for the course.

There you go. But it is not a screed. It is the total opposite. It's a short, concentrated, fiery, passionate parcel of... Which is what screed should mean. Right? It sounds like a screed. It's like an aggressive word. And I was shocked. It's nonplussed. It doesn't mean what you think it

means. So we can get into that. I'm so nonplussed it doesn't mean what you think it means so we can get into that I'm so nonplussed right now no I know I'm nonplussed right now you're angry yes I'm nonplussed

that we haven't started this yet so it means angry but people use it all the time like oh yeah she didn't care she was nonplussed it's like no that's not the right word

anyway but it might be one of those things like literally so if I'm plussed then I'm chill yeah then you're like chill yeah there you go you're so plussed

alright let's do I don't think so honey Bowen Yang are you gonna go first I'll go first alright this is Bowen Yang's I don't think so honey

and his time starts now I don't think so honey wine bars that don't have Pinot Grigio what the fuck are you doing I was just at a wine bar earlier today and I asked

can I have a Pinot Grigio or like a buttery Chardonnay but I would prefer the Pinot Grigio. And this man had the nerve to tell me, we don't have Pinot Grigio. And I took everything I mean to not say to him, you're a wine bar. How dare you? I don't think so, honey. You better fulfill your promise as a wine bar to include every type of white wine. 30 seconds. And I don't think so, honey. You better fulfill your promise as a wine bar to include every type of white wine.

30 seconds. And I don't think so, honey. These places, the atmosphere, honey, I don't know. I don't know, honey. The atmosphere at most wine bars is bullshit. And I can emulate this experience at home. And I don't think so, honey. These places that charge me $12 for a glass of should have been, you know.

15 seconds. I'm sorry, Sauvignon Blanc. Because that's what I had. You know what? This is still very fresh in my memory so I don't have too much I don't have enough distance

to really comment on this but I just know that I'm mad I have rage I have fury and I don't think so honey wine bars that don't have Pinot Grigio that's one minute

it's a shame that four of those seconds were apologetic were apologetic no but you know what I'm just being really up front emotionally

with how I feel about this. I think that it is a shame that that wine bar didn't have Pinot Grigio. Ridiculous. Ridiculous. That's kind of out of control. It's crazy. No, that's actually crazy. That's such a staple.

It's the go-to. Dry white. I do prefer Sauvignon Blanc. I had a great Sauvignon Blanc there but if they have Pinot Noir then you might as well have Pinot Grigio if you have the black you might as well have the grey I mean like Noir Grigio of course of course

we all knew this so this is Matt Rogers I don't think so honey this is his time and it starts right now I don't think so honey Dunkin Donuts because now if I want to order the sausage egg egg, and cheese croissant, it doesn't necessarily come with the hash browns. Okay. I don't think

so, Honey Dunkin' Donuts. There's no meal option for this anymore. I went the other day, and I said, excuse me, honey, can I get the sausage, egg, and cheese meal? And they said that we don't do that. I was like, excuse me, honey? I don't think so, honey. I want the hash browns. He said, you'll have to order it separately. I said, I don't think so, honey. 30 seconds.

Of course I did, because I wanted the hash browns. But the thing is, why should I have to? I don't understand, honey. And then also, I have to order my coffee separate? Excuse me. Also, I don't think so, honey. Dunkin' Donuts, you load that shit up with sugar. Yeah, 15 seconds. When I order a coffee, ice,

light, and sweet, don't give me these mounds of sugar, honey! And milk? And milk! And too much milk! It feels like I'm in that tiger in Aladdin that collapses with so much sand and sugar in that glass. I don't think so, honey. And that's one minute. He feels like the tiger in Aladdin, so much

sand and sugar in that glass. Did you get what I was meaning by when I said that? Like, you are the Cave of Wonders tiger, or you feel... Like, when I drink a coffee, I... It's like you're consuming the Cave of Wonders tiger and it's sand. Yeah, it's like what would happen if you were in the Cave of Wonders, which I just found out is what it's called.

Ike was calling it the sand tiger. Okay. If you were in the sand tiger and it collapsed, your mouth would surely fill with sand Which is what I feel happens when I take even one sip Of an iced coffee Light and sweet from Dunkin Donuts My mouth fills with proverbial sand A.K.A. sugar and it's too much for me

Sugar also known as proverbial sand Okay this is Jaboukie We're very persecuted on today's episode Okay this is Jaboukie Young Whites I don't think so honey Are you ready Jaboukie Young Whites. We're very persecuted on today's episode. This is Jaboukie Young Whites. I don't think so, honey. Are you ready, Jaboukie? I'm ready. Okay, and I think he gave us a little hint about what it was before we went on air.

I think he did. I'm very excited for this. This is Jaboukie Young Whites. I don't think so, honey. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Tate her tots. I mean, I don't know.

Wow. Y'all want to be French fries literally so bad, but you are not french fries and you will never be french fries. Your legacy will never compare to french fries. You will always be a side dish in kids meals, bitch. No matter how artisanal you get. I don't think so, honey. I don't care if you put a little garlic aioli on the side, honey. I don't think so.

All right. I will always chew some steak fries over you 30 seconds fries over you some uh some shoestring fries over you okay i don't know i don't think so honey tater tots uh you're never cooked all the way through your inside is flavorless i don't think so honey i want golden brown flaky fries and not that soggy tater tot bullshit. I don't think so, honey. Tater tots. Oh my god. You're nasty. You're wrong. You're a food

gastro abomination. Oh, and that's one minute. Wow. And you know what else about tater tots? They fall apart. Yes. That's by design. Fuck you. No, uh-uh. I said fuck you, Bowen. I'm not with it. I'm not with it. I's by design. Fuck you. No, uh-uh. I said fuck you,

Bowen. I'm not with it. I want my food to be whole. I'm with Jaboukie. I don't know about shoestring fries, to be honest. Are you, would you take shoestring fries over steak fries? Oh, no. There you go. Steak over shoestring. Shoestring are the worst variety. They're at the bottom, but they're still above tater tots. Wow. Wow. Tater tots

are garbage. How do you feel about hash browns? Gross. What the fuck? Okay, okay. Hash browns isn't like greasy hash browns today. oval hash browns or are you talking about

like hash browns? Okay, like hash browns, like I think we can all agree on hash browns. Like frying pan-cooked hash browns are delicious. Oh, those are amazing. But they're two different kinds.

You're talking about like McDonald's. I'm talking about McDonald's hash browns. Those are disgusting. What? I love McDonald's. They're my favorite food. You're talking about like McDonald's. I'm talking about McDonald's. Those are disgusting. What? I love McDonald's. They're my favorite food. You are a liar. You deny culture.

No, no, no. I don't know about that. They leave this really gross taste in your mouth. What was this? You said you were in this argument with someone else about tater tots today. What were they saying? Okay, I dropped it and the room looked at me like I was crazy. Because I kind of am inclined to believe you are.

Yeah, like they were all just saying that I hadn't had the right tater tots. Fuck them! It was a little parallel to homophobia, honestly. Oh my god, the room was homophobic. You hear that, Dylan Maron? I want to say Have you been to Criff Dogs?

No. Have you tried the tater tots at Criff Dogs? Honestly, everyone says that. I tried some tater tots at criff dogs honestly everyone says i tried some tater tots today it was all right yeah i had hash browns today and i wanted to bottom for them bottom out for browns for hash browns but there's nothing like your mcdonald's hash brown and there's nothing like them good, good McDonald's fries when they're nice and salty, bitch. Is that your sponsor? Our sponsor today is

McDonald's. I want McDonald's money for this podcast. Hook it up, HPJ. Thanks. Oh, wow. That was great. You know what? I will say, Matt and I came today with some retail-based, I don't think so, honey. Some

institutional-based, I don't think so, honey. You have to attack big food. But I think Jaboukie... Punch up. Punch up, but Jaboukie punched way, way up because Jaboukie took on a whole food type which, you know, pervades everything. Yeah, but who do you think has more money?

Tater Tots or Dunkin' Donuts? I think Orrida has so much money. Orrida has, Big Potato has everything. Big Potato! Big Potato! Wait, maybe the episode's called Big Potato. I love it. Oh, Big Potato.

Oh, that's cute. That's a cute one. That's a cute one. Jaboukie's adorable. Jaboukie's single. Yeah, but everyone relax. Relax, everyone relax. Relax, chill. That's a cute one. Jaboukie's adorable. Jaboukie's single. Yeah, but everyone relax. Relax. Everyone relax.

Relax. Chill. Chill. Chill. Chill. Jaboukie, thanks so much for coming and doing this pod. This was very fun. We had a very good time.

Check out Jaboukie on Twitter. Jaboukie, where can people follow you? At Jaboukie. There you go. At Jaboukie. Every platform. And imagine just getting your first name. Imagine if I was at Matt.

Could you imagine? I can't. I can't imagine. It's been amazing for branding, honestly. There you go. I would fully believe. Francesca Ramsey has this fun little branding thing that I read. What? She was like, keep your handles the same across all platforms.

Yeah, I agree. Which is brilliant. Brilliant. She has Francesca.com. See? Really? You go to Buki.com? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bought it. There you go. Good. Good, Francesca.com. What? See? Really? You go to Boogie.com?

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bought it. There you go. Good. Get it on lock. Good, good, good, good, good. Get it on lock.

I spent $3 million on Matt.com. That's huge. Thank you. Good for branding. Thank you so much. Well, I guess we're off to the world, aren't we? To see it, conquer it, perhaps. I'm Bowen Yang.

I'm someone that you will never truly know. No matter how big I get, no matter what interviews you see me do, you will never truly know me. And also, don't presume to know me. And our guest has been someone

who has changed the zeitgeist in the 21st century more than anybody Jaboukie Young-Way yes wow okay

bye guys bye bye thanks for listening and please remember to get your tickets to either or both

of our shows coming up in November Cult War as part of New York Comedy Festival on November 7th or I Don't Think So Honey Live as part of the Brooklyn Podcast Festival

at the Bell House on November 18th. Thank you! Forever! Dog! This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by

Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts,

Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team

and liking our page on Facebook. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes.

We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing

our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question. What kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules.

New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there.

Listen to Levels to This with Sheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13

to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida.

And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.