Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - “After After Party After Party” (w/ Sonia Denis and Rebecca O'Neal)

Episode Date: February 13, 2019

Listeners interested in the aftermath of a paradigm-shifting tweet…this is the episode for you! Sonia Dennis and Rebecca O'Neal join Matt and Bowen to talk about their friendship history and the need to stick up for one another, starting their comedy careers in Chicago, what Rebecca's father will do as soon as she's famous, and how everyone would react in the apocalypse.---MERCH! MERCH! GET YOUR LAS CULTURISTAS MERCH!https://www.teepublic.com/stores/las-culturistasLAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasSUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS TODAY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST. LAS CULTURISTAS IS PRODUCED BY EMMA FOLEY.http://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/las-culturistas/ Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are back. I love that. I love that. Oh my gosh. Welcome. And last season's drama was just the tip of the iceberg. You're recording us? I am disgusted.

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My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate, delusional dreamer. Be a delusional of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer.

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I'm Michael Wolff. And I'm Colin O'Brien. And we're the hosts of America's loudest podcast, Literati! Shh! Sorry, sorry. We are recording in the library. Literati is a podcast about books and the idiots who write them, featuring

real readings from some of your favorite authors. And some of your favorite comedians pretending to be authors. Mostly that one. Plus, we dole out tons of amazing, unsolicited writing advice because we believe everyone has at least one great novel in them. Hey, just last week, I had to get a novel surgically removed from my small intestine. I accidentally sat on my bookshelf and now I have three good novels inside me. Very impressive. New episodes of Literati are premiering on Monday, February 4th,

and every Monday after that until we die. And that is contractual. Stick around until after the show to hear a special sneak preview of our interview with comedian Josh Sharp reading under his pseudonym, Clint Dimples. And be sure to subscribe to Literati on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. And that's the end of that chapter. Hi, everybody. Before we get into this episode, we have a little bit of a question for you, and that is, what's standing between you and happiness? Is it you? Are your own feelings a roadblock preventing you from achieving your goals? Have you thought about talking to someone, but are uncertain or unsure of where to start? Well, BetterHelp.com online counseling is there for you. BetterHelp

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Yes. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas. Ding dong, Las Culturistas calling. Ooh, there was a little bit of a cackety-cack. I gotta surprise my listeners. You have to really dig into those consonants.

Can we discuss what we did last night? Yes. We saw Big Frida at the Brooklyn Bowl. Queen Diva. Queen Diva. Best Believer. Best Believer. She was incredible. I had a very nice time. She, you know what blew my mind? What? She did

a fucking bounce remix to Hello by Adele. I fully gagged for that. And then all her fucking backup dancers were like shaking their asses to Hello by Adele. To Hello by Adele. And singing along and like, they're like,

they're just clapping to Hello and shaking their asses and singing out to us. Like, sing it. Like they had a look in their face that was like, you know the words. You know the words. Sing it. Also loved that the,

like the end bow was to I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston. I love that. Like just blowing it all out. Oh my God, she sang all her hits. She Whitney Houston. I love that. Like just blowing it all out. Oh my God. She sang all her hits. She sang karaoke. She sang Rent.

We got it all. She sang Explode. I had never been to the Brooklyn Bowl. Lovely venue. Here I was thinking it was just a bowling alley. No. Questlove used to do all of his DJ sets on Thursdays. Didn't know that until last night either.

They place soul train clips on the fucking monitors. I would just go just to watch like soul train clips on the fucking monitors and you'd be, I would just go just to watch the soul train stuff and be like, oh my God, I can't believe they did that back then.

Obsessed, but actually as a result of my experience there last night, I just realized what my I don't think so honey is going to be because I ran into an I don't think so honey

worthy moment at the bar at the establishment. It was a person who did something? It was a rule the establishment apparently has. Which I don't think so, honey.

Oh, a rule? Rules are for schools. Hello! It's rule of culture number 46. Rules are for schools. I don't like that. And I graduated long ago. You know what? One of my most embarrassing moments

Oh I love this This was like When I was 20 Oh Got into a bar Out of Just It was

Just kind of on a It was a fluke Illegally But I Was like I thought I was like

I pretend I was like Gonna just quote something That I was I was just gonna like quote something that I was I was just gonna like perform something that I saw someone do in a movie once and this is what I did okay this is so vulnerable

come on babe I go to the bar I go hey um I'll do one I'll do one Bud Light and then I'll do um I'll do one for the road and then the bartender goes the bartender goes. The bartender goes. I'm so ashamed.

Isn't that, this is the cringiest thing I've ever done. And the bartender goes, that's extremely illegal. We're in New York. It's not like I can like store my beer in my car. Also, you idiot to do that for Bud Light.

Like, no, I, I just, in advance, I'm also you idiot to do that for bud light like no i'm just uh in advance i'm gonna want one when i leave i love this stuff i can't believe i just shared that stupid bitch i'm a stupid bitch and profoundly stupid now you have to balance this out what's an embarrassing thing you've done at a bar oh my god you've done i've seen you do a lot of things well okay embarrassing thing i've done at a bar i don't want to put you on the spot you don't have to i mean fully on the spot right now but the thing is like i guess okay i'll share a bar story okay when i was very young we used to go to in bayshore there was this establishment called hogan's goat that was the bar that we

went to it was the only bar in town that didn't give a fuck about, um, about like letting young youngins in. And so I would go there all the time after work. This is when I was working at the clam bar in Bayshore and we'd all go and we would do karaoke. Yeah. And this is when I was trying to like prove to everyone, like I had just come out and I was like singing. Yeah. So I sang,

cause gay people sing. I sang who will save your soul by joel by jewel by jewel imagine if joel kim booster had a recording artist career billy joel i sang who will save your soul by jewel at this bar as a 19 year old drunk person and everyone was like uh-huh god you're that person who picks the fucking deep cut at karaoke get the fuck i'm the person at karaoke who's like we're gonna going to slow it down with a ballad. And it's like, what the hell? I'm going to do Sin Wagon by Dixie Chicks.

That would be a gag. That'd be fun. So you sang this song. It wasn't good. And it was just like, great, cool. Now we can get back to having a good time. Oh, but you didn't fully embarrass yourself. I feel so...

No, I mean, I've never done anything like, like you did. Isn't that an, I, I'm so ashamed of myself. You should be deeply ashamed. Um, Oh, that's like one of those moments though,

where you look back to something you did or said at a young age and you're like, what? I know. I know. Like once, like, like it's like when I,

when I, I can't believe I got into college at that point. You know what I'm saying? You were someone who was like given, given the opportunity to pursue higher education and you were that dumb. Just wasted on it. I one time said that my sixth grade Spanish teacher said,

who's your celebrity crush? And I said, Tara Reid. Ha ha, you know why. And she was like... And she literally looked the most disgusted anyone's ever looked.

And I was like... And inside I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But that's toxic masculinity, y'all. That is, wow. And we're all victim to it. And can I say, this atmosphere is not toxic. It is pleasant. It is an antidote.

It's an antidote. It is an antidote to the toxin and here's the thing we just were very vulnerable with each other oh and just that's that's a little comfortable doing that because i know that our guests i feel i feel that we are in the presence of greatness and i'm feeling very comfortable because we actually got to know our guests very well over this summer yes because we had an amazing experience with them. Yes. Because we were on very frequently and we were honored to be on after after party. So fun. On Facebook.

Yes. And this was a show hosted by one of our guests and the other guest was free. I was always, almost always on the panel with this. I was almost always on the panel with this guest and I was always like, thank God. And they never put us together because you know what? They put us together. They put us together once

because we demanded it. And Regina King and Regina King was the guest. And Regina King and also- And do you remember how cool and nice she was?

We'll talk about- And I called it, bitch. You called it. You were like, you're going to win something for If Beale Street Could Talk. No. I said you're going to win

the Emmy for seven seconds. And weeks later, what did she win, bitch? She won for seven seconds. But you also did say you have a lot of buzz going for you for if Beale Street could talk and this is back in what July August genuinely

I did not know how good this movie was going to be and also like because it's like when you talk about Oscar buzz in like August it's like who the fuck knows but Regina it's Regina it's she's a known quantity Regina King has been one of my favorites for a long time.

A long time. Since Miss Congeniality 2. Since before, since Ray. I'm kidding. Since Jerry Maguire. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, so here's the deal. Yeah.

I love our guests. I love our guests so much. And you can see them upcoming. Ooh, upcoming. Okay, one of our guests. We're just going to separate them by name for now. And we're getting them in a glow moment right now. In a glow moment.

The day after John Mulaney tweeted both of them. And that's John Mulaney. John Mulaney. Mulaney with an M, honey. It's rule culture number 21. That's John Mulaney. Tweeting at our guest saying, what an amazing night of comedy at Caroline's.

Perfect comedy. Perfect comedy comedy he said um and it was truly a the pageantry around this tweet beautiful this was at jaboukie young white show at caroline's and talk about breakout artists breakout artists speaking of breakout artists one of our guests is performing on february 19th at caroline's as a breakout at a break as a breakout artist it's rebecca o'Neill. And then you go for the other one. You're not even going to believe

where our other guest is going to be performing from February 21st to 23rd. Is it New Orleans? It is New Orleans. Oh. Sonia Dene will be in New Orleans performing her ass off. Her ass.

And our guest. February 21st through February 23rd. Yes. And if you've been able to accumulate all these hints so far, and our guests February 21st through February 23rd yes and if you've been able to accumulate all these hints so far you'll be able to deduce that our guests

right now are Rebecca O'Neill and Sonia Deneen okay hey so glad to see you guys that was the best intro I've ever gotten

and we do applaud we do applaud it's wonderful I miss being on After After Party me too I know we were all together

on the Regina King episode it was you two me and that was a moment she was so nice she was so fucking cool literally also

more beautiful in person tailored suit do you remember that a check pattern a high bun a high bun you know what I mean yes

also glowed glowing her skin was. Yeah. And there were many guests on after after party. We met many. And I will say this.

I will say this. You had a ton of incredible guests. Probably Regina King. I would say probably the most famous guest. Yeah. And so kind. So. So.

Beyond kind. I think one of the nicest, like famous people I've met. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. she called us by name yeah by name by Matt

yeah she was like what yes I just like blacked out I was like okay wow she's really gonna say and look everybody in the eye and was like joking

yeah and she was funny like oh my goodness yeah and she tried with the game remember how excited she got I was like this shit is so stupid

she was competitive I was like should we ask Regina if she actually wants to do this dumb shit and then she was like ah hey and I'm like whoa I loved that show so much

I watched the Golden Globes and when she won I was like yes oh my god well she's been racking up hardware I feel like every

orange show you see now Regina King is winning something and she's trying to shake the table she's like announcing she's challenging people 50% women

I love that do it i love that same energy yeah well i i mean here's the thing like she and what i read i watched an interview with her later where she was like she kind of decided to do that in the moment wow like and she was like well i'm up here because i think regina is legit so humble that i don't think she's assuming she'll win all this stuff yeah i think because she legit worked in the industry for so long and was just like one of those working actresses who was reliable and so now that she's up there with the opportunity

to win these awards I think all her peers are like god damn right I'm gonna vote for her. Yeah. And so I think she was up there and she was like clearly this industry has my back let me have the back of everyone. She's been talking about it since summer like when she came on the show she was talking about like She was like, clearly this industry has my back. Let me have the back of everyone. You know what I mean? She's been talking about it since summer.

When she came on the show, she was talking about women. We need to be behind the camera. And I'm like, she kept the same energy, but she was not straight. She is not playing. She wants women all over the place. So I think that was the last time we were all kind of together, too. It was just a nice little circular moment. Yeah.

And after party got canceled. No, it did? Fuck. Yeah, And after after party got canceled. No. Wait, it did? Fuck. Yeah, it's done. Oh, but there's going to be like a future for it, like in another form on under another title. Like that was magical. That was, I had so much fun doing that.

I had so much fun doing it. And also other networks, like other people at other networks were like, we love that by the way. You had meetings afterwards based on like oh i liked what you're doing after after party it was nice like it may be no longer but i think all the comics who worked on it had a great time too yeah it was perfect like that one season we got to bring on like so many of our friends and like everything i was so proud of everything we made the vibe everything was so good wardrobe was like. Yeah, she's incredible.

A fun thing that's happened to me, all the clothes, they were going to donate them. You said... And then someone I'm dating right now was like, I got it. Okay, let me tell you something. I found out that you're dating this person now

and I'm obsessed. Wait, we will talk after. Yeah, we'll talk after after I'm clamoring to this I know you're clamoring and I saw this I saw this individual on another shoot that I did and then I said and he took a picture of us together and said I'm sending this to

Sonia because guess what and I said was it John Mulaney it's John Mulaney that's the reason for the shout out. Can I just really quickly go back to Regina King? Of course. I need to share this moment from the Globes.

I was in the room like, yes, he was at the Globes. Oh my God. Bowen Yang, writer for the Golden Globes. It was very fun. Thank you. I saw you and I literally screamed. Oh my God. I was like, I had no idea you were hosting.

It was a little. Are you pleased? I was hosting, I had no idea you were hosting. It was a little, I was hosting. I had to sit between, I had to sit like at the steps just before the show started. And I was like in this, I was in like the, the line of,

this is what happened. Tandy Newton's at one table. Taraji's at another table, like down in the second tier. And then after that, it's Regina. And the three of them, I literally have chills.

The three of them, Tandy, because I'm like in between Tandy and Taraji. And Tandy goes, Regina, Taraji. And then Taraji goes, Regina,

Tandy. And then Regina's like, oh my God, Taraji, Tandy. And it was like, there was just so much love. Like a triumvirate of excellence. But just so much love between these women. And I was like this they just there was just so much love like a triumvirate of excellence

but just so much love between these women and I was like this is beautiful like this is like I was like

this is like what you fantasize about like I hope these people are friends in real life and it's like it was there and it was like oh like these people have like I was like

think about the places these people have seen each other in all the different settings and all the glam or in all if it's all dressed down and they are all decorated they're all decorated but they have seen each other in all the different settings and all the glam or in all if it's all dressed down and they are all decorated they're all but they've seen each other in the fucking

trenches you know what I'm saying and like audition room yes and it's like they're all together and there's so much love and I was like this is the way forward this is the future for all of us incredible that was I think the most beautiful well I loved really I thought you guys did an amazing job yeah it was so funny Sandra was great and then that really the most beautiful well I loved really I thought you guys did an amazing job putting the gold gloves together

yeah it was so funny Sandra was great and then that really I actually thought I thought that it might have been a bit but then when it was just a poignant moment

at the end of her speech where she was like the reason I wanted to do this somebody laughed I really thought that I thought she was doing like a bit

where she was gonna get emotional like on Grey's Anatomy when she would always do her monologues but then when she legit just landed like I wanted to do this

because I wanted to be a part of this moment of change and I see all you faces of change and they panned around the room and it was just like

you know what like a moment of levity right now in this fucking crazy world to just say that this is especially from last year when they were all

in black because of Me Too or whatever like this because of yeah Time's Up and I was just like that was a really

nice moment. The two of them were both like, we don't want to make it. We really don't even care to even make a political joke about Trump. We don't want to really acknowledge that. Let's just focus. Sandra was the one who was like, let's just focus on the good stuff that happened. Because why not? Yeah.

And let's not even roast people. I thought it was a different way. It was a different model. I love the friendly roast. And like, and let's not even roast people. Like, I thought it was like a different way. It was a different model. I love the friendly roast. That was such a great idea. But it's like something that you're not used to

at award shows. And it's like, it's different than like what Ellen would even do. It's like, at the Oscars, it's like, oh,

this is like such like just. I feel like sincerity is in right now. Like just genuine, like we're going to, let's try actively to be nice. Yeah.

That's very like anti. I feel like that's a sort of a protest because everything's real nasty. You know what I mean? Like let's choose to be, like we're comedians. We're basically clowns. Let's just be nice clowns. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think that something I've personally learned in 2018, like that I left the year with was just finding that there is a lot of strength and a lot

of power in vulnerability you know what i mean like people actually want that more than you think yeah yeah yeah you know what i mean for sure and also it's so funny because like what we are moved by like for example let's like use if beale street could talk as an example like even just watching the trailer i had full body chills and was like really almost crying. Like, like Regina King's delivery of her line, like, if love got you this far, don't stop now,

trust it all the way. I was just like, this is like what I love. So why would I ever be scared of being vulnerable in my work? You know what I mean? Like I respond to this above all else.

Yeah. I don't know this about you guys. I don't know if you guys ever told me at least. Wait, how did you guys meet? Was it in Chicago? Yes.

Yeah, we were at Open Mike's. Yeah. We started comedy within like a month of each other. And a guy I was dating then knew her. And he was like, yeah, there's another black girl. Because you guys. Oh, that's what they did with us and with Joel. It's the same story.

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's another one. You guys should be friends. There's one who's not a white black a white dude white black dude or black honestly like there's more black dudes

but like black girls of the people who started with us in Chicago around the same time we were the two black girls so we eventually were gonna meet and the guy

is our mutual friend she was dating at the time introduced us thinking that we were hit off Sonia hated me so much really that was in a different place where she was very like.

Type A. And I was also in a place where I was very anxious. Tell me what your story is. I want to know about it. What do you do? How you doing? How'd you get into comedy? Why do you like it?

Who's your favorite? I was just you. Let me just say. I didn't like the way you were so chill. No, no, no. I'm clarified. Yeah, this was seven hard years ago. But also.

I was on like 80 milligrams of prozac that's what it was a journalist at the time her writing changed my hand my physical handwriting she used to walk around that i used to walk around with little tiny pieces of paper i didn't know any of this yeah but that was only for like two months and then you were chill it was like the first the first time i ever saw re Rebecca on stage was at the stand-up show at Union Hall and I Fucking did some bullshit that and she goes up on stage and does this like Holistic like Oh mother erudition, but like no I Know it was it but it was like I remember what it was but it was like fully

Academic and like I was like this is like the smartest you probably were very attractive well yeah i was like i was like oh my god you probably talked about like queer theory or or i don't remember i was like oh my god who is this and like you like you came up as someone who was like powerful and maybe thank you was was that something that like you are like is this something that you're still like of course you still work with it, but was this back then, this thing where you were like, I need to show my power or something? I hope not. No, I think you were just,

I think I just, it was, my partner didn't interpret it that way. I think I was just a very uncomfortable person in this new space and I was like, expecting her to be like, hey, I'm Rebecca.

She said she was like, I was like, oh, I don't like this energy. That is power a lot. Meeting and getting to know Sonya also did. You know, you don't know how you're perceived

out here in these streets. You know what I'm saying? You're out here doing what you feel is best. You're not knowing that you're freaking people out who are going to become lifelong friends.

So I'm recalibrating her energy and stuff. And I do think like we're very different. As much as we hang out all the time, we're extremely different people. We don't like the same dudes

like she'll be like he look at him he has beautiful eyelashes I'm like are you serious yeah vice versa too no it's like

we're like fucking crazy different in so many ways too but it's interesting to hear this because our relationship also started with a degree of animosity

yeah really ours didn't last very long it lasted like a month. It was like, wow, you're the only other person. Yeah, exactly. But it's the same thing that you said.

It's the same thing that you said where it was like, it's kind of funny because it's like, we've talked about this on the pod. So the listeners know, but I was the gay on the sketch group at NYU. And Bowen was the gay on the improv group at NYU.

And so they literally said like, go play, do things things together and we were like you think just because of this reason that we're gonna and then literally pretty much just because of that reason this is a key and peel sketch literally on the sketch team and they're like now you're my number one

nemesis I always want to write a sketch for us which is like when you're the two gays at the wedding and like all the straight people are like go you know be friends nemesis yeah i always want to i always want to write a sketch for us which is like like at when you're the two gays at the wedding and like all the straight people are like go you know be friends talk to each other like like you have to you're gay you have to meet my gay cousin so i have this idea where they put us together and it's like we're like hi and then like we literally bond over the stupidest most basic gay show but i remember like it's a Bonniversal that isn't even gay literally literally

what made us friends was we were at the same college party and I had become obsessed with Pink Friday by Nicki Minaj

and so so in your dorm or whatever so had you and we were at this party and we both were off book on the whole album

like Roman's Revenge Roman's Revenge came on oh so you guys were like rapping at the party and you looked at each other like, oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. And I was like, oh, well, you know what it was? He knew every word to Super Bass.

And Super Bass was a deep cut. It was before it was a single. It was on the Deluxe album. It was a bonus track. And people didn't know about it. People don't know that Super Bass was a bonus track. Yeah. And so he and I both were off.

But Matt did. But we knew. And Bella did. Yeah. And so he and I both were off the hook. But Matt did. But we knew. And Bella did. Yeah. And so that's when I was like, okay, maybe we should just be friends for this gay reason. For the two of you,

was there a moment or did the ice just melt at that point? Yeah, we kind of just, we also, because the things that we have deep in common is like our work ethic

and like how we saw our thing in comedy. We were always like, people would be like, saying to us like Becca and I would like have the same mentality

about like going to as many mics as possible like for some reason that would rub people they would go nuts about it like what do you guys think you're doing

it's like okay we're just toning our crown we're just trying not to die in Chicago yeah yeah yeah and also trying to do what we love to do

yeah I don't really think about that element of it but like how we got to do yeah i don't really think about that element of it but like how we got to know each other is literally like we were both starting at the same time like hey there's so much comedy here let's do some of it yeah and we had carpools where it was like us and our group of three other friends and then people would fall off but we'd still yeah it was like the group has changed over the years but like the core of us are still friends now like four of us have moved here like

we started to show back in chicago but yeah just basically can i tell them when i was like okay yeah yeah go ahead i one time we used to host this mic at cole's bar you know exactly what i'm about to say the racist guy yeah yeah okay so hosting hosting this mic was like exhausting. It's five hours. Cameron Esposito started it. Five? Oh, wow. Five. It started like now 12 years ago by Cameron Esposito. And Adam Burke.

So we inherited it. Yeah. We inherited it. And then 60 comedians a night. 60 comedians. 9.30 or 2 a.m. And we always, unless it was like a snowstorm or something crazy, there was always that. That seems illegal.

Yeah. unless it was like a snowstorm or something crazy there was always that that seems illegal yeah well for for the the cost of living in chicago that compensated us well enough for us to show up week after week after week and we got every every yeah fucking and in chicago as well as a comedy destination it was also the thing where like it was 60 spots so every committee in town will show up to show their like new shit and any celebrity which should only be two or three in town. If John Mulaney showed up at Kohl's in Chicago, we'd set the bar on fire. It's like literally if you've been on Conan, we're like

da da da da da. So that's the energy. Everyone's like on board, positive. It's literally like transplant some people from Brooklyn. That's what was there. The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple. Look who it is Joined by elite new friends Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her? But things could change in a New York minute

She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy What you've told her? Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City. All new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it

on City TV+. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're gonna welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes.

I'm a dude. You're a dude. And Dudes on D dudes is our brand new show we're gonna highlight players peers guys that we played against legends from the past and we're just gonna sit here and talk about them and we'll get into the types of dudes what kind of types of dudes are there grunts we got studs wizards we got freaks or dudes dude we got dogs dog we'll break down their games we'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude

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app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian.

Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami.

Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison

from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations. I was a desperate, delusional dreamer, and the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate, delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine. I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything but me. It took years for me to break that, like years of work. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one.

Got it, got it. And then also comedy people. So there's a list, as we mentioned, right? And sometimes we bump funnier people or people who have been doing it longer just to like, you can't have 60 people that are new to comedy. Oh my God, just working through a line. Yes. Working a lineup at that scale, because we do it for 50 people oh yeah oh yeah you guys just show it's

insane yeah okay so you're so you're like yeah so he this guy so you sign up some people sign show up at 5 30 like the lottery system here like stops that from happening right like is it called lottery like it's like a drawing drawing it's very brutal and efficient but it's so much it makes so much more sense in a way we have a host who does time

like you can do time if you're an asshole between people and like so yeah I would do 10 minutes at the top then I would host 15

then she would do 10 then she would host 15 then we'd alternate 10 10 10 until we died at 2am wow so this guy he got there late or on time really

if you sign up at nine you're already fucked right so he was like 38 he's already wrong yeah so he come and men this happened to me multiple times men did not like the women were charged with this it was always like they would try to like bully us into bumping them and we'd be like yeah no kill me i don't care. It was mostly a wonderful and pleasant experience. Oh, I loved it. It was like, it held me such, yeah, 90% of the time

was incredible. Yeah. And we both, I feel like I became a better comedian for it. I became a great, I'm sure. And definitely riffing,

like it taught me, I can riff, like it just, that was it. Anyway. Love that. So he's late 30s and this man.

Wearing like a Miami Vice type blazer. No, no, no, that's the other one. And this man. Miami Vice type. No, no, no. That's the other one. It was two dudes who would never be friends in real life. One of them, like she said, Miami Vice plays it with. Yeah. No, no, no. The guy who record.

So there's one guy. He's younger, like late 20s, maybe 30s. He has like a silver briefcase. OK, no. And a hat, a fitted cap all white in chicago in winter then the other guy like 50 60s full-on dad jeans to his waist polo i'm like how are you guys together someone else was telling me they went to another open mic where they were spending so much money and being assholes so anyway that's the context of who these people are so the guy he keeps coming over

but a lot of people are coming over. Like, hey, when am I up? And I'm like, 34. We're currently on 12. 12? Really? I'm like, I'm sorry. And they treat you like a restaurant host.

Yeah. And I'm like, I can't. This is what you have to do. People will be like, I have work. And I'm like, so do I. And I'm here to tweet. So anyway, he's getting entitled piss. So at some point, he starts falling asleep in the

front this is after he's asked me four times when he's up so i make a joke of his i like say something everyone looks and laughs and he like so fast forward to when it's his turn yeah this is legit this is dad or this is younger briefcase dad okay briefcase guy hasn't gone up yet he's just in the audience with a woman who's like, and not to, I would never shame another, too hot for him, but also,

I would never shame another woman or anything, but like just, the people at the other bar was like, she showed up here, he gave her some money, they've been together

the whole time. So two and two. Is it just friendship? I don't know. Who cares? The point is, the point is, the point is,

yeah, like she had to endure this because these people are so he goes up this is actually like one of the worst things that's happened to me on stage but she goes up she goes up uh he goes up he i introduce him right as i get off stage i don't even hear what he says because i'm just in my head like who's next that are looking at the list like we're in the slog. So I just hear people in the audience go. And I heard everything that happened.

Like I'm off stage watching all the machinery turn. And he says he starts, you know, commenting on her body, which is the first thing men attack. I can tell you exactly what he said. Well, girl, I'm trying to be euphemisms here. I'm trying to talk around it because, you know, the first thing, like, entitled people who start bombing. First of all, all the entitled people always bomb. I don't know why that is. Hold on.

The people that leave you alone or maybe ask once because they're anxious, usually, like, you'll have a good set. But, like, people who are in your ass, like, hey, what's next, what's next, what's next, and, like, annoying. Because they're desperate. Bombs. Yeah. So he starts going in on Science Body. My first instinct is hit the sound i don't know how to use technological buttons or whatever so i'm like well what i have to do is jog to the stage then and so he's going in he starts being

racist talking about oh what's your name he called me shalonda like doing all of them just like time yeah that was like so vile and I just I'll tell you cause it's like you can google me and look at my body like I make small breasts as women so it's the spirit behind the comment more than the actual I'm perfect like I like my body

I don't have to wear a bra it's great but he goes with black women you know fine body on that one but with black women if you don't have titties and ass what's the point so that's the energy

was that what people gas shot yeah and then it's already like you're fucking up because me and her are here all the time they like us

we give these people free drinks all night you're really gonna attack this is your opener and then he proceeds to bomb so that's when he starts calling us Shalonda

and Shalonda and then at first I was like people started to boo him when he talked about my body but i was like no no no leave it because i was so excited to go on stage and roast this person but then once he started saying racist shit it was like i because you want when someone does that you want to be in a place where you can be calm enough to destroy them and not get emotional but they've escalated it so oh my god it's not even over yet so he gets off I grab a mic we go get the fuck off we're both screaming at him

well I'm just trying to like start this like sort of show time at the apartment Miami Vice with the silver briefcase and the coke pulls out his phone and starts recording this shit like it's funny and yelling world star I was like bitch I got your world star cause we were not even like it was like he said that's just adding whatever

yeah but then one of these white dudes i have to shout out john march or loose king i don't know if he's still doing and uh but he's in chicago zone now brooklyn resident charlie vercoe yes he came to our rescue his phone this man's out of his hand it flies in the back the comedians start throwing like moving it cause they don't want to he's like my phone

da da da da and so then every the finally security comes as I guess people and security's like this huge dude Larry

who's like the nicest person but like can tell you how to kill someone with a finger physically gigantic man internally teddy bear

like soft the kindest but if you saw him and he's like angry at you you're gonna do what he wants you to do like his hand is like all of our hands so then he gets off cause security's like you have to go you have to go then Miami Vice the dude is still

trying to go up and I was like what? he wants his four minutes of stage time after that point I was like how fucking, I literally was four minutes of stage time after that. Yeah. After that point, I was like, how fucking dare you? And Cole is like, hey, Cole. Yeah. Like he refuses it.

But like I was so you ever be so angry, like you cry. Like I just felt that in that moment. And it was like, but yeah, he never did it. Literally people like that. The fact that he still wanted to go up on stage is so. The entitlement it's well it's what it is it's like people like that never know to leave a space when they're not welcome it's like

they are like I'm gonna stay here and literally take up space even though it's been made explicitly clear that I don't belong here that I'm not welcome right like crazy to me but that is like out of a fucking TV show I couldn't believe it it was so surreal it was mostly not like that I also want to be like most. But that is like out of a fucking TV show. I couldn't believe it. It was so surreal. It was mostly not like that.

I also want to be like, most of Chicago comedy is like fun times and good stories. And the thing important to know is that all the comedians had our back. Like all the comedians were like, everybody in the room, everybody like,

love Chicago. Love Chicago. I love that story. And that's like a big seminal moment for you guys in your friendship. Well, for me, I just was like, it was, I would just feel so attacked. And it felt like in that moment, like she had my back fully. I feel like I've threatened a lot of people for even looking at you.

Yeah, she has actually. Actually, there was a time before our party. Another Wednesday. What did you say to Sonya? Don't make me kill you. Don't make me do this. A woman once told me, people always comment on my body, but a woman once told me I don't wear enough dresses or something

this older female comedian in the back was like I'll throw you out of the window right now yeah I mean I don't have that was too high that was so high

I didn't know what was happening why is she saying shit like that to people like we're adults who does that like that's weird energy

and I don't have time for it oh my god have we ever had to throw down for each other I want to say we have, but I don't know. Hopefully people just aren't

like coming at y'all all the time either. No, I don't think anyone's ever said anything fully fucked up. Well, I talked about this

on another episode, but this, we did this photo shoot where the stylist kept coming up to me and saying, and like, they did like an eye makeup

thing with me where that was just like a Spider-Man eye over my eye like this and then like you would someone would look at that and say oh that's like spider-man yeah this this stylist comes up to me and goes wow i love this very pokemon pikachu pikachu pikachu pikachu and the two makeup artists were also asian we're also these two japanese women i just i i heard it out of the corner of my eye from across the room because I was getting fitted and everyone just the three of them all just go no

yeah what you didn't like have to throw it but that was the moment where you like looked at me and I looked over across the thing and I was kind of like you would have stepped in if it had gotten really bad had I been right there I think I would have turned to him and been like by this because he kept coming back and saying that and by that time I was have turned to him and been like, mm-mm. Because he kept coming back and saying that, and by that time,

by the second time, I was like, no, that's not it at all. Those are defining moments when you learn who your writers are. If you feel attacked and you look over, you make eye contact with your person, your friend in the room, and if they're not ready emotionally to at least fight, then

that's not a writer. That moment for you two, you guys were each other's writers, writer that moment for you two you guys were each other's writers and then you but then like but then you guys you guys had already been spending five hours a week with each other yeah and we also ran it so it was like twice a week or once a week and then we also had a monthly show that we ran once a month yes yeah that was great it's still happening now like yeah our friends back home yeah can I say something about Chicago yeah

depends I will I must say this it is like the scene there is like so charming which sounds like

this sounds so whatever gross I don't mean to like sound patronizing it just seems like the city itself is a great city to like go out and then get drunken

and like 100% it's so easy to have a good time. And it's cozy. You know what I mean? Like it's like every space I go to, it's like, you know, a lot of the spaces in New York, I'm like, yeah, this is a space. But it's like we're all sort of uncomfortable.

In Chicago. Right. But in Chicago, it was. It's great. What was that show that you did and Janelle was also on it? Janelle James. You were on the bill. Oh, it was.

It was at the Green Mill. It was a paper machete. Oh, paper machete. Oh, I love paper machete. Day drinking on a Saturday afternoon. Oh, Paper Machete. Oh, I love Paper Machete. Day drinking on a Saturday afternoon on a speakeasy. Music. Music. It was so good.

That was really fun. Such a fun vibe. Like everywhere you go, it's a fun vibe. And it's not hard to find that. Like that is rare in a city. I was glad to have started there and glad to have started there around the time that you did. Because there is so much comedy to do. Like we were brand new comics.

And like on a Monday night you could easily hit five open mics in a night and get like a month's worth of stage time in two weeks just because there's so much to do like and also there's no industry people there like making decisions and like you can toil in obscurity there for years and just show up on a coast good

at comedy and nobody knows who you are and I love that about Chicago because here I feel like the second you show up i know if there's if you were a half a damn it's like so what i want you to do is come in here and i'm like none of this shit was in chicago there's no comedy central in the audience at a bar show like that's not existent but it feels like i said it's like literally i can't stop saying it but like we i felt like in chicago we were playing a simulation of what this is because in chicago we care just as much yeah of course like we i felt like in chicago we were playing a simulation of what this is because in chicago we cared just as much yeah of course like shows i can tell you the stakes were way

lower but it felt like if i don't get booked on blah blah show i'm not a real comedian and then yeah and then you get here you're like oh wait like people get paid like i don't you can make money i don't i was like fighting over shows for drink tickets yeah but like she said like you can just get so much better try things fail you set your own pace

yeah and people feel this way about New York too though I mean like it's so interesting to hear you say that because like I always think I never spent time in Chicago

I've spent all my time in New York like we were just saying I've been here for a decade like doing this and I think the next place I'll go like the progression

would be LA because I think like what I've always thought for a decade doing this. And I think the next place I'll go, the progression would be LA. Because I think what I've always thought is like, for me anyway, starting in New York, they've always talked about New York as the place you cultivate and get good. And you suffer, but people are like you. And then you go out to Los Angeles to work because that's when you're ready to be sold.

That seems like the trajectory for the people I know. I'm not in a rush to get to this la phase i'll be honest with you i'm having a good time here just chilling out like because you can also have you can also be a career stand-up here you know what i mean you can be a career comedian here but in la it's like you know that's where you actually truly and that's where the industry expands a little bit we were talking about doing more than stand up before we got on but see Chicago is a place where you like I didn't

even I sometimes forget all of our friends that started in Chicago like but they're so good yeah right John Mulaney Jaboukie like so many people you guys didn't really

Spend that much time To like I'm just using Like toiling in obscurity Well I mean It feels like it Really

I feel like I'm still So I don't feel like I like served my tenure Like I was That's where I lived So that's where I started Yeah It was like a destiny

You moved to Chicago To pursue comedy Where'd you come from DC I had a friend who It was so random I had a friend who was like Hey I'm in the Second city director's program And was so random. I had a friend who was like,

hey, I'm in the second city director's program and da, da, da. Like I took a class. I was just in a place where I didn't know what I was going to do. And then he was like,

yeah, you should come to Chicago. And I like visited and then I was like, fuck it. I just moved. Yeah, why not? But I didn't know

like I was fully going to do stand up. I was taking it for all for gloves. Right, of course. We've all been there. But I'm not, guys. I have not been there but yeah i'm not good i've not been there and you'll never need to no no she's a liar because you were an ambassador for two minutes

well yeah i was a second city ambassador because it was a scam to get they needed to lure black people in and i was like i can help very that yeah i was like are you gonna give me money absolutely i'll lure my friends to spend thousands of dollars on this bullshit yeah i've heard about this weird little thing it does i don't think it exists anymore and i was not a good fit for the program because i don't i didn't understand improv i didn't know the structure of their yeah you know school i was just like y'all need black faces because people are mad at you got it i'll take what the check and here's the thing it was just an exchange for discounted prices and they were offering discounted prices to people who were interested in their classes who were from diverse backgrounds.

So it was on the up and up. I just didn't last because I didn't care about that at all. Excuse me. Hi. Are you a smile hider? What I mean by that is do you hide your teeth in group pics or just not smile when meeting someone because you don't like how your teeth look. Let's get something straight. Your teeth, that is. Clever. You know, the ones you cover when you laugh or hide when someone breaks out a camera. I'm actually one of you

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listeners. Get $150 off your invisible aligners at smiledirectclub.com slash podcast and use offer code ding dong. That's smiledirectclub.com slash podcast offer code ding dong. Okay, so at some point in every Lost Culture East this episode, I brandish the fact that I am in therapy and that Matt is not, but don't worry, we'll get him there. But if you are also thinking about getting a therapist but aren't sure where to start, betterhelp.com online counseling is there for you. BetterHelp makes it easy to connect with licensed professional counselors, caring professionals specializing in the issues that you want to talk about. Whether it's depression, stress, or anxiety, or trauma, or grief, or self-esteem issues,

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you can get 10% off your first month with discount code DINGDONG. All one word. If you've been wanting to talk to someone, get started today and go to betterhelp.com forward slash DINGDONG and simply fill out the questionnaire to help them assess your needs and get matched with a counselor you'll love and one that you can always change if necessary. So that's betterhelp.com forward slash DINGDONG with promo code DINGDONG. Did you guys take improv classes? well Bowen like really started doing comedy and improv it was like my gateway because I did it

in high school and I would go I would do college tours and I'd be like yeah cool so do you guys have an improv group here like that was my leading question whenever I wherever I went I was like that gross you were spreading the love of improv well i was just like that was like the interest that i led with and i was like lying to myself thinking i was gonna be like i was gonna go to med school i was like well but i actually like

what my selection has to do with yeah your interests yeah which is which was my interest and like i i like relegated it to like a side hustle when i was in college which is weird i was a sketch boy. Yeah. I did sketch comedy and like did take improv classes, but never got over the nervousness of doing like the UCB form of improv. And I always, I also like,

I don't know. I think it's definitely like being gay. Like I was very not comfortable with myself and I don't think you can do good improv being too in your head because you're just blocked. Not present. Yeah, I just, for me, I was just so preoccupied that I needed that preparation.

At the time, I would never have been able to just get on a stage like I do now and kind of like riff with an audience. Like that takes time. Like you were saying, like hosting is like a real skill to cultivate.

It really is. So much. You know, going up and doing a seven to 10 minute set, like whatever, like we all, we know what we're doing. So we go up there and do it. You don't know what's going to be going down when you go up there to host, you know, like some when, even when we host our live show, which we do frequently, like it's, it's, it's

an energy that you have to get on board for and you are really performing with the audience and that's different. It's different. So I only think, and only now could I do that successfully, I think, because I'm not in for and you are really performing with the audience and that's different yeah so i only think and only now could i do that successfully i think because i'm not in my head and i feel the same way with improv you're going up there and you don't know what's about to happen and i wasn't comfortable with that yeah i don't think it's a type of mentality because i would be an improv i would be an improv like say this and say that and say that you can't be that type of person

who's like orchestrating i know I'd be writing on the back wall I would be fully like I'll go out and say this and then this person will probably say this and this would be a funny thing to happen third because I really start

my whole education and background is in writing so I couldn't stop do you guys feel this way where like especially maybe ever since you guys moved to New York

you like the little tiny skills that we've had that we that you are required to pick up like working like like I'm sorry this video game analogy works with so much stuff because it feels like what's your video game

now well like everything in Chicago was just like a simulation to just take that to like a new yeah like everything in Chicago is like we're picking up these skills like in the first level of a video game and then when you get to New York, you got to like beat all the bosses. It's like all these skills I accumulated over the years, like remembering to do this, learning how to perform. Because when I learned how to when I when we first started, I think like I knew how to write a joke.

And Sonia came from an acting background. I thought she was like a magician because I was writing my jokes. I would put the comma in and that's where I would read. And I would recite my jokes at the audience the way I had written them. Yeah. And she came in like emoting and like knowing where the line is. It was harder to write jokes. Yeah.

Like I would tell too much detail. Like we had different. I feel like it's about finding your strength. Using all the things. Yeah. But that's like on a broad. Totally. That's that's like you can like

hone that like in any place and that's great but i feel like once you start to like do stuff like you have your own tv show basically like yeah you basically have to like like sonia like i'm sure you had to like learn how to like deliver something to camera or like know where to look or like know your angle and like know how to like know about continuity or be like you know it's like these little bullshit things we were talking last night in Uber or Lyft sorry cause Sonya doesn't believe in Uber's corporate policies and I don't think any

of us here do we shouldn't I just I don't you know I'm broke so I'm a Lyft bitch yeah we were talking about like back in 2012 like I think I was trying to be grateful cause I was drunk like imagine in 2012 if we would have seen ourselves now in New York City talking to John Mulaney. But it is. I do that a lot.

It's nice, right? Also, the other side of that, the negative side of it was, did you think that when we decided to like go on stage and like tell our little jokes that we'd have to be thinking about all the rest of this shit too? Like all this side stuff. That's the thing about New York. All this career stuff. You get here and you're like oh shit there's so much more outside of performing yeah like managers ages people and industry things and would you do this and like uh it's full-time and also now i do too i actually try to embrace every part of it like even the social media aspect of like branding yourself and appearing to be like and so it almost like makes you cut yourself some slack

for like doing that whole thing of like yes social media is a projection but also i we need to do it because you have to be appealing um and so but something that i mean i actually think the biggest part of it and especially now that i'm we're at a certain point, it's like when you meet with people, you have to be personable. And like to me, it's like actually a lot of this career is being able to have conversations and like audition in a room as yourself. Right. You know what I mean? That's a general, right? Like they tell you like, oh, we're just going to sit here and talk.

But it's like you're trying to make sure i'm not ourselves those are the most important and that i could be yeah a person who could be around you i hated them so much but well now i can i can now i think it teaches you how to talk to like yeah in an interview situation or whatever like just to be like bring bring bring hit and slip in some pressure about they're new to me and i'm having a great time like i didn't know I was like who wants to talk to me oh my god I'm like how do they know I exist tell me more what do you like about my yeah yeah yeah oh wow

this is great have you been in one where they didn't really know who you were not yet like I've only been on like five and I'm like are you guys quoting my jokes like tell me more and then I finally want you to say shit back so I have to like work on that part like you gotta like pick stuff I was going in unprepared before i had like management or any like yeah or any representation whatsoever i was just like fielding random emails like show up at this building for this network and

i'm like tell this person your name yeah i was so excited now i'm like yeah no these are important meetings that should be leading to opportunities not just compliment sessions for you so we business you know? We did a bunch together when we were out in LA. Really? Yeah, we had a script. It was scripted, honey. It was like, we would be telling, they'd be like, so how'd you guys meet?

And that was like cue to start the routine. We had a set. You have to do it like that in order to get it in. The learning curve. And then I used to have like, I had bullet points for my story and then I had jokes I had jokes i was slipped in gotta tell if you're an immigrant gotta tell a joke about your mama i'm not into it and then i would do the second part where i'm picturing things i like but yeah before that i would just be like shit i didn't tell them this i didn't tell them they are shows you're performing so whenever i have like a bunch

of meetings in a day i'm like that's three or four shows and then you know that night you have two so it's like it's that makes me enjoy it like I started enjoying once I thought that

because I was like okay can I say something crazy about this though as much as I'm thinking about my career here and I think we were just talking about this too

like I'm glad that we've been so like you feel disconnected with your friends here but I feel like we've had shows together recently and we're doing this which is great because we're talking about a lot of the same shit even but I feel like we've had shows together recently and we're doing this, which is great.

Cause we're talking about a lot of the same shit. Even though I feel like my career is more focused here. I also feel for some reason, like this is the first time we've actually like chilled out and thought about our personal lives, like living in like a career life. In Chicago you just feel like, yeah,

we were just like comedy is everything. Yeah. I would tell them like me and my ex, we'd be like comedy first. And you know that like, yeah, it just there was nothing else. There was no time. We were very young. Yeah.

And now we're tired. Yeah. It's also hard to imagine like we would be in Chicago like here. My God, like mics are harder. And the fact that like it's only comedians or people are comedians. It's comedians. But in Chicago, there's people, but it's so much longer so we would sit for like five hours six hours

to do four fucking minutes and now that's crazy but think about like we were just you did the thing with Taraji and all the things they must have seen but they must have come up together like all the things we complain about now think about who we were at those tables with and what they're doing now like

that shit sucked but like Jaboukie is a real life celebrity right now he sold out all of his shows 5 shows in a row 280 seating capacity I googled it I knew he was doing he was sitting there doing his 5 hours too so I'm like wow that shit sucks like

you tend to love this so many people who like were at those little awful tables with us and that little weird bar. It's what you do. And they're winning right now. And I'm like, hell yeah.

Like we served our little time. Here's one thing I think that was literally just thinking about this the other day. It's like, sometimes people will ask me what my interests are and I'll be like, well, I do comedy. Right.

And then it's like, it's so interesting because in order to do good comedy, you must be speaking about your interests and talking about your life so it's like it is that thing of like when you wake up every day and it's about this but you have nothing else to compound that yeah that's not it it is important to be out there and like yeah you know experiencing you know dating and like that there's a reason why these things get discussed ad nauseum in comedy is because we only make room for the things that are essential. And so that's why when someone comes in

and they have a real take on something that's a new experience, that's why we all snap our necks in our direction because it's like, wow, how did you have time to have that interesting thing happen? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also think it's like

when you make this the most important thing in your life and there is nothing else, it's like if you make this the most important thing in your life and there is nothing else. It's like if you get rejected from like a festival or a show or whatever, it feels like so much bigger when you have nothing else that makes you happy. Yeah. I realized that was. We've chilled out on a lot of things. That's why when I got here, I realized like I can't just have comedy be the only like the only thing that makes me happy because when I wasn't doing well, it was what the fuck else am i doing and here there's real stakes yes legit when you get those things

yeah you get them and then they're over oh yeah so for example like with like jfl i went two years ago and now it's it's over it's this thing that i crossed off my off my list and it's like that i've been sitting there for years for years years and so now it's like wait what are my goals now it's like you keep moving if you have the certain mentality that i think we used to have more and we still do like we're still ambitious people but i'm happy for the balance because it used to be like never being happy or never being satisfied because you're always moving your own goalposts back and back as soon as you get that thing that we we would complain about not doing shows yeah yeah we do the show the show be good and then be like okay so what's next like what am i upset about not having now you pull up your phone and your friend is like hey i'm opening for you like bitch i'm not

doing anything in my life i don't feel like that anymore like we were 25 or some shit like i'm just like a different person yeah like i don't have time for it anymore you just sort of like get to a place where you can like yeah like comedy you also I think one thing too is like we all kind of believe like I have to if I don't do this I will never get out of this thing and then you get to a point

where you're like I can have a balanced life like I can be happy I can be chill and not yeah it's so much better the times now when I'm at peace yeah i had a really good first week of january and i was really like my brain was clicking well i'm off now but i'm gonna be back but i felt like it was like the first time i was like oh like yeah i don't have to really be obsessively with this i took some like i just didn't do sets for a while because

i was home yeah but yeah that's what i think like it's either either if you're not living an active life then you better hope to god that there's some good shit happening in not and quote-unquote good shit like yeah mineable shit that's going on in the pop culture or in politics or something like that and so it's so funny because like but i also don't apply that to now because people talk about the fucking nightmare we're living in right now and then they say this shit like well it's good for comedy and it's like i'd rather this so it's like so that's why lately i've been trying to live my life because like i actually use my own life for basis of things because i am not talking about the hellscape that is yeah topical people have to do topical comedy right now like wow kudos like i mean you know in the

for the show like yeah it was a drain like that seemed exhausting trump it was so exhausting like what can we talk about today and make it fun oh well sometimes there was no fun stuff to talk about we'll talk about law and order hate crime yeah exactly like i was manufacturing opinions at some point i was like do i care about cynthia nixon's bagel or am I gonna have to come up from my knees with this opinion like where's the opinion coming from yeah that's what's hard about the talk show format is you're often like I primarily do jokes about like myself and things yeah like that but like so it's like it was hard to like shift and care it was fun though it was so fun but it's just like a different I think if you I wouldn't want to always do that like i wouldn't want to be full-time talk show host even though some of my favorites like conan and like yeah

that's my incredible i just think it takes a type of person that's fine being in that like constantly reading up on the horrible shit he's doing right to figure out how to make it funny and that's what my question was earlier where it was like did you ever think that you would have to pick up all these crazy random fucking skills where it's like I have to learn how to like transition into the next question? In my ear where she's telling me things and I'm trying to like listen the same time. It was it was such a learning experience. And I felt like I honestly didn't know the scale of that. Right.

Julie Miller, who created the show. Shout out to her. And she was when we shot the pilot. Yes. It was me, her. Yes. Three people for the panel. Me.

I was there at the pilot. Yes, you were there. And two other people. And it was, what was that? Ten people who were there for production? It was so small. It wasn't more than a dozen. It was truly like a small operation.

Yeah, so when we sell it facebook buys it i'm like oh okay we'll still facebook so probably a little bigger but then i got there and it would be like 40 people on three from four it was a production it was like i so it was like getting used to that like it was very yeah and then you are the host of that and it is and you know that moment of i remember looking at you and we'd be on the panel and like I was like, God, I wonder if it ever gets like comfortable to do that because you were amazing. But it is this thing of like you. They were literally in your ear. And I'm like, oh, my God.

Well, that's crazy. It's like a robot because I'm trying to listen. But I also pretend to look at you. I remember that. I remember it happening. I was like, not only does she have to negotiate a relationship with us on the panel, she's also going to be on this like copy copy which is on the screen and also be taking suggestions and notes from ep in her ear and also with the added thing of potentially there was a celebrity like regina fucking i could when she came i was so anxious i mean the ones actually most of the time when they had celebrity guests i really was like

i'm not comfortable with it me neither because i just was like what if i ask her because there was one weird moment with me and regina king was that i remember it i'm sure no one thought about it for a second tell say what you're thinking when i said so you've been in a lot of black classics and i was going on to list something else and talk about how she's also branched out but she thought i think she thought i was trying to pigeonhole her for a second she's like i've been a lot of classics yeah but it was nothing like it was to her it was nothing but And she's like, I've been in a lot of classics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was nothing. It was nothing. To her, it was nothing. But me, I was like,

oh. Oh, no, no, no, no. And then Santee Gold was on an episode. Oh, right. It was all black women. I don't know. I didn't put that directly about that. I was so gagged to meet Tiara O'Hara.

Tiara was so nice. So sweet. And she's popping so hard right now. I'm so happy for her. The first day I was there, it was not my episode, but she had been on the episode before me, was my queen.

Regina Hall. Regina Hall. Oh, my God. She was so nice. And been on the episode before me, was my queen. Regina Hall. Oh, my God. She was so nice. And that was for Support the Girls, right? So nice. Yeah. Which she then ended up racking up awards for, too, at the end of the year.

And everyone, it's like everyone's favorite movie. Yeah, you guys had, like, good taste. Good pressure taste, yeah. I mean, not for nothing, but you don't get better than Regina Hall. I mean, like, she. Not a poor insight. Like, she is stunning. Oh, she's beautiful stunning

hasn't aged hasn't aged and so nice so genuinely yeah everybody honestly every guest that came on even like lala who had like a tired day like yeah lala by the end of it was like remember she was like so good she was like thank you so much she was like i thought she was like i was dreading this day but like you guys like really made it fun i feel like everybody i feel like the level of production you guys put on also set a tone for like the amount of effort the guests were gonna put in yeah that's true yeah it was like you showed up it's nice let's just try everybody it was good yeah that was like my first like real big thing like that and it was like so nice that everybody who worked on their own like everyone first like real big thing like that and it was like

so nice that everybody who worked on their own like everyone from like Bethany Townsend did makeup and like everybody cared

about doing a good job and brought such positive energy I was very I felt close to Hillary Hillary and hair

and also everyone and makeup I was like I live for everyone here and shout out to Sachi Azura yeah Sachi the whole thing was great and also what and makeup I was like I live for everyone here and shout out to Sachi and Kelly yeah Sachi the whole thing was great

and also what I was thinking before was like you have to do all that stuff and then also know that there's 40 people watching the screen so it's like when you stumble over a word

you're like you have to just like focus on the fact that you have to say it again you know what I mean but that is hard and it's also a lot of pressure

towards the end i was like yeah yeah i could tell when you were but you turned it on so fast and bone was talking about the skills that you pick up over the way no one's on you this whole time from the time back 2014 13 the skills you pick up like doing stuff like hosting coals on nights where shit is bad having to be on having to like yeah when you're tired do you want to drink plus here's my joke here's the next comic let's think about this like all those cylinders are firing once you get the once you secure the bag you know what i mean all that work you do along the way is like how you secure the bag in 2018 it's literally like the journey that was a cool show i remember when we auditioned for you for it

i was like i think that would be good on it. And I was really pumped when we got it. I was already like, they're going to do it. Like, yeah. Oh my God. That was a journey too, behind the scenes.

Because from the pilot to getting picked up. It was so much. Like, honestly, I loved it. But towards the end, I was like, I have to, like I was,

it was just so much. The thing too is like, I had to get used to people writing for me. Oh yeah. And I can't be in everything and look at every line but it was like it really helped me like understand how i would like work in my future projects like things i create but also like how to be truly collaborative because i feel like as stand-ups like we decide what we're gonna tell how we're gonna tell it like you tell

us how much time and where it's very insular the way that we yeah and then working with someone else and like not being like that's not the type of joke i would make and just being like you know what like how can we come together and actually yeah that was like the biggest challenge but it was i'm so grateful for that totally experience it was fun it was so great we need to talk about you rebecca hey can we talk about this i don't know you opening for two dope queens every single night that was so good fun. By the time this comes out, it'll be like, out, out, out. You were there all five nights. You did? Becca's a great host.

Well, thank you, sweetheart. We were in the trenches together learning how to do this shit. I better be getting some money for it in 2019. This was like 3,000 people in the King Theater. It was incredible. Insane space. Becca was holding it down as the warmup comic,

the warmup act, like was like just set up that room so, so fucking well. I will say we were just talking about productions and what good energy they have and how that sets the tone for everything. Honestly, being at King's Theater, watching two beautiful black women run that shit, be in charge of that shit,

book that shit. I can't say who the guests are, but the people they pulled out who were honored to be there to see Phoebe and Jessica like two black girls in our age group. I'm like, oh, what could go wrong? Like literally all these people paid tickets to see. I felt so great doing it. Like I met Phoebe at a

festival that no longer exists called Bridgetown in 2013 and like I remember Bridgetown yeah I remember Portland Portland doesn't exist anymore well we're gonna be there on February 19th so I hope it's there oh well it'll come back for you yeah they would never Portland would never

cancel us off before you came through Phoebe is I don't know Jessica I don't know her that well either but she is queen Phoebe came. Phoebe came on Las Culturistas when it was still pretty early. She's always been so supportive. Phoebe is one that will send a text.

You know what I mean? She checks in. She's so nice. She sent me a text the other day that was just thinking of you. I was like, why are you thinking of me? I posted something on Instagram. She's like interviewing Michelle Obama.

Also remembering her friends. Like what a queen. What a true dope queen. Yet another selling book. Why not? What a true dope queen. They're so good. Yeah, I really was happy to be a part of that.

And like the lineups they have, like the comics that are booked. Yeah. Amazing. Everybody's looks were great. Like they had different themes every night i was just also just happy to be hosting again because like since i moved here i've been doing like sets at every bar in brooklyn like every bar every bar so many bars and i'm like i'm just happy to be hosting now there's like a whole new level like in chicago it was like club bar shows like that is it and like now you realize well here there's

like you could do a comedy central showcase you can actually open for someone on a weekend that's it was like club bar shows. Like that is it. And like now you realize, well, here there's like, you could do a Comedy Central showcase. Sure, sure, sure, sure. You can actually open for someone on a weekend that's not like,

whoa, Zany's. Totally, totally. The only opening gig. We love Zany's. I love Zany's. Yeah,

Zany's is great. That's where I did my TV show back home. So love you guys. Zany's, Chicago, and Rosemont. Check them out. If you're listening,

please. Yeah. Things are changing a ton here though. I was just talking about that. Like, you know what? It's so crazy, but like I came up through ucb and so now just to to look from five years ago to now like it's crazy ucb is now closed yeah and by the time this episode comes out it will be closed this happened very quickly yeah ucb house kitchen is now the space

um okay and okay and you know it's an adjustment and it's just it just goes to show you like if you're out there doing it like you know

take it in because like that UCB Chelsea space that was that was a very special space with a lot of

with a lot of memories and a lot of moments so and you know you're living in major cities where there's a lot of turnover and it's hard to keep businesses open so you know what when if you go out there and like i don't know you know what i mean just like support tell friends about the shows that you're

doing like because these spaces are not going to be there forever yes but i think what we're the four of us are doing now is like really taking a second to like check in and like do a thing about like our own careers, which like for anyone, for anyone listening and thinking that this is like, so like masturbatory, it's not because it's like, we're really just,

we don't take, we don't take the time in our own lives to do this. I think to really actually think about where we are, where we want to go. Why, what led us to the places that we are. I didn't even know we were going to have a career chat today, but you know,

it's been very healthy. Well, that's why I was literally saying, we got you guys in the moment of the glow. And last night, it's like... We didn't even tell. Well, last night, literally, they were on Jaboukie's Caroline show, and John Mulaney tweeted afterwards

about Rebecca and Sonia and Pat and Jaboukie and everyone that was on the show and it's just like first of all it was a gag to see that and that's the biggest stand up that's working right now and to know all the names that's very cool and to be like to find the twitter handles that was very thoughtful very nice

so incredibly kind I was like gagged that we were having you guys here today because like that is like pretty fucking cool and so we were having you guys here today because that is pretty fucking cool. I'm very happy about all of that. And we were just talking about what a nice, nice guy he is. So nice. It's not always like that when you meet people

that are super successful, but in that situation, it is great. We should ask the question. We should ask the question. Because we always ask the question of all of our guests, and we've kind of danced around it because we did talk origins, but on Las Culturistas, and I do know how to say the name of my own podcast despite many people not sure my own father goes is las costa ricas um recalling this week i was

like oh my god recalling this week uh are they recording recalling recalling funny pairs they're funny parents talk about oh my god it's so interesting and I was like you know dad it's not hard to say it's the word culture and then Easter so he's like

I'll get it but we on this show we ask every guest what was the culture that made you say culture was for me the defining pop culture

in your life as you were growing up that you can look back now as the adult you are and say hmm that was really kind of like important whether it be a movie a musical artist a television show a place you grew up like what was what was it let's go to rebecca first well we've talked

about comedy this whole time so i hate that mine is comedy on top of it but that's where you are well this is i do feel like it's it's it's a defining thing. Like, I grew up religious. Like, we were in church all the time. I was not allowed to watch Comic View on BET, like, ever, ever. But I snuck and watched it every single night. That's why you love this. And I never thought I wanted to be a comedian until I was in my mid-20s. Really? Wow.

But thinking back, well, I was, like, I wrote about comedy. I was like. You were a journalist because you were a journalist. Yeah, yeah, for, like, different places. So I knew I loved comedy, but I never thought I was like you were a journalist yeah yeah for like different places so i knew i loved comedy but i never thought i was gonna perform yeah but thinking back i'm like you don't think you were doing this the whole time yeah literally so probably like sneaking and watch that and just uh quoting jokes all the time and looking back my mom reminded me of this recently and i'm like yeah you're right you clocked me like literally at age 10 so who were

the comics that were being featured there that you remember um definitely deon cole he's like a chicago legend i guess he's on blackish now um i do remember seeing uh leslie what's her uh from snl leslie jones uh do bits about like being a black woman and like wanting to fuck and being aggressive and i'm like 10 years old like hell yeah like not even knowing what exactly she meant by any of those people though that really resonate with you even if you haven't experienced it like at 10 years old i felt like i knew yeah there's something about it and i really thought like this was like some of the jokes i'm like this is what it must be like to be an adult like that type of stuff also i have very like warped ideas about what was going on on comic

view like they had a setup where there was a bar on stage there were girls on stage there was like a back and forth volleying riffing with the hosts and the people behind the bar and they were like really beautiful women on stage every night and in my head who I wanted to grow up to be were the women who were like beautiful enough to sit on the stage on comic view and here's the thing it was always the same women and having a show in Chicagoago i had like a tv show for a few weeks i'm realizing like they shot all those episodes in the same day and just changed the girls shirts and moved them yeah oh yeah those comics got like 700 for doing that like nobody was famous after comic view but like looking back on that i'm like yeah this was a defining thing so comic view sneaking to watch it yeah that's a great answer because and that's also another thing

where it's like it's just a container for just different people to come flying through literally yeah because you wouldn't only ever rarely see the same person multiple times they had like regulars like as far as i remember the format like they had a few different incarnations different theme songs through different seasons but and it would evolve with like whoever was the poppinest urban i guess black comic at the time but yeah they seemed like they were keeping relevant i don't know i wasn't really in the comedy scene at age 10 but i imagine that the bookers had pretty decent taste uh and they definitely like had regulars but i was getting to see from the south side of chicago not knowing anything about comedy like the best that the black scene has to offer at the time,

which turned out to be real influential, I guess. Yeah. Talk about your, your, your path from journalism about comedy into comedy. Like what was that? I was like,

uh, so split siders website that just got bought by vulture. So it doesn't exist anymore. You were, you were for split cider. Yeah. I was like, I found it.

The, so I was, I found an editor of like the humor section, which is like the shouts and murmurs type thing so i'd be like reading and fielding humor pieces and then publishing them yeah so that was my job and then i write about like albums and stuff so i was doing that for gawker vanity fair to play a bunch of places and i started tweeting jokes because I knew I wanted to do stand up. You can't help it. You can't. And then people that I've been interviewing are liking my tweets. Maybe I'm

funny. One day I went on stage and I quit. My job is split. So I'm like three months later and they were pretty mad because I didn't explain why. I was like, I do stand up now. I need to come behind this curtain. I don't work anymore. Bye. So yeah, that's how that happened. Wow.

Pretty much. I'm similar actually because I started before I knew anything. I was 18 years old and I like started writing for the NYU newspaper. I would do film reviews

and I would like interview this like celebrities or whatever. And I realized like I don't want to be the person that interviews them. I'd rather be them. It takes a while.

It takes a while. I identify with what you're saying because before you find in my opinion what you want to do i was doing a lot of different creative stuff like writing i thought i was gonna sing for a while i can't sing like i it's not something i'm good at or should have been pursuing seriously but i wanted to do something yeah i was also doing like event promotion for recording artists in chicago for a while and like sneaker companies i'm like around sundry entertainment you were trying to catch a piece yeah i have like a lot of a lot a lot of sneakers but that's because when i was doing that type of promotion i was underage and i allowed people to pay me in shoes instead of money because i was 19 like

and all i have to show for those years in my life is like hella dead stock sneakers that i don't care about anymore like i should have gotten money. Marie Kondo. Yeah, I should have gotten cash. They were like, they're giving me something. I thought I was cool. And I was like, I was hanging around like people like Chicago hip hop people, like good music and hustle period, like Kanye's old management company. But I was getting taken advantage of.

I was doing like, I was like doing party promotion for all these people. And they're like, here's some shoes, little girl. Go away. So yeah, it's like I feel like I was like doing party promotion for all these people. And they're like, here's some shoes, little girl. Go away. So, yeah, it's like I feel like I was on the peripheries of performing all this time and I finally figured out what the fuck I wanted to do with comedy. But it's interesting that you as soon as you were like, I'm going to do this stand up thing that you like had like you that precluded you from from writing about it. Not really. There was a conflict of interest that I kept running into. I was fielding pieces that I didn't always accept

from people who were my stand-up superiors and it became an issue sometimes. But that's actually like a really... It was just a weird dynamic for a while for me to be an open mic-er telling people who I think

are funnier than me in person that we can't publish this piece. It was just weird for me and I knew instantly from my two weeks in the stand-up that i cared about that way more than anything i would have ever done on split side or like there was no comparison at all so easy choice yeah it takes a lot of self-awareness or thought though to be like instant drug laughs like i would write humor pieces and i'm like what do the people think about this we'll never know because i didn't leave any comments or nobody retweeted it i told a joke on stage and i'm like these bitches love me

and i never look back never look back that's so interesting instant drug instant drug that's it um okay sonia what was the culture that made you say culturist for me so you mean it like uh something that like made me feel like i want to do comedy or just something that made me love like it helped my life yes your life yes yes this is really weird it's not weird but Tupac I grew up like Evangelo well I didn't

okay so my parents are Rwandan yes my mom is Rwandan my dad's Haitian and like moving this country I was like four or five and it was like I just never felt like I fit in no at all they used to call us like I'll talk to the names I can African booty scratchers ask us we spoke African like

and this is like all African American neighborhood but I think it's like so it flew like it like it seemed okay for them to like tack all these things yeah and I think what it is is like in the 90s like it's not like uh what you call it like Black Panther there's no real representation of Africa that in the 90s, like it's not like, whatchamacallit, like Black Panther. There's no real representation of Africa that's like positive in any way.

It's all negative. So it's like kind of like how poor white people, some, will be like racist because at least they're under us. And then I think was the some of the black people, kids I grew up with, they were seeing all these horrible things, the huts and this, that, and third and spears and shit. And it was like, well, at least we're're not them we're not uncivilized yeah so it just was like that was the only exposure they had to africa and then i had an accent i still like listen to npr obsessively to try to lose my accent like i was just doing all these things and trying to be because i was tiny yeah but and my parents never like so okay so then i was in elementary school i went to when middle school i went to like this private school evangelical my parents are catholic but they kind of were like

it's a good private school because like the neighborhood we lived in like wasn't great at the time so uh then there's no culture in any of those schools we didn't have theater yep uh we didn't have like the literature we read was like left behind. Oh, like, yes. I was so scared of what is it called? The rapture. Yeah. For so fucking long. Yeah.

And even like they tell you about the Antichrist. Like I went to a hardcore one. We would sometimes have chapel for four hours instead of school. Like shit was awful. So when I'm going to the school, I'm not really like learn about anything. Like I hear the radio sometimes, but I remember like my cousin or someone had left the tupac cd and i don't remember which one it was because after that i just listened to every single one and i could never go anywhere either because it's like i'm 15 whatever and my friends are having parties and my

parents are like well we have to come or we have to not come sorry but we have to know who's going to be there what adult is there and you know at that age like totally there's no chaperone parties like so i just would not go and with immigrant parents forget it forget it who is this person yeah yeah yeah who is keisha so i couldn't go anywhere i didn't have any friends it was too weird so like yeah i found that cd and it just felt like it was when i. Like I think I have that now too, where I like, we were talking about like people being vulnerable. Like it just felt like minus the times when he's talking about killing people. He went through a phase, but it was like personable lyrics.

And then that was kind of my gateway into other music. Like it was just like, and then I was just sitting my own weekends, never go anywhere. I would just sit in my room listening to music. And like, I don't know it was just the first time where i was like oh art can help like art exists because my parents were like you're gonna be a lawyer or doctor or like my dad's like computer scientist something like that which i did uh but then i was like no i gotta get out you did study that yeah oh my god it was

computer science yeah she was super rich you guys I wasn't super rich I was like she has a house when I when I graduated from college yeah I worked as a

like a programmer in DC and you can make so much money there and there because it's like such a specialized thing and there's like

NIH and all these like government agencies but it's soul crushing like I just was like this isn't I'm living my life for my parents but you worked only like a few years and then I started doing comedy

and then I took off I took off a month at a hiatus because I had a panic attack in my boss's office because my team lead or whatever she was pregnant and I was being tapped to pick her. And I could see like the fork in the road of like,

because once you do that, you, once you get in management position, you have no life. It's hours and hours and hours. Yeah, exactly. And I was like,

I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I knew it wasn't this. And I went in and I was going to just be normal. And then I just, my body was just like, I was like, and he was so nice. Everyone was so, even the people that i like worked with after i like quit they would like come

to my shows like my own stupid shows and like take me out to eat after and i didn't have any money anymore and it was humiliating but they would like pay for everything i got to go to hawaii and shit no no that was years ago that was like oh five years ago i just keep telling the joke we talk about like sonya's rich friends and that That was like five years ago. I just keep telling the joke. This is still like, we talk about like Sonya's rich friends and that's from like her years as like a corporate. But they were so,

it was like people who were like, wow, like it's so cool that you're doing this. It's insane. Like you're making so much money. You could easily do this forever

and make your mom happy. And then they, everyone came through and was like, people were so nice. Like taking me to Hawaii, I didn't pay for shit. Wow.

I felt like an idiot and asshole the whole time when i'd be like no fucking take the hawaii trip tonic i have four dollars in my chase account but they were so they never were weird about it and it was always like yo we're so proud of you blah blah blah so i am fucking tupac tupac tupac he was a complicated man yeah he was i didn't think he was dead for like a year i thought of those kids like he's alive and then i saw a cracked uh article or not cracks one of the rotten remember that website yeah and it showed his fucking autopsy oh yes i don't know how i saw that i think someone sent it to me like he is dead oh my god the pictures that you some the pictures that you can see if you if you really look for it are fucking crazy. Awful. No, thank you.

Like, wait. Oh, my God. I think, no. Imagine taking a picture of that. Like, wow. The only picture I saw is after Tupac got shot, he was flipping off the camera. Like, anything beyond that. I can't see that one.

They said, who shot you? And he said, fuck the police. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything beyond that. Like, to the end. To the end. And that is your energy. You're very much like, yeah, let's do that.

I can see if somebody shot you, you flipping off the camera. You're like, can I get a gin and tonic? If somebody shot you, though, I would really try to kill them. No, Becca can tell you how she could kill anyone in a given room. She's very... No. No, no, no, no, no. I just mean she looks at security.

This is a positive. I'm not trying to... She knows. She's very prepared. So, like, if you're, no, no. I just mean she looks at security. This is a positive. I'm not trying. She knows she's very prepared. So like if you're like, it's trauma. I would just go to her house because if it was just up to me, I would lay down and die.

But Becca will be like, we can't die. We need like these survival instincts. I really do have to start thinking about how to just to protect myself no one is inspecting the food because of the shutdown that's what someone told me I always like I can't believe it

as we eat grapes from the earth like what I always joke like if there's ever like a zombie apocalypse I'm gonna be the person that's like in the group that's like we have to go now come on and I'm gonna be like okay wait let me charge my phone let me just get to an outlet we can't go now. Come on. And I'm going to be like, okay, wait, let me charge my phone. Let me just get to an outlet. We can't go.

Can we wait 15 minutes? No bitches. Don't be outside. Five minutes into the apocalypse. I'm cooking pigeons. Like I'm ready. I need to be with you then. I'd be like,

where's my weed? Oh no. Oh no. Honestly, truly, truly. If anything, if any bird box happens.

Have you seen it? No. I saw it. You saw it? Is it worth seeing? Just understand the shit? It's a good movie. It's the best.

It's one of the best Netflix movies I've ever seen. That's not saying anything. It's a qualification. The hype, I believe. Well, I've seen some good ones. They got some cute rom-coms out right now. Rom-coms are back. Oh, yeah.

Does anyone watch my film the after party no um is it the one about the rapper yeah it's called the after party yeah yeah i was so funny because i did after party and after after party at the same time so my resume looked like after crazy it was funny though because i saw my updated resume, and I'm like, that looks like a copying thing. It's a guy who was trying to get a record deal, right? Yeah. Yeah, it was funny, yeah. I was in it for two scenes in.2 seconds.

Oh, my God. That's great. But I am in the trailer. You're in the trailer, and that's what counts. You know what I love? I'll be watching stuff, and then I'll be like, oh, my God, that's a comedian. Who doesn't love that? Is it?

I annoy my family so much, because I'll be at home like hey I know him like watching like a Chase commercial or something you know who books? Evan Williams okay he is out there booking he was on the Americans like I feel like he books TV stuff booked and busy

he does have a movie star face which always helps I think it's I was gonna say I'm fucking obsessed with these career change stories like they're my favorite thing in the whole world

yeah I didn't quite experience that yeah because you guys started in college well we started in college but I like I was like I was like

applying to med school until August how did your parents it was actually you were gonna be a fucking doctor yeah and it was actually

it was a slow it was this weird they didn't like it doctor yeah and it was actually it was a slow it was this weird they didn't like it wasn't like they had the wrath of God on them like within like in the moment that I told them

I wasn't gonna do it I was like I was telling them I was thinking about not going to med school and they were like wow okay

and it was just this like slow creep of guilt yes that like poisoned everything slowly it wasn't a big cataclysmic thing so that was like

that was their reaction and now it's like over the years it's been about like going about the process of detoxifying that wow I mean they gotta be

happy now right they're happy now oh this is great they can understand like because well for them it's like they understand that their colleagues

and co-workers are coming up to them being like aren't you so proud oh my god what is this you talk about this no because okay so i did a show with city uh in um dc uh-huh uh and it was at this theater yeah you are there eating grapes in the microphone she doesn't want to chew on the grape in the microphone yeah okay you're very you're so so considerate what a skill that you have to learn

anyway a skill but my parents same thing as you where it was did you feel like I felt like I was like letting down generations

of people yes I was like my dad was constantly like you come from such a generation of nomads and farmers and all these people who suffered and like blah blah

like whatever like the sacrifices we've made my mom was always like you're my second child if I had stayed in China you wouldn't have been born all this stuff like existentially it's like so fucked up I'm like yeah I need to honor all the sacrifice and our American friends are like I want to be a juggler and their parents are like do what you

want to do with your heart juggler so yeah my parents same thing where it was like they never I don't have that type of relationship. Like my Rwanda's and my dad is like much mellow Haitian, but like he wouldn't they would never be like you're a failure. How dare you? But it was like that feeling like it was that guilt of like my mom's like, so how's this little comedy thing? And it was like that or like she they thought I had a quarter life crisis.

I got like carjacked in 2010. Oh God. It's a whole thing. But she thought that that had precipitated. Like I was like, life and death type thing. But it was like, I was already taking acting classes.

Like stop it. You know what I mean? Like on the side during my job. But it was like, I think for her, the first time when I, my mom, specifically,

because my mom moved to this country when she was like in her late 20s. So like most of her, a lot of Western culture, she gets it because she's very savvy. But she doesn't. Like anything young. She came at that time where it was like there was a divide between her upbringing versus what she was assimilated to. Right. Exactly.

So I did that show. And a lot of the people that come to the Wooly Mammoth Theater in D.C. are like, you know, like a fluent NPR type crowd. Yeah, it's a nice theater. And then there's like young people. So I did a show. They came. I did, like I mentioned that they were in the crowd and I made some jokes.

Fast forward after the show, my parents are like, oh, good, good. Like my dad is new, understood more of the references. So he's like, that was good. My mom is being supportive by default. She still doesn't get this shit. So it's like very, and then this group of white people and they all look like they have mortgages and they're like they were all like if it was people our age she would have been like please but it was people that were in their like

40s 50s late 40s 50s who were like hey is this your daughter she's so funny is this she did you know she was this funny and my mom is really like what the like her face was like wow yeah okay okay yeah and I think that was the first time where they saw it like

wait a minute there's a theater here's a pamphlet and then the more stuff you do I think for them it's a big thing is I can afford I pay my own bills

there you go yeah the very least I'm not gonna die on the street full of what is this like my mom does not understand what stand up is Kyrie Yates

she tries to explain it she's like i told my friend you on the facebook posting i don't she doesn't forget it like like a streaming show like yeah have you ever tried to explain like they're like so what's going on and you try to explain a job you got 100 i'm like what is the why am i even talking i'll be like i'm shooting sponsored content in montreal and they'll be like what the fuck are you saying yeah i'm doing a voiceover yeah part of me kind of like wishes my parents didn't understand it so well expectations like you know what i mean it's like this thing of like my dad loves stand-up okay he has a lot of very particular ideas about how this

works and i pitch you know nothing yeah yeah and the thing is like also like when you come from um it's a little bit of a strange thing to come from long island where everyone has this idea of like oh he moved to the city and of course this is gonna happen when he goes to comedy and then like all your close friends book snl but you they're like oh so you're struggling it's like they don't get that like for sure you know what I mean it's like that thing of like they have such an understanding of like what it is

and it's like and it would be so meaningful well you know what it's an understanding but it's also a limited understanding of like they know the big thing so it's like I used to get all the time like you know what you should audition for saturday night live it's like yeah sure so part of me is like of course i like and i am very lucky because my parents i will say this they have never once suggested i do something else and they've never even asked me what my backup plan would be

wow not not one times and I think I'm in the vast minority of that happening yeah but like there are times when I'm like of course I'm like any human being that wants to like make them proud yeah so it's like in the struggle like in my mid-20s when it was like I was still doing shows for only free and like still still quote-unquote making an investment in my career-20s when it was like i was still doing shows for only free and like still still quote-unquote making an investment in my career which meant only paying to do the shit i was doing yes like i'll shade them when i was performing at the pit like and you were paying for the tech you know what i mean like at the pit yes um you know they're being taken advantage of their other performers but um i feel fine saying that sure um but you know it's like

it's they when they were sticking with me through even that it's kind of just like that's nice okay like it's good but also there's that thing of like you don't want to disappoint them when they've been riding with you like through the whole thing it just means it'll feel so good when it's fine like first of all i feel like you you've you've acquired so much but also and like they see that they see how like they saw you on the tonight show they right they came to the fucking taping and like incredible like no they come to shit like my parents they've seen it they've seen it in action they see you in that moment in your element and they like they are 100 so proud it just just means that once a great thing happens, it'll just feel so good.

It feels nice to because all throughout my 20s, I couldn't fucking get them nice gifts. I have any money at all. I got tickets for my dad and my mom to see Hamilton. I was like, I'm so happy I get to do this

because I'm being useless all through my 20s. You did that. Too real to say no. Hey, can I get a 315? Yeah. But your dad loves stand-up. Like, what's that thing?

Like, how does that play out? Well, I think everybody was shocked when I started doing stand-up just because it was never a thing that I ever expressed I wanted to do. They never were not supportive, though. They were just confused. Very confused. They're like, oh, okay, well, go do that.

My parents are very supportive. If anything ever happens, they post it on their Facebooks. They're really supportive, but I know if I ever were to make it, my dad would put out an album instantly. He'd have an R&B career or some shit like that.

Your dad would be like Drake's dad. He be like Drake's dad 100% like trying to like also wanting to be famous so like that's the type of energy I'm like they're very supportive but like I have a feeling like my dad would try to like become a part of the show like somehow so incredible yeah it's good shit though it's fun he's my family's funny so uh I just yeah my mom's really supportive too like She's the nicest. She's great. So sweet. They just were really confused.

Like, okay, you're doing this. Because I like hobby jumped a lot before I did this. So I think they're mostly happy that I stuck with anything for any amount of time. And they're like, God bless. Like, if that's what you're going to do, focus on that and we'll see how it goes. And to them, that's the most meaningful thing. They're like, she's sticking with it.

Yeah. Fine. Yeah. No, not, or not fine, but like great. You know,

it's like, that's all they want. Well, guess what? Mulaney tweeted. Yeah. So it's good. And there's a breakout series show on February 19th.

We're in new Orleans. New Orleans. New Orleans. Come give me edibles. Come give edibles. Come. But it's time for I Don't Think So Honey. It's time.

So I Don't Think So Honey is that segment we have where we take one minute to rail against something in pop culture that we are hating right now. Our live shows. We are going to be on tour. You can get tickets online. We're going to be in Portland, Seattle, Vancouver, San Francisco,

Philly, Boston, D.C., Houston, Austin, and Dallas, honey. And Brooklyn. And Brooklyn. And Portland is coming back just for us. Oh, yeah. Portland is going to be resurrected just for us. Okay. The girls are looking at their notes. They're prepared.

I have one. I alluded to it in the beginning of the episode and I am ready. Okay, this is Matt Rogers' I Don't Think So Honey. His time starts now. I don't think so honey when I'm at a bar and I go to order a drink and they say they need to see my ID with my debit card when I've already had my ID checked at the door. Why do we need

to keep checking? I don't think so honey. So if you're going to have a coat check and I have this big ass wallet, I put my wallet in my coat and I checked the coat. There needs to be signs up if you're going to need your ID at the bar. That can't be a surprise at the bar. And you know that I have lots of little issues

with bars. Specifically, always I have a problem with the patrons. Whenever the patrons get their drink and they stay parked at the bar, that's usually a problem I have with them. But no, I'm flipping it around in the bartenders now and the managerial staff because guess what honey you already checked my id you can see on my wrist right now this stamp that means i am over 21 why do you need more information so then they told she said to me you're gonna have to go to the coach i can get your id which i've already waited at the coach

for 30 minutes no honey i don't think so honey i clearly a 18 year old couldn't grow this fine mustache so give me my drink and that's one minute yeah it's security theater it's bullshit they just they just want to make it seem more official by checking your who cares and i was like i literally said to the girl i was like she goes i need to see your id with a deborah card and i said to her i was like i mean i checked it my id is in my coat do I really have to go get it and she was like yes and it was the most frustrating example of someone doing their job at all costs

I'm like just him and you know what well so sucked she had already poured the Jameson ginger I was like I was like right yeah and I was like you should have been like well now you look like a fucking idiot because you're gonna have to fucking pour that down the drain I was like are you really gonna waste that drink she goes you need to get your ID and I was like, you should have been like, well, now you look like a fucking idiot because you're going to have to fucking pour that down the drain. I was like, are you really going to waste that drink? She goes, you need to get your ID.

And I was like, you know what? I respect that you're doing your job, but really, this is dumb. I was like, this is so aggressively dumb that like my ID was checked. Honestly, on the way in fully, I have this as proof. I didn't sneak in there. There was a huge line. It was so annoying. So then I had to have a there. There was a huge line at Brooklyn Bowl. It was so annoying. So then I had,

I had to have a dear friend buy me a drink and, because what was I going to do? Be at Big Frida and not be celebrating? Yeah,

thank God for dear friends, right? Thank God for dear friends. It's actually rule of culture number 89. Thank God for dear friends. That's when you know you have a writer's eye.

Truly. All right, so this is a Bowen Yangs oh wait hold on okay you're being precious with this no but my head is going blank for some reason okay yeah okay this is Bowen Yangs

I don't think so honey sometimes you need to just take a second this is Bowen Yangs I don't think so honey and his time starts now I don't think so honey the fact that I couldn't find cornstarch and time starts now I don't think so honey the fact that I couldn't find cornstarch and I had to go to three different stores

wow no this is okay this is culture cornstarch cornstarch is not fucking is not a fucking delicacy in this town and if I want to thicken

a stew with the cornstarch slurry why is it so fucking hard for me to go and to go to every bodega within a half mile radius and to go to two different Trader Joe's and then to find cornstarch at

30 seconds I mean I don't want to have to give target any more money than they already have they already own all half the pizza huts of the world so I don't need target to get any more of my money. Everyone's freaking out about Amazon.

Target is the next big monster that's going to come and eat us all. You have to be careful for Target. I don't know the CEO's name, but we do have a new Elon Musk on our hands and they're going to kill us and eat us with their teeth. And that's the one minute.

I believe her name is Ms. Target. Ms. Target. Ms. Bianca Target. I believe her name is Ms. Target. Ms. Target. Yes. Ms. Bianca Target. I love that. I will say this. It was worth it to get whatever you needed for that stew because I actually tasted that stew that you and Sudi Green is also on

Whole30. Same recipe. And they made a very, I had stew, this Whole30 permissible beef stew at Sudi's and it was the stew. It did need salt and I proceeded to put salt in it. Oh, I added some kosher crystals. Oh, and honey, if you think that just being on Whole30 doesn't mean

you can enjoy food, let me tell you. Beef stew. Get to know it. Thank you. But I'm happy you eventually found cornstarch. That was very interesting. I don't think so, honey. And cornstarch is technically not Whole30 compliant, but where am I going to find

fucking arrowroot powder? I hate when I see recipes like that. Yeah. Fuck. Shut up. I gotta buy some shit I'm only going to use once and I have an eight ounce bag.

Yeah. I have to visit a witch to buy it. I was almost going to do I don't think so, honey. That food goes bad. Oh, for sure. Because literally it's like I can't eat all these eggs

in three days. Yes, you're right. Even six. Okay. Even even six i think we're gonna go with rebecca first and then sonia okay this is rebecca i don't think so honey okay i don't know if it's gonna be popular but i'm gonna oh do it okay this is rebecca i do is i don't think so honey her time starts now okay i don't think so honey marijuana. Marijuana decriminalization. Whoa! Because what a tease. Do you know what I mean? Oh my God. What a tease.

Like, it sounds like it's bad, but I have my reasonings. First of all, it's fuck boy talk, what Cuomo's doing right now. The headline was like, he's teasing, taking the first steps of possibly eventually maybe making decriminalization a priority. I know fuck boy talk when I hear it. He's giving us crumbs to keep hope. Just make it legal and expunge people's records. What are we doing?

30 seconds. Also, I don't think so, honey. Sidebar Andrew Cuomo, because I thought Chris Cuomo, the hot, woke one on CNN with his son, that's his brother. How embarrassing for him. You know what I mean? How embarrassing.

There's a gap. That's sad to me. So side, I don't think so honey to him 15 seconds and also like it's just like an open relationship

of laws tell me if I'm going to jail or not you know what I mean I want to go home to jail make the rules clear everybody should get

what they want 5 seconds hey hey hey hey smoke weed everyday yeah there you go and that's one minute it's open relationship with laws

also here's the thing if we decriminalize it which obviously it should be I think it should come on let's decriminalize it, which obviously it should be, I think it should, come on, let's decriminalize, let's legalize, but is it going to get extremely expensive? I don't know. Is it in LA? In Portland

and LA, it's cheap. It's cheaper in LA. It's like a bodega type situation where you just go in with $17 and get what you do. It's literally like a store for marijuana when you go to Med Men. And you don't have to deal with those weird wee people. Like every comedian says it, but my guy's extremely flaky and I like to have

some sort of flaky. My guy sucks and I haven't called him in almost a year because I just go and pick up stuff in LA. Honestly, what I just did

was I bought, I spent dollars one time instead of like having to call another person like every three weeks. And you've stockpiled? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've stockpiled. And now it doesn't. That's the way. the way that's like i'm on a new level financially i do smoke every day so it's like why not just get it on now no i walk to a friend's house sometimes and i just buy weed off that person because who is this person i don't know any friend i will say i don't think so honey me because the last time i bought weed was during our snowstorm and i realized dave mazzoni was over we were at my apartment and i was like i think i don't have any weed he was like are you fucking crazy and it was the situation of like am i legit gonna call my my girl that last

year this was like this year this was like a't call your guy when there's a storm. Girl, excuse me. You have to tip. Tip, tip, tip. She did come and she was like, I'll be there in an hour and a half. And I was like, yep, sure. And she finally showed up and I felt so bad because she goes, I was really hoping you guys would be girls. I was like, oh, I promise that we're nice.

We're also gay. And she goes, yeah, but gay guys don't have tampons. And I was like, oh, shit. Then I realized she was riding around those streets needing a tampon in the snow oh my god and i felt so bad i was like okay there's a store right down the street she goes yeah okay give me the money so i can go i was like okay here bye take hundreds of dollars then she had to find a place to put it in my god we don't think about the struggles of our drug dealers and i think we need to empathize with them more we know what we need to be grateful I didn't yet have to find a place to put it in we don't think about the struggles of our drug dealers and I think we need to empathize with them more

we need to be grateful because right now it's not criminalized it's decriminalized but it's not legal and they are out here serving us they're in the gray zone of legality for us honestly I would be adrift and I was very thankful that she came through

because let me tell you the snow was coming down you were being irresponsible and I I was like, I hate that I'm doing this, but I just need weed so bad. It's not like they're not getting the money. And they have some job. Yeah. I mean, she was working. Yeah. I was like, somebody's got to be next on the list. And if that's me, come to Greenpoint, babe. Probably got a lot of calls.

But you were a fucking bike courier for, yeah, this was years ago. But I'm saying, you were talking about how it's a hard job and oh yeah I was risking my life it was for Grubhub and I was delivering sandwiches so it wasn't like illicit substances and class one

drugs or anything it was just like lunch but it was like high risk low return like I'm biking for my life in the streets of downtown Chicago for tips and it just was not a good look and it was the year of the polar vortex, which I quit. We just talked about this,

but I vanished to LA to go to a festival and just didn't come back for a month. You vanished to LA. Once you get a little taste of LA, at least the weather, it's like, okay, why do I live anywhere else? And then you meet the people and you realize why.

Oh my God. Whatever. I'm kidding. That's an easy LA writing. LA, a lovely place. I'm going to be there for two months. See you soon. Sonia Denise.

Okay, so this is similar to Cornstarch. Okay, oh my God. I love it. And I wrote it today. Please. It's going to be incredible. This is Sonia Denise. I don't think so, honey.

Her time starts now. I don't think so, honey. People who like mushrooms. Germini, portobello, shiitake, all dirt, dust. This shit comes from dirt. It's literally fungi. Fungi. However the fuck you say that.

And as the saying goes, you are what you eat. And side note, side note, I would never slander magic mushrooms. If you are going through something personal right now and you need to sit in a room for six hours and stare at the lines in your hands, do it. But everything else. You might say this undercuts my argument, but I say nay, oyster, penny bun, hen of the wood. What kind of fucking names are these? Some of these are poisonous,

mind you, and I would not have a problem with mushrooms if people didn't sneak it into food. Quesadillas, broth, pizza, and people will say to me pick it off. Just pick it off. Anything that has been sullied I'm sullied by the taste of mushrooms

you can taste it I don't think so honey waiters who ask me are you really allergic to mushrooms when I say it and it's like

I have to say it and eggs are gross too confide me oh my god wait you can't just drop the egg in 10 minutes I will say

an element of that whole 30 beef stew? Mushrooms, hon. Mushrooms are great. And then Bowen, I fucking live for mushrooms. They're great. Mushrooms.

I'm going to go. Thank you. No. Now we know the lines are drawn. Well, I know this about you because here's the thing, Sonia, are you vegetarian or pescatarian right now?

I'm gross, but still. So here's the thing. There's only so many things you can eat. You know what I mean? And then that's another thing too. When you don't eat meat, There's only so many things you can eat. You know what I mean? And then that's another thing, too. When you don't eat meat, people are in your asshole about not eating mushrooms. You don't want a portobello mushroom burger? No.

It's gross. It's gross. I'm so on the fence about mushrooms, but portobello mushroom burger, disgusting. Kill me. Thank you so much. Disgusting. What a nightmare. No.

What a nightmare. There's nothing you can put on it to get rid of that taste in the middle. The texture. It's like I'm biting into an organ. A raw organ. A raw organ that's rotting from the inside out. Come on.

Can I tell you some of the best experiences of my life on mushrooms? I've never done mushrooms. We did it together and we were in a room for six and a half hours and we talked. It was so nice. We went to the park

and Sonya wanted to like steal a child. Oh yeah. This kid had pink energy and her father had blue and it didn't feel right. Oh, you steal auras. Yeah.

She saw their coats and she was on mushrooms. You know what I mean? There was no basis for this kidnapping. Well, the thing is, it wasn't your first time doing it.

No, I did them, yeah. We had done it before, but like a weak tea version. If you do tea, it's not as strong. And then we ate them,

but she'd already done them, done them. So it was my, when I got them, I was hit immediately. We walked outside, I literally screamed. My neighbors looked

because our outside looked like a postcard. It was like, everything was so sharp I was gone like if she hadn't been there to like drag me home from that kid

I was really like you know what like it was but it was so good we worked out so much you just cry you laugh we couldn't figure out

how to work Netflix like and that's beautiful that's beautiful we've done acid everything looks like a fucking painting oh my god

I've never done acid oh acid see I recommend I would like to do, acid. See, I recommend. Recommend? I would like to do mushrooms, but the thing is, I'm just nervous. I'm more nervous about mushrooms. They feel more chaotic to me

and unpredictable to me than LSD. No, what it is is, honestly, the first time you do it, do it with like a sandwich bread or something because for the first hour, my stomach hurt like shit. And I was like, how did I let that go?

No, no, no. Second time. When you eat them. I was with her and i'm on the couch in a ball like freaking out but that's because i didn't but then the next times i did it i ate it with food and it's fine but like other than that it's lovely like it's very i only did one 16th also i've never done a full eighth oh so that's another well maybe all i need is a 16th yeah do a 16th knock out six hours a yearth. Knock out six hours of your time.

And then I also would not, like when I did it, I did it with my boyfriend and he wanted to go to like, I'm like, no. The coisters. You want to stay in there. No, I like shrooms and adventure.

You want to go somewhere, but like you want to make sure, it was cold outside and it was like, you know what I mean? You want to make sure you're in a place where if you're uncomfortable

and freaking out, that you can calm down somewhere. You can't be around other people though. The way I describe it is, it's got to be like a video game level. It's like we around other people though the way I describe it is it's gotta be like a video game level it's like we're in a place that we can explore

but it's finite like we went upstate we had like an upstate house so it was like there was the yard there was the trees in the backyard there was a little hammock

there was the house and that was it it was big enough that we could explore but it was still like a video game level did it not feel like that like a level in GoldenEye

it was like a there you go level in GoldenEye. It was like a goal. Yeah, there you go. Level in GoldenEye. I'm excited now to do it. Get Upstate House, honey. Come on. That's a little, yeah, okay. We're going to do it.

We're going to do it. I am obsessed with this. It's an obsession-worthy episode. We talked deeply about career stuff. Yeah, we did. And just a personal history. And got into culture. Personal histories.

Friendship histories. Talked about shared experiences. Our parents. And just a personal history. And got into culture. Personal history. Friendship histories. Talked about shared experiences. Our parents. Our parents. Parental. We discussed the immigrant narrative. This is a great episode.

Everyone listening, I mean, check out more of Rebecca and Sonia's stuff. They're two of our favorite people in the whole city. You guys too. It was great meeting you this summer. You guys are so great.

We had fun. We had fun. We had fun. We had fun. We had fun. We had fun. We had fun. We had fun.

We had fun. We had fun. Honestly, I was, and I Honestly, I was, and I did, I was like, I slipped it to Julia. I was like,

you know, Bowen and I should be on an episode together at least once before this is all over. Because I did, look. It made sense.

Every panelist was great, but I did think this was the three. This was the three. Honestly, the two episodes I did, it was like Regina King episode. Yeah.

Incredible energy. It was funny. It was good. and shout out Catherine Cohen and shout out Lisa Trager you can't say everyone's name Will Miles Connor Delahunty

you had your Janelle Jameses who's who every comedian that's ever been to Chicago once there you go nationwide you have a lot of options of things to do on February 19th you can come see us in Portland or if you're

in New York you can go see Rebecca at Caroline's 21st or 23rd Sonia is in I have it on my Tumblr because I'm a loser we love it and we finish every episode with a song. What song?

Shake, wiggle, work, now kill yourself! Shake, wiggle, work, now kill yourself! Shake, wiggle, work, now kill yourself! We're not saying do this. It's Big Freedia. It's Big Freedia. Big Freedia said to do that. It's an insane lyric.

Bye. Bye-bye. Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Bye-bye. Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram, at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook. Hey there. Congratulations. You made it all the way through that episode.

Wow. We did not think you were going to be able to do it. We barely could. Anyway, now that you did, Michael and I have a pretty cool surprise for you. We are going to get high. What? Come on.

What are you talking about? Let's light up that joint, baby, with our listeners. That is not what we do. Little Rondy is a podcast about books. It's not about getting stoned. I thought we had a special treat. You don't even smoke weed. freak out but i was paranoid i thought we had a special treat or surprise for the listeners who made it to the end of the episode we're gonna play

them a clip from our show not how would we get everybody high that doesn't even make sense i didn't i i'm i don't really listen to podcasts i didn't i didn't know if i'm guessing they had the technology to do that yeah that, they don't. That's such a weird... No, Colin, we're not going to get anybody high. We're not getting high. Okay. I actually think that you shouldn't be promoting that on this podcast to tell people. Yeah, okay, fine. But if you want

to get high at home, sure do it, but we're not promoting it. That's neither here nor there. We're going to play a clip from our podcast with Josh Sharp. So just listen and enjoy that and get high. What? And with that in mind, we'd like to take the pressure off of us for a second and introduce you to the reader of today.

He's a recent NYU dropout. And we know that means a recipe for success. Oh, yes, indeed. Dropping out of school and into our hearts, we have young novelist and self-proclaimed genius, Clint Dimples, for you. Enjoy. Hello, my name is Clint Dimples. And this is a piece of short literature that I call The Story. There was once a girl with deep brown hair who lived with her grandfather in a small cabin upstate.

Though her parents, who had been professors, died eight months before in an automobile accident while returning from an academic conference on the viability of the universal basic income, the girl was of a happy sort, her optimism only fading to melancholia on nights such as these, when the rain shuddering at the windows made her wish for her mother's arms. Her grandfather, a wiry man with a great beak of a nose, had just climbed the old stairs to her attic bedroom when he heard her quiet sniffles. Is everything all right? He asked the girl. I'm just having trouble sleeping. She said, it's hard sometimes. Yes, I know, said the grandfather. Maybe a story would help? The little girl nodded, and so the old man began. There once was a girl with deep brown hair who lived with her grandfather in a small cabin upstate.

Though her parents, who had been professors, died eight months before in an automobile accident while returning from an academic conference on the viability of the universal basic income, the girl was of a mostly happy sort, her optimism only fading to melancholia on nights such as these, when the rain shuddering at the windows made her wish for her mother's arms. Her grandfather, a wiry man with a great beak of a nose, had just climbed the old stairs to her attic bedroom when he heard her quiet sniffles. Is everything all right? He asked the girl. I'm just having trouble sleeping, she said. It's hard sometimes. Yes, I know, said the grandfather. Maybe a story would help? The little girl nodded, and so the old man began. There once was a girl with deep brown hair who lived with her grandfather in a small cabin upstate, though her parents, who had invented the soda stream, were murdered eight months before

while leaving up Papa John's Pizza in Bridgeport, Connecticut. The girl was of a mostly happy sort, her optimism only fading to melancholia on nights such as these when the rain shuddering at the windows made her wish for her mother's arms. Her grandfather, a wiry man with a great beak of a nose, had just climbed the old stairs to her attic bedroom when he heard her quiet sniffles. Is everything all right, he asked the girl. I'm just having trouble sleeping, she said.

It's hard sometimes. Yes, I know, said the grandfather. Maybe a story would help. The little girl nodded, and so the old man began. There was once a girl with deep brown hair who lived with her grandfather in a small cabin up state, though her parents, who had been professors, died eight months before in an automobile accident while returning from an academic conference on the viability of the universal basic income. The girl was of a mostly happy sort, her optimism only fading to melancholia on nights such as these when the rain shuddering at the window made her wish for her mother's arms. Her grandfather, a wiry man with a great beak of a

nose, had just climbed the old stairs to her attic bedroom when he heard her quiet sniffles. Is everything all right? He asked the girl. I'm just having trouble sleeping, she said. It's hard sometimes. I know how that is, said the grandfather, with the trouble sleeping. Is that why you sleep on the roof? The little girl asked. Yes, that's why. That's why I sleep on the roof. I see, she said. And no other reason, he yelled. Okay, cool, fine, said the girl. Will you tell me a story? Hmm? Said the old man. A story. Oh, yeah, sure, right. Story. Yeah. Oh, I can do that. And so the old man began. There once was a girl with deep brown hair who lived with her grandfather in a small cabin upstate, though her parents, who had been professors, died eight months before in an automobile accident while returning from an academic conference on the viability of the universal making a sick income.

The girl was of a mostly happy sort, her optimism only failing to melancholy on nights such as these when the rain shuddering at the windows made her wish for her mother's arms. Her grandfather, a wiry man with a great beak of a nose, long, pointed, and yellow, like a beak, this nose, like a big fucking beak. Her grandfather, the man, he just climbed the, had just climbed the old stairs to her attic bedroom when he heard her quiet sniffles. Is everything all right? He asked the girl. I'm just having trouble sleeping, she said. It's hard sometimes. Yes, I know, he said, scratching at his big fucking beak nose. Maybe a story would help. Sure, Grandpa, but what's happening to you? Whatever do you mean,

he asked. Your nose, it's turned into a beak like that of a bird. And sure enough, it had the nose ossified into a large yellow beak. Squawk, said the grandfather. Squawk, squawk, as feathers, deep blue and red feathers, began to shoot out of his back. Squawk, he said. Squawk, said the grandfather. Squawk, squawk. As feathers, deep blue and red feathers, began to shoot out of his back. Squawk, he said. Squawk. Why, grandfather, the little girl cried, you're turning into a bird. A real fucking bird with a giant fucking beak. It's amazing. His feet now claws. He reached over and stood atop the girl's wrists. Then he flapped and flapped until he started to rise over the bed, clutching the small girl beneath him. His great wings swatting at the walls. He tilted his feathered crown forward and burst, beak first, out of the

large attic window. The girl hung below him as they made their way up, higher and higher, until the house was but a speck below them. She looked up. Thank you, grandpapa. Thank you. Thank you for transforming into a big fucking bird and taking flight. And then the old man let forth a mighty squawk, spread his wings wide, and the two soared off into the warm night air, floating and finally free. The end. What a lovely story, said the little girl. But I must ask, was the grandpa in that story, the one who turned into a bird, was he supposed to be you?

Me, the old man replied. Whatever you mean. I mean, said the little girl, that maybe it is you who wants to be a bird. I'm asking in part because I know you like to sleep on the roof. I told you about that already. I just do that because I like it. No other reason, he shouted. Well, sure, said the girl, but the way in which you, you know, chew my food up for me and our winter foods, our winter trips down south, it just all makes me think that maybe you want to be a bird for some reason, which to be honest, is sort of a ridiculous notion given that you're a grown man. And so if you actually want to be a bird, well, I don't know, maybe you're just crazy. Okay, story time is over, said the old man. I'm

turning off the lights now. It's time for bed. He pulled the chain on the lamp and all was still. I know you have to use the ladder in my room to climb onto the roof, Grandpa, said the little girl. So you can turn the lights back on and get it if you want. Okay, I'll turn them on just because I want to turn them on. How about that, said the old man fumbling for the chain. There we go. They're on. The lights are on. Oh, and look, it's the ladder I need to get on the roof. You know, I better go up there to check on some of the tiles and the roofing and other things. Not to sleep, just to, you know, check it out. I just, you won't mind turning the lights off once I'm up there, you know, just in case I take a while. No, grandpa, of course not. All right, he said, here I go up

the ladder to check on the tiles. Night, night, I'm almost to the top. Shutting the hatch behind him, the old man sat down on the roof, pulled his knees to his chest, then looked up to the sky and quietly sobbed. A pigeon landed on his shoulder, and the man gently scooped the bird in his palms and pulled it close. Not today, he whispered, snot running down his face. Maybe someday, but not today. The End What a sad story, said the little girl. I feel sad for the man in that story, who told that other story, the man who wanted to be a bird. Yes, the old man replied,

but sometimes it is the sad stories that give us comfort, that remind us of how lucky we are to have what we have. Your parents left you with a great fortune, and you should take solace in that. She nodded. Yes, but I still miss mom and pop. She paused. Grandpa, do you think they'll ever find who murdered my parents in front of that Papa John's Pizza in Bridgeport, Connecticut? The grandfather thought for a moment. No, I'm almost certain they will not. He drew in a labored breath. I was very careful. The girl looked up at him. You were what? I said I was careful. He stood up over her bed. And what's more, I'm not like the old man in that

story, pretending to be something he's not. It's time you know who I really am, little girl. I murdered your parents outside of that Papa john's pizza in bridgeport connecticut the girl pulled back towards the wall you what why would you do that because i wanted that soda stream money and with them gone now only you stand in my way in one quick motion he removed the knife from his sleeve and plunged it into the little girl's chest he pulled her close to his face and whispered let me hear you squawk before you fly away little bird let me hear you squawk stop stop stop the, little bird. Let me hear you squawk. Stop, stop, stop, the little girl shouted. I don't like it when the stories turn scary.

I'm sorry if I gave you a fright, said the old man, catching himself. I just thought a little adventure story might take your mind off things. Yes, but a story about a man who tells a story of some other man who lies in yet another story is a way of revealing that he's murdered a little girl's parents when I'm here sad about my parents? What are you thinking, you old kook? And what was all that bird stuff? You're right, you're right, the old man replied, standing up from bed. I guess I just got away from myself. He backed out of the room. Good night, it won't happen again. He opened the bedroom door and tumbled into the dark, empty vacuum of space.

The house fell away from him and he slowly drifted, naked now to his boxer shorts, earth far off in the distance. A chorus of male voices, hundreds of them, came at him from every direction. You've done well, my good and favored son. Squawk. Know that you are good and strong and that your cock is mighty and powerful. Squawk. And as he crossed into the black hole hole his every atom splitting into more energy than powers our sun his frozen form on the event horizon trapped for eternity was that of a man arms spread wide and reaching for something greater the end i don't get it said the little girl come to think of it said the old man me either he gave her a kiss on the head a nightingale landed

on the windowsill. He pulled out an old Luger he'd stolen from a Nazi during the war, and then he shot the bird dead. The end. Hey, a little reminder, betterhelp.com forward slash ding dong. That's where you can go and put in a little promo code to get therapy online fast. Now, BetterHelp makes it easy to connect with licensed professional counselors who are caring professionals who specialize in the issues that you want to talk about. We're talking about depression, stress and anxiety, trauma, grief, self-esteem, and other issues that we're all kind of dealing with that, you know, we want to reach out and get some help for.

And you can connect with your counselor in a safe and private environment using better help.com slash ding dong. Of course. Yes. Slash ding dong. Of course. If you want to use, you know,

our promo code and get 10% off, you would use the promo code ding dong. We just wanted to stop in here in the middle of the episode and say, and just say that. So schedule a secure video and phone sessions or text your therapist, all included, worldwide, and you can start communicating in under 24 hours. Yeah, and maybe you can even marry your therapist. Okay, we've been through this.

You can't do that. It's not appropriate to marry a therapist. It's unethical. Oh, what if they're hot? Should I get another one? Yeah. Okay. Betterhelp.com forward slash ding dong.

I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules.

New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with

Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. I'm Sheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby,

an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.