Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "Barbar (Stupid Ass Queen)" (w/ Kristen Bartlett)

Episode Date: August 16, 2017

Ding Dong! Your culture consultants are BACK and they come bearing gifts: a shining beam of light in a dark world, SNL's Kristen Bartlett! Matt and Bowen cover it all with Kristen: Lost, Nickelodeon, Housewives, Craft Services, Miley and more! Hope you saved some room for desert, Mama...cause you know we have some steamy "I Don't Think So, Honey"s for ya.LAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasCONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttp://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/las-culturistas/ Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Ding dong, Las Culturistas calling we're living in a nightmare huh we're living in a fucking hellscape it's dark in the world oh my god today was um one of the angriest days of my life yeah i feel almost really insane and self-conscious that we started off so like woo isn't it bad no i mean I mean, that's kind of the only way. We're all a laugh away from a tear. You guys were recording this on August 15th 2017, the day that Donald Trump thought that the Robert

E. Lee statue should not have gone down. The term alt-left has been created. So let's check back in in about five years when we all are buried under rubble. Stop. I don't like that talk. Well, okay.

Okay. Okay. Maybe this is something you can I don't think so, honey, later. I think maybe you're right. Maybe we just realized that I was just kicking around the fact, you know, kicking the dirt because I didn't have an I don't think so honey. That's okay. But now I think I do. And here's what we do.

There's several. Here's what we do in times of darkness. We bring on. This is what we've done before. We bring in the light. We pray in. We pray in. We are praying here before. We bring in the light. We pray in. We pray in. We are praying here

and we bring in the light. The light is here today. It's true. In times of dark, you need light. In fact, that's actually rule number three of culture.

In times of dark, you need light. The light or light? Open to interp. Open to interp. Now listen, we have the light here in the Durio. Open to interp. Now listen, we have the light here in the

Durio. She's here. She's here in the Coming into the light. Yes! Okay, wait, hold on you. Before you come to

the light. What the hell? Literally as if it's Kismet or something the light's just turned off in the studio. That's so funny. Okay, so listen.

Who's this fiend whose voice you hear in the back? Let's go to the credits. Let's go to the credits. Let's listen to the credits. Okay, so listen. Who's this fiend whose voice you hear in the back? Let's go through the credits. Let's go through the credits. Let's listen to the credits. Okay, she's a writer for a little ditty called Saturday Night Live. A little ditty called Saturday Night Live. A little ditty cultural institution called Saturday Night Live.

You know it. You love it. Hopefully. And also she's written for Prairie Home Companion. You've seen her work on the amazing show Night Late at UCB. Hopefully. And also she's written for Prairie Home Companion. You've seen her work on the amazing show Night Late at UCB. It's a monthly show that basically creates a new late night television show based around a different celebrity guest. It's super fun. And actually I want to get into it with you a little bit about a certain guest I heard almost had a show there.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, baby. I'm so happy to talk about that. You know I've been getting into the real housewives of New York, so I'm down. Super, super. And also, UCB Mod Night, writer for that for a couple years, yeah? Yeah. And also the amazing, long-running show, critically acclaimed, right?

Yes. Dead Dads Club at UCB, and it was an incredible show, and remember it fondly. Everyone, this is an amazing guest. I'm so excited. Please welcome Kristen Bartlett. Hi, guys. And just slated at our live show as well. Oh, yeah.

It was so much fun. Oh, my God. Thin people. Oh, I hate them. Aren't they the worst? And get it. In so many ways. And you Instagrammed a screen cap of your notes

for the stuff that you didn't get to. Oh, my God. I write so much extra always. And then I didn't get to. Oh my god, I write so much extra always. And then I didn't get to talk about being on an airplane. Oh yeah. Because that's very stressful. The looks that people give. That people give you when you're walking down the aisle

like, dear god, please not let this fatty sit beside me. I know, it's terrible. I just want to say, and this is not me virtue signaling, I've never had that thought. What a shitty fucking thought. You are a virtue signaler. I'm a virtue signaler. You are a virtue signaler and you deserve to burn.

Aye! Oh, oh, fire. I totally get it. So shitty. I don't know one that, I mean, like, when a mom comes through with a baby, I'm like, it's okay. Yes. It's fine.

Really? I am, really, because traveling sucks for everybody. Ultimately, you're fine. It's like four hours, maybe eight, if you're going somewhere good. Oh, wait, Kristen's going somewhere good. Where are you going somewhere good? I'm going to Belgium tomorrow. Tomorrow.

I thought you were going to say something else. Wait, what did you think? And you know what I thought you were going to say, bitch. Wait, what? What is this? I thought you would have said Disney World. Oh, that's so funny. No.

We're probably going to go in January, though. What? You are? Okay, I want to go in January. Can we go? Let's please go. Why January for you? For me, it's January because it's warm outside, but it's not too hot.

And that's what I care about. As a big girl, I want to traverse the world far and wide comfortably. The lines are down. It's not bad. And one thing I just like to do, I like to chill at a cheeseball hotel restaurant and drink for hours. I mean, same.

Okay, so listen. Here's the thing about January in Orlando. Post-Christmas, the rushes die down a little bit. The rushes die down a little bit. And not the marathon week. But sometimes it can get truly cold. In fact, I distinctly remember a time when my family went to SeaWorld.

And we were in. Well, you shouldn't have gone. You shouldn't have gone. No, well, literally. First of all, I will say that this was far before the wolves came to get the really fun Shamu show. Okay, it was really fun. And the wolves. The blood is on your hands.

The whales loved it. They loved it. They loved it. Dawn loved it. She was so happy. In the 90s they were so happy. Honestly, it was literally

a nightmare. Okay, so I wasn't there for all that a queen, a queen, aquamarine. I just literally made that into one word.

A queen. Telecom. Telecom. Honestly, I probably did see Telecom because we did see the Shamu show before we knew

that it was insane didn't they just like push his parkas out to sea is that what happened yes let you know the whale other whales eat it

that's the lie but something else ate him well I went for the rides because they actually have really good rides that's ridiculous okay but it is ridiculous

but look Kristen you can't argue with it. They have good rides. Just so listeners know, Kristen here is a fellow Orlando head. Yeah. She and her husband Jason and Michael Hartney, past guests of the show. Yeah, we went to Disneyland. The whole cast of Dead Dads Club went to Disneyland together. And you've gone to World together too, right? We've gone to World

not with Hartney, but with Scott Reynolds. Oh, fun. I will go with anyone because it's not a couple's vacation. You've got to go with people. Yes, we will. No, but Kristen. Yeah. I mean, Matt's kind of hopped on board too. I will go with anyone because it's not a couple's vacation. You've got to go with people. Yes, we will. No, but Kristen. Yeah. I mean, Matt's kind of hopped on board too. I will go. I invited myself. I will go too. I can't wait. I'm so excited. We're planning this.

Here's the thing. I was into this, but not too crazy into it. And then Jason had never been to Disney World because his parents were abusive. And they took him to like Gettysburg. they kept taking him to like educational battlefields his whole childhood

watching like an actor pretend to be like a confederate soldier yes that's what they did like all his life and then finally I'm the one that took him to Disney World and he fell in love with it and he likes it so much that I actually like it less like you can't share the love I'm like ah like he's always like on these sites can't share the love? I'm like, oh,

like he's always like on these sites and when you go to like I do the sites. It's fine, but it's like, come on, there's like a line

and also, I love it, I love it, but I'm not gonna YouTube a ride walk through. Oh my God, I was doing that literally yesterday all day

for like three hours. That's what he does. Just for the fans at home, I haven't left my apartment in 48 hours. So, and I do want to say the majority of the things I've watched in the last 48 hours

are Real Housewives of New York. I can talk so much. Bachelor in Paradise and ride-throughs of Disney park attractions mostly in foreign countries that I'll never see. That is truly, like when we were planning on going to Paris, I had to cancel the trip because I had SNL.

But when we were going, that was just like a thing that he the trip because I had SNL. But when we were going, that was just like a thing that he was just, I know, it was devastating. It was kind of. It's truly bad. And we ate so much money.

Like it was like so, but he was like really pressuring me to go to Euro Disney and I'm like, oh, like that's ridiculous to go to Paris and do that, but I guess it's fine.

Yeah, because Euro Disney is bullshit. No, apparently the Ratatouille ride is supposed to be amazing. And I love Ratatouille. I do love Ratatouille. Well, you know that's coming to Epcot. Oh. because you're no Disney's bullshit. No, apparently the Ratatouille ride is supposed to be amazing. And I love Ratatouille. I do love Ratatouille. Well, you know that's coming to Epcot.

Oh. Did you hear that announcement? I hadn't heard. That's you. You are not a diehard. Okay, maybe we should have booked Jason Gore. Stop it. I don't know.

He was really jealous. He did give me a look. He gave you a look? Because he knows he crushed it, too. He was like, really? Oh, he crushed it. He did amazing. He got vegetables.

He drew vegetables out of the bowl. That was insane. It was so funny. I pulled out of the bowl. I saw vegetables. And I was like, oh my god. It was mean and wonderful. No, my favorite thing is about Disney World.

And I love going because I love the smell of Disney World. It never smells. It's amazing. I love the smell. And it never smells like vomit. Like Six Flags smells like puke everywhere you go. Disgusting. And I love like the apples.

I love those chocolate caramel covered apples. They are so good. And I will put someone on blast, Timothy Dunn, who came for us. He said childless adults at Disney World. I don't think so, honey. And he can actually go fuck himself to death. Yeah. Because there's a lot to enjoy as an adult in Disney World than in Orlando at large.

And there's a lot to hate about Disney World when you have kids, I feel like. It's hard on parents when you have them. I'm not bringing my kids. Although, no. But Tina Fey says something funny. Because I think her favorite place to vacation is Disney World. Did she? She said something funny?

Stop. And then she said Disney World is her favorite place to go on vacation because it's the only place you can go to but no one's like why you gotta bring your kid in here yeah it's like you

everyone's on the thing and the kids like and also when you're like real rich you can just hire someone to like guide you and get you on all the rides right right

yes okay so that's my probable goal is to one day be your professional goal so rich that I can do like the VIP tours

for like $350 a day on top of your ticket which is is like, and here's the behind the scenes look at this. Yeah, that's worth it. We got the behind the scenes look at Tower of Terror. We've talked about this a million times. But Matt, I have a question to ask you now that Kristen's brought this up with Jason. Do you feel a little annoyed when I am very Disney when I am a Disney stan. Do you feel like I'm stepping on you at all? For me it's like when other people

get excited about it, that makes me more excited. I felt that way about Michael Hartney. Michael Hartney is the reason that we went to Disney World in the first place because we were doing Dad's Club at the time and like every damn day he would have some sort of Disney news and I got really excited. But there's something about seeing like your husband and

hoping what you hope. Look at ride throughs. There's something about it that you're just like I don't care. But I hate Star Wars for one thing. I hate it. You hate Star Wars? Just the franchise? I don't need it. I didn't grow up with it. It's not my thing. And now when I see it, it's fine.

I don't care. That's interesting. Is there a thing about it that you don't like, or is it just that kind of- Space? You don't like space. I think anyone who goes to space- I don't like the Wild West. Deserves it.

You don't like- I agree with you on the Wild West. Oh, no, you know what? I do like the Wild West-ish. I like Westworld-ish. You know what I hate? Medieval. Anything medieval.

It's why I can't watch Game of Thrones. I can't watch it either. You guys. I hate medieval anything I always feel like someone's gonna throw up blood you're equating medieval with high fantasy too

right like see high fantasy here's the deal with high fantasy that umbrella I think takes up more

like Harry Potter is high fantasy okay but Lord of the Rings you would never read I would never be on Board of the Lord of the Rings bores me to tears yeah it's so boring

and I watched the first movie and I was like, this is ridiculous. It's boring. They are too long, honey. They're so long, there's no reason. For a ring?

What? Can you believe there's three movies and they're all 18 hours long each? Could you not learn to condense? That's on you. Like, that's on Tolkien. People have died watching those movies. Stop.

A lot of people. You can't. The thing about Lord of the Rings is that they did not split the last installment into two, which is this new bullshit trend that everybody knows about, of course. But you've got to respect that, that they condensed it enough to keep it to three. It was still, like, three hours. It was. It was.

I only saw the first one. That is true. That is a thing I don't like, which is milking the money out of cutting things into two when you don't really need to. They did that with The Hobbit. I do think I did not see any of The Hobbit. There was no way that I would ever see The Hobbit.

It's not a thing. Although, you know what literally almost made me go see it? Love Tyler? No. Oh, Evangeline Lilly. Evangeline Lilly. The fact that Evangeline Lilly was in it, that's so funny that you literally knew. I knew. Like, I was a Lost fanatic.

Did you love Lost? I loved Lost until the end. Right. Or until, like, honestly, like, three quarters of the way in. I get mad when I feel like I'm being used. It's one of the great tragedies of television. Absolutely. Oh, yeah.

It was so interesting and exciting. And then you know when you're just being hurt by these people. And I can't. When did you know? Yeah. God, I feel like when the polar bears just disappeared, like that was no longer a thing. Remember? I think for me, for me it was.

They were tired of CGI-ing it? I didn't watch it. For me, I was with it or I was pretending to be with it through about season five. That's later than me. There was an episode where they were time traveling throughout time in the same episode and then a character, Charlotte, ends up dying

because time travels too much. And then that's when I realized... Flatliners. That's what that is. Oh my God, we saw the trailer for Flatliners. Oh yeah, I can't. I've seen the trailer like 10 times. Every movie realized Flatliners. Oh my god we saw the trailer for Flatliners. I've seen the trailer like 10 times. Every movie has Flatliners before. The thing about hold on let me finish my Lost thought

and then we'll get to Flatliners because trust me there's a lot to unpack about Flatliners and all these horror movie trailers that are coming out. Especially Happy Death Day. We will talk about this. We'll pitch it to you. We'll give you the elevator pitch and we'll see if you're on board, because I might not be. Here's the thing with Lost.

All of a sudden, there were no rules. Like, no rules. Anything, once you have time travel and alternate timelines, like, and a mysterious island, and, like, people are any age, and a smoke monster, it's like, oh, okay.

So, literally, if a character is dead, they are not dead. Yeah. And it doesn't matter. They didn't do, not even that they didn't do a good job explaining it. They didn't do a job explaining it. You know what's cool about it? This is the one thing that I liked about Lost in my short, you know, spurts of watching it. In my short tenure spurts of watching it.

The season three finale where the flashbacks were flash forwards. And you realized at the end, I was like, that is genius. One of the best episodes of the show. Yeah, yeah. Very early on. I mean, it was like an interesting, exciting show.

And then it went crazy. And there's just no need. I sometimes tell people, everyone's like, should I watch Lost? And I'm like, yes, just stop at the season three finale. Pretend it ends on a cliffhanger. Literally, you can enjoy it like that. I feel the way about Hills.

The Hills. The Hills? The Hills, which I just rewatched. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. In its entirety because Siesta Key is coming out and it made me want to. What's Siesta Key? Siesta Key is New Hills.

It's a Florida The Hills on MTV. Oh, Siesta Q-Q-U-A-Y? It's a Florida version of The Hills? In Florida, it's K-E-Y. Oh! But it is Siesta Key. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's a Florida version of it, but they're not characters yet.

There's no LC. So I went back and I watched The Hills, and I feel like when Lauren Conrad goes off, you can let it go. You know who was in the audience of I Don't Think So, Honey? Lauren Conrad? No, our friend Lo Bosworth. Lo, I just tweeted about Lo. And she? Shut up.

She was there. We need to meet her. I need to meet her. Because it's so funny. She almost did one. I shouldn't say she's our friend. She's Greta Thileman, who fucking slayed. Killed it. Her podcast co-host. Oh, I had no idea. We had a bunch of dropouts the day of,illed it. Killed it. Her friend. Her podcast co-host and we had a bunch of you know dropouts the day of and it was

kind of like a scramble and so beautifully Jason Gore your husband stepped in but also we asked Greta we were like would Lo want to do one and then she was like and this might be too much tea that's being spilled. I think it's fine. Spill it. No it's fine. She was like we asked her the day of and of course everyone we

asked the day of was like, I don't know. It's a nerve wracking experience because the pressure's on. And I made Jason. Like I told you guys that he was available. And then I texted him. I was like, you're doing this. And he was like, I don't have anything. I said, pick it out of the bowl.

Pick it out of the bowl. I love the way you said it, Kristen. Tell him to pick a topic. And she goes, he'll do the bowl. I said the bowl. And I'm like, I love that she just goes, he'll do the ball. I said the ball, and I'm like, I love it. She just goes, he'll do the ball. I'm a manager. You are the manager.

That's fine. OK, so wait. Quickly, let's get you up to speed on Happy Death Day. OK. Happy Death Day. I have the elevator. Go, do it, do it, do it, do it. Imagine Groundhog's Day, the edge of tomorrow.

OK. But it's about a teen girl who gets murdered and she has to relive the day that she dies and wake up. Over and over to make herself not die. It's her birthday every day.

She lives her birthday and at the end of the day, at her party, she gets murdered by someone in a baby mask. So she has to figure out who is going to kill her in order to stop it.

Right. So she wakes up the next day and she thinks it's a dream. And she kind of like lives the day. And she's like, I'm having crazy deja vu. And she realizes that she's living the same fucking day. And then she gets killed again. And it happens again and again and again.

So she's consciously living each day as if she's going to die. I kind of like that. To be honest with you, it's a crazy genius concept. And also, I don't usually like horror movies, but I like that it's taking place in teen girl world, which I love. So that makes me get on board. Totally new actress, too. Right. Oh, I've seen her in stuff.

She's great. She was in La La Land as one, I think, in a background part. Maybe she might have been one of her roommates. The roommates. Barely seen roommate. Jessica Roth is her name. R-O-T-H-E. She's might have been one of her roommates. The roommates. Barely seen roommates. Jessica Roth is her name. R-O-T-H-E. She's been in stuff.

She's good. And I think it's just a nice high concept thing. And I would watch it. When does it come out? Oh, probably around Halloween. Friday the 13th. Friday the 13th. I feel like movie trailers are happening way early.

Because I saw a Girls Trip trailer in February. And I got excited. Really? Yeah. Before Get Out. Isn't that kind of wrong? Oh, my God. Isn't that kind of wrong?

Well, Get Out came out in, like, what, May, April? I mean, I can totally see why. It's largely probably the same audience. Was it May or April? It felt cold outside, so I assumed it was February. Maybe it wasn't, though. Can we look it up? I read today that Girls Trip just passed 100 mil at the domestic box office. It was fantastic. Have you seen it?

Yeah, we've seen it. We saw it. It's so much fun. It was so fun. I really liked it. I think that there will be a sequel that is much higher budget. For sure. Yes, because the budget on this movie all went to Jada. We talked about this on the live episode. We did. All went to Jada's

salary. That was clear. That's so funny. Also, I'm sure Queen Latifah commands quite a paycheck. She's such a hero. I thought it was so funny and so full of heart and like the moments, that's a movie to see

in the theater and like the moments are so friggin' like laugh out loud funny. There were a few times where Bone and I looked at each other like what the fuck

is going on? Like when Tiffany I saw this with Hartney. He had the best bone. I'm sure. But the zipline piss thing. When Tiffany pissed this I was like what's happening? It's like water balloons being burst and then a second person

pees for no reason. Yeah. That's not a rated movie. You gotta put it in there. Totally. But as soon as you realize okay it's a goofy movie like everything's kind of elastic, then it's great. We're here to have fun. And also I loved that sketchy naked guy early on. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was hot guys in that movie. There were a lot of hot guys. That one was that one. No. That guy who like waves his peen in the window. Oh, yeah. No, no, no.

He was horrifyingly not hot. People were screaming. Yeah, that was crazy. Yeah, it was wild. We were like, oh my God. And everyone in the movie, all the characters were like this. And that's the thing I love. That's his impression.

It was great. Have you seen, we talked about this at the live show too, have you seen Kidnap yet? No. You must go see Kidnap. Really? Okay. You got the wrong kid. I know that.

You got the wrong kid. You picked the wrong kid. I know that. You got the wrong kid. You picked the wrong kid. Which is like, what? They really did. All kids are wrong to pick. No, but Kristen, you see it. They picked the wrong one. Because not every mother is physically capable of doing what Halle Berry does in this movie.

That's true. She truly showed them that they picked the wrong kid. Had they picked another kid. They might have gotten away with it. Probably they would have. That's showed them that they picked the wrong kid. Had they picked another kid they might have gotten away with it. Probably they would have. That's hilarious.

Probably they would have because Halle Berry there's something special about her. I don't know. She was able to get them. Also talk about two real Trumps

that kidnapped the kid. Of course they come out looking like true fucking trash. The screenwriters and the director was like yeah we're gonna make some real trumps i think the movie was shot in like 2014 or something right yeah it's like shot like literally in 90 years ago yeah yeah um christian we're finally gonna

ask you what we ask all of our guests yeah 20 minutes in 20 minutes in um what is the culture that made you think culture is for me a young kristen okay so i feel like this is very very early and i don't know if you guys want to but you guys know the elephant show okay describe it okay there's this show on wait wait i'm combining two things. One, okay, I really- Bar bar? Are you talking about bar bar? I wasn't. Is it a bay bar? Whatever.

Bar bar. Bar bar. I fucking love elephants. That's how I sound. Dumb queen who can't say Barbara. Barbara. You sound like a dumb queen who can't even say Barbara. There was an elephant show on Nickelodeon.

That is how you sound. Yes, I remember the elephant show. Which was like a live action Sharon Lo lois and bram oh my god in canada people worshipped them yeah oh my god and i worshipped them here yes and then at the same time also there was a show called dumbo circus which was a live action on disney channel um live action dumbo and there was like a big fake dumbo oh my god the lights just went off again it The lights just went off again. This is so wild. This has never happened. Okay. Is it so late?

It's so late. Yeah, I'm so excited. But this was like 88, 89, so. Yeah, but no, but I think the elephant show like went into, at least it just, I mean, as a kid growing up, it just like, I just watched it back to back. It must have been like syndicated on whatever. Yeah, but for life. For life.

Yeah, so those are the two things that like really got me. And I remember going i when i had to go to kindergarten because this was pre-kindergarten it's like a little bibo and when i went to kindergarten i was so stressed i would make my mom uh tape it she would have to record it on the vcr so that when i got home i could watch the elephant show and dumbo circus and one day in kindergarten i cried and the teacher was like why are you crying i was like i was just really worried that the vcr wasn't gonna record it oh yeah I was right there I cared about TV so early oh yeah and I know that my parents like that's so bad but I like I loved that I loved the monkeys which was

in reruns I had a crush on Davy Jones oh really who was probably like 30 at the time and I had a crush on his child version my mom mom loves him. She had a picture of Davy Jones on her wall. I love, yeah. My sister had a monkey's face and I was like, this is from a century ago. It is though.

I was so horny for him and I was only five. But there was definitely a thing of like, at the time I think we were all younger, there was a lot of that kind of 1970s and 1980s,

even 1960s like television on and readily available Nick at night and you know what fucking kills me that no one knows about like there's no way to Gilligan's Island now no one knows about I love Lucy now none of these young

girls coming up these young girls don't even know about Lucille Ball. The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple. Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her?

But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What? You've told her? Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City, all new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+.

I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all To Dudes on Dudes I'm a dude You're a dude And Dudes on Dudes

Is our brand new show We're gonna highlight players Peers Guys that we played against Legends from the past And we're just gonna sit here and talk about them And we'll get into the types of dudes What kind of types of dudes are there, Grunks?

We got studs Wizards We got freaks Or dudes, dude We got dogs Dogs We'll break down their games We'll share some insider stories We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes dude. We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games. We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are.

Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dudes dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean.

He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez.

At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Cuba. Mr. Gonzales wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful

family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Piece, the Elian Gonzales story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian, and Basketball Hall of Famer. I'm a mom, and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby, journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman. I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby, journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts, you know, just all the we go through. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we

experience as women. And T and I, well, we have no problem going there. Listen to levels to this with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby and I Heart Women's Sports Production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Also, one thing that I love is that Jason's older than me by five years, ha ha, but...

LOL. We're just shitting on Jason. Sugar daddy, dog. He's gonna have to watch it. Listen to him. Little bit of a sugar daddy. Okay. Tiny bit. Next time, shitting on Jason. Sugar daddy. He's going to have to watch it. Listen to it. A little bit of a sugar daddy. Tiny bit. Except no.

But, blast. We just said Jason was poor. We didn't say that. You said that. No. We didn't say that. You said it. You can't even say Barbra, you fucking old ass dumb stupid queen.

Comes to the Barbra Streisand concert saying queen. Comes to the Barbara Streisand concert saying, I'm singing Barbara Streisand. That's how he is an idiot. That's how he is an idiot. I love Barbara. You can't. Say it right now. Jason does very well.

He's doing great. Say it right now. Say Barbara Streisand. Barbara Streisand. Wrong. That wasn't it. We need to get back on track. Oh, my God.

Dumb queen. His little sister. He has a little sister so he knows all about the dumb shit that i grew up with which i think is very important because i like to be able to say like because i feel like you have like these weird flashes of something weird that you watch and you have to find out what it is and he has like a good knowledge of it oh that's good wait how young is his sister she is maybe 26 okay yeah so he was able to re-experience all of those things he was she was he was 12 years old when she was a baby so he really like and he was like a good older brother who hung out with his little sister and took care of her so like he's he's got all of these dumb things and he's he remembers them

that's useful yeah i think it's i i remember like when I was in London, people loved me because people in London love fat girls. Okay. And I really did very well there in college. And I remember like going out on dates with guys and we had a totally different like understanding of culture and knowledge and like shows and I hated it. I couldn't get on board. I don't want to get to know your stuff.

Because your love language is pop culture and culture. It's 100p. 100p, yeah. You have to know your stuff. Because your love language is pop culture and culture. It's 100p. 100p, yeah. You have to know what I know, you know? And I have these weird visions of... In Dumbo's Circus, there's this one scene. I know, you have no idea what this is. I know.

And I have no idea why. No, but describe it because I want to know about it. There's this one scene where they fly over a desert that's made of ice cream. That sounds fabulous. It's live action. It's live action. It's for children.

I don't believe it. It is. It is. It is. I swear there's a computer nearby. Bless you. It's real. And I haven't seen it since I was a little kid.

So maybe it is animated. But I think it is live action because I think it was like a soft elephant. I would be curious as to how they pulled off a desert made out of ice cream. It was like round puppety ice cream. Like a felt thing? Like a felt. I don't know about this. This is a question. Hold on. I want to ask an actual question. Okay. Ask an

actual question. I think there is something really real to this thing that Kristen is talking about. Like these visions, these flashbacks to like kids random ass kids stuff that you would watch. Did any of you watch Pengu? Either of you watch pingu either of you watch pingu on pbs but i know what it is yeah but they do you have like visions of it i have visions of it and i just have visions of just just yeah like being like not going to school because i was sick and just staying and watching that because we you know we

didn't have cable yeah and bob ross and shit came on all the time. Loved Bob Ross. I did too. Bob Ross was on. Also I, you know what is a show that I literally remember like Gullah Gullah Island. I don't remember a single thing about that But just that one part. 321 Contact and Ghostwriter were on PBS too. Ghostwriter

Yes. I was just talking to someone on Grindr today about Ghostwriter. Why would you? Because that was their username. And my username right now is, I think, like, dumbfatbaby. Yes, it is. Because it's like a holdover from, like, old dating updates. Because you've got to have a hook. You've got to have a gimmick on Grindr.

It's a conversation starter. Brand. Brand. And this person was asking me what the name was. And I was like, oh, it's just like an old username that I used to have. You should have been like, Google Gaga. Yeah, I should have been like that. Bar Bar.

And then his username was Ghostwriter. And I was like, what's the meaning behind your name? And he said, the show. And I don't think I ever watched it. That's so funny and nerdy. I did, but again, it's one of those things where it's like, I could not tell you anything about it. There was basically a ghost that gave these crime-fighting kids information

by writing on computers. Right, right, right, right, right. It was a ghost right now. That's insane. It's insane. That feels like it doesn't have a lot of legs. It went on for a while, and I certainly watched it. I love that scene from Freaks and Geeks where the kid goes home

and eats, like, food in front of his TV show. Do you know that scene? Yes. I haven't seen it. Isn't it in the pilot? No. I think it is. It's early on. Yeah, okay, okay. I love that scene so much

and I relate to it so much because I was a latchkey kid. I was a poor kid and I would come home from school, walk home from school, open up the door, make myself a big snack and watch Oprah. What were the snacks? Oh, and thank God for Oprah. Thank God. You know what I loved?

Hickory Farms beef stick. Fucking love beef sticks. I still fuck with bagel bites. And that was my snack of choice, TV snack of choice growing up. Totally. Just a dozen bagel bites on a fucking plate and they were soggy and wet because they were in the microwave. In the microwave only. Yes.

Or like a piece of white bread with a piece of cheese on it. No. I ask you this. I ask you this. Okay. Did your parents ever put juice in those little canisters in the freezer and make

a juice pop? Yeah, of course. Love. Oh, yeah. But not like canisters. Like a tray. Like an ice tray. A little popsicle tray. Yes, like a popsicle tray. We had all of the dumb bullshit plastic stuff that would make nonsense. But yeah, we did do that too. It's insane how much juice and soda

I drank as a child. I know! I look back and I'm like, the 90s were a fucking crazy cracked out time. The things that you were fueled on. I would be in the basement in my house watching Nickelodeon running around in circles because I was so hyped up on

soda because it was in the house every day. I probably drank a liter of it every day. I'm not kidding. Just running around. I remember the first time I ever saw the Backstreet Boys on television. I just didn't know what I was feeling. That's a lot.

Like rubbing my dick on the ground and running around being like, woo! Like not understanding. Just fueled by sugar and horniness. Yes, and every show was the best show.

Legends of the Hidden Temple, best show. Yes! Double Dare, best show. These were great things. Like, do you have it?

Guts, best show. And I was just like, yes, yes. And I was just so excited to see other kids run around. Oh my God,

and I love that always the trip would be, like, all of these shows happened in Orlando. Yes, Oh my God. And I love that always the trip would be, like all of these shows happened in Orlando. Yes. Oh my God. Filmed live at Universal Studios Florida. And I would come. I would come as a child.

I would say, I would see the goop, the goop fountain. No. I would come so hard as a kid. We gotta reign this in. No, I'd be a little kid

having soda and cumming. Because Backstreet Boys perform live in front of the Goop fountain at Universal Studios Florida. Did you ever see them live? No, not to this day. I did. When? With New Kids on the Block? No, this was, I feel like,

oh my god, I'm lying to you guys, but I feel like someone like Cisco level opened. No, Dream! Dream opened. Oh, Dream. You gotta know what he wants. Me gotta know what he's got.

He's gotta know what he wants. He loves me. He loves you not. None of those words are right, but that's okay. I love that song. I was more of an NSYNC fan. I saw them a bunch. NSYNC?

Yes. They were better. I loved them so much, but I won free tickets to Backstreet Boys because my dad, there was this contest, the Backstreet Dads contest at the mall, at the Asheville Mall. Oh my God. And I knew that my dad was such a ham. I was like, I knew if I got him in that contest, I would win because he was such a performer and an inside performer.

And so we dressed him up and he did it and he got it done. You dressed him up as an NSYNCR? No, this was Backstreet Boys so he was, my dad was Howard so he was Howie B. Howie B! Oh my god. And like he really went for it and to such a degree that he was the clip

of like, it went out on the AP and he was like the ESPN clip of the day. They would play him on the hour. He was in the wire services. He was all over. He went on the AP back in the day. This was news. This was the bright shining news that could happen on the local news. And we went to see the Backstreet Boys and that's where I saw my first dick

because yes, because on our way it was me and three other girls. This guy was driving beside us and he saw a bunch of like girls and he lifted he was masturbating and what and driving and he lifted up his dick We were and we all screamed bloody murder, but it was fine Girls trip that's literally what it was fine. I was not hurt by it. I Think you needed an impact. I'm still okay. But we can't speak for the other girls.

We have to find them. We have to get their story. I think it was funny and they're fine. It was a dick through a window. Dick through a window. Okay, so on my way here, pal of the show, Brandon Scott Jones, two-time canceler of the live show.

Two-time canceler. That's right. Showed me videos of boy band. I'm just now getting rid of it. I think it's fun. I'm on board. I almost tried to watch it the other day because I finished Bachelorette and then I was like no. It's not for you. I can't. I watched one episode

and the thing that I think is so funny is at the very end of it they say the boy who is going home or the boy who didn't do a good job today. The boy. The boy. And I laughed so hard. The boy. The boy who disappointed us today. The boy! That's so Harry Potter. How young are the boys?

I mean, 15? I think 19 is the oldest and the youngest is like 14. Okay. Probably don't even know what their dicks are doing yet. No one's hot to me. They're probably looking down at their own dick like, what the fuck? I mean, if they were anything like you growing up, just watching the Backstreet Boys.

Oh, they'd be rubbing it on the rug. Goop-a-goopin'. Juice-in-comin' soda? Everywhere. I want to see a messy hot producer joke. Can we get away with calling this episode Juice-in-comin'? Oh, I'm so honored to have been a part of it. It's really Soda Cum.

Soda. Soda Cum. I'm sorry. No. We should call it Rub the Rug. Rub the Rug. No, there's literally a podcast called Cumtown. I think we're fine.

What? That's probably a dumb podcast. What is that? No, I'm sure it's great. I'm sure it's great. Cumtown? We don't have to talk about Cumtown. It's called Cumtown? It's probably a dumb podcast. What is that? No, I'm sure it's great. Comptown? We don't have to talk about Comptown. It's called Comptown?

It's called Comptown. HPJ's heard of it. What's it about? I don't know. You know what? I just scroll through and I look at the titles. I'm like, oh, that's a good title. That's a good title.

Look at my king all dressed in red. I go, I go one day. Now, before I teased that Kristen, as one of the writers of Nightly at UCB, might have had a little bit of an exchange or run-in with a certain celebrity who was going to do the show and then disappeared from the schedule. She absolutely did. She canceled a week before. Now, I recently got into the Real Housewives of New York. Can we confirm that this

person was the Countess herself? Countess Luanne? The former Countess, yes. The former Countess Luanne. She lost that title. Now the former Luanne D'Agostino. I guess she's back to Luanne de Lesseps. I know. She lost her title and the husband. That sucks. Poor thing. But she will never lose her music.

No. You know what? I'm watching the show now and I'm not into the Countess. Do you watch the show? I do. I watch all of them. The only ones I don't watch are, like, Dallas and... I heard Dallas sucks. I don't need to see those.

Potomac. If anyone's, like, clearly not rich, I don't care. That makes me feel sad. And, like, you're putting your life out there in a way that you can never take back. Right. But if you're a rich person, you're fine. You're protected by your piles of money. No matter what.

Yeah, no, I do watch. And I do like Luanne because I think, like, she is a very charming figure. But my favorite person, I mean, I do like Bethany. I do like Carol. I love Carol. I don't like Ramona. She is much.

She's a lot. Did you watch Aviva? She's the one who threw her leg off. No, I haven't seen Aviva. Okay, so I have to tell you, I've only watched season seven in full because I was told that I needed to, because I was going to get into it, but I didn't want to start with season one because, by God, that's a lot. You don't need to be on board for that.

I was told start with season seven, The Return bethany oh great and then just catch up to where we are now so right today i started season eight because i did all of season seven i just watched all three reunion episodes today oh that's a lot so i've literally watched so much real housewives and i have to tell you my reactions are well i guess i won't even talk about heather and kristin because heather was literally too much and Kristen, truly, who cares? Kristen was the worst. She was the worst. She had nail polish.

That was all I remember of her. She also had the worst catchphrase of all time. What was it? Pretty is smarter than you think, which is so bad. You're not smart. If you say that, you're not smart. She's bad for Kristen. so bad. You're not smart. If you say that, you're not smart. She's bad for Christmas. So bad.

But I do think in my heart of hearts, I probably am Sonia. It's horrifying, isn't it? You don't like Sonia. No, I do. I have some gossip off the mic about Sonia. Off the mic. Off the mic.

I'll tell you about it. She's teasing the listeners. Let's for off the mic about Sonia. Off the mic. Off the mic. At GST's and the listeners. Let's do on the mic goss about what went down with Luann with the UCB Nightlight episode. What can you say? This is what I can say. I can say it all, I think. I met Luann at a party, at Difficult People's Party last year. Yes, yes.

Oh, yes. And you were, Kristen was in Difficult People. It was fantastic. Oh, yeah. That's another credit. That's another credit. Whatever. Clap the credit, bitch.

Clap the credit. I don't remember things that I've done, but that was a thing that I did. So I was at this party, and one of the great things about writing for Nightlight is that you could always talk to famous people by saying, oh, come on, do our show. And they would always be excited and receptive about

this opportunity. And so we were at this party, already having a great time, already a little drunk, and then I saw Luann. I was like, I'm going to talk to Luann. And Tom was there. This was early in. And they weren't even engaged yet.

And I said, hi. And I knew she did improv because she did improv at the pit. Did you know that? Luann? Luann did the pit. That class.

When? She did a class. I think there are probably clips online. She did an improv class. It was maybe something that she wanted to be her story that never made it there. But there are people at the pit. Of all the improv classes, she signed up for the pit. You know what?

Good for the pit. Was she trying to save money? I don't know. Good for the pit. That's great. That's the pit's biggest credit nowadays. Stop. Okay.

Sorry to shade the pit, but not for nothing. It's not not deserved. So she took a class at the pit, and so I knew that she already liked Improvins, and then I was like, okay, well, I'm at UCB, and we have this show. And she immediately, she was like, I've always wanted to do UCB. So she did the pit, and she wanted to break in at the UCB, which is what happens to everyone. It happens to everyone.

It happens to so many. Certainly me. And so she wanted to do things at UCB. And I was like, oh, this class, or this show, we just invite someone. Your whole late night show. She was super jazzed. Great. And so then we proceeded to email back and forth a little

bit. You and her? Oh my god. Me and Luanne emailed. Oh my god. And you were the reason for this connection. It was totally me. I met her. I invited her. We kept talking and I let Eric Cunningham, who created the show, know about it and Lauren Mandel, who is a producer,

they know about it. And they were very excited and we were kind of open to whatever Luann wanted. And then last winter, she was like, well, you know, I'm getting married and so I'm going to be busy for these dates dates but why don't we have this meeting and then we can do the show in February I think and we were thrilled and so I

you know was working I had a day off on like Friday I made sure to schedule it when we had hiatus and we did this meeting and she told us her life story which is so great she has she's basically like Forrest Gump for like love like she like and I said that to her which was like she like dates people in very glamorous interesting situations and she like sort of like falls in love with different people and then she goes wherever she's gonna go so she started as a nurse and you know was dating and as a nurse and then she like left that life behind like I think the person that she was with encouraged her to move on. And she went to Italy and hooked up with another guy and then

became, she says, the Vanna White of Italy. She was like a game show person. Oh wow, that's insane. And then she came back. So it was like a really interesting story and because the show was in February we were thinking about making it be about love and about finding love in a later time of your life. Okay, yeah, great.

It was such an entertaining conversation and then she kept emailing and then uh a week before maybe two weeks it was very early she could no longer do the show what was the reason because of a trip because of the trip and the trip that she went on to did they go to mexico oh yeah so we knew that the trip was coming, but on the show, the thing that's kind of interesting is that at one point, Bethany thinks that she's going to be coming later with Ramona, and then suddenly Luanne says that she's

coming early. And so I think that that may have been the reason she was maybe either going to push it off, or then she realized that she didn't want to travel with Ramona, and she came early. But she canceled the show, which was funny. I mean, maybe a little devastating. It didn't bother me at all.

I don't know why. I just thought it was funny. What was she wanting the show to be? Because, you know, you have like with Nightly, you have a theme, you have a concept, you have like comedic ideas. Can you share some insight? It's really all about love. Like she wanted she was gonna cook eggs a la frances francais whatever she was gonna make it on stage or like

have like a game show where like guys would compete to make the best eggs a la francais which and also the way that she said it it was just basically scrambled eggs with tomato sauce i die eggs a la frise. I die for it. So it was just about love, really about love at a later age. And it didn't happen, and I was very busy, and it didn't matter to me personally because I was exhausted. But I'm sure it was devastating to other people,

and it certainly sucked for UCB. But she kept emailing because I think she felt guilty. And so she would periodically invite me and Lauren out to events. And we didn't go because I think she felt guilty and so she would periodically invite me and Lauren out to events. And we didn't go because I always had work. But I'm going to follow up now. I'm going to check in now. I'm going to give her her space because she's

gone through this divorce. Yeah, she certainly is going through it right now. I started to reach out. She had a gorgeous ring. The ring was enormous. Okay, I don't want any of that. I'm sure she's very personable and lovely in person and she's very personable and lovely in person, and she's very charismatic, obviously. She was so funny, though, when she was falling into the bushes.

Like, that made me love her. Against all odds, the woman's a star. But the thing is, though... And she did difficult people. She causes trouble constantly. And I think that is crazy. She's always coming in and saying like, oh, this is insane what that person was saying about you outside.

And they're like, what? And they go, I don't know. We should bring her over. Ramona! And then she'll call her over. What were you saying about Sonia? And then it'll become a thing. It's so... I guess that means we're a good cast member. And part of that is producer driven. There you go.

And they know. They're smart about that. People who are, there you go. That's why she keeps coming back. But that's probably producer. And they know. I mean, they're smart about that. The people who are still there. I feel like when you get someone in their first or second season, they're like a deer in headlights and they don't know what's happening.

They're gone. And then they're gone. But they get it. At this point, I mean, Luanne's been on the show so long. Ramon has been on the show so long. Bethany. They all know what they're doing.

Yeah, and you know who I live for. Do you watch it at all? I don't watch it at all. You need to watch it and I think you'd be as obsessed with me. Do you know who I live for? Do you watch it at all? I don't watch it at all. You need to watch it, and I think you'd be as obsessed with me. Do you know who I live for? Tinsley? No.

No, who? I haven't gotten to Tinsley yet. Oh, my God, yes. Remember, I've only seen season seven. You're right. Dorinda. Oh, Dorinda's great. Dorinda made it nice.

Dorinda is... She made it nice. Dorinda is... That's what she did. Is, first of all... She what? She what? She made it nice.

She made it nice, I see. First of all, her name is Dorinda. Of course, of course. I've heard legend of Dorinda. She's great. Her catchphrase in season seven is, I give Uptown a whole new attitude.

And I don't know what that means. No. But yet it is 100% dead on. What's the attitude? I give Uptown a whole new attitude. Not clear as to what the attitude was of Uptown prior to Dorinda. Yep, yep. But she gave it a new attitude. Not clear as to what the attitude was of Uptown prior to Dorinda. Yep, yep.

But she gave it a new attitude. And I'll tell you what it is. It is drunk. And righteous. But I live for her. If she gets drunk, she's really fun. I live for her because she, when she gets mad, gets truly mad in a way that's not fake for the camera. Sometimes when Bethany gets upset, it's's like, okay Bethany, fuck you.

You're definitely performing right now. You're definitely cutting that check. Dorinda is like, you can go fuck yourself and anything you can say to me, you can say to your own fucking asshole. How about that? She's a fucking bitch. She's like going in. She has a Jersey energy.

Yeah, it's such a crazy You know what? That's why I identify with it. Yeah. It's because she, I'm Long Island and she's like got this Jersey energy. Yeah. Because I believe that

I give Long Island a whole new attitude. She's fantastic. I think of all of them, she and Carol are the ones that I think I would be normal friends with. Carol,

I can't believe she's on the show. She's the normal person. Carol Radziwill is on the show she's like an Emmy winning Peabody award winning journalist who was like on the ground in Afghanistan and Iraq like during the first she suffered like real loss

she's like lost her husband I think to cancer yes and then she was friends with Carol Kennedy best friends with Carolyn Bessette Kennedy and close friends with JFK Jr. Yeah then have her on the show I'd love to watch her.

But she's so normal. But that's the thing is it's like she's not a real housewife. No. She's not like a you're always

She's a grounding force. They'll say something insane and she'll say I think she's an entryway like you do need your entryway character. I think this is true like her talking heads are very essential

because you need someone that's on earth to be on that show. I need the thinking man's housewife and it sounds like that's Carol. Yes, but it's just shocking to me that someone of her stature would do it and be rewarded by it. But I guess they must be paying her.

Oh, sure. Crazy. She's been on the show, I guess, for what, four years? I think it's decent money. It's a decent job. Yeah, they must be paying her. Oh, sure. Crazy. Because she's been on the show, I guess, for, like, what, four years? I think it's, like, decent money. Like, it's a decent job. Yeah, it must be. I had a friend who did the Singles Project. What was that? It was for one season.

My friend Joey Healy, who is wonderful, he has an eyebrow studio, he did this show on Bravo, like, the same people are producing it, where, like, they would send these guys out on different dates and you could vote on them. And then the next week you would see them go out on a date, another day or a different date. And the thing about it is, is like, I mean, that was like decent money, decent, like whatever. When he told me that he was going to do it, I was like, do not do this.

Do not do this. Because I knew like, it's like the shady stuff that you say, like people on TV going to see your people an audience is going to see that and think that you're just mean you know they won't have context for you're just being a snot that i love and he still did it and of course he was the villain but the nice thing about that show is that you could see yourself and so he was able to like read whatever oh so so he could watch himself back? Yeah. Well, it was every week. Oh, right. Every week. He could see the way he was being portrayed

and play into that or adjust that. Exactly. And those guys on Real Housewives, those first seasons, they do not get that chance. No, whenever a show is not as popular in the beginning, that's why some people ache for the old seasons of RuPaul's Drag Race. Because now everyone's always like,

well, they're so aware of the cameras. They know. They're so aware of what their narrative arc is coming in. They try to manipulate their own arc. Totally. And it makes for bad television. You don't get the kind of things... You don't care, yeah.

You don't get the kind of raw, natural stuff that you would get from people that weren't as aware of the cameras and it's the difference between wanting fame versus wanting to be an artist or wanting to be on the show that you're on

so the other night I was watching last night I was watching Bachelor in Paradise which I haven't seen I'm fully in Bachelor Nation and it makes me so sick to my stomach, Kristen. But I am, and I can't stop. I watched part of the Rachel season. I can't stop.

So after that show, I was watching The Gong Show. Which I've seen. Insane. It's fully insane, and I saw a friend of mine from college on The Gong Show get gonged. Oh, no. And then I text didn't I text you about it I was like I messaged Bowen about it and he goes well I guess a lot of us end up on game shows which we know something about don't we Kristen oh absolutely you both

put this together you're both millionaire contestants we're both millionaire alum it's so funny it's such a funny thing yeah and we both have met Chris Harrison, haven't we? We have. When I met Chris Harrison, I, like, so I was on two episodes. Yeah, same. You were much more of a hit with him than I was, I'll tell you that. I did get him. I will tell you this.

And the thing about those shows is that you have to have your sappy story. Yep. Because if you have, like, a story, they friggin' fall in love with you. And I think it's such a funny thing. And I had my story, which was my dad and dad, blah, blah, blah. I've talked about it a million times.

But my mom and my dad had always planned on, like, traveling the world together. And then when he retired, and then that didn't get to happen, so I was going to use this money to take her on a trip. Gorgeous.

So the audience fucking loved it. Of course. They loved it so much. And he loved it, too, because he's just trying to make good TV. So I really did hit it off with him. And when the cameras got on me, I turned into this insane showbiz nut. Like, I was basically. Just fine.

But I was kind of calm and whatever. And then suddenly it was like my accent. I'm from North Carolina. It was like in full force. It was like, OK, honey, well, this is what I think. suddenly it was like my accent I'm from North Carolina it was like in full force okay honey well this is what I think and it was insanity and I went crazy and I had a

Disney question in there too which Jason so the reason that we did this and I didn't want to do it because I kind of like to control like how I appear in the world and I didn't want to do yeah I didn't want to do a game show because I don't know a lot of things and I do know a lot about a little and if want to do a game show because I don't know a lot of things

and I do know a lot about a little and if I got like a question about Cracker Barrel I could be like this is what it is but if I got a question about like anything

that happens in the Middle East then I would be like no I'm sorry I'm a dummy and I just spent a lot of money on improv classes

but thankfully so we Jason and I went to take the test because he's very good at trivia and uh i encouraged him to do it and he was like will you come do it with me and i passed and he did not pass oh jason i know he believes he believes very strongly because alex french told him alex french was taking the test at the same time i heard that if you do too well on the test and they do not pick you see See, I actually had a conversation

with the producers about this and they said, they would have no reason to lie to me. They said, absolutely, this is not true. And I'm also going to put my friend that came with me on blast. Sudie Green did not pass the test either. She did not pass the test.

And it was so funny because It's not easy. It was so funny because we did the show and then she came on the show as my plus one, and we had this whole fucking routine moment where we were like, and just did this insane routine and then got a question right and jumped for joy. They loved her on camera. So the producers came over to us after, and they were like,

Sudi, do you want to take the test? Because we never do this, but you were so great. We'd love to have you on. She was like, I don't know, with work, I don't know. And she was like, you know what? Yeah, want to take the test? Because we never do this, but you were so great. We'd love to have you on. She was like, I don't know, with work, I don't know. And she was like, you know what? Yeah, I'll take the test. And she was, she's going to be mad for me saying this. I'm going to say the same thing about you, Sam.

A little bit, a little bit, a little bit, her energy was like, oh, now I'm going to pass this test. And they're going to call me. I'm going to come back. And they came back and said, Sudi said sweetie we're sorry you didn't pass the test and she was like what and then we left and we got so fucking wasted

on Bloody Marys and now she can't drink Bloody Marys anymore oh it was that bad you ruined Bloody Marys that same thing happened which is so shitty because I make such a good one you do that same thing happened to Jason so he went and he didn't a good one. You do. That same thing happened to Jason. So he went and he didn't pass the test.

And Alex went and told him. And so he walked away like, well, that's what happened. I was smarter than all of you. I was too good. But then he had to go. It was at the ABC studios. He had to go wait for me. And so I kept going to the next level.

I had to meet the producers, pass that. And then I had to do an on-camera audition. And they just want you to be cute and stupid. And so I went and I did the show, and I was cute and stupid. Cute and stupid. And then there was a Disney question that I was like half on the fence about, which was. What was it? Yeah.

This Disney World ride has XYZ animated characters, and at the end of it, there is a key. A dog has a key in its mouth. Pirates. Great. So some of the examples in its mouth. Pirates. Great. So some of the examples were Small World and Pirates. And I felt pretty sure that it was Pirates. But it was that limit. You didn't know this?

OK, well, let's hear her out. You know that Jason's more into this than me. You go fuck yourself. But here's the thing. I was like, I feel pretty good about it. And you're also so hopped up on adrenaline. Yeah. And insanity.

It's crazy. You're out of your brain. feel pretty good about it and you're also so hopped up on adrenaline yeah and insanity crazy you you're out of your brain i was fully like a total different person on the show and like completely out of myself so i called jason as my plus one and so he had this big moment and when the lights like came on he did this like face like oh it's me uh yeah and so then he came running down and then we were real cute together. And then Jason, of course, had the answer right. So he felt like a fucking king. And then we kissed on camera.

And everyone screamed and went crazy. And then, yeah, I ended up winning $20,000. It was decent money. Congrats. I was so. And I actually messaged you beforehand. I was like, any advice? And you gave me advice.

And I was like, literally, my goal is $20,000. I got to the $20,000 question, narrowed it down to two, and I guessed the wrong one out of the two. It was so devastating. It really was. I got the hell out. As soon as I got a question that required actual knowledge of history, it was about a waltz by Strauss. I was like, bye-bye. I'm taking my $20,000.

Mine was a spelling question. It was fucking crazy. I was like, goodbye. I'm taking my $20,000. Mine was a spelling question. It was fucking crazy. What was the question? Also, it was... What was the spelling of Ebenezer's spirit? But it was a really fucked up way to ask that question.

It was like, what is the correct spelling of the protagonist of A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens? And I thought, when the question came up, I was like, okay, well, they didn't say the name Ebenezer in the question because there's going to be more than one name up there.

They gave four different spellings of Ebenezer. And I believe I'm repeating myself with the story on the podcast. I don't care about it. It's fine. But anyway, it was E-B-E-N-E-Z-E-R and E-B-E-N-E-E-Z-E-R. I think it's the one E, right? It is the one E, but you know your boy went for the second. And it was one of those things.

It's so hard, though. It's hard. It was one of those things where it leaves your mouth and you're like, that's wrong, but I'm still doing it. Ooh. Yeah. Like, and I just. It's so hard. It's so hard. It was so hard.

You are falling out of your buddy and this, I did the second episode with him and at that point we had become friends and I hugged him and they had to stop the frame. Like,

we went in. Like, I like came out. Chris Harrison? Yeah. So I came out and Chris Harrison held up his arms for a hug

and I was like, oh, we're friends now. He was like, yeah. It was funny because it just happened and also, I'm going to go back to that but i hugged him and my makeup left my face and went

i sweated my makeup off onto him and they had to stop it and i like i like immediately said oh i bet none of the bachelorettes has ever sweated her face off onto you and i was like that's never happened you're right oh that's cute oh my god you. And I was like, that's never happened. You're right. Oh, that's cute. Oh, my God. But one thing they did was, like, they put us in game show jail. Like, because it was too – They did the same thing to us. It sucks.

It was, like, one episode before lunch and one after lunch. And so they held us, like – In a small room. In a small room. Yeah. Beside each other. We weren't allowed to talk. Yep.

And so I ended up doing like the knock like the and jason did it and then we just laughed really really really really hard for a very long time that we were doing this is the dumbest thing to do it was so insane also i will say i i am now that i'm in bachelor nation and now that i love you relate to those ladies though right i the things that they do to them i'm so gagged that that I met Chris Harrison and I just treated him like a person standing in front of me. Not that I think he literally does anything special, literally at all. You, I don't think so, honey. I did, I don't think so, Liam, because I do think that he doesn't do anything on the show.

But he truly didn't like me. How do you know? Because I messed up an entrance. Oh.

I messed up an entrance when I was coming for my yeah. he you can there's

it's on YouTube like maybe I'll post it later and I'll just be like you know what this is but when I when he shook my hand after I had messed up the entrance

when I did my real entrance yeah he Trump handshaked me it was like he took my hand and pulled me in like and it was like

a threat it was crazy and you can see on my face when I when I come around to the podium that I'm like not feeling it. That sucks.

It was weird. That is so stressful. God, he struck me as someone that straight doesn't live his dream. I mean, did you have a producer assigned to you as well? Wasn't that weird? No, I loved him. Oh. And it was weird weird they try to become

your best friend and then that's what they're doing to the bachelorettes yeah and actually i i'm oh that's what they're doing so i mentioned this i mentioned it was while i was watching unreal yeah and i mentioned that show to the producers of that show and they just were like don't talk about that show yes it Yes! Wow. It is so real. Like, that, mine was very nice, but she acted like an insane best friend. Like, you feel like after this meeting, we are going to hang out for the rest of our lives. Did you friend request them on Facebook? Because I did, and he did not respond.

I didn't do that, but I get it. Because I do act like your friend. And then at one point, what I had to do was, right before we went on, she was too much in my face. And I was like, you know what? I just need to go off on my own for a couple minutes. I totally got this. Because they're assigned to people to make them not freak out.

But we don't need that. We're not going to freak out. Right. No. Well, you two specifically. I was this intense friend in your face that I couldn't handle. For me, I actually was acting kind of crazy. I don't know why, but it did make me really nervous.

Because it's insane. When I watch it back, I kind of am disappointed in myself because on the episode, not for how I did, I just went into my shell in a very high school way. Like you butchered up a little bit? I butchered up in a way that I look at myself doing that episode and I'm like, wow, that is not. I was watching it and I was like, I can see myself going into my shell there. It's your face.

I went into my Paula Deen type person. It's your face. Like, I went into my, like, Paula Deen type person. Right, right, right. It's like your face to make people love you. Yeah, I just,

I don't know, maybe I thought that would be, that would make me cooler to like the audience. But don't, just be like, it didn't distract me while I was playing.

What distracted me was how insane the experience was. But, we also were doing it. The trauma of this show. We also were doing it I love the trauma of this show we also were doing it in Vegas

I know you guys shot it in Connecticut we did it in Stanford Connecticut oh lovely we went out to Vegas the only other studio was the People's Court

and we like wanted to go there yes so bad but yeah we weren't in Vegas and Vegas is cool though I mean it's cool

that you went to Vegas it was awesome it was so fun and thank god they asked us to block off two days and we ended up shooting on the first

day. So it wasn't like a big deal. So you could like hang out the next. Yeah. But we hung out the whole day the next day and that's when Sudi became Bloody Mary intolerant. Man, I didn't know about this Bloody Mary part. Oh, okay. So we basically were, we were at the pool at the Mandalay Bay all day because we had

the whole day off and I had just won $5,000. So it was kind of like the trip was fully free. Yeah that's what it was. So we're just kind of like living at the pool like drinking all day. Sudi and I like we hadn't really gotten to spend a lot of time together because she had been so busy with work. Yeah.

So it was like this vacation that we had never taken that we had never taken together. Bar bar. You're a barbar. You're a stupid. Literally, you're so stupid. And you are such a dumb queer. And you can't even say Barbara Streisand, who is an icon.

And you should be revering. And you can't even say it. You should be revering. So don't. Tuken. Tuken is going so hard right now. Don't even talk to me ever again. Oh, my God.

So anyway, I was at the pool with my best friend, and we were drinking, and it was that situation where you where you're like, you're drunk, and you're outside, and you're in the water, and you think, one more.

And the one more that you choose after like, fucking gin and tonics, and and whatever is a bloody Mary. Oh. And we had tickets to see Zoo-manity, which is like a sexy Cirque du Soleil show. And we said. With animals? Yes.

Like animals and like humans like fucking in midair. I don't know. We were warned that it would be sexy. It was like, okay, we'll meet in a little bit. Or she's like, I was like, you go to bed. And honestly, she passed the fuck out. And then I went to the all-you-can-eat buffet by myself. Yeah, you texted me.

That you recommended. That's because when I go to Vegas, this is the situation. Buffets. I don't gamble. Well, I will, but like 50 bucks and that's about it. Would I really spend how many on Jason? I made money the last time because two people found us

and they were like CBS or some sort of survey people found us and they were like, would you like to come watch a CBS show for $50? And we were like, yes, we would. And so we left our vacation to go watch this dumb CBS show

about like zombies like they were taking it was so bad it was so it was like normal zombies on your street to a zombie that you know

okay okay people that you know that died yeah sure and we had to like do the little dials and like that was like the best Vegas experience

and what we so I like doing dumb shit in Vegas and I like eating at buffets and the best buffet is Bacchanal and if you and I think you went to a different one that at buffets, and the best buffet is Bacchanal. And I think you went to a different one, and that's okay, because- Yeah, I didn't go to Bacchanal, because I would have remembered if I went to Bacchanal.

You can yelp it. If you go at like three o'clock, that's when lunch ends, and then it turns into dinner, so you pay for the lunch, and then you eat the dinner. Wow. What? You? That is a life hack of the year. Life hack.

Oh my God, that's brilliant. Pay for lunch, eat your dinner life hack of the year. Life hack. Oh, my God. That's brilliant. Pay for lunch. Eat your dinner at Bacchanal. It's expensive. That shit's like 50 bucks. Also, I will say what we were watching on TV while that was happening was the RNC. Oh.

That was literally the day, the couple days of the RNC. Jesus. And we were watching it like, God damn, this is so fucking insane. Good thing this will never happen because at the RNC that was when they were like jumping ship on him and like Alania yeah she plagiarized

here's the tea I just want to say really quickly Sudie Green gets really motherfucking drunk I feel so bad for Sudie she's been talking about she doesn't get drunk. She gets very tired. No, she gets drunk.

No, she has two or three drinks and then the bitch is tired. You and I in Charleston saw her vomit out of an Uber. She throws up a lot. She throws up. Oh, that's so good to know. She's going to want to come back on the show and vindicate herself. We'll bring her back on and she can speak to us. She has an open invitation.

She does. She does. I have never seen her vomit. I have been around her when she's drunk. One of my favorite things about Sudi when she's drinking is that she's very honest. Oh, yeah. It's biting honesty. It's biting honesty. And she keeps that honesty when she's sober as well, I would say.

Totally, but I think it's like free and flying. And then you find that you know fully where she stands. Yes. She's the best person in the world. It's endearing and wonderful. It's endearing and wonderful. Oh, before we forget, let me just read off this episode's culture rule

submitted by a user. Oh, God, my Facebook is fritzing out, but I think I have it. Sorry, just wait, guys. Guys, feel in the silence while I find this. No, we refuse. Luann! Luann! Luann! Luann while I find this Luann Luann Luann I mean Luann but I mean here's the deal

with Real Housewives I feel like I see myself in all of them that is so funny and that shocking and I realized today what was actually in the reunion I was like I don't dislike any of them but I know that Luann is a Trump I know you have disseminated this information she went to that party though she went to Carol's party I was like, I don't dislike any of them. But I know that Luann is a Trump. I know she's a Trump.

You have disseminated this information. She went to that party, though. She went to Carol's party. She's a fucking Trump. She was also seen at Mar-a-Lago. Oh. Well, that sucks. And she also won't say who she voted for, which is you're a Trump.

If you don't say who you voted for, you're a Trump. I bet Luann is a Trump. I bet Ramona's a Trump. Ramona definitely is because she said so. She said so? That sucks. Oh my God. So get ready.

In this new season, you're going to see Carol throw an election night party back when we all thought that Hillary Clinton would win. And you see her and it's so full of hope and you live the day over again.

And you see this crushing defeat. And she has like a fight with Ramona leading up to the party because Ramona says that Trump has some good ideas and he's not so bad. All right, Ramona's dead to the party because Ramona says that Trump has some good ideas and he's not so bad. All right. Ramona's dead to me now.

Yeah. And so they fight about it and Carol won't let her come to the party. And then eventually I think she maybe does come to the party. Oh, this this could be bad information that I'm spreading. But they have a face off and Ramona is somehow like she isn't. She could be smug and she isn't. But she's definitely a Trump and Carol is definitely like she isn't. She could be smug and she isn't. But she's definitely a Trump. And Carol is definitely a Hillary.

Yeah. I 100% believe that Carol votes for Hillary. I think here's who's Trump. Luann is Trump. Ramona's Trump. And I think Sonia. I don't think Sonia voted. I think Sonia either didn't vote or is a Trump because she's not that smart.

And I think that Carol obviously voted for Hillary. I think Bethany has the sense to vote for Hillary. Sure. I think. Oh, and Bethany hates Omarosa.

Right. Oh my God, wait. Have you ever seen Bethany and Omarosa's interview on Bethany's talk show? No. You must go back.

Omarosa's a fucking garbage and Bethany's also kind of garbage. You know Bethany did Martha Stewart Apprentice. Yes. Oh, right, right, right. So she has Apprentice experience as well. And Bethany's also kind of garbage. You know Bethany did Martha Stewart Apprentice. Yes. Oh, right, right, right. So she has apprentice experience as well.

Wow. And what happened with her is that she said that she was just going to fake it until you make it. And Martha got furious and said that you must never fake it. And that's not part of her business. Literally, they both were talking about nothing. Yeah. Like both of them are fucking rich as hell. They don't have to work for anything in their lives.

Okay. This is our user submitted culture. That's incendiary. What is? To say Martha Stewart's never had to work for anything in her life. Martha Stewart works very hard. She works very hard. But look, I mean, this whole Snoop Dogg thing is great.

I think it's actually quite lovely. She loves weed too. She loves weed. I watch. Does she? Yeah. I would love to get lit with Martha Stewart. I don't know. I watch. I think she's great. I had to Google

videos of how to fold a fitted bed sheet. Never. You'll never learn. I learned. I learned you fuckers. And but Martha Stewart came up and she was just she brought someone from the audience to come and try to fold it and she really exploited that audience member and I will never forgive Martha Stewart. In like a who wants to be a millionaire way.

Absolutely. She was the Chris Harrison shaking the hand. This is user submitted culture. Rule number 402 of culture. That's too many. Guys. Stop. Put it down. No. It is too high sometimes. Pause. Who made this?

Who made this? Julie Wonderland. Julie Wonderland. Listen. We don't have that many rules yes there are we have plenty of rules we're trying to put a book together no that's that's that's not real hold on this is julie wonderland's rule number 402 of culture if you don't think party in the usa is a bop we can't be friends. I agree. I do agree. But someone recently came for that song and I was like, what the fuck is your problem? And someone actually that was a Lost Culture racist listener was like, party in the USA sucks.

In some context, I saw this and I was like, I think that person has to be told to go told to go Christian thoughts on Party in the USA oh I love it okay good but I'm a Miley fan see I'm not you like when she goes like this yeah that's the hook of the song it's so good it's a great song

I love Wrecking Ball love Wrecking Ball wonderful I like Honesty she's okay I like Honesty. She's okay. I like all of Miley's songs until... I'm not crazy about Malibu. Well, yeah. It's just her doing the whole...

I liked her more. Malibu. For real, I liked her more when she was appropriating other people's culture. I feel that way. Oh! Yeah. I don't care. I mean, no, no.

I think it was more entertaining. I actually feel like... Was she... I mean, like, was she doing that well we can get into this some other time to some degree but i like her and she was sort of doing that with the drag queens as well was she doing that more than every other pop star no she wasn't the first was she doing it worse than katie perry no no she She wasn't doing the Gwen Stefani thing of like, I'm going to sing Nike when my, like, that was despicable.

She never got to that level. I kind of, quite frankly, feel like Miley does pretty much what everyone else does, but gets it worse. But also Miley, and I will never forgive her for this, back during her like Auburn hair bullshit days, took a picture with an asian guy and did the and did the eyes and i'm like no you're dead yeah can't yeah i she could she's either that is true

and i i didn't remember that until you just that really sucks and there's no excuse just because you're from tennessee doesn't mean that you get to do that there you go but julie wonderland's real number four into two of culture still applies let's say it together if you don't think part of me part in the usa is a bop we can't be friends unfortunately that's probably going to end a lot of friendships i think that's fine but those friendships and i will say that i denounce you if you voted for trump and i denounce you if you don't like party in the usa and don't think it's a quote-unquote bop although i also do denounce the term bop being this thing that everyone is saying now.

Ooh. I don't like it. I think, I don't like, I don't like the way it sounds, bop. Okay. Bar bar. I think it's trying too hard. I think that's the title of it. It can't be soda and cum.

I think it's bar bar. Parentheses soda and cum. No. Bar bar. Just stop. Parentheses stupid. Bar bar, parentheseseses Stupid Bar bar Parentheses

Dumbass queen And we should all People are going to think We're calling Kristen a queen A dumbass queen No that's not what they're going to think That's your dumbass Thinking that they're going to say that

I do like that's your dumbass That's your dumbass Okay here's the title of the episode That's your dumbass And all the yours in capitals That's your dumbass I don't here's the title of the episode. That's your dumbass and the yours in capitals. That's your dumbass. I don't know. I'm not signing off on that.

I'm signing off on it. No. And as the executive in the contract, because Lost Culture Racing has a contract, and it says in the contract Matt Rogers as actually the executive. Do you really have a contract? I have the, yes, we do have a contract, Kristen. Oh my God. But it's Bar Bar.

Do you have a friendship contract? We do have a friendship contract. I have the, yes, we do have a contract, Kristen. Oh my God. It's Bar Bar. Do you have a friendship contract? We do have a friendship contract. We do, and it says that Matt is the executive of the friendship. You're also the executive. I'm allowed to cancel the friendship and, you know,

I dictate the terms. It's Bar Bar, soda and cum. No. That's it. I will say this. The last line of the contract of me and Bowen's friendship

is Matt is the last thing that Bowen will ever see. I will look into his eyes and watch the right leave them. I will. I also assume pillow. Pillow, yeah. It doesn't have to be pillow. Sure.

You're not going to smother me? No. You're going to poison me. I don't even have to be the one that kills you. I have to be the last thing you ever see. Okay, okay. I think if you are out there and you're trying to kill Bowen, just let me know so I can be there.

We should, we should like hash out the, like the actual wording of this. Also, you know that Bowen has a lot of murderous intent on his Facebook. I do. And I'm, you know what?

Maybe it's gonna, maybe I'm gonna go to jail for it. You should delete that shit. I will. I will. I will. Um, thank you.

Thank you, Matt, for even immortalizing that even further on an audio podcast. No, it's cut. It's cut. No, no, no, no, no, no. We can keep it. Guys, let's move on to I Don't Think So, Honey.

Let's move on to I Don't Think So, Honey. I Don't Think So, Honey is a segment of our podcast where we rail against culture for one minute, specific items of culture that are really giving us some trouble and making us think, hmm, I don't like that very much. You may have been at our last live show, I Don't Think So, Honey. And I think as of today, you guys, you can head on over to Spoke

and listen to the live episode of I Don't Think So, Honey, which is exclusive on Spoke right now. In just two weeks, you're going to be able to hear it on our channel and everywhere podcasts are heard. Oh, my God. But right now, you can head on over to Spoke and listen to all that goodness. Listen to Kristen Bartlett

rail against thin people. Yeah, I'm done. And it's crazy. Just days later you're going to be asked to do another I Don't Think So Honey right now. It's a lot. It's a lot, but we'll go first. It's a lot, but we're going to do it. To warm everybody up. And it's not going to be me that goes first. Alright, I guess it'll be me. It'll be you.

I have a couple options here. Okay, I guess it'll be me. It'll be you. I have a couple options here. Okay, well, you better decide. Okay, no, you know what? Yeah, yeah. It's gonna be a little inside baseball, but I'm gonna do it. I have two options too. It's weird. But I'll go. I know mine. I think I know what I'm gonna do. This is Bo and Yang's

I Don't Think So Honey, and your time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey background actors who go straight to crafty and take all the food before I can even get my hands on a cracker. I don't think so, honey. This was insane. Look, I mean, we're all in the same industry. It's fine. We're all, you know, hawking food.

We're all trying to get as much food as we can when it's provided to us for free. But I don't think so. And you people who just, you are the definition of these little, uh, freeloaders, your little freeloaders. I don't think so. I don't think so. Honey.

I listen, my name is on the call sheet. Okay. So you better let me get that grape. That's right. I said, I don't think so. Honey,

I don't think so. People who are going to come for me for having cult-treat elitism, this is warranted. I worked hard for this. I worked hard to go to Crafty before. Background people, go and steal all the food, and I have nothing left but little scraps of shit, scraps of

fucking brownies that are overrated, by the way. Brownies overrated. I'll get to that some other time. I don't think so, honey. Background extras who go to Crafty. That's one minute. That's quite enough. Okay. Well, I actually know exactly what I'm going to do.

Okay, and this is Matt Rogers' I don't think so, honey. And his time starts now. I don't think so, honey. People who are on the call street that think that makes you a better human and that means you should be able to go to the food before anyone else. What the fuck is this? This is some Trump-ass

nationalism. This is cast this is this is call sheet nationalism. No. This is you thinking

that you You don't even know. Yes, I do know. And also, ooh, Bowen booked a movie. We have to record this episode at 9pm

because Bowen was on set and it ran late. Oh, no. Bowen didn't get to eat because he's in a movie with Rebel Wilson, big star. Oh, Liam Hemsworth's in the movie. Priyanka Chopra's in the movie. Guess what?

Bowen says she's prettier in person. Bowen didn't get to eat. Poor Bowen's getting the check But didn't get to eat The background bitch Who's been standing up For 20 hours On her goddamn feet Got to eat

And Bowen didn't get to eat Oh no He'll get a line in the movie His sag ass S-A-G Screen Actors Guild Bitch fuck Bowen yeah

I don't think so honey One minute You should go fuck yourself You dumbass queer You can't even say Bar bar What's going on You can't even say bar bar. You can't even say bar bar. You are so hateful to me.

I am hateful towards you because you believe that you are amongst the elite. No, I... You believe that you are amongst the elite and you should eat whatever you feel. I am no better than the background actors, but when it comes to food, I should at least get first pass. That is equivalent to Trump saying both sides. No! You say, I'm no better than the background actors, but they shouldn't dare eat before me, is

some both sides nonsense. You should be ashamed of this. I don't think so, honey. It will live in infamy. You know who else likes both sides is one Joni fucking Mitchell. I don't give a fuck about that. How dare you appropriate the words of Joni Mitchell. That is not what she's talking about. You're appropriating my words, sweetie.

She's talking about her goddamn abortion. She's talking about her goddamn life. And that is a song that will be sung at funerals and was sung by Sara Bareilles at the Immemoriam of the Oscars. And Carrie Fisher died to that song. And you should burn.

And how dare you come into this episode tonight with your goddamn mispronunciation of Barbra Streisand with Bar-Bar and continue to spit in the face of young, hardworking actors who are not yet SAG, who are simply on the shoot because they love film

and they want to help and they haven't yet gotten to the position where they're on the call sheet and you spit in their, you spit in their non-sag after faces today. And I hope that everyone out there that is a background actor knows that it is I, Matt Rogers, who stands beside you. And you should be ashamed.

You will live in infamy. Okay. All right. Well, I have no rebuttal to that. You don't. Unfortunately, your time is up. My time is up. And you said that would be inside't. Unfortunately, your time is up. My time is up. You said

that would be inside baseball. Guess what? It was inside wrong. What? It was so strong. It was so strong at the end. Didn't stick the landing. It was inside. Okay, this is going to be Kristen Bartlett's I Don't Think So Honey. I can't wait for this.

Can't possibly compare. Yes, you can. Nope. This is Kristen Bartlett's I Don't Think so honey I can't wait for this can't possibly compare yes you can yes you can nope this is Kristen Bartlett's I don't think so honey and her time starts now I do not think so honey when your favorite products get discontinued yes so sorry but I have emailed prescriptives makeup

two times in the past month because my favorite foundation comfort cream is no longer being made and it really makes me mad and the first time they emailed me back and they said, we don't know when it's going to be back. And the second time they did not even respond. How dare! Which means I have to move on and find another moisturizer.

And you know what? I didn't find another one of their brands. I bought La Mer. I paid $85. 30 seconds. And that's how I feel, prescriptives. I said no to your other brands. I am going to go and pay more to something that is completely untested. And you's how I feel, prescriptives. I said no to your other brands. I am going to go and pay more

to something that is completely untested. And you know what else is not in existence anymore? What? The original beef stick. It's totally a different recipe. I don't think so that Hickory Farms took what was good and holy about a beef stick and they completely changed

it and they're lying to you. And it's horseshit. I don't think so. If people love your products then you always need to provide them like they are. That's one minute. Oh wow. That was epic. That was epic. Oh my god you're a LeMare motherfucker now. That's what I just

bought. I don't know what's going to happen to me. I ordered it from Sephora. Oh Cher loves it. If Cher if it works for Cher it works for you. I know. I think you'll get it. I'm getting older and I think it's fine. I think it's time. Like, I feel like if you reach your 30s and you start, you need to pay more. There you go. You've seen the world from both sides now. I have seen it from both sides and I'm gonna get Botox.

Get Botox and then, you know, Pond's cold cream is like the quintessential woman, like adult face cream. What do you want to do? Just a little lift? I don't really care about this. It's the wrinkles on my forehead. Oh, I didn't even notice. You don't have any wrinkles.

You're so sweet not to notice. You have not one wrinkle. I do, and I love it. It's right here. This is crazy that you say this. It's right here. And I also have a laugh. Your laugh lines?

But I'm cool with the laugh lines because they're a reason. But this, I didn't do anything for it. But you would do a little bowtie for this. I totally would. Yeah, yeah. Do it. I feel like you're starting to see, like I'm starting to see like other comedy women heroes

and I realize that they're really getting work done and I'm like, oh, I probably need to get some work done. You know what? Do it. You know who I think

is getting some work done and I'm not saying this pejoratively. I think it's Mindy Kaling and she's looking great. She looks fantastic. She's fantastic. I'm sure she's getting work done. I think she's getting some nice.

I mean, everybody does. I think literally everyone gets work done. Totally, totally. And I'm just a writer but I still would get it done. Oh, but you are empowered to get it done. I'm getting a new face. I'm getting a new face, and it will be Bowen's face. What would you do?

And I will get Bowen's face, and then everyone will be like, Bowen, hi, and I'll be like, hello. And I will live as you. And how will you treat background people on shoots? Like shit. Let's just say your reputation will turn around. Wow. Positively.

Yes. Okay, good. That's kind of nice. You're going to do good things with your face. They'll be treated as the kings and queens that they are. Wow, that's gorgeous. They're not. They're not.

And I don't care. You're just him. Listen, I have done background and I was dumb. And I don't care. Listen, I have done background and I was dumb and I shouldn't have done it. You shouldn't waste your time. You're not going to make any money. You will make $200.

If you're lucky. If you're lucky and they keep you in holding and it's just... You're going to just stay around with these other bullshit people that don't make any sense. Who are, frankly,

a little off. A little off. Everybody's weird. This is crazy. If you have time to do background, then I question your life. Wow.

You guys come for the Background Actors of America and I stand beside you and I think that's... I've done background and I know. And I could only do it on the weekends

and I got very excited because I had a line and that shit got cut because it was a waste of my time. And what a letdown. And look, Kristen has been has seen it from both sides. Yes, you've seen it from both sides now on the call sheet and as a background. It's true.

It's true. I was kind of maybe like high up on that call sheet. Sometimes when your last name is Bartlett, sometimes you get lucky. But hey, doesn't get as great, doesn't get as good as me on that call sheet. Ooh, I love that. I love that so much. I'm obviously joking. I do not think in those terms at all. He literally,

as he's saying he's joking, he made a jack-off motion. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. He has become a monster. Big-headed. No, when it comes to food, that's fair. I even get annoyed that the bride and groom get to eat before everybody else. Bitch, what did you do?

What? We came to see your wedding. And at my wedding, I fed everybody else, and then we went up there. That's insane. I believe it. That was your day. You should have eaten first. No way.

But she's a caretaker. She took care of her. Exactly. There you go. From both sides now. From way up high. And still somehow. This was about her abortion?

I had no idea. I don't think this is. Apparently it was. No, her other songs were about it. Take us out while I hum the tune. No, say the credits of the show. Oh, okay. God.

My name is Bowen Yang. That's Matt Rogers. Kristen Bartlett was our guest this episode. This was a fantastic episode, Kristen. I love Kristen. Aw, you guys are great. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for having me.

Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Bohm. For more podcasts, please visit foreverdogproductions.com. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question,

what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new

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Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy, Elian Gonzalez, was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him.

Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.