Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "Camp Avril" (w/ Jackie Johnson)

Episode Date: August 29, 2018

Honey, we're HUNNIES!The glamorous Jackie Johnson, host of the beauty podcast Natch Beaut, joins Matt & Bowen for a nostalgic, informative, and impassioned episode that covers ALL the ground: self-medication, the beauty industry, expensive fragrance campaigns, the 2018 VMAs, Madonna's self-indulgent tribute to Aretha Franklin, pop-punk culture, and most importantly...AVRIL LAVIGNE! Is she planning a comeback?Plus, Matt & Bowen launch PHASE 2 of PROJECT CHART TOP-ERATION and read a positive, yet CRITICAL review to start the show!---MERCH! MERCH! GET YOUR LAS CULTURISTAS MERCH!https://www.teepublic.com/stores/las-culturistasLAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasSUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS TODAY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASTforeverdogpodcasts.com/las-culturistas  Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are back. I love that. I love that. Oh my gosh. Welcome. And last season's drama was just the tip of the iceberg. You're recording us? I am disgusted.

Never in a million years after everything we've been through did I think that you would reach out to our sworn enemy. We were friends. How could you do this to me? I don't trust her. The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Wednesdays at 9 on Bravo, or stream it on City TV+. I'm Julian Edelman.

I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old

question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're gonna find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose.

My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate, delusional dreamer. Be a delusional of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer.

Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida.

And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Forever! Dog! Look, man. Where? Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow. Is that culture? Yes.

Oh, my goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas. Ding dong. Las Culturistas calling. And here's the thing, guys. Phase two of Project Chartoperation is commencing. Is in effect.

We are launching phase two of Chartoperation. Yes, honey. If you guys don't remember chart operation was our big campaign to get to i think it was some arbitrary number like 300 reviews i'm tired of not being in the top 10 comedy podcast i'm tired of it this i'm tired you know all it takes is really for us to be featured in the new and noteworthy and i don't know if we're either of those anymore what do we have to do to let everyone know we are noteworthy? I guess we're no longer new huh? It's literally

some guy at iTunes named Peter. I don't know what their name is. Yeah let's call him Peter. I don't know what their name is or their gender but I just I think it's literally up to like one person is the gatekeeper to all of that. Well we need to figure out what their interests are and manipulate them. No I'm not one for

like being too politic-y with with with these people in politics you have to do whatever it takes that's actually rule of culture number 14 in politics you have to do whatever it takes that's true and so i am willing to go do up to an up to a certain amount no physical and sexual. I'll say it right here. I'll get sexual to get us on the new and noteworthy. You're saying this on August 21st to 2018, the day,

speaking of sex and politics, the day that we find out that Donald Trump directly violated campaign finance laws. So no, you do not do whatever it takes because people who do whatever it takes end up being president and should be impeached and go to prison so i actually i reject that rule this is history how do you know that i wouldn't be able to get out of even no it's not about getting out of that i would i would never stop fucking the only thing that we that we have to focus on here i'm sorry

that we're just making this a little bit topical ever since the omarosa episode we are a political we're a political podcast now it's actually political podcast now. It's actually rule of culture number three. This is a political podcast now. So I have to say that yes, we're in project. We're in phase two of project chart operation. It's really

terrible. Chart operation. It does not roll off the tongue, but eat the syllables. If you would be so kind, especially if you're a new listener, if you would be so kind as to give us a five-star review and rating and then review us with some words we would love it actually what we're gonna do is um and be honest because we encourage honesty and we're actually gonna read uh a bitingly honest critique we love this review it's really good because it's a dead-on review And they really take They hold us accountable For our shit And that's exactly right

They held us accountable But they also gave us the props They gave us the props But they balanced that With some venom And here she blow So this is from And here she blow

Jean Gnay Ramsey Okay too soon Okay But the title is Of Corks You should listen They gave us four stars Okay

Four Let's find out Why we lost a star. Here we go. Such a great podcast. Although, like all great Real Housewives and drag queens, as soon as they got a little bit gay famous, they convinced themselves that the world wants to hear them sing.

But karaoke is easy enough to skip over, and it's worth a bit of scrubbing to bask in the wit and banter. Matt and Bowen have a sparkling tension but you can tell they really love and respect each other parentheses think later episodes of feud betty and joan but with less testosterone earlier episodes benefit from a bit more focus on the central question of the show what was the most formative culture in your development and a bit less focus on what the title of the episode will be similarly the i don't think so honey segment began as a gutsy and hilarious indictment of cultural wrongs but has lately lost steam becoming a litany of minor

inconveniences that happen to either host on the way to the studio nevertheless there's charm in spades and the guests are exciting fresh fresh, and rarely straight white men. It's a podcast that sounds like the future of comedy. Oh, that's very nice. Definitely listen. Wow. Wow. It has it all,

and I really respect the hell out of Jean-Gadet Ramsey. I just want to say, I want to threaten all the listeners right now. If you want us to stop singing, we will. We will. And then you'll never hear us sing again, and that's a threat that's i think i think for me it's like uh you know it's it's a condition it's a it's a

an agreeable condition but this is all to say leave us a review be as honest as you want if you hate this if you hate us leave a review if no if it's a complicated uh love leave a review whatever it is please be sure to qualify it by writing some words like it's so fun speaking of podcast hosts who often sing on their podcast we have a special guest in the studio

and it's amazing when a podcast crossover happens very rare but we're honoring this one because she really like when a podcast crossover happens. Yes. Very rare. Very rare. But we're honoring this one because she really like, she cast a net by saying,

I'm going to be in New York. What podcast should I do? And then people recommended us. I think it's a natural. Our good Judy over at Earwolf, Lauren Lapkus, gave us a big sort of endorsement. Yes.

If Lauren's going to like vouch for this guest, then, you know, why not have her on? She's the host of endorsement. Yes. And if Lauren's going to, like, vouch for this guest, then, you know, why not have her on? She's the host of Natch Butte. And a fantastic podcast. Fab-u-lous. You know what?

And also, you can have more than one interest and get your life on this. Oh, my God. Like, I feel like if your one interest, like, is like, we're just giving you culture.

Yes. No, no, no. No. She's giving you culture. No, no, no. No, no, no. No. She's giving you culture, beauty, comedy. Veganism. Veganism. I want to talk about this.

Also music. Also music. She is truly so multi-talented. And she does something that I don't think either of us can do, to be honest. Well, let's hear it. She holds, she can like hold space at the top. Her breath underwater for a long time. I can do that.

That and she can hold the space up top and like the opening block by herself and just like go on and be compelling and like that is a skill that was a very backhanded compliment i'm saying neither of us can do that you you want to test me no okay you want to take me outside and see how long i can talk you want to bump you want to bump i'll meet you wherever the fuck. Do you want to bump? Do you want to bump? I will meet you wherever and talk. I want to bump with our guest

in the best way possible. So please welcome our guest Jackie Johnson! The match beaut! Pass me a bump, honey! Pass me a bump! Let's get wild! Let's all do coke. I've only done coke once.

Never. Here's the thing. And this is an LA girl who's only done coke one time. You've escaped coke in a coke city. I've seen a lot of it around me, if I'm being honest. But a lot of comedians are poor and they don't afford coke. And it's real. Yeah, I did it in London when I was 22 years old.

Okay. And never going back. In the back of a club. Never going back. Off of an oyster cart. Okay. And never going back. In the back of a club. Never going back. Off of an oyster card. Okay. And then describe the rest of it. What was the, give us the rundown.

I hated it if I'm being honest. Okay. You have to snort it. And my nostrils and my nasal cavity was fucked up for like a month. That's the part that gets me. I don't want to snort. I don't think so, honey. I don't think so, honey.

Snorting my drugs. No. No. Not for me. I would swallow my drug. I would, you so, honey. He's snorting my drug. No, not for me. I would swallow my drug. I would, you know, I would obviously smoke my drug. Right, we have the technology now where we don't have to do that. I love a good tincture.

I love a tincture. I love a tincture. What's tincture? It's like a little liquid. You drop it under your tongue. It just absorbs into your body. Okay. I love a good CBD tincture.

Oh, God. I need to be more. This is the summer of cbd i think it sure is yeah everyone's been talking about it now they're putting it in boba tea love that oh there's boba cbd boba in la i don't know about this city and this is just like marijuana it's it's um it's not there's no psychoactive effect so it's so uh cbd is different from thc and that cbd is a little bit more oh god, I'm pretending like I know the chemistry of this.

Same. It's not. Yeah. It's what Jackie was saying. It's not a psychoactive. It's more about just the anti-anxiety. Oh, okay. It's for pain relief.

It's a relaxer. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I like that. That to me pairs well with an iced tea. Yeah. Yes.

So yeah, CBD, I guess CBD and indica are sort of in the same think of them in the same way they're not i'm not fully equivalent making them equivalent but that's that's i can think of them that way because indica will fuck you up indica will make me a coma put me in a coma shuts me down babe that's that can be helpful in certain situations i guess yeah i guess you need some rest that's 100 just turn the mind off. Take a nap. Take a nappy. I remember being right out of college or at the end of college and just thinking, oh, if I want to go to bed, I'll smoke weed and just get whatever.

I'm getting my hands on smoking and then being up until four in the morning and wondering why. But it also affects you for days for me. I'm very delicate. I'm a very feminine, delicate woman. You could see that. She's only three inches tall. She's only three inches tall. She's only three inches tall. I'm sitting on a bunch of phone

yellow pages. She's sitting on the yellow pages, which we had. Being tiny and sitting on a bunch of yellow pages is what being a woman is all about. That's what a woman is all about. Or at least a woman in the entertainment industry. That is femininity. is all about. Or at least a woman in the entertainment industry. That is femininity. That's beautiful femininity. That is beautiful femininity. Beautiful, modern, tiny. Okay, let's get into this conversation about beauty.

Yes. Okay, and let me ask this. What is the thing about reconciling drugs and beauty is so interesting to me, right? Because on the one hand, you would think most substances counteract that and so like i don't know like is is there a responsible drug use while also putting beauty as your as your top priority i think it's all self-care and balance and a lot of people self-medicate in many ways with many substances liquids etc and if you can handle it, then do you. Relax.

Do what you need to do. I don't judge. But it's such a thing like the woman who, excuse me, I wanted organic apple in that drink. Smokes a cigarette, smokes a cigarette,

smokes a cigarette. It's like, I don't know, honey. Maybe prioritize. Totally, totally. But do you, baby. Do you, baby. That's what it's all about.

I hear that. Do what makes you feel good. if we want to keep our skin yeah for lack of a word a word like yeah that's a tongue pop that was a really good one that was like hereditary realness oh wow i haven't seen her yet you've seen it i've seen it okay i know okay yeah yeah yeah but i but i immediately am terrified of tongue pops now. Yeah, because they're terrifying. It'll change everything after you see it. It's not like fun Alyssa Edwards thing to do anymore.

Well, there was an Alyssa Edwards master cut with the heredity moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I need to see that. And there is a cut of a hereditary tongue pop for What Do You Mean, which they did with Alyssa too. What do you mean that? And then it's like. Okay.

Don't sing. You's like okay don't sing you're right don't sing the fans don't want it PS y'all are brave for reading iTunes reviews I stopped reading mine a year ago

and it changed my life oh I mean I actually was thinking about that earlier they're so sweet yeah podcast reviews it's like people

are like don't read the comments but in terms of podcast reviews it is nice to get some helpful critique yeah yeah yeah I'll tell you what's going to happen now.

Now that we've said be honest, they're going to do as a bit, they're going to do mean things. So now I'm worried. No, this is fear speaking. It's my fear. As an artist, for me, if somebody says, you do this too much, you don't do this enough, then it's in my head. And when I'm trying to be entertaining, that that's in the back of my head you two are so fucking good and funny and amazing and you're you're bouncing off of each other like two tennis york versus mackinrow honey

i just watched that movie because i love shia wow oh wow isn't that shia's mackinrow yes yeah he would be a great he looks like mack looks like McEnroe. He gives you the essence of McEnroe. I recently watched a little bit of have you seen that movie where he was in that Lars von Trier directed? Nymphomaniac. I see all his work. Shia's

or Lars's? Both. Both. Fan of both. Okay, wait. This is my original question. At the gay club, at the gay discotheque you'll see everyone drinking a vodka soda and also you know

universally this is like the healthy cocktail is this true it's still calories I think clear liquor

soda water is that the one that doesn't dehydrate you tonic I think tonic feels like it would dehydrate you so soda water is that the one that doesn't dehydrate you tonic i think tonic feels like it would dehydrate so soda water vodka a line so we're doing a good thing with yes vodka soda yes or i think an oj would be fine yeah lots of sugar you know they say juice is poison yes especially if it's gmo uh-huh now. Now when Matt says they say juice is poison, he means his

ex-boyfriend says juice is poison. My ex-boyfriend has drilled into my brain that all juice is poison because of the amount of sugar that's in juice and sugar, natural sugar is still sugar, etc. The modern sense of juice is now like, oh, it's just

the things and the fibers are broken oh, it's just the things, and the fibers are broken down, but it's liquid. He would talk about it like it was as evil as soda. Wow. Well, I don't know, because I've heard you buy those $19 juices, and you're thinking you're being healthy, and then you find out it was flash pasteurized, so that all the nutrients are gone.

What are we even doing? That's the thing, too. I fully feel like now the health thing like something that they've caught on to. Yes. That's a trend. They're ruining everything. Yeah. Just tell people that what they're drinking is good for them in terms of health.

Yeah. Make it green and they will buy it at whatever the cost. So that is something I think to be aware of. Yes. Yes. Yes. For sure. So that.

So since you're hosting a lifestyle podcast, lifestyle comedy podcast, like, I mean, you have to sort of point it at, point out the ridiculousness of it. Oh, that's all I do.

I love that. Oh, that's all we do. Okay. We, because I just feel the beauty industry takes itself so seriously and it's also so intimidating and they want it to be that way. They want you to feel like you're like,

Oh my God, am I cool enough for that lip? Or like, like oh am i fancy enough for that perfume or whatever and i'm just over here like honey yeah let's really get into it you test on animals and you don't have enough shades wow we're done is the animal the animal testing is like a pervasive thing it's so bad and they lie i thought we ended it with Mary Kay in the 80s. No. It's very prevalent. Damn. Still even to this day. And the big dogs are all testing.

Fuck. All the big dogs. Big dogs are testing on the rabbits. They sure are. Ms. Maybelline. She's a big offender. Ms. L'Oreal. Big offender.

Big girl. We got you both. Big. Oh, big girls. You know what? I think this might be time for us to change Ding Dong as an opening. Ding Dong, Las Colteristas calling because we cribbed that from Ding Dong, Avon Calling. Oh, no.

I'm okay with it. Okay. All right. All right. So maybe, you know what? Honestly, maybe we're taking it back. We're taking it back. Reappropriating.

I also don't like Ding Dong, Avon Calling, because Ding Dong doesn't have anything to Did they actually say Ding Dong? Well, Edward Scissorhands, what did Dynamite say? She just said Avon Calling. But she didn't say ding dong i googled avon calling and diane we came up but then also like old vintage posters came up where they would include the words ding dong avon calling oh so but that was probably just for the poster so everybody could kind of hear it yeah right you're right you're right wait i have a question. What's the funniest beauty campaign?

What's the funniest one? Easy. So I don't know when this started happening, but they sexualize everything. So there is a face mask called Glow Job. No. And I don't remember the company, but they test on animals most likely. So I think it's benefit test test on animals but everything is sexual yeah it's like i want my face to look coming you know like i'm gonna cover my face in fucking oil and look like i got bukkake

they sexualize everything uh orgasm is like the nars blush it's like the number one selling blush ever also remember herbal essences that's probably where it started that when i used to like watch tv with my dad and those commercials would come on it would be so uncomfortable yeah you're like i don't want to be in the room with my dad during right for me honestly like i guess like the thing that i always think is so funny and i'm fascinated and by the time I die I have to have one is like a fragrance campaign like what with these actresses with these huge name actresses

like running through the street like and it's like like that Charlize Theron where she rips off the necklace Charlize Theron J'adore commercials are canon and but the funniest one I think is it's like it's like a movie I think Baz Luhrmann directed Chanel number five with Nicole Kidman it Chanel No. 5 with Nicole Kidman.

It was Chanel No. 5 with Nicole Kidman. Because it's Chanel No. 5, though. But also Rodrigo Centoro, the actor, was in it. And there's a narrative. There's a storyline. It's very sort of like... They get in a big lover's quarrel, and she pushes him away, and she has tears streaming down her face.

Literally, I can do the whole thing. He's sitting in his like parisian apartment area like in london he goes when did i wake into this dream i was the only person in the world who didn't know who she was and it's this famous actress nicole kim and running through the street in a gown and oh that nicole yeah the the um the the trucks are hunking and she's like she gets in a in a cab, and he's in the cab, and he looks at her in her eyes, and she looks back, and it's this moment, and she just goes to the driver, drive, and they go, and then it's like a love story, and he's asking her, who are you?

Who are you? And she's like, I'm a dancer. I love to dance. Yes. And you need to watch this video, everyone. It's a nine-minute song. Claire DeLune plays under the whole dance. Yes. And you need to watch this video, everyone. It's a nine-minute song. Claire de Lune plays under the whole thing. Oh.

And then, like, they say goodbye at the end, and, like, there's this moment at the end where, like, he's looking across the city at her in her eyes as she's going into a movie period, and everyone's obsessed with her. And then it just says Chanel No. 5. And it's like, okay, I love this as a thing. Yeah.

These A-list star celebrity- driven power commercials for a fragrance. You know how much money they had to drive up to her house to get her to do that? A Brinks truck full. Yep. A truck full of $100 bills. Her agent sends the email. They want you to do this. Natalie Portman says, no, have them drive up to my house.

Yeah, with the money. With the offer. With physical cash. Yes, yes. Do y'all remember the Britney Spears perfume commercial? Curious? Yes! Curious.

There was a goddess and a hunter. Okay, yes. The game is strong. Once upon a time, there was a goddess. Once upon a time, there was a goddess and a hunter. And then one day... But one day, he did something a little crazy and they fell happily

ever after curious no no no secret fantasy everybody has one yeah that's pretty seminal

fantasy and there's curious never give them a fucking four star review did you hear that yeah five stars only five stars only

fives across the board only fives across the board only five's across the board for that game is wrong do you know what also we have we have I mean we have the Britney fragrances we have also Beyonce heat

Beyonce heat I remember glow by JLo I was just girl everybody had glow by JLo everyone had glow by JLo my mom said she didn't like it it was too sweet do you remember do you remember when Gaga

was out promoting her fragrance fame and she kept saying, well, I remember when Lady Gaga first was famous, there were these stories that she wanted to develop a fragrance and that she wanted them, she wanted the fragrance to smell like blood and semen.

That's very old Gaga. And then she would go out on these interviews when the fragrance finally came out in 2012, I think. And then she would be like, these interviews when the fragrance finally came out In 2012 I think and then she would be like She just was insane at this point She was like smoking weed every day And she was going on these interviews And she was like I want And she like put on a faux Madonna accent

And she was like I want you to Smell like a slut Like that she would go and say this shit And then god that campaign was bonkers I don't even remember that It would go and say the shit and then really god that campaign was bonkers like beauty I don't even remember that it was either they buried that came and went yeah yeah yeah you guys remember like the tag at the end of the commercials Gaga Lady Gaga

fame like she was full like still in this weird David Bowie fantasy but this is all to say I think beauty campaigns give us that insanity right because you're not getting that anywhere else. Well, I think that it's important that they feel a little crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, they have to stand out. I mean, we're not going to talk about it on a podcast 10 years later unless it's great. I mean, the Nicole Kidman one was iconic. Also, one that I liked recently was the Natalie Portman, Miss Dior stuff because I liked the song that they used which is Escaping Mirrors. Oh, it's Peace of My Heart by Janis Joplin. It's really good and she looks adorable. She's giving you junior prom.

Natalie Portman is... Junior prom in the best way. Yeah, I mean the joke that I have is Natalie Portman is like somehow 16 and Millie Bobby Brown is somehow 40 years old. They've somehow just... I don't know what happened, but they switched. It's like a Freaky Friday kind of thing. They switched.

I love that. Millie Bobby Brown is 95. Even at the VMAs, she looked younger than Michael Avenatti, who was there. I was hoping the VMAs would come up. Oh, let me tell you. Did you watch? I didn't watch. I was one of the very many people who didn't.

Did not watch. But I looked at photos, and I feel like I see what I need to see. What was Madonna wearing? Madonna. What happened with that? Can you unpack her speech for me? I will unpack it, and it also was going to be my I Don't Think So Honey, but I'm happy to talk about it now.

I'm happy to talk about it now. Yeah. Madonna looked like Bartok the Bat from Anastasia. Oh. That is what she looked like. Like if Bartok the Bat. Bartok fucked Post Malone. Yeah, and wanted to appropriate culture in the worst way.

The speech that she gave for Aretha Franklin was so crazy disrespectful. And then like. She talked about herself, right? She talked about herself the whole time. You guys. That's what she did with Michael Jackson. It was so long. and then like she talked about herself right she talked about herself the whole time you guys that's what she did that's what she did with michael jackson it was so long stop letting madonna eulogize these legendary black artists at the vmas apparently they had already asked her to do video of the year and when when the whole when they showed the clip of aretha singing and there was

like this whole picture of her i was like oh this is nice it'll be tasteful and then madonna walked out looking the way she looked and like with the grills in as always and i was just like this feels like a huge mistake but then also the whole vma show was like i'm sorry it was so crazy warped bad it was no one available was no one available i feel like i no. They were making calls last week. Like, hey, they need to come. They need to fill these seats. What also was like obvious and apparent is that when people could leave, they left.

Like there was like, I think, seven major celebrities there in the beginning. And then as the night went on, as you could tell, they won the awards. They were told they were going to win. They were out. To the point where the only artist there at the end was camila cabello which i think it might have been why she won artist of the year and video of the year because she was the only one there literally the video of the year all the other nominees were not there and i was like do you think it's do you think she won because they all left? Video of the year for Havana? And artist of the year. She won artist of the year?

She won artist of the year video of Havana? One song. I do like... I love it. I'm a baby. We can't sing. I'm a baby. She's a baby.

We cannot sing. Baby girl. She's so pretty. Was this year, would you say say was a lower low than last year was because last year to me was the lowest this was the lowest really even without a katie katie perry trying to fucking do jokes and shit no

you wished for katie perry trying to do jokes because i'll say this and i'm gonna get shade for this but i'm gonna say this at least she's not a comedian and was bombing. They opened the show with Kevin Hart and Tiffany Haddish, and they couldn't land a joke. It took Tiffany Haddish 45 minutes to get to some of these punchlines. I'm telling you, it was a mess. I don't know if the prompter was off, or maybe she just really has that much difficulty

reading off a prompter. I remember her doing the Oscar nominations was also a mess. But it was embarrassing. And Kevin Hart was just as bad. And then literally every presenter that went up on that stage, it was like everyone was blind up there.

Wow. And also, not even just that, but the performances. I don't know. I am just old now, I guess. Who also not even just that, but the performances, like, I don't know. I am just old now, I guess. Who the fuck is Juice WRLD? I didn't know who half the people were. And it's depressing to me because MTV was so important to me.

Oh, yeah. And the 99 VMAs and the 2000s VMAs. Pretty much every VMAs until like three, fourMAs. Pretty much every VMAs until like three, four years ago. Never will be topped again. And it's depressing how far we have fallen. No, it's horrible. And then like literally the most, the thing people are talking about the most is how

long and boring and inappropriate Madonna's speech was. And I was like, this is like, it's, and I think it's generally because no one cares to be there. There were some highlights. Nicki Minaj's performance was unbelievable. Okay like this is like it's it's and i think it's generally because no one cares to be there there were some highlights nikki minaj's performance was unbelievable okay i heard jlo's jlo's is great i mean no jlo's was was pretty good yeah but but it wasn't like the beyonce performance it wasn't um you know all these things it just it was like really like well all right uh newsflash everyone you're brushing your teeth wrong hello this is a

newsflash hi this is uh campbell brown remember her oh i remember campbell that's the rule of culture number 49 remember campbell brown but by the way Quip is the better electric toothbrush created by dentists and designers, and it is going to help you brush best, honey. It was designed to make brushing your teeth more simple, affordable, and even more enjoyable, you guys. I love Quip. The sensitive

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Get Quip dot com forward slash ding dong. Campbell Brownwood. This fall on Bravo. It's time to turn up. Think you've seen it all? I don't think Getquip.com forward slash ding life. Salt Lake City. We don't wear costumes, we wear fashion. And below deck sailing. You broke the rules and now you're here getting upset. Watch all new seasons on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. Let's have a real good time. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski.

Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude, you're a dude and dudes on dudes is our brand new show we're gonna highlight players peers guys that we played against legends from the past and we're just gonna sit here and talk about them and we'll get into the types of dudes what kind of types of dudes are there grunts we got studs wizards we got freaks or dudes dude we got dogs dog we'll break down their games we'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are.

Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dudes dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean.

He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your

mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the

My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian and basketball hall of famer. I'm a mom and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster Brasby, journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts, you know, just all the s**t we go through. Because

no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I, well, we have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. I say we get a hint of MTV from Jackie. I think it's time to ask the question. Jackie, what was the culture that made you say culture is for me?

This was such a struggle I had dinner with my husband Two or three nights ago and I said I need to pick a culture For Las Culturistas We can go through more than one I was going to say Sims culture Because I started playing the Sims In 2000 and have

Still play it to this day You're up to four now or are you still playing original Sims Well I and still play it to this day. Oh my God. You're up to four now or are you still playing original Sims? Well, I am now on Sims Freeplay, which is the iPad version, but I've been playing it for five years. Don't get me started. I've done two,

but I've talked Sims pretty heavily on other mediums, so I don't know if I need... Fine, fair enough. But here's the other ones I was going to say. I was going to say pop punk culture, meaning like Blink-182. We hear you there.

But then my husband was like, you're a poser. And he was like throwing me some bands. Well, we're going to talk about all this. Now that you've said it, now that it's escaped your lips. Right. But then? Then I was going to do vegan, but vegan talk can throw people. I want everybody to have a good time.

You know what? I'm happy to talk about it. I party with the vegans. Yeah. But the one I really was going to talk about was. Oh, here we go. Maybe this is going to be a curveball, but I am the biggest dog freak. You love dogs?

I love dogs. All day long, I was teased by dogs walking past me. I didn't touch a single one. I didn't get to say hi to them. I don't know if it's a different culture in New York. Like one lady literally yanked the dog away from me and I didn't even touch it. I just said hi to it. I want to meet every dog. I don't care if a person likes me, but every dog needs to like

me. I want to meet the dogs, touch the dogs, hug the dogs. I have a dog. My dog is my best friend and my everything. I love dog people. Dog people are my people. Dog community. I love dogs. You love dogs? You love dogs?

You love dogs? I love dogs. Do you have a dog? Yes. Yes, she just said. And what kind of dog is? She's a mix. She's a Maltese Cocker Spaniel Shih Tzu.

Oh. That's gorgeous. Two Asians. Yes. Two thirds Asians. Yes. Okay, and then what's her name? Her name's Chooch.

Chooch. Y'all would flip out for her Chooch wait is this is this a podcast or a visual meaning can you pull up a pic of course right now

wait I really want to see Chooch I can't believe y'all have it Hot Producer Joe Hot Producer Joe has a dog Polly there's Choochie on the beach see Chooch

oh oh my god oh that's good Chooch does Chooch have a little Does Chooch have a little Color on her A colored tail and in this photo Colored ears but we only do her tail again

Wait that's amazing I've never seen A dog with colored hair Chooch goes to the most Renowned dog colorist Colorist in town So is there a person that does Are they a hair colorist for humans Or are they a dog colorist colorist in town so is there a person that does like are they a hair colorist like for humans

or are they a dog colorist that's unbelievable that is the most it's called creative grooming wow because it's done with very specific ingredients

that the dog can't feel yes it's vegetable pigment yes basically mixed with conditioner so there's no chemical reaction there's no treat processing

that's fantastic how long will it stay, die till it grows out? Till it, well, if I give her a bath all the time, it eventually will fade out, but pretty much permanent.

I mean, until her hair cycles out. Yeah. I love that. I love that it's, that it's an ethical thing because that is, I mean,

you know, people don't realize sometimes, maybe, because Lena Einbinder will say this to me, like they say, that, you know, people don't realize sometimes, maybe, because Lena Einbinder will say this to me. Like, they say that, you know, it's fucked up if you, you know, misgender your dog or if you, like, just do all these things to your dog. Like, things that your dog has no say in. Like, those are off limits. But as long as it's something, like, the fact that the dog can't feel these chemicals is huge.

That's great. I hear that. I mean, I have such a hard time watching movies and seeing animals in them. Yeah, because they're not in... They don't know that they're on that mark. They don't know. They're not getting paid. It's like when you see somebody really pull up on the horse or

the horse falls. I just get so upset. But it's not all animals. Anytime a horse is neighing and doing the comb with their hind legs, I'm like, well, that animal can't be like... It's not like taking a cigarette after this and being like, I don't know, I thought I could have given more.

Right, right, yeah. It's, you know. So is there any way to do... Not that you know, but is there a responsible way to do that? Well, I mean, you know, I used to walk dogs. I used to be a celebrity dog walker. Oh, we're going to get into this. And my boss was an animal wranglerangler wow and i know how it works i know you know so some are treated

better than others wow but that at the end of the movie it says no animals were harmed it can that can be completely bought yeah when you see a hundred percent it can yes the pinnacle for me yeah is when a horse falls i'm like like, no, no, no, no. I hate it. I hate it. That's why I love that CGI, like Game of Thrones, it's all CGI. Great. Really?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure. They might do some stuff standing on the horse, but like, I don't know. I don't want to spoil anything, but there's like big battle scenes and it's all fake. Got it. Got it. Got it. I heard today that, it's interesting you bring that up because I heard some tea about the final season of Game of Thrones, which is that they just shot

like the final battle sequence and it took 55 nights to film this one scene. They shoot fake ones too. And they said they were shooting three fake endings. Oh my God. There's sex in the city and that.

And they said that's- What a waste, truly. They said it's like a revolutionary way of making sure there's no spoilers. They only sent out digital scripts that the actors would only have for a few hours. So they'd have to learn their dense dialogue in a few hours. And then the second after the scene was done shot, the scene would disintegrate. It would not even self-delete.

It would disintegrate so that it just was never there. It's like a program that they're using where they literally the script only exists for a few hours and you can't even like screenshot or anything wow um okay we need to get into if we're allowed to talk about this yes oh dog walker to the stars yes can we know some of the clients okay so i was again thinking about this say their names okay so there are big people that I can't say. Oh my god, that's fine. You can give hints. I'll tell you off the air. But I was thinking it'd be fun to reveal

one of my big clients here. I've never said this. Okay, reveal, reveal, reveal. Wow, wow, wow. I can say it because I never say anything. I used to walk Josh Groban's dog. Shut up! Oh my god, I love Jay Groban. Is he a nice guy? So nice. Great.

And his dog Sweeney, a Wheaton Terrier. Shout out to Sweeney. I love Sweeney so much. I miss him. I haven't seen them in years and years, but like that's my dog right there. I love him so much. Okay. This is so sweet.

That's great. Josh is very similar to Sweeney. Like they're both kind of, I don't want to say dopey, but like lovable, like a little lovable, sweet, shaggy doll. I love that. You know what I mean?

And ultimately extremely talented musicians. Both of them. Yeah. Yeah. I bet. I bet. Sweeney's a musician. For sure.

Now this is my thing with people who dog walk. I have friends who dog walk. I would, it would be the hardest job in the world because I would develop attachments yes to these these animals yes and i see it like lena i'll name drop lena again lena hi if they're listening um lena seems to really bond with these dogs and i'm like i can never do that it's not that i have the opposite experience but i like the dogs i've walked maybe they're not good. Well,

yeah, my dogs were all, like I said, I worked for a trainer. My dogs were so well behaved. Well, also, you know,

I think those people really cared for the dogs. Right. You know what I mean? Like put a lot of time in. Yes. I dog sat for this one dog. That was just awful. I have had a few awfuls.

Yeah, for sure. Celebrity awfuls. We won't have to name the celebrities no we don't have to name but there are some offals and celebrities obviously everyone has an awful obviously i want to tell y'all so bad don't tell us not tell us off the air there was this boxer who tried to ruin my life that's all i'll say oh my gosh i can't wait boxers are supposed to be i might be totally wrong there's aren't they supposed to be mostly well-behaved, though?

Well, boxers are confrontational. Okay. Which doesn't mean a bad thing. I almost wish I had more assertion in my personality, you know? Because I'm very passive-aggressive. Boxers, if you say, hey, fuck you, they'll go, what the fuck you say? You want to fight? They will never turn the other cheek.

They will confront do you find that most of the stereotypes about these certain dogs are true like our pit bulls like a little edgy our dalmatians a little edgy um i only worked with one dalmatian shit all in the back of my car so that's a problem if you want a dalmatian i don't think so hits you know i'm not a breedist so i will never say that pits are dangerous blah blah the problem with pits is that they number one our society has told us they're bad so when they're around people tense up they feel our energy number two they can get overstimulated easily and that stimulation can trigger their prey drive so but that's not even true for all pits and that's true for a lot of breeds that's true for a lot of breeds.

That's true for bulldogs. That's true for poodles. It's a personality trait. It's not a dog trait. Three, it's just really sad that inner cities, they're not educated about training and neutering and spading animals. And then it's just sad because pit bulls,

they can be very sweet. I've met some sweet ones. Yes, it's just people. pit bulls are very, they can be very sweet. I've met some sweet ones. Yes, it's just people. Polly's a sweet pit bull. Your dog is a pit. You've never, yeah. You and HPJ were talking too. I want a pit bull.

Oh my God. Have y'all seen, what is that lady on Animal Planet with the pit bull rescue? No. Why can't I think of the name of it? Pit bulls and parolees. Pit bulls and parolees. Pit bulls and parolees. There's a show for everything.

Oh my God. It's the best show ever. Oh my God. This bitch. This bitch on here. I can't think of her name and I feel so bad. She's this like rugged leather. She's seen some shit in her day.

And what does she do on the show? What's the show? So she is a woman with fully grown children. She runs a pit bull rescue in new Orleans and she only hires ex cons as her employees. And she says, I love just like pits. These men have bad reputations and we're turning it around because it's all

bullshit. Everyone deserves a second chance that's amazing she is a tough ass bitch we need tia torres let me see her she's a gay icon she's giving you fucking reba meets jill zarin got locked out of the house oh that's it she's bad ass i love the show i. I love this. I gotta watch. Everyone deserves a second chance. Yes. Our prison system is fucked.

Yes. You're stripped of your individuality. You're not mentally rehabilitated into our society. She says, I'm gonna get you there. I'm gonna get you a job. I'm gonna get you on a schedule. I'm gonna give you value to your life. And the dogs and the men bond. It's healing, honestly.

Is it a new show? No, it's been on for like eight years. Wow. Have they optioned this for a movie yet? I would watch this. I want Amy Adams to play Tia. Tia Torres, I see you. Yeah, Amy Adams should play Tia Torres.

Yes, I would. You go to hell, Bowen. Love that. Go to hell. Now, Joe Love that. Go to hell. Now, Hop Producer Joe has never brought in Polly. And that's so offensive. She's old. Baby.

She's old and foreign? No, and it's far. She's old and it's far. I've seen pictures of her in the studio, though. I want to meet her. I do, too. Paul. What a baby.

She's chill. Polly's chill. I want to drive to New Orleans and adopt a pit bull from Tia. I've said that a million times baby She's chill Polly's chill I wanna drive to New Orleans And adopt a pit bull from Tia I've said that a million times She's so strict She would get in a van And drive to LA

And check my house herself Wow I mean they don't fuck around Yeah no These dogs have been through enough Honey They've been through enough Honey

It seems like They're on top of it Tia Torres Over at Pit Bulls and Parolees Check it out I think we got We can What network? Animal Planet Animal Planet My dad would love that They're on top of it. Tia Torres. Over at Pitbulls and Parolees. Check it out. I think we got, we can, we can.

What network? Animal Planet. Animal Planet. My dad would love that. And you can buy merch and support them and send, you know,

donate money to them. Oh, I love that. So, I haven't bought one, but I would love to. I want, I want to ask about,

we've talked about the two P's, the Pitbulls and the Parolees. Yes. But we haven't talked about the other two P's, which is Pop Punk. Yes. Explain. I'm going downtown in an earlier round Pitbulls and the Parolees. Yes. But we haven't talked about the other two of these, which is pop punk. Yes.

Explain. I'm going downtown in an earlier round. And sugar we're going down swinging. You recently said in one of your episodes that this is maybe your favorite song of all time. I think it might be. It's so good. It's a pretty great song. It's so,

it like, it makes my heart sing, especially now, like with some distance on it. Oh. You know, now as an adult woman, I really, it hits me they follow

boy holds up oh 100% they largely hold up and not everything from that time period holds up 100% you know what I mean simple plan does not hold up no good Charlotte does not doesn't really hold up although I actually kind of liked their later stuff yeah I liked put up your hands say I don't

want to be in love I don don't wanna be in love. I don't wanna be in love. I disengaged from that. I just read their Wikipedia page because my husband and I were in the car and we were debating like, what was their breakout song?

Like, it was little things, little things. I didn't even remember that. And then we went through the whole discography of Good Charlotte. Last hours of the rich

and the famous. Yeah, Good Charlotte. Oh, yeah. But that was their second CD. that was their second CD. That was their second CD. Oh, that was their second CD?

Yes. What? I'm telling you. But you know what? Good Charlotte does have some good stuff. They're touring. And let me tell you, they look good, those brothers. Really?

Oh, my God. The one that's married to Nicole Richie, I saw him at Menchie's Yogurt with his two kids. And he was like serving me sexy dad, like helping out his daughter helping out harlow and with the reveal with the yogurt there you go and with the reveal that nicole richie gets it maybe we have to give that madden some credit maybe he gets it maybe he does they they seemed i could never get a read on them like if they were good people or not i never liked them and i have a very specific reason why okay because the one that was dating Hilary Duff. Yeah.

At the time. It all goes back to Hilary Duff. At the time, like Kelly Clarkson, like was, was also a big pop star and Hilary Duff was a big pop star. They actually were kind of competing pop stars at the time. Yeah. Yeah. And he said something shitty about Kelly Clarkson and you never, you never, you'd never disrespect

her. Sure. But in my eyes. That's our first American idol. Which is also why I have a huge distaste for and I have a passionate joy for the fact that she's not doing well is Avril Lavigne. Okay, what are your thoughts on Avril? She came for Kelly and it's an ever for me.

She was 16, man. It's an ever. Give her a break. No, give her a break. I am a ride or die Avril. I knew you would say that. Damn, damn, man. It's a never. Give her a break. No. Give her a break. Ride or die, Avril. I knew you would say that. Damn, damn, damn. I knew you would say that.

You don't know. I do not have you near. The hours I spent sobbing to her first two CDs. Jackie. I would say. Would blow this room up. Jackie, can I tell you something? Yes.

Her second album, what's it called again? Let It Go or something. No, no, no. Let It Go was the first one. It doesn't matter. The one with Don't Tell Me All This. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, what's it called?

My... Why don't I know? It has an X on it. I see the CD. I see the CD. It is black with an X on it. Yes, I totally see it too. Our listeners are screaming at us

Through the phone Hold on hold on But don't you love that Second album Y'all all love it Under my skin Under my skin So that album

Yeah Back in the age of You know Discman Yes And all that I was in China for six weeks Visiting my family Was bored out of my mind

And my sister and I Would trade the Discman And we would play that was like one of our three cds that we had i know that album top to bottom like the back of my fucking hand how does it start oh my god wait don't do this don't do this wait no fuck i know i just know every chord to freak out let it go okay hold on how does it start hold on hold on okay okay i'm cheating a little bit but while he's doing this, let me say why I'm so hurt about Avril doing that.

Yeah. The VMAs. It was at the VMAs, and listeners of Las Cotteries just know what I'm talking about. Yeah. And if you don't know, here's a short abridged version. Kelly and Justin Guarini were finalists on American Idol. They were the top two. They were giving Best New Artist. Avril Lavigne won. Avril

Lavigne came up, and Kelly went to hug her and Avril literally took her arm lifted it over her head, took the award from her and pushed her out of the way basically. But don't you think that was part of her image or something? Sure, but I mean. She was a teenager, man. Yeah, but

here's the thing. You've done shitty fucked up things. You know who else is a teenager? Amy Fisher. And she, that Long Island Lolita, shot Mary Jo Budafuco in the face. And she was a teenager too. God.

And if you don't know what that is, Bowen, it's because you're from Denver and you need to read a book. Teenagers have to be held responsible for their actions. Yes,

they should go to prison. And Avril Lavigne should have went to prison. And people in Denver should read books because living in Denver precludes you from reading. You don't know about

the Long Island Lolita, Amy Fisher? No, I don't fucking care. Are you joking? No. You don't know about the Long Island Lolita? No.

You don't know about the Long Island Lolita? No. Bowen Yang. Okay, this is such a good thing. I think I've heard this is a Tanya Harding level thing of culture.

Okay. Yeah, it's really important. I've heard little, I know the contours of this. I was. Okay, they're back in the news, though, because Mary Jo, did you see Mary Jo was just on Megyn Kelly? No.

They come up on Stern a lot, though. They come up all the time. Stern is still talking about these people? I mean, if it comes up. It's like the way that JonBenet Ramsey will still be on the cover of the National Enquirer. Yeah, but because that was JonBenet Ramsey. This was Amy Fisher.

This was just as big, if not bigger. Do you remember Lorena Bobbitt? No. You don't remember Lorena Bobbitt Bowen? What? You need to know your Lolitas. What years were these? Because I might have been in Canada at this point.

Amy Fisher was like 95, 95. Yeah, I was in Canada. I didn't fucking care. All right, but let me explain to you what... You will be obsessed with the Long Island Lolita, Amy Fisher. Okay, just walk me through. So, the Long Island Lolita, Amy Fisher, was Amy Fisher was 17 year old girl who was having an affair with like a guy named-

Joe Botafuco. Joey Botafuco. And how old is he? And he was in his 40s. Okay. And his wife- And his wife was named Mary Jo. Mary Jo Botafuco.

So the one day, Mary Jo Botafuco is in her- It's like after the kids have went to school, HPJ is laughing. Where in Long Island is this? I don't know. Patchaw, Geiseliff don't know let's just say let's just say uh let's say i'm at the people park that's a um but so she's at home one day like minding her own business being a housewife the doorbell rings and it's this teenage girl with a gun no she oh the gun is not revealed so they they they they proceed to have a 15 minute conversation where she says to her, my little sister is having an affair with your husband. And I just wanted to tell you that.

And they have like a 15 minute conversation. And towards the end of it, Mary Jo is like, who are you? What are you talking about? Like, you got to go. Like, I'm going back in my house. Amy Fisher pulls out a gun, shoots her in the face. She survives. The next day,

she's able to identify this girl. And then they find out that she has been having an affair with Joe. She posed as her sister, though, at first? No, she said, I just want to tell you that my little sister has been having an affair with your husband.

This is not the same. Oh, what's the little sister's name? This is Amy Fisher. No, Little Sister didn't exist. Yeah. It was Amy Fisher. She was sort of testing the wife. And so then where the Lyle and Lolita comes from is you found out that she was having an affair

with an older man. And what she tried to say as her defense was that he was paying her and told her to do it, to kill his wife. And eventually years later, years later, Mary Jo divorced Joey. And now years later, years later, Mary Jo divorced

Joey. And now they're like tabloid figures. In fact, they tried to, Joey and Amy Fisher tried to pitch a reality show together like 10 years ago. Well, he was doing porn. She was doing porn separately. She's a cam girl now. I mean, that's great. She gets money directly, yeah. Drew Barrymore

played her in a TV movie. How did I not know about this? Now, real quick, Lorena Bobbitt sliced her husband's dick off. She cut her husband's dick off. Oh, I know about her. You know about Miss Bobbitt. Miss Bobbitt's an icon. You know about Miss Bobbitt.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all know about Miss Bobbitt. Okay, but that's it? Like, a crazy teenager shot a woman in the face? Avril didn't shoot anybody. Yeah. Can I just say, I have on good authority that Avril has a comeback coming. That's all I'm going to say.

And I'm here for it, honestly. Okay, what is this? The fifth resuscitation? I'm just kidding. I love Avril, too. Here's why it hurts. When she did that, I was so hurt because I loved Avril. Let that go. It was more than a decade ago. No, when people show you who they are, believe you. Who said that? People who

show you who they are, believe them? Believe them. Is that somebody on Top Model? Miss Maya Angelou. Yes, that was actually Takara. who they are believe them believe them is that somebody on top model miss maya angela yes that was that was actually um season one season takara takara yeah i saw her at the nail salon once tyra takara takara i i i see all the next top model people at my commercial auditions and it just breaks my heart oh i know it's like it did nothing nothing came from there's yael there's yael i'm just guessing one of their names was Yael. I'm sure there was a Yael. I mean, your only outlets for after you leave that show is now to like.

Instagram, sell skinny tummy tea. Or just like be a. She's not even a real housewife. Fucking what's her face? Eva? Eva, yeah. Well, no, she's getting added to the main cast of Real Housewives of Atlanta. Oh, she is.

That's a good one. Yes, Eva is. No, she'll be fit and great. Eva's great. But on the most recent season, there was one girl. I won't name her because it's embarrassing, but she was then seen training at our friend's restaurant afterwards. You know what?

It's hard out there. It's hard out there. It's hard out there, but also, man. It's hard out there and you only get so many chances, Avril Lavigne. So don't not hug my girl. And she struck once. That's one strike. One strike.

I think you need to- Second strike, spitting at the paparazzi. Stop. You need to bounce. One strike. I think you need to... Second strike, spitting at the paparazzi. Stop. You need to balance... What she is right to do, you have to balance that against all the good

she's put out in the world. Her second album, Take Me Away. How does it start? It starts with a human rights speech. I can't find a way to describe it. It's there inside.

All I do is hide. I've i said it would just go away what would you do you do if you knew oh yes and she goes all the pain i thought i knew she's right in my range Yes It was ripe For me in my coming of age So she must be a go-to karaoke for you Happy Ending Well okay so I was in a pop punk cover band Called Punk Rock Barbie

And you must have recovered some of her songs I did Sk8er Boi and Happy Ending Happy Ending is so good It's so good Together is so good Don't tell me He wasn't he wasn't he wasn't what I wanted

what I thought now he wouldn't even open up that door so of the door see see okay it's in your range of the door

you have to admit Matt can you concede that she's a good songwriter I can I concede that she can write hooks the lyrics are literally bad if you look at the lyrics

for my happy ending they don't it's not English I mean it's bad but I do love I'm with you I get my life I'm with you I'm with you holds up I think I'm with you holds up definitely keep holding on from Aragon holds up I think and don't forget she also

wrote Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson yeah so she ended up writing her song yeah but not on purpose you know how that works yeah but then she must have had something to be like, okay, fine, you know what? This is going to Kelly. I'm going to investigate that moment further because I don't feel it's okay for me to comment

not knowing the full story and seeing the footage myself. I mean, Kelly has commented on it in the years ensuing. You know, I'm from Dallas, like Kelly. I saw the American Idol tour the first year. Same girl. In my hometown of Dallas. Kelly's hometown. It was a powerful moment. That must have been special. But you know what?

I'm sick of her trying to act like she's a comedian. Can you just... Wow. I know. I don't find her charming. I don't find her charming. I'm sorry. I don't find her charming. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I love this. I'm not angry. Yes. Because I don't know if it's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I love this. I'm not angry. Yes.

Because I don't know if it's the right decision for her to be doing the daytime talk show thing. To be doing the personality driven thing too much. I think that in small doses, it's great. I have a concern. And please everyone understand, you know I say this with love. I have a concern that she'll oversaturate this thing of, wow, what a down-home, fun, just-like-us kind of person.

You can only take so much of that and i also worry sometimes when she um talks about like politics only because one time she supported ron paul and i was just like i know that she's you know from texas and i know that like she's a not not not necessarily a second amendment queen but i know that she's you know nra and like all these things which is which is you know it's your choice but sometimes she's a member for um a russian op uh the nra uh a funnel for russian money oh yeah let's yes stan kelly go keep going this is kind of what i mean okay she should be known for her amazing voice. Yeah. And I've been really good. And so should Avril. No, she doesn't have an amazing voice. Yeah, sure she does.

It's nice to know that you were there. You were there. Take it down. You're being so unfair. You are being You are holding a fucking grudge and you need to let it go like the second album. Like the second album.

The first album. Let go album go yeah there is this weird double standard here between avril and kelly you better shut the fuck up why and i'm gonna point you in your face because how dare you when she said super kawaii yeah you know that you want to know something i didn't even fucking care when Hello Kitty came out. Didn't care. It was called Hello Kitty. I mean, you know, that's not a proud moment. That's not a moment on her trajectory that I would like to highlight.

Come, come, Kitty Kitty. You're so pretty, pretty. I will say this is not defending her. I'm just saying she's huge in Asia to this day. They support her and keep her afloat. And so it was a marketing ploy. It wasn't the right one, but it made sense for her to write a Japanese song. All I'm saying is just keep your eyes peeled for the next few months is all I'm saying.

Okay, so wait, wait, wait. How much else? What else do you know? We need to know, Jackie. I will tell you off the air. I can't believe this. This isn't a celebrity. She's got me in here covering the tracks.

We're getting more tea from Jackie than we have any of our... Honey, call my publicist. Call my publicist. I can't afford a publicist. Are you kidding me? Call my publicist. Can I brag real quick? Yeah.

So I had a birthday party last year. It was a pop punk birthday party. Love that. It was Nobody Likes You When You're 33. I love that. And we all wore like 2000s clothes. Oh, fun. quick so i had a birthday party last year it was a pop punk birthday party it was nobody likes you when you're 33 i love that and we all wore like 2000s clothes and i got sent a birthday video from avril so i'm on her i'm a stan yeah i'm not gonna talk bad about her you know and and there is an avril video in my phone and in my heart. Oh, my God. So let's just say I track her career closely. Yes.

And get excited because her next song, I think, might be big. Wow. Here's what I'm feeling right now. I'm in a really conflicted and, like, really troubling place, Joe. She's a member of the NRA. Because. She's a Russian op. I feel that you were a better.

We don't know every club Avril is in, bitch. Hey, I feel like you have been a better friend since that moment was in. You are defending Kelly Clarkson so hard against your best friend who is holding her accountable for her problematic politics. Did you see her do that, like,

sit down, be humble medley? Yeah, that was... Come on. Why is she covering Kendrick? I'm not. They cut to the audience. The charm isn't there for me. The charm isn't there for me.

I think, oh, great. You know, you're funny. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not. Stop trying to make it happen, honey. This is huge. Kelly Clarkson's comedy career?

I don't think so, honey. American, America fell in love with her for her personality and her voice. Yes. I think she has an amazing personality. Efferves so, honey. America fell in love with her for her personality and her voice. Yes. I think she has an amazing personality, effervescent, beautiful. It's fun. I'm so happy for her. It's different.

It's fun. But I agree with you. I don't know if the talk show is the best use of energy when we could be maybe focusing on the tour, focusing on... I even think the voice is great. I think she's good on the voice. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm excited about that. I would be on Team Kelly. Oh,, focusing on, I even think the voice is great. I think she's good on the voice. You know what I mean? I'm excited about that.

I would be on Team Kelly. Oh yeah, who wouldn't? She just won. P.S. though, Christina. I mean, if I was on the voice and there was any option, it would be Christina. Well, she shades the voice now.

Yeah. She doesn't like it at all. She's like, it became like everything else. She's on record saying like, it became like everything else in this industry. I mean, how many more? Has anyone come out of The Voice? I mean, there's an issue there.

There's an issue there. Here's my thing with The Voice, though. I don't think any, and I feel this way about singing competitions in general now. They don't mean the same thing they used to mean, whereas American Idol used to be, if you won, you were a superstar. Well, there's just not that big of an audience anymore. There's so much distribution of views now. And I feel like now what The Voice does

and what American Idol does is it gives them a credit that then allows them to pay their bills singing. Then they can tour. You know what I mean? I feel like if you leave one of these shows- A lot of them go to Broadway. Yeah, and if you leave one of these shows,

you know, we were just watching, Dave Ariel and I were watching videos last night after the VMAs. Diana DeGarmo. Oh, Diana. She's hot now. The children have forgotten Diana DeGarmo. She can sing her ass off.

Yes, and she looks really good too. I just saw a photo of her and I was like, yeah, girl. And I bet she pays her bills singing. So she has to look at it like it was a success. So, yeah. Are you Kelly Clarkson level? Are you Carrie Underwood level?

Even like, you know. No, I love her. Carrie Underwood, you know, she's a problematic one too. Oh, yeah. What'd she do? Just being a country singer is problematic. Yeah, I agree. But Jesus take the wheel, live anthem.

Jesus take the wheel. Jackie, can you give us- Before he cheats. Before he cheats is great. Before he cheats is a bop. Can you give us some hint as to the musicality of the next Avril single or no? Like what it's going to sound like, what the sonic quality is. It's that.

You're keeping it that close to the vest. I love it. She's tight-lipped. It's insider info. I can't- Oh my God. It's from Camp Avril. It's from Camp Avril.

Camp Avril is the title of this ep. Let's just say I'm really good at my God. It's not. It's from Camp Avril. It's from Camp Avril. Camp Avril is the title of this app. Let's just say I'm really good at Googling. Yes. Honestly, when you want. When you Google the pop star, that's how you know. I found Shia LaBeouf's address. That's actually rule of culture number 44. When you Google the pop star, that's how you know.

Now, God, Avril. I just really quickly. I'm with Jackie on on this i'm team avril uh the different language versions of girlfriend were iconic there was a there's a mandarin version of girlfriend she recorded him she recorded french spanish mandarin and there was one more but it's just hey hey you you or no me you, je ne m'attacke bien. Or, No me gusta ta novia, or tu novia.

Or, Ta me gusta ta novia. But then for the Chinese, for the Chinese, you want to know what she did for the Chinese version? Yes, do it. Did not stick to the original melody.

Here's what she goes. Here's what she does. Hey, hey, you, you, je ne m'attacke bien. She does, she sings on one tone. It's just one she was just trying to get the words right

I mean listen she wanted to you know be respectful she wanted to be respectful and it was a hit in China so there you go

oh god honestly whatever like Avril I never knew where this pod was gonna turn and this is not where I thought it would turn listen but I mean Joey Badafuqo Longan Lol, Avril's career mishaps.

I mean, what? Yeah. We didn't even talk about dogs that much. No, no. We got into dogs. Yeah. What was the first thing that you said? You said pot.

Oh. What was it? Oh, The Sims. The Sims. The Sims. Did y'all ever play? I mean. All the time.

I loved it. But did you play for real? I played nonstop. I played for real. I would waste the hours I've, all the time. Playing The Sims, but I was like, but did you play for real? I played nonstop. I played for real. I would waste the hours I've lost to The Sims. Same. Truly insane. And then I try to,

I have The Sims 3 back at home, like at my apartment. And for a while there, like when Facebook was still like a viable thing, I would go on Facebook Live and I figured out the way to go live to do like basically a Twitch stream of me playing The Sims and just

me taking me taking crowdsource suggestions about what to do next and it was a huge failure but um you know I would have tuned in thanks um I only got as far as like this mother and her daughter living in this house and the daughter sleeping with

the mother's boyfriend it was juicy I would always just put in the secret code. Yeah, same. And then just like make the most lavish house and then like just try to have them fuck

in a big house. Yeah. The house design. Like now they're gonna fuck in the billiards room. Ooh, let's make them fuck in the bathroom. They can only fuck

on the bed. I know. I would put a bed in those rooms. I think they could fuck in the jacuzzi. They can fuck in the jacuzzi. They can fuck in the jacuzzi too.

Remember the sex bed that was shaped like a heart? Yes. And it vibrated. Sometimes if you would put them in that bed, a baby would immediately pop out. Yes. Like the little crate. No pregnancy.

Oh, I remember that. See, like, oh, got a kid now. I also logged hours playing that game. However, like most of what's occupied in my mind during that time is Roll coaster tycoon I would play all the time yeah I love those sandbox games they're good they're great but the sims like

you really it was actually a pretty good like writing tool because you would just you would just like be like how do I want to fuck shit like it's just it gives you space to be to like project all your weird creative impulses on a hundred wouldn't you agree like a hundred percent it was a good like it was it was also like a morality thing you know

because for me it was i was my first reaction was like well i want them to be the mayor i want them to have a successful life i want them to have nice things i want them to be happy right but then there's probably it's like i'm gonna drown them in the pool yeah you know like it's like such a duality of our minds it It's such a weird God thing. Yes. Mini God complex that you have. It was so fun to set people on fire. To set people on fire, to remove the water from the pool.

Yes, exactly. Yeah, honestly, too, like, if we could go back and, like, look at the houses that we created, it would be a wonderful eye back into our personal style at its very beginnings. Yes. I remember I used a lot of Cheetah print. Oh, yeah yeah i know what you're talking about they had a whole line they had a whole carpet the there was like a rug yeah the cheetah print at the time was like shake the chic and that was like the peak and also this

was the same around the same time period that we're talking about with avril 2003 2004 like this was around when this time was it It was a beautiful time for me. Were you like in middle school, high school then? Yeah. Okay. High school. So I think we're around. 2008 I graduated.

Okay. I graduated in 2003. 2003. Yeah. But it's all the same. I don't lie about my age. It's fine. But it's such a beautiful time.

It was beautiful. It was truly beautiful time. And honestly, I always say the age of the metrosexual. Yeah. Did you find yourself dating a metrosexual man you know what is so tragic every guy i've ever dated has been the same person which is what just like a white guy with brown hair and like medium build and like not necessarily what what kind of like flavor are they what are they serving in terms of flavor? Well, I like-

How did that personality taste? Sense of humor. Gotta love it. Intelligence. Being a good person. Yeah. Being self-sufficient. Okay.

What's your husband do? He's a UCB teacher and a writer. Oh, fun. Amazing. Yep. He's like a master improviser. Ooh. What's his name?

Who is? His name's Adam McCabe. Oh, for sure. Adam McCabe, yeah. Y'all do? Yeah.

We know of. Of him. Yeah. We don't know him. He's on Bangerang. We have never had the pleasure, we have never had the distinct pleasure of meeting Adam McCabe.

Well, when you're in LA, we're gonna meet. Which y'all were in LA because you did, you had Gaberson. We were in LA for a bit. Yeah,

for two weeks. And then I went back. I returned. Ooh, we can announce maybe prematurely on the pod. We'll be back. We can announce. We'll be back in December maybe for a live show. Yeah. Oh, no.

It's not a maybe. It's happening. We confirmed. I'm teasing. Yeah, he was teasing, but I'm not teasing. And maybe Jackie can do it. Yeah. She's great.

Y'all have to come on Natch Beauty. Oh, my God. We would love to. We would love to. Oh, God. I really got ready today. Y'all have to come on Natch Beauty. Oh my god. We would love to. I really got ready today. I put you on. I put on a cheap face mask from a skin sheet mask from Urban Outfitters. And I was like, I'm ready to talk about this. I have a question.

Okay, so I do want to make sure that we ask for some beauty tips. Okay, yes. And then I need to do my I don't think so honey. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, please. Oh, trust us. We're getting there. Okay. All right And then I need to do my I don't think so honey that I prepared. Oh, no, please. Trust us. We're getting there. Okay.

All right, but here's- Don't turn that fucking mic off. No, no. Hey, HPJ, get your hands off of that mic. Don't turn it off. How dare you. How dare you, Joe. How dare you.

What are you asking? Y'all are so special. What? I'm telling you. I just- God, Jackie. Like I said, Bjork versus McEninrow wow who's mackinrow i think matt's mackinrow yeah because i get really angry yeah and meanwhile i have a swedish

simplicity yes but it's beautiful thank you yeah thank you all right well this is good to know what were you gonna ask here's what i'll ask okay Okay, so I'm lucky. I have good skin. Yeah, it's beautiful. Thank you for saying. I never have had a problem with my skin. Yeah. And I think that I thought I found the key to maintain that, which was coconut oil. Okay.

And then I was told, do not use that on your face. And here's the thing. Almost like psychosomatically, here's what happened. I have been shaving a lot more because a friend of mine said you look better on shave better shaven than unshaven i was like okay i'm gonna trust this person so i've been shaving a lot oftentimes when i shave like my skin will look at its best that day or the next day and so what i've been doing is i've been putting a little bit of coconut oil on my skin too because i figured how could this be bad and everyone has been complimenting me on

my skin lately after i put the coconut oil on then Then I was sitting in the makeup chair on a product I was doing and the makeup artist was like, I don't even have to do too much to you. What have you been using? And I said, coconut oil. And she looked at me with panic in her eyes and said, don't use coconut oil. It's going to clog your pores. The next day is a little pimple right here. So I think, is it psychosomatic or is coconut oil not good you know this is a debate as old as time oh my god along with you know religion i thought coconut oil was invented two days ago it's right up there with with religion with religion and you know the wars and the wars there's i've heard coconut oil will create a barrier so it actually won't it won't let moisture in as opposed to moisturizing but then I've heard it's great you know it says on the

little bottle it says use um hands face yeah feet body it's the MacGyver I'm sorry it doesn't say face yeah on the one I have and then I was like but it's been working for me and then literally the next day I have like a because maybe it's been working for me. And then literally the next day I have like a- Because maybe it's too aggressive for your face skin, which is more sensitive. I think don't put it on your face.

Okay. All right. However, a lot of people use it to remove their liquid lipstick or their eye makeup. So if it works, do it for you.

But I think it's too thick of an oil for your face. Yeah. She said that it made sense. And your skin isn't oily enough. My skin is super oily. I've started to use oil cleansers every now and then and I found that it's better at

just still moisturizing while stripping down dirt. Your skin is pretty... Here's what I want. I want just something that's going to make me look fresher. Because oftentimes if I get a lot of sleep, I will get the bags under my eyes and it's going to make me look fresher. Because oftentimes, if I don't get a lot of sleep, I will get the bags under my eyes.

It's hard to get away. That's what I'm really looking for. It's a more youthful appearance in my eyes. A brightening serum. A brightening serum? A vitamin C for the morning. Serums daily or no? Yeah.

Daily? What is it? Like a rub? It depends on what serum you get like um i always ask price point like are you a sephora girl or are you a target girl you know what i mean girl okay because i was gonna say drunk elephant which is sephora okay i'm gonna write that down i love that name well i know and their packaging is so cute in terms of target price point i would try yes to blueberries. You know yes to

You know they have yes to carrots, yes to tomatoes, yes to bukkakis. They have them all. I think just make sure but I'm pretty sure the yes to blueberry would be a great antioxidant one and it's like $8. It smells delicious.

Okay good. I can't wait. I love scrubs. I love like the kind of like salt And it's like $8. It smells delicious. Okay, good. I can't wait. And you can get yes to at Target. They got scrubs. I love the kind of salt scrub in the bathroom. Yeah. On your face? Yeah, yeah.

I like to put it on my face. It makes me feel a lot. Yeah. I love that too. An invigorating scrub. But don't exfoliate too much. No. No.

Well, that's again. That's another debate. I don't know. Because men, I feel like, can handle it. Because your skin is different. Uh-huh. Uh- much. No. No. Well, that's again. I don't know any of the rules. That's another debate. I don't know because men, I feel like, can handle it because your skin is different. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. It's just a fact. I heard Pharrell does a hardcore exfoliation every day.

Wow. And he looks like a baby. And he looks fantastic. He does. Jackie, I don't want to just like hug up at this time for your advice. But I. I would love it. This is what I live for.

Okay, great. Yes, come on. This is a talent. I have the shiniest face in the world. Yeah. Even when I do switch to an oil cleanser,

it doesn't make that big of a difference. What are you using daytime? Are you doing a moisturizer? Doing... Here's what I'm doing. Okay. Because they make great

like oil control stuff. Got it. Even the oil control, I'm like, is this real? I'm doing just... Now I'm just doing a basic natural, like,

aloe green tea, whatever the heck, face wash. Cleanser. Cleanser. Tone. Good, I'm happy to hear that. Then I'm going to put, I have, every now and then, twice a week, I'll put a little bit of essence on. And then do moisturizer.

I'm sticking to, like, Korean stuff. Yes. Like, at to Korean stuff. Yes. At least the routine. Yes. And I can't tell if it's working. I truly don't see a difference. There's nothing discernible for me. I don't know.

I don't know. I'm still shiny and stuff. And I don't know if, is dewy supposed to be good? Because dewy for me is extra shine. Well, that's the thing. The grass is always greener. It's like, oh, I wish wish my hair was curly and the curly haired person says i wish my hair stray yeah i mean i'd kill for a do honestly you would at this stage i would kill for a do when i was schlepping through new york earlier today i was like i'm dewy like i felt sweat on

my face and i don't sweat really that much and i was like oh my god i'm dewy right now wow you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah okay so I want to recommend something for you please okay she's looking

something out well I'm gonna go on nashvue.com nashvue because this is the best resource for because what happens is my guests come on

nashvue.com and then you can search anything wait I didn't know the website was this much of a source oh no it's a whole blog

honey there's so much on there we don't play no I love this this is a god damn brand it is a brand and basically I've had guests on

and that had oily skin uh huh and then they here we go you have a good good mix of guests on

I try such a good mix yeah we try to keep it um just interesting fun fresh so all kinds of people yes but then some indie brand

owners some makeup artists some comedians some actors some artists some writers but just all types of people yeah primarily women but we just try to you know i like everyone's opinion i don't want to just have on people who want to only use what i use or whatever yeah no no i have people who don't even wear makeup come on and they go i think think this industry is bullshit and like, you know, whatever. And I'm like, cool. I want to hear about that. Love that. Love that.

Oh, Jackie's a pro. I'm trying to find this one product for you, especially if you like Korean. Yeah. Oh, honey. Honey, you're going to love. Here it is. Here it is. Oh, here we go.

Here we go. So my friend Amy Spaulding was on. Who's cute is a bug. She's a bug. She writes LGBT pre, like what's the young young adult yeah yeah this is her new book right here okay let me find this product she have you ever heard of cos rx no it's a korean brand but the thing about nash butte is i try to only talk about cruelty free like we were talking about animals on animals and unfortunately Korea banned animal testing

100% banned but if they sell in mainland China then they are then they test on animals because it's part of it's like part of the you know it's a loophole I think it'll change though because more people are getting wise to it she so there's some Korean brands that test on animals but there are some that don't

and CosRX is one of them that doesn't and you can get it at Riley Rose if you live in a metropolitan area. Then Riley Rose is like the new cousin of Sephora. It's like all cute, millennial and whatever. They have COSRX there.

They have like moisture pads. They have essences. They have the best sunscreen because are we sunscreening, boys? We're sunscreening every now and then. Not when I don't have to. I really should be doing it all the time. We need to. I's like rule number one i'm telling you especially in new york yeah because it's all the toxic crap in the air from our from the cars and everything coming at us okay

i'm fine so you're here in new york and are you feeling like like oh yes yeah damn it's a lot okay murad oil control mattifier okay iifier. SPF 15, which isn't enough SPF if you ask me. Sure, sure, sure. But definitely need to get that one. Yeah, yeah. And then the COSRX aloe soothing sunscreen SPF 50 PA+++.

What's the PA? That's the UVA and the UVB rays. If you are buying a sunscreen that doesn't have PA++++ on it, it's not doing anything for you. Because it's not blocking those UVAs, honey. Okay? There's UVA and UVB.

If it says broad spectrum, that's not enough. It needs to say broad spectrum, SPF, PA++++. Here's something I want to know. When are you putting on too much stuff? Yeah. I want to know that. I want to know that. It's a slippery slope. I want to know that because honestly, like, I know that all this stuff would be good.

But like, how many like, like even like, you know, stuff you ingest, like vitamins is too much. Right, right, right. Stuff you put in your skin is too much. Like, what's like, I guess everyone's different. Listen to your body. Listen to your skin. When you do skincare, you're supposed to do thinnest to thickest so that your face absorbs

everything right. If you ever do a skincare routine and your skin, you feel stuff on it afterwards or it's like you can see it pilling under your fingers. Yeah. You didn't do it right or something's not agreeing with you. So just it's all about trial and error. Love that. And having fun.

But there is a routine like you were saying. There's a cleanse, then you tone, then you serum, then you moisture. Yes. And then you do an oil after if you need one. But I think y'all don't need an oil. There you go. But it's serum before moisture. Serum before.

Oh, and eye cream after toner because if you put too much shit, your eye cream will be blocked. Wow. And I'm trying to get that eye area looking snatched. Yeah, me too. It looks snatched on Jackie. It does look extremely snatched. I've been up since early hours. And she doesn't look.

She looks fresh. Listen, I try to keep fresh for y'all. You know what I did when I was home? Because my parents just had it lying around and I just read on some blog to do it. I did just pure manuka honey on my face. Very moisturizing, right? Yeah. Ten minutes.

Watch it off. My skin felt like a baby's ass. It was amazing. It's a very hot product right now. Right. Ingredient. And you eat a spoonful of it and like a cold goes away. I love it.

Oh, wow. I need that. It is like a miracle thing. Because you know what I woke up with today? Uh-oh. The tiniest little thing in the back of my throat. And it can't be. Humidifier.

Humidifier. Humidifier. And maybe we'll go to Whole Foods after this. Buy some manuka honey. We're going to get some manuka honey after this. Is there a Whole Foods near here? You and I, we're going to get together. We're going to get manuka honey. On 3rd Street and 3rd'll go to we go to Whole Foods after this buy some Manuka honey we're gonna get some Manuka honey after this is there a Whole Foods near here we're gonna get together

we're gonna get Manuka honey on 3rd and 3rd Avenue if you go down down that way when did I get a Manuka honey I'm going down I'm going down

wait I wanna ask Jackie one final question before we move on I don't think so I really I admire your lifestyle so much because on top of all this

you're you're vegan and i would imagine that it's so exhausting having to like curate your choices um and just have to research everything that you consume but so and so is is the way to sort of like combat that like just to like find joy in that research or that's beautiful well i i always say on nashv do your damn best yeah do your damn best forgive yourself love yourself live your life one day at a time yes and do your best so it's so crazy the levels of veganism and how deep you can go yeah you can just decide one day like i'm done eating meat i'm done eating dairy but then you still wear your nikes you still um you know so many things you still use neutrogena whatever tests on animals whatever yeah so there's so many layers to it and it's just it gets really crazy yeah so do your best in terms of cosmetics like you just said man Manuka honey. I don't use Manuka honey. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because of veganism.

Right, right. I do my best. It's hard. Yeah. And I've learned, I've bought things on accident and then I get home and I was about to like write up about it on nashby.com. Like, oh my God, this amazing new brow product that I got at a vegan retreat. Oh, and it wasn't vegan?

And I get home and there's lanolin in it which is um derived out of sheep's wool which i'm like i don't really want that on my face but also i don't like the idea it's fine you know the wool industry is a whole other thing so i was like well fuck i'm not going to shout this out but i'm not gonna throw it away i'm gonna use it till it's done yeah release yeah release forgive myself yes and for having one weak minute for not googling it before i bought it oh okay even though a vegan fucking recommended it before I bought it. It's okay. Even though a vegan fucking recommended it to me. But whatever.

That's what I'm saying. There's so many layers to it. So everybody do your best. Sure. If you really want to be all vegan with your cosmetics, you just have to only buy from vegan brands. It's the easiest way. Got it.

How long has this been an interest of yours? Like beauty in general? Well, I was raised by a very glamorous, my mother's like, well, glamorous rodeo queen where from texas texas so then like was it was it were there pageants oh yeah yeah yeah i love that oh yeah pageant you have a pageant background oh yeah wow take it seriously well we look back on it fondly well complicated complicated basically i was a singer as a child and i was really good i mean i've posted videos of it that i i would i wept when i saw now because it's just so powerful to

see a little girl singing a song about heartbreak so earnestly which literally has no idea like i was three one of my favorite things three singing crazy by patsy klein at the state fair texas oh on the one of the most layered ones yeah i'm telling you so like it's powerful so i was i was a good singer i had a vocal coach and she was like oh you should do pageants because her granddaughter did pageants and so my parents were like divorced and busy and they were kind of like yeah sure go take voice lessons do that sure get out of the house i'm busy so i just started doing them but i was kind of like little miss sunshine like i was kind of of clueless and was always the one with like the crappiest dress and like, you know, and the award for the child

who got the least help from their parents, Lisa Simpson. Oh my God. You know, but it was interesting and I look back at it and it's crazy. Yeah. You know, my mom, I'd had a lot of curlers. I wore a lot of curlers.

Yeah, yeah. And you know, but it's, you know, it's a thing. That's crazy. I don't know. It's easy for me as an outsider to romanticize all this for you. But, you know, yeah. But that's, you know. But then it sort of got you where you are today.

I guess. I don't remember enjoying it. Yeah, okay. But I'm sure I did it on some level because why was I doing it? I could have been like, I would rather sit at home and play The Sims. You know what I mean? Yeah. But I wasn't that deep into it my

friend was like Little Miss Texas this this and this title she was snatching trophies for real for real trophies taller than her crowns that would hit the ceiling of this room I mean she was like super into it and I feel like always seeing her and then I would always win talent but I would never win overall ever

and I was kind of shitty on it it felt shitty you know honestly Honestly, okay. Here's the thing, Jackie. You're out there, Texas pageant circuit, winning talent trophies. You have that in common with Beyonce. So just like, just hold that, you know? But it set me up for all this.

I love like, I love the idea of like accessible glamour. Yes, absolutely. And everyone deserves that. Yes. And finding how to get that in your life and what you how and

what you want to use and not use and tracking that and just doing what makes you feel the most beautiful on the inside and out and that beauty is for you. Yes.

It's not for anyone else. It's for you. Oh, I love that. So that's kind of what Natch Beauty is and that's and I just love Natch Beauty

we mainly talk with comedians you know and my friends and my friends that are actors and I'm just like so what are you using right now oh I'm using this

why I don't know I've been using it for 8 years does it work I guess honey I can find you something that works better that not tests on animals

that you know supports women of color you know all these other things love that and that's kind of what it is we're just having fun and also a word commonly used on the pod honey honey i know we know something about that you were you were a honey or my fans are called the honeys the honeys i love that they name themselves that well that's why i like i think so honeys that's why this was this resonates

so deeply with me your work because i get it i almost bought a shirt have you ever heard of mystique boutique no i saw it on my i walked past it it's on canal it's kind of in that area but i went in and they had a shirt that said honey oh but they were did you go shopping today size yeah i kind of just went around and did my thing sure sure i got a i got a salt bagel with vegan schmear. I love a salt bagel. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. Because we need to legitimize salt bagels. I agree.

I didn't even know they were a thing. My friends that live in LA that are from New York, they used to always buy bagels and I'd always eat them. And I was like, what is this? Because I am a salt freak. I love salt. I add salt to almost everything. Oh yeah. Matt and I are little sodium boys. We're little sodium boys.

If we get into the restaurant and there's soy sauce, it's on what I'm eating. Yes. My sister, as she's listening, hi, Yang. My sister will always, always get on my case about, before I even taste the food, putting salt on it. Yeah. She's like, why are you doing that? Like, you don't have to do it yet. It brings out the taste.

It sure does. It sure does. Just a little bit on top. And also, when people, now I have my, I don't have to do it yet out the taste it sure does it sure does now just a little bit on top and also when people i now i have my i don't think so honey never mind okay i just want to say jackie that was a great answer about uh i just realized one amazing that that was i love that answer about uh about your approach to veganism or just your suggestion to everyone to just do their best because even at whatever layer they're at we all know how fucking horrible it is by now. We all know. Oh, the culture or what?

Just the world. Treatment of animals. Yes, yes, yes. You'd have to be blind and deaf. Yeah, and all the reasons. The environmental impact. The health. We all know.

That's because, yeah. It's hard to rehabilitate your brain and life around this entire new set of principles that we have not been told our whole life i mean i grew up in texas in the 90s yeah oh you think i don't know my way around the chilies man you bitch yes i know my way okay oh so what was was there recently a documentary with natalie portman that she did uh oh yeah um uh it's called eating animals eating animals yeah i haven't seen it i don't need to i don, I haven't seen it. I don't need to. I don't need to. Like Earthlings, I don't need to see it. Because you're aware already

of the realities. I know it all. Yeah. I know it all. And there's a ton of docs. Cowspiracy. Cowspiracy we got to watch. I mean, they're all great.

Eating Animals is specifically about factory farming. They focus on factory farming. And you know all that already. I just, I don't need to see it. It'll only upset me. Sure. I'm well aware.

I'm well aware. But I was just, and I think the point of the documentary is what sort of what Jackie's alluding to is that any level, any layer you're at in veganism, you you will make an impact in some way. And that's just. Just be down with it. Like I have friends and family members who literally won't eat a meal without meat on the plate.

They won't. That's crazy. And do you. But I think I'm I'm just down if you're down to like go get some's crazy. And do you? But I think I'm just down if you're down to like go get some with me and like you know what I mean? That's just you know little differences everywhere. And make a little

change that goes a long way. Oh and babe all the vegan restaurants out there cute as hell delicious food. Feeling? Tasting cute as hell! There you go Lizzo. That's a new song by Lizzo. Okay tasting cute as hell. I go that's a new song by lizzo okay tasting cute as hell i've been having the most amazing like vegan food trip around new york yes my honeys gave me tons of wrecks yes there's some diner in brooklyn are you meeting up with the honeys while you're

here i heard you're doing a meetup yes that sounds so fun yeah that's great i want to give back i'm just kidding no i just need somebody to tell me they're listening i went you know how intangible this this is oh totally it doesn't feel like anyone's listening but then but then the people who do are just the best yes um and oh great vegan restaurants in montreal i went to one with julio and it was delish oh yes i remember you guys did this yeah yeah yeah yeah um well anyway i think it's time i think it's time i. I don't think so, honey. So Matt and I will go first. I don't think so, honey. This is, of course, our minute-long segment

where we take one minute to rail against something in culture. And I would say, you know what? Thanks to Jean-Ganay Ramsey and that review, we're returning to form here. Jean-Ganay, by the way, needs to be a writer if they're not. Oh, wonderful review. That was so beautifully put. Beautiful prose.

Beautiful prose. Beautiful prose. And honest. You need to write. That was so beautifully put. Beautiful prose. Yes. Beautiful prose. Beautiful prose. And honest. Okay. You need to write for Uproxx or something. And also, just by the way, FYI, you guys, September 22nd, we are at the Brooklyn Comedy Festival

at Brooklyn Bazaar doing I Don't Think So Honey Live with some talent to be announced. We don't yet have a time, which I think is bizarre. This is the tea, but we'll find out. We'll find out.

And we'll let you know. Okay, so Matt, I think you have one. I think I have one i i think it's so funny that you said we're gonna be turning a leaf on this episode because of the review and now we're literally i think we have one i will be i will be biting but this is matt rodgers's i don't think so honey his time starts now i don't think so honey people when i'm out with you at dinner and i put some lemon on the food and you say oh why did you do that because lemon is good bitch

that's why i put the lemon on there. Because to make it taste better. If you're going to have a food or a fish, especially fish, without lemon, you're fucking sick. I want lemon all over my food, honey. In fact, drenched. In fact? Like Shelly Winters in the Poseidon Adventure. I want to see this fish drenched in lemon.

30 seconds. And then don't take a tone with me when I try to elevate your dining experience with your nonsense. You know what a bland-faced... Sorry. You know what a plain fish

tastes like? A bland fish. 15 seconds. You need lemon, especially on your fried food. Your fried fish. Are we allowed to eat fish with no vegan vegans can't eat fish the ocean's fucked five seconds i don't think so honey um no lemon okay that's one minute matt had to ask the question is fish okay to eat for vegan i so agree and also

lime if there's a lime i'll toss that on there i'll fuck with a lime i'll fuck with a lime on some Thai food honey i will put lime all over my treats they need to put more than one wedge more than one wedge throw me a whole handful of wedges if i have food in front of me and a lime thank you god i say i say thanks god for the lime. And when there was a story, a news story, that a few years ago we were going to be low on limes because of the situation. Yes, yes. That was a dark day. I was like, we need limes.

Wow. Can I tell you something? Do y'all remember the avocado epidemic of 2017? Oh, yes, yes. Do you know why that was? Because McDonald's came up with a new sandwich with avocado on it, and it caused a worldwide avocado shortage. I thought that was? Because McDonald's came up with a new sandwich with avocado on it and it caused a worldwide shortage. I thought

that was a cartel thing. No, that's not what I heard. She's got inside camp. Avril Jackie's got camp sources all over McDonald's Twitter, honey. Oh my God. I love that. I feel that my I don't think so. Honey was good for the first 40 seconds. You know, it was pretty I loved it. It was strong. I liked it for

the love. It's Bowen Yang's. I don't think so, honey.? It was pretty strong. I loved it. It was strong. I liked it. Thank you for the love. It's Bowen Yang's I Don't Think So Honey. Okay, here we go. I've got it. His time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey MTV. Oh, yeah, that's right. I'm coming after all of iCom.

No, not all of iCom. We love Comedy Central. Such great programming, honestly. But MTV, you were like this cultural Paul in my childhood where kids at school i famously did not grow up with cable kids at school your social currency was your knowledge of whatever

the fuck happened on the hills the night before bitch i did not blink an eye bat an eye when they announced this faux hills reboot was happening 30 seconds okay here here's the deal whitney's not coming back uh lauren's not coming back and what that other fucking Christian okay but listen also I don't think so many the hills bitch what a fucking nothing show

a fucking bland milk toast ass show in which nothing ever fucking happened we did not know why Lauren and Heidi got into a fight right seconds fuck MTV fuck the hills fuck the VMAs and fuck fuck the VMAs for enabling people like Madonna

to do to dress up like a fucking post Malone doll and desecrate Aretha's name that's one minute and an hour thank you um here's the thing that that I want to say about the hills reunion what I said it would have been the funniest thing ever. If they all came out on stage and said,

everyone, we're happy to announce the Hills was returning and Elsie wasn't there. Yeah. And they said, and it's true. And if they all move to the side and in the back, the door came open and a bigger fanfare that JLo got Elsie walked down the stairs.

Everyone's in the audience screaming. Beyonce's on her feet, screaming and crying. door came open and a bigger fanfare that JLo got. Elsie walked down the stairs. Everyone's in the audience screaming. Beyonce's on her feet screaming and crying. And Elsie looks so beautiful in a floor-length gown. And she's like, that's right. I'm returning to the hills. I said that should have been what happened. Okay.

I used to always see them at the clubs when I first went to LA. Oh, yeah. Ledoux. Ledoux. I used to always see them at Ledoux. I remember moving to the city when the city was coming out. Whitney Ports, the city. Truly nothing happened on that show.

Because nothing happened in her personality. Do you remember the Laguna Beach theme song? Let the rain fall down And wake my dreams Let it wash away My sanity Cause I wanna hear the thunder i wanna scream let the rain fall down i'm coming clean i'm coming clean that's that song actually had a good like yes okay but

that chorus could have shaved off that last i'm coming clean it's too long it was indulgent it was indulgent i It was indulgent. It all comes back to Hilary Duff. That's rule number 29 of culture. It all comes back to Hilary Duff. And also we can never forget. The rest is still unwritten. Natasha.

Yes. Thank you. Okay. So this is Jackie Johnson. I'm so excited. I've done some. I've prepared if that's okay. Come on, honey.

This hits my process oriented center so hard. I love this Jackie. This've prepared if that's okay. Come on, honey. This hits my process oriented center so hard. I love this, Jackie. This is Jackie Johnson's I Don't Think So, Honey. Her time starts now. Going to bed without taking your makeup off? I don't think so, honey. I know you're tired.

I know life is hard, but take five minutes and take care of that damn face. Do you want to attract eyelash mites? They live on your face right now. Google it, sweetie. Grab the cleanser. Wash those dead skin cells off.

If you don't, pores are going to clog. Skin's going to be dull. You're going to get wrinkles because sleeping and makeup breaks down your skin barrier and ages your face. And you know how youth obsessed our culture is. As Heidi says, one day you're in and the next day you're out.

Youth is wasted on the young. Don't be lazy and don't take your youth for granted do a nightly skin routine and if you won't at least get a damn makeup wipe and drag it across your face before going to bed i have six words for you i don't think so honey and that's one minute triumphant beautiful beautiful that was amazing and that's a psa for everybody yes and educational above all else did you know about eyelash mites that they live on our faces this is what we have to talk about we have to talk about eyelash mites. That sounds very scary and threatening. They are called follicle mites, and they are on all of our faces right now. Oh, my God.

And if you don't wash off your makeup, then it makes them way worse. If you ever see, like, little rednesses around people's nose and eyes, that's probably what it is. I'm telling you, they're in our follicles. They mate. Oh, they're fucking in our hair, Bowen. They're fucking in our eyelashes they're

meeting their soulmate they're having children they're raising families okay that's hot they have full lives on our face that's really hot actually i want to fuck on an eyelash yeah yeah that's where i want to live wait um my airbnb is basically an eyelash oh where are you saying lower east side oh well then that's an eyelash honey i don't even know what that means no here's the thing blink blink can i be vegan but also eat deep fried eyelash mites i think we can make one one exception yeah well you know there is something to eating bugs because it's a more sustainable protein source sure and you could argue that they don't have like um what is it endocrine systems or something yeah but you could argue with that so i don't have like, what is it? Endocrine systems or something. Yeah, but you can argue with that. So I don't know. There is something to that.

Sure, sure. I feel like someone's asked me before, like, would you eat crickets? And it's like, I don't need that. But if we ever get to a point in society, which we will because we're running out of our resources. If we need a sustainable protein source, then maybe I'll bust out some crickets. Right. No, I don't know.

I mean, they don't have an endocrine system. Right, right. I don't know. I was going to say soul, but endocrine system as well. I fucking love this episode. This episode, let me tell you something. It actually, I think through conflict, through the Avril Kelly conflict, we came together.

Absolutely. And I think it's a historic episode because I was forced to admit some of Kelly's faults. This is huge, Jackie. I mean, Kelly doesn't even write her own songs. Yes, she does. I'm just kidding.

Yes, she does. She writes half of them. Yes, she does. Roughly half. Roughly half. She actually wrote my favorite song that she does, which is actually the song

that we're going to sing. Close out to? Close out to because we close out every time with a song. I can't wait. But here we have to say, subscribe to Natch Butte

and be listening to Natch Butte and be on natchbutte.com because it sounds like there's something for everybody on there I love oh god I love a good

if it's a funny beauty blog I'm down I'm sold here we go sounds like you're sounds like you're gonna be a consumer oh yes are you gonna be a honey

I'm gonna be you're gonna be a honey I think we are honey we're honeys I think honey we're honeys yeah this is my favorite Kelly Clarkson song

when she wrote these words cause I want you to know Honey, we're honeys. I think honey, we're honeys. Yeah. This is my favorite Kelly Clarkson song, and she wrote these words. Because I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road. Someone's got to go. And I want you to know you couldn't have let me better. And I want you to move on Cause I'm already gone And I guess it'll be easy to skip to the karaoke parts if you didn't like that. Jean Genet.

Jean Genet. Good noose. Bye. Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com

and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following... I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly,

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