Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - CULTCH WAR LIVE! (Part One)

Episode Date: November 15, 2017

Part One of CULTCH WAR: An "I Don't Think So, Honey!" Deathmatch is here! 20 of New York's most exciting comedians have been summoned to the VILLAIN stage in Brooklyn to present their very best "I Don't Think So, Honeys!" But this show is not all fun and games and "community." No, bitch...there is a twist: the comedians are split into teams captained by Bowen and Matt and compete in a judged tournament to see who among them is the ULTIMATE in cultural destruction. 20 comedians...but who will win...the CULTCH WAR.Part One featuring Pat Regan, Dylan Marron, Alise Morales, Greta Titelman, David Mizzoni, Sam Taggart, Rae Sanni, Mitra Jouhari, Tim Murray, and Michael Hartney. Blue Ribbon Panel: Joel Kim Booster, Michelle Collins, and Tyler Coates. Recorded Live 11/7/17 at VILLAIN in Brooklyn, NY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistas/twitter.com/lasculturistasPLEASE SUBSCRIBE AND RATE US on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts.LAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttp://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/las-culturistas/ Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Hey guys, this is Matt Rogers. I'm sitting here with my best friend in the world, Bowen Yang, and we are the duo that serves the Las Culturistas podcast. He's trying to cut me off right there. I'm sorry, but that's the dynamic.

But here's the thing. I have to be here for business right now because I have an important thing to talk about. It's our live show, I Don't Think So Honey Live, which is going to be at the Bell House on November 18th at 10 p.m. as part of Brooklyn Podcast Festival. So don't cut a bitch off. I'm so sorry. But look, I was just so excited to talk about our next live show, I Don't Think So Honey

Live, on November 18th at 10 p.m. at the Bell House as part of the Brooklyn Podcast Festival. Is it because we have amazing people like Francesca Ramsey, Joel Kimbooster, Akilah Hughes, Brandon Scott Jones, Sarah Tolomash, Mike Kelton, and so much more, all serving one-minute rants on culture? It is, and it's so funny because I was, Mush, Mike Kelton, and so much more all serving one-minute rants on culture? It is, and it's so funny because I was going to say that same exact thing. That's because that's what's on the paper in front of us. We don't have a paper in front of us. Who's right? Who's wrong?

Find out at the show. There we go. We'll figure that out. Guys, give it up for Pat Benatar. Pat. What have we said in the past? We've said right now what the pop landscape is missing is a Pat Benatar. We said the pop

landscape is missing a Pat Benatar, and can I tell you what I had said? Hold on. First, let me reveal my hair. Yeah, right. Am I giving you Archie? The goal was to give you, like, hot Archie. I don't know what the fuck this thing is on my arms. You had brought up that there needs to be a Pat Benatar.

The void in pop culture right now is a Pat Benatar type. And I said Demi. Demi. Demi? Demi is kind of filling that space right now. I don't know. I feel Demi. Demi? Demi is kind of filling that space right now. I don't know. I feel, Demi's wonderful. I feel that it would have been smart for Taylor Swift to

come back with like a rock album or like to try to do a rock album. Yeah. And then she could have tried to be like the Pat Benatar and people would have bought it. It would have been shitty but people would have bought it. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. And there's just like a space for that. Yeah. Because where is Pat Benatar? I don't know.

Pat Benatar! Pat! That would be the gag! Um... If Pat Benatar were to come out... Yeah. It would be the gag. Did you know my dad...

My dad went to high school with Pat Benatar? Wow, no way. Long Island? Have I discussed this? I don't think so. Who here listens to the podcast at all? Thank you. Well, we should first say my name is Matt Rogers.

My name is Bowen Yang. Yes. And this is Las Culturistas presents CULTUR And I Don't Think So Honey Deathmatch Yes, and I Don't Think So Honey Deathmatch Now who's been to I Don't Think So Honey in the past Our live shows

Fine, great It can get really People know Really fucking violent up here So we thought let's lean into that Let's gamify that experience Let's gamify that experience let's gamify that experience because it's actually rule of culture

number 74 you gotta gamify that experience guys I think we can all say that one together rule number 74 of culture gamify that

experience there was people that were confused some people say you gotta number 74 of culture. Gamify that experience. There was people that were confused. Some people say you gotta gamify that experience. You know what? There's about 200 plus people in a room. People are going to get confused. That's true. Okay, you know what? You know what? Back to Pat Benatar, right? No, no, no.

We're not going to talk about Pat Benatar anymore. You know why? Oh my god. Because I don't want to hear another fucking folksy anecdote about your fucking dad from Long Island who went to high school with Pat Benatar. You guys. I would say my narrative is exponentially more compelling. And yet I don't talk about my fucking parents at every turn.

Look. This is the narrative I'm pushing all night. I am an immigrant. I've come so far. And I will carry my team very far. I would hate for you to give immigrants a bad name here tonight by losing. That's right. I'm the villain of this show.

Oh, my God. Thank you, the few of you who are Oh my God. Thank you, the few of you who are on my side tonight. I've picked the Republican color, a color I don't look very good in. And also you might say,

you're not even wearing a single color. That's because I, and this is my struggle, mantra of the night, have a handicap. I am colorblind.

It has been so hard. No, but you know what's interesting? You want to know why I know stories about my parents? Because my parents fucking talk to me. Bowen's parents don't give parents fucking talk to me. Bowen's parents don't give a fucking shit about him. My

mother would be here. She's not tonight, but she would. Your parents are cheap. They wouldn't shell out money to fly from Denver. My parents have to get on the LIRR trash

in order to come here. And they will sit there next to someone named Stephanie throwing up into a fucking bag so they can come support their son. Fuck you. How about that? Also, I want to say,

Bowen didn't vote. That's not true. No, no, no, no, no. Is it not true? No, no, no, no, no. Who can prove it? Who can prove it? Who can prove it? He did not take a picture of the sticker.

He took a picture of a piece of paper. I will kindly refer everyone in this room to my Instagram account in which I posted the stub that Arapahoe County, a swing county within the swing state of Colorado, provides in the absentee ballot. They give you a stub. I had no adhesive on it to stick it on my chest. But I voted for the two sort of non-consequential elections in my county.

I only had two. I had the mayor of Centennial. And then I had, um, which was between two people. Non-consequential, the Bo and Yang story. And then, and then, like, some, like, um, circuit judge. Okay, cool. Sounds

not important and interesting. Your parents are bored of you. Wait a minute! Oh my god, um, we can, we can now report. Culture War can now report. Oh, I guess, yeah. Oh, my God. We can now report. Culture War can now report. Oh, I guess, yeah. Well, wait. Be careful before you do this.

Can we report this? I think we can. Because Elise Morales had some reservations. Really? 72% of reports are in from Virginia that call it for the Democrats, for the governor's race. For Northam. Yes. This is also an election

event. Who here went to an election show last year and left crying? Yeah, same. Okay, let's bring it back to acrimony. What the fuck are we doing?

Let's bring it back to acrimony. Tell everyone what the fuck we're doing tonight. Okay, so what the fuck we're doing is we're here and this is culture. This is what we would call the Super Bowl of faggotry. Yeah. This is the gay event of the year. Seriously, we're so, so excited you guys all came out.

Thank you guys so much for coming out. It's fucking raining, which is just such a metaphor for the hardship, for the queer hardship, which is just such a metaphor for the hardship, for the queer hardship, I think. For the queer hardship. It's the LGBT struggle outside. And so what we're doing tonight is

Bone and I have enlisted truly the all-stars of Lost Culture Reefs. I don't think so, honey. I mean, every single person that's going to get up on this stage has absolutely killed it at one of our live shows in the past or on the show itself. I mean, and they're all going to go head to head, and we're going to have a blue ribbon judging panel

to decide who moves on to each round. And yes, this is Team Matt versus Team Bowen, but let's get real. At the end, there will only be one Las Culturistas Icon Award winner. Now. Yes. Yes. Now, the prize. Yeah, the prize.

Is the title of Las Culturistas Icon Award winner. Yes. And a Venmo prize. Yes. Of $100. You will get, yes. $100. Hundo.

You will get, yes. Give it up. You will get in two installments a Venmo prize of $100. Matt, let's tell everyone what our winner could do with $100. What could they do with $100. Matt, let's tell everyone what our winner could do with $100. What could they do with $100? You could buy half a plane ticket to Orlando, Florida. One way.

Or if you get it early enough, like three quarters of a plane ticket to Orlando, Florida. Yes, yes, yes. You could pay for a third of a strep test at CityMD. You need to get insurance. I have insurance, but I have a fucking bullshit deductible. You have to pay $100 to take a strep test? $300?

No, you know what this was on? Did you even have strep? I didn't have strep. And you know what? Oh, what a letdown. No, CityMD's amazing. CityMD is a fast, casual, painkiller restaurant.

They misdiagnosed me thrice. I can't do it. Thrice. They're amazing. What they do is they bring medical staff and then they'll like displace a bodega. And then.

But then they like they keep some of the they keep some of the personnel. So like a cat gave me my strep test. It was amazing. It was amazing. Wow. Man's best friend. Man's best friend. was amazing. Wow. Man's best friend. Man's best friend. The cat.

Cats. Okay, you guys. I think it might be time to get this started. Let's get this started. We have our judges. Yes. Speak into that mic, bitch. Excuse me.

Let me tell you something. You're not going to ruin this for me. I'm not going to listen to this later, and you didn't know how to fucking talk in the mic. No, no, no. By the way, it's being recorded, so, like, react. Fucking... Talk in the mic. It's a constant problem. No, excuse me. No, no, no, no, no, no.

You had to be noted. I am an immigrant. And I can't quite push air through, like, some fucking pseudo drama major at Tisch. Pseudo drama major. I am a proud dramatic writing major. I have another shitty degree.

I'm proud to get my other bullshit degree. My alternative arts degree, I'll call it. No, I'm saying I'll work on this. Okay, this is a point of unity. You're doing really good now. I'm talking down the axis for a sonorous proximity effect. Okay, you guys,

let's bring on our judges, shall we? Let's bring out the judges. First up. There he is. Okay. Alright, first up, you take it away, bitch. We have our historic Las Culturistas guest, who has been the only two-time guest, besides Pat Regan, who on a technicality had to return

because his first episode was lost. Now, his amazing Comedy Central half hour is out. You can buy that, you can watch that on the app or buy the episode on Amazon. Yes. Or you can listen to his amazing, best-selling comedy album, Model Minority. And, bitch, you'll hear all about him very soon in a couple of years.

But that's, like, when his next big break will be. Guys, give it up for Joel Kim Booster! Come on, Joel! Joel. Yeah, I, Joel! Joel. Yay! I love Joel! You're over here with me, baby. All right, so Joel is here.

Joel, let's just quickly run through. What are you looking for in I Don't Think So, Honey? I know that your criteria is very specific. Yeah, so make some noise if you heard my episode that just aired, my second episode recently. Yeah, so make some noise if you heard my episode that just aired, my second episode recently. Yeah. I think I laid it out pretty clearly in my I Don't Think So Honey in that episode,

which is bring me culture. I don't want to hear about your frustrations with some lady on the train or your jeans, okay? Like, I want to hear about culture. I want to hear about dance. I want to hear about music. I want to hear about dance. I want to hear about music. I want to hear about movies.

Food culture. Food is culture. It is. But make sure it's in the realm. I don't want some bullshit from your life. I want culture. I don't want some bullshit from your life. Quote him.

That is Joel Kimbooster. Joel Kimbooster, everybody. Joel. Next to the stage, this is the fucking head bitch in charge right now, everyone. You can hear her on the amazing podcast on Forever Dog Network. Here we go. She is the host of Fresh Batch. You know her from After Paradise.

You know her from The View. Everyone, please give it up for Michelle fucking Collins. Yes. Hello, darling. Gorgeous. Yes. Give it up for the tunic. The tunic.

Give it up for the tunic. The tunic is in the house you guys look great oh my god we're serving Prince of Fire and Ice you're serving tunic listen I have so much tunic to give tonight I can't wait thank you guys for having me we're so excited so listen

Criteria what are you looking for tonight what is gonna make you serve a high score up for I Don't Think So Honeyers so um I'm like a real fucking bitch. So I want passion. Like I want you to come up with passion. And I'm going to give you some inspiration. Many, many years ago, I was at St. Vincent's Hospital after being bitten by a rabid dog.

And I overheard this happened. RIP St. Vincent's. This happened. RIP St. Vincent's. It's still there. It's haunted. Is it haunted? It's the creepiest fucking hotel.

I also stayed there many nights. It was also an Airbnb at times. Listen, I had some hard times. But look, no, but I saw this woman, and I'm not going to assume she's an addict, but she was fucked up. And they were trying to gurney her. They were like, get on the gurney, get on the gurney. And she looked at the doctors and the nurses and she said, I'll rent space in your head all night, bitch.

Holy shit. And that's the energy I want tonight. That's the energy I want tonight here for all of you, okay? And you. Yes, oh, I can serve up psychotic person in a hospital realness. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you better too, all of our contestants. So who's this next? Who's our Simon Cowell coming to the stage right who's this next? Who's our Simon Cowell coming to the stage right now, Bowen? This is our Simon Cowell. This is our judge who has the most technical knowledge of culture, I will say. Yes. He is the senior culture

editor at Esquire. And he picks the stories. He's the one who curates what we see. So just think about that and really challenge what he deems culturally relevant.

You have an opportunity here tonight. If his judgments don't go a certain way, you, I call on you all to harass. This is going on for a long time. Now, please welcome to the stage. He's talking for a long fucking time. It's like, shut up. Everyone's bored of you, including your parents.

Welcome to the stage, Tyler Coates. Tyler! Wow. Hello, darling. Tyler Coates. So, tell me, Tyler, what are we looking for in

an I Don't Think So Honey tonight? You've done them. I've done one, yeah. Yes, you did an iconic one. We've all done them. I want to learn tonight. You want to learn. I want to learn something new. Oh, wow. He wants an education. No pressure, but I want to learn.

I love that. Well, I mean, I think that we can provide that. I think we've enlisted some of the fucking best people that we know to do the show. What do you say we get it started? Shall we? We have Joel, we have Michelle, we have Tyler. Now, everyone, here's what's

going to happen. We're going to bring up our first battle pairing, and then they're going to do their I Don't Think So Honeys, and then you guys are going to give feedback afterwards and then reveal simultaneously who you've chosen. But first, in order to determine an order of who is

going to go first and second for this first round, Bo and Yang and I are going to do an I Don't Think So Honey ourselves. Yeah. So, um, let's just say, let's do what we usually do on the show. Yeah. How about you go first, I'll go second.

Okay. And then we'll see who emerges victorious to determine the order. All right, this first round is going to be under the umbrella of people. We've asked everyone that prepared an I Don't Think So Honey tonight to prepare an I Don't Think So Honey tonight to

prepare an I Don't Think So Honey based on people. This can be a specific person, a celebrity, it can be a group of people, a kind of person. Very large umbrella. And I'm happy. You're just seeing my outfit from another angle and laughing? I'm happy to start us off.

Do we have a timer? We do. We don't have the paddles. We find them too, you know, obstructive. Laborious. Let's do this. This is Matt Rogers' I Don't Think So, Honey. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Jesus Christ.

Bitch, it's time to come back. If you were real, wouldn't you be back? Now would be a good time. Also, bitch, I'm sorry, but what are your credits? You turn water into wine, bitch? No. That's just some weird water or some shitty wine. I'll tell you where I can get wine that tastes like that.

Go to Cottage. It's a Union Square. It's a little Chinese all-you-can-eat restaurant. They have wine that tastes like water, bitch. Yes, you know it's bad. I don't think so, honey. Jesus Christ. Bitch, you know what? If Michael Jackson was around in Bethlehem, we would have called him Jesus. The moonwalk, we would have said, bitch, that guy's turning water into wine metaphorically. I don't think so, honey. Jesus Christ and his believers. I'm sorry, but we should see you walking through the doors right now

and stopping this if you were real. I don't think so, honey, Jesus Christ. And that's one minute. Matt Rogers. Okay. Beat it. All right. This is my turn, and then after I go, we'll go to judges, and then we'll determine.

All right, I guess I'll give your timer as well. Let me just get my phone out. Yeah, okay. Hold on. Okay, this is Bowen Yang's I Don't Think So Honey on People, and his time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey, the new enemy of the ACLU, Taylor Swift. Oh, oh, you're gonna sick your lawyers on a blog that has 78 Twitter followers for correctly stating that white supremacists

are embracing you as their pop star. No, no, no, I don't think so, honey. Look, think of a better Nazi dog whistle than constantly referring to blue fucking eyes. Drain your fucking boner for blue eyes before you start parading Uzo Adubo around. Uzo Adubo around is your only black

friend in the squad. And look, I don't think so any Taylor Swift. Don't think you can just buy a Tribeca townhouse owned by Dominique Strauss-Kahn. Famed rapist Dominique Strauss-Kahn and us to. Famed rapist Dominique Strauss-Kahn and us to not notice. What the fuck would happen to that $1

lawsuit that you want to take a stand against sexual harassment? 5 seconds. That would be like if I bought a house from allegedly white supremacist Taylor Swift! That's my name! Bowen Yang. Mine was researched. Mine was researched.

Yeah, a lot of originality on display there. I don't think so, honey. Taylor Swift. Wow. Okay, so we're going to go to the judges for feedback. Joel, what did you think about that? Wow. I thought those were both really fantastic because I thought they both encapsulated who

you both are and your individual styles of I don't think so, honeys. We got a lot of Long Island nonsense over here which I love. Where did you tell people to go for Watery Wine? It's called Cottage and actually it's really cute. It's like on the cheaper

side you can go with a large group. Exactly, the cheaper side. Exactly. And from Bowen, I love the details that Bowen always brings, the Dominique Strauss-Kahn detail. Like, where are you finding that sort of richness in an I Don't Think So Honey? I gotta say, Bowen really came alive for me in a way that I find him normally to present his I Don't Think So, Honey's sort of half asleep, quite honestly. And so it was really nice to see him, to see the passion that I've been wanting to see from him.

And it goes back, Matt, what I said up top is Jesus culture. Yes. I would argue that Jesus is culture. Does he dance? Does he act? He might have. He just didn't get to that. I don't know.

So I'm going to have to give it to Bowen this time. I'm so sorry. Okay. Michelle? Okay, well, I have to say that as a Jew, Jesus is culture because growing up, my family used to sneak into church for wine and wafers. And that really is true. We used to go pretend to be Christian because it was so beautiful

and there was a silent night. And one time we went to a really religious church and it got too real and my mom was like, we got to go. I was like on my knees, like covered covered in blood like what church is this? So I will say this is really true. So for me, Jesus is culture.

Thank you. Bowen, you were both fantastic. Bowen, I will say something. When you began, I didn't hear that you said Taylor Swift

and I thought you were talking about the head of the ACLU and I literally turned to Tyler and I was like, the head of the ACLU is friends with

Uzo and Tupac. Probably. So for me, I was a little you was friends with Uzo and Duvall. Probably. So for me, I was a little lost because of that, because of sound issues. So for that, and because I'm a Jew for Jesus, I gotta give it to Matt. But I love you both. I love you both. And Tyler Coates.

This was tough because I can't name two people I don't want to hear more about. So the fact that you brought out the guns, you know, right at the top of the show, bold, would have done differently myself. But having said that, you know, I think the presentation for both of you was really what did it for me. You know, Matt, you flail about. I love it. It's exciting to see.

Bowen, I love a cape. So, but ultimately, ultimately, because, you know, who have I heard the most about for most of my life? Jesus Christ, it's a little, I've heard it all, you know what I mean? So I'm gonna go with Taylor Swift and Bowen here. I concede. I concede I concede okay

so a reminder to the judges that was great we're going to give the feedback and then we're going to ask for who you voted for at the end going forward that was amazing but going forward different um

um keep noting them. Keep noting them. What will you decide? Will your people be going first or will they be going second? I'm going to decide as my gambit for the rest of this round that my contestants

will go second. All right. Then it is decreed. Matt's contestants will go first all through round one. And let's start round one right now. Now, this first battle pairing, I'm going to bring my contestant to the stage. This is the Las Culturistas Icon Award winner.

This is the reason why we do this show. A two-time guest on our show. The first time, it was too hot to even make it to the airwaves, bitch. Was it a mechanical error? Mm-mm, bitch. It was too hot. He's slayed every single time he's done I Don't Think So, Honey. I'm so proud to bring Pat Regan to the stage!

Come on, bitch. We do, too. This is you right here. All right, Bow. We do too. This is you right here. All right, Bowen. All right. I'm going to bring up my contestant in this matchup. You know this next person as someone who just is edifying, who really teaches us something new in the way that he communicates.

And not that many people can do that. And the fact that I can learn something from him says a lot. That's fucking crazy narcissistic bullshit. Now, he has turned out iconic, I don't think so, Honeys himself, that display range. And I am so excited to welcome Dylan Maron. Dylan. All right.

So, this matchup is what we call the light versus the dark. Up to you if you can figure out who's who. Now, all right, Pat, it's time. Are you ready? So I will, the opposing side will keep time. All right. This is Pat Regans. I don't think so, honey.

Time starts now. I don't think so, honey, customers. Because guess what? I'm a celebrated comedian and I'm so good at comedy that I work retail. And I work running specialty, which means I get to deal with the feet of strangers while they treat me like a disobedient dog. And every day I kind of stand there and they walk into my space and I'm kind of like,

oh, no one invited you here, hi. And then they start, and then I have to ask them like, can I help you find anything? And they act like I belong on a government watch list. And I'm like, I did not invent this custom. I'm supposed to do this. And then I have to give them the right shoe. And one time a lady said, this shoe looks like an alien.

Do you have any shoes that don't look like aliens? And I was like, yeah, it's green. Let me go back and work my magic. And then one time a gentleman picked up a pair of pants and said, do these pants do anything? And I was like, no, but they're pants, so what were they? And he was like, yeah, I guess. One time a lady picked up a fucking shoe and said, how do you make this?

And I said, I don't know, I've never made one. That's one minute. Pat Regan, everybody. Pat Regan! Icon. Icon. Icon. All right, let's move straight to Dylan right now. All right, I'm going to throw it over to you, Dylan.

May I take center stage? You may if you like. And he feels like he has to do a lot. All right, so we're going to start your time. Dylan, your I don't think so, honey time starts now. I don't think so, honey. People who think they're dismantling the patriarchy by making small penis jokes, fuck you. Wow.

I don't think so, honey. They're unoriginal and you are building a structure to the very thing you want to demolish. Every time you hold your pinky up and compare it to a man's penis, I'm sorry, but you're erecting a small altar to toxic masculinity. What is funny about the size of Donald Trump's hands? Nothing! It's because they belong to Donald Trump.

That's what sucks about them. Okay? And you know what, my love? I'm so sorry, but the fuckboys who you intended to aim these jokes at aren't listening, but you know who isn't? Is listening? Me, because I didn't take my pants off for six years after coming out because I was so crippled by your jokes. But don't you worry, baby. Because unlike you, my capacity for empathy is a grower and a shower. That's one minute.

I want to say something. I want to say something. Okay. I want to say something. Okay. Matt wants to say something. He did go five seconds over. Okay. He did go five seconds over. Okay.

He did go five seconds over. I will say Pat technically went three seconds over as well. Great. It sounds like they're even, then we should never have said anything at all. All right. Let's throw it over to the judges now. Joel, let's get your thoughts. Wow.

Really great showings from both of you. Pat, obviously I've been a fan of yours since Vegas week. I've been rooting for you. I loved your blind audition. Famously, I turned my chair for you. You did not pick me. I am

not sure that customers for me are culture. Again, when I said I don't want to hear about bullshit from your life, that feels like textbook bullshit from your life. And at Dillon, you know, clearly this speaks to me as an Asian American person, I've been the butt

of small penis jokes my entire life since I realized I had a penis. So I felt that I love the impassion um I would I it felt a little more like I was reading than laughing um but but I guess like jokes are closer to culture for me. And I think Pat was doing mostly just... This was in his excuse to do stand-up, I guess. So I got to give it to Dylan. Oh, sure.

All right. Joel didn't take the no. Okay, let's move on to Michelle. Michelle. Hi. Well, both these topics really spoke very dearly to me. One, because I used to work at a store. And customers, customer, and I am a customer, often a customer.

But I got to tell you, sometimes maybe you have the attitude, you know? Sometimes I come in real nice and friendly. And sometimes I'm a Sephora Rouge member, and I deserve a little respect. Do you know what I mean? So, like, maybe you should realize that, like, you're getting paid to do that and put up with the bullshit for money for my money. You know what I mean?

Now, but I do love you. You're adorable. Now, on this side, I'm a bit of a size queen, so I will say that it did open up my eyes to how other men feel that's very nice no I'm being honest I was like wow I never thought of it that way so

I'm going to save the winner for the end but I will say you're both absolutely adorable not that it matters but aren't they? they are both very cute very cute I'm often a customer I think I'm a good customer because I shop online, which is how you're

supposed to do it. There you go. You don't have to deal with anyone's bullshit. You don't give anyone bullshit. It's the best way to do it. So, you know, I have great empathy for you. You know, I love learning. As I said,

I love passionate teaching, which is what I got. And, you know, I said, I love passionate teaching, which is what I got. And, you know, I mean, not a subject I think I learned a lot about, but I still appreciate it, you know? All right. Okay, judges, it is now time to reveal, on the count of three, who you voted for for this round of culture. And I'm going to count down. One, two, three.

Show. Dil, Pat, Dylan. You guys, we have our first winner. Dylan Marin advances to the next round. Give it up for Pat Regan. Wow. Give it up for Dylan Marin. Now. Unbelievable.

Unbelievable. So that means the first round does go to Team Bowen. There we go. So thank you. That's OK. We're all still in the game. The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are back. I love that.

I love that. Oh my gosh. Welcome. And last season's drama was just the tip of the iceberg. You're recording us? I am disgusted. Never in a million years after everything we've been through did I think that you would reach out to our sworn enemy. We were friends. How could you do this to me? I don't trust her. The Real Housewives

of Salt Lake City, Wednesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian.

Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. everywhere. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story,

as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes.

I'm a dude. You're a dude. And Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past. And we're just going to sit here and talk about them. And we'll get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, Gronk? We got studs, wizards.

We got freaks. Or dudes dude. We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games. We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude?

We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian, and basketball Hall of Famer. I'm a mom, and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby, journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day.

See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts. You know, just all the s*** we go through. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I, well, we have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Now listen, coming to the stage right now, this round is the Lifestyle Queens. The Lifestyle Queens. These are the Queens of Lifestyle. Let me tell you something right now. My girl is the host of the roast of your 15-year-old self, which you can find right here at this very New York Comedy Festival. She is a pillar of the New York comedy community, one of my favorite people ever.

She is a graduate of the University of Delaware. And her name is Elise Morales! Yes! What do you have, Trash? And my guest, my contestant teammate, friend, confidant

is coming up and she has her own New York Comedy Festival show this week as well she's throwing herself her own bat mitzvah but making it a comedy show can you fucking believe I relate to that because my sister at the age of 29 threw herself

an adult bat mitzvah and I am a fucking mensch right now I'm just for life, I'm a mensch. She hosts her own podcast, Lady Lovin'. She's an amazing comedian. Guys, give it up for Greta Teitelman. Come on, Greta! Now, these are the

lifestyle queens. If they say for you to do something, you do it. If they tell you to buy something, you buy it. Influencers. Influencers. All right, so, Elise, we are going first. Okay. So take your position.

I'll take my position. Here we go. Bowen, are you ready? I'm ready. Are you socializing? Give me one second. I'm just checking in with my contestant, my teammate. This is Elise Morales's I Don't Think So, Honey.

Time starts now. I Don't Think So, Honey, and this is controversial, but I Don't Think So, Honey, Justin motherfucking Trudeau. Okay? I don't buy it. I'm not buying it. His vibe to me, his vibe to me says guy who wears a This Is What A Feminist Looks like t-shirt on tinder but

then tries to pee in your mouth when you get home you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying and that's okay if you like that but he's not really asking if you like that he says justin trudeau looks like the fucking friend zone can't you just you just think about it think about his face it just you can imagine him saying but i'm so Oh, but I listen to your feelings so won't you touch the tip a little bit? No! No, Justin. I don't like the little socks. You're a grown-ass man. You run a country. Fifteen seconds. Okay, I think, and

oh, also, as a prank, Justin Trudeau pretends to fall down the stairs. That's fucking weird. You can look up videos of it. I don't know what that's about, but I don't think so. Five seconds. Honey. Yes! That's one minute. I don't think so. Honey. Yes! That's one minute. Wow. There we go.

That was culture. Alright. Interesting. No, there's no time for you to have feedback because you're not a fucking judge. Okay, alright. Let's move on. Alright, so it's time for Greta Teitelman's I Don't Think So Honey. She's going to take her space. That is a fierce outfit. Here we go. That's a Versace dress. Greta, your time starts

now. I Don't Think So Honey Millie Bobby Brown. Okay, bitch. So you shaved your fucking head and ate Eggos. So did I in high school, you fucking bitch. Oh, you have

a nosebleed and can't talk? That was me during my cocaine addiction. Okay. Sorry you're a child star, honey, and your parents had to prostitute your ass in Los Angeles. I do that on my own. I don't need supervision. And one more thing.

Braces. Ever heard of them, bitch thing braces ever heard of them bitch ever fucking heard of them 20 seconds left it's called Invisalign honey I had it when I was 13 and you want to know what else I was doing

when I was 13 sucking dick like a normal kid okay I don't want to watch you have your first kiss on screen I don't 5 seconds

I don't so fuck you Millie Bobby Brown. Fuck you. Last one minute. Well, and with that, let's go to the judges. Shotfire. Joel, let's get feedback from you, Joel, on both the ladies. I'll do it right this time.

I loved both of these. I think you guys really set the bar for this competition tonight. This battle was, wow, it's everything I wanted from a I don't think so, honey. You gave me culture, both of you. You really went in in ways. The jokes were tight. Elise, specifically what I love about you and what I love about the form that you guys have created of I don't think so, honey, that you really latch on to is I love the cadence of repeating I love about the form that you guys have created of I Don't Think So Honey that you really latch onto is

I love the cadence of repeating I Don't Think So Honey throughout. You thread in the title of the show and of what we're doing here and I love that. Thank you. You're a real scholar of the form. And Greta, I thought it was electric. I thought

going after a 13-year-old girl with the viciousness that you did took bravery, took guts. And also, I love... You know, I didn't come away from Elise's knowing anything about Elise's, but I came away knowing that you are a rich slut. And that's important.

That's it. I love learning about you. I love learning about you throughout. I honestly don't know who I'm going to vote for tonight, because it's tough. Thank you, Joel. Michelle Collins. Oh, well, I have to say something, Greta. I feel connected, because

I also was not Bob Mitzvahed, and I also fucking hate Millie Bobby Brown, and I have only heard, wait, now no one laughs. People are like, she's a monster. She's the worst. Sorry, but I've only heard the worst stories. Crazy days and night style. Blind items about her and her dad.

Not together in a weird way. Not the time for that, guys. But just like, you know, stage dad stuff. And also, I believe she's 26. If you look at pictures of her, she is so wrinkled. She looks very... I'm that bitch who's wrinkled. Anyways, I'm jealous.

Okay. And then Trudeau, I'll be honest, I think also this, I don't think so, honey, stems from a jealousy, because I also have it, of like hot guys who like don't pay attention, you know, which I get. It's like that, you know what I'm talking about. There's a style of man, Trudeau

style. He also looks a little bit like Doug from, um, Doug, the cartoon. Yes. Yes. It took me a minute. I was like, what the fuck was that show cartoon. Yes, yes. It took me a minute. I was like, what the fuck was that show called? Oh, Doug. He's a bit Doug-like. Alright, Tyler, take it.

Tyler, I think both of these performers are incredibly brave. Going after a child, obviously, going after the only attractive person in power that we have and you know and the bar is low with that one because look what else we have to deal with

I think when it comes down to me or the details I think that I learned a lot about you and also the blue eye shadow really spoke to me when you're looking at me I know that it's a little bit unfair because I'm so close to you, but it is what it is sometimes. But still, I appreciate the political

and I appreciate the cultural, and I think all of that together really says something. It certainly presents a tough decision for the judges. Yeah, this is our first. All right, but we are now going to ask for the reveal. These are two amazing artists. Give it up for them.

Give it up for Grata Annalise. But we are going to ask for the reveal. These are two amazing artists. Give it up for them. Give it up for Greta and Elise. But we are going to have the reveal now in three, two, one. Here we go. Oh, okay. Three, two, one. Here we go. Greta moves on to the next round. It's okay.

That was a close one. Very close. It was a close one. It was very close. That was the first photo finish. It's very hard. It's very difficult. It was a close one. Very close. It was a close one. It was very close. That was the first photo finish. It's very hard. It's very difficult. It was a photo finish.

Now. All right, look. Team Bowen has two. Team Matt, you know. Hi, everybody. This is Matt Rogers. I'm sitting here with Bowen Yang, and we are the co-hosts of the Lost Cultures podcast,

and we're so excited because we have a beautiful, amazing, wonderful live show that we want you, yes, you to be at. It's called I Don't Think So Honey Live. It's our third installment of the show. And it's all going down at the Bell House on Saturday, November 18th at 10 p.m. as part of Brooklyn Podcast Festival. Oh, now I am so excited for all of these guests we picked out 50 brand new comedians who have not done and i don't think so honey live or been at one of our live shows before to take something to task in culture that's bothering them and this is so fun we're so excited to be part of the festival to do our first show at the bell house yes and we hope you come out it's always such a fun time and uh who knows maybe you might get called up to do your own. I don't think so.

There will be a raffle. And if you win the raffle, not only will you be heralded for giving to charity, but you'll also be able to do an I Don't Think So Honey of your own. That's right. An interactive show, you bitch. You bitch. I don't know. I think you should really think about coming out to this.

I think you're going to have a good time. A lot of good talent. A lot of good friends, possibly. You know what? Several drinks to choose from from the bar. Yeah, they have a good time. A lot of good talent. A lot of good friends, possibly. You know what? Several drinks to choose from from the bar. Yeah, they have their liquor license. Yes. That's always number one.

Got to have a liquor license. And then number two. A stage. A stage. And number three, the cabaret laws are gone. You can dance all you want now. Wow. Well, don't dance during the show because, you know, there's a show going on and people

want to be focused on that. But, you know, you wouldn't go to prison if you danced. We would just not not appreciate it. And that's what America is all about. See you at the show. Bye. So this next round. Go ahead, Bowen.

Tell them all about it. This next round is entitled Boys We Used to Be in Love With But Are Now Our Co-Hosts on Other Shows. Now, if you if you listen to our bonus episode, I'll refer you back to the podcast. We sort of go into great detail about our sort of fraught histories with both of these boys. I mean, I've only had feelings for one,

and same for you, but now they're our collaborators, and what an emotional journey. Something that speaks to our emotional maturity, wouldn't you say? Absolutely. I'm so proud to bring my contestant to the stage. Back in 2013, we shared a six-week tryst. He once kicked me out of his apartment at 2 a.m. because he didn't want to be cuddled.

My dick was too hot. I think we watched each other to completion one time each. He is my co-host on the show Game Show, which you can see this Saturday at 11.30 p.m. at UCB East. Everyone, give it up for this fucking bitch, Dave Mazzoni! Oh, my God. You fucking bitch. That intro, oh, my God. You fucking bitch. That intro.

Oh my god. Wow. Meanwhile, my teammate and I, our past is something that's just a little bit more, it's a little bit more. Nothing ever happened between them. It's forbidden. So. Did it.

My teammate and I shared a 12 hourhour road trip from Chicago to New York with a pickup truck full of his things. He was moving. I thought I was really getting close to him. And I remember... Oh, this is a detail that's never been told. I remember when he dropped me off in my apartment, I texted him,

swoon, and he did not text back. But now we are close friends. We've, you know, we've collaborated on proven, proven quantities of shows. Please give it up for Sam Taggart. Swoon. Ooh, Swoon. Swoon, no?

Swoon. I couldn't respond to the text. I was driving. Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. That's true. All right, well, it's time. These boys that we used to be in love with who now are our co-hosts on other shows, it's time for your I Don't Think So, Honey.

Dave, you want to take center? Yes, I will take center. Alright, buddy. I'm ready. I'm going to bring it home for Team Matt. Bring it home. This is David Mazonis. Dave Mazonis, I Don't Think So, Honey. Time starts now. I Don't Think So, Honey, the other gay slaying it at this wedding. No, bitch!

From the moment I saw you potabouret into that pew at the church, I knew you were gonna come for me, bitch. You fucking pivot turned like you owned it. And as we made eye contact, as the priest took the body and the blood and the bride and the groom and elegant nom and nom into marriage

right before our eyes, you looked at me and we said together, yeah, this is bullshit, okay? So listen, we are not going to be friends. I know you went to a conservatory, okay? The bow tie is really on it. We get it. It's on the nose, okay? So listen, remember,

we built this city. We built this city on fear and nose, okay? So listen, remember, we built this city. We built this city on fear and shame, okay? So keep it to yourself, okay? We shouldn't be friends. They want to fit us into this box. And just because we fit in there perfectly does not mean we need to let them know that, bitch. I don't think so, honey.

We are not friends. And that's one minute. I don't know you. That's one minute. Dave Mazz know you. That's one minute. Dave Mazzoni, give it up. Amazing. Very good. Alright, so Sam,

here is your time. I don't think so, honey. Sam Taggart, your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. The entire population of Astoria. I am not coming to your housewarming party for the last time. You know, just because you want to throw your social life away

doesn't mean I'm throwing my night away. Plus, even if I wanted to get there, how? I mean, do trains even go there? I swear to God. And if I hear one more time, oh, but there's this like incredible beer hall. If your specialty is beer, you're not special. 15 seconds. That's the whole thing. Earlier this year, I famously went to Japan. The reason? To get as far away

from Astoria as is humanly possible. Five seconds. I know Astoria and its population is not culture, Joel, and I agree with you. That's one minute. And we should get them out of New York City. That's one minute. It's got to be over.

I step in when there's pandering. I step in. All right. We're going to go to Joel Kimbooster with reaction. Wow. This was an incredible one, too. Two premier faggots coming to the stage. Premier faggots. Premier faggots.

Premier faggots. And listen, okay, so neither of these really fit in my very narrow definition of culture. But they are both things that speak to me because I am also territorial like a feral cat at weddings with other gay men. And I also hate Astoria. So this is tough for me. Dave, you did sort of give me culture, though, by just the way you performed. You gave me dance.

You know, you were... Thank you. She's trained. You gave me the dance. And Sam, you gave me acting in that half of your I Don't Think So, Honey was you playing the part of someone listening to your I Don't Think So, Honey. You were giving me a lot of faces. You were giving me a lot of faces.

You were giving me a lot of reactions. And so we got acting and dancing, and I don't know who I'm going to go for. All right, Michelle Collins. Hi, everyone. Okay, well, I want to say, Dave, this was interesting to me because I always befriend the gays at the wedding, and that's usually who talks to me. And so it was interesting that you guys fight.

I was like, no, don't fight. Like, it bothered me. I was like, no, the gay shouldn't fight. Well, we love you. No, I know, but I'm just saying that. I'm like, next time I'm going to break it up. I'm going to be like, kiss, like something. I'm going to be cute.

I'm going to be real. I'll be very drunk. You know, we usually end up kissing. We find it. I know. But I really loved your style. I did feel included. It was very Julie Taymor.

It was very nice. Very Julie Taymor. very Julie Taymor. It was very nice. Julie Taymor. Very Julie Taymor. I was like, is that a giraffe head? Oh, it's a hat. I was shocked. And then Sam, you're very handsome. I don't like how you treated my friend Bowen. No, I'm joking.

I can't imagine. I know you're good looking, so I'm already like, I don't like him. He's handsome. He's like hot. Okay, we got that, right? It's like enough already, you know? Dave's hot. He's hot. Okay, we got that. It's enough already. Dave's hot. Dave's hot too. I'd be confused by that. But I love that.

No, do you know what I mean? I love it, but I'm like, what's happening here? Is he or isn't he? I don't think so, honey. That being said, I love Greek food. So I will travel to Astoria for fettuccine, and that's how I feel about Astoria. I am a fat person, though I like to eat food. Tyler Coates.

Yeah, let's talk about what I relate to here. I also ate Astoria. I've been there like three times, and that's enough for me. I am usually the only gay person at a wedding, but that's just because I have a weird friend group. So I'm not happy about it. But when we talk about performance,

I think, like, Dave, I just loved how expressive, how passionate you were, how much aggression you have, not just for other gay people, but for the audience, too. I think it really came across and it was strong. Sam, it bothered me that you referenced Joel and not me. It bothered me too, Tyler. But that's just a personal

thing. Great. So we are now going to go to the judges for the vote. Alright, and I'm going to count down from three, two, one. What do we got? People! Dave, Dave, Dave. Dave, two, one. What do we got? People! Dave, Dave, Dave. Dave, Dave, Dave.

Oh, yes! There we go. Moving on to the next round. Give it up for Sam Taggart and Dave Mazzoni. Give it up for Sam. Oh, baby. Now, tell them about this little battle matchup here,

Bowen Yang. This is the Titans of Intellect, and an addendum, former co-workers. They don't like Trump. They don't like Trump. They wrote for the President Show. Give it up for the President Show. Give it up for the President Show.

Alright, so, Matt, why don't you introduce your... Coming to the stage right now. I literally don't see her right now. Over there. Yes, she's over there! Rae Soni! Come on!

How are you? Yes. Okay, and then coming up to the stage on my side. But you look... This is like off-red and I love it. It's off-red. It works, it works. Matt's colorblind.

I'm an immigrant. So coming up to the stage, we have my teammate. She is just a lifesaver for doing this. I love her so much. She's so fucking funny. Please welcome to the stage Mitra Juhari. Yes! All right. Please welcome to the stage Mitra Juhari. Alright.

Now this is tough. I know that they're both, they just looked at each other very lovingly. They're very good friends. I adore her. This is family, but. But. But, but so what? But so fucking what?

Ultimately so what? Alright, so now. I disown my dad, so this is fine. Ray, here we go. If you want to take center, you may. I don't think so, honey. She feels like she wants to plant. She wants to plant.

She's going to plant. All right, here we go. This is Ray Sonny's I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now. I don't think so, honey, Justin Timberlake. Okay? Justin Timberlake is whack as shit for doing what he did to Janet and accepting that Super Bowl performance next year. But we don't have to start and end there because he's been whack forever.

The best dancer in NSYNC, Joey Fatone. The best singer in NSYNC, JC Chazet. Every time Justice goes on tour, he talks about Britney's virginity. You sucker. Fuck you for that. You're whack. You're whack. Justin can't act. He's a

ham. He feels like Will Smith the first two seasons of Fresh Prince before he learned how to act. All right? He fucking, he loves black music. Have you seen him chill with a Negro? Ever. Ever.

He was with Cameron Diaz, whom I love. She's a dope bad bitch. That's one minute. But then, all right. Ray Sonny. Ray. Ray Sani! Ray. He killed it. Here we go.

Killed it. Here we go. This is Mitra taking center. Oh, here comes Mitra Johari. She's making her way. She can't fucking wait. This one. Look at her nails. Mitra, your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Pinnacle of white mediocrity, Ben Affleck. Wow.

So my hatred for Ben Affleck started long ago when he made the movie Argo. Fat motherfucker, didn't do any research about Argo. Then he became a fucking superhero. Gal Gadot squeezes herself into a band-aid every single day. And Ben Affleck gets to waddle onto set and do whatever he wants. No personality, tied for last place for ugliest fucking Affleck brothers. Bad brother, don't empower your brother. If you want to be a good brother, tell your brother to figure out his shit.

Oh, yeah, you grabbed a woman's tit on television. Disgusting. Fat motherfucker. I hate him. I hate to body shame. No, I don't. He's disgusting. He gets to fuck J-Lo he gets to fuck

Jennifer Garner and what why he does bad movies he's a bad writer he's a racist Argo is disgusting they didn't do any research

they had them storm the capital in Iran like zombies every person in that movie is stupid including him it's not funny

I hate him fuck you I hate you we have two The person in that movie is stupid, including him. It's not funny. I hate him. Fuck you. That's one minute. I hate you. We have two fierce takedowns of true white mediocrity. Tied for last place for ugliest Affleck brother. They should be applauded. Yes. Applaud them.

That was amazing. Wow. This is good. That was necessary. All right. We're coming to Joel Kim Booster for reaction. First of all, I love you. I love you both as a duo. I want to green light the show immediately.

I don't know what it is. I just want to send you out on a tour bus somewhere in the middle of America and watch them figure you out. It's great. Ray going for JT. Classic. If he doesn't bring Janet on to the Super Bowl performance, I mean, would you freak out if she came?

It would be amazing. I think my favorite part of your I Don't Think So, Honey was the way you pronounced fat-own. Really hitting the fat of Fat Own was remarkable to me. That's exciting. Mitra coming for Ben, tied for first place

for Ugliest Athletic Brother was great. The picture of him waddling onto set was great. Lots of fat going on in both of these. Interestingly enough. Yeah, this is going to be a tough one. It'll be a tough one. Okay, Michelle Collins. Hi, girls. First of all, fabulous job. It took me back to my

Barnard days when I took back the night. I felt the energy. I felt I was like, are we going to midnight breakfast or what? Such an inside joke. No one gets it, but it's a college thing. Anyways, love day. You really brought me back. You're both great. Ray, I agree. I was never a JT fan, ever, ever. I never

found him hot. I hated his stupid fucking hair. I literally never liked his music. I hate the troll soundtrack especially. I just have a lot. I really never liked him, and I never, I also don't even like his wife. I'm just gonna put it out there. I find her, talk about a bland fucking bitch. I'll say

it for you, because I'm on a no clock. We'll be here until 3 a.m. Now, Mitro, we're going to have a bit of a problem because until all the Weinstein stuff came out, first of all, Argo was not that long ago. It was, I think, what, like 2012? 2012. Because long ago for me is like chasing Amy shit.

Like, that's a while ago, but I'm also old. And I get it, girl. You're young. It's fine. But I will say this, that up until this whole Weinstein thing with the grabbing, which I admit was fucking disgusting, I used to love Ben Affleck. And to call him, just physically, everyone relax, and to call him the ugliest Affleck is clearly not true.

Casey is so fucking ugly. Are you literally kidding me? He is a wet sewer rat covered in drain hair. He is so horrible looking. Oh, he's awful. And frankly, when Ben got fat again, I was excited because maybe I thought I had a chance. And that's the end of my thing, but you both did great.

You both really did great. I still love you. And now to feed back from Tyler Coates. This is a good matchup because of the subject's two pinnacles of mediocrity, of people pretending to do something interesting. Especially Justin Timberlake, who is not funny,

and I don't know who's telling him he is, but they keep doing it, and we're the victims here. Ben Affleck, again, I mean, thinks he's smart as dumb as shit. But again, I'm sorry. When you saw his dick in Gone Girl, I'm sorry. I'm again, I'm sorry. When you saw his dick in Gone Girl, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. It's tough. It's tough. I'm real conflicted right now. It's a tough one. The jokes are very conflicted. But you know what? I loved how the justice for Janet,

I think it needs to come back. I think we need to talk about it more. The justice for not Argo, I mean, truly trash. So, it's tough. It's a tough one. Let's clear the air for one second. I will say that he is dead to me, Ben Affleck, in the past six months. But I'm just saying that it took a while for me

to get there. I just don't want, you know, okay. We get it. It took a while for everyone to get there. I'm just being honest. I don't like him anymore. I used to really like him. Argo is racist. It is time for the judges to get to work here. The judges are going to be asked for their vote in five, four,

three, two, one. Please reveal. Ray, Ray, Ray! Amazing. Give it up for Mitra Juhari. Killed it That was That was

That was really That was a dead heat This is a long awaited battle That's about to happen right now What is this Matt? This battle is A battle of the former Planet Hollywood

Front of house staff These two Used to work at Planet Hollywood Times Square. Front of house staff. Now, let me tell you something. All week,

in fact, all month on social media, I haven't seen dedication like this. My team member right now, this is an unbelievably talented, you're going to go listen back to the last Culture Reassessed episodes of this individual. You will not be disappointed. This is a motherfucker who knows culture.

Everyone give it up for Tim Murray! Yes! Yes! Kisses to his critics! Yes! Yes! Kisses to his critics! Yes! Who cares how much they cost? Yes! Ready for battle. Who do you have? Okay, um...

My teammate is someone who really came and swept in and saved Tim's lame ass in the kitchen one time at Planet Hollywood Times Square. So I feel like Tim really owes this person a lot. Fuck that. He is virtuosic in his past I Don't Think So Honeys. He was presciently reading to Phil Kevin Spacey talking about the movie, what was it the usual suspects?

He said and I quote if I wanted to listen to Kevin Spacey lie for two hours. I'd ask him about the women. He's fucked Please welcome to the stage Michael Hartney everybody All right. Okay. All right. So here we go. Tim, you're going to be up first. Do you want to take center or do you want to stay planted like a tree?

I want to stay planted like a tree, Matt. Okay, like a tree, he says. This is Tim Murray's I Don't Think So, Honey. His time starts now. I Don't Think So, Honey, my fifth grade bully, Brett Wagner. On the school bus, you had a bucket full of Ring Pops, which are a staple of food culture,

and you gave one to every single kid on the bus except for the kid that was sitting alone reading a Sarah Michelle Gellar biography, and you screamed out, Timmy Murray doesn't get one because he's gay. Is being gay a bad thing? I don't think so!

I get candy everywhere I go, bitch! I can't walk two feet without getting candy, and by candy I mean dick. And what are you, Brett? You're a business development manager in Sandusky, Ohio? You're bald as shit, and somehow you're still hot, which is very upsetting to me. 15 seconds. Our sisters

were best friends. That could have been our legacy, but you blew it, just like you blew the big football game your senior year of high school. And football was your identity. Five seconds. Is there anything worse than being bad at your own identity? I don't think so, honey!

That's one minute! I know you're gonna rain pop! That's one minute. Thank you! Thank you! Rain pop! Rain pop! Rain pop! All right.

Decorum, decorum, decorum, decorum. Emotional work, emotional work. Yeah, I don't know. This brings me back to the season nine finale of Drag Race, obviously. But was that the rubric? I don't know. Why are you commenting right now? You're so long-winded. It's so annoying.

I don't know if stunts was part of the rubric. Shut up. It's Michael's turn. Michael Harnie, take your space. I'm an immigrant. It is Michael Harnie's I Don't Think So, Honey and his time starts now. It's a sequel. I Don't Think So, Honey, and his time starts now. It's a sequel.

I Don't Think So, Honey, Bryan Singer, honey. You're next, bitch. You're next. You didn't get to throw fucking free-for-all ephibophile pool parties and get away with it simply because you helmed apt pupil, bitch. You've done unforgivable shit. Robbed young boys of their dignity. Cast Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane.

Equivalent evils, bitch. Plus you spell Brian with a Y, which as we all know, is the stupid way, bitch. If you asked Brian Singer himself if he was a cool person,

he would take the passed out, drugged up, underage boy hooker cock out of his mouth and say, I don't think so, honey. Five seconds. No stunts, just content. No stunts, just content. No stunts, just content.

No stunts, just content. We're good, we're good, we're done there. No! Decorum. Decorum. We've seen a real display. Some peep-a-boo. We're gonna go to Joel for feedback at this time. Wow.

Um... Where to begin? Um... But you're eating the Ring Pop. I am eating the Ring Pop. Please don't think that this has anything to do with who I will choose as a winner, but my own low blood sugar.

Tim, that was not culture for me. Brett Wagner. I will say it was effective, the presentation. Very reminiscent of, again, season nine of RuPaul's Drag Race, which if you

were privy to my feelings on that win, if you were in the room in our house on Fire Island as Bowen and Matt were, you might know that I am not a big fan of stunts. I love a rule. Do you think that's helping his case that's what I want to know

I will say though I love theatricality and that is culture to me so I turn now to Michael Hartney a Broadway veteran you did give me content, not stunts. But, I don't know, it was sort of like he did a Whitney song

and you did a train ballad. You know? So I don't know where to go with this. I'm truly at a loss. Michelle Collins. All right, well, I'm going to make this easy. I fucking love stunts. I'm a big a loss. All right. Michelle Collins. All right, well, I'm going to make this easy.

I fucking love stunts. I'm a big, dumb fucking bitch. Okay? Throw candy at me. Blow me kisses. I'm like, who are you? I love it. I'm genuinely so dumb.

So, like, thank you. The answer is yes. And also, as a former bullied child, I also really really spoke to me I was once paid 25 cents to do the Roger Rabbit at my bus stop and I did it so what I'm saying is I'm not proud and it was tough for me but you were very very funny and then

this Bryan Singer situation Michael I've been reading every you know what bothered me I love you by the way the energy is tight love Planet Hollywood I used to eat at the way. The energy is tight. Love Planet Hollywood. I used to eat at the stage table. Remember there was one table on stage? I was like, I want to eat at that table. It's table 77.

It was table 7. 77. There was one table literally like 40 feet above the other table, so I was like, that one. Thank you. It's delicious. The Captain Crunch Chicken. Forget about it. It's delish. I love Bruce Willis merchandise. Back to you. You were great, but it was very serious. It's delicious. The Captain Crunch Chicken. Forget about it. It's delicious. I love Bruce Willis merchandise. Back to you. You were great, but it was very serious.

It's almost like too, it's like hard for me to even laugh because he's so horrible, Brian Singer. And then watching you also like mind-blowing. I didn't love that. I'm being honest because it was a child's mime. It was a child's mime. But I love you. And I adore you. So you're adorable and let's drink after.

Great feedback from Michelle and now Tyler. I've never been to a play in Hollywood and I feel like I'm missing out. If that's what's going on there, I'm going tomorrow. It's still open? It's so good. Hollywood. So,

I agree with Michelle. Very heady topic. Important one and topical. Topical topic. Yours was so effective and deeply emotional and universal. I think we're all that bullied kid who would one day grow up and pull a wig off and then throw literal blue mystery ring pops at me. Mystery. I love a mystery. and I love blue.

That's not, again, that's not going to indicate how I fall. Just giving all of my feedback as much as possible. Wow, okay. Amazing words. It sounds like it's going to be a very tough decision that's about to be made, but I am going to ask for that decision, and this is tough.

These guys both fucking killed. Let's get it in three, two, one. The reveal is Tim. Tim. Tim! I would like to say really quickly, Tim. This better be a Sasha Velour and not a Peppermint. You had a stunt for round one.

I want to see stunts in all the other rounds too, bitch. That's culture. Culture right there. That was unbelievable. I wouldn't give it up for Michael Hartney. Michael Hartney. And I'm going to stress, it might not be over yet for our eliminated contestants. Forever. Dog.

This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. Thank you. and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom.

Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show dudes on dudes.

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