Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - CULTCH WAR LIVE! (Part Two)

Episode Date: November 17, 2017

Part Two of CULTCH WAR: An "I Don't Think So, Honey!" Deathmatch is here! 20 of New York's most exciting comedians present their very best "I Don't Think So, Honeys!" But there is a twist: the comedians are split into teams captained by Bowen and Matt and compete in a judged tournament to see who among them is the ULTIMATE in cultural destruction. 20 comedians...but who will win? Find out NOW on the epic finale of CULTCH WAR!Part Two featuring Chrissy Shackelford, Shalewa Sharpe, Gabe Gonzalez, Peter Smith, Marcia Belsky, Nicole Silverberg, Michelle Buteau, Annie Donley, Tim Murray, Pat Regan, Michael Hartney, Alise Morales, Greta Titelman, Rae Sanni, Dylan Marron, and David Mizzoni. Blue Ribbon Panel: Joel Kim Booster, Michelle Collins, and Tyler Coates.Recorded Live 11/7/17 at VILLAIN in Brooklyn, NY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistas/twitter.com/lasculturistasPLEASE SUBSCRIBE AND RATE US on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts.LAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttp://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/las-culturistas/ Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This fall on Bravo. It's time to turn up. Think you've seen it all? I don't think you've been a good friend to me lately. We're friends like that, who needs enemies? You ain't seen nothing yet. Cheers to being Germanic. With the Real Housewives of Potomac.

Oh my gosh, can I take this in? It's gonna be amazing. New York City. Everyone is a gossip. No one gets a happier life. Salt Lake City. We don't wear costumes, we wear fashion. And below deck sailing out.

You broke the rules and now you're here getting upset. Watch all new seasons on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times from legends

to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question. What kind of dudes are these dudes? We're gonna find out, Jules. New episodes drop

every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty

and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists.

I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to Onusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate, delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. Hey guys, this is

Matt Rogers. I'm sitting here with my best friend in the world, Bowen Yang, and we are the duo that serves the Las Culturistas podcast. He's trying to cut me off right there. I'm sorry, but that's the dynamic. But here's the thing. I have to be here for business right now because I have an important thing to talk about. It's our live show

I Don't Think So Honey Live, which is going to be at the Bell House on November 18th at 10pm as part of Brooklyn Podcast Festival, so don't cut a bitch off. I'm so sorry, but look, I was just so excited to talk about our next live show, I Don't Think so honey live on november 18th at 10 p.m at the bell house as part of the brooklyn podcast festival is it because we have amazing people like francesca ramsey joel kim booster akilah hughes brandon scott jones sarah tolamush mike kelton and so

much more all serving one minute rants on culture it is and it's so funny because i was gonna say that same exact thing that's because that's what's on the paper in front of us. We don't have a paper in front of us. Who's right? Who's wrong? Find out at the show. Now, this next battle. Our southern bell.

The southern bells. Now, Matt, why don't you describe your contestant? Oh, my gosh. I'm so fucking excited to bring my contestant to the stage. My contestant is on the mod team, The Classic, and is a veteran of Characters Welcome. And guess what? She's a fucking teacher at the UCB.

So if you want to fucking learn something, you better open your goddamn dumbass eyes and peel them and stick it up here. Stick your eyes up here. That's what I said. This motherfuckress is Chrissy

Shackleford! Motherfuckress! Hashtag! There's some thirsty gays just up on this stage. Thirsty gays, we're up here. And now a thirsty Southern belle. And now my contestant, my Southern belle, hailing from the great state of Georgia,

is coming up here. And listen, she and I have been in the trenches together. We've stuffed food in each other's mouths as a bit on stage at the now defunct Over the 8. May she rest. Sounds disgusting. And she is someone who books the house down boot.

You see her all over the fucking city. She's iconic. I love her. She's an Atlanta queen. Please welcome Shalewa Sharp! Oh my god. You're gonna now. You're gonna it. You got it. All right. So the great state of Texas is going to take the stage first.

Chrissy is up. Bowen, are you ready to give her a time? I am. This is Chrissy Shackelford. Are you ready? I don't think so, honey. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey.

People who don't know how to act in a Starbucks. Okay? I am talking to all of you. Brooklyn. I drink local coffee. Go fuck yourself. When you go into a Starbucks, learn how to act. I see you walk in there like,

where's the line? Bitch! All the Starbucks look exactly the same. The lines are by the little snacks. And then you go to the register, you order your coffee, you pay for it, and then you go to the register, you order your coffee, you pay for it, and then you wait at the register

for your coffee? Are you stupid? I'm standing behind you ready to order my skim caramel latte. Thank you. Watching the wait. And you are standing

in front of the register not knowing to get your dumb ass down to the counter where they're going to call your fucking name, okay? You Brooklyn Wednesday Adams Halloween costume bitches. Five seconds.

Come into my basic heaven Starbucks and fuck shit up. I'll see you while I'm watching This Is Us. That's one minute. Chrissy Shackelford. Fuck This Is us. That's one minute. Chrissy Shackelford. Fuck, this is us. All right, here we go. It's Shalewa's time.

Shalewa. It's time for Shalewa Sharp. Shalewa, your I don't think so, honey time starts now. I don't think so, honey people who assume I know how to twerk. Fuck y'all. I know how the ass looks. I know it's big, but I'm not here to teach you how to do it, Becky. I'm not doing it.

I don't do line dances. Quit asking me to start the electric slide. I don't do it. That's fucked up. I come from a time when all you had to do was look good in your jeans. You didn't have to then move it like you're nervous all the goddamn time. What are you scared of? Me and J-Lo, we don't twerk. Check it out. Watch that video she made with one of them flowered bitches, the Australian one with the long blonde hair. All they're doing is just knocking two bags of meat together. They're

not actually twerking. She didn't have to twerk. She needed red lips, a tight jean, a high heel. That's what I do. I don't shake that shit. Fuck all of y'all. I don't think so, honey. I'm not teaching y'all shit. Shake your own. My moves are internal. I can kegel your dick in half, but I

don't twerk. Shalai was sharp. Break your dick in half wow let's throw it over to the judges for a comment from Joel our judge wow this one's gonna hurt me I have so much deep respect for both of you

women I really don't know which one I'm gonna go with at this time Starbucks culture is it culture both of you women. I really don't know which one I'm going to go with at this time. Starbucks. Culture. Is it culture? Absolutely. It is food culture, I guess? Yes, it is. Drinking culture, line culture, that sort of

thing. I like your call to snacks. My one critique for you, Chrissy, is I don't feel like you showed up to work dressed to work today. Can I fucking tell you, bitch? I have not a penny to my name, and I do not wear red. I'm waiting for a paycheck to come in,

and I could not go out and buy a shirt. It feels insane to me that you don't own any red. And then over here, we have a sort of oriental-inspired dress, which does feel directly like it's attacking me I'm not attacked, I don't feel attacked I have to say I don't feel attacked, I'm an immigrant

I'm an immigrant I don't speak for the entire community but I will say was taken aback sartorially is sort of a draw for me in that way but God I loved it.

I think it's the first I Don't Think So Honey about dance, and I loved that. Because again, a big pillar of culture, dance. All right, let's throw it over to Michelle Collins. Michelle. Okay, I'm going to make this quick. Just kidding. You are adorable.

I love Starbucks. I have 125 points in my account every day. I don't know. I spend a lot of money there. And I agree. But also, that's kind of the fun of Starbucks, isn't it? That it's like a big Wild West. And getting to watch people just not know what the fuck they're doing.

And it gets very confusing. They're ordering these sous vide egg bites. If you want an order of each, meaning two of each, you have to say, no, two of each. Because otherwise they'll be like, we don't split them up. It's confusing. No one gets it. Okay, listen, you'll try them, you'll order it, it's fine. And Shalewa, I have to tell you that

I'm changing my Tinder bio to my moves are internal, so I'm forever indebted to you. I have a big old ass, I also don't twerk, I also don't exercise, that's not the point, but I really felt connected to both of your stories and I want to thank you for sharing them with us today.

Beautiful. Tyler Coates. Tyler Coates. You know, I think your piece was so direct and you got there so quickly and you stayed with it and I respect it and I just

loved it. I think with and I just loved it and I think with your Starbucks story, it is a story. It's a true one act play in a minute and I think that it gave me a place, it gave me a setting but you know what? I could see the people that you were talking about whether in my

home neighborhood of Park Slope children or if I was in a Starbucks in Times Square, just Europeans who have no idea what's going on. And I just love that I saw the full spectrum. So again, as Joel said, very tough for me. Beautiful. Okay, so we have a tough race again.

These ladies killed it. I am going to ask for the reveal of the votes in three, two, one. Go, babies. Shalewa's across the board. Shalewa Sharp advances to the next round thank you Shalewa give it up for Chrissy Shackleford everybody Chrissy

wow let's keep things going shall we Matt what's this next one oh boy well earned well earned alright this next this next round is the art queers you can see these queers fucking around with some art.

I want to welcome up to the stage right now. You're about to be receiving some true fire from Gabe Gonzalez. Come on, baby. Give it up for Gabe Gonzalez. Here we go. From my side, please welcome.

They have a show at Caroline's on Broadway as part of the festival this week. You can see them up perform all over town. Please welcome to the stage, Peter Smith. Come on, Peter. All right, Gabe. You are first. Bowen, let's get time on the clock.

Let's get time on the clock. For Gabe's I Don't Think So Honey. Gabe Gonzalez's I Don't Think So Honey. His time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey, people who have told me to stop speaking Spanish in public. Porque quien carajo eres tú, decirme a mí que idioma debo hablar en este país cuando los indígenas estaban aquí primero y segundo, tan siquiera tenemos una lengua oficial. And if you couldn't understand it, that's your fault for phoning it in during Miss Sandra's 7th grade Spanish class. And assuming the English language would buoy your mediocre, monolingual, Anglo ass into the 21st century. I don't think so, honey. And newsflash for you, Miss Becky Bo Bundy, who sits up there

with me and my grandma at a Walgreens in Tampa, Florida. You look like a bitch and you look like a bitch because you're mad because I'm bilingual and at least I have a few options. And you also look like a bitch for screaming at a lady who came over from Puerto Rico with five kids and learned your basic ass language with contradictory grammatical rules so she can buy your flavorless food and put her kids in the second worst school system in the country. But you know what? They still speak better English than you

because your inbred ass keeps tripping over those Tim McGraw lyrics. So I have said it before. And that's what I did. I don't think so. You're being sucky, honey. Kid Gonzalez. Stop sipping over those Tim McGraw lyrics. Amazing.

All right, Peter Smith. Oh, God. With the fucking theatrics. Dunk queen. For those of you listening at home, I just sat down. Your I don't think so, honey begins now. I don't think so, honey, Duke of Cornwall, son of Queen Elizabeth II,

heir to the throne, Prince Charles. How dare you? You were married to the epitome of glamour. The glamorous-est, the most beautiful woman in the world. And you ruined it. 30 seconds. You cheated with Camilla Parker Bowles. Your face looks like popped gum.

You want to die so that your son can do all the work for you and you can just get the paycheck. This is showbiz, baby. 15 seconds. Fucking plate. I know, I know. He's had a rough go.

Just kidding. Check your privilege, bitch. I don't think so, honey. Popped gum ass face. Die. We know you want to. That is one minute. Peter Smith.

It was stunning. Fantastic. Fantastic. Too stunning. Thank you. I don't think so, honey. Wow. A lot of carnage happening over there.

Shots fired. Two amazing takes. Two different takes. Here we fired. Two amazing takes. Two different takes. Here we go to the judges. Yeah, I feel like I just watched an R&B artist and a country artist compete. It couldn't have been two completely different energies that we were getting. Gabe definitely giving me a culture in that I find bilingual sex. I loved that.

It was like when Shakira was a judge on The Voice and people came and sang Spanish songs for her. I speak Spanish, so it felt like it was for me. You're one of the good ones. I am on the verge of a stroke. Peter,

when you sat down, you made the people come to you. You made them come to you, and I respect the hell out of that, so I don't know what I'm going to do. Wow. Alright. Okay, well, let's start. I'm going to start with Peter, because I feel like, let's mix it up a little bit. Peter, first of all, the look beyond. Thank you. I, well, let's start. I'm going to start with Peter because I feel like let's mix it up a little bit.

Peter, first of all, the look beyond. Thank you. I mean, just to die for. For those listening at home, I look great. Genuinely. It looks great. And I do feel like your energy is like otherworldly in a way that intrigues me so much that I like never want to not look at you. I'm like, tell me everything about you.

Like, right? Like the sitting and the looking. It's just you have such an elegant aura. And I really, really me everything about you. Like, right? Like the sitting and the looking. It's just you have such an elegant aura. And I really, really appreciate that about you. And also I agree about Camilla. So let's move it. If you really want to laugh after the show, Google Camilla Parker horse. Like just Google it.

And I'm telling you, lols for days. You'll die. And then, now Gabe, you really triggered me a little bit because I failed my college Spanish class. And that's a fact. At Barnard, I did fail it. My professor was the sister of Lalo Schifrin, who wrote the Mission Impossible theme. So also fuck that movie and show. Am I with you guys?

Okay, I'll just stop. The point is you did great. Thank you. Thanks. Tyler Codd. Tyler. Gabe, you'll just stop. The point is you did great. Thank you. Thanks. Tyler Code. Tyler, I gave your soap bolt, and you triggered me to high school when I was taught Spanish by this woman from Virginia who was very white and very southern.

So it was very classy, yo, tango. Like, I lost all of it. So, you it so that's my failure I got seized the entire time and Peter I feel like I was watching an episode of The Crown so much happened well still little happened but still

it made me want I need to go on Wikipedia to verify everything I want to go on a journey for my own sake. And, you know, that's the stuff that culture is made of. All right. Let's put it to a vote for the judges. Let's get the results of that vote. One, two, three judges.

Let's take a look. We've got Peters across the board. Peter Smith advances to the next round it's okay white people will always pick colonialism it's fine I'm royalty in my heart royalty give it up everybody

wow alright let's keep going this is a crazy one this is a nuts one this one is called Facebook shaker uppers and now we're going to bring them to the stage. Oh, my God. The host of Miss Andrea with Marsha and Ray Sani, Marsha Belsky.

Here we go. Darling. Now, let's welcome up my contestant, my teammate, Nicole Silverberg. Yes! All right. So, get time on the clock, Bowen. This is Marsha Belsky's I Don't Think So, Honey.

Her time starts now. I'm going on the nose. I Don't Think So, Honey, Mark Zuckerberg. Yes! Mark Zuckerberg, you weasel-eyed, two-faced, fake perm piece of shit. I don't think so. I wish Al Gore had never invented the internet, and I wish God had never invented you.

I don't think so, honey. Mark, freedom of the internet. Your internet may be free. My internet is a prison of my own making, Mark! You are Joseph Goebbels, Mark! Do you understand? This is my impression of Mark Zuckerberg. Do you want to buy an ad for Russia?

I will not tell. I will not tell. Listen, Mark, if you're the first Jewish president, I will undo my bat mitzvah, okay? I will cancel birthright for everyone! 15 seconds. Knock, knock. Who's there?

Me, Mark. Always. I don't think so, honey. Five seconds. That's one minute. Unbelievable. Mark Schoenfeld. Knock, knock.

Who's there? Me, Mark. Always. Now let's get time on the clock for Nicole Silverberg. Nicole, your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Jane Goodall. Bitch. Your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Jane Goodall. Bitch, the monkey thing is weird.

I don't fucking care that you wrote all these books. I don't fucking care that you did all this research about chimpanzees. No matter what, your Christmas card is the saddest one in your friend group, okay, bitch? I don't think so, honey. Jane Goodall. Okay, listen, bitch. You were married twice. The last time you were married, it ended in 1980. And the whole reason you were even married to that fucking

guy was because he had, like, power in Tanzania to make you fucking do your research without getting caught. Like, bitch, you have to move away from the monkeys. You call yourself a humanitarian very easy to do when you haven't fucking met a human, okay, bitch, you have to move away from the monkeys. You call yourself a humanitarian very easy to do when you haven't fucking met a human, okay, bitch? Jane Goodall, I don't buy your whole thing.

I don't think it's noble. I don't think it's smart. You know what? A chimp is really the least good human, and that's my smart contribution, bitch. I don't think so, honey. Jane Goodall. Oh, that's one minute.

That's one minute. Very good. Beautiful. That was amazing. I mean, I'm going to you, Joel. That was some culture right there. It's truly an honor to judge two titans of white feminism. Stop. No, no, no.

I'm not even sure. Marsha, I loved your fire. You bring passion passion to everything you do and that's what I love about you I will say I did once sleep with one of the original developers of Facebook so I did feel personally attacked unbelievable and Nicole you really went it was really like left field

I did not expect it I did not see it coming I don't think I've ever heard Jane Goodall bitch spoken like I'm not sure Jane Goodall bitch spoken. Like, I'm not sure Jane Goodall has ever been called a bitch. And it just reminded me that I love we're living in a cultural moment where bitch is just kind of a punctuation mark. And I love that about you. So I don't know what I'm going to do. All right, Michelle. Hi, guys. All right, Marsha. Great energy. Hi. I also hate Facebook. And I'm every day on the verge of absolutely deleting it, because

even my very sad fan page is just racists. I'm like, wait, they're fans? No, I guess they're so mean. It is truly the garbage dump of America. I agree. It's awful. That being said, I like getting likes and hearts, so whatever. I'm a simple girl, but I get it.

But also don't cancel birthright. What a great journey we've all been on. Now, um, I mean, really, did you do birthright? Um, yeah, I did like a birthright type thing. Less hookups. We went to the concentration. Less hookups. I'm through.

Okay. That's the whole point of birthright is the hookups. Like the clubs in Tel Aviv. Okay. Hi, Nicole. I really have to disagree with you here. Jane Goodall, I'm sorry. My dream is to have a chimp rip my face off.

Are you kidding me? How chic is that? That woman on Oprah, I was like, what a star. Better after the surgery. Okay, you never know. And the chimps are so fucking cute. Are you kidding me? They're like scooping their little,

go online and you watch videos of Coco the gorilla playing guitar with Betty White and you tell me if that's not your fucking dream. Oh my God. Because all I want to do is hang with Coco.

I know, I'm sorry. I said this was so sad. For me, it's very sad for me. I already know I'm sad. Well, I think our votes just changed, girl. We're back. Anyways, that being said, I love monkeys. Thank you.

Oh. Tyler. Bowen is wiping a beer that he spilled with his cape. Horrible. He's horrible. I'm horrible. He's terrible. I hate monkeys.

What? That's fucked up. Are you literally fucking kidding me? They're your uncles. Please. I don't like my uncles either, so. That's mistaken. I'm monkeys. What? That's fucked up. Are you literally fucking kidding me? They're your uncles. Please. I don't like my uncles either, so. That's mistaken. I'm sorry.

Who's pro-monkey? Who's pro-monkey? You animals, you're all animals for not being pro-monkey. My uncles are on Facebook, and I hate Facebook too. Anyway, so fuck monkeys. I never, again, true surprise, however. You know, I love it. She needs new friends.

That's fine. She needs new friends. I agree with everything you said. And, Marsha, obviously, I agree with everything you say. I do wish it was a surprise. That's all I'm going to say there. That's fair. That's fair.

Okay, so now on the count of three, let's have our judges write down their choice. We're going to give a slow countdown from three. Three. Wait. Two. One. Reveal. have our judges write down their choice. We're going to give a slow countdown from three. Three, two, one. Reveal! Nicole, Marsha Nicole. It is Nicole.

Congrats to Nicole. Give it up for Marsha Belsky. Nicole takes it. Wow. So far, we have Bowen has five and I have three. Team Bowen is winning as of right now. I believe I have five. You're right.

Yes. Okay, guys, this is the final match for this round. Final match for this round. Let's do it. Let's go. Yes. All right. Please welcome to the stage, I mean, queen of my heart, Michelle Buteau.

Yes. Come on. Dance up. Come on! Come on, dance up! Come on, come on, Michelle. Ooh, wow. And please welcome, she's going to make an entrance in some way, the queen of my heart, Annie Donnelly. Where is she? Oh, no, where is she coming from?

Where is she at? Where is she? Donnelly, I... Oh, no, oh, no, Oh, no. Oh, no. I couldn't find a plus size one thing. Is she getting married? What the fuck is she doing? Is this cats?

Is this cats? What is this, cats? We are evenly matched here. Here we go. Let's do it. Oh, my God. It's time for Michelle. Take your space, girl.

Taking my motherfucking space, yo. Claiming my time. Claiming my time. This is Michelle Boutos. I don't think so, honey. Time starts now. I don't think so. The motherfucker that decided a mirror was a cute idea across from the toilet in the fancy hotel I'm staying at.

I sat down on the toilet and looked at myself and I was like, huh? I don't think so, honey. Okay. If I want to see what I look like sitting down naked, I would have made a sex tape, bitch. I don't think so, honey. This douchey architect, motherfucker, American psycho, entitled white motherfucker that was just like, oh, yes,

you got to look at yourself, shit. You got to be cute. I blame the patriarchy for this shit. I do not think so, honey. I mean, look, I have not found my belly button when I sit down since I was 12 years old. I'm not trying to start, okay? Jenny Craig don't care. My husband don't care. I sit

on his face. We make it fucking happen. Five seconds. I don't give a fuck who you is, okay? You could be Idris Elba, Jason Momoa, George Clooney, The Rock, The Fat Rock, Lisa Bonet, Lisa Bo-hay, Halle Berry, Beyonce, Solange, Peter Nose. Okay? I don't give a fuck who you are. You are not cute when you

take a shit. If you want to see what you look like taking a shit, I got one thing to say to you, motherfucker. I don't think so, honey, okay? Am I over? I didn't even hear it. I didn't hear it.

I got a camel toe, too, though. 35 seconds. Wow. She didn't even care. You're too weak. You're too weak to stop her. You're too weak. Sorry.

You got to be loud like Steve Harvey. I didn't hear you. You know who's not weak to stop her. You're too weak. Sorry. You got to be loud like Steve Harvey. I didn't hear you. You know who's not weak? My teammate. You got to be loud like Steve Harvey, she said. This is Diva Deluxe was the title of this matchup, in case we didn't say it before. And please welcome my diva, Annie Donley to the stage. Unreal.

Annie, your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Steve Harvey. With all your dating books for women, bitch. Act like a woman, think like a man. What the fuck does that mean? Think like a man. Am I supposed does that mean? Think like a man. Am I supposed to think about writing a memo to my coworkers?

Do not disturb me when I'm sitting in my makeup chair. Do not approach me in the hallway. Bitch, a man don't talk that way. Face it, Steve, you're a diva, babe. 30 seconds. 30 seconds. I will never ever for as long as I live

forget what you did to those women in the 2015 Miss Universe pageant 15 seconds I know that you are a man of God Steve so I sincerely hope that you are somewhere praying changing Steve, so I sincerely hope that you are somewhere. Five seconds.

Praying. Changing. That's one minute, praying. That's one minute. It's just saying catch up. Oh, my word. This motherfuckers. Joel, feedback.

I'm hot. This is humiliating. Annie Donnelly just humiliated every gay person in this room in this competition. She just gave us more drag than anybody else ever could. Here's the thing though. I'm not sure I understood

a word that she screamed. I know it was about Steve Harvey and it was full energy. Who is this person? I've never seen him in my life. Michelle, just the baddest bitch. I think it takes such guts

to go 30 seconds over the prescribed one minute and then to claim you did it here. I did it here. I did it here! I think is a real boss-ass move. That is your white jumpsuit. That is what you brought to this show. God bless you. I love you both. I'm actually going to piggyback off that and say you deserve

those 30 seconds because that rocky entrance was at least three minutes. I was reclaiming my time. I loved it, but I was there for you and I said, goes on as well. Now, that being said, I also agree with you

about toilet mirrors. I don't like it. I don't like seeing it and it also makes me realize how much room I take up when I sit on the subway. I'm like, oh God. I'm like, no wonder.

So I felt that. It really spoke to me. Yes, the thigh spread is real, Michelle. It really, really is. It's my man spreading. Now, Annie, you can look at me. No the thigh spread is real Michelle. It really really is it's my man spreading. Now Annie you can look at me

No she won't Okay what the fuck She won't look at me Is this like a Steve Harvey like homage Yes Her nails Oh my god Is this a personal thing

I'll kill her Anyways alright well great job I guess Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Is this a personal thing? Oh, killer. Anyways, all right. Well, great job, I guess. That's it. My dad owns a Steve Harvey jacket from Sears, so that's all I have to say, but that's true. But you look great.

You look great. That's me. Take it, Tyler. Tyler. I was terrified about this matchup from the start, and my expectations were not as high as they should have been. I will start with Michelle. Every time you get up to a

microphone, I mean, you could be pulling everything out of your ass at that moment, but it sounds like you wrote it, revised it, revised it again. It's fully formed. It's thought out and I think you were planning to take that time and I respect that. Annie, you's fully formed. It's thought out. And I think you were planning to take that time, and I respect that. Annie, you fucking scare me.

And I respect that, too, because I like being spooked. So, all right. I have that for you. Amazing feedback from the judges. What a round. What a matchup. This is crazy, but you have to make a choice, guys. On the count of three. Make a choice. Slow a matchup. This is crazy, but you have to make a choice, guys. On the count of three.

Slow countdown. Three, two, one. Let's get our names in, and... It is Michelle! Michelle Ruto takes it home. There we go. Guys, Annie Donnelly, give it the fuck up for this queen.

Now. I just want to say my second one was short dick man. Well, you might have said that too soon, Annie. Annie Donnelly, oh my God. Because there is a twist. For round two, each Bowen and I get to redeem someone and steal someone who has lost from the other team. Wow. Bowen, we'll go to you first since you are winning as of right now.

Who is your redemption? My redemption will be... Oh, this is so, so hard. Okay, you know what? I have to redeem Michael Hartney. Michael Hartney is back in the mix. Back in the mix, Michael Hartney. Matt, what about you?

My redemption is going to be Pat Regan. Because I believe in you. And I believe that you can get up here and stand where you're supposed to fucking stand. Bowen, who will you steal

out of the people that have failed from my team to win and move to Entourage 2? I'm going to steal Elise Morales. Elise Morales is back in the mix. Elise, you're back in. That's an amazing choice.

I'm really proud. I'm really happy with that choice. And I steal Annie fucking Donnelly, bitch. There we go, hoes. Alright, you guys, we're going to take a quick 10-minute break. We know. Wait, go ahead. We're going to take a five-minute break. Five-minute break.

I'll be right back here. Join us. Go get a fucking drink. The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple. Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her?

But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What? You told her? Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City, all new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian and basketball hall of famer. I'm a mom and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster, Brasby journalist,

sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. The athlete or not. We all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game.

We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts, you know, just all the s*** we go through. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I, well, we have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment.

You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh.

And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez.

At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to

Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude, you're a dude, and Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past, and we're just going to sit here and talk about them.

And we'll get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, Gronk? We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes dude. We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games.

We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, everybody.

This is Matt Rogers. I'm sitting here with Bowen Yang, and we are the co-hosts of the last culture is this podcast and we're so excited because we have a beautiful amazing wonderful live show that we want you yes you to be at it's called i don't think so honey live it's our third installment of the show and it's all going down at the bell house on saturday november 18th at 10 p.m as part part of Brooklyn Podcast Festival. Ooh, now I am so excited for all of these guests. We picked out 50 brand new comedians who have not done an I Don't Think So Honey live

or been at one of our live shows before to take something to task in culture that's bothering them. And this is so fun. We're so excited to be part of the festival, to do our first show at the Bell House. Yes. And we hope you come out.

It's always such a fun time. And who knows? Maybe you might get called up to do your own i don't think so there will be a raffle and if you win the raffle not only will you be um heralded for giving to charity but you'll also be able to do it i don't think so honey of your own that's right an interactive show you bitch you bitch i don't know i think you should really think about coming out to this i think you're gonna have a good time a lot of good talent a lot of good friends possibly you know what several drinks to choose from from the bar yeah they have their liquor license yes that's always number one gotta have the liquor license and then number two a stage a stage and number three the cabaret laws are gone you can dance all you want now wow well don't dance

during the show because you know there's a show going on and people want to be focused on that but you know you wouldn't go to prison if you danced we would just not not appreciate it and that's what america is all about see you at the show bye we are gonna keep things rolling we know we know that this is gonna to be a fucking marathon, but you know what? It's all worth it for the culturista, the Icon Award. We're going to streamline things a little bit. Guys, this is going to be so fun.

Matt, explain to everybody what's going to happen now. Here's what's going to happen. We have 13 contestants left. What you're about to see is 13 I Don't Think So Honeys right in a row. Our judges are going to be watching closely, and at the end of the I Don't Think So Honeys right in a row. Our judges are going to be watching closely. And at the end of the I Don't Think So Honeys, they are each going to choose one contestant to move on to the finals. We are then going to have a final three,

and they will duke it out based on a troll bowl suggestion topic from the judges. You can do anything you want. I Don't Think So Honey, any topic. All right, so we are going to be starting. I'll tell you all the order right now. We're going to go Tim Murray, Annie Donnelly. I hope your costume change is over. Pat Regan, Michael Hartney, Elise Morales, Greta Teitelman, Michelle Buteau, Peter Smith,

Shalewa Sharp, Ray Sani, Nicole Silverberg, Dylan Marron, Dave Mazzoni. All right. All right. Let's go. Let's do it. Who's ready? Who's ready? Who's ready?

All right. Yes, ho. Here we go. Tim Murray, please make your way to the stage. Annie Donnelly, you are on deck. All right. This is Tim Murray, who is on Team Matt. Team Matt.

And his I Don't Think So, Honey. Time starts now. I Don't Think So, Honey college theater programs. Why are these even still a thing? There are no jobs in theater. We need to stop teaching young white blonde girls to time step. They need to flatball change their major to business. There are

872,406 young white blonde women majoring in musical theater this year and there are three jobs. And one of them is Hamilton. They're not going to be in that. At least I hope not. Why are we even still doing this? We need doctors. We need lawyers.

We need people in the Peace Corps. We don't need another bitch belting the end of Astonishing a half-step flat. 15 seconds. Your SAG eligibility will not save the world. You know what will save the world? Not theater programs, bitch. Five seconds! I don't think so, honey.

Get a job! Wow! That's one minute! That was Tim Murray, everyone. Tim Murray. Next up, please welcome, Pat Regan's on deck, but please welcome Annie Donnelly back to the stage. Annie Donnelly to the stage with another entrance!

Oh, no. stage with another entrance. Oh no. There's another entrance. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. Annie Donnelly. Here we go. On team Matt now. This is one minute.

Time starts now. I don't think so, honey. The judges commentary in the first round, like, could it be any longer? Honey, this isn't your Comedy Central album anymore, honey. This show is for Bowen and Matt and the

performers. Michelle, monologue enough, honey. Time to make some friends, honey. Time to go outside and talk to somebody, honey. 30 seconds. You got 50% of the audience leaving because y'all motherfuckers couldn't shut the fuck up.

We are tired, bitch. We are tired. We want to go home. We want you to make it quick. 15 seconds. Oh, 15 seconds? No, I'm going to keep it brief. I don't think so, honey.

Fuck you, judges. I know we said we weren't going to respond, but I will just share with you. Matt texted me last night, and I quote, it's hard because the crux of our entire show is the judging panel. And also, why was I the only fucking one who got called out? Joel's not talking for a fucking hour at the end. Case in point. And now for the sage is Pat Regan.

Michael Hartney on deck. This is Pat Regan on Team Matt. Team Matt. His time starts now. I don't think so, honey. People who always come for Selena Gomez. To get the fuck off of her job. She's not a great singer.

That's not her fucking job. She's fun and she's breathy and she speaks things. And she has fun hair. I feel like she's been in the fucking gambit. Medical Nightmares. Captain Taylor Swift's fucking freezer. Justin Bieber. And people come for her

because she's done an amazing job. Was Britney Spears so fucking great at singing? At singing? I don't think so, honey. We have seen Selena in the Pantene commercials. She's found her voice.

And you know what? I fucking still to this day, to this moment, ship Selena and Justin. And I love that she's going back and I love that they went to church not once but twice together. And then she took Sunday off

and had some coffee by herself. And guess what? I think she took some time and was strong. I think she was fun in her bed act in Saturday Night Live. That was fun to me. And I liked the men who snapped around her. Five seconds. And that's one minute.

That's one minute. Pat Regan. Elyse Morales is on deck, but now please welcome my team member, Michael Hartney, to the stage. Here we go. Michael Hartney, your time starts

now. I don't think so, honey, having to consolidate my content. I don't think so, honey, restaurants that serve that little bottle of diet coke we're gonna need a bigger boat bitch I don't think so honey

bare face that's that thing where gay men of size and hair make this face in a selfie oh that's what we needed ChelseaCub43. 30 seconds. For your face to look rounder.

I don't think so, honey. The People's Improv Theater, honey. That place is like if a participation trophy had three stages and $10 beers. 50 seconds. I don't think so, honey. participation trophy, had three stages, and $10 beers. $50? I don't think so, honey. And that's one minute. Oh, my God. Michael Hartney, everybody. Oh, my God.

Michael Hartney making a real run for it in the finals. And now, Elyse Morales. Credit time in Honda. Come on. this one. And this was my steal. I'm proud to have stolen her. This is her time starting now. I don't think so, honey,

when you're talking about nuclear war with your friends and somebody says, um, I'd rather go out in the first blast. Okay, I hear you. I respect you. I will fucking eat you to survive. Do you understand? I am not going down in this shit.

I will be one of those fish that changes from male to female just to adapt to its situation. I'm going to be fucking, my melted ass is going to survive this shit. You'll be talking to my shadow in the ground. Don't you misunderstand me, okay? And so I hope, I hope that you are okay with me taking your fillings out

and using it as currency and the Mad Max government to come because that shit is happening. I'm robbing you. I'm taking your clothes. You're dying. That's amazing, but I am fucking done with you.

I do not think so, honey, and I'm done. Wow, everyone's going fucking police for Alice. Imagine this, a show with pacing. A show with pacing. A show with pacing, who knew? On deck, Michelle Bouchova,

please welcome Greta Teitelman. Greta! There we go, babe. Oh, you know. Okay, and this is Greta Teitelman's time starting now. I don't think so, honey. Mandy Moore playing an old person on This Is Us. Okay,

bitch, that job should go to an old lady, not your dumb ass in bad makeup, okay? Also, you look like a fucking turtle. Do you want to know what made me feel uncomfortable? You dressed as a 75-year-old walking down the block with your adopted black son in a fedora.

Okay, bitch? You are not old. You should not be playing old. You should be counting your lucky fucking stars that someone was like, hmm, maybe we should put Mandy Moore in this insane television show. So, like, just be lucky. Be blessed, bitch. Okay?

Because I think the old person is just a bit of an ask. 15 seconds. Be lucky, be blessed, bitch, okay? Because I think the old person is just a bit of an ask. 15 seconds! That's 45 seconds from Greta Teitelman. There we go. Peter Smith is on deck. Unbelievable. And now please welcome Michelle Buteau.

Michelle Buteau! And now here we go, Beau. Boutteau's Time Starts Now I don't think so, honey Drunk men who want to take their little dicks out And pee in the fucking street Look, I know you have to go to the bathroom We all have to go to the motherfucking bathroom, okay? Are you a dog?

Are you an animal? Do you know how to go to the bathroom? Do you know how to use a toilet? Do you know how to ask if they have a dog? Are you an animal? Do you know how to go to the bathroom? Do you know how to use a toilet? Do you know how to ask if they have a toilet? Then use a motherfucking toilet! Who are these drunk bitches taking their little fucking pink dicks out for everybody to see like it's fucking normal? What are you, a human sprinkler? Now I gotta breathe in your urine bacteria?

No, motherfucker, no! human sprinkler now I gotta breathe in your urine bacteria no motherfucker no I'm just saying if it's cool for dudes to whip their dick out and pee and relieve themselves then women should have their tits out no bra breastfeeding people even if they don't have babies breastfeeding their dogs doing whatever the fuck

they gotta do because if your dick out is normal then my geographic fucking brown titty the right one's bigger call it John McCain, that shit should be out too. Out in the streets, me squatting, me peeing, and that's not a big deal either, okay? Fuck you, I don't think so, honey, with your small dick. That's one minute and 12 seconds. That shit should have told me. You got to rip it up. She took the time with all the people that didn't use their time.

There you go. That's how that works. On deck, Shalewa Sharpe. And now, please welcome Peter Smith. Peter Smith! No props needed this time. Peter Smith, your time starts now. I don't think so, honey shrimp.

Sometime in 1980 something people said, oh shrimp, healthy, seafood, biggest lie ever told. Shrimp is not healthy, shrimp is the ocean's vacuum. Do I want to deep throat my vacuum? No. If I wanted to put a bottom feeder in my mouth, I would re-download Grindr, baby. And you're thinking, oh no, Peter, Peter, protein.

Seafood is protein. No one has protein. Cum has protein. 30 seconds. Do I want cum on my salad? No. If I wanted cum all over my salad, I would re-download Grindr, baby. And yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what else? It's filled with carcinogens. Unregulated waters, people. 15 seconds. If I wanted something that is cancerous, yeah? Bad for me, yeah, yeah. You know what else? It's filled with carcinogens. Unregulated waters, people. 15 seconds. If I wanted something that is cancerous, bad for me, turns pink when it gets hot, I would re-download Seeking Arrangement

and I'd get a 70-year-old sugar daddy with heart disease and lung cancer. And that's one minute, Peter Smith! I just want to say really quickly, more info on Peter's show, Sunday at 12.30 a.m. at Caroline's on Broadway. Caroline's presents Peter's show. Ray Sondy is on deck,

and now we have Shalewa Sharves. Shalewa! I would have helped. I didn't see you. Yeah, I'm real sneaky. This is Shalewa Sharves. I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now.

I don't think so, honey. Two p starts now. I don't think so, honey. Two pats of butter for a whole bread basket. What the fuck are y'all doing? Do you see me? Do you see me? I am by myself. I'm asking if you have bread. That means I'm going to need butter.

Don't give me this, too. I don't know why you think I'm healthy. I'm by myself asking for bread. I got issues. I need all the butter you have. What the fuck's a pat? That's not even in any kind of Betty Crocker book of measurement. I need more butter. Don't make no decisions. Give me the salt and pepper too. I don't know what y'all doing back there. I know you ain't got no ghetto orange salt, so I know it's not going to be enough. Give me salt. Give me butter. In fact, don't even bring me your food. Why am

I here? Because I don't feel like eating a rotisserie chicken from K-Foods over my kitchen sink anymore. So just bring me the goddamn butter. I don't think so with these two little pats. Chalewa Sharp. Nicole Silverberg is on deck.

And now, on deck is Nicole Silverberg and up right now is Ray Sonny. Ray. This is Ray Sonny's I Don't Think So Honey. Her time starts now.

I don't think so honey, my big black African lips being dry as fuck as soon as October starts. There's just so much surface area for wind. It's terrible. No matter how many times

I stick my face into a rosebud tin, I'm dry as shit like a crackhead before I get to 59th Street. The shit sucks. I have plenty of other reasons to be dehydrated. The shit sucks. I have plenty of other reasons to be dehydrated.

I drink. I use Adderall irresponsibly. I'm on Xanax right now. But that's not fair that you see that shit before I get to take it. 15 seconds. My parents came all

the way from West Africa to America and worked hard to get me into the best schools. Five seconds. And niggas couldn't find a good batch of Burt's Beats. That's one minute. Rick and Donnie.

Dylan Maron is on deck. Unbelievable. On deck is Dylan Maron is on deck. Unbelievable. On deck is Dylan Maron. Up now is Nicole Silverberg on Team Bowen. Oh boy. I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now.

I don't think so, honey. Special sauce. Bitch, you're Thousand Island dressing, okay? You show me one fucking special sauce that isn't Heinz and Hellman's mixed together with a little bit of yellow mustard, okay, bitch? You put in a little bit of onions?

You think that this would do well on a cooking show? You think that a chef would look at this and go, oh, wow, yes, that's very special, very unique. Can you fucking imagine being the most pathetic bitch in the world being like, oh my God, special sauce on a sandwich. That looks amazing.

I wonder what it's going to bring literally to the table. And then taking a bite and going, wow, I have no idea what this is. Fuck you. Fuck you, special sauce. I don't idea what this is. Fuck you. Fuck you, Special Sauce. I don't think so, honey. Tell me it's Thousand Island Dressing. Be real with me.

This is 2017. Okay. It's Thousand Island Dressing. I don't think so, honey. And that's one minute, Nicole Silverberg. That was really good. Final person on deck is Dave Mazzoni, but now please welcome Dylan Maran.

Dylan Maran, the prince. All right, Dylan. His time starts now. I don't think so, honey. TSA pre-check. Okay, it is the verified check, the elitist verified check of the skies. I don't think so, honey.

Okay, I'm sitting in line with my little coach ticket, okay, because I don't have it together to get TSA PreCheck, and I'm jealous of all the people passing by. And you know what? Today, I went to JFK to get TSA PreCheck. And you know what, Christina, my new friend told me that 95% of people get approved, 5% don't. Why, I ask Christina? I don't know. Randomly, people get turned away for TSA pre-check. Also, you know those big x-ray machines

that pass over you? For us people who don't have TSA pre-check, they pump carcinogens into your body. So what is this? The American healthcare system? Because the poor are getting sick. Oh! And that's one minute. Very on brand. Very on

brand there for you, Dylan Marron. Good for you. I learned. I learned. You've got to stick to that brand. Oh, but he does it well. We're all a little smarter, but a little sadder. No. Thank you, Dylan. We're the better for it. And now we have Dave Mazzone with a special surprise for Bowen.

It is Bowen's birthday. One, two, three. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Bowen Happy birthday to you We love you, babe. My best friend.

Rad Velvet! All right, that's enough. Dean and DeLuca, bitch. Dean and DeLuca, Rad Velvet. This is Dave Mazzoni's I Don't Think So, Honey. His time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey. His time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey live photos.

What is this meaningless technology? Why do I need it? If I wanted to see myself weeble wobbling at the Dream Hotel trying to make myself look cute in five seconds

for this photo, I would have flipped open a Harry Potter newspaper and looked at my goblin ass. This is Harry Potter technology. It is unnecessary. So the other day, it was a first for me. I received my first live dick pic. Anybody get one of these yet?

So you press and hold and you see that motherfucker squeezing and pulling it out on the toilet, bitch. I see your prior moment and I understand you, queen. You cannot hide anything from me. I don't think so, honey.

Live photos. We don't need this technology, bitch. And the one minute, James O'Day. There we go. I gave you need this technology, bitch! And that's one minute, James O'Neill! There we go. I gave you everything I had, guys. I can't breathe. Get the fuck off the stage. Get the fuck off the stage. Oh my god.

Now, we have seen 13 I Don't Think So Honey. Seven of them are Team Bowen. Six of them are Team Mad. We are now going to go to the judges who are clearly deliberating and find out who the top three I Don't Think So Honey-ers are. Now, first we're going to go to Tyler. We are clearly deliberating and find out who the top three I Don't Think So Hunniers are. Now, first we're going to go to Tyler. We're going to mix it up a little bit.

Tyler, who have you selected to move on and why? I'm going to bring back Annie Donnelly. Annie Donnelly, who spit in the face of the judges, has been brought back by the judges. She is in the finals. She is in the finals. She's in the finals. All right, Michelle. I was going to be the bigger person

and pick Annie, but Tyler, you have it. No, I'm happy, though, that I didn't because also, like, fuck her. You know what I mean? No, I'm kidding. But also, like, fuck her.

For sure. Like, a little bit. Like, I was going to be like, I'm an adult, but you know what? Fuck that. So, no, I'm not picking Annie. But don't come for me again, Annie,

because I am sensitive. I'm a cancer. Okay? Another monologue out of Mish. You're welcome. I'm going to go with Dave. Wow! Dave Mazzoni! He got it home for me! Annie Donnelly and Dave Mazzoni, both

Team Matt are in the finals. Joel, who have you selected to compete in the finals? Wow, I didn't think about the teams when I was selected. Well, that's fine. You don't have to keep thinking about it. So this person, if these two hags are the

Steamboat Willie who created the first, the originals, I believe this person is the Lion King, the Beauty and the Beast, who brought the form forward, who really made it his own, and I'm bringing back the ultimate Pat Regan. Wow! That is a great thing.

That means that I have won culture. Sorry, bitch! I want to give a huge round of applause to all my fucking teammates. You guys, turn it the fuck out. I want to thank Annie, well, no, not Annie.

Not Annie. Nicole Silverberg, Peter Smith, Shalima Sharp, Michael Hartney, Mitra Tuhari, Sam Tiger, Greta Teitelman, and Dylan Maron. Now, in the meantime, let's get Pat, Annie, and Dave up here on the stage.

All of you. All at once. No, this is too much. Wait, what's... There's another entrance. Oh my God, this is fucking chaos. Iconic. All right, now, Andy, why don't you take center, and Pat, why don't you be stage right?

We can figure this out, right? Here we go. We've got this. All right, so now here's the way it's going to work. Each judge has a troll bowl topic that is engineered to fuck you all up. You will have to I don't think so, honey, this topic. Now, Annie, you have already begun to stand center stage, so why don't you start? Joel Kimbooster

is going to go second. And Tyler Coates, you are ready with your troll ball topic? Yeah, I'm ready. Alright, so by the time you say it, Bowen will hit the clock. Alright. Dolly Parton. This is Annie Donnelly's I Don't Think So

Honey Troll Ball for Dolly Parton. Her time starts now. I don't think so for Dolly Parton. Her time starts now. I don't think so, Dolly Parton. Shaking those hoo-hahs, making all the girls feel less of a woman. Dolly, I have something for you. It's called ass, honey. Get some of it, bitch. Bitch, you are such a diva having your own Dollywood, honey.

You're like a blue-collar comedy tour guy. You're so obsessed with your brand, Dolly. Seriously. And also, I just have to say that you pander to white supremacists. I just have to say! I just have to say, boots couldn't boogie, you're way on back to the south, bitch. And don't you tra la la in the north, honey, because nobody wants your sequins and cowboy hats up here, honey. And also, hey, what the fuck is with the judges here?

Honestly, like, seriously, I don't think so. Like, Tyler Coates, I don't think so, honey., like seriously, I don't think so. Like Tyler Coates, I don't think so, honey. Who is that? I don't think so. You know what? That's one minute. You can't argue. You can't.

All right, Dave, take center stage. Dave takes center. This is Dave Mazzoni's I Don't Think So, Honey. This is the fucking whole thing. Michelle picked Dave, so Michelle will assign. No, Joel is, Joel is, Michelle? I have a picked Dave, so Michelle will assign. No, Joel is... Michelle? I only want you to do this.

That's actually why I picked you. Ready? Alright, so let's give Dave a mic. I said it already. Oh, God, I ruined the surprise. Oh, even better. Okay, I want you to do an I Don't Think So Honey on The View. The View. Michelle's old employer, Dave Lazzoni. Sorry, Mike, you're trolling me, so go for it. Dave's I Don't Think So Honey on The View. The View. Michelle's old employer.

Dave Lazzoni. Dave's I don't think so honey on The View. Time starts now. I don't think so honey The View. So tell me the pitch. Like put me in the pitch meeting. So it's four girls

and they kind of they're friends. Like their husbands work together, but like they all sit and they talk and each one of them kind of has like their own perspective, their own, their own view. And I don't know, I just think it could be really great to like, you know, talk about issues and sell products. And also we could bring on celebrity talk about issues and sell products and also we could bring on celebrity guests and they could sell products um we could also have lots of commercials in between for different clorox products clorox give us a hundred thousand dollars so we can set up a coffee table for rosie o'donnell whoopi goldberg and the rest of them to sit and chat. Honestly, it's the gig I dreamed for. Gay view.

Let's make it happen. Logo, where are you? Put me on a couch, bitch. I want this gig. I deserve this gig. And that's one minute. He deserves this gig. That gig in particular.

I deserve this gig. Dave Mazzoni, everybody. Wow. Wow. And finally, we have Prada. This is the Lost Culture Races Icon Award winner. And if he wins tonight, it just means we should never fucking ever have a contest again

because clearly there's already a Lost Culture Races Icon Award. It all comes down to this moment. Joel? Pat, I really thought what would be the hardest one for you to do? What's outside your wheelhouse? What would be hard for the audience to get on board with? And I would like to hear an I don't think so, honey on Hillary Clinton. This is Pat Regan's I don't think so, honey on Hillary Clinton.

Time starts now. I don't think so, honey, Hillary Clinton. No offense, but zero star quality, I feel. Where's the presence? Where's the pizzazz? Like, I don't know, go, like, get some camp. Like, maybe we would be in a different spot as, like, a country. I know that's not fair, and, like, if she was a man,

what would we be asking? Does she have presence? Honestly, probably. You know, like... And I don't know, like, for me, for me, for me, and, like, this is coming from someone who really doesn't know how to engage with my hair. Like, I just think change your hair every once in a while, just for you. Like, have fun with it. And I'm, like, wondering, like, where is she now?

Like, I want to see what she's doing. I want her to be, like, kind of publicly blogging. And I don't want to read what happened, but I do want to know, like, I feel like she's, like, instructing a spins class somewhere, and I want to see that. You know what I mean? I just think she got a fresh start and I just think that she should be like

fun-er. I don't think so, honey, Hillary Clinton. And that's one minute from Pat. Wow. The judges deliberate. Now, I just want to say that every single person who's done I Don't Think So, Honey tonight

has been absolutely amazing. Give it up for everyone. Everybody. The finalists are David Mazzoni, Pat Regan, and Annie Donnelly. We want to thank our judges, Tyler Coates, Michelle Collins, and Joel Kim Booster. I want to thank you guys all so much for coming. It appears that we have arrived at a decision. Do we have a third place, second place, first place, or

do we have a first place winner? We're going to do first place because you know what? It's fucking late. Alright. I mean, I'm not going to keep you guys in suspense. I think the answer is clear. The winner as always is Pat Regan! Wow!

Play the track, If I Dream. This is a, make your speech. Make your speech. I have very little to say. I just want to say that awards are so silly. Awards are very silly, but thank you. This was too much fun. And I do identify as having bombed.

He does identify as having bombed. He does identify as having bombed and yet here he is, the winner of the Las Culturistas Icon Award for a second time and a $100 Venmo prize to his account. He's going to take that a long way. He will. That will change my financial landscape.

Everyone, thank you so much for coming to Coach War. Have a great night. Go see the rest of the shows this week at the festival. Thank you to the New York Comedy Festival. Have a great night. Thank you so much, Bill. And Pat, take your moment. Forever.

Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram, at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook. into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer.

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