Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "Ellen (and the Year 2016)" (w/ Sudi Green)

Episode Date: July 11, 2016

Las Culturistas are joined by their venerable friend Sudi Green to discuss who's the Ellen and who's the Portia, mean gays on Fire Island, and Candice Bergen.LAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasCONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttp://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/las-culturistas/ Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question. What kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season.

Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby,

an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports & Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. my grandma and your grandma were sitting by the fire my grandma told your grandma i'm gonna set your flag on fire you're talking about here now here now here now ding dong las colteristas calling oh girl it's the las carol teresa's podcast and we are back

after a long break yeah um a long break that was um brought about for many reasons yeah bowen's been in fire island and prioritizing that for the last three months wow that is said in such an accusatory tone was it pointed pointed honey oh okay i could i don't know now what have you been up to um i've been well i've been sick for a long time same i've just been coughing and coughing and coughing and i it's like i thought it was allergies but now i think i'm really sick do you want to get that checked out um do i have health insurance it's unclear so maybe we'll pose this to the viewers at home. Guys, does Matt...

The viewers. The viewers. The listeners. Does Matt have health insurance? Here's why I don't think I do. Because nothing's happened. I haven't received my, like, card in the mail. Oh.

I did turn 26. And, you know, first of all, I just want to say to everybody any parent that tells you you're on my health insurance until the end of your 26th year that is not the right information it's it's actually distinctly the wrong information you're on it until the end of your birth month when you turn 26 just know that because it really messed things up for me kind of because i got really sick with strep throat before this trip to europe this is bizarre i've had strep throat and tonsillitis twice this year sometimes they get mixed up well well and the reason i don't think i have health insurance is because a card hasn't come and like they're not taking the money from me i think i have to

call them and pay every month is that the way it works i don't know i don't know why they don't do a direct deposit thing anyway i've been sick well anyway we've both been sick we've both been traveling but we're so happy to be back in new york back in the studio and we're here with our very esteemed guest yes i mean the credits just they come rolling down they come rolling down she's in pop roulette with bowen and i our our musical sketch comedy group. She hosts Theme Party at UCB. She's a member of the sketch comedy power group, OSFUG. Shout out to them. And, you know, she writes

for a little sketch comedy show you might have heard called Saturday Night Live. Yeah. Just, like, good credits. We forget her name. Who are you? Hi, I'm your best friend since college, Sudie Green. Oh my god, Sudie Green! Now sooty green and i'm never sick i really don't you don't get sick very i don't get sick because i'm of mixed stock yeah um because my mom is persian

and my dad is white i got a white daddy yeah and um i think that means that um i got immunities from both sides and i I'm never sick. I got sick one time this year. And it was like barely. What kind of sick was it? It was like an ear throat drainage thing. But girl, I got me some Ricolas and some Echinacea. I knocked that shit out.

Girl, natural remedies. Yes. Girl, yes. Because even though I do have health insurance thank you riders guild it just showed up in the mail one day yeah i know i'm waiting for it i just don't know what the situation is and it gives me so much anxiety to call any like institution and ask what the deal literally i could not think of a person that would besides besides, I'm going to name drop, besides Amanda, I feel like you are the only person that I would be like, oh, they can't handle getting

health insurance. No. They can't. I don't. I can't. And I probably could have a conversation with Amanda about it. Matt can barely turn things into PDFs. No, it's really, actually, that's a real thing.

For such a long time i thought i thought my computer doesn't make pdfs oh man but that was just because i'm very stupid man have you changed computers since the time there was a long period in your life where your laptop was riddled with porn viruses first of all that is hearsay we don't know that it was porn viruses we know that there were viruses on the computer we don't know that it was porn viruses. We know that there were viruses on the computer. We don't know that it was porn viruses. It was actually from ripping from YouTube. It was me ripping porn from the internet.

I was actually, I was ripping, I did a one-man show a couple years ago and I was ripping videos of dumb pageant girl answers to put in a compilation. And you know what the virus is on most computers? A one-man show. Yeah. Wow.

That's the virus in our society. It's really true. It's like you do the classic. But I loved both of yours. Thanks. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Sudie.

Maybe someday they'll see the light of day again. God, that sucked. I've been thinking about trying to resurrect. It's a hard process, though. It's so hard. Doing really any show is hard

that you prove yourself. But doing a show just you. It's so hard. Doing, doing really any show is hard that you prove yourself but doing a show just you is hard. Sudi, didn't you talk about doing a solo show one time? Oh yeah.

Called How to Be Hot. Oh yeah. I'm like still maybe gonna do that. I don't know. My life is constantly in flux. Yeah.

So many ideas and then they just go away in the wind. I know. Speaking of flux, we have to ask our guests um what culture yes okay so what we do on here on lost culture is this our listeners know this we will ask our guests our special guests our esteemed guests what culture they feel shaped

them like for example when you were coming up and growing up what do you think were the things that influenced you to now be the sudi that you are today oh my god this is such a good question it's hard and are you talking about like certain artists or are you talking about like an era any and all even go with your instinct like what do you like for example we asked david mazzoni this and he like started talking about his, like, childhood. He started talking about growing up in Rhode Island. And then we asked, like, Josh and Aaron this. So that's a bad example. No, no, no, no, no.

So David did it wrong. Okay, so people, we've called out in this episode, is this inside baseball? Amanda, you know who you are. Amanda. And David Mazzoni. Yeah. You on blast. I'm just saying there's no wrong way to answer the question

and there's no wrong way to live your life i think i'm gonna just like go with my instinct go baby um and say that the culture that influenced me was like when the lord of the rings movies came out oh my g that was a beautiful moment for my life yes i mean i actually again because i'm dumb can't watch them can't understand them oh yeah because you think they're too long well i do think that they're long well they are long because they're epic well right so what about them is so great it's just the story the vast storytelling like when i think about like kind of like a cultural moment that happened that like stays with me, it was like those movies coming out. Like I was and I was so excited for them.

And I don't I think it was just because my dad was so excited. And everything to me is. And I mean, like I liked I read the books beforehand. I read the books beforehand. Well, I think I read The Hobbit and The Fellowship beforehand. And then, like, as the movies came out, I finished the other two. But Shots Fired did not enjoy reading. Wow.

They're dry reads. I did it. Yeah. I mean, I really like The Hobbit because it's for dum-dums. Right, right, right. Yeah. But, like, the other books i didn't enjoy but like i'm i'm a you know bishy a nerd and she had to she was not about to be talking about how much she loved lord of the

rings without reading those books yeah of course girl girl um when game of thrones the show first premiered i remember sudi was sort of anti no she was like you were blasting through all the books though right oh yeah well i done read the book but like she had read the books but i was anti the show that's what i'm saying oh god until recently i only just recently learned that you did start watching okay because i only just recently started watching so what happened was game of thrones was coming out and i have like caveat i come from a family of super nerds. And, like, between, like, my sister to some extent, my dad, and really my aunt, who's, like, the Trekkie, like, the number one Trekkie, number one. Love it.

Love it. And she also owns a bookstore, so that's, like, a great cross-pollination of, like, ooh, that's a cool fantasy. Yeah. So when that was, when the show was kind of about to come out, but when people were discovering Game of Thrones, I started reading it. I blasted through all of them like i think i read like storm of swords in an airport in like maybe two days and my mom like yelled at me she was like you're not talking to

us and i was like i'm pretty game of thrones my parents would have been thrilled it was in college and then when the books came out they would have been thrilled if I was reading instead of talking my fucking ass off. Well, you know, my mom works in a library and she's like, why you no read Jane Austen? All of this... No, she doesn't care. But so...

And then when the books came out and things were different, I started getting... Well, first of all, when the books came out, I was like, this is boring because I just read them and I know what happens.

And when Ned Stark, spoiler alert, first season, when Ned Stark dies and everybody's freaking out i was like bitch i don't know then ned stark died so then everybody that was surprised i automatically just like thought less of right and then yes i mean me too actually without even i'm like so so why are you surprised about knowing that the starks get killed it's like you you say you're a super fan of the show but you didn't know every scene of in game of thrones yeah is is this person going to die or are they going to narrowly escape death those are the stakes either they are done now or they're they just are not done by like by chance like who's gonna show up what magic thing's gonna happen like the dragons are

like the ultimate trump card right yeah and what really got me like scared was really that they were changing things and i knew eventually the seasons were going to surpass the books and then i wasn't gonna know what was truth and what wasn't true to watch so then i got well first i was mad because i was like no like the the show isn't right because you know this butterfly effect and like this thing happens and that thing happens but then it had been a while since i had read the books and i was like actually at snl and like um dinklage was on and it was like so cool and fun and i started thinking about game of thrones again and i had like seen some episodes and then i started watching not this season but the season before and now i'm caught up on this

season and then i think i'm gonna go back because i realized that every episode of game of thrones is a tiny lord of the rings oh wow well you know what okay so you know what stayed with me when you first started reading the books and i was like oh like what's the appeal to you and you were like for high fantasy worlds or just for any book that like builds a fully realized world where like everything in it is like self-contained and true and like just feels real like that's what that's why you love reading oh yeah and that's yeah that applies to like lord of the rings and harry potter and like totally and that's why i felt that way about harry potter because i'm on a fourth grade reading level. Yeah, but it opened your eyes to reading. It definitely did that. Okay, Matt, is your favorite book

still Rob Lowe's biography? Well, it's up there, but also, can I tell you something? I have not... I'm going to quote Matt. Sorry, before you go, this is a direct quote from Matt. I've only ever read nine books

in my entire L. In my entire L. I have. In my whole L, I've only read like nine books in my entire L. In my entire L. I have. In my whole L, I've only read like nine. I've been for your L! And it's like all the comedy lady memoirs. Okay. Which are good.

Have you read Kathy Griffin's memoir? Not yet. Okay, that's my favorite comedy memoir. So there's a couple that I have not done. I have not read Kathy Griffin's and I have not read Mindy Kaling's. I've not read Ellen's. I haven't read Ellen's. Oh, I haven't read Ellen's either. I don't really

count Ellen as a comedian. I'm sorry. After she... Yeah, but know your history. You have to know your history. She paved the way, honey. She did something shitty and now I don't like Ellen anymore. Which shitty thing? Because, okay, hear me out.

Oh, girl. She... Do you remember Matthew Fox from Lost? Yes. This is so Matt Rogers. No, but yes. He's the main guy. He played Jack on Lost. No, I didn't remember, but now I do.

He was like a big television actor, you know, intermittently in the way that Terry Hatcher is. Like, he'll be on a huge show and then disappear, and are they dead? Right, right, right. And then they're back 10 years later. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So. That is Terry Hatcher. That is is terry hatcher like where is she now yeah yeah um god bless so

matthew fox post lost there started to become rumors about him that i think the show and like abc had kept under the under the bridge i guess that he was abusive towards women. Yes, I remember that. So he was arrested or faced something because a bus driver alleged that he punched her in her breast. Yes. And Dominic Monaghan, who plays Charlie, was on Twitter,

and he might be a little Twitter crazy, but he responded to a tweet like, do you still keep in touch with Matthew? And he said no he beats women no thanks so he flat out threw that out there and love it matthew fox got in trouble for doing this okay how is dory involved so ellen so ellen has matthew fox on the show and he's and she's like can you clear this up? Because we know you and we know this is not you.

And I was just like, this is such bullshit. Ellen is officially like lost all her edge. Like it's totally gone. She's just, she's just there to like give people apology platforms and like dance around like Bieber. And honestly,

I don't respect the whole Bieber thing. Like she perpetuates a lot of the reason why we still tolerate people like Justin Bieber. And why do we? So no. And I don't really see Ellen like doing that much outside of this talk show. And yeah, that's a sure.

I mean, I just, I just don't actually like, I just don't care anymore about her. Like, I love Ellen. Like, I love Misa Melon. And I want, like, her line of, like, hoodies that have those, like, cute little animals on them. I really want that.

But I think that that is a wonderfully specific story. Yes. To know why you don't enjoy her. And also Kanye. I'm tired of her giving the... Sure, Kanye's music great. Have him on to perform. I don't want to hear him talk for 10 minutes

about how he's Mozart. I don't care. That's interesting because that is unique to Ellen because Oprah never really did that either. No, she didn't. And Ellen is not even in the same league as Oprah. No, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, and like Oprah never did that thing where it's like, okay, well, come on my show and talk to the world.

It's just this thing where I don't feel like I have to love Ellen and like know Patrick Harris anymore just because they came out first. Like I understand now, but like I respect how hard it was. I respect the journey, but like it matters what you do, not what you did. Yes. I don't know. I really hated the Matthew Fox thing. I had a bad taste in my mouth about it because I don't believe that he didn't do these things.

You can't just make that shit up. No, no. Those things always start from something. I have a question, though. Go. Out of the two of you, who is the Ellen and who is the Portia? I mean, I'm Portia. Really? Because i'm porsche really you're 100 percent ellen

i am not ellen wow okay why do you think that why do you think you're poor because i've i have documented struggles like porsche oh and ellen doesn't have documented struggle porsche had eating disorders and ali mcbeal all i i read something documented struggles? Portia had eating disorders. On Ally McBeal. I read something that all of those women had like- Had eating disorders. Yes, and that was a memoir. That was a memoir I wanted to read because to bring it all back-

Was Portia's? Portia has a memoir. Jane Krakowski was on that show too. I forget what it's called. But Portia did an interview on Oprah, which was one of the best Oprah interviews ever ever wow and it was it was so emotional and oprah says to porsche oprah says to porsche like they talk all about the eating disorder porsche is reading excerpts from the book and crying and it's it's really really powerful

like she wrote this look it up she talked about the specifics of what it means to like be bulimic and anorexic and it was really hard yeah so towards the end of it oprah mentions that she gets more she had gotten more hate mail for appearing on the episode of ellen where ellen comes out because apparently she's on it as like the therapist oh yeah that's right that's right she said she got more hate mail for doing that episode of television than anything else she had ever done in her career and porsche just starts to cry and she says that really hurts me to hear that and it's just it's just crazy that's really sad to put them all in the same arena but all i will say is i feel that i am porsche i'm Portia bitch. That is ridiculous.

I feel like I would want to be Ellen because I would want to be like the power bitch. Yeah, but the thing is, we don't know behind the scenes. I don't want to be Ellen. I don't want to be Ellen. You can be Ellen. I want to be Ellen. I want to be like, I want to be Ellen and I want to pick where the house is. You're Ellen.

We're both Portia. Okay. Yeah. All right. Honestly, it makes sense. Yeah, it does. It does. It does.

It does. I think that that reads. And actually, that makes me just think about like all the real power players in Hollywood. Like, okay. And I wouldn't I wouldn't want to be any of them. Like, I wouldn't want to be Simon Cowell. That's not a power player. Yes.

Oh, not in Hollywoodwood like in the music industry that is living in 2004 well i'm just saying i all of a sudden you said the words matthew fox and simon cowell you said the words okay you said the words i want to pick where we live and it took me back to to that time when my parents and i went to los Angeles. Oh. So the one time I've ever been to Los Angeles was not for like a career related thing at all. It was my parents and I went to do like a family vacation with my sister, Chelsea. And we ended up doing like a Hollywood homes tour.

And the reason I say that Simon Cowell is a power player in Hollywood is because he had by far the best house. The Iron Man house, that like white house on a cliff. Oh, damn. That's Simon Cowell the best house. The Iron Man house, that white house on a cliff, that's Simon Cowell's real house. I mean, I'm not denying the fact that the guy is a good j-j-jillionaire. Yeah, right.

I'm just saying. He's got powers. Well, I think, like, what about, like, Brangelina? Sure. Who is the power there, though? Because, like,

I'm feeling Angelina Jolie has, like, more star power than Brad Pitt. I think. Sure. Sure. Who is the power there though? Because like. I feeling Angelina Jolie. Has like. More star power than Brad Pitt. I think it's a bigger deal. When Angelina Jolie. Does something. Than when Brad Pitt. Does something.

Yeah. Definitely. And also. And that's power. Freaking think about like. The career trajectory. Of Angelina Jolie. Not yet.

And now she's like. Directing movies. Like. And the Sony leaks. Talking about about her and i'm just like i know um sorry you hate strong women like i could not believe those sony leaks i i will not i won't deny i read every song i didn't read i just heard about that story oh i read every one i get my hands on it was so rich it was it was the wiki leaks of hollywood it really was and it was crazy the channing tanning ones were great the channing tanning was very funny very

cute um but yeah the angelina stuff was really bad because they were really talking shit about her that's so horrible yeah oh my god wait what did i just oh my god i just saw it on facebook tell me if you guys saw this um this interview with princess die no like resurfaced i think one of our friends posted it no but it's it's i mean like it's fascinating because she's kind of being very honest and like forthright about like how she doesn't think she'll be queen because the power like basically like the royal family like doesn't doesn't like her and they said like why and she says it queen because the power like basically like the royal family like doesn't doesn't like her and they said like why and she says it's because i do my own i do things my own way and she says why why do you think they don't like her and basically like i'm totally butchering

what she says but she says it's it's been the same way with all powerful women and confident women. No, she says strong women, which is why is she so strong? How did she get that strong? What is she doing? What is she going to do? And it's fear. And it's fear. And I got chills just thinking about it. But I want to know what that real quote is because

everybody should look up that. Princess Diana was like the fucking truth. I feel like I don't know that much about me neither besides you know obviously the horrible thing that happened to her because we were so young when it happened yeah i remember where we were so young but like just in interviews i think she did it wasn't barbara walters it was someone though i watched like her last interview and she just gets real as fuck about the divorce and about raising her kid. It's incredible. It'll be a really long time, too, before

someone tries to tell that story again because they just made a horrible movie with Naomi Watts about it. She does look so much like her. She does, but it sucks that it was so bad. Which is enough. Which is enough. Which we all learned is enough. You'll find that Naomi Watts looks like most blonde women.

Yeah, just like the plainest face. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him.

Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace,

the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks?

We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude, you're a dude, and Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past, and we're just going to sit here and talk about them.

And we'll get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, Gronk? We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes, dude. We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games. We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are.

Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian and basketball hall of famer. I'm a mom and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby, journalist,

sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts. You know, just all the s*** we go through. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I, well, we have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment.

You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations. mind, I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the

kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything but me. It took years for me to break that, like years of work. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. Sudi, any more culture that was the formative for you that you want to talk about before we move on? I think like the Madonna Immaculate Collection. Really? I didn't know you were on Madonna.

You truly are Michelle Visage. You really are. You're Michelle. You guys know I retweet michelle like all the time she's crazy oh my god this poutine in like all caps i was like retweet she's nuts she thinks water is poison what are you talking about janie stoller janie stoller show me some tweets where she's like water water toxicity is real and it's like oh my god my favorite is sharon needles doing her a snatch game oh yeah at the limelight at the Snatch Game. Oh, yeah. At the limelight.

At the limelight. Really? You're going to go to the limelight? Yeah. It wasn't even that accurate. It was just really funny. It was a good caricature. It was just like a good caricature.

She didn't win that, did she? No, I think that was, oh, what's her face? Stacey Lane Matthews doing Monique from Precious. Oh my God, that was amazing. Genius. Iconic. Iconic. Almost as iconic as... We just finished watching that season and it was like such a weak season.

Four, you think? No, no, no. Not four. Three. Three was weak. Three was weak. Yeah. Three was weak.

And I was like, I really like Alexis Mateo. And then I was like, yeah, but when you stack her up in any other season, like Alexis Mateo is like a B plus. I remember Matt Rounders had a whole frigging week where he was like, I'm Alexis Mateo. That's me. Well, I'm Alyssa Edwards, always and forever. I am Alyssa Edwards.

Is that debatable? I'm Alyssa. No. No, Alyssa is my favorite queen and she has been since the beginning. Alyssa is my favorite queen. How the fuck can you live in a world where you are Portia and Alyssa Edwards at the same time?

I'm Ellen. That doesn't make any sense. Matt is so angry. Are you talking to me? No, I talk to all of us because we all claim to be Portia. I'm Portia and I'm either Alaska or Katya. I know that I'm not Alyssa Edwards

because I'm Trixie. You're not Trixie. You're much better. You're better than Trixie. No, Trixie no way you're much better you're better than Trixie no Trixie is Trixie is unreal because I feel like she kind of like this is how I think

that I'm similar to Trixie I think that we peaked before our time and this is all untrue you're Bob you know why because you're smart

you're woke wow Sudie's Bob I think you guys think I'm Bob? I think I'm Trixie because I think I'm a big pink mess alright am I just talking about my pussy ooh la la but also

I have a question why does everyone universally agree that I'm Jasmine I don't okay that was like a joke last season when it was like she was Jasmine Henry my boyfriend says that I'm Jasmine Masters I don't agree with that I don't my boyfriend, says that I'm Jasmine Masters. I don't agree with that. I don't even know who that is.

I'm having trouble recall. She was like, I'm here. H-E-R here. I'm here, bitch. She's season seven. And then she was like, and then she got kicked off

after the Shakespeare episode. She was horrible. She was so bad. Honestly, no, you're not. She sucks. Who am I then?

I think you're Raja. No, you're Alyssa. Am I Raven? My name is Alyssa Elbert. I think I then? I think you're Raja. No, you're Alyssa. Am I Raven? My name is Alyssa. I think I'm Raven. Guys, it always goes back to Matt being Raven and me being Jujubee. I think that you're Raven.

And I think for Bowen to be any Asian queen is very first thought. No, I don't think so. Because Raven and Jujubee are very close. And I also feel that Jujubee and Bowen do share a lot of characters. Oh my God. I love Jujubee. I love Jujubee. It's like when I lot of characters. Oh my God, I love Jujubee. I love Jujubee. It's like when I said Bowen was the kimchi.

Her lip sync to... Wait, what was that? Oh, Black Velvet. Oh my God. Amazing. That's one of the best ones. But I mean like, I think when I think of drag queen though,

I know that my personality doesn't embody Alyssa, but to me, Alyssa is the ultimate quintessential queen because she is pageant she is comedy but not like giving it to you exactly but she's just funny herself she's not giving it to you clown and she is celebrating

femininity every day and just today on my Instagram I saw this picture of her in this like lime green fringe just like with the hand up here yes i love the star and keeping it tight just always just like i watch clips of her for strength i really do drag queens get me through the motherfucking day i listen to rupaul when i listen to russi that walk when i need to do something big that day yeah alissa was on fire island this weekend i wanted to get a picture with her but she was

mobbed oh can i tell you like ultimate woke bay victory yeah is that my lovely boyfriend the other day he goes oh she really came that way oh no all right except first she says okay and then he heard it and then he said no it's wrong and then he said oh my god come on has he been watching is that your watch is um he watches um with trixie trixie and katya with me he watches them and he loves trixie and this season he only watches like clips that i've shown him um and this season he was really down for acidid Betty because I was too. I think Acid Betty is like a guy's queen honestly. They get it when they see it.

Because it's so over the top. Because you can see how dope it is. She's basically like the special effects makeup of drag. Except it ain't special effects hunty. It ain't CGI hunty. It's real life. He woke. He woke.

I guess this episode is sort of loosely dedicated to a first half of 2016. So we're in the second half. We're in H2. Six months have gone by. Six full months. Some people, you know what, mistakenly make this call June 1st. They're like, all right, we're halfway through the year. It's like, yeah, that's nothing.

Get a month left. June is like a big month, too. A lot happens. A lot happened in June this year. I have to say, I know we said we were going to make this about the first half of the year. But the first thing that my mind goes to is I know the movie that, like, I was trying to think, like, what movies have come out the first half of the year. And, like, all I can think about is shit I haven't seen. And I don't want to go see Finding Dory.

I saw it. it was perfectly fine i really want to go see it you know what i really want to go see and i'm going home specifically to see it with my dad is secret life of pets because my dad told me that when he saw the secret lives of pets trailer he laughed so hard he cried and i said i want to see that movie but i want to see you see that movie because i call him and i think i was even talking about like the lobster and he goes you know what movie's gonna be amazing and i was like oh what what what secret life of pets what was he even laughing at my dad's like sweet spies like animals that can talk or do things like i gave my dad yeah yeah well no like funny isn't funny he likes he loves things like i gave my dad yeah yeah well no like funny

funny he likes he loves monkeys like i gave him a monkey it's a pet drama i gave him a card with a monkey sticking its um finger in its nose but it was clearly photoshop and he opens the card for father's day and he laughed so hard that he cried and says, how did they get them to do that? And I didn't have the heart to tell him Photoshop. Actually, no, I did. I screamed Photoshop. And then he crumbled. Also, I just I for the last like 30 seconds, I have not been able to stop thinking about like them pitching Homeward Bound.

OK, it's a pet trauma. We get Sally Field to voice the cat. There's a great scene at the end where they run and they scream, Hope! Hope! And the Hope is the girl's name. I like this, but I'm wondering, I'm just brainstorming here about this pet drama.

Is there also an opportunity for a spinoff where maybe there are babies talking? Maybe Bruce Willis, Roseanne. As long as you're able to show babies or pets that people would want to fuck. But how would they get the babies to do that? I don't know. Well, let's scrap

this idea and move on to the next Batman movie. I'm thinking Val Kilmer! What has gone on? His face has gotten so much wider. Well, he's just gained weight. He's just older. I was just thinking about this.

Every time, it's really, actually, really freaking sad. And it happens more with women. But every time an older actress, not even older, but an actress resurfaces. And people talk about, I said about Goldie Hawn. They're like, I said about Goldie Hawn. They're like, what happened to Goldie Hawn? I'm like, she's her age

and she looks better than your grandma that's her age. She would mop the floor. And also, you know, all of those women that, and I don't want to name

too many names, but like all those women that they talk shit about, about like, what happened to her? All those women can hold a marble in their pussy.

I mean, they are so Pilates tight. It's true. You know who probably can? I'm going to look like garbage when I'm that age. You know who looks great for her age?

Hillary. Oh, yeah. She's like years older than Donald Trump and Donald Trump looks like a sagging bag of flies. She looks great. Hillary looks radiant as ever sagging bag of flies. She looks great.

Hillary looks radiant as ever. Does yoga every day. She looks amazing. Honestly. She does yoga every day? It's making chills run down my spine to think about the whole thing. Because I've been getting so mad. And now I'm like fully unleashing on Facebook about Hillary.

Oh, we're talking about Hillary? If I see someone post something like Hillary's a murderer. She should be in prison. Bullshit. Like, I just get so mad. This is a fun time to realize which of your friends are crazy and don't know what the fuck

Oh, I love it. I've been like axing and axing. It's like, oh my god, wow. I've known you for six years and now I know you're dumb. It's crazy. It's just making me so mad. People I used to respect.

And I'm like, yeah, you're fucking nuts and now i have to like negotiate that and i'm like it's just it's just like i i don't know we could talk about this all fucking day and night i'm just like it's we have two choices people that's it i'm putting that they're the same i'm voting just going to say. I voted for Jill Stein. For Gary Johnson. Is that his name? No. That's the.

I don't freaking know. Apparently he's really funny. But that's like not president. I want to have a beer with my president. I want a president that has that funny Twitter. Yeah. I want a president that has some. Oh my God.

A president. I really have to figure out. Dress is cool but for me i'm dressed called president so i'm with different outfits and different laws i'm a tour guide in new york city and i work on this bus that passes by the trump tower and so i really have to figure out how to make jokes about it yeah without offending people for a little while I was just saying like... And every fat dad that dragged his kids

to New York is like, I didn't like that gay boy talking about shrimp. Yeah. Meh, meh, meh, meh, meh. Honestly, so not far from the truth.

Today I have freaking cracker barrels in this goddamn city. It's right. You need to develop that. They just want to go to a restaurant where they can throw their trash on the ground

yeah that's all they really want or that's like where's the texas roadhouse that's a roll of paper towels like on a rock yeah yeah yeah we need that by the way my restaurant has that well there you go dad's tourist dads flock to brooklyn crab and red but what i'm trying it's in columbus it's in columbus circle the trump tower the, that one. And so the joke I've been doing lately is like, oh, there's Christopher Columbus, the statue. He's facing south. He actually thinks he's facing north. He's not good with direction.

But, you know, he's actually facing away from the Trump Tower so he can't see what happened to America. Okay, and he's the biggest star. Oh, that's good. I like that. It is pretty good, right? Yeah. And now I've been saying,

because I can feel the vibe lately is like not good around the joke like some people are like haha and they really like it and other people they roll their eyes

so lately I've been saying oh there's the statue of Christopher Columbus he's facing away from the Trump Tower so we can't have an opinion on it I mean that's like

still pretty good still good girl you gotta get those tips let that fat dad stick a dollar in your butt. And then we say, you know, Donald Trump, stick it right in my butt, you fat dad.

Honestly, it sounds like something you'd really say on Grindr. Stick it right on my butt, you fat dad. We have a few friends that probably really talk like that. I probably talk like that. You talk like that on Grindr? Oh talk like that. You talk like that? No, no. Oh, come on. The dad wouldn't be fat.

The dad wouldn't be fat. Depends. I could go for a... How much money are they offering me for them to smell my feet? All right. I played this game with a guy one time who just was like, how much? And I was like, no. Oh, God.

I'm like, no way. But let me just see. Let's gauge it. And so I threw out a number. What was the number you threw out? I said, 700. That's good. That's like almost rent. Exactly. I was thinking in terms of

rent stuff. He was willing to pay it. And then he goes, too high, 500. And I was like, nope. Bye. And then that was like my, I was gonna say no no matter what, but I was like, nope. 500, 500. And then that was like my, I was going to say no, no matter what, but I was like, no. Do you guys remember that? 500, 500. Do you guys remember that scene

in Catch Me If You Can where Leonardo DiCaprio meets that girl that he doesn't know is a prostitute and she brings him upstairs and she's like, how much would you pay? Is it Amy Adams? No, Amy Adams is the one that he ends up with. No, she's the cute nurse.

What a great movie. I feel like I've seen that movie so many times. I've only seen it once, but I remember it being, I've never seen it. adams no he adams is the one that he like ends up with no she's the cute nurse what a great movie i feel like i've seen that movie so many times i've only seen it once but i remember it being i've never seen it to show it on like encore matt i love it matt would really like it's very good you would really okay there was such a good i have to shout out this above average article that somebody i don't know who wrote it but this was so i think it was dan chamberlain yeah was it chamberlain yeah okay uh like add it to the list of brilliant things he's fucking done. So it was apparently Calvin Harris Instagrammed a photo of him on a boat with all these women,

all these hot women. And the article was Leonardo DiCaprio to Calvin Harris. Good hustle, but you can fit more pussy on that boat. I couldn't believe good hustle leo it also kind of sounds like joanna bradley though oh yeah that might be jim i want um to like live the lifestyle where there's like a lot of beautiful women around me too but like it's not sexual i know like taylor swift yeah but even then like her fourth of july pics this weekend were horrid because it was all these white blonde girls and then uzu aduba is like the token and i was like uzu aduba is in the squad yeah then you know it's so freaking she's

just sending out blank texts so aduba was at the taylor swift concert that we went to oh yeah she walked the runway to style it was fun but it was it was like, wait, Uzo Aduba? Yeah. I mean, I kind of love a celeb fuck fest. Like, bring them all. Bring them all. Bring them all. Bring them all. Bring them. Bring Portia. Bring her. It was like, and now Madeline Albright.

And it was like, you got the long hair thing back. And it was just like, who's gonna come out next? Nicole Kidman, I think, really came out. Oh, wait. Nicole Kidman probably did come out. Oh, boy. Sandra fucking Bullock.

I mean, if you had the power to summon Sandra Bullock, you would use that power at all times. I do love Sandra Bullock. She's a queen. Can I tell you? I watched Miss Congeniality on a plane recently. Does it still hold up? It absolutely does not hold up. Really?

But her performance does. Isn't the whole thing, you told me like the whole thing with Benjamin Bratt is like, I'm not gay. I'm not gay. It's just like, listen, Michael Caine, I'm not gay. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Michael Caine is like, I am gay because I'm British. It's the same thing. What?

I am. It's my whole character game. Miss Rhode Island. Whoever played Miss Rhode Island is great, too. Why didn't she do anything else? Yeah. She was so funny. it's the same thing what i am it's my whole character game miss rhode island whoever played miss rhode island is great too why didn't she do anything else yeah she was so funny i love that like trajectory of like in like the early aughts like before we became like i'm gonna say it again woke god i love this word great um uh where it was like first of all like there were no gay people and then there was like the fashion magazine movie and then it was like oh the gay comedic relief yeah and then like everything

and now i feel like you have to be really smart about your token gay oh yeah you can there still exists but yeah yeah well now that's like i feel like just happened like the last four years oh yeah people don't realize how recently we've become okay with gay people like also i just want to say the best line reading in all of miss congeniality is the girl who plays miss rhode island they're talking about why she can't do a baton twirling dance with um fire and she, my parents really don't like anything ostentatious. And they really don't like fire.

Oh my god. So good. Candice Bergen is great in that too. And William Shatner. I mean genius. I want both of them more things. I'm always down for Billy Shatner. Candice Bergen, you just don't realize how good she is. She's so funny.

Until you become woke. Yeah. You got to be Candy Berg woke. Wokeness is about appreciating. She's like Christine Baranski level of like, I just always take- You mean Christine Brinkley. Oh, that's just so- Sudie, one time, I was talking about Christine Baranski, and she was like, yeah, that's why Christine Brinkley is so good. She justoty one time I was like talking about Christy and Baranski and she

was like yeah that's why Christy Brinkley is so good like she just totally no we were talking about like the Grinch and I did

and I said Christy Brinkley oh my god Christy Brinkley and the Grinch I was like what what what

what can we talk about the Grinch Taylor Momsen that was also a formative movie in my culture I think that Jimim carrey is

amazing but what will i wear that movie is line for line just like line for line amazing it's like every single little freaking thing it's good to fax me press the star key yeah like i mean it's really good it is a tour de force it's so good it's a tour it's like a it's like robin williams level and you mentioned the check it's robin williams level also we can't forget where are you christmas written by mariah carey because mariah carey was Performed by Faith Hill. Because Mariah Carey was like, I don't want this to compete with my other Christmas money.

Can we talk about how Faith Hill is the Terry Hatcher of country music? Gone. Iconic haircut though. Do you remember that? I love that haircut. And Martina had it too. They both had that haircut. But if she really is the Terry Hatcher of country,

then that means she's due for a return, a comeback. Or she's already had it. There was a time where Faith Hill was like the one in country music. And what was her husband's name? Tim McGraw. Tim McGraw. I hate white people. And remember white people.

It's country. They're loud. Tim McGraw. Taylor's first single was called Tim McGraw. But when you think Tim McGraw... I don't know the rest of the words. I remember the first Taylor Swift video I saw. And it was like when she had that really curly hair.

And she was like in her princess face and i remember like thinking in my head like oh my god it's the next jojo it's the next finally the market has provided me with the jojo shaped hole in my heart it's the next jojo like 10 years ago my dad was we were sitting in the back and my dad watched watches cmt because he likes country music and we were talking about who we thought would last like in like 10 years and i was like yeah here's the people in music that are young and i think are gonna last and i like listed some people and then he was like what do you think about taylor swift i was like no she'll be around two more years and then she'll be a songwriter for the rest of her career because

she can't sing and what's and there's nothing going on. And now she's the empire. I mean, you're not wrong about that. Now she's Darth Vader. She is the one true light. She's the one true light. I'm so scared of her, actually. Yeah, there's something a little evil. You're scared of Donald Trump winning the presidency

and Taylor Swift. Because it all exists in the same world if you really think about it. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Or, Matt, is it this Princess Diana thing of you seeing a woman in power

and you thinking, who is she? How did she get there? No, because I'm fully behind everyone else. There's nothing more I want than for Demi Lovato to be Taylor Swift.

Demi's a little too... And there's nothing more than demi lovato once either yeah i know it's it's it's too bad when demi was on snl she freaking slayed yeah so hard yeah she was any sketches she was in the sketch was like an alien in a sketch, right? She was in that Tracy Morgan sketch. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ashley McJoan. She was so wonderful. She's so adorable. I like, but you know what? I think that because maybe this is like sort of my fantasy of my future, but like I am pro any hot bitch in charge. I mean, you know, like everybody when they're that famous,

like I feel like Beyonce, like all these stories that come out of Taylor Swift or whatever, or like this, like subversive power that maybe she has, like Beyonce has that and more, but like, we just decided that we like Beyonce, like she's better at hiding it or like she owns it more or whatever. But like any,

I think that anybody that, that, that is that powerful, that prolific, they are, it's hard to be normal and like what we think of in society as like nice when you're that huge. When you're that huge. And so it's like anybody who you find who isn't is that famous and they're like, oh my God, they're so nice.

They're working so, so, so hard to keep that. To be nice. To make that their image. Because it can't be true. It can't be true. The stakes are too high because you have to make tough decisions. I mean, I don't even think about it in terms of women and men. I just think about it in celebrities in general. I mean, look at Michael Jackson. Jesus Christ. But that's like

such a singular crazy. Well, I mean, to be honest with you, like think about the people that have gotten to that level. Like you're Michael Jackson and you're Britney Spears. I mean, Britney Spears was fully nuts. And you know, Mariah, she's never coming back. Well, I just think fame makes people cuckoo. I mean, it's so hard.

And you also, you know, when you're famous, you get also a lot of people around you especially if you grew up in the business which is super hard because then you don't know anything else you get a lot of people around you that want to take advantage of you and it makes you go it makes you go cuckoo yeah that's kind of what beyonce was prayed to like just her entire life just being i i guess like yeah we i guess we she keeps her shit so on lock like you don't know if she's nuts or not but what what the thing about beyonce like who cares i know like who cares about their personalities too it's like i really like i've never like except for people of course that like like actually

commit crimes i've never like see like heard of like a bad gossip story about somebody and then thought like oh I'm not gonna listen to that music or like see that movie unless it's like a heinous moralistic thing but the ones who do have good personalities I like even more like Cher like Cher is so great yeah no I mean obviously it helps yeah it helps to like them more

right right like I mean you had such an amazing experience with Ariana you did and that makes me love ariana even more i just freaking love that chick and then sometimes sometimes her music is amazing it's music is incredible and i love the new album i'm sorry oh my god i listened to into you last night at like three in the morning i listen to into you that is a song that won't stop for me and that whole album i'll just listen to a new song and then just be like this is now my song like greedy for love greedy um no at fire island they were blasting this uh just songs

all night at this place called sip and troll and then it was like good music but then they played into you a remix of it and i fully felt myself i was like oh yeah and i just like was singing to it lip-syncing to it just felt like it was in the fucking video. At David's birthday, they played Into You. I mean, I was pretty lit. But I learned the definitions of living my goddamn life to Ariana, Into You, and then...

She screams in the middle of a song. It's in the middle of a song. It's not even a chorus. And Sooty just goes... She lost control. I said, I was screaming, Ariana, you give me life yes and then they and then they went into um be all right and i just i just about bottomed out i mean i was she got that it was from this from from this side of the table underrated what what's that i said she got bottomed out from this side of the table um am i appropriating gay culture? No, it's okay. Please do.

You're allowed, honey. It's not ours. It doesn't belong to us. Like RuPaul says, you know, people keep taking from us and we'll just keep giving you, mom. And we'll keep coming up

with new things. That's true. Oh my God. Sometimes, I feel like no one else is like, is into sometimes that song,

her song, Sometimes, as I am. I think it's excellent. I don't even think I'm in it sometimes. I don't even think of letting go. It's so good. Can I tell you what happens to me with these albums? Sometimes I'll listen to one song and I love it

so much and I'll listen to that song over and over and over and over again and then before I know it I'm so stuck on that song I haven't even listened to the rest of the album to the point where I don't even want to. What that with my everything i mean not my everything dangerous woman dangerous woman i'm i'm feeling i haven't listened to the rest of the album because i'm just dangerous woman it's a good i know i've listened to dangerous woman i've listened to be all right i've listened to into you what is your number one into you oh yeah i mean it's amazing

i think when they play that song in soul cycle i'm like like that they played into you as like the climb song and cycle my first soul cycle and i was like i'm hooked i really do want to try soul cycle it's good i need to find something that that makes me want to work out soul cycle is good but the other day i went at like i usually go at like 8 a.m morning spin is intense well because i feel great after mo and mo has to go to work right so i i go i i think okay i'll wake up early because i think i should do and um or i'll go at like the noon class or whatever and then i went to the 7 30 class in williamsburg yeah the 7 30 p.m class and it was like um like the PR marketing crowd had just gotten out and it was all these like super thin girls like right out of college all in pink sports

bras with like their high ponies and they heard and it was like so much energy and like people were seeing people that they knew and they were like doing that thing like that you do in college and you're like oh yeah yeah yeah and then it was like so much energy and i was like visibly flustered by like i was like oh this is everything i hate this is everything i hate and then i hear this girl like into my ear goes hi stephanie so nice to meet you oh my god do you usually write with ariel i've never taken a class in there really you should our friend david mizzoni um his boyfriend ariel padilla here's a little plug for him take his class at soul cycle i know he does an ariana versus the weekend class oh my god i think he

does a lot of beyonce rides too if i'm not mistaken a lot of beyonce stuff he does jailers jailer rides the day that i went that we went to the Beyonce concert, I went to SoulCycle that morning and the instructor had gone to Beyonce the night before so she only played Beyonce in the SoulCycle. And I was like, That's perfect. Amanda just recently took a class with Ariel

and she dropped the name of a celebrity who apparently only takes class with Ariel. And I'm going to mouth it to you guys over the mic. Okay. Oh, my God! That's huge. Huge. Huge, huge, huge.

And she said she's gorgeous and tiny. Of course. Of course. That describes everyone famous that you see. I remember I saw, oh, damn, Emma Stone, like, when I was in NYU. She was, like, walking up and down. Every time I've seen a celebrity on the street, it's not because I saw a celebrity.

It's because I think, who is that strikingly beautiful person with that amazing outfit on? And it was Emma Stone. And she just freaking looked like Grace Kelly. And it was when she was blonde. I saw her when she was blonde too. Oh my god, yeah. And then my first year in NYU, I would see Marissa Tomei a lot because I think her apartment was around my dorm.

And Marissa Tomei, both times I saw her, the first time I was like, ooh, that's a cute coat. Oh, fuck, it's Marissa Tomei. And then the second time I was like, whose boots are those? Those are good boots. And it was frigging Marissa Tomei.

Celebrities are just better dressed and better looking. See, that's not true though because I saw Natalie Portman in the CVvs in union square and she was sweats i said god bless of course but i'm saying like they don't not all of them leave the house like i'm gonna be seen when we were at nyu i went to the duane reed by tish and it was very late at night and I think I was like getting like garbage food or whatever. I mean it was like 11 or something and I see this guy come in, tinier guy with like a huge

like orange parka cock. Huge cock out. This big orange parka that was zipped up almost like up to his nose. Oh my god. And then only like little glasses and it was spikely. Wow. Yeah. And then only like little glasses. And it was Spike Lee. Wow.

And he walks in and he just doesn't even look around. Just like shouts to the cashier. Do you have three ring binders? Oh my God. At 11 p.m. And he goes. He's just like aisle four or whatever. And he just goes in. And I just was like looking he's just like, I am for whatever. And he just goes in.

And I just was like looking around to be like, does anybody know that Spike Lee? But I didn't want to like call him out. That happened to me once at a McDonald's. Have I told you guys this? Freshman year, we were at some stupid party. I think it was like the three of us were at the same party this night. But then I leave and go to the 14th Street McDonald's on 6th and 14th. And it's three in the

morning and I'm waiting in line and the person in front of me is trying to buy, is screaming at the McDonald's cashier because there's a homeless man begging for food. And he goes, give him something. I'll buy him something. Just give him, just like here, I'll order three cheeseburgers for this man. And then I turn and then he turns around and looks at me. It's Orlando Bloom. And he goes, see, these people are horrible. They won't even give this man three cheeseburgers. Why do they do that? And I go, I don't know.

And I was just very, and no one was making. He directed that comment to you? Well, good for Orlando Bloom buying that man cheeseburger. It was very nice of him. Celebrities are heroes. He was so drunk. Yeah, but celebrities are heroes. Celebrities are heroes.

No one in the McDonald's is making a scene about it being Orlando Bloom. If that's not a celebrity, that's a drunk dude screaming in a McDonald's telling them to do something that they're not supposed to do. That's why movies are magic. Because they take regular people and they make them important. You ever seen someone that you really were attracted to and was a celebrity and you just

kind of followed them around? Yeah, like Orlando Bloom. Was he that hot in person? was like yeah he's very good looking oh let me tell you i mean my number one crush is jonathan groff oh and i saw him one time on the street and literally i i saw him coming down the block and he's with a couple friends and i was like oh god oh god oh god i knew it was him coming down the street and i was like oh no oh no oh no and i was just like and then he he walked past me and i just like turned and watched him go all the way down the block i was i must have taken me 10 minutes out of my day i was like it's jonathan i have to i just am so in love with him okay what is it about him well i don't know i think like i i just i don't know you know

when you just know yeah yeah i just know i mean he's so dreamy he is a cutie talented he's a cutie i mean i'm trying to think anyone else i've seen oh i saw james franco one time outside of myu and it was that thing of my dream i was so in love with him when we're at myu i mean i still am but that was like the height of my obsession. Have you seen him, his body in the new movie that he's in with Bryan Cranston? No.

Holy shit. He looks amazing. Do him and Bryan Cranston like make out? No, but it's like a father and son-in-law thing, I think. But also, you know what? Why him? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why him? You know what movie I really want to see am I basic for wanting to see this Bad Moms no I can't believe we didn't write that

I think it looks so funny every time I I think it looks great and I'm like I think it looks great and I like I literally can't believe we didn't write that

I stand for Christina Applegate till I'm dead every time that woman has amazing timing yes she's amazing she's and i feel like she has been like talk about somebody who's like always been around and like low-key is like a very successful and has made a lot of great movies and people don't talk about enough yeah and she's that go-to like i feel like when you have a movie like that people are like

who can carry this role? And we'll nail it. And it's also a star. And it's Christina Applegate. From The Sweetest Thing. The Sweetest Thing is a good one. Also doesn't hold up, though. But it was one of my favorites.

I just remember her from Anchorman. Oh, yeah. I mean, classic. So, so good in Anchorman. She's so underused in the sequel, too. Yeah, but the sequel was such bullshit. It was like, we had the money to do this, and we got the team together for a fucking week,

and so we did it. Yeah. But, I mean, I love Christina Applegate. And also, down for Mila Kunis. Super down. Down for Mila. Also, super down for Kristen Bell. I'm down for all.

You're just naming women. I'm just saying I'm down for them all. I'm also down for Katherine Hahn. Always down for Kristen Bell. I'm down for all. You're just naming women. I'm just saying I'm down for them all. I'm also down for Katherine Hahn. Always down for Katherine Hahn. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love Katherine Hahn. Her and Step Brothers. I know. Step Brothers is one of my favorite movies of all time, also. It's so underrated. Katherine Hahn steals that

movie. Oh, she absolutely does. From the moment they do the Sweet Child of Mine. And being inside of her. And I go, but it's just your beard. Or she goes, it's just your hair.

Have you guys ever seen Revolutionary Road? No. She's in it in like a dramatic supporting role and like nails. She's like an incredible dramatic actress.

Yeah, she's amazing and transparent. Oh my gosh, she's so good. Yeah. I don't think I've gotten incredible dramatic actress. She's amazing and transparent. She's so good. I don't think I've gotten to the point where she comes in and transparent. She's in the first season. She's amazing. Alright, let's move on to I Don't Think So Honey. Oh, okay. Wow, has it been that long

already? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's very hot in here. I just want that to be known. That I have to sit on the edge of my seat because otherwise my thighs are just going to melt into this lovely leather chair. All right. And it's cream leather.

All right. So I Don't Think So Honey for our listeners at home is we get to rail against something that's happening this week, something lighthearted, and really go for it for one full minute. And we have to use the phrase, I don't think so, honey, as much as possible. So one of us will do this first to show Sudi how it's done. So I don't have one off the cuff, and I don't want to do the thing where I make it up as you hit the button.

So do you have one, Bowen? I mean, I'm going to do the thing where you make it up as you hit the button. All right. Okay. Okay. Hold on, hold on hold on uh so yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm just not i i'm not i'm not choosing to be mad at pop culture things this week there's other shit that i'm mad about that's like that's the way i feel about it um

but this is a light it's a light-hearted show let's do it all Alright, ready, bitch? This is I Don't Think So Honey with Bowen Yang. Ready? And... I Don't Think So Honey, people who blast their music from the other side of the fence when you're staying in the pines in Fire Island and it's basic ass top 40 shit mixed with Peppered In,

Rogers and Hammerstein. Not that I mind either of those, but we were trying to blast some nice cultured tunes, the new Blood Orange, the new Mitski, these good artists that are queer adjacent and really nice and deep to listen to. different substances just sort of, you know, luxuriating. And meanwhile, I'm hearing Britney Spears blasting from the other house and it's just, it's an assault after a certain point. And these people were very unfriendly. They invited us to come over to their house for a party

and then we swiftly went and took them up on that the next night and then they said, please go away. Who are you? We don't remember talking to you. So I don't think so, honey. Mean gays on Fire Island in the pines, and that's one minute. And that's one minute. Okay. You know,

I'm ready to go. Great. Here we go. I don't think so, honey. That last, I don't think so, honey. Okay. That was bullshit. Who the fuck is Mitski? I don't think so, honey. The cultural elite, the gay cultural elite that come in with this new music that isn't music. I don't think so, honey, the cultural elite, the gay cultural elite that come in with this new music that isn't music, I don't know. It just

sounds like synth to me. Fuck you. If I'm going to listen to Britney Spears, I'm going to do it. Womanizer, huh. I'm going to listen to her all the doodah day. And I don't need all you young queers coming in who don't know your history, who don't know what happened at Stonewall, who don't

understand. I was on the front lines it was me rupaul and harvey milk oh and we were all there search and we were listening to bruny spears in front of stonewall and for you to come in here with your fucking speedos and your attitude and your grinder and your hookup apps and your culture is disgusting. I don't think so, honey. And you know what? I'm going to take it real down because I have five more seconds

and I would say I don't think so, bitch. Oh, my God. You were conflating a lot of things in that, Matt Rogers. You do not come after me and I don't think so, honey, bitch. See, I guess it's your turn.

I could come after me in an item thing, so honey bitch. So yeah, I guess it's your turn. I could come after you morning doodah day night. You gotta stop it with the doodah days. You don't tell, you don't police me. She's serving chitty chitty bang bang realness on the doodah day. Also, can I tell you one thing? I don't like those who police others in any way. Also, and this is just one thing I want to say before Sudi goes. I understand.

We're all feeling a lot of feelings. Don't tell people how to use their Facebooks. Don't. Don't get on Facebook and say, how come it's business as usual for you? People are going to go through this in their own way way people are going through everything in their own way just shut the fuck up if you're using your energy telling people how to grieve how to like feel the loss of like even if it's a celebrity when a celebrity dies don't fucking shade people for posting a picture of them. Fuck you. You're dumb. So that was a,

I, that was a real, that was a real, that was a, that was a real ass. But Matt, would you say you're policing the policers? Yeah,

well, I feel fine about that. Okay. I feel fine about that. It's his goddamn podcast. It's my podcast. I'm just going to say, I don't need like you guys,

like, like telling me like, I'm telling you, like, I'm saying it. Who gave me. I'm telling you. I'm saying it. I'm telling you. No, not you guys. I'm just saying, who made you the authority on what's okay to post on Facebook? Fucking unfollow people then.

I do. Oh my God, wait. Okay, this just made me think that maybe I should change my I don't think so, honey. Get as real as you want. Go now my I don't think so, honey. Get as real as you want. Go now. I don't think so, honey. Dudes with lame ass puns on their Twitter with lots of

fucking retweets and faves. Because all your basic comedians with your fucking... Let me tell you the observation behind a pun. Behind a pun. Some words sound like other words. The only puns I like are the ones that Sam Reese posts because she's my friend, okay?

All you lame-ass fucking pun tweeters, and all you lame-ass fucking pun tweeters are retweeting everybody else's. So you're just feeding the basicness, read a fucking book, read a news news article or think of a fucking original thought and it makes me fucking pissed off it makes me so mad when i see it on twitter and it makes me just go oh so i unfollow and i've unfollowed a lot recently and if i don't follow you then you gotta look up if you got a lame ass pun tweet because it makes me mad it It's basicness. It's lazy. And I unfollow you because it makes me rage. One minute. Sam Reese.

Shout out to her. I almost don't even know your names. That's incredible. And I don't also, caveat to that, I don't like an ironic pun. Sure, sure. I don't like it either.

Like, oh, I'm making a dad joke and I know it's bad. Like, get out. But then why post? I think of bad shit all the time, but I don't think it's funny because it's bad get out get out i mean i feel like yeah that's not good the pun thing has become out of control i hate i hate i hate now you know it's like a spiteful thing because everyone knows they hate the puns no but they don't they don't because first of all a lot of people don't recognize it as a pun i feel like they like think of it as just like some like clever d dumb and like there are certain people with a lot of

followers oh yeah i know they're whole talking about feed there's a couple i wanted i almost want you to name names but i think absolutely no never will not do not do not because i just unfollow because that's it because i'm not gonna call i'm going to call specific people out. I'm going to call out the trend and I just unfollow. And you're already doing something actionable. I say no thanks to that and then I follow

another Jezebel writer because they are doing the good work. They're doing the good work. I just bought Lindy West's book Shrill for $2.50

outside on my way in here and I was so excited to buy it for $2.50 but then I thought it just came out why is it on sale for $2.50 250 and that's a microaggression absolutely i hope jimena rothkopf writes a book soon oh she would be dope they're all dope they're all great um all right let's move on uh to culture of the week this is our culture of the week this is where we um take something that we

feel like is doing it right um and actually you know i have a lot of news okay so why don't you why don't you start this one out so the culture of the week this week goes to frozen ever after the new flume ride that opened that epcot in walt disney world it replaced the maelstrom attraction that used to stand in the norway pavilion now norway as a country as a nation is upset because they feel like they got a little duped by Disney. Because here was a pavilion that celebrated Norway. We were there. We were there.

That celebrated, you know, the culture that really... Scandinavian culture. Scandinavian culture. And also did a lot for tourism. And they say that because they've replaced it with frozen that kind of takes it away from them but you know it was up to the government of norway to pay to keep it for what it was because disney approached them and said okay so you can either put a lot more money into this or we're going to make it a frozen thing and the norway government was like nah no thanks because the norway government

was like we're going to spend that on health care for our people not ride in another country so what i say is um down with norway fuck them because what's what's important is frozen okay and this new attraction has elsa singing let it go yes and you take a boat ride past her. And she sends you backwards in the ride. And you slide down into the frozen world. And it's amazing to see recreation. Yeah. And I don't. It's magical. It's frozen.

And you know what? I feel like what's important in our world is that everyone learns about frozen. Yeah. And not that people learn about Norway's culture. So the culture of the week goes to Disney for really prioritizing what's important. Wow. Really maintaining the World Showcase aspect of Epcot

and keeping it tight. Because the countries are Mexico, United States, United Kingdom, Canada, Italy, Morocco, and Frozen. China. Don't forget China and Japan. What? China and Japan. I'm not familiar. Erasure. This is erasure. Wow. What's your culture of the week, Bowen?

My culture of the week has got to be the Snow White and the Seven Dwarves ride in the Magic Kingdom. It's the perfect ride for anyone who's too afraid to get on Big Thunder Mountain. Perfect ride for someone who wants the atmosphere of Big Thunder Mountain without the gravitational perturbation. Speak on the animatronics. The animatronics. Wow.

So you are, the conceit of this ride is that you are in a mine cart, in the mine that the seven dwarves are working in. And so as you ride through the mine, you see, you travel through this world. It's so... Do you feel like they're real? mine and then they have the dwarves there um but instead of like moving animatronics they have led screen faces that have different emotions projected onto them yes i've done it i just want to make sure that everyone at home realizes that it really feels real it feels so real the animation is top notch and for a movie that's you know almost 80 years old so anyway you loop around and then but at the end of the ride as you're being sort of you know docked or on the bay or whatever um you see the house of snow white yes and the seven dwarves and you see snow white dancing yes with some of the dwarves yeah it's so funny why to watch her dance yes it's a laugh right and then you see the witch yes peeking

inside the house and you know she's up And you know she's up to no good. She's up to no good, mama. And she looks very real. In fact, maybe some of the animatronics in that ride are more real than some people that we know. How about that? And that is my culture of the week, honey. Sudi, what's your culture of the week?

Well, my culture of the week is actually, you know, has to do with Brexit because in Disney world, there is a ride that is teacups. Yes. And we all know. Thrilling staple of British life. Absolutely.

And we all know the history behind, you know, the British tea industry, you industry, colonization and whatnot. And what you really get to think about when you're in this teacup ride that actually has to do with Alice in Wonderland is you get to spin and spin and spin. But you're controlling the spinning. Right. Which is actually kind of like a metaphor for the fact that globalization and colonization, you can control how fast you spin, but no matter what, you're going to spin.

Wow. Because that colonization and globalization, you know, they're one and one. And people think that we live in a post-colonial world, but we actually don't. We don't. And so I would like to thank Disney and the Walt Disney Corporation for bringing that lesson to young children and also for bringing about the fun of spinning teacups in Alice in Wonderland

because it's a wonderful movie. Right. Now, would you say that even for young children, when they see the teacup spin, that they could equate that to the world will keep spinning. I was in Disney World yesterday. Wow. And I heard a little girl say,

Mommy, Mommy, I want to ride the Brexit ride. And she took her to the teacups. The mother knew what she was talking about. The mother knew what she was talking about. The daughter knew what she was talking about. The mother knew what she was talking about. The daughter knew what she was talking about. And everybody voted to leave the European Union. Right. Anyone who voted remain does not belong in that.

Right. Right. It's all about, you know. They belong in It's a Small World. It's all about getting educated. And then you make your decision. Thank you, Disney. It's a Small World is also a sham because, listen, it's a big world.

It's a small world thanks to McDonald's. Well, that about does it for this episode of Las Culturistas, Mama. Las Culturistas. Well, you know, we've had Sudi Green on the show and what a thrill it's been. What a thrill. I mean, I feel like we've all, you know, gotten to know each other even better if that's possible. I didn't think it was, but I agree. Who here has seen each other's dick or vagina?

I've seen Sudi's breasts. I've seen Sudi's breasts. Sudi may have seen my dick outline imprinted. I think Sudi's seen my penis. I don't think I've seen either of your penises. I've touched them. Next time. You've touched them many times.

Because when you're wearing soft shorts, I just like to give it a tap tap I'm wearing soft shorts right now everybody's seen my breasts I texted Betsy Kenny a super close up picture of my nipple the other day asking her if she was in town can I tell you one of my very first snapchat moments was you sending me a snapchat of your boob

and I screenshotted it and then I didn't know that snapchat did this but then it notified you that I screenshotted it and I got mad at him that Snapchat did this but then it notified you that I screenshotted it. And I got mad at him. And I was mortified. I go, oh no. Do you think that if you took a snapshot of your nipple that the Facebook would do the thing where it said Suti Green?

Soupy Soupy? Like boob recognition? I think that if there is any justice in this world, my breasts would be my face. So yes. That's a really nice way to end. I think. Sudi,

where can people follow you on social? They can follow me at fat Jasmine. With how many vowels? I think it's like three E's. I don't know. Regular fat Jasmine was taken and I was like, you gotta be kidding me.

By some asshole. And the picture is a literal chubby Jasmine. And I'm just like, it's so first thought. Thank you, Disney. Sudi Green, at Sudi Green on Instagram. At Sudi Green on Instagram.

Yeah. Love it. That's it, baby. And what's our merch for this episode? Our merch for this episode. Ooh, there's so much to choose from, isn't there? Matt, what do you think it is?

I think our merch is we didn't make up any rules this episode the three of us are going to co-write a three page memoir called Bad Moms two Bad Moms 2 it's going to be half memoir half sequel to Bad Moms

starring us as Kristen Bell Christine Applegate and Mila Kunis and off the air, we're about to argue about who's who. Thank you guys so much. Thank you. This was Cold Ruses Podcast. I'm Matt Rogers.

I'm Bowen Yang. Thank you, Forever Dog. Bye. Bye. Bye. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Baum. For more podcasts, please visit foreverdogproductions.com I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show,

Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes?

We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Sheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there.

Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom.

Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.