Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "FEMME FATALE" (w/ Max Wittert)

Episode Date: October 2, 2019

This week Max Wittert joins Matt and Bowen to discuss video game sexual awakenings, social anxiety, the fantasy of being poached to work in Abercrombie, and more!MERCH! MERCH! GET YOUR LAS CULTURISTAS MERCH!https://www.teepublic.com/stores/las-culturistasCONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST. LAS CULTURISTAS IS PRODUCED BY EMMA FOLEY.http://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/las-culturistas Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are back. I love that. I love that. Oh my gosh. Welcome. And last season's drama was just the tip of the iceberg. You're recording us? I am disgusted.

Never in a million years after everything we've been through did I think that you would reach out to our sworn enemy. We were friends. How could you do this to me? I don't trust her. The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Wednesdays at 9 on Bravo, or stream it on City TV+. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba?

Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him. Or back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-scenes stories, crazy details,

and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Sheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Sheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Forever. Dog. Look, man. Oh, I see. Dog. Me and the guest were discussing how it was the hottest day ever. And I realized that me and the guest do something similar. You guys spread open in front of a fan. We spread open in front of fans. Can I tell you all a new phenomenon that's been happening to me?

Your hole gets hot? Well, I am just generally hot in my apartment. And I was describing it like, know how like cats and dogs like like sort of absentmindedly will do something to cool themselves off like lick themselves or like go in to go in a shady area

oh what's yours sometimes I'll just like come to and I'll be just like standing over my air conditioning with like my butthole on it whoa

I'm anally fixated I think ah why do I want why do I want to cool my hole down so bad I think I think it it probably want to cool my hole down So bad I think it probably feels I'm just gonna Go out on a limb and say

Why am I doing that It's probably a moist part of your body And for you to get the air on it Feels really nice Because then it engages Whatever moisture is going on down there The bleemis Actually famously The rectal area It engages whatever moisture is going on down there. The bleemis. The bleemis.

It engages the bleemis. Actually, famously, the rectal area, that whole what we call the world, in quotes, is actually called the bleemis. It's from the Greek word bleemis. Now, I think we should just bring the reader up to speed on what your world means. Now, Matt, I vividly remember this moment. We were traveling

with Papi Roulade, our sketch group, back in the day. We were in many years ago. We were in Charleston? No, we were in Durham, Raleigh. Somewhere in that area. Yes, Chapel Hill.

Did I hook up with someone? No, but we got to our hotel room and then you were anally fixated or you were just you were doing a lot with your ass that day you were like poking it out just like just like really shaking your ass in front of us and we got to our hotel room and then you had just gotten on this bit about calling about just about looking into someone's eyes like it'd be my eyes or sudi's's eyes. You'd be like, let me show you my world. Yeah, it's called your world. So the area of your taint,

butthole and butt and lower balls, that's your world, everyone. And when you let someone into your world, that's how you say that. So instead of using the word bleemus, or instead of using the word, sorry, but rectum,

or little hole, you can say, you let them into your world but you you showed them the world do you remember your performance though like like this is truly

it was so grounded and I really commend you um you would just you would look into someone's eyes you'd lock into their eyes and say like it was the most

vulnerable thing absolutely I'm an incredibly vulnerable performer yes and you and you would say I'm ready to show you my world I'm ready to show you my world.

I'm ready to show you my world. But it was like, it was like, you were like, you've never done this. You were clearly a little scared. There's a little bit of fear. You'd be like,

I'm ready to show you my world. Yes. Give me the space to do this emotionally. Okay. I'm ready to show you my world. i this is a weird note but it was more feminine i'm ready to show you my world that was it and then you would and then you would i would spread you would turn around and then just like fucking undulate your ass in front of someone's face and it was truly the funniest thing in the world that was was my early 20s, you guys. I mean, I was much more ass forward.

Now, not so much. Well, now you're ass in front of the air conditioner. Exactly. I mean, it's really, it's a thing about cooling down versus, you know, being sexual. You are very much, you're very anally fixated. Yes. Well, I just dealt with a hemorrhoid, a thrombosed hemorrhoid. Right.

So now, is that dealt with? It's dealt with. And you know what? I really thank my team of experts who really pointed me to Preparation H and Lansing options. Speaking of your butt, yeah, I, what, our guest just acted like he was revolted. I think

he was revolted on my word choice with the word Lansing, which is my word of the summer. Lance. I am now on record on this podcast as saying that I once had a cyst on my butthole, lanced and drained. And I think Patty Harrison would, I think in her,

her concert storyline in which she described Ellen DeGeneres lancing, concert goers. Lancing her fans. With her, with her rhino horn penis. It's a way to say speared.

It's a way to say speared or, you know, impale or something. But it's a fun, chic 2019 way of saying it. Speaking of your butthole, how was your weekend? My weekend was okay. You had a lover here.

Yeah. And it was really complicated. Why was it complicated? It was fun. We had a really lovely time. Wasn't as much anal stuff as you would think. As you were hoping? I actually was kind of relieved.

I was like, oh, thank God. Honestly, sometimes it's a relief. Sometimes when anal sex is off the table, it's a relief. It's actually real culture number six. Sometimes when anal sex is off the table, it's a relief. Because it's so much to deal with. And I got to tell you, my hemorrhoid flared up. Oh, God.

Because of the anal sex. No. I still want to live in this space of nothing going on down there. Nothing alarming going on down there for a little bit. And then put myself out there with my world, with my bleemess. All of it.

God bleemess you. God bleemess you. And God bleemess our guest who I think is an anal person. I think he's an anal person. And I think that that can be attributed to many things. Can I tell you, our guest is I think, an anal person. I think he's an anal person. And I think that that can be attributed to many things. Can I tell you, our guest is, I think, and I truly understand the hyperbole in this statement,

but what I think makes me laugh without feel anytime I see him. I love this person so deeply. Very just like pure comedic energy. Pure comedic energy, Chaos at such an intellectual level. I love him so much. He makes me laugh every single time I see him. I saw this person perform

at the Bell House like maybe like a week, week and a half ago for a gay show for all people. It was singular. It was like you've never seen anyone else do this. He's so fucking funny. Yeah, I loved it. And talented. So talented. So smart. So kind. So lovely. Such's so fucking funny. Yeah, I loved it. And talented. So talented. Talented illustrator. So smart. So kind. So lovely. Such a talented illustrator.

Such a talented vocalist. Yeah. Bleemus. Bleemus. Oh my god. And he has a lot of things that you can see around town. One of which is Get Real. Co-hosted with Joe Castlebaker. With Joe Castlebaker, friend of the pod even. Another Judy even.

He was just at this year's Clusterfest with the Variety Hour. Absolutely up next. Up next. That's what they say when you are quite literally up next. Up next. In terms of being embraced by the mainstream audience. By Viacom. By America.

By America. I mean, if you get up next, you can probably say this person will probably have a sketch show on Comedy Central. Absolutely. You can probably say that. You can probably say that. He hosts the fabulous podcast So Fascinating with Ruby McAllister. Another friend of the pod. Another friend of the pod.

He just put up his wonderful show with Sam Taggart, another friend of the pod. And also, coming soon in the future, an announcement about an upcoming solo show. In September. In September. Stay tuned for that. I am very excited to have this person here because it's been a long time coming. We've wanted him to be on the show for a very long time.

So please, reader, welcome into your ears Max Winter. Kevin Spacey! Kevin Spacey is here. Kevin, go ahead. I've been acquitted It's Kevin Spacey And honey I've got a new voice And he's got a new voice

Oh my god Kevin it's so great to have you Alright no just kidding It's Max Stupid It's Max Stupid You have your phone out I was just like madly Cause like I was like

Okay do I What do I take I have so many things I want to like respond to Okay go I was like, okay, what do I take? I have so many things I want to respond to. Okay, go, go, go. Really quickly. Yeah, okay, sure. Go.

No, really quickly. Okay, fine. Okay. Go. Start somewhere. Okay. First of all, you called me a vocalist, which is absolutely psychotic. I was searching.

Because of the way that you're using your voice. Because of the way that, which I understand what you're going for there, but it immediately brought me back to this experience that Bowen and I had on Fire Island a couple years ago in which I genuinely attempted

to sing along with him and flubbed it so extraordinarily badly. What song was it? Colors of the Wind. Colors of the Wind. Which, okay, as a child was like,

okay, Matt Bowen, you guys know me, I'm obviously not like a Disney-ass bitch, but I was kind of a Disney bitch as a child was like, okay, Matt Bowen, you guys know me, like I'm obviously not like a Disney ass bitch, but I was kind of a Disney bitch as a baby. Yeah. Yeah. And specifically like Pocahontas, Colors of the Wind was my jam. So great. My dad recorded me singing it and sent it to my grandmother. I didn't know that there was this personal history with that.

This song had so much, which is the reason that I even bothered to sing it with you because otherwise I'd be like, I'm going to go over here while you sing. Oh my God, Matt. Someone loves to sing Colors of the Wind. It'd be like, I'm going to go over here while you sing. Oh my God, Max. Owen loves to sing colors of the wind. It's one of his jams. I really do. It's fantastic. It's a fantastic song.

Also, one of my favorite things was that the Kids' Choice Awards, back in the day when that song came out, Whoopi Goldberg made some joke off the shoulder, off the cuff, sorry. Yeah, off the cuff. About something about the colors of my wind. And then she made like a fart joke.

And it made me be like okay this woman is brilliant yeah you know I was like this woman is so brilliant out of Whoopi's entire career I wish her fart joke at the kids choice

was based on colors of the wind that's really moved you culturally have you guys seen Theodore Rex the movie the buddy cop movie that she stars in with a dinosaur

oh my god no you should check it out anyway so but we tried to sing this song Bowen is a legitimate singer no I no but you God, no. You should check it out. Anyway, so, but we tried to sing this song. Bowen is a legitimate singer. No. No.

But you, in comparison, and so, okay. What was the line? I'll do it for you. Okay. So, it was like, you think you own whatever land you land on. And then, okay, and we were doing fine up here. And then we go, the earth is just a dead thing you can and then right here and then right here he hits a note that makes sense but it's a little bit of like a thing where it's like he's kind of asking me to harmonize yeah and i could tell that

i was i was trying to get there with him and i couldn't do it so this is how we went okay the earth is just a dead thing you can claim. Because I was like, I could tell. I could tell that I was trying. He was trying. I could tell I was supposed to go higher. Like, so I'm like a little bit down your back. I know. You can claim.

Here's what I was trying to do. I was trying. This is what I was trying to do. The earth is just a dead thing you can claim. No! Ew, you're so dead, you fag. I heard you go low, so I was like, I guess I'll go high. And I don't know anything about pitch, key, tone, nothing.

I don't know anything, I'm just like, but when someone goes low, I guess that means I'm supposed to go high. The earth is just a dead thing you can claim. And I just went, and I was like, surely on my way up, I'll hit the note that I'm supposed to hit.

And I just overshot so bad. I truly brought like a bazooka to like a slingshot contest. You know what I mean? Was everyone like, oh my God. It was only me and Brian and I broke down

and I fell to my knees on the boardwalk in the middle of the night it was on the boardwalk on Fire Island oh my god this is the stupidest thing I've ever it's so funny that you literally lost control of the car every single time I think about this moment to myself

I have to laugh it's so gnarly what I did it's so gnarly what you do it's so gnarly what I did. It's so gnarly what you do. It's so simple and stupid. It's so funny. Okay, that's one. Did you carry on? No, no, no. Boshed. Boshed.

Completely. We just caught up with the others because we were way ahead. We were 50 paces ahead of other people because we were just like going off and having just a little moment to ourselves. We were going to sing together. And then you know what I did? I just took it out. 50 paces ahead of other people because we were just like going off and having just a little moment to ourselves. We were going to sing together and then, and then you know what I did? I just took it out.

Okay, also, I thought you were talking about you were performing karaoke. No, no, no. This was on my island. We were just walking together, just the two of us. Yes.

We were on our way to the cherry, the grove that is cherry. The grove that is cherry. The grove that is cherry. Also, is it okay that I'm not wearing my headphones because they were really loud and it seemed like

even when you guys were... Just take them off. It's fine. we don't care what you do okay great because I feel more natural okay so that's

one thing and then what else do you have to respond to so I just want to talk about ass stuff yeah number one so you were talking

about you're calling your asshole your world the whole world yeah my world just my world possessive

my world okay my world when I was 19 I worked at American Apparel in Los Angeles and we had a

just a slurry of a flurry a flurry of of managers just one manager after another and one of them was this

really lame loser from the south and his and he called buttholes spider pies spider pies spider pies

and then one time my and then one time I know I know and then one time my co-worker went on his computer dear friend of mine

but my co-worker went on the computer to like send an email and his email was open the manager's email was open and he found like an email

to manhunt oh my god oh my god like to some guy on manhunt he was closeted i assume no he was gay i mean he was very obviously gay but um but he so my co-worker opened up the email and there were like some nude photos of him in there oh and then there was a website in the

corner and we were like okay well we're gonna go to the website and i know you're going on because this is cool but yeah whatever we were 19 we were being a door manager who we hated and he had bad taste and was also really unprofessional at work and maybe even slightly abusive so you know

maybe slightly abusive why not he was a restaurant manager so of course he was restaurant American Apparel is a restaurant

it is a restaurant possibly so we opened up the website it's a photographer's website and you know gay photographers used to have their little watermark in the corners?

You can go to the watermark and see all the photos of... It'd be like, okay, these are my categories. Portraiture, men, or landscape. And it was like, click on men. Okay, scroll down. There's like Daniel, Matthias, Andrew, whatever. Find our manager's name. And let's just say we found his spider pie.

Whoa! God! That's great. Wow. Spider pie. Well, I mean, where do you get that? Something's very invoked now, which is a balloon knot.

Balloon knot? I've always thought the balloon knots look like a tidy hole. A tidy hole? A tidy hole. Yeah, they do. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Are you kidding?

Yeah, no. I guess I can understand why we call the balloon not the butthole, but spider pie. It's a spider pie. It's a radial thing, like a spider. And then, you know, it's a pie. Well, I think of the legs as being like the creases. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I...

And then pie because he's Southern. And that's where they make those. Spider pie. Spider pie. You go, see, when you say it with an accent, it sort of feels right. So he came into the American Apparel and said,

y'all, I don't want to see y'all's cracks hanging low. It's almost like we're at risk of seeing a spider pie. Cover up those spider pies. Cover up those spider pies, ladies. No thanks. Pie because he's Southern

and because American Apparel is a restaurant. Yes. Okay, so. Exactly. Also, one more thing that I American Apparel is a restaurant. Yes. Also one more thing that I wanted to mention about the up top conversation. We can talk about whatever you want. Can I talk about my first hemorrhoid experience? I had no idea what they were. Me neither. I was in high school and I was

like cleaning myself in the shower. And I was like cancer. And I got out of the shower, dried myself off and I was like I don't feel right then woke up laying on the ground looking up at the ceiling my head between the toilet and the bathtub I had fainted because I gave myself a panic attack oh I had butt cancer and it was a hemorrhoid from yeah eating like garbage yeah yeah yeah that's the thing if you don't want a hemorrhoid don't yeah, eating like garbage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the thing. If you don't want a hemorrhoid,

don't eat like garbage. It's actually rule of culture number 93. If you don't want a hemorrhoid, don't eat like garbage. Now, and you, did you just preparation age it? Did you,

like, how'd you, how'd you treat it? Definitely not that, although my dad, actually, I bet my dad would have had, because my dad has had a lot of, we are, you know, we are a Semitic people.

So we have the digestive, you know, culture within our home. Right, right. There's a lot, and my dad is classically, will never give up a medication, whether it is over the counter or prescription. Just, you know, cabinets filled with them. So we have it available. I'm sure I ended up using it because I'm sure I told my dad that I had this issue. You know, every single time I've had

any sort of anal issue. It's pretty scary though. It is like a vulnerable spot down there. Yeah. And so like the fact that you're like, you feel like, I don't know, is this weird that I spread my ass in front of an air conditioner or a fan? Like,'s not weird no i mean i'll i'll i'll literally it's my right to do whatever i want with that or you know it is weird but it's okay my world it's okay to be weird it's okay it's so okay to be weird spreading my ass in front of an ac tommy had to be weird

yeah now i'm culture like when there was like a really gorgeous girl with like a side ponytail and a tie on that was like it it's actually okay to be weird. And that's who we thought. Yeah, that's basically who I'm. Wait, can I tell you that? Like I absolutely dress like that sometimes. Like Avril Lavigne culture? Yeah, like a tie with something

that you're not supposed to wear a tie with. And I used to wear ties as belts. You just reminded me. Oh God. Oh my God. You were one of those? I did all sorts of things in high school and throughout my life. I mean, the choice I made.

Trying to find who you were. But Max, I would consider Max to be someone who really like has worn every single, tried on every single hat. I have tried on every single hat. And has landed on what, like on his aesthetic. I don't know if I have. You just like called, you just DM'd me because I was shopping earlier. And you were like, buy that. I was like, no, it doesn't look good on me. You were like,, you just DM'd me because I was shopping earlier and you were like, buy that. I was like, no,

it doesn't look good on me. You were like, oh, who cares? Like, because we're about to go to Fire Island. We're recording this the week

before we go to Fire Island and then you were just like, what did you say? You were like, I was like, I told you, I was like, I'm not going to go too heavy

on the looks this year. Yeah, and I said, oh, it's all about looking like garbage right now. Looking like garbage is hot. It's actually hot.

I'm only bringing like all my most stained clothing. I'm bringing literally like no Speedos. I'm just bringing the dirtiest, nast. I'm bringing literally no Speedos. I'm just bringing the dirtiest, nastiest $5 chunks that I bought in a beach in Florida in the middle of the night six years ago. And it's literally in tatters. And I'm like, yeah, this is sexy.

And I'm going to have a dirty fucking mustache and just look like shit on the beach. As a sartorially-minded person what what i'm so curious what would you describe as your like um aesthetic right now is the max order 2019 aesthetic is this this is so unfair i just it's a really good question no what were you gonna because because i just i this sounds so uh cloying but like you are so you're you're so fashion you're so literate when it comes to that kind of thing well i appreciate that i do have a podcast about it so i, you're so literate when it comes to that kind of thing. Well, I appreciate that. I do have a podcast about it. So I better,

you know, I have to back it up with something. Yes. I really don't, I actually really don't know a lot about fashion. I just have a lot of opinions about it basically. But I grew up super duper into it as a kid and I used to draw it a lot.

And I've had various like fashion, like identities throughout the various periods of my life. In adulthood, I went through some periods where I would like intentionally be like, okay, right now what I want to look like is the like gay military brat,

like a gay military brat and whose like father's like a general who's been stationed in like a sort of like, well, no, like a tropical region. So I'd wear like a lot of like you know like army looking shorts and with like boots but then like some like you know

this is right now no this was like previously okay and then after that period I was like oh I want to look like I just came out of the desert and so I was like

wearing like a lot of like linens and big leather hats and shit and then I got to New York and I was like and I found like this really goofy weird hat and I was like, and I found like this really goofy, weird hat.

And I was like, okay, no matter where I am, I just want to look like I'm not from there. So my whole thing was just like, I want to look wrong all the time. Oh my God. Which is a response. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So, and now I sort of, I don't know where I'm at right now. I think I've sort of died down a little. Oh, sorry.

I want to ask you a question. Do you wear every day what you want to wear? Like, well, oh my God. Or do you feel like you're like, I think people will like this? I just sort of like take on different mantles a lot. So then it is your choice. This is what I'm doing today.

And I like it. I make, I mean, I mean, I think I definitely, I make like, you make choices, choices every day.

Like, I mean, obviously like if I'm going to like a professional thing, I'm not going to dress like a fucking psycho, like, you know, uh, like club kid or something.

But I have those looks too, if I want to bust those out. But you, you usually like, I think what you're asking that is like, you usually have an intention with it. Like I, I just threw this out. I'm like, I'm like, I don't, but I i think what you're asking that is like you usually have an intention with like i'm i just threw this out i'm like i'm like i don't but i would disagree with that is that i like my whole thing is like i think you're you have an intention with everything

that you put on whether you realize it or not well i guess what i'm trying to get at is because as i'm listening to you talk i'm kind of realizing that it's only recently i started wearing things that i like wearing i feel like throughout my entire life, especially high school and then like college definitely. And then like throughout my twenties, I was always dressing to fit into something that I wanted to assimilate with. And it's only recently like that. I think I've kind of like actually started to like really,

really truly like who I am that I'm like, I'm actually going to wear this and not necessarily care what the implication of it is but all throughout my life like especially in high school like trying to like wearing all that American Eagle shit and doing the which was very much what I did and you

laugh because it's literally like I had some American Eagle too but yeah but you never no one ever choose no one ever wears American Eagle too. But yeah, but you never, no one ever chooses, no one ever wears American Eagle because they're like, I like this the best. This is my style. You know what I mean? Like this actually is my style. This is how I'm going to express myself to the world. It was a culturally

mandated thing that was like, you should all want to look like this. And that's why I dress that way. And I remember tried that. And then like, I remember when I had older friends in high school wear a lot of hooded sweatshirts to be like, I don't care either of you guys. And then like when I was in college and had straight comedy friends, I was always like, I'm going to wear this T-shirt with the Joker on it

because that's straight culture and like that's, it's like cool and like shows that I've seen movies. And then like even in my early 20s when I was like starting to do gay stuff, I was like, I'm actually going to part my hair to the side. So what do you think this outfit says? I think this outfit says I'm too hot. Yeah.

Because I literally would never wear a tank top because I was always like nervous about what, for whether it's real or not, I would never have worn a tank top because I was like,

well then people will look at my arms and I don't like my arms. I mean, I would say even if you're dressing for yourself, you're still making choices about other people

because it, like, just like anything that you do visually whether that's like tattoos grooming like whatever it's you are intrinsically projecting a message like people that are like oh i don't give a shit about fashion i don't care about clothes at all are completely lying because if you gave that person a clown suit and was like wear this around they'd be like fuck no yeah yeah it's like no you actually do care but what you care about is is attempting to blend yeah in or be ignored basically i love that so like what i would say is that like i i think yeah you're really a monologue i mean i

think that like you were wearing what you wanted to wear all along but what you but what you wanted has changed you're actually right and and i think that also as you've gotten a stronger idea of who you are and what your values are, you're more comfortable making assertive decisions about the stuff you put on your body. And how you represent yourself. Because it's interesting because to hear you talk about like I packed all my garbage shit to wherever Fire Island. It's like that is a choice. That's a choice. Yeah. Hell yeah, it's a fucking choice. Because it's like, that is a choice. That's a choice. Yeah.

Hell yeah, it's a fucking choice. Because it's like, listen, we're going to be there during the fucking Pines party. I know. When it's just going to be like,

like, I mean, Are we going? A hundred percent no. Are you fucking kidding? I was thinking about Joel. It's like $200. Oh,

I mean, I don't know who knows. This will come out so far after. Yeah, if I had any sort of presentable body, I would absolutely go. I know, Sam. There's no such thing as a summer body. Yeah, if I had any sort of presentable body, I would absolutely go. There's no such thing as a summer body. Well, as I tweeted earlier,

the body, I was like, oh, the beach is gonna get whatever body I give it, and then like an asterisk drags a heavy plastic bag through the beach at night. Anyway, yeah, I don't know. The body positivity thing is really interesting to me.

It is. It's fascinating. Because I don't, I think I might have talked about this when I did seek treatment. Sorry. No, no, no. Is it okay to say that I did seek treatment? That's actually okay to say. Just because like in the sort of like forever dog canon, I don't know whether I'm allowed

to like say like, oh, this happened before that because I'm sort of not a writer on the forever dog. Right. So universe, you know. You're breaking a lot of rules right now. We are going to let that slide. No, just kidding. No, but what I was going to say, what I was going to say is just that like

this whole body positivity thing like blows my mind because I'm sort of like, if people are like comfortable with their bodies, I'm sort of like, okay, are you lying to me or to yourself? Because I truly am like... My thing is... I'm sorry.

No, go ahead. I'm just willing to say that I'm an intelligent, self-aware person who has struggled with body shit my whole life. I was overweight for a long period of my upbringing. And I just... when people are like you know what one day i just made a choice and now yeah i'm like you know this is the body that i have and and and i'm happy with it and i'm just sort of like you you made a choice to be happy yeah

you made a choice it's like one day i just decided this life is mine and I'm just going to, you know, it's like, what are you fucking talking about? You know what I mean? It's like people's, this is weird. What bumps with you? What? Like what? Like, um. Like it's not, I get what you're saying.

Like it's like, like as if like happiness and like full acceptance of yourself and to leave that entire conversation behind was a choice you made one day. How did you do it? How? Yeah, like how? How can that be real how how did you do that like did you okay it's like oh you mix two eggs

and like you know stir them together it's like what do you do to achieve the fucking sure sure sure cause I'm in I've been in therapy for a long fucking time

now boys it's like boys bye at the like height of my like privilege and blindness I used to say to people

in my life well you have to make the choice to be happy, which is a crazy thing to say. No, and I grew up with that so much because I was brought up in a Neo-Buddhist cult. It's a cult, but I mean, it's a harmless cult. But so much of the verbiage in my family was about just like, you have to, yeah,

happiness, happiness, you have to achieve happiness and like choose happiness and it's just like what are you talking about like it was a neo-buddhist thing yeah yeah i mean it was like part of the uh what i don't even know what to call it the it was just it was just it was it was it was it was it was it was a hard no no no no no it was it was called soka gakkai international it's just like oh japanese based like a neo-buddhist um organization they yeah well i don't know this about you oh yeah all of my baby photos are like literally like it's like five japanese women surrounding like a man in like a kimono holding me with like in a tuxedo and what it's like oh my gosh my baby photos are just psycho. Were you born in Italy

or was this? Yeah, I'm, no, I was born in Japan. I'm a Japanese citizen. No, that would be psycho. No, I was, I was born in Santa Monica. Oh, great.

Okay, cool. But then this was, this was just like some contingent from this Buddhist cult in Japan was just in LA. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So they're just like, they're like this like international organization. I think they call themselves like a world peace organization they're totally harmless they're in every city they're chill

it's cool they're not taking money from people you know it's fine the people there happy good people in it

but you know but it is by definition like a cult sure and then yeah but like so much so interesting how do you define a cult

um it's sort of based on like, basically like the size of it. You can't really call it like an official religion. Right, right, right. And also there's just so much debate about whether like Buddhism is a religion or whatever quotation marks.

Sure. Anyway. So then growing up around that, there was always some narrative around attaining happiness and that that to you is just like that makes no sense that's well and for so long i was like yeah of course like so you know every birthday i'd like with you know blow my candles and be like i wish for a life full of happiness and it's like looking back then i'm just like what the fuck was i even talking about well i always find that like it's like with find that it's similar to the American dream thing,

where it's like attaining happiness as the goal or attaining the American dream. Really, that's a way for whatever organization or sort of culture you're a part of, that's their way of getting you to follow their rules. And essentially, it's a way to keep you in a system that they benefit from having you in. So they say these things that actually are grand ideas like achieve the American dream or attain happiness or go to heaven. And it's like these

things that you don't have an answer for but you follow because that's what you've been told to follow. And you're right. It is. Happiness is such a weird thing. When somebody says like are you Matt are you happy how would you answer that

I would say wow that's such an interesting question because you know what happiness is always going to be abstract no one is I just say no one is ever going to be able

to pin down a definition of happiness with words or with any linguistic concept to like match it with yeah well I'm just like my answer is usually like sometimes

like yeah sometimes I am like you're always at all times going to be a human being who's capable and will experience all of the emotions. Or the vast majority of human beings are able to experience all emotions anyway. And so this thing of like, are you happy? Sure. Like I can acknowledge that I live every day and I'm lucky that I'm able to eat and live and have people that I love in my life and like I get to do what I want to do.

So, yes, I am happy. However, are there things that upset me? Yes, absolutely. Can I do I end days? Do I end days miserable even though I have no reason to be? Yes. Like sometimes that does happen. So it's a weird question.

Yeah, I know. It's yeah. What are you going to say? Well, I think what you're saying about happiness as it relates like body positivity is that it's like and I yeah I know it's yeah what are you gonna say well I think what you're saying about happiness as it relates to like body positivity is that it's like and I think I

I think I I think this is what you're saying and I agree with it really really hard is that um uh like appealing to happiness

is just a cop out it's just like I decided to be happy well it's like no you like you're pinning a lot of you're escaping

actually reckoning with something that you're, that you were unhappy with, with some like amorphous definition of happiness. And like, that's like not actually, well, basically I'm just like,

I think that like in order to have like a sense of body positivity or even like happiness, sort of like, like you sort of have to be able to completely shed the the need to like please others which basically means like shedding shame which is by definition basically a personality disorder yeah so you know so like i don't believe that you can kind of like just like have these things without like without something being sort of wrong with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Although I think that there are ways to like... Oh my gosh, I'm afraid to completely edit this out. No, no, no. I actually think that's like... We're onto something. Anyway. We're onto something. Yeah.

That's not quite it, what you just said. No, I'm kidding. I think that there are ways to like push the shame back or something to keep it at bay but it's like you're you'd be kidding yourself if you were saying like yeah it was a cure you know it's like oh like there there are older there are like old people that are like you know i'm fine like or whatever like i'm happy with what i am but i think like even those people are sort of just like at a point where it's like either they've just like given up or or they're just sort of i mean a lot of people

just like push it down and just i mean or just lie to themselves i think i think something that comes with age is the awareness that no one is thinking about you as much as you're thinking about yourself that is something that helps me is like realizing that like you can like i remember what i was i was in la for a while and I had a lot of social anxiety when I first got there and I would literally sit in my house and be like, I'm not going to go out cause I'm too scared. Oh my God. Like truly weird.

Like in my dark moments, I actually get a little socially anxious. A little. Yeah. A little bit. And like, um, so,

and sometimes I won't leave my house if I feel like it's going to be too much of an effort. And when I was first out in Los Angeles, I thought that. And I remember like changing my clothes a lot and like really wanting to like be the best version of myself. And then one day I was kind of like, this is crazy that I'm doing this because no one cares as much as I care. Like, you know what I mean? Like I'll show up to a thing, people will say hello to me and then like we'll all talk or we all won't. And like everything will happen,

and also we're tiny little specks of dust at the end of the day. Like, no one really cares. I love that you're able to do that. I consider that lying to myself because, like, you know, okay, so I go to, like, Planet Fitness, and, I mean, this is, like, something that I've, like, said on stage, so I apologize for, like, repeating, like, a joke that I've, like, said on stage or whatever,

but, like, there's, like, all these signs all over the gym that are like no judgment and I'm like uh honey like I'm proof that that's not true because I'm here judging everybody you know so like so yes that's like a fabulous mantra to have and like when I try to do that to myself it like is like

a temporary salve and then I'm just like wait no actually I go out and I am like judging people you know it's like not out loud but you judging people but you judging people like has no real effect on them I think that's what matters yeah right right right and also and also it's like

we dip in and out of these thoughts it's like I sometimes I dip in and I'm like and I'm like fuck this person for like doing that or like wearing that person looks so blah blah and then like I talk to them and it's like, oh, I love you. I know. And then maybe something else happens. I'm like, actually, fuck it.

It's like, here's something I want to throw out there. If someone talks shit about you, do you want to know? Because I'll say this. I do not. I don't. And so I'm sort of seeing someone and like one of our friends talked bad shit about another one of our friends and they found

out and so I will tell you off the pot and so like I was saying that it is my worst nightmare to find out that people that I like and respect have said mean things about me and it's just I will never let that go and I said I said and respect have said mean things about me. And it's just, I will never let that go.

And I said, I said, and I would say to you and to you and any of my friends, I would say, if you ever hear someone talking shit about me, but dear God, I do not want to know. Please just let me live in a world where like,

that's, that's fine. Unless it's like really harmful and I'm being lied to on a consistent basis and it's dangerous. Then like, let's have a conversation about it because maybe it's something that that person needs help with but like i really truly do not want to know when someone talks shit about me what say you guys about this i'm really glad that i kept this a comedy podcast by the way no i this is a culture podcast you stupid bitch you're so right i'm such a culture podcast, you stupid bitch. You're so right. I'm such a dumb, stupid bitch. You absolutely stink. I'm a stinky, dumb, stupid bitch.

And I smell like hell. Answer my question. I am with you. I think. What about you, Max? Wait, I'm sorry. If someone's talking shit about you, and I knew it. You want to know?

Has that benefited you in the past as can you think of a case Mortal Kombat used to stay in the opening of the game you used to turn on the game

you know you used to have midway or whatever and then there'd be a little quotation in those like spiky gold letters and it said

knowledge is power that's what the old Mortal Kombat so you know what I believe knowledge is power yeah but I guess I don moral comment, so you know what, I believe knowledge is power. Yeah, but I guess I don't need power

in my soul. Knowledge can be destructive power. Yes, I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, you, what is your sign? Gemini.

Gemini. I know, that's what everybody says. That's because I was lying and I'm actually a Leo. I'm totally kidding. I'm totally kidding. I'm a Virgo. Wait, bro. I did this to a guy once that I was lying and I'm actually a Leo. I'm totally kidding. I'm totally kidding. I'm a Virgo.

Wait, bro. I did this to a guy once that I was dating and he got some out of me. What are you? I'm a Gemini. Yeah, I was going to say. I'm totally kidding. I'm a Pisces. What?

Max! Are you actually a Pisces? Stop it. What are you? I'm a Gemini. I have the same birthday as the Olsen twins. Same to the year? No. Oh, my God. You think I'm 33? No, I'm 32. I have the same birthday as the Olsen twins same to the year no oh my god

you think I'm 33 no I'm 32 wait oh my god Gemini are twins and the Olsen twins are twins oh my god

wow that's huge we just broke it all open wow and that that is culture ooh listen we have to ask you

the question yes oh no and this question yes go ahead Max what is the culture that made you say culture is for me the culture that made you say oh it's time to go in the cultural direction so I've thought about

this a couple briefly times a couple briefly times and it's a little bit difficult for me to answer because, so like. You can have multiple answers. Okay, so. This is, oh my God, I'm such a pretentious fuck. Max, go.

So whatever. But I'm just going to go for it. So it's like, okay. I grew up in Los Angeles. Yes. In a neo-Buddhist. Yes. Cult.

My mother was like a designer and like stylist. Yes stylist. There's photos of her with Demi Moore styling her on striptease. My father was OG, Groundlings, Second City dude, writer for cartoons and stuff. You can't ask a fish about the water because I was just surrounded by it.

I shit all the time, but I can tell you about the moment that I was able to step out from, and see what it was. And I think you and I might have talked about this briefly, Bowen, at my place once. I was watching Tiny Toons, and the Babs character, I think,

used to do these like impressions sometimes where she would just like turn into like a diva or something. Looking back on it i now realize she was doing a sort of like share impression yeah but of course that at that age i had no idea what it was referencing but i sort of clocked it as a moment where i was like oh i get the joke even though i have no idea what's going on. And I was like, okay. I'm gay. You know, I mean, like, obviously not in so many words, but I was like, okay. There's something about this that rings true with a core part of me that I haven't interacted with yet.

It was baby's first postmodernism. You know what I mean? It's, I have, this is not like a fully formed question that I have, but like, this is such a common. Then don't ask it. Shut up. This is such a common. Then don't ask it. Shut up. This is such a common thing with so many queer people. Shut up.

Where it's like a chicken or the egg thing where it's like, is it something like. Is it nature or nurture? Well, no. Is it that like this thing has a queer intention or a queer brush behind it? And so that's why like you respond to it. Do you respond? her do you respond you know do what i'm saying is it something is there some interior mechanism that you have even

as a kid that you're like oh whoa that oh you're like was something wrong with me or was something wrong with that and it made something yeah kind of well i don't even know if i know but i get why you say wrong and i do like i agree with what you're saying it's i think the question i do agree that you're wrong i know no i think the question is like is queerness like more than sexual is it also like that's what i'm saying it's intrinsically cultural in a way you know what i mean like is it is it like because i remember like no there was i think people can grow up and be like really deeply like not queer while also being homosexual you know what i mean well but, but as part of the repress, but as part of the repressing of the homosexual,

they also impress, also repressing those cultural instincts. I mean like, like, you know what I mean? Yeah. What I'm saying? It's like,

cause I remember I've had the same sort of stuff with, um, I'm like, I would listen to like Margaret show albums and like Sandra Bernhardt albums. No, no. Like, but like I went back,

but when I think I realized I was gay but when you say like I don't get the jokes but I get them that kind of thing I remember like seeing like Alicia Silverstone and Clueless and like something about her like state of being I was like I'm that it's a state of irony it's a state of

I mean camp as much as I hate to say it yeah but it's a question. It's like, cause, cause you don't know what your sexuality is at five, but you know, you want to,

you know, what's a crazy thing I always think of. Like I remember seeing the commercial for scream like with Drew Barrymore running. Also wait, just as you said scream, there was a thunder strike outside. Did you hear that? Oh my God.

Yeah. That was crazy. That was, and I did that. Yeah, I know that. I know. I just wanted to bring your attention. I remember. Yeah yeah i remember seeing like the commercial for scream and my instinct being

oh i wish someone would chase me around oh my god i would always like i remember like when i would play mario kart and i and like or like mario games like and peach would be like in the castle like taken by bowser i was always like i wish someone would come rescue me would come snatch me away I had like a thing where I was like

I wanted to be was it that was it I wish someone would come rescue me or was it I wish someone would kidnap me I think it might have been both

well in order to be rescued you gotta be kidnapped that's the whole thing it's a real culture in the in order to be rescued you have to be kidnapped yeah

that's so fun I remember like it was a thing with me I was like I can't believe I play this game and I have to be rescued, you have to be kidnapped. That's so fun. I remember it was a thing with me. I was like, I can't believe I play this game and I have to be the person that goes and gets her. That's such a hot thought as a child. Well, for me, during Mario 64, I remember the opening is Peach sends a letter to Mario, please come over to the castle for a cake.

For a special peachy cake. And I was like, I wish I had the resources and the access to not only to invite someone to come to my house for the cake that I made that is my expression of my love for them.

Yeah, and also to be desirable enough that the answer to that invitation would be yes. Absolutely, without question. And I'll traverse the plane to get to you. And that for a dragon koopa creature to kidnap me. Yeah.

And invade my home. Snatch my peach. I think there is something about, there is something, to snatch my peach. There is something about, I don't know what it was, but I always wanted. To be peach. Like I had this thing, like I was like, I want someone to come rescue me. I think it's because, I think it's because I was born like as a as a like a little boy you know like you're you're you're you are forced into a

role of being like this aggressor and when you don't feel that way you look at the things in media that are like what's the what's not that what's not that oh my god that's so interesting my whole thing was absolutely wanting to be like just like a venomous like villain all i ever want all i ever wanted was to be i mean like this obviously the second i saw like michelle fife or a scout when i was like huge i was just gonna say that i i had like you know my dad was very supportive he like bought me a whip when i was a kid because i asked for one and i would just like walk around like whipping things off my shelves and shit and like I was like so into like throwing daggers and like poison you know it's like all I ever want how all I ever wanted was to be like a fucking femme fatale like vile villainous yes venomous cunt do

you think that that developed like as you aged a little bit and like and now I'm just exploring or was it always like that wait what do you mean? Like, did you, because for me it started with wanting to be the damsel in distress and then being like, oh wait, there's actually power in being the femme fatale. No, because at age five, my first video game was Mortal Kombat.

And from day, from day, no. I mean, Sonya, yeah, sure. I mean, her clicks are fabulous. But like, no, like Kitana. Like Kitana, you know, it's like, from day one, I was like, heels, corset, blades, blood.et blades blood yeah give me like and i just

want i was like so into wow just the like absolute like violent cuntiness of it yeah yeah yeah i remember oh my god like chun li and shit like yep yep yep yep all these games i was such a fighting game whore did you guys play play the GoldenEye shooter game? Oh, GoldenEye? Oh my God, yes. Were you a Natalia or a Xenia? I was a Xenia. Probably, I can't remember exactly.

The Natalia was more of like the, was the Bond girl. Yeah. And Xenia was the fucking- Well, they were both Bond girls, but Xenia was the true Femme Fatale. It didn't matter to me, I don't think, because I could never see myself in that game.

It was just like the hands, right? Oh! So you need to have your identity affirmed in a video game, like in a mirror or something, or in a third person, sort of overhead or like isometric thing. If I'm going to be like

fucking kicking someone's ass, I want to see my fucking legs split into the air. Is it fucked up that my character right now in Final Fantasy XIV, which is an MMO, is like a human male? Because I've gotten so much flack for this.

The more, oh my god, the older that I've gotten I'm just like, yeah, I think I just want to be a white dude. I used to do,

but for a while I was like, I want to stare at a hot body. Oh, well Sims was the beginning of that for me. Oh.

Like playing The Sims and being like, oh, I can get mods to make them naked when they get into the hot tub yeah yeah yeah 100% all this game

is just making porn and all the adults in The Sims 1 at least the adult men were all like jacked and ripped yeah yeah I really fell into it

in Sims 2 and that's definitely when I was just like Sims 2 you could make them work out and they would get better bodies like their forms

would change but I was never even I didn't even care about that Matt's jaw's on the floor I didn't even care about that. Matt's jaw's on the floor. I didn't even care about that. I would just, it was just like, I would just like make a face and like, and I'd be like, oh, maybe I'll try making a different type of hot guy face. And then, and it

just turned into the same hot guy face, you know? Oh, yeah. No, this is, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Because you'd be like, I'm gonna really just switch it up. Really go for it. And then you'd end up with the same exact hot guy face oh that's so fucking funny

the real housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the big apple look who it is joined by elite new friends Rebecca Minkoff

have you ever heard of her but things could change in a New York Minute she had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What?

You told her? Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City. All new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks?

We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude. You're a dude. And Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past. And we're just going to sit here and talk about them.

And we'll get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, girls? We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes, dude. We got dogs., wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes dude. We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games. We'll share some insider stories and determine what

kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dudes dude? We're gonna find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, you look so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian Gonzalez. Elian Gonzalez. Elian.

Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast

network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian, and Basketball Hall of Famer. I'm a mom, and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby, journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts, you know, just all the we go through because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women and TNI. Well, we have no problem going there.

Listen to levels to this with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby and I Heart Women's Sports Production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeartWomen Sports. Damn. I would never consciously play it as a male character.

Always, if I have the choice, I am always a female character. Well, because my backups, if I wasn't feeling the female characters then I would choose whatever like the slyest most like ninja-esque male was the one that was

like sort of like fat like speedy a shadow you know maybe had like daggers or something right right right like the most effeminate male basically

yeah possessed like not strength but like agility exactly right spryness spryness so now now but you're you're you're talking about just femme fatales and i'm just like i have to change my character to us

a fucking hot k-u-n-t k-u-n-t you don't know you should do whatever you know because now i'm like i need to see that as my i need to know what it's like to be to control that in a way to have that be like an extension of myself well I was gonna say I mean it's probably just like how Matt is more comfortable

with like the things that he like is dressing and now I think similarly as we've become more comfortable with ourselves and more understanding

of like our internal systems I think we're probably more comfortable just playing dudes like male dudes I mean sure

I'm just I'm getting bored of it now where I'm just like I want to be a fucking like the people have tweeted at me like the new expansion of Final Fantasy XIV

you can play as Viera which are these sexy gorgeous women with rabbit ears oh yeah they're based on the like Final Fantasy XII girl

Fran Fran yeah so you can so and I'm like yeah why aren't I this fucking sexy rabbit lady?

Like now I'm just like, I have to be that for a second. Literally a playboy bunny. Yeah, yeah. A playboy bunny. Like a full, it's like an anthropomorphized rabbit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, maybe not. Maybe not.

That's not the exact phrasing or terminology. But anyway, I love that you love Femme Fatale's. Yeah. I mean, it was, yeah, it was like very, very huge to me growing up. And I was obsessed, too. I watched X-Men a lot when I was a kid, and I was obsessed with Rogue. That's a running theme.

That Rogue is like a standout character. And I have theories about... Jesus. Oh, my God, there was really loud thunder outside just now. You guys. Do you think we're gonna get electrocuted no but I literally

we were Bowen and I were walking the other day on the street and like I for some reason got like irrationally frightened that we were gonna get struck by lightning wait every single time

there's a thunderstorm I'm like I'm gonna get struck by lightning yeah yeah yeah see I've never felt that way but this one time remember we were walking

on the street and there was a thing of there was like a lightning strike and you know that feeling of like when there's a lightning strike and you hear nothing uh-huh that to me is like that strikes fear that strikes fear in me because i'm like how loud is it going to be and where is it coming but i have never felt that way and i think it might be because i've been without rain and thunderstorms for the past like six months there was a time when i was like 18 or 19 and i was drinking at nighttime on the beach with my friends in santa monica and we were like getting

high or whatever and off in the distance over the water there was a single like lightning strike and we were all like stoned and drunk cross-faded and uh and we were like oh my god that's crazy and then like there was another one and then like a few more and they seemed to be like getting kind of closer and we're like oh my god this is kind of nuts and then before long oh my god there was like lightning strikes there just seemed to be happening like right in front of us like a theater no and like happening around us and we were all completely stoned but like in a way where we were like oh this is magical not in a sort of way that we should have been

where like this is a threat you know we were like this is incredible and beautiful and I remember that night we like got up and left shortly after it stopped because we were just like it's not going to get more magical than this and I walked home and on the way home a moth flew into my mouth while I was stoned and that was the

second time that a moth has flown into my mouth while I was stoned and that was the second time that a moth has flown into my mouth while I was stoned. Honestly, this is, that story is, that story is corgine.

Corgine. It reminds me, sort of no start, no finish, just sort of an ambient, it's a Mobius trip. It's a Mobius trip. It did remind me,

do you know the original ending in Sweet Home Alabama was they get hit by lightning and they die? Yes, you told me this No but that's how I want to end Every If I ever write a story

Every story I ever write If I ever write a story If I ever write a story Every story I ever write Ends like that If I ever write a story It's actually All of culture number 10

Every story I write Ends like that If I ever write a story Let's Parentheses Struck by lightning Struck by lightning Struck by lightning

Is it Yeah it's It's like a Self selection bias I think When you're like let's struck by lightning struck by lightning struck by lightning is it yeah it's um it's like a self-selection bias I think when you're like I'm gonna it's gonna strike me

you're like why on earth would it strike you you fucking because I'm Jewish you know what I mean you know what I mean as a fellow Jew

as a fellow Jew as a Jew your one is a white Jew yeah you're a white Jew by proxy the Jew is new I've only ever been yeah you're a white Jew by proxy the Jew is new I've only ever been white

you're a white Jew sometimes as like obviously I know I'm white but like sometimes lately I've been saying

like I'm Jewish so I'm like white with texture you know what I mean yeah white with seasoning or white with not no not seasoning

sorry not seasoning white with white with white with white with white with medical issues yeah Not seasoning. White with digestion problems. White with medical issues. White with the hair type.

White with texture. With texture. I mean, that was not what I was going for initially, but we've come full circle. Yes. Okay, we've come full circle. There was a moment in my... There was was a moment in my... There was like a moment in my life

where I tried to say that Greek was a minority. And it was like... Globally, Greeks are a minority. A sick moment in my life that happened between the ages of like 18 and 19 where I was like, actually... I'm a little Greek too, actually. Are you?

We just had the Greek, George Severus here. I know, George Severus. Zsasz. Zsasz. Zsasz. Because I, well, because I'm my mom's, I like to say I'm mixed, actually. I'm half Ashkenazi, half Sephardic. And so my mom's side is like Jews that were kicked out of Spain,

fled to Greece, then came to America. So I've got a little, there's a, you know I got maybe a spenocopita in there somewhere a little a little mosaic what are the mosaic tiles called a little thing orzo orzo feta

I think that's a feta feta yeah okay Max you're fed up with me I'm not fed up with you what is what is this choice just just to go back

to really quickly to the fashion to the aesthetics what is what is you bleaching not only your hair but your eyebrows yeah what is what is that intention well to go back to really quickly to the fashion to the aesthetics what is you bleaching not only your hair but your eyebrows what is that intention what are we trying to say

I didn't do a full like drag bleach you know I just did I did a calico I wanted a calico brow I love a calico brown yeah

brown? brow brow calico brow it's gorgeous thank you I really appreciate that yeah I just kind of wanted

a little bit of texture especially because I have like a black mustache right now yes champagne colored hair. It works really well. Yeah. Thank you.

My, so I go to the same hair person as Julio. Julio. And she, every time that I go there to get my hair bleached. You can't tell her what to do. She's, she picks for you. Is that what I've heard? Well, but you do, she demands that you tell her exactly what you want, but she will not give it to you. You know what I mean so she

so I came in there and I was like oh I want like a blonde that's maybe like a little bit like champagne-y or something and she was like

and she threw me a magazine and was like look through this magazine and find the color that you want and I looked and I looked and I looked

and I couldn't find anything on any of the people but then I found a picture of Las Vegas and there was a beautiful fountain that was champagne colored and I was like this color and there was a beautiful fountain that was champagne colored

and I was like this color and she was like okay great got it and she actually so it wasn't even from the hair it was from the champagne

it was from like a fountain it was a fountain like the fucking Bellagio fountain yeah something like that yeah yeah wow he wanted the color of Las Vegas in his hair

yeah I'm he sat down in the chair and said Vegas did you guys go to Vegas as a kid as kids I've been when you were one kid no I've never been as a child I've been as like a young adult because you know that in the chair and said, Vegas. Did you guys go to Vegas as a kid? As kids? As kids.

When you were one time. No, I've never been as a child. I've been as like a young adult. Because you know that in the 90s, there was like a huge push to make Vegas a family place and it failed completely. Yeah, absolutely. My family capitalized on that.

Really? Oh my God. What did they have there for kids? You used to be able to go to like Treasure Island and there would be like a whole game floor and you could like win treasure trolls. And oh my God, my sister and I were like obsessed with getting trolls. And it was, you could like win treasure trolls and oh my god my sister and I were like obsessed

with getting trolls and it was you could like go do my ex my first real boyfriend his dad was the architect of the

M&M's store no of the what? the M&M's store the M&M's store there's an M&M's store there which I think was part of their I was gonna say

Circus Circus remember on the top that theme park with Matt oh I know all about it the roller coaster is still the New York roller coaster

and they used to have a free fall they used to have a drop tower on top of the building which was essentially the tallest one in the world because of how high up

it was but it was like a legit theme park so that big pink dome with the theme park my ex's dad made that really

wow so that was part of them trying to make it like a family attraction yeah so there's this huge thing in the 90s where them trying to make it like a family attraction? Yeah. So there's this huge thing in the 90s where they tried to do it and then Vegas was like, actually, fuck this. They just went back to making money.

They still have that rockety ass roller coaster that I've done. New York? Yeah, it's called like the New York Adventure or something. New York Minute, maybe that's what it's called. But they still have that and there's like, you can tell. What is a New York Minute? that's what it's called or something like that but they still have that and there's like you can tell it's like is a New York minute it's

just like I think it means like you get somewhere real fast like a New York minute I'll get there in a New York minute which means faster than you

would anyone else yeah yeah yeah okay sort of like that line in Clueless where it's like everywhere in no no I'm thinking of everywhere in LA

I'm mixing up two I'm mixing up two quotes because I know that that one that everywhere in LA takes 20 minutes but I was thinking actually of Pulp Fiction

where he's like it takes 20 minutes to get there I'll be there in 10 yeah remember that great job Quentin great job Quentin

great job Quentin Tarantino writing that movie you did a really good job we stand we absolutely stand I actually I have to say I do love Quentin Tarantino

do you I'm sorry I'm sorry do you have a favorite I'm also an Angeleno Pulp Fiction absolutely so Pulp Fiction is your favorite.

Yeah. I was quoting, someone asked me of the two Kill Bills, which one was my favorite, and I was like, it's hard to say, but volume two has the best fight scene. Which one is,

is that the Daryl Hannah one? Which is Daryl Hannah versus Uma Thurman. Just give me chills on my spine. The dialogue is so gorgeous, and I hate to say it, camp-y. That's right. I killed your master.

I killed your master. Now I'm going to kill you with your own sword, no less. Which in the very near future will become my sword, Uma. Bitch. You don't have a future. And then they kill, and then she fucking gets her eye out. I have a lip sync of you saying that into the microphone just now. Is Daryl Hannah good?

I think she's so fucking good in that movie. She's really, really good. You mean in general? I'm asking a general question about Daryl Hannah. I think she's good in a way that makes you,

yeah, sure, question it, where in Steel Magnolias you're like, oh, she's, what is this character? And in A Walk to Remember she has on the craziest fucking wig and she plays Shane West's mom and I oh she's what is this character yeah and in A Walk to Remember she has on the craziest fucking wig and she plays Shane West's mom

and I think she's fabulous in that and I think in Kill Bill I think she's great I think she's a great she's not of this era I'll say that I know it's a little unfortunate I think we I think like she like our generation sort of like mister skewed at an angle with her children have forgotten children have forgotten

a little bit and she doesn't And she doesn't translate to the children nowadays. I see. Where it's like the children now can latch on to like, you know, a fucking. Ariana Grande. Missy Pyle. Ariana Grande. I said Missy Pyle.

I don't know why. Sure. Who's Missy Pyle? Missy Pyle is that actress that you literally know, but maybe not by name. She's in so much shit. Josie and the Pussycats. She's in Josie and the Pussycats.

She's in, she's in, like the fun one. Yeah. I think she was in Hairspray. I don't know. She's in Gal, what was that movie?

She was in The Mother and Charlie and the Chocolate Pack. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's in, she's literally this actress. The old one? No, no.

I think she's Mike TV's mom. No, she was Anna Sophia Robb's mom. Oh my God. I'm literally gonna bring it The old one? I think she's Mike TV's mom. No, she was Anna Sophia Robb's mom. Oh, my God. I'm literally going to bring it up right now. You're going to see a picture of her, and you're going to know me. That's Missy Pyle. I have no idea who this is.

You know who this is. I don't know who this is. Yes, you do. You've seen her. I don't know who this is. All right, well, she's a famous character actress. You're not a real Angelina if you don't know who Missy Pyle is.

I classically don't know anything. Well, that's clear. That's clear. I don't know. well that's clear I mean this Missy Pyle is canon that's actually real culture number 50 Missy Pyle is canon what's your thing with Daryl here's my thing I actually think that

well you know one time Quentin Tarantino I was reading an interview with him and he said I don't work with any dumb actors and so I was like that's interesting because I was crazy fucking thing i know john travolta well i mean who knows who by the way is so hot now or maybe he's oh my god since he shaved his head he's so have you seen a picture if you don't know i'm gonna end the episode john travolta with his shaved head is my missy no i'm just gonna i'm

gonna i'm gonna power through and say what I was saying because this is crazy. He of the cults. You don't even know who fucking Missy Pyle is. This fucking product of a cult is telling us that cult master, John Travolta, is hot.

You are a bitch. He looks so much better now. No, he doesn't. Shut up. He is not hot. I agree he looks better than having that horrible situation he had before.

No, on that fucking pasty white skin. I also classically have been like criticized over and over again for wanting to be reeled by Ron Perlman, so whatever. Oh my God. You have a type. Everyone moans.

It's like, shut up. No, I'm not moaning. I'm saying like, wow. You're all moaning. You're all screaming at me. You are moaning, stupid. Of course I was moaning. Wait, what was I just saying?

Daryl Hannah. Oh, so there was this quote. Maybe it was like, I don't like to work with dumb actors or like I only work with smart actors or something like that. And then I was recently, I watched an interview like last week with Carol Radzeville. She was on.

Who? Can I get to what it has to do with this? Is Carol Dana a funny name? Because I'm literally telling the story and I'm going to say what it has to do with her. So I was watching an interview with her on like Jenny McCarthy and she was talking about, because I got on some like Carolyn Bessette Kennedy JFK Jr. thing. I was like I fell into a Wikipedia wormhole and I was like reading about that plane crash and then realized they were really close to the Carol Radziwill from New York Real Houses of New York.

And I was watching this interview and she said that before before JFK Jr. dated Carolyn Bessette, he dated Daryl Hannah, and Carol Radzeville said, and so, you know, we had to endure that. Whoa. Really offhand, and so I was like, huh. And so then I was thinking about her performances, and I'm like, yeah, I wonder what the deal is with Daryl Hannah. So that's why I ask, is Daryl Hannah good?

I'm sure she- A woman said that about her? Carol Radzeville. And like a pretty chill lady, I would say. Legit, legit individual. It wouldn't surprise me if Daryl Hannah was like a bad person, was like an asshole, and like people did not like working with her.

This also was like the early 90s, remember? Sure. When she was probably at the height of her fame post-Splash. And she was the most fucking beautiful woman. Totally. Like ever at that time. She was gorgeous when she was gorgeous i mean she's square jaw like and maybe someone like carol radziwill like emmy winning peabody award-winning journalist was like looked down and scoffed like him dating this actress and like that was very easy for jfk jr to do maybe maybe carol saying and we had to you know endure that as like yeah

like at that time she was you know i'm sure d Daryl Hannah was like a fucking coke hound and like. Well, Daryl Hannah and JFK Jr. were like on and off for a long time. Wait, how did she lose her finger again? Oh my God, I didn't know she lost her finger. Yeah, she's like missing part of her finger. Okay, we need to, HPA, can you get on this? HPA, can you look that up? HPA, HPA.

Daryl, just Google Daryl Hannah fingers. How it happened. How it happened, was it bad? You have to ask J Hannah fingers how it happened how it happened was it bad you have to ask Jeeves how it happened that's crazy do you guys remember

when you could ask Jeeves is Jeeves well hung and then he'd give you some coy answer he'd be like but quite frankly I don't know if you should be

asking that question missing fingers Darryl Hannah lost part of her left index finger when she was a child she told the Sunday Times of South Africa

that she got it stuck in a pulley in a well at her grandma's house when she was a child. She told the Sunday Times of South Africa that she got stuck in a pulley in a well at her grandma's house when she was little. She sometimes wears a prosthetic finger in her movies. Wait, let me read this again. She got stuck in a pulley in a well at her grandma's house. Thank you,

HPA. We have no choice but to stand. We have no choice. It's an interesting development that we have no choice but to stand. We have no choice. We actually have an interesting development that we have no choice but to stand. Where do you guys think that finger is now? Yeah, where do you think that finger is now? At the bottom of a well, bitch. At the bottom of a fucking well, bitch. In South Africa.

Wait, hold on. There's more. There's more. Oh, now we have a photograph of the missing finger in question. And I can say that her index finger is an absolute halfie. Oh, wait. let me see. Yeah, I mean, you got to check this out. Oh, no.

I mean, there's not a whole finger there. Yeah, it's fine. You know what? If I lost my index finger, I thought it was a... No, it's her index finger. Yeah, the one you need. If I lost my index finger, I would have a chip on my finger about it. I would have a goddamn chip on my finger about that.

I would look at the world and feel vengeful. I once went on a date with a guy in San Francisco who said, I guess as a kid, had stuck his finger into his mom's exercise machine in the 80s and had it taken away. You know who was missing part of his finger? My dad. My dad, he was teaching, and there was a television that was like hung up in one of the classrooms.

And like he was going to adjust it. I mean, trigger warning. Trigger warning. The television fell on his finger and like the top of it came off. Oh my God. No. I once dropped a bottle of shampoo on my toe and it started bleeding. I once stubbed my toe in my apartment.

That's so bad. It was really sad. Have you guys ever stubbed your toe so perfectly that it doesn't hurt at all? Like it's just like the alignment is so perfect. Like it's exactly perpendicular to the axis of your bone or whatever. Has that ever happened to you? No, every time I stub my toe it hurts. Oh no.

You have to realign your toe. It's a thing I have. Yeah, you have to realign your toe shock. I have a condition where every time I stub my toe it it hurts. Oh, no. When you stub your toe. You have to realign your toe. It's a thing I have. Yeah, you have to realign your toe shock. I have a condition where every time I stub my toe, it hurts. It hurts me so bad. It's truly, it doesn't feel like the world is going to end anytime you stub your toe. You're like, and it makes me nervous to get in a car accident someday. Yeah.

Oh, God. Where it's like, if I can't even withstand this pain, then I will surely perish. What's the worst pain you've ever felt? Yeah, what is the worst pain you've ever been in? Oh my God, I'm not emotional. Because I don't care for that. I mean, I broke my arm twice as a Canadian. I don't remember.

I don't remember what that felt like because it was pure trauma erasure. For me, it was kidney stones. Oh, fuck. I had kidney stones when I was 19 working at American Apparel because I was, instead of drinking water, drinking only soy chai lattes.

There was a deal. This is a great reminder to drink more water because I've been drinking a lot of protein shakes lately. Congratulations to me. You've got to be careful with that because we had a deal with the people that worked at Starbucks across the street. They would get free clothes whenever they wanted

and we got to have free soy chai lattes. That's it? So I just used to eat three of those a day. No. Absolutely not. We were 19 or younger, some of us, and working at a clothing shop. This is why that place periled. American Apparel. Perished.

Was the staff? The staffing? A hundred percent. That's what happens when you hire people that you think are hot instead of people that are trying to do a job. I've never done. 46 hot people are dumb. And I'm sorry, I have, it's so funny,

any retail job I would apply for, specifically clothing retail, apparel, I would always get these looks. Yeah. It was just like I was like are you kidding me you want to work at the buckle

like the buckle what is the buckle the buckle was this fucking it was in every fucking mall

in the Midwest and the West I'm gonna kill you Midwest and then West of the Midwest and my friend of that's what that the Midwest and my friend Kayla Sturbeck

worked at the buckle and she was like you should apply for a job at the buckle bless her heart she was trying to be a good friend but she knew

in that moment that I would have never gotten the job yeah stupid bitch and I applied and it was like a true moment of shame that I remember

that it stayed with me where it was like the purse I send I get handed over the hard copy paper application to some fucking woman who was two years older than me who just like looked at me

and was like you're never like why would you ever why would we ever hire you and I applied and I think I applied to American Apparel in college too and it was the same thing it was like no I did the same thing I applied to American Apparel and I was required to attach a photo like no fucking way I did the same thing I applied to American Apparel and I was required to attach a photo

like I was in South Korea today you know like you would be in a K-pop group or something exactly and I got rejected

several times from American Apparel the way that I actually got a job there was because I was hanging out with a friend of mine who worked there

and we showed up super super stoned while he was closing and they were doing a floor count that night where they had to count every item on the floor to you know I guess to regage stock or whatever because so much theft was happening all the time yeah but anyway so uh we show up super stoned and this girl because we

were like in west la this girl named i'm just can i just call her name is Lane. And she was incredibly like Hollywood Hills, like Olsen twins, like, you know, like black shaggy clothes, long blonde hair, big hat. Did not need this job, had so much money. And she at that moment was like, OK, I'm going on spring break. And the manager that was there at the time, she was like, wait, who's going to take over your shift? And she was like, I don gonna take over your shift and she was like i don't know anyway bye and she walked out and the manager just like turned to me and was like well can you help us with this floor count tonight and maybe like take over her shifts for the next two weeks and i was like uh-huh and i was stoned out of my fucking mind i stood in front i stood in front of a rack of green sweaters for what to me felt like roughly

six hours a new york minute a new york minute for a new york minute a full new york minute and i just stood there carefully like scratching into this clipboard you know like one size L of the style RST3K92 you know it's like I was trying so fucking hard sweating my ass off in absolute terror but I got hired that way just through

some back channel I just like wish we had had any cultural awareness where I was growing up that what the fuck was going on there was so racist and so sizist, so demeaning. That was a dark time. Yeah, I used to go to Abercrombie and walk around and peacock

and try to get asked to hire there to boost my ego because that's the power it had. And I like, I don't think I would have even had the like understanding of vocabulary to like be told like, just so you know, this is like reductive and, and, and racist.

Of course not. But it is. But back then, like I would have this fantasy and this is so embarrassing and so funny to me now. Yeah. I had this fantasy of walking into a embarrassing and so funny to me now this fantasy of walking into a

Hollister folding up clothes and someone approaching me being like do you want to work here honestly it was

like you demonstrated this dream yes yes hey we think you'd be a really good asset to the team

wow you're really good at that yeah wait I one time before I worked in American Apparel I used to sometimes pretend to work there because i had like so many friends that were there and i used to just like hang out all the time and one day they're just like oh my

god just like pretend like you work here and this guy came up to me and he was like because people used to ask me questions about the stock there anyway because i just looked the part and this guy came up to me and he was like do do you guys have this shirt in different sizes? And I just like, and I looked around and I was like, no. And then he just like walked off and then came back like 10 minutes later. I was like, I found the other sizes of this shirt. Because I was like, I wanted to come off. In that moment, I was like doing the calculus.

I was like, can I spot the shirt out of the corner of my eye now and like lead him to it? Or can I, or do I just like say something with confidence that asserts that I do work here and know what I'm talking about? And I opted for the latter. Instead of looking like a fool and sort of like helping him like get what he needed. I just opted for the confidence. I just opted. Just like you did with that note in Colors of the Wind. It's a theme for you. Opt for confidence. Opt for confidence. Title of app. for the confidence. Just like you did with that note in Colors of the Wind. It's a theme for you. Opt for confidence.

Opt for confidence. The title of that. Opt for confidence. No, I do. I would never. You cannot name an episode that I've been on opt for confidence because I'm so anti-confidence. It's going to be called Femme Fatale. It's going to be called New York Minute.

New York Minute with Max Winter. Oh, no. There's enough irony there. Do you guys. Are people. Like, are they like, you're from New York, with Max Winter. Oh no. There's enough irony there. Do you guys, are people, like are they like, you're from New York, aren't you? Do they say that to you guys?

No. No, but Ruby McAllister, when she was on this pod, your co-host. I've never, who is that? Shut up. She's really dumb.

Max had just gotten back in from LA, I think recently, and then she was like, and it was a beautiful moment where she had clocked that, and she was like, you have this LA jack about you right now. I was jacked. You're so happy, and then she was like and it was a beautiful moment where she had clocked that and she was like you are you have this LA

jack about you right now where you're just like you're so you're so happy you're like right now you're present in New York

you're happy to be back and I see that and like Ruby but Ruby is just a very saying that about you yeah yeah okay got it

it was beautiful listen back to it it's great I listened to the episode okay that was a really fun episode I'm trying to listen back honey

yeah that's actually what we had said was listen back. Okay, well, maybe I'm really busy because I'm sort of on a New York schedule right now. Yeah, maybe.

Maybe. Maybe. Anyway. I want to say this thing about peacocking in a Abercrombie is so real. Yeah, I mean, it was a huge

bellwether of whether or not I was worth it. And I think it's like a little precursor for any time. Like you and I, at least we'll walk into like, like a sexy gay space where you're like,

you go see and be seen where it's like, I better be, I better opt for, you know, whatever it is. Like I better be like, I better, I better try.

I got to figure out how I fit in. Just say what you want to say Bowen. No, no, no. It's like, but you know, it's like,

it's like so many times you walk into that kind of space and you don't know what you're going to like. Yeah. I don't know. Like just, I'm saying like that feeling of being in like a cool store like that. It's just so funny to think about now. Well, it's just so fun. I remember like I recently was at a mall and I walked, I walked out. Yeah. Yeah. I walked past like an Abercrombie or like a Hollister or something and the aesthetics of it and the whole vibe is so different now because it was like totally like untenable and like not logistically feasible to like continue that culture.

Like it was, it just like, it was so crazy. But I remember, do you remember how fucking loud those stores were and how they reeked of whatever cologne? The smell feels like a grapefruit spoon being dragged through my esophagus. Yeah, it's crazy.

The fact that those people weren't there, they need to be checked. Just shirtless men outside clapping, clapping, clapping, telling you to come in. I'll just never forget walking, it was like the highlight of my year one time when I walked past a Hollander, someone ran out of the store and told me they thought I would, quote, do well there. Wow. I mean,

oh, so this is this is something different where like you were you were being you were being like validated in a certain way to be like yeah you belong and i remember like because it's a thing it's like because i got that validation once or twice i was then like you wanted well i need to get it now periodically going forward or else i also have lost something. You know what I mean? It's like once they tell you like, hi, just so you know,

this is your worth. If you don't get that again, you're like, did I lose my worth? You know what I mean? It's that weird thing. So I remember I would like all throughout high school, like constantly check back in and be like,

Hey, just want to make sure that I still like have worth. After spending some time in Los Angeles, do you feel like you are a little more like self-helpy? Like, do you know what I mean? Like, do you sort of feel like you have a little bit more command over these like self-mantras and stuff? But I also think it's not an LA thing.

It's like a post my Saturn return thing. What does that mean? I don't know what that means. I'm sorry. It's when Saturn comes back to where the position it was not an LA thing. It's like a post my Saturn return thing. Like I, what does that mean? I don't know what that means. It's like, it's when Saturn comes back to where the position it was when you were born. So it happens like when you're around between 27 and 29, like this moment in your life, which is like,

well, it happened to you already. Okay. And I was supposed to do something at that time. Well, no, it just like changes like cosmically in the way that you exist. Like usually it's,

it collaborates with something in your life. That's like a big change. And I definitely had one, like my 28th year of my life was like extremely chaotic and so much change. And now after that, I feel like I'm, I'm like chemically and cellularly like a different person. It's weird.

Like, and so now I think like, like little changes in my attitude and changes in behavior. I'm a different person than I was two years ago. It doesn't have to do with LA. But I think that it's convenient that I've adopted a more like, well, who cares? We're all just little bags of meat bopping around in space.

I was just going to self help you because, because we'll know just because like that is sort of like something that happens in Los Angeles and California in general, because it's such a like cult central place because people do forget that it's Los Angeles is a desert. I like to see that in the desert. Um, but it's like,

there's some like quality to it where it's like the vastness of it all just makes people trip the fuck out. And it's sort of like there's sort of like this like ayahuasca-esque state of existence that you get into when you live in a place where you're sort of like isolated and aware of vast distances all the time.

I feel a lot, yes, I feel a lot less pressure there. In New York I feel a lot of pressure to do a lot every day. I beat myself up in a way in New York that I do not lot every day. I beat myself up in a way in New York that I do not do in LA. It's full of salt.

And I'm happier in Los Angeles. But Max, what you're saying is you're out there in the desert and you are made to feel so inadequate

that you have to swing the other way which is to be like, I gotta work on my, I gotta be happy with who I am. No, I mean, I guess what I was saying

is just like the fever that occurs with people that like live in los angeles and california in general like it sort of allows for more like ambient like states of awareness that sort of feed into like the acceptance of sort of like almost almost culty thought patterns. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. Which is why so much of that stuff is able to exist. Not to mention it's just such gorgeous weather that people are just able to think about other things.

That's the thing. You're less aware of the passage of time. That's gorgeous. Or things feel less urgent because things aren't changing all the time. I used to get so upset when I was a kid and people were like,

there's no seasons in LA. I'd be like, are you fucking kidding me? I just put on a cardigan. I just put on a cardigan all year, any day. It's fall. I just put on a cardigan. It's definitely a new season. No, I literally,

give me one perfect season at all times. Yeah, I don't need it. I don't need winter. I don't need fall. I'm with you. Well, no, the worst thing you can have for me is what we're experiencing right now. The depression that I feel in this weather is unparalleled.

I hate this. You mean rain? Humidity. Oh, humidity. Humidity. You know what? It weighs me down in a way where I've never been a waste of life like I have been over the last four days.

It's been crazy. I haven't left my apartment at all. Just dick in hand laziness that is so ridiculous. So I used to feel similarly to you. But then when I was 16, I went to Japan on an exchange program. I went to a small town called Fujinomiya at the base of Mount Fuji. And like when I stepped off that plane, I was hit with

what I'd never experienced before, which was a 100% humidity wall of intensity. And I was like, holy fuck, this is unreal. And I stepped outside and I was like, and I think my brain was like,

I have to make an immediate decision about how to interact with this because I'm reaching a breaking point. So this thought clicked into my head where brain was like, I have to make an immediate decision about how to interact with this because I'm reaching a breaking point. So this thought clicked into my head where I was like, wait, I like being in saunas. If I just think of this like a steam room, then I can basically just relax into it. And I was like, okay. So if I'm able to remind myself that I like this sensation in other contexts, then I'm able to sort of like return to it in a more peaceful manner. So you just chose to make the decision to be happy? What do you mean?

You just made the decision to be happy? There's something wrong with you, Max. Something's wrong with you. The body positivity movement is a shame. Yeah, there's something really wrong with you. You actually have a personality disorder. I do, actually. Shut up.

But, no, I definitely don't. That's gorgeous. No, I definitely don't. I'm totally kidding, you guys. I do, actually. Shut up. But, no, I definitely don't. That's gorgeous. No, I definitely don't. I'm totally kidding, you guys. I'm a comedian. But, well, no, I mean, whatever. No, I get what you're saying. No, yeah, that is very useful.

Listen, I have to keep checking. I have to keep lying to myself. That's what I'm actually circling back to is that I'm consciously lying to myself. So, actually, take that back. Take that back. Where you brought it. And do you need the receipt?

Do you need the gift receipt? Yeah, I actually need that back. Take that back. And do you need the receipt because, do you need the gift receipt? Yeah, I actually need the receipt. Yeah, okay. It is at this time, time for I Don't Think So Honey.

Really quickly, I want to say, I think the Abercrombie and Fitches of our youth is down to social media at large, right? It's like, going through Instagram feels like walking through Abercrombie

and Fitches. We're all like, well thank God that's no longer a thing. Yeah, now because it's like a lived in part of our experience, you stupid bitches. You ever think about that, readers?

Okay. So this is, I don't think it's funny. This is our, we take one minute. It's a segment that we have on this podcast, Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bo Nye. Wait, what am I on? This is called Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bo Nye. It's a pop culture comedy podcast.

I'm Matt and that's Bo Nye. I know it's confusing. We're both white. Yes. I was just going to say that's why it was confusing that's why I was confusing so we take one minute to rail against something in culture that yeah not like or dislike or even hate um I have something okay yeah what is it I'm gonna do I'm gonna do it right now okay this is my need you know ahead of time no no immediately clear This is Matt Rogers.

I don't think Sony's time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Dora the Explorer, the movie. Dora is hot. I don't like this. You cannot make Dora the Explorer hot. Come on, Vamanos. More like, fuck that.

This is not. More like, fuck that. So she's got like fully beat face. She's literally supposed to be a child, you guys. I don't think so. I also do not think so, honey, that we need the Dora movie. She feels like she was barely even culturally relevant like when she was. Maybe she's not for me.

But like I don't love the image of Dora like as this hot young thing. Somebody tweeted. I don't know who it was but it was like why is Dora the Explorer having a hot girl summer and I'm like yeah this feels really crazy to me 15 seconds looking at the looking at the poster I was like it's called Dora and the something something something I'm like no there hasn't even been one Dora movie let's just call it Dora the Explorer first we're jumping out of ourselves we're franchising it in a way that I don't think so honey I don't think so honey do I the explorer I'm sorry never did

and that's one minute that's gorgeous oh my fucking god wait by the way so I think the cats movie looks beautiful shut the fuck up I think it is

in a real way I visually think to my eyes it's gorgeous and I think gorgeous it's gorgeous I think it's

this generation's 300 in that I think that it is both defining a new visual aesthetic and also going to stoke a lot of violence. The Dora the Explorer movie, similarly, I saw it,

and I also was like, I actually think I want to see it. No, no, I mean, I saw the poster. I was like, I think I maybe do want to see that. I mean, it's something I definitely won't see. And when you talk about cats, this is something we all must see. I mean, I think it's a cultural duty to see cats.

Do you say doodity? Cultural doodity. It's a cultural doodity. It's a cultural doodity to see cats. It's a doodity. But I was watching The Lion King. I went to go see The Lion King. Oh, it was bad.

Which is bad. And next to me were these women that were like, what's this? When the cats trailer came on. And then, by the way, they narrated the whole movie of The Lion King, which couldn't have been better. Oh, my God. It was exactly what he needed.

And literally, the one girl goes to the other girl, look at what they have Jennifer Hudson wearing in a second. So then Jennifer Hudson comes on screen and they all started laughing so hard. And we were dying laughing. It was so funny to watch them watch this trailer for the first time. And at the end, they go, well, I know what we won't be seeing. And I said, we will all be there and then literally they all laughed because they knew it was true yeah yeah so because we will all see cats absolutely if we don't see cats like what why why i don't know i make movies it's like i make movies if you're not gonna see cats it's like when they

bring a dessert to the table it's like okay we okay, we didn't order it, but we're going to eat it. Right, right, right. A dessert that cannot possibly be what they thought was presentable. No, it's just like, this isn't what I ordered, and I would never order it, but it's a free dessert on the table. Not to say that Cats is going to be free, but might as well. I mean, what else are you paying money for on that? How can we steal Cats? Bitch.

Can we sneak into a movie theater? Let's fucking do that. Let's steal cats. Yeah, let's fucking steal cats. I know, we know someone who does this. We do know someone who does this. Oh, that movie steals?

Yeah. Yeah, and he's good at it. So we can ask for his help. I just opened up my phone to put the timer on for Bell and Yang and it was just so many pictures of Missy Pyle. Okay, so this is Bell and Yang's I Don't Think So Honey. You ready? I had such so many pictures of Missy Pyle. OK, so this is Bowen

Yang's. I don't think so, honey. You ready? I had such a good one and now it's gone. Oh, fuck. Do you need a trouble? No, no, no, no, no.

OK, I know it's OK. This is Bowen Yang's. I don't think so. I need time starts now. I don't think so. Honey, Clorox wet wipes. Oh, bitch, you do not get it clean enough.

And what is that lemony scent that you leave afterwards? It feels like a Clorox. You know what? The scent has transcended like the lemon, verbena, whatever the fuck. The scent is now unmistakably to anyone's nostrils, Clorox wet wipes. And someone's going to walk into my apartment and smell, it smells like Clorox wet wipes.

And I don't want that anymore. That is a failed, you have failed the fundamental function of your product. 30 seconds. You've identified the scent, the olfactory identity of this with the product itself and now it doesn't feel clean anymore. Do you know what I'm saying? Does that make sense to you guys? Yes.

It's like smelling a piece of glass and saying it smells like Windex and now it doesn't feel like glass anymore. It feels like a piece of Windex. A piece of Windex. So I don't think, so honey, our cleaning products, there has to be a real change that happens in the culture in order for cleaning products to not smell like

cleaning products anymore so that our products don't smell like cleaning products. And that's one minute. Thank you. I thought you were going in the direction of like a wet wipe you use on your butthole because we famously talked about buttholes earlier in the episode. And you could use Clorox and that would be a bleaching tool. A bleaching tool, but then someone who goes down there will say like,

your ass smells like Clorox. They're going to, honestly, yeah, they would taste Clorox and they'd be like, umami. Umami. But maybe someone, but maybe HPA. You know. That's HPA. HPA has experienced that.

He gets his asshole eaten and they go, stop. Oh my God. Yeah. Every time. Is this Swiffer wet jet? Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. You can walk into an apartment and say, it smells like Swiffer. Yeah. You know, it smells like the product. You're right.

It's so mass marketed now that it's like, we all know that smell and so we go, that's why you need candles. That's why you need candles. You need to not clean your apartment. That's why you need to not clean. That's why you need to. That's why you need to not clean your apartment. That's why you need to not clean. That's why you need

to live in a sassapula. Sassapula. Stupa beach. Sassapula. I like sassapula. Stupa beach. Stupa beach. Okay, I think it's time for Max Witter. Wait, has somebody done this one before? What? I can't tell you. If you start doing

it and someone's done it, we'll stop. This has happened to both of us before. It doesn't matter. And it also doesn't matter. We won't stop doing this. Okay, this is Max Fuditz. I don't think so.

I think his time starts now. I don't think so. Honey, umbrellas? Has this been done? No. Okay, great. Wait, can you start my time? No, okay, fine.

Okay, umbrellas are just fucking like mass marketed like litter. They're just like litter that is just made in gigantic quantities. They should also absolutely be like a city utility. I should not have to fucking pay for them. I have never been able to hold onto an umbrella for more than one fucking use.

I should be able to walk out of a location, grab one of the umbrellas that's in the bucket, use it, and then just like throw it into another bucket like a fucking city bike. 30 seconds. Wow. It is just like a known city bike. 30 seconds. Wow. It is just a known fact that rain does not come from above. It comes from all fucking directions. Wow. So when you use a fucking umbrella, it doesn't do fucking anything.

All they do is serve as these lacerating points to peck at my fucking eyes. And the only use for an umbrella is to use as a defense against other umbrellas because I am risking my vision. I have to do literally parkour to get out of the way of your fucking umbrellas. I don't think so.

Agave umbrellas. This is a vegan one. That's one. That's one. That's a vegan. I don't think so, honey. Amazing. Agave.

I don't think so. Agave. Wow. That was beautiful. See, and the thing, the problem I have with umbrellas is that they're so easily lost. Yes. Well, yes. Because...

And guess what? You just turned this big thing into trash and you just threw it on the street somewhere. You know what I mean? Also, I don't have a roommate anymore, but my roommate took my umbrella. Bitch. And my roommate who doesn't exist...

Wait, you don't have an umbrella? You don't have... I don't have a roommate, but my roommate... And the roommate took your umbrella. And my umbrella's gone, so I can only say... This is a lie here.

I'm not lying. They're to be stolen. That's the thing. That's the thing. It becomes like the Wild West out there when you see an umbrella and you're in a precarious situation where you're going to get rained on. That's why I just say,

keep in mind, we're under the same sky. That's from the song Kiss the Rain by Billy Myers. And that's why it's my roundabout way of saying that you have to just kiss the rain. Can I also add an addendum onto mine that I just thought about you can always do that

but you go first well you know like the sharing an umbrella it's like no who do you think you're fucking kidding that it barely works

for one fucking person you think two people are gonna get under it also to be honest I'm always the taller one so I always have to hold it and I don't think so I don't think so either

and oh if I have to hold it I'm pissed off and if the other person is holding it they're not holding it over me right they're not holding it correctly no they're not and I have to hold it and I don't think so I don't think so yeah and oh if I have to hold it I'm pissed off and if the other person is holding it they're not holding it over me right they're not holding it

correctly no they're not and I have to what fucking huddle under their little radius and that's what destroys friendship

that's what destroys friendship my addendum is get wet get wet and die die get wet and die get wet and die

this is my addendum to that yeah you can't there's no such thing as an investment piece umbrella. You cannot invest in a nice umbrella

because it is, as Matt said, established, they only exist to get stolen. Yes. And you lose them. And it's not an investment piece

because you can't store it away somewhere where it's going to be guaranteed safe. Wait, can I do an impression of you just now? You went, that's my impression of you, bitch.

This is my impression of both of you. Can you make that the title of episode? It's actually Rollercoaster number 144. Well, I think this has been a fabulous episode. I think it's been one of the most fabulous episodes I've ever had. This is really bad. And here's the thing.

Max Wittert is very talented and he has the gift of gab oh and that's why we had had such a great episode because

amongst your many gifts is also gab is also gab we the gift of Gabriela the gift of Gabriela anytime I have a conversation with Max Wittert

the road takes ever a winding turn it takes a winding turn the road takes ever a winding turn I think I just made a magazine it takes a winding turn the road takes ever a winding turn we covered a lot of culture a lot of culture

remember in the earlier in the episode when it was very serious culture about fashion then we kind of crossed over into more like you know takes on

yes takes on women is that what you just said no on the whole thing yeah yeah and also I would call this episode so fascinating if that wasn't already

the title of Max and Ruby's Pod which you should absolutely listen to Max I cannot wait for your fashion week coverage thank you

what's next what's coming up next New York fashion yeah well I no I think it starts off doesn't it start in Paris

I don't fucking know I don't know either I just fashion is both I take what comes at me fashion's liberating but it's also a prison whatever

blah blah blah fashion sucks anyway this has been so special but then we also can I just like plug is that okay yeah go

so come to Get Real every month at Spectacle Theater with me and Joe it's really really fun we have comedians dub over movie clips live it's so fun

and you guys are going to love it. I think this coming month, in August, we're going to do Westerns maybe. Oh, great. So that'll be cute. Also, I have a solo show coming up on 9-13. 9-13. At Union Hall. Right now, I'm working between two titles.

Get them. Okay. So what we may not have established is that I'm also a cartoonist. Yes. I said that. We said you were an illustrator. I black out everything that I'm also a cartoonist. Yes. I said that. We said you were an illustrator, yeah. I black out everything. I'm vitamin B deficient.

I don't make new memories. Right, right, right. So it's going to be like an all-illustrated solo show. And so I'm debating between two titles. One is Max Witter, a portrait of the Artist Seated with Grapes or Max Witter

I Forgot Something but Something is Spelled Wrong because I was desperately typing title ideas to some friends and I misspelled something but I like the way that it looked so it's like something spelled like T-H-I-J-G-B or something

I like Portrait of an Artist Se-G-B or something I like Portrait of a Donner City with Graves and I like the latter so it'll be up to the readers now no actually we're going to put up a poll when this episode comes out and only then will we find out what your show is even if it comes out only two days before your show

you're just going to have to advertise it as the untitled Max Worded Solo show that is so queer. It's really queer. That's so queer friendly. Yeah, this podcast actually is really queer and queer friendly. Oh my god, I forgot to ask you guys, is this a safe space? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, actually, wait.

Then you can release it. Okay, then you can't release my episode until it is. No, we're going to release it anyway. Until this is a government sponsored safe space. Oh my God, I can't. We end every episode with a song. Okay, what do you want me to sing? No, you actually are going to.

I'm actually banned from singing. How high does the sycamore grow? If you cut it down, then you'll never know. And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon or a scurvy of white or copper skin. You need to sing with all the voices of the mountain. You need to paint with all the colors of the wind.

You can own the earth and still. All you'll own is earth and still. You can paint with all the colors of the wind. Just around the river. Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com

and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram, at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes.

We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules.

New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba?

Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Sheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there.

Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists.

I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one.