Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "Fold Em & Roll Em" (w/ Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin)

Episode Date: April 25, 2018

Birds of a feather fly together. And these two birds of a feather have invited two other birds of a feather to come over and build a NEST of culture…together. Sydney Washington & Marie Faustin (The Unofficial Expert Podcast) join Matt and Bo in an episode that had potential titles including ”Chelsea-Boot Dick,”Paper Trail On This Pussy,”Grenada and Toledo,” “Cocaine Blinks,” and “You Can’t Eat The View.”How good is this ep?? Bowen Yang famously tweeted out that this is “the best ep so far…t’s true.” Bowen wrote this even though he knows that it includes the chilling legacy of his family’s home movie theater. AND Aaron Jackson & Josh Sharp make their "Voice Mem-OH-you-bitch" debut!---LAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasSUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS TODAY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASTforeverdogpodcasts.com/las-culturistas  Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow. Is that culture? Yes. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow. Is that culture? Yes. Oh, my goodness. Wow.

Las Culturistas. Ding dong. Las Culturistas calling. And it's official. What is? We didn't win a Pulitzer Prize. Oh, honey. But it went to Kendrick.

It went to- Yes, contemporaries of ours. Some of our pals at New York Magazine. Look, am I salty that we didn't win? Yes. Is it going to be hard to see the Pulitzer panel now when we go hang out with them on the weekends? Yes.

It's going to be very difficult for a little while. I'll be like, Greg, how could you have given Alice Munro an award and not us? I'm just saying we wrote a sterling piece on Antony for Vulture and it was, we were told. Roundly rejected. We were told it could win a Pulitzer and to be rejected is, um, very hurtful.

It's, it's a comment on really them. Yeah. It's not about us. It's about them. Look, speaking of award shows. Oh my God,

we missed it. Guys, Matt and I were supposed to go to the Shorty Awards. We couldn't make it cause we had, we had this emergency missed guys matt and i were supposed to go to the shorty awards okay yeah we couldn't make it because we had we had this emergency come up but we were supposed to go yeah and we missed all this not crazy stuff happening like fucking the queer guy's working the red carpet yes we could have interacted with them we had a red carpet slot we were supposed to go i'm sorry the teal carpet the teal carpet um and then we missed this whole adam pally nonsense okay yeah apparently adam pally read the Shorty Awards for filth and was like fired mid-presentation.

Just escorted off stage. We'll have to bring the girls in on this. But also, we just want to say we were preparing to go to the Shorty Awards because we had full intent to go.

Yes. Until a conflict happened. Conflict happened. We have nothing to wear. And we are also two little Cinderella faggots. Mm-hmm. Cinderella faggot.

Cinderella faggot. Cinderella faggot. The title of your book. Yes. We didn't have anything new to wear to the ball. So, listen, what we're saying is we're not saying send us stuff, but we're saying, like, let's have a conversation about you sending us stuff. Yeah, like, I don't know, bonobos, something, somebody. Because can I tell you something?

It's hard out there on Instagram when you see how some of these comedians are looking and they're putting forward lurks. And that brings me to today's episode. Oh my God. Fashion at the forefront. Yes. But they're not just style. They are all substance.

Because guess what? You can click double click. Double tap. You can click double tap on these pictures and then say, I'm They are all substance. Because guess what? You can click double click. Double tap. You can click double tap on these pictures and then say, I'm checking out the show. And then you would go to the show and be blown away because these are two of my favorite comedians in New York City and the country. Forget it. The country. And they're the most, two of the most charismatic people.

Separate, together, sideways. you know, one of them's in the air a hundred feet, one of them's on the ground, you know, however they're arranged. Come on. It's amazing. Yes. And I'm just going to, I'm going to go through the credits because these are some opportunities to get on board. Oh.

All right. The Unofficial Expert Podcast is one of the best podcasts. I was on there. Have you been on there? I have been invited on, but all of my proposals for my expertise have been roundly rejected. We're going to have to get into that. We're going to get into this. It's fine.

That sounds like some drama. I'm not bitter. Also, literally, if you are listening to this episode on the day of release, and we hope you are. April 25th. We hope you were so excited it was like Christmas. It's April 25th, and they have a show, Hotbox Comedy, at 7 release. Yes. And we hope you are. April 25th. We hope you were so excited it was like Christmas. It's April 25th and they have a show,

Hot Box Comedy, at 7 p.m.? 8 p.m. 8 p.m. 8 p.m. Okay. And it's at Et al. Et al.

At 191 Christie Street down in the East Village. East Village. East Village. And they are just two amazing comedians. Resplendent. Resplendent comedians.

You've seen them at JFL. You've seen them all around town in LA, across the country, doing the damn thing. Please welcome Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin. Come on. Yes. Category is beautiful introduction. Hello.

Thank you. Category is deserved introduction. Oh my God. I'm blown away by all the words that you were saying about us there were many words i was like well who are the guests of this episode here's the thing you're trying to slide immediately into positivity but i believe that an issue was just raised which is that bowen has brought up many topics to come discuss on your podcast unofficial expert in which people are unofficial experts.

Well, can we talk? Yes, we can talk. That's why we're here, actually. Can we talk candidly? Yes. Speak honestly, sis. Honestly and truly, okay? The podcast is called The Unofficial Expert.

We have people come on who are experts at things that you don't really need skills for at all. Right, right. So Matt was our Hollywood expert. Hollywood, honey. No, no, no, wait. Let's talk about it. He was our Kelly Clarkson expert.

And then we went off the rails. We never got into it. We never got into it. We spoke about Clarkson. We talked about it a little bit, and then it was like off the, rants, rants, rants. It was unbrained. I listened to it. We talked about the first time you realized that you were gay.

It was beautiful. Yeah, it was very much a hybrid of this podcast and that, and that it was cultural influences meets me saying I was an expert about hollywood but not being whatsoever i love i love just the concept of the podcast is excellent because i listened to shalewa sharps episode today she's the grown woman expert shalewa told this amazing story about uh this nice well-meaning white lady who asked her to move over so she could sit with her friends and all Shirley had to do was just stare her in the eye and not say anything for her to just

back off and be like okay actually you know what my friends are going to sit over there and I was like that's so grown woman it's so grown woman and so reminiscent of my childhood like all my family had to do was look at me and I was like you know what I did fuck up let me be quiet

let me hush did I fuck up. Let me be quiet. Let me hush. Did I fuck up? Did I fuck up with my proposals for my expertise? Because I think what I ran by you guys. What do you think? Okay, no, read them. Get the text.

Get the text. Wait, I can't. There's receipts. There's receipts. No, there's receipts. This was all face to face. No, dude. Yes, it was. It's a message.

Well, let's talk about some of our favorites. We had a walk of shame expert. Love that. Just a messy man just taking a train of shame and a walk of shame and a bridge of shame. Just shame. I love that. We had an open relationship expert. Gotta have to.

Just a white woman that was a hoe. Yeah. And she's still alive, which I was so blown away by. I was like, yo, man, once you out there on these streets. Yeah. And then come back to him. Okay. Wow. He don't really want you.

But okay. Hashtag chlamydia. So now you're giving your expertise on this topic. We had a Runaway Bride expert. What? She was delusional. Oh, delusional. Okay, these are all very specific. And all I pitched you guys, I can't find the text in.

Okay. What do you think you're the expert of? I said I am the expert of these japanese video games and you're like you're gonna fall asleep you're gonna go to sleep matt what you think honestly look it's a niche it's a niche interest but okay how about can i can i be the expert of like microwaved food like frozen dinners i'm an expert at that oh you guys that's just sad yeah yeah but i'm leaning into the sad. Like a hungry man or like a celeste?

Like I don't even have to look at the fucking package. Rowan, I feel like you travel. I feel like you're like a Carmen Sandiego. Okay. I love that for you. You're always around. Geography expert? You're so good.

I'll be geography expert. Just travel. We want to know about like the messiest places you've been. We want to know what type of be geography expert. Just travel. We want to know about the messiest places you've been. We want to know what type of luggage you bring in with you. We want to know what shoe you wear on the plane. We want to see your stamps. Let's go. Luggage, that's the best.

Luggage, that's the best. I have been told I travel very efficiently, very uniformly. And so, you know what? That'll be it. I feel like you fold your drawers several times. I fold them and roll them. Roll them and roll them fold your draws several times. I fold them and roll them. Roll them and roll them. Fold them and roll them.

Fold them and roll them. Fold them and roll them. That's the title of it. Fold them and roll them. Early contender. Fold them and roll them. I feel like you know what soft pant to wear on a plane. There you go.

Okay. You know what? I feel good about this. I feel like you use dryer sheets. I'm so happy. Okay. I'm very grateful for you guys just not even caring for the first few pitches that I ran by you

because you were able to lead me to a better version of myself. Listen, we bring you down, but bring you up. Yes, we raise you up so I can stand on mountains. And the rest of that song, coming later. You guys, wait. Have you guys talked about this on the pod

like on your solo apps what are you guys the experts in just separately yeah and together okay let's first go to Sydney what are you the expert in man I feel like I'm the expert in

bad relationships okay but you've been in you've been in a good one for a while okay I feel like it's one-sided on good I feel like I'm the ain't shit I don't know if you guys

watch Insecure but I am Lawrence you're Lawrence that's a big statement Lawrence is no season one though on good. I feel like I'm the ain't shit. I don't know if you guys watch Insecure, but I am Lawrence. That's a big statement. Season one, though. Season one, he didn't cheat yet. He was dope, though. He sat on the couch. He worked at Best Buy. That'd be me, dude. Yeah, but he was also gorgeous.

That's me. Here's the thing. The thing is, Insecure, in the first few episodes, when she was like, when the whole show was kind of about, I have to leave this person, everyone in the audience was like, yeah, you do. I didn't even think he was going to be a character after the second episode.

No, but. He was so pathetic. And then he's at Dwayne Reed with her while she's buying panties. Yes. Oh, I love that scene. Yeah, but he, but the episode,

you see him in like his bad time. Like he looks scruffy. He didn't work out. But like, I could see. He secretly had a bag of pot under his eye. I could see the good in that dude. I could see why she stayed so long.

Not me. You know what I mean? And the glow up did happen, especially on season two. And I feel like that's me. I feel like I'm shitty right now. But once I get my feet on the ground planted, meaning like I get tons of coins, I'll be a better girlfriend. But you're not working at Best Buy. I'm not working at Best Buy.

But I feel like sometimes my comedy, like the shows I be at, I be real woo-woo. It's not woo-woo. They're not the Best Buy. No, they're not. Oh, thank you. They're not the Best Buy.

And you're not fucking some cute bank teller. No, I'm not. I'm not. But my girlfriend is definitely doing the most in terms of the relationship. That's right. I feel like I've dated so many bum dudes that I feel like it rubbed off on me that I'm low-key a bum as well. Yes, they need like a light gray sweatpants.

Oh, yeah. This is a bad self-image. No, it's not. Like they're hearing this and then they'll see a picture of me and be like, nah. You literally, you present. Okay, and now we're back up. We're back up on a good self-image. present. Okay, and now we're back up. We're back up on a good topic. Great.

Okay, Marie. Marie, now what are you the unofficial expert in? Well, this year I've decided it's going to be my ho year. Yes. Okay. We're calling it ho centennial 2018. I love that. Patent pending.

And so I had never been on a dating app because I'm pretty. And so I joined Bumble this year. And I was like, oh, Bumble. I thought it was a game. Like, I'm just like, I'm like, I'm winning. And so I joined Bumble this year. And I was like, oh, Bumble. I thought it was a game. Like, I'm just like, I'm like, I'm winning. They feel like a game. Right. I'm swiping, but I'm not hitting anybody up.

Yeah. That is winning. Exactly. And then like the matches would go away. And I'd be like, well, what happens to the dude with the beard? I know. They go away. Honestly.

And the way that I was doing it, I was like, I'm not going to swipe until I see a black man. And then I would just keep going. And then I'd be like, what was I looking for? You should have swipe until I see a black man. And then I would just keep going. It's Bumble, though. Was I looking for an Asian girl? You should have been on Soul Swipe. No. Soul Swipe. That's where the white women are.

Okay? Okay? They're on all the black people dating apps. Wow. No. So I deleted Bumble after two weeks. And now I'm on Hinge. Okay.

What is Hinge? Okay, Hinge is like. You have to have mutual friends in order to connect. That's what it is. Something like that. But not everyone is a person that we have in common. Yeah, because I'm like, who your friends know that could possibly be on a date with you? Honestly, sis, nobody.

Exactly. Nobody. I'm actually an expert in cock blocking. Oh, hey. Thank you. I am like a goalie. I'm like... I'm like knocking out all the dusty dick.

Is that because you want your friend all to yourself or because like, like what, what is it? What makes you a good cock blocker? I want the question. I want the best of the best for Marie. Cause I hold her at a high standard. And so you have a problem with everyone that.

Yes. I know everybody who approaches her, there'll be in a linked over sneaker. I'm like, you didn't get a haircut. You look crazy. Where do you work? What are you bringing to the table? Are you bringing the whole table?

You're bringing half the table. That's not enough. You need enough table for me to sit down. I'm just trying to get a meal and some non-mediocre penis. Okay. Like some consistent dick. You don't need the table. But good dick.

Yeah. I want my friend smiling from ear to ear. That's how good the dick gotta be. Yeah. But we don't know, like his shoe,

people with good dick might have struggly sneakers. No, I can tell by their handshakes that I'm like, oh, he's not giving you anything you need, girl. Sydney wants me to have

like Chelsea boot dick. Yeah. Chelsea boot dick. Wow. Chelsea boot dick, also a front runner for title of app. dick. Yeah. Chelsea boot dick. Wow. Chelsea boot dick. Also a front runner for title of app. I know exactly what that means. You know what I mean?

100%. It's got like a pea coat on it. Might be like a little bit of a wool blend. And it just makes you feel amazing. He wears cashmere not on a special day. He just throws it on. Because it's what was in his closet. Yeah.

He deserves that. Yeah. She deserves that. Yeah, no, I agree with you. What are you saying you're the expert in dating apps nowadays? No, going out with people that I don't like just, you know,

because that's what I'm doing now. That's got to wear on you. No, no, because this is the thing. Marie is such a character that she can hold a conversation,

a terrible conversation on her own and have a good time. I'm here for the food and the wine, okay? That's it. If I happen to like you, great, right? Like I've been going on some day dates recently, like some all day affairs.

They are fun. They can be fun. Like eat lunch, like go to get a drink, smoke some weed, go to a show, then have dinner because we're together for so long.

Wow, that's an event. Not even going to kiss you. When Marie says, when she says booked and busy, she talking about something else. Okay, book busy so long. Wow, that's an event. Not even gonna kiss you. When Marie says, when she says booked and busy, she talking about something else. Okay, booked, busy, and blessed. Wow. That's incredible.

I know. Because honestly, that gets into territory of like, oh, now we've spent all day together. You almost feel like obligated. No, says who? I don't ever feel that way. No, there's no obligation.

Of course there's not. It's just an interior feeling. Of course, of course. For y'all. Yeah. For you. I'm speaking from my own perspective. Where it's like if that happens to me ever, I always be like, at the end of the date,

I happen to get very anxious. Whenever I've ever dated in my life, I get very anxious in the last hour of the date because I'm like, what's going to happen? Are we going home? Is there a kiss going to happen? I get very in my head. It sounds like, when you say to happen? Are we going home? Is there a kiss going to happen? I get very in my head. It sounds like, when you say obligated, that sounds almost like an emotion

and Marie doesn't have those. How is she going to smile from ear to ear? Taking me over. Caught up in sorrow. Lost in a song. And the rest of that song coming later.

What about you Okay so now I know you're gonna come on now As the expert of this new thing That you found Yes Carmen Sandiego Carmen Sandiego of the world I can't pull this out myself

I need you guys to We're gonna help you Well what else are you good at Because it can't be The Japanese cartoon thing We don't wanna do that No you're better than that You're better than that

Okay I can tell by your haircut that you're better than that. Your expertise should be like being secretly rich or something. He is secretly rich. I'll never talk about it. I am not rich. He has a movie theater in the house.

That's my parents and they have nothing to do with me financially. Coming from wealth, honey. That's how you know he has money. It's just my parents. He's in the will. You're in the will. But it's my Asian immigrant parents who are like, no, you're not touching any of this. Maybe.

That's what they tell you, dude. So you can be humble. Exactly. Giving you all the money. My dad read you the other day. What did he say? He was like, wow, Bowen really loves to go back to Denver. He loves being there.

He knows what's up. I was like, yep, because he likes chilling in the movie theater. Yeah. It's the best. It's the best. It's the best. You do seem very happy in your element. You have your own movie pass called your family. Honestly, when the situation arose around Thanksgiving 2017. Which was the Bowen is Rich moment on Instagram.

The movement. I went back and forth and watched all the videos. I did. Like all the stories. It was so good. I was like and forth and watched all the videos of all the stories. It was so good. I was like, well, who else is tagged here? My character was assassinated.

Are we going to Denver? Can we go to Denver? Come to Denver. Oh my God, I've always wanted to go. I went to Denver one time, smoked weed at a concert and fell asleep standing up.

What concert? It was a Damien Marley concert. Oh, very cool. Damien Marley? In September last year. Listen, he got to secure those bags, okay? He was in Denver getting that money. That Anglo-Saxon money.

He has the Marley name and the Marley money. That's someone who is truly rich. I know it's a bit, but I'm denouncing this assassination of character. But he certainly, I will say, over the years, he impresses me with the quality of his clothing sometimes. Like sometimes, you don't. I just know how to shop. Right, but you are the kind of person who,

if you want the clothing item, you will pay coins for it. Whereas like. We would never. We would never. We are not paying those coins. I pay, I got consignment chat money. Okay. That's where I'm at. It's like. We are not paying those points. I got consignment chat money. That's where I'm at. It's like I'm not paying full retail because I know that's not how much it costs to make this garment.

You know what kind of money I have? I have switching tags type money. I'm like, ooh, that's $40. I'm going to make it $2. Thank you. It feels like a 12. Yeah. Wait.

Do people do that? People switch tags? Yes, boo. How does that work? Oh, Sydney, how does that work? We don't have to get into yes boo how does that work? oh Sydney how does that work? we don't have to get into this how does that work sis? well first of all

you walk into the store as a white woman that's how you switch the tags you don't go in as a black or brown person you just go in as a Suzanne or a Rebecca

and then you go in and you look like you're gonna buy something and then you're switching tags in the dressing room you gotta fold the little plastic piece and then you gotta pull it out and then you're switching tags in the dressing room you gotta fold the little plastic piece and then you gotta pull it out and then you put another

oh my god you guys you are scammers and boosters confirmed felons allegedly that's how you do it I heard this through the book The Coldest Winter Ever so this is not real this is merely research

is it audiobooks? it's audiobooks. She don't read. Shut up. I don't read either. It's okay. Hold my hand. We don't read.

Bowen, you read? I read. Of course he reads. Marie reads. He's got reading glasses on. But I read. Oh, yeah. We all read.

We read, sis. What are you reading right now? Here we go. Let me tell you what I'm reading because this is what I'm talking about and this is what I feel and Matt I feel like this is a safe space I feel like straight white men are the scariest people in the

world any chance that I get to just like bring them down several notches I will and that's how you do it and that's how you do it you just gotta keep the Bradleys and the Brysons. But Marie, you hook up with them. That's what I don't understand.

Sis, pay the check and then let me sit on your face. I'm still gonna disrespect you while I'm sitting. Thank you. Absolutely. I suppose. Because Sydney's like, oh, but you hook up with white dudes. And it's like, yeah, sure. You hooked up with dusty dudes who slept on like yeah sure of course you hooked up with

dusty dudes who slept on air mattresses yes but they were in my community right I'm doing community service thank you but I'm not

Mother Teresa sis I'm paying it forward I wanna hook up with somebody who has a nicer apartment than mine yes you can't have no roommates

you all live closer to the city good view I mean I don't even care about the view you can't eat the view you can't fuck the view I mean eat the view. You can't fuck the view.

I can't eat the view. Exactly. You can't sit on the view space. You can't sit on the view space. I believe all this stuff is, yes, you definitely should have that in a man.

So you're saying you can't get that in a brown or Mexican? I'm saying I have not seen them. No. Mexicans are known for having lots of roommates. Here's what I want to say

about Sydney and Marie. I'm saying that I haven't, wow. They don't all I haven't. Wow. They don't all hinge, sis. You need to go out in the world. You can be getting this all the time on Official Expert Podcast. Just so you know.

Truly. Wait, I got to say this about Sydney and Marie because there is a phenomenon going on where a lot of people of color are like shitting on white dudes, being like, fuck white dudes. I was about to tweet that today. I said I've been doing this.

I've been doing this since 2000. Yes but you got away from the finish. Me and Sydney and Matt talked about this one time at Kellogg's Diner. Yes we have. That there's this phenomenon going on. This is gay men. This is women. This is a lot of people who like shit on white dudes.

White dick. White pussy. Whatever. White genitals. But then they go off and they just like couple up with these white people what's up with that what's up with that

that feels like an attack on my character no no no I'm saying you two like live by your values and you stick to them but listen I mean I'm still

gonna be disrespectful to you know to Johnny and Charles and Peter I'm not gonna marry a white man and I will never bring a white man home one time never bring a white man home.

One time Sydney at a show and one time Sydney at a show saw a bunch of white guys wearing trucker hats and then she called them king of the hill. I did. That was the funniest.

King of the hill. I did. I think that's genius. It is. They are genius. It was so rude. I think that people when they pick a specific partner

they're like oh you're excluded from this and but and you agree with that it's like it's love yeah feeling it's like it's like you can say like oh people in europe are rude but like you would fuck a european person that you were attracted to now they a lot of them don't be circumcised i don't have time to be digging through extra skin i got wait i wait you were you were shady one time okay so we saw it was a comic that we know and love we won't say the name okay but i was like that person is so fucking hot and marie what i just go no way marie just goes i don't know he's short yeah i mean i mean vertically challenged is a thing. It is. I like a tall man.

Does that mean that I haven't dated short dudes? Of course not. You can still disrespect them. Of course. You have abs. Someone be like, you need help picking that up from the top shelf? You know, I'm not going to uplift my man. You just said something very important. Marie has abs.

And that changes your outlook. I feel like it's just you're in a different bracket when you have abs. 100%, Sydney. You don't have to have a six pack but more than one ab I feel like you're just put up there like you shouldn't be talking to the regular average

regular degular doe you shoot to the top of the list especially on Instagram because it's like Instagram can find the people who post the abs and push them to the top but I don't post the abs

on Instagram you don't you're withholding the abs. No, don't listen to her. She'll have a thin shirt on and the abs will be peeking through the fucking shirt. But that's the tasteful way to show them off. Thank you.

Are abs made in the kitchen, Marie? Is this a diet thing? Is this a workout thing? Talk about that. No, it's a genetic thing. And it's a sucking in properly when I'm taking a photo. And it's like, oh, the lines are more like, they deeper today.

Yeah. But my whole thing is that I don't have abs because I don't work toward them. So I'm actually doing y'all a favor. Because imagine if I had abs. I know. You'd be unstoppable. I wouldn't even be on this podcast. She'd be booked somewhere else.

She'd have an ABC sitcom called Sydney. She'd be Sid. I'd make it Sid. You would Sid. Simply Sid. Sid in the City. Sid in the City. Oh my God,

that's a great show. Come on, I'm saying that's the title of your book. Oh my God, Sid in the City. I'm naming everyone's books today. Thank you so much.

I'm saying this because people do this to me and Matt all the time where they're like, they lump us together and they're like, oh my God, you guys would do a thing and this would be

the whole premise of it. You guys, you two would have a sitcom and the character qualities would be that Marie has abs and Sydney doesn't are you calling me the Miranda bitch I'm saying that these are defining qualities of these heightened versions of yourselves

we're done and you're not doing the podcast I think it would be a very good like literally every episode is just Marie getting cock-blocked by Sid. Honestly, that's not fun for me. I should have abs with all the cock-blocking I'm doing. I should have bigger arms at least. Your

core should be so tight. So strong. I'm tumboing all the dick. I'm literally, I'm tumboing all the dick. Sidney's like, is he paying for everybody's dinner? I'm like, dude. the dick. I'm tumboing all the dick. Sydney's like, is he paying for everybody's dinner? I'm like, dude. And by everybody, I mean me.

And she's like, but I'm here. And sometimes I'm like, Marie, drop a pin. And I'll just stop by. Hey, guys, I was in the neighborhood. Oh, my God. Just arriving to Cockblock. Have you truly done that? No, but I've thought about it.

She would, though. This fall on Bravo. It's time to turn up. Think you've seen it all? I don't think you've been a good friend to me lately. We're friends like that. Who needs enemies? You ain't seen nothing yet.

Cheers to being Germanic. With the Real Housewives of Potomac. Oh my gosh, can I take this in? It's gonna be amazing. New York City. Everyone is a gossip. No one gets a happier life. Salt Lake City.

We don't wear pastels, we wear fashion. And below deck sailing. You broke the rules. And now you're here getting upset. Watch all new seasons on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. Let's have a real good time. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks?

We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude. You're a dude. And Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude. You're a dude. And Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past. And we're just going to sit here and talk about them. And we'll get into the types of dudes.

What kind of types of dudes are there, Grunks? We got studs. Wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes dudes. We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games.

We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dudes dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw

interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations. I was a desperate delusional dreamer and the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine. I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine. I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life.

I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything but me. It took years for me to break that, like years of work. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999,

a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian, Elian. Elian, he looks so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami.

Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah. I'm not trying to. That's real

friendship. Yeah. That's not real friendship. Whose side are you on, Bowen? I'm trying to play in the face. He's hosting. He's truly hosting right now. Thank you. Thank you, Bowen. I appreciate you. He's hosting the both of you playing both sides. Yes. But by the end of this podcast, I will have chosen a side. You.

That makes me trash a new class. Thank you. Okay. And that's the brand, honey. I love it, honey. I'm here for everything. All of it. Listen.

Except the cock block. Right, right, right. Well, that's the thing. It's like your character on the show would be cock blocked, but you in real life could be raking in the dick. The good dick. Sydney would also cock block in real life, I feel like. premiere party marie have at the premiere what hey guys marie have i ever coming on here have i ever stopped you from getting dick that you truly honestly

wanted i mean if i truly honestly wanted the dick i was gonna get yeah honestly and truly i've never done anything to stop mar from getting whatever she wanted. If anything, I lift you. I am Kobe Bryant you most of the time. Sydney swears she's a good wing woman. I am a great wing woman. You seem like you make things happen. I'm fantastic. She doesn't.

Of course. Marie, if you got to go to the bathroom, I'll hold a conversation. You need me to hold your purse. I don't need you. Okay, see that? Okay, boom. Okay, let's get into it. Wow.

Let's get into it. Let's get into it. Okay, because yesterday I was minding my black ass business yeah and this this beige gentleman came over and was talking to me real close where were you he was so close we were we were working yeah we're not gonna say where but we were in the studio girls were working we were working we had a i-9 you had an i-9 filed social security Before we were at work Social was on the sheet Clocked right the fuck in And he came over

And he was like Real kind of like You know He's asking me questions About I'm like Oh this is Okay

Well let me go pee I get up To go to the bathroom I come back And Sydney's talking to him But she She's trying to make it seem Now like she was

Holding the fort for me But it's like But you know I didn't want him Even if he wanted me. I didn't need you to assist me. or HBO show or something, I feel like you got some time.

You at least have time. He's divorced too. Girl, girl, girl, girl, get you some time. You might as well keep the ball in the air.

Get you some time. Get you some time. You have time for this. Yes. Hear him out. We have time. Keep the ball in the air. Hear the opening statement.

I looked in the schedule book. I said, oh, she got done. Saturday at 8. She got done. Saturday at 8. She's wide open. You should just give Sydney your schedule. Yes.

And she can book these things for you. Now she'll just pop up where I am. Yes. Very true. I vicariously live through Marie because I'm in a relationship I can't do shit there's no shit to do I'm sober as fuck

there's no like getting into trouble she has Marie's number she sees my Instagram stories she know where the fuck I'm at like I can't do anything wild crazy and free

ever her girlfriend will text me and I'll be like Sydney are we together and we'll be together but I'm like are we together oh wait

she goes to you first no she'll just like because sydney's phone dies a lot she she don't be charging yeah again another way that i have a family i have charged sydney's phone personally you have oh i believe you yeah but her girlfriend will be like hey and i'll get that i'd be like screenshot are we together even though she's sitting right next to me yeah are you here because i don't know like i don't know where she told her she was gonna be but i'm a good friend yeah but you're showing you're putting in the the points for me to be like this is my friend my ride or die and you need to give people these tests you have to do these tests

if you're in a relationship will they will they cover for you yeah you gotta cover i mean i think she knows that i would lie for you okay unequivocally lie cheating steal for me. Lie cheating. Steal for me. I mean, I want to kill for me. I want to kill for you. I feel like you stepped on a road through me. Oh, okay. The road through was not at my home. You would,

you would. We were outside the home. Yeah, of course, of course, of course. You would kill for her? No. Marie barely hugs me. She definitely

ain't killing nobody for me. Would you kill for each other yes I would bitch you see what these people are doing over here but these are gays we're black women we gonna do hard time

hashtag remember her name yes okay we're definitely not doing it won't be orange is the new black when people got weeds and shit in there they'll take it off my whole wig. My whole edges would be gone in that cell, in jail, just looking

like Whitney on a bad day. We not doing that. That's not my truth. I feel you. I don't want you to kill for me, but definitely I'll lie for you. Lie for me. I'll obstruct justice for you. Yes, I want you to come into court and have a white suit on. Wait, hold on. Can I tell you something?

In theory, I think I would kill for you, but I don't want to go to jail. Okay, see? I would go to jail for you. You would? Yeah. That's not allowed. Nah, y'all rat each other out. His family can afford.

Can I tell you something? His family can afford good lawyers. No! My parents, I don't know. No, they can afford it. The only lawyers my family knows are fucking immigration lawyers and that's it like they don't know i feel like that's the best lawyer what do i think can i tell you something they keep you in the country they do a legit scenario i thought of the other day

is that you and i were in a situation which was very similar to um like when we both get we both are getting um interrogated yeah and you know that thing where the interrogator says to you by the way such and such bow, Bowen gave you up already. So I would say, no, he didn't. And you would know that he did that. I would know.

And then later when they brought us together, and if they said, one of you gave each other up and so let's get it. I would look to him and I'd be like, I know he did it.

We would look each other and he'd be like, I'd say, I know it. Marie, in that situation, what is it? Did we set it off? Is it a Queen Latifah? in the eye. I'd say I know it. Marie, in that situation. Well, what is it? Did we set it off?

Is it a Queen Latifah? It's okay. Pretend it set it off. Pretend it set it off. But if it set it off, they don't have the opportunity to be questioned because they're going hard the whole time. Yes, you're right.

Or we're getting killed in front of a bus. Your first mistake was not succeeding or dying trying. Your second mistake was wearing box braids and burnt hips as a mushroom cut. Yeah, no. That was the second mistake. No, that was the first mistake.

That was the first mistake. The third mistake was having sex with that dude for money to send her brother to college. Yeah. Do y'all remember Set It Off? Yes.

Essentially, rule of culture number 30, there are many mistakes in Set It Off. Yes, many mistakes. Well, first of all, it was a check. I was like, what are we doing?

I was doing a check. You couldn't give me cash, bro? Give me cash. There's going to be a paper trail. I don't need a paper trail on this pussy. What's wrong with you? A paper trail on this pussy. That should be the name of the game.

Another front runner for title of the month. We're doing so good with these titles. Yes, very. Cheers. Cheers. By the way, this red is stunning. Hi, guys. yes very cheers cheers by the way this red is stunning hi guys today our episode is sponsored by away travel which is revolutionizing luggage bitch i am living for away travels products and i know that you have been rolling with the suitcase of theirs for a little bit of time yes honey, honey. Oh, I love this thing.

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Okay. What is the culture that influenced the person that you are today? This is the moment where you said pop culture and culture at large might be for you. What was the movie, song, moment of pop culture, like circumstance that made you culturally who you guys are today? Let's go to Marie first oh so hard it's a tough one yeah I should give people the homework assignment yeah bitch listen to the podcast no we thought we did HPJ hot producer Joe maybe he didn't it's fine it's fine no I'm like I didn't know this was the essay fucking tease are you leaning towards a certain thing

are you leaning towards a song a movie a tv show yet what did you love you know what I'm loving right now what I feel like should be what is influencing me moving forward is everything that Janelle Monae is doing 100% that's my god

the looks that she's presenting the fact that people are like is she gay is she straight it doesn't matter people assume that I'm a lesbian all the time because of how I dress

and that I'm always with Sydney that's rude they don't even think I'm a lesbian exactly but they're like they got the script flipped they see me and they're like

is this him is this your girlfriend and I'm like no I'm Marie and they're like nice to meet you sir and I'm like no it's Marie

stupid bitches yeah people are mean they're like, nice to meet you, sir. And I'm like, no, it's Marie. Stupid bitches. Yeah, people are mean. They're like, this the one with the abs? But everything that Janelle Monáe is doing is unapologetic. It's fun.

It's woman. It's black. I feel like all that. She's wearing colors. I'm wearing colors now. I mean, I'm wearing all this black now. But you can't,

I bought a red dress today. I bought a yellow jacket. Okay. Okay. I'm doing colors now. Where did you't. I bought a red dress today. I bought a yellow jacket. Okay. Okay. I'm doing colors now. Where did you, where did you, where's this money coming from? Cause I feel like I got some money coming in. Oh, you know what?

I did my taxes yesterday. Oh, the refund is cute. It's going to be cute. Oh yeah. You already knew you. Oh, I deducted everything. I went through the bank records. I have receipts too.

Are you guys, are you guys literally fishing receipts out of a fucking folder? Not paper receipts. Every single flight I took last year, I was like, that was for work. Business. Wow. Every Uber I took out of town, that was for work. I got to start doing this. I did one show in Denver, and I was in Denver for like four days.

I didn't fly to Denver for the show. Right, right, right. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. And all of that written off you wrote off

the Damien Marley concert that was research research we went to Miami that was for work ah damn I didn't even put the Miami flight

in there if you did a show while you were there it was for work how else did you get there every coffee I drank while I worked because I was a host

on a tour guide I was a tour guide yeah yeah yeah. And I need the coffee to be able to stay caffeinated to stay doing my job well. Yes, yes. And so I wrote those coffees up.

I can't believe I forgot the Miami flights. Damn, that's okay. I put Denver, I put New Orleans, I put everything. No, bitch, you can't write off coffees.

I mean, that's an office, it's a business expense. I feel like somebody from the IRS would definitely listen to this podcast. Yeah, but it'd be somebody cool.

Yeah, but I feel like they're good, cool IRS people. Yeah, you think they would have your back? I bought a charger from my laptop. Wrote that off. I wrote that off. The refund's going to be cute. That's why I bought this yellow jacket today. What did you wear in your JFLs?

I met you up at Montreal. Just for last audition, I wore a black sequined catsuit. Come on, bitch. And we were supposed to do six minutes. I did nine. Yes. And she still booked the gig. I was on stage for a cool nine minutes. Cool nine. And you know, it's your

how many people would you think was there? Like maybe five or six hundred people? Yeah, I would say seven. In the theater. Seven hundred people. And I was like, I'm not gonna do any crowd work because I like to talk to people when I'm performing. Yeah, you're a performer. I get on stage. I'm like, I'm just gonna do my set. I get up on stage. I'm like, I'm not going to do any crowd work because I like to talk to people when I'm performing. Yeah. You're a performer. I get on stage, I'm like,

I'm just going to do my set. I get up on stage, I'm like, sir, you know what I'm talking about, right? It's crowd work. It was crowd work.

Yeah. I did crowd work. But you did, it was like a black bodysuit. It was a tight, black sequined catsuit. Janelle Monae has the same catsuit in a photograph.

But I got mine and I didn't know that she had it. abs screaming out of the fashion oh abs were just and then I'm like I'm gonna do my last joke I'm gonna put the mic down I'm gonna walk away uh-huh I'm like I say my last joke and then I go don't look at my butt when I walk away and they did they fully did they fully looked at my flat butt anyway that Janelle Janelle is absolutely killing it and just her just quote unquote old stuff but like I was I was with a friend and then like he put on like the old like the Ark Android album

and I was like damn this is like this was college for me like I fucking lived for this when it came out and yeah no Janelle and Janelle's nailing it and I can't wait for her to see her get like super super big time mainstream attention well post movies is great right she's doing she absolutely deserves it

and always did she's actually acting fairly well yeah she's a solid seven at least right she was in Hidden

Hidden Figures and she was great she did the assignment in Hidden Figures for sure she was in Moonlight she was the cool girlfriend in Moonlight

remember she did the assignment in that movie I gave her an eight in Moonlight she poured whatever water lemonade for the young boy

version. Like a professional. Like a professional. Absolutely. She was on that top work. Can we briefly, just for a moment,

talk about how I was disappointed in Moonlight? Can we get to May 1st and then we get to Moonlight? I mean, I just feel like we're already here. Can we just put a pin

in this? Unfortunately, we're going to have to return to Moonlight. We're going to return to Moonlight, but Marie, we'll put a pin in it and we'll get back to Moonlight. And're going to return to Moonlight, but we'll put a pin in it.

And the answer to what was fucked up about Moonlight coming very soon. We'll do for a song, by the way. The culture in your life, the pop culture in your life that was show-stopping. Issa Rae. Issa! I watched her, Awkward Black Girl. When I fucked a dude

in his apartment that was missing a roof, he was a skateboarder he was missing a roof missing missing part of the roof he kept me in his apartment the next day

cause I was obviously hungover and wasted but he was like listen we should watch this web series I've been watching it

it's really funny you're in comedy and I really think that this girl will inspire you this is when she didn't have a lot of it was just

there was no budget when like you know the hair lot of... It was just an awkward black girl. There was no budget. When the hair was the way it was. She had the glasses and she had the cute cheeks. Before Superstar East. There was no wardrobe, no nothing. It was just literally a web series. And it was her being as awkward as she could possibly be, but also funny.

And I was like, that's me. I feel like I'm a little weird, but also I'm very honest and open about it. And I'm like, that's me. I feel like I'm a little weird, but also I'm very honest and open about it. And I'm like, there should be more people out there like that. Not everybody's cool. And so you went hard after seeing that. I feel like when people look at you, they don't see awkward dudes. You just look like the mean

cool black girl in all the movies. But then she opens her mouth and then you're like, oh wow. When you hear my story you're like, she's so fucking awkward. This and then you're like oh my god that she's okay she is talking about like this crazy date she went on with this 80 year old man like it's great stuff like that that's what i'm saying like i'm very honest and i think people don't expect that considering how I look they think that I'm gonna

like be put together and I'm not I was a cocktail waitress for 10 years that's why I look the way I look but that's not how I really am

of course it's cool it's a cool dichotomy that you present I hung out with white women like most of my 20s they know how to look like they got it together. And then you go in a bag and a purse.

You're like, bitch, is that a Twinkie? Is that a Twinkie from two years ago? Shambles. Shambles. Oh, my God. Credit card. This is not even your credit card. Do you have a pen that's leaking?

What in the world? If your bag doesn't have a pen that's leaking, what in the world? What are you doing? What are you doing? A bag with a pen that's leaking. It's the world? What are you doing? What are you doing? A bag with a pen that's leaking. It's a staple. That's rule of culture number 51. A bag with a pen that's leaking is a staple.

And you know it's true. I'm giving you these gems. Here you go. You are. You are. Thank you for the gems. Isa, Isa. I mean, iconic.

Incredible. Very happy that it's such a success. I cannot wait for the third season. Yeah. It's a show that you watch, and the first couple episodes are cool, but then you actually realize how into it you are. I hate all of the main characters on the show.

Definitely. They're not likable. They're not likable people, and they do really dumb things that I'm screaming at the screen and at this point I'm just watching to see how it ends

but that is real life real people are not that likable we do a lot of fucked up shit if nobody's watching I like everybody in the room right now

yes but Issa okay so the one scene in Insecure that really pissed me off she was out with that like Spanish dude

or whatever yeah the older guy right and I'm like oh he's cute he's hot as fuck he wants to take you to dinner to get out with that like Spanish dude or whatever. Yeah, the older guy, right? And I'm like, oh, he's cute. He's hot as fuck. He wants to take you to dinner to get like, you know, some sangria or whatever, some Spanish table wine.

And she's like pulling her bra up, remember? She's like, she put the phone in the cup. I said, sis, you trying to set the mood with this dude that just wants to like get to know you? And she's like, no, you can leave. And I was like, girl, like. I was like, you don't have enough titty, first of all, to do all these stunts. To do what you do. Like he see you can leave and i was like girl like i was like you didn't have enough titty first of all to do all these stuff do what you like he's to see you lifting your chest up

he's like come on girl he's like your sternum is uh you're presenting your sternum but i don't let's go get some steak and then molly is banging this dude who says that he's in an open thing but i think he's lying he's definitely lying you think it's a but I think he's lying. He's definitely lying. You think it's a lie? Absolutely. I think he's lying. Wow. I never thought of it like that. Well, first of all,

they a black couple. There ain't no open relationships in a black couple. That's not our truth. That's not what we do. We like either you mine or you out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's pretty fucking hot. No, he's not. He looks like Gumby. He looks like Gumby. He does look like Gumby. I would fuck Gumby and I've been saying it. I have not caught up to this bar in insecure. is I was like Gumby he does look like Gumby I would fuck Gumby and I've been saying it I have not

caught up to this girl by since I was 11 this current season is Molly still no I haven't like I haven't watched I didn't well you must get updated and we are gonna talk

about it now we are gonna ruin it spoiler alert for anyone well where where where did you leave off I'm just just started season so she has trash I'm sorry I'm sorry you got a

home theater and you not put up? Yeah. Sis. I love Molly though. I just showed him his first episode of Housewives of Atlanta. I know. Because I just started. That's the best of all the franchises though.

It is the best of all the franchises. I just started Housewives in general. How impressed are you? I'm so impressed. It was the reunion the other night. It was so good. Amazing. Nene gave kim the business

ain't nobody ain't nobody care about your fucking relationship with sheree no no one cares house not even finished who's fired by the way sheree i heard is not coming back will not be returning why that's what when he was told us because and this i heard it's confirmed but what was said was that the women are fully done with Kim. They do not want to hang out with Kim anymore. Kim has her show, whatever. She's busy. Kim came for the chick.

Kim has her own show? Yes, she does. And a whole successful personality journey career. But Sharae, what does Sharae offer with a boyfriend that's not gonna get out of prison until 2021 and she is best friends and align herself with the person no one wants to fuck with anymore. She's a bone collector, though. She did her job.

Yeah, but she's not doing her job. She's not doing her job because they're right. She is not an equal opportunity bone collector. No, she's not. She's trying to stay in with Kim. Which is insane. I was like, why? Do y'all remember She by Sheree?

Can we get into the fashion? Joggers. Joggers. There there's gonna be more joggers when will it come out spring summer september that's gonna be my answer for everything i've been told to watch from the fucking beginning and i'm like oh boy spring summer september she released a fashion line she's the original fashion nova? And it was called She by Sheree and it was like a fashion show party

like in her house. That shit was rainbow. It was a fashion show for rainbow. I will speak out for Sheree though. I love Sheree. Gabrielle Union claims

that Sheree actually had a cute boutique in Atlanta and that Gabrielle Are you really gonna listen to Gabrielle Union? Gabrielle Union's trying to sell books.

I don't have time. I don't have time. I don't think Gabrielle Union trying to sell books I don't have time I don't have time I don't think Gabrielle Union has any reason to lie she seemed like the bougie black girl that would lie Gabrielle Union seems like

the type of person that would lie interesting no I don't know I trust is she an investor in this podcast or not

yeah we actually are this is a conflict of interest we have to thank our sponsor Gabrielle Union starring in this new she's in this new like it's sort of like she books no she's Panic Room This is a conflict of interest. We have to thank our sponsor, Gabrielle Union. She's in this new, like, it's sort of like. She books. Panic Room?

No, she's in this new movie. Okay, hold on. That's like a taken for moms. You said that she books, but you know she auditioned for Scandal and did not book. She was the first runner up. Which is number one loser. Oh, wow. It means really didn't get the check. I really didn't get the check. I really didn't get the check.

So harsh, Marie. Considering where we're at. I'm not a Gabrielle Union fan. Although Sydney does look like in a certain light Gabrielle Union with the right filter. Why don't you like Miss Gabrielle?

She just seems real uppity and bougie. Like everything that she like she just seems very unlikable to me. She's everything that I don't like. She's a little bougie. She's a little bad and bougie. Do everything that she, like she just seems very unlikable to me. She's everything that I don't like. I think I'm being a little bougie. A little bad and bougie.

Do you remember when, I think it was like, I'm not sure what event it was. I think it was like, like Essence Women of the Year or something. She stepped forward and she was like,

she was giving some honor and she stepped forward and said, flat out, I used to be really that person who was wishing that you all would fail. Yeah, and she was like,

I've hated you guys. She said that every single one... I saw that and bring it on. I was like, oh, she's terrible. But now she's coming forward and saying, you know, and I wish I could change the person that I was and also you have to understand, like, this is a part of all of us because there's only so

many spots for us so we have to make more room for ourselves is what she arrived at. That's what she said but that's because she also didn't have power at the moment. She has the power to uplift other people

who are around her and below her. So she ain't got no power now. Ain't nobody checking for Caramell Union. I mean, she can recommend, on her Instagram,

she does like a Woman Crush Wednesday. She shouts out other actresses. She does, she does. Other people, other entertainers. She's good at that.

She has a lot of followers. She's not helping you get a job, though. You never know. She can't even help herself get Shondaland. You know what I mean? Damn, Marie. Oh, my God. You are shady.

She's the queen of that. She's an expert in shade. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. She's an expert in lamps. Are you a Kerry Washington stan? Is this about a Kerry versus Gary

no it's not it's just just flat out because Kerry Washington on that show because I watched the first season of Scandal

we all did this is amazing and it was like she got real annoying real fast it was just the same you have to earn me no the writing

I'm telling you every Shonda Rhimes show and bless for having Shonda but after season 3 that bitch does not care. Do her due diligence. Well, she's not there anymore. She's not present.

She sets a show up, and it has the best years of its life when she is very involved. And then she backs up. And then she backs up to start something new, and you have Grey's Anatomy season 42 with a lion loose in Seattle Grace. A lion was loose in the hospital? No, bitch, but I'm saying very well could be there. Breaking that story for sweeps. The finale is going to be a meteor hits the hospital.

That is going to be the finale. Real Armageddon? It's going to be Armageddon. Independence Day? It is bad. It is bad. But the episodes that Shonda has written, like the Code Black episode, the Vajayjay episode,

she wrote those. Of Grey's Anatomy, yes. And they're amazing pieces of television. Yeah. Wow. I need my pop culture icons to always be using their powers for good. Well, that's what happens when you got, she got How to Get Away with Murk. Yeah.

I mean, also, can we talk about how every time I see them make Viola Davis take her wig and her makeup off, I am upset? As a woman, but also as a black woman, it frustrates the fuck out of me because we did so much to get to where we are. To take our wig off, bitch! But then she has the ponds

cream and she's wiping her makeup off. People still use ponds? I don't know, dude. I just off? She's wiping her makeup off. It's so rude. People still use ponds? I don't know, dude. I just know that she's wiping off the makeup

and she's peeling the wig, the cap back. I said, who wrote that in there? It couldn't have been Shonda because Shonda don't take her wig off.

She was a white man with a black wife. Shonda doesn't write a damn episode of How to Get Away with Murder. That's someone else's show. She's the executive producer.

Common misconception. But Matt, when you were talking about how you want your pop icons to do their due diligence. Use their powers for good. Stay committed to the product you start. Yeah, but that's asking for a lot, sir.

Because people gotta secure bags. They gotta make sure other people are getting paid. They can't stay on one project forever. They gotta do other things. I believe that that's true. But then at least have the respect for your product to hire someone that's gonna come there and bring the same level of excellence.

And she can find those people. And she doesn't. I mean, like to say that we used to joke about Grey's Anatomy in the beginning and say this is going to turn into ER. It has turned into ER. Oh, my God. I got into ER again. And I was like, oh, my God. One through three, I was inexpert. After I was like, I my God, one through three, I was inexpert.

After I was like, I have never seen ER. Oh, you have to, Marie. You're coming over. Or Grey's Anatomy. Marie, you're coming over and watching it. Yes. I mean, ER was on point in the beginning, but the later seasons of ER were mediocre. They weren't bad.

They weren't bad, but I could not keep my eye on it. Bad. I believe that. I believe that. I believe that. I just, I feel like, but you know, Shauna just got that little Netflix $190 million situation. Like,

she's making money. She doesn't have time for this show to be piece. She's 100% making money and I do not begrudge her that and I understand that she came forward and said,

I'm gonna have a goddamn empire and she has done that. But as a consumer, like sis, keep it cute for the whole eight seasons. Yes.

Or just end it after it. End it. Or just have Viola not take her wig off. That's all that I'm asking. That's all that I fucking ask. Thank you. Viola, keep the wig on. Keep the wig on.

You are the black Meryl Streep, aka the black Viola Davis. Sydney's cultural moment is Issa. Should we go back to this Moonlight conversation? Yes, we can. So what's what's the tea on moonlight so first of all his friend was adorable the whole movie the old version of the friend i was like that's him okay that's a casting thing fine okay i was not here for that but then when he was like you know they were on the phone and he was like i'll cook for you i was

like they go back they don't have sex you don't see sex. I'm like, all I see is the toaster oven. You making tea. That's it. That's it. Girl, not everything has to be sexualized. I wanted to see that, though. That's what I wanted. The movie was so slow.

I had blue balls up there. And at the end, I was like, oh, they gon' bang. But y'all need that. Everybody always fucking and sucking and fucking. Cop blocker extraordinaire. Do you see it? You really are blocking my phone. You heard it here

first folks everyone's always fucking and sucking they are and it's like when can we get to something that's like actual substance

not everything gotta be about sex not everybody have to pull their dick out I'm sorry you can have both can you

yes 100% okay get into it I think that we all appreciated the moment at the end where they finally got comfortable enough to say their true feelings. And that was beautiful.

That was gay. But probably what would have happened after that is they have a physical moment. And it would have been not nice to see that because I needed to like jack off to it at home. I'm not interested in that. But that depiction of them being able to have that moment I think is important. And I also have the same problem

with Call Me By Your Name which didn't show the sex I have not seen that movie yet but they also don't show the sex they cut away from the sex

well he was like a cool 12 in real life but it's important to see that no I feel like in like gay culture like everything

is sexualized everybody's always saying that she's saying that y'all are all hoes that's what is out there though that y'all are all hoes. That's what is out there though. Yeah, I agree with Sydney. That like gay men are always just walk outside

and just find a dick and suck it. Which is not true. You guys do have standards. So sometimes it doesn't have to be about the sex. Sometimes there's something between finding the dick and sucking the dick. And also the struggle is real. Sometimes it's not so easy to just catch it.

It's really not. And it's not even about, it's not even about, this is not even about like going against any sort of sex positivity. It's really not. And it's not even about, it's not even about, and this is not even about like going against any sort of sex positivity. It's just like, there are, we're being presented

with this thing of like, look, just Instagram presenting you with abs. It's like pictures of abs, of other guys' abs. It's like, well, no, well, no,

that's not, that's not what we're reducing this down to. It brainwashes you. It really does. It makes you feel bad because A, you're not fucking that person and b

also you have to be like oh is this the bar now you know what i mean whenever i see someone looking insane looking like like right now we are fully in spring and i've been talking about the thirst traps it's like i don't begrudge anyone posting a thirst trap i think if you look good and you feel good post post it's just that when it's everyone all at once, and also, who fucking cares how I feel? That first warm day that we had last weekend, everybody came out. I said, so your body

was already ready? Fuck you. That's the thing. You have a surprise warm day and everyone reveals that they already are. I'm not here for them creamy ass thighs. Okay, you need to put on a long linen pant. So you're telling me you had a thigh gap this whole time. This whole winter.

No way. Sometimes you just be like, surprise. No. Thighs don't touch. No. Surprise. Surprise. I said, oh, so wait, your whole body was ready, but your feet weren't ready?

Because Marie called it out. Like, oh, everybody got their legs out, their arms out, but your feet though. Let's talk about this, though. You are on ankle patrol. Yes. For the winter. It's done. But tell Marie.

My ankles are out. Marie's got the high top still. But for the children that don't know at home that are listening that don't know, what's going on over the winter with you on Instagram and being on patrol? Ankle expose. People who just have their whole ankles out. They'll be full on like it's Antarctica. It's mad cold outside. In a Canada goose.

Yes, right. On top. And then the ankles, it's like you're at the beach. They have a cropped pants on. You're at the beach. It doesn't make sense. No, it doesn't. It doesn't.

It doesn't make sense. People who have like the ripped jeans. Have y'all seen the ripped jeans with the leggings underneath can we talk about that what no if you have the jeans ripped

there should not be tights under oh my god those are dancers dancers should be doing that I know a lot of chubby people on the train that I'm like

sis you don't lift you don't pirouette you don't do no no no first position second position third position no plies no. No plies. No position.

No plies. No grand jetés. Marie, you're going to get some hate from this podcast. I'm telling you. You could find me. See, please. You could find me on The Unofficial Expert on iTunes. Email in your complaints.

Yes, please. Oh, my God. Yeah, but it was just because people are trying to keep in with the trend because, like, ankles are in. But it's two degrees. We were outside. We were outside and it was literally like snowing. It was like a blizzard outside.

And this woman was walking out all her ankles out. She didn't even have a boot on. It was like a regular slide. It was like a mule. Can I ask you, do you confront? Do you document or do you confront and document? I document. I confront people I know. I don't confront people I don't know, but I definitely document people I don't know.

And that was all over the place. And people started to send me ankles, and I was like, this is getting out of hand. Yeah, I know. You could have started a blog 10 years ago. People were so happy. A Tumblr. A Tumblr. Had a fucking Tumblr and get a fucking book deal.

I should have made, well, I did a little. Coffee table book. Yes. Coffee table book. I did a little movie that, it was a short film called Ankles in the City. It was a short film.

Was that what you should have done? I did. It was a con. It was a short film, bitch. Tribeca Soul Festival. I had like little music.

I had like, the ankles had a story. So, it was great. And then there was one video of a dude who had sandals on complete sandals in the winter. No. White.

It was an Asian. It was an Asian. Oh, it was me. Well, we get strong. So sorry. Sorry.

Not sorry. Yeah. Can I say, I feel like I'm finding what's happening right now. Okay. And I feel like it is Matt and Sydney, and it is Bowen and Marie. All right. Because you guys are giving like French, have it together.

We're like, we don't know another language besides this one. But Sydney, but I'm connecting with Sydney, and you're connecting with Marie in some ways, too, where we're talking about all this. Matt hasn't looked at me once tonight. What are you talking about? He's like this Haitian no

he's like her hands are ashy and she gets cock blocked regularly out of her life you've kept your hands under the table Matt

Matt hasn't been able to see him Matt's like no thank you what are you talking about literally we just had a moment where we were on the same side what were we talking about

we don't even remember moonlight moonlight oh yeah I also agree there should have been sex at the end of the movie yeah but I felt like I presented something Literally, we just had a moment where we were on the same side. What were we talking about? We don't even remember. Moonlight. Moonlight. Moonlight. Oh, yeah. I also agree. There should have been sex at the end of the movie. Yeah, but I felt like I presented something pretty strong about why there wasn't sex. Now I'm turning around.

He's giving you his back. Yeah, that's not a good host. I'm just like, you know, thank you. Yeah, but look, what did I say at the beginning? That I would choose a side. Are you choosing Marie? No, I'm kind of angled this way now. Okay, he's angled. She's saying there should be less sex in movies. Fuck you choosing Marie? No, I'm kind of angled this way now. Okay, he's angled. She's saying

there should be less sex in movies. Fuck her! Why? First of all, the sex is fake. Girl, bye. It's not real. That's bad acting. You're seeing bad quality cinema. Okay, so what sex scene in what movie, though? You were like, yes. That is the thing. Titanic. Titanic.

The sweaty window. You should not have said this. I'll tell you what show gives you good sex scenes. Sons of Anarchy. Really? Yes. I have never seen an episode. The lead star of it is Charlie Hunnam and he's very much.

You're telling me a show that has bow and arrows got proper sex scenes? Not bow and arrows. They got Harley Davidson's and leather jackets. Oh, I thought it was like 100%. Do they keep the leather vests on when they bang? No. Okay. Now I'm going to watch it and like Do they keep the leather vests on when they bang? No. Okay. Now I'm gonna watch it and see.

They pull the boots to the side. I just feel like I appreciate that show because they so oftentimes when you watch sex scenes like it's all about like like really, really, really

kind of objectifying the female. Yes. Whereas that show gives you an appreciation of the male form. Do you see the dick? You don't see the dick but you see everything else. That's never seen a dick. It's on FX. You'll see the dick? You don't see the dick, but you see everything else. Then it's not a sex scene. It's on FX.

You'll see the girl's boobs. It's on FX. But that's the problem, though. It's never a real sex scene without the dick. Does Insecure give you dick? What? Does Insecure give you dick? No. I mean, but also, you don't want to see you don't want to see Issa's naked body either. Oh, wait, hold on, sis. Yes, I do. Do you?

I mean, season two Issa is cuter than season one Issa. No, but. Hold on, sis. Yes, I do. Do you? I mean, season two Issa is cuter than season one Issa. Sure. But I like to see a real body in her. What's wrong with you? I look like you, Marie. Honestly and truly,

if there's a mirror in the room, I'm going to look at myself. Okay? That's what I'm going to do. This is ab privilege. Reaks of ab privilege. But you guys don't understand. If you're having sex

and there's a mirror in the room, you're not going to check? You're not going to look at yourself? Hell no. I know the angle was going to be so wrong. That's not my life. I'm going to have to move

the mirror in the right angle. So I'm definitely not looking at the mirror. I'm looking in the mirror. Can you believe people that have a mirror on their roof? On the wall? On their ceiling.

The roof? Oh, the ceiling. I'm like, is it Hey Arnold? What you talking about? No. Remember that hotel SLS in Miami, in LA? They have mirrors. You're saying remember we've never been there, sis.

We've never stayed there. Remember if you had broke down a whole vacation that we took? Did you not check your itinerary? Sorry. Remember? We're like, no, we don't. You obviously recall. I've been there several times, but I didn't pay.

But yeah. You've seen the view of yourself well i didn't have sex in this place but i you know i saw myself and i was like oh i see why people come here all right for sure that's pretty good that's pretty good what so you didn't have sex there no i didn't but i i looked up and i was like oh i see why people come here yeah yeah like this is a to watch themselves yeah okay i'm here for me but sex is awkward and sex is like weird and yeah you're not gonna look as good as you think you do i don't know i feel like i have okay so the whole centennial is off to a pretty slow start i was i said to sydney today it's there's 12 months in the year i thought i was gonna get 12 bodies i told

her no 12 is too much she thinks she thinks i should do like five or six yes man for the year yeah yeah we're in the fourth month it's it's two dudes okay that's fine you got a whole summer bitch a whole hot summer you know business is gonna pick up oh yes business will be booming when my collarbones are exposed they're gonna be like wow do you want some dick today when the yachts are out the tits are out when the yachts are out the ass will be out

that's rule number 12 of culture when the yachts are out the tits are out oh my god we need to go on a trip all four of us

wait I was literally just gonna tell you Miami I was gonna ask you what's your favorite city to travel to in New York I mean in New York I mean

in New York Rochester bitch no in this nation that we live in where do you like to go that's only

in the United States yeah yeah yeah that's the nation that we love make it international make it international get the stamps in the passport

oh yeah get the stamps I would definitely want to go back to Spain or go to Cuba. Cool. I feel like is the window

closing on Cuba now? It is. I feel like yes, y'all. As soon as the Kardashians, as soon as them bitches went over there, I was like, oh. Wait, they went to Cuba?

The window is closed. The window is closed. God damn it. They did a whole episode on that shit. I did not know. They had the cameraman Itoro over there. I was like, no. Itoro? No, it is closed. The window is closed. God damn it. They did a whole episode on that shit. I did not know. They had the cameraman Itoro over there.

I was like, no, it's closed. Because there was just like a four year grace period where it was cute to go and now it's like, no,

you can't do it anymore. Once you see somebody in a contour in fucking Cuba, you're like, it's done. We're not going anymore. But Spain is the original Cuba.

Yeah. The original. When I went to granada title of that might be good and that's both of your drag names. One of you is Granada and one of you is Toledo. But I'm Toledo Supreme. This is so good.

So fun. Let's take a trip together. You're trying to get tropical about it. You want nice weather. You want a wet and wavy weave. Yes, well that's Cuba, but then if you go to Spain, if you go there, like, not when it's too cold, but not when it's too hot, like a 75-80.

I feel like 75-80. What month is that, sis? What month? I'm gonna say, like, a June? 75? You could be at the end, August. Okay, so for my birthday in September, we could go. Spring, summer, September. All right, what about you?

We've been talking about doing a Tokyo trip. Actually, I would love to go to Tokyo. Let's do a Tokyo trip. Honestly, black people are so cool in Tokyo. They would think they were both Serena Williams over there. Exactly. They'd be like, oh, Serena Williams. You guys would be hounded on the streets.

Serena or Beyonce Selfie sticks galore I would feel like After like the fifth The fifth person Who stops you And wants to take a picture With you

I feel like that would Get annoying No They're going Wesley Snipes Just posing Just giving them shoulder Just giving shoulder

Yes it's me Wesley Snipes I remember Wesley I said I'm Wesley I do owe money to the government I am Malcolm X Just posing. Just giving them shoulder. Just giving shoulder. Yes, it's me, Wesley. It's me, Mr. Snipes. I'm Wesley. I do owe money to the government. I am Malcolm X. Malcolm X! What about you, Marie? Where are you trying to go?

Damn. Honestly, I see that the table is a circle. And I knew it was coming to me. But I was not prepared. Well, you want to go back to Paris. Oh, yeah. Our best friend, Suti Green, is currently in France. She's you want to go back to Paris. Oh, yeah. I'm in Paris. Our best friend, Sudi Green, is currently in France.

She's in Nice. She's in Nice. I want to do Paris for like a month. Do you remember the house where the girl got taken and taken? Where she got took? Yes. Where she got taken to? I never saw it.

Where she got took. And I'm not talking about the second movie? No, she got took. Anyway, there's French doors. The bread is fresh. But when would you go to Paris? The Bordeaux is cheap. In the summer? I is cheap in the summer I would go

in the summer probably we went in the summer cause I don't want it to be cloudy I hate when it's like you know the weather's just dude I just wanna wear

like a red off the shoulder situation yes and we have a little bread on the table little bread little bottle

let me be honest when we went to Paris Henry and I went a couple years ago. What month? And it was like May, June, so it was getting hot. It feels like New York heat. Like you know when New York gets hot. Okay, so I hear what you're saying. That muggy hot?

You're saying that I should go in. That train heat. I'm saying you should go in whatever their spring is. I should go in September. Yeah. We're back in September. We're back in September. Exactly. I feel like you did Paris wrong because you didn't love Paris. No, we did September. Yeah. We're back in September. We're back in September. Exactly.

I feel like you did Paris wrong because you didn't love Paris. No, we did Paris wrong. We were there for one day. For a day? We were in Amsterdam, which we never should have left Amsterdam. It is the best city in the world.

Okay. We were in Amsterdam and we rented a car, drove down, and we hit Paris and then we got there and didn't have enough time because we had to get back.

We were just there long enough to be yelled at at a lunch by a waitress. Then we had to leave. That also is Paris. Yelled at by a waitress. It was our only experience, and they were really mean. I don't want us to have to wear coats. No, no, no. I want it to be

like a breezy, beautiful cover girl. Matt, your answer is Amsterdam, no, no. I want it to be like a breezy, beautiful cover girl. Okay, and Matt, your answer is Amsterdam? Orlando, Florida. Orlando, Florida. Orlando, Florida or Amsterdam. As always. Sister cities, honey.

Sister cities. Gorgeous. No, I would also love to go somewhere interesting. We've been talking about going to Tokyo. I would love that. I would also love to go to Beijing. Ooh, Beijing. Yeah, just like-

What about Thailand? You're just throwing things out now, sis. No, I don't know about Thailand. I get a little- I get nervous. Why? Because I need to bring my vape pen. What does that mean?

Oh, yeah. We can't do that? No. They're not going to let you bring weed into China. They will. I'll give them the eyes. What if the eyes, they're going to be like, lock him up. Lock him up.

I'm giving Maria the eyes right now. What are they doing to you? I'm like, meth? Literally, no. Is he on meth? Is he on meth? These cocaine blinks. Cocaine blinks.

Cocaine blinks. Title of episode. Oh, my God. Cocaine blinks. Wait, oh, my God. Oops, sorry. You know what just played accidentally? What?

This week's voice memo, you bitch. Okay, so we have a new segment on the show. It's called voice memo you bitch where we have a friend of the podcast in fact the best friend of the podcast send in a voice memo to us detailing their feelings. Yeah so the one this week is from

another really great duo great friends of ours. So this is just the episode of duos. We've got us, we've got Sid and Marie. Who are we going to be hearing from? This is coming from Josh Sharp and Aaron Jackson. Love Josh Sharp! Love them.

I believe, I got a chance to listen to this. I believe this is like- He's going to be on our show next Wednesday. Oh, so you mean today? Today, yeah. Mr. Josh Sharp is on the show. April 25th. Okay, great. So this is from Josh and Aaron,

and this is, I believe they're, well, let's just listen to it. I haven't heard it yet. Okay, great. So this is from Josh and Aaron, and this is, I believe they're, well, let's just listen to it. I haven't heard it yet. Okay. Knock, knock. Les cultures mademoiselles are at your door. Oh, wow. This is Josh.

And this is Aaron. We've been asked literally minutes ago to send a voice memo in for the episode. Now, I have not heard the last couple episodes. I'm very busy at work and tending to my polyp. So I really don't know what the fuck this is. And I have listened to Joel Kimbooster call in and do this voice memo bit, and I have to say

I don't understand it, and that may not be a fault of the bit. I think that is more a fault of Joel, but that's where we are. But regardless, that's the place we're at. We don't really get the bit. We think it might be strong for the bit and for you and for your brand and for your sort of podcast universe. Love these notes.

If we sort of like take a bold choice, give some structure to the bit. Exactly. And give them the play with the bit, I think. Exactly. Have fun with the bit. So we want to offer you some chances to interact with us right now, even though we're not in the room. Right.

And we have some sort of like leading questions and things for all of you. Let's get right into it. Okay, so Matt, we would like you to compliment Bowen in this moment. Please. I will say that I agree with the masses. Okay, Matt, actually, faster and a deeper compliment. Like, really dig deep.

Something you really think Bowen is good at. I think that you are an amazing person. I think your energy is something that encompasses the whole room that you're in always at all times. Okay, Bowen, I would love right now for you to sing a little pop hook. And it can be from an existing song or for a song that you have invented. A complete original. Okay, go. You can tickle my taste.

That was incredible. That was really incredible. Sydney. Sydney, yes. Oh, my God. That was incredible. That was really fun. That was really incredible. Sydney. Sydney, yes. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. We would like you to give everyone at the table, the three people, the middle names that they should have. The middle names that they should have been born with.

Okay, Marie Devante. Is that Matt? Matt Jackson. And yours is Adrian. And finally? I love Jackson we're just gonna assume you've done that now and then Marie Marie hi

we're not really friends and certainly not as much as we are with sort of the rest of the day so we thought it'd be fun if the three of us were going on a little first date what would your little first date, what would your dream first date be? And keep, we're not eaters,

and we can go outside. And we can host, we can travel, you know, whatever. Just go wild. What do you see for us? Okay, see, I wasn't ready. I feel like it would have to be just a really messy boozy brunch where like a friend worked and was like hooking us up also.

Okay, but I love it. Yes. She don't want nobody to pay at all. No, I don't want the three of us to pay. Oh, I'm really surprised. Okay, and we're going to have to stop you there and that's where the day ended. Thank you.

What a beautiful day. Okay, and then one last little thing and then we'll get out of here. Just, it would be great if all four of you could right now list the 80 most influential people to culture of all time. Now, go.

Oprah Winfrey. Obama. Michelle Obama. Beyonce Knowles. Sasha, Malia, and Bo. Zoe Kravitz. Steve Buscemi. Lisa Bonet.

Lisa Bonet. Lisa Bonet. Lenny Kravitz. Okay, and time. And time. Wow. 80, I'm so sorry. You're not culture.

Anyway, look for us um look for our podcast soon les mademoiselles are at your door goodbye goodbye

wow that was dumb oh I love this that was beautiful it was so beautiful can I say can I say something nice yes

please now I get why people like listen to this for real this is so good oh my god so good I'll give you an hour and five minutes Can I say something nice? Yes. No, I get why people listen to this, for real. This is so good. Oh, my God. It's so good. It took you an hour and five minutes.

Because before, she was like, why the fuck is that? Why are we here? The two of them? She was a basic-ass bitch. She was like, the fuck? The fuck? The fuck? No, this is so good.

Oh, my God. That's actually a new segment. It's a new segment. It happens to be a hit. Happens to be a hit. And it's a different call-in voice memo every time? Every time. It's so good. And you guys will call in too.

Oh, we need that. We need you guys to call in. Please. I'm going to be real messy in that call-in. That's good. You should be messy. Honestly, I love the idea of the first time meeting a friend, it being like a boozy brunch.

That's such a good idea. Right? A boozy brunch? You're setting it up for success. I feel like something is going to get lost early in the day, though. Like your keys or your cervix. It's too much. Or your cervix.

No, I keep it together. I have a good situation right now. You keep it together, my friend. I put my cell phone in my right pocket, wallet in my my left pocket keys in my little jacket pocket and also a phone charger but here's the thing now that it's getting warmer I really don't like it

because you lose a lot of pockets so now what am I going to have to carry a bag I'm excited then I'm going to rob you later

thank you for telling me where all my shit is you got to get a little bag and my vape is of course in my jacket pocket this is a weed vape and not a cigarette vape no we have actually a weed vape although, of course, in my jacket pocket as well. This is a weed vape and not a cigarette vape.

No, we have actually a weed vape, although you know who's obsessed? Our good friend Dave Mazzoni is obsessed with the little Juul. Tobacco vape. The little tobacco vape. I'm not here for Dave. Why? He's better than that. I'm not here for Dave and his slave tobacco.

He's so beautiful. Why would he do that? He loves that. He loves that. He's gorgeous. There's no way he should be having tobacco in his life. Also, his boo is cute. They're very cute.

They're gorgeous. They're very cute. Well, Ariel likes the tobacco vape, too. No. Ariel likes the tobacco vape. We were over there watching Atlanta the other night, and they are addicted to their jewels. They love their jewels. That's what that's all about.

They also live in Harlem. Yes, they do live in Harlem. Oh, sis, you got the address? Let's go play by. Let's pull up. They, they do live in Harlem. Oh, sis, you got the address? Let's pull up. Let's pull up. They make lobsters over there. They made us a gorgeous dinner on Sunday. What was the entree?

What was the app? It was pasta heavy, but he made two different kinds of pasta. One was like a bow tie situation that was like a light marinara. And then we had an angel hair and like... Oh, I love an angel hair. Can we message Dave and be like, boo boo, when are we going to do it?

He would literally love that. And he made the most amazing meatballs. And to me, meatballs are, when I have a good meatball, I'm a happy bitch. That's the key to your heart? Key to my full heart. Key to his meatball. Okay. Let's move on to I Don't Think So, Honey.

Let's move on to I don't think so honey let's move on to i don't think so honey so this would be the um section of the podcast that i would say probably the people get most fired up about okay yeah so it's one minute to take to rail against something in culture and both of these ladies have been on our live show and absolutely destroyed the gig i feel like i remembered this but also forgot this. I knew this was coming. We'll go first and then you guys go. I have one that I'm actually a little fired up about but it's going to be loose and I feel good about it.

Would you like me to go first? You can go first. I have one too but let's go ahead and have you go first. This is Matt Rodgers' I Don't Think So Honey. His time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey. People on the left side of the escalator who aren't walking. Oh yeah. You live in left side of the escalator who aren't walking. Oh, yeah. You live in New York City, and this is something that you know.

Also, if you've decided to go on the left side of the escalator, chances are when you look in front of you, there is no one there, and there's a shit ton of people on the right side. This means that the aisle is clear for a reason. This is a traffic lane, and you have to proceed through it. I can not imagine being the kind of person who would stand on the left side of an escalator and look in front of me, see no one, look behind me and see everyone and not take action. I don't think so. Honey, I will say this. I might make an exception if you have a bag next to you. Oh, wait, no, I fucking won't. Take the bag and put it in front of you or rest it on your feet.

I swear to God people have things to do and places to go. Get a sense of urgency, you stupid bitch. Oh, and that's one minute. What about the elderly, honey? What about the elderly? No, they should be on the right side. They should be in an Uber pool. They should be in an Uber pool instead of the escalator.

All elderly should be in an Uber pool. It's actually rule of culture number 107. All elderly should be in an Uber pool. All elderlies. Absolutely. I feel very strongly about that because guess what? The seconds count in the subway. Absolutely.

The minutes count. And look, yes, this is me being like a New York bitch, but like I'm a New York bitch. And so is most everyone else. And I don't like commiserating in the subway. I don't like looking at other people in the subway, even if it's the communal moment of, can you believe this bitch isn't walking up and down.

Well, you're rude. If you got all those like constraints and shit, somebody needs to be chartering you to where you need to go. But the left lane is the fast lane. Yes, it is. It is the fast lane. There's no rules in New York City, bitch. That's how it goes.

No, there are rules. There are unspoken rules. There are unspoken rules, but these are rules that are all in stone in places like D.C. That is... Everyone knows where they're supposed to be. You don't have that degree of orderliness in New York,

and that's a shame. Whatever. But wasn't the D.C. mayor getting caught doing crack? No, that was Toronto. And there's a movie coming out wasn't the DC mayor getting caught doing crack so like no that was Toronto and there's a movie coming out about him and who's playing him again

who's playing him again probably somebody fat and or white some crazy actor is playing him I forgot is it James Franco Joaquin

I heard crazy actor and I was like oh Joaquin I thought James Franco it's Damien it's the guy from Homeland Damien Lewis Damien Lewis

maybe I don't care who cares okay so this is Bowen Yang's I don't think so honey his time will start now James Franco. It's Damien. It's the guy from Homeland, I think. Damien Lewis. Damien Lewis. Maybe. The ginger? Who cares? Who cares? Okay, the ginger. Okay, so this is Bowen Yang's I Don't Think So, Honey. His time will start now. I Don't Think So, Honey motherfucking flies, bitch. There are many flies in my office right now,

and my entire team of trained UX designers is having to do part-time work swatting these motherfuckers dead. And drag them. Evolution is a poison because you know what? These flies are getting smarter and more dexterous and their reflexes are getting better and better

every year, mama. Go off, queen. And bitch, at the end of the day, no matter how much you evolve, you're still feasting on human shit. Slay her. Bitch, I don't think so, honey. Flies.

Because you know what? We don't need you. Where do you fit into the food chain? Oh, frogs need you in order to live? Fuck honey. Flies. Because you know what? We don't need you. Where do you fit into the food chain? Oh, frogs need you in order to live? Fuck frogs. Drag them. I don't think so many frogs while we're at it.

I don't need you, frogs. What am I gonna do? My people fried your little legs up and ate them and now we're over it. We've been over it for centuries, mama. We're serving in a shitty Vegas Chinese buffet

and that's the only place where you can find fried frogs. We don't need you frogs or flies. I don't think so honey. Spring animals. That's one minute. Oh my god. Wait. Bowen, can I tell you? What? Those are, that's like, sometimes like you slay and I fail.

Sometimes I slay and I fail. But we both slayed. I think we both slayed. Because we made the point and it's felt and also I have to read you right now. You're going to read me? Yes. What? Because I had lunch today

with your roommate and he claims that you guys have mice now. That's not my problem. It's not my problem. Wow, you threw under the bus. And then you dragged her.

And then you dragged the bus. I dragged her. You didn't throw me under anything. You gave her the bus. I'm going to lift the bus up from under me. Like a pregnant woman

on endorphins. Like a mom trying to save her baby you can't explain these mice it is no one's fault they in your house it is no one's fault except for the people upstairs

they moved oh don't blame it on neighbors it's in your house they moved their oven and the oven the rats was in the oven they were in the oven

they were in the broiler they're all scurrying downstairs I don't think so honey people who got insects or mice and be like it's the neighbors no it's in your house. No! That's your dirty ass home.

Oh my God. They found a way. They found a way. They found a way to get to your house. Rats find a way. They always find a way. Where there's a rat, there's a way. They're mice.

I want to make the distinction, they are mice. Okay, so listen it's time for Sydney okay alright so this will be Sydney Washington's I don't think so honey

her time starts now I don't think so honey people who think Beyonce is a diva because she doesn't want people posting unflattering photos of her

thank you excuse me first of all how can you take a bad picture of Beyonce you can't because you have

a Samsung Galaxy okay your shit is pixel can because you have a samsung galaxy okay your shit is pixelated you came with a gopro you're getting her from terrible angles you're all the way in the back by the bathroom that's why you're posting unflattering photos listen she is the queen she has so many photos on instagram for you to pick and choose to post yes why must you post your dusty ass photo of this godly woman? And you know what? I don't like people who post unflattering photos of their friends

even though they look good. Cut the whole picture. Throw the whole picture away. You're telling me you can't find a good picture of all of us? Then don't post it. You know what?

You need to take a picture of me and then just post it on the photo that you want that works for you. Yes, absolutely. Do the work.

You are not my friend. If you do that, then I'm unfollowing you and blocking you and reporting you. Because I don't need that type of negativity in my life. How dare you? I don't think so, honey. And that's one minute. Oh my God. That was so good. No one will ever do that again. Don't make that mistake. Are you

going to read me? Because you said that. I'm upset because right now the picture that was released for last week's episode with Michael Urie, I feel upset because right now, the picture that was released for last week's episode with Michael Urie, I feel like I look shitty in the picture. You look very good.

I don't understand what you're talking about. No, no, no. Let me see the photo. Here, I'm going to show it. I feel like I saw it and I liked it and it was fine.

Let me see. No, it's not good lighting for me and it's not good body positioning for me. Look, there he is. He looks great. No, it's not. I don't like your shoulder.

Yeah, 100%. Your shoulder looks like it has low blood sugar. I don't know. shoulder yeah 100% your shoulder looks like it has like low blood sugar I don't know what's going on I look very sick

show Marie she'll agree your face looks good no it doesn't I look like a wincing no you don't oh my god I don't think so honey

I don't think I stole my wine sorry HPJ okay yeah the shoulder that's not good shoulder the shoulder is weird but also not really that good of a photo

of Michael either tell you of any of us but Bowen is glowing no no sweater he's saying did you approve he's serving the one who puts them all together to you

honey Bowen posting dusty ass photos as well how dare you I post dusty ass photos of myself all the time. No, you don't. No, you don't. That's a damn lie. That's a damn lie. You just got a sharp ass jaw in your photo. Where's the sharp ass jaw?

You know that. You got a domain. Your brows always look threaded in all the photos you post. No way. Without flaw. Don't say you don't Facetune. I don't Facetune. And. Good. That's't say you don't FaceTune. I don't FaceTune.

And... Good. That's what I'm feeling about you, bitch. Now we know that you FaceTune. I don't FaceTune. Look. Sis, they're out to you. I don't FaceTune. My excavators are going to unearth this fucking jawline for the summer.

Trust. Okay. Trust and believe. Oh, my God. Well, thank you. That was an iconic. I don't think it's the money from Sydney. And thank you, Jo.

I just want to update everyone. The red wine that was spilled is now cleaned up because of producer Joe HPJ HPJ and one of these days we need to hear from you Joe I think the viewers

want to know what's going on maybe one of these days for the intro we can jump you on and we can have just an update from HPJ

can you say something off mic to everyone right now I'll forward to the opportunity okay I'll forward to the opportunity but in the meantime in the now in the now in fact Can you say something off mic to everyone right now? I'll look forward to the opportunity. Okay. I'll look forward to the opportunity. Yes, she looks forward to it. But in the meantime.

In the now. In the now. In fact, we have Marie. Marie. This is Marie Faustin's I Don't Think So Honey. Her time starts now. Ready? I Don't Think So Internal Revenue Service.

Oh! Now, you take the money out of my check federal and state throughout the year. And then I gotta make sure you did your job on April 17th why is that my job cause I'm not collecting your check like you collecting a check then you got the nerve

the audacity the caucasity tell them SAT words girl to audit my black ass you got a lot of nerve that $2000 that I didn't claim is my money I worked, I woke up early I waited for the car to arrive

I jumped in, I stole a water and some gum and then I went to the job thank you why am I paying state taxes if the sidewalk is still rocky the streets are still choppy and i still have to fight to get in and out of my building in the wintertime when the salt is not laid down

i don't think so internal revenue service iris can suck a dick okay because donald trump has not paid his taxes at all read her he don't have no receipts yes that's one minute i do not feel that we should pay taxes. At all. If I didn't vote for you, I shouldn't have to pay your salary. Yes. Okay, president. It always just frustrates me so much when you hear about like, oh, well, they're going

to need extra security up at Trump Tower or whatever, blah, blah, blah. It's like, oh, my God, that's where the money is going. Where's my security? Melania could suck another dick. Okay. She ain't sucking that one. I'll tell you that much. You can tell in her face she ain't sucking not a damn thing.

I mean, she sucked it for that green card, though. Okay. And then she said H1 visa. And then she was like, case closed. She crossed her legs. I would suck a dick for a green card if I needed it. But you don't. I don't.

Well, fine. But you don't. Do any of us? No. Boo. Not for this country. And we. Boo. Not for this country. And we are privileged. Not for this country.

But if I do need to get into another country, I would suck a dick for a dick crowd. That's so funny because we were just talking about, I got audited in 2012. But just realized today. Just realized today. And I owe $6,000, right? No. And then Marie was like, what would you do to get this money, girl? Would you suck a dick for six days?

And I was like, oh, I haven't done it in like five years. So it's going to be real dry. But still charge a flat rate. Flat rate. Flat rate. Who is giving $6,000, my man? You act like you don't know. How to suck a dick.

You can go down to the financial district. OK. And that's where they are. I worked down there. And that is where those guys were you working or were you working and then i could get to six no i'm saying that anybody young and willing could go down to the financial district and knock it down a quick 10k no boo i'll go down there and be like oh they'll think i'm a waitress fuck you no he He's upselling. He said 10K. You can get extra money. I think I could get 4K.

And one sitting? You could get 10K. And one sitting. Well, you gotta sit on it after you suck it. One sitting right on the face. Nope. I don't think so.

I think I would have to go to Dubai, get shat on. Oh, do it in Dubai. Get shat on. Get shat on. Do it in Dubai. Yeah, I would have to go to Dubai, be on a yacht,

get shat on for three days. I would get shat on for 10K. For three days. For 10K one time. You can poop on me. And I'm like, on my back. There's a view while I'm getting shat on. But you can't eat the view.

You can't eat the view. You can't fuck the view. You can't eat the view. You can't shit on the view. Another front runner for the title of episode. Oh my God. Listen. I hate God. Listen. I hate everybody.

All I'm going to say, I hate everyone here. All I want to say is if you listen to this episode and you are trying to not go tonight, April 25th, to Hotbox

over at at all at Ms. 8pm with featuring such stupid idiots as Josh Sharp on the bill and these two hosting,

come on, I don't get you. I don't get you. This is one of my, the funnest episodes we've done in so long. Absolutely, HBJ, you would agree. So fun. He would agree.

And guess what? He sits through every goddamn episode. He sits through every goddamn episode. Well, who's sucking his dick? Nobody. Nobody. Nobody. See, please. He gets his dick sucked. I don't want to discuss it. It makes me jealous. Look. nobody nobody nobody see please

not me he gets his dick sucked I don't want to discuss it it makes me jealous look for more of Marie and Sydney if you fucking love this

as much as I do and Matt does listen to them on the unofficial expert such a good podcast we're gonna have Bowen on very soon listen I hope that you do

because we're gonna schedule this and we're gonna make it happen it's gonna be so fun I can't wait I can't wait and we're gonna have tangerines for you and cream cheese I love that I love both of're gonna schedule this and we're gonna make it happen and it's gonna be so fun I can't wait I can't wait and we're gonna have tangerines for you

and cream cheese I love that I love both of those things and I'm gonna sneak in some Japanese video game stuff yo I'll tell you this stick it in they record

they record over at Marie's apartment no Marie's apartment Marie's and there is a checkers right outside I can't believe you're mad hyped

about this checkers I told you the first thing I said when I walked into your apartment was you know I just had where I'm going to checkers Matt I told you the first thing I said when I walked into your apartment was you know I just had he went to checkers he pulled his laptop out

he asked for the wifi they were like no I didn't they were like um this checkers yeah I did I used my laptop

at the checkers and I watched The View he was very bold and beige over there very bold and beige Matt Rogers tried to watch The View at checkers

no I did watch The View at checkers Rogers tried to watch The View at Checkers. No, I did watch The View at Checkers. You can't eat The View at Checkers. You can't eat The View at Checkers. You can watch The View. This is unbelievable. You guys, City of Washington, Marie Faustin. This is the best. This is amazing.

We end every episode with a song, and this is the third beat. And we have to finish that song that we did before. There was two of them. You Raised Me Up, and we did Emotions. Emotions. Okay, before. There was two of them. You Raised Me Up and Emotions. Emotions. Okay, so now it's the mashup of You Raised Me Up and Emotions.

Okay. You raised me up so I can feel emotions taking me over. I'm caught up in sorrow, lost in a song. When I am on your shoulders, you raise me up to more than I can be. Good night.

Bye. Goodnight. Bye. Yeah! Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook.

I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question.

What kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba?

Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there.

Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tariqa Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists.

I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one.