Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "Hag and Protectress" (w/ Edy Modica)

Episode Date: October 14, 2026

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This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Lisa, tell them about our new show. We have a new podcast. It's called Don't Lie to Me. I'm Lexi Youanu. We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart.

And I'm Lisa Di Giulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions, and at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. Now in my 30s, being the founder of new shoes, good taste is my business. Listen on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If anyone wanted to commit a murder, up here would be the greatest place in the world to hide the body.

But no one will find it. He acted friendly. He talked friendly. He sounded friendly. They all knew that I did the scary boogie stuff, and I said, maybe she'll find out where this girl is. I saw him violent. Backhanded her, pow! Listen to the Devil's Quarry Season 2 in the Bone Valley Feed on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Fox Sports Reporter Jenny Taft, and I'm former U.S. Women's National Soccer team player, Carly Lloyd. And on our new podcast, whatever it takes, nothing is off limits. I played with players that didn't truly love the game.

I found the love with the ball at my foot. I don't care what I'm being asked to do at Fox. I'm going to Go get some reps and love it and embrace it. Listen to whatever it takes with Carly Lloyd and Jenny Taft on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everybody, it's me, Matt, and my tour is on sale now. This time, it's really Christmas. You can go to www.mattroger'sofficial.com.

Podcasts are a visual medium. If you're not watching me right now, I am holding in my hands my vinyl. It's called Have You Heard of Christmas? The answer to that question is coming. At this time, it's really Christmas. I'm playing all over the country and in London and in Canada. That makes it a world tour. Harry Styles, you're on burn notice.

I'll see you soon. I miss our like incubation period as, you know what I mean? It's the best. Meeting you naked, full-ass, naked bush out doing her annoyance show. I saw your bush all the time. The first time I met you. Yeah, I bet. That.

You fucking dare me? You just have to ask, babe. Wait, I mean, if not in Lost Culture, then we're else. I mean, on stage. Will you show your tits? Will you share your tits at least? Yeah. Don't make her do this.

Yeah. Look, man. Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow, is that culture. Yes. Oh, goodness.

Wow. Las Culturistas. Ding dong. Los Colteristas calling. Well, it's Olive Garden today. Because it's family. When's the last time you were at the Olive Garden? I think it was like 2013.

My God, that's such a long time. Remember when our dear friend Billy Domino wrote, it was like not, it was for some publication. It was for like Mike.com. Remember that? Whoa. It was like I went, I used the Olive Garden free pasta pass every day for every meal. Here's what I, he wanted to do like a sort of like supersized me moment with it.

And he did, I would say. Well, like supersized me, I would say that every time I've eaten there, my body has a reaction. Like it took him a long time to have a reaction his body and supersized me. It took cumulative. Leave that in. I want them to know I'm real. Times eating at McDonald's for his body to respond.

When I eat at Olive Garden, my body responds within 15 minutes of eating. it. I immediately shit everywhere. Immediately shit. Well, it's because it's because like the water they used for the pasta or something. You think that's it. To be fair, I immediately shit when I cook my own food. Okay, is this

a thing with 30s because I'm immediately shitting constantly now? Yeah, it's 30s. It's 30s. It's dirty 30s. They don't call it dirty for nothing. You're talking about how poop is dirty. I am painting the tank every day. girl and I am taking out the Lysol

squirting it all around They love when we talk like this And I don't care I don't care This is our life This is what happens This is 30s Go listen to Jake Shane

Who he probably has perfectly solid poops Yeah yeah Actually no I bet Jake doesn't I actually immediately agree I bet his poops are sometimes not great He's eating gummies all day the cotches. Did you try them?

Yes, they're really good. They're really good. Jake gave me his cotches one day. It sounds like a euphemism. It's not. It's literal. I like that, though. I love his candy.

Take my cotches. Open up and take them. It's not bad. Not bad. Take my catches. Open up and take them. It's like we're Patient Zero over here. My God, you love Patient Zero.

Anyways. Yeah. Now, speaking of violent shit. Violent shits. I would say. beautiful depictions of the body of the human form. You guys were just reminiscing on this. I remember the first time I saw our guest was,

it was at the annoyance theater in Brooklyn. Probably the same night. Double bill of shows. You and Anna Dresden had a show called Good Morning Hell. I think it was Good Morning Hell. It was a morning show hosted from hell. From Hell. It was so fun.

Yeah. And then before you guys, it was our friend in Brian Fiddyman in their show where they were both completely naked. Yeah. And as a boob day, I admired our guest's breasts and vagina. Thank you. And that was sort of what was on the menu. That was always on the menu that night.

And I would say that from there, she's become one of our favorite people. Plays teacher in my special, Have You Heard of Christmas? Is the teacher and have you heard of Christmas? You loved her in jury duty. You didn't just love her. You were addicted to her. You became a stalker. You actually, your behavior was really weird.

People were really weird towards her because she is magnetic as fuck. You need to fucking relax. You need to calm down. You need to calm down. She is now out with an amazing special. An irony point. Yes. Thank you.

They always get behind the best stuff. They always are. It's called, I'm just like you and it sucks. Fabulous. Fabulous special. And she's in many upcoming films. And she's in an amazing t-shirt. She's an amazing t-shirt which she'll talk about

She's one of our favorite people Deaf Deaf Everyone welcome Eating mode and red in the face I didn't even notice the ugg boots The ugs The ux, the trap pant

And now show everyone the t-shirt Show this camera the t-shirt It's good If you're my neighbor You're gonna see me in one of my episodes How true of a story Are you telling with your garment? A big truth

It's a big truth I have anger You do them I do from everyone close to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the new powerful thing is to self-diagnosed. Like everyone's saying, everyone is saying now they're ADHD. Right, I'm not doing that at all.

I feel like with anger, it's something that you can kind of tell if that's going, what's going on. Now, what are you doing when you balling up your fists? I'm like, I'm going to pull my fucking hair out. Like, I'm like, you're giving Kathy. Yes. Yes. I'm getting red. Getting red.

Overwhelmed. Screaming. That's a cultural thing for us too, though. Wanting to hit, going to hit. Oh, but you, and you can say yes. Have you hit before? Yes. When was, when did you start hitting?

I remember in high school, I pulled my boyfriend's hair because he made me mad and he, at the time, we had an aim conversation later about how he was like, you can't do that. And I was like, I can't do that. And now, you're, you're pissing me off. I'm going over. But now it's still a part of my, my boyfriend is

like no hitting. Yeah. And sometimes when I go to do it, I'm like, oh, I feel like a monster. Like I look at my hands. But I was hit. Yeah. Yeah. You were hit as a child. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. Was it, like. Was it dad? No. It was mom. Your mom is so, and I'm so, I feel like I learned so much about your mom through the special.

She does live in a basement? Not anymore. She lives in a studio now. Oh, that's amazing. Thank God. So Edie's sort of litmus test for class. would be and could still be like no one tells

no one says how much they make anymore I can never tell like how much money someone makes rich people want to be poor people want to look rich she goes this is this is my limit test can I can I'm paraphrasing but she but you would you're doing amazing I'm shocked to great paraphrase does your mom live in a basement no well then shut up

exactly or I'm hitting you yes so she's in a studio apartment but where where was the basement in Nyack in Nyack? Yes Nyack girl yes all the way up the river We've been to Nyack. We went to Nyak to interview Margaret Cho before one of her stand-up shows

she was performing in Nyack. At the mall? Maybe. But she stayed at some like holiday and off the highway. Yeah. We'd go there. We'd bring our gear there.

We were very intimidated. It's an amazing place. Yeah. But wait, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh. Nyack in general. Nyack, period. Yeah, yeah.

What's your favorite thing about Nyack? The community. Yeah, yeah. I knew you'd say that. It's strong. I mean, I walked down the street and I know every. Everybody.

Yes, parents. And my boyfriend and I went to high school together. So now we're like a power couple in NIAC. Wait, so did your boyfriend know you with the ex-boyfriend when you were with the ex-boyfriend that you were hitting? I mean, well, no, I'm hitting my boyfriend now. Oh, so this is the same boyfriend from high school? No, no, no, we haven't been together since high school.

We just went to high school together. Right, I'm saying, but did he know, does your current boyfriend? Oh, uh, no, he's younger. He's too young. Oh, cradle robber, robbing the cradle. Yeah. Dick expression that is. I know.

Robbing the cradle, grabbing him by the dick. Not only is it a baby, but you've stolen it from its mother. It's disgusting. Since what are we grabbing it by the dick? I mean, I'm just saying robbing the cradle, that's kind of where else are you kind of grabbing it. How else would you pick a baby up? By the head, like every other.

There's no other way to pick up a baby than by the dick. You hold it by the head. No, raw. I'm just saying cradle robbing is so vulgar, you would think that maybe it's even more vulgar than even just. I know, I understand. I understand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you guys do walk down the street and I, and people are like, look, there's Edie and boyfriends. That's so amazing. Yeah. It's awesome. So did you become famous because of jury duty there, were you already famous?

Were they like, now she's on TV? They were like, of course she's on TV. Yeah. Because in high school drama club, I was, yeah. I was a star. What were your starring roles? Christine Dye and Phantom of the Opera.

You're fucking kidding. That changed my, like, that is what ruined me and made me like, I'm a star. Like, I have to do this. Wow. That was you? Yeah. Yeah.

That's about holy shit. Not anymore now I'm vaping. I'm smoking weed all day. It's not the same. But I do. I love to sing and I want to sing. So this is why, I think you vaping is why your teeth is bleeding. Your tooth is bleeding.

No. No. And I'm not vaping anymore. I'm sorry. Well, you can't. But Edie, I'm looking out for you. Okay. No, I'm telling you.

No, Matt is going to... We're not going to get into it, but my 33-year-old ex-boyfriend had a heart attack. Because of the vase. Because he was vaping. Edie, you can't go back to it. He lived, but barely. That's crazy. I'm so sorry.

Honey, it happened at BravoCon. It gets worse. Hey, listen. I saw Kelly Clarkson in Vegas. Went to go check on my Bravo star boyfriend. Well, he's 33-year-old and having a heart attack. Because of vape juice. We had to go to the Vegas hospital.

Hospital. Okay? Holy shit. Not that there's anything wrong with Vegas Hospital. No, we were talking about Housewives of New Jersey actually right before we walked in. Oh, yeah. And that's your favorite franchise.

That's my favorite franchise. Honestly, it... Because of the violence that you're comfortable with. Literally, yes. But like, there was a scene where Jennifer Aiden in the more recent stuff, she grabs a wine glass, immediately breaks it and then holds it up. Like, she's done that move before.

Yeah. It's moving to me. I'm like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's a woman who knows how to use what's around her. Yes. Yes. To defend for herself.

I really, really identify with that. Yeah. I mean, I would say your violent tendency is out of self-protection. Like, Jennifer Aiden probably had to toss that wine and do that many times in her life because she was provoked. Right. The Jennifer Aiden defender. I think this is more learned behavior. Like, it's like, I saw it.

So now I'm like, that's what I do when I'm mad. This is good, though, because I don't think we as a culture, especially in our generation, I don't think we talk about anger issues in this kind of, in this way. Like, you're going to see me in one of my episodes. Yeah. Or hear me. I'm really trying, though. I'm really, I don't want to be that way anymore.

Because I think in the past, I've had kind of a pride about, like, I like that I'm angry. Like, but now when your boyfriend is looking at the eye and he's like, you can't do that. Yeah, this hurts me. I'm like, shit. Yeah. Well, okay, and this isn't an annoying question, but like, were you, were you ever angry during jury duty? Like, because that's a very, like, that's a very interesting, intense high pressure situation where you have to uphold, like, a lie. Yeah, I was crying.

But I was, I was the only person who didn't live in L.A. So, like, when I wasn't staying in the hotel with the fucking. guy. Yeah. Then I had to like go to another hotel. And I also brought I thought I was there for so long. I brought so many clothes. So moving was like like it was not right.

No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody cared. That I was the only one like without a home. I was homeless. Well no.

Literally like local higher culture fucking sucks. Yes. It's not great. It's crazy. Well I don't net. I learned from that that I'm like I need an Airbnb. Yeah. Where I can cook food.

Yeah. Don't even get me started. So I'm not making sandwiches on a hummus saabra top. Yeah. That's the plate. Like you need, you need to be able to. And you need a car.

You need a, you need a car. You need a, you need a car. No. No, if they're, if they're telling someone from New York, you have to pretend to be a local hire in L.A.,

they're not renting you a car. No. Was that, was that the T though for Dereger, like you had to pretend to be from L.A. Um, like you, like you were hired as a local hire.

You were, oh, yes, yes. Yeah, like, man. That's what I'm saying. you out for that reason. No, they flew me out. Oh, okay. That's good.

That was nice of them. But I know. It's crazy. It's really crazy. And that was many months. Yes, that was three months. And how much to rehearse before that? Like three weeks?

Yeah. Really? Damn. Yeah. I know you've talked about this a million times, but it's just, I've been like re sort of, I was like gagged once again by company retreat. I was just like, this is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I didn't watch it.

It's okay. I can't. No, I get it. I'm like, I can't. I want to see Rachel Collie because that's my girl. I'm going to hear Rachel's great in it. Everyone's really good, but I get it. But I'm just like, I don't want to watch.

Stop doing that too, guys. That's interesting. But they're good guys. I know, but it's an, I don't know. I'm like, it's enough. Yeah. No, that doesn't need to happen to someone. Stop it.

Her big break. Like, we didn't need to do that. I mean, she was the most amazing. As a performer, it was the best thing I've ever done. and I'm sad that that was the first thing because now I'm like, I want to do that. Like, it was electric.

Yeah. And we were also in twine, like everyone, no one was famous, you know? So we were all, like, working so hard and everyone wanted it to be amazing. And there was no one, like, you know, when you do improv and there's one person who's like,

and I'm gonna be, I'm gonna steal the scene. No one was doing that. It was like, everyone was like, that's so rare. It was beautiful. Do that, do that. Everyone was like, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing. Like, listening.

Imagine that. Imagine that. Imagine that. It really felt very fulfilling. That's amazing. It's awesome. You're right. There's always one person and I've, I think maybe we've all been that.

I've been that person. Always one person in an improv group, let's say. And by group I just mean like in a show, in a rehearsal where you're just like, I got something. Yeah. Well, this is where I'll be the person. that says I have ADHD because how I knew I could never do it was I'd be on the back wall in the few times I improvised and I think it was because I started too young and you're just like too it's like you're too green and hungry I'd be on the back wall like okay I'm gonna step out and say this and then that person will probably say this and then I'll say this and wouldn't it be great if this happened then and I was just like that is why the ADHD brain like doesn't really can't really work there you have to quiet the noise yeah I mean I couldn't stop classic improv I've never been good at. It makes me shut down.

I don't know how, like, they're like, don't think. I don't know how to not think. The stuff that comes out of my mouth when I'm doing, like, you're on the line, a herald. Yeah. I'm like, why did I say in that? I don't know what. I'm not listening at all. Right, right.

So then what made jury duty different? I think it's more like if I know who I'm playing, like I know the character. And I got to be myself, basically. Yes. then I can just go or like I need to be given the confidence and freedom they're like we trust you and then I'm like okay

thank you do you get out of regular jury duty now because you're like you go and you're like I was in this I can't do it I haven't done it ever you have it neither have I I think there might be a warrant for my arrest why because you just ignored it

they find you they'll serve you I guess what I'm saying is I deferred it the first time I got it. And then I moved. And I never heard from them again. And I'm like, isn't that weird?

Like the first time I deferred it, I was like 25 and now I'm full 36 and never got Dury duty again. It's been a long time. There's so many people. They come in now and arrest me. Yeah. In booty shorts. They find all the cocaine I have on me too.

It becomes so much worse. That's why you're acting this way. Yeah. That's why I'm so jittery today. Because I have cocaine on me in the studio. We wanted it to Coke up for Edy. Yeah. Let's do blow.

Let's boof. Let's fucking boof. Can you imagine Last Coach and Eid did blow when they boof on the episode? And it was the best Lost Coach of all time. Everyone agreed. The fans are like, I hate that they don't boof anymore. These faggots used to boof. This ad is sponsored by Vive Healthcare.

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It's a podcast I know There's a lot of them to listen to these days. How are you going to get to us? Well, there's a specific reason why you should listen to us. We are the best podcast in the entire world, I swear. I know, bold. But why don't we list some of the things we might talk about on a regular episode?

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It's a place where everyone can hang out, anyone. Wherever you're from, whatever you're like, you're welcome. Listen to out of character from Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network. On the IHeart Radio app, Apple Pods, or wherever you get your podcasts. Lisa, we should tell them about our new show. Oh my God, Lexie. We have a new podcast. It's called Don't Lie to Me. I'm Lexi Iwano. We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart.

And I'm Lisa Di Giulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions, and at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. I'm not going to get any of you fighting. That is wild. I learned that about you today. Now in my 30s, being the founder of new shoes, good taste is my business. And I've all always got something to say. If men were just honest about this, there would be so much more peace in the world. We're going to talk about dating, relationships, beauty, getting older, and a little wiser. We're best friends, but we don't always agree.

Because you told us how accommodating you are. Obviously, I would do what I think I could do to fight the fight, but there's only so much fight I can fight. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Lyer. Listen on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I don't really care. If anyone wanted to commit a murder, up here would be the greatest place in the world to hide the body. But someone will find it.

He acted friendly. He talked friendly. He sounded friendly. They all knew that I did the scary boogie stuff, and I said, maybe she'll find out where this girl is. I saw him violent. Backhanded a bow. And that's exactly what made us all think he had something to do with it. The clock is ticking down and the woods are calling.

There are a lot of demons in Putnam County, but I've met the devil and he's real. I'm Paul Solitarov, and this is season two of the devil's quarry. Listen to the Devil's Quarry Season 2 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to hear The Devil's Quarry Season 2 add free with exclusive content. Subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. What's your favorite drug? Weed. I'm addicted.

I'm two days withdrawal. I'm having the worst time of my life. No. Two days. You know, do you allow yourself to smoke every day? So this is the problem with that. So as a participant and actress in my special, Have You Heard a Christmas,

you know that I come December have to use my vocals in a way That I not asked to the rest of the year. See, edibles. So this is part of it. I try to smoke less around this time so that I'm ready with my voice. But I talked to Ben Platt about this. And he goes, well, you know, it's not the smoking.

That's the only bad thing. It's also the THC. No. What does that do? He apparently erode the throat? Dehydrates. So drink water. Get Gatorade powder.

I'm with you, sister. I want to be high. Trust me. Do you smoke all day? Well, here's the problem. Yeah. Kind of, yeah. No, I love it.

He loves it. He's addicted. Literally addicted. Are you all day people? Yeah. Me too. I smoke all the time. Me. My friend was really hung over the other day and she slept at my house and in the morning

she was like, oh God. And I was like, you have to smoke weed. I didn't even. She couldn't even. Oh, I was like, I see what's going on with you. It's going to save you. Yeah. But she couldn't even like light it. And I had somewhere to go. Yeah. I kept lighting it for her and then giving it to her. Yeah. And every time I smoke weed first thing in the I'm like, oh. I'm alive. Now I'm happy. I know.

It's literally the difference oftentimes between am I having fun or am I not? Well, my thing is, when this happens nine times out of ten, I smoke weed and I go, why do I ever have any misgivings about doing this? I know. I feel great. But then you get sleepy, though. Sure. That's what I hate.

Can I say something? I don't. It's because I'm going to say it again for the 90th. It's a tank. don't smoke weed, I smoke chronic. They don't sell weed by me and my house. They sell chronic. What do you mean?

I don't know how to describe the I don't know what is going on, but it's like, I guess I only. Dr. Dre, the chronic level chronic. It's like scientists in a lab. Like strong? It's the Keith that it's rolled in. So it's basically like the way that they get you hooked now is they make it so far.

looking strong. So now it's at the point where to answer your question, why not edibles? Because I eat, I eat gallons of edibles. It's nothing. I could take the SAT, get a perfect score. I'm telling you. Even Caminoes? Babe, whatever. Don't even Caminos are a lot of caminos. That's where babies in the cradle. See, I don't need that much weed to feel anything, though. I'll take one hit and I feel amazing. Are you kidding me? I take L's to the head. Wait, I don't even know about this about. What was the first time you were exposed? To weed?

Eighth grade. Okay, fabulous. Been smoking ever since. Love that. I wish. I would have breezed through APGov. I hated every second of so. Wait, did you get good grades in APs?

I did all twos. I did get good grades in the... All twos? Took all AP classes. Why? I'm not an AP student. Getting twos failing. I love that.

But being like I'm in AP World. AP World. Wait, AP World is so funny. We had AP Euro. Yeah, we had that too. Euro, World, and U.S. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, my school didn't offer World.

Yeah. I got a two on AP Euro. I got a two on AP American. I got a two on APGGUF. I got a three on environmental science. Oh my God. Oh, I got a two on environmental science. Got a five on psychology.

Me too, bitch. Yes. It's because we're very intuitive. Of the minds. Yeah. I love that. He was getting fives on all of them. No, I wasn't.

You did. I bet you were. I got a five on AP Calco. I got a four on AP English. I never took AP physics for being racist I got a five no we can cut that out

I'm sorry I didn't call you racist you can allege racism to you yeah um alleged racism it's fine I got five on

I got a five on US history you did I got a five on US history because that was it was easy I had a brain dead teacher literally literally we were I took AP

American in junior year, which was 2007. So all my AP American teacher would do would be like, he was a conservative guy. So he'd be like, I don't know, let's talk about it. Should gay marriage be legal? And then it's a bunch of 17-year-olds who are on Long Island. No!

Literally, literally, me sitting in the corner being like, I think we should have civil unions. I agree with civil unions. That's crazy. You guys talked about that. Nothing on the test. Only should. women be able to get an abortion?

Which I remember I was so fired up about it. I was like, yes, they should, because I couldn't be strong about gay marriage, otherwise they would know. So all the other like liberal issues, I was like, yes. Were you out in high school?

No. No? Certainly not. And to answer the question, you were not smoking weed in high school. No, and I wish I was. I didn't discover it until Suu Keney Green got me high in college. Susie Green. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, sweetie grain, baby. Then suddenly, and we shared this,

everyone we became close with was an iconic, like, learned stoner. Well, I trained in the best place in the world, which is Denver, Colorado. Yep. And we would smoke weed, and we would go downtown and go to Beatty's Mongolian barbecue and eat never-ending stir-fry. Yeah.

And it was heaven. And go to the first chip. Not the first Chipotle. The first Chipotle. First Chipotle. By Denver University. Yeah. Yum.

Wow, the first Chipotle. The first Chipotle. It's iconic. I'm like, did you kiss girls in high school? I did. No, you did. I would make out with girls in my Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo. Wow.

My 1995 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo. Did you touch the monkey? I attempted to touch boob one time and I had my hand slapped like she was you. And she said, we are never doing that. And I said, work. Whoa. Wow. She didn't want to be fondled?

She didn't. That's interesting. she did it we're never doing that and it would be my girlfriend in high school and I would have lunch at Applebee's on Sunday afternoon

have a fine conversation I would drive her home I would we would make out for about 18 seconds and after about four months of that I was like I guess I was trying to touch her boob and she was like no

and I was like we are perfect together no what the fuck oh it's okay it's I wish I wish I was smoking weed and having secret guys Edie I didn't have any of it no we were very It was 2006, 7, 8. That was a very specific time in gay guy.

I would have thought you were the coolest girl at the time. Oh, I would have been friends with you. I was friends with all the gay guys. My gay guys were making out in the closet at a party, and his sister doesn't know that he's gay. And I'm facilitating. You are. Let's go in the kitchen, girl.

I'm like, let's get out of here. Let's go in the kitchen. You're a protect dress. Yeah. Edy. I'm a hag. What? What?

What? I'm a hag. Look at me. Yeah, you know, and thank you. My prom date was gay. Yeah. Came out to me and said, do you, are you sure you want to go to prom with me still? Oh.

Because it was nobody knew. Nobody knew. It was a shock. I guess like, Gen Z doesn't really know what hag means. Because I brought this up on a podcast once and people were like, what is that? Like, are you insulting women? I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. It is the high.

People have sort of reframed it as like, don't say that. No, faggags, I don't care what anyone says, the highest honor we can bestow. Yeah, or I feel like when we were growing up, that was such a trope. Yes. Yeah. That I was like, I want to be, you know, Bet Midler. I'm a friend that says the funny thing, and that's also true. Yes, I'm myself and all of the gay people love me because they get to experience that through me.

Yes. That is actually exactly right. That is the whole reason for like what ultimately becomes then like diva worship. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? If Christine and Phantom was, literally, was protecting me from my sister walking in on me making out with a guy. I'm in, I'm set for life. Uh, how about sing to me.

Hi. Yes, how we feel about all the fact bags. Yes. Sing to me my age. But then honestly, as you get older, it goes the other way. Really? What do you think? be friends with gay people and they are being the most themselves.

Oh. And you're like, I want to be like that more. And then you're like, hey, can we go on vacation? They're like, nah. That sounds personal. No, I'm just saying like the way we do, like there is. A lot of, let's say a lot of our hag friends do feel, and I think this is completely valid because gay guys do go on vacation in a very specific way.

Yes. Well, I'm just calling them hack friends. That's not what we call them, but it's like our six. Our hag friends. friends go, our disgusting women, friends, go, we would love to come some time and we're like, right. And I totally get why, but there is something so. And it's not even that it's like unwelcoming. It's like, it's like, you wouldn't enjoy this. I went to Fire Island with a group of six gay guys, like 10 years ago. I'm the only girl with them. We went to an underwear party. They all leave me.

It's hell. And then my one friend is blacked out, so fucked up. And another, this old guy is hitting on him and I'm like, he's fucked up, like, no. And the guy was like, honey, we're gonna be doing this. No. Smoking weed alone, looking at the moon. No one, invisible. Wait, a vibe.

Completely invisible. It was, oh. That's a word during. I remember that feeling. I was like. Oh, by the way, what that, that experience is like many gay men have experienced. It's just like being totally alienated, being like, I guess I'm gonna go sit on the beach and look at the moon while I just smoke the joint.

Yeah, well, my friend sucks dick in the beach. Dark room. Yeah, well, guess who doesn't have pink eye at the end of the night? You guess who's chilling? Yeah, but I'm like on drugs too. Right. You're both in.

All my friends are gone. Yeah. Now I'm just like, for some reason, like two bumps in, like smoking weed looking at the moon. And there's an old guy doing crack next to me, like smoking out of a literal pipe. I'm like. Who went, honey?

Yeah. Honey, we're going to be doing this. I'm like, okay, you're going to fuck my blacked out friend. Awesome. That's awesome. Melissa came with us to Fire Island, and you were that girl. There's always that girl. And honestly, here's the thing.

Like, what I love about 30s, I hate that poops are liquid. Love that at this age, now the women actually are coming on our gay vacations. Yes. And it's way more fun. You know what I mean? Yay. I love, because I love watching you guys negotiate a disgusting gay. face.

Yeah. I wish I had one other girl with me when I did that. Right. And I was young. Like, I was just like, this is fucking crazy. It's crazy. The meat rack. Yeah.

Well, gay guys are gross. We use our butts for sex and everything. Have you eaten ass before? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You love it. I'm a giver.

I want to give. Oh my God. Yeah. Good for you. Thank you. Are you, would you say your, um, a stone service? Not butch.

Would you say you're stone? I guess that's like more of a lesbian term where it's like you, I kind of feel this where I'm going to, I don't have to orgasm necessarily anymore. As long as you're getting off or if you, if the other person doesn't want to get off either, I'm like, well, then great, let's just. It's different. It's different. It's different. Or like, it's so hard for me to get off. And then figuring that out has been such a journey.

And I get angry kind of when I don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, and that's not prioritized. Wait. As in, as in you get angry when you were withheld. If I don't come, I'm mad. Yeah. Interesting.

Or I used to be mad. Now that we figured out a surefire way every time, now I'm less. There's a way. Yes, there is a way. That's amazing. But before, like, I used to get really mad. That's okay. And because I love to give, that's like my, I love doing it.

But. You're like, what about me? Hello. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I want. over here. Chop liver over here.

Well, you're like, you know, I had to deal with this all of high school when I had my hag days. So now that I'm with someone who's ostensibly supposed to get me off, I'm not dealing with this. Yes. I'm so happy you found your surefire thing, though, because some people spend their whole lives. Yeah, but it's complicated.

Really? Yes. It's jealousy-based. At least it's sure-fire, though. It's jealousy-based? Yeah. I'll talk about that. I need to hear about other women. I don't even want to be there. I need a lot to

You need voyeurism Yes I need to be watching Bay Looking at other girls We're talking about other girls It's awesome I need that every time And sometimes it's like We gotta take the phone out again

Sorry He's fucking you and he's like I'd rather not be here And I'm like Oh fuck Could you rather be in? Her name is Christina I think

Oh fuck I bet she's hotter than me right She works at what a peach In LA She got a three on a world. Yeah, we had a short conversation once. My boyfriend like was like fifth in his class or whatever and I went home and I asked my mom and she was like looking through my old stuff. She was like, Edie, you did really well. 61 out of 250. She was like, that's not good. That's

not bad. I'm sorry. I didn't even to laugh. It's not bad, but he, I hate academic, collegiate bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were up there. This is the thing about me that this is why anytime someone like projects like intelligence on me, I'm like, no. My GPA in high school was like 3.3. Like not anything amazing. Stupid. But like for an Asian, like, well, it was just like I would, I had like a D. I had like a C.

Like I had like bad grades. And then in college, forget it, 3.1. I was like, not that good. Do you remember caring about this shit? Like I was like, wow, what kind of college am I going to get to you find out years later? college is like a lie and a thiefdom. It's a lie. Yeah. And a thiefdom? It's thiefdom. I don't understand how people were in high school knowing what Bard was.

Yeah. Or Oberlin. Or like, I'm like, how did you even hear about that? Pre-girls? How did you know about Oberlin? Hampshire. Yeah, right. How did you learn about that? Haverford. Haverford is crazy. I don't even know that one. Oh, that one's where you take the final on your own time. It's a take-home final for all the Classes. Kind of love that. I got to enroll. Honor system. Like, here's your final.

Wesleyan. I'd never heard of the shit. Right, right. No, this is these coast stuff. And I'm surprised. You guys are about these coast people. And you guys didn't know. Then you get into Pepper Dying and it's like, what's that?

Right. I don't know. Meanwhile, like where I grew up, it was like, you got into C. You Boulder. You're so smart. I mean, you're talking to New York people. We are Sunni. Oh, we're SUNY literate.

My goal was SUNY purchase. Yeah. Everyone was. Purchase is a great school. I know. That was the best Sunni they were saying. Yes. I didn't get into the acting program, but I got a callback.

Okay. They have a really good acting program. They do. I mean, there's like, I don't know why I know this, but I think like Patrick Wilson went there. No, he didn't. He went to Carnegie Mellon. I don't know who went to SUNY purchase. Regina Spector.

Regina Spector? Fabulous. For piano or for acting? For music. It's amazing. Yeah. Love that. And then she went to the sidewalk cafe on Avenue A and Sex.

And now She's out to lunch Are you upset with Regina lately? She's just like She's a little Israel hardcore She's Zio

Really? Yeah Hardcore It's tough It's crazy Someone like that So crazy Yeah

You know music box Life inside the music box He needs Like it's like That's crazy Yeah That's Regina? I just know

I was really into her Wait Who's the one that goes Who's the one that goes And I feel like Oh That's Regina. That's Regina.

You know, on the radio was like one of my favorite songs. But all of like the ghost of corporate future, like she had some great songs. And now she's out to lunch, as you say. Yes. It's tough. It's tough. See, and this goes back to something that Matt Rodder said to the class of 2026 at NYU. He loves this line that I said.

Thank you, Bowen. He goes, this is my advice. Don't look up. look around you because the people you look up to will end up disappointing you in some way. Wow. I mean, it's very true. Don't look up, look around you. You felt good.

Look to your last, look to your right. It's true. No, but literally though. That's what's gonna keep you normal too. Truly. I mean, it's, here's the thing. It's like I've actually had a lot of experiences where I meet someone and I'm, I walk away and I'm like, wow, thank God, they were actually amazing. Like, I've had a number of those experiences.

But when, when it when it hurts bad it hurts bad it's just not even worth it like your peers are always going to be the ones that are doing the smart funny things anyway yeah you know what i mean like i miss our like incubation period as you know what i mean like it's the best meeting you naked full ass naked bush out doing your annoyance show like we were around that all the time i'll show what you right now yeah i bet bet bet you fucking dare me you just have to ask wait i mean if not on lost culture then we're else

i mean on stage will you share your tits at least yeah don't make her do this you have such i'm a boob gay i heard earlier i love your breasts you know thank you so much i used to hate them so deeply because the ariola's No, that's a good thing.

And then in this movie, do you remember this movie, Timer? It was like one of the first movies on Netflix. It was about like a watch that, or you buy this thing and it tells you when you're going to meet the love of your life. It's a countdown. Okay. And then what does this have to do with? There's a really hot guy in the movie and he said this thing in the movie like,

you know when a girl has that big blue vein on her tit? Oh, he gave you a complex. I was like, I'm all. already fucking thinking about that. Why is that a line in this movie? Because men are disgusting and they think they can say anything. But he didn't write it. Also, if there's a vein, he said it.

He said it. As the actor, as the actor, you can always say, I'm not saying this. Yes. Thank you. And that's what they don't teach you at soon. It's real culture number 100. As the actor, you can always say, I'm not saying this. That's how acting works.

But a vein through your boob means vascularity. Life. Life. Blood is pumping through them. They're alive. Yeah. But now I love them. I don't know.

They're just like soft. I always wanted like hard, perky tits with little tiny nipple. I would say your boobs are perky. I think they are now. I'm getting all titillated. I'm excited now. There's nothing hotter than like a, than like a, I don't know. I like a dark, like red nipple.

Fat nipple. I do. I do now. I feel like as I've got. gotten older, I'm like, oh, looking like a woman, like having like a potato arm is like hot. Or like, I think about my grandma and I'm like, that was a woman. Yeah. You know, with like big arms.

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hide the body. But someone will find it. He acted friendly. He talked friendly. He sounded friendly. They all knew that I did the scary boogie stuff, and I said, maybe she'll find out where this girl is. I saw him violent. Backhanded a bow. And that's exactly what made us all think he had something to do with it.

The clock is ticking down in the woods. They're calling. There are a lot of demons in Putnam County, but I've met the devil, and he's real. I'm Paul Solitarev, and this is Season 2 of The Devil's Quarry. Listen to The Devil's Quarry Season 2 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to hear The Devil's Quarry Season 2 ad free with exclusive content, subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. You were so in touch with that kind of like, like I remember my favorite, one of my favorite

bits I've ever seen is Edie opened for my Christmas show years ago. That was an honor. And she played a girl who was selling, explain what it was. You were selling something in the bat. What was it? Supplements. And you were, you were trying to explain to the audience like, I'm here. to sell my supplements, but you have to understand my mother passed.

Yes. My mother just passed, and it's very hard, but I'm still going to sell my supplements. And I'm doing to do that after the show. But, you know, what was, and it was just like so real and lived in. And when I saw it, it was at some other show, and I was like, you have to come do my show because I knew my family was going to be there. And I was like, I need to show them this person who gets something so real about a New York woman.

Authentic, like, tri-state area. a woman. And that is, because it's real house size of New Jersey. It's like, it's like you watch them, you know them, and it's like this like harsh warmth. Oh, it's like, it's definitely

dad's last Christmas. It's definitely. Yeah, it's absolutely. It's absolutely dead. You know, because, if he's not dead now. What is he up to live for? And he would tell you that. I literally, I still have video of you doing it on my computer and I'll watch it.

I feel like I did that at the show, some show before it. Literally. first time I was like, oh, I figured out what I'm good at. Yeah, like a, like when you snap into like a character. Or I'm like, I could do this forever. It is inside me. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah. And that was stuff like, again, like time and space to figure that out all the time. Yeah. Because I feel like I can draw a direct line from that to like your performance and jury duty and so much else. Like there's like a very authentic thing that you have. And it's because you're very observant.

And also you do live amongst a lot of real people. It's like we were just saying with John Wilson, like his observation of real people is never feeling like it's talking down to people. No, he's like celebrating. Yes. I love people. Yeah. They're so funny.

Yes. It's amazing. And that's another reason why it's good to look around and not up because the people you look up to like are less people than they were. That feels shitty to say. No, it's true. They're gone. You watch people leave. Yeah.

It's scary. Yeah. Damn. It's scary. Let's ask Edie the question. Oh my God! I completely forgot you haven't been on the show yet. All right.

So Edie Modica, what was the culture that made you say culture was for you? Okay. The first thing, I kept trying to change the first thing that came into my mind, but this is the first thing that came into my mind. And it's true. Perezhilton.com's posting of Lindsay Lohan's. Pussy getting out of a car. She's like getting out and they put that on the internet.

And he would call her fire crotch. Yes. Yeah. Like that level of like truth. Yes. I really respond to that. That was like the first time I was like I'm going to be dragging that onto my desktop and making a folder of the things that.

Yes. You know, that I like hoard as my personality kind of. That is everything about Edie Modica in one moment. I do think it's. evil. I don't think that should have been done. No, but it, it's resonant with you. Yeah, like it really, I just remember being like, holy shit.

Yeah, right, right, right. And like, he said whatever he wanted. And then at a cost that he is now sort of paying for. Absolutely. But did you ever hear the song? There was a song called Lindsay Lohan's Revenge. No. I believe

Santa Gold wraps a verse on it. But the verse goes like this. why are you showing them coochy lips getting about your car? Paparote's hanging all around you, bitch. You know you're a superstar. And then the verse is,

why are you showing them cootry lips looks like a baby rat, who looks like a baby rat, who looks like a baby rat. Like a song about Lindsay Lohan's pussy. I know, it's horrible. It's really crazy. You know what I mean?

It's unbelievable the way that pop culture just was. Literally all of media was like, this is exceptional. This is just on a website that you can like log on to like every... As a kid, I was in like fourth grade. Every starlet at the time was like you could get a picture of her with cum on her face

because Perez Hilton had like made it his entire business. And then that opened the door to all of internet culture. Yes. I guess I appreciated like a time where someone was actually saying what's actually happening in the world. Was being lewd? was being... Not the being lewd, but at least like if someone was bad in something,

he would be like, this sucked. Yeah, sure. This was bad. Like now I feel like you can't, not to say you can't say anything. Right. You can't be honest.

It's moved. If you're in a shitty movie, you have to go on shows and be like, it was the best time of my life. Totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like... I think it's just moved up or downstream

or laterally or whatever. Now it's like, you go on Twitter and it's like, everyone's being fucking. Yes, and now it's like comments. Right, right, right. Oh my God, people are being so mean. Oh, no, it's crazy.

It's insane. I've never seen, like, mean or shit than what people just casually post from, like, behind a, it's like a picture of, like, an emoji of a cat. You know what I mean? And they're just saying the cruelest shit. So the thing about him is, like, he made,

I think it's, like, weirdly in tandem with, like, this is weird, but, like, Simon Cowell on American Idol making, like, meanness and criticism full entertainment coming a couple years later came Perez Hilton and they were kind of just like this

culture of like yeah you can say anything and it can as long as it's based in a truth like you'll get away with it and there was something I remember very tastemakery about it I found out about Lady Gaga and Adele through it from Perez Hilton

wow yeah he he actually had like access to and a weird affinity for, like, knowing that people should know about people. Yeah. He was like, these are the people that matter, and then he pushed them through. But in the same breath, you would scroll down a little bit, and he was like, Kiki Drunks, the biggest fart stain in Hollywood, was spotted spilling out of a car.

And it was just like, literally. Her olivia's dragging on the cement. Literally. And it was just like, how two seconds ago were you like, wow, this incredible amazing talent? It was so weird. But it did, it lit my ass up. Like I was like, this is a, like, I don't know.

That's why it's my answer. Not because I think it was good, but it really like, and honestly, like that, like tub girl, you know all that stuff. Tub girl's home cup. Like all the stuff like that also really like, I loved having access to like or showing people bad stuff on the internet. Right.

Like, like, is it? Like, e-fucked. Yes, e-fucked. Is it tied to, like, a body horror appreciation? I do love that stuff. Yes. And I liked that it was like the underbelly, like, but real. You know, and I'm like, this is what's actually fucking going on.

Right. And no one's talking about it. Right. Women are shitting. It looks like ice cream. And then they're eating it. Yeah. Okay, so then what's your take on two girls one cup?

Like, that it was real shit. How was that not. real. I'm sure. Unless they pumped chocolate moose inside her before and then we're like, go, go, go, go. Sure. I mean, there are, go, go, go, go. I mean, how else? Then maybe they did that. But I

could be anything. Someone is doing that. Someone is doing that. And I liked that they were giving a, like, shining a light on that. The women weren't talking in two girls one cup. They what? They weren't talking in two girls. There's no voice. Oh yeah, it's that beautiful music. The violin.

It's the violin music, right? Gun to your head. Two girls one cup or cake farts. What was cake farts? You've never seen cake farts? How can you say this is your culture? We're watching cake farts right now. Okay.

Okay. Fine. Can you, do you think it's still up? I think it's been very hard to find. I actually- Can you describe it? No, no, no, no. I can't watch it because I think I've seen it three times and like I barely make it through each time.

But this is like, this is so iconic. You're not going to be able to find it. I think I found it. I bet I can find it. It's surely on the dark web. I mean, it's really important internet culture. I think we can play the sound of cake for us. You know what?

I like the most. This is so, like this is vocal stem for Matt and I for at least 18 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You should just play it. Okay, wait, it's enough. That's enough. That's enough.

So she, it was a series. So people don't, people don't know this, but she didn't just sit on cake. She sat on steak. She sat on meat. love she sat on all sorts of shit and farted on it. The way her asshole on that last one just went bo-bl-

No, I know. It was it's a proctological piece of art. It's a very important and I'm honored that we got to show it to you. I'm so happy I got to see that with you guys. I can't believe you didn't know about it. I've never seen that. And you were like an e-fucked

girlie? I loved e-fucked. We recently talked about jackass on the show. and just like how dominant that was. And again, there was something like kind of queer. Yes. About like the way. Shirtless playing together boys. Boys naked, dingling.

Rubber band on my dick. Everything being about putting things in your butt. Yes. Everything. The anal fixation that that those men had. Yes. Which is like it's like an inherently masculine thing. It's like Bay loves it.

Yes. You know what I mean? Well, it's beautiful that they did that. that with each other. They should all be doing that with each other. Do you think they ever just were like, you think it ever crossed over to like, Jacket guys being like, hey, fuck me.

Absolutely. Sucking dick, for sure. Drunk. Sure. I guess some straight guys have a thing though of like, oh, if it's a guy's tongue or lips on my dick, then that makes you get. Until they feel it.

Until they feel what it's like to have someone with a little bit of growth all over there. A little scruff. A little scruff. This is, I guess the way straight guys know they're straight is Pussy for sure, but specifically boobs. Like tits are the thing that like, I don't know, in a sense, like really like affirm their straightness in a sense.

Yes, tits are funny. Tits, I love tits. Well, I like, I feel personally like a, you know, freak or pervert. And I like when that's, when a, when a light is shown on that because I'm like, everybody's like this. Yeah, everyone has a body.

So why are we acting like we're not? It pisses me off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That we're, you think we're more puritanical now than we were back in Perez-Hilton heyday? I just think sex was more put on display when we were younger, so now I'm stuck with that. Yeah, it is true.

I can't let it go. I can't shut the fuck up about it. No, but it was, we went from like, it was like a hypersexualized culture. Like the real world? Yeah. Yeah. I love that show.

Uh-huh. I mean, the shit that you would see on that, I remember just like, do you remember Jersey Shore when Snooky just got punched? Yes. And they showed it and they were just like, on this episode, Snooki gets fucking punched as hard as possible. And we all just like, we're like, wow. And that's part of what made that show huge.

Yes. Was that moment. And it was just, and no one batted an eye. And it was just like hypersexualization and also hyper violent culture. But that, I feel like that is what's actually going on behind closed doors. And I don't necessarily think that we should be showing it in that way. But there was something about like seeing this thing. Do you know what I'm saying?

I guess what I do know what you're saying because it's like they were filming a reality show and they're in an environment. where men are brutal to women. And so that was the reality of that kind of atmosphere. And I certainly know from growing up on Long Island, I have been, I once did a New Year's Eve at Rockville Center with a bunch of straight people in like the year of our Lord, like 2010. The way that men just act around women is so disgusting.

I hear what you're saying. about like, why are we pretending to live in a world that doesn't have this violence? And then when it really does happen, like we were talking about the Cornell situation of it all, it's like, had people not, if we don't make a big deal about this, people will just let it go by.

They will just forget it. They'll just be like, oh yeah, we live in a violent world. Yeah. There's something here about like our generation being so frozen with like, oh yeah, this is what the world is like, and given so much information. And now they're like taking it away,

because it's uncouth, but that still exists. And I think what we're also talking about is that, like, there is something on these platforms that is, like, flagging those things. If we were to, like, post something that was depicting violence or sexuality in a specific way, it gets taken down immediately. Meanwhile, and Spike and Honey were talking about this. Meanwhile, it's, like, we're watching, like, mozzarella poles and or, like, bombs being dropped.

Yes. Like, what the fuck? Like, what are you talking about? Yes. Or the Sydney Sweeney commercial. Yeah. Totally. Yeah.

Which, by the way, doesn't hold a candle to what they were doing back in the day. So people even being up in arms about this, it's like, girl. I was grew up with. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This was culture. Yes. Yeah. I love it.

Okay, we solved it. Yeah. I think that what it is is it's like there's also this thing, which I think that like people often say about Donald Trump and I really hate this, but I really hate this. I hear them saying it. They're like, well, the thing is, he is funny. And it's like, I think Perez Hilton got away with a lot of his evils. By being funny.

By being, like, funny and like a shocking way. You know what I mean? It was just kind of like, I'm going to do this thing and you're not going to believe it. He was like an internet shock jock. Yeah. And I think in high school, that was also like, I was like, I'm going to be so fucking mean. And that is going to make the gay guys love me. You know?

Or like, that's what's funny. Yeah. But then you grow out of that. Like you can't. You have to grow out of it. Ruin your life over that. Totally. Well, yes.

And also like it still became a thing where it's like when when no one like for example with Howard Stern like he was the king of this. He was the shock jock. And he changed his brand, you know, later on because he had to because he couldn't keep doing it. But no one, no one picks a bone with him about any of it. You know what I mean? And also like if you did now, everyone will be like, okay.

It was the time. You know what I mean? Like, and so it's interesting, like, when someone is supposed to pay in retrospect for what they've done. Yes. And when someone is not expected to do that at all. Totally. You know? Cibian competitions.

Right. I used to watch that on E. Me too. With my stepdad next to my stepdad. Just like living. Just like accepting reality. Well, your stepdad? Who was that the special?

No, that was my dad. That's your dad. Oh, my God. That's so sweet. Yeah. But then your stepdad is still with your mom? He's dead, honey. I'm sorry.

It's so okay. She was the one who worked at Party City? Yes, he worked at Party City. Oh, my God. What did you do there? Worked on the floor. Blue balloons. Hey, can I get some tissue paper?

Is Party City still thriving? No, the one in Union Square closed. And there was one on Atlantic that also closed. I know it's very sad. That store was fucking awesome. It was awesome. Yeah, there was one up in Harlem, too. I wonder if that one's still there.

Maybe so. Yeah, I don't. was good. Yeah, I loved party anymore. I know. What the hell? What the hell? Honestly, did, maybe, is that what it is? It's a comment on party

culture. Party culture is dead. Party city. Not even Charlie. We can't even go there where we belong. The amount of fake dukes, my stepdad would bring home for me. Really amazing. Was it, like a fake duke,

like a fake poop? Fake ducy, big, small, all different. He did a prank on my friend who had a slept over. A girl in fifth grade. He was like, Amanda, you left that on the floor. He put a piece of shit next to the toilet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Yeah. There might have been a mini golf place in Quebec, but maybe this is like what they would do back in the day, but there was a mini golf place in Quebec where you would, you know, play putt putt, or mini golf, I would say, I should say, and then you would go to the holes and then to get your ball out,

you would have to go in the hole and it would be full of yellow water and like fake duky. and you'd be like, oh no, I have to get my ball out of the piss and shit. Wow, that's cool. You would have loved it. Also, like, that humor, like, everyone was using their brain. Yeah. Everyone knew that guy that was like one of your parents' friends, or maybe it was even your parent or like whatever, that whose humor was, oh, Melissa pooped. Oh, shit.

Melissa left the poop in the toilet again. Oh, damn it. Oh, Melissa, you know, she never missed. mix it into the bull. I go in there and there's always, you know, piss all over the floor after Melissa. Ah, just kidding. You know you're my favorite.

You know you're my favorite. We're going to order pizza. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was your stepdad. He wrote me like this long poem that was like a story. He made up a story and he's like, I ran into this woman on the train. She had a wig and a wooden leg and she let out a fart.

And like, it's just like perfect for kids. That's so nice. You know. Like, rancid storytelling. Disgusting. Everyone come sit around and hear me say filth. Yes. Or like Madlibs.

I have some from when I was a kid and every single thing. I'm like, his farting butt with pimples and socks. So good. Stinky. Yeah. Oh my God. Do kids still do like stinker humor? Well, I think, I don't know, but literally.

And not to put you guys on the same sentence, but like, I think you and Sarah Sherman are like really keeping in a living. I think about duty hole your handle and I'm smile. I'm glad. Duty hole is so evocative. I know. I can't, I don't even remember making it. Making that. I'm like, damn, I was smart

even in the past. I would love to, I loved your set and I loved our conversation. When I follow you, you're like, yeah, at duty hole. Or seeing, I was just on, watch what happens live. Yes. Seeing them tag duty hole, I'm like ha. We're making it. this far and it's like I'm still

kind of allowed to have that. Yeah, yeah, you're all in a studio. It's really nice. Jester's privilege. You've heard the chaos. Now you can see it. Hello. My gosh.

Watch all your favorite podcasts from start to finish right inside the free IHard Radio app. Get the blood going up. Catch every laugh and eye roll on shows like the Tom Green Farmcast and park the bus. Now with full video. We're building a ramp for Tony Hawk.

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And we're the hosts of Out of Character. It's a podcast. I know there's a lot of them going around. But why should you listen to ours? Well, we're only the best podcast in the entire world. And we talk about pretty much everything under the sun. For example, music we're listening to. Underground music, trending music, drama in music worlds.

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So what are you waiting for? Come connect with us. Listen to out of character from Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network. on the IHeart radio app, Apple Pods, or wherever you get your podcasts. Lisa, we should tell them about our new show. Oh my God, Lexi. We have a new podcast. It's called Don't Lie to Me. I'm Lexi Youanu.

We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart. And I'm Lisa Di Giulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions, and at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. I'm not going to get anywhere fighting. That is wild. I learned that about you today. Now in my 30s, being the founder of new shoes, good taste is my business. And I've always got something to say.

If men were just honest about this, there would be so much more peace in the world. We're going to talk about dating, relationships, beauty, getting older, and a little wiser. We're best friends, but we don't always agree. Because you told us how accommodating you are. Obviously, I would do what I think I could do to fight the fight, but there's only so much fight I can fight. Don't lie to me Don't lie to me Don't lie to me

Don't lie to me Don't lie to me Liar Listen on the IHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts Or wherever you get your podcast I don't really care If anyone wanted to commit a murder

Up here would be the greatest place In the world to hide the body But no one will find it He acted friendly He talked friendly He sounded friendly They all knew that I did The scary boogie stuff, and I said, maybe she'll find out where this girl is.

I saw him violent. Backhanded her, pow! And that's exactly what made us all think he had something to do with him. The clock is ticking down, and the woods are calling. There are a lot of demons in Putnam County, but I've met the devil, and he's real. I'm Paul Solitarev, and this is season. of the Devil's Quarry. Listen to the Devil's Quarry season two on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

And to hear The Devil's Quarry Season 2 add free with exclusive content, subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. Well, you know, and then just to bring it back to, you know, when we were coming up and doing our sketch stuff, there was a whole era and people. Populet where we would go, sorry, guys, I have to go piss and shit. We would just, anytime we would have to go piss and shit and be like, I got to go piss and shit. Sorry. Oh, can we, can we take a piss and shit break?

Like, I know we're rehearsing this, but we got a piss and shit. You know what video I loved? Which one? The, um, let's take a Degaro type. Oh my God, Sidene. It's probably Populet's like best thing. I love that one. The Deggera type was very well observed.

I was like, that's really good. Oh my God. E. I still say some of the things from a real woman on the stage if you gather my meeting. She was over there showing her ankles. Pray tell. Okay, we got to do it. I don't think so, honey, which it's our 60 second segment where we do something,

which is like, you know, sort of like a little bit of a rant on pop culture, 60 seconds, is all we need to take something down in the culture. I have something Okay Yeah It actually was Yeah Yeah

Yeah I have something It was a big part of today It was a big part of today It still cake parts Ones Cake parts Cake parts That's good

Just done Okay let's do I don't think so honey Okay so this is Matt Rogers I don't think so honey as time starts now I don't think so honey The Geysers on the streets of New York Whenever you drive down any street In New York there is a Yosemite

I don't know what is happening But when you just drive down the road It's just like, what is that? What is the smoke and the gas that's coming out of the road? Shale. What? No, no. Go.

I legit, you could have said shale. I would have thought, yeah, explain that to me. No. What is that shit? And it's always happening. There's always like a hole in the ground, a yellow or orange cone, and then a plume of smoke that just comes. Is it a geyser? No.

All I know is it made me late today. I don't know what it. it is, this is my one thing and I always give the benefit of the doubt. I'm like, I know that Zoran is doing this for the greater good. I know it. But it is every street. Every street is Mario Kart. There is

always a diversion or some sort of like, Mario, five seconds. What would you call it? Like a roadblock, literal roadblock. Did I say Mario? Mario. You always say Mario. It's like Mario out there on the streets. If you're driving, you're like little toad and you have to sort of

around the many geysers in the roads and I don't think so honey why do we have them why do we need them why is it making me late and that's one minute what are they I don't know I don't know shale I mean that might it might be necessary so that it's not popping okay but I don't know what's down there I don't know I would like to have a press conference from him Mario yeah Mario it's like freaking Mario cart it's a long it's not an upstate it's not a NIAC thing it's a long island thing you go that way they say Mario even though he says it's a you know what I love my friend Sarah I have some family members who will say Sarah.

Sarah. Sarah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's some names that like don't stay at a chance. Like Megan. Megan. Megan. Megan. Is your name short for Edith?

My grandma was Edith, but I'm just Edie. No, but on the birth, I forget it's Edith. I love that. I'm just Edy. E.D. Y. E.D. Y. I know. That is cool. So cool. My parents hooked it up.

Yeah. For sure. You got to be lots of people thinking you're Eddie rolling through. Oh, every day. of my life, every Uber, and I respond to it. I don't expect you. Eddie? I didn't expect to see you look like this, Eddie.

This is my cousin Pat, who hugs me too long. Pat. That is what he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you look beautiful. And then when he's hugging, it goes like this. Have you made an issue with him about it? No, it was when I was, it was my stepdad's family.

I don't really see them anymore. Oh, okay. So fuck them. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I'm able to say whatever I want. I'm pretty lucky. You're free.

Okay. This is Bowen Yang's. I don't think so, honey. His time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Astro turf. Who are we fooling? Let it be cement.

Yeah. Let it be concrete. Let it be asphalt. I don't need to pretend like it's nature. Especially in this city. The what jungle? Concrete. Concrete.

Cement. Cement. not grass, not fake grass. Leave that for the sports arenas. Say that. Leave that for something, I can't get the practical use for AstroTurf. It's crazy name.

It's also too cool of a name for the concept. AstroTurf sounds like a treat. Sounds like a gorgeous little futuristic dip-and-dots adjacent ice cream. 15 seconds. Not a patch of fake grass. in an unnatural deep Kelly green. It's all grass is a little bit yellow. Five seconds.

You're forgetting about the yellow undertones and the temperature of the yellow. AstroTurf, you're busted. And that's one minute. It's also a term for a harmful thing that happens online. That's true. Dead internet theory. Yeah. What? You know, the more and more we go offline, off platforms, the more it will be populated by bots.

And therefore, we're just watching bots engage with each other. on platforms. God. I wonder about that sometimes. I'm like, how many things am I watching online that are actually not people? Nothing.

As of a couple months ago, it's officially crossed into 51%. Stop. Are you serious? Yeah, Leah told me. Really? Yeah. 51%.

Yes, we were on a shoe and the Gios, well, today, we crossed into the majority of stuff of testing. Who knows? Maybe a bot said that. But, I mean, but they're operating out of some kind of truth.

No, but I'm like, I don't believe that. Oh my God. We found out that. Eadie's a human bot. Who's obsessed with eating ass. Eating ass violence. Great. I'm so happy.

Yeah. Eating ass violence and pussy pictures. Yes. No, you should be happy with what you said. No, I am. I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the real you.

Dead ass. Dead ass. Cake farts. Are you ready to do your out and think so, honey? Yeah, okay. Okay. I'm taking these off. I'm taking these off.

I need to, like, get in a position. to get upset. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, here we go. And we're, she's about to have one of her episodes. This is Edie Modica's, I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now. Okay, I don't think so, honey, you ask for a nut video, and the guy just sends nut, just the nut.

Five seconds of just do-d-d-d-do, and then the nut comes out. I need a nut video to be four minutes at least. That's a long time. I want to see the entire process. I want it to go from soft to hard to maybe even, soft again because they lost interest and then back and we're back with Avengers. And I don't even need to be seeing, do you think I want to see the nut? You think I want to see white nut come out?

No, I want to see. It's about the moment before. Always is. Almost getting there. And I don't, another thing, girls saying, oh, I need him to have a big fucking dick. Oh, it's a big dick. What? I fucking hate this.

If you love the person, you love what. ever they have. And if you don't love the person, you don't care what they have. Oh, he has to have a big fat collar. He's the size of my foot. Why? Who cares? It doesn't even it hurts. You can't even be doing that. Or you missed your hand? That's one minute. Hey, you ever heard this expression? Is not about the size of the prize? It's about the motion of the ocean. Is that what it is? Size of the prize? Legit. Legiteral. If it's small, you can still feel it go in. Oh, yeah. And then it's up to you. No, it's up to you.

I've had some amazing orgasms with some quote unquote small. You don't like a long nut video? Wait, no, no. I'm talking about, too long. I'm talking about, okay, so, but I did too. Four minutes is a long time for any video. It's a long video. Any kind of content.

Not in jerk off time. Well, okay, because I would say, I would argue not, I'm shocked. Not including myself in this. Some guys will nut under four minutes. Some guys can nut and under one. Absolutely, but I want the, full process. I want to actually

get into the space with you and not just get nut coming out. So you'd rather have one long nut video than have like a bunch of 15 second videos that you guys send back and forth. So you what I'm saying, we sex

differently. Well I can't, you can just sit there go like this. I'm face down like my you want it to go. My penis privilege is showing. I'm like it's a different thing. I can't be texting while I'm doing it. You want it to

sync up, you want synchronistic synchronicity in terms of your own experience of drilling off. I'm watching. I'm you. When I'm watching the video, I'm you. While you're flicking, they're fat-in. Exactly. Yeah, I see. I want to be you. That's beautiful. I want to be

the person I'm watching. That's so nice. Show me how to be. Yeah, I'm totally with you. But I think it's interesting that you would even include it getting soft again because you want them to just sit in their own nut for a long time? Not for a long time. I guess like you want them coming.

No, no, no, no, no. No, but you're saying you want them to come and then you would watch them. It's totally fine if you watch them come and then you watch them like get flasces. No, she wants to see them start jacking off and be like, oh, yeah, it's really good. They kind of got distracted by a fly.

And then they're like, oh, it goes down a little. And then they're like, wait, and now I'm back. And now I'm back. You want to see a three-act structure. Yes. Yeah, you want to see a Joseph Campbell hero's journey. It's long enough that I can like scroll around. I'm like, oh, I know I like this part because the breathing is interesting there.

You know what I'm saying? I like to get to know the whole video. That's right. You want to know who this person is. Yes, I want it to be who they are. They're showing me. It's art. It's art.

It's art. It is. And then you ask, when someone, you ask them and they just send you like, what is? you think I care? I had no time to get to know the character. Exactly. And I'm already seeing the nut.

I don't know that nut. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just a nut to me. Yes. But I could have been, I could have known how it came to be. I want to see this way. It's like when you show me a picture of your baby,

I don't care. I don't care. I don't know what her day is. But if I have a video of your entire pregnancy, I'm more invested. Uh-huh. Sure. That's easy.

Sure. Now, is that your, Is that your preferred way to refer to it, a nut? I have been using nut a lot. That's okay. Nut. Kum. Chumly.

Oh, Kum like a fun way to say come. Kum. But nut, I like. What's chumly? Sounds like street fighter. Kum. Chumley. Chumly.

My favorite thing to do to a couple of my ex-boyfriends is right before they would come. I would go, yay! And they would be like, They would laugh while they came and it would ruin it. Yay! And they go, stop! Nut time! Yay!

That's nasty. That's horrible. It's horrible. It's horrible. And then there's a fear that maybe they'll latch on to that, and then they're going to need that. Every time they come going forward, they're like, the person rolls off of them, was something wrong? And they go, it's just, I had an expletion. boyfriend who used to celebrate when I came and you didn't celebrate at all.

This is crazy. Is something wrong? Is something? I roll off of you. Is something more? No, no. It's nothing. I recently re-watched all of heated rivalry.

And there's a moment where it's like the night after he's like had like bad sex with the woman he's dating, the movie star. And she's like, it's okay. Oh, I love that episode Because there's absolutely no conflict They have terrible sex and she's like You can be gay Yeah, she's like I think you might be into guys

And he's like Thank you Yeah, don't tell anyone She's like, it's okay I'm your best friend I'm awesome Yeah I've watched recently too

And I love every second of it I love every second of it And the first episode though The only tough moment of dialogue Is when it's With Shane is at lunch with his parents and then his mom goes, oh, that Ilya Rosenoff,

fuck him, right up the butt. And you're like, we could have done better than that. All right. Fuck him, right up the butt. And she goes, she goes, no, I'm serious. Fuck him. And he's like, oh, I want it too so bad. In the butt as it happens.

No, he got fucked in the butt. I think in season two they're going to explore. I can't believe there's a season. Season two. That ending, I was like... Come on. What you thought... La la la, la, da, thunk, perfect. It was so perfect.

But now we have to see... That's not life. We have to see the public fallout, of course. I mean, I just want to watch Connor's story do anything. He's so amazing. He is unbelievable. I think absolute Oscar winner in the future. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Have you met him?

No. I would die. Have you? No. I haven't either. I would die. I met Hudson. Hudson's sweet. Yeah, he's a sweetest boy.

Yeah. Did you watch Sterling Point? No, our friend wrote on it. Yeah. Did you love it? They did an amazing fucking job. It is the best show I've seen in years. Okay.

It's amazing. I want to move to Muscoca. Me too. It looks beautiful. Oh, you have to watch it. Okay, okay, okay. It's good. It's like the O.C.

It's like the past. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of teen show. Yeah. There's a new sex. Yeah. Making out. Yeah.

kind that you could watch when you were younger and think, oh my God, that's what I aspirational sex and making out Marissa and Ryan having sex and Seth and Summer. Summer having sex was so hot. I never forget when they had sex,

Summer and Seth goes, huh. So that was sex. Oh my God. And she goes Yeah. Anyways, got to go Cohen. Yeah That was good Really was I love the Bills

The Rachel Bilsson What an amazing icon And we love you I love you too Tell everyone how they can watch your special On YouTube baby YouTube baby The biggest streamer

It's true I'm happy Yeah good People can watch it Thank God You're the best and a half We love you so much I love you this was so fun

This is so fun and more. And what did you think of your minions Camila Cup? I love it. Was it a good container for your Celsius? Yeah, it is. I do. It is like plastic. I kind of do wish I got.

It's not good. It's not a great. But that's, I was collecting those theme park cups for a long time, and I figured why not bring them here to Los Coles? It's really good. Good. I love it. We end every episode with a song. California.

California. Here we come. Oh, fuck. Let's get this done. Let's get this done. Las Culturacis is the production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and Iheart Radio podcasts. Created and hosted by Matt Rogers and Bowen-Yang. Executive produced by Anna Hosnii and produced by Becker Ramos.

Edited by Hot Dog Sandwich. And our music is by Henry Kierowski. Hey, everybody. It's me, Matt, and my tour is on sale now. This time, it's really Christmas. You can go to www. official.com. Podcasts are a visual medium. If you're not watching me right now, I am holding in my hands my vinyl. It's called Have You Heard of Christmas? The answer to that question is coming.

At this time, it's really Christmas. I'm playing all over the country and in London and in Canada. That makes it a world tour. Harry Styles, you're on burn notice. I'll see you soon. Lisa, tell them about our new show. We have a new podcast. It's called Don't Lie to Me. I'm Lexi Youanu. We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart. And I'm Lisa Di Giulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions, and at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. Now in my 30s, being the founder of new shoes, good taste is my business. Listen on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If anyone wanted to commit a murder, up here would be the greatest place in the world to hide the body.

but someone will find it. He acted friendly. He talked friendly. He sounded friendly. They all knew that I did the scary boogie stuff, and I said, maybe she'll find out where this girl is. I saw him violent. Backhanded her, pow!

Listen to the devil's quarry season two in the Bone Valley feed on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Fox Sports Reporter, Jenny Taff. And I'm former U.S. Women's National Soccer team player, Carly Lloyd. And on our new podcast, whatever it takes, nothing is off limits. I played with players that didn't truly love the game. I found the love with the ball at my foot.

I don't care what I'm being asked to do at Fox. I'm going to go get some reps and love it and embrace it. Listen to whatever it takes with Carly Lloyd and Jenny Taft on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The miles change how you move. More importantly, they change how you show up for your life. I'm Emily Abadi. On The Hurtle with Emily Abadi podcast,

I sit down with elite athletes, record holders, coaches, and everyday runners to unpack the mindset behind pushing through when things get tough. Because the discipline, grace, and grit you build out there on the pavement, that's what helps you show up as your best self everywhere else. I just love to say I never know who's watching. So you want to make sure you through and through and you just stay true to who you are.

Listen to Hurtle with Emily Abadi on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.