Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "He Gay" (w/ Michael Urie)

Episode Date: April 18, 2018

Please note that today's special guest PASSED on Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2!The talented & delightful Michael Urie is here and thank GOD for that. Did you know that he was a guest judge for Snatch Game on Drag Race Season 7? And that he's hosting the Drama Desk Awards AGAIN? And that he directed Bright Colors And Bold Patterns? And that he passed on Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 (deserves repeating!). Prepare yourself for a cultural feast, which includes the shortlist for Michael's mom on Ugly Betty (sneak peak: it includes Jane Curtin) and Lin Manuel Miranda's shingles. Plus, Matt & Bow pitch Michael their Drama Desk Award opening and Patti Harrison wants her dead mom to give her $17 on this week's Voice Mem-OH-you-bitch.---LAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasSUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS TODAY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASTforeverdogpodcasts.com/las-culturistas  Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Look, man. Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow. Is that culture?

Yes. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas. Ding dong. Las Cultururistas calling how are you feeling i'm feeling um temperately confused yes same we were talking about this okay because our guest arrived in in a scarf and i said i only came in this what would you call this a henley yeah that's what it's called so you would call it that's your, it's your, what was his name?

It's a little mask drag. Well, I was going to say it's the boy Stackhouse in True Blood. You're doing that drag. Yeah, Jason Stackhouse. You're doing Jason Stackhouse drag. Wow, thank you. High praise indeed. Thank you so much.

I would say I feel chapped. Okay. I don't usually get chapped. I'm extraordinarily chapped. And I may, I have to apologize to all present. I may have to stop and apply chap. That's fine. But I'm a trapped and I may, I have to apologize to all present. I may have to stop and apply chap. That's fine. But I'm a human being.

And apply chap. Yeah. Beautiful. But this is a fabulous episode. Oh my God. What, what a great episode. This is going to be so good.

Okay. Because there's a thespian here. A true thespian. And we don't get many thespians rolling through. We get a lot of comedians who act okay which is not when we've we had a discussion at length about this a comedian who acts is not necessarily a comedic actor no no no no do you know what i'm saying comedic actor you would you that's where you get your sandra bullocks that's where you get your ryan reynolds your

ryan reynolds is these are the best comedians who act that's where you get your you know miss schumer's yes i feel pretty coming out april 20th april 20th 420 420 um wow let's just go through the credit let's just go through the credit i want to go through each one and i'm telling you and you guys i am reciting these from memory okay here we go i have them written down because i because but if you have them from memory, I believe I could do them from memory too, because I'm a fan. Okay, anything you miss, you just fill in. Okay, babe. First of all, he's returning as the host

of the Drama Desk Awards for his third time. For the third time. He's going to have three costumes, three outfits, I should say. Yeah, this is going to be costume changes. It's going to be like his own concert. Semantics. So he's returning for that.

He's nominated for a lucille lortel award oh baby for torch song which is coming to broadway this november yes the helen hayes theater theater honey oh my god and also he's by the way you know what played at the helen hayes what played xanadu it did which was a formative graced by many a brilliant performance oh my, my God. Oh, I fucking... We gotta talk about Xanadu in a second. Oh, I love it. Okay. You're so right.

I still have my play ball. Oh, my God, yeah. Oh, my God. Remember when it started and Cheyenne Jackson was kneeling on the stage doing whatever he was doing? Yeah, that was fun, right? I was like, this is good. This is an interesting way to start the program.

And I loved it when Jackie Hoffman and Marie Testa came out and just belted in everyone's faces. Marie Testa. It's rule of culture number 17. Marie Hoffman and Marie Testa came out and just belted in everyone's faces. Marie Testa. It's rule of culture number 17. Marie Testa. Jackie Hoffman, you've heard us talk about Jackie. We love Jackie. We love you, Jackie.

You don't know who the fuck we are. Torch Song coming to Helen Hayes Theater. Yes, honey. You've also seen him on stage. Hamlet for the Shakespeare Theater Company. The Government Inspector. He just finished directing the amazing show Bright Colors and Bold Patterns. Yeah, starring two nightmares.

Nightmares, Drew Droege and Jeff Hiller. Who's terrible. Really, they're both just handfuls. And yeah, you've seen him on film and TV. Oh, come on. Come on. You know the big credit. The big credit.

Ms. Ugly Betty. Ms. Ugly Betty. You've got Younger. We've got The Good Wife. And who can forget his star turn as Sebastian the Pug in Beverly Hills Chihuahua. He was so gagged to say that to you. I was like, I really hope Michael thinks that's funny. He thinks that's funny.

Okay. He did. He did. He did. He did. Okay. And please, wait, do you have anything? Did I miss anything?

No, bitch. Okay. Here we go. Please welcome Michael Urie. Hi. Sebastian was originally named Liberace. What? What happened with that?

I guess it was too gay. No, come on. This is erasure. This is erasure. Let that dog have its gay name. And as you remember, in the movie, he wore this like gold lame suit. Yes. He was very gay.

He was so gay. Why hide it? And he had a birthday party. Yes. He was very gay. He was so gay. Like why hide it? And he had a birthday party. Right. It was a birthday party. And then. The dog had an event. Guess what happened.

What? When they made Benevilles Hills Chihuahua part two. What? They killed him? No. Wow. That's a job. Run over by a truck.

No. I passed because I'm an idiot. No! Did it make a lot of money, the second one? Yes. I'm sure it made money. I mean, I didn't make any money off. It was a very, you know, it wasn't like a Pixar movie.

Right, right, right. It wasn't that much money to begin with. But why wouldn't I do that? Literally, the first movie took me three hours. Whoa! What was the reason for passing? Because I'm stupid. No.

My representative told me to. She was like, my representative was like, and I love her. And I'm still with her. So I don't want to begrudge her. But this is something that I think she was wrong about. Wow. It's good to have that relationship. She was like, she's British.

She was like, only George Lopez is returning. Oh my God. And she managed to shade george lopez in the process and and like by the way george lopez is a big star he's a huge star a lot of people love j-lo stop the other j-lo he's worth the price of admission go ahead guess who were fucking replaced me no who spongebob square pants oh the guy who does the voices how did that make you feel bad very sorry

that was obviously that job was good enough for famed voice actor whose name I don't know who does Spongebob yeah that's fair that's why I never pass on franchises I never pass on franchises never pass on franchises

I never pass on franchises why would I not do it was a straight it was straight to video back when there was video oh right but so who fucking

yeah it's not like my voice acting career took off after that and I was you will get your voice acting break yet yes

post Beverly Hills Chihuahua I was watching actually way post do you remember when they did like Shrek 17 yes and like all the ladies You will get your voice acting break yet. Yes. Post Beverly Hills Chihuahua. I was watching actually. Way post. Do you remember when they did like Shrek 17? Yes, yeah. And like all the ladies were in it. Like Maya Rudolph was in it. Amy Sedaris was in it.

Like there was like all of them. Right. And they were all being interviewed at once. And the interviewer just goes, so what did you learn doing this movie? And Amy Sedaris without missing a beat goes, that there's money in voiceover. Fun. And then they all cracked up and they were just like ah it looked really fun it almost

made me see the movie but it was like the 19th Shrek there's a lot of Shreks there's a lot of Shreks after Shrek 2 I was like okay but wasn't Shrek 2 if I remember correctly like brilliant it was great Shrek was like yay Shrek and then Shrek 2 was like oh my god

it gave Rupert Everett a gig he played gave Rupert Rupert Everett a gig he played the prince it gave Rupert Everett a gig and then and Antonio Banderas and Antonio Banderas he was puss in boots wasn't that

yeah and then who played the fairy godmother oh no I can't believe I know that she was an ab fab oh oh oh you know who I'm talking about

Jennifer Jennifer Egan no no no she's a novelist Daisy Egan Daisy Egan something Jennifer

Jennifer Flowers you'll know Jennifer Flowers No, no, no. She's a novelist. Oh, you're bad. Daisy Egan. Daisy Egan? Something. Jennifer. Jennifer. Oh, Culturistas. You'll know. Jennifer Flowers. She was fabulous. She did. Holding out for a hero. That was a great movie. Shrek 2 was good.

Shrek 2 was great. Great. Here's the thing. My thing with animated movies always is if they're not musicals, I can't fully love them. I love a good animated musical. Shrek not a musical? Well, no. I mean, there was the Duloc song, which I think I rewind't fully love them. I love a good animated musical. Well, no. I mean, there was

the Duloc song, which I think I rewinded a million times. See? I told you. He's taking off his sweater because the temperature is confusing. It's temperately confusing. Michael's taking off his sweater. Do you regret the scarf from earlier or no? No, it was cold outside.

Although it wasn't cold in the subway. You know. No, it's so hot. Although it wasn't cold in the subway. No, it's so hot. And the MTA is a disaster right now. It's crazy. They put heat on. No one gets it. It's actually Rural Culture number 56.

No one gets it. But we're talking about the MTA now. Right. But I am off the best train in the city. Which one? The 7. The 7, babe. off the best train in the city. Which one? The 7. The 7, babe. Is that really reliable?

It is the dream. But unless you're going to someplace on 42nd Street, you have to transfer. Well, that is true. But then you can at least have your pick of which one you transfer. So anyone that ends up on the C. You can get to anything. Really. I mean, I think the second best train is the 123 or that line.

The 23. Oh, baby. Yeah, that one moved. You are flying through the city, the metropolitan area. It's so interesting to hear you talk, speaking these terms, because I live right by here. I'm by any train. Oh, right. So I just think of all trains as equal.

I don't do this sort of favoritism thing with my train. Do you find that the trains are all working poorly lately? They're all working poorly. And everyone's being, everyone today in particular. Being an asshole? Was being an asshole. And I don't want to get into it. They're not worth the time.

They're not worth it, hun. Look, listen. Everyone's tired of the MTA being a disaster. So tired. Well, Cynthia Nixon. Okay. Are we voting for Cynthia? I think I'm voting for Cynthia.

I'm not registered in New York. I don't know. I can't do it. I think I might. It's hard. It's hard. Because it's like of all the people I want to see taken out of office, it's like Cuomo's not really one of them.

I know. Right. And this is the option that we're presenting. Yeah. And I'm like really i mean i i'd love to get behind her but i'm not entirely sure that that's a yeah that's fair that's a fight that needed to be fought although the mta is a total disaster it's really fucked up seems to be quite a bit of corruption up there too but like she today uh posted um a lot of people have been asking me about my views on marijuana. Legalize it. And I was like, woo!

Cynthia! Did you see that John Boehner, former Speaker of the House, John Boehner, he's now on the board of directors for this marijuana company, this company that's advocating for legalization of marijuana. Wow. Yes. And I have a theory about this because he's already been on the boards of a lot of tobacco companies or a big tobacco, maybe big tobacco,

one of the tobacco companies. And I think that they want it legalized. I think the tobacco companies want to legalize and manufacture marijuana cigarettes. Because they see dollar signs. And I'm all about it. I'm all about it too.

I mean, truly. Cigarettes are bad, but marijuana cigarettes sound great. see dollar signs. And I'm all about it. I'm all about it too. I mean, truly. cigarettes are bad, but marijuana cigarettes sound great. No, come on. I think that it's time.

And sometimes in Colorado at the dispensaries, they wrap them in fun little conical shapes and it's gorgeous. What is a conical shape? I know exactly what you mean.

Like a little cone. Like a little hand, like a maki roll. Oh, okay. It's gorgeous. So you can get the aesthetic vibe. Yes. I see.

I'm going to California next week. Oh, lucky boy. And I haven't been since it was like- Legal, legal? Fully legal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to be weird. That's fine.

Dispensaries are interesting. It's like everyone is very, everyone's still, the ethos is still like- Shady. We're doing something bad. Illegal. Yeah. But it's like, no, we're fine. That makes it sexier though as we know i lived out there i got a prescription from some shady doctor i was like i was like i don't i he was like well you know it

was clear that's the only reason he went yeah he was old he was like an old it was like howard hessman from uh remember howard hessman from w Wait, no. And he was the head of the class. Oh, no, no, no, wait. And he was in Clue. He's the cop at the end of Clue. Oh, sure, sure, sure. Yes, yes, yes. He was your doctor? No, he looked like him, bitch. He would play him.

But it would be like him now. Okay, maybe that wasn't a good example. No, no, that's great. I get it. I get it. It was a perfect example because we had that misunderstanding by this director here. I'm an idiot. I'm sorry. So I loved it. I loved that you looked like a fool. I get it. It was a perfect example because we had that misunderstanding by this picture over here. I'm sorry. So I loved it. I loved that you look like a fool. Howard has been, as my doctor, the pot guy.

And he was like, he was like, so what's wrong? And I was like, I get really bad headaches. And he was like, can't give it to you for headaches. And I was like, fuck.

Damn. Really? So I was like, I also get canker sores. And he said you can get it for canker sores? Okay. Yeah, he gave it to me for canker sores. Get them all the time, bitch. That's me too. I really, does weed help for canker sores. And he said you can get it for canker sores? Okay. Yeah, he gave it to me for canker sores. Get them all the time, bitch.

That's me too. I really... Does weed help for canker sores? No. Right? I was going to say. It makes you forget, maybe. Yeah, right.

So you guys get canker sores all the time? I get them all the time. All the time. Do you? All. Is it a stress thing? All the time. No, I don't think so.

Because I get them when I'm not stressed. I think the stress doesn't help. It doesn't help. But for me, it's whenever ever, ever I bite myself. Oh, every time, Michael. It becomes a canker sore. And a bad one, and it lasts a week. See, and I think, yeah, it's bad.

And they're very painful. Very painful. You know what helps me? And I've been saying this on this podcast, because actually there was like a three-week period where I had them and they wouldn't go away i just go to rite aid or duane reed and get the canker cover it's like it looks like a little mint and you just put it on there i know it's like store they didn't work for you it it it did work it did help the pain but then you have to like be careful around it here's what you do depending on where

it is if it's by the teeth, I'm not saying it's perfect. I'm just saying it's helped more than anything else. And the gargling of salt water is a no. Here's what you do. Everyone, I want you to listen very carefully. Okay. Go to Chinatown. You go up to the rude, aloof person who's working the counter.

Rude, aloof person. At a shady-ass Chinatown pharmacy. I can say this as a Chinese person, but you ask for watermelon frost and maybe the person behind the counter is going to say, I don't know what you're talking about, but you have to insist on watermelon frost. And by the third time,

I guarantee they will, they will sort of concede and there'll be like, okay, let me go get it from the back. It's this little powder puff. It's the most bitter, disgusting herbal powder, but you put it on from the back. It's this little powder puff. It's the most bitter, disgusting herbal powder. But you put it on the affected area.

By the next day, it will begin healing. It will begin sort of assembling again. Are you kidding me? I have boxes of it at home. Just come up and ask me. I have a question. Why do they not want to give it to you the first two times? It's illegal.

It's not illegal. I think they're just being, they just recognize that as a place where they recognize their position of power and they want to sort of live in that space for a little bit. I mean, I definitely. Is it expensive?

No, it's like $2. So get that. I promise you it works every time I swear by it. I want to talk about. You don't want to talk about King of Swords anymore? I was just going to say, I just want to say for everyone at home who tuned out

before, or maybe went to go leave the room to do something and is now rejoining us, I don't think marijuana helps for canker sores, because for me, it makes me more sensitive. When I smoke, all my senses get heightened, and so that means when something is bothering me,

if I have a stiff neck or something and I smoke weed, it actually makes it worse. Oh, interesting. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe that's just for me. I'm the same way. Did I tell you about this? I told you about this. My sister this weekend texted me a picture of a used cartridge. Oh, she found them. Well, my mom found

it in the laundry when I went home. Like she's 14 years old. A used vape cartridge? A used vape cartridge that I brought to the mountains I went home and visited my parents But then I also spent a little fun mountain weekend With some friends in Breckenridge And then we went to a dispensary there

And then I bought a new cartridge And I dumped the old one but I just shoved it in a pocket I think My mom found it And like I had brought up weed before to them And I was like so mom and dad like do people smoke weed in China And they were like yes of course but they're they're they're terrible terrible people you should never smoke weed only do strawberry frost they do strawberry and so i was and so i was like okay i can't let them

know that this is that this is something that i do like you've been found out i've been found out but i think with my sister and her kid and my my brother-in-law there like it was like they that was like a mediating for i don't know what my sister told them but i get a text from my dad that that was just like don't ever do drugs your life will be ruined and it does feel like i'm 14 again yeah but anyway well it's because we all have roots i don't know when you were in school did they do the dare program with you yeah okay so that was the worst thing ever sure because they said there are three drugs marijuana heroin and cocaine and they all could kill you it was like that basic yeah so now i really do believe in like generations it's like embedded that it's this like evil

horrible thing sure yeah anyway yeah you know hearing hearing false information over and over again sinks in yes it does As we have learned in government. Oh my God. Wait, I want to genuinely know this, Michael. Yeah. I voted for Hillary. Okay, great. Thank you.

Great. Thanks, man. So ugly petty. If you, what is like, have you ever used an understudy before on stage? Yes. Yes. Okay, great. And like, what is like the threshold for just being like, have you ever used an understudy before on stage yes yes okay great what like and like what is like

the threshold for just being like okay I can't do this it's I've canker sore I will tell you a canker sore can

really make it hard to act of course I didn't go on stage one time when I had one are you serious I called out of a show I was like I can't talk I couldn't talk

damn it was characters welcome at UCB I was like I'm sorry guys I can't perform I believe you yeah I did It was characters welcome at UCB. I was like, I'm sorry guys, I can't perform. I believe you. Yeah. I did a one man play

where I spoke for 100 minutes and if I had a canker sore, it would, it could be, I would have to adjust everything. I would like suddenly have a lisp because I had to adjust the way that I spoke

because to avoid biting my canker sore. Do you get a whole mouthful of them? I will sometimes. No, it doesn't like happen quite like that where I get a whole mouthful of them? I will sometimes. No, it doesn't happen quite like that where I get a lot at a time. Yeah, me neither. Ah! I do! They're all over. I think it's a vitamin deficiency. You should take

vitamins. I'll get one. Mine almost always come from biting myself. I'll bite myself and then I'll have to adjust the way I eat and I'll bite myself on the other side. Because you're excited when you eat. I get really excited. I eat I eat and I'll bite myself on the other side. Cause you're excited when you eat. Cause I get really excited. I eat very, I eat very quickly and I get excited.

And if I, sometimes if I'm talking while I'm eating, it's disgusting. But no, I never missed a show for a canker sore. Not that, not that I know. I mean,

I understand. I understand. I've wanted to. I've only ever missed a show for another job. Oh, that paid me more. there you go and people understand that but i've gone on with you know i've gone on with sinus infection i've gone on with with like strep throat i've gone on with shingles i don't know one leg shingles is back you know shingles

is back shingles is hot back and making a big hot return. Yeah. It was when Lin-Manuel got it that I was like, it's back. Damn. When Lin-Manuel got it, everyone's like, how do I get Shingles? Everyone was on the phone with their agent. Herpes zoster. Can I get Shingles?

That's what they say. That's, okay. How do I get in the room with Shingles? Oh my God. How do I get in the room? How do I get in the room where it happens? Where do I get Shingles? But I, but you, happens? That's admirable.

I also did it with one time, the one man play I did with food poisoning. Was that Byron Seller? Byron Seller in London. I did Byron Seller in London for two months and got food poisoning twice. Oh my God. I finally went to a doctor

because it's actually really tricky to see a doctor there. I no i finally went to a doctor because it's actually really tricky to see a doctor there i mean you can anybody can see a doctor but you might have to wait for a long time it's like so they so i kept saying should i go to the doctor they're like don't bother it's not worth it and then after i got sick again the theater was like okay we'll send you to a doctor and they paid for like a you know nice which apparently is really expensive oh it's like doubly expensive if you pay for like a doctor because it's free yeah to see a doctor right right and the guy was like he said 95 of restaurants in london are dirty oh you know london not beloved for its restaurants or its food yeah

not to shade the city of london love it beautiful gorgeous well loved for many other things oh sure but that's where they find things that's the right thing to kill all the bacteria yeah kidding that no the food is troublesome but apparently i think that's i mean what do i know but you know how a lot a lot hey you know a lot you know so much you know how they how they have a lot of different flavors of crisps? Yes, chips. Yes, yes. They're chips. They have so, so many.

Right, right. Many, many types of chips. I mean, I guess we do too, but they have, like, it's really, it's a huge snack there. And it's because after the war, during the war, when they couldn't get any food, all they got was potatoes. Oh. They got creative with potatoes. And so everybody has a taste for it. Oh, my God.

Crafty queens. It was 1947 where they were like, zesty crab chip. Yeah, exactly. I don't know. And that's why roast beef. Zesty crab. Yeah. And that's why, I think that's why their food their you know their tastes

are like that yes that's what i have bangers and mash and they have english breakfast it's all like very salty and yeah and uh you know blood sausage and yeah i went there one time and i've only been there i've only been to europe once but when we were there i think i had like fish and chips yeah which like you can totally get anywhere so i kind of wasted the opportunity but yeah but it's a novelty it's like when i'm there i like a nice pot pie yes meat pie baby i don't know i get in my head because then i think of sweeney todd and i and my brain goes somewhere crazy that it might be people that it might be people or no it's it's you know what i mean it's just like yeah like something could be in there it's like a guy with a rat on it two rats on his shoulders on ninth uh eighth avenue and like 50th street and that's very eighth avenue and 50th street

they were dyed pink oh that's cute shut up big new york city rats big rats that are his pets and i wouldn't have even noticed it except for I saw some guy walk over to him kind of like cautiously. And I heard him say, are those rats? He was like, why yes? And the guy said,

yeah, they're rats. Serving rats. Michael, for Drama Desk, you should have two rats perched on your shoulder. And be like, I saw this on 8th Avenue and 50th Street. Our next presenter is Laura Bell Bundy.

And one of the rats. I don't want you to tease your looks at all. What do you have? What do you have? Like, what goes into hosting? Is there any extravagance that's going to be happening? Well,

I'm so glad you asked. I, so every year I've done, I've started the show with like a movie uh you know very very crystal of you yes yes like you know like like um like like you do at award shows but um at the drama desk is is you know it's not certainly no tony awards but hey that's okay it's not on tv and there's no real budget you can stream it you can stream it you can stream it on Theater Mania.

Very good. Theater Mania. But they're always like, and we have performances from shows, but it's really more like a concert. You know, we don't have set changes and things like that. It's really more like a concert. So, you know, they're always like, what do you want to sing? You want to sing something? And I'm not a singer.

And they're like, well, what about like a monologue or like what kind of thing could you do? And I'm like, this is a show for people who make theater. We're not going to impress them with anything, with anything on the stage. The only thing that we can impress them with is if we do it better. You know, like there's no way I'm going to do anything on this stage with one day of rehearsal better than they have with their show that they've spent five years on to put up. So it just doesn't make any sense that I would ever sing or perform in front of this audience. So I asked to do this movie. I asked to open with a movie because I thought it doesn't have to be that good

to impress them because it's a movie. And so we're going to do that again. We're trying to figure out what it's going to be. The first year it was me on a city bike biking through the theater district and and i'm biking by like all the theaters and the not and different nominees and it was crazy i saw all these people jesse tyler ferguson and daniel brooks and chris fitzgerald oh fun um uh georgia engel i biked my oh my god in the lobby at the signature theater and i I circled her. That's amazing. On a city bike.

It was so much fun. And then I go all the way downtown and I go by the labyrinth and I saw Daphne Rubin Vega and then I run into Mary Testa. Come on, Mary. Alice and Frasier in front of the public because they were nominated for a show at the public.

And they're all dressed up and they're like, aren't you hosting the Drama Desk Awards? And I'm like, yeah. And she's like, they're right now. We're late. And I'm like, oh my God.

That's fun though. And then I bike back past all the places. And then you came in from the back? And then I came in from this, we couldn't figure that out.

So I came, you see me, then you see me backstage at Town Hall. And I come all the way through Midtown. I'm right back into it and near backs back and forth backstage at town hall and then i came out onto the stage and then last year i was like running around the theater district not running into people but but just talking about the shows and i get hit by um it was going to be

a bus but then somebody ran over somebody in times Square. So we had to change it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it became, oh, this giant sign. There's a shot of Times Square, and you see them putting up a sign of me doing the Drama Desk Awards. And then later, I'm running around Times Square, and the sign has detached and swings through and hits me. That's fun. And then I wake up, and I've been in a coma,

and I wake up, and I don't know who i am and judith light plays my doctor wonderful and danny devito plays my agent and um a-list talent and then and then george takei is there and i'm like who are you supposed to be and he's like i'm george takei so stupid and then they're like you gotta host the drama desk awards here tonight oh man and then George Takei was like I'll get you there and he pushes me

through like on in a wheelchair and then he pushed me he was there live on the night George Takei sweet George Takei

George was in on the bet so I don't know what this year will be well there's time I think Matt you and I let's pitch something right now

yeah let's hear it. Okay, Michael, you're a Today Tix sort of ambassador. You're waiting outside the theater with an envelope. Yeah. You're like, I'm waiting for... And then you look down at your iPad and it's who? Matthew Morrison, honey. Matthew Morrison.

And he says, hey, I think that's for me. And you say, I don't know who you are and he says let me tell you who i am and he does a whole number about how he's matthew morrison and the whole number is just a list of his credits yes and you say get the hell out of here you're not hosting i am michael yuri and then matthew mor's like. And then he's like. Oh my God. They're driving us to a traffic order right now. And then.

And then how do I get there? You walk in. You walk. This fall on Bravo. It's time to turn up. Think you've seen it all? I don't think you've been a good friend to me lately. We're friends like that.

Who needs enemies? You ain't seen nothing yet. Cheers to being Germanic. With the Real Housewives of Potomac. Oh my gosh. Can I take this in? It's going to be amazing. New York City. Everyone is With the Real Housewives of Potomac. Oh my gosh, can I take this in? It's going to be amazing. New York City. Everyone is a gossip.

No one gets a happier life. Salt Lake City. We don't wear costumes, we wear fashion. And below deck sailing out. You broke the rules and now you're here getting upset. Watch all new seasons on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. Let's have a real good time. I'm Julian Edelman.

I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude. You're a dude. And Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past.

And we're just going to sit here and talk about them. And we'll get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, Gronk? We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes dudes. We got dogs. Dogs.

We'll break down their games. We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dudes dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations.

I was a desperate delusional dreamer and the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine. I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything but me. It took years for me to break that, like years of work. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez.

Elian, Elian. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that

your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Piece, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Because little do we know, we're in front of the theater. And everyone's like, excuse me, I'm Michael Uriah, I'm hosting hosting and then i'm wearing the today today ticks right right right and then it's a whole today look look take it or leave it take it or leave it it's leave it i'll take it no i'll take

it i'll take it take it take it i'm committed that's what we're gonna do you know it's a first pass it's a first pass look i i understand that proxy of you being here, we are hired to write for the show. So let us continue to think of more ideas. You get one day of rehearsal for that? Well, you know, we're only in the theater for one day, you know. And, you know, if you really want to do something that is funny and works, you don't want to just, like, throw it up.

You only have one try to do it. Anything that, like, has a margin of error where it it might not work i don't think it's worth doing thank you for this i mean i you know that's not the case you know right doing h's a week sure but like when it's one night yeah you got to get it right what's the crowd like they're awesome are they awesome they're awesome they're not like the other people? No, no. They're really, really awesome. But they're ahead of you from the beginning because they're very clever people. So that's why you can't really – it's not like putting on a play. It has to be putting on an award show.

Different art form. Yeah. Totally different art form. It is. Especially rule of culture number 72. Award shows Totally different art form. It is. Especially rule of culture number 72. Award shows, different art form than a play. 17 was Mary Testa, right? Yes.

Good memory. We don't remember anything we say after we say it. I butchered the inflection. I called her Marie Testa. You did say Marie. My memory failed me. I actually thought it was Murray. You said Murray Testa.

Murray Testa. Coming to the stage. But Mary Testa was in The Government Inspector, the play I did last summer. What was she like? She's, I gotta tell you, she was in the first off-Broadway show I ever saw, A New Brain at Lincoln Center in 1999.

Yes, I remember it well. And she was, did you see it? No, the year. The year of our Lord. The year of our Lord. It was the year of our Lord. And it was Malcolm Goetz and Chip Zion and Kristen Chenoweth and Norm Lewis and Mary Testa and Penny Fuller.

And it was a crazy cast. Oh my God, that's amazing. And it was my first Off-Broadway show. We saw it at the Mitzi Newhouse downstairs at Lincoln Center. And it was my first off probably show we saw at the Mitzi Newhouse downstairs at Lincoln Center and it was totally brilliant so

wow so and then Mary Testa was in Xanadu and then I saw her I've seen her and a ton of other things and and I guess I got to know her

well and then when I got to know her through the through this video we made two years ago I was nervous because she's yeah that's a gag.

And she's like... She could be... You never know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She plays tough characters. She sure does. And she's just... She loves the work and she loves to laugh and she loves actors.

And she is so imaginative. And in The Government Inspector inspector she was so clever and she had such good ideas and was totally brilliant and has won an award already for it I can't remember the name of the award

Actors Equity Award and she she would say things like she was like I have this idea and I don't know what it is and she would like sort of explain it to you

and she's like I don't know but usually when I have ideas like that they work it was like the way she had the idea my instincts are perfect sometimes i sometimes i have ideas that are brilliant yeah oh my god and and she had one this is remember when um so she played the mayor's wife and i played this guy who comes in and like screws up the town and then leaves. And Michael McGraw played the mayor and she played the mayor's wife.

And remember when Melania kept slapping away Trump's hand? Yes. Yes. So she had this idea that we would put that into the show. And there's this part where I'm like saying goodbye. And it's very silly play and very funny. And I'm saying goodbye and we're all looking out, standing very still. And she's like,

I think if, if we hold for a second and I re and he reaches for my hand and I smack it, it will seem like Melania and Trump and it killed. I mean, yeah. Stop the show for about a week. And then it got old because that chaos dumpster fire of a presidency, you know, it just moves on. You can't really hold a turnover, to be honest with you.

Yeah. I mean, it's interesting. But while it was relevant, it was probably the best joke in the show. Yeah. But that's so fucked up that the turnover rate is just literally a week before there's a collective amnesia. It's a couple days now. And people are just like, what? Oh, I

that happened? Think about the news cycle just today, right? Like, finding out what's going down, that they were looking for Access Hollywood specific stuff when they were raiding him. The shit with Paul Ryan now saying he's gonna, like, retire. Like, this will be not a, this will all be, no one will care in

three days. Yeah. It's will care in three days yeah it's it's a it's a three it's a three day yeah everyday news cycle yeah crazy crazy crazy um i want to wait hold on wait because while you're talking about mary testa and strong theatrical women i thought of something else which is and this would be the true gag which is that Patti LuPone played your mother on Ugly Betty okay explain this what's the day

like where you know that Patti is gonna come well first of all can I just tell you that other people that they talked about the list she was always on the list I never i don't know who they went to and when but but like when the idea that i was gonna have a mother came up i was like who is gonna play it he's like well the list is spill all to you and it was like kathy bates

oh my gosh and then it was patty lapone and at one point there was Jane Curtin. Tyne Daly. I mean, that would have made sense. But, but I, I mean, I just remember being like, I am the luckiest guy.

Cause it was like when the show was really popular. And so we, we really could get, I mean, it was like that. I mean, when I was a kid watching sitcoms, which is what I did,

you know, I watched a lot of sitcoms when I was a kid. The mothers was always interesting. It was always interesting. Like, oh, my God, Carol Burnett plays Helen Hunt's mother on Mad About You. And like those relationships were always so fun to see who comes, you know, Debbie Reynolds playing Deborah Messing's mother on Will and Grace. Like, oh, this is so on Will and Grace and all the parents

on Seinfeld it was just so funny who would end up it was always so interesting or could be a misfire why is Marlo Thomas playing the mother suddenly it doesn't make sense anymore and so I was so excited

and the three names that came my way were just so crazy. But anyway, Patti LuPone, of course, was a really good get. And she was so cool and so imaginative and fun and a pro. And we were really good on that set because we we all got along really really well the whole cast of that show and we also loved actors and so when guest stars would come on we knew we knew how to treat them yeah yeah to make them you know have have a good time on and off camera we knew like we knew we knew how to like showcase them and also, you know,

celebrate them and, and shoot. And, you know, we would watch videos of her. We were like, Patty, remember when you did this? And it was so, and we all loved her. And then, and then when she did Gypsy, I think when she did Gypsy at, before she did it on Broadway, she did it at Encores. And I think we, like some of us flew in for it. We, because we were at that time we were shooting in LA.

Right. And we all flew in for it because we, we loved her so much. Yeah. And, and, and, and I don't know if you saw the episode,

but at the end, it has an unhappy ending. She finds out I'm gay. I was in the closet and she finds out I'm gay and she leaves. Wow. And she leaves. Wow. And she never came back. Which is the character never got resolution. Never got resolution.

Wow. Which is like, which is pretty bold for a show. Well, way back then. Yeah, no, for sure.

That was over 10 years ago now. Right. And that, that we were telling that story then, I mean, on a show like that, I guess more like on a show like, because I guess, you know,

sad gay people stories was nothing new at that point. But on a show like that, where everything got resolved. Yeah, that was kind of like a happy, positive show. I mean, it was soapy, but that was just by nature of like where it came from. But I remember always being pretty upbeat. Yeah, it was silly.

It was whimsical. Yeah, I was a fan of it i mean and then i because i have actually from a young young age like always felt like i think this is inherent in every gay man like just to pull towards vanessa williams that i can't describe right right but like and it's so funny because whenever the children have forgotten about Vanessa Williams, she comes back in. She does. She does. She stays in the consciousness.

Like when she came back and was on Desperate Housewives and was like, there's a new housewife in town. I was like, yes! Yeah, 100%. She was just guest judging on RuPaul's Drag Race, which you also have in common with her. Yes. We have to know about that.

That is a really cool thing. Yes! Goals, as the kids say. And I was, it was Snatch Game. You were. That's what I was on. And it was Max. Season seven Snatch Game. It was Max sort of undoing her corset

and just sort of singing a little bit. Very good memory, yes, that's right. And it was, what's her name, as little Richard. Kennedy Davenport. Kennedy Davenport as Little Richard. And Adele and Katya was Suzy Orman. Such a good episode.

It was such a good episode. Take us through when you're, because you were actually doing the Snatch Game. You were one of the- I was one of the contestants. You were a contestant on Snatch Game and then you went and guest judged so so what happens when there's two days okay i was there for two days yes yeah okay sorry what was your question no no no take us through it i was there for two days and the first day was snatch game and rue is dressed as paul

you know is dressed as a man that day and and and had, well, I don't want to spoil too much, but like. Rue's dressed as Paul. No, spill the tea. Rue is Paul. Rue's dressed as a boy. Yeah. As, you know, not in drag. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right. But I just like the way that you phrase that. He was RuPaul Charles. Ru was dressed as Paul. And not RuPaul supermodel of the world. Yeah, yeah. And they're all, and they're real, there's like the energy. Oh my God.

Obviously what you see is this cut version. Yeah. And the energy in the room was everyone's doing this character at the same time. Yeah. They're doing their characters at the same time. So there's so much craziness happening. Like if you just watch, you know, they're all in character all the time. Except for that, at that moment when Max.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Stopped. Stopped. That was the only time when anybody like broke character. Well, I got to ask. From the moment I walked in. Wow. I think I walked.

I think they were there and then they brought me in. And so I walked around the corner and suddenly there's all these, these queens in like their own little world. You're in the Snatch Game. Oh my god. And they were so funny and so brilliant. And then sometimes not. Because they were riffing.

It's not like a real match game where you got writers. They don't have writers. They were improvising. Well, that moment where Max sort of... because I'm talking about like on the runway. Yes, that was on the runway. That's right, that's right, that's right.

But even then, like, was that a moment that was just like, oh, like the producer sort of snuck this moment in that was supposed to be off? Or was that just like truly a bizarre moment where everyone's like, what's going on? It was a bizarre moment where everyone was like, what's going on? It was like, I mean, where I'm like looking at people and.

We love Max, by the way. Oh, yeah. Max is great. I mean, it was shocking because. That's right. It was on the runway. Yeah, it was on the runway later. But it was shocking because Max had been so kind of like stoic and strong the whole time.

And then to see that was like truly bizarre. And you could tell they didn't know how to edit it either. They were like, this weird thing happened. Yeah. I guess I'll react to it. And what was weird was that Max wouldn't really say anything it wasn't like it wasn't so it wasn't like max was trying to steal the moment which would have been interesting right it was like max was just i think max really was sick or something or didn't eat or you know i mean

he's so skinny he probably just hadn't eaten so you're there the first day to watch the snatch game and the other guest judge is tamar yeah tamar braxton come on yeah all right so that's very cool that's a whole thing in and of itself but okay so then you go back the second day and that's when you see rupaul as oh in her glory yes yeah yes what is that like well it's you know i mean there's not really a reveal like i like there she is you know it's again you walk in there's like there's a reveal on tv but in the show when you're taping it there's no yeah right you just walk in and it's like oh there she is and she's 10 feet tall yeah and the first thing i think we did was take a photo together on the runway. And she was just like stilted there. Oh, my God.

Here I am. Yeah. And she was a big fan of bright colors and bold patterns. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was so cool about that. And she also came to see, she's come to see everything. She came to see Torch Song. She came to see Government Inspector.

She came to see Byron Seller. And she was on Ugly Betty. So I've met her many times. And I'm always like... Yeah, it's Rue. It's Rue, baby. But she's super cool. And always has something interesting to say.

And all the jokes about me that day were about Barbra Streisand and uh you know byron sellers yes yes um but it's you know that that we you take a you take your photo and then you do your runway we all had our own walk and then and then they start bringing them out for the for the for the and and and and rue this is like i I also did Project Runway. And, you know, like the hosts have somebody in their ear. Yeah. And I hosted something once where I had somebody in my ear.

So sometimes you'll see them like, uh-huh, yeah, okay, okay, right, right. And they're getting, you know, and they're learning what's happening right then. Yeah. And they're sequestered. I mean, on those shows, they're still sequestered. And they're not allowed to have phones. And they have to live in yeah it's it's crazy especially at that point it was already in full swing like it was already like the beast of a show that it was in fact that was that season seven was the first year that they were like really taking a lot of social media uh influential queens on and that was like a big that was like almost a turning point that was the first year of like the instagram queen as a concept yeah well miss fame was big and the the it's on it's

they shoot on a soundstage soundstage and they have two or three stages and one of them has the runway right and then the other one has the workroom and it's a set yeah on a stage right so crazy it's probably as insane to see that and you you know i didn't go in the room but they have these two-way mirrors all the mirrors are two-way mirrors and you can go back there oh my god because that's how they shoot that's how they shoot yeah that's how they shoot in and so you go back there and the queens are looking right at you doing lip gloss or whatever and you know you can't stand right up against them but they're like just stand back and they have no idea you're there

and there's no ceiling so you can hear them oh god it's just an open room with like walls it's crazy it was that was the most exciting thing for me was like just being a fly on the wall sure watching and seeing how like the sausage gets made yeah totally so but second hamilton reference there you go um so you are you a big fan of the show to this day yeah i i don't i'm not great i i i you can't don't quiz me but no don't that wasn't gonna be a big part of the show as it was gonna be a test because i i i have been lax but uh but i do love the show and i and i did love i mean i love shangela yeah shangela and we did you know shangela drew and i did

cocktails and classics together so we like i love shangela all the time yes just shangela's amazing not just on the show yeah i actually thought everyone was so surprised she came back and was what she was i'm like you guys have have not been watching because she has been out there doing it, getting... She works hard and is very talented. Oh, yeah. I mean, if she's not the peak version of herself, then she's damn near close. And she's worked so hard to get there. Totally.

Yeah, she's amazing. And she books, baby. Books. She books. She books. She books all those todrick hall projects she books let me tell you this time this new todrick hall movie looks good oh there's a todrick hall movie there's like a youtube he makes like a youtube music video movies kind of like similar

to like beyonce yes right yeah there's a song called dem beats i've seen that one which is him and RuPaul just go YouTube Dem Beats there's a fun glamorous Asian boy with a fan who dances on the bar he gets on that bar top and I aspire to that wait can we talk about you brought up Patty as being

this mother or just the concept of a character's parents which of course made me think about Mercedes Miss Mercedes and Torch Song talk about Torch Song there's probably no huge changes

but like is Moises still involved? Moises Kaufman? Moises Kaufman's still the director. It's gonna be basically the same production only I think maybe a little deeper a little enhanced but I imagine it's gonna be basically the same production great only i think maybe a little deeper a little enhanced uh but i imagine they'll be pretty much the same to fill the helen hayes to fill the helen hayes a little all that actually the theater at the helen hayes is the stage is smaller right than its second stage and i think the room is actually smaller because

the second stage it's a 30 seat theater but there's all this space like on the sides and in the front and the back so the room itself is like a big warehouse that they put a theater in

yeah Helen Hayes is like the Helen Hayes is it is narrow actually now that I think of it yes very small but still a nice space that's why it was called the little theater

the little theater that's why it was called the little theater oh my god you I think you said in your interview that it's hard to play Arnold without going into like the Harvey register. I feel like, I don't know.

Is that like a truly like a temptation or is that just- Not really. Okay. I mean, you know, it's easy to hear it. Right. But that's actually a good thing because, you know, like it's sort of like,'s i mean i i never saw harvey do it and i and i and and i might have i may have seen the movie but i didn't watch it

because i just thought it yeah why watch it and also he's he's so there i mean i know harvey and i know his work well enough and i now know him well enough to know the spirit of what arnold was for him and and that is extremely informative yeah for me um to know that so so uh because i because there's always something to like lean lean on in a good way not in a not in a not like as a crutch right totally um i don't think but um harvey harvey's your crutch i don't but it would be foolish not to, I think. It would be foolish to try to not honor him and his performance. He wrote it.

But there's no way I could be like him. And also, what's interesting, one of the things that I think that our producer pointed out is that the Arnold that audiences needed in 1982 is different than the Arnold audiences need now. And, and especially when it comes to the mother son relationship, because she, what she says to,

you know, she doesn't approve of the lifestyle. And what she says to him is, um, the lifestyle and what she says to him is um so upsetting to hear now to our audiences the things she said you know the things she says like yeah like we made a nice girl one day and yeah even yes that and and like uh if i'd known i wouldn't have bothered to have you i mean she says some pretty harsh things and she loves him. Of course.

It's like, and she loves him. So it's like, and the audience gasps every night. Yeah. And back in the day, they didn't. Right, right. But I think they're gasping because they think this is something that can't possibly happen anymore.

But it's so present in so many people's lives. Oh, sure. I mean sure i mean yeah sure that's that's the other thing it's like this is still important oh absolutely and they may gasp in new york city right but my my mom you don't know my mom would watch that and be like elsewhere who knows yeah that yeah that's right i liked what she said right anyway i cannot wait to see it because we actually there was a period where we had I think

three or four guests come in well Drew was one of them well Drew was one of them yes but even after that they all came in they were like

just saw a torch song incredible just saw a torch song you must just saw a torch song I wanted to light myself on fire with joy afterwards it was just like

repeated praise we cannot wait to see it yeah that's nice I can't wait I read it yeah that's nice um i can't wait i i read it back in high school and i was like this is this feels i feel like i'm i'm not advanced enough for this oh that's so interesting right i had that feeling too right yeah especially that scene i don't know if you remember the scene where he goes into the back room yes yes yes and

international stud in the international study he goes into the back room and experiences what happens in the back room of a bar like that what does happen for the young kids who listen michael show matt show me what happens um and then you can audio describe it yes yes um and but it's uh uh when i read that scene it's done without another actor so it's very it's very well described in the play in in in the script and i remember reading that and knowing exactly what was going on and being like this is yeah yeah this is this is adult it was a wild play i felt the same way that i felt when i like discovered like tom of finland you know what i mean it's like this is this is a lot in In a great way. Tom of Finland?

You don't know Tom of Finland? They're making a whole documentary. I think they're making some documentary. He's that Finnish artist who drew cartoonishly masculine, muscular gay men. Oh, okay. You've seen them. You've seen them. I'm sure I've seen them.

Yeah. They're like really bulky. Bulky dudes. Right up your alley. It's like, think Long Island, like biker you know love it yeah one time and but here's a real story from english class i was in ap composition and um we were reading um streetcar named desire yes and on the front of streetcar named desire is like marlin looking all sexy yeah and my ap teacher was like what do you think of this picture and i was like what and she was like what do you think the picture is supposed to make you feel

and i was like i didn't know if i was being confronted like about my sexuality and i was like uh uh uh and she was, really just like asking like, like something question about the male form or like how it was like supposed to be like, like aspirational or something. But it was so blurred line that now looking back, I'm like, what the fuck was that?

Wow. You know what I mean? Really? And she also told our whole class, Oh, everyone comes out in college. Everyone will come out. You guys will all come out in college.

This is in Long Island. And we were all like, of course it was. I mean, like, it was just so, it was every day was like an affront. Oh, well, she was saying that. That was played for laughs, though, the way she said that.

All of you will come out. All of you will come out. She was like, everyone comes out in college. Just you wait. Everyone look around. That's funny. And everyone looked at me like,

oh. Matt Rogers. Headed to NYU in the fall oh i remember i got into nyu and i was so excited because i was like oh yes i can be gay and then this girl that i went to high school with also got in and i was like well never mind can't she'll come back and tell everyone that's how like i mean you grew up in tex. Come on. Yeah, but I had an older sister who was gay. Oh, okay. So it was a lot easier for me. But when did you graduate from high school? 2008, I graduated from high school.

Stop it! My mouth. Barfing? I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Stop it! Because I was thinking, if a teacher had said that in my high school, in my day, if a teacher had said that, that would have been very scandalous. Yeah, I think we were all thinking we were all being very liberal in the moment. But yeah, it was like, I don't know.

Long Island is a little bit, it's very conservative. Right. People don't really get that. I mean, they think it's New York, it's a blue state, but it's conservative. Well, Staten Island went red. Yes, it did. I know that's not the same thing. No, it's a blue state, but it's conservative. Well, Staten Island went red. Yes, it did. I know that's not the same thing. No, it's not the same thing, but like the attitude is, I mean, I would imagine

that like... It's analogous. Okay, baby. SAT word. Thank you. My AP Com teacher would have loved you. Oh my god. I said analogous. He said analogous. I did get a 5 on the AP contest. Good for you.

And a hundred on the Regents. Good. Five out of what? Thank you. Five. Five out of five, baby. Imagine I was like, I got a five out of a hundred. I'm really dumb, aggressively so.

Drag about it. I'm analogous. But yes, no. Listen, we've all come a long way since high school yeah wow we're all here just gaying it up on this pod well I went to such a big high school that like there weren't really

bullies in my high school because there were so many people you couldn't really you know like you would stay in your little groups it wasn't an everyone knows everyone situation unfortunately there were bullies in middle school but by the time I got to high school there were no real in your little groups. It wasn't an everyone knows everyone situation. Unfortunately, I was. There were bullies in middle school,

but by the time I got to high school, there were no real bullies. So I really just hung out with people from theater and band. The freaks, the weirdos, the geeks. Did you play in bands? I played in the band in middle school and then in ninth and 10th grade.

And then where I'm from, there's a ninth and 10th grade school and then there's an 11th and 12th grade school, which is senior high school. Oh, jeez. The senior seniors. And everything is much more serious, and I had to make a choice,

and I chose theater. Good for you. What instrument were you blowing before the decision? French horn. French horn! My sister played French horn. She was so cute. People who played French horn,

I love them. It's a really hard instrument. It is. Yeah, it's all you know twirled up. Yeah, yeah. If you unrolled it, it would be like three miles long. 300 miles long. It would be so long.

Originally I was a trumpet player and I was not very good at the trumpet and they needed people to play French horn so they asked me to. And you filled in that. But I was so bad at it. I was really bad but I really liked it. I loved playing. I loved being in marching band especially. Oh good for you. I played the clarinet. I was a trumpet boy for like a second in middle school and then our band teacher in middle school followed us to high school and then he was on Grindr when I

went home one Thanksgiving and I was like hi mr k no you didn't say hi to him on grinder hi and just in a very casual like oh my god i'm way oh and he's doing great it was just it was a very fun like the conversation progress no no no no mr k is doing great now i won't use this say his full name but it was I think you did it earlier. Mr. K? Oh. I'm just Mr. We'll go back in the edit and make sure we didn't out a music teacher. His initial name, K.

That's really interesting because I had a band teacher. Huh? Wait, can we say this? No, Michael, you don't have to say anything. No, say it. He was gonna say it. Say it, say it. Well, I won't say his name. Don't say his name, but say everything else. I had a band teacher reach out to me recently. He was my band teacher for one year only and I it he was gonna say it we say it say it well i won't say his name don't say his name but say everything else band teacher reached out to me recently he was my band teacher for one year only and i thought he was very nice but i haven't thought about him in 20 years really oh my god um i thought it was very nice and a very nice teacher um and he he found me on twitter

and he said i'm coming to see torch song and bright colors and bold patterns and i was like he gay lovely unless he not gay and then he just thinks he's coming out we talked and we met and we talked and he gay i well i looked i looked i was like well what else does he do on twitter and it's all drag race he likes oh i love that and uh you know so he's on twitter as himself so like sure so he's out and on which is also like you know that you know that he could because i i there were teachers that i knew that i that were gay and you couldn't be gay right um because they might then it's a whole controversy about why is that gay person teaching my kid oh that's fun that's a fun character i'm gonna rock this character up why is that gay person teaching my kid flute love it my kid's gonna learn flute from a straight man.

I can just, I can picture. What do I look like? The gout that you have. That's lovely. Wait, okay. Not really. I pictured myself as really hot as that character. Oh, really?

Like stunning. But a guy? Yeah. Hey. That was a guy? Looking like Dermot Mulroney, honey. I see it. Looking like Miss Dermot. Oh my God, like Dermot Mulroney honey I see it looking like Miss Dermot

oh my god Miss Dermot but like in in denim yeah all denim yeah acid wash

acid wash head to toe maybe a white beater and a denim jacket yes but looking Dermot in the face and a mullet

and a mullet fun I don't know why was the hottest person I could think of Dermot Mulroney? I guess it checks out. Yeah. He's up there.

He's pretty hot. You look kind of like him. I see. Really? You think? Oh my God. Kind of. Kind of.

Yeah. I see it. I'll take it. The strong nose. The strong brow. I can see one of those face match apps you getting him. I would love to get that. When I was in high school.

Who do you get? When I was in high school. Robert Pattinson. I got Robert Pattinson. Oh, I see that. Back when he was like all over the place and we were doing

our hair the same way I used to get him all the time he was doing it like you right right right he saw me at my busboy job at a crab shack

one time and was like I think that's the way I'm gonna do my hair I think that's what's gonna catch on with the teen girls yes

he's all sparkly yeah who do you get I don't's all sparkly who do you get I don't get anybody you get no one I was leading you into an answer I truly don't have one

normally I would just fill in the blank I don't have one somebody said Zachary Quinto to me one time and I really liked that I really appreciated that the eyebrows I see it. Who do you get? I mean, yourself. Whatever.

Who do you get? Are you Michael Urie? People have said that. People have been like, you look like that guy from Ugly Betty. And I'm like, I don't look like that guy. I'm like, no, you're way too old. No, I don't care. But, yeah, people have said that.

Do you get any other celebs i'm trying to think i can't remember i used to i mean i feel like i used to get oh jc shazay jc shazay oh he's hot that's a fun one from instinct he was very on this side i have a totally asymmetrical face so on one side I'm a leading man but on the other side I'm a character Mr. Character oh

I love that so he walks into a room in Newcastle office hi how are you like only showing one side of the face for the part exactly

depending on what I need depending on the needs of the character oh my god a versed face yeah you know who you remind me of in energy

I don't know if you know this person, but you do. He reminds me of Lee Overtree. Lee Overtree? Do you know Lee Overtree? I don't know Lee Overtree. Oh, he wrote the musical Found. Oh, yeah. You remind me of, he's a good friend of ours, and you remind me of him. It's a very good compliment. Oh, good. It's a very good compliment.

Yes. Matt loves Lee. I love Lee, too. We both love Lee. It reminds you in energy, like as opposed to you look like this person, you remind me. I love Lee too. We both love Lee. We both love Lee. It reminds you of an energy, as opposed to you look like this person, you remind me of this person. Right. That's a whole... Have you ever played the game Essences?

No. Okay, so Essences is a really fun game where basically you... Explain it. You pick a person that you all know, and then you say, okay, got it. And then you say, okay, if this person were a type of color, what color are they? And you say, this person is red.

And then they go, okay. And then they have two more guesses, and they have two more things they can ask, and then they have to guess. It's fun. It's a fun little game. It's a fun game. So someone in essence is different than someone like looking. Oh, so you think of the person and then.

Other people try to guess. Here, let's play right now with celebrities. All right. All right. All right. I'm going to make it an easy one. Okay. I have my person.

If this person were a franchise, like a movie. Like a film franchise? I'm going to say Star Wars. Oh, wow. Okay. If this person were a deli sandwich I'm gonna say

this person would be like a really like Reuben sandwich on Italian bread like with the works oh my god

Mary Testa no but that's actually really close Jackie Hoffman think big celebrity okay Patti LuPone bigger

and yes I said that. I went there haunting. Okay. Okay. We have another question. You have another question. What you just asked was great.

You get another one. The Reuben on Italian? Yeah. I'm saying you asked, that was a great deli. Deli sandwich was great. That's a really good one. And Star Wars. That means, I mean, I feel like it's a big, big star.

Big, huge star. The biggest. Yeah. And an Italian. Okay. I biggest. Yeah. And an Italian. Okay. I think. Okay. If I was.

If I was. If you were. Oh, no. I'm sorry. If she were. Or he were. If this person were. If this person were.

A. If this person were. A way to die. Oh. What would it be? A means of death. If this person were a way to die. what would it be? A means of death. If this person were a way to die, it would be on national television. What?

They would jump off a cruise liner. Oh, my God. And they would belt a note as they were. Is it Lady Gaga? No. Is it Cher? Yeah! Oh, my God!

It is Cher! Wow. share wow wonderful wonderful that was pretty good right that's pretty good that's pretty good it's cathartic we used to play a game called we called von heusen my friends made it up and you take a you use a deck

of cards and you lick the back and stick it to your forehead and then you ask those kind of qualitative questions right right right figure out what yeah to find one yeah and one time somebody had like a nine and and and they said i'm and then you ask those kind of qualitative questions to figure out what. That's a fun one. Yeah.

And one time somebody had like a nine and they said, I'm a clothing line. And they're like, you're Von Heusen. And that's how the name stuck. Von Heusen. Von Heusen. Gorgeous. They're not even one of our sponsors.

No, we have new sponsors. Well, your sponsors are all kings, I'm sure. And queens. And queens. Should we move on, I'm sure. Uh-huh, uh-huh. And queens. And queens. Should we move on? I think it's time to move on to, we have a new segment. Okay. I don't know if you know this, but this segment is called

Voice Memo You, Bitch! Where a favorite friend of the podcast will send in a voice memo and, you know, spill a little tea, say hi, drop in, check in. Spin a little tail. And it looks like our person who sent in the memo misunderstood the assignment a little bit. So our friend Patty Harrison, you know, former guest,

great comedian. Yeah, great comedian. She sent us a memo, but then she immediately said, oh shit, that wasn't meant for you guys, That was for someone else. And we were told not to play it, but we are going to play it. We have to play it.

So this is from Patty Harrison. And again, this was not meant for us, but we will play it anyway. I think we go. Hey, Mom. I just wanted to call. Oh, sorry. And leave you a voicemail.

I wanted to say that I miss you. And I'm sorry I haven't called recently. I've been really busy with work and the day-to-day stuff. I don't want to bore you, I guess. You know, I I know people think I'm weird and but I don't I don't know. I don't care.

I I wish I could hear your voice again. In person instead of having to hear it through your voicemail message it's been six months since you've died and hearing your voice on your voicemail is all i really have left oh and i don't know okay hold on let's keep playing

i know people think i'm crazy for leaving you this voicemail, but sometimes it helps. Sometimes it helps me feel not so crazy. I never thought I'd lose you. This is so sad. Wow, this is, I'm sorry. This is so hard. I can't keep

leaving your, leaving voicemails in your mailbox because it's gonna get full soon but i just i wanted to know if you had the 17 dollars that you borrowed from me before you passed and if there's any way that i could get that back i I don't think she's going to get that back. She doesn't understand how death works. I miss you so much. And your passing rocked my world and shook me to my core. Also, I really need that $17 I gave you. You know, when you asked me to borrow $17 to get contact solution,

I remember at first I said no because I didn't think you were going to give it back. And also that you were terminally ill and that I kind of predicted that you would die before you could pay me back. Oh, no.

But I gave it to you anyways because I had hope. I had hope that you would get better even though I knew it wasn't going to happen. And sadly, I was right. Oh, Patty. So, and I guess I've never

got that $17 back. I don't think she's going to get it back. But I did make a Venmo request, so if you can open that up from wherever you are. She's dead, bitch. Venmo's not This is your She's a dumb bitch.

I failed the payment. That'd be great. I myself need contact solution. She needs contact solution. Because my contacts are getting pretty dirty. I know. After you left, I'm having a real hard time taking care of myself. I'm a mess. I've been dunking my contacts in my own hot little ass.

Hot little ass? And really get them all wet that way. Oh, I don't know about this. But it's making them dirty, weirdly enough. It's making them dirtier. Good mom is hearing this. And then once I put my contacts back in my eyes, That is when things go bad, I guess. Why doesn't she get the bottle from mom? I've got an infection.

Right. You're so right. In both of my eyes. So I've got two infections. Two infections. Wow. And that's mainly because, you know, some would say that's mainly because I've been putting contacts in my asshole and then putting them directly into my eyes.

Wow, mainly. But I think it's because I had a mom who fell through on a favor. Oh. I don't want to be petty. I know people already think I'm crazy. I'm standing here in line at Teavana having this conversation with you and everyone's staring at me and pointing at me and my amazing tits

and my big fat ass and my little waist. So small, Mom. I'd be so proud it's gotten smaller since you died. I don't know. This is going a little long. I don't want to fill your voicemail box. I love you and I miss you every day

and I hope to join you soon. I love you and I miss you every day. And I hope to join you soon. I love you, mom. Wow, that was a voice memo from Patty Harrison. Patty's going through it. She is. She is, but you know what? I feel like all her problems are very fixable. I mean, I'm genuine.

I feel for her. I just don't know what the aim was there. Her mother is not going to give her the $17. Yeah. No, she's not getting that. No, she's not getting that. And Patty, if you need us to spot you, we're happy to give you that. We can give you the money, Patty. Wow. Okay. We wish you the best. Well, that's our voice memo, you bitch,

for this episode. Yes, thank you, Patty Harrison. Now let's close this out. We miss you, bitch. We miss you. Let's close this out. Let's do some I Don't Think So, Honey. Let's do some I Don't Think So, Honey. So this is the segment you all fucking fucking love which is where we take one minute to rail against something anything at all in culture that is bothering us it can be a pop cultural topic it can be you know oh my god you know what we didn't do we didn't ask michael the question what culture what what was the culture you right okay quickly what was it prepared oh my

god i'm so sorry okay no but ask the question again okay michael what was the culture that made you say culture is for me which means what was the piece what was the cultural relic for you it could be it could be a movie a book a play anything at all that made you think i'm going to move in a cultural direction in my life? That's a really interesting question. Thank you. I like it a lot. Thank you so much. I'm so glad you remembered to ask it.

It was the movie Batman. Oh, love it. In 1989. Yes. Michael Keaton. The year you were born? I was born right after. Right after the Keaton.

Actually, I was conceived during watching the Michael Keaton Batman oh my god so it was kind of a cultural turning point for you too absolutely

once my mom saw that jawline in that suit she said get me home I'm being Kim Basinger tonight okay

gorgeous I was born Batman the movie Batman I was nine years old and or eight I can't remember. But I saw it in the theater.

And I loved Batman because of the TV show with Adam West. Adam West. Cesar Romero as the Joker and Burgess Meredith as the Penguin and all that stuff. And the toys. I had the toys. And so I loved Batman

already. And so when the movie came out, I was very excited. And also my dad looked like Jack Nicholson. is the penguin and all that stuff and the toys i had the toys and so i love batman already and so when the movie came out i was very excited and also my dad looked like jack nicholson so it's all this stuff swirling around yeah there's a lot sounds like a lot of stuff and i love beetlejuice which had just come out yeah right before he did beetlejuice is a is a big one nice and so did you continue to like the batman tim bur and then the Joel Schumacher Batmans? Yes, the Tim Burton Batman Returns is excellent. So good. And Batman Forever is okay.

It's fine. Batman and Robin is a true disaster. But fine. But beautiful in its own right. It is. Come on. Okay. What do you mean? Like beautiful.

Wait, I'll tell you the gag of Batman and Robin. Alicia Silverstone's sleepy performance. Uncle Alfred! Her running out. Uncle Alfred! It's fun. She brought a little bit of Cher Horowitz. Oh, did she?

A little bit? Just a little. Miss Silverstone was doing Cher Horowitz a lot in the 90s. I love her. There was a moment in that movie where they're riding a motorcycle on a statue, and they jump from one statue to another statue on a motorcycle. A statue the size of a skyscraper. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. And that's not even in the top 10 things that are like, what the fuck's going on? What about the nipples on the suit? The nipples on the suit were in Forever, too, as well. They were in Forever? They were in Forever, as well. Ms. Kilmer?

With Ms. Kilmer, yeah. And Dr. Chase Meridian? Nicole! My first intro to Nicole. Really? As Dr. Chase Meridian. And Jim Carrey as the Riddler says, and what a grand pursuit you must be.

Ooh! I forgot about that. He's very good at that he's he actually is very good tommy lee jones is the speed bump in that movie he's a little uh out of control he's a little tommy lee jones ish tommy lee jones amped up isn't time i mean you want to be leaning back you gotta have him the fugitive at the fugitive i don't care yeah yeah tommy lee jones kind of sitting back in his own staunch in his truth yeah is what i want i don't want a comic book villain i don't want wow that's what you get jim carrey for totally and then thank god for aaron eckhart to ground that character do you remember the glamour yes the glamour of nicole kim and giving you the kind of Veronica Lake hair as Doctor?

Stunning. Stunning. I think that might have been a moment of culture for me, is looking at the VHS cover of the movie and seeing Nicole Kidman and being like, I'm her. You were her. I'm her, actually. What about Michelle Pfeiffer in Batman Returns?

I don't think I knew I was her yet. But I would become her later. But looking at Nicole, I was like think I knew I was her yet. I don't, but I would become her later. But, but looking at Nicole, I was like, oh, I'm, I'm her.

Wow. Wow. Very good. I don't know. We talked about this on another podcast the other day. I had like,

I had like a fixation on damsels in distresses. Damsels in distresses. Pearl, yeah. Damsels in distresses. I had a fixation on the damsel in distresses.

Okay. But I always wanted to be them and like especially when they looked like that like sure miss nicole was stunning and i remember i always wanted to be in a scenario where i was in one tube and someone else was in another tube someone had to make a choice and there was a releasing moment and someone had to make a choice yeah and they pick me i choose both because i am both yeah right gorgeous beautiful shakespearean it is shakespearean yes um but the first batman is was really the that's when i was like this is i want to i want to i want to think like this i want to and you know

but then that movie came out it was thought of as very dark yeah oh yeah and then the christopher nolan one came along and is actually quite dark. Right, right. And when you look back at the Batman with Michael Keaton, it's, I mean, Michael Keaton is serious. I guess it was because we knew Michael Keaton as a comedian and then he played Batman and he was very serious. I always forget that.

He was a comedian before that. He was in Mr. Mom and Beetlejuice and Gung Ho. Yeah, goofy stuff. Yeah. I always forget that goof. And then he did Batman, and he was like serious Batman Bruce Wayne. And so people thought it was dark. There needs to be a degree of humor, I think, in those movies.

Christopher Nolan ones, even those, there was something about them. There was some cheeky stuff in there. Like what? I don't know like remember the scene where like um uh christian bill is like talking to ann hathaway on the roof and then he turns around and she's gone and he goes that happens to me a lot or something like oh no he goes so that's what that feels like or um and i was in the audience like no just kidding yeah yeah no that that was a good joke i remember that that was it was i do think of my impression that was very good but there weren't in the first batman there weren't that many that meant beyond there

or whatever begins yeah it wasn't anything funny on that actually katie holmes they scripted that as a comedic performance. She just didn't nail it. Maggie Gyllenhaal goes for it in the second one. Hilarious comedic tour de force. She's like, she's like, he's like, I'm meeting the commissioner tonight. And he's like, she's like, oh, Jim Gordon. He's a friend actually. When that, when she blew up in that movie movie i gained so much respect for that movie

because that was like no other superhero movie would ever kill off the romantic exactly they would never dr chase meridian would never hit the rocks sure sure sure well that that was that's the same character katie holmes yes and meg so they replaced her and then they killed her exactly that's what they thought of that character that's then they killed her. That's what they thought of that character. That's what they thought of her. That's what they thought of her. And then they replaced her with her. And?

And then, of course, who was also in that movie was her, which is Miss Marion. Miss Marion. Who? Miss Marion Cotillard. Oh, right. Who did a, she actually shades that movie a lot in interviews. Do you want to know why? She goes, I gave them a lot of interviews do you want to know why why she goes

i gave them a lot of takes of me dying and they use the shittiest one like the way she dies in the movie is like like it's really shitty and she says in interviews like several interviews she's like yeah um i don't like to talk about that movie because the take they used of me dying is so fucking insane wow she says it i don't remember like poignant in french than i could ever could but like and then she was like and did the two towers in the twin towers actually she's famously a truther she's a 9-11 truther yeah um very funny what about the new batman oh and f like i i haven't seen. I haven't seen Justice League, haven't seen Batman v Superman. There's Justice League,

there's Batman v Superman, and there was oh no, that's it. Oh, Suicide Squad? Was he in that? He's in that for a minute. For a second. I don't know. I'm not a Ben Affleck fan. But I don't think Oh, that's fine. That's fine. It's my right to not be

a Ben Affleck fan. I don't have to be. You're right and you're And I'm right. It's my right to not be a Ben Affleck fan you're right and you're right it's my right and I'm right but the thing is we'll go see the movies because it is Batman and I enjoy the other people in the movies I love Miss Gall

she's so good and I did see Joel and I saw Justice League yes and we liked it but he is not he's not Batman he's not Batman

he's just not Batman you know what I like about the what they did in Justice League what not a lot but I but I did like

that Batman was old and yeah kept getting hurt fun I will tell you this he kept like being like you know yeah right he was I'm too old for this shit, guy.

Going through it. There's a scene in Justice League where him and Gal are down in the bunker and he's like, let's have a drink. And he pours himself a scotch and let me tell you, he brought himself to the part. He poured himself a quadruple honey. He's like, let's have a casual drink.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. His prop work is the most truthful thing he does. He poured himself a quadruple honey. He's like, let's have a casual drink. And I was like, oh my God. His prop work is the most truthful thing. It was fucking crazy. The size of the drink he poured himself. And he goes like, would you like a drink? And she's like, no. And you can tell there's a little bit of performance, which is like, oh God.

This guy's really diving in. But you know what I also like in that movie is Green Lantern. No, I'm sorry. The Flash. The Flash. Yeah. And also, he was hot. He's very cute.

Who plays that guy? Ezra Miller. Yes, Ezra. Super cute. Yes. And he's funny. And then Billy Crudup, who plays his dad, is so good. Give it to me.

Billy. Billy Crudup. Have you seen Harry Clark? I haven't seen Harry Clark. Billy Crudup and Harry Clark one man show playing at the Minetta Lane Theater oh no I've never seen him

on stage I've seen the posters it's very good I love him because he was in a movie about that I used to watch all the time

in high school about Steve Prefontaine The Runner yeah he was also in Big Fish which is a movie Big Fish Big Fish

he was in Big Fish I loved it and also Miss Marion Miss Marion Miss Marion Cotillard playing the French wife wait

wait wait wait what were you gonna say about Billy Mr. Billy Crudup was in a movie called Without Limits

which is a really good movie about Steve Prefontaine a famous distance runner and I ran track in high school so that was like you're like the Flash I'm a lot like the Flash

he is like the Flash yeah when you put lot like the Flash. He is like the Flash. Yeah. When you put me in the suit, my body looks exactly like that. Fun. In fact, I told them, stop using my body as inspiration for these superheroes. Guys, you know what? My celebrity doppelganger that's coming back to me is Billy Crudup. Oh, yeah.

I see it. I see it. I thought you were going to say Ezra Miller. No, it's Billy. It's more, it's like middle-aged Billy, like post, not even middle-aged. It's just like post-Almost Famous Billy. That's my doppelganger. Okay, let's do I Don't Think So, Honey.

Let's do I Don't Think So, Honey. So yet again, I'll explain. It's one minute where you take it to Rail Against Culture. That was like a disgusting conglomeration of words in a sentence. It's beautiful. You know what I Don't Think So, Honey is. So I have one. Do you want me to start this time?

I would love it if you started. Okay, do you want to, okay, go ahead and take my phone. Okay. Great. So this is Bowen Yang's I don't think so, honey, and it's time we'll start now. I don't think so, honey,

the Senate Judiciary Committee. These Zuckerberg hearings, or the one Zuckerberg hearing they had yesterday, was a fucking joke. Orrin Hatch hatch you're fucking busted you're an idiot he asked zuckerberg how do you expect to keep a to keep a platform that's free and then zuckerberg literally like his robot brain glitched out for a second and he was like will we run ads sir like how is how is congress supposed to hold the tech world accountable if

they don't understand how these products work? 30 seconds. Go off, queen. It's a joke, queen. Chuck Grassley, you're a fucking busted too. Slay. Your 25-year-old aide wrote you your opening remarks and you could barely read, honey. Go off, queen.

We're going to put you out. Go back to Iowa and you know what? 15. I want you to just blend in with the corn or whatever goes on over there I want you to like literally just like go back to the earth from whence you came and just like I want your ashes to be spread

in a cornfield that's beautiful and I wish you the best and that's one minute I wish Chuck Grassley the best even though he's a poison in our country I have yet to sit down and watch the Senate Judiciary hearings I mean they're boring but like they are they are boring, but like... They are. They are boring, but it is staggering how...

how inept they are. Yeah, they don't get it. They don't get it. They don't get it at all. They're like, so... They're like, why can't... So what's the top eight? Well, no, no, no. Shut up. Someone... How do I change my top eight? Who's Tom?

Um, everyone, everyone is like, uh, today was house, but yesterday in the Senate, uh, everyone was just like,

well, can't you, can't you monitor every single, uh, data just transaction. And like Mark Zuckerberg had to be like, well, no,

you don't understand that we have 2 billion users. There are billions of these like communications and transfers every single second. Like, there's no way we can track all of these and that we know where this is all going. And, like, these people just don't get it. Like, the people who are supposed to sort of in some way legislate this don't understand how it works. It's got to be very frustrating to watch. Yeah. It's sad.

Anyway, I just wanted to read Chuck Grassley and Orrin Hatch. And you did. You dragged her. Drag her. Go off, Queen Slay. Thank you. Those two are really, really old. Real old.

Oh, they're so old. And now they're really old. Not to be ageist, but Chuck Grassley, girl, you got to moisturize, bitch. Okay, this is Matt Rogers' I Don't Think So Honey. Here we go. And his time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey Instagram pushing all the thirst traps to the top of my feed. Bitch, okay, you are really trying to get me to act a fool and slip and fall into some DMs.

I get it. Everyone looks good right now. Notice I don't say I don't think so, honey, people posting thirst traps because I feel that you have the freedom to do whatever you want, honey. I don't think so, honey, Instagram's for trying to get me to look foolish because nothing literally I'm on the subway getting here and I pulled out my Instagram and the first 30 second picture was the guy I went on a date with a long time ago like with nipples out I was like oh my god it looks good and before I double tapped I was like no you act like a crazy person oh i was and i stopped myself i was just like everyone relax instagram 15 seconds i think that we need more pictures of flowers i think we need more pictures that are going to temper the situation

the situation meaning me hitting up literally everyone in my feed i'm single going on a year now um and the thing thing is I'm nervous about Making Oh I'm past a minute And that's one minute Look It becomes confusing Go on

I'll give you my time Here Here's the thing Everyone's posting Their thirst traps right now I think a spring has sprung Yeah But you're blaming Instagram

But I'm blaming Instagram Because it's almost as Do you think Instagram Watches me And sees what I like? That's absolutely what's happening, Matt. It's the fact that you're liking the thirst traps, which means that Instagram has like literal algorithms to be like, oh, this is a picture of a shirtless person.

They're like, oh, you think so? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. You think they know that specifically? Yes. It's the whole. It's the whole. They know.

They know, baby. That's what this whole hearing is about. That's. Yeah. It's all about how they show you exactly what they want you to see i was just talking to the people about um last night i was talking to the producers of torch song and about uh online ads and they can they can you're chapping i'm just a little chap they can um they they will, they will find out

who you are and what you like and what you are and they will, and what you are, you are, and they will cater ads to you. Yeah.

That's, that's, I mean, I'll get a different ad than my parents will. Yeah. Right. I had a phone conversation

one time, I think with you, where I mentioned some product. Oh, you know what? It was Mack Weldon. Because we did ads for Mack Weldon, the men's clothing company, for a little while.

And I'm telling you, I never searched Mack Weldon, never did anything. It was like a conversation we had had before we were doing the ads. Then popped up all over my Instagram, Mack Weldon, Mack Weldon, Mack Weldon. It was almost like I said it in my phone. It heard me say it. It's possible. I mean, and then also, you know that like it's all connected. So someone that you even look up on

Instagram comes up as a suggested friend on Facebook. Yes, yes, yes. You gotta read up on this stuff, baby. This is what the whole thing is about. Someone I know who works in TV said they had a meeting at work and they were advised by the producers of the show to tape over

their camera on their phone. And they were like, is that a real thing? And they were like, more than likely it is a real thing, yes. Would you ever watch Black Mirror? I'm too fucking scared of that. I've watched the Bryce Dallas Howard episode. That's a really sad one. There's an episode about a camera

A computer camera that is Very messed up I heard the episode that came out this year With Kristen Milioti and like the like Star Trek one I heard that was really good It's fantastic yeah I love Miss Kristen I gotta watch it

I would like to watch it too It's upsetting Did you watch Handmaid's Tale gotta watch it. I gotta watch it. I would like to watch it too. I just, you know. It's upsetting. Damn it. It's very upsetting. Did you watch Handmaid's Tale? I made it through four episodes of it and it got to be overwhelming. I didn't watch it.

Because it's so upsetting. It was too much. It felt like it was real. I mean, it really did at the time. Yeah. I mean, I remember reading the book like five years ago and being like,

I can't do this. So that's my relationship. You know what I'm trying to read right now? A Little Life. Oh. I'm reading like three pages at a time. It's too much. I tried.

I got it for Ryan, for my partner Ryan for Christmas one year. I was like, you'll like this. And he, and suddenly he like, he's like, oh great.

And then suddenly it was on the shelf and I was like, did you finish it? And he's like, no, I can't, I can't, I can't.

And then, and then I just went on a reading kick and I was like, I'm going to read A Little Life because everybody I know was like, this is the best book I've ever read. And so I pick it up and I get one page in and I'm like, one page.

And I said, I'm not going to read this. I was on page 30. I almost had an anxiety attack on the plane. I can't, I can't. I was like, I cannot do this. I was crying. The person next to me was like, get it together. I like to read end of the world books.

My sister and I trade end of the world books. That's way better. That's actually. To me than like, than like looking into my soul. I'd much rather like imagine what I would be like in a scary situation than read about what my life is really like. Okay. But in that way, you're still confronting something about yourself.

I think so. Yeah. Yeah. That's beautiful. Michael, I support that way you're still confronting something about yourself. I think so, yeah. Which is nice. Yeah. That's beautiful. Michael, I support that. Okay, this is Michael Urie's I Don't Think So Honey. And I support this.

I support this. Michael Urie, this is your I Don't Think So Honey. Your time starts now. I don't think so honey. How can he possibly president? This man has so many scandals. He has broken so many laws. There are so many dogs sniffing up his

ass right now how on earth is he supposed to even think about syria and how are any of us supposed to believe that he is how are any of us supposed to trust that anybody is president right now that no that he can possibly and how can anybody have a conversation with him without talking about the myriad scandals that he has going on right now? Drag her. And how on earth is he thinking about what we need, about our healthcare, about our taxes,

about our infrastructure and the roads and the things that he has promised and the wall. Let's even talk about the crazy things he wants to do. How can he think about those when literally three times a day, he's the top story breaking story and it's about how illegal his activities have been. Oh, gorgeous.

And that's one minute. Did you see CNN reports? He's more popular now in the last two weeks. His popularity, it went up like three or four points. Some the fuck how. Was it the raid? Well, here's the thing. Probably because it couldn't have gotten lower.

I don't think that wouldn't have been the raid. The raid must be next. Oh, got it. Oh, because the polling is behind in that. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. We have yet to see the response of America to that in the polls. What was it that that i don't know wow but cnn who i trust they said his popularity is up while republicans like like it doesn't look

good for them in 2018 um i mean paul ryan today announced he wasn't huge and paul ryan is what 12 years old 12 yeah has 50 more years that he... I mean, we see how old these people get. We see how old Orrin Hatch and Chuck Grassley are and Mitch McConnell. He has 50 more years. She's only 48. 48 years old. He could be senator for another 30, 40 years.

Yeah, 100%. I'm sorry, a congressman. He could be representative for another 30 or 40 years. Yeah, he could hang in there. And he is leaving because it's such a because he has such little chance because he stood by this man for two years right there's no way he could be president now no no no no it was all he wanted he didn't even get what he would he didn't even like bring down the deficit which is the only thing he wanted to do this tax

plan is a is bullshit i think he would have he would have stayed in if the polling in his well no state wasn't so bad i was in wisconsin doing i did a paul ryan like impression i i did like a thing as paul ryan for this like non-profit and it was we we talked to a lot of people in like madison and he is not popular at all he was he was probably gonna just resign anyway and not seek re-election anyway but people were saying that he he wasn't gonna do until after midterms right but now the fact that he's announcing it or that he's that it's coming out before the midterms must mean that he's getting really bad internals can't take it anymore and he's like oh i have no chance he was gonna run and then resign yeah that's what that's what they were saying so that

at least it wouldn't like create this paul over the rest of the party going into the election. There's a Paul. Oh, there certainly is. Honey, there's a Paul. And his name is Ryan. Honey, there's a Paul. And it's because of the absence of Paul. There you go.

And you know what? Here's the thing. Everyone's just like, they smell blood in the water. Well, no, no, no, no. It's just if Trump fires Rod Rosenstein and then goes on to fire water well no no no it's just if trump fires rod rosenstein and then goes on to fire bob muller then like it's done he can't fire bob muller it's it's i mean but like how many clear uh how many clear instances of obstruction of justice do we need exactly it's like they're already all there it's like but this is just the i mean that would be like the actual

moment of political suicide where it's like okay you've actually fucked, but this is just the, I mean, that would be like the actual moment of political suicide where it's like, okay, you've actually fucked yourself over. This is blatantly. Because if he fires Rod Rosenstein and puts in, oh, I don't know, Jared Kushner, then Jared Kushner could either fire Mueller or when Mueller's report is made, not share it with anybody. Yes. Because it's up to the attorney general to share that information. Yes. Yes, Attorney General. Attorney General to share that information. Right. But then it's like, but then whatever happens, like post-midterms, like if Democrats gain control of both houses, then it's like, okay, you're impeached. Bye.

But also that doesn't have anything to do with the FBI. Oh, yeah. And sorry, the Mueller investigation doesn't actually have anything to do except for that they discovered it and passed it on to the New York Attorney General. And so now this whole Stormy Daniels raiding Michael Cohen thing is actually not necessary. That has nothing to do with Mueller. So if Mueller's work gets stopped, that scandal might still take him down. The Stormy Daniels stuff? Campaign finance.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stormy Daniels campaign finance thing. Which is how they took down Al Capone because of taxes. They impeached Bill Clinton because of a blowjob. But that came out of an investigation about something else entirely. Totally, totally, totally. There's a lot of ways we could get to what we need to get to. It's just a matter of...

Thanks to him breaking every law he could exactly and are the people around him gonna do what's best for the country and be transparent about the information that's and he's surrounded himself with people that will cover for him so as we've seen they will go they will go all the way down yeah

um but the gorgeous I don't think so honey so many scale remember when shithole countries was like a thing yeah that's what i'm saying it's like we forget and now i think i'm i literally think we must be hundreds of scandals deep like it's every other day to the point where it's like grab them by the pussy like stands out as like a landmark one but that's not even well that one came back today did you hear that yeah because that Cause that's just Hollywood stuff was what they were looking for. Because yeah, it seems like Michael Cohen tried to pay,

pay whoever had that tape off to suppress it. Yes. That was what came out today. Let me tell you, today was a hot day for the view. I said today was a steaming hot day for the view. I haven't watched it today. Primary source of news.

The view. I love the view, honey. I love the view because today was Mariah oh right oh very proud of you mariah proud of mariah come on come with the truth the truth will set you free yes and put it in the music girl that's why we love you yes um we welcome you back holding honey with open arms no you Oh, there you go. And she did a cover of open arms. Oh, I started too high, honey. So now I come to you. Okay.

Had to add a little riff in there because it's Mariah. Of course, of course. Anyway. Hot day for news on the video. Hot day for news. Can't wait to see Megan's take. Okay.

Well, thoughts on Megan McCain? He looked away. He looked away. Megan McCain is tough. She's a tough one. She's a tough one. That's a tough one. I try so hard. I try so hard.

No. I want to understand. But then she said, my celebrity crush is Paul Ryan. And I was like, fuck you. Did she ever say that? Yeah, they were talking about their celebrity crushes and like Sonny and I think...

L-O-L. What's her name? Sarah Haynes were like we like idris elba and they were the audience is like and then and megan goes i like paul ryan and they were like and there was like a groan from the audience it was so funny that's really good that's amazing um i mean come on i this was what a blast can we say shout out to Dan Fortune for having the best clients. Dan Fortune. Publicist extraordinaire.

And this has been so fun, guys. This is such a good podcast. That was so much fun. I mean the whole thing, not just my episode. Thank you. We've both been a fan for a long time, and we cannot wait to see you in Torch Song. Thank you.

And we didn't talk about bright colors and bold patterns, but it was truly incredible. We just closed on Sunday. I knowch Song. Thank you. And we didn't talk about bright colors and bold patterns, but it was truly incredible. Oh, we just closed on Sunday. I know. Congratulations. Thank you. We filmed it. It's going to be on Broadway HD. Yes. Yes. Sometime this summer. And Drew came back and did that. Yes. Yeah. So Jeff closed last week and then Drew came back

and did a week and he filmed it for Broadway HD on Monday and it's going to be out sometime this summer. It's so great to see two, I'm telling you, nightmares. Nasty people. Just nasty, not nice, not, I mean, the talent, whatever. Yeah. But no, two glorious, gorgeous.

I know, and you had to direct them, the egos. Oh, the ledges I talked them off of. Unbelievable. Just angels. Thank you so much for having me do this. All right. So this is Last Culture Reassessed. You guys, we're going to be out in Los Angeles and we're doing a show on June 12th at Echoplex.

I thought of someone you remind me of. Wait, what? Your essence. Me? Yes. Who? And you kind of look like him. His name is Colin Fickus.

He's this friend of mine who is very funny very adorable and and one of my favorite people we're gonna look up miss ficus we're gonna look at miss ficus and that feels like a compliment so thank you michael i think it was a deep compliment deep compliment yes absolutely uh we're in la we're in la on the 12th honey we're in san francisco Francisco doing Clusterfest on June 2nd. And we'll be at Vulturefest May 20th, I believe. We'll announce everything coming up soon. Lots of really fun stuff coming up, you guys.

So, so fun. Love you. So thank you so much to Michael Urie. Let's close out with a song. Yeah. So now I come to you. Yeah, it's too high. Super tenor.

I'm so sick. Gorgeous it's too high. Super tenor. I'm so sick. Gorgeous. Bye. Bye. Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey.

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