Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "Hogbook" (w/ Maria Bamford)

Episode Date: June 26, 2018

Yex of courx you’re going to LOVE this ep!! The legendary, inspirational, fantastique Maria Bamford is in-studio and we are oh so happy. I hope you’ve physically, emotionally, and spiritually pre...pared yourself because this episode covers a lot of cultural ground in 1 hr 13 mins: Working at Disney, music videos that are getting cooler and cooler (because of the money), the impact of Maroon 5’s “Girls Like You” music video, Unicorns in saunas, Pug ranches, raccoons with IBS, Three’s Company, Pepé Le Pew, luxury (in general), and of course, HOGBOOK!---LAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasSUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS TODAY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:twitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASTforeverdogpodcasts.com/las-culturistas  Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple. Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her? But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What?
Starting point is 00:00:19 You told her? Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City. All new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. I'm Joe Gatto. I'm Steve Byrne. Together we do the Two Cool Moms podcast,
Starting point is 00:00:34 which is a podcast where we help dispense advice to our loyal listeners. Everybody has an issue. Everybody has something that they need help with. Right. And that's where we come in. Because our moms, we're cool moms. We like to think that we need help with. Right. And that's where we come in. Because our moms were cool moms. We like to think that we have inherited their maternal advice. And we try to just do some good.
Starting point is 00:00:50 Besides being comedians, we love to help. Guys, bring us your queries. They could be personal questions. They could be serious. They could be lighthearted. Yeah. But know this. We are here for you.
Starting point is 00:00:59 Yeah. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts or on the iHeartRadio app. Hey there. I'm Dr. Maya Shunker, and I'm a scientist who studies human behavior. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts or on the iHeartRadio app. I talk to people about navigating these moments. Their stories are full of candor and hard-won wisdom. And you'll hear from scientists who teach us how we can be more resilient in the face of change. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Gianna Pradenti. And I'm Jemay Jackson-Gadsden. We're the hosts of Let's Talk Offline from LinkedIn News and iHeart Podcasts.
Starting point is 00:01:48 There's a lot to figure out when you're just starting your career. That's where we come in. Think of us as your work besties you can turn to for advice. And if we don't know the answer, we bring in people who do, like negotiation expert Maury Tahiripour. If you start thinking about negotiations as just a conversation, then I think it sort of eases us a little bit. Listen to Let's Talk Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Forever. Dog. Look, man. Where?
Starting point is 00:02:13 Oh, I see. My, oh, my. Bowen, look over there. Wow, is that culture? Yes. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas.
Starting point is 00:02:22 Ding dong, Las Culturistas calling. Let's have a check-in on our new phrase that we've created yeks of corks so just a fun new way and fun new take on a common phrase
Starting point is 00:02:33 yes of course is out yeks of corks is in or you know you can really just sub in the X sound
Starting point is 00:02:39 you know that fricative maybe I'm not a linguistic expert but I love fricative but I don't know if that's a fricative sound. But anyway,
Starting point is 00:02:46 you can sub the X out for other sounds as well. Like I tried out today on a text at least. I said, oh my gocks. I liked when you did that. Which sounds fun.
Starting point is 00:02:55 Yeah. I really like it. Yeah. And our guest is into it. I believe our guest is into it. Maybe she's giving you, maybe she's going to fake us out and say I hate it.
Starting point is 00:03:03 We'll see. But that's fine. I have a feeling this guest is going like it our guest um wow this is this is this is really special this is a moment yeah this is a moment i just to like we'll bring her in but i you know i just embarrass her i will embarrass her no i mean her specials her albums incredible how to win unwanted thought syndrome old baby, just such good stuff. The special, special, special. Like, truly, what a, like a preeminent mind, I think.
Starting point is 00:03:31 Really, really such an admirer of hers for a long time. Many of our finest comedians, favorite comedians. There you go. And of course, Lady Dynamite. Just an incredible, incredible show. And so we're so happy to have with us today Maria Bamford I feeks
Starting point is 00:03:49 so great great folks yes great folks great folks great folks you know
Starting point is 00:03:56 it could it could mean something else but we know what it means in context it works the way you guys have used it
Starting point is 00:04:03 it's so good it's so hip yeah what really takes it to the next level is the of corks of corks of corks
Starting point is 00:04:11 and you think maybe you know wine corks cork board it's of corks and people have been tweeting yes yikes of corks
Starting point is 00:04:20 and back to us after we announced it at our live show at the Echo we announced it as a new thing in the cultural canon, which is how things catch on. You have to force that. I'm going to take
Starting point is 00:04:32 that home and I'm going to at least say it to 17 people. Yeah, you could. Say it to 17 people. And you know what? Five of them, I think. Five of them. We'll continue on. You know what stayed with me? One of your phrases that stayed with me is, I don't know if you remember this, hog book? Oh yes, hog book. Hog book. Two words What stayed with me, one of your phrases that stayed with me is, I don't know if you remember this, Hog Book? Oh, yes, Hog Book.
Starting point is 00:04:46 Hog Book. Two words together that are delightful to say. It was my screen name for my OkCupid profile. Right, which is how you met your husband. How I met my husband. One guy responded to Hog Book. And it was the right guy. And it was the right guy.
Starting point is 00:05:01 Oh, my God. Because you put something vague on there, on your profile. Like I put thoughtful, funny or something. And ah, too wide a net. No, no, no. You can't cast that. Everyone wants thoughtful and funny, but not everyone wants hog book. And if you do want hog book, like that's.
Starting point is 00:05:19 You know. That's really what you have to connect with people who like the same words as you. Yeah. Yeah. And love or yeah, love the words in the same way that you love words. And he was like, hog book. What the? Who is this lady?
Starting point is 00:05:31 Right. Which is where some people wrote me and said, hog book. Did you know that's the word for a log book that a pilot keeps in the cockpit? Yeah. I don't care. I don't care. I like how it sounds, babe. Okay. It's about the cockpit. Yeah, I don't care. I don't care. I like how it sounds, babe. Okay?
Starting point is 00:05:46 It's about the ear. It's about the ear. The oral, A-U-R-A-L experience. Thank you. Or you're not trying to bag a pilot, are you? Yeah, no. No. Can I tell you my favorite word,
Starting point is 00:06:00 but it is a Spanish word? Mochila. It means backpack. Yes. Mochila. Mochila. Mochila it means backpack yes mochila mochila when i've heard about la mochila i was like that's it for me was it was it a settle down with it was it a door the explorer thing no oh you know what maybe it was mochila mochila she she often says mochila because she has a mochila she goes me mochila i believe it's a tiene mochila she has a tiene
Starting point is 00:06:25 tiene tiene una mochila tiene una mochila one backpack short por favor short que lastima
Starting point is 00:06:32 que lastima what a shame what a shame that's another good one I guess I have to give the credit though to again she's gonna make it on the podcast again senorita ford
Starting point is 00:06:41 senorita ford your sixth grade Spanish teacher that was ninth grade ninth grade but I love that she was senorita ford that's Ford you were 6th grade Spanish teacher that was 9th grade 9th grade but I love that she was Senorita Ford that's another that's like a
Starting point is 00:06:49 hog book situation where it's like two words that just you know you don't think they would go together but then they comically they work
Starting point is 00:06:54 there's a comic dissonance to it wouldn't you say oh yeah sure grew up in California Maria no
Starting point is 00:07:02 no you were born here Midwest I was born here I grew up in Minnesota, but my dad was in the Navy, so I grew up, or was born in the Naval Hospital. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:07:10 That's what it is. Yes, yes, yes. My God. No, you shouldn't. Nobody should know any of these things about anyone. No, absolutely not. Maybe my spouse.
Starting point is 00:07:19 Maybe she's my spouse. Maybe your spouse. Maybe. This feels invasive now. This feels invasive. Now it's like too much. Now I know too much. Now I know too much. Now we know too much.
Starting point is 00:07:26 The mystery is gone. Mystery is gone. We have a friend who has the silhouette of Long Island tattooed on his bicep. Oh my. And we said, when did you get that? He said, last year. I was like, okay. And for what reason?
Starting point is 00:07:40 Pride. Long Island pride. Not even gay pride. Just Long Island pride. Did he grow up there? Yes. Okay. So it wasn't because of certain uh seminal experience you had later in life he said he said right i had i went to long island and i thought this is a beautiful country um no but i honestly if i could have a state or a region yeah tattooed on me i guess it would have to be florida okay but that is that is because
Starting point is 00:08:04 you have had seminal experiences there. I'm a Disney person. How does that make you feel? Well, mixed, I did work for Disney as a secretary in the very boring part of the show. I was in the show that's very quiet and grim. There's a lot
Starting point is 00:08:20 of getting coffee and hustling. No, that's not the Disney experience. No, it's not fun. Yeah. But you're still a part of the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're a cast member. Oh, that's so, when they tell you you're a cast member, that has to feel exhilarating in some way, even if you know the reality is a lot of sitting and.
Starting point is 00:08:36 It's administrative work. Administrative. Administrating. And answering the phones when somebody says, yeah, there's a lot of legal where people can't use anything that has. I worked in the legal department where it's like anything that looks like Mickey. So like some poor lady in Guatemala who's just making like Mickey Mouse, you know, quilts just for funsies out of her. And they came for her? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:59 No, no, no. Everybody goes down. Oh, shoot. So wait, here's a question. Working for Disney, even in the legal department, do you still have to be like this? Well, I mean, I tried. I tried my best. I certainly, I did almost get, I didn't get fired.
Starting point is 00:09:17 This is one of the worst things that I ever did at Disney. Oh, I can't wait. I was a receptionist, and I was substituting for another woman who had left a half-eaten chocolate rabbit from Easter on her desk. Now, albeit, I need to bring my own snacks, okay? But I cannot bear when someone leaves something delicious. You're going to just – you're eating that slowly. I ate it up. Yeah, okay. eating that slowly I ate it up yeah okay she tracked me down within the mail system
Starting point is 00:09:46 at Disney called me and said what the hell you ate my chocolate rabbit and um and I was I was very ashamed
Starting point is 00:09:54 it has not stopped me from stealing other people's food no no no and it shouldn't and it shouldn't you have to keep being you and who you are and this is what I
Starting point is 00:10:02 and you steal you thief this is what I have to say. And not to put this in a victim-blaming situation, she left that on display. Wait, also, what? She left the rabbit on display. You're not going to not eat it.
Starting point is 00:10:13 Enough or nothing, but you don't just leave chocolate out because, honey, it's rule of culture number 44. After Easter, don't leave the chocolate out. And I was going to, in addition,
Starting point is 00:10:24 it's rule of culture number 45, chocolate will melt. Absolutely. She didn't think of that. That's wild. She didn't think of that. But it's chilled. It's chilled inside the Mauchwitz.
Starting point is 00:10:35 It's like very, it's very nice air conditioning system. But not inside those suits. Those poor people in those suits who have to live in the tunnels. Are they air conditioned though? The suits? Because I,
Starting point is 00:10:47 and also I never understood this. There's some ventilation in there. Like whenever they say, well don't worry, those suits, because you see them and they are in Orlando, Florida which is a tropical climate
Starting point is 00:10:55 decided. Yes. And they say, don't worry, the suits are air conditioned and I'm like, how could that be? Do you have intel?
Starting point is 00:11:02 I don't have intel. I have been inside one of a suit like that. Gedney the Minnesota Pickle. Thank you. Oh, fab. But it was hot and awful. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:13 It gets to be like 120, 130 degrees. You don't know which way you're walking. Kids are kicking you. It's not. No. Yeah. Okay. Does that rank as one of the worst odd jobs you had?
Starting point is 00:11:24 Well, I just auditioned, and then I heard the war stories of other former pickles in the audition room. And they're like, yeah, I mean, sometimes I was at the Iowa State Fair, and I just started running. I started running. And I was like, and these were grown men. And I was just like, you know what? I'm a tiny, tiny lady. I'm not going to drive down to Iowa and do that kind of nonsense. Right.
Starting point is 00:11:52 Take a tour like that. Yeah. I'd rather do it without the suit. You know, like if you're going to chase me out of town, I want to be known for who I am. So you had to audition in the suit? Yes. You had to put on the suit. So that was the one time you had it on? Yeah. I had it on. Yeah. had to audition in the suit? Yes, you had to put on the suit. So that was the one time
Starting point is 00:12:05 you had it on? Yeah, I just imagined all the horrors. But I have been a costumed character in a park. I was a Bajoran
Starting point is 00:12:14 in the Star Trek Deep Space Nine franchise. Yes. Very briefly was being showcased I believe for a number of years, a few years and I came out to Los Angeles
Starting point is 00:12:23 was one of the reasons I got to move out here. They're paying 600 bucks a week for you to walk around with a Vulcan and a Klingon. I just had to wear a tight space outfit with some false, false breasts because that's part of my culture and do Jack in the Box openings. And it was a delight. I mean, it is a pretty good gig. And you bring people joy.
Starting point is 00:12:48 I guess that's my thing with the Disney employees and people that do that is always like, I don't understand how you maintain a level of almost manic positivity and joy, even when people, and you know, look, the people that go to Disney, especially the Magic Kingdom, it's a lot of families with tired kids. It's stressful. So I don't understand how you can have guest interactions, which most of the time, like, probably are frustrating. But keep up that level of Disney happiness. Well, aren't they, they're silent, right?
Starting point is 00:13:19 Nobody says anything. Well, the people in the suits, but on a customer service level. Yeah, yeah. says anything. The people in the suits? But on a customer service level, you can walk up to a hostess and just be in the worst mood, be the biggest jerk and be like,
Starting point is 00:13:30 I want a table now! And then they just have to smile through it. Yeah. Well, I did sense some passive aggression. We went to Avatar Land because now they have,
Starting point is 00:13:37 I don't know, Animal Kingdom has the world of Avatar, Pandora. Okay. And there was a very long line for the state-of-the-art attraction there
Starting point is 00:13:44 and one person came up to a cast member who's like smiling through it dealing with people who don't want to wait and the guy's like is this seriously the line um can can i have my drink in there she goes actually no you can't bring an alcoholic beverage in um and like or something like that like some beverage but she was like and he was like what are you talking about like that's not the policy and she was just like that's always been our policy. And you saw that little glimpse of like, I don't like this. But she had the smile. And as far as anyone could tell or report, she was happy when she said it.
Starting point is 00:14:16 Yeah. Man, I mean. She has her finger on the button if anything goes down. If any woman starts to get aggro, like she just. You're getting taken out. The chute opens up and you're taken out of the magic kingdom. Yeah, that's what it is. Then I also heard about the underpaid people at the parks.
Starting point is 00:14:33 It's like a little bit culty. Yeah, and people are living in their cars to work there. And I thought to myself, that's not happy. Yeah, that can't be happy. Yeah, oh my my god for sure for sure well they've the new york times has done a series about it so it has to be true it has to be do you consider yourself an adventurous theme park type or are you kind of when you have a vacation you like the silence and the quiet and the books. Oh, I do like a book. Unfortunately. Unfortunately?
Starting point is 00:15:07 Well, I mean, for you guys, I mean, it's not, that's not super fun. You don't have to be a skydiver. We embrace it. Okay, okay. This last weekend, we went to see Yola Tango in the desert. I love Yola Tango.
Starting point is 00:15:17 And that was fun. Great. And I don't know anything about music, so I brought my scrapbooking supplies. Oh, perfect. Where I sat in the back, it was at Pappy and Harriet's, this desert outbooking supplies where I sat in the back when it was at Papian Harriet's this desert outpost place and I sat there and then the man came you know people who
Starting point is 00:15:31 were sick or taken out by security sat by me on the bench I got vomited by and I got and uh center for outcasts yeah yeah center for outcasts andcasts. Anyways, my version of scrapbooking is I cut out pictures from magazines and then paste them inside of used books and then give them to my friends for Christmas. That's lovely. I love it. Now, what is a visually compelling thing in an image that will make you want to say,
Starting point is 00:16:01 I'm cutting that out, that goes in the scrapbook? Well, because my friends are middle-aged ladies, it's always something like an adult diaper or like a not-your-daughter's jeans. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:16:18 So it's not like Nick Jonas. It's not Charlie Puth. I cut out pictures of hot boys. Oh, Charlie Puth. No, no, although he's very... They're very cute boys. That's not Charlie Puth. I cut out pictures of hot boys. Oh, Charlie Puth. No, no. Although he's very. They're very cute boys. That song Attention is very.
Starting point is 00:16:31 Attention is good. Do you have a favorite hot young new star? Well, I really loved watching I'm the One video with Justin Bieber and all of his pals. And Khaled. DJ Khaled. And just the discomfort they had as they were kind of like standing around casually as this gorgeous woman. Hanging out on a horse. It was so bizarre.
Starting point is 00:17:01 And really, it was very sweet. I thought it was just very sweet. You found a sweetness in the discomfort. Yeah. They were definitely looking at the camera really hard. It was very sweet. I thought it was just very sweet. You found a sweetness in the discomfort. Yeah, I just, they did not look, they were definitely looking at the camera really hard, like, this looks cool, right? Yeah, we're pulling it off. The music videos these days,
Starting point is 00:17:15 they're getting pretty cool. Yeah. Did you, they just get cooler and cooler. They just get cooler and cooler, I believe, because of the money. The money. They get money to do it. Wait a minute.
Starting point is 00:17:24 Yeah, and I tell you what, what music video just made me cry. Which one? Maroon 5. They have a new music video called Girls Like You. And they have, it's like Adam Levine is like singing
Starting point is 00:17:35 and being handsome Adam Levine. Hi, hi. And that's very good Adam Levine. Famous impressionist. Clearly. Clearly. But the camera's circling around him and as it does
Starting point is 00:17:46 you see like another like with every revolution there's a new sort of famous celebrity woman and you know it's just kind of like
Starting point is 00:17:53 it's kind of like a name dropping music video but I believe the intent is like all types of like all types of what did we just say
Starting point is 00:18:01 beauty all types of beauty yes and the inner beauty and they're just dancing and being themselves and celebrating different individuality and wonderful
Starting point is 00:18:09 and then the last shot is him with Bihari, his gorgeous wife and their baby and he gives a hug and it's, you can, it's his girl like him.
Starting point is 00:18:16 There you go. A girl like you. Sure. I cried, it got me. It got you. Wow. Okay.
Starting point is 00:18:21 I don't know if I love that about myself that I cried at a Maroon 5 video. No, there's nothing wrong with that. I watched Maroon 5's video with Cardi B. I love Miss Cardi B. Miss Cardi. Wait, this is the one.
Starting point is 00:18:33 Oh, is that the one? Yes, the one. And Cardi B comes in. I just watched part of it. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you watched the Cardi part. Yes.
Starting point is 00:18:38 Which is kind of the best part for me. Are you a Cardi fan? I'm a Cardi fan. Because I think I saw it on her Instagram feed. She comes in and she has a lovely verse. She rhymes her own name with Harley Harley. Cardi Cardi like a Harley
Starting point is 00:18:54 Harley. That's a good rhyme. Would we call that a slant rhyme? It's not a slant rhyme. Well, yeah, it is a slant rhyme. It doesn't have the exact same syllabic you know, analogousness. I'm just pulling words out of it analogous I believe wait one more thing about the
Starting point is 00:19:10 I'm the one video I think out of all of them and let me know if you agree with me Maria I think Chance the Rapper is the least comfortable to be there is he the guy with the elaborate teeth work not the elaborate teeth work he's the guy in the baseball cap and the facial hair and he's just kind of an adorable guy just like kind of dancing around he's just like I don't really this is awkward this is. He's the guy in the baseball cap and the facial hair. He's just kind of an adorable guy, just like kind of dancing around.
Starting point is 00:19:25 Yes, yes. He's just like, I don't really, this is awkward. This is strange. He's the most like, he's winking at the audience the most. But anyway. Did you happen to see the new Jennifer Lopez video? It's called Dinero. And let me tell you, that's another good word.
Starting point is 00:19:39 Dinero. Dinero. Yo quiero mas. That's basically the chorus. Yes, it is. Yo quiero, yo quiero mas That's basically the chorus Yes it is Yo quiero, yo quiero dinero I want money And then she goes
Starting point is 00:19:51 Dinero, dinero, dinero Which is of course money Three times Now Jennifer Lopez is Absolutely a fabulously wealthy woman And she shows that off in the video And in the last shot
Starting point is 00:20:03 The very last shot She's in a sauna And next to her is a unicorn. Because of course she's wealthy. We're to believe that she has so rich that she has a unicorn. And Maria, you look confused. Do you look confused, perturbed? I bet she thought unicorns didn't exist. It's just that everyone has different definitions of what luxury means.
Starting point is 00:20:27 Having a unicorn in a sauna with me, that's not my go-to. But when you're Jennifer Lopez, I guess when you have everything, what's the one thing you don't have? Something that doesn't exist on this plane of reality. This is a fun little... In a hot, enclosed area. In a hot, enclosed area and with an animal. Where you could get impetigo.
Starting point is 00:20:48 Let's put it somewhere it can't live. Now, this opens up a good discussion. I say we each go around and talk about what our idea of luxury and wealth means in one setting. So I'll start. I'll say I've got, on one hand, a diet Sprite, another an iced coffee, a little bit of half and half.
Starting point is 00:21:12 Cold brew or iced coffee? Iced coffee, cold brew. I can't deal with just the – It's too much. It makes me crazy. It's too concentrated. It's too hard. It's an iced coffee, but it's not a watered-down hot coffee either.
Starting point is 00:21:23 Okay. So, and then I'm just, you know, I'm just at home playing a great video game. And then just eating a gorgeous, gorgeous pasta meal. All right. What about you, Matt? Let's go this way. So I have a disease where every night I dream about theme parks. I can't explain it, but every single night of my life, there's a theme park in my dream. Have you been to the other theme parks abroad?
Starting point is 00:21:53 I sometimes do travel around. Like one time I was in Ohio and I wanted to go to Cedar Point. Have you known Cedar Point? Yes, I know what it is. Yeah, so it's like the roller coaster palace of the world, but it was too far. So I went to Paramount Kings Island by myself and I was being a nerd,
Starting point is 00:22:10 riding these wooden roller coasters I had always wanted to do my whole life and actually behind me in line were other coaster people. And I got into a discussion with them that I couldn't believe I was having about the angles of the track. It's really-
Starting point is 00:22:23 The torsion. It goes very deep. Like it's, I, it was coaster talk. It was 99. Sure. And it was of course in 2016.
Starting point is 00:22:32 But I think that my idea of fabulous wealth would be to be able to, after the, after a theme park closes, be able to rent it out. Like, you know, these, I,
Starting point is 00:22:44 whenever I'm leaving a theme park and like, you see them setting up buffet tables. Yeah. I'm like, who is it for? I want to be invited to that. To that wedding. And to be able to do whatever you want in the theme park. Yeah. That's good.
Starting point is 00:22:55 Like, even a major one. Sure. Being like, I have it for the night. You want to rent out all of the Universal CityWalk. Yes. Here. Just for me. Here in LA.
Starting point is 00:23:04 And honestly, by making it just for me, it would also be about hundreds of my closest friends. Hundreds. And then being able to walk down from ride to ride and be like, Stacy, Mark, Giovanni. You know, like everyone's there. Have you met Stacy, Mark, and Giovanni yet? Can I tell you something?
Starting point is 00:23:19 I don't know one person named any of those things. You know a Mark. You must know a mark. I don't think I've ever met a mark. Well, just know that when you do, it's a sign of luxury. I'm going to be like, DeNiro, DeNiro, DeNiro,
Starting point is 00:23:34 you're all coming with me to the buffet tables setting up at CityWalk. There you go. What I mean by that is, I'll just, it'll be all my people and you know my senior trip, we went to Hershey Park. Okay. My senior high school trip and I was by that is, I'll just, it'll be all my people and, you know, my senior trip, we went to Hershey Park. Okay.
Starting point is 00:23:47 My senior high school trip. And I was like, yes. But then it got very dark because the bus broke down on the way home. And I'm from Long Island. So it was from Pennsylvania to Long Island. And the bus broke down on the side of the road and we had to walk to another bus, which didn't get there for two and a half hours. Oh, jeez. So we were just like, it was very like,
Starting point is 00:24:05 this is how a horror movie starts. Yeah. And horror movies don't end well. Is it a memory, though, that everyone connects with in your class? I think that we all have that shared experience, yes. Except the people that didn't go that day because they missed the bus. And you really, you can never miss a bus.
Starting point is 00:24:23 Wow. And they really missed the bus. Yeah, they really missed the bus. It you really, you can never miss a bus. Wow. And they really miss the bus. Yeah, they really miss the bus. It's actually rule of culture number 91. You can never miss the bus. Now, Maria, what is your idea
Starting point is 00:24:34 of fabulous wealth? Well, I was going to say something really... Shallow? I mean, don't worry about that. No, no, no. I was going to say something that is the opposite of shallow so that I look like a nice person.
Starting point is 00:24:48 Like affordable housing. That would be the real luxury for Los Angeles. There are 100,000 people living on the street, which there are. But okay, luxury. You know, I think it would be, you don't want to be, it would be having tons of energy. I would love to be someone who has a shit ton of energy. I'm on a number of medications. One, which is an antipsychotic, which I love.
Starting point is 00:25:21 We love. And it clocks me out at the end of the day. But the problem is, is I'm a little tie-tie all the time. Yeah. I would not mind having the go-go chihuahua energy Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:33 of what I've seen of many people on the planet. Sure. I mean, energy is the currency. That is, that's the well.
Starting point is 00:25:41 We are very tired right now. We promised each other we wouldn't bring this out we were saying we're not gonna bring it out it's Maria we can't bring this to end oh my god
Starting point is 00:25:50 talk about we are so tired so we're from New York we're only here for two weeks so basically like we just well we were we did a live show on Tuesday
Starting point is 00:25:59 and so you gotta meet with the industry after you do the big show they wanna get to know you they wanna go through the motions and what's your story yeah and we were happy to tell them our story but in the process of doing so to meet with the industry after you do the big show. They want to get to know you. They want to go through the motions. What's your story?
Starting point is 00:26:07 And we were happy to tell them our story. But in the process of doing so, mentally, you're just... No, exhausted. And then you get a free bottle of water and then you go, what's happened? Do you feel that when they offer you a bottle of water in the beginning of the meeting, obligated to say yes?
Starting point is 00:26:21 Because the other day I said no and the girl looked at me like, you don't want water? And I was like, I mean, I'll take it. Oh, shit day I said no and the girl looked at me like you don't want water and I was like I mean I'll take it oh shit I've always taken the water so I don't know
Starting point is 00:26:30 what it feels like to not take the water right I always want something I want whatever I can get out of that thing I took two Dolly Ranchers out of your cup out there
Starting point is 00:26:39 yeah but aren't they grape no there's a grape and a cherry and grapes are my fave I like grapes too I am not a grape girl okay cherry. And grapes are my fave. I like grape too. I am not a grape girl.
Starting point is 00:26:47 Okay, all right. You know what? I'm not a sour apple girl. Me neither. I'm very specific with this. I eat cherry, cherry, cherry. Okay. Across the board.
Starting point is 00:26:54 I may have not eaten all the cherries. Okay. I hope so. But also, I'm colorblind, so they all look the same to me. I looked in the thing and I'm like, nope, those are all grape. But anyway, we understand being tired yeah but my tiredness does manifest in doing more oh like I'm a I'm a person who's on a lot and then when I go home like I have to be by myself like it's the whole day of extrovert and then like really
Starting point is 00:27:21 like now let me conk out sure the real housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple. Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her? But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What?
Starting point is 00:27:43 You've told her? Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City, all new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. Hey, it's Mike and Ian. We're the hosts of How to Do Everything from NPR's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Each week, we take your questions and find someone much smarter than us to answer them. Questions like, how do you survive the Bermuda Triangle? How do you find a date inside the Bermuda Triangle? We can't help you, but we will find someone who can. Listen to the How to Do Everything podcast on iHeartRadio. I felt too seen, um, dragged. I'm NK and this is basket case so i basically had what back in the day they
Starting point is 00:28:30 would call a nervous breakdown i was crying and i was inconsolable it was just very big sudden swaps of different meds what is wrong wrong with me? Oh, look at you giving me therapy, girl. Finally, a show for the mentally ill girlies. On Basket Case, I talk to people about what happens when what we call mental health is shaped by the conditions of the world we live in. Because if you haven't noticed, we are experiencing some kind of conditions that are pretty hard to live with.
Starting point is 00:29:00 But if you struggle to cope, the society that created the conditions in the first place will tell you there's something wrong with you. And it will call you a basket case. Listen to Basket Case every Tuesday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Bruce Bozzi. On my podcast, Table for Two, we have unforgettable lunch after unforgettable lunch with the best guest you could possibly ask for. People like Matt Bomer. Thank you for that introduction. I'm going to slip you a couple of 20s under the table for that. Emma Roberts.
Starting point is 00:29:35 When it came into my email inbox, I was like, okay, I know I'm going to love this so much that I don't even want to read it. Because if I can't be in it, I'm going to be bummed. And Colin Jost. You know, your wife was the first guest on Table for Two. It's come full circle. As long as I do better than her, I'm happy. Table for Two is a bit different from other
Starting point is 00:29:53 interview shows. We sit down at a great restaurant for a meal, maybe a glass of rosé, and the stories start flowing. Our second season is airing right now, so you can catch up on our conversations that are intimate, surprising, I mean, what is something, how do you even combat that moment to moment? That's what my struggle is.
Starting point is 00:30:29 I can't combat it. I see my friend, Amy, who has – she has a small business. She wakes up at 5. She feeds all of her 25 million animals. Oh, my gosh. And then she goes to her small business, talks with people all freaking day. Then she goes out to a ranch where she volunteers and cleans horses and goes on horse rides. And then she finally gets home at around 9 o'clock at night and she tips over. But if I can do – I'm going to do this podcast.
Starting point is 00:31:00 I'm going to go home and take a nap. Good. Yes. That's it for today. I sometimes feel exhausted. Like and take a nap. Good. Yes. That's it for today. I sometimes feel exhausted. Like we were talking about those meetings. We leave the meetings and we're like, oh my God, I'm out of breath. Because they are a performance.
Starting point is 00:31:12 Yes. Yes. They are. For sure. And podcasting is a performance. Oh, sure. We're all performing now. Yes.
Starting point is 00:31:17 It's actually rule of culture number 94. Podcasting is a performance. Yes. I missed some of the syllables there. But that's okay because they got it. They understood. Well, and some people miss. I've been on some podcasts where it is more just chit-chat.
Starting point is 00:31:31 You go, okay, we got to step it up a notch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because who really wants to just hear chit-chat? No. No. You want to hear something that has been rehearsed. And can serve you the extravagance. You want to listen to something that's been rehearsed. And can serve you the extravagance.
Starting point is 00:31:48 You want to listen to something that's been rehearsed. I don't want to hear any improv podcast or any off-the-cuff conversation. And a good sign. Essentially this. Don't tune out. Don't tune out. To have a producer just laughing
Starting point is 00:32:01 and rocking in his chair. We love that he laughs. Look at his little shoulder shaking. He's on his phone now. That's so sweet. He's got to take care of some stuff. This is Brett. This is who we lovingly refer to as HPB, Hot Producer Brett. And he's in all our, you haven't met them,
Starting point is 00:32:17 but we have lovely producers out in New York named Joe and Alex who are referred to as HPJ and HPA. Hot Producer Joe and hot producer Alex. How do you feel about us objectifying them in this way? Should we pump the brakes? Well, my husband and I were just talking about this last night, about how women are sometimes predators. You know, from the Me Too movement,
Starting point is 00:32:38 there haven't been as many talks about how, like, this woman, we were dating and she pressured me for sex. And that happens too. So I just, I want to say, Brett, this is your opportunity to speak up if you feel unsafe. Yes, please. And also, yeah, I mean, I just know that with everyone talking about that, it does make me, I know what made me think about some of the things I did in the past as a young lady.
Starting point is 00:33:09 Yes. Yes, yes. But let's just, I guess, scope in on just me and Matt as two gay men just sort of playfully preying on these poor, unsuspecting straight boys. What's flirtation and what's intimidation? Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Well, and that's, I think, I was at a comedy club in Houston. Addison, anybody listening?
Starting point is 00:33:32 Hey, Addison. And the club owner led me up to the stage by the small of my back. No, that's a no. Hey, I know where it is, buddy. Yeah, that's a never. No touching at work. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:33:44 But I think, oh, this is the definition of flirting that my friend Jackie Cajun heard. Jackie Cajun. In order, flirting is when you've succeeded in making the other person feel attractive. So if the person doesn't feel attractive, then you have not succeeded in flirting. Jackie Cajun's 81-year-old father is a great flirter. Like, he's not a creepy flirt. For some reason, I just feel like a hot, hot babe around him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:12 And he's just saying how pretty I look and where'd you get that blouse. But it does make me feel good. So perhaps, you know, that's the thing you need to ask them. Brett, are you feeling attractive? Are you feeling attractive? Brett. Okay, good. Okay perhaps, you know, that's the thing you need to ask them. Do, Brett, are you feeling attractive? Are you feeling attractive? Brett. Okay, good.
Starting point is 00:34:29 Okay, we're in the clear. And I know, I knew it. I knew it. And you know what? I see a little half smile erupt on that face every time. There's a little bit of jealousy that's being
Starting point is 00:34:42 sort of drummed up between the hot producers. The producer, the other producer, Joe, has texted us and said, well, well, well, it looks like I've been replaced. And I'm saying, listen, there's a room. There's two of us. Yeah. There's room for everybody.
Starting point is 00:34:56 There's love enough for everyone. There's love enough for everyone. And of course, you are engaged to a lady that we love. She proposed on the Amalfi Coast. I mean, Brett. Big reveal. Big reveal.
Starting point is 00:35:08 It's going to be a long engagement. Oh, really? We had a whole discussion about it late 2019. Oh, interesting. I offered to perform the service.
Starting point is 00:35:15 I don't know. Like, I have any thoughts about it. I didn't get married until I was 45. And my husband and I, I had never had anything last over a year.
Starting point is 00:35:25 He had never had anything over over a year he had never had anything last anything over three years we are now at four and a half years longer than one and longer than three new record
Starting point is 00:35:34 yes new record yes new record because I'm I'm working with like my longest thing's been like three months
Starting point is 00:35:40 and me being like oh is there any hope but I mean look it just takes a guy who looks at your screen name, Hogbook, and says yes. Yeah. You have to lead with you're weird.
Starting point is 00:35:52 Yeah. You know, that's the thing too about like dating is like, that's amazing that you guys met on OkCupid. Yes. But OkCupid like didn't really work for me. And then I met my ex-boyfriend who I was with for over two years. I met doing a show and being very insanely weird on stage.
Starting point is 00:36:09 Oh, nice. And I kind of was like, oh, fuchs, now I don't have to let them know that I'm a performer. Was that like a weird, did like... No, he had already, he watched comedy. So he knew that I was a comedian anyways. And he's an artist
Starting point is 00:36:23 and he works for some famous painter artists who are cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. I mean, just in terms of a wonderful creative people. So he had no problem with it. Right, okay. And he loves comedians.
Starting point is 00:36:38 He says the comedy world is just so much more friendly, which is true. It's a lot more accepting than we went to, we've gone to some art parties, and the art parties are, it's hard. Like, they're just, it's a little stressful. I think because there's so much money involved,
Starting point is 00:36:55 comedy, we're all getting 20 bucks maybe after the show. It's not, it's very democratic. You get two drink tickets and don't lose them, because if you lose them, they're not gonna to believe you. But you know what I do is I pick up – usually no one wants both. So I'll just take them all. Drink tickets and cash.
Starting point is 00:37:13 And cash. Yeah. In comedy, it's so always humbling. Like I can bomb – well, I just did. Like the other night in a small bar in Los Feliz, like people weren't on board and I just kept talking. Well, you just, you do your time. You fill the time and people have seen a lot of famous performers here and you got to be
Starting point is 00:37:40 something real special to get anybody's attention in Los Angeles. Do you let the bombing, if that, first of all, I can't really picture you bomb, but I know it's being, having done it for these years. We believe that anybody can bomb at whatever stage,
Starting point is 00:37:54 but I mean, what were we gonna ask? We're just always tickled. But what I was going to ask was, is there, do you let the bombing like roll off your back or do you kind of like really sit in it? Does it affect you?
Starting point is 00:38:05 I question my abilities and what the point is, existentialism, nihilism. What is the function? What is the function? And feeling guilty. Like I put these people through some, they'd gone out to have a good time and here they were trapped for 15 to 20 minutes with my nonsense.
Starting point is 00:38:32 And, but I, I don't know, but that's also part of the machismo of doing comedy. We're a little attracted to it, aren't we? The danger. Roll the show. But no, actually, I actually actually there's nothing attractive to me about bombing like my friend just told me they bombed and she was like i bombed and you know what it felt good i felt knocked down i'm now i'm hungry again i was like see that's not how i am i'd like
Starting point is 00:38:58 to be loved all the time that's and that's usually what i create for myself is I create like a small cocoon where I can just be in a black box theater and everyone's like it's amazing that you're alive you're a legend yeah good for you do you feel that like now that people have known who you are for a very long time
Starting point is 00:39:20 you get that like you're an icon you're a legend and thank you does that ever does that fall at your feet a lot i don't i don't know i i don't think i've got that but i would um i can't wait um i we bring out a huge trophy well i think it's just get you just realize and how lucky you are yeah just still be in it it and how unbelievably talented people are starting out now. People are just so good, and that's very inspiring. I mean, I feel like – I don't feel like I'm better at it really on some level
Starting point is 00:40:01 than I was when I started in terms of like just uh I probably had more passion when I started which probably helped things and now I'm like yeah I've got a pool we paid for the pool so uh maybe we can slow down yeah we got, we got the pool. We got the pool. We have the luxury, so. Yeah, no, I've got the pool, so, yeah, now, like, well,
Starting point is 00:40:29 now, my husband and I, we're going to do, we're trying to build a cooperative of our house. Yeah, so, we've got one comic in, Carmen Morales lives with us,
Starting point is 00:40:40 and then, maybe get a second one, and maybe get another old pug. If we get three old pugs, like a little pug old ranch, a little pug ranch. Oh, I love pugs. I think pug ranch is your wealth setting. I think that's what it is. And that's $1,500 a month.
Starting point is 00:40:58 I mean, just for eye drops. I mean, seriously. They are dying from birth to death. It's not a good situation for them. Those are the eye. And tell me if you agree with me. The thing to admire and love about pugs is that they are constantly suffering. Just constantly.
Starting point is 00:41:16 Like they can't breathe and they're just like confused adult. They're like, what's going on? That's like and you are. But yet you keep going and you keep going. Am I am I misstating anything? No, that is that's like looking in the mirror to me you know like oh it's i'm struggling i don't know if i'm gonna make it like i'm the person like you know when they have those survivor stories on the sea or something it's like i'm the person who eats all the chocolate and goes i'm so sorry and then dives and is eaten by sharks.
Starting point is 00:41:45 Like I just, oh. I'm not a survivor on some level. I understand that. I watch Life of Pi and stuff and I'm like,
Starting point is 00:41:55 no, not me. I saw like, you see like a zombie movie and people are like, what character would you be? I was like, I'm not in it. The second I hear
Starting point is 00:42:03 the zombie apocalypse is happening, I guarantee I have a heart attack right away, I'm not in it. The second I hear the zombie apocalypse is happening, I guarantee I have a heart attack right away and I'm gone. Like, shark movie? No. I see a shark
Starting point is 00:42:11 and I'm gone. I don't do anything heroic. Or, yeah, it's been a good run. Yeah, right. A good run. Like, you just gotta hang it up.
Starting point is 00:42:18 Let it come. Like, yeah, here I am. I probably would just walk out. Yeah, no. Like, zombies, it has to happen now. Yeah, like, just take me early. I'm an early adopter. Zombies, it has to happen now. Just take me early.
Starting point is 00:42:27 I'm an early adopter. Are you guys hungry? That's it. Pugs, though. Pugs are emblematic of survival, maybe. Is that what it is? Yeah, where they're struggling and they're adorable. And they're also super accepting and loving.
Starting point is 00:42:42 Most of them. I'm sure there are some growly pugs, but I don't know them. And I, yeah, and I feel weird about, that's why we get old pugs. Yeah. Because I don't want to bring any more babies into the world unless, because I think it is a little odd that we breed. Honestly, it feels weird. It's weird.
Starting point is 00:43:03 We had golden retrievers all growing up. And they are the best. But watching what happens to their hips as they get older, I mean, it's like a very hard... You know, it's really sad. Maggie. I know, Maggie, my dog just passed away
Starting point is 00:43:19 last year. But that wasn't even a hip thing. It was stomach cancer. And literally within within weeks and it's just like yeah it's just so sad and then it's hard to you know of course the um suggestion is well you know get in get another dog like you know but then it's like you're signing up for that again again and yeah this is after we had lost our first dog they got maggie and now this is the second gold retriever they've lost. And I can tell my parents, like, we're not going to get another one. It's too hard.
Starting point is 00:43:47 It's too hard. Yeah. Well, maybe it's like when people have babies. Like my parents, they knew there's tons of mental illness and addiction on both sides of our family. Why'd they bring more suffering into the world? Why did you do this? Yeah. Why'd you do it?
Starting point is 00:44:02 Or just adopt. Like at least somebody who's already here but then you don't know what you're getting but then you don't know what you're getting yeah yeah well but then at least you've you've done somebody else uh a solid by uh being there for them and i don't know though i don't know if my parents i i i thought for a long time i got very obsessed about becoming a foster parent so much so that so that I listened to 40 episodes of the Foster Parenting Podcast, which is recorded here in Los Angeles by a lovely Christian couple. But they don't talk too much about Christ, for which I'm grateful. But it turns out being a foster parent is a shit ton of work.
Starting point is 00:44:47 It's a lot. And you have to be very stable and patient and show up to court dates. A lot of emotional energy. Yeah. Keep a relationship with the biological family. It's on. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. That's the rules or the law in L.A. anyways.
Starting point is 00:45:11 It's open adoption for their whole lives unless the parents sever the – which is good for the kids, I think, so they know. But it's intense. Like you're signing up for a lot of hard work. But I did listen to 40 episodes. Yeah. So you're prepared if need be. Or to encourage someone else to do it.
Starting point is 00:45:31 Yeah. Encourage them. Let's do it. You know what? Oh, gosh. Someone sent me that New York Times piece about, or was it in the New Yorker? Anyway.
Starting point is 00:45:39 One of the New Yorks. But it was this whole piece about this mother who is in this open adoption sort of relationship where she visits her biological child like every twice a year or once a year. And it's just, I mean, it's a beautiful setup. It's wonderful. But like, gosh, like just a gut punch like to your emotions. To mine as a reader, I was was like yeah oh this is so complicated and so and so generous and beautiful for the adults to sort of opt into this so anyway yeah it makes
Starting point is 00:46:12 you feel horrible about complaining about being tired interesting interesting have you guys tried cold brew oh all right wait one more thing about cold brew. When I have cold brew, I become a killing machine. You're on it. You're on it. You know the movie Lucy with Scarlett Johansson? That's me. I have not seen that movie. Can you act it out?
Starting point is 00:46:37 Well, the tagline of it is, you're only using, human beings only use 10% of their brains. And this is a situation where someone is using 100% of their brain. So that's like me for 15 minutes when like a cold brew sits in. I'm like, well, we're going to do this. And I would love to take that meeting. And look at that.
Starting point is 00:46:56 There's the treatment or whatever I'm doing. And also I scheduled a vacation and my flights. Landing. And then it's like, boosh. I've completed the paperwork for a 529 plan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then there's the whole bathroom experience that follows a cold brew. Oh. And good.
Starting point is 00:47:14 Okay, okay. You get a stomach disaster. Now, as a person, I'm embarrassed to say I have two massive cold brews per day. Oh my gosh. Again, I'm on Seroquil's, which is the non-generic antipsychotic that is very powerful.
Starting point is 00:47:31 So is that, so those are, that's you combating that? Yeah, I'm combating the sleepy, sleepy time. Oh, I see, that's how you even it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I still, I do have that same experience of like having a boat of ideas all at once. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:43 A glorious moment. And do you look back at the ideas and say, oh, those are cold brew ideas. A glorious moment. And do you look back at the ideas and say, oh, those are cold brew ideas. My husband sometimes has to stop me and go, why did you invite 12 people over tonight? Well, how else are we going to
Starting point is 00:48:01 network? Yeah, I want to meet people. I want to get into community. Well, this is my new. Get into community. I'm so, we get AARP magazine, and one of the things they say is the more relationships you have, the longer you'll live. So Sun Life started seeing human beings as life extenders. Let me tell you something.
Starting point is 00:48:21 How many days are you getting out of us? I don't know. Well, I guess we'll find out. We'll find out someday. I think I'm getting a year out of you, Maria Bamford. I live to 29. Oh, boy. It's so creepy, though, because my, yeah, Carmen Morales, who lives with us now, says,
Starting point is 00:48:45 how much time do you think you're getting out of me right now? Well, if we make eye contact for three to five seconds, maybe another week? Yeah. Oh, my God. You know, this is what you do, Maria. You invite over 12 people. You ask those New York Times 36 questions or whatever it is.
Starting point is 00:49:03 Oh, you all fall in love. To make you fall in love with someone. Or is that, no, that's not the function, but it's like 36 questions to get to know someone as completely as you can in a structured setting. Wait, is that something different than the Vogue 76 questions? Yes, well, those are videos. Okay.
Starting point is 00:49:19 But the 36 questions, like, should we look them up? Well, no, we can't do this on the podcast. No. Because podcasts famously, not a visual medium. Do we remember what's on there, Brad? Yeah, like, one of them is, like, the worst moment from your childhood. Oh, gosh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:35 What do you want to do with your life in the next five years? Where do you see yourself in the next five years? Yeah. But these are things that are deeply intimate, and I might not want to share in a given moment. I can never answer any of those questions. Do you believe in God? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:52 Do we believe in God? I believe we're a table of all atheists. Okay, but yeah. How is this happening? All atheists all the time. The 36 questions that lead to love. Oh, gosh. Okay.
Starting point is 00:50:04 Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? Oh, the dinner guest question. It's one person. One person. Oh, I'd want somebody like my grandmother who died in a fire of her own making while drinking and smoking.
Starting point is 00:50:18 Definitely gonna talk to her. Yeah, and you could buy her dinner because she needs a break. All right. Would you like to be famous in what way? I mean, I like to be universally beloved. I believe I said this before. I want to be beloved by enough people.
Starting point is 00:50:36 This is a hard question. This is tough. These are like a little too soul-bearing in a way. Do you want to be famous? Oh, yes. In the sense that Do you want to be famous? Oh, yes. In the sense that I want everyone to be because I can't
Starting point is 00:50:48 I have sometimes difficult saying hi to people. Right. And so if everyone can say hi to me that would really break the ice. There you go. That's why I've been
Starting point is 00:50:57 interested in show business. It's social efficiency. And this is a good that's a good lead into this one. Before making a telephone call do you ever rehearse what you're going to say? Why? Oh, never for me. They what you're going to say? Why?
Starting point is 00:51:05 Oh, never for me. They get you with the why there. And the answer is for me is like, yes, always because I'm anxious. Yeah. It depends on what the phone call would be. If it's a phone call to like a girlfriend who's mad at me. Well, then of course.
Starting point is 00:51:20 You got to have a plan. Yeah, you got to work it all out and go, but maybe I guess I try got to have a plan. You got to work it all out and go. But maybe I guess I try not to have a plan. And then then I just you're supposed to just listen. Yeah. Honestly, it's about listening and reacting. And I think that's how a conversation. I just going to center on me and what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:51:39 Jumping around here. Here's a good one. OK. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know? The concrete truth about one thing. About yourself. About yourself, your life, the future, or anything else. Now, this is like a broad question.
Starting point is 00:51:57 If I don't know the truth about myself, I don't know. That just seems like a gimme. Sure. Or it just seems like I think I know I'm selfish. Yeah. I'm self-absorbed. I mean, I think those are the two main ones. Do you consider yourself vain?
Starting point is 00:52:17 Vain in a different way, though, in a way where it's like, I don't want to look vain. Yeah. You know, like, yeah, I'm just, I don't wear makeup because it doesn't matter to me, but check it out. Yeah, but don't you, but really inside you're like, I'm coming off really naturally grounded. Right. I am relatable.
Starting point is 00:52:34 Check it, the check it out. Hashtag relatable queen. I would say, I would want to know how much longer we have on this planet. Oh, well that's morbid. It is morbid, but that's the truth I want. If I'm being told that a crystal ball, I don't know if you heard about this
Starting point is 00:52:49 crystal ball, but the crystal ball famously knows and famously doesn't lie. So I probably just want to know, like, okay, like, what's the gig here? What's the grand scheme? Because it feels like every day, like, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep. We're getting closer to you know what's headlines I hate the most?
Starting point is 00:53:06 The doomsday clock took one more second towards the end of the world. Fuck that. I don't want to hear about the doomsday clock. Yeah, well, and that sounds like, you know, AV Science Club telling us,
Starting point is 00:53:16 I mean, not that it's not true, but like, you know, wake up. Sure, sure. I don't know. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:53:23 I just think, I don't think I'd want to know anything, actually. Okay. From the ball at all. Ignorance is bliss. I would rather be surprised. Sure. Like, oh, you're going to die on the way home today.
Starting point is 00:53:40 Or, you know, whatever, your husband leaves you. It's like, oh, that's weird. Like, I want to know. I like a surprise. You would have rather not known that. I wouldn't have thought that's how it would wrap up but all right yeah cool make three true we statements each for instance we are both in this room feeling this is this is tough hot it's a little hot we are all hot we are all tied we're all tied and we're all admitting that oh we're all admitting that yeah we're being honest with each other ourselves brad and we're all ignoring oh and we all spoke for brad wow interesting but you are a piece of
Starting point is 00:54:20 meat and that's it hope you feel attractive hearing that pick one more and then we'll ask the question we'll do the last one this is number 36 what if they stole our question
Starting point is 00:54:31 what if number 36 was what is the culture that made you say culture is free I would sue I would sue I would file a lawsuit no that's hashtag
Starting point is 00:54:38 no no that's trademark TM TM little TM in the corner in the print community TM
Starting point is 00:54:44 trademark it go share a personal TM little TM in the corner in the pram community TM no trademark it go share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how
Starting point is 00:54:53 he or she or they might handle it also ask your partner to reflect back to you how you would
Starting point is 00:54:59 see how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen this is a crazy one this is a lot but I'll do it do it I have a ladies night where all the ladies to be feeling about the problem you have chosen. Oh, this is a crazy one. This is a lot.
Starting point is 00:55:06 But I'll do it. Do it. I have a ladies night where all the ladies are coming over to my house. I don't know how many ladies that's going to be. It could be two. It could be nine. It is people from all parts of my life. So it's people who don't know each other,
Starting point is 00:55:23 and it could get weird. And so I, I feel, and I'm also, I already have social anxiety, uh, in terms of, I, I, I love controlled communication. I love the podcast. I love a standup. I love a 12 step program. I love a list of questions. Yeah. You like the parameters. Oh God. You know, when do we stop? When do we start? Thank you. I don't like like a, you know, just chit chat in the street with my neighbor. There you go. When is, when's the hard out on this? Right, right.
Starting point is 00:55:53 So, yeah. So I don't know what to do to prepare myself for tonight. Okay. Well, first I would say that you seem when you i because you knew what you wanted to say right away yes i think you are actually on top of this more on top of this than you think okay and i think that being conscious of the fact that you're going to have many different sort of like temperatures in the room potentially i think that you are going to be a solid base for everyone and they'll come to you at your level.
Starting point is 00:56:29 And to add to that, that's how I feel. I think it's going to go well. Am I like the Ralph's grocery store roast chicken in the middle of the room? I was going to say exactly that. Yeah. Who's like, yeah, that's good. That's the level we're going to be eating at tonight.
Starting point is 00:56:48 You know, if somebody wanted to bring something fancy, that's up to you. Right. But we're going with roast chicken. We're going with the Ralph's roast chicken. We know what it is. There are no false pretences about it being a home roasted chicken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will add to that that yes, the fact that you are aware of your sort of
Starting point is 00:57:07 your grip on control, what am I saying? It just means that you have the awareness of the concept which means that you will have control in some way. Maybe not in the ways
Starting point is 00:57:17 that you think you will but in some way you'll have control. But I identify with that because last night I was going to meet up with some new friends and while I was getting ready and before I was going to get in the lift, I was so panicked.
Starting point is 00:57:29 And I was just like, and there really wasn't any reason to be nervous. But when I got in the room, I could, and even just seeing what the room looked like and looking at people in the face, I was like, I'm okay now because now I know what the rules are. You know what I mean? Like the spatial rules. There's like the idea of interacting sometimes will terrify me. And then I don't think anyone would think that about me when they're interacting with me because I'm pretty good at either faking it or doing it, whatever. But beforehand, I do get very nervous.
Starting point is 00:57:59 And I start forcing. Sometimes I do this at a party that I've hosted. I'll start forcing people to do certain things like um you guys let's just let's do a um a game yeah yeah yeah just because i'm so freaked out that i don't know the conversations died or or somebody's yeah and i i want to not do that like just let it let it be boring. Sure. Right. The game is a parameter. The game is a controlled environment.
Starting point is 00:58:28 Yeah. And I don't even like games. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. Because that game means competition, and you don't know how everyone's going to handle that. Yeah. And it might be just fun to chit chat.
Starting point is 00:58:39 I love to chit chat. And can I tell you what I really don't like the most? When someone says, hold on, you need to see this video. I don't like to gather. I don't think so, honey. When people gather around a computer, we're forced to gather around a computer unless we all are emphatically, enthusiastically consenting to the video. But when you're out to dinner with someone and they hand you a phone and they say, watch this video. It's like, eh, I'm not going to be able to hear it the way that it was intended maybe this isn't the moment maybe i've already seen it you know yeah no rack a raccoon on ibs later we'll watch it later yeah that's something i can do on my downtime right
Starting point is 00:59:17 there you go a raccoon with ibs would be fun yeah honestly no no it was uh it was up this uh what skyscraper that it was. It was an international sensation. Oh, wait, yes, you don't remember this? No. A raccoon crawling like 50 stories up to the top of a skyscraper in St. Paul. And pooping? No, not, I think the tower is called the IBS Tower. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:59:41 Can I tell you what my minds I saw? A raccoon running up a building having the shits the whole tower. Oh my God. Can I tell you what my minds I saw? A raccoon running up a building having the shits the whole time. Trickle down. Leaving a cascade or waterfall for those that don't know the word cascade of raccoon shit. Which I would imagine is watery for some reason.
Starting point is 00:59:58 Wow. Well, look at what they eat. They don't have good diets. They don't. They need to get on keto. But wait a minute. Did we just admit to ourselves that maybe we don't dislike chitchat after all? It has its moments.
Starting point is 01:00:10 It has its moments. But I know that it's not my strong suit. Sure. That I sometimes will, yeah, I'll try to connect. Yeah, I'll either, I've gotten into monologuing a little bit as I've grown older, which is super embarrassing. No. When I was shyer, I never did it. And now I'll hold court.
Starting point is 01:00:34 Do you believe you've become more outgoing over the years? Outgoing or have the idea that what I'm saying is interesting? Yes. Oh, that's the worst. have the idea that what I'm saying is interesting? That's the worst. You just gotta get the yes men out of your life and just have people be like Maria, this is too much. This story
Starting point is 01:00:54 about the raccoon? I don't know. Stop right there. Stop right there. We didn't know what the IBS was. No, no, no. If I can't describe it, you know, just let it go. Let it go.
Starting point is 01:01:08 I think it's time to ask the question. We must ask the question. Okay, okay, great. And this question is what we ask all of our guests. And it's a question of culture. Okay. Maria Bamford, when did you decide that culture was for you?
Starting point is 01:01:19 Like growing up, like you saw a movie or were influenced in some way by music or a particular television show or something like that. Something in pop culture that you feel sort of steered you in your cultural direction. Maybe even changed your life. This is the first thing that came to mind when I heard that question. The show Three's Company.
Starting point is 01:01:42 Wow, good one. I just, I love the camaraderie of the show Three's Company. Wow, good one. I just, I love the camaraderie of the show. And then it had a little bit of sexiness. Yeah, it was very sexy. And then the physical comedy and that he would keep falling over the couch and that it was in California. And I knew California was an interesting, dangerous place.
Starting point is 01:02:05 So it was that element of there's something unknown here. It's an edgy show for its time. We've gotten some flack in the past on this show for mis-summarizing. Oh, yeah. I thought I knew what the... It's been a very long time. I used to watch it on Nick at Night.
Starting point is 01:02:23 Yeah, yeah. And I thought I knew what the plot of's been a very long time. I used to watch it on Nick at Night. Yeah, yeah. And I thought I knew what the plot of the show was. And you said. I was like, he pretend that he's gay so he can live with the two hot girls. Is that right? No. No, it's that the guy, they won't rent to him if he's a straight dude with two hot girls. So he has to say that he's gay
Starting point is 01:02:45 so that he's not hooking up with the two straight girls. Oh. So it's this really weird moral window in our culture where it's like, I don't ever remember that being a thing. Yeah, I don't know. At least that's what I remember what it was. But I don't remember that being, except for, yeah, the goofy upstairs-downstairs thing
Starting point is 01:03:03 where people would be switching places because he had to be gone and they had different beds different places. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was one fierce physical comedian. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. Yeah, so good. But I never thought I could be on a show like that, but I just thought, oh, that's interesting. I mean, I had listened to stand-ups like Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy with my dad.
Starting point is 01:03:28 And that was heartening. But I never, I guess I didn't really think. And I watched Carol Burnett. But anyways, I just remember I loved Three's Company for some bizarre reason. And it was Anne Pepe Le Pew. Do you remember? Oh, sure. That was my sexual awakening. Oh,, and Pepe Le Pew, do you remember Pepe Le Pew? Oh, sure. That was my sexual awakening.
Starting point is 01:03:47 Oh, wow, Pepe. I was like, what is this feeling that I feel? I mean, you feel attractive. He's flirting with you through the screen. Yeah, he was painting that cat to look like a skunk and she was trying to get away from him
Starting point is 01:03:58 because she wasn't a skunk. And then like somehow, I mean, it's the weird. It was his bravado it was his pursuit confidence and the pursuit confidence and and yeah no he knowing that he she loved him even though anyways and a bit i'm sure it's a bit of that romance novel rape fantasy thing yeah yeah not the greatest no not the i don't know in this social climate how peppy lepew is holding up sure peppy lepew is on a list but i mean who's to say that
Starting point is 01:04:35 the cat didn't feel attractive wasn't didn't we don't know but that's the that's the thing is it's not for us to say and we never heard it and therefore maybe it doesn't matter. The look on her face though was of confusion and shock. Of course. It wasn't of delight. It wasn't of delight. Right, right. I don't know if there was
Starting point is 01:04:53 enthusiastic consent. So we always say on the show podcast or visual media we have to make the visual emphatic that we're all confused and shocked and upset in this moment. We're very stirred.
Starting point is 01:05:04 Very stirred. By Pepe Le yeah. In this moment. We're very stirred. Very stirred. Bye Pepe, love you. I honestly, Three's Company, I'm very grateful that I was growing up in a time when that was on Nick at Night. Because I actually, people that are even a little bit younger than us don't have any idea what that is,
Starting point is 01:05:20 what I Love Lucy is. I can't believe that people don't know what I Love Lucy is, but where would they have i can't believe that people don't know what i love lucy is but where would they have access to it if they're if television just isn't showing it um or people don't watch tv anymore they watch youtube right right or they have to like opt in through several filters to be like okay i'm gonna go on netflix and then i'm gonna and then i'm gonna decide on what to watch where it's like you just turn on the tv and then it would come to you yeah i try to think of what i would watch if I were a baby today.
Starting point is 01:05:47 And I think if I were a baby today, I would just watch Swedish murder shows. Right. Honestly, you know what's funny is like the old shows now they're showing. I did air quotes, y'all. The quote unquote old shows are like friends. And I mean, you know, the old will and grace.
Starting point is 01:06:06 They've aged. Sure. Right. But it's so funny to think about those as like the classic shows that we're showing you. Yeah. And not like even the facts of life. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:15 You know what I mean? Not even like cheers. Like, right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Where?
Starting point is 01:06:19 And like, they have to be seen. Sure. I love Lucy has to be seen. Everyone has to know Vita by the Vegeman. Yeah. Yeah. I Love Lucy has to be seen. Everyone has to know Vida Vida Vegeman. Yeah, yeah. I Love Lucy is very good. The only thing is I compare myself with her
Starting point is 01:06:30 because I'm a lady, the comedian. I go, oh, again, she has the kind of energy that I will never have. Sure. It's okay. I'm a one podcast day lady, and I'm not even hosting it. But hey, you're not wearing yourself out with cigarettes.
Starting point is 01:06:46 Like you're not chain smoking like Lucille did. Right? Was she a chain smoker? Oh yeah. And then her voice got all sort of raspy and gorgeous by the end. Yeah, Joan Rivers too, to the very last day was
Starting point is 01:06:57 gotta keep the weight down. Grinding. I saw her. Was she important for you? Joan? Joan Rivers. Yes. I didn't relate as much to her because she was so different. Yeah, she's so balls out or whatever.
Starting point is 01:07:13 I am much more demure, passive aggressive. She was aggressive. Yeah, yeah. Which is awesome. I think that's more genuine sometimes. My husband's from Philadelphia originally and I'm trying to learn from him, you know,
Starting point is 01:07:32 like just say it. Hey, that sucks. Well, you did it. You're an idiot. Can I tell you something? You're going to get a chance to do that literally right now. What? Because this is the time for our segment, I Don't Think So, Honey,
Starting point is 01:07:49 which is our segment that we do on every episode, which is you take one minute to rant, or if you don't want to rant, to emphatically state or plainly state something in culture or something in life that bugs you like nothing else you say I don't think so honey this thing Bowen and I will demonstrate
Starting point is 01:08:09 we do this every episode it's our one minute to rant about something in culture and I have something you have something from years of experience I have something
Starting point is 01:08:16 okay so we'll demonstrate this is Matt Rogers I don't think so honey his time starts now I don't think so honey couples who give PDA in restaurants oh I don't think so honey because as starts now i don't think so honey couples who give pda in restaurants
Starting point is 01:08:25 i don't think so honey because as a server it's very difficult for me in my 10 years serving to engage with you while you are doing this and also i don't think so honey if you tell me that you didn't get good service but you were clearly engaged in pda the whole time when i was trying to do my job and i i think so, honey, myself as a server. For many years, I was very good. Towards the end, do we care less? Yeah. But I don't think so, honey.
Starting point is 01:08:51 30 seconds. Also, people are eating and like it's distracting. Not that affection is disgusting, but I don't think so, honey, in a mixed company setting, you come out to be in public. And also, I don't think't think so honey when people sit on the same side of the booth when couples are sitting on the same side of the booth i'm always just like i don't know because now i feel like interacting with you both is is strange maybe i'm i'm thinking too inside the box in terms of restaurant interaction but i don't think so honey these
Starting point is 01:09:19 couples who make it about them in restaurants let Let people die. And that's one minute. Wonderful. Gosh. That to me feels... Good to know. Selfish. Yes, so when I see you and the hubby out there... Oh God, and our tongues out.
Starting point is 01:09:35 Yeah, your tongue's wagging. Put them back in the mouth. Eyes flapping. My husband's peen is peeking out. His peen's peeking out. Peen's poking. Everything. I'm sloshing in my pants. Boob on a head. Boob on a head. His peen's peeking out. Peen's poking. Everything. I'm sloshing in my head.
Starting point is 01:09:46 Boob on a head. Boob's on his head. His butt's on the plate. I don't think so. Your foot's in his mouth. Oh, that's fun. Listen, nothing like a prune feed. That's what we do.
Starting point is 01:09:59 I feed him prunes. That's an old Christian, teen Christian church game. A prune feed. Oh, a prune feeding. Yeah, it's just something fun. You put a plastic baggy on your foot and then you feed the guys prunes. That is fun.
Starting point is 01:10:17 And see who can eat the most. What did you do at the lockout? We did prune feeds. I used to try to bite Henry's toe and he really didn't like it. Oh, your ex-boyfriend. Yeah. Anyway, that's a little sharing.
Starting point is 01:10:29 No, no, this is awesome. I just thought sometimes, well, this is, sometimes when he didn't like, he didn't like to be tickled. And I would say that most people don't, will not. You don't like to be tickled?
Starting point is 01:10:39 I don't like it. It's a good thing you're not in a relationship with me. Matt, this is an issue of, I will say there's some element of consent in tickling where the tickled party, if they don't like it, you gotta stop. Well, he would laugh. But that's the thing about getting tickled.
Starting point is 01:10:54 That's what's crazy about tickling. It's a physiological response to laugh. Yes, even though you're laughing, you're not liking. Exactly. Well, we're all learning more. And more and more each day. I have one, I have one. This is Bowen Yang's I Don't Think So Honey,
Starting point is 01:11:06 and he has one, people. And his time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey, these small-ass headphones. I Don't Think So Honey, normative head sizes, even. I can't pull off baseball caps for my life. And now I gotta deal with these headphones all week
Starting point is 01:11:22 that are just constricting my blood flow to my head. My most important part of my body, shall we say. Yes. I will go out on a limb and say my head is the most important part of my body. And to have these small headphones that press up against my ear, that jam my glasses into my skull. I haven't thought about that. You know, the pain is insidious it's not painful but over time
Starting point is 01:11:48 it can really drive you to madness shall we say because the headwear in general for me I've always had to walk through this life and navigate spaces with nothing on my head and sometimes I want
Starting point is 01:12:04 an extra layer of protection that I can't have because the market is working against me. And that's one minute. And that's one minute. And you know what? We are all privileged to have tiny heads. Absolutely. You all are.
Starting point is 01:12:15 And mine is too big. Oh, no, I have a giant head too. You do? I got an extra large graduation cap. They had to order it specially. See? What? I had to do the same for me and
Starting point is 01:12:25 my whole life it's been this thing that I've had to accept but no longer. I think my head is also big and look at how the back of my skull juts out. Oh, yes. You see it, right? It's not normal. That's a fucked up pillow your mom put you on as a child, maybe. Are you saying my mother didn't raise
Starting point is 01:12:41 me perfect? I might. You'll have to answer to her. She's a listener of the pod. She's a listener of the pod. She's lovely. Oh, she loves the pod. What's her name? Her name is Katrina. Katrina.
Starting point is 01:12:50 Hello, Katrina. Oh, she will love that. You've done such a lovely job of raising your son. Thank you so much. At least Maria thinks so. Yeah. Fine. And now we're going to find out what else Maria thinks.
Starting point is 01:13:00 Because it's time for your I Don't Think So Honey. Okay. And Maria Bamford. This is my first one. Yes, first one. First of many, we hope. Okay.'s time for your I don't think so, honey. Okay. And Maria Bamford. This is my first one. Yes, first one. First of many, we hope. Okay. Your time starts now.
Starting point is 01:13:10 Okay. I don't think so, honey. Every time I go for cold brew at Starbucks and they are out. Oh. They're out at 10 a.m. That is unkind, unfair.
Starting point is 01:13:24 You have this big poster. This floor-to-ceiling poster that says cold brew. It has a beautiful picture of a foaming cold brew with foam on the top. I've grown addicted. You've given me the substance that I have to have. 30 seconds. Otherwise, I'm going to feel really depressed all day. And I'm genuinely depressed. I've tried to have an iced coffee.
Starting point is 01:13:48 It's not good. Oh, an iced Americano. Do you want an iced Americano? Do you want a cup of spit? 15 seconds. I bet they don't. No, it's not fair. I do appreciate that you create the pint-sized bottles that take to go.
Starting point is 01:14:04 Thank you. Five seconds. If you could have that at every Starbucks in every airport that I'm at, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you, Starbucks. Wow. That's one minute. I bet every listener is nodding their head emphatically because I don't think so, honey, when people advertise things that they do not have. If you have a sign, it should be there at all times.
Starting point is 01:14:24 And I've been a terrible restaurant employee. I respect what you did. We are the elite. But I was not good at it. And there were times when I didn't do a good job, where I'd say, oh, we're out of Diet Coke. That happens a lot, too. Hey, isn't there a thing where you bring it up from
Starting point is 01:14:46 the basement and then hook it up to the machine oh i guess i could do that yeah yeah yeah for sure anyways i i think it's it's just me being irritated with my past self looking myself in and you know in real time and going you're out of cold brew? I know you could make it. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like you are a coffee place. I don't think it's acceptable to be out of what is essentially coffee. And yet, are they being fairly paid?
Starting point is 01:15:16 Probably not. Probably not. I don't know. I think the Starbucks people are pretty good. A living wage is $25 an hour in New York and Los Angeles if you want to live in a, I think it's a share one bedroom apartment. You know what?
Starting point is 01:15:28 I think you're, that's definitely, and it's definitely, that's definitely not what they're going to pay. No. Yeah. I will say you contending with your own service past, food service past, is about, it's not about inventory, like it might be at Starbucks where they might just be out of cold brew and they have to brew more and it'll take however many hours.
Starting point is 01:15:47 That is just them just sort of not having their inventory straight. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, no, no. Their stock or whatever. I can't stand when they're not on top of refilling supplies. And it's also like 10 in the morning. It wasn't like, you know, 1. Yeah, no, it wasn't like 5 p.m it's like i and and i think as
Starting point is 01:16:06 an addict um i it's it doesn't feel fair right um you've set me up to meet this and then uh the bar doesn't open till four yeah yeah that's not right this isn't okay this isn't okay so i want to congratulate you on being very aggressive. Thank you. You were incredibly aggressive. I complained. Yes. And I'm not, I was worried that I wouldn't be as good.
Starting point is 01:16:34 Thank you so much. No, you did it. You were a pro. That was a good one. You were a pro. Oh, thank you. Thank you. And a pro through and through. And also, it's truly our honor to have you on this podcast.
Starting point is 01:16:46 Las Culturistas. Thank you. I'm grateful to be a part of the Las Culturistas. Yes, my dad can't say it either. And some people said the other day, Culturistas. I was like, I think you might be doing too much. You're trilling a little bit too much on that. It's just Culturistas.
Starting point is 01:17:02 There you go. Culturistas. Marina Bamford did an impression of me. I'm honored. Me gusta. Dinero, dinero, dinero. We finished every episode with a little song, Bowen. Yes. And what will that song be?
Starting point is 01:17:19 Oh, that song will be. Here we go. When a girl like you go when a girl like you when a girl like you listen the music video
Starting point is 01:17:41 is good we don't know the words maybe that's a comment on the song itself but the music video made me cry. Love you, Maroon 5.
Starting point is 01:17:46 Love you, Adam Levine. Thank you so much, Maria Bamford. Thank you for having me. Bye. Bye. Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production.
Starting point is 01:17:56 Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest
Starting point is 01:18:13 Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook. I'm Joe Gatto. I'm Steve Byrne.
Starting point is 01:18:26 Together we do the Two Cool Moms podcast, which is a podcast where we help dispense advice to our loyal listeners. Everybody has an issue. Everybody has something that they need help with. Right. And that's where we come in. Because our moms, we're cool moms,
Starting point is 01:18:40 we like to think that we have inherited their maternal advice, and we try to just do some good. Besides being comedians, we love to help. Guys, bring us your queries. They could be personal questions. They could be serious. They could be lighthearted. But know this, we are here for you. Yeah, you can find us wherever you listen to your podcast or on the iHeartRadio app. Hey, I'm Gianna Pradenti. And I'm Jermaine Jackson-Gadsden. We're the hosts of Let's Talk Offline from LinkedIn News and iHeart Podcasts. There's a lot to figure out when you're just starting your career.
Starting point is 01:19:09 That's where we come in. Think of us as your work besties you can turn to for advice. And if we don't know the answer, we bring in people who do, like negotiation expert Maury Tahiripour. If you start thinking about negotiations as just a conversation, then I think it sort of eases us a little bit. Listen to Let's Talk Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey there, I'm Dr. Maya Shankar, and I'm a scientist who studies human behavior.
Starting point is 01:19:34 Many of us have experienced a moment in our lives that changes everything, that instantly divides our life into a before and an after. On my podcast, A Slight Change of Plans, I talk to people about navigating these moments. Their stories are full of candor and hard-won wisdom. And you'll hear from scientists who teach us how we can be more resilient in the face of change. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 01:20:00 Hey, y'all. Nimany here. I'm the host of a brand-new history podcast for kids and families called Historical Records. Executive produced by Questlove, The Story Pirates, and John Glickman, Historical Records brings history to life through hip-hop. Get the kids in your life excited about history by tuning in to Historical Records. Listen to Historical Records on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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