Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "I Don't Think So, Honey! 10" (Part 2)

Episode Date: January 18, 2019

The 10th installment of “I Don’t Think So, Honey!” Live is here! Part Two featuring: Jackie Johnson, Greta Titelman, Emily Fightmaster, Atsuko Okatsuka, Niccole Thurman, Jimmy Fowlie, Jared Goldstein, John Hartman, Peter Kim, Justin Sayre, Kat Palardy, Bri Pruett, Drew Kraft, Jonathan Rowell, Madison Shepard, Casey Ley, Aisha Alfa, Mitra Jouhari, Chelsea Davidson, Francesca Fiorentini, Lydia Popovich, Alexandra Ford, Sue Smith, Alyssa Limperis, Jamie Loftus, and Tami Sagher. Hosted by Matt Rogers & special guest co-host Joel Kim Booster!---MERCH! MERCH! GET YOUR LAS CULTURISTAS MERCH!https://www.teepublic.com/stores/las-culturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST. LAS CULTURISTAS IS PRODUCED BY EMMA FOLEY.http://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/las-culturistas/ Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Look, man. Where? Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow, is that culture? Yes. Oh, my goodness.

Wow. Las Culturistas. We've had some incredible I Don't Think So Honey so far. We have, let me tell you, actually 26 more tonight because we had somebody rejoin the lineup. Just 25 little minutes, 26 little minutes. That's all. Yeah, come on.

We're going to breeze through this three hours later. We're fucking dying. Nobody goes over time. All right. Are you guys ready to resume? And I also just wanted to say thank you guys so much for coming out. And Bowen Yang does send all of his love. Yeah.

He's busy spending time with his new best friend and podcast partner, Jason Momoa, who will host SNL this week and I think will be good. But you know what? You guys didn't even notice Bone was gone, right? Ugh. Too much. All right. So this next group is called Lifestyle and Lifestyle.

Give it up for Jackie Johnson. Give it up. Grant the title man. Emily Fightmaster. Asuko Akatsuka. And Nicole Thurman. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Ladies. No ladies stand up. You got to give it to them. Because when we ask for a look, this is what we ask for, bitch. And that's why I instinctually knew to put them together. Yes. Oh, my God. And because podcasts are famously a visual medium, I'm going to say this is stunning on the eyes.

Stunning on the eyes, truly. Now, I would say, why don't we go ahead and bring Jackie Johnson to the mic? Jackie Johnson, get up here. The Natch Butte. The Natch Butte, her very self. Hello, Jackie. Your honeys are here. Love it, love it. I do think so, honeys.

I appreciate that. Yes. Okay, so Jackie, listen, we got a troll bowl here. We also have, I'm sure, a pre-planned topic. She's a pro. What are we thinking? She's a pro. Pre-planned.

Okay. Okay. I love the drama. A little Bane switch. I love the drama. So Jackie Johnson, it's your time to I Don't Think So Honey Live. Your time will start now. I Don't Think So Honey Celebrities Doing Podcasts, okay?

Listen, listen. We are all UCB improvisers trying to sell fucking quip toothbrushes to fucking pay our rent, okay? Fuck you, Anaveris. Fuck you, Conan. I really thought more of you. Fuck you, Dax Shepard and your fucking armchair

and your fucking mansion that Kristen Bale's frozen residuals bought. Come to my fucking apartment, okay? 30 seconds. I don't have AC. I don't have a covered parking spot. So fucking use code Natch, okay? Buy Squarespace.

Buy fucking Blue Apron and Oprah. Oprah. I'm really disappointed in you. You're worth 2.8 billion fucking dollars and now you're selling caspers have you ever slept on a fucking casper mattress Oprah no bitch

I sleep on one every fucking night use code natch support comedians and that's one minute Jackie Johnson it's rule of culture number 49 use code Nash Jackie Johnson

please run for president I think I'll start a podcast and that wasn't what we wanted or meant here's an old pro coming to the stage Greta Teitelman one of the icons of the form the skin on these ladies I could really teach a college course in this bullshit Greta Teitelman. One of the icons of the form.

The skin on these ladies. I could really teach a college course in this bullshit. You really could. Everyone backstage is like, don't be nervous, babe. You're just like consoling everyone. Now you said you weren't sure. What are you going to do? What are you going to do right now? You're on stage.

I said I had a pre-select, but I'm a crazy bitch and I want a troll, babe. I want a pre-select, but I'm a crazy bitch, and I want a troll bag. Yes. I want a troll. I'm a reaching, and I'm a… If I don't know it, though. You know it. Oh, my God. You know it. This is going to be…

This is meant to be. I'm so happy you did this. Hold on to your butts. So, Greg Titleman, your I don't think so many honey trouble topic is Gwyneth Paltrow. Take her down, bitch. And in the lifestyle category even. And your time starts now. I don't think so honey

Gwyneth Paltrow because you fucking suck and we all hate you and we can unite on that. Okay? With your jade egg and your goop and your beauty secrets and all this shit.

I'd look hot fucking too if I had a chef and a staff and I used to fuck Brad Pitt, okay? The best you ever were was when you fucked Brad Pitt and I'm sorry that you let him go. Seven was the best time for you because your head got cut off, okay?

And that's fucking real. I don't even know what else you've been in so you wear calvin klein and symmetrical bland colors i don't give a fuck about you change your hair blake danner is hotter than you and that is something you have to live 15 seconds you want to know who's a good actress your mom you want to know who's a good musician your ex fucking husband you are you named your kid apple and then you have the audacity to name your son moses they will hate you bitch that's one minute wow that was one minute and that's great and i want to say something i want to say something right here and now. That was a real trouble because she went negative. She went

for Gwyneth Paltrow's whole life. Who knows? Who knows how Greta really feels about Gwyneth, okay? Who knows? It's unclear. All we know is what she just did. And you know what? It was like watching a new Supreme come into being. Yes! A new Supreme. A new blonde bitch.

Okay. And with this in mind, everyone, Emily Fightmaster! I'm going to rip that suit right off. Okay, Emily. What are we thinking? What are we thinking? So there's a bowl.

It just produced quite a result. There's also the pre-planned, pre-prepared, if you you will option. Whatever you want. No I've been upset for a while about this. And you gotta speak. So this is Emily Fightmasters I Don't Think So Honey. Time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey

fucking Oceans 8 fucking lesbian melodrama. You put Kay Blanchett and Sandra Bullock in the same movie and you refer to them as partners and they get this close to each other

but they never fuck. Man, fuck you. Yes, yes. And I'm so tired of it. I love Cate but she can't be a queer icon if the only thing

she's known for is big dyke energy but she's not a dyke in real life. Okay, that doesn't count. Okay, and Carol. 36. I did some scientific research and it turns out i'm the only fucking person in the world that saw carol so how the fuck is kate a queer icon from this movie y'all and i don't think it's all honey

if you put kate blanchett and her fucking cheekbones in one more movie and she doesn't wear her female co-star's pussy like a glove, I'm not watching! And that's one minute. Emily Fightmaster, a master of the form. Unbelievable. Take me home It's true, she asked real questions

All of a sudden she's a queer icon Have we seen her like really kiss a woman? I don't know because I haven't seen Carol Sorry Alright, here she comes A true icon, Atsuko Katsuka Please come to the mic Oh my goodness Atsuko Katsuka. Please come to the mic. Oh my goodness.

Atsuko, here we go. And listen, we got the troll bowl. We got probably many, many. But she plays by her own rules. So I don't know. What's she going to do? No, I see you. I see your troll bowl.

But I think I'm going to troll on something here. Okay. Troll on something there. All right. Atsuko, your time begins now. I don't think so, honey. Julie Chan Moonves. Asian wife.

Asian wife of Les Moonves. That's right. You're going to hear it twice tonight. Why, Auntie Chan? I do not think so. What? Did I move to the States illegally? Live in a garage for seven years?

That's right. For you to turn your back on me? What do you mean? What? Girl, we're both immigrants. Grew up in poverty. Both married a white man. What? We should be the same person. What do you mean? Have we gone through the same trials and tribulations? You turned your back. What? Oh, only to watch you on Big Brother signing off as I've been Julie Chen Moonves. That hurt me. Oh, Julie Chen Moonves. Whatever happened to Julie Chen?

Be an independent woman. Moonves. Oh, that really hurt me. And also, what a shitty way to find out Big Brother was still on air. I had no idea. It's been 18 years. Take that shit off.

Five seconds. Julie Chen, let's just Moonves out of here. That's one minute. Give it up for her. Julie, let's say it one more time. Let's say it one more time. Julie Chen, history will remember you.

And I'm sorry, but we have another rule of culture. It's rule of culture number 98. Julie Chen, moon vest out of culture. It's rule of culture number 98. Julie Chen, Moonves, out of here. A little bit nonsense. Obsessed with that. And the obsession continues because Nicole Thurman is here. Ooh.

Hello. You are here. I love the eyes. We're so happy you're here. I make up inspired by Tracee Ellis Ross. Thank you very much. Thank you, Tracee, for the inspiration. You certainly are going to be doing. I make up inspired by Tracy Ellis Ross. Thank you very much. Thank you, Tracy, for the inspiration. And you certainly are going to be doing an I Don't Think So Honey on Miss Tracy.

So what is it going to be? Is it going to be the troll ball? You know what? I'm a little scared, but I think I'm going to do the troll ball. Yes, she is. Yes, she is. Pray for me, y'all. Pray for me.

It's a little scary. Pray for me. She got training. She got training. You'll be fine. Okay. Okay. Okay.

I like this one. I like this one. I think this is good for you. Okay. training. She got training. You'll be fine. Okay. I like this one. I like this one. I think this is good for you. Okay. Nicole. Yes. Your I don't think so honey troll bowl topic is the legendary Clint Eastwood. Bring him down bitch.

Your time starts now. Okay. I don't think so honey Clint Eastwood. Listen up bitch. You old ass bitch. You don't think that we don't know you an old ass racist bitch. We don't like you. You starting to look like my grandma. And you know what? That is sad for you. My grandma's hot. You got a problem, dude. I don't think so, honey. Clint Eastwood. You used to think you were some big badass guy. Now you're just a little old man. When are you going to die, Clint Eastwood? 30 seconds. I don't think so, honey. You old ass dude. This ain't a Western anymore, okay? I saw that movie where you were sitting on your porch being racist to those Asian people. You think that was okay?

You directed that movie and you think that was okay? We don't think that was okay, Clint Eastwood. You trying to play yourself you're trying to play us you're trying to make us pay $16 to see your racist movies five seconds you know what Clay Eastwood

I will say that your son is very fucking hot and he can call me anytime he wants though Scott Eastwood and that's one minute I don't think so honey yes

and clearly I do think so honey extra points awarded for a Scott Eastwood for Scott Eastwood thank. For Scott Eastwood. Thank you. And even more extra points. You know what?

Shooting on Gran Torino, that is intersectionality. Yes. Okay? Thank you. Thank you. And please give it up for Lifestyle.

And Lifestyle, Jackie Johnson, Greta Teitelman, Emily Fightmaster, Atsuko Akatsuka, and Nicole Thurman. That was an extremely strong group. That was good. That was a way to come out the gate strong.

But you know what? I'm excited about this next group. I'm excited about this next name. Because these are our sisters. It's very close to my heart. This next group is called Ackbar Trash. Everyone give it up for

Jimmy Fowley Jared Goldstein John Hartman Peter Kim And Justin Sayre Look at this Ackbar trash Not one of these in sight Look at these Ackbar trash

So many sisters on the stage Let's start with some trash Let's start with Jimmy Fowley please Hey bitch Hi how are you What's it gonna be on the stage. Let's start with some trash. Let's start with Jimmy Fallon, please. Hey, bitch. Hi, how are you? What's it gonna be? We're so good. We have the troll bowl here,

celebrated improviser. We also have, I know, some fucking fabulous ideas up in that head. I don't know. I'm actually undecided. I don't know if I should do

the troll bowl. Troll bowl? They're always gonna say troll bowl. They're always gonna say it. Okay, well, we'll see how this goes. I should do the troll bowl. Troll bowl? They're always going to say troll bowl. They're always going to say it. Okay, well, we'll see how this goes. I'll do the troll bowl. Wow! Here we go. You've ordered the troll bowl. Okay.

The troll bowl really threw you a curveball. It's giving you something I think good. Your I don't think so, honey, troll bowl topic Jimmy Fowley is Abraham Lincoln. And your time starts now. I don't

think so honey Abraham Lincoln. You think that you're so great because you're tall? The hat is adding inches honey. I'm so tired of you coming around here being like I'm the 16th president. Bitch I've been following the elections and I'm not that of you coming around here being like I'm the 16th president bitch I've been following the elections and I'm not that impressed with 16 as far as I know it's 16 you're on the penny honey

oh wow wow that's really I mean honey you're not even listening to me anymore. Honey, I saw your face and this is rude to call someone ugly. But that mole, like there's other stuff you could do. Grow the beard up. I mean, and don't think that I haven't heard the rumors about you. 15 seconds. Honey, you're married. She loves you. Be loyal.

I believe you're married. Yes. Yes. Honey, it's all going to come down to this. Five seconds. That cherry tree, you chopped Be loyal. I believe you're married. Yes. Honey, it's all going to come down to this. That cherry tree, you chopped it down. Honey, I'm going to chop you down. That's one minute.

No one say anything. No one say a goddamn word. Here's the thing. Was it Abraham Lincoln? Jimmy, I wish Abraham Lincoln had chopped down that tree. Oh, it was someone else. It was George Washington.

And 100 points. Jimmy Fallon, everyone. But you had amazing points about the fact that he was gay. Oh, another sister coming to the stage. Please give it up for Jared Goldstein. Look at those locks. Oh, best hair coming to the stage. Please give it up for Jared Goldstein. Look at those locks.

Best hair in the room tonight. Thank you so much. Luscious. Male, female, non-binary, doesn't matter. He's got the best hair. We have the best hair. Jared. So listen, you can decide.

I've decided pre-selected. Okay. Okay, and that's fine. We love that choice for you. And I love that. So listen. Yes. Jared. Your I don't think so honey time will begin now.

I don't think so honey. The leprechaun from the movie The Leprechaun. You are ugly and I don't like you bitch. You are too scary. I am still scared of you to this day and I am 30. It is not okay. It is

sad. A friend of mine sent me a gif of the leprechaun. It scared me so much I had to run up my stairs every night for three weeks. I don't think so, honey. You're too scary. The only thing scarier in that movie was Jennifer Aniston's original nose.

I'm rude. I don't care. And to quote, to quote Sister Pod, seek treatment. The leprechaun. The leprechaun. Look at me. Look at me. Fix your face.

Fix your body. And stop scaring everybody but mainly me. Ten seconds. Ten seconds. Look, you have had so many sequels, but you will never be glamour. Five seconds. In the fourth movie, you went to space. In the fifth movie, you have had so many sequels, but you will never be glamour. Five seconds. In the fourth movie, you went to space. In the fifth movie, you went to the hood.

This bitch went to the Jupiter before she went to Compton. That's fucking racist. I don't think so, honey. And that's why you made it. Jericho scene. Bravely quoting seek treatment here tonight. Coming for Jay Aniston. Okay.

Another great cardigan coming to the stage. Please give it up for my friend, John Hartman. Okay. I love an icy stare. This intensity. This intensity. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's it going to be?

Again, another improviser. Celebrated improviser. Celebrated for his improvising. It's like, it's crazy. The trouble is screaming out. But you know what? I don't want to take the fact away that you might have an amazing pre-prepared topic. Because he's got a great brain.

Well, I'm going to do something near and dear to my heart. It's the troll bowl. Oh! I love it. I love it. I love it when the gays go for the troll bowl. We're getting lots of people picking the troll bowl. I hope I don't know it.

Okay. Maybe one of your idols. Yeah. I don't know. He's a Maybe one of your idols. Yeah. I don't know. He's a Second City alum. Is it Julie Chen? No. No, no.

Please. All right. Your I Don't Think So Honey Troll Bowl topic is, in fact, Steve Carell. And your time begins now. I don't think so, honey, Steve Carell. Okay, maybe we both did come from the same hollowed institution of the second city. But let's forget that right now. What happened to your wife, Nancy Wall?

She had a wonderful career going and now she does opening bits on SNL for you. And you get to do everything serious movies, funny movies, theater. You know who else does theater that we aren't talking about? 30 seconds. Cherry Jones. The first woman of the American theater, but we can't talk about her because Steve Carell is

doing something instead. So I don't think so, honey, Steve Carell. You brought your children to SNL. 15 seconds. Which is fine. That's a lovely gift for them. But I don't think so, honey. Welcome to Marwen. I don't know what it's about, but there's talk of a hate crime in it, and it doesn't

look like you're doing something helpful for gay people in that. Five seconds left? I don't think so, honey. Over 50 years of LOL at Second City, only about five of them were from you. And that's what made it. I'm so happy you brought this up,

John Hartman. What the fuck is Welcome to Marwen? It is your next favorite movie, okay? I'm gonna see it probably opening day. I'm gonna see it midnight. Midnight. Is it Barbies? I think it's Barbies. I think it might be Barbies. He is supposed to be gay.

Okay. To be continued. Anyway, in the meantime. A true sister. Peter Kim, get up here. Hi, Peter Kim. Hi. Hi.

I love to share the stage. I love to share the stage with you. Peter, what are we doing? I have something I want to rant about. Okay. I get that. I get that. Peter Kim, your time begins now. Okay, I get that. I get that. Peter Kim, your time begins

now. Okay, I don't think so, honey. Tops who refuse to eat butt. Okay? Are you fucking crazy? My ass is like a hooptie in the winter. You gotta warm it up before you take a ride, honey.

Okay? What the fuck? Tops who don't eat butt. What else are you bringing to the table? Residual misogyny? I don't think so, honey. Okay, bottoms have to do everything. We have to eat right.

We have to clean out. We got to spritz the hole with the rose water. What the fuck are you bringing? You come over with your dirty ass dick that's been scrunched up in boxer briefs all day And you expect me to suck it?

I mean I will because 15 I was raised with manners honey Okay Let me tell you My ass, my booty hole Is a cave of wonders And the secret passcode

Ain't open sesame. It's I like rose water on your ass, honey. I don't think so, honey. And that's Peter Kim. That's culture. We just spent a long time on that. I don't think so, honey. Grilling our friend who doesn't eat butt.

There's a few tops in here who aren't eating ass. And we see you. And just like Julie Chen, history will remember you. Thank you, Peter Kim. And now coming to the stage, this is an icon. A true icon. He's about to feed the children. He is about to feed the children tonight.

I am so sad he only gets a minute. Justin. Justin. Thank you for gracing our stage. Thank you. Do you like my outfit? I dressed as your mom doing a community theater production of

Grease. And that is exactly what she wore. Right? That is what she wore. There were worse things she could do. Listen, Justin, there's two options, as you're probably well aware. Yes. I prepared something because it's my birthday

tonight. And can we say happy birthday? And can we say happy birthday on three? One, two, three. Happy birthday. That's it. We don't have time. Justin, what are you going to do?

Oh, you're going to go your own pre-select. Yes. Your time begins now. I don't think so, honey. Planning your birthday as an adult. I'm sorry.

I don't want to clean my apartment for two days and buy a mountain of hummus that nobody's going to eat because your boyfriend's still on meth and we're all not talking about it. I'm sorry that I'm going to invite you over to my house and put out coasters, but nobody's going to fucking use those coasters because you're all heathens.

And I'm sorry that you're just going to sit around my house and bore up the place when we could be at a restaurant where when the bill comes, I watch you nickel and dime how much you love me. 30 seconds. Happy birthday to me, for Christ's sakes. And I don't want your presents from Urban Outfitters, and I don't want some stupid mug that has some funny saying on it

or some RuPaul's Drag Race tchotchke. If you want to buy me a present, get Harry Styles to sit on my fucking face because I'm 15 years old, and that's what I want. I don you want to buy me a present, get Harry Styles to sit on my fucking face because I'm 13 years old and that's what I want. I don't want to travel with you because you don't travel well, just like the hummus I'm stuck with in my fucking refrigerator.

It's my birthday and I want to celebrate how I like. It's why I always carry my keys in LA because I'm always going the fuck home. And that's one minute. Justin Sayre. And a rule of culture. It's rule of culture number 100.

If you want to get me a birthday present, have Harry Styles sit on my face. Give it up for this Akbar trash. Jimmy Fallon, Jared Goldstein, John Hartman, Peter Kim, and the iconic Justin Sayre. Oh, he is not invited to my 31st where we will be going to Key West. Okay. Wow.

So this next group coming to the stage. I'm so sad. What? What did you say? I'm just sad. We're almost, we're all like there at the end almost. No, we have three more groups of fucking iconic. I don't think so.

We're breezing through it. It's really sad. This next group is called Screaming Infidelities. Give it up for Jan Salami. Brie Pruitt. Drew Craft.

Jonathan Roel. And Madison Shepard. Come on, iconic folks. Now, listen. I heard we have a one Jan Salami here. Jan Salami. Here we go. Get over here to the mic.

Do you want some of these? Yeah, Jan Salami. Now, Jan, you're conditioned. Jan Salami's quick to get us. Jan, no. She did some poppers. Jan, no, you're on too. Oh, my God, Jan.

Jan, she did one in each nostril. She's ready to go.. Salami's quick. Conditioned. Jan, no. She did some poppers. Jan, no, you're on too. Oh, my God, Jan. Jan, she did one in each nostril. She's ready to go. Jan, salami. It's an honor to have you here, first of all, Jan. Thank you so much. Or Ms. Salami. How do you prefer? Salami.

Salami. Okay. So, Jan. Jan, you know how this works, right? You know where you are? The Whole Foods? Yes. Okay, yes, sure. Close enough. Close? The Whole Foods? Yes. Close enough.

So at this Whole Foods, we got a troll bowl and there's topics in it you can talk about for 60 seconds or you can do your own thing to talk about for 60 seconds. I have something very important to talk about.

Okay, Jan. Okay, Jan. All right. You ready? You got one minute, Jan. You got one minute and that minute begins now. I'm really feeling that thing that I snorted.

Okay. I don't think so, honey. The big fake teeth from Bohemian Rhapsody. No. I wanted to ride my bicycle out of the theater. Now take it from a woman who has snorted cocaine off Freddie Mercury's ass and spit it right back into his mouth. No, no, no, no, no.

Those teeth were not that big because, sorry, Rami. 30 seconds. Rami, shmami, it's not artsy or method, okay? It's distracting. The camera adds 10 pounds and it adds a few molars, too, okay? Scaramouche, Scaramouche, no one's going on Fandango. 15 seconds. Now, let me tell you.

How many times? 10 seconds. Oh, God. I'm so high. Five seconds. Can anybody find me someone who won't make a movie about fanny mercury and do it right instead of about chris lyons who designed the teeth that's what the movie was about thank you

i'm sorry you got so high the popperspers are no joke. It's double Scorpio. They're real amyl nitrates. Okay. And now, Brie Pruitt. I didn't know it was a two-piece. I did not know it was a two-piece. And we said,

look, and thank you for delivering. Thank you. Thank you, Brie. Thank you. Thank you for feeding my family. Brie, what is it going to be tonight?

Is it going to be a pre-select or is it going to be a draw? As much as I want to make you happy, I have to preselect. Listen, everything makes us happy. It all makes us happy. You're all in this conception. It all makes us happy. Brie, you know what?

I don't think so anytime. It starts now. I don't think so, honey. Movies in which someone falls in love with a fat woman because of literal magic. No, no, no, honey. No, no, no, rom-com Rebel Wilson vehicle. No, no no no honey no no no rom-com rebel wilson vehicle no no no no here's a list of things fat women do not need to fall in love a magic a brain injury a gypsy's curse a high stakes bet an emotional connection bitch there is a man in seattle who wants to marry me because we made out one time, honey.

30 seconds. No, no, no. Honey, we're not doing it. Honey, we're not shallow howling. We're not I feel pretty-ing. In fact, we're not even referring to Amy Schumer as fat anymore because she is a white person who upholds normal beauty standards. Honey, she's not an outsider, honey. 15 seconds.

Honey, you have to tell real stories about fat women in Hollywood. Buy them from me. I already wrote them and I tell you about them at meetings all the time. Honey, do not feel bad for fat women in 2019 because we're coming for your men and your money, honey. And that's what it is. Yes! Thank you. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had.

We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image and huge life transformations. I was a desperate, delusional dreamer and the desperate part had me in a lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers. desperate, delusional dreamer, and the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate, delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life.

Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine. I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything but me. It took years for me to break that, like years of work. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere.

Elian Gonzalez. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami.

Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Julian Edelman.

I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude, you're a dude, and Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past, and we're just going to sit here and talk about them. And we'll get into the types of dudes.

What kind of types of dudes are there, Grunks? We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes dude. We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games. We'll share some insider stories

and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hmm.

I think that makes you some sort of alderman in West Hollywood now. I don't know. I felt that one in my toes. Yeah, that amount of applause. I don't know. I felt that one in my toes. Yeah, that amount of applause. I don't think somebody did it for me. All right. Mr. Drew Craft, please get to the mic. Get to the mic, Drew Craft.

And thank you for this top. You are welcome. I wore it just for you. Thank you. You said fashion, and I brought as best as I could. And hello, fashion's on stage at this moment. It's subjective. Fashion means blue camo.

It does. It does to me. It does to you. So we have, you know, famously, this is a troll ball. I'm going to do a little pre-selective. I love that. And I love that. And I love that.

True craft. Your time begins now. I don't think so, honey. People who say dumb shit to gingers. Yep. Okay. I'm sick of your shit. No, just because

I'm the only ginger in my family doesn't mean I'm adopted. It is a recessive trait, bitch. Oh, oh. You want to know why gingers are hot-headed? Because every celebrity quiz

tells you that you look like carrot top. That is offensive, bitch. That is offensive to any human alive! 30 seconds. Were you curious if the carpet matches the drapes? Yes, it does.

When does it not match the drapes? Why are you asking? You're not going to see. And you gays, don't fall for it. Debra Messing is not a natural redhead! 15 seconds. And lastly, gay emojis were released in 2018 and we have two options.

Male, female, and mermaid is the third because I just want to be a part of your world. And that's one minute. True crap. True crap. Crazy. And LA Comics singing. Unbelievable. There's going to be infighting now

Infighting in the community Speaking of an LA comic Please welcome the very funny Jonathan Rowell Oh Jonathan Hello Love the curls Love your choice

Is it the true or is it pre-select? Someone stole my fucking topic! Who did? Peter Kim! Peter Kim stole my topic. So what now? I mean, the question we have to ask is what now? I don't know what to do. I'm doing...

I have no troll choice, but to do troll bowl. Here we go! I love it when you're backed into a corner. I we go. I love it when you're backed into a corner. I loved it. I love it when you're backed into a corner. Joel Kim Booster said that. I love it when you're backed into a corner. All right.

Fight or flight. Fight or flight. Okay. Okay. I don't know actually how this is going to go for you. You might have a lot of different feelings. So your I don't think so honey troll ball topic is veganism. And your time starts now.

I Don't Think So Honey veganism. Okay. We are animals. What do you have against eating animals? Okay. I would eat most of you in a pinch. Okay. I don't care about a dog.

I don't care about a lamb. And I don't care about a dog. I don't care about a lamb and I don't care about a cow. I definitely don't care about a human. I am I eat meat, bitch. I don't fucking care. How many of you guys are vegans? Raise your hand.

Raise your hand right now. One person. Everyone else here eats meat. Two two people but she's drunk as fuck i don't think so honey veganism 15 seconds meat is how we survived it it nurtures us it's how joel got this fucking leather hat it's made of cow. I know the name of that cow. The name of that cow is Lachey. Okay.

And that is one minute. I don't think so. Honey veganism. Fuck you. And that's one minute. Thank you. Say their name. Their name was Lachey

and Joel killed them for this hat. It is pleather. It's pleather. It's not. It's pleather. It's not. It's not.

All right. He killed someone. Closing out this group is, oh, she's so sexy. Please give it up for Madison Shepard. Giving you just a peek. Just a peek. I love that.

Madison. Hi. Hi. Hello, baby. Hi. What can we do for you? Oh, I'm, look, my manager's here.

I'm fucking, I pre-selected. You know what I mean? I'm proving I can write. She's doing it for the manager madison's manager everybody uh get her that 10 madison your time begins now i don't think so honey 99 seat theater okay coming for you excuse me they say that the theater is dying honey well if that's the case find your light and step into it honey fucking cross over bitch because you're done do you know

what theater is okay um nobody wants to see your uh gender swapped colorblind production of grease near the airport, honey. Not for $50 a ticket, honey. 30 seconds. Not even with a promo code, honey. I can't... Maria from accounting? I have never wanted to know what your lady

McBee was like. 15 seconds. Thank you. Out, out, damn spot indeed honey 10 thank you 10 um 5 seconds okay wait

that's it okay bye I don't think so honey nothing I see theater thank you 10 thank you Madison

coming for the theater and to be honest I would see that gender swapped version of Grease by the airport. I want to see that. I'll pay 75. I would drive to Terminal 2.

Thank you, Delta. Give it up for Screaming Infidelities. Cat Pilarity. Cat Pilarity. Bree Pruitt. Drew Cram. Jonathan Royale. And Madison Shepard.

And it's Cat Pilarity. I'm sorry. I messed it up. Cat Pilarity. Cat Pilarity. All right, you guys. The penultimate group coming to the stage now. Here we go.

Are you ready for a Legends Ball? Please give it up for Casey Lay. Ayesha Alpha. Misha Johari. Chelsea Davidson. And Francesca Fiorentini. Come on, y'all. Taking their time.

Yes, come up the difficult stairs. Damn time. Defy the fact that no one has come up here before. Oh, my God. Come up the hard stairs. We got a wild card on the stage as well. I'm so sorry. Please.

Oh, and Lydia Popovich, everyone. Lydia Popovich. Fresh off the heels of seeing the queen herself, Dolly Parton. She saw Dolly Parton, didn't think she could make it. Dolly ended early, and now she's here. Lydia Popovich right in.

Okay. Casey Lai, you are first to the mic. Here we go. Here he is. Mr. Lai. Should have been in the Akbar trash group. Oh, yes, of course. Have some juice. Here he is. Hello. Hi. Take some juice and then tell us what you're going to do. I'm going to wait.

Okay, you're going to wait. I don't think so, honey. You're trollable, so... to wait. Okay, you're going to wait. I don't think so, honey. You're trollable. So, my head. Okay, so pre-selected, it sounds like. Go for it. Casey Lai, your time begins now. I don't think so, honey. Shaming plastic straw use.

It's fucking discriminatory against those of us who want to drink a zesty blood orange Diet Coke while wearing lipstick or full face. Okay, if I want to drink cancer through a piece of trash, my body, my choice. And sure, straws are just disposable pieces of thin plastic, but so is half the population of Los Angeles. 30 seconds. Who's going to be in all the movies if LA starts banning plastic garbage? Just regular looking people

like Jonah Hill and all the straight boys from your mod team? Gross! Fucking, of course. 15 seconds. Fucking whatever. Yeah, oh, I'm sorry, I'm still more concerned

about years of discrimination, years of institutionalized racism. Five seconds. Years of institutionalized racism instead of what some sea turtle got stuck up its nose. And I'm the only person who saw that sea turtle

with a fucking straw up its nose and was like, that reptile knows how to party. That's one minute. And wait, no. Casey Lai. Casey Lai. Sniff that shit. Give it up for Casey Lai Casey Lai Sniff that shit

Get up for Casey Lai Everybody Drink your juice Shelby Drink your juice Drink your juice Shelby There we go Casey Lai Ayesha Alpha's

Coming to the mic Ayesha Alpha Ooh another look Another look I love it I love it A little Miss America wave Just to say hey

Now Ayesha What are we thinking? What are we thinking? We're thinking we're going to use the thinker and give him something I thought about. Come on, thinker.

Strong choice. Aisha Alpha, your time begins now. I don't think so, honey. Women in 2018 who ask me when I'm going to change my last name

when I just got married. No. Okay, have you heard my name? Aisha Alpha. It sounds like a name that I got to choose and did. Okay? I sound like a Bond villain from Wakanda. I mean, people tell me, but it's okay.

You can go by Aisha Green Nay Alpha. Nay Alpha. Nay. Bitch, I was Nay Alpha. I'm on a die alpha. 30 seconds. It's insane. All of my social media is my first and last name. Everything at Aisha Alpha. Not Aisha underscore Alpha 69. It's just me, people. There's only one. You think I'm going to change that and then confuse and disappoint my literally dozens of fans?

15 seconds. I don't think so, honey, okay? It's just the patriarchy trying to make me feel invisible again as a woman. Five seconds. But I'm a strong alpha female, and that's not going to change. And I'll tell you this, it's not my husband who wants me to change it because he wants my last name. That's one minute.

Aisha Alpha. Say, Aisha Alpha. I want your last name. Marry me. People think I made up Booster. Okay. Oh, my God. We got another bi-coastal beauty coming to the stage.

Her name, she just moved here, is Mitra Johari. She forgot she was by Coastal currently. She was like, is it me? She's by. She's by. Now Meech, famously trained at the Annoyance Theater in Brooklyn. A true shady bitch for

three people in the audience. Meech, what are we going to do? And the first time I ever did Poppers, only time with Joel Kim Booster. During? Yeah because he forces you to do it. It's harassment. During? M&M. During an M&M concert. I don't think so honey you went to an

M&M concert. You're both disgusted. Yeah you know what? When he says bitch it really does sound like a slur. And we left early. But we did go. I am I am gonna, I'm gonna do

Troll Bowl. Wow! Yes! It's my, I never do Troll Bowl. I'm gonna do You never do.

And you told me you had another thing. I know. And I'm just gonna say for the fans, it was New Grinch. Okay. I do like this

for you though. Yeah. Okay. I don't even know where, though. Yeah, that's good. Okay, Maitre Jouhari. I don't even know where this is. Your I don't think so, honey troll bowl topic is the Atlantic Ocean. And your time begins now. I don't think so, honey Atlantic Ocean.

You are cold. You bore me. Your sand is bad. I don't like you. You're by all the worst states. How about you be by a hot place, okay? Atlantic Ocean, I haven't seen one dolphin in you, and my family went to South Carolina all the time. Atlantic Ocean, how about be a more interesting ocean like Pacific where you

can actually surf? I never heard of someone surfing in the Atlantic Ocean, and if it is happening, no one's talking to me about it. And I would like to know. I don't think so, honey. Atlantic Ocean, because you touch the cold states too, and an ocean should be hot. I should be able to swim in an ocean

year round. I don't think so, honey. Atlantic Ocean, because you go all the way over to other countries, and I don't think so, honey, Atlantic Ocean because you go all the way over to other countries and I don't feel like doing that. I don't think so, honey, Atlantic Ocean because if I want to go to Europe, I'm gonna

fly. That's one minute. Mitra Johari. Mitra Johari wants nothing to do with the cruise across the Atlantic if she's going to Europe. Fuck you for putting the Atlantic Ocean in there. You stupid bitch.

You are the dumbest bitch I ever met. Chelsea Davidson, please come to the stage. She is giving us full SAG Awards beauty. Those are some. Click your heels three times. Do you want to know what grade I bought these in? What grade? Eighth grade

Yes They're back bitch She's still fit I'm a hoarder I said turn a look She said I'm going to get my eighth grade shoes Okay so Chelsea You're a vet of this show

You know about the troll bill You know about how you can think of one of the best You know I'm going to go with my own. Go with your own. I love that. Go with your own. Go your own way. Chelsea, your time begins now.

I don't think so, honey. Pugs. Okay? Pugs, you look like a burrito someone dropped on fresh asphalt. Okay? Pugs, you look like a potato left in a bathtub. Pugs, you look like a potato left in a bathtub. Pugs, you look like fat Mr. Bean, okay? And why do you have so

many health problems, Pugs? Were you exclusively bred in Chernobyl? I mean, what is wrong? I've seen tumors healthier than you, Pugs. I mean, have you heard yourselves breathe? 30 seconds. I mean, Pugs, you breathe? 30 seconds. 30 seconds.

I mean, Pugs, you sound like that weird guy on the bus who's just sweating everywhere. You know? What is wrong with you? I mean, Pugs, you can't even be born naturally. Most of you are delivered by C-section. 15 seconds. Pugs, if you can't find your way out of a birth canal, maybe you don't deserve to be here on this earth. Pugs! And I don't think so, honey. People who buy a birth canal. Maybe you don't deserve to be here on this earth. Pugs! And I don't think so, honey.

People who buy pugs, if you're buying a pug, you're basically Dr. Moreau, okay? It's just $1,000. Fuck you to evolution. It's inbred. And that's one minute coming for people's loved dogs. Light us on fire

if you love pugs. Fuck you. My favorite name of the night coming to the stage. Loved dogs. Light us on fire if you love pugs fucking you. My favorite name of the night coming to the stage. Francesca Fiorentini. It's like a Walt Whitman poem in my mouth. And our necks are warm. Yes. And our brains, are they warmer or do we need the troll bowl?

We don't need the troll bowl. We don't need it. We've been thinking about this for some time. She don't need it. She don't need it. Bring it all the way need the troll bowl. We don't need it. We've been thinking about this for some time. She don't need it. She don't need it. We're going all the way over here. And listen, here's the thing. Francesca, your I don't think so honey time begins now.

I don't think so honey Coca-Cola polar bear ad campaign. No. You're still here. You know who's not? Polar bears. Okay? know who's not polar bears okay what kind of sick corporate fuck wants to feed corn syrup to an endangered species to put us in the holiday spirit that doesn't make me want to deck the halls it makes me want to deck an oil executive honey fuck have you seen polar bears recently they're

emaciated they don't look like they drink coke they look like they do coke i don't know whether to save them or to follow them into the bathroom i don't think so honey coca-cola polar bear ad campaign coca-cola your carbon footprint is the reason that their polar bears are extinct okay that's like if codeine made mac miller the face of their new campaign i I don't think so. Five seconds. Oh, yeah. Guess what?

They don't give a fuck about Christmas because they are white, fierce, and they are always under attack. They're Jewish, bitch. That's one minute. Francesca Fiorentini. Wow. Something to think about here tonight. I hope Ariana hears this episode. And to close out this group of legends,

please welcome Lydia Popovich. Hello, Lydia. Hello, queen. Yes, serving us first. Hello there. What are we doing tonight? Now, you're high on Dolly. So what are you thinking?

I am high on Dolly. And I'm torn because I kind of want to talk about it. But I'm also angry about other things. Who knows? You know what? Go with what you're most angry about. Go with God. That's going to light this place up.

And when I say God, I mean Dolly Parton. Yeah. What she do. Okay. I'm ready. You're ready? I'm ready. Okay.

Lydia Popovich, your time starts now. I don't think so, honey, James Corden. Who the fuck do you think you are? No. you are you don't have a motherfucking icon like dolly parton on your show and then have the audacity to sit her next to twiggy ass jennifer aniston and then talk over a bitch what is wrong with you dolly parton is a shining beam of original god light she is here to light the entire earth so we can find our way and know that pure joy exists on this earth. 30 seconds.

And you want to talk to this bitch about ghosts and a house in Laurel Canyon? Get the fuck out of here. Dolly Parton believed that she actually has tattoos all the way down between those precious titties under her stomach. And you didn't have the time to ask her about that? But I know that Jennifer Aniston's roommate was a cunt? Fuck you, James Corden! Five seconds. Five seconds.

I want to hear this bitch sing. She didn't sing one fucking note. He had her hum into a kazoo, which is adorable, and I get it, I love the banter, but it's Dolly fucking Parton! And that's what I meant! And that's what I meant! It's Dolly fucking Parton. Man that's what I meant! It's Dolly fucking Parton.

Man. It's rule of culture number 68. It's Dolly fucking Parton. Jen Aniston is some real collateral damage tonight. She is... This is not a safe space for her here at the region. She is going to fall under that bus that Mary Holland does not want to see hit her. Is she here?

Imagine if she were to step forward, we would all... Lose our minds. Lose our shit. We'd all take it back. All right. You guys, that was the Ledger's Ball. The Ledger's Ball. Casey Lai.

Aisha Alpha. Mitra Juhari. Chelsea Davidson. Francesca Fiorentini. And Lydia Popovich. Oh, my God. And unfortunately, y'all, this is going to be our last group coming up right now. Are you ready for it?

Are you ready for it? Oh, wow. That's a funny... That's a funny. Are you ready for it? Are you ready for it? Oh, wow. That's a funny. Are you ready for it? Because this group is called Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift. Swift. And please welcome Alexandra Ford, Sue Smith, Alyssa Lamparis Jamie Loftus and Tammy Sager

ooh some looks some looks Alexandra thank you my dear I'm very excited thank you my dear Alexandra pour it to the mic

hello now she brought the jumpsuit what are we bringing are we bringing an idea and you're percolating in your head we're jumping into the troll

no this has really been a heart of my heart for months this has been on my heart and you gotta getcolating in your head or the troll. The troll? No, this has really been a harm to my heart for months. This has been on her heart. And you gotta get it out, girl. You gotta get it out. So,

get it out right now. Your time begins now. I don't think so, honey. The Romanoffs on Amazon Prime. What is it? If you don't even know what the fuck that show is,

congratulations. But I do. I am a real Anastasia head. I have a gorgeous 32-bar cut of Journey to the Past. So I know, I know what real Anastasia head. I have a gorgeous 32-bar cut of Journey to the Past so I know, I know

what a show called The Romanovs about the last imperial family of Russia should be. Bitch, and it is fur, it is snow,

it is sex, it is samovars, it is Winter Palace, Summer Palace, and Jude Law as a hot Rasputin. Yes! 30 seconds.

Do not give me what you gave me, Amazon, which is 10 episodes EP'd by noted creep Matthew Weiner about a bunch of boring white idiots who think they might maybe be kind of related to the Ramazans. I don't think so, honey. Also, if I wanted to watch a show where boring white actors go over who their relatives might be,

I'd be watching Who Do You Think You Are on TLC. Five seconds. Also, every episode of this show is 90 motherfucking minutes long. Do you know what I want to watch for 90 minutes? Paddington. That's it, bitch. And that's one minute. Alexandra Ford.

Alexandra Ford, stunning. We're going to need to hear that 32-bar cut of Journey to the Past later. On this Journey to the Past, we found... Whispered into my ear later. The next performer is... Another Bicosta beauty, Sue Smith. Now, you've got the red pants. We've got a red bull.

What's it going to be? It's crazy how it matches your pants. No, I'm sorry. I can't. It's fine. I can't do it. She knows. She knows's fine. She knows. She knows her heart.

She knows her heart. Sue Smith, your time begins now. I don't think so, honey. Adults who are into Disney. I'm sorry. It's fucking weird. It's creepy. You're a pedophile.

We get it. You had a happy childhood. You came from money. Your parents could afford the Disney Channel. We get it. Meanwhile, I'm sitting alone in my shared living room with a TV watching fucking Snick. 15 seconds. We get it.

You had a pool. You went to Orlando every year. We get it. Also, Walt Disney is fucking problematic. Five seconds. And also, you will never be Cinderella I don't think so honey And that's quite enough That's one minute

You know what That's quite enough of that There have been a lot of attacks on me personally tonight I'm glad someone finally took down Matt Thank you Sue Are you kidding me Someone said is singing funny and there was an I don't think so any New York comics.

And now I have to deal with this fucking bullshit attacking Disney, which honestly is problematic for a lot of reasons. Having birthday parties and that's my thing. Can someone answer me this? Was he buried with Nazi shit?

We'll never know. We'll Nazi shit? We'll never know. We'll never know. We'll never know. We'll continue this conversation as a group later at the Talk Back at Precinct. On Nazi shit, please give it up for Alyssa Limparis. Love to bring her up to Nazi shit. There's a Talk Back later at Precinct where we'll discuss this. Alyssa Limparis, here's the thing.

What are we fucking doing? Are we doing the trouble or are we doing you? I can't, I can't. And I'm so sorry to pile on and ruin some people's evenings, but I do not think so, honey. Can we stop? Yeah, go, go.

A glacier. Okay, go. A glacier! Okay! No! Why are your models' faces so wet? What happened? Why? Did they go swimming? Why are they so... You're selling me water! You're like, oh, no, it's to make you look naturally beautiful.

No! That's a gorgeous model whose face is wet! Okay! So, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom.

I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. you're like oh no it's to make you look naturally beautiful no that's a gorgeous model whose face is wet okay if i went outside with a wet face people would say sweetheart do you have the flu are you okay also also okay the boy brow that's their big thing. Make your eyebrows bigger. Girl, I'm Greek and Italian, okay? I came out of the womb with a full bush.

Okay? I don't need your hair. I came out and the doctor was like, we're going to cut the umbilical cord and we're going to trim the mustache, okay? Five seconds. I don't need to pay $40 for your hair. I can just wait 10 minutes.

I can go from this to Frida Kahlo in a God's commercial break. I don't think so, honey. And that's what it is. Alyssa in Paris. Oh, my goodness. Alyssa in Paris. Legendary.

Love it, love it, love it. My Greek sister. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my God. Another gorgeous woman with a gorgeous brow coming to the stage. Jamie Loftus. Jamie Loftus. Please report.

Please report to the principal's office. I forgot to see you yet. I love this color story. Hi, how are you? I love this color story. I love the color story. How are you? I'm good.

Beginning moment. What are we doing tonight, James? I'm good. May I start? What do you want to do? Do you want to do the trouble? Just consider the trouble. I have a strong take.

I know I'm penultimate, but I have a strong take. Strong take. I love a strong take. I love the word. Andimate, but I have a strong take. Strong take. I love a strong take. I love the word. And your time, Jamie Loftus, will begin now. I don't think so, honey. Middle school horse girls. Who the fuck do you think you are?

I don't know when it became the epitome of young Caucasian womanhood to straddle an oversized dog with teeth the size of my fist. But that's out of my tax bracket and quite honestly, my comfort zone. I don't want to do it, honey. I don't want to go to Bible study and then straddle a dog.

I simply don't. I also do firmly believe that every middle school horse girl is actively campaigning a smear campaign on any girl who doesn't also play the piccolo. 15 seconds. So, honey, I would like to personally say, why be a middle school horse girl

when you could be a middle school back brace oboe player who is a little too into horny Roman mythology? horse girl when you could be a middle school back brace oboe player who's a little too into horny Roman mythology? I don't think so. And that's one minute. A real question posed there. The question of why. Wow, you

guys, we are down to our last performer. And this woman, this woman, her writing on television shows has shaped all of our comedic voices the iconic Tammy Sager oh my god

what an honor what a goddamn honor it makes me proud alright Tammy we have the troll bowl here we wouldn't be here without you what do you got I. We have the troll bowl here. We wouldn't be here without you. What do you got? What are you thinking?

What do you got? I don't need the troll bowl because I'm looking at my troll bowl. Oh! Okay. I don't know what that means, but your time begins now. I don't think so, honey. Making me be the closer. Okay, bitch. I don't do stand up. I can't think so, honey, making me be the closer. Okay, bitch, I don't do stand-up.

I can't close anything. I'm talking not even a fucking cupboard in my home. And maybe I do that so I can pretend I live with an inconsiderate man. But I don't close. Okay, and I don't think so, honey. People who prepared and turned a look and emailed you in advance because they have another show to go to. So they all been walking out all night.

I see you, Sabrina Jalise. And I read through that Sharpie that showed that she took my spot. I don't think so, honey. People who use the trouble tonight and fucking killed it. Every single one of them, because I've listened to that. I don't So Honeys, and they have not always even known who they were. They're like, Jennifer Aniston, I don't know that, or Alex Song, you are an adorable improviser, but hearing you say, what is a troll bowl, made me hate you for a brief second. For five seconds. And I don't think so, those of you who applauded and cheered when we came at New York Comedians because New York might be

making my hair gray. But you all are not brave for choosing great weather and copious entertainment opportunities. And that's one minute. You are not brave. That one of you is brave. Please give it up for Taylor Swift,

Alexandra Ford, Sue Smith, Alyssa Lamparis, Jamie Loftus, and Tammy Sager. Listen, I'll be the first to admit, I moved here because I'm a coward. And I'm moving here because there's nothing left for me there. Everyone, thank you. This has been an honor. Guys, Joel Kemposter, thank you so much

for coming here. Bowen Yang sends his love. My name is Matt Rogers. Thank you to everyone. We're going to say all their names. Lauren Holtz, Alexis G. Zoll,

Candace Thompson, Big Dipper, Alaska Thunderfuck, Lucia Anello, Gabe Liedman, Paul W. Downs, Baxter Lestrade, Sabrina Jalees,

Jasmine, can you fucking clap while we do it? I mean, Christ. Kyle Ayers. Tawny Newsome. Price Peterson. Dan Robert. Michael Benjamin.

Alan Strickland-Williams. Zach Noe Towers. Mike Castle. Mary Holland. Oh, I regret it. Dana Franzese. Aaron Whitehead. Lauren Lapkus.

Jackie Johnson. Greta Teitelman. Emily Feinmesser. Atsuko Akatsuka, Nicole Thurman, Jimmy Falle, Jared Goldstein, John Hartman, Peter Kim, Justin Sayre, Kat Pallardi, Ray Pruitt, Drew Kraft, Jonathan Rallo, Madison Shepard, Casey Lai, Aisha Alpha, Mitra Johari, Chelsea Davidson, Francesca Fiorettini, Lydia Popovich, Alexandra Ford, I love you. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Bye. Bye. Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram, at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to

take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind scene stories,

crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age old question. What kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out Jules new episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL

season. Listen to dudes on dudes on the I heart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story

from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one.

I'm Cheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tariqa Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment.

You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.