Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "I Don't Think So, Honey! 2" LIVE (Part One)

Episode Date: September 6, 2017

Las Culturistas "I Don't Think So, Honey" returns for its SECOND LIVE SHOW! 50 of New York's best comedians take one minute each to go off on culture. Part One featuring: Nicole Silverberg, Nicole Spiezio, Keisha Zollar, Michael Kayne, Lauren Adams, Peter Smith, Molly Austin, Jaboukie Young-White, Max Wittert, Lorelei Ramirez, Hallie Haas, Jason Gore, Moujan Zolfaghari, Douglas Widick, Kristen Bartlett, Tallie Medel, Jasmine Pierce, Eleanore Pienta, Beth Newell, Sunita Mani, Greta Titelman, Drew Anderson, Amanda Duarte, and Michelle Buteau. Hosted by Matt Rogers & Bowen Yang!Recorded 8/11/17 at Littlefield in Brooklyn, NY.Sponsored by #Spoke -- the new, free podcast app from SiriusXM that makes it easier than ever to find podcasts you love. Check it out at hearspoke.com! SUBSCRIBE // RATE // REVIEW #LasCulturistas on #ApplePodcasts, #GooglePlay, #Stitcher and #Soundcloud! New Episodes of #LasCulturistas every Wednesday! Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are back. I love that. I love that. Oh my gosh. Welcome. And last season's drama was just the tip of the iceberg. You're recording us? I am disgusted.

Never in a million years after everything we've been through did I think that you would reach out to our sworn enemy. We were friends. How could you do this to me? I don't trust her. The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Wednesdays at 9 on Bravo, or stream it on City TV+. I'm Julian Edelman.

I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old

question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're gonna find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba?

Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. your podcasts. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. the Forever Dog Podcast Network. Find us and other great podcasts at www.foreverdogpodcasts.com. And if you're loving what you're hearing, subscribe to us at Apple Podcasts. And while you're there,

please write us a nice review and give us a five-star rating. Thank you all. Thank you all. Thank you all. My grandma and your grandma were sitting by the fire My grandma told your grandma I'm gonna set your flag on fire Talking about henna, henna, henna, henna Aiko, aiko, a ne

Jagamofino, a ne Jagamofino, a ne Kelly came! She came. Thank you, Kelly. Bye. She just left. You guys missed her. Kelly Clarkson was here. Kelly was just here. Ah, you guys. Oh my God. Three, two, one. Ding, dong. That's Colterisa's calling.

Oh my God. This is so many people. Oh my goodness. My name so many people. My goodness. My name is Matt Rogers. My name is Bowen Yang. I knew you would do that. I knew. Wait, Matt knew I was going to do that.

Whenever I say my name, he jumps right in. Right after you say his name. It is always. It's like clockwork. You know what? We are completely insane. We are too. Too.

You guys, who is here because they're a listener of the podcast. Who listens? Oh, yeah. Thank you. Who is here at their first Lost Culture Eastus live show? Welcome. And who has literally no idea what the podcast even is?

Okay. We welcome you as well. It's a lot of this. It's a lot of squealing. Okay. Let's go through. We welcome you as well. It's a lot of this. It's a lot of squealing. Yeah. It's just a series of catchphrases. Yeah.

Sort of pastiche together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. We're just going to talk a bit up top before we go into the show.

This is Lost Culture Reasters Live. I don't think so, honey. We're sponsored by Spoke. Yes, Spoke. We're sponsored by Spoke. Everyone give it up for Spoke. Give it up for Spoke.

So Spoke is the social audio app. They have editors on staff who curate just these story paths for you. So it's this beautiful discovery app. You can, I mean, I love it. I've discovered a lot of great podcasts through this, through any topic. You can just, guys, just let me chill for one second yeah let it chill and it's so great and um they they've they've made this possible so yeah this is amazing it's a way to find the favorite podcast you didn't even know you had and actually it makes us really emotional yeah because there's a lot of

young gays out there discovering las cultulturistas who wouldn't even know who Amanda Pete was if it wasn't for Spoke. Who else, bitch? Who else would we say that they would never know who they were? Frances McDormand. Frances McDormand. We know

the name, but the young gays don't know the name. And look. So thank you, Spoke. And here's the most important thing. Amanda Peet and Frances McDormand were co-stars in Something's Gotta Give by Nancy Meyers. That is the takeaway. Actually, it's rule number six of culture.

Culture is connected. Culture is connected. Culture is connected. I thought connected. Culture is connected. I thought you were going to say Amanda Peet and Francis McDormand co-starred in Something's Gotta Give. That's rule number 13. 13. Ooh, spooky.

Oh, Matt, what's been going on lately? Oh, man. Well, Las Culturistas have been to the cinema. Yes. Okay. Yes, we've seen some flicks. Who here has seen Kidnap? Wow. Kidnap. Kidnap? Wow.

Kidnap. Not enough. Wow. I got to say, it made me want to vomit at least five times. With good reason. From sheer stress. Oh. But it's the best movie of the year.

Best movie of the year. Bar none. Best movie of the year. Do your Halle Berry impression. Oh, my God. Yeah, great. And then she says, oh oh my God, five times. And also when she loses her phone, that's a real moment for her.

Yeah. She keeps being like, oh, my phone! She keeps, she's very upset about the phone for a long portion of the movie. But good for the movie, though, for like working that as a plot device, working that in as a plot device. I mean, listen, Halle Berry with her phone behaves differently than the Halle Berry that's in the movie. You know what I mean? That's true. Halle Berry with the phone gets to call the police.

Yep. You know what I mean? Halle Berry without the phone, it's really a comment on phones. Kidnap. Halle Berry without the phone reverses on a freeway. And kills people. And actually kills people. She kills more people in the movie than the bad guys.

Yeah. She kills well over a baker's dozen of people. 13 people. I'm going to say, yeah, that's a baker's dozen, right? That's a baker's dozen. There was a little bitch in my head that was like, it's 16, it's 16. Everyone has that little bitch in their head. That's wrong.

Everyone does. Right? What else have we seen oh my god we've seen girls trip girls trip you guys have seen girls trip okay we loved it um i loved it i could clock the budget allocations in that movie 100 you know like most of that budget went toward jada's salary like jada's whatever i think most of the money went to Jada and not to that one airport scene, which was obviously, like, an Arby's... It was an Arby's. Lobby? It was an Arby's lobby. You know how Arby's have lobbies?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like, the lobby to Arby's. Yeah. I loved Gretchen. When I'm in my Arby's, I need to be comfortable. I need to kick my feet up next to the soda stream. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But a lot's been going on in news lately.

This has been a weird week. It's been a really weird week politics-wise. Politics-wise. And of course, by politics, I mean Taylor Swift's trial. Testifying in court. I think she had great answers. She certainly had great answers. It's great to hear her come out for this issue.

Wish it would have been November 2016. But you guys... But it's okay. It's great. You guys, cash in on your Taylor Swift goodwill now. Yes. Because in about three months, she's going to release Word on the Street is a hip-hop album, and that's just going to go all down.

And you're not going to be allowed to like her then. So like her now that it's cool. This is your small window to like her. Yes. Yeah. Kesha's album today. Kesha's album today. Great. Definitely.

Definitely. Wait, what? Well, here's the thing. Let me. So there's like the singles which we've all heard, which are great. Yeah. Amazing. So great. So exciting. And then every other song is like, like strutting with like a banjo.

Yeah, it's fun. Do you like it? I like it. I like Hunt You Down. It's great. They know. But no, I mean, Kesha's just the latest in this line of songstresses that are like lumineering out.

Like, they're just getting really... It's getting very country, isn't it? They're getting very country and acoustic and twee. Joanne. They're getting real twee, you guys. And I don't know if it's because it's like they want to appeal to the MAGA folks. Like, I don't know.

You think Lady Gaga's trying to appeal to the Trumps? No, I think she's covering her bases. Okay. I think she's wanting to sell albums. I get it. That's just... That's why they're in the game. Okay, and obviously North Korea.

I mean, that's scary. And yeah, like North Korea. Here's one thing, though. I will draw this. I will connect these dots. Just to bring this back to Taylor Swift. Here's what... Which we can Swift. Which we can do. Which we can do.

Rule number 94 of culture. It always can be traced back to Taylor Swift. All roads. Taylor Swift, Kim Jong-un, and Donald Trump have this all in common. Yes. Do you know what I'm talking about? They would all watch you die if it meant they in common. Yes. Do you know what I'm talking about? They would all watch you die if it meant they made money.

Yeah. That is true. Taylor Swift would watch the life leave your eyes. And I really don't want anyone to forget that. Kim Jong-un had his uncle fed to dogs. And they ripped the meat off his bones. And so would Donald and Taylor. I feel the same way about all of them.

I think it's absolutely true. I think 100%. Oh my God. Okay. Let's say one more thing. We've got a raffle going, I believe. Yes. Yes.

If you've submitted to the raffle, great. It's going to go to a great cause, Trans Lifeline. And then, yeah, give it up for Trans Lifeline. Trans Lifeline. The raffle gets you

a culture hat, that culture hat that's perched right there. Well, if you win the raffle, that is. Not everyone is leaving with this prize. That's implied. That's implied. It gets you an

I Don't Think So Honey shirt. Wow! And it also gets you one more thing, you guys, an opportunity to get up here and do an I Don't Think So Honey. Covet it. And the last thing it also gets you

is maybe a DVD copy from Justin to Kelly. Yeah, maybe. And the last thing it also gets you is maybe a DVD copy from Justin to Kelly. Yeah, maybe. And we might fulfill that. We have someone working on it. They're really hard

to track down. Collector's items. They're shockingly hard to track down. So, so shockingly hard. Yeah, now, you guys, who here was at the last

I Don't Think So Honey live? So you guys kind of know how it works. We're going to have 50 comics come up here and do an i don't think so honey now what exactly is an i don't think so honey bowen and i don't think so honey is a lot of things it's a phrase it's a unit of measurement um for the purposes

of this show yeah so it's one minute to just rail on something in culture that's just grinding your gears, that's pushing your buttons, that's really making you say, I don't think so, honey. I don't think so, honey. Now, a lot of our comics backstage have come with prepared topics. Like, they're really, it's scary back there. They want to get

up here and they want to scream. However, some of them are just a little bit more loosey-goosey about it. They're going to do something a little crazy. They're going to dive into the Troll Bowl. Wow. Oh my God. Show us the Troll Bowl. Troll Bowl, honey.

Wow. Give it up for our straight producer, Alex, whose voice that is. He said, Trollbow Henny. It's pretty good. And there's many different variations of that appropriation still to come. Yes, we've carved a bowl. And in here are literally over a hundred items of culture meant to troll our comics if they are brave enough to dive into the bowl.

Now, most of these are universally beloved things that our comedians have to go negative on, no matter what. For example, in our last show, Chrissy Shackelford, are you here? What's up, Chrissy? Hey, girl. Picked out iconic Julie Andrews out of the bowl.

And I believe she got read on some variation of why do you have short hair? So, you know, things like that. And what are you doing in Princess Diaries? Real questions. Yeah. So hold that. And what are you doing in Princess Diaries? Real questions. Yeah. So hold that in your hearts as you watch. But before we bring, before we go into this, we have a really special celebrity guest.

We do. We have a celebrity guest, and this is actually insane. We were able to get this person. She's in town. Because she's in town. And we didn't know that she would be in town. And she was in town for our last one. This is crazy.

Yeah. She's an Academy Award nominated actress. Several times she's been in the movie The Kids Are Alright. She's been in The Grifters. Okay, you were reaching for it. Don't let her see you not be able to name one of her films.

I know, I know. 20th Century Women? I mean, the list goes on. Everyone, please welcome to the stage, Annette Bening. Annette Bening is here. Pull over a chair. Pull a chair over. Annette, hi. Oh, my God, Annette.

I'm hugging you from over here. Hey, babe, how are you? It's so great to see you. Annette. Annette, how are you? Oh, pull the mic are you? It's so good to see you. Annette. Annette, how are you? Oh, pull the mic, pull the mic. Yeah, pull the mic, Annette. I'm not used to live radio.

It's live radio. Live radio is what this is. Annette, what are you doing in town? This is such a surprise. It's really kind of amazing, right, that I'm here. Yeah, it's amazing. It is. Again.

Again. Well, I'm here to see... I just wanted to see some theater. Of course. Oh, it's amazing. It is. Again. Well, I'm here to see, I just wanted to see some theater. Of course. And I my main reason is I was here last year seeing theater. Of course.

A production of Othello with really amazing actors. And I had, I went to, it's on the corner of like 12, Hudson, there's a market there. And I had an apple. Yes. You had an apple.

I had an apple from, you know, one of like a farm stand, right? A farm stand apple, yeah. And it was kind of like red, calico, like modeled. Yeah, yeah, of course. And the skin was so paper thin. Wow.

So we baked it into this crumble. Oh, wow. We, you and your husband, Warren. It was the best crumble ever had. So I've been on the hunt for that apple. Did Warren love it? So you're back in New York living for... Yeah, I'm kind of farmer's market hopping,

sort of trying to source the apple. She's on a hunt. Which, right, with what you were talking about earlier. With what's going on. With everything that's kind of going on. Like what? Like what kind of things are really bothering you? Well, there's, right.

Yeah. You know, there's, you were talking about theater. Yes. Well, you were talking about theater. I did, I was. Yeah. And then you were talking about theater. I did. I was. And then you were talking about Taylor Swift. Yes.

What are your thoughts on Taylor? Well, I've never met her, so I can't really give an opinion because I've never met the girl. Right. But I do like the drawings of the courtroom. I always kind of love that. Yeah, you love the drawings of the courtroom. So they're sketching, right? Someone in the corner, kind of, you know. That's kind of an odd job, and I kind of the courtroom. I always kind of love that. Oh, you love the drawings of the courtroom? Sort of sketching, right? Someone in the corner

kind of, you know, that's kind of an odd job and I kind of appreciate that. You connected with the artist in the room. Absolutely. Just some kind of taking it in the observer and then filtering that through. Yeah, that's amazing. Wait, Annette, I need to bring this back to you because there is a lot of

already a lot of buzz for you for Oscars. What's this new movie you're in? It's called Film Stars Don't Die in Liverpool and it stars Annette Bening and it's coming out this year and they're saying this could be your year, Annette, to win an Academy Award. They said that last year, didn't they? They did.

And you know what? Do you know who won last year? I do. Emma Stone. I thank you. You know, she's going to be in a movie at the end of the year. She's going to play Billie Jean King in a biopic. Really? Oscar buzz. Billie Jean King.

Yeah. In a biopic, sure. Emma Stone is playing Billie Jean King. Wow. Okay, great for Emma. Wow. Wow. So I guess we'll see, Annette.

We'll see. You know, you are here, and this is amazing that you're here to sing our national anthem. I am. So I don't know if you guys knew this, but I Don't Think So Honey does have a national anthem. We are not a nation, and yet we have a national anthem.

Right. And so I guess I would ask you... You've created quite a community, though. I mean, look here. Oh, thank you, Annette. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Constituents, constituents. Sure.

It's a happy room. So everyone, I ask you all to please rise. Please rise. As we have the national anthem of I Don't Think So Honey performed by Academy Award nominated actress Annette Bening. Wow. Okay. When you feel there are things in this world that you hate. When you feel there are things you don't like When you need to speak out

And you need to shout You must say whatever you like I don't think so, honey I don't think so, child I don't think so, bitch I don't think so, honey I don't think so. Bitch. I don't think so, honey. I don't think so, child. I don't think so.

Bitch. Benning, Benning, everyone. A legend. Thank you so much, Annette. Good luck this Oscar season. Good luck. Everyone wish Annette good luck. Thank you, Annette.

I heard Jennifer Lawrence getting a lot of buzz, too. A lot of younger actresses. A lot of younger actresses getting buzz this year again. Wow. We'll see what happens. All right, guys. I think it's time to get started. Yeah?

Yeah. Yep. All right. So this is the moment where we do a little demo, people. Oh, yes. So everyone that was here at our last I Don't Think So Honey knows that I got to do a prepared I Don't Think So Honey on restaurants that don't have the tools where you need to crack crabs. And Bowen picked from the troll bowl, and he had to do an I Don't Think So Honey about Sarah Paulson, the actress.

So hard. It's very hard. So things are going to switch up, aren't they? They are. We're going to switcheroo. We're going to switcheroo. Okay, so this is Bowen Yang's I Don't Think So Honey that he has prepared. We are going to go to one minute on the clock. Now you'll see as the clock

ticks down, we're going to paddle. I have 30 seconds here. I have 15 seconds left here. I have five seconds and I have that's one minute. I I have five seconds, and I have that's one minute. I also have a water gun here for anyone that goes over it. I don't care who the fuck you are. If you go over during our show, you're going to get sprayed. Yeah. All right.

Okay. So, Bowen. Yeah. Are you all ready for your I Don't Think So Honey? I'm ready. Here we go. Your time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey missed delivery notifications on my fucking door?

You're gonna make me go to fucking Ozone Park to pick up my $30 ASOS watch. Wow. This is, I was, look, my Uber to Ozone Park would have cost more than the watch. Listen, I am a busy little bitch. I am rarely ever home.

30 seconds. I'm not some hermetic you know, shut in who's gonna stay at home all day and wait by the telephone or their doorbell to wait for this UPS person to ring the doorbell? UPS, you are trying to domesticate the marginalized communities of America. 15 seconds.

Make it about... Come on, baby. And make us stay home and keep us dumb and keep us down. No, I don't think so, honey. You're not going to do that. I'm going to live my life and go outside. And yeah, people are going to throw tomatoes at me

for being who I am, but that's not going to live my life and go outside. And yeah, people are going to throw tomatoes at me for being who I am. But that's not going to stop me from coming home to a fucking bullshit slip. That's one minute and five seconds. Don't spray. I got it. Bowen Yang, not a hermetic person. I'm not

hermetic. Not hermetic. Okay. That was amazing. You got me right in the eye. That was an example. Oh, did I get you right in the eye? You got me right in the eye. Then don't go over, bitch.

Don't do a 65 second long piece of garbage. Somehow the water jet stream surpassed the lens. I don't aim to miss. Oh my God. Okay. All right. So this is Matt Rogers' troll bull pick. For his, I don't think so miss. Oh my God. Okay. All right. So this is Matt Rogers' troll bowl pick

for his I Don't Think So Honey. Matt Rogers. Full disclosure, I did create all these troll bowl topics so I know what's coming in some way but we'll see what happens.

Here we go. Here we go. Matt Rogers, you have to go negative on Wonder Woman. And hold on one second. Oh, I'm so sorry. I should have gotten this ready sooner. Wonder Woman, And hold on one second. Oh, I'm so sorry. I should have gotten this ready sooner.

Wonder Woman, you have to go negative. Okay, I can do it. Sorry. You can do it. Okay. Okay. And Matt Rogers says, I don't think so, honey,

from the troll bowl on Wonder Woman. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey, Wonder Woman. Gal Gadot, why do we all have to match your accent because you can't do an American one? Gal Gadot, I don't think so, honey. You were charming, but that doesn't really mean too much. Gagato, because you couldn't do an accent other than your own,

we had to suffer through that Robin Wright bullshit. Robin Wright, you don't belong in this movie. You are modern. I don't see you in contemporary. I don't see you in contemporary. 30 seconds. I don't see you in period. Also, Wonder Woman, not nearly enough naked Chris Pine. If we're going to flip the script, honey, let's really objectify our meets.

Let's see Chris Pine's dick. Let's see Chris Pine's dick. Let's see Chris Pine's dick. Let's see Chris Pine's dick. Let's see Chris Pine's dick. That's it. Five seconds. We need more Chris Pine dick in film. And that's one minute.

Wow. This fall on Bravo. It's time to turn up. Think you've seen it all? I don't think you've been a good friend to me lately. Thank you. It's a gossip. No one gets a happier life. Salt Lake City. We don't wear costumes. We wear fashion. And below deck sailing. You broke the rules. And now you're here getting upset. Watch all new seasons on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. Let's have a real good time. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski.

Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude. You're a dude. And Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude. You're a dude. And Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past. And we're just going to sit here and talk about them.

And we'll get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, Grunks? We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes, dude. We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games.

We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dudes dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving

Day 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere.

Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba.

Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeart Radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations. I was a desperate, delusional dreamer, and the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble. I

encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate, delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine. I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything but me. It took years for me to break that, like years of work. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one.

To be honest, no matter what I talk about, it always goes back to Chris Pine's dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All roads lead back to Chris Pine's dick. Thank you for being with me on that. You guys excited to get this fucking started? Yeah.

All right, we're going to bring out our first group of the night. We're giving them names tonight, and they make no sense. They make no sense, and just go with them, please. Guys, this is group number one, Firebirds. Firebirds! Give it up for Nicole Silverbird. Yes! Give it up for Nicole Spezio!

Keisha Zola! Give it up for Michael Caine! And give it up for Lauren Adams! And Lauren Adams! All right, Firebirds, first up. The Firebirds begin. Here we go. Nicole Silverberg.

I think I know what she's going to do. Yes. Pre-select her bowl. Speak your truth. I'm going to do the troll bowl. Do you pick for me? Here we go. I'm going to pick for you. You face the audience as you're

subjected to this. Here we go. Nicole Silverberg. Your I don't think so, honey, is Jennifer Garner. And your time starts now! I don't think so, honey, Jennifer Garner.

Oh, you're such a nice girl. Oh, you're the Capital One bitch of the world. You're telling me that your dad really called Capital One and bragged about being your father? In this fucking climate? Did you know that my daughter is the one who got cheated on very publicly? I don't think so, honey.

I don't think so, honey. Jennifer Garner letting Ben Affleck stay in her house. Bitch, get out of there. Get out of there. 30 seconds. You pick up your kids from school. We all see you. You're putting on a very put-together show.

Deliver it and home. I don't think so, honey. Alias really fell off after season three. What was the two-year jump? 15 seconds. I don't think so, honey. Jennifer Garner, you could have done better, and you still can if you give yourself a shot. Jennifer Garner, you could have done better, and you still can if you give yourself a shot. Jennifer Garner, please.

Five seconds. I don't think so, honey. Jennifer Garner. And that's one minute. She is very plackable for those Capital One commercials. They are bullshit. Amazing, Nicole. And now, Nicole Spezio!

What do we think? Troll ball. Okay. Okay, Nicole. Here we go. Wow, this is unbelievable. We have a troll ball down. Thank you for putting it. Thank you so much. Nicole, your I don't think so, honey, is this We have a trouble down. Thank you so much. Okay.

Nicole, your I don't think so, honey, is this sentence. Santa Claus is fake. Go negative on the idea, the sentiment that Santa Claus is fake. And your time starts

now! I don't think so, honey, you fucking magic crushers! Are you so fucking dead inside that you can't let yourself imagine? You want to crush the dreams of little babies around the world who literally want games? That's what you're going to do? You're going to look a goddamn baby in its fucking eye? I don't think so, honey. Okay? Magic is real. Christmas is great. There are

no problems with Christianity at all. None. Yes. This is it. We had a mascot, honey. It was Jesus. We said let's get another mascot. Okay? I don't had a mascot, honey. It was Jesus. We said, let's get another mascot. Okay? I don't need to, honey.

And you know what? If you want to fucking talk about it, you hate fat people. That's why you don't like Santa? Yeah, you thought she wouldn't go there. I don't think so. Five seconds. This is bullshit. Okay?

That's one minute. That's one minute. This is bullshit! Okay, let's just say Santa Claus minute! Unbelievable! Santa Claus is fake! My ass! Santa Claus lives! Here we go! Here we go!

It is time! Keisha, come on! Keisha's over! Keisha, is this going to be pre-written or is this going to be from the book? I want to let the audience decide. Wow! What do we think?

I know the audience. All right, lead this. Trouble. Trouble? All right, give me the trouble. Okay, wow, this is unprecedented. Keisha. Your? I don't think so, honey.

Is Sandra Bullock. And your time starts right now. I don't think so, honey. Sandra Bullock, you aren't another version of America's sweetheart. You are the ultimate bachelorette. What do I mean by that? You can't keep a racist man. You married a racist, and then to prove you weren't racist, you got a black baby.

I don't think so, honey. I see you're racist. I see your racist ass tactics. You probably bring that little black baby home. 30 seconds. And you think, oh, baby. Oh, baby, I got you as a souvenir because I married someone who was Nazi racist. And I ignored it.

50 seconds. And then I lost my damn husband to a tattoo artist. And I'm it. And then I lost my damn husband to a tattoo artist and I'm thinking about my life choices. I don't think so, honey. Leave the black babies alone. Five seconds. I don't think so, Sandra Bullock.

You need to get your ass back to breeding. I don't know. That's what that is! Keisha Zolar! Keisha Zolar! Keisha Zolar! Unbelievable. Keep it going. Sandra Bullock, stay away.

Michael Caine! Michael Caine! Take the mic. Oh, man. This hunk. Oh, Michael's going to wear the hats. Oh, yeah. Head on the hat.

Hats are starting. Okay. Michael. So, the question of the hour. We're going to do... what are we going to do? Pre-selected or from the bowl? I'm going to do a pre-selector. Yes.

First pre-selected of the night. What's that? Here we go. Yeah. That's great. Okay. Prepared is strong, but pre-selected is accurate. Pre-selected is a good word.

This is Michael Caine's I Don't Think So Honey. Time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey, people who told me I would like the movie Dunkirk. Dunkirk is fucking boring from start to finish. If you don't fall asleep during Dunkirk, you are an asshole. Oh my gosh, Michael, this is what war was really like. Is it? Was war me and a hundred people in a movie theater eating milk duds while I watch fucking beautiful pictures?

30 seconds. There are no characters in this movie. There's 10 minutes of acting and the rest is fucking pictures. Dunkirk should have been a poster. That's it. 15 seconds, keep going. The only character you kind of care about is some random boy, and when he dies, you're like, who the fuck was that?

Even Mark Rylance, the second greatest actor in the world, Joe Pesci, can't convince you he likes him. That's one minute, likes him That's one minute Michael Caine Dunkirk sucks Dunkirk sucks Wow and here I was hoping for Harry Styles Thank you my man

We have Lauren Adams Lauren Adams Here's the big question Yes please Are we doing the troll bowl or are we doing pre-selected Well I first of all want to say the troll bowl is a gorgeous salad bowl and I would like to own it. We made it ourselves. Great.

And I would like to select from it. Thank you. Here we go. I'm very scared. Here we go. Okay. So, Lauren. Yes.

Your I don't think so, honey. Okay. Is Broadway. I don't think so, honey, Broadway. Who the hell do you think you are? Okay, one of Beyonce's backup dancers, because you're not, okay? And I

don't think so, honey, Broadway. Why do you think that you need special award ceremonies, okay? You think that we need to watch fucking Alan Cumming for 45 minutes telling shitty jokes with Crittyny's Tristan Tendworth? I don't think so, honey. Also, Broadway, fuck you.

You want to know why? Because the only people who come to see you are crusty white people from New Jersey and ain't nobody like them. Ain't nobody like them. And another thing, Broadway, okay? You're too fucking expensive for what you're given, okay? 15 seconds. Because I don't think that this show costs as much as Broadway, and this show is fucking better, okay?

Wow. So I don't think so, honey, Broadway. You can take your tap shoes and shove them up your Broadway ass. Thank you so much. I love Broadway. She loves Broadway. I love Broadway. honey. Broadway, you can take your tap shoes and shove them up your Broadway ass. Thank you so much. I love Broadway. She loves Broadway. I love Broadway. She loves Broadway.

Don't dial it back. Give it up for this crew. Firebirds. Nicole Silverberg. Nicole Spezio. Keisha Zolar. Michael Caine. Lauren Adams.

Wow. Team Firebird really brought the heat. They brought the fire. Just as their Adams. Yes. Wow. Team Firebird really brought the heat. They brought the fire. Just as their name dictated. Wow. There were a lot of troll bowls in that one. A lot of troll bowls. I don't know.

Is this a pattern? I hope. I hope so. Guys, give it up for your next group. They're called Water Frogs. Give it up for Peter Smith. Yes. Peter?

Peter? Jaboukie Young-White. Jaboukie Young-White. Jaboukie Young-White. Give it up for Molly Austin. Y'all, where are you? No, give it up for Satan. Give it up for Satan himself. Satan.

Satan himself is here. Give it up for Peter Smith. Molly Austin. And Lorelalei Ramirez. All right. All right. Wow. So the first up is Annette Batting, themself Peter Smith.

Let's go. Peter. Wow. Peter, what's it going to be? Bull or pre-selected? Pre-selected. Okay. Pre-selected topic from Peter. Here. Peter, what's it going to be? Bowl or pre-selected? Pre-selected. Okay. Pre-selected topic from Peter.

Here we go. I don't think so, honey. Peter Smith, time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Guests who come into my home, I give them a can of pop. They drink four sips. Leave it. I don't think so, honey.

I don't think so. Because what do I do? I don't know that, honey. I don't think so. Because what do I do? I don't know that they haven't finished it. I walk around the house until the next day. I see a can. I'm like, that's probably empty. No, no, no. There's weight there.

There's mass there. There's fluid ounces there. Can I get a time? I didn't hear it. 30 seconds. Yeah, I don't think so. I'm a time? I didn't hear it. 30 seconds. Yeah, I don't think so. I'm a nice person. You come in, beverage?

Sure. What do you think this is? You think this is like a tree that La Croix grows on? 15 seconds. No. I didn't grow up in that kind of household. Oh, wow. I didn't grow up in a, oh, yeah, bye. No, no. Five seconds. No, no, no. I don't grow up in that kind of household. Oh, wow. I didn't grow up in a... Bye.

Five seconds. No, no, no. I don't think so, honey. Guest. Woo! Guest. That's one minute. That's one minute.

I don't think so, honey. Guest. If you're a guest... If you're a guest, fuck you. Or have ever been a guest... Get fucked yourself. Get fucked. And now you get fucked.

And here we go. It's Molly Austin. Molly, what the hell are we doing? I think let's just... Oh boy. Indecision. Let's just do Trouble. Trouble.

I'm so afraid. Okay. Here we go. Molly. Your I don't think so, honey, is that I have to tip this waitress? And time starts now. I don't think so, honey.

I have to tip this waitress after she made zero eye contact with me? Okay? I love courtesy. I love friendliness, and you're showing me none Okay? I love courtesy. I love friendliness. And you're showing me none, and I have to give you my money? I don't think so, honey. I have to sit this waitress.

It's a percentage. I honestly, I went to Spain, and nobody does it. And everybody's happier. And I'll tell you what else. The ladies get their tits out, and the cops look like they work out. 30 seconds. And I think we can draw that back to tipping. Wow.

I think if we got a pie chart out right now, it would have a lot to do with sexy men and ladies' titties. 15 seconds. Because there's not a lot of tipping going on. I also, I don't think so. I don't think so, honey. I believe in a fair wage. Five seconds.

I believe in fair wages for everyone and the tips should be included. Why do I have to do math? That's one minute. We believe in a fair wage. Fair wages. Molly Austin. Here we go.

It is time for Jaboukie Young White. Here we go, baby. Jaboukie. What do we think? I'm doing pre-selected. Okay, pre-selected. Yes. This is Jaboukie Young White.

I don't think so, honey. Cargo shorts. Oh, yes. Shorts are for keeping your bits cool and popping your calves. That is what shorts are for. The only reason that you need to be wearing cargo shorts is if you're like a twink and a gay for pay porno.

There's one. Or like you're a dad at a barbecue and you got like a spatula hanging out the side. You know what I mean? The only person who's ever honestly truly pulled it off casually, the late, great Steve Irwin. You know?

I don't think so, honey. Do you think that you can compare to Steve Irwin? Like, that is one of the highest levels of human folly. Like, you really need to fall back. You cannot do that. 15 seconds.

Also acceptable if you just had, like, some cute little small mammals hanging in your pockets. That would also be really cute. Five seconds. If you are wearing cargo shorts tonight,

it's okay. You can go home. Get rid of it. You are born again. Yes! That's what I meant! Advice for the crowd! Jaboukie Young White. Jaboukie Young White.

Highest levels of human folly. Hashtag it. Hashtag it. Unbelievable. Guys, please give it up for Satan. Satan himself. This is unbelievable that this is happening. Wow. What is this gonna be? Hi, Satan. Feel free to not this going to be? Hi, Satan.

Feel free to not put that hat on. Hi, Satan. What's it going to be? Pre-selected or from the bowl? I'll do TSA pre-check. Oh, TSA pre-check. Very fun. Okay, here we go.

This is Satan's I Don't Think So, Honey. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Beach parties? Nuh-uh, honey, okay? Not my element, honey. Why would I go to your beach party? If I wanted a cool breeze, I would choke the life out of you myself.

If I wanted waves, I would summon an ocean of blood to my doorstep. If I wanted sand between my toes, I would grind an ocean of blood to my doorstep. If I wanted sand between my toes, I would grind your bones to dust. And stick my hooves in it. If I wanted to see a bunch of legally nude homosexuals roasting under a ball of fire,

I would look at John Travolta's browser Herstory. Herstory! And by the way, my skin is gorgeous. My skin is gorgeous, and I'm not about to literally incinerate for the chance to try your fucking potato salad, Michelle. Oh, Michelle. So fuck that.

Shut it down, knock it off. Five seconds. I don't think so, honey. Give me your firstborn beach parties. That's one minute. Satan. That was Satan himself. John Travolta's Br minute. Satan. That was Satan himself. John Travolta's browser herstory.

Thank you for that. Keep that. Put a pin in that. It's probably gross. Probably gross. Guys. It's probably wonderful. All right, now everyone, please welcome Lorelai Ramirez.

Lorelai. She looks so sunny and happy. Oh my God, Lorelai. Lorelai, what's that smile on your face? What's it gonna be? You look so happy tonight I don't know, I thought I could go by the little troll bowl Can I pick it? So it's like a surprise to me

When I'm like up there You're allowed to do that Okay, Lorelai Okay, let's see Hold on Okay, here we go What's it gonna be okay

okay a lot of people okay I hope this is good I don't think so honey It's, um... It's, uh... What is it? It's Eliza Schlesinger.

Oh, my God. Eliza Schlesinger, no. my God. Eliza Schlesinger. No. We can't go negative on her. No, no. I can't. You can't. Give it up for Lorelai Ramirez.

They've all got to go. They've all got to go. Give it up for this group. Give it up for the Water Frogs. Lorelai Ramirez. Peter Smith. Satan. Max Winters.

Satan. Max Winters. Jaboukie Young-White. Molly Austin. And Molly Austin. Oh, my God. Wow Molly Austin, oh my god. Wow. Wow, that was insane.

That was gorgeous. We had some real experiences in that group. Absolutely. That was so atypical of the show. But that's what I love. Ding dong! We're Lost Culturistas, here to tell you about a little app called Spoke. That's right. Spoke is a new free podcast app from SiriusXM

that's all about making it easier to find podcasts you love. Their curators highlight the most compelling moments from all kinds of shows based on your interests. And if you love a clip, you can tap into the full episode and subscribe to the show all within the app. You can even send clips to your friends and share them on social media. Spoke is creating a vibrant community of podcasters and podcast lovers. Speaking of which, if you have a podcast, you want it on Spoke.

Their team will make sure your show is heard by the people most likely to fall in love with it. You can sign up in two seconds at hearspoke.com slash RSS. That's H-E-A-R-S-P-O-K-E dot com slash RSS. So get on it, honey. Spoke is in the App Store and the Google Play Store right now just waiting for you to download it. And once you have, be sure to check out the best of I Don't Think So Honey Path for lots, lots more of us.

The next group is called Queens for Christ! Queens for Christ! Give it up for Hallie Haas! Give it up for Jason Gore! Give it up for Mujan Zulfiqar! Come on, Mujan! Give it up for Douglas Wydick!

Douglas Wydick! And last but not least, Kristen Bartlett! Alright, Hallie. Oh my god,lett alright Hallie oh my god it's Hallie Haas everybody here we go now here's the question Hal

yeah what's the answer I'm gonna tell you is it pre-sliced or a bowl you gotta give it to me okay well I'm gonna I'm not gonna do the bowl okay listen

that's up to you man I respect that you do your pre-sliced topic and you kill it okay I'm ready this is Hallie Haas's I don't think so honey do you tell me to go, man. I respect that. You do your pre-selected topic and you kill it. Okay, I'm ready. This is Hallie Haas's I Don't Think So, Honey. Do you tell me to go? Yes, I will.

I'll say time starts now. Okay. Hallie Haas's I Don't Think So, Honey. Time starts now. I Don't Think So, Honey. Pretty boys with beards. Oh! What is going on?

I want to see your face. I want to see that jawline. I wish I had that jawline. Now I can't even see it. Okay? Beards are for method actors and bartenders with something to prove. Oh, wow. You are not those things.

You have a pretty face. You think we want a Paul Bunyan? Uh-uh. I'm looking at little Jack Horner over in the corner with his thumb up in some pie. You know what I'm saying. And does he have a beard? Does he have a beard?

No. I don't think so, honey. People. How much, what am I on time? 15 seconds. Okay, here we go. You have to leave the beard

to the people who need beards. Mark Ruffalo, he needs a beard. Yeah. Jeff Daniels needs a beard. Shia LaBeouf, I don't know if he needs a beard, but he beards. Mark Ruffalo. He needs a beard. Yeah. Jeff Daniels needs a beard. Shia LaBeouf. I don't know if he needs a beard, but he needs something. Five seconds. Okay.

Give it to those guys. Save your face. I don't think so, honey. That's one minute. Ah, yes. Right on time. Hallie Haas. We lived. Beautiful. Beards are for bartenders with something to prove. Wow. Oh my gosh, it's time for Jason Gore.

Come on, baby. Jason's wearing the hat. Now listen, Jace, it's time to choose the bowl or the pre-selected topic. Well, guys, I want to say you added me literally an hour ago while I was drinking at the metal bar across the street. Absolutely.

We saw him. We sent him. So, because of that, I'm going to do the bowl. Okay, baby bowl. Alright, here we go. I'm going to pick to the bottom. Here we go. Okay, Jason. Your I don't think so honey topic is vegetables. Me?

Okay. I don't think so honey vegetables. That's what the bowl says. Good lord. Me? Okay. I don't think so, honey vegetables! That's what the poll says. Good lord. I mean, is that really that hard for me? Look at me. When's the last time I ate a vegetable?

I went to Just Salad the other day. They have bowls and wraps and smoothies. I got a smoothie instead of the salad. Yes! I don't think so, vegetables! You're not a cheesesteak. You're not a pizza. You're not a weird fisherman's platter at some place I go to at the beach.

30 seconds! I mean, honestly, vegetables are overrated. Nobody gives a shit about vegetables. You're eating all your salad. You're putting it on top of quinoa. Nobody cares. You're going to die. We're all going to die very

soon. 15 seconds. Why not eat what you love? Yes. What do you love? Meatballs? Good. Fucking eat meatballs. I don't think so, honey. Vegetables. 5 seconds. Keep going. Bring it home. Oh, God. Fuck a zucchini, right? I don't think so, honey. Vegetables. That's one minute going. Bring it home. Oh, God. Fuck a zucchini, right?

I don't think so, honey. Vegetables. That's one minute. That's one minute. Jason Gore. I don't care. What a champ for filling in last minute. Oh, my God.

And now, please welcome to the stage, Mujan Zalfagari. Come on, Mujan. Mujan, what do we think? So I was going to do the bowl, but then I just checked my email and thought about something. Wow, okay. This is fresh.

Something on the mind. Let me, as you start, let me play that moment again so you can start the moment. Okay, we'll start the moment. This is Mujan Zulfigari's I Don't Think So Honey. Let me check my email.

Oh, I got invited to a party. That's great. Oh, who's invited? I don't know, because it's a BCC. I don't think so. Honey, motherfucking BCC stands for Bitches Cockblocking Contact. If I want to go to a party, I want to know who else is going. Are my enemies going to be there?

Are my exes going to be there? Is the one who I want to be there going to be there? I don to know who else is going. Are my enemies going to be there? Are my exes going to be there? Is the one who I want to be there going to be there? I don't know. Or is it just going to be the person who invited me? 30 seconds. Here's a fun fact about society. 80% of people are murderers. I don't want to go party alone and be murdered by I don't know who's on that list.

And plus, if I reply with a funny joke, one person's going to say it. 15 seconds. 15 seconds. Come on. So fuck you, BCC. How much time do I have left? Five seconds. Fuck you, BCC. That's one minute.

That's one minute. Moujahn Zolfagari. Moujahn. It's true. Technically, it could just be that one person. That's one minute. Mujan Zulfiqari. Mujan. It's true. Technically, it could just be that one person. Could be. And it's true. 80% of human beings are murderers.

Look it up. Look it up. Verified. Here we go. Very excited for this next one. Everyone welcome Douglas Wydick. Dougie. So, yeah, you look handsome in that hat

Oh summer look Thank you so much Here we go what do you think I'm going pre-selected bitch Douglas Widex I don't think so honey Time starts now My I don't think so honey is Raspberries

If you like raspberries, you are lying to yourself. Nobody likes a raspberry. It's a hairy fruit. The hairiest a fruit can be is a peach. That's the hairiest a fruit can be.

I don't think so, honey. Raspberries. Nobody wants to eat a bumpy little fruit in your mouth. Anybody who lies to themselves that they genuinely love raspberries is lying.

30 seconds. You have to cover it in sugar for it to become palatable. If you like raspberries, raise your hand. You are wrong! Fuck you! You have a wrong opinion.

It's not possible to be right in this conversation. No. If you like raspberries, there's a reason there's no raspberry juice. You meet anyone who drinks raspberry juice, I don't think so, honey. Raspberries. They are bad, bad fruit. Driscolls, you're going out of business.

No, that's one minute. Fuck you, Driscolls. I love Driscolls. I hate raspberries. I love raspberries. I love Driscoll's. I hate raspberries. I love raspberries. I hate them. Love them. I hate that.

I hate you. I love them so much. I hate raspberries. They make blueberries, too. They do have extra bumps. They make them. They do. They have extra bumps.

I don't think so, honey. It's time for Kristen Bartlett. Kristen. Oh, yes. Put on that hat.! Oh, yes. Put on that hat. Thank you, Kristen. Style! There you go.

Kristen, what's it going to be? It's going to be pre-selected. Thank you. That's some notes. Okay. Whenever you're ready. Here we go. I'm ready.

Time starts now! Sorry, go! Oh, my God! I don't think so, honey. Skinny people! Woo! All of you guys walk around like you did something to earn it. You don't deserve that shit.

You know who did it for you? Your mother and the daddy. You know what? I have a Fitbit too, bitch. I still look like this, you fucking cunts. I don't think so, honey. Size twos who get pissed about the phrase real women have curves. 30 seconds.

Women who walk around saying, I used to get bullied because I'm skinny and I'm very tall. Am I not a real woman? No, you are a real cunt. And you can shop everywhere, okay? If I need to get a new pair of jeans, I have to go to Paramus, New Jersey to the Good Lane Bryant. Five seconds. The only thin people who are okay

are the ones with fat moms and who had a lap band because they're going to be fat again, I don't think so, honey. Yeah, that's one minute. Oh, you lap band bitches, you will be mad again. Kristen Bartlett.

Everyone give it up for this amazing group. Halle Haas. Jason Gore. Mujan Zafagari. Douglas Wydick. And the Kristen Bartlett, everybody. The Good Lane Bryant is in Paramus, New Jersey. And now we know.

That's where the good land Brian is. That's where it is. Guys, give it up for your next group, Shadow Dancers. Shadow Dancers. Give it up for Tally Meadow. Give it up for Jasmine Pierce. Come on, Tally. Come on, Jasmine.

Come on, Eleanor Pienta. Beth Newell. Beth Newell and Sunita Mani. Come on, Eleanor Pienta. Beth Newell. Beth Newell and Sunita Mani. Come on. Where you go? There she is. Oh my god. We got the Cocoon Centrals and the Reductresses in one group.

The Shadow Dancers, as they are collectively known. First up is Tally. Tally, come on. Let's go, Tal. Yes, make your way. This is the moment. Soak it in. Put the come on. Let's go, Tal. Yes, make your way. This is the moment. Soak it in. Can I put this hat on? Put the hat on. It gives you energy.

Tally, what's it going to be? Pre-selected or bowl? What do you think? You know what? I think I'm going to speak for the thing that I had thought of before. I was going to go troll bowl, but I think that I know what I hate. Okay.

I want to know what she hates. Tally, your time starts now. I don't think so, honey sponges. You stinky ass bitches. Get the fuck away from my dishes. I did not

spend money on my vintage cute-ass little porcelain plates to rub shit onto them. No, thank you, honey. I will use a scrap of an old curtain that I cut up into a little square

and I will throw it directly into my laundry. I will use a new scrap of cloth, honey. I will. 30 seconds. Because I love my belongings. I will cut up all kinds of clothes

I don't use anymore into cute-ass little squares. And I will get them all soapy. They will not be full of fucking dead-ass bugs. People use sponges in restaurants. Think about this. Do not use sponges.

They're just going to choke a sea turtle in the ocean one day. They are not natural bitches. Come on, guys! Use your old curtains like me! That's one minute! Give it up for Callie Meadow! She makes a good point about sponges. I've never

trusted a sponge myself. Never. If they're near my plates, I don't like it. No. Because they still have the juice of what you just scrubbed off. And the crust. The crust of the juice. Who can handle that? Alright, here we go. Next up is Jasmine Pierce!

Here we go, baby! Jasmine. Jasmine, what's your take? Are we doing the bowl? I'm not doing the bowl. I don't trust you guys. No! You shouldn't! Okay. You're trying to make me hate something I love. I'm not doing the bowl. I don't trust you guys. No, you shouldn't. Okay. No, you're trying to make me hate something I love. I'm not ready for that.

There you go. This is Jasmine Pierce's I Don't Think So, Honey. Time starts now. Okay. I Don't Think So, Honey, love. No. No, I don't. First of all, do you even exist?

No, thank you. Get over yourself. Okay, you talk about oh love is the greatest thing and everyone in the world needs it okay then why has love made everyone in this room

cry thank you I don't know I don't think so honey love absolutely not if love is so great how come it's the reason

that I don't have any friends they're all off loving people no no thank you you two love each other no thank you. You two love each other? No thank you. I don't need it. I don't need it. You all love each other. I know there's people in this audience that love each other

too. No thank you, okay? Okay, love is ridiculous. Okay, j'adore. Oh, okay. There's a word for you in every language. Who cares? I don't need that. So what if there's like 50 German words for love? Nobody needs to hear that.

Five seconds. Thank you. I don't think so on any love. Hearts are just butts upside down. I don't need it. Wow, that's one minute. J'adore is bullshit. I hate J'adore.

J'adore is bullshit. I hate J'adore. J'adore. But I know a couple people who use J'adore. Yeah, I don't like that. All right, all right. Okay, guys, next up is Eleanor Pienta. Eleanor Pienta.

Hey, bitch. Yes, make your way. Yes, the style. Okay, here we go. Eleanor, what's the tea? Are we going to do the bowl? Are we going to do pre-selected? Oh, we're going to do pre-selected.

Okay. Okay. Eleanor Pianta. I don't think so, honey. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Art school? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're telling me if I haven't taken a ceramics class that I can't make a ceramic?

Honey, I don't think so. No, no, no, no, no. I've got my brain. I've got a hunk of clay. Bitch is going to make a ceramic. Yeah, I've got my hips. I've got my tits. That's all I need.

Okay, honey, yes, I think so. That reminds me of my deaf daddy. Woo! When everybody was telling him, you can't hear the ocean in the seashell. He lifts it up to his ear and he says, I can hear the ocean. He hands it to me.

He says, son, do you hear the ocean? And I said, yes, daddy, I hear the ocean, but daddy, I am your daughter. And he said, honey, I don't think so. And I said, daddy, daddy, I don't think so, honey. And then he's like, honey, no, I don't think so. And I'm like, no, daddy, I'm your daughter. And he said, honey, I don't think so. And I said, daddy, daddy, I don't think so, honey. And then he's like, honey, no, I don't think so. And I'm like, no, daddy, I'm your daughter.

I don't think so. And he's like, oh, wait a second. And that's what made it. It ended in tears. Oh, my God. Our only I don't think so. I need to end in tears. Something is unresolved.

Oh, no, Eleanor. There is something unresolved here. Daddy issues, live on stage. Eleanor, I'm sorry. Unfolding. We're going to put a pin in that. Guys, give it up for Beth Newell. Beth Newell!

Beth. So. Hello. The bowl or do you have a topic in mind? I have a topic in mind. Okay, come on. Here we go. This is Beth Newell.

Your time starts now. All right. I don't think so, honey. Murderers. Okay. Listen. All right. Now, listen.

Okay. Not only is murdering illegal, but it's also really fucking inconsiderate. All right. Okay. Hear me out, hear me out, okay? I think that murdering people is selfish, okay? I mean, you are gonna delete a woman's

entire future sexual life just so you can jerk off onto her corpse for five minutes, okay? Oh, 30 seconds. I mean, was that worth it? I don't think so, honey. Alright? I don't think so, honey. Alright? I don't think so, honey. Even these, like, crime of passion rage murders, okay?

You don't get off the hook just because you had a bad day, okay? Just call out sick from work like the rest of us and watch the movie about a boy. I don't think so, honey. Alright? Alright, you know, we've all

got a chip on our shoulder. Just write a medium post. I don't think so honey alright you know we've all got a chip on our shoulder just write a medium post I don't think so honey you do not have to kill someone that's all I have to say I don't think so murderers she has a point jacking up on a woman's corpse

like a five second thing it's a five second thing it's too short okay guys give it up for Sunita Sunita Barney second thing. It's a five second thing. And afterwards you feel ashamed. It's too short. Okay, guys, give it up for Sunita Barney! Last I Don't Think So Honey's raffle winner! Yes! Oh, she brought her own album!

Oh, she brought her own album! Wow. Some bitches bring their own. This is... Some bring their own. Count is... Some bring their own. Count them four on stage at the same time. That's unbelievable. Okay, Sunita.

It's like the spirit stick. It's like the spirit stick. You can't do that. It's like the spirit stick. Now we're all cursed. Unconscionable. Unconscionable. Sunita, what's going to be...

What else havoc are you going to wreak? Oh, I am so terrified to pick from the bowl, but I'm going to pick from the bowl. Here we go. Knees. Okay. Here we go. Are you ready?

Okay, this is good. Your I don't think so honey is Chelsea Clinton. And you're that monster. And your time starts now. I don't think so, honey, Chelsea Clinton. I was watching the CNN, like, 90s documentary. When your papa got to be president, you were just staring at him in the face and clapping,

and he was not making eye contact with you, and you were like, Chelsea, get over it. He doesn't love you. Some people need to carve out their own space. Away from the family business, Chelsea. 15 seconds. I mean, start an Etsy, Chelsea. It's working for people, honey. Five seconds. Chelsea, I just want you to know that I'm watching you.

That's one minute. And I will be the friend who tells you tough love. I don't think so, honey. You must go. Sunita Bhatti. Her own hat. Give it up for this girl. Oh, my God. Shadow dancers. Ah! Sunita Mani! Her own hat. Give it up for this group. Oh my God, give it up for this group.

Shadow dancers. We got Tally Meadows. We got Jasmine Pierce. Eleanor Pienta. We got Beth Newell. And of course, we have Sunita Mani. Okay, okay, okay. Ah!

Oh my goodness. Guys, are you ready for the last group of this first half? This first half. Here we go. Classic fools. All right, the classic fools. Give it up for Drew Anderson. Drew Anderson.

Give it up for Greta Teitelman. Give it up for Amanda Duarte. And give it up for Michelle Buteau. Come on. Where's my boy Drew? Where's Drew? There's Drew. Oh my God.

Here we go. Here we go. Okay, here we go. We're doing four this time. We're doing four this time. That's okay. We're doing four this time. Now listen,

the first to the mic is Drew Anderson. Here we go, baby. Here we go, baby. All right. So Drew, is Drew Anderson. Here we go, baby. Here we go, baby. All right. So, Drew, we've had a lot of troll bulls. We've had a lot of preselected.

But what about you? Sirs, I'm going to be doing preselected. Okay, sir. Okay, sir. This is Drew Anderson's. Here we go. Drew Anderson's I Don't Think So, Honey. Time starts now.

I Don't Think So, Honey, Lin-Manuel Miranda. What? Honey, I Don't Think So Honey. Listen to me right now, okay? I love your musicals. They are exquisite, okay? But honey, you don't need to star in everything you write. Okay, listen to me, honey.

You are literally that high school girl in drama club, okay? Who is nice to everyone, but ultimately does all the work because they don't trust anyone else. 30 seconds. And then makes the speech at the end, thanking everyone and saying, love is love is love, honey. Okay, I know you wrote Moana,

but honey, we all know you wanted to be Moana. Okay, honey. Okay, I know you wrote Moana, but honey, we all know you wanted to be Moana. Okay, honey. 20 seconds. Listen, I wrote a musical once in college. It was a children's musical, okay? I wanted to be the star, the giraffe, but last minute I gave the role to a child for the betterment of the musical,

and it was a triumph, honey. That's one minute. I don't think so, honey. That's one minute. I don't think so, honey. That's one minute. Be generous with your art. Be generous with your art. Wow. Unbelievable.

Thank you, Drew. We needed to hear that. We didn't want to, but we needed to. We needed to hear that. We all needed the reminder. And now to remind us of something, it's Greta Teitelman. Come on, Greta.

Come on, Greta. Come on, Greta. Greta. Yes, It's going to be pre-selected or from the troll bowl? I love, I love a troll bowl,

but I have to just speak my piece. Speak your piece, Greta. I'm going to do pre-selected. Here we go. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey.

French manicures as pedicures. Okay, bitch. French manicures as pedicures. Okay, bitch? I do not need to see a white tip on your toe, bitch. If your nails are that long that you can get a fucking French manicure on them, cut that shit. Also, bitch, your foot is not handing me my menu at Nobu, okay? So it does not need to be painted like that. 30 seconds.

Also, you know who has a fucking French pedicure? My stepmom. And I don't think so, honey, with that bitch. She's fucking my dad. That bitch is fucking my dad.

Okay? So you know what? I don't need the rest of the fucking time, bitch, because that's what I think. I don't think so, honey! Write a title, man. Decorum. Decorum.

Decorum. Decorum! She has spit in the face of the rules, but we gagged. We gagged. We gagged. We gagged. Okay. It's time.

For Amanda Duarte, please. Amanda Duarte, let's go. Yes, Amanda. Thank you, Amanda. Oh, yes. Now, Amanda, there are two options, and one of them is the troll bowl, one of them is to go pre-selected. But what do you think? I think I'm going to bowl for Columbine.

Whoa! Here we go. Bowl for Columbine. Because I saw Michael Moore's show on Broadway last night and it's garbage. Oh! So let's bowl for Columbine and remember the good times.

I love that. I love that. And that's a little I Don't Think So Honey in and of itself. Okay, Amanda. Oh, shit. I hope that's not it. No, no, no, no, no. Okay.

That was a teaser. Here we go. Your I Don't Think So Honey is the movie Blackfish. And your time starts now. I don't think you get any blackfish. Because, first of all, don't try to get me to fucking feel sorry for a killer whale. You are, like the word killer is in your title. Fuck you.

You eat otters. Otters are cute. Second of all, like fucking, okay, don't make me hungry for sushi. And then make me feel shitty about it because you're all like endangered or whatever. 30 seconds. And then don't make me hungry for like to actually eat whale because I've heard that whale tastes like fish, steak, pussy. My husband ate it in I think like fucking Sweden or something. He ate whale and he was like...

50 seconds. And every once in a while, if I go ride my bike and I come home and don't shower, he makes a reference to it that I don't appreciate. So don't make me think about that either. Five seconds.

Ultimately, animals, we control you. You are our domain. Top of the food chain for now. Fuck you, I don't think so, Blackface. That's what we say, Danny. Amanda Duarte. Ultimately, we control you, animals. All you animals out there, now you know.

Now you know, and now you know. Yes, welcome Michelle Buteau. Yes. Yes. Welcome Michelle Buteau. Yes. Oh, yes. Yes, Michelle. Yes, honey. Michelle, what's it going to be? What's up?

Girl, you know I picked something. Okay. I mean, thank you for writing stuff, though. No, we prepared, but we never doubted you. She's got a topic in mind. Here we go. This is Michelle Buteau's I Don't Think So Honey. Time starts now.

I don't think so, honey, if you don't fuck with the song Despacito. This is one of the best songs ever fucking made. It is one of the most downloaded songs in the fucking world. And if you don't fuck with Despacito, bitch, I don't fuck with you. You probably don't like Despacito because you don't understand the language. And if you don't understand Spanish, you probably want to build a wall and make America great again. 30 seconds. I don't think so, honey, if you don't fuck with Despacito because I love any song that makes Enrique Iglesias want to fucking kill himself for not singing.

15 seconds. I don't think so honey if you don't fuck with Despacito because I didn't even know it was Justin Bieber and now I like him. Five seconds. five, five. Five, five. I don't think so, honey, if you don't fuck with Despacito because any song that makes you want to clap your ass like Cardi B is a song for fucking me. Yes, boy. Icon, icon. Michelle Vito. Give it the fuck up for this group.

Michelle Buto. Gratitude, man. Drew Anderson. Drew Anderson. Drew Anderson, yes. Yo, the room is getting very hot. It is now time for us to take a little bit of an intermission. We want to remind you about the raffle. Do the raffle.

Buy some raffle tickets. Win some stuff. We want to remind you about the t-shirts. Buy a t-shirt. And wear it. Come back wearing it. That would be cute. And we'll see you in about ten minutes. We'll see you in ten. Bye-shirts. Buy a t-shirt. And wear it. Come back wearing it. That would be cute. And we'll see you in about 10 minutes.

We'll see you in 10. Bye, bitch. We're adjourned. Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Bohm. For more podcasts, please visit foreverdogproductions.com. Spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football.

Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty,

and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba?

Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there.

Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tariqa Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.