Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "I Don't Think So, Honey! 4" LIVE (Part One)

Episode Date: March 28, 2018

The 4th installment of "I Don't Think So, Honey!" Live is here! 50 comedians take one minute each to go off on culture. Part One featuring Lou Gonzalez, Chelsea Davison, Eudora Peterson, Joanna Rothkopf, Meghan O'Neill, Erin Markey, Matthew Wilkas, Isaac Oliver, Emmy Blotnick, Dulcé Sloan, Sarah Sherman, Ruby Karp, Liza Treyger, Alli Brown, Karolena Theresa, Nathan Lee Graham, Michelle de Swarte, Eliot Glazer, Shenovia Large, X Mayo, John Trowbridge, Asher Perlman, Jan Sport, Rosé , and Lagoona Bloo. Plus the World's Only Female Mens Rights Activist, Annie, and a performance by Stephanie's Child!Recorded Live at The Bell House in Brooklyn, NYSound Engineering and Mixing by William Smith---LAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasSUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS TODAY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASTforeverdogpodcasts.com/las-culturistas  Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Oh my goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas. Without further ado, please welcome your hosts, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. Hello, ding dong! Las Cotaritas calling! I'm pitching up tonight. I'm going up here! Wow, it's great that you explore that part of your voice. You never are resonant and high. Hi guys, how's everyone doing tonight?

All right? Great. This is so fun. I think this is the most packed audience we've had. You guys are doing it. Who here listens to the podcast? Okay. That's good.

That's fun. Who here doesn't listen to the podcast? Fuck you! Get the fuck out! I welcome them. We welcome you. Welcome to Las Culturistas Live. I don't think so, honey. What you're about to see is, wow,

just a tapestry of rage. Yes. A cornucopia of anger. Oh, yeah. Overflowing. Yeah. And wait, I guess we should place these upon our heads.

Absolutely. These are Joanne hats. A little bit different. A little bit different. A little bit different from our usual culturistas hats, but you have to change with the times. You have to change with the times.

And can we say one thing? These are literal Joanne hats from the Lady Gaga store. Official merch. And this merch is a little shitty. It's a little shitty. It's shitty merch,

which we should not put up with as a capitalist, like, consumer, right? I'm sorry, but Lady Gaga, I don't think so, honey. Lady Gaga's merch.

We're gagged to have the merch, but look at the flip-flop. Look at it. It looks silly. How much? It was a gift, babe. It was a gift. For both of us. And it was a Christmas

gift. A Christmas gift. a gift, babe. And it was a Christmas gift. A Christmas gift. So, but wow, guys. A Christmas gif, I just said, like Santa falling off the roof. That'd be a good gif for Christmas. So applicable to many contexts. Oh my God, current events.

Current events are happening right now. You know, that's the beauty of current events is they're concurrent. They always are happening at all times. Actually, okay, to be honest, Matt and I are a little out of the loop this week. There's also just no fun news happening this week, right? I agree. It feels

like a very boring news week. It's just a lot of white gays succeeding. Oh, yeah. Oh, we got a little reaction from the audience. Hey, that's only okay when I say it. But guys, give it up for your Antony's of the world, your Adam Rippon's of the world,

your Trixie Mattel's of the world. Who is Team Trixie? Who is Team Shangela? Dang. I mean, I don't know. I do. I'm going to say, I don't know. I do. I'm going to say, I think it's so cool that in the year 2018,

Uh-oh, here we go. one out of four final four queens is white and is still able to beat the POCs out. Gorgeous. You are a political bitch. I'm political. Just you wait. I have a read on government.

I'm going to do in a bit. Oh, my God. That you're going to do tonight? That I'm going to do tonight. Okay. Speaking of which. We should explain to them what it is. Okay.

So, in I Don't Think So, Honey, you're about to see 50 comedians do an I Don't Think So, Honey, which is a one-minute rant on anything that's just grinding these people's ears, pushing these people's buttons, really getting them enraged, right? In the so mad culture. Yes. And they're going to take one minute to rail against. And, I mean, can we also say

this is especially a gag today because this actually is the two-year anniversary of the Lost Culture Recess podcast. Very fun. Two years old. Two years old. Two years old. The terrible twos. Now we're going to start getting, like, really shitty behavior-wise.

Oh, yeah. And, like, start sucking on everything. Which I believe happens. I don't know. I don't have children. Yeah. I'm going to teeth and just I'm gonna teeth Scream it in the middle of the night

Boys Oh, wow And also, wait It's the one year anniversary of I Don't Think So Honey Live The show, the live show Isn't that fucked up and weird Very funny

It's like two anniversaries separate It's like when a mom and a daughter Have the same birthday Yeah Did you know that my mom and a daughter have the same birthday. Yeah. Did you know that my mom and my aunt have the same birthday three years apart? That's fun. That's so crazy. And also get this.

Also get this, though. Their brother, I have the same birthday as him. It's weird. I don't know. Is that an astrological thing? No. No. an astrological thing? No. Who believes in astrology? Who

doesn't think that the positions of stars thousands of light years away has any bearing on our personal behavior? Thank you. You guys should read Carl Sagan. Absolutely. I don't know. Can I tell you, there was a moment

where someone got me with it, though. They were like, well, our body is mostly water. You don't think that the tides change the way you are? And I was like, okay, hold on. I'm willing to change

my whole world view because of what you said. Oh, my God. That's what makes me a dangerous person. Uh-huh. A pseudoscience lover Yeah

Well wow, before we get going on I Don't Think So Honeys We do have to bring out a very special guest Now normally Normally Annette Bening is in town To talk to us She's in LA She's in LA She did send us a message

And she thought we were going to do really well tonight. Yes. So that's good. Very nice. But instead, we have an amazing guest. Yeah. You know, this year has been, you know, the year of women.

And it's Women's Awareness Month? What? March is Women's Month. And International Women's Day was last week. Beautiful. And we should all be aware of women. Is that real? Is it Women's Awareness Month?

No, it's not. I used the wrong word. Women's Awareness. But, and we have to honor this rich tradition of women who just really start the conversations that need to be had. And so tonight we have an amazing guest. We have the world's only female men's rights activist.

Yeah. Now, we've been told to address this person by one name only. And one name only, yes. Everyone, please welcome Annie. Annie. Annie. The only female men's rights activist.

You go get... Yeah, because you can... How are you? Good to see so many men here. Yeah, a lot of men out during Women's Awareness Month. Women's Awareness Month. This guy's arriving late. Looking strong, looking good.

All right. Okay, Annie, how is it going? How's your march going? It's Women's month. It's women's month, which is exactly why my issues are so important.

Yeah. I just started teaching classes, actually, and I would love to plug. Okay, go ahead, plug, please.

Yeah, so I'm teaching men, too, hashtag men, too, class. It's a little pun. It's a little pun. It's a little pun. And basically it's this really cool workshop where alt-minded people can come together in one room

and it's a safe space for men to get together and just play, you know? We're just playing. Tucker Carlson says that men are under attack. Is this something that you agree with? Who said it? Yes. They are!

They are under attack. You know, you got your Harvey Weinsteins and your Woody Allins. These guys are geniuses. These guys have the hype. Would you even know what movies are without these two men? That's true. That's true. And we just

cuff them up and we lock them away. No questions asked. I don't think either of them have faced any legal repercussions. You wait. You wait till March is over, Women's Awareness Month is over, and then shit will start happening. Can I just say, because podcasts are a visual medium,

and we can't see this at home, your mouth is absolutely destroyed with lipstick. You got it all over your teeth, and really everywhere but your lips. Listen, I woke up in a tizzy. I'm freaking ticked at the world. Ticked.

I've ticked off. That's actually rule of culture number 89. Bring back ticked. It's not pissed off. It's ticked off. Yeah. Continue. I just want to say that women, okay, we hear you screaming.

And what gets your goat about these women like what is the what is what's like the worst thing that they're saying about them well it's just like you know they're pointing the finger so hard but it's like think of all the bad women out there you got that snapper turtle michelle obama there's one the sna turtle. You got Meghan Trainor out there telling all the women to be unhealthy. She's a problem. Yeah, Meghan Trainor. Meghan Trainor is reprehensible. And RuPaul.

RuPaul, a trans woman is a problem too. I think you might be misinformed about RuPaul. Yeah, Ru is not trans. RuPaul's a drag queen. Well, well, I understand what I see trans. RuPaul's a drag queen. Well, I understand what I see on TV and he's a shapeshifter.

He would agree with you there. Women are being very problematic. The thing is, ladies, let me address the ladies. Excuse me, ma'am. Oh my God.

I don't mean to upset you, but the things that men think about are a lot worse than the things they do. Go on. Well, for instance, what's the worst thing you ever thought about a woman? It's a trick! I'm gay.

He's gay. Yeah, but you never ever see a woman and you're like, oh, she's so beautiful, I ought to kill her so no one else can have her. Yeah, see? We all think in it. Oh my God. But are we doing it? No! So what's the big deal?

This guy's gay. He's on my side. I got power to you, brother. Men's thoughts are worse than their actions and that should be a comfort. That should be a comfort. Oh my God. Okay, so Annie, you just did like a little faux joke curtsy

or like a little... Yes, you know, joke curtsy or, like, a little, like, a little... Yes, I don't mean to offend. Is chivalry dead right now? Chivalry dead? Chivalry is so dead that it's going back into the cycle of, like, super hard chivalry. Like, first of all, the feminazis don't want you to open the elevator door for them. Okay? Yeah, they don't want...

They'll scream at you if you hold... If you press the call button, if you... If you press the call button. Yeah. They say, What, you want to fuck me in the ass too? Nasty, nasty women. Not very nice.

Not very nice. Is that really... Do you think that maybe it's just women should be a little bit nicer? Oh. Is it a respectability politics thing? I think it's just... Again, when you're so blind and screaming,

you're thrown out. You can't see what you're doing to men, and men have it bad too, I hope you know. How so? Go ahead and elaborate on that. Well, they just do. I mean, it's just so hard to take all that abuse, okay? You know what I mean?

And that's what my classes are all about. I wish more women took my classes so they could truly see how they're behaving. Are there a lot of gay men enrolling in the class? Well, I have one. Oh, yeah. You're going to take the class? Well, I have one. Oh, yeah. You're going to take the class? Where are you teaching this class? Yeah, we meet at the VFW every Sunday.

We start around 11 a.m. We toss back some brews. We toss beanbags. We toss anything you throw out there. Oh, wow. And we just rehash these scenarios, improvised scenarios, on ways that we can improve communication between men and women. Can I ask you a question?

Are you in a relationship? Yes, I am. Okay. Okay. What are they like? What is your partner like? They? Them?

Those? These? How about he? We forgot about he! No! Remember he! Remember when he and she was okay? I cannot.

This is crazy. All right, listen, Annie, I think we're already learning. It feels like you're already spreading your teachings. Oh, my God. And that's beautiful. And that's beautiful. And Annie, would you please join us in singing the I Don't Think So Honey National Anthem? We're not a nation, but we do have a national anthem just to kick things off.

Annie? I'd be delighted to. Thank you so much. We sent you the lyrics, so I think we can all just pull them up and then sing together. Yeah, I left my phone back there. You can just read off of mine. Okay, so let's hit it. I'll rise for the people.

When you feel there are things in this world that you hate. When you feel there are things you don't like. When you feel you need to speak out and you need to shout. And you say whatever you like I don't think so, honey I don't think so, child I don't think so Bitch

Bitch I don't think so, honey I don't think so, child I don't think so Bitch Wow, amazing I don't think so, child. I don't think so. Bitch. Bitch. Wow. Amazing.

Guys. Annie Men's Rights. Thank you so much, Annie. Thank you. I'll have sign-ups in the back corner over there if you'd like to thank my class. And keep America great again. Keep America great again. Caga.

Caga. Keep America great again, everybody. That was Annie Donnelly, everybody. Annie Donnelly. Las Culturistas Icon Award winner, Annie Donnelly. She joins Pat Regan as a Las Culturistas Icon Award winner, and Pat

Regan was so upset about that, he refused to show up tonight. That's true. Alright, I think we can kick things off with some I Don't Think So, Honey. I think we're ready. You guys ready? Okay, so I think what's first going to happen is Bowen, it's Bowen's turn to demo a prepared I Don't Think So, Honey,

and then I'm going to go up and show everyone the troll bowl. And so basically, you guys, everyone has an option tonight. We have 50 comedians backstage, and they have either prepared an I Don't Think So, Honey topic, or they can reach into the animals.

Am I using that word right? Yeah. Well, I don't know my words but I do know my heart. And that's the most important thing. Thank you, babe. I love you. So, you know what happened? We lost the bowl that we carved. The teak bowl.

So we have a glass one. So we have a glass blown. For hours we made. The teak bowl. So we have a glass one. So we have a glass blown. We were, for hours we made this. We blew this. And it's filled with troll bowl topics. Now these topics are designed to fuck people up. They should be hard to go negative on. Yes, yes, yes. Past examples have included Sasha and Millie Obama.

Yeah, Julie Andrews. And David Bowie. Yes. The women of Broadway. Yeah, things of that sort. So we've got a lot of really good ones in here, and I'm going to demo that in just a second, but it's time for Bowen Yang to take the mic

and prepare a prepared I Don't Think So Honey. It's about to happen. Let's go. Give it up for Bowen Yang. You are hosts. This one's, we'll see. All right. Okay, here we go.

So this is Bowen Yang's I Don't Think So Honey and his time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey America's Crumbling Infrastructure. Okay. Oh, no, no, no. We're not gonna have

pedestrian bridges collapse and kill people. No, no, no. I want at least $500 billion in spending for our train tracks, for our highways, for our airplanes, honey.

I don't ever want to wait two more hours on the tarmac because fucking Mitch McConnell didn't want to do something. 30 seconds. Oh, bitch, I better never be on a derailed Amtrak or else I will scream before I save everybody's ass. America's infrastructure, you're busted. You're fucked.

15 seconds. I need you to go call your congressperson and demand more spending on infrastructure. That's what I'm asking. Five seconds. Keep going, bitch. Keep doing it. No. Do better. That's what I'm infrastructure. Five seconds. Keep going, bitch. Keep doing it. No.

Do better. That's what I meant. Do better. That was Bow and Yays. I don't think so, honey, everybody. Okay, wow. I am nervous. Oh, no, no, no.

Give it up for Matt Rogers, my co-host. Do you like the ensemble? Mariah Carey. Thank you. Okay, Matt, I think we have something for you. Okay, here we go.

Oh, wow. New co-anchor of the Today Show, Hoda Kotb. And your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Hoda Kotb. If they wanted you, you would have gotten the job.

Listen. Men's rights activist. It doesn't stop at Annie Donnelly, honey. Bring back Matt Lauer. No, I'm just kidding. Hoda, listen, I love you, but you were next to Savannah. You got to up your game. It's rule of culture number 13.

When you are next to Savannah, you got to up your game. It's rule of culture number 13. When you are next to Savannah, you gotta up your game. Savannah Guthrie is serving you hair, serving you a direct camera address. Hoda Kotb, you are too colloquial. You are trying to be too much our friend. I want journalism, honey.

Hoda Kotb, let someone else drink with Kathie Lee if you're gonna move to the 9 a.m. hour. I feel like we need to be spreading the wealth, not giving all the wealth to Hoda. That is feminism. More money for all women, right? Five seconds.

There's one more thing. Hoda Kotb, go on The View because we need to get Meghan McCain out. That's what I meant. I'm just, wait, can I say? Yes. I actually like Meghan McCain now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I was famously pro-Jedda Diabela and anti-Meghan McCain, but I feel like I've fallen down many Meghan McCain wormholes, and I like her as a person, even though I think she's misguided, and that's on us to help her. Shut the fuck up. Do you guys remember when Meghan McCale wrote for the Daily Beast and was a fucking

insufferable piece of shit like she's always been? Yeah, I do, and she sucks on The View. Thanks. All right, everyone, please welcome Megan McKinnon! Megan! No, oh my God, that would be the gag. I would pay my respects to Megan McKinnon.

Oh, please, I really want her on the show. Guys, are we ready for our first group of the night? Yeah! Oh my God. We're bringing people out in groups of five, as always. And this first group is a doozy. Please give it up. Doozy?

Oh, wait, we should say we've named every group. Yes. Now, this first group is called Amazing Thunder. Please welcome Lou Gonzalez! Give it up for Chelsea Davison! Give it up for Eudora Peterson. Miss Joanna Roscoe. And Megan O'Neill.

Yes. Wow. Amazing thunder brought to the stage tonight. Yes, Curtsy. Come through in these mid-winter, late-winter fashions. Okay. Staying warm, staying stylish. Yes.

All right. First up to the mic is Lou Gonzalez. Lou Gonzalez, everybody. Okay. Staying warm, staying stylish. All right. First up to the mic is Lou Gonzalez. Lou Gonzalez, everybody. Yes. Remove that hat. Put on the culture hat. Everyone has the option of wearing the culture hat or not. If hats aren't your thing, respect.

But hat is his thing. Look at that. He knew exactly how to put it on. Lou, is it going to be pre-selected or troll ball? I got something. Okay something he's got something tell him in the mic this is Lou Gonzalez I don't think so honey

and his time starts now I don't think so honey diversity bitch excuse me who is diversity for not me what am I being included in and who's doing the including? White people. Okay?

Bitch, I am not interested in a seat at the table. I want the table. I want the dining room. I want the house. I don't think so, honey. Okay? I am sick and tired of these white people liking diverse shows like they know that these are real minorities talking.

They don't talk like that! Those are white writers! I want people of color show runners. I want executives. Fifteen seconds. I want, I want, I want it all, okay? You know what I want? I want you to back up.

I want white people to disappear for 15 to 20 years. Five seconds. Let us catch up. Trixie Mattel is white supremacy. That's one minute. That's one minute. That's one minute. That's one minute.

That's one minute. No, no, no, no, no. Can you suffice me to say in two seconds what it is? Trixie Mattel is white supremacy is a great blackout. I'm done with her. We should say Trixie Mattel is of Native American descent. Yes. That is technically true. But, but, but sure.

But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. All right, everyone, please welcome. But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. All right, everyone, please welcome to the mic, Chelsea Davison. It's Chelsea, y'all.

Chelsea. Chelsea pitched a few topics. Are you going to go pre-selected or are you going to troll? I'm going to go pre-selected. It's going to be pre-selected. Yeah, I had a lot of options

of things I hate. Okay. This is Chelsea Davison's I Don't Think So, Honey. Her time starts now. I Don't Think So, Honey, girls who claim to be hate. Okay. This is Chelsea Davison's I Don't Think So, Honey. Her time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Girls who claim to be witches. Okay?

No. I'm looking at you, every single fucking woman in L.A. What? No, you're not a witch. You just want to be quirky and you're too cheap to buy a ukulele.

Okay? Sorry. Get some overalls, bitch. I don't think so, honey. You're a little fucking coven, okay? It's you and your girlfriends hanging out drinking wine. You're not witches. You're basic bitches.

Okay? What do you even do? You light some candles. You burn some sage. Are you casting a spell that makes you smell like a bath in Body Works? I don't know. I don't think so, honey. You're crystals, okay? 50 seconds. You're shitty

fucking crystals. Look, they're not magic. They're just fucking rocks, okay? If you really want to buy crystal, at least meth gets you high. You know what? I don't think so, honey. You guys aren't witches. If you really want to be

quirky and original, get some fucking bangs. One minute. Chelsea Davison. Get some fucking bangs, you quirky girls. Everyone, please welcome Eudora Peterson.

Eudora! Yes! Yes! Yesudora! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Damn. Runway ready, New York Fashion Week!

Come on. Thank you. Thank you so much. Eudora, is it going to be pre-selected or trollable? Pre-selected, please. Okay! This is Eudora Peterson's I Don't Think So, Honey. Her time starts now.

Okay, I Don't Think So, Honey. Her time starts now. Okay. I Don't Think So, Honey, the Zodiac Killer. What the... Murder is illegal, honey. You can't kill people, honey. That's something I would like to kill, but I don't do it, honey. Are you kidding? You broke the law, honey.

You are a dirty little outlaw, honey. And what, oh, so many things. What the heck was with those cryptic letters you sent to the police? What the fuck was that? The symbols? That's a bad letter. Letters need an alphabet.

They start with dear so-and-so and then they end with warm regards and you sign your name. Oh my God. And because of motherfuckers like you, there is too much true crime media. I thank God every goddamn

day that podcast didn't exist when you were running around trying to kill people. If you're out there and you're still alive, don't stay away from me. I'm scared of you. Okay. That's why I'm here. No thank you, Zodiac Killer. You're thank you, Eudora Peterson.

Everyone, it's time for Joanna Rotkopf. Give it up. Joanna. I'm loving the jacket. The arms on the jacket. Come on, shoes. Woo. Absolutely. Joanna, is this going to be preselected? You're holding a phone. I think, shoes. Woo! Absolutely.

Joanna, is this going to be pre-selected? You're holding a phone. I think it's going to be pre-selected. It's pre-selected. It's pre-selected. All right. Joanna Rothkopf's I Don't Think So, Honey. Her time starts now! I Don't Think So, Honey. People who like books. Like,

first of all, that's a very cool brag that you know how to read. I think most of cool brag that you know how to read. I think most of us up here also know how to read. But also, it's just so fucking vague. It's like saying, I like food. I like nature. I like television, which people also say, and I don't think so, honey, to them either.

Also, think of books that there are. There's the Bible. 30 seconds. There's there are. There's the Bible. There's the dictionary. There's Mein Kampf. You know, you see a girl on Instagram sitting in a coffee shop like, hashtag perfect Saturday my latte and Mein Kampf. And also think

who writes books. Bill O'Reilly. Hitler, as I said. Real housewife of New Jersey and former current felon Teresa Giudice has written not one, but six books. Sorry. Including

four cookbooks. If I be more specific, bitch. One minute! One minute! We are anti-books here on Las Culturistas. Burn them all. I've only read eight books in my entire L.

That's that. That is well documented. Please welcome Megan O'Neal. Megan O'Neal. Come on. Yes, it's a cape. Come on, sweater cape. Super villain.

Sweater cape. Super villain. I don't know. Keep clapping. I could really never get enough of it Keep clapping The shoes too Thank you

Cat beans Megan is it gonna be Pre-selected or troll ball It's gonna be pre-selected Because I have No natural enemies I had to invent one Oh

This is Megan O'Neil's I don't think so honey Her time starts now I don't think so honey Black mirror on Netflix Listen folks If you're anything like me You watched the first episode Her time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Black Mirror on Netflix? Listen, folks, if you're anything like me, you watched the first episode and thought,

finally, a show for me. A show about pig fucking. But then do you think they brought the pig fucking back? I don't think so, honey. And I watched the second episode and thought, great, some kind of fucked up talent show. Somebody's talent could be fucking a pig. 30 seconds.

But I don't think so, honey. Third episode, there's a fucking contact with all your memories in it. And I thought, great, a memory of a guy fucking himself a pig. But did they do it? I don't think so, honey. Don Draper was on an episode. I thought, great, I'm going to watch Don Draper fuck a pig.

But do you think that happened? Hell no! Five seconds. And when I say I, you say, don't think so, honey. I! Don't think so, honey. Bring back the pig fucking. That's one minute.

Give it up for this group. Amazing Thunder. Lou Gonzalez. Chelsea Davidson. Eudora Peterson. Joanna Rothkopf. And Megan O'Neal. Oh, my God.

Fantastic. We are off to a rollicking start, Bowen, I'd say. I would say so as well. The energy is thick with everyone wanting to fuck pigs. Yeah! Give it up for our next group. This group is called Headlines! Headlines!

Welcome to the stage, Aaron Markey! Matt Wilkins! Isaac Oliver! Abby Blotnick! And Dulce Sloan! Headlines! Headlines, headlines. Headlines, headlines. Flashing lights. Oh my god, this is an all-star

group. This is very fun. Gotta say. Okay, first to the mic is gonna be Ms. Erin Markey. Come on, babe. Yes, get the book. She's got the book. We've got the book, Erin. Alright, so here's the book. Respect, got the book. We've got the book. Aaron. All right. So here's the big

Respect. Respect. Tom Cat. Aaron, is it going to be preselected or trouble? You've got a notebook. I see.

I'm on the edge of my goddamn seat. I don't fucking know. Oh my God. I'm edging. Okay. Preselected. She's going to do pre-selected, although it was in her mind. You can always trust your journal.

Okay, trust your journal. Trust your journal. Erin Markey's I Don't Think So, Honey. Her time starts now. Okay, I Don't Think So, Honey. Celebrities who deny the lesbian rumors circulating about us. Yes, I am talking to you, Kendall Jenner. You come from a long lineage of deniers. Whitney Houston, Dolly Parton, Janelle Monae.

Why would you want to act honey? Like that isn't the most special thing you could be a part of? 30 seconds. Or, sweetie, is denying it a part of the ritual? I don't think so, honey. Kendall Jenner, if you think you are not the Leah Delaria of the Kardashian family, 15 seconds. Then you are fucking dead wrong.

And if you are ashamed of that, then I cannot respect you as a Victoria's Secret angel. Five seconds. I don't think so, honey. Gay men who act like they have never seen or know what a vagina is, that was your fucking first memory, you motherfuckers. A reptilian brain. Thank you, Aaron Markey.

Aaron Markey. Unbelievable. You know, that's actually rule of culture number 67. Kendall Jenner is the Lea Delaria of the Kardashians.

Wow, amazing. Aaron Markey. Now please welcome Matt Wilkins. USA. He's swapping hats. Here we go. Put that hat on. Come on, rock it. Yes!

Fashion. Okay, so do we think yes, do we think this is a pre-selected topic or are we doing the troll bowl? I think we're seeing a pre-selected. It's pre-selected. Pre-selected. This is Matt Wilkes' I Don't Think So Honey. His time starts now. I don't think so, honey! Paper straws

as a substitute for plastic straws. Honey. I go to a coffee shop every morning for my fucking cold brew coffee and they switched out the plastic straws with paper straws and coffee drinking has become a living hellscape nightmare.

30 seconds. Sucking on a paper straw is like sucking on a wet diaper. It tastes like a standardized test. 15 seconds. I would rather have my throat swabbed for gonorrhea repeatedly than suck anything out of a paper straw. Thank you very much. One minute, Matt.

Matthew Elkiss. Matthew Elkiss. You know what? It does. One minute, man. Matthew Wilkins. Matthew Wilkins. You know what? It does. It feels so fucked up on your mouth. It's so bad. It feels so fucked up

on your mouth, you guys. Ooh, it's bleach, baby. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Next up, please welcome Isaac Oliver. Come on, Isaac.

Isaac. He's been booked on this show three times. He finally made it, bitch. Isaac Oliver, etre avoir. What is it going to be? Troll ball or pre-selected?

Pre-selected. Okay. They're scared of the troll ball tonight, honey. That's okay. I'm scared of lots of things. We're edging for the troll ball. I'm scared of a minute. This is Isaac Oliver's I Don't Think So, Honey.

His time starts now. I Don't Think So, Honey wedding reception starts now. I Don't Think So Honey wedding reception playlists without any slow songs. You fucking monsters. We flew here. We gave you gifts? You're the only people who get to stand close and sway? 30 seconds.

It's a fucking wedding, not a spin class. We're exhausted. My God, don't you think we'd like to get a little close to each other once in a while? I don't know how to be close to anyone. I need weddings for this. 15 seconds. I can't patrol the room with

Prosecco and go melancholy at like 11.30 to Uptown Funk. Five seconds. Play a slow song. And that's one minute. Isaac Oliver. Oh, I get scared of the slow songs because there's an expectation And that's one minute. That's one minute. Isaac Oliver. Isaac Oliver. Oh. I get scared of the slow songs because there's an expectation

that you need to get up there and get close to someone. But then until he got to the melancholy part of just walking around with a glass of something. This is a longer conversation about identity, you guys. Amazing. The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple.

Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Hancock. Have you ever heard of her? But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What? You've told her?

Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City, all new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes.

I'm a dude, you're a dude, and Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past, and we're just going to sit here and talk about them. And we'll get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, Grunks? We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes, dude.

We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games. We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season.

Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian, and Basketball Hall of Famer. I'm a mom, and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby, journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts.

You know, just all the s*** we go through. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I, well, we have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba.

He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian.

Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well.

Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Guys, welcome to the stage, Emmy Blotnick! To the mic, I mean, to the mic. She doesn't know this, but one time I waited on her at Brooklyn Crab. Are you serious?

Yes, girl. Oh, my. Emmy, oh, baby. Wait, iconic flats! Iconic flats Iconic flats Yes flats Thank you Thank you

I'm not proud of this outfit No we're proud of you We feel like it's great Emmy is it going to be Pre-selected or trollable It's pre-selected I got some rage in my system There we go

This is Emmy Blahnik I don't think so honey Her time starts now I don't think so honey Comic book movies I am not watching Any more three-hour movies about Happy Meal toys

fighting on a rock. I think we need reparations for women who have had to sit through those movies against their will. I want some movies that are just as stupid as those, but about our stupid interests. I want a movie that's just two and a half hours of

Rachel McAdams trying on blouses. Just back-to-back blouses. 30 seconds. Because there are a lot of blouses out there, and she looks good in all of them. Just be her pulling back the dressing room curtain, going, what do you think? The movie's called What Do You Think?

And if that doesn't do it for you, how about this? Three hours of Kathy Bates chopping wood. 15 seconds. Because they tried with Wonder Woman. They're like, here's a strong woman. No, we need Kathy Bates preparing for winter.

Five seconds. And be back behind the cab and just swinging an axe in a nightgown and the movie's called Huh! Yeah! That's one minute.

That's Emmy Blotnick. Emmy Blotnick, everybody. I would go see What Do You Think? What Do You Think? That's gorgeous. Here we go. It's Dulce Sloan. Dulce Sloan.

Yes. Oh my God. This look. Get a load of it. Okay. Take it in. Dul. So listen, yes. Take it in. Dulce, take it in.

Listen, are we doing a preselected topic or are we going into the reaches of the troll bowl? Trouble. Trouble! Trouble! Let's see what happens! The Dulce Sloan story. Let's see what happens! Okay's get into the Dulce Sloan story. Let's see what happens. Okay, here we go.

All right. Your I don't think so, honey topic is having a baby. Your time starts now. Your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Me not having a fucking kid right now. Bitch. Okay?

I'm 34 years old. Do not tell my fucking manager i am fucking ready i have been leaking since the age of 11 where is this fucking baby every fucking month i have to sleep very carefully not to destroy my pillow top mattress where the fuck is this baby at? I have looked like a mother of three since the age of 10, and I got to tease the show for it. I've had body, body, body since the Clintons were in office.

Where is this baby? 15 seconds. I walk around the city of New York with jean titties. Yes, they come in jeans because Jesus loves me. Five seconds. Where is this Jewish man

to get me knocked up with beautiful fucking kids? Where is it? And that's what's needed. Someone get her this baby! Give it up for Headlines! Headlines! Aaron Markey!

Matt Wilkins! Isaac Oliver! Emmy Bluntnick! Dulce Sloan! Thank you all! Wow. Amazing. That was severe.

Severe up in here. Okay, everyone. This group is called... Okay, cute! Everyone, please welcome Sarah Sherman. Ruby Carp. Give it up for Lisa Traeger.

Allie Brown. And Carolina Teresa. Come on, y'all. Oh, wow, wow, wow. What a group. What a group. Here we go. Okay, cute. Okay, cute. Guys, wow. What a group, what a group, what a group. Here we go. Okay, cute. Okay, cute.

Okay, cute. Cute. Guys, please welcome to the mic, Sarah Sherman. Yes. Okay, Sarah. Oh, I love the ensemble. Oh, yeah. This is... Give me...

Yes. Color black. Color. All right, so are we doing a pre-selected topic or the troll bowl? We are doing a pre-selected topic. That troll bowl? We are doing a pre-selected topic Well, here we go then Here we go Sarah Sherman

This is your I Don't Think So Honey and your time will begin now I don't think so honey People who say you can't kiss babies on the mouth Okay? I don't think so honey You can kiss a baby on the mouth You can kiss a baby on the head

You can kiss a baby on the feet You can kiss a baby on the head You can kiss a baby on the belly You can kiss a baby Give me a body part Eyeball You can kiss a baby on the mouth. You can kiss a baby on the head. You can kiss a baby on the feet. You can kiss a baby on the head. You can kiss a baby on the belly. You can kiss a baby... Give me a body part. You can kiss a baby on the eyeball. You can kiss a baby anywhere. Honestly, babies don't even have mouths,

if you think about it. A baby body, just a bag of dough, you know? That's what I'm saying? Yeah, a bag of dough. Baby body. Honestly, when you kiss a baby anywhere on the body, you're basically kissing its mouth because it's so small and your face is so big that you're basically kissing a baby on the mouth any time you kiss a baby anywhere on the body, you're basically kissing its mouth because it's so small

and your face is so big that you're basically kissing a baby on the mouth anytime you kiss a baby. Who thinks that you can't kiss a baby on the mouth? Raise your hands. 15 seconds. Okay. But I feel like we're vulgarizing The love language on kissing on the mouth

Which is sort of like a friend gesture Okay you can kiss a baby on the mouth World peace starts with kissing a baby on the mouth And that's one minute Sarah Sherman Start the conversation about world peace y'all It starts with the mouth Oh my gosh okay

Please welcome Ruby Carp. Okay, Miss Ruby. What do we think? Are we doing a pre-selected topic or a troll bowl? We are doing a pre-selected topic. Amazing. Pre-selected.

This is Ruby Carp's I Don't Think So, Honey. Her time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Teenage boys. I'm sorry. They all want you to be their mom. Oh, I'm sorry. Your dad left. That's why you have depression. Newsflash! We all have daddy

issues! Oh, please! Invite me to Queens to have your mom's undercooked chicken. Why would I go to Queens for you? Oh, your favorite movie is The Godfather? How original. Just like every other white boy on the Upper West Side.

Oh, Adam Sandler, best actor ever, right? The click, best movie ever. What? Where did that come from? You know nothing about movies because you've seen Wes Anderson once. Oh, and they all stop skateboarding. 15 seconds. You are living off of your mom's trust fund.

Stop asking me for nudes because you're too scared to see my body in person. Why would you invite me to your house when your mom is home? Five seconds. This is not, this is us. I do not think so, honey. And that's why I met him. Fuck you, teenage boys! Give Ruby Carp! Give it up for

Ruby Carp for being part of the school walkout on Wednesday! Yes, hell yes! School walkout on Wednesday! Fuck yeah! Alright, everyone, gird your loins! It's time for Lisa Trigger! Yes! Yes!

Oh, Lisa. Lisa, the hat is working on you Thank you Oh what a good show I'm doing a pre-select Here we go Liza this is your I don't think so honey This is the moment and your time starts now Okay people

That don't live on the coaster in a city You do not get an equal vote I don't live on the coast or in a city, you do not get an equal vote. I don't think so. Honey! No! Are American Eagle jeans the best you can buy? Half a vote. That's what happens.

Do you think Kona Grill has good sushi? Half a vote. Are you in Wyoming? You don't get to vote. Three seconds. Sack up off our lives. What are you trying to save? There's nothing.

It's strip malls and Applebee's. You're disgusting. I travel. I travel. I went to Corpus Christi, Texas. Their water was poisoned, okay? I went to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Guess what? Their number one

tourist attraction? A hole in the middle of town. They don't know how deep it goes. You don't have a Michelin star restaurant or an art museum. You don't fucking vote! Our food is better. We see better things. You're losers. I don't want to pretend we're equal. Get out of my town.

And that's one minute! Please, a trigger! Please, a trigger! I don't want to pretend we're equal get out of my town and that's one minute Lisa Traeger Lisa Traeger honestly that's a great platform will Lisa run in 2020 we have to start asking that question now here we go give it up for Miss Allie Brown come on Allie Brown

Allie come on Allie Brown the shoes. I like them. Come on. Come through. Okay, here we go. Thank you.

Allie. Yes. Is this a troll bowl moment or a pre-selected moment? You guys, I got a blowout, so we sure should are doing a troll bowl. Oh! Yeah. Yeah, we are. You get a blowout, you do a troll bowl.

Yeah, you do. Because if you're going to troll, you better get a blowout. You know what I'm saying? I saw a lot of blowouts backstage. We'll see. Here we go. Okay. you do a troll ball. Yeah, you do. Because if you're going to troll, you better get a blowout. You know what I'm saying? I saw a lot of blowouts backstage. We'll see. Here we go. Okay.

Okay, Allie. Yes. Your troll ball topic is a piano. Okay. The instrument of a piano. Yes. And your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Piano. Taking you back. I'm of a piano. Yes. And your time starts now. I don't think so, honey.

Piano. Taking you back. I'm eight years old. I'm in Mrs. Lewandowski's living room. She's teaching me how to play. Guess who's not doing well? Allie Brown. In case you're confused, guess who's on stage right now?

Allie Brown. I got big hands. Guess who can't play piano? This monkey right now. Allie Brown! I got big hands. Guess who can't play piano? This monkey right here. Because once you get past Do, Re, Mi, you've got to play one little thing

with your left hand and another thing with your right. I don't like that. I like stability. I am a product of divorced parents. Okay?

Listen up, piano! You take your grand ass and you find a warehouse to be in! Fifteen seconds! Because you have no room in my life or in my heart! You know why? Because as I mentioned before, divorced parents, which means smaller houses, but separate!

Five seconds! I don't think so, honey piano, but I do think so, honey Casio keyboards. Thank you. The time is now! Ali Brown with a masterful troll ball. Oh, yeah. That is how you do the troll ball,

honey. Hundo P. Hundo P. It is time. Storm the stage. Carolina Teresa. Carolina. Yes. Yes. Yes! Yes! Means it's bloody shoes! Bloody shoes! Oh my god, Carolina, what's it going to be?

Pre-selected or troll ball? I'm going bowl. Okay, I'll pick for you. I'll pick for you. Here we go. Alright, so let's see here. It's getting brave up in here. Okay. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wow. Okay. Okay, all right. Carolina, your troll ball topic is the Obama's National Gallery portraits that they had done. And you have to go negative. You must go negative.

And your time starts now. A la gran puta! Go, whenever you're ready. No lo creo, honey! The Obama's artistic portrait, whatever he said. Okay? I don't think so, honey. The portrait wasn't beautiful enough.

It wasn't artistic enough. Michelle Obama's eyebrows did not put a shutter into my soul. No, they did not. Okay? Obama didn't look like a daddy. He didn't look like a daddy. Obama didn't make me want to just take off all my clothes and roll around in some honey and bust it wide open.

No, he didn't. No, he didn't. How dare they? How dare they? How dare you be so black? How dare you be so beautiful? How dare you be so regal? How dare you be so amazing, Obama? 15 seconds. How? How? How dare you be so beautiful? How dare you be so regal? How dare you be so amazing, Obama? How? How? How? Kahinde Wiley? Kahinde Wiley? You're just gonna stroll up in here and paint some beautiful-ass portrait of Obama

and make me be the hoe my parents raised me not to be? How dare you? That's one minute! Carolina! Carolina! Give it up for OKCUE! Sarah Sherman, Ruby Carp, Lisa Trager, Allie Brown,

and Carolina Teresa! Yes! A lot of excitement in the room. This next category is The Legendary Children! The Legendary Children. Please give it up for Nathan Lee Graham.

There you go. Come on. Come on, Nathan Lee Graham. Please give it up for Michelle Desuartes. Please give it up for Elliot Glazer. Shinobia Large. And Miss X Mayo. Come on.

Yes. Legendary children. Drama. All right. Here we go. Nathan. You get ready for this. Will you please take the mic, Nathan Lee Graham?

Welcome him. Welcome him. Respect. Have some respect. You are in the presence of greatness. Have some respect. You are in the presence of greatness. Have some respect. You are in the presence of greatness. Oh, my God.

You are in the presence of greatness. Look at the outfit. Look at the outfit. Come on. Look at the outfit. Please. The charcoal is on. Is this on?

This is on. It's on, honey. Nathan, is it going to be pre-selected or trollable? You want to check the monitor? Hello? Yeah. Oh, she hears you. We can hear you.

All right, now. All right, so are we doing a pre-selected topic? I have something. Okay. All right, this is Nathan Lee Graham's I Don't Think So, Honey. Oh, my God, you guys look so amazing. Thank you. You.

You know, pink is in. Pink is in. That's rule of culture number 14. Pink is in. And your time starts now. Okay, I don't think so, honey. Walking down the goddamn sidewalk. Listen, I got three words for you.

A breast fall back. When my single ass is walking down and your couple ass is coming down, one of you needs to fall back. When my single ass is walking down and your couple ass is coming down, one of you needs to fall back. You cannot. You cannot walk a breath. 30 seconds. And the person on the inside

is the one that needs to fall back. You can keep talking. Sound travels, ask a scientist. I'm famous, get the fuck out of my way. A bitch has shit to do. A black bitch has shit to do. Five seconds. Finish it off. Get out of the way. And that's one minute. That's one minute.

Oh, my God. I thank God. I thank God every day. Thank God every day. For Nathan Lee Graham. Everyone, Michelle Desuartes! Let's go! Let's go, Michelle!

Here we go! Ooh, baby, Michelle. Is it going to be pre-selected or troll ball? Pre-selected. Pre-selected. Michelle Desuartes, I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now. I don't think so, honey.

Posh Spice isn't going on tour. No! Bitch! The Spice Girls lied to us and it is time that we all accept that them bitches sold us the merchandise. They said friendship is forever. They fucking lied.

They did not even stay friends. Every single one of them bitches. Three decades. Went back. They fucking got cheated on. They got publicly humiliated. They got beaten up by light-skinned men. And then they went back to their husbands.

I, as a woman of colour, have only recently been able to wear leopard print without being heckled by people. Hush. Spice. You took out your boob implant and then you entered fashion and we all accepted it. So I don't think so, honey. You, bitch, are going on tour. Go back to it, honey. Michelle Desoire.

Yes. Wow. She should go on tour. She should. What the fuck is she doing? What else is she doing? Sitting on her skinny ass. Okay, guys.

All right. Please welcome Elliot Glazer. Elliot. Love him. Elliot, what's it going to be? Pre-selected. Pre-selected. I thought that could go either way.

Pre-selected. Okay, so Elliot, your I Don't Think So Honey time begins now. Okay, I Don't Think So Honey gay guys who post thirst traps with the hashtag

I Miss Summer. Bring back summer. Bring back summer. It's coming. Summer is coming back. If you want to show me your pubes, show me your pubes. If you want to show me a gym pic, show me a gym pic.

Wow. I don't care about the seasons. You don't care about the fucking seasons. 30 seconds. Just show me your butt. That's fine. I agree. A butt is fine.

I don't care about summer. If you care about summer, I don't care about summer. 50 seconds. I don't need 15 seconds. It's that simple. Oh, yeah? Okay. Nobody cares about the seasons. We're not children. We don't need 15. It's that simple. Nobody cares about the seasons.

We're not children. Children care about summer. You're a gay adult man. Put a shirt on or take it off, but stop talking about summer. And that's one minute. Stop it, gay man. Show us your body and shut the fuck up.

Oh my god. Okay, it is time Stop it, gay man. Show us your body and shut the fuck up. Wow. I love that. Oh, my God. Okay. It is time for Shinobi Allarged. Let's go. Come on, Shinobi. Come on, Novi.

Yes. Novi, classic champion sweatshirt. Come on, Novi. Champion sweatshirt. All right. So what do we think? Are we doing? Oh, yeah.

I'm going pre-select. Pre-select. She's going pre-select. Shinobi Allarged is I Don't Think So, Honey. Her time starts now. All right. I don't think so, honey. The Fifty Shades of Grey franchise.

Okay? Wait a minute. And if we're going to be more specific, I don't think so, honey. My raggedy-ass roommate who saw the movie one time and decided, okay, I think I'm into BDSM now. Like, no, honey. It doesn't work that way. She saw the movie once, got on OkCupid and found this musty ass, dirty dick

BDSM bae, and they've been practicing it in our apartment, and I can't fucking sleep, okay? Let me be clear, I have no problems with the BDSM community, okay? You guys know what you want, you ask for it, and I'm here for that. If you need to be roughed up in the bedroom to get off,

I support you. But my problem is when you start breaking bed frames and busting holes in the walls at get off, I support you. But my problem is when you start breaking bed frames and busting holes in the walls at random hours of the night when I'm trying to sleep in a room that I pay rent for, I should be able to do that, okay? I've been woken up

to the sounds of weird sex noises where I don't know if you're enjoying yourself or are you scared for your life. Handcuffs breaking, headboards banging against a wall that we share. Bitch, you don't live alone, okay? I pay rent here.

I should be able to sleep. And that's one minute. She pays rent here. Let her fucking sleep. Let her sleep. If she pays rent, she better be able to sleep. You BDSM novices.

Oh boy. And now, give it up for X. Mayo, let's go. Come on. Come on. Head to toe. Head to toe greatness. Thank God.

I thank God. Head to toe greatness. Now, let's hear. And honestly, I have to cite my sources. It takes a village. This was gifted to me by Carolina right there on the left. Takes a village, bitch. And I love you.

That's support. All right, listen. Are we doing a pre-selected or a troll bowl? Oh, pre-selected, bitch. Oh, pre-selected, bitch. This is X Mayo's

I Don't Think So, Honey. Her time starts now. I don't think so, honey. White motherfuckers who ain't seen Black Panther. Let me tell you something. Are you mad

because you didn't see yourself represented when there was a white motherfucker that was called upon when needed? That's what your ass is here for. Don't talk to me about it, Alan. I literally come and see white people and I'm like, hi, can I order a cafe latte? They're like, the reason I haven't seen Black Panther is because.

It's like, I didn't see. It's that motherfucking guilt, bish. You know your ass. You see these beautiful black people living in a universe and just elevating, excelling, and our hair is beautiful even when it gets wet. Goddamn, I want to be in that universe.

White people, everybody right now, go to Fandango and just buy a ticket. 15 seconds. We've already beat Toy Story. Woody Allen sucked my dick. Buzz Lightyear fucked you. Okay? Mr. Potato Head.

Okay, in the last five seconds, I'm going to say, go see Black Panther. Wakanda forever. And that's one minute. That's one minute. Yes. It's the best movie.

It is. It's the most amazing fucking movie. Give it up for the legendary children, Nathan Lee Graham, Michelle Deswart, Elliot Glazer, Shinobi Allard, and X Mayo. Oh, boy. How are you feeling? You feeling hot? Everyone's feeling good.

We got one more group here, y'all. For this first half. I'm just going to rock your fucking world. These are Da Boys and Da Bands. We got our two street boys in the entire show with some amazing drag performers. Give it up for John Trowbridge. Give it up for Asher Perlman.

Give it up for Jam Sports. Give it up for Rose. And Miss Laguna Blue. Oh, come through, guys. A.K.A it up for Rose. And Miss Laguna Blue. Oh, come through, guys. A.K.A. Stephanie's Child. Stephanie's Child, y'all. Oh, my God. What a tableau.

Yes, we love this tableau. Looking amazing. It's the Spice Girls. These are the Spice Girls right there. John Trowbridge, please hit the microphone. Give it up for John Trowbridge, please hit the microphone. John Trowbridge, it's time. Give it up for John Trowbridge, everybody. Looking cute in a hat. About to look gorgeous

in another hat. Alright, so John, here's the thing. We give you guys an option and it's for troll bowl or priest-like the topic. So I wonder what you'll choose. Let's do troll, bitch. Brave to come here.

Braver even to choose the troll bowl. Absolutely. Straight thoughts. Streaming straight thoughts. Okay, here we go. Listen, bitch. Your I don't think so honey topic is Count Dracula. And your time starts now. I don't think so, Count Dracula. And your time starts now.

I don't think so, Count Dracula. People are supposed to fucking die, okay? People are supposed to die eventually, okay? You can't just walk around all day like, you know, I was here when the fucking Revolutionary War happened. Good, suck my dick, Count Dracula. Suck my fucking dick, Count Dracula. And you're not just going to suck my blood.

I don't know why vampires think they can seduce me. I'm not going to fuck a vampire. You're pale as shit. You have sharp ass teeth. You're horrible to fucking be around. 30 seconds. Your houses are dank and dark and hard to get to. I got to drive up a fucking mountain to get

to your mansion. 15 seconds. And you think I'm just gonna go up to your fucking mansion and let you turn me into one of you cucks? No, fuck you Count Dracula. I'm gonna die when I'm 55 like everybody else

here. That's right. And that's what made him John Trowbridge, an amazing troll bowl. I love it. You fuck. Look at him. He's so hot. And next up we have Asher Perlman.

Speaking of a fucking stud. Asher! Look at you go. I love your shoes. Great shoes. Asher, what's going to be pre-selected or troll ball? Let's do the bull. All right. Let's do the bull.

Wow. This is gorgeous. All right. So your I don't think so, honey troll ball topic is Leah Remini's book. Leah Remini's book called Troublemaker about the trials of her time in Scientology. And your time starts now. I don't think so, honey.

Leah Remini's book. I've already had to watch you in a movie, a bunch of TV shows, and now I have to read something you wrote? We get it. You had a really hard time. You're not covering any new ground.

If you want to write a book, Leah Remini, choose a topic that hasn't been done to death by an HBO documentary and you a thousand times. I'm going to be honest, Leah Remini's

book. I don't totally know much about you, Leah Remini's book. But here's the thing, Leah Remini's book. If you want to name yourself Troublemaker, maybe make some trouble. Seems to me

like you're just pandering to a bunch of people who already agree with you. That's not making trouble, Leah Remini's book. That's just called Shooting Down the Middle. Oh, that's what I meant! Yeah, Leah Remini!

Asher Perlman, you really gave it to her. Oh, wow. Absolutely. I love it. Okay. Here we go. Asher Perlman. You really gave it to her. Oh, wow. Absolutely. I love it. Okay. Here we go. It is time for Miss Jan Sports. Give it up for Jan. Give it up for Jan.

Yes, Jan. Jan. Oh, my God. Hello. Hello. Hi, Joanne. Hi. We're here.

We're both here. Both Joanne. Listen, okay. Are we doing a pre-selected topic Or the troll bowl? We're gonna do pre-selected This is Jan Sports, I Don't Think So Honey And her time starts now I don't think so honey

Actors who refer to the first day of rehearsal As their first motherfucking day of school Baby, my name is Jan Sports I am a singer I am a drag queen I'm not not a dancer I I'm a dreamer

and I'm a former actor okay I am a former actor because of these fucking idiots who say that their first day of school is rehearsal there is a word that is meant for the theater

and it is called rehearsal. I make a fucking status about this at least once a month. But you know what? It's okay because it's the first day of school and we're meeting new people. And I'm like, yes, it's called rehearsal, you dumbass. You are not getting your degree from your non-equity

production of Oklahoma out in bumfuck Illinois. Now, everybody, excuse me. I have to fucking go to my rehearsal for my non-equity tour of Junie B. Jones. Jan Sport. Jan Sport.

Fantastic. It is time, everyone. Take a big ol' fucking sip of Rosé. Rosé. Yes, Rosé. Come through. What's it gonna be, Rosé! Rosé! Yes, Rosé! Come through. What's it gonna be, Rosé? What do we think? I'm really tempted by the bull, but I don't think

I'm gonna do it. No, fuck you guys. I wanna do my pre-selected top. Alright, that's fine. Have some respect for the pre-selected. This is Rosé's I Don't Think So, Honey. Her time starts now. I don't fucking think so, honey. Horoscopes. Look, look, I am a really

fucking spiritual bitch, okay? My bed is covered with crystals. I almost burnt my apartment down with sage when I was trying to clear the energy when my Christian roommate moved out. And my favorite movie, my favorite movie is Paranormal Activity 2. Love that movie.

I do not fucking love when somebody starts a conversation with me and they say something to which I respond, I was born in Dallas, but they stop me. What's your fucking sign? Like, right now, tell me. 30 seconds. Okay, it's Gemini. Oh!

Oh! Aries. Bitch, let me tell you something There are three things You need to know about me I'm a top Who likes to bottom Sometimes

I make all of my Income dressing as a woman And I have a rash On my arm That the doctor said Was ringworm It turns out It's going to get better soon

Okay But listen We are not going to be Best friends Because you're a fucking Triple Virgo I'm going to fucking Hate your motherfucking ass

regardless. I don't think so. And that's one. Let's give it up for Rosé. Unbelievable. And finally. And now, everyone, take a dive into Laguna Blue. Laguna.

Yes, Laguna. Oh my god. I love the lipstick that Rosé left on the mic. I love it. What do we think? Are we doing pre-selected or the troll bowl? Pre-selected. Pre-selected.

This is Laguna Blues. I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Don't touch my fucking hair. Listen, if you want to take a picture with me, I love that. Just don't put your fingers around my hair, okay? If you want to see my beard, a surefire way to do it is press yours against mine.

And the next one is, I love it when a gay man, a sassy one, who gets really excited, and I am super nervous. I'm excited. And the best one is a drunk girl who's like, oh my God, you're so pretty. Wait, you're a man. Why is your makeup more beautiful than mine? Wait, can I touch it?

Wait, no, bitch. My entire hairdo is more expensive than your entire closet from Urban Outfitters. Listen, it's like Christina Aguilera says, I only look, but I never touch. Okay? Unless you're Ryan Reynolds, because then, bitch, you can tear this hair up.

Five seconds. What? Five seconds. I love me. Follow me on Instagram. Yeah! Give it up for Laguna Blue! Laguna Blue!

All right, everyone. So listen. I know that you thought that this first act of I Don't Think So Honey was over, but no. We're gonna tell our streets on stage, John Trowbridge and Asher Perlman to fucking scram. Scram, streets!

Give it up for John Trowbridge and Asher Perlman! And now we are gonna be gagged by a performance from Stephanie's Child. Jansport, Rosé, and Laguna Blue. Let them get information. A phone, yeah. And then do you want to grab one of those mics over there?

All right. Everyone, after the performance, we're going to take a quick intermission, but please enjoy this performance from Stephanie's Child. And we'll be back right after this. Here we go. but please enjoy this performance from Stephanie's Child. And we'll be back right after this. Here we go. Hey! The second drag queens love more

Than going downtown and slumming with the whores They pull up in their Ubers and they gawk At the faggots in the bars just to find some cock Take all of you, you might be loaded. Not. Uh oh, but little do you know that we are Rosé. Jennifer Laguna. Shrug to the city with our phones and our hands to work, work.

No. Work, work. Laguna. Work, work. The criders, it's dirt. It's dirt. It's dirt. It's dirt.

It's dirt. Daddy, daddy doesn't want to hold. He's got his wife to know. Daddy, daddy loves my ass the most In my hole he wants to go But scrolling down, scrolling down There's daddy's twigs and bears all over New York, take it away, world! Daddy's dead, daddy likes to make me sore Beats it up and pulls my hair Wow! Work, work, work, I'm looking for a pot of work, work Uh-uh, get dressed up, get laid, work, work Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, work

Woo! I'm not sleeping in the kitchen Someone's looking rushed, cause you gotta get ready Excuse me, sir, it might sound funny But I don't suck dick unless you got a lot of money I'm not even sitting in my fancy heel I'm trying to get fucked until my asshole peels Rose, you disgust me You disgust me? I'm a peels Rosé, you disgust me

You disgust me? I'm a prep bitch, baby, you can trust me I'm a prep bitch, baby, you can trust me I'm a prep bitch, baby, you can trust me I'm a prep bitch, baby, you can trust me You come across a perfect dick and he's the same You want a conversation, I want some penetration So listen to my declaration All these truths to be self-evident

My thoughts are created equal And when I meet Matt Rogers, I'm gonna say Hey, let me ask you all, are you single or are you reluctant? Matt Rogers, I say, Hey, what do you think about me? Single or reluctant? Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now History is happening in Manhattan, New York Bob Collins living in a tent

It's true, I'm the man You better listen to me, come on I've been beaten by a zan, it's such a pain You call the castle perfect, didn't get what was to say You want a conversation, I'm also penetration So listen to my little creation We know these troops will be stopping Not until it's a great big war Look around, look around at how good we are

No, we are in one stone are, and what goes first for me is how good it is, how good it is, how good it is, how good it is. It's a gay city in the world, it's a gay city in the world. Work with my little sisters I'm gonna love you for some time Work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work It's a dancing, it's a dancing Thank you! Stephanie's child, everybody! Yeah! And tip your tenders! Bye! Forever! Forever Dog.

This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram, at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook. I'm Julian Edelman.

I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question,

what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him.

Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Sheryl Swoops.

And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll.

This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one.