Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "I Don't Think So, Honey! 4" LIVE (Part Two)

Episode Date: March 30, 2018

The 4th installment of "I Don't Think So, Honey!" Live is here! 50 comedians take one minute each to go off on culture. Part Two featuring Annie Donley, Eric Shethar, Jack Raymond, Derek Smith, Eric Schwartau, Steven Phillips-Horst, Tammy Spanx, Aimée Lutkin, LaGina Hill, Lauren Ashley Smith, Mariah Smith, Jesse Roth, Karen Chee, Fareeha Khan, Audrey Stanfield, Chloe Fineman, Nik Ruckert, Alex Kacala, Michael Foulk, Todd Buonopane, Jeff Hiller, Sophie Santos, Kat Burdick, Ayo Edebiri, Katie Hartman, and Joanna Hausmann. Recorded Live at The Bell House in Brooklyn, NYSound Engineering and Mixing by William Smith---LAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasSUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS TODAY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASTforeverdogpodcasts.com/las-culturistas  Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are back. I love that. I love that. Oh my gosh. Welcome. And last season's drama was just the tip of the iceberg. You're recording us? I am disgusted.

Never in a million years after everything we've been through did I think that you would reach out to our sworn enemy. We were friends. How could you do this to me? I don't trust her. The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Wednesdays at nine on Bravo or stream it on City TV Plus. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw

interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one.

I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question,

what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida.

And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Look, Matt. Oh, I see. Wow.

Bowen, look over there. Wow, is that culture? Yes. Goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas. All right, everybody. Please welcome back to the stage your hosts, Matt Rogers and Bo Nguyen.

Oh, my God. We're back, everybody. Okay. How's everyone doing? How's everyone doing? Great, good. Wow, what an amazing first half. Oh my god. We're having a really good time, and you guys, we just want to say thank you guys so much for coming out tonight. Thank you. This is really such a fun

show, and we just want to say if you are not a listener to our podcast, Last Culture Reels, please subscribe, rate, and review. And even if you are a listener, you have no idea what the like, the subscribe, the review. You have no idea.

You have no idea. You couldn't possibly know because they don't tell us. No. But they say it's big. You know what's fucked up? Like, the iTunes charts, it's not about how much listeners you have. It's about, like, some other bullshit. Politics. So, anyway,

God, we just, you know, we love these shows, and these shows have sort of helped so much with just getting the word out. So, if you would do us a favor on your own time, doesn't have to be right now, but just like, subscribe, rate, review, all that stuff. Do the works. And thank you guys so much.

So we have a special little treat to start Act 2 here. Before we met Annie, the men's rights activist, but right now we're actually going to be joined by, this is the woman herself, Las Culturistas Icon Award winner, Annie Donnelly. Annie Donnelly. Wow. Annie.

Pirate chic. Amazing. Oh, my God. The goddamn boots. Wow. She's. Oh, my God. All right.

So, and Annie has requested that she's going to do an I Don't Think So Honey of her own. Because, you know, when you're a Las Cotterias Icon Award winner, you have free reign here at the show. You can do whatever you want. Pat Regan has decided to go hide in shame. So everyone, shame him on social media. And Annie Donnelly is here to slay. So, Annie, your I Don't think so honey begins now. I've actually changed my mind. Can I get a suggestion

of an I don't think so honey? Anyone? I heard Matt Rogers and Bo and Yang. I don't think so honey Matt Rogers and Bo and Yang. Can these two do anything without one another?

They are like the gay Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. They perform together. They write on their culture blog together. And do their podcast together. They are trash. Now listen. Do I like them? Yes. Did they give me the Icon them? Yes.

Did they give me the Icon Award? Yes. 30 seconds. Are they trash? One hundred percent. Let me tell you what. They came for my unborn child. I am 22 weeks pregnant.

And they came for my child. 15 seconds. And let me tell you what right now. As a I don't think so honey exclusive bitch. It's a boy. It's a boy. It's a boy. Oh my god.

What? Oh my god. Oh my god. It's a boy! It's a big name! Matt Bowen Donnelly! If it's anything like you two, I'm gonna kill it!

I've had it! Manny Donnelly, everybody! The mother took me down a young boy! This is breaking news, everybody! The mother took a young boy! This is breaking news! Huge, huge, wow! Unbelievable! People have been asking Annie

non-stop what the gender is. And she keeps saying, fuck you, you slut! And she chose tonight to reveal the gender. You know what was crazy about that? The wig reveal was a gender reveal.

That's huge. But also, I don't think so honey, any Don Liger baby will choose its own gender. Thank you! Because gender is a choice. It's not a choice. Wow. I don't know. I need to take a class or something.

All right. Congrats to Annie, by the way. Wow. Beautiful. Amazing. But let's welcome our first group shall we Yes everyone please This next group is called Cocky Boys Presents

Please welcome Eric Sheather Jack Raymond Derek Smith Eric Schwartel And Steven Phillips Horst Cocky Boys presents these boys. Oh my god, hi guys.

Fabulous! The Brooklyn Fags, yes. Give it up for the Brooklyn Fags. Alright, it's time. Everyone, welcome Eric Sheather to the stage. Here we go. Now here's the deal, Eric. There's an option for everyone that has been, I don't know, in a black hole or something.

You can do the trope or a preselected topic. What's up? As an Aquarius, I have to do preselected. Pre-selected. As an Aquarius. This is Eric Sheether's I Don't Think So Honey. His time starts now. I can't believe I have to do this, but no one did.

I Don't Think So Honey, call me by your fucking name. Okay. The only gay icon I want to see get her fruits out and toss in Italy is Diane Layton under the fucking Tuscan sun. Come on. Oh, Elio,

like your parents got you a hotel room to deal with your boyfriend. At age 13, I swallowed my first load in a forest. Come on. My God. I can hear you. I can hear you.

But Michael Sturbuck's final monologue. But Michael Sturbuck's final monologue. 30 seconds. The gay Twitter version of butter emails. Grow up and fuck

someone older than you like an adult. And there's going to be a sequel. There are going to be sequels. You know what we need a sequel to? Lifesize.

We need to see what Lifesize is. Yeah. You know what we need a sequel to? Life Size. We need to see what Life Size is. Yeah. You know what I need a sequel to? Hocus Pocus. Do you know what I don't need a fucking sequel to? Call Me By Your Motherfucking Name. And that's one minute. Eric Shader, everybody.

These guys were on their feet. Those guys were on their feet. Those gays were on their feet. They were moved by the spirit of hating that white gay Fantasia. Alright, everyone, please welcome Jack Raymond! Because I hate the motherfucker. Because I hate the motherfucker. How's that? I didn't know you could death drop like that.

I've seen you in a lot of positions, but never like that. Jack, shh. What happens if Fire Island stays in Fire Island? Alright, here we go. Jack, this is your I don't think so honey. Oh, wait, shit. I was bashful. Are you gonna do

a troll ball or are you gonna do a pre-selected? Pre-selected. This is Jack Raymond's I Don't Think So, Honey. His time starts now. I don't think so, the Denver Airport. And let me tell you why. It's not because I've ever been there. It's because it's fucking scary as shit. The Denver Airport, let me just start with telling you,

was built in the 1990s during the Clinton administration. And costed a billion dollars over budget. It also has a bunch of apocalyptic murals that depict Nazi-like soldiers rounding up children. 30 seconds. I don't think so, honey. Oprah and Peter Thiel, who have both bought a property near the Denver airport because there are alleged tunnels

that lead to a sanctuary for the elite humans that will live at the end of the world. I don't think so, honey. The Denver fucking airport! Five seconds! That's all he needs, man!

That's all he needs. I've done early, bitch! And that's what it is. Jack Raymond, everyone. Wait, what? The Denver airport. This is very sick. Wait, explain.

Oh, it's real. Is it? There's a bunch of spooky shit. There's a giant bronze sculpture of a horse. And the artist died because it fell on him. And they kept it up and its eyes glow red.

But I will say, as a Denverite, great Panda Express at that airport. Give it up for the Panda Express. Okay. Wow. Thank you, Jack. All right, everyone.

It is time for Derek Smith. Come on, Derek Smith. Stroll to the mic. Wow. All right, everyone. It is time for Derek Smith! Come on, Derek Smith! Stroll to the mic. Yes! Oh, come on, Derek. All right, I'm doing pre-selected. This is pre-selected. Derek Smith, I don't think so, honey. His time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Being

in your wedding. Okay? Listen, I want this to be like a scene in Westworld where all the hot robots become sentient together, okay? If there are people in here who are saving up their money for some shitty weekend

in Las Vegas with six other strangers who suck and probably think that going to, like, Coachella is subversive or something, I want to tell you, I release you! You do not have to do it. And also, I did it once.

I was a fucking groomsman. And I'm going to tell you this. If you are the only queer person in the parties of those weddings, you will be paying for my flight. You will be paying for my outfit that you have selected. And you know what? If I'm the only gay person at that entire wedding, you will be paying for the shitty gift that I buy you

that will not be practical, but it will be expensive. I don't think so, honey. Yes! That's one minute. Don't even invite me to your wedding. I don't want to go. I won't come. Okay.

Give it up for Eric Schwartau. Come on, Eric. Ooh, Eric. Security. Security. Eric. All right. So are we doing a pre-selected topic or the troll bowl?

Pre-selected. Pre-selected. Respect. Respect the choice. Here we go. Okay. This is Eric Schwartau's I Don't Think So, Honey. His time starts now.

So I don't think so, honey, and I'm really sorry. I don't want to offend anybody. I know a lot of people probably like this thing, but I don't think so, honey, music. Now, paired with other cultures such as movies, it's okay, but on its's just it's not for me first of all music can be really loud and unlike other cultures 30 seconds unlike other cultures such as Instagram furniture and pornography you can't see music. It's really hard to see. That's true.

It also, unlike other culture, can penetrate walls, windows, doors, and ceilings. It also disrupts other cultures, such as talking. And because it is not found in nature, it is bad for the

environment. That was one minute. That wasn't the ending I planned. It's over. That was Eric Schwartau. Give it up. And please welcome to the stage Steven Phillips Horne. Yes.

Oh. Okay. Oh. Oh. Wow. Sucking on his titty. Here we go. Alright, so listen. That was a sexual

moment and now we're gonna have, and I don't think so anymore. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Don't apologize. Are we doing a troll bowl topic or a pre-selected? Oh, I'll select. Okay. Pre-select, you mean. I'm mad. No! Okay, here we go. This is Stephen Phillips horses. I don't think so, is Steven Phillips, horses die, I don't think so honey

As time starts now I don't think so honey, guys who have really high beds I'm not trying to vault onto your bed To have sex with you, hunty No thank you Guys who have high beds, you know what I'm talking about It's not that loft with a desk I'm talking about it starts here because you have so many bins Of a desk. I'm talking about, like, it starts here because you have, like, so many bins of, like, your other

pairs of Toms underneath. And then there's, like, a fucking box spring. And then a mattress. And then a mattress pad. Your mom got you because you fucking, you're 32 and you shouldn't have roommates, let alone live in a dorm. And they always have, like, a three-foot-tall bottle of lube next to the bed. And it's, like, it's just, like, saying, like, hey, who's next?

You know what I mean? It's, like, fuck you. Don't make me, don't remind me I'm on a conveyor belt of dick in your home. And these guys always have horrible taste. And they always have, like, art from Bed Bath & Beyond. 15 seconds. That's not even hung, and neither are they. And it's just on the floor. You know what I'm talking about.

And it's like a fake French cafe. And it says, like, je m'appelle. And, like, Corey, you're fucked. Like, smeared. I don't think so, honey. If your bed is this high, I'm not ridingappelle. Courier fought like smeared. I don't think so honey. If your bed is this high I'm not riding you. Yes! That's one minute! Okay!

Oh my god! Cocky Boys presents this group. Give it up for Cocky Boys presents Eric Shethar, Jack Raven, Derek Smith, Eric Schwartzel and Stephen Phillips of course. All unbelievable. Now that we're all lubed up by the Cocky Boys we're gonna move on to Eric Schwartzel and Stephen Phillips, of course. Love it. Unbelievable. Now that we're all lubed out by the cocky boys,

we're going to move on to this next group, which is called Nothing Beats the Face. Wow. Please welcome Tammy Spence. Yay! Tammy! Please welcome Amay Lutkin. LaGina Hale.

LaGina Hale. Ms. LaGina. LaGina Hill. Miss Lauren Ashley Smith. And Miss Mariah Smith. Yes. And first up we have Tammy Spinks. Tammy Spinks. Yes. Reveal.

Yes, reveal. Okay, Tam. First of all, they told me there would be hot tea, but no. No, there actually is hot tea. There is? There's hot tea, girl. Okay, everyone, there's hot tea.

Alright, so Tammy, are we doing a pre-selected topic or the troll bowl? Girl, you know, pre-selected, I the troll ball Girl you know it's pre-selected I got a lot to say Okay she has prepared something Yes Tammy Spanx's I Don't Think So Honey Her time starts now I Don't Think So Honey White bachelorette parties in the front row

At my drag show bitch I am so happy That you decided to come to my show in one of the happiest moments of your fucking life. But I don't think so, bitch. You found the love of your life. You decided to spend your entire life with one dick. Groundbreaking.

The closest thing to love I found is when I go into my bodega at 3.30 in the morning and the cook says the usual. 30 seconds. And then you have the gall to ask me to do Beyonce, bitch. No, honey, I eat Philly cheesesteaks at 3.30. I do Adele. I don't do a Beyonce, bitch.

15 seconds. So here's what I want you to do, Becky, Megan, Stephanie, and Carol. I want you to take your fucking bachelorette party to Dave and Buster's in Times Square, bitch. I don't think so, honey. That's one minute. Tammy Spanx.

Tammy Spanx. Fire Island legend, Tammy Spanx. Fire Island legend. New York City legend. Everyone give it up for Amay Luckin! Yes! The hat is going on! The chartreuse! Yes!

Okay, here we go. Amay, are we doing a pre-select topic or a troll ball topic? It's pre-select. This is pre-selected. Amay Luckin, I Don't Think So Honey, her time starts now. Okay. I don't think so honey, sex on my period. Every time I tell a cis man that I'm on my period and I don't want to fuck, he says, that's okay, I don't mind.

All right, you're not my middle school nurse teaching me how to use a tampon. I am 34 fucking years old. I've had all sorts of sex. I've had crazy-ass sex. I've had two dicks in me at once and not the holes you think. And I have let people

sip from Dracula's goblet. Okay? I have done people sip from Dracula's goblet. Okay? I have done it all. And the reason I don't want to have sex on my period is because there is a fucking organ inside my torso that is swollen to twice its usual size.

And the last thing I want to do is crunches while a blunt instrument pokes it. Five seconds. Alright, I have considered this and for you to know if someone says they don't want to have sex for any reason, you believe them. Yes!

That's one minute! I'm very lucky! You believe them! I'm there! Any reason. Please welcome Regina Hill! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Oh, Legina! Black female directors on the t-shirt. I love the t, come on! All right, so... All four. Legina, all four. Legina, are we doing a pre... Take that, Emma or whoever. A pre-selected topic or trouble whoever. A pre-selected topic or trobo?

Pre-selected on my iPhone. Pre-selected on the iPhone, straight from the screen. All right, and Legina, your time starts now. To all the people insisting that I should watch This Is Us, I don't think so, honey! Okay? This Is Us is torture porn

for basic bitches. I watch TV to escape. I watch TV to see hot doctors and black women in charge. Yes! Grace and Abby! Okay? If I want to see

middle class people struggle to make ints meet, I will turn on Facebook Live. What does it say about us as a society when the hottest thing on TV is a crock pot? 15 seconds.

Oh, that crock pot. Oh, wait, wait. And Mandy Moore sings because I did watch one episode. And I say, you know what? If I'm going to watch Mandy Moore sing, I better be laying

on the floor of my Nana's den in 1997, bitch. Yes! That's one minute! That's one minute! Legina! My Nana's dead!

Yes, Legina! Iconique. Iconique! Iconique. Everyone, give it up for Lauren Ashley Smith! Yes! L-A-S-O-N-E-P-E-R-S has come with us! And the purse. The purse is on.

I married a rich white person and I don't trust anybody in here. Okay. Okay. Lauren. L-A-S. What do we think? Are we going to do a pre-selected topic or do the troll bowl? I'm doing pre-select, sweetheart. Okay. Thank you What do we think Are we gonna do A pre-selected topic Or to the troll bowl

I'm doing pre-select Okay Thank you This is Lauren Ashley Smith's I don't think so honey Her time starts now I don't think so honey Ashley Simpson

Being related to Diana Ross Okay I don't think so That now Diana Ross That knows That some Ashley

Spell their names with two E's. Okay? Ashley Simpson is a hoedown on SNL. Diana Ross is the queen of Motown, honey. Okay? I don't like that Diana Ross's granddaughter's mother is the sister of a woman who did a Dukes of Hazzard remake. 30 seconds. Okay? mother is the sister of a woman who did a Dukes of Hazzard remake. 30 seconds. Okay.

In no world should Joe Simpson and Diana Ross know each other. They should have never met ever in life. Okay. Ashley Simpson, the best thing that should have ever happened to her was the nose job. Ashley Simpson, Ross. No, no, no. You will always be Ashley Simpson.

Wait. Five seconds. Okay. We know you had a son named Bronx Mowgli with Pete Wentz, and when he came out, you should have named him Fallout Boy. Whoa! Not just one minute. Damn.

Lauren Ashley Smith. Lauren Ashley Smith. With the Dirty Talk. The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple. Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her?

But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What? You told her? Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City, all new, Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+.

I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude, you're a dude and dudes on dudes is our brand new show we're gonna highlight players peers guys that we played against legends from the past and we're just gonna sit here and talk about them and we'll get into

the types of dudes what kind of types of dudes are there girls we got studs wizards we got freaks or dudes dude we got dogs dog We'll break down their games. We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dudes dude? We're going to find out Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez.

Elian, Elian. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him.

Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network available on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian and basketball hall of famer. I'm a mom and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster

Brasby, journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts, you know, just all the s*** we go through. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I, well, we have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby in iHeart Women's Sports Production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment.

You can find us on the I heart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast presented by elf beauty, founding partner of I heart women's sports. And here comes the Smiths do not trust. We don't trust y'all. Oh my God. The Smiths keep it close.

She comes from Harlem. What is Brooklyn? Let's be real. All right, Mariah. Before you ask. Okay, listen. Honey's gonna hit you with the troll bowl. Oh!

Before you ask. Here we go. I'm digging in. Here we go. Okay, okay. Oh Lord, today. We're revisiting the Today Show again. Your I Don't Think So Honey Troll Ball topic is Katie Couric.

And your time starts now. All right, Katie Couric, I don't think so, honey. All right, first of all, they know it. I'm an ageist, okay, honey? You're too old to be on TV, so I don't think so, honey. So don't try to get your own show, sweetheart. I don't think so, honey. The over-60s set needs at least two co-hosts.

Do you feel me? I don't think so, honey. Follow Barbara Walters' lead and get at least four, all right? Sweetheart, I don't think so, honey. You're going to ask Laverne Cox about her swimsuit area, baby. I don't think so, honey. I don't think so, honey. It was Matt Lauer holding you up.

I said it. Oh, I don't think so, honey. I don't think so, honey. He was looking down your blouse and you denied it, baby. I don't think so, honey. You could have saved us all. 1990-whatever before I was born. Five seconds.

Honey, I don't think so, honey. You've lifted us up this far. It's time for you to fall. And that's one minute. Oh, my God. Katie Couric. Wow, a dressing down of Katie Couric. From Mariah Smith.

Everyone, give it up for Nothing Beats the Face, Tammy Spinks, Amey Luckin, LaGina Hill, Lauren Ashley Smith, and Maria Smith. Wow. Damn. We are about to burn this place down. This next group is called Christina Aguilera.

I don't know why. Welcome to the stage, Jesse Roth. Please welcome Karen Chee. Faria Khan. Audrey Stanfield. And Chloe Feinman. And Chloe Feinman.

Oh, baby. Christina Aguilera is up on the stage. This is a good group. All right, it's time, Jessie Roth. Here we go. Our former Last Cultural Recess raffle winner. Here we go. And now we're going to come for an I Don't Think So Honey.

But Jessie, I have a question. Is it going to be a trollable or a pre-selected topic? You know, boys, it's good to do something every day that scares you. So I'm going to do the troll bowl. Oh! Wise words here tonight. We're all learning.

God bless you. Every day I'm thankful. Here we go. I've chosen. Here we go. Your I Don't Think So Honey topic is pornographic films. And this is Jessie Roth,

her I Don't Think So Honey time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey porn. We've all got something to say about it in our stand-up sets. There's problems for women in porn. I was watching porn the other night, and, well, that's not important. Anyways, listen, use your imaginations.

We were given a gift, and it's called a brain. And you should use your brain and not turn to film because there's so much problems with it right now. You know, women... 30 seconds. Okay, the porn, the foley. They do foley in porn because they record the video, and then afterwards, someone's in a booth,

and they're going like, you know, to make the noises. And I see it. It doesn't match up, bitch. I see you moaning. And then the voice is saying, yes, but I don't see your mouth saying yes. It's all fake. It's all an illusion. Don't believe it. Have sex.

Go have sex with people. It's easy. I don't think so pornographic film! We are a nation that is progressing, and we don't need to anymore! I don't think so, honey! Porn! And that's one minute! No more porn!

It's fake! It's an illusion! Go have sex with a human! You get a boner when you see your computer, I know it! Oh my god. Guys, give it up for Karen Chee. Come on, Karen. Oh, my God. Oh, I love this dress.

Just a ray of light. Yes. Oh, Karen. Oh, my God. Is it going to be preselected? You are holding your phone. Yes, preselected. So it's going to be preselected.

This is Karen Chee's I Don't Think So, Honey. Her time starts now. I Don't Think So, Honey. White women whose whole personality is loving pizza. I'm sorry. There is a direct correlation between you being a white girl and your Instagram caption being,

I love pizza, and you being a white girl who still thinks Ben Affleck is hot. I mean, honey, come on. He looks like the lust child of a flat-tip screwdriver and a bag of moldy potatoes. Also, look, white women,

just because you do not have a culture of your own does not mean you can make pizza your culture. Newsflash, it belongs to a culture of the Italians and everyone else in the world who loves pizza. Stop colonizing pizza. 15 seconds. It's like you're all playing devil's advocate,

but instead of being straight men, you're white women, and your devil is yellow-faced goddess Emma Stone. Five seconds, five seconds. I don't think so, honey. White women is the whole personality is loving pizza. Yes, yes, Karchi. That's one minute. It's actually rule of culture number 70.

Stop colonizing pizza. Wow. Guys, that was amazing. And please welcome Faria Khan. Yes. Okay, Faria. what are we thinking? Are we thinking pre-selected? Are we thinking

troll ball? What are we thinking? Okay, I do know that the troll ball would be better and you guys would like me more, but I have something to say. Okay! This is not about likability. This is about the truth. Thank you so much, boys. Absolutely. Okay, this is Faria Khan. I don't think so, honey. Absolutely. This is for Ria Khan's I Don't Think So Honey.

Her time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Why don't people know I'm Asian? Why? How come if you're brown, you're either Mexican or Indian? But I'm Pakistani, you idiots! And also,

Indian is South Asian. That's Asian. But everyone's like, you're Asian? Is that for real? And I'm Asian, though! And I want to chill with the Asians. I want to be cool. I like anyone. You know what I mean?

I want to hang out. 30 seconds. Okay, and then one time someone said to me as a joke, so everything's chill, but they did say something about Bowen Yang Asian, okay? To describe East Asian, and I want to one day represent the Asians, something about Bowen Yang Asian, okay? To describe East Asian, and I want to one day represent the Asians too, Bowen. And just congrats.

You know, that's so cool. 50 seconds? Okay. How come you guys don't understand immigration patterns? Five seconds. I don't know if it's American public schools or what, but I'm Asian. And that's one minute.

Asian comedy at Maria Khan. There are more Asians than Bowen Yang. I am not the only one. Stop saying that. Oh, boy. Wow. Amazing. Oh, my God.

All right, everyone, please give a warm welcome to Audrey Stanfield yes the blowout blowout we've got a blowout on our hands blowout central

blowout central okay we got a blowout bitch Audrey Audrey are we doing a pre-selected topic

or a troll bowl I'm doing pre-selected okay pre-selected Audrey Stanfield's I don't think so honey her time starts now. I Don't Think So, Honey. Guys who ghost you but still watch your fucking Instagram stories.

Fuck you. You know that fucking scene in Lord of the Rings when Gollum's hoe ass is on that rock and he's like, leave now and never come back. Bitch, leave now and never come back. Fuck you. I am literally the one ring to rule them all. And your goblin ass is trolling on my shit.

Get out. Get out of here. You are a cancer on my social media presence. Okay, and that is not to say that I'm not going to post some fucking heavy ass thirst traps on my fucking Instagram. Because I know you're sad asses at home watching it, looking at what could have been, bitch. You know, you're not a wraith. You're not a fucking mummy.

You're a ghost. You know what ghosts do? They fucking disappear, bitch. And you know what? Sometimes I have friends say, Audrey, why don't you just hide your Instagram stories from them? And to that I respond what am I fucking dramatic that's one minute

yes Audrey Stanfield Audrey Stanfield oh my gosh thank you and now please give it up for my girl Chloe

find me Chloe oh Chloe Chloe yes I what do you think I'm gonna do pre-selected Find Me! Chloe! Oh, Chloe. Chloe! Yes, I. What do you think? I'm gonna do pre-selected. Thank you.

This is Chloe Find Me. Because I don't think so, honey. Gotta go away. Sorry I didn't wash my hair to be here. You're a fake ass bitch No, I bum back Whose relationship I ruined Little slut

You don't even take him in your fucking award speeches You see her at these award shows, she just comes Oh my, oh my Here we go Searce Searce, I love Searce Her name is Saoirse Ronan Goddesses

15 seconds Goddesses Why do you like Sacramento? Sacramento is a shithole The only thing good in Sacramento is a California pizza kitchen. Five seconds. Sacramento.

Stop coming, you little baby. Two minutes. And that's one minute for Chloe Biden. Stop coming, you little baby. Give it up for Christina Aguilera, Jessie Roth. Stop coming, you little baby. Give it up for Christina Aguilera, Jessie Roth, Karen Chee,

Maria Khan, Audrey Stanfield, and Chloe Fineman. Oh, baby. These are... I am shook. ...some huge ones. Big ones. Big ones.

The Greta Gerwig of it all. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay. This next category is called the High-Powered Hunks. Everyone give it up for Nick Ruckert. Alex Kekala. Michael Falk.

Todd Buonaparte. And have some respect, it's Jeff Hiller. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, boy Hiller. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Oh, my God. These high-powered hunks. High-powered hunks. In positions I love.

All right. Everyone, please welcome Nick Rucker to the mic. Welcome Nick Rucker to the mic. Okay, jacket. Okay, Doc Martens. Okay, Doc Martens. Okay, Jack. Thank you. This is Nick. Okay, Doc Martens. Okay, Jack. Thank you.

This is Nick Rucker. You're holding a piece of paper. Wow. I am, yes. He has a statement. This is going to be pre-selected. And this is Nick Rucker's I Don't Think So Honey.

His time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey fake clickbait headlines about people. Famous people. No, Nick, we're over. It's a do-over. It's a do-over's a do over Because guess what

That was That was That was God Fucking with us He saw this gay event He saw there was shit Talked about Greta Gerwig And he fucked with the mic

God God It's a Greta stand Relax God We're gonna start again Nick Rucker I don't think so His time starts now

I don't think so honey Fake clickbait headlines about real famous people. I'm going to give you a couple of real examples. You see these underneath the daily news. The list of celebrities who can't stand Beyonce. Are you kidding me? You wouldn't be allowed in show business anymore. How about, she Gone Fans Heartbroken

After Marie Osmond Leaves Us Forever. And a photo of Susan Sarandon as Betty Davis with the headline The Biggest Casting Flubs in Hollywood History.

Fuck that! Yeah. A photo of David Schwimmer that says 18 stars you didn't know committed suicide. 15 seconds.

Chris Hemsworth's headshot that says, celebs you didn't know were black. Five seconds. A simple one, our prayers are with Sally Field and my favorite,

Susan Boyle is so skinny now and looks gorgeous. Fuck you, Cindy. Susan Boyle was always skinny now and looks gorgeous fuck you Cindy Susan Boyle was always gorgeous I don't think so honey yes Susan Boyle

was always it's actually rule of culture number 50 Susan Boyle was always gorgeous thank you Nick for the truth

thank you Nick and please now welcome to the stage Alex Cacala let's go yes oh yes fashion and heels Thank you, Nick, for the truth. Thank you, Nick. And please now welcome to the stage Alex Kakala. Let's go. Yes. Oh, yes. Fashion and heels and jacket and pants and hat.

Alex. Who said you have to be one thing? Can I just draw attention? I loved you just FaceTiming somebody into the show. Did she buy a ticket for this or no? Did she not have the $20? All right, Alex. Are we doing a priest let's epic or the $20? Alright, Alex Are we doing a pre-select topic or the troll bowl?

I have something I really want to talk about So I'm going to do pre-select This is Alex Kakal's I Don't Think So Honey As time starts now I don't think so honey people who post workout pics I don't give a fuck that you just took Brittany's

145 at SoulCycle, bitch! And I know, I know, you want to show off the $250 stretch pajama pant that you just bought at Lululemon, but I don't think so, honey! And for those of you motherfuckers posting sarcastically from the gym, I don't want to see your sweaty ass on my Instagram feed either! 30 seconds. Don't show me you working out on Instagram. Show me the body you got

from working out on Instagram. Summer bodies are made in winter? Exactly. So why the fuck are you posting from crunch in February? 15 seconds. And for you motherfuckers posting a gym selfie at Planet Fitness at 11 a.m. on a Tuesday,

get a fucking job! Wow. Five seconds. And you gay guys taking pics at the Barry's Boot Camp restroom, take your thirst trap photo in your own fucking apartment. And that's one minute. That's Al Chacal giving up.

Thank you. Gorgeous. Wow. Take it up. Thank you. Gorgeous. Wow. Take it in your own bathroom. Get your own bathroom. Get your own bathroom. Oh my gosh. Wow. Here we go. This is Michael Fook. Yes. Yes. Hey, Michael. Okay, Michael.

I'm loving the jackets this evening. Here we go. Oh. Oh. Michael, is it going to be pre-selected or troll ball? It's going to be pre-selected. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And Michael Fuchs, his I don't think so, honey, his time starts now. I don't think so, honey, actual ghosts. You're done!

Get out of our apartments! Get out of our office buildings! Get out of our movies! Get out of our office buildings! Get out of our movies! Get out of my asshole! Every time I have sleep paralysis, I think some ghost is trying to crawl up my hole! Get out!

It's done! We're over it! You have unfinished business? I've never finished anything! 30 seconds! Alright! Your time is done. Move on. Get the fuck over it. All right.

What? The most loving portrayal of a ghost was Patrick Swayze in Ghost? Let Demi move on. 15 seconds. What? You're going to show up and ruin her pottery? Yes, Annie. You're in danger of a creepy ex. Five seconds. Let her move on. You're done. You're in danger of a creepy ex

Five seconds Let her move on You're done you're dead I'm sorry it was hard move on That's one minute Bye ghost It's actually rule of culture number 22 Let Demi move on

Time's up ghost Time's up ghost let Demi move on. Time's up, Ghost. Time's up, Ghost. Let Demi move on. Rule number 22. Time's up, Ghost. Oh my God. Thank you, Michael. And now please welcome Todd Bonopone.

Todd Bonopone. Here we go. I'm loving the shirt. Todd. Todd's looking good. Fashion.com. Fashion.com. $8.

$8? $8? Forever 21 men. Okay. You didn't think it existed. It did. Look harder. All right.

Spin around. Has it? Okay. Todd. All right. What are we thinking? Oh, I'm selected. Okay.

He is selected. Todd is selected. And this is his I don't think so. And his time starts now. I don't think so, honey. The troll bowl. You people paid money to get in here you don't want us to prepare no somehow you want all

these dirty improv people to go out in the alley smoke their marijuana cigarettes and have a paper pulled out so then I have to make fun of something I love like Rue McClanahan who is clearly a treasure, the most underrated golden girl in dead,

and how dare you put her in there? I do not know if she's in there. Also, this is a podcast. Gay children years from now will be listening to this. Shouldn't we curate our thoughts for them? Children will listen. Speaking of which... 50 seconds.

I come from the world of musical theater. It's a prepared art form. So when I show up, I know my lines, I know my spacing, and I know my harmonies, which is usually tenor to the most chromatic of harmonies. But let's be honest, I'm usually a soloist. Oh! Usually a Soloist.

Todd, she can hear you. Oh, my. She can hear you. She's really young. Usually a Soloist. Usually a soloist. That's the title of his biopic. Usually a soloist. Alright.

Everyone strap yourself in. It's time for Jeff Hiller. Oh boy. Jeff Hiller. Those shoes. Oh thank you. These are from Nordstrom Heller. Those shoes. Those shoes. Oh, thank you. That case. Oh, these?

These are from Nordstrom Rack. Resist. It's going to be pre-selected. This phone is too big for my front pocket, so I'm putting it in my back pocket. I like the troll bowl, please. Oh! Prepare this bitch I spent 15 years in the basement

of a Gristini's let's do this Oh my god Well you asked for it bitch Oh no it's gonna be bad And here's what you're getting Your I don't think so troll ball topic is Anna Paquin And your time starts now Anna Paquin

I don't think so, honey. You winning an Oscar when you're nine? I don't think so, honey. I believe in work, okay? I believe that I am over 40 years old and I haven't had my fucking break yet. Okay, Penny. I'm not

just some wunderkind from New fucking Zealand. Okay. I can't take my mediocre talent and be on a 10 season long HBO show. Talking about how I'm a fairy.

I'm the real fairy, motherfucker. 15 seconds. I'm not gonna marry my gorgeous co-star and then pose on the front of Entertainment Weekly. 5 seconds. Draped in blood while naked. I hate my body

like people should. And that's one minute. Jeff Hiller. Jeff Hiller. This group. High-powered hugs. Oh, my God. Nick Rucker, Alex Gagala,

Michael Fook, Todd Bonaparte, and Jeff Hiller. Can you guys do one more group? I hope so because this is Dainty Destruction. Give it up for Sophie

Santos, Kat Burdick. Ayo Edibiri. Katie Hartman. And Madame Joanna Hausman. Okay, wow, wow, wow. Okay, ladies. Here we go.

Sophie Santos. Take the mic. Let's get ready, y'all. Sophie. I see a notepad in a pocket, but are we going to do pre-selected or troll ball? We're going to do pre-selected. Pre-selected, okay.

Thank you. This is Sophie Santus's I Don't Think So Honey. Her time starts now. I don't think so, honey. The shape of water. What is wrong with you people and this bestiality fucking bullshit? I mean, we can't get a lesbian on screen for more than five fucking seconds without killing

her ass, but then a woman wants a date of fish and we send in the goddamn clowns! I don't think so, honey! Octavia Spencer has the gall to be like, well, how do you have sex if he doesn't have a penis? She's fucking an amphibian! And I just want you to know that you don't have to have a penis to have sex yeah okay i don't think so honey and while we are talking about octavia spencer can we just give her a goddamn leading role for once i am so excited i don't think so, honey. You know what? I just want to say that if you want to see a human fuck a fish, then go watch Splash. Five seconds. She's done.

I don't think so, honey. The shape of, more like the chafe of water. Thank you. And that's one minute, Sophie Santos. It's actually rule of culture number four. You want to see a human fuck a fish? Watch Splash. Give it up for Kat Burdick.

Kat Burdick, everyone. Kat. Okay, Kat. What's it going to be? It's going to be a little pre-select. A little pre-select. Why not? Kat Burdick's I Don't Think So, Honey.

Her time starts now. I Don't Think So, Honey, the U.S. Secret Service. Y'all did not do all those sit-ups and avoid all that weed to take a bullet for Instant Pot Schittler. Seriously, intense amounts of pressure from a hot bowl of mush. Look. You took an oath to defend America from all threats, foreign and domestic. And look, he is both. If he had a hand any further up his ass,

he'd have to move into a basement apartment under Susan and Gordon. And y'all can stop checking my LinkedIn every time I tweet at the president. Wow. 50 seconds. He loves to go get fucked. He says it all the time. And do I need false hope when I see that somebody with the occupation agent

checked my page? No, I don't think so, honey. Five seconds. Do you want to be the reason we get years two through eight under Hitler II electric boogaloo? Should you resist the urge to duck? I don't think so, honey. That's one minute. Cat burning.

Amazing. Okay, here we go. We're about to be graced by Ayo and Abiri. Yay! Ayo and Abiri. Ayo. I see you. I see you, Ayo. I see you. I see you.

I see you. I see you too. Hi, I see you. We see each other. Oh my God. Okay, so let me ask you a question now that we've established that much. Are we going to do a pre-selected topic or are we diving into the troll ball, Io? I had a pre-selected.

Oh? But I gotta do the troll ball. Yeah! You gotta do the troll ball. No! Io Adebiri. the troll bowl. No. Ayo Adebiri. Okay. Ayo Adebiri.

Your troll bowl, I don't think so many topic, is when people refer to themselves as guys girls. And your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. People refer to themselves

as guys girls. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not letting the patriarchy do that to you. I don't think so. First of all, gender is a social construct. And second of all, it doesn't make you cooler. It doesn't make you seem more down to earth, whatever. Everybody's freaking out on the inside, okay?

30 seconds. There's big shit to fry. There's nukes going on. Love yourself, okay? You don't have to be a guy's girl. You can be a girl's girl. You can be a guy's guy. It doesn't matter.

15 seconds. And I don't think so. You're not going to be cooler by playing COD and drinking Red Bull and eating just exclusively Cheetos and tacos, Bill. Take care of your body. Love yourself. Self-care is cute. And I don't think so. Oh. And I don't think so.

I don't think so. I don't think so. So. I'll take the third. So. That was good. Guys, please. We thought we could just host a podcast. No, we can do a shitty kind of harmony.

Shitty harmony. Welcome to my Katie Hartman. Katie Hartman. Bats, bats, bats. Bats all the time. Bats all the time, Katie. Bats all the time. Is it going to be preselected or trollable?

It's absolutely preselected because I don't have good enough karma. Okay, that's fine. Katie Hartman's I Don't Think So Honey. Her time starts now. I don't think so, honey, human skin. You're fucking disgusting. You're covered in zits and oil and mold and cum.

Some parts of you are too smooth. I'm not a dolphin. I don't need to go frictionless through the ocean. Some parts of you are too smooth. I'm not a dolphin. I don't need to go frictionless through the ocean. Some parts of you are too hairy. You know what? If I had no skin, I wouldn't have to ever wax my pussy again. Because it wouldn't have any hair.

Because it wouldn't have any skin. And if everybody were skinless, then I wouldn't even feel shame about my fucking period. Because everybody would be bleeding all the time from everywhere. And you know what, skin? You can eat my skinless dick, skin. Skin, skin, you know what people like? They like muscle skin.

They like muscle skin. Muscles. Yes! Epidermis. I don't ever need this. That's what it is. Skin is over for everyone at home. Biggest podcast or official medium. She revealed a muscle suit. Yes.

Get that picture, Mindy. Pose for the camera. Pose for Mindy. Get it. Get it. Skin is over. Skin is over. All right.

Listen. We have one more I don't think so honey And it comes at you from Joanna Hausman Joanna Hausman Superstar Superstar Joanna Okay listen it's been a long night Joanna How are we closing this out

A priest likes a topic Fucking This is Joanna Hausman's I don't think so honey Her time starts now fucking sun. Sprinkled in a half-inch of respect. This is Joanna Hausman's I Don't Think So Honey. Her time starts now.

I don't think so honey. Restaurants that have live bands and don't warn you about it? What the fuck? I didn't know

this tapas restaurant was going to have a fucking counting crows band in it. I don't want no cover fucking

bands while I'm trying to split my fucking calamari, motherfucker. Having a live band that you didn't want during dinner is like getting a dollar bill filled with peanut butter. I don't fucking hate peanut butter.

I don't hate peanut butter and I have my dollar bill, but my dollar bill is rendered fucking useless. I want to talk to my fucking friend Barbara about my fucking life decisions and have her say, yes, girl, yes, girl.

But you know what I got to do every fucking three and a half minutes? It's Bill and the Counting Blows finish a song and I'm going to clap at them and fucking affirm their fucking life decisions. Ten seconds. No.

You know what you've done, Bill? You've paved paradise and put up a fucking cover band at a tapas restaurant, motherfucker! One minute! No! Joanna Hausman! Give it up for Dainty Destruction,

Sophie Santos, Kat Burdick, Io Anabiri, Katie Harmon, and Joanna Hausman. Wow. You guys Oh my god Two years of Las Culturistas Let's do 150 more 150 more years

Thank you guys so much for coming out here Thank you to every performer Let's say every goddamn name Lou Gonzalez Chelsea Chelsea Davidson. Eudora Peterson. Joanna Ruffcoff. Megan O'Neal. Maren Markey. Matt Wilkins. Isaac Oliver.

Abby Blahnik. Dulce Sloan. Sarah Sherman. Ruby Karp. Lisa Trager. Allie Brown. Carolina Teresa. Nathan Lee Graham. Michelle Desort. Elliot Glazer. Shanovia Lark. X-Mail. John Trowbridge Asher Proman

Jansport Rose Laguna Blue Amy Donnelly Eric Shathour Jack Raymond Derek Smith Eric Schwartau

Steven Phillips-Horse Tammy Spinks Emma Ludkin Regina Hill Lauren Ashley Smith Mariah Smith Jessie Rock Karen Chee

Faria Khan Audrey Stanfield Chloe Feynman Nick Rookert Alex Agala Michael Fulch Todd Bonaparte Thank you so much to the Bell House. Thank you so much to everyone for coming. Thank you forever, Don. Please subscribe and listen to our podcast. We love you so much. everyone for coming. Thank you, Forever Dog. Please subscribe and listen to our podcast. We love you so much. Have a great night. Forever

Dog. This has been a Forever Dog. or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was,

should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll.

This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer.

Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details,

and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question. What kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment.

You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.