Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "I Don't Think So, Honey! 6" (Part Two)
Episode Date: August 10, 2018The 6th installment of "I Don't Think So, Honey!" Live is here! 50 comedians take one minute each to go off on culture. Part Two featuring David Goldberg, Justin Randall, Mark Stoll, Jay Malsky, Brand...on Zelman, Jess Salomon, Michael Wolf, Carly Hoogendyk, Eman El-Husseini, Sarah Smallwood Parsons, Shantira Jackson, Edy Modica, Hye Yun Park, Aileen Clark, Ariel Elias, Samantha Ruddy, Alex Bedder, Sharron Paul, Justin Zirilli, Jay Jurden, Anna Callegari, Angel Yau, Iliana Inocencio, Anna Suzuki, and Glo Tavarez.Recorded Live at The Bell House in Brooklyn, NY---MERCH! MERCH! GET YOUR LAS CULTURISTAS MERCH!https://www.teepublic.com/stores/las-culturistasLAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasSUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS TODAY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASTforeverdogpodcasts.com/las-culturistas Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Forever!
Dog!
Look, Matt. Where? Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Forever Dog I was not told there would be a costume change. But here we are.
Here we are.
How is everyone doing so far?
Wow.
Beautiful.
Oh, yeah.
Here's the thing, you guys.
Oh, my God.
Our very, very, very special friend and fan, Shelby, is here.
And she's brought us a gift, which are these cups from the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.
And she got them of our houses.
Yes.
I got a Ravenclaw one.
I'm Asian.
And I got a Hufflepuff one.
I'm stupid.
Yeah.
That's it.
That's it.
No, but I really feel like a Hufflepuff.
Okay, but you have this theory where,
and this is such,
this is, you're cheating.
You're saying that you're all four of them
at different times.
Yeah, it's very complicated.
The way my mind works is like very complex.
So bear with me.
I was born a Gryffindor.
In my early 20s, I was a Slytherin.
If you get what I mean.
Currently, right now in my life, I am a Hufflepuff, but I will die a Ravenclaw.
That's just how I feel.
And I feel that I can be in all four.
I'm going to transfer.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder if there's a process in Hogwarts where you can be in all four. I'm going to transfer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I wonder if there's a process in Hogwarts
where you can apply for a transfer.
If you just really don't feel like socially and academically
it's for you, you know what I mean?
I think the transfer process is
the sorting hat gets to
fillate you.
Fine, but I have to
suck your dick. That sounds insane.
I think that's it. That's what sounds insane. I think that's it.
You think that's it?
Yeah, and like, I don't know.
There's a child sex ring involved.
You're the one into sex toys now.
Do you think that the hat would be good at that?
Okay, I'm sorry.
I keep leading us down these really terrible polemics,
and I don't want to do that.
Guys, I'm off tonight.
I just want to be very open
with everybody
that this is an off night for me,
and please respect that.
And I'm on fucking fire!
And I'm on fucking fire!
Just kidding.
Please respect my...
No, it's a bit.
I'm doing great.
I slayed my
I don't think so, honey.
Let's bring out our second half of groups, shall we?
Please welcome this group, and they are called Cameron Michaels.
Welcome David Goldberg.
Please welcome Cameron Michaels, everyone.
Cameron Michaels.
Please welcome Justin Randall.
Please welcome
Mark Stoll.
Please welcome
Elaine Stritch herself,
Jay Malski.
And please welcome
Brandon Zelman.
Brandon.
Yes.
I love the way
we're doing this.
Yeah, I love the little run around.
This is canon now. You have to do a lap.
You bitches are...
You guys are Cameron Michaels. You get it.
Please welcome to the microphone
the deus, David Goldberg.
David Goldberg, everybody.
Wow.
Okay, so here's the thing. You have a choice, babe.
You can do the troll bowl or you can do a pre-selected. I don't think so, honey. Okay, so it's pre-select have a choice, babe. You can do the troll bowl or you can do a preselected.
I don't think so, honey.
Okay, so it's preselected and I was so scared
that another white gay would take this before me.
I've been petrified, but it's mine.
No one took it.
I love that.
Okay, all you white gays.
So this is David Goldberg's.
I don't think so, honey.
His time starts now.
I don't think so, honey.
The remaining gays who think that Carly Rae Jepsen
is a one-hit wonder. No! Okay, so, honey. The remaining gays who think that Carly Rae Jepsen is a one-hit wonder.
No!
Okay, listen, listen, listen.
The world is on fire.
Mike Pence wants to put me in a concentration camp before I'm 30.
I cannot spend my remaining days on this earth explaining that emotion and besides
are the definitive apotheosis
of human life on this planet.
Thank you.
30 seconds.
And by the way, bitch,
what are you even listening to
when you go to Fire Island?
Nickelback?
Fuck you.
Okay?
Fuck you.
LA Hallucinations is a great song,
right, Bowen?
Yes.
Thank you.
Okay.
And while I'm up here,
can I just say
if I ever
hear someone say that CharlieXCX
is that girl from the Iggy Azalea video
I will kill you and your
family and as I dance
over your graves I will say these
last words. Five seconds. I
don't think so honey!
And that's one minute!
Give it up for David Goldberg!
Conley Ray Jepsen is a skinny legend.
Skinny legend.
Everyone welcome Justin Randall!
Woo!
Hey, babe.
Hi, Justin.
Hi.
So, there are two options.
It's the Troll Bowl and pre-selected.
Uh, pre-selected.
Oh!
Okay.
That's a choice.
That's a choice.
This is Justin Randall's I Don't Think So, Honey.
As time starts now. I Don't Think So, okay. That's a choice. That's a choice. This is Justin Reynolds. I don't think so, honey. As time starts now.
I don't think so, honey.
Waiters who will only take orders from ladies first.
Oh!
Okay, like, no.
We're done with that, right?
Like, I was at a restaurant last week.
My waiter literally interrupted my order and said,
oh, we're going to start with the ladies first.
I'm like, I'm sorry.
Are they wearing poodle skirts and pearls?
Because it's not the 1950s, bitch. All right? Like, we're in Buffalo Wild Wings. Literally everyone here
is wearing leggings. Move on. Okay? 30 seconds. So why are you going to pick one gender identity
to go before all the rest? Okay? I think it's patronizing to female identifying folks. And also, I'm hungry.
Not to mention, this particular waiter was a homosexual.
Don't ask me how I know.
And I'm like, really, sis? You're going to skip over one of your own like that?
For all intents and purposes, I am a lady,
and you should be the first to know it.
Five seconds.
Let me order.
General rules are dead.
I don't think so, honey.
And that's one minute.
Take his order now.
Oh, baby.
Please welcome to the mic
Mark Stoll.
Yes.
I saw that little look you tossed us.
What was the look?
Hey, bubba.
Hi, Mark.
Matt.
How's it going?
Matt made a claim on the podcast
that he's never met a Mark before in his life.
I know two Marks.
We met the previous week, but it's fine.
Oh, my God.
It's improv.
It's improv.
We're over it.
We made up in the DMs.
It's fine.
We made up in the DMs.
Here we go.
What's it going to be?
Pre-selected of corks. Of made up in the DMs. It's fine. We made up in the DMs. Here we go. What's it going to be? Pre-selected of quirks?
Of quirks!
Of quirks!
Yikes!
Of quirks!
Of quirks.
Yikes of quirks.
This is Mark Stills.
I don't think so, honey.
His time starts now.
I don't think so, honey.
Homophobic bathroom layouts that force me to shit in the stall directly next to my office
crush.
This is a uniquely queer trauma.
And honestly, here's the thing.
I drink a lot of coffee at work.
That's workplace culture, bitch.
And when I gotta go, it's never not an emergency. So I bust into the bathroom, and what am I to do when Dan from Accounting's cute little penny loafers are just like wiggling under the stall next to the only other open stall in the room?
I mean, would the man just have me pop a squat
and empty my bowels inches away from my beloved?
Because I don't think so, honey.
I mean, do you think Jim and Pam,
everyone's favorite cream of wheat breeders,
would have gotten through a month together
if they had to go to Browntown next to each other?
Because I don't think so.
Honey, I don't think so.
I mean, it's just not fair.
It's like, it's...
Fucking Jimmy Payne.
Five seconds.
It's just, five seconds?
I don't think so.
Love wins.
Love is strong, but IBS is stronger.
I don't think so, honey.
That's one minute.
Love is strong, but IBS is stronger.
It's actually rule of culture number 81.
Thank you.
Hot producer Joe, everybody.
Take him out, take him out. Hot Producer Joe, everybody. Take him out.
Take him out.
That's HBJ.
HBJ.
It's canon.
It's canon.
It's canon.
Icon.
Everyone, wait, Mark, he's wearing panty loafers.
Okay.
But so cute.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
He said a Rule of Culture.
What? What did I say? Number 49. All right. He set a rule of culture. What?
What did I say?
Number 49.
Love is strong, but IBS is stronger.
It's true.
Everyone over here was like, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Everyone, please welcome to the microphone, Jay Malski.
Yes.
Oh, my God.
Rock the heels. Clock the heels. Oh, bitch. Rock the heels.
Clock the shorts.
So talk to us. What do you think?
Pretty select? Trouble?
No, this is premeditated.
Okay, like a murder.
Alright.
This is Jay Malski's I Don't Think So Honey.
His time starts now.
Tony Braxton put out a new album this year
and none of you paid attention!
None of you!
This is a woman who gave us Unbreak My Heart.
She gave us Braxton Family Values.
She put out eight songs,
and all of you treated her like she was an elderly woman
on a subway who just farted.
You ignored her.
Okay? Take out your phones.
Everybody take out your phones.
Take all of your phones.
How much time? 30 seconds.
Take out your phones. Take them out.
Open your Spotify, Apple
Music. Open your Deezer.
I don't know what the fuck you listen to music on.
And you add
Tony Braxton's Sex and Cigarettes to your playlist.
And you listen to it.
And then when you find your favorite song, you add Jay Malski on Twitter.
And you tell me who it is.
And then you add Tony Braxton and apologize to her.
And that's one minute.
Sex and Cigarettes now streaming on Spotify, Apple Music, and iTunes.
A call to action, everyone.
Wow.
Give it up at this time for Brandon Zellman. Brandon.
Ooh, I have Carly Rae Jepsen in my head now.
I'm not the type of girl for you
Thank you for that
Anyway
Hi I've got a problem
What?
It's in my head
I've got no problems right here
Okay cool
He's got a problem to discuss
Okay this is Brandon Zellman's
I don't think so honey
His time starts now.
I Don't Think So, Honey plays about doing plays.
That's a really good one.
That's a really good one.
Have we been outside, friends?
Have we seen the world?
Have we interacted with someone who's not doing plays?
If not, meet a friend. the world. Have we interacted with someone who's not doing plays?
If not,
meet a friend.
Say hello. Talk to somebody on the subway. There's so many people
on the subway. You talk
to a stranger, they will tell you
crazy things
on the subway. Do a play about that.
Someone shout out a word.
What?
Space? Do a play about that. Someone shout out a word. What? Space? Do a play
about space.
Most things is space.
Plays is nothing.
There's nothing going on in plays.
I go to Midtown to see your play
and it's about how stage managers
have feelings too.
Five seconds.
We get it!
Look!
Shut down the theater!
The theater is dead!
I don't think so!
I'm kidding!
And that's one minute!
Give it up for Cameron Michaels!
David Goldberg!
Justin Randall!
Mark Stoll!
Jay Malski!
And Brendan Zellman!
Wow, just the pinnacle of cis white queerness.
That group was Cameron Michaels, honey.
They were white gay men.
But they surprised you.
But they surprised you, didn't they?
You underestimated them.
A white guy that came out of nowhere really took us.
Yeah.
I love when a white gay succeeds.
Everyone, welcome our next group, Stunt Queens.
Stunt Queens.
Jess Salomon.
Michael Wolff!
Sarah Smallwood-Parson!
Wait, Iman El-Husseidi!
And Sarah Smallwood-Parson's bitch.
They came out in all sorts of a different order.
And wait, hold on.
Carly?
Carly Hugenbeck!
Yes!
Come on!
Come on!
Give it up for the love!
Yes!
Come on, have some respect.
And everyone's doing the lap around.
Yes, do the lap, honey. It's now canon.
Okay, and let's please do this in order.
Welcome to the stage.
First to the mic, ooh, yes, Jess Salomon!
Jess!
Yes!
Thank you.
Yes!
Okay, so, by the way, hello!
Hi! I need to see you guys. How are you?
So, what do you think? Is it a pre-selected topic, or is by the way, hello. Hi. I'm glad to see you guys. How are you? So, what do you think?
Is it a pre-selected topic or is it the troll ball?
I'm doing pre-selected because I'm too angry and I don't know what could come out if it's not like a little bit planned.
So, you know, you've seen what's happening in the world.
Anyway, so, yeah, I'm just going to pre-select.
We're going to target our anger.
We're going to target.
We're going to target.
Amazing.
This is Jess Allemans.
I don't think so, honey.
Your time starts now.
I don't think so, honey.
Honey. A.K.A. Be calm. Jess Alleman's I Don't Think So Honey or Time Starts Now. I don't think so honey honey
aka
be calm.
Get that
thick dehydrated
pea colored
ejaculate away
from me.
If I wanted a sweetener that had been jizzed out of nature I would have
taken it from the maple leaf tree 30 seconds and yes I'm Canadian and yes I'm
an immigrant that left a better country and arrived here with everything and where are our stories? But that's not why I prefer maple syrup.
15 seconds.
You temperamental bitch, honey.
I leave you in the cabinet for two months
and you turn into solid sugar.
Five seconds.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't pay enough attention to you, honey.
I already have one wife, okay?
And that's one minute!
Thank you!
I don't think so,
honey, honey. No, honey.
No, honey. I don't think so, sweetie, honey.
And now, please welcome to the stage
Michael Wolfe!
Michael!
Yes! Ooh, the pants!
Hi. Well, you must. Hey, um, how are you both? You know, we're doing really well. Michael The pants You must
Hey, how are you both?
A lot of people don't know
That's the hardest job of the night
Just saying
Just wanted to check in
Really, how are you?
We are doing okay
Do you want water? Do you want a drink?
No, we're good
Did you see HPJ?
I saw him. Tall.
Tall.
Tall.
Fun.
Michael, what are we thinking?
You know what?
I want to honor my background as a college short form comedian.
Four long years.
Many short form improv scenes.
And I'm going to do the troll bowl.
Okay, babe.
First troll bowl of this half troll bowl. Okay, babe. First troll bowl
of this half.
Sure, sure, sure.
I'm also a bully.
What's up?
Well, I hope that Keira Knightley
is not sensitive
because your I Don't Think So Honey troll bowl topic
is Keira Knightley.
And just one movie she's in?
Whatever you want. Make it holistic, baby.
His time starts now. I don't think
so, Keira Knightley.
Uh, honey,
you're not a knight.
You're an actress.
So why don't you give that title back to the people
who earned it the hard way
by living in medieval times.
Okay? Do you know how
easy it is to be an actor? It's the easiest fucking thing in the world. Okay? Do you know how easy it is to be an actor?
It's the easiest fucking thing in the world.
Hey, are you sad?
Oh, that was acting.
She is sad.
Wow.
I don't think so, honey, Keira Knightley.
Guess what?
You get a script every day.
You wake up, you read it.
You walk around, you say those lines.
Go plumb. Go plumb.
Go plumb somebody's house.
Why don't
you be a fucking
senator? Why don't
you contribute something
to this world? You know, when I'm done here
tonight, I have to go deliver a baby.
Five seconds.
Via Fed fucking X. I'm delivering a deliver a baby. Five seconds. Via Fed fucking
X. I'm delivering
a baby via Fed X, bitch.
So, Keira Knightley, the least you can
do is get another job. I do
know your work. I just can't remember
it right now. And that's one
minute.
Pirates of the Caribbean,
Bend It Like Beckham, Pride and Prejudice,
Atonement, and the like.
Many films that she was in.
Many films.
This is a small sampling of her oeuvre.
And now, please welcome to the stage,
dripping in sequins,
Carly Hugendijk!
Yes!
Yes!
Carly.
It's Hogendijk.
Hogendijk! I just wanted to say that in a public forum. Yes! It's Hogan Dyke. Hogan Dyke.
I just wanted to say that in a public forum.
Yes.
It's spelled Hogan Dyke.
Here we go.
Okay, so listen.
Cool, cool, cool.
What is it?
Is it a pre-selected topic?
It's going to be pre-selected.
Okay.
Cool.
Carly Hogan Dyke.
Thank you.
This is Carly Hogan Dyke's I Don't Think So Honey.
Her time starts now.
All right.
I Don't Think So, honey. Her time starts now. All right. I don't think so, honey.
Gollum?
From the Lord of the Rings?
Like, you're obsessed with a ring.
Get over it.
But, like, I don't know.
I got a ring right here.
When I was four years old, my grandma was wearing this ring, and I pointed at it, and I said, can I have that when you die?
And she said yes.
And guess what, you guys? I got this ring. And I at it and I said can I have that when you die and she said yes and guess what you guys I got this ring and I give it away happily Andrew
are you here Andrew's my boyfriend Andrew come here whoa Andrew Andrew
would you like hustle cuz I have like probably 30 seconds this could be as long as you need. Alright, great, great, great. Andrew,
do you want me to ring?
I don't think so, honey.
Yeah, okay, alright.
Fair enough, fair enough.
Fair enough.
Fair enough.
Fair enough.
Fair enough.
We are in an open relationship, and we're gonna keep it that way, Gollum.
And that's one minute!
One minute! Fucking
Gollum!
Give it up, yes! Have some
respect. Carly Hogan
Dyke, everybody. I thought
I thought
Andrew! Andrew?
What the fuck? What the fuck are you?
Hey, get out of here!
No, just kidding.
Andrew, you're allowed to stay.
Hey, you should have taken that ring.
Was that a marriage proposal gone awry?
Oh my god, no.
We would be so insulted if you guys staged a proposal here.
Like, truly.
I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding.
Oh my god, okay. Back'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Oh, my God.
Okay.
Back to the show.
Wow.
Everyone give it up for Iman El-Husseini!
Thank you so much.
I don't think so, honey, proposing to your boyfriend before I go on.
I think that's...
Yeah, that would have been crazy to follow up. That just killed everything.
Exactly.
You would have had to propose right here and now,
and it could have happened.
I'm already married, though.
But we would have had to do it again.
There's your wife right there, everybody.
The wife is right there, honey.
We high-five like real lesbians.
That's what we do.
Okay, Iman, so what do we feel?
Is it a trouble, or is is it preselected?
It's definitely preselected.
We got another fake out.
This is Iman El-Husseini's
I Don't Think So Honey,
Her Time Starts Now.
Okay.
I don't think so, honey.
Straight male spin instructors.
No.
No, thank you.
With that disgraceful playlist.
Kid Rock.
Sweet Home Alabama.
And there I say, jump around from House of Pain.
No.
No, honey.
When I go to spin class, I want to be brought back to the gay club I danced at the night before.
Not your 4th of July barbecue from 1993.
No, thank you.
If Britney Spears' toxic is not accidentally slash purposely there twice,
you're not a certified professional, honey.
You're not.
Five seconds.
I don't think so, honey.
That's a sweat-stained ACDC shirt, everybody.
That's it.
Am I done?
Am I done?
Okay.
Okay, thank you.
Thank you, everybody.
And now to close out the Stunt Queen group,
we have Sarah Smallwood Parsons.
Lady in red.
I was going to do Trouble,
but I thought of something backstage
that makes me absolutely furious.
Okay. Absolutely furious.
Well then, this is Sarah Smallwood Parsons'
I Don't Think So, Honey.
Her time starts now.
I don't think so, honey.
Polyamorous couple!
Now!
You get one!
You get one!
Polyamorous couples are the same kids at Halloween
that take all the fucking candy out of the bowl at the door.
You get one!
I don't think so, honey.
Polyamorous couples.
Oh, it's weird.
We just, like, don't get jealous.
30 seconds!
30 seconds!
Bitch, then you do not care about each other.
15 seconds.
I don't think so, honey polyamorous couples.
So if we get in a fight and I'm like, I'm not going to fuck you, you get to just go fuck somebody else.
My sex is a weapon.
Five seconds.
I do not think so, honey polyamorous couples.
You get one!
And that's one minute!
Give it up for the Sun Queens!
Jess Salomon!
Michael Wolff!
Carly Hogan Dyke!
Iman El-Husseini! And Sarah Smallwood Parsons!
Wow.
A lot
to think about so far, guys. A lot to think about. far guys to think about let's bring anyone into polyamory here
anyone into poly anyone polys good let's keep talking shit about them
young dumb and full of skittles it's me matt rogers and i am here to tell you about
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This fall on Bravo. It's time to
turn up. Think you've seen it all? I don't
think you've been a good friend to me lately. We're friends like that. Who needs enemies? You ain't seen Peace. fashion and below deck sailing you broke the rules and now you're here getting upset watch all new seasons on bravo or stream it on city tv plus i'm julian edelman i'm rob grankowski
guess what folks we're teammates again and we're gonna welcome you guys all to dudes on dudes i'm
a dude you're a dude and dudes on dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against,
legends from the past, and we're just going to sit here and talk about them.
And we'll get into the types of dudes.
What kind of types of dudes are there, Gronk?
We got studs, wizards.
We got freaks.
Or dudes, dude.
We got dogs.
Dogs.
We'll break down their games.
We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are.
Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak?
Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude?
We're going to find out, Jules.
New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season.
Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean.
He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba.
He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh.
And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere.
Elian Gonzalez.
Elian, Elian.
Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. Gonzalez will make headlines everywhere. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question
of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take
his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom.
At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation.
Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well.
Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network,
available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose.
My latest episode is with Jelly Roll.
This episode is one of the most honest
and raw interviews I've ever had.
We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story
from being in and out of prison from the age of 13
to being one of today's biggest artists.
We talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations.
I was a desperate, delusional dreamer.
And the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble.
I encourage delusional dreamers.
Be a delusional dreamer.
Just don't be a desperate, delusional dreamer.
I just had such an anger.
I was just so mad at life.
Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine.
I had such a victim mentality.
I took zero accountability for anything in my life.
I was the kid that if you asked what happened,
I immediately started with everything but me.
It took years for me to break that, like years of work.
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Trust me, you won't want to miss this one.
Please welcome your next
group, and they're called Oh
For Sure.
Welcome Shantira
Jackson.
Welcome, yes.
Welcome Edie Monica.
Welcome
Hayden Park.
Welcome Alien Clark.
And welcome Ariel Elias.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Oh, the looks.
Yes.
The looks.
And the first to the mic is Shantira Jackson, everybody.
Shantira.
Looking fresh to death.
She's looking sharp.
Sharp.
Hello. Hi. You asked for a look. I gave it to you. She's looking sharp. Hello.
You asked for a look. I gave it to you.
We did. We prompted
everyone and said give a look.
I would like to go for that trouble.
Okay. Oh, for sure.
It's the first time I'm here. I'm nervous.
Let's see.
This could go either way. It could only go one way. for sure. Yeah, it's the first time I'm here. I'm nervous. Let's see. Damn. Okay, alright.
This could go either way.
I mean, it can only go one way.
It's true. It can only go one way.
Your Trouble I Don't Think So Honey topic,
Shantira Jackson, is
Beyonce and Jay-Z.
And your time
starts now!
I don't think so, honey, Beyonce
and Jay-Z, because Jay-Z is a fucking weird ass husband.
Okay?
All right, let's explain it.
Let's fucking explain it.
You're 18 years old.
You're fucking thriving.
Your dad makes you run in heels.
You're the best person who has ever lived on the planet.
And you start dating a 30-year-old cocaine dealer.
Okay?
I don't know about you, but the bitch has been dating up ever since she started
dating, okay?
I mean, he's like trash,
right? 30 seconds. If your dad
came up to you and was like, who are you dating?
You were like, oh my God, I'm dating a
cocaine dealer who cheats on me all the time
and when he gets old, he raps
very lazily.
I mean,
the only time he got good,
it was really like comedy,
is when he actually started talking about his life.
That thing he did with Jay-Z,
he was like,
macaroni and cheese,
I have knees.
You're like,
Beyonce runs and heals,
she's a queen!
Right?
Five seconds!
Five seconds left!
It is the most garbage marriage,
but I stand for it,
because $400 million to any black person,
I fuck with it.
And that's one minute.
Chantere Jackson, everybody.
Slate it.
Slate it.
Have some
respect.
Yes.
And now, Edie Modica.
Yes, Edie.
Edie.
Edie.
Hey.
Hey.
Stop.
Stop.
I'm drunk.
I'm drunk.
We're drunk.
I'm doing prey.
We're all drunk.
All right, listen.
What do you think?
Is it a troll bowl or a priest?
She said, I'm doing prey.
I just said I'm doing prey.
Oh, okay.
She said she's doing prey.
This is Edie Modica's I Don't Think So Honey.
Her time starts now.
Now.
I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now. Now, I don't think so, honey.
Bitch is telling me that I have to see Pixar movies like they're real fucking movies.
No, oh, but you have to see Up.
What?
No, bitch.
Old man and little boy, there's nothing I care about less.
Oh, my God. man and little boy, there's nothing I care about less. Oh my god!
I have not paid my
gas bill in seven months, and
when I wipe too high, I get shit
on my back. I
don't care about up!
And that old man is rich!
That old man is rich.
Oh, he cannot afford
his house, so
he's floating in the sky with balloons.
The only way that you are in the sky, thank you, with a child that you do not know,
and you are not worried about the consequences when you get back on land is if you have money, bitch.
Five seconds.
There's no way.
And if there's a fucking in a movie, I just do not have time for it.
I'm horny, bitch.
I have a boyfriend, but I want to fuck others. I want to fuck others. I don't think so, honey.
And that's what...
When she wipes too high, she gets shit on her back.
That killed Bowen Yang.
That killed Bowen Yang dead.
He died.
R.I.P.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
It's time for Hey, Young Park!
Can I just say, I've been really horny this week,
and the energy in this room is not helping it.
Oh!
So sexy, everybody!
It's a very sexy energy.
Tonight, everyone's gonna fuck!
I mean, first of all, I have not seen someone pull off the fanny pack and the statement necklace
in a very long time.
Until now!
Thank you so much.
Until now, honey!
So what are we thinking?
Are we doing a triple? I'm popping my cherry, so pre. Pre. This is Hayden Parks, I don. Until now, honey. So what are we thinking? Are we doing a triple?
I'm popping my cherry, so pre.
Pre.
This is Hayden Parks, I don't think so, honey.
Her time starts now.
I don't think so, honey.
Accountability partners.
I hate it.
I know it's useful for some people and it helps you get shit done,
but it's just made me into a big old liar.
And why do so many white women want to be my accountability partner?
Case in point, I have an exercise accountability partner that I send post-workout selfies to.
But when I skip a day, instead of honesty, I just recycle my sweaty selfies.
Lies!
And I'm also a sloppy liar, so I get caught red-handed.
The other day, I met a friend who's also my healthy eating partner.
And we were telling each other what we had that day.
And I didn't want to tell her that I had a whole bag of Cheetos popcorn
at the Union Square Regal Theater watching Ocean's 8.
50 seconds.
I don't think so, honey.
The only accountability partner I need is somebody that I can count on to call the police
in case I get murdered by my Tinder hookup, okay?
Five seconds! Five seconds!
I don't think so, honey. Good fucking
bye to all other accountability partners.
And that's one minute!
Wait, but I have a theory.
I think that popcorn doesn't
count. Popcorn is air. I think
popcorn is air and doesn't count. It's rule of
culture number 100.
Popcorn doesn't count. It is air and doesn't count. It's rule of culture number 100. Popcorn doesn't count.
It is air.
Everyone, welcome to the microphone, Eileen Clark.
Eileen.
Hey, queen.
Oh, this old thing.
Oh, this old thing.
Wait, Eileen, show everyone the back.
Show them the back.
Show them the back.
Show them the back.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
You want to see the back. Show them the back. Oh, I'm so sorry. You want to see the
back?
What?
This body?
Oh my god. Listen, until
this very moment, I was
ready to troll bowl it, but I think I'm
going to go pre-selected.
We're going pre-selected. This is Eileen Clark's
I don't think so, honey. Her timeileen Clark's I Don't Think So, Honey.
Her time starts now.
I Don't Think So, Honey, all my tias and tios that live in Nicaragua
and want me to bring a bunch of shit from the United States back into the country.
Okay?
Mira, yo no lo creo, honey.
Honey. I don't want to bring you cheddar cheese
because there's not good cheddar cheese in Nicaragua.
Bitch, you got cheese.
Eat that.
30 seconds.
Mira, I don't want to travel from the United States
into literally a war-ridden country. Okay?
Literally.
And then have fucking five bags.
And then pay an extra 50 bucks for a bag?
No, bitch.
And then my tia who works at a bridal store is like,
Mira, can you go to Jessica McClintock and get me the discount ones?
Five seconds.
I don't think so, bitch.
Listen, if you want your shit, you better
fucking order it on Amazon Prime.
Because
I am not that. Yo no lo
creo, honey.
And that's one minute.
Yo no creo, honey.
Yo no creo.
Miel. Here we have Ariel Elias.
Yes.
Oh, my gosh.
Ariel.
The shoes.
The shoes are important.
The shoes are important.
Yes.
They hurt so bad.
No pain, no gain.
Right.
What's it going to be?
It's going to be a preselect.
Love that.
This is Ariel Elias's I Don't Think So Honey.
Her time starts now.
I don't think so, honey.
Restaurants and bars that don't allow dogs.
Okay.
You will let a white man with dreads sit at the bar, but my dog is the health code violation?
I don't think so, honey.
I don't think so. You know who's less likely to pee on the floor
of the bathroom? My dog, because she is trained well. That man with the white dreads, he can afford
to live in Williamsburg, but he can't afford a bar of deodorant? 30 seconds. Excuse me, he has never
lifted anything in his life, and yet he smells like BO?
I don't think so.
Honey, why is he here?
Get him away.
You know who's never given me genital herpes?
My dog.
15 seconds.
Certainly has.
I don't think so, honey.
You know what dog is spelled backwards?
It's God.
Five seconds.
You know what man is spelled backwards?
It's man, the thing that traumat know what? Man is spelled backwards.
It's Nam, the thing that traumatized an entire generation of our country.
I don't think so.
That's one minute.
Wow.
Wow.
That's rule of culture number 50.
Man spelled backwards is Nam.
Everyone, give it up for this group.
Oh, for sure!
Shantira Jackson!
Aidy Monica!
Hayon Park!
Eileen Clark!
And Ariel Elias!
Wow.
Okay, we're coming down to the last couple groups.
We have two more groups.
This group is called
I Come Alive in the Night Time.
Everyone welcome Samantha Ruddy!
Give it on up for Alex Bedder.
And welcome Sharon Paul.
Come on, give it up for Mr. Justin Zerilli.
By God, and welcome Jay Jordan.
Jay Jordan, come on.
Okay, Jay.
All right, I come alive in the nighttime.
First up, we have Samantha Reddy.
Let's go, baby.
How we feeling?
Will it be a troll bowl or a pre-selected topic?
I am going to do a pre-selected topic.
Love that.
And Samantha, I love your wave shirt.
Oh, thank you.
I love waves.
King of the beach.
What's waves?
It's a California surf rock band, modern.
Yeah, yeah.
It's fun.
Okay. This is Samantha Reddy's a California surf rock band, like modern like, yeah, yeah, it's fun. Okay.
This is Samantha Ruddy's I Don't Think So, Honey. Her time starts
now!
Okay, I Don't Think So
comedies that are sad.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
I can't tell what's supposed
to be funny and what's not anymore.
I watched a sitcom for 18 hours last night before I realized it was the Ken Burns Vietnam documentary.
30 seconds.
I don't think so, Ken Burns.
Wow.
People are like, oh, well, you have to have a little bit of drama
to give the characters depth.
I don't want my characters to have depth.
I want them to have two dates to the prom.
Five seconds.
And then a wacky friend
who's telling them
what to say through an earpiece.
Just because your show is 30 minutes
does not mean it's a comedy.
And that's one minute.
Wow.
Samantha Ruddy
with a great point there.
Yeah.
What are some of our favorite comedies?
Like...
The Descendants.
Transparent is a comedy? Yeah. No, bitch.
No, bitch. It's sad.
It's people crying. People are struggling.
If someone is having sex
and they roll over and they're crying, it's not
like a riotous laugh fest.
It's sad, bitch.
It's fucking sad.
Thank you, Samantha. Thank you so much.
Everyone, welcome to the mic, Alex
Better!
It gets better. It gets better.
It gets better on Twitter.
Now, tell us.
Are we doing a pre-selected topic, or are we doing the troll bowl?
I am full of tequila.
I have some notes, and I know exactly what I need to say.
Okay, bitch.
Amazing.
Full of tequila and notes.
And this is Alex Better's I Don't Think So, Honey.
His time starts now.
I don't think so honey, people who say Selena when they mean Selena Gomez, okay?
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
Those two people are not in the same realm, honey.
Okay?
Selena Gomez does not have the vocal strength to keep up that moniker, okay?
No, honey.
Let me give you a couple of quick examples. Selena Gomez does not have the vocal strength to keep up that moniker, okay? No, honey.
Let me give you a couple of quick examples.
Alexa, play songs by Selena.
Play songs by Selena.
Playing songs by Selena Gomez.
I don't think so.
That's not my Selena, honey.
30 seconds.
When people say to me, oh, did you hear that Selena's in a new Woody Allen movie?
Not my Selena, honey.
My Selena would be doing tasteful Jane the Virgin cameos by now okay and when people say have you heard
Selena's new bop no I haven't
unless we send a Terminator back to 1995
and stop Yolanda
fuck you Yolanda
fuck you Yolanda
for taking a game changing artist
fuck you Selena was the
artist we need right now today
yes that's one minute That's one minute.
That's one minute.
Thank you.
Two phrases from that.
Not my Selena.
Not my Selena.
And fuck you, Yolanda.
Fuck you, Yolanda.
Whatever you are, rotting away in jail,
Selena would have been Madonna level.
And that's the real tea.
Is Yolanda still alive?
Is she in a cell somewhere?
I'm not checking in on that bitch.
I don't know.
All right.
Okay, next up, please welcome Sharad Paul.
Sharad, this look.
Sharad.
Hi. Hi. Brave of you. Sharron, this look. Sharron! Hi!
Hi!
Great of you.
Great of you to wear a knit over this beautiful underwear.
It's an off night.
Thank you.
It's an off night.
Yeah, no, it's cool.
All right, so Sharron, what do we think?
Are we doing a pre-select or are we doing the troll bowl?
We are doing the troll bowl.
Okay. the troll bowl. We are doing the troll bowl. Ah!
Okay.
It's like my birthday every time.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Sharon, your I don't think so honey topic is
people who identify
as a charlotte from
Sex and the City.
And Sharon, your time starts
now. Alright.
Drop some fun facts real quick.
I took Improv 101. We can do this.
We're doing this together tonight.
Alright. I don't think so, honey.
People who identify as
Charlotte.
Alright. Let's be real.
Most of us are a bunch of sluts.
Not a single one of you in this room
could dare identify as a Charlotte,
and you know it.
30 seconds.
Not a single last one of us.
And you know what?
Charlotte was tightly wound,
and you know what?
She was a bully to her husband.
Yes.
If you want to identify with an abuser, that's on you.
15 seconds.
I'm not about that life.
Personally, I'm a Samantha who makes bad choices.
Five seconds.
Lots of hot dudes.
And is living an amazing New York City lifestyle.
So to all you alleged Charlottes, I don't think so, honey.
And that's one minute.
Yes.
Yes.
I just have to say.
Everyone here is a Samantha.
Well, thank you, Sharon.
But my sister married a Jewish man and converted to Judaism. So she is technically a Samantha. Well, thank you, Sharon, but my sister married a Jewish man and converted to Judaism,
so she is technically a Charlotte, and some of us out there just are.
Are you saying that you are?
Yeah, I'm a fucking Charlotte.
No, bitch.
Yeah, bitch.
No, bitch, you are a Miranda.
I'm going to get married to some waspy dude.
You are going to sit there with a Ravenclaw cup
and say you're not a Miranda?
But you're the Hufflepuff, which is the Charlotte.
Yes, bitch.
Oh.
There's a lot going on.
All right.
Everyone, welcome to the mic.
Justin Zerilli.
Justin.
Gentlemen. Oh, my God. Justin, how are you? I'm all right. Justin. Gentlemen.
Oh my God, Justin.
How are you?
I'm all right.
How are you?
I'm not great, Justin.
I'm not good.
I'm a Charlotte.
Oh no.
Thoughts and prayers, Matt.
I'm so sorry.
Bitch, bitch.
I'm a Carrie and we know it.
Okay, Justin.
Are we doing...
It's like the worst thing to say.
Are we doing a priest-like topic or are we diving into the droid world?
Much like the topic of my rant, this is pre-written.
This is Justin's or really his I Don't Think So Honey.
His time starts now.
Let's get ready to I Don't Think So Honey John Cena and Nikki Bella wedding drama.
Who are you fooling?
As a WWE fan for over two decades,
I have seen some spandex-clad nonsense,
but this jumps the shark.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Seriously, you break off an engagement
two years after you make me cry at WrestleMania
and right before the season premiere of Total Bellas?
I don't think so, honey. 30 seconds.
And now you tell me that John Cena got a vasectomy?
Of all the things I've wondered about
John Cena's penis, that's the one
thing I didn't wonder about.
I am sick and tired of this
bullshit, alright? What was it, Nicky?
Did he only
owe jorts? Is that the problem,
Nicky? 15 seconds could have been. What's his performance as Ferdinand the Talking Bull
to pedestrian for you?
Setting your problems the only way that matters
in a goddamn steel cage.
Five seconds.
You can't see me.
I can't see you, bitch.
I don't think so.
Yes!
That's what I did.
I didn't know they were on the rocks.
That's so sad.
First of all, this is a rare moment of intersectionality
Justin Zerilli is a gay
and a Wrestlemania enthusiast
brave
we love that
and now give it up for
Jay Jordan
hi Jay
Jay what's it gonna be
pre-selection or troll ball
yeah I mean come on I mean, come on!
I mean, we were all thinking it!
Jay...
It's barely a tank.
How do we feel?
Preselected.
Preselected.
This is Jay Jordan's I Don't Think So, Honey.
His time starts now.
Listen, I know Drake just dropped and I might be going through something, because
it's a national holiday for niggas
with feelings, but I don't think so
month of June.
First of all,
I don't like
months that are named after racist aunties,
number one. Number two,
June has way too much stuff going
on and the White House for the second year
in a row refused to acknowledge that June
is Pride Month. They acknowledge that June is Pride Month.
They acknowledged that June is everything else.
June is National Homeownership Month.
June is Caribbean American Heritage Month.
June is National Ocean Month.
And June is also supposed to be African American Music Appreciation Month.
I don't think so, honey nuts of oats.
No, no, no, no, no.
Listen.
June is Pride Month because all of those things happen to coincide with pride.
Caribbean American Heritage Month.
Bitch, we love Rihanna.
Five seconds.
National Beach Month.
Ariel's my favorite Disney princess.
National Homeownership Month.
You can't spell homeowner without homo.
And number four, African American Music Appreciation Month.
Like I said before, bitch, I love Rihanna.
And that's one minute.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J.
J.J. better. Sharon Paul. Justin Zerilli. And Jay Jordan.
And now this is
the last group of the night.
Everyone, give it up for
Hell's Kittens.
Give it up for Anna Caligari.
Anna Caligari.
Angel Yao.
Ileana Inocencio.
Miss Anna Suzuki.
And Miss Glo Tavares.
Glo Tavares.
Yes, make all your way around.
Take your entrance.
Come on, Glo.
All right, everyone.
Okay, so first to the mic is Anna Caligari.
Yes, I love a jump!
Come on, we love a jump.
Oh, yes.
Here we go.
Anna, what do we think?
I pre-selected.
Okay, pre.
This is Anna Caligari's I Don't Think So, Honey.
Her time starts now.
I don't think so, honey.
People who wait in line at the gate
before your boarding group has been called.
Okay? Why. Why? We all know you're in group eight bitch. First class hasn't even gotten on the plane yet. What makes you think that you deserve to be first in line honey? Also I pray to God that when you get to the front, they tell you to check your bag.
You do not deserve overhead space.
Also, I'm in group two, and I'm at the Delta Bistro having a wine.
Where the hell are you, group eight?
Fifteen seconds.
I don't think so, honey.
Waiting in line like you're about to go on an important meeting.
You're about to get on a flight for six hours.
Why are you dying to be there?
Five seconds.
Five.
I hate those people.
I don't think so, honey.
And that's one minute.
You wait your turn.
Wait your group.
If you are in group eight, you should be at the Delta Bistro.
And if you're flying southwest, then wait until your group is called as well.
Look, we have something going on.
Angel, yeah.
Angel.
Yes.
Oh, my God.
Angel.
Angel.
She came in with a look backstage.
I wonder what this is going to be.
I don't know what this is.
I took off the day of work to prepare for this one minute.
Wow.
She took the whole day.
Oh my God.
Okay.
Angel,
what's going to be pre-selected
or trollable?
I think I know.
Yeah, pre-selected.
Okay.
Yeah, I had to ask.
She was like Aquaria.
This is Angel.
She came out looking like...
This is Angel.
Yeah, I think so, Angel. Her time starts now.
I don't think so, people who wear traditional Chinese dresses.
That's casual fashion.
I don't think so, honey.
Is it Chinese New Year?
Is it your wedding day?
Is it the 1600s when people wear it as regularly in China?
I don't think so, honey.
It's like if I'm wearing a 17th century American dress.
Today, this looks weird.
No.
Also, why are eating utensils in your hair?
What is this? The Asian Little Mermaid? Also, why are yeeting utensils in your hair?
What is this?
The Asian Little Mermaid?
I don't think so, honey.
It's like if I wear a spork in my bun.
That's fucking weird.
Also.
Five seconds. This dress does not look flattering on me.
It does.
I'm wearing two specs and I still look really pregnant.
This dress is for skinny bitches, which I am not.
This is also my wedding dress and I don't fit in it anymore.
I don't think so, honey.
Let her go.
Let her go. Go, go, go.
I wanna say,
I don't think so honey in Cantonese.
Yes, go say it.
Lum dum ho lum
honey.
And that's
one minute.
Stun Queen. Stun Queen.
Sasha Velour!
Wow.
Wow.
Take a bow!
Take a bow! Take a bow! Take a bow! Take a bow! Take a bow! Take a bow.
Take a bow.
Take a bow.
Take a bow.
Take a bow.
Take a bow.
Yes.
Angel Yao.
You know what?
You know who's following this?
One of my favorite people in the world,
Ileana Innocencio.
Yes.
Hi. Ileana. Is this one piece?
No, this is a little tank, a little pan. I love!
Thank you. Oh my god. Thanks guys. Wow, I'm stimulated.
Ileana. Oh my god. I'm so excited.
Ileana, is this pre-selected or the troll bowl? I don't know. This is pre-selected.
I'm having an issue because I have to go after that beauty.
Pre-selected, but I didn't have the whole day to do it.
So, no, I'm just kidding.
She took the day off from work.
She took the day off.
Okay.
Ileana Innocencio, this is your I Don't Think So, Honey,
and your time starts now.
I don't think so, honey.
People who shame people who use hashtag grateful,
hashtag blessed on social media platforms.
Look, bitch, sometimes I am hashtag grateful, hashtag blessed, okay?
And the gratitude is splooging out of my heart onto my fucking social media feed.
And yeah, you bet your ass I'm going to use hashtag blessed, hashtag grateful,
because what are the other options? Hashtag thanks. Sorry, that doesn't have the gravitas
that I want, okay? And do you guys believe in the secret? You bet your ass I
read it, I listened to it, I watched the movie.
Gratitude begets more
good shit! 15 seconds!
65%
65% of the time
the next day after I have a hashtag
blessed post, something beautiful happens
and 65% is enough
for me, so I don't think so
honey! Yes! And that's one minute.
Be grateful.
Hashtag blessed.
Hashtag grateful.
I'm hashtag blessed to be here.
Oh, my God.
We're hashtag blessed.
We are hashtag blessed.
I'm also a Charlotte.
Yes.
Thank you.
Me too, apparently.
Now, please welcome to the mic Anna Suzuki.
Anna.
Wow.
Here we go.
She's got something to say.
Look.
Oh, my God.
Anna Suzuki.
It looks preselected.
It looks preselected to me.
She's looking severe up in here.
Severe up in here.
Anna, I'm not even going to ask.
We know.
Anna Suzuki's I Don't Think So Honey.
Her time starts now.
Oh, I'm not going to do a troll bowl.
Thanks for asking.
You looked determined.
You looked like you knew what you wanted to do,
so we skipped it.
This is very topical,
so I have to get it off my chest.
And her time starts now.
I don't think so, honey, Bigfoot.
Where you at?
I am waiting.
I told all my girlfriends that you're real, that you're not a sham,
and you're making me look like a real thirsty bitch.
Okay?
Oh, one day you're in Washington State.
Another day you're in British Columbia.
What is with you in the Pacific Northwest, bitch?
Where you at?
When that bitch Jane Goodall said she wanted you to be real.
Oh, that was zoology, that was science.
But when I say it, I'm a crazy bitch?
What the fuck is that?
Five seconds.
Fuck you, Bigfoot!
And that's the one.
Oh, my God.
I knew to make this group last. I knew to make this group last.
I knew to make them last.
Okay.
Everyone, it's fucking GLOW.
GLOW.
It's GLOW.
It's GLOW.
It's GLOW.
GLOW Tabarez.
I, Tavares.
Tavares, bitch.
I fucking took a cab here because I was like, oh no, the show's about to start.
And then I looked at the fucking thing and I'm lost, baby!
Because we knew you would bring it.
We knew you would bring the heat, Glo.
Oh shit, wasted money for no goddamn reason.
I'm a broke bitch, but that's okay.
All right, listen.
Here you are, here's your moment.
Make the cab worth it, bitch.
Yeah, I gotta make it worth it.
I was gonna do a troll bowl,
but that's all white women in there, and I could do without.
I could do without.
So.
I could.
I picked out the holiday of Christmas.
Okay.
Wait, but then I just picked out.
Mrs. Claw, that's a white woman.
I just picked out Octavia Spencer.
Oh, wow.
We're equal opportunity.
But let's do a fucking percentage of how many white women are in there.
Okay, you picked out.
No, I don't want to.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
We're doing preselected.
I'm a pre-med.
I'm a pre-med.
She's pre-med.
This is for Tabar's.
I don't think so, honey.
Her time starts now. Okay. I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now.
Okay, I don't think so, honey.
Woke people who think they have a voice in fucking things that they don't know about.
Okay.
Oh, wow, wow.
You read a Bell Hooks book and now you want to talk about how white people love kale?
Bitch, everybody loves kale.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Oh, no.
Oh, oh.
Oh, I was hanging out with white people and they oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
I was hanging out with white people
and they have gluten allergies.
Bitch, that's an allergy.
Everyone has allergies.
Oh, why, you guys wanna take fucking allergies
and kale and shit?
Why don't you hang out with actual people of color
and see if you fucking get something from them.
But no, y'all wanna hang out with your white friends
and talk about how terrible it is for people of color
while never fucking being around people of color?
Go fuck yourselves, okay?
Fucking figure your life out.
Oh, you love gay culture, but you don't have no gay friends?
Bitch, shut up.
Shut up and sit the fuck down and figure out your goddamn life.
Just because you've read a book about being woke
does not mean you're the voice of wokeness, okay?
So sit down and listen because we got shit to say.
Do a retweet.
Don't tweet.
Do a fucking retweet, okay?
Thank you.
That's one minute.
And that's one minute.
Don't tweet.
Do a retweet.
Don't tweet.
Do a retweet.
That's rule of culture number 60.
Don't tweet.
Do a retweet.
Everyone give it up for Hell's Kittens.
Anna Caligari.
Angel Yell. Ileana Hell's Kittens. Anna Caligari.
Angel, yeah.
Ileana Innocencio.
Anna Suzuki.
And Glo Tavares.
Oh, wow.
I mean, just amazing.
I mean, 52, I don't think so many have been done.
Did you guys have a good time tonight?
Let's give it up one more time. We're going to name every single
fucking name and you better cheer and applaud
the entire way through. Let's go.
Greta Teitelman. Micah Fox.
Patty Harrison. Amy Zimmer.
Rose Bud Baker. Kevin Allison.
Desmond Thorne. Josh Gondelman.
Julio Torres. Catherine Cohen.
Rebecca Vigil. Zach Zimmerman.
Peter Valenti. Kathleen Armenti.
Steven Palletta.
Akilah Hughes.
Rebecca O'Neill.
Wajid Goike.
Eva Victor.
Matt Bellassai.
Tommy Pico.
Fran Tirado.
Joseph Osmondson.
Dennis Norris II.
Pat Regan.
David Goldberg.
Justin Randall.
Mark Stroll.
Jay Malski.
Brandon Zellman.
Jess Salomon.
Michael Wolfe.
Carly Hogendyke. Iman El-Husseini. Sarah Smallwood-Parson. Chantira Jackson. Give it up. One more time. And Glo Tavares.
Give it up.
One more time.
Thank you guys so much.
My name is Matt Rogers.
My name is Bowen Yang.
Have a great night.
Bye.
Thank you, Forever Dog on the Bell House.
Forever Dog.
This has been a Forever Dog production.
Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey.
For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram,
at Forever Dog Team and liking
our page on Facebook.
I'm Julian Edelman.
I'm Rob Gronkowski.
And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes.
We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a
blast talking football.
Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times,
from legends to our buddies to current stars.
We're finally answering the age-old question,
what kind of dudes are these dudes?
We're going to find out, Jules.
New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season.
Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida.
And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba?
Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him.
Or stay with his relatives in Miami?
Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom.
Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story,
on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm Cheryl Swoops.
And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby.
And on our new podcast,
we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day.
Because no matter who you are,
there are levels to what we experience as women.
And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tariqa Foster-Brasby,
an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment.
You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose.
My latest episode is with Jelly Roll.
This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly
Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest
artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate
delusional dreamer.