Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "I Don't Think So, Honey! 9" (Part One)

Episode Date: December 12, 2018

The 9th installment of “I Don’t Think So, Honey!” Live is here! Part One featuring: Ian Lockwood, Jes Tom, Carmen Lagala, Charlie Todd, Cody Lindquist, Griffin Leeds, Lisa Kleinman, Casey Jost, ...Amanda Giobbi, Becky Abrams, Julia Claire, Michael Delisle, Margaret Dodge, Andrew Fafoutakis, Jeena Bloom, Jenny Rachel Weiner, Halle Kiefer, Liz Arcury, Rachel Sennott, Miles Robbins, Geraldine Viswanathan, Ali Kolbert, Krystyna Hutchinson, Melinda Taub, and Courtney Soliday. Hosted by Matt Rogers & special guest co-host Pat Regan!---MERCH! MERCH! GET YOUR LAS CULTURISTAS MERCH!https://www.teepublic.com/stores/las-culturistasSUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS TODAY!LAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST. LAS CULTURISTAS IS PRODUCED BY EMMA FOLEY.http://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/las-culturistas/ Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are back. I love that. I love that. Oh my gosh. Welcome. And last season's drama was just the tip of the iceberg. You're recording us? I am disgusted.
Starting point is 00:00:13 Never in a million years after everything we've been through did I think that you would reach out to our sworn enemy. We were friends. How could you do this to me? I don't trust her. The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Wednesdays at 9 on Bravo. Or stream it on City TV+.
Starting point is 00:00:29 Curious about queer sexuality, cruising, and expanding your horizons? Hit play on the sex-positive and deeply entertaining podcast, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. Join hosts Gabe Gonzalez and Chris Patterson Rosso as they explore queer sex, cruising, relationships, and culture in the new iHeart podcast, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. Sniffy's Cruising Confessions will broaden minds and help you pursue your true goals.
Starting point is 00:00:52 You can listen to Sniffy's Cruising Confessions, sponsored by Gilead, now on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Thursday. Do you ever wonder where your favorite foods come from? Like what's the history behind bacon-wrapped hot dogs? Hi, I'm Eva Longoria. Hi, I'm Maite Gomez-Rejon.
Starting point is 00:01:08 Our podcast, Hungry for History, is back. And this season, we're taking in a bigger bite out of the most delicious food and its history. Seeing that the most popular cocktail is the margarita, followed by the mojito from Cuba, and the piña colada from Puerto Rico. Listen to Hungry for History on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:01:30 I'm NK, and this is Basket Case. What is wrong with me? A show about the ways that mental illness is shaped by not just biology, swaps of different meds, but by culture and society. By looking closely at the conditions that cause mental distress, I find out why so many of us are struggling to feel sane, what we can do about it, and why we should care.
Starting point is 00:01:54 Listen to Basket Case every Tuesday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everybody, I just know you're going to come see my show Have You Heard of Christmas at the Duplex. This is Matt. Hey, everybody. I just know you're going to come see my show. Have you heard of Christmas at the
Starting point is 00:02:08 Duplex? This is Matt, by the way, and there's still tickets available for Saturday, December 15th and Saturday, December 22nd. So please come.
Starting point is 00:02:16 You can get tickets at purplepass.com. I would be very, very grateful to see you guys there. And if you can't come, you have to give me a gift.
Starting point is 00:02:24 I like Everlane stuff bye hey guys this is matt and i just want to tell you about a new forever dog podcast network staple and that is a new pod called this is what democracy pods like and this is going to be one of your new favorite podcasts i'm actually sitting here with one of the hosts former lost culturistas guest billy domino. Billy Domino, say something. I haven't done anything since that episode of Lost Cultures. I'm structurally unemployed. And with that, check out This Is What Democracy Pods Like, also hosted by Oscar Montoya and Kate Friedman, who are right now late to this recording of our episode featuring me.
Starting point is 00:03:00 We're going to talk about everything on this podcast. We're going to talk about democracy. We're going to talk about what it's like to be in a democracy. We're going to talk about what it's like to hold democratic views and then to work to uphold them in a democracy. What? If you were to combine Pod Save America and Pod Save America, you would get This Is What Democracy Pods like On the Forever Dog Podcast Network Hosted by Billy Domino
Starting point is 00:03:28 Oscar Montoya And Kate Friedman And featuring On an episode Fucking me Jay Leno Oh you You yes
Starting point is 00:03:36 Matt Rogers Are you guys Going to get Jay Leno We've got him So many times He keeps coming back In a new car Every time
Starting point is 00:03:42 We start recording In the outside studio We hear beep beep. Hey, come on, look at this car. You just got a horn. You just need a steam engine. Have a look. Oh, Jay.
Starting point is 00:03:53 Look, man. Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow. Is that culture? Yes. Goodness.
Starting point is 00:04:00 Wow. Las Culturistas. Las Culturistas. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome Matt Rogers and Pat Regan. this okay oh okay hold on ding dong last culture east is calling i was gonna see if you even knew it i knew it even though i don't listen to the podcast unless i'm on or i mentioned no i actually that was gonna be the first thing i asked by By the way, my name is Matt Rogers. And my name is Pat Reagan. Hi.
Starting point is 00:04:49 The way that I usually start the show is by asking who listens to the podcast or who listens to Las Culturistas. Oh my God. And then I was like thinking, thank you, by the way. I was thinking, I guarantee Pat does not listen to this podcast. I don't listen to any podcast. I guarantee you listen by the way. I was thinking, I guarantee Pat does not listen to this podcast. I don't listen to any podcast. I guarantee you listen to your own. Sometimes I do. If I'm on a podcast or I'm mentioned, I listen.
Starting point is 00:05:15 After I'm mentioned, I stop listening. Unless it feels like it might come back in. Welcome to our seminar in narcissism. Do you ever do the thing where you hit 15, 15, 15 and so you hear yourself talk? I live in that space. I don't do that. That was a guess for him.
Starting point is 00:05:35 I don't do that. I don't do that. I'm so thrilled to be here and kind of pitch in. I don't know why Bowen was unwilling to do the show. I feel like it begs the question, like, I guess I want to take an audience poll. Do you guys think that Bowen is A, busy at
Starting point is 00:05:51 work tonight with his new best friend Claire Foy, looking forward to their podcast, or do you think that we finally killed him and I finally won? Took my rightful place as the La Culturista Bowen is
Starting point is 00:06:10 the queen I'm Emma Stone and you're the other one. Rachel Weisz? Yeah That's how you feel at least That's how you feel. Oh wait you feel that I am you feel this way? That I am Rachel Weisz? Actually no You can get the merch now. I got a cute little Rachel, at least. That's how he feels. Oh, wait. You feel that I am... You feel this way? That I am Rachel Weisz? Actually, no.
Starting point is 00:06:26 You can get the merch now. I got a cute little pillow with you feel this way on it. I don't know. Pillow. Who knew? You're Rachel. I'm... No, you're Emma.
Starting point is 00:06:33 I'm Rachel. You feel this way. Okay. You feel that you are the schemer out of the two of us? No, no. I just switched how I felt. Oh. So, you're Emma.
Starting point is 00:06:43 This is like very the queen right now. Maybe I am the queen in a way. Now that you say that, maybe that's how I feel. I think you are the queen, although I don't think that Bone and I compete to curry favor with you. That's Sooty and Catherine.
Starting point is 00:07:02 Anyways. But anyways, we did see the favorite together which is why you're getting all this favorite yes we have one guy in the front like this snapping for the fave um did you guys like the favorite i love that we're talking like this is a gay podcast you know because like we're not like did you guys like venom we're like did you guys like the favorite um i didn't know did you guys like The Favourite? I didn't know what The Favourite was until you told me, do you want to see The Favourite? And I said, what is that?
Starting point is 00:07:31 And you said, a movie. And I said, sure! It's so important to just get out and not isolate. And that's why The Favourite really is helpful. Yeah. It's a good tool to get kids out of the house, the favorite. My issue with the favorite is that... We're doing reviews. We're doing reviews.
Starting point is 00:07:48 Are we? Or are we not? Let's do reviews. Okay. I felt like this film was enjoyable. Great so far. At some... Though it did at some...
Starting point is 00:07:58 At certain points, it was three hours long, I felt. Like, the runtime was two hours and one minute, but at certain points, it was three hours long, I felt. The run time was two hours and one minute, but at certain points it was three hours long. And that was hard for me as someone who struggles to pay attention to even anything. Never mind lesbians. I actually had a difficult...
Starting point is 00:08:17 I had a difficult time with the favorite because this is me with all Oscar movies. After they're over, I don't know if I actually am trying so hard to like them so that smart gay Twitter TM doesn't get horribly upset with me.
Starting point is 00:08:35 Totally. Or if I really enjoy myself at the cinema and I feel that I enjoy myself at the cinema and I think Emma Stone gave her tour de force. And I think she's the MVP.
Starting point is 00:08:46 For me, my Emma Stone movie is still easy A. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And as someone who did meet Penn Badgley in my former customer service position. I love Penn Badge. I do love Penn Badge. He wasn't like, he wasn't hot anymore when I saw him. And that's,
Starting point is 00:09:08 and guess what? Like, that's okay. Wait, he did. Okay. I'm not going to say it because you know, hot is subjective.
Starting point is 00:09:17 They say. They say. I'm just saying. They say. People are saying this right now. People are saying this right now. Current events are happening right now. As we speak. And'm just saying. They say. People are saying this right now. People are saying this right now. Current events are happening right now as we speak. And they are saying this, which is that.
Starting point is 00:09:30 Hop. It's a red top. It's a red top. And also, I do believe that Penn Badgley was once irresistible to me. And now I feel that maybe I'm a Chase Crawford gay. Yeah. Okay. Hey, guess what? Wow. That earned a Chase Crawford gay. Yeah. Okay. Hey, guess what? Everyone's safe here.
Starting point is 00:09:49 Everyone's safe here. I, for me, in my experience around Penn Badgley, he was, at one point, I feel irresistible to me. Now, absolutely, I would suck his dick. I am able to resist him today. You would suck his dick, but you wouldn't resist him today. You would suck
Starting point is 00:10:05 his dick, but you wouldn't have to. It would not be a compulsion. It would be a choice today. Whereas, let me tell you something. This is 2008. I'm sucking that dick and it doesn't matter what I feel. It's not a choice. In 2008, it wouldn't be a choice.
Starting point is 00:10:21 In 2008, not a choice. In 2008, it wasn't a choice to suck Penn Badgley's dick. And that's actually a rule of culture. It's rule of culture number 71. In 2008, it wasn't a choice to suck Penn Badgley's dick. I feel like my back is to y'all. Hey, it's thick over here. Are you guys comfy?
Starting point is 00:10:44 Great. Cool. I'm really comfy in my Everlane denim jacket. And you can use the promo code dingdong at everlane.com for some percent off. Stitcher Premium. That's one of them. And I'm comfortable. This piece was $10 at Uniqlo.
Starting point is 00:11:05 It did come in a packet. There is no promo code, but it was $10. So in a way, you don't even need one. There was drama backstage because a Forever Dog produce asked if I was wearing Everlane. And I said, what? And she said, Everlane. And I said, what? And you didn't know Everlane?
Starting point is 00:11:21 And then I come to find out that Everlane is sponsoring Forever Dog. And I've not been told. Where have you been? It's taken us by absolute storm. I have yet to be taken by storm by Everlane. I'm still sifting through the packets of teas at Uniqlo. You are awaiting the storm. I'm awaiting the storm.
Starting point is 00:11:38 You are. Currently, your status is awaiting the storm. And that's actually a beautiful fucking space to be. Yeah. To know the storm is coming and to sit on the beach like Taylor Leone in Deep Impact.
Starting point is 00:11:50 Las Culturistas! I knew a movie. I never saw Deep Imp. You've never seen Deep Imp? No, I've never seen Deep Imp. I... You have to force him to get culture.
Starting point is 00:12:08 I've seen... Armageddon? that lily's ob what is what's this what did you just do lily sobe and that was an agree for lily sobieski yes i love lily's oh but she what she what did she do wrong why isn't she still here i think i think i think who did she cross in hollywood is my question she looks like a little helen hunt can i say something where's the lie she's saying absolutely right that silence was definitely go ahead say something okay i saw an image while i was at Duane Reade recently. Pointing. All great stories begin. And the image that I saw at the Duane Reade line was an image
Starting point is 00:12:51 of Kate Hudson. And I was struck by how much 2018 Hudson looks like Goldie Hawn, her mother. Oh, yeah, that's always been the narrative. It's always been the narrative, but I never agreed with the narrative. I was like, okay, you're telling me they're a mother-daughter, I'll believe you, but I never saw it in the bone structure.
Starting point is 00:13:08 And then imagine to be standing in Dwayne Reed, a gay man, in 2018 and to finally realize that, wow, Kate Hudson looks like Cody Hahn was shaking. It was shaking for you? It was shaking
Starting point is 00:13:24 for me, yeah. I actually think that Kate Hudson is brilliant. So do I. And I think she is good and has a great eng. And if I think so too, and if Fabletics made menswear, I would be taking my storm.
Starting point is 00:13:43 For now, you must await the storm. For now, I am Taya Leone. And Taya Leone. Who I one time saw in a restaurant. Oh, this is tea. This is like mean tea. Should I spill it? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:57 Saw David Duchovny in a restaurant with his kids. And then Taya Leone came in and she like sat down with the kids and he left and they didn't speak. I feel really bad. That's like family drama that's like not good. A family can look like anything and that's what works for them. I just thought it was crazy to see like
Starting point is 00:14:17 a celebrity divorce kid hand off. That is crazy. In dojo on the Lower East Side. Maybe you could have stepped in and kind of facilitated a conversation that needed to be had. Pat, it happened so quickly, there was no opportunity to step in. Okay, well,
Starting point is 00:14:33 maybe digitally. I don't know. I guess I just stepped in. Yeah, in a way you just stepped in, which is actually important, and you actually are a social worker. Thank you. And speaking of stepping in really can we all just give a very warm loving round of applause for pat who stepped in and was my true sister tonight thank you really thank you thank you you know it's funny i feel like i i
Starting point is 00:14:58 identify as my i don't think so honey career being over i've retired and this is all just fun now like none of this affects my legacy i don't feel a need to perform career being over. I've retired, and this is all just fun now. None of this affects my legacy. I don't feel a need to perform well. But I'll step up to be a pillar. You're like when Barbra Streisand does a movie. I'm like when Barbra Streisand does a movie. Yeah. And that is so freeing.
Starting point is 00:15:17 Yeah. But when I got the text, when I got the several texts. It was several texts, in fact, panicked texts. I found out that Bowen was going to be held up at work only hours ago. And I find panicked texts to be a potent aphrodisiac. Yeah. And, um... Did you get horny when you received a text from me?
Starting point is 00:15:36 Um, no. Though we do need to address the elephant in the room. Yes, we made out for 20 minutes on a dance floor in 2014. And why are you bringing it up? We did. And we both had the intention of doing it. It wasn't like a mistake, y'all. It wasn't like, oh wow, we found ourselves
Starting point is 00:15:54 doing this. We had the intent to hook. And Matt did very much say, I wouldn't let you back, but I have an early morning tomorrow. And that's cool. And if you catch me saying that tonight to any of you single gays just come home with me anyway um i know not what i do and say i don't know my words my heart i love it you can get that on a phone case
Starting point is 00:16:21 um so what do you say should we um i don't i mean you're kind of steering the ship i'm just here to support support you're right why am i even asking you should we get started with the show so who here has ever been to i don't think so honey live before who's been here before who's new to the event yay wow okay so freshman freshman freshman um okay so basically what's going to happen is you're going to see uh roughly 50 comedians get on stage tonight they are all going to take one minute to rant against something in culture in a segment that bowen and i call i don't think so honey it is um the i guess, climax of our podcast every week. We are doing it here tonight. 50 of them. 52 if you count myself and Pat Regan
Starting point is 00:17:09 because we are about to demo them for you. I'm going to go first. I'm going to do a prepared one, then Bowen. I'm sorry. I miss him. Wait. Wait, can I say, can I say, I miss him. That's really hurtful.
Starting point is 00:17:27 I just gave you so much props. You gave me so much props. Can I wait? Can I say why I am mad at you? Because I came out here and I turned around and you were back there and like as if you wanted like more fanfare. I didn't know. Okay. As someone who was once
Starting point is 00:17:42 brought on stage to a smoke machine at this show. Yeah, I maybe't know. Okay, as someone who was once brought on stage to a smoke machine at this show. That's true, you were. Yeah, I maybe did come to expect that. But maybe we should do a little segment called, Are You Mad At Me? Or maybe not. I guess we have to do it at the end. This is now a crossover episode.
Starting point is 00:18:00 This is now a crossover episode. I guess we'll have to save it at the end. We'll have to see what happens over the next hour and a half-ish. And I also just want to say this. I don't have the spatial awareness to like talk,
Starting point is 00:18:11 to sit into this and talk into this microphone. I feel confused about like... Well, this is part of the gig and if you can't fucking handle it... Okay, cool.
Starting point is 00:18:21 Okay, cool. All right, so... Game on. I think it's probably time for okay so i'm just this is like behind the scenes bts you're gonna time me we didn't have time to go over this you guys all right so um didn't know i was running tech this is a stopwatch pat also lost his phone in true classic fashion and it is in the back of his mind. My phone is somewhere in this building and if you see it, it
Starting point is 00:18:47 is an iPhone SE, which is yes, in between a five and a six. While he does this, I'm going to go up there. Do I give you warnings? Thank you, Denim. Do I give you warnings?
Starting point is 00:19:03 What? Warnings? No, any warnings. Like 30. Oh, just 30 seconds, 15 seconds, and five seconds. Cool. Great. When there's five seconds left. Not at, obviously. Great.
Starting point is 00:19:14 So, perfect. So this is a very current event, and I'm very sorry, but I have to attack this one thing. So now you say, this is Matt Rogers, I don't think so, honey. This is Matt Rogers, I don't think so, honey. This is Matt Rogers, I don't think so, honey. Your time starts now. I don't think so, honey, the thank you next video. Yeah, I do remember the movies, bitch. I saw them, and all you did was remind me
Starting point is 00:19:39 that it's better than the bullshit you put together. Regina didn't have a dark root. You picked the worst scene in 13 going on 30. Okay, not the worst, but who cares about that scene? Everyone knows the best scene in 13 going on 30 is, say it with me, when they dance to Thriller. 30 seconds, 30 seconds. I'm sorry, but what the hell was going on in the Jennifer Coolidge scene? They wrote that that day.
Starting point is 00:20:09 You had months to prepare. Are you kidding me? The big tooth is the confusion over big dick? No. And with the amount of promotion that we had for this, you would have thought this would have been the deep impact of music videos. Would have done very well justifiably commercially and would have made a huge crater in pop culture,
Starting point is 00:20:28 but I don't think so, honey. Thank you, Next. Thank you, Next. Do you feel this way? I feel this way, as you can tell. All right, so let me just talk to you a little bit about... Did you watch the video? I haven't seen it yet.
Starting point is 00:20:52 I'm definitely kind of a blue-collar comedian, still have a day job. I was at Chelsea Piers at the soccer practice of the kids that I nanny. Down to earth, Still a hometown girl. And it's not like you can just whip out your phone and watch it because what if it gets lost? I try to be present.
Starting point is 00:21:13 Yes, it's true that I try to be present with the kids. Yeah, that's actually probably good. Yes, that's true. Okay, so now Pat is going to take the mic and he is going to do a troll bowl I don't think so honey topic. You can leave that here, baby, because there's one up there. Now, Pat is going to take the mic and he is going to do a troll bowl. I don't think so, honey topic. You can leave that here, baby, because there's one up there.
Starting point is 00:21:30 Calm down. What the fuck am I dealing with at this moment? All right. So a little bit of background on the troll bowl. The troll bowl is filled with topics that are very difficult to go negative on. It is a brave, not for the faint of heart moment to choose something out of the Troll Bowl. Past topics have included Julie Andrews, JonBenet Ramsey, and Princess Diana. So let's pick one out for my friend Pat Regan, who looks good. Can we talk?
Starting point is 00:22:02 Stop. Stop. He worked out two times today. Stop. Before and after the kids. Before and after the kids I worked out. All right. He's so bashful. All right, here.
Starting point is 00:22:15 I don't think you're going to know who this is. I bet I won't. And that's what's so annoying about standing here getting it. Okay. I'm ready. Pat Regan. And just tell me if you don't know who this is and I'll throw it back in. Okay.
Starting point is 00:22:26 Your I Don't Think So Honey trouble topic is Henry Winkler, aka The Fonz. Yes. Okay, great. He's your I Don't Think So Honey topic and your time,
Starting point is 00:22:34 Pat Regan, starts now. I don't think so honey Henry Winkler, like what, you're supposed to be like the comedic voice of your times?
Starting point is 00:22:39 You're fucking lame and not that funny. I don't think so honey Henry Winkler, we saw your butt in the water boy and I didn't want to see it. I never asked you actually. Put your ass away, Henry Winkler. I don't think so, honey. You're not that hot. You were problematic in happy days. It was rape culture
Starting point is 00:22:54 what you were doing, Henry Winkler. I don't think so, honey. I don't think so, honey. Henry Winkler, your hair isn't that good. 30 seconds. And I can tell that you think it is. I don't think so, Henry Winkler. What have you even been up to anymore? Like, I feel like you just make money for no reason at this point, and that's not fair. I don't think so, honey, Henry Winkler.
Starting point is 00:23:17 I don't think so, Henry Winkler. You have no star quality, and somehow you made a fortune off of having star quality. 15 seconds. And that's not fair to those of us who have star quality. I don't think so, Henry Winkler. I think that you probably don't love gay people. I don't think so, honey, Henry Winkler. Five seconds. I don't think so, Henry Winkler.
Starting point is 00:23:32 You are bad. And that's one minute! That was Pat Regan's I don't think so, honey, from the troll bowl. Okay, so just quick update on Henry Winkler. He just won an Emmy for being in Barry. I don't watch that show. And that's okay.
Starting point is 00:23:57 All right, are you guys ready to get the show started? Okay, so we have arbitrarily named all these groups this first group is called shut up susan please welcome to the stage ian lockwood please welcome to the stage jess tom please welcome to the stage carmen lagala please welcome to the stage charlie todd. Please welcome to the stage Charlie Todd. And please welcome to the stage Cody Lindquist. Yay! I love it.
Starting point is 00:24:33 Okay, the very first to the mic is Ian Lockwood, everybody. Okay, Ian, hello. Hi. Hi. I'm shy. I'm scared. No, shy comedian. I look shy comedian. No, I'm shy. I'm scared. No, shy comedian. I look shy comedian.
Starting point is 00:24:47 No, I'm actually confident. You're very confident. I'm loving the coat. All right, so listen. Okay, are we going to do the Trill Bowl or an I Don't Think So Honey prepared topic? I got something to get off my chest. I had a feeling that was true. Okay, this is Ian Lockwood's I Don't Think So Honey, and his time starts now.
Starting point is 00:25:03 I Don't Think So Honey, we work in starts now. I Don't Think So Honey, WeWork, and all co-working spaces, honey. No, it's just people buying into bad corporate culture in a way they think is really alternative. But honey, it's not. Also, my WeWork is full of weird guys. Like, I walk into the WeWork bathroom stall as a guy is exiting, and he goes, I warmed it up for you. I don't think so, honey, no. Like, I see a man having a public meeting in the kitchen, which, like, no.
Starting point is 00:25:36 And he responds to a woman's comment with, I'm laughing because. No, I don't think so, honey. No, my WeWork is full of weird neon signs that say, like, you do you. And, like, no bad days. Both true. 15 seconds. But the biggest one is 15 feet wide, truly. And I shit you not, it says, amber is the color of your energy.
Starting point is 00:25:57 No! Five seconds. Five seconds. I don't think so, honey. And that's one minute. That's Ian Lockwood Taking down WeWork And now to the mic
Starting point is 00:26:09 Everyone welcome Jess Tom Hello Jess Hi How is it going? I'm really scared genuinely No don't be afraid And if that's true Follow the fear
Starting point is 00:26:22 This is my terror face Alright Jess Is it going to be pre-prepared Or the troll ball? It's going to be pre-prepared No, don't be afraid. And if that's true, follow the fear. This is my terror face. All right, Jess, is it going to be pre-prepared or the troll ball? It's going to be pre-prepared today. Pre-prepared. This is Jess Times. I don't think so, honey. Their time starts now.
Starting point is 00:26:35 I don't think so, honey. Cinderella. Yes! Cinderella is the original problematic white feminist. She yearned to escape servitude, but was willing to get there on the backs of brown mouse women. Yes! Using their free labor.
Starting point is 00:26:57 She was like, I need to go to a ball, you can make my dress for free. If you reverse the narrative of Cinderella, it's about women working in a sweatshop under a CEO. 30 seconds. And then after they did all that work, she had a fairy godmother the entire time. That's intergenerational privilege, honey. 15 seconds. Oh, but the fairy godmother didn't help her
Starting point is 00:27:20 until she was an adult. That's exactly how I trust fun works. You cannot fool me. You cannot fool me, honey. Five seconds. They recreate in real life little girls dress up like Cinderella for Halloween. And who do you think makes those costumes? I don't think so, honey.
Starting point is 00:27:39 Just time, everybody. This fall on Bravo. It's time to turn up. Think you've seen it all? I don't think you've been a good friend to me lately. We're friends like that. Who needs enemies? You ain't seen nothing yet.
Starting point is 00:27:51 Cheers to being Germanic. With the Real Housewives of Potomac. Oh, my gosh. Can I take this in? It's going to be amazing. New York City. Everyone is a gossip. No one gets a happier life.
Starting point is 00:28:01 Salt Lake City. We don't wear costumes. We wear fashion. And below deck sailing. You broke the rules. And now you're here getting upset. Watch all new seasons on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. Let's have a real good time. Once again, we find ourselves in an unprecedented election.
Starting point is 00:28:17 And with all that's happening in the lead up to the big day, a weekly podcast just won't cut it. Get a better grasp of where we stand as a nation every weekday on the NPR Politics Podcast. Here are seasoned reporters dig into the issues that are shaping voters' decisions and understand how the latest updates play into the bigger picture. Listen to the NPR Politics Podcast on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, friends. I'm Jessica Capshaw. And this is Camilla Luddington. And we have a new podcast, Call It What It Is. You may know us from Graceland Memorial,
Starting point is 00:28:51 but did you know that we are actually besties in real life? And as all besties do, we navigate the highs and lows of life together. And what does that look like? A thousand pep talks. A million I've got yous. Some very urgent I'm coming overs. Because, I don't know, let's face it, life can get even crazier than a season finale of Grey's Anatomy. And now here we are, opening up the friendship circle.
Starting point is 00:29:13 To you. Someone's cheating? We've got you on that. In-laws are in-lying? Let's get into it. Toxic friendship? Air it out. We're on your side to help you with your concerns.
Starting point is 00:29:23 Talk about ours and every once in a while bring on an awesome guest to get their take on the things that you bring us while we may be unlicensed to advise we're gonna do it anyway listen to call it what it is on the i heart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I felt too seen. Um, dragged. I'm N.K., and this is Basket Case. So I basically had what back in the day they would call a nervous breakdown. I was crying, and I was inconsolable.
Starting point is 00:29:59 It was just very big, sudden swaps of different meds. What is wrong with me? Oh, look at you giving me therapy, girl. Finally, a show for the mentally ill girlies. On Basket Case, I talk to people about what happens when what we call mental health is shaped by the conditions of the world we live in. Because if you haven't noticed, we are experiencing some kind of conditions that are pretty hard to live with.
Starting point is 00:30:24 But if you struggle to cope, the society that created the conditions in the first place will tell you there's something wrong with you. And it will call you a basket case. Listen to Basket Case every Tuesday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Unbelievable, Cinderella. Take that in your many iterations. Everyone. They love you.
Starting point is 00:30:57 Give it up for Carmen Legala. Here we go. Carmen, hello. Hi. Denim. Wow. Yes. Same.
Starting point is 00:31:11 All right, cool. So are we doing a pre-prepared or a troll bowl topic? Even though I don't know any celebrities, I'm going to try the troll bowl. Wow. Brave. Brave. Very brave.
Starting point is 00:31:22 Well, let's see. I mean, I did not think Pat Regan would know the Fonz. I can't believe you thought that. I didn't know he was in Bowery, but yes, I knew who he was. Okay, this is great. This person, this thing is not a celebrity. Oh, thank God. But they're worldwide known.
Starting point is 00:31:38 Okay. And that thing, your trouble, I don't think it's on any topic, is kangaroos. Oh, God. And your time starts now. I don't think it's a funny topic. It's kangaroos. And your time starts now. I don't think so, kangaroos. Going around with your hopping and your big... Why are your feet so big? And then they angle back the other way like an upside-down L7 situation.
Starting point is 00:31:59 They're weird. Just regular feet, kangaroos. I don't think so, kangaroos. You don't have to deal with regular cargo shorts like the rest of us. You get to just carry your shit on the front of you. Everything's so convenient for you, kangaroos. I don't think so, honey kangaroos. Being in Australia, why aren't you here so I can hug you?
Starting point is 00:32:22 Drag them. Drag them to hell. I don't think so. Honey kangaroos. 15 seconds. Beautiful, beautiful brown fur in your... Just you punch people in cartoons, but probably not in real life.
Starting point is 00:32:41 I've never seen it on YouTube. So it must not be real. I don't think so, honey. Kangaroos. And that's what did it! Expertly done. Kangaroos are shook. Give it up for Carmen.
Starting point is 00:32:56 Coming to the stage, welcome Charlie Tong. Hey, Charlie. I am loving it. What do you think? Pre-select. Oh. Wow.
Starting point is 00:33:09 Okay, calm down. Confidently pre-select. So this is Charlie Todd's I Don't Think So Honey, and his time will begin now. I Don't Think So Honey Just Salad. Wow. If you think we're just going to be cool with you guys stopping to chop salads,
Starting point is 00:33:26 then you got another thing coming to you, okay? Yes. All right? I'm not coming back to your store. I'm going to go to Chopped. I'm going to go to Hale and Hardy Soups. I'm going to go anywhere that chops a fucking salad. You have one job, and it's just salad,
Starting point is 00:33:40 and people want their fucking salads chopped, all right? I'm not going to bitch about you guys having grain bowls. 30 seconds. I'm not going to bitch about you guys having grain bowls. 30 seconds. I'm not going to bitch about you guys having wraps, you guys having smoothies, and a lot of things that aren't just salad. That's fine. I'll let that slide.
Starting point is 00:33:54 I'm a fan. I've been a fan for five years. I bought my orange bowl five years ago. I show up with my bowl. I get my two choppings or maybe one free cheese, and I'm a happy customer. But don't you dare tell me that it's better for me if you don't chop salads because it's faster. Oh, thank you so much for spending less time on my salad.
Starting point is 00:34:13 I don't think so, honey. Yes, Charlie Todd! It's true. It's true, Pat. There are not just salads there. There are not just salads, and I think that this is true. I know my heart. I don't know my words. I think that it's true that a rat was found in a just salad
Starting point is 00:34:28 wrap. Really? I don't know if that's true. They sound upset. I'm going to let you guys work it out later and for now please welcome Cody Lindquist! Hi! Hi! Also my mom's name is Susan so this is a very perfect group for me to be in.
Starting point is 00:34:46 Yes. High school you is like, yes. I'm constantly saying to my mom, like, stop it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's great. I should have called it stop it, Susan, because shut up is mean. No, that's more what Charlie, my husband, will say to my mom. Oh.
Starting point is 00:34:58 Just kidding. Come on now. No. The family dynamic is spicy. No, he's nicer to her than I am. Okay. All right. So, Cody, talk to me about this.
Starting point is 00:35:08 We have a troll bowl here, and we also have, you know, probably a mind full of ideas. Oh, my God. It's a snap decision, and I'm going to do pre-prepared. Pre-prepared. I love it. This is Cody Lindquist. I don't think so, honey. And her time starts now i don't think so male movie stars being in movies
Starting point is 00:35:26 with women that are 25 years younger than them yes i am sorry honey i get it you're fucking hot but you're 50 and if you're 50 you are fucking grandpa yes okay if there is a 25-year-old woman in the real world who is dating a 50-year-old man, that is the only fucking thing that we talk about, okay? And guess what? He got so much goddamn money that we all go, mm-hmm, that makes sense, okay? Because you know what? If he's 50 and he's just magically single because he hasn't met the right woman, like, no fucking way. He got issues. Yes.
Starting point is 00:36:06 Okay? That man has a fucking problem with every woman you've ever seen and there's not some dumbass 25-year-old who's gonna come around and change his life for the better. Five seconds. No, thank you.
Starting point is 00:36:19 And you know what? Fuck you because it makes every goddamn 50-year-old man think that it's okay to leave his wife because he thinks he's gonna get a 25 year old woman how many people have a goddamn dad who has left their mom because he thinks he is gonna go out with anne hathaway like i do not fucking think so honey my husband my husband is a year older than me the way God fucking intended. And that's one minute and 25 seconds.
Starting point is 00:36:49 Cody Lindquist. Give it up for this group. Shut up, Susan. Ian Lockwood, Jess Tom, Carmen Nogala, Charlie Todd, and Cody Lindquist. Unbelievable. Oh my God. I think Hollywood just healed a little bit. I think Hollywood is now going to change.
Starting point is 00:37:07 I'm so excited for what's to come in Hollywood. And you know what? We are awaiting the storm. We're awaiting the storm, Ritaya. And we actually have a rule of culture. It's rule of culture number 24. If you're 50, you're grandpa. Write it down, Kelly Jo.
Starting point is 00:37:23 Yes, honey. I see you, girl. All right, everyone. Give it up for our next group, and it's called Say It With Me, Pat. Gorgeous Delights. Everyone, welcome.
Starting point is 00:37:35 Griffin Leeds. Welcome, Lisa Kleinman. I'm gonna say things with you. Welcome, Casey Jost. Welcome, Amanda Joby And welcome Becky Abrams This is the dance I do when I feel the energy It's very Cat Co I feel And for me when I'm engaged I raise the roof
Starting point is 00:38:02 Yeah Have you seen that Pat Regan has brought back raising the roof? Can everyone raise the roof? Yay! It's 1994. Okay, cool. Everyone, please welcome up to the mic, Griffin Leeds. Jumpsuit.
Starting point is 00:38:22 A jumpsuit moment. It's a fake jumpsuit. Is it really? Wow. You're telling me that thing is two pieces? It's two pieces. It makes it easy to use the bathroom. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:30 And can you speak about... I'm practical. And speak about the sash. Speak about the sash. Listen, someone else dressed me. I can't speak about any of this. I love that. He's got someone else to dress him.
Starting point is 00:38:38 That's rule of culture number four. Get someone else to dress you. All right. Griffin. So right, Griffin. So talk to me. Are we going to do a pre-prepared topic or there's a troll bowl here and I'm just saying it's here?
Starting point is 00:38:50 There is a troll bowl. I haven't really done short form improv since college, so I'm going to stay pre-selected. No, no, short form is important. It's important. Short form is important. It's important. But I've been a fan.
Starting point is 00:39:00 Drill culture number 89. Short form is important. It is. But no, I've been arove culture number 89 short form is important it is but no I've been a fan of the pod so I've had I've had some topics and I want to use one tonight so I think we're gonna do
Starting point is 00:39:13 a pre-selected this is Griffin Leeds his I don't think so honey starts now I don't think so honey those straight girls from high school who suddenly gave a shit
Starting point is 00:39:21 about me when word got out that I was gay in college wow you think I didn't know what was going on winter break sophomore year when I start getting who suddenly gave a shit about me when word got out that I was gay in college. Wow! You think I didn't know what was going on winter break sophomore year when I start getting
Starting point is 00:39:29 all these friend requests from wannabe Lena Dunhams. It's the social media equivalent of when you have a group of people clearly talking about you because they all turn and look at you at the same time. Listen,
Starting point is 00:39:41 I am not some object to be collected, stuffed, and mounted above a fireplace. I'm a human being to be collected, stuffed, and mounted Above a fireplace I'm a human being to be mounted Then stuffed by a fireplace Thank you Hell yes, bitch
Starting point is 00:39:53 I could have been an ally to you Because I could have told you all the times I clocked your boyfriends In the school bathroom, not washing their hands Then going in the hallway and touching your hands gross 15 seconds, the tea You know, my true friends, they knew early on. And when I did come out to those true friends, they thought I was fucking with them
Starting point is 00:40:10 because my true friends know that first and foremost, I'm a tricky little jokester. Five seconds. Second, I'm a mother. And third, I'm a faggot who doesn't think so. That's one minute. Very good. Griffin Leeds, give it up.
Starting point is 00:40:23 Using Lena Dunham as a pejorative. What did you say. Using Lena Dunham as a pejorative. What did you say? Using Lena Dunham as a pejorative. Losing Lena Dunham. Using Lena Dunham as a pejorative. You know, that's a discussion to be had. We're going to have it right now. But actually, I'm going to say,
Starting point is 00:40:42 talk to me after. Yeah, no, we're really down to talk about this. All right, everyone, please welcome to the mic, Lisa Kleinman! In a patterned pants. Thank you so much. Long time listener, first time caller. Wow. It is time to call out.
Starting point is 00:41:02 Now, talk to me about the bowl versus the pre-prepared topic. I'm doing pre-prepared. I love that. I love that. It's your journey. Go forth on it. I love that for her. I love that for her.
Starting point is 00:41:13 All right. So Lisa Convins, I don't think so. Any topic is pre-prepared and her time will begin now. I don't think so, honey. Harry Potter. I am so sorry, but I cannot believe a story about British teenagers that wear
Starting point is 00:41:31 Catholic school uniforms does not make me horny. But that is the magic, I guess, of Harry Potter. I am sorry, I am an adult and I don't need to read a glorified picture book about people that don't need to read a glorified picture book about people that don't fuck and do drugs.
Starting point is 00:41:49 And I'm not talking about butter beer. And I don't think so honey. JK Rowling. We get it. You lived in your car but you know what? So did Jewel. And I would rather listen to pieces of you than fucking a story about a virgin
Starting point is 00:42:07 that bumped his head and plays sports in the air and Broadway, Broadway, a two-part play like you're fucking angels in America. You are not angels in America and J.K. Rowling, you are not Tony Kushner. And that's one minute. Wow. Wow.
Starting point is 00:42:33 I have to say. Wow. That was Lisa Kleinman. That was really important. She didn't have me. She didn't have me. And then she said Jewel and she had me. You know what?
Starting point is 00:42:43 It's actually rule of culture number 15. So did Jewel. Thank you, Lisa. And now, welcome to the mic, Casey Jones! It's Casey Jones. Hey, everybody. Can you please give it up for your fantastic hosts? Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:43:03 Charmer. I fucking love you. I love you guys. I fucking love you. I love you guys. I fucking love you. We have a rare straight male appearance which I celebrate. He's a straight man.
Starting point is 00:43:12 He's a straight man. Some say. Some say. And did very well in the straight pageant which I just held. Thank you. Next one,
Starting point is 00:43:21 January 23rd. Oh, a plug. And you heard that announcement right here. And the amount of growth I saw in Casey throughout that pageant was huge he grew from when he started the pageant to when he finished the pageant
Starting point is 00:43:32 he was still straight by the end but he had grown but he had grown as a straight it's a real spectrum absolutely it's a spectrum and that's actually rule of culture number 3 it's a spectrum so Casey listen Celebrated improviser
Starting point is 00:43:49 I mean we have of course the option to do the troll bowl I will say that no one's ever celebrated improv Wow We just said short form was important We haven't even gotten to long form You're right that was maybe the first time ever That short form improv was celebrated I have prepared.
Starting point is 00:44:05 Is that okay? Do it. I want to hear what you got. It's interesting that I'm following Lisa, my actual wife. Amazing. Actual wife. Lucky man. Oh, yes. I almost
Starting point is 00:44:20 just said propose to her. They're married. It's interesting that I'm following her because she was so articulate and intelligent. And well, let's see what happens here. Here we go. This is Casey Jost. I don't think so, honey.
Starting point is 00:44:33 His time starts now. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I don't think so, honey. Books. I hate books. Books suck. Why are books so long? Make books shorter.
Starting point is 00:44:45 Yes. Infinite jest. Why are books so long? Make books shorter. Yes! Infinite jest. More like infinite. That's how long it takes you to read it. War and Peace. More like War and Peace out. I'm not reading you. 1984. More like 1984. Which brings me to my next point. Books
Starting point is 00:44:59 are boring. Every time I start to read a book, I immediately want to do something else. I think to myself, I'd rather be painting. Am I a painter? No. Do I paint? Hell no. That's how much I hate books. I'd rather paint. Next. It takes so much work with your hands. Self-explanatory.
Starting point is 00:45:16 Next. The good books don't have pictures and the bad ones do? That's ridiculous. Guns ahead. If I have to pick a favorite book, which is a hilarious scenario, I pick Go Dog Go. That describes the actions and interactions of a group of highly motivated dogs who operate cars and other conveyances in pursuit of work, play, and a final mysterious goal. A dog party.
Starting point is 00:45:37 That's a good book. And that's one minute. Wow. Wow. The Kleinman Josts are not readers no
Starting point is 00:45:48 and I famously only ever read nine books in my L yep bet you didn't know it was a phone the whole time wow
Starting point is 00:45:59 their kids are getting screen time yes which is huge for kids. That was amazing. Everyone up. Give it up for Amanda Jovi.
Starting point is 00:46:13 Oh, my God. Darling. Oh, my God. Wow. This is a thrill. Wow. Yes, move it out of the way. I can't have it in my way.
Starting point is 00:46:21 It might block my butt. No. Wow. I can't have it in my way. It might block my butt. No! When an icon steps forth, you appreciate. Is that a rule of culture? That's a rule of culture. Number nine.
Starting point is 00:46:36 When an icon steps forth, you appreciate. Yeah. You know, if Leigh-Anne Rimes were to walk into the room right now, we would appreciate it. I think she's here. Maybe we wouldn't.
Starting point is 00:46:43 I don't know why I picked Leanne Rimes. She was on my comp list. She was what? She was on my comp list, Leanne Rimes. Leanne? Yeah, Leanne? Just say, I see her.
Starting point is 00:46:51 I see her. Hi, girl. Hey, girl. See you after. Mimosas at night. Oh, my God. Amanda. Yes.
Starting point is 00:47:00 So listen, there is, you know, famously, there's the troll bowl and there's a pre-prepared option as well. I have a pre-prepared because it's serious. Okay, let's, you know, famously there's the troll bowl to pick from and there's a pre-prepared option as well. I have a pre-prepared because it's serious.
Starting point is 00:47:07 Okay, let's do this. Okay. Here's Amanda's I Don't Think So Honey and her time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey, the United States of America. Wow. A country with a problematic start built by immigrants and founded on unalienable rights, which is now consumed by hatred and exclusivity, not to mention supporting a nation that is facilitating the greatest humanitarian crisis of all time. So I don't think so, honey. I'd like to make a list
Starting point is 00:47:38 of the states that I believe can be doing a better job. Okay. And 30 seconds. Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. Thank you very much. And that's one minute and 20 seconds. And let me tell you something.
Starting point is 00:48:39 That was all the states. So I think what she's saying is we all could do a better job. Yes. That seemed to be the message. That seemed to be the message. You got to think. When you come here, be prepared to think. Okay.
Starting point is 00:48:55 So who's next here? Oh, okay. It's Becky Abrams. Hello. Hello. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Wow. Hi. Zoe. Hello! Wow! Wow! Hi!
Starting point is 00:49:08 What are we thinking? How are you? Well, I was gonna do bull, then I was gonna do pre, now I'm gonna do bull. Wow! Thank God I didn't fall. I just told you, tail is oldest time at this show. Tail is oldest bull. Okay, here we go. This will as old as time at this show. Tell as old as bold.
Starting point is 00:49:26 Okay, here we go. This will be coming up soon, this event. Okay, well, I have to tell you if I don't know what it is. Well, I think you know. Your I don't think so, honey topic from the troll bowl, Becky Abrams, is the Golden Globes. Oh! And your time starts now.
Starting point is 00:49:42 I actually don't think so. Golden Globes. What do you think you are? The Oscars? Incorrect. Are you the, I don't know. Wait a minute. Is Golden Globes part of EGOT? Remind me. Remind me. No, wait. That's Grammy. I don't think so. You better rethink Golden
Starting point is 00:50:00 Globes. That would make it like E-G-G-G-G-G-GOT. And it's not that. Yeah! I liked it when two female comedians hosted it, and then some reason that went away last time. I'm not sure why. Maybe some
Starting point is 00:50:17 rethinking is in order. Not sure, sweetheart. But do think again. Who did it last time? Ricky Gervais? 15 seconds. Wow, the office in England was so amazing. That's why everyone on Bumble is talking about the British office.
Starting point is 00:50:33 Sike. It's actually the American office. Five seconds. Five seconds. Golden gloves were like golden boobs. I don't think so, honey. Boobs are great. Golden gloves are not. And that is why I don't think so. Golden boobs. I don't think so, honey. Boobs are great. Golden gloves are not.
Starting point is 00:50:45 And that is why I don't think so. Golden gloves. I'm in for it. Becky Abrams capping off the gorgeous delight group. Give it up for Griffin Leeds, Lisa Kleinman, Casey Jost, Amanda Joppy, and Becky Abrams. Bye. Bye, Beth. I love you.
Starting point is 00:51:09 I miss them. I miss them, too. I wish that Casey did propose. I miss them. I miss you guys. That was so good. What I will say is even if I'm already married, if I'm ever on stage with my husband, yes, I'm going to propose again.
Starting point is 00:51:23 Yeah. And it's going to be beautiful. Because I want them to know I still care. Exactly. And also I want uproarious applause. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:33 From those around me, from those in front of me, from those to the side of me even. Yeah, even over there. I'm just saying we're not opposed to seeing a proposal tonight. All of a sudden
Starting point is 00:51:43 we're like Chris whatever who hosts that show. Chris Harris. And actually I don't know if that's true. And actually what I will say as a guest host is I will guarantee that there will be a proposal by the end of the night.
Starting point is 00:51:58 There will be a proposal! You know, Bo, with the year wrapping up it's uh time to put a bow on 2018 if you will oh my god was that intentional wordplay you know what bowen it was and that's because i'm really literally trying to get at something right now which is that if you're doing your holiday shopping and you want to pick out a new outfit for that special someone who needs a new them you gotta go to mod cloth oh mod cloth is your go-to i love mod cloth so much you can transition from layered looks to looks you can wear as the weather warms up and if you're jonesing for a getaway we mod cloth has a collection of amazing swimwear suited just for you i love that
Starting point is 00:52:41 suited yes yeah so hit the site and discover something uniquely you oh my god mod cloth is truly the best yeah yeah i mean if you want to start the new year with a clean slate here's the thing it's going to be cold soon and i went on there and i was looking for a gift for my mom and they i just got her the literal cutest coat i hope she doesn't listen to this because i don't want her surprise to be ruined right but this is the time, you guys, where you have to start looking for stuff. And they have really amazing clothing for all different body types as well, which
Starting point is 00:53:12 is what I really like. I mean, everything looks very comfortable. And so you know Katrina Rogers, she loves to be comfortable. She loves to be comfortable. Now, I went on Moncloth and I bought this gorgeous knit dress for the cold weather. It's so cute. It's so gorgeous.
Starting point is 00:53:27 I'm not going to reveal who it's for. Don't you dare reveal because here's the thing. Anyone could be listening to this podcast famously, you know, available to everyone. Available. Some of these apps are just free. It's the blessing and the curse of podcasts. Can you believe this insanity? Anyway, I love, I can't for uh my recipient to receive this and for
Starting point is 00:53:47 them to just really take in the gorgeous quality and style of mon cloth you could wear this look when you're going to see what the famous rockefeller christmas tree that's true now here's what you're going to do to get 15% off your purchase of $100 or more. Go to ModCloth.com. That's M-O-D-C-L-O-T-H.com and enter code DingDong at checkout. Yeah, this is valid for one time use only and expires on March 3rd, 2019. So one more time, M-O-D-C-L-O-T-H.com and enter the code DingDong at checkout. Ooh.
Starting point is 00:54:24 Ooh. Ay. Ah. Ooh. Ay. Ugh. My cloth. Okay, so this next group, wow, I guess we, this is a perfect lead-in
Starting point is 00:54:36 to this group, which is called Drama Tonight. Please welcome Julia Clare. Please welcome Michael Delio please welcome Margaret Dodge please welcome Andrew Fafutakis and please welcome Gina Bloom
Starting point is 00:54:57 yes huge hello everyone hi okay so I guess the very first to the mic is Miss Julia Clare, everyone. Give it up. I said this is the sweater of my dreams. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:55:13 I do feel like tonight was the wrong time to wear a turtleneck. Why? I found out when I got here. Everyone's showing their tits, and I'm just here not showing my neck. No. It's actually rule of culture number eight. Not everyone can show their tits. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:32 At once. We need all sorts of different voices. That's true. It's like a logistical nightmare. Yeah. For sure. All right. So listen.
Starting point is 00:55:40 I think it adds a new perspective to the night. Oh, thank you. Yeah. I'm pretty counter-cultural. Thank you. And we love that. And listen, speaking of culture, we actually happen to be here doing I Don't Think So Honey.
Starting point is 00:55:54 And so there's two things that you could do given your choice. Got it. Two things that you could do given your choice. I don't know my words, but I do know my heart. Okay, so listen. We have the trouble. We also have a beautiful brain.
Starting point is 00:56:06 Oh, thank you so much. Full of ideas, I'm sure. It will be pre-selected. I love it! This is Julia Claire's I Don't Think So Honey. It's a pre-selected topic kind of night and her time starts now. I don't think so honey people who can sing. Yes!
Starting point is 00:56:23 I know you had eight years of lessons and went to tish but no one needs to hear your hauntingly beautiful version of Madonna's like a prayer you're ruining karaoke honey 30 seconds. We can all hear you harmonizing during the happy birthday song. You're committing war crimes, honey. You have a beautiful natural talent that I will never possess,
Starting point is 00:57:00 and frankly, I'm embarrassed for you, honey. 15 seconds. See, also, I don't think so white people who can dance, honey. You're throwing off the grading curve for the rest of us. If you're a white person who can dance, that is cultural erasure of me only. That's one minute. Julia Clare, everybody.
Starting point is 00:57:23 That needed to be said. That needed to be said that needed to be said you feel this way I feel that way he feels that certain type of way alright everyone please welcome
Starting point is 00:57:30 Michael Delisle I love a sweatshirt over the moment what are we calling it a flannel what is it what is it I'm just saying
Starting point is 00:57:44 I'm admiring the look. I love a sweatshirt over a button down. I just love a tasteful crew neck. I'm sorry. Thank you. No, thank you. We love everything about you. It's a short sleeve shirt.
Starting point is 00:57:55 Is it? Yeah. Okay. Your secret's safe with us. That's a very phone on a clipboard thing to do. Listen. You should have said that for a reveal at 30 seconds.
Starting point is 00:58:05 I know. It was a short sleeve. But listen. We can do pre-selected or Michael we could do the troll
Starting point is 00:58:13 bowl. Let's do the bowl. Okay. Okay calm down. I love you doing the bowl.
Starting point is 00:58:23 All right so here we go. Okay. Topical as well. What do you think Pat? I love you doing the bowl. All right, so here we go. Okay, topical as well. What do you think, Pat? I think it's topical. My barometer says topical. Okay, so Michael, your I don't think so, honey,
Starting point is 00:58:37 troll bowl topic is Christmas music. And your time starts now. Okay, I don't think so honey Christmas music what the hell I'm really fucking pissed right now yes because I've heard a lot of Christmas music already
Starting point is 00:58:56 and yeah there are a couple good ones but you know what's not a good one the Paul McCartney one oh hard agree that one sucks that one has so much synth in it. He should change his name to Synth McCartney. 30 seconds.
Starting point is 00:59:13 I don't think so, honey. There's so many other songs. There's a song about reindeer. Oh, yeah. That's bad. That's true. There's too many reindeer. I don't think so, honey.
Starting point is 00:59:24 Reindeer. In songs. 15 seconds.. That's true. There's too many reindeer. I don't think so, honey. Reindeer. In songs. 15 seconds. They got one song. And then they're done. I don't think so, honey. Christmas music is... Some of it actually is really good, though.
Starting point is 00:59:38 Five seconds. Five seconds. No, some of it actually is really good, and it makes me feel good, especially when it's sad and it's snowing. It does make me feel good but also I don't think so honey
Starting point is 00:59:47 to it as well one minute wow you know I love that give it up for Michael Delisle you know I like that Mariah Carey tune
Starting point is 00:59:56 I do I like that tune I recently was in an Uber with my entire immediate family yes and on the radio was an Idina Menzel, Michael Bublé version of Baby It's Cold Outside. And I was like, is this helpful?
Starting point is 01:00:14 Did we need it? Because I didn't know they did it. And no one in my family would answer me. You asked the question out loud, is this helpful? I was like, I didn't know they made this. Did we need this? And no one answered, so I just kept saying that. And next to the mic, everyone, please welcome the phenomenal Margaret Dodge.
Starting point is 01:00:35 I said in the email, kindly turn a look, and this is what we have. You are welcome. Margaret, stunning. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. So listen, Margaret, it's an honor and a privilege to have you. What do we think about the choice before you? Trouble or pre-prepared?
Starting point is 01:00:58 I have something to get off my chest. So I'm going to pre-select. Pre-selected. I'm going to pre-select. Here comes Margaret Taj with her I Don't Think So Honey and her time starts now. Bradley Cooper's ripped abs in A Star is Born.
Starting point is 01:01:12 I don't think so honey. You really want me to take you seriously as a director? You had to show your body in the movie. Let me ask you this. Was this your directorial debut, or was this an audition for the next Magic Mike? Whoa!
Starting point is 01:01:36 30 seconds. Yeah, so you could have made a brave choice and, I't know not shown your body but uh the actor Bradley Cooper just had to get in a subliminal ad for CrossFit listen those are not the abs of a 40-something alcoholic entertainer I should know because I have dated and been a 40-something alcoholic entertainer. One minute. Bradley. Bradley. What happened?
Starting point is 01:02:15 Jackson, Maine? More like Jackson, Vane. I don't think so. And that's one minute, Margaret Dodge. Agreed. Absolutely. Or maybe, I don't know, eat a couple bag of chips.
Starting point is 01:02:31 I thought his stomach was an important part of the film. It was not the part I had notes about. And as someone who is bravely in recover, I will say there are people who manage to be on meth
Starting point is 01:02:43 and also have truly porn caliber bodies. And I don't know how they do it, but it is possible. And with that, let's welcome Andrew Papoutakis! The hat, the hat, the hat. You can tell I have a meth body uh clearly here we go so let me tell you andrew yes there is a choice there's the troll bowl and there's the pre-selected i think it's my first time bear with me first timer everyone on stage tonight first timer i'm gonna go pre-select
Starting point is 01:03:21 pre-selected i love that yeah i like that love that. Yeah, I like that for you. So, Andrew, your I Don't Think So Honey time, it will begin right now. I Don't Think So Honey social media stories. Ooh. Calm down, James Joyce. I don't need to see what you ate for lunch today. I have a dancer friend who will post 14 stories of him lip syncing to Ariana Grande. We get it, queen. You have abs. Come on, queen.
Starting point is 01:03:57 We get it, queen. You look good in a jockstrap. I don't think so, honey. Listen, Kurt Vonnegut. I don't need you posting snaps of you on the stage of SNL with Awkwafina, Miss Bowen Yang. That wasn't me. That was not me. 15 seconds. Listen, JK Rowling.
Starting point is 01:04:19 I don't need you posting snaps and stories of you with a bad hair day. Matt Rogers, you're gay and white. You're perfect. And that's one minute. That's one minute. Wow. Andrew Papadakis, everybody. And now to the mic.
Starting point is 01:04:41 Please get ready for Gina Bloom. Let's go. Oh, jacket central. And now to the mic, please get ready for Gina Bloom. Let's go. Oh, Jacket Central. I love. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, my gosh.
Starting point is 01:04:52 Okay. I'm very excited. So what are we thinking here? I have a lot to bitch about. Then bitch about it. I am doing pre-prepared. Pre-prepared. Gina Bloom, your I Don't Think So Honey time will begin now.
Starting point is 01:05:08 I Don't Think So Honey, Big Little Lies Season 2. Let's just say I'm a little bit skeptical, okay? I'm a little bit skeptical. It's like getting that second pitcher mimosas at brunch sounds like a good idea. But the next thing you know, you and Kyle are in a fight neither one of you can understand. And the experience is fucking ruined from now on. I don't think so, honey. Have we
Starting point is 01:05:33 learned nothing from literally the second season of every Ryan Murphy show ever? Have we not? Have we not? By the way, watch Pose Season 2. Trans representation
Starting point is 01:05:46 is very important. 15 seconds. 15 seconds. I promise you'll be flaming hot dog shit. Watch it anyway because that's how it works out.
Starting point is 01:05:56 But back to the topic at hand. HBO, what's next? Sharper objects? Five seconds. Oh, look. Amy Adams' sister is fucking Hitler this time.
Starting point is 01:06:07 I don't think so, honey. Good night. And that's a win! Gina Bloom! Give it up for drama tonight. Julia Clare, Michael Delisle, Margaret Dodge, Andrew Papatakis, and Gina Bloom. Thank you all. Wow.
Starting point is 01:06:27 That was an electric group. Oh, I think we're okay. I would actually have a water if you can kind of get your hands on a Diet Coke. Thank you so much. Just kind of work your magic. That's a true ally right there asking us if we need a drink. Yeah, that was... And it was Casey Jost. And I just want to say that for the record,
Starting point is 01:06:44 no one else here tonight has tried to buy me a drink. Yeah, that was... And it was Casey Jost. And I just want to say that for the record, no one else here tonight has tried to buy me a drink. And it's that little shit that you have no idea how much that meant to us. It's that little shit. It's that little shit that can change your whole fucking day around.
Starting point is 01:06:59 It's actually rule of culture number 40. It's that little shit that can change your whole fucking day around. Okay. Wow. This is crazy. Another insane segue. Oh my god.
Starting point is 01:07:18 They're so hard to come by and yet we've come by a couple tonight. They're like, it's almost as if they're natural resources or something. Alright, so this, because of the sharp objects mentioned before, that's almost as if there are natural resources or something. All right, so this, because of the sharp objects mentioned before, that's what makes this good. This next group is called
Starting point is 01:07:29 And Starring Amy Adams as Amy. That's so stupid. Okay, everyone welcome Megan Meadows! Welcome! Oh, Jenny Rachel Weiner! Welcome Hallie Kiefer!
Starting point is 01:07:48 Welcome Liz Arkery! And welcome to the stage, Rachel Sennett! Do we have everyone? Megan Meadows is not here! Okay, cool. Well, guess what? She's here in Spear.
Starting point is 01:08:04 Maybe she's with Bowen somewhere. Maybe. Wow. Wow. Maybe if Leigh-Anne Rimes would like to come up. Does Leigh-Anne Rimes here want to come up? What she's made of. What?
Starting point is 01:08:17 Brandi Glanville. Yes. Are you team Brandi or Leigh-Anne? And only answer if you feel safe. Brandi, cool. Cool. I and only answer if you feel safe. Brandi, cool. Cool. I wasn't until Celebrity Big Brother.
Starting point is 01:08:30 But that's not what we're here for tonight. That's not what we're here for. And I have to say I'm happy that Leigh-Anne and Brandi aren't here because I am not trying to see a fight.
Starting point is 01:08:38 All right. Can we get going? All right. This was supposed to be Megan but everyone, please welcome to the stage the glory of my heart jenny rachel weiner okay the glory of my heart even yeah honey honey i don't know where i get off wearing fur and a
Starting point is 01:08:57 calvin klein jumpsuit oh okay i i really i mean it's a it's not a jumpsuit it's a it's a leotard one piece one piece i love it though and i'll tell you exactly where you get off i don't think Okay, I mean, it's not a jumpsuit. It's a leotard. One piece. One piece. I love it, though. And I'll tell you exactly where you get off. I don't think it's on Honey Live. I don't think it's on Honey Live. I'm giving you Kim K vibes.
Starting point is 01:09:12 Kim K vibes. You need that vibe. Okay. That vibe needs to be at every show. All right, listen. So we have the troll bowl, and then we, of course, have preselected. So what's up? Okay.
Starting point is 01:09:23 Here's the deal, you guys. Talk us through it. And be through it I'm doing troll bowl Like a true psycho Like a true psychopath So here we go guys Jenny, here we go Your I don't think so honey troll bowl topic is Going to the movies
Starting point is 01:09:43 I don't think so is going to the movies. I don't think so, honey. Going to the movies? What do you think? I want to get off my fucking couch, honey. I have Netflix. I have Hulu. I have Amazon Prime, baby. You think I want to go to the movies and pay $15 for a ticket?
Starting point is 01:10:03 I'm sorry, $18 at some places and $30 motherfucking dollars at iPix. Okay, honey? At iPix, you can lay down, you can have a waiter, but it's $30. I'll stay on my couch. Thank you, honey.
Starting point is 01:10:20 Okay? I don't think so, honey, going to the movies. Okay, I want to watch TV, all right? TV is in its prime. We are in the golden age. I don't need to go to the movies to have a good time. Also, am I trying to get fingered in the back like in high school?
Starting point is 01:10:37 Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. I don't think so, honey. Going to the movies alright bitch one minute that's one minute thank you
Starting point is 01:10:48 Jenny Rachel Weiner wow you owe me $19 for when we saw The Favorite and we agreed you would Venmo charge me I'm not saying you haven't paid me back I'm just saying it's fucking crazy he owes me $19 for when we saw The Favourite.
Starting point is 01:11:07 Are you going to square? What is this, an adoption? It's like, I better be getting fingered in the back for $19. And we were past that, so I famously did not finger him when we saw The Favourite. I left the movie theater bravely unfingered. You also bravely used your phone on full brightness several times. I'm so sorry to stop
Starting point is 01:11:30 this, but I want to publicly say he in a packed, packed honey theater, full brightness, texting his crush. I want to say, firstly, I would never ever fucking do that to you. And I want to say, secondly, I can't figure out how to get my phone not on full brightness. And I want to say, secondly, I can't figure out
Starting point is 01:11:45 how to get my phone not on Popeye Ness. And let me tell you something. If we ever find the phone... And please, everyone look under your seats. It is not a sweepstakes. You need to give it back to me.
Starting point is 01:11:55 We gotta go. Everyone, please welcome Hallie Kiefer to the mic! Yes. Thank you for having me. How are you? Good
Starting point is 01:12:05 I didn't have a look But I did have loft You have a look This is a full look What are you talking about? You know it's like You wear it to the office You can wear it the rest of your life
Starting point is 01:12:14 We love This is the office If this isn't a look I'll eat my hat Oh my god This is a look What? Someone just shrieked something
Starting point is 01:12:22 You're a star Says the audience Everyone Yes Hallie What? Someone just shrieked something. You're a star, says the audience. Everyone. Yes. Hallie. I feel better that I have notes. Yeah, right. Okay, so here we go.
Starting point is 01:12:33 Listen, I have a note, and it's we have to say, are we picking out one of these notes? Oh, God. No, I have notes, and I have thought that I have pre-prepared. Pre-prepared. I love that. And here's Hallie Kiefer's pre-prepared. I don't think so.
Starting point is 01:12:47 Oh, I'm sorry. I don't think so, honey. Adam McKay's upcoming Dick Cheney biopic, Vice, starring Christian Bale. I don't need a dramatic reenactment of something that happened nine years ago, honey. We all lived through two terms of Dick Cheney. Okay, I don't need someone to uncover his insidious genius. I was there, honey. We all
Starting point is 01:13:12 were. Actually, Hallie, but if you think about it, it's only by exploring history's villains that we truly understand them. Yeah, sure thing, sweetie. That's like when the big short won for best screenplay and then the VPs of all the banks went to prison, okay?
Starting point is 01:13:29 I don't think so, honey. I don't think so pandering movies about recent history that make people think that they're actually doing something, okay? And if you're going to pander, you can go ahead and give me a Condoleezza movie. Okay. And that's one minute. Adam McKay. We're like Adam McKay.
Starting point is 01:13:54 Holly Kiefer. And I have to tell you. What? Say. I saw Vice and it's good. And Vice is good and also Condoleezza is in it but they don't make a big deal about it. I'm like, you gotta make a
Starting point is 01:14:10 big deal about Condoleezza. Would you say that's a rule of culture? I would say rule of culture number five. 172? I agree. Rule of culture number 172. You gotta make a big deal about Condoleezza. And this is for the straights in the audience. She might coach an NFL team.
Starting point is 01:14:26 Wait, coach? Yeah, she might coach. You might see her on the field like this. Oh my God, with a headset? And then whisper something to the other coach like this. Podcasts are a visual medium. I just did a really good impression of a coach. I love that act out.
Starting point is 01:14:56 I love that act out. The sound of toothbrush goes buzz, buzz, buzz. Clean my teeth. Make them good good that is just a little song about brushing teeth what do you think of that bow i loved it and not only was it a song it was a christmas carol for the holiday season um the thing was it was wheels on the bus right but then i think because it's about a buzzy toothbrush oh the buzziest gift this season oh it is a holiday a carol oh it's a holiday carol all right you know what i'm saying you know wheels on the bus it's reminiscent of many holiday songs absolutely and had someone told me that was um you know ding dong the bells in the halls or whatever i would have believed them but
Starting point is 01:15:39 it's as good as ding dong and the bells in the halls right matt here's the thing there's a buzzy gift on everyone's list this year of course that's that's i guess the reason for all the buzz humor yes it's something they'll use twice every day and it was featured on oprah's o-list and it's perfect for everyone with a mouth yeah making a list brushing them twice yes how about that how about that and you know just let's just let get to it. This it gift that we're talking about is Quip, the electric toothbrush designed to make brushing better. And Quip makes holiday travels clean and easy with a multi-use cover that mounts to mirrors
Starting point is 01:16:14 and unmounts to slide over the bristles for on-the-go brushing. And you know all about their sensitive sonic vibrations, gentle enough on your little sensitive gums, and there's a built-in timer with guiding pulses to remind you when to switch sides you know all about quip at this point if you're a lasco treason fan or even a podcast man in general you know all about quip oh baby we love quip we've loved them for over a year now yeah you often will just start conversations not with hello but with
Starting point is 01:16:40 i love quip i'll say i love quip i love that they're one of the first electric toothbrushes accepted by the american dental association and have thousands of verified five-star reviews. I love that. And you know what I, you know what actually is a controversial thing? What? I said to you, Merry Christmas. And you said, I love Quip. And you know what? They don't say Merry Christmas anymore in America. You're right. That's the war on Christmas is we're losing it, but we love Quip so much and they have over 5 000 verified five star reviews and you know quip looks like a big ticket tech gift with a stocking stuff for price starting at just 25 and if you go to getquip.com forward slash ding dong right now you get your
Starting point is 01:17:17 first refill pack for free with a quip electric toothbrush but you don't have to tell your gift either don't tell them no ruin the either. Don't tell them that. No, ruin the gift. Leave a little mystery. And that's your first refill pack free at getquip.com slash ding dong. D-I-N-G-D-O-N-G. You better get going
Starting point is 01:17:37 and deck your teeth. And here we go. Everyone welcome liz arkery to the mic and these are the pants i see in the mirror when i look in it oh thank you i want to be in those pants oh great i want you to be my pants oh okay but we can work it out this is a one piece no it's a one piece oh it's a one piece oh. It's a one piece. Oh, it's a one piece. Oh my gosh, I love. Thank you. These are men's shoes because I wear a size 12 and a half in women's.
Starting point is 01:18:11 And I love. Thank you. Now, Liz, we have, of course, two options. We have the trouble. We do have pre-prepared. What's your deal? I'm going to do pre-prepared. I love it.
Starting point is 01:18:22 Here comes Liz. Here comes her. I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now. In honor of Mickey Mouse's 90th birthday this month, I don't think so, honey. Disney Quest. This is a very niche thing. Disney Quest, you bill yourself as an adjacent VR experience to the Disney World parks in Orlando. I don't think so, honey.
Starting point is 01:18:45 Bitch, you are a, you promise that the magic will continue once you leave the parks for the day. You know what? I have news for you, honey. It doesn't.
Starting point is 01:18:55 The magic comes to a screeching fucking halt. Okay. You promise, you promise that you're going to be this beautiful. You get to ride Aladdin's magic carpet. That was built in 1996, motherfucker, and it has not been updated. You are a dilapidated arcade in downtown Disney. You are nothing more than a soda-stained overpriced Dave and Buster's bitch.
Starting point is 01:19:19 Hey, Disney Quest, are you a guy I'm fucking? Because I'm tired of pretending to like video games to feel close to you. Wow! Y'all don't know. She's right. Disney Quest is not the fifth theme park, bitch. What?
Starting point is 01:19:52 It's torn down, right? It's not there? Good. Make room for a big ass Chili's or something. I love Chili's. I love Chili's too. I love Chili's. Wait, I love Chili's.
Starting point is 01:20:04 Don't drag Chili's. Not when I'm around. It's rule of culture number nine. I love chilies I love chilies too I love chilies Wait I love chilies Don't drag chilies Not when I'm around It's rule of culture number nine I love chilies Okay Gird your loins everybody And welcome Rachel Sennett Hello Rachel Sennett
Starting point is 01:20:19 Hi Rach Oh my god I'm so excited to be here The material on my shirt Is aggravating my back sit But other than that I am amazing Oh my god, I'm so excited to be here. The material on my shirt is aggravating my back sit, but other than that, I am amazing. Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:20:28 And with that, what are we thinking? The trouble or the pre-prepared? Pre-prepared, baby. Oh, cool. Yep. Rachel Simmons, pre-prepared, I don't think so, honey, topic, begins now. I don't think so, honey.
Starting point is 01:20:40 Girls who post dead birds on Instagram. Yeah, fuck. No way no way okay you are compensating for not having a personality first of all i'm confused do you like animals or not i don't know i don't know second of all are you trying to prove to me that you're sad because if you were sad you wouldn't see the dead birds because your eyes would be filled with tears. Yes. True. Also, these girls, they're not just posting dead birds.
Starting point is 01:21:10 Okay. They're posting dead rats, other dead animals that you can't identify, pictures of trash. What is going on? These things I see on the street, I look away. I look away because I don't want to see them. Okay. So why are you attacking me In another medium I should feel safe on my phone
Starting point is 01:21:29 Yes That is the only place I should feel safe I don't want to see a dead bird A dead rat A dead piece of trash I don't think so honey Girls who post dead birds on Instagram I agree
Starting point is 01:21:44 I agree. Cosign. I agree. Oh, my God. I would never look at a dead thing. I wouldn't look at a dead thing. I would never, ever. Everyone, give it up for this group and star in Amy Adams as Amy. We have Jenny Rachel Weiner, Halle Kiefer, Liz Arcuri, and Rachel Sennett.
Starting point is 01:22:03 Goodbye, fabulous girls. Goodbye, girls. Oh, fabulous girls. Goodbye, girls. Oh my gosh. All right. Now, here's the thing. Yes. Speaking of the film that we saw together
Starting point is 01:22:13 as a platonic couple. Okay, if this is another segue, I'm going to freak out. You're about to freak out, honey. No, I'm going to freak. Because this next group is called The Favorites with a U.
Starting point is 01:22:27 Ah! Please welcome Miles Robbins. Please welcome Geraldine Viswanathan. Please welcome Allie Colbert. Please welcome Christina Hutchinson. Please welcome Melinda Taub. And please welcome Courtneyinda Taub. And please welcome Courtney Saladay.
Starting point is 01:22:49 We are all here together. Oh, yeah. Now, here we go. Miles Robbins to the mic, please. Please. Hello. Why wasn't Andy Serkis in the Emoji Movie? In what movie? Andy Serkis. Why wasn't he in the Emoji Movie? Why wasnkis in the Emoji Movie? In what movie? Andy Serkis. Why wasn't he
Starting point is 01:23:05 in the Emoji Movie? Why wasn't he in the Emoji Movie? I don't know. This isn't my bit. I'm just asking. Oh, I mean, I guess he should be in any movie where they need someone to act out things that move around. He's very good at it. Yeah. Wait, who? I missed. Andy Serkis. Do you know Andy Serkis? I don't know that person. He's the cartoon man.
Starting point is 01:23:22 He's the cartoon man. So basically what he does is he will act and then from his acting they create like King Kong. Oh, I don't like that as a job. He doesn't like it. That shouldn't be a job.
Starting point is 01:23:34 I think that the people should just draw what they want to draw. You don't like it when they put like dots on Zoe Saldana and then all of a sudden there's Avatar?
Starting point is 01:23:42 I'm going to make a bold choice that I don't like that. So I think we have the answers to your question. And that's Las Cosaristas. You're welcome. Alright, so listen, Miles. Are we going to do a pre-selected topic or do you have an idea about the trouble?
Starting point is 01:23:57 I have notes. And I don't have any short-term memory. Okay, perfect. So I'm going to read them. There's a printer at my mother's-term memory. Okay, perfect. That's okay. So I'm going to read them. I like that. There's a printer at my mother's house. Oh, okay, brag. Where I live.
Starting point is 01:24:10 Brag. Brag, again, no rent. So I have a pre-select. Pre-selected. This is Miles Robbins' pre-selected I Don't Think So Honey. And his time will begin now. I Don't Think So Honey, carbon footprint shame. Yeah. I don't like global warming honey. Carbon footprint shame. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:24:25 I don't like global warming, but there's no way that I am accepting responsibility, okay? I am one little worm with a television. Best Buy has 100 televisions, and they're playing SportsCenter all day, every day, okay? I will not feel bad about flying to California to visit my dad while the NFL flies military jets over their stadiums just so their fans can come for the national anthem. Okay? Brushing my teeth in the shower. 30 seconds. To conserve water will not do much when there are golf courses in fucking Arizona.
Starting point is 01:25:01 Okay? Riding my bike to save gas doesn't do shit while NASCAR exists. I don't think so, honey. NASCAR. We do not need NASCAR. Only people in Florida like NASCAR and fuck Florida. While I'm here, I don't think so, honey. Florida. If you want to keep
Starting point is 01:25:17 fucking elections, you can at least get erect. You have flaccid shmegma haven of a state. Florida's best asset is that it is a place where Art Basel goes to score coke. I once tried Googling best artists in Florida and it auto-corrected to arsonists. Okay?
Starting point is 01:25:33 I guess the good news is that it will be underwater soon anyway. Thank you very much. I don't think so, honey. And that's my old Robbins. I don't think so, honey. Wow. Wow.
Starting point is 01:25:44 Very good. It's actually a rule of culture. A number 90. I once Googled best artists in Florida and it auto corrected to arsonists. I really enjoy that. All right. Everyone welcome Geraldine Viswanathan to the mic., Geraldine. Hi. How are you doing? I'm great. And how are you feeling about the troll bowl? And just like everything going on. And everything going on.
Starting point is 01:26:12 And the proposal, the Eminem proposal. Yeah. It could be you. It's a pre for me. It's a pre for you. Pre-selected. And here she goes. Here's Geraldine's I Don't Think So Honey.
Starting point is 01:26:24 Time will begin now. I Don't Think So Honey babies. I'm sorry if there are any babies in the audience tonight. But every time I hang out with a baby, we have nothing to talk about. And it's super awkward it's actually really bad like 99% of babies don't work 30 seconds
Starting point is 01:26:57 they don't have jobs and like the 1% are models and actors and like that's basic as fuck like get a real job, babies. And, like, don't talk to me unless your baby is mixed race. And I'm not saying that because, like, I'm mixed race. I was actually, like, never a baby. And I think that's why I can't relate.
Starting point is 01:27:21 Five seconds. The only baby that I am here for is gay icon uh baby prince george i am anti-baby but pro prince george i am a royalist yes queen thank you that's one minute thank you for swannathan she is a royalist wow i love that i love that i'm here for baby prince baby george and i also love that he's a gay icon here for baby Prince George too I'm here for baby George and I also love that he's a gay icon and I also think that
Starting point is 01:27:47 Geraldine kind of maybe offered some inspo for a new Lost Cult March which would be it's a pre for me It's a pre for me It's a pre for me Thank you for that merch
Starting point is 01:27:57 I will make money off of that Alright Everyone please welcome we're very excited to have Allie Colbert here tonight
Starting point is 01:28:04 What's up? Hi Hi Hi All right. Everyone, please welcome. We're very excited to have Allie Colbert here tonight. What's up? Hi. Hi. Hi. How are you feeling? It's exciting to have an Allie on the stage. Allie.
Starting point is 01:28:17 Because I love an Allie in film and I love Allie on the stage. Thank you. Thank you so much. And I love an Allie on stage in a film. I love that too. Yeah. And we are behind you. Stars born. Yes, exactly.
Starting point is 01:28:24 That's what we're getting at. I know. Can I say, similarly to how Bradley Cooper shot the film, we're behind you. And now we can see the perspective of the audience. And that's why we're both going to show our abs to the entire fucking room tonight. Perfect.
Starting point is 01:28:39 Okay, so listen. Are we doing a pre-selected topic or the trouble? We're gonna do pre. I love that. It's a pre-selected topic or the trouble? We're going to do pre. I love that. It's a pre for me. Yes. Allie Colbert, here you go. Your time begins now.
Starting point is 01:28:51 I don't think so, honey. People wanting to date people who have nice families. Like, I'm good with my family. I don't want to deal with another family. You know what I mean? Like, the best person to date is someone whose entire family has died in a car crash. Listen to me. Find yourself a sexy and capable orphan.
Starting point is 01:29:16 They are single. They are available. They are free. 30 seconds. Mother-in-laws. I don't think so, honey. I have a mother. I'm not looking for another one.
Starting point is 01:29:28 I don't want to spend the holidays with someone else's family. I don't want to talk to my boring ass uncle. Why would I want to talk to yours? You know what I mean? 10 seconds. Thanksgiving with your family when my mom is at home serving her stuffing and her mashed potatoes to the people who raised me? I don't think
Starting point is 01:29:46 so, honey. Five seconds. That's all I have, honey. And that's one minute! Allie Colbert! Wow. I agree. I agree, and I once met this really hot guy who was an orphan, and it was the hottest thing I ever heard in my life.
Starting point is 01:30:02 He was, like, wrestling around the foster care system as a youth, and now he's like succeeding, I think, and at least being really hot. Yeah, that's good. At least that. All right, everyone. I think about him all the time.
Starting point is 01:30:16 I think about him all the time. Please welcome a true icon, Christina Hutchinson to the mic. Hello. Hi. Hi. Hi. Oh, man. Oh, here we go. Oh, here we go.
Starting point is 01:30:28 Talk to me. I'm fucking pissed, man. Oh, she's mad. I think that means pre-selected. I got a pre-selected topic, and I'm really going to try to get in every word that I wrote down. Oh, I am, like, excited. Here we go.
Starting point is 01:30:42 Christina, your I Don't Think So Honey time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey tampon commercials. As someone who is actively bleeding right this very second, tampon commercials can suck my fucking clit. They're all like, what's a day like on your period? And then they cut to a shot of a girl in a white bikini doing the limbo at a pool
Starting point is 01:31:00 party with a smile on her face as if she's smoking a blunt, riding a Sibian on the deck of her fucking summer home. Fuck you, you honey what's it like when i'm on my period i'm gross i'm angry i'm bloated and the true irony of all this is i'm the horniest i will ever be all goddamn month i am hornier than a 15 year old straight boy sitting in between two pairs of titties at the playboy fucking mansion i'm not running through a park walking my shih tzu in a white pair of jeans. Every sneeze is a gamble. 15 seconds.
Starting point is 01:31:32 Every cough is a lightning bolt of fear that I'm going to go full on Carrie in my underwear while I'm standing in line at the grocery store. I'm sporting a baby bump full of angry air and I got a Ben and Jerry's in one hand and a Tachi Magic wand in the other hand and I want to punch everyone in the fucking face. One minute. And that's one minute. They're on their feet. They're on their feet.
Starting point is 01:31:53 They're on their feet. Christina Hutchinson. Wow, I haven't heard the term. Unbelievable. I haven't heard the term Sibian in a long time. I haven't heard the term Sibian in a long time, and I'm just grateful. We need to do more with Sibians. We need to do more with Sibian in a long time. I haven't heard the term Sibian in a long time, and I'm grateful. We need to do more with Sibians.
Starting point is 01:32:07 We need to do more with Sibians. Everyone, write that down. Get out your little notebooks that you all have. We need to do more with Sibians. Cool. All right, everyone. Melinda Taub is coming to the mic. Hey, hey, hey.
Starting point is 01:32:19 How you feeling? Real good. Yes. How are you? Are we doing a pre-selected topic or the show ball, which is here? I'm going to do pre-prepared. I love it. Cool.
Starting point is 01:32:32 Here we go. Pre-prepared topic from Melinda. And your time will begin now. I don't think so, honey. Airplane safety videos. First of all, how dare you suggest that if I'm in a fucking plane crash i don't get to die i don't want to i don't want to survive that shit are you kidding me best case scenario of surviving a plane crash is like slowly bleeding out while you get eaten by sharks or like ending up on a confusing island.
Starting point is 01:33:09 30 seconds. I don't think so, honey. And what? You're telling me that if the plane crashes, I have jobs? I don't think so, honey. My only job is to go to heaven. 15 seconds. And I don't think so, honey, on paying job is to go to heaven. 15 seconds. And I don't think so, honey,
Starting point is 01:33:28 on paying celebrities to be in your video. However much you fucking paid Gillian Anderson to be British for the day, you could have spent it on giving me a centimeter more of room, because my knees are in my armpits. I don't think so, honey. Yes, Melinda! That was... Melinda Taub, everybody!
Starting point is 01:33:44 Very on point. Very on point. I want to die if any one thing goes wrong on a plane. I'd rather be dead. My literal dream. To die in a plane crash. Is that okay to say? Alright, here we go!
Starting point is 01:33:58 Everyone, to close out Act 1, please welcome Courtney Saladay! Hey, Court! Hey, Court! Hey, Court! Hey! What's up? Oh, so much is up. Having a really good time. Yeah, we're having fun tonight. Alright, so listen. To continue the good times,
Starting point is 01:34:16 it's a troll bowl, or it's a pre-selected... It's gonna be a pre for me, John! Pre for me! Watch this, watch this! It's gonna be a pre for she! Oh! Sorry, I didn't realize. High five! Alright! It's going to be a pre for she. Sorry. High five. All right.
Starting point is 01:34:30 So your time, Courtney, will begin. Oh, my God. My phone just did something insane. Your time begins right now. I don't think so, honey. Cab driver asking me for directions? Yes! Are you serious?
Starting point is 01:34:49 First of all, I don't have a lot of of money this is like a huge luxury for me i was supposed to be relaxing it's like a spa and now you're giving me something to do i can't listen to music i can't listen to a podcast because i can't play the directions out loud i don't know if you can hear. I have to like repeat them out loud to you. Do I expect you to know every street in the city? Yeah. But if you don't, get one of those things that goes on your air with the GPS. Like people complain that Uber is killing your industry. It's like step it up. I don't think so, honey.
Starting point is 01:35:21 This is either passenger. It's so rude. 10 seconds. Okay, so also. Five. Emotional labor, women, it's not fair. That's what I mean. I don't think so.
Starting point is 01:35:40 Give it up for the favorites. We had Miles Robbins, Geraldine Viswanathan, Allie Colbert, Christina Hutchinson, Melinda Taub, and Courtney Saladay. Thank you. Okay. Wow. Can I ask you a question?
Starting point is 01:35:55 Are we having a good time? Cool. You could have said no. You could have said no, and the fact that you wooed, that means everything to us. Yes. It's that little shit. It's that little shit.
Starting point is 01:36:07 Like when someone fucking woos, that could change your whole fucking day. And let me tell you, y'all are going to go to the bar right now during our 10 to 12 minute intermission. Jessica's back there. You're going to tip-ha, and we're going to come back here, and we're going to do more I Don't Think So Honey. We'll see you guys. And do not leave and miss the marriage proposal that will happen on this stage tonight in our second half. We'll see you then on The Bachelor. Forever. Dog.
Starting point is 01:36:38 This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit forever dog podcasts dot com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest forever dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at forever dog team and liking our page on Facebook. Curious about queer sexuality, cruising and expanding your horizons? Hit play on the sex positive and deeply entertaining podcast Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. Join hosts Gabe Gonzalez and Chris Patterson Rosso as they explore queer sex, cruising,
Starting point is 01:37:22 relationships and culture in the new iHeart podcast, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. Sniffy's Cruising Confessions will broaden minds and help you pursue your true goals. You can listen to Sniffy's Cruising Confessions, sponsored by Gilead, now on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Thursday. I'm NK, and this is Basket Case. What is wrong with me? A show about the ways that mental illness is shaped by not just biology.
Starting point is 01:37:47 Swaps of different meds. But by culture and society. By looking closely at the conditions that cause mental distress, I find out why so many of us are struggling to feel sane, what we can do about it, and why we should care. Oh, look at you giving me therapy, girl. Listen to Basket Case every Tuesday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 01:38:09 Welcome to Gracias Come Again, a podcast by Honey German, where we get real and dive straight into todo lo actual y viral. We're talking musica, los premios, el chisme, and all things trending in my cultura. I'm bringing you all the latest happening in our entertainment world and some fun and impactful interviews with your favorite Latin artists, comedians, actors, and influencers. Each week
Starting point is 01:38:29 we get deep and raw life stories, combos on the issues that matter to us, and it's all packed with gems, fun, straight up comedia, and that's a song that only nuestra gente can sprinkle. Listen to Gracias Come Again on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 01:38:47 Hey, friends. I'm Jessica Capshaw. And this is Camilla Luddington. And we have a new podcast. Call it what it is. You may know us from Graceland Memorial, but did you know that we are actually besties in real life? And as all besties do, we navigate the highs and lows of life together. Big or small, we're there.
Starting point is 01:39:07 And now here we are, opening up the friendship circle to you. Listen to Call It What It Is on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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