Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - “It’s Morphin’ Time!” (w/ Dewayne Perkins)

Episode Date: April 3, 2019

On todays episode, Matt, Bowen, and Dewayne Perkins (The Break with Michelle Wolf) pinpoint each of their personal sounds. They also discuss Power Rangers, how Matt could be the hot David Yost, Bowen's tattoo, the white women behind the college scandal, and more! Listen, like, subscribe, etc!---MERCH! MERCH! GET YOUR LAS CULTURISTAS MERCH!https://www.teepublic.com/stores/las-culturistasLAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasSUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS TODAY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST. LAS CULTURISTAS IS PRODUCED BY EMMA FOLEY.http://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/las-culturistas/ Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This fall on Bravo. It's time to turn up. Think you've seen it all? I don't think you've been a good friend to me lately. We're friends like that, who needs enemies? You ain't seen nothing yet. Cheers to being Germanic. With the Real Housewives of Potomac.

Oh my gosh, can I take this in? It's gonna be amazing. New York City. Everyone is a gossip. No one gets a happier life. Salt Lake City. We don't wear costumes, we wear fashion. And below deck sailing out.

You broke the rules and now you're here getting upset. Watch all new seasons on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. Let's have a real good time. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times,

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five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom.

Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about

the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment.

You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Forever. Dog. Look, man. Where? Oh I see! Wow! Bowen look over there! Wow!

Is that culture? Yes! Oh my goodness! Wow! Las Culturistas! Ding dong! Las Culturistas calling! Now I feel like I'm dusting my goddamn wheels off, is that a saying?

But I'm dusting my wheels off. It might not be a saying but I do know what you mean when you say it. Okay, I want to hear you say what that means. So by dusting your wheels off, I think that you are freshly in Los Angeles, where we currently are. And I think that the wheels, metaphorically in this saying, have collected, I guess, dust from the traveling. No, okay. And now you're dusting them off so that your car looks nice as you drive it around in LA. God.

You fully misinterpreted what I was trying to say and I don't think we can be friends anymore. That's fine. Or this just means that... Well, it's fine that I misinterpreted it. It's not fine that we

can be friends. No, I'm just kidding. I meant that we haven't done this in a while. Oh, okay. So... We haven't recorded an episode in a long time because we backlocked

a buncha buncha. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like in our episode with Corinne and Christina, we talked about the masked singers, if it was like a new thing. And now it's like old news. Humiliating. Humiliating. I listened back and I cringed at what little I knew.

The little topicality. But the reason is, but here's the thing. Like since we last recorded together, many things have changed. A lot's changed. And now we're both busy bi-coastal whores. I have to say, everyone, can we say this on the pod? I guess. Okay.

I wasn't told I couldn't. You weren't told you couldn't. And no, this is the kind of thing that just gets scuttlebutted anyway, but everyone, Matt is in the writer's room as a writer for the other two for season two. It's so exciting. Can you believe? It's almost like I willed it into the atmosphere. Well, I

mean, truly, you are perfect for that show, sensibility-wise, comedically. Your work ethic is perfect for that show. That's nice, babe. Thank you. And just, you know, it's such a perfect first job for you. I love it. We're having a nice time. We're having a nice time. And can I say

what's changed about you? What? She's inked. She's inked. She's inked. She got a tattoo. She got a tattoo. I've been thinking about it for a long time. We're having a nice time. And can I say what's changed about you? What? She's inked. She's inked. She's inked. She got a tattoo. She got a tattoo. I've been thinking about it for a long time. I slept on it for a very long time. And the very first thing I did when I saw the tattoo was touch it, which actually is rule of culture number 18. You can't

touch the tattoo when it's fresh. Well, that's fine. You can touch it. I just have a layer of Neosporin. I have a layer of moisturizer. Right, right, right. I went to go touch it, and then you did a classic Bowen Yang squeal. You did,

ae! Yes. Which I feel is your, like if Nicole Byer is like, blah, blah! Uh-huh. You're like, ae!

Yeah. That is my primal, you know, true self. But anyway, big changes. Big changes. What does this mean,

this symbol? Okay, so it's basically a red square with dashed lines crosswise and diagonally. And this is the traditional mizuge, which is the sort of structure. It's like the grid that you have in calligraphy paper or just in workbook paper. And so I got a lot of fun Twitter responses today being like, wow, he's taken his childhood trauma, which is Chinese school.

And so these are on all the Chinese school workbooks, but then you put it there, but it represents structure and empty space. Is there anything to that? Is this your trauma? No, I just thought that was a funny A to C for them. But for me, this is just, because the cliche thing is to get a Chinese character.

Right. But I didn't get the character. I got the invisible structure around it. Right. But made that visible and made the character not visible.

But the tattoo artist, Raven Liu, they're amazing. Okay. They're a performance artist based out here and they're also a tattoo artist. So they do the grid

with like something inside and I couldn't decide on what to get inside but I was like, maybe someday you will tattoo something in there. Absolutely.

I say keep it open. Keep it open but then someday maybe I'll be compelled to put something in there and it'll be Raven to finish the story. Isn't that beautiful?

That is beautiful and I want to say I had an instinct to ask you what it means to you but then I thought to myself you know what? That's not for everyone.

That's only for you. For me it's just like a simple for the longest time I was hemming and hawing and being like I don't know I want a tattoo but I don't know what I would's not for everyone. That's only for you. For me, it's just like a simple, like for the longest time I was hemming and hawing and being like, I don't know, I want a tattoo, but I don't know what I would get. And then I saw this on Raven's Instagram. I was like, oh yeah, that.

And so that's that. It looks good on you, babe. Would you get a tat? I don't think so. Because I feel like I don't have any like compulsion to, I think I've told you this. My sister and I almost got matching tattoos in Universal Studios Florida. And then we went up and we were like they have tattoo artists they do

wow and then i was like i don't think we know what we want and that means we shouldn't get it and also i would feel insane if i got a tattoo in orlando florida and that's not saying there's no shade i just think if i get a tattoo i have have to know what I want, A, and it has to be in the city of New York. I can't be on my Orlando fever dream and get a tattoo because I'm not myself there. I'm a heightened version of myself.

Totally. Well, you know, we were walking around Portland, you and I, on tour, and I kept saying, I was like, we should get a tattoo. And you immediately shut that down. I was like, no, because we don't know what we want. And look, this means something to you, and I'm happy that you got it. But until we can figure out what we get that binds us. What were we going to get?

What was your idea? I don't remember. I don't remember either. We were high. We were high. All right, so here's the deal. Speaking of being high. And speaking of tattoos.

I would like to tattoo our guest's face. Oh, he's got a good face. Right? On my thigh. On my asshole. Because I feel very strongly about our guest. You know, the first time I saw our guest perform, I saw him do a character set,

which I've never seen him do since. But I did say to myself, I have to know everything. Impactful. Like, I saw him, I saw the six acts set you're talking about. You were intrigued. I was like, wow, that guy. And then I went up to him afterwards and I was like,

you are amazing. He basically starts with, from what I can recall, it's a DJ set from Glinda the Good Bitch. And he's just super like I'm gonna fucking hit you with some beats it's just like I'm gonna

I'm gonna blow your fucking socks off with my beats and then he basically just does like musical like beat driven musical theater

yes I think he did like Don't Rain On My Parade and he truly yeah I remember I remember the iconic dum dum dum dum dum playing and I was like

I love that it's just all the queerest canon shit and I'm like, this is brilliant. It was queer canon. It was queer canon. That character set at the Beast that night.

Truly, I was like, wow, I've never seen this happen. And now I see him do stand-up. And he's so good at it. See, he is a stand-up. The thing is, I would never, here's the thing.

Here's the thing. To be the bitch that turns out all different kinds of performance, you have to be a talented bitch. You have to be a talented bitch. And this is a talented bitch. And we've appeared on a couple of the same shows Here's the thing. To be the bitch that turns out all different kinds of performance, you have to be a talented bitch. You have to be a talented bitch. And this is a talented bitch. And we've appeared on a couple of the same shows out here in LA.

Always crushes. Always crushes. Always. Never seen him not crush. We saw him crushing at Clusterfest. I always watch him crush. Always watch him crush. Always.

But here's the thing. I've been wanting him on the show too. A true renaissance man in comedy as part of the fantastic, legendary improv and sketch group 3P based out of Chicago. A writer for The Break with Michelle Wolfe. And he famously appeared as Beyonce on The Break with Michelle Wolfe in, in fact, drag. In fact, drag while Michelle Wolfe was her Jay-Z, his Jay-Z, to his Beyonce.

That was the bit. Michelle was like, I can just be Jay-Z and just stand there and not do anything while Beyonce just fucking flails around and does all these gymnastics. Sure, yeah. It was gorgeous, iconic. That's queer canon.

Queer canon. Queer canon. The guest is queer canon. The guest is queer canon and he's working on, and Matt, do you want to do the honors? This is the thing that we cannot talk about. Oh, guess what?

He's doing something that we can't even talk about. But you're going to be fucking gooped and gagged. You'll hear about it later, but not from us. Not from us. From Deadline, baby. I really love our guest so, so much. Please, welcome to your ears, Dwayne Perkins!

Oh my god, hello! Hi, Dwayne. Hi. We just did a long intro because we haven't seen each other in a while, but we're happy you're in. We're so happy you're in. I'm so glad you guys remember that set. That's the last character set I've ever done.

Ever? It was so good. I was like, I'm done with this. And then I just started doing standup. That's privilege. That's privilege of being like, I'm too good at this. I'm not going to do it again. How dare you?

You know, that was like, we were all auditioning for JFL and I was positive you were going to go. And I remember they didn't pick me and I was like, oh, I'm not doing this again. Yeah. How dare you? I'm just going to do this go. And I remember they didn't pick me and I was like, oh, I'm not doing this again. Yeah. How dare you? I'll just go do this other art that I'm great at. Well, Dwayne and I were DMing early on. I love it.

Whatever. I wish you were all that strong. Well, Dwayne and I were DMing. Like, I saw his set and we were like. Hot. Okay. And so then we like strike up a little friendship. But we were both just like, wow, maybe we'll like hang out in Montreal.

Because at the time he was in Chicago. It was the biggest, it was an upside. It was an egregious moment that you guys didn't go. And I did. And that you did. That was a good group. Cause he had you and Heidi Gardner.

I fucking love Heidi Gardner. That's the first time I saw Cat Cohen. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Cat Cohen was up that night. Also didn't go. Also didn't go. JFL, I don't know about you guys.

Your mark's off. That was a good night. That ended up being a good group. Would you ever do a character set again, you think? Unless you needed to. I don't find a reason to. They're hard to put up and have everyone in the audience

be on board with. Yeah, I'd just rather write a pilot and try to sell it. I don't have time. I just don't have time to be doing characters. Well, unless you're going up for a sketch show, which there's only one, you know what I mean?

At a certain point, it's like you don't do that anymore. You don't really do a character set. You know what I mean? And also, it is weird to just put it do that anymore. You don't really do a character set. You know what I mean? And also, it is weird to just put it up in the middle of a stand-up set because,

stand-up show, rather, because no one's ready for it. Yeah. Yeah. Unless you do one long character. Yeah, I'd rather,

like, stand-up was, honestly, stand-up is just easier. Like, less props, less preparation. You literally go on stage and talk.

And I was like, oh, I can, I can do this. I can thrive here. This I know. Are you, but you two are,

I feel, well, Matt is someone who has taken his sketch or character ideas and like transmuted them very effectively into stand-up like act-outs or like stand-up jokes. Like is that something you do? No, because I think the characters that I would do were so far from me that it's hard to like put them into stand-up and i feel like i use stand-up strictly as like a power tool to be like i'm just gonna talk about what i want and you have to listen because i'm like yes yeah so mainly it's me just talking about how great i am i love it it's really fun it's like the opposite of self-deprecation i just love being like look

how great i am you always look like a fucking million dollars too i love someone who puts a look together for a show oh yeah you never know when it's your last one exactly you might be photographed last show yeah we might like die whoa okay and we're talking about death let's talk about death on the show it's a fear of mine wait losing your parents no dying dying dying um dying specifically before i achieve all the things that i want to achieve of course a parent is a fear of mine. Wait, losing your parents? No, dying. Dying. Dying specifically before I achieve all the things that I want to achieve. Of course. Do you actually think about death? Every day. You do? I do.

It's a problem. This is a thing. There was a period in my life, I'm going to say two or three years ago, where I thought about it legitimately every single day and I was like, what's wrong with me? I haven't for a while, but I think there's people that we're friends with

I don't want to speak for them, but they've revealed that they think about this every day and I'm like oh god, that's a bad zone to be in. What about death? I think I was smoking some bad weed. I think that's what it was. Each and every day I would get high and it was the kind of weed, or being the kind of high where you're like,

oh, I don't know how it's going to happen, but I am absolutely positive that a car is going to come in through the window and kill me right now. It was the weed, I think. Yeah. Also, I think just growing up in the hood, the possibility of death was like, for real?

It was just real. And I just haven't shook that yet. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Yeah. You've described to me in very elegant detail, like, brushes with, like, just, like, crazy fucking shit. Yeah.

Which is, yeah, like, that's a very apparent thing in my life, which is why a lot of other things are so easy. Like, which is why I'm like, oh, a character set, stand up. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm fucking talking on stage. I'm not dodging bullets. Everybody relax. Fuck. Fuck. Wow. But what is in between death and a character set?

Is there something in between? A rollercoaster. Oh my god, I love rollercoasters. Me too, bitch. Okay. Dwayne, are you a Disney queen? Yeah. I mean, not. Okay. Dwayne, are you a Disney queen? Yeah. I mean, not Disney particularly, but like any amusement park. I love a theme park. I love a roller coaster.

I love a funnel cake. Yes. Do you know what I just rediscovered? Or not rediscovered. I went to Disneyland recently for my birthday, and I love a fucking turkey leg. I love a big fucking hunk of meat in my hands. That's too much meat. That is so much meat.

That's the thing. Is the smell of it? You can get hooked, hun. And also the taste of the first... My joke is I am a tryptophan of a turkey leg. Until you get about halfway through and then you're just like fucking messy as fuck.

Your hands are a disaster. Your mouth is a disaster. You can't get enough napkins in the place. I always forget about all the tryptophan in the turkey. Oh, yeah. Wow. Tons of tryptophan in the stuff. What is a tryptophan? Tryptophan is a chemical in turkey that makes you want to fall asleep, which is why you get so tired on Thanksgiving.

Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, I should. Okay, I didn't know that. Oh, I should. Okay, I've been looking for a way to, I'm taking a plane tomorrow night. I'm terrified of planes, but I'm on a wee break. I usually smoke a bunch of weed to go to sleep on planes,

and now I'm trying to figure out a way to fall asleep, and I can't swallow pills, because that's a thing that I mentally cannot do. You can't swallow pills? No. Do you cut them in half? I try.

Can you grind them into a bottle of water or something? That's nasty. Yeah, that's weird. That tastes nasty. Wait, there's no workaround for this. I know, which is why I'm struggling, which is why I might just eat a bunch of turkey before I get on this plane. You can eat a bunch of turkey.

Wait, okay, a couple questions. First of all, where are you going? New York. Wait, for how long? Wait, what? I go there tomorrow and I leave on Tuesday. Oh, I'm going to miss you. I mean, whatever.

Okay, so you're just going to be there for a short time. Yeah, for a short period. I have things to take care of. Oh. Okay. He's got things to take care of that he can't talk about.

Second thing, why is there a weed break? Because I was smoking weed every day and I needed a tolerance break. Okay. Yeah, because it was taking me, taking too much weed for me to get high.

Yes. So I took a break just so when I smoke again, I can get high quicker. Right, of course. It's very selfish. Yes, I understand. Is this physiologically proven to, is this proven out where it's like, if you take a break, then your tolerance will recalibrate and level back out?

Yes. Two weeks. Two weeks? Yeah. So what day are you on right now? It will be, fuck, I don't know. You got to keep track. Monday is when I can smoke weed again

oh well like Sunday evening yeah Sunday evening oh don't even don't even like wait until the clock I love that you love weed and I love that if we're

on the same show I know you'll have weed after the show oh man is this from experience did we smoke after the Blair and Greta show I think we did

I smoked oh I smoked every show yeah yeah yeah smoked before a show weed is just very we um being gay and black is just real hard so i just have to be high not all the time but just like as often i can and still function right right because it's it blunts everything and it's

gorgeous and that's why we do it see it doesn it doesn't relax me. It makes me a little paranoid. So that's why getting on planes is a tough one for me because I, like you, do not like to fly. And if I'm up there and too high, it's like, oh my God, do you know how many feet are under me right now? 33 fucking thousand. Yes. I made a mistake and got too high like right before I got on. So the plan is you get really high before so that when you're on the plane it's the come down

so that you're just very tired. Oh. You don't like get high to get on the plane. Totally, totally, totally. No, you get high way before. Way before

while you're in security. Yes, yes. Take care of that. Let's figure out a solution for Dwayne for tomorrow. I think, I mean, my pitch is Dramamine

but it's not. Dramamine? Dramamine. It's a pill. You can't do it. It's motion sickness, but it's a tablet. Is it tiny? It's tiny.

You can grind it up. It's kind of like a, not a Tic Tac, it's like a sweet tart. Or it's like one of those Smarties. It's like you can. Oh, I see. I could do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you could do that.

No capsule. Yeah, I can't. I swallowed a pill the other day. I was shooting a commercial. Oh, brag. Yeah, I can't. I swallowed a pill the other day. I was shooting a commercial. Oh, brag. Yeah. And I had allergies and I don't have them often. And one of the actresses was like, hey, swallow this pill.

And I did. You did. It was very, very tiny. If any actress says swallow this pill, you do. It was a Benadryl. Well, that'll put you to sleep. Really? A hundred P's.

If you are ass deep in allergies I believe it takes care of the allergies but if you don't have allergies and you just take a Benadryl then it puts you to sleep oh for sure

I think that's the tea but so if you can take a Benadryl down the throat baby take a Benadryl but like it was like the 24 hour one because it's like very tiny like there's like two kinds

there's like the strong kind which you have to buy over the counter because like you can get fucked up and then it's like the weak small, which you have to buy over the counter because you can get fucked up. And it's like the weak small pill that I took. Weak small pill. Weak small pill.

The famous Alanis Morissette. Have you never been? Is it one of those things where it's like, okay, so you know how when you get older, all of a sudden things become fucked up and hard? Like when I was younger, I could crack an egg. Nowadays, can't crack a fucking egg to save my life. Like, I don't know. I was talking to Greta about this. This isn't real.

No, like, as you get older, like, little things that used to be easy, like, you used to fucking break an egg out of the carton, snap, there we go, eggs in the pan. Now it's like, I don't know how much force to crack the egg with. You're just too strong. You're just too strong. I think that's what it is. My muscle mass has become overwhelming. Super strong and macho.

Here's what you do. Exactly. Very butch. It's a light, like you just put it on the rim of something, tap, tap, light, light. See? And then,

and then you perforate just a little bit and then you tuck your thumb under and then you, like that. You are frail. You are small and frail. And when you go tap, tap, it's not the same as when I go tap, tap, it's not the same as me.

When I go tap, tap, it breaks all over the place. I have to be very careful with my big, big arms. I would say I did cook an egg two days ago and I tried to crack it and it just burst in my hand. Exactly. And I was like, I'm the fucking Hulk. You are the Hulk. But okay, so could you swallow pills as a small child or this has always been a nightmare? Oh, no.

Like medicine in general was just something that was hard for me. I had the flu sometime last year, and I couldn't take pills, so I tried to take cough medicine and just threw up in front of a Ralph's. It was very weird. In front of a Ralph's even? Yes. Families eating ices. I can't digest.

Medicine is just – there's a mental block, I think. I understand. Okay. Yeah. You know what? Well, don't get very sick. I'm going to get hypnotized. That's my plan.

Oh, I got to get hypnotized. I do. For what? You know. You got to get out of your own way. Well, no, it's not that. It's just. Oh, never mind.

It's this. I mean, I have to do that. But I mean, the cigarettes are creeping their way back in. Shut up. That's so stupid. What does that mean? They're fully back? No, they're not fully back. I'll be like, hey, can I bum something?

And I'll just smoke one a couple times a week. That is so dumb. There's this book apparently that's called How to Quit Smoking or something. Everybody's like like you read this read this book and you will quit but you only you can only quit you can only attempt one quitting attempt basically as the book won't work or else the book won't work if you if the book won't work if you read the book you quit and then you you fall off the wagon and start back up. Then you're fucked and you have no recourse at all.

It's like a magic book? So this book is like a spell book. It's a tome. I get it. It's a book from Hocus Pocus. Yes. It's that book. Oh my god, that big book with the eye. And she goes, boo! Yes, yes, yes.

Oh my god, famously, Bette Midler. Like, if you're I.E. and Nicole is, then Bette Midler goes, boo. Yes, yes, yes. Oh my God. Famously, Bette Midler. Like if you're IE and Nicole is ba-ba, then Bette Midler is boo. Dwayne, what's your sound? Go. Don't think about it. Nigga. That's literally the first thing that came to mind. And then I was like, ah, goddamn.

Sure, yeah. Yeah, I mean, South Side of Chicago really came out. That's the trademark. That's different. Sure, yeah. Yeah, I mean, South Side of Chicago really came out. That's the trademark. That's different from mine, which is... Wow. I love that. I think so much personality. And I.E. is a little...

Mine's very resonant. Right, right. But I was going to say that I should go see hypnotist, too. Yeah, honestly, I can't believe you started smoking sex again. Whatever. I don't like that at all. And I'm so vocal about how I don't like that at all. I'm so vocal about how I don't like that. You are very vocal

about it. I must say I've never smoked a cigarette. Really? There's no... You're not missing anything. Well, yeah, don't do it. I can't claim that I've never smoked one, but you can't regularly smoke them. I mean, come on, guys. It's actually rule of culture number 100. You can't regularly smoke cigarettes.

You can't. It's my journey, and it's fine. Speaking of journeys. Speaking of journeys, in fact. I think we get into this question with Dwayne. We ask this of all our guests. Dwayne, what is the culture that made you say culture is for me? This is the pop culture that was formative for you

that has created the Dwayne we are sitting with today. There's a couple. Yes, go. I love that. One major one was Power Rangers. Yes! It was a phenomenon that changed.

I have a Power Ranger. Oh, I have another tattoo that I didn't show you. I have a Power Ranger tattoo. You have a Power Ranger tattoo. That's like, it's on, it's in very beautiful calligraphy that says, it's morphin' time on my shoulder blade. Oh, I love that.

Yeah, Zack, the Black Ranger, just really gave me everything. Absolutely. He was hip hop keto. He wore hammer pants. Yeah. Was he in the movie? No, he was not. Zack was not in the movie.

He was gone by then. It was Adam. It was Adam. But the Blue Ranger was black in the movie, right? No, the Blue Ranger was the one with the glasses in the movie. He was black in the new movie. In the new movie. He was black and autistic.

Okay, did we like the new movie? I actually did. I actually did love it. I loved it. Yeah, me too. It doesn't have the nostalgic feel of the first one. No. With Cunty Ivan Ooze.

Yes. Ivan Ooze is a full cunt. Yeah, we need Cunty Ivan Ooze. But I did appreciate about the new one, Elizabeth Banks as Rita Repulsa. I thought that was inspiring. I also loved a Becky cunt. Yeah, we need cunty Ivan Ooze. And also, but I did appreciate about the new one, Elizabeth Banks as Rita Repulsa. I thought that was inspiring. I also loved a Becky G moment. I live for a queer Becky G moment.

She's great. Becky G was great. And then, but Rita Repulsa, just saying Krispy Kreme, Krispy Kreme all over again. Bryan Cranston. Yes.

Yes, yes, yes. And also fucking hot ass Dacre Montgomery as the Red Ranger. I was about to say, that is not a real name. It's a made up name. I was shocked as well. Is he Australian or some kind of not regular white? He's not regular white.

He's Aussie white. Got it. Which means worse. He's a Hemsworth? He's a kind of not regular white. He's not regular white. He's Aussie white. Got it. Which means worse. He's Hemsworth. He's a beach white. He's a surfer white. He's one of those Australians that's... Except I will say this.

Australians, they can turn out a good American accent. Sometimes I'm like, what the fuck when I find out they're Australian? Like the kid from Riverdale. He's Kiwi. I don't know where that is. New Zealand. New Zealand. The main guy? Yes. The redhead? Yes. That's not a real redhead? Oh,. He's Kiwi. I don't know where that is. New Zealand. New Zealand. The main guy?

Yes. The redhead? Yes. That's not a real redhead? Oh, he's a Kiwi? He's Kiwi, like straight up. Geraldine. Geraldine.

Geraldine. Does such a good American accent. Rising star. She does very good. Geraldine. Is that like an old black lady? Who is the Geraldine? You're right.

You're right. Who is Geraldine? She's a wonderful young Australian Indian actress. She was in Blockers. She was John Cena's daughter in Blockers. She's Australian. She's a friend of the fam.

She cloaks it so fucking well. We have to get her on the show. 100%. She's a friend of the fam and a very, very, very good person. But here's the thing. I think I would... I can, I think I would, I can't tell if I would do a horrible British slash Australian accent if I were called for it.

I mean, that's a tough thing to do. It's hard. It's hard. But anyway. Would you, okay, do you think you would, do you think you would do, I think you might do a good British. I was in a, the last play I did,

I had to play British. And it was, at the time it was good. I don't remember it now. Because people get into like, when people start getting into regionality shit, I'm like, oh, well now it's like, now I'm in my head. And now I'm like, I can't tell if I'm doing, if I'm doing Leeds or Cockney or whatever the fuck, you know? Yeah.

I can never tell what kind of British accent I'm going to start doing before I do it. But then you commit to it once you do it. Yeah. Like, I think sometimes you often slip into like whatever adele does and you know she's very much like lower class right okay let me see what comes out okay go i each like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah it's very easy to slip into this and then there's also the south shields accent the people that talk like this like the beatles almost but also the cheryl cove from x-factor has this accent and i was watching a lot of british television and she often talked like this mine is okay let me see

i think that what i have is sort of a Windsor royalty accent. Oh, yes. Extremely Buckingham. You sound like the bomber from Richie Rich. Yes. Like Waterface from The Crown. Claire Foy. Miss Claire Foy.

The way she speaks is quite, you know, pomp and circumstance. Oh, there's a word. There's a word. The Queen's British. No. It's the Queen's British. That is more than one word. The Queen's British. Oh, there's a word. There's a word. The Queen's British. The Queen's... It's the Queen's British. That is more than one word. The Queen's British.

Oh my God. There's like one word. Oh, this is the word that calibrates it for me. Quiet. Quiet. Quiet. And then if you say...

Quiet. Quiet. Quiet. In my head, that sounds like Borat. Quiet. Quiet. My life.

My quiet. So, okay. This is... I'm really glad we're exploring this. But Power Rangers. But we have to talk about Power Rangers more because there's no way we can just skip over it because it's too much. It's like when we just talked about the Spice Girls with Corinne and Christina, I was like, I can't believe we haven't talked about the Spice Girls yet. I feel this way about Power Rangers. So you were a fan from an early age. Yes.

How old are you? 28. Yeah, we're all the same age. Okay, so we had the OG Power Rangers. Yeah, but I like stayed on for a while. I see.

I see. I stayed on, you know where I fell off was Power Rangers Wild Force. Yeah. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yes, that Red Ranger did commit murder.

Did murder somebody. Holy fuck! With a sword! And, can I tell you, hottest Power Ranger to ever be. Absolutely! What? The Red Ranger from Wild Force, and that first episode of Wild Force was very well done. That hair, I don't know. What was the deal with the hair?

It was like long. He was like a jungle boy. Yeah. He was like a white Mowgli. Yeah, we don't need that. he was like a white mogli yeah we don't need that he was basically a white mogli I don't think so honey that oh we have to talk about hot associate producer Alec

HAPA H-A-P-A is with us that's crazy they hire only hot ones they hire only hot ones of all genders but HAPA is a fellow Denverite we talked about

he went to GW I went to Smokey Hill he's got a good banana shirt on. Me, Happa, and Dwayne all were in IB. We all had a long conversation about what our HLs were. And, you know, it was a beautiful esoteric moment. And I don't speak this language because I was an AP child on the East Coast. And you were just true, true rabble.

But anyway, we can't leave the Power Rangers conversation yet again. But I will say this. The first great love story of my time was Kimberly and Tommy. Kimberly and Tommy. The pink ranger and the, I guess, green ranger turned into white ranger. Yes, and then turned into black. He was moving throughout the colors. All the colors.

Wow. But Kimberly stayed pink. Kimberly stayed pink. She was like the first, yeah, she was like a true 90s icon. Amy the colors. Yes. Wow. But Kimberly stayed pink. Kimberly stayed pink. She was like the first, yeah, she was like a true 90s icon. Amy Jo Johnson. Yes.

Amy Jo Johnson. And I feel like every single town had some urban legend where they were like, our drama teacher knows Amy Jo Johnson. We had that at our school. What a stunt. It's such a dumb stunt.

She was a star. There was something about her. She was definitely the one that stood out. She was like, she popped. But maybe it was just stunt she was a star there was something about her she was definitely the one that stood out she popped but maybe it was just because she was like the girl because they weren't sexualizing the women of color

she had attitude she was also in a Disney original movie called Suzy Q fantastic in that as well that movie is fucking sad I don't know why they made that into a movie do you know about Suzy Q? I vaguely know about Su they made that into a movie. Do you know about Suzy Q? I vaguely know about Suzy Q.

Okay, so just for the listeners who don't know about Suzy Q, we should just go through Suzy Q. So Suzy Q begins in the year 1955. Yes. And Suzy Q is a high school girl who gets asked out to the dance or maybe the prom or something.

Yeah, prom, homecoming, one of those dances. Right. She's wearing a gorgeous pink dress and her date comes and picks her up in the car. Her parents see her off and they get into a car accident on the way to the dance. On a bridge.

On a bridge. And the bridge like falls into the lake or whatever. And is she a ghost? Yeah, she like dies and then like it's in the modern time and she's the ghost has to like help this other high school boy

like do something. Yeah. And he like kind of falls in love with the ghost. It's a whole. They definitely fall in love. It's like Casper. There's an unfinished business narrative. Yeah, with the ghost. It's a whole. They definitely fall in love. It's like Casper. There's an unfinished business narrative. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's very odd. But Amy Jo Johnson plays Susie Q. And also I remember about Susie Q that she was like bleeding from the head when she died. And I was like, this is like fully a Disney Channel movie. I don't know about this. It was very dark. It was dark. It dealt with death.

Wow. Like we discussed earlier. Like we discussed earlier. Full circle. Kimberly popped. But I feel like Trini Tran, Trini Kwan played by Thuy Trang who tragically died. Who did die. He died in an accident. This is crazy.

Death is following us in this episode. I know. Oh my god. Wait. That was so fucking sad. That was really sad. I don't remember when that, did that happen like late aughts? Like after, like by the time we had like grown out of town she wasn't in the movie because in the

in the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie Aisha was the yellow ranger yes right and I fucking lived for Aisha we lived for Aisha yeah I loved her

she was replaced by her African cousin Tanya oh my god is that true it was in the series Aisha went to Africa and switched with her

cousin Tanya wait Aisha goes to Africa yeah switched with her cousin Tanya. Wait, Aisha goes to Africa? Yeah, so in season three of Black Panther, there's a spell where they all become little kids. And so then little kid Aisha

goes to Africa and she's like, I'm just gonna stay here. It's the motherland. Tanya switched with her and she came back and was like, I guess I'll be the Yellow Ranger. Which you know just means they were done with the actress. Absolutely. They were like, we need a new black woman. They were like, we can't deal with whatever you're serving right now.

Strange fact, that actress was also in the movie Rent. She was one of the singers that was singing about having AIDS. Wow. The Will I Lose My Dignity circle? Yes, these are things I just remember Power Rangers as actors. In the movie, not another teen movie, the actress who has her titties out was the Yellow Rangers in Power Rangers Lost Galaxy.

Holy shit. Dwayne, we have a true scholar with us. Yeah, you are a Power Rangers kind of bitch. I'm really deep in. Okay, can you do this? Can you go in order of the franchises? I can try. Go to the highest

you can go. Okay, let me. First is Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Yes. And then within Mighty Morphin there's Mighty Morphin

Alien Rangers because Alien Rangers come in. Right. And then there's within the first three seasons is Mighty Morphin

but then they get their Ninjetti powers which is what the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie is based on. Yes. Oh, wow.

I loved that story in the movie, by the way. Yes, fantastic. I loved that story in the movie, by the way. Yes, fantastic. I loved that. Because Dulcia, the little lady with the little whippy thing. Dulcia. Dulcia. Fantastic.

Oh, my God. Because Dulcia was a gay icon. She was. She really was. Dulcia was everything and more, yes. And then after that, they get the Zeo Crystal. So it's Ranger Zeo. That's when Tommy becomes the Red Ranger and the leader.

And then after that was Power Rangers Turbo, which is what the second Power Rangers movie was based off of. But then at this point, we've swapped. It's different people. Yes. This is now where they had Justin, who was like the little boy who grew when he morphed. That was in Turbo.

Yeah, that's when it slightly jumped the shark. I don't like that point. Your post-Zio, you're saying Turbo is when it jumped the shark. No, I don't like that. Then there's like a thousand more seasons.

No, no kids. They all have to be teens. Kids are not canon for me. Yeah, he was a literal child. And then he morphed, he grew two feet. It was strange. Wow, yeah.

Then after that, it was Turbo and then Space. Space. Spir Rangers and Space. Love when they just go to space. That's when the lead, Andros, and his sister, Andronoma, she was the evil person. They turned out to be twins. It was like a soap opera.

And then after that is Power Rangers Lost Galaxy. That's the one with the lady from Not Another Teen Movies who Titty's seen. And after that is Power Rangers... Lightspeed rescue I speed rescue but they were just like a firefighting team they had a great lightspeed rescue a great theme song yes it was belt skrelting to the gods I truly listen to that theme song probably once a month.

It is fantastic. This is unbelievable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's when like the Power Rangers were public and people like knew that they were right.

Oh, they knew their identities. Yeah, because they were just like public servants. That makes it a lot less fun. Because they were just firefighters. Yeah. And then after Lightspeed

was Time Force? Yes, Time Force. Time Force was great. That's when they were fucking with time. You know what? You can do so much with that. If you have the ability to and you have the access to, then go ahead and fuck with time.

I trust the Power Rangers 100%. Y'all said it right. It was great. There was a guy with green hair who had like a robot bird. And then what was after that? Wild Force? I think it was Wild Force with this guy that Bowen thinks is hot who turned out

to be a murderer. Who was a full murderer which is a narrative for you that I love. He is so hot it's crazy. I think I masturbated to him as like a 14 year old I think I probably masturbated to Tommy and Jason and Billy and Zach and all the original ones without knowing what I was doing.

I was like humping the table. You know what I thought was really hot? TJ. He was the one that was. TJ. He was like, he was in Power Rangers Turbo in space. He's like black, bald, had like a really nice mole next to his eye. Oh, okay.

Very handsome. TJ. Yes, very handsome. David Yost is. Billy. Billy. He is at all the drag cons. He has his own booth.

Is he gay? He's gay. I love that. And he just brings the blue helmet and he just has it there and he'll take your picture. He's very nice. It's known that he was experiencing

a lot of homophobia on the set. Really? Isn't that something? I think you make that a fucking movie. Yeah. I would love to star in that. You would be a great Billy. I know. Slap some glasses on me. I think you make that a fucking movie. Yeah. I would love to star in that. You would be a great Billy. I know.

A great David Yost. I'm sorry. I'm going to say this. I would be a great, hotter David Yost. Stop it. David. No, I am. Did I say David Yost?

Facts are facts. Let me have that. David Yost. The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple. Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her?

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Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations. I was a desperate, delusional dreamer,

and the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate, delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault, but mine, I had such a victim mentality.

I took zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything but me. It took years for me to break that, like years of work. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean.

He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian.

Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation.

Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks?

We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude, you're a dude, and Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past, and we're just going to sit here and talk about them. And we'll get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, Gronk?

We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes dudes. We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games. We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak?

Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Let me have that I'm a hot David Yost. Dwayne, is there someone in Power Rangers? Okay, you tell us what franchise you would want to be in and what color

and what power. Whatever. Go. I still think the Ninjeti season was my favorite one because they had pre- outfits before they morphed. And I love a pre-outfit. They were like, we're going to have these ninja outfits. And then when things get too rough, then we'll morph. Then we'll morph. And I love a pre-outfit. They were like, we're going to have these like ninja outfits. And then when things get too rough,

then we'll morph. Then we'll morph. And I would like to be the white Ranger. Like there was like something like a regal about it. He was like angel. Yes. Cause they gave him like a gold embellishment on his, on his shoulders.

Yes. Right. Yes. Yes. Like, I remember the white Ranger got like a little bit more like that was like clearly the leader. He had his own sword.

Yes. His, he had a talking sword that would like talk a leader he had his own sword yes his um he had a talking sword that would like talk a hundred percent he had like a tiger like his own zord it was fantastic okay did you play with the power rangers toys constantly okay so whenever I would get new power rangers toys it was a fucking

moment like I remember like the ones where you would get all the action figures and they came with their own little what would you call them like zords what are they called yeah so then you put them all the action figures and they came with their own little, what would you call them? Like zords? What are they called? Yeah. Zords.

So then you put them all together and they made the big one. The Megazord. Okay. That was my full shit. Yeah. Yes. All of the action figures, like they had a button where it flips so their heads. And to their torso.

Yes. Fantastic. See, I love the one. My favorite toy I think I ever had was the Power Rangers like all the Zords would come together and it was

the pink one was the crane the yellow one was the bear and this just went with the movie and I forget I remember the green the black one was the frog and I forget

what the rest of them were but the white one was the ape and then the white one was the falcon yes there you go I truly loved that the black one was an ape and then the white one was a falcon. Yes. There you go. I truly loved that the black one was a frog and that whatever his name

was. Adam. Adam hated it. Yes and Dulcia was like Adam why are you mad and he was like because I'm a frog and she was like yeah to kiss and turn into a prince. Yes. Oh my god. Wait. I literally just watched this movie maybe last week. Wait. Dulcia. Wait. Oh my god. Dulcia was the queen this movie maybe last week. Wait. Dulcia. Wait. Oh, my God.

Dulcia was the queen. Queen. The title of the episode is Queen Dulcia. I think to be more accessible, I love that. Okay. But maybe we should do It's Morphin' Time. It's Morphin' Time. Because it is.

It is Morphin' Time. It is. It's truly Morphin' Time. Yeah. Wow. That's a phrase that I really take with me, which just means, like, it's time to, like, be a bad bitch. Yes.

Just, like, turn on the charm. Turn it on. Yes. Honestly, every time I go into a general, it's Morphin' it's time to like, be a bad bitch. Yes. Turn on the charm. Turn it on. Yes, honestly, every time I go into a general, it's morphin' time. Same. It's morphin' time.

Unbelievable. Whoa. Every time I fucking, every time I pull my dick out to jerk off, it's morphin' time. Honestly, things change.

They do, they grow. Okay, question. You have a second thing that you were saying. Was that cultural? Oh,

yeah. This is more like, sentimental. I love. It's the second thing that you were saying. Was that cultural? Oh, yeah. This is more like sentimental. I love. It's the curse of Monte Cristo. Oh. So this is like a very important moment in my life. So I had a very bad stutter for a large part of my life.

Oh. I had speech therapy for 15 years. And I think it was like fourth or fifth grade. My teachers would hate to call on me because I was very smart. And I'd be like, I know the answer, but it would be so hard to get out. To get out, yeah. And I remember I volunteered to read an excerpt from the play, The Curse of Monte Corso. And it's the first time where I read something and didn't stutter. And I realized that when I'm reading or acting, I did not stutter.

Wow. And that was the beginning of me finding that out. And that's how I got into like performing. So I was like, oh, when I'm not saying my own words, it's easier to talk because I don't have to think about the words because they're given to me. Uh-huh. And it was just like a very like, oh, aha moment. Okay.

That's amazing. That's incredible. So did you think that your stutter was a social thing or an anxiety thing? So stuttering as like a science is not really – people don't know why someone stutters or why they stop. But you have – so like with my speech therapy, I had to have normal therapy just to be like we have to figure out what is triggering the stutter. And it turns out mine was anxiety-based. So when I was like talking to people, I would get – I hated talking to people because I was like, oh, I'm going to stutter. I don't like this. And that would make me stutter more.

So when I didn't have to think of my own words, that anxiety wasn't there because I was like, oh, I don't have to think about what I'm going to say. I can just say it. It's there. Yes. And then now that I'm older because I don't give a fuck about what I say, I don't stutter because I don't care what comes out of my mouth. Does the stutter ever come back? It does, normally in situations where I'm very anxious.

For me personally, it was based on certain sounds. Saying a D was hard, which is very difficult because my name starts with a D. So sometimes when I'm introducing myself, I stutter. Where I'm like, hi, I am woo, Dwayne. I have to like read like okay

it's a whole thing I mean there is something truly like thank you so much no one here is religious no one here is religious I honestly well I don't know I feel like I experience oh this is

something this is my equivalent to you cracking an egg and not knowing how to do it as you grow up great share I feel like now that I'm like I experienced, oh, this is something. This is my equivalent to you cracking an egg and not knowing how to do it as you grow up. Great, share. I feel like now that I'm older, I have a harder time putting things into words. And then I have these silences, and then people will just like zone the fuck out while I'm talking and not pay attention to me.

And then I get even more anxious, and then I'm like, oh, well, now there's no, I need to course correct correct and what do I do and like it's truly a weird thing that I am maybe just starting to notice now that I've done all my life but it is this weird like new found social anxiety that I have

that's interesting something I used to do growing up and now I eliminated but they almost sent me to therapy about it too they being my parents I would say something and then I would say something like I would say, I would say a sentence and then I would say a sentence like I would repeat it after in a really quiet voice.

So you'd be like, I think it was because I wanted to check with myself that what I had said was like good or cool. So I think it was because I just want to check on myself. Oh, but my mom was always like, stop doing that. And I was like, I on myself. Wow. That's cute. But my mom was always like, stop doing that. And I was like, I'm not doing anything.

Dude, do it. What was really fucked up is that when I was a kid, because the stutter was anxiety-based, I couldn't lie. So when I would lie, I would automatically stutter. So whenever I would lie, my parents would be like, you're not telling the truth. So I just couldn't lie as a kid it fucking sucked

honestly yeah that sucks what I was going to say also is that fucking growing up with any sort of speech impediment I think like it's so I don't know it's just tough it's hard enough just in school but just the kids

are so fucking relentless and cruel about that shit oh yeah oh they are terrible which is why this is something

that I say in stand up so it's fine which is like I tried to kill a kid when I was young this is getting dark go go go I was getting bullied

pretty heavily because I was like a very young small gay child who had a speech I was like the poster child for bullying and I was getting a very young, small, gay child who had a speech impediment. Like I was like the poster child for bullying. Yeah.

And I was getting like physically like beat up. And one day I brought like garden shears to school. It's like, I was going to stab this kid. But I didn't. Yeah. Because I got tackled by the gym teacher. So it's fine. And my school was just like, yo, you got to relax.

And I was like, you're right. That's fine. I bet you wouldn't have done it had the moment come. I don't know. But we don't know. We'll never know. I don't know. You were penting up some shit.

It was pent. I mean, technically, my school made me special education. Yeah. And my parents, I only was out of it because my mother worked at the school. And she was like, hey, that's not correct like he's very smart like he has the ability to not be in special education so then i wasn't and i but i had to like constantly prove which is why i was like ib because i was like well the only way i can prove i'm not like mentally handicapped is by constantly showing how smart i can be right right, right, right, right, right.

And then that made me into an egomaniac. By eighth grade, I literally wrote my eighth grade teacher a note being like, these are the ways you could be a better teacher because I'm very smart. I know everything. She dragged me. Yeah. That's beautiful.

Ego in kids is no joke. I remember there was this thing called Excel, the Excel program at my school. It was kind of like for the quote-unquote like um gifted and talented kids like and I remember I took the test and I did not get in which made no sense to me I was like I am so much more intelligent than these clowns you have in the Excel program this there has to be some mistake. And I remember like, they wouldn't let me take it again. And so it was,

I had such a chip on my shoulder forever that I wasn't in this program. And it was just like, the kids that were in it were absolutely insufferable. And I feel like this is a criticism I have with like the school system at large. It's like, you so consciously separate these kids

at such an early age based on these this stupid bullshit that doesn't do anything for them yeah and then like like in high school of course there's like honors classes ap ib whatever accelerated because that's where they're all at but these fucking kids like when when all the kids are seven and eight years old put them all in the same fucking class yeah when you were in elementary school, were your classes, like the different classes, ranked? No.

No. Not elementary school. Like at my school, like from, I went to a private school until second grade. Then I got transferred to like this public school

where literally on the first day I got beat up. But like from second to eighth grade, each class was like ranked. Like this is like the highest with the smartest kids. second highest, lowest. What they did was they would put, if there was 25 kids in a class, there would be eight kids that were more advanced,

eight kids that were in the middle, and eight kids that were less advanced. But it was by classroom. So they put all the smartest kids in one class. That did not happen. Then the next, you were ranked by how how smart you were within the grade they wouldn't like rank the grades against each other no like within the grade the students the classes would be right yeah so like within like second grade it was like oh this teacher teaches the smart kids this teacher teaches the second smartest kids and that's the dumb class that's insane we had we had

we had one special ed class i remember that and then all the other classes I believe the way they did it was they there was like a range of children I guess like in terms of in terms of aptitude but then of course

when you get to middle school and high school they separate you into like honors classes whatever but okay because like when I first transferred to that school

I was put in the lowest because they were like oh you have a speech department and then I kept like moving different classes because they were like oh you're too were like, oh, you're too smart for this class. Oh, you're too smart for this class. Then I eventually rose to the top.

That's so crazy. That'll do you. I mean that's going to like internalize some like motivational force for you for the rest of your life. Yeah. You wonder what the best way to do that is because like kids are not dumb. Like you know what I mean? Like when they see as early as second grade that they're being separated, like I wonder what that does to how much effort some kid puts in. Absolutely. Well, I'm blocking this out because like when I first moved to the US, it was this like really crazy.

I'm not going to say traumatic. It was just like I had to like learn English all of a sudden and like just like just like catch the fuck up and like whatever but I think they did do a thing where fourth and fifth grade

they like ranked the students and it was like a cast list bullshit nonsense thing where they just like posted it on the goddamn wall we had that in high school

and then we had the gold star show well yeah yeah I mean but I think yeah as early as elementary school. That's too much. It is. Also, this is how you know this is all bullshit,

y'all. I mean, back in the day, at least, early aughts, I walked, I was not gifted and talented myself in the fourth grade. That shocks me. But I, but here's what happened. I literally, my friend Danny Wetmore was in the gifted and talented class, and I wanted to go hang out with him after

recess so I walked into the gifted and talented room where all they did was play fucking like math blasters or some shit and I walked that's all they did they did not learn no they went on field trips that we couldn't go on they went on field trips and they played computer games all day that is what they do it's like a fucking it's like fucking like green room

lounge with computers like that's all it was but I walk in there and then the teacher, miss, miss Swift or something. She was just like kooky lady. She was like, Oh, you're,

Oh, hello. What are you? You're, you're a new student in the class. We'll come join. And like, I was put in gifted and talented because I walked into that room and the teacher was

like, yes, I assume maybe who knows if it was ethnic or racial, but she was like, it's crazy. They had the dumb teacher that allowed that to happen. Ms. Swift, more like Ms. Dumb. Yeah, there you go.

And that's why I should be in Gifted and Talented, that joke. But like, it's all a fucking, it is a joke, it's dumb. I just feel like, but then on the same token, it's like, I don't know, if you have a class that's like where everyone's spread out

like do you want to like slow down the learning for the kids that need it quicker but also it doesn't fucking matter I think what you do psychologically to a child at a young age if you tell them you're dumber than the other kids like that's fucked up not everyone's mentally strong enough to handle that yeah

it definitely had an effect for sure yeah and so that's why I will put my child into the Montessori school. No, I don't know. I won't have kids for that reason. I don't think we're going to have kids. I'm not having a child. Oh, no.

Why? For what reason? For what? So that they can boil to death. Truly. Also, not for nothing, but all this talk of school is making me think of the Felicity Hoffman, Lori Loughlin controversy. Oh, here we go.

Which is the college scams. Oh, man. Which is literally, it's so funny to me. We're recording this the week of, by the way. Yes. This is Thursday. This just happened on Tuesday. So we don't know when this episode is coming out, but it could be soon, could be in a little

while, but we are recording this days after it's reported that as many as 50 people have been arrested, CEOs, a couple actresses, college coaches, people in education, et cetera, who were part of a bribery scheme to get children into college

despite them not deserving it. And they made their children appear like they were better candidates for ivy league schools and although also schools like usc um than they were so this is so crazy to me because you couldn't pick two more random actresses than felicity hoffman it is so fucking random it's so fun also we've been saying in the room like chris kelly was like wow la, Lori Loughlin can't get top billing.

And I was like, yeah, and Felicity Huffman will never be a star by herself. Always got to be in a group with another, like, actress. Like, it's just so funny to me. And then also, what's also hilarious

is the courtroom drawings of them. Oh, they look so rough. And did you see Evan Ross' cats, like, made them into tote bags? No. I did see that. I need that tote.

I would love a tote with a distressed white woman on it. Yes. Yeah. That's fun. A distressed white woman on the stand. For being able to pay $500,000. So it looks like her daughter rode crew. Honestly, I don't know.

There's nothing whiter than that. That is insane to me. $500,000 for your kid to, you already have, just let your kid just enjoy your wealth. That is stupid.

Also, Ziwe tweeted something funny. She goes, it's okay to admit that your kid is dumb. Also, the mediocrity

that you must possess to need to have $500,000 paid on your behalf to get into like USC when you live in California and your parents are who they are. Not for nothing. I'm very curious to know if there was like a negotiation situation. Like she was like $100,000 and they were like, no, she's dumb. And she was like $200,000, but she's fucking stupid. $300,000. Yeah, I know. God. she's dumb. And she was like, $200,000. But she's fucking stupid. $300,000.

Yeah, I know. God. Wait, I need to watch the vlogs of the daughter. Well, did you know that Lori Loughlin's daughter had a press conference? What? Where she was like, I didn't even want to go to college. She's being such a bitch. Her mom is going to go to prison.

And she's like, well, guess what, guys? I didn't even want to go to fucking college. And they made me so. Have they found Lori yet? Yeah. They found her. Yeah, no, they both turned themselves? I didn't even want to go to fucking college, and they made me, so. Have they found Lori yet? Yeah. They found her. Yeah, no, they both turned themselves in. Yeah, she was at LAX.

But for a while, wasn't Lori trying to escape? Mm-hmm. She was trying to find safe passage. She was trying to find safe passage. It was a whole thing. Isn't that incredible? And her daughter was on a yacht with USC people, and she had to leave the USC yacht. This is beautiful.

It's perfect, just un so, it's perfect, just unadulterated schadenfreude. Like you just, you love that these people are suffering because they deserve it so bad. It is my favorite thing. It's so beautiful. I mean,

I'm sure the kids are like fucking nightmares, but it also does make me feel bad for them a little bit. No! A little bit because, a little bit just because as a young person, you have your whole life to get better.

Their parents are fucking miserable and selfish and whatever. But like I do feel bad that at no point now can they turn it around. Like it's like. Yes, sure they can. I don't know. I don't think this is going to affect them in any way. They're already there. I have zero sympathy.

You think they won't get kicked out of school? I think even if they fucking do, they'll be fine. If you can pay $500,000 to get your child into college, if they don't, it does not matter. They're also fully Instagram stars. I forget sometimes that no publicity is bad publicity. I really forget that. No publicity

is bad publicity. These people, they're gonna probably get fucking book deals and shit. She's about to come up with a makeup line or some shit. You're right. They're the next Kardashians. They're fine. The get fucking book deals and shit. She's about to come up with a makeup line or some shit. You're right. They're the next Kardashians. The Laughlins. The Laughlins.

Ugh. The whitest fucking last name. The funniest thing I saw about it. I'm sorry if that's your last name, but it's white. The funniest thing I saw about it was someone tweeted, never watched Full House, just thought Ed Becky was a hilarious thing we were calling this white lady. Which is perfect.

It is. It is. Everything about this white lady. Which is perfect. It is. Everything about this is perfection. And Lynette. Lynette Scavo. It's so funny that she went to prison for dodgy mom shit. Because. I just always will picture Lynette,

like fucking being addicted to her kid's ADD medication, the heels in the pool, being so tired. I'm like, yeah. I kind of loved Lynette as the character, though. I know, she's so stressed out. I did not like Lynette because she was such a killjoy. And if I was, she had the hottest husband, too. Tom! Tom Scobble was...

Can I tell you, like, publicly, I talk so much shit about white ladies. I'd be dragging them constantly. But, like, I am so entertained. But if a white woman has a skill, I am in. Yeah. Would you consider this a skill for Lori and Felicity yes

clearly no I love a scam I love ace and if I was a white woman do you know how often I would be scamming cause no one's gonna do anything this is like the first time

I'm like oh you're oh something's happening but like how long have they been scamming I'm like oh that's the thing it's like white women can get white women and white just like you're Billy McFarlane but like but maybe have they been scamming i'm like oh that's the thing it's like white women can get white women and white just like you'd like your billy mcfarland's but like

but maybe he didn't get away with it but like white women get away with this shit until they don't but then it's like you think about all the white women who currently are getting away with it like are you following this elizabeth holmes shit oh absolutely i interviewed the director of the film at sunday oh and have you listened to the Dropout, the podcast? No. ABC News, it's phenomenal. I also talked to the people, it was the director of the film

who also did the Scientology movie Going Clear. So this guy is really good, this documentarian. And it was also at Sundance when I interviewed them,

it was people who were involved with Elizabeth Holmes herself. It was like regular people that are in the documentary featured. This is a crazy fucking story. Have you heard about this? No, what is this?

This woman who goes to Stanford, her dad used to be some exec at Enron. After Enron crashed, the juicy thing that people want to project onto this is that she probably saw her dad fail and was driven to succeed at all costs and to become a successful

business person. So she goes to Stanford. She wants to start this startup. She has this idea for a blood test, a machine that can run a blood test using only one drop of blood, thousands of blood tests based on a machine

that people can have in their homes. So you wouldn't have to draw blood, really. It would be much easier to get test results and stuff like that. It's called Theranos.

Theranos. And the machine was called an Edison. It would change healthcare forever in theory if this machine were to come into,

were to exist. But then somehow it's like she, she drops out of Stanford. All of her, they taught, they interviewed some of her old chemistry, chemical engineering professors.

And they were just like, hack. They were just like, she's a fucking lunatic. But she's charismatic. And she's charismatic. And so she's able to talk to like Henry Kissinger and fucking old army generals and fucking God,

like all these fucking people, all these mostly Republicans who like, who angel invest into this business called fairness. and fucking God, like all these fucking people, all these mostly Republicans who like, who angel invest into this business called Fairness. But then she like drops her voice and starts wearing turtlenecks because she's obsessed with Steve Jobs. And she starts to become this like

different person. So she basically like tries to iconicize herself. Yes. Into this like female, young, hot, honestly blonde,

Steve Jobs type and because people I think what people say like she's a young woman she's like a new inventor like she talked the talk and people really bought it and so they gave her all this money and what ended up happening was

it didn't fucking work the technology wasn't there and she was lying and she like, she partnered with, like she partnered with Walgreens to have these machines and every Walgreens would be within five miles of every home in America.

Like she had this grand master plan that just was not there. Ripped everyone off. Ripped all these people off. These people lost billions and billions of dollars. Forbes valued her one year at like however many billion dollars

down to zero after all this stuff came out, after all this reporting from the Wall Street Journal came out. And it's like basically like Fyre Fest, but like- A person? But a woman. Like imagine reverse social network.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? It's literally that. So basically now, there's this movie about her coming out called The Inventor. It's a documentary. And there's a film being made about her

starring Jennifer Lawrence. It's directed by Adam McKay. Directed by Adam McKay, written by the woman who wrote The Shape of Water. What? That's pretty great. I can't fucking wait to see it. Jennifer Lawrence is perfect to play her.

I read about this last year when I was writing on the break, but I just forgot because I was like, oh, this is a crazy white woman. Because it was still being developed, but now she has all these charges and she could go to prison for, I don't know. You'll start to see posters about it. She's going to be a household name.

It's going to be, especially now after the Fyre Fest documentaries, how everyone was so enamored with those. When people hear this story and they watch these movies, I think it's going to be psychotic. There is a cultural moment happening right now with scamming.

Scamming is happening right now. You don't understand. If I was a white person, I would be doing the same. No joke. I would be doing it. But you have anxiety about lying. Like I couldn't keep that up. I wouldn't if I was white.

I'd be like, who's going to check me? Like, I mean, the confidence that comes with like privilege and money, like it really is like, it makes you feel invincible. It does. And I would truly, especially if I was a white woman, I would be Robin Banks. I would be the worst.

Well, imagine. That knew to make me a black gay man. Because he's like, be oppressed so you can be a good person. Wow. I always say, if I wasn't gay, I'd be the worst. That is a real culture.

That's real culture number 75. Be oppressed so you can be a good person. The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are back. I love that. I love that. Oh my gosh. Welcome. And last season's drama was just the tip of the iceberg.

You're recording us? I am disgusted. Never in a million years after everything we've been through did I think that you would reach out to our sworn enemy. We were friends. How could you do this to me? I don't trust her. The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Wednesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV Plus. On Thanksgiving Day 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh.

And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian, Elian. Elian, Elian. Elian, Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzales wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that

your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations. I was a desperate delusional dreamer and the desperate part got me

in a lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer, and the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate, delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine. I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life.

I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything but me. It took years for me to break that, like years of work. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again.

And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude. You're a dude. And Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past. And we're just going to sit here and talk about them. And we'll get into the types of dudes.

What kind of types of dudes are there, Grunks? We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes, dude. We got dogs., wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes dude. We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games. We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these

dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dudes dude? We're gonna find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I always feel like, so with this scam with the colleges, right?

So if you read about what, how fucking stupid it is, you would have to think, think well I'm never getting caught to do it because literally they like made it appear like their daughter's road crew photoshopped it photoshopped and I was like this is the dumbest thing ever and also there's fully email paper trails I read them insane

she said row at one point I didn't read these emails girl she's fucking Scooby-Doing. Yes, they were going back and forth, being like, does this Photoshop work? And then somebody was like, she should be more in the water. It's just like insane things.

Yes. She should be more in the water. What is the Felicity stuff? I couldn't keep up with this. I couldn't make sense of it. The Felicity stuff is an SAT thing. So basically, her daughter took the SATs, and they got a score that was like an 1100,

and someone said, well, part of this is, I will go in after your daughter takes the test, and I will change the answers to the right ones. So they changed her score from like an 11 something to a 1420. That's stupid, which is still, my parents would have killed me. Well, I got a 1280, so shut up, bitch. I didn't have to take that, I took the ACT. So did we, but, you know.

I did well on that one me too that's so funny that this Felicity this is it's Felicity and Lori it's like so beautiful it's so delicious and Joel

and Joel tweeted this he was like love Felicity God bless no he goes God bless Felicity and Lori and this day like

they gave us one blessed day in 2019 to make us feel like it was 2014 again where we could just not worry about politics it could just be about dumb celebrity bullshit and then he ends it with

Beto should not run for president it's so fucking crowded but what a juicy juicy story oh yeah and we were saying like like had this happened we were talking about this today in the other two rooms. We were saying, in the 90s,

it felt like there were five big news stories. It was Tanya Harding, JonBenet, OJ, Monica and Bill, and Diana. And that was the 90s. Whereas now,

it's like every two days, there's a massive scandal. Like had this happened in the 90s, it would have been like my most thing. And do you know what's crazy? All those stories you told, white women. They have been out here wiling since forever. Since Eve eating apples and shit.

You can't trust white women. Yes, Nicole Brown Simpson, that was her fault. It's a rule of culture number 19. That was Nicole Brown Simpson's fault. Who knows? Out here getting murdered. See, a rule of culture number 19. That was Nicole Brown Simpson's fault. Who knows? Out here getting murdered. See? Don't marry a murderer if you don't want to get

murdered. No, it's all your fault. Just kidding. All respect to the family. Totally kidding. And of course Ron Goldman we love. And Ron Goldman we love. Did you like writing for Late Night? Was that like a fun thing for you or was that like a hectic thing? I enjoyed the job, but as a black gay man again the talk about it the things that we had to make jokes about impacted me very differently i was the only person of color in that room yep and i think late

night as an art is mainly affluent white people talking about things that don't actually affect their everyday life and it was hard to try to make jokes about things that don't actually affect their everyday life. And it was hard to try to make jokes about things that I was like, oh, this is personal. Like, if I was in a writer's room when the whole, like, Jesse Smollett thing happened, I would not have wanted to write jokes about that. Like, I, but it, it's a profession that forces you to find funny things. I was like, yo, I don't, I don't want to. I don't want to do this. Like, I enjoyed it, but do I want to do it again? Not necessarily.

Like, if I was like, needed a bunch of money, sure. But it's not my first choice. I'd rather be in a narrative room where I can just like make up stories that are fun.

And not have to anchor it to something that is uncomfortable and like crazy. Because like, that's, I mean, that's like my, and I feel comfortable saying this, that's like my least favorite part of my job is just the times when you have to sit in a uncomfortable and like crazy. Cause like that's, I mean, that's like my, and I can, I feel comfortable saying this. That's like my least favorite part of my job is just the times when you have

to sit in a room and decide how to make something horrible, funny. It's like, how do you, and it's, it never feels like it fully pays off. Cause there's still that like ounce of pain to everything. But like,

anyway, it's like, how is it helping? Like even going to the white house correspondence dinner was like one of, it was gross. Like it felt like the hunger games. Like you were in a room with a bunch of people who on TV, rich people are like, how is it helping? Like, even going to the White House Correspondents Dinner was like one of, it was gross. Like, it felt like The Hunger Games. Like, you were in a room with a bunch of people who on TV. Rich people.

Are like arguing and they're like, we hate each other. But they're all on the same side. They were just like hugging, taking photos. It was fucking disgusting. Like, Kellyanne Conway was like acting as if she was like a Kardashian. Like, literally everybody's taking selfies. It was gross. And then they put the writers in like one corner being like, you're the poor people.

Go in that corner. Wow. And then when she did her like speech, they were just like, oh God, how could she? And I'm like, what? Do y'all not see what's happening right now? Like. Truly, this should be the prevailing narrative from that moment. And this has happened so many times, but the reaction to Michelle Wolf's White-hand correspondence to her speech, that just shows you that they're all

playing for the same fucking team. Also, not for nothing, I love Michelle Wolf, and I loved that speech. It was also mild in terms of how- So goddamn mild. It was not, I mean, I'll tell you what I think happened.

I think what happened was, they heard that they heard her say she burns facts and I think they heard she burns

fats and they they got it in their no listen let me finish please they got it they got it in their head that she was making

an image conscious thing and then they were like oh she's not but we can spin it like she is and we can get mad about this and the eye shadow thing

was just such garbage to make about appearance and the Aunt Lydia thing was actually so insulting to Ann Dowd actually and such garbage

for them to like please suck my dick if you couldn't fucking deal with Michelle Wolf's comedy at that White House Correspondents Dinner, you can suck my fucking dick.

That sucked. I mean, like, fucking. You know something that most people don't talk about? But quite a few people thought that she was black. Like, they thought that she, like, wasn't white. Really? Yeah. Like, that has been a thing for, like, a while.

Like, they're like, oh, she's, like, They don't think she's a white woman. They think she's some kind of ethnic woman. And even within that room, there was moments where people were whispering and being like, oh, she's a person of color. They said that she was a person of color. But then what does that serve on their end? I think that would help in the fact that in the disrespect, they'd be like, let's disregard this person.

Like how dare she? Wow. Like how dare she use this platform to talk to us like this? That's insane. Like that is a factor that even there. This is just like funny in my opinion. But there was a moment when I was talking to my reps about being the only person of color in the room. And they were like, oh, man, how can a black woman only have one person of color?

And I was like, yeah, she a whole ass white woman like what are you talking about because like she does she because she has like red hair and freckles like people just don't assume that she is like a caucasian woman uh but it is but she's dope um yeah i mean it's great i think michelle is so funny and it's just like it but it's just so funny because had she done that set three years ago, no one would have said a fucking word. Absolutely not. But because of the sensationalism around everything. I mean, honestly, if you take the last 10 White House Correspondents, I would probably rank hers in terms of offensive quality at like seven. To be honest with you, there was nothing there.

I mean, and the things that were offensive, in my opinion, they didn't even talk about. She said that Mitch McConnell's neck should be circumcised. And I was like, that's funny. Yeah, that's funny. And he has a fat, like he's literally talking about his fat neck. And they were like, they don't care. But like they really were trying to find any way.

And that's, even like working on that show after that moment, we were like, this is, things have changed now. Like that moment changed like working on that show after that moment we were like this is things have changed now like that yeah moment changed the trajectory of the show because the show wasn't supposed to be political it's called the break because it was supposed to be a break from politics wow but that moment kind of forced us into that place because everybody was like you have to now continue what you started at the white house correspondence dinner and by the last episode we like finally got back to where we originally wanted but by that point we were like this is hard like we can't this is not going like we

found what we wanted which was like this is a comedy show where we want to talk about other things that are not politics like the last episode we did like two monologues about like crows fucking. Like it was like very fun and just like silly. But those first few episodes are just like based on the energy that she gave at the White House Correspondents Center. So it was very much like. Which she had no control over, truly. In terms of the response, she did not have control over that.

And because the politics, like the right was constantly attacking her like it was like we have to kind of keep doing what we're doing because this is the thing that's getting the response that's you know it was a weird that it was weird i watched a lot of like she really became the one of those talked about people in america for the next two weeks after that like it was crazy to watch. But what was so frustrating about it was watching, and it's why the media sucks so much. Because they don't have enough time

to talk about complex issues with the complexity they need. They have two minutes to talk about this shit, maybe. And so they were like, well, I did think it was offensive what she said, et cetera, et cetera, without even talking about

what she had said, without playing the clip, without showing things in context. So it's just this but she said, et cetera, et cetera, without even talking about what she had said, without playing the clip, without showing things in context. So it's just this begets that begets that begets that, and all of a sudden, you have this boiled down little sound bite, which someone hears at home, and they're making a whole judgment on that whole piece

and the whole context in which it took place in, and it's like. And then you have fucking Andrea Mitchell being like, I thought it was. I was like, God. And honestly, shut up. It just sucks. That whole thing sucked. But it's great to be a part of the team that fucked it all up.

Well, honestly. Burn it all down. And your jokes were very good. They were great. But it was just so crazy. And your work on The Break was wonderful. You brought me in for this thing that you wrote that was so good. Humble brag. Fuck you.

Going books. I didn't book. I just went in. But Dwayne is truly one of the most talented people and I think this is... Great performer. Great writer. Great performer. Great writer. And I think we're going to put this all on display for all

three of us in our I Don't Think So Honey. It is time for I Don't Think So Honey. I Don't Think So Honey is our segment that we do. Yeah. We take one minute to rant against something in culture that we, you know what, hate. You know what we hate. We don't like it. We don't like it.

So, Matt, do you have one? I could go first. Okay, you could go first. This is Matt Rogers' I Don't Think So Honey as time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey, anyone who dates the actress Kaley Cuoco. Whoa. I don't like her. The people who date her.

I don't like her. I think she's kooky. I think she's hack. But also, if you date her, Henry Cavill dated her for a hot minute. And I'm like, what? This is no way this is real. This kooky girl. I was like, this is no way this is real this kooky girl

I was like this girl to me is like dating someone because he's Superman and I was like why are you getting involved in that also Henry Cable if you go to his Instagram I don't think so honey he is a goofy Instagram also boring boring boring boring boring but he's the kind of guy who'll be like walking in the woods and Instagram

himself and being like I'm walking in the woods and he'll say that out loud and that'll be the whole instagram i don't think so honey i don't think so honey the fact that you guys were a couple for like 15 minutes i don't know why i'm like going back to this now but i also think now she's like she was married now she's not she seems to be like a celebrity that's like i'm a celebrity and that's it big bang theory sucks no thanks kelly coco i don't think so many people who date her and that's it. Big Bang Theory sucks. No thanks, Kelly Coco. I don't think there's so many people who date her. And that's one minute. That was beautiful. That was holistic.

That was nice. I was talking to this the other day. I was like, I don't get her. Who else has dated her besides Henry? I don't know.

Okay. I mean, she was in the last season of Charmed and that's when it really went downhill. Oh. I just like, there's something about her

where I'm just like, no. No. She's a no for me. She's a no for you. She's kooky and hack. And I don't think it's just because of Big Bang Theory I'm just like, no. No. She's a no for me. She's a no for you. She's kooky and hack. And I don't think it's just because of Big Bang Theory. It's like, whatever.

But it's just like something about her where I'm like, I don't like this. And then when she dates like famous people and they're photographed, I'm like, you know they set this up in advance. I do believe she's married now or maybe divorced. I will look it up later. I did not research this. I don't think so, honey. But we were talking about it in the room the other day and I was like, ugh, like something about her

seems like very fake celebrity to me. This is not good. Damn. No, this is good. I was going to do I Don't Think So Honey shitting next to another person. Well, you're never, well, maybe for later. For later. I mean, bonding. Bonding. This is Bowen Yang's I Don't Think So Honey. His time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey maybe for later for later I mean bonding bonding

this is Bowen Yanks I don't think so honey his time starts now I don't think so honey Aloe this is this new luxury yoga

this is this new luxury yoga brand they sell yoga pants and shit they have a lovely location in the Grove lovely staff

the cashier gave me a free canvas tote it's gorgeous but they were giving me crazy body dysmorphia right now because the best fit staff. The cashier gave me a free canvas tote. It's gorgeous. But they were giving me crazy body dysmorphia right now because the best fit for me

at one of their tops was an extra large and for my shorts it was a medium. So this is, I'm getting a lot of mixed signals and my body is going through some changes right now. 30 seconds. And positive ones I think but I think like I need to be supported in this way

where things sort of track and scale along with me. You know, I don't think so, honey, when, you know, you're fitting in your clothes all weird. And I really... 15 seconds. But I think LA has really placated me. I'm not so angry about this. I'm just concerned.

You know what I mean? I don't think so, honey. It's more like a... Maybe we can consider something else, honey. You know? So I don't think so, honey. Five seconds. Aloe, I love you as a store, but maybe we can reconsider the sizing, honey. You know, so I don't think someone is. Five seconds. Aloe, I love you as a store,

but maybe we can reconsider the sizing. And that's one minute. So I could have sworn you were going to talk about aloe, the plants, and I'm like, what do you mean? That's a miracle plant. I was like, I guess you don't like putting things on burns. Okay. I can never shit on aloe.

Aloe is God. But aloe, the store, is different. Okay, so I feel upset for you about this because when sizing is off, I don't like that. I don't think so, honey, when sizing is not right. I can't tell if I'm heavy up here and then whatever the fuck's going on down here in my legs, I don't know.

It's really confusing. So that's just, once again, society sending me bad signals about my body. So here's the thing. You did society sending me, you know, bad signals about my body. So here's the thing. Yeah. You did an I Don't Think So Honey that was like more of a, maybe we can reconsider this. Yeah. And I did an I Don't Think So Honey, which I'm already regretting because it was like,

I feel very negative. Oh, no, but that's the point. But I know what's going to happen. I guess you're right, but I think Dwayne is going to do this I Don't Think So Honey right now and he's going to turn it all around for us. Great, great. So you think. So we think. No, this is Dwayne is going to do this. I don't think so right now. I just want to turn it all around for us. Great. Great. So you think. So we think.

No, this is Dwayne. Dwayne is a master of the form. He's done it many times, but here he is. Doing it again. Doing it again. This is Dwayne Perkins.

I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. His time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Twitter potentially taking away likes and retweets.

Whoa. Yeah. I'm like, what the fuck is the point of Twitter? Like, also, I just started going viral so like don't take this away from me like this is the validation that i get every day i wake up think of

the quirkiest thing i can think of and then i post it and i wait for people to like it yes that like equals one like in my heart you take that away you're taking away my blood my life my spirit i i put so much of myself into Twitter. I didn't used to, but now I'm like, this is my thought. This is my diary. This is my album. That's not music, but words. And for you to take that away, it's taken away my livelihood.

Like I've gotten job offers from Twitter. 15 seconds. I've gotten ass from Twitter. 15 seconds. I've gotten ass from Twitter. The popularity that you get from Twitter transcends into real life and you get perks. So if you take that away you're taking away happiness. That's one minute.

Thank you for acknowledging the transference of your Twitter cloud into our IRL cloud because sometimes that does happen for people. You would know. I mean, no. I haven't gotten Twitter stuff. You would know.

Okay. You would know. You would know. Wait, here's the thing. How likely is this? They said that in their next update that they're also changing. They tried a new look of the app

and they took the bird away and people got really mad. And they were like, well, we're just trying it. What's there instead of the app, and they took the bird away, and people got really mad. And they're like, well, we're just trying it. What's there instead of the bird? Nothing. It's just a blue square because they said minimalism is what they were going for. It was introduced at South by Southwest. Oh, my God.

Yes. And they're trying to make it more user-friendly and trying to have more friendly conversations between people. So they're trying to take away the likes and retweets because they think it changes the focus of the platform. And they want to switch the platform to really wholesome conversation. What? And also they added camera features

because they want people to share more photos and videos similar to Instagram. So they want it to be Instagram? They just want it to be Instagram. It has its own identity now. Why do you want less of an identity? I hate Twitter. Commun has its own identity now. Why do you want less of an identity? I hate Twitter. Communities are built around Twitter.

You have gay Twitter. You have black Twitter. You have fucking gay Twitter again. It's a tool to build. It's like fucking Arab Spring started out of whatever. I'm mad about this. Well, I mean, Twitter's also just broken and whatever. I mean, it'll never be great.

You know, what did I say about Dwayne's out on things on his? They turned it around. It's a conversation starter. It got us talking. Cultural starter. I mean, when Instagram went down, I feel like everybody had to really rely. Examine themselves. Like, what would like be if this shit wasn't here?

Uh-huh. It was kind of a beautiful moment. It was. The day after all the Felicity stuff, we've really been through it this week. This is weird, but I don't think it went down for me. Good for you.

I didn't notice that Instagram went down, and I think I just, like, didn't get that. Oh, wow. Well, you were stuck in your prison. And that's why privilege. No, I truly felt liberated. I was like,

oh, I can go on this hike with Joel and not think about... Well, you can always go on a hike even though Instagram is up, Owen. I kept trying to post a picture of- I've been on a very special diet and it has really sucked, really made me tight. And I was trying to post a photo and I couldn't. And I had to sit with the fact of being like, oh, I just have to be happy with myself. Without this external validation.

And a little serotonin bump. Yeah. And then it went up later and I was like, thank God. Give me compliments. We're fucking junkies. That's crazy.

Listen, what an ep. I think we morphed from the beginning of this ep to the end of this ep we morphed into better people. I think so. I agree.

And I'm happy to have spent this morphin' time with you. With Dwayne. Dwayne truly, like a phenomenal, phenomenal comedian and performer. If he's in your town, check him out. Oh, thank you.

Will you be traveling anywhere soon? I'm doing, yes, I'll be in New York. But like, it doesn't matter. I'm doing a show in May at some college. I don't remember. Some college. If you go to college, keep an eye on your boards. It's in St. Louis.

Mary Mount, I think that's the place. Okay, that's definitely a famously a college in New York. But look to wait up. Hopefully Twitter will still exist by the time when this comes out. I don't know. The world is burning. The world is burning. Can we end on us all saying our sounds?

Yes. Yes. Here we go. You go. Hi. Hi. Nigga. Hi.

Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook. On Thanksgiving Day 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba?

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