Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "KU3NT: Let's Nut" (w/ Sudi Green)

Episode Date: July 22, 2020

It's the yearly TRADITION, readers: Sudi Green returns along with Summer of Kunt, which is and will always be pandemic-proof! The Three™ discuss circus themes, magicians, Sudi's experience writing on The Emmys and Matt's exciting upcoming project. They also examine awards show voting bodies and going to work stoned before setting their intentions for this, their third Summer of Kunt! And absolutely stay CHUNED for three incendiary IDTSHs that will leave a crater in your mind, and of course, the culture! Five stars. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Oh, I see. Wow. Oh, and look over there. Wow, is that culture? Yes. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas.

Ding dong. Las Culturistas. Ding dong. Las Culturistas calling. And it's a little bit of a tradition. It's a little bit of a yearly tradition. It's a bit of a yearly tradition, as I think, what Space Tevye said. I'm sorry. I did not understand. I believe it was Tevye who said tradition, tradition.

Oh, is this from fiddler fiddler you need to know more jewish culture i do i do and especially after i mean jews have been trending the word jews has been trending all week on twitter isn't that chilling our guest is already shaking her head being like why are you going in this direction because nick cannon popped off and said all that crazy stuff. Yeah, I have to say, celebrities have been sort of popping off. Losing their minds. It's almost like they, too, as human beings,

are going through the same things that we all are. You know, you have to kill the Karen inside your brain, your head. Have you killed your Karen? Oh, no, she is. She is going around shutting down everything. Shutting down everything. You know what gags me?

That that sort of Kate Gosselin haircut. We talked about this. Yeah, but okay, so I have something to reveal. So I am working on a new show. Yes. It's called Hot Dog. Yes. It's gonna be on HBO Max. Can you talk about this? I actually, I asked if I could talk about it and they confirmed that i could god bless how much can you reveal because there's so much good there's so much good stuff to reveal and i'll

talk about it on the app because it's part of my summer of cunt yes spoiler alert spoiler alert but i wanted to just say up top that i had my hairstylist on the show. Yes. His name is Dean. Yep. Hi, Dean. He did the original American Idol season one hairstyles. So when he told me this. For everyone? For all of them. So including like Tamira?

Including Tamira. She, okay. I'm telling you, like iconic hairdos. Justin, he, like, they were like, they basically were like. Nikki. So this is where it all connects back. Okay. iconic hairdos. Justin? Justin. They were like, they basically were like... Nikki! So this is where it all connects back. Okay. Nikki McKibben had the original Karen haircut.

Wow! And we can confirm, because you can't really... You thought it was Kate Gosling. No, it's Nikki McKibben. I mean, famously, really, as our guest aptly put it in the sketch, the Mother's Day sketch, an SNL years ago, cascading waterfall in the front and knives in the back. Yes.

That is pioneered by Nikki McKibben and this gentleman, Dean. Who's now doing your hair. Who does my hair. And I said to him as a joke, I was like, so did you give Kelly Clarkson her iconic chunky blonde highlights? And he was like, actually, yes. Wow. And I was like, highlights? And he was like, actually, yes. Wow. And I was like, what? And he was like, but that was a mistake.

And I was like, it was not a mistake. It was, in fact, one of the most iconic things that's happened in hair history. It's like the invention of penicillin. It was by accident, but it changed the world. I mean, and then I told that to my mom, and my mom goes, well, he started a trend. Yes. And I was like, did it really start a trend? Did women start getting

those blonde streaky streaky highlights our guest is taking her head yes i think we can give dean the credit and but for to originate the chunky highlight and the karen haircut and the karen haircut and not for nothing but maintain the integrity of justin guarini's curls my god he also was responsible really for like the ryan seacrest hair moment which was the flat iron of it all think about this iconic person was was dean now you have to ask dean if he worked on season two as well because he did work on season two and i got i got more intel about that about clay and kimberly law you know that he was responsible for Kimberly Locke's glow up. I got all the tea, a lot of which I cannot say on here. Of course. Because it's

too G-O-O-D-D-D-D-D-D good. I was going down a Trenise rabbit hole the other night. And it's a good rabbit hole. She had some great moments. I was voting for Trenise to the bitter end. I was voting for Trenise several weeks in a row

I remember. I was very crestfallen whenise several weeks. I remember I was very crestfallen when she was eliminated. Crestfallen. Crestfallen. And wow, Dean, what an impact. An icon. And he's got an iconic beard. Okay. But listen, speaking of iconic, we have the third

of our series here. This is her fourth time on. Fourth time on. And I guess like, what? Like six or seven time on the podcast. Six or seven time on the podcast. She was, okay, so I think she planted the seed in the way that we on this podcast have talked about Ellen DeGeneres.

This actually is huge. And I was thinking about this because look, if you go back all the way to Las Culturistas third episode, which had our guest. Or no, fourth, I believe. Oh, yeah, fourth episode. Because it was Anna Dresden, Dave Mazzoni, then our guest. I think so.

Something like that. Perhaps. Anyway, very early on, we literally have an episode called Ellen. It's 2016, and Ellen in the year 2016. And we were speaking out even then. You were. It was me who was saying i had a bad feeling about alan and you're so right i was dead on you were a thought leader in that way i mean here's the

deal about the ellen of it all and after we say this like well we can talk about for this for a second and then we have to bring in the guest but here's the deal i feel that this news cycle about ellen's show had being a toxic behavior being a toxic workplace rather reported on by buzzfeed reported on by buzzfeed if by the way if you're curious yes we are drinking on this episode we're having a brunch moment i'm having a vodka watermelon cayenne drink bowen and our guests are drinking watermelon vodkas you're i'm sorry you you were drinking a watermelon bourbon yeah drink you said vodka oh i'm drinking so you already see its effect yes i'm drinking a watermelon bourbon they're drinking watermelon vodkas and so understand that as as you listen yeah but i um never had a good feeling about ell Ellen from the beginning because of the way she handled the Matthew Fox alleged,

like, punching a woman in the stomach incident. And so now, a public transit worker, public transit worker, you know, alleged, I just didn't love the way that it came off on her show. There's this footage. The thing that I'm reacting to about this Ellen moment is it's being very pawned off on her executive producers and here's the deal it's like ellen didn't get to be ellen by just clocking in coming

to work and doing ellen and going home ellen if your name is on that show you are responsible for the workplace environment and you've got more than 10 people saying that it's toxic and not appropriate. And so, and just in terms of the culture of like bullying there. So she is responsible for that. And also things trickle down from the top. So it's not this thing that just the executive producers on her show have to deal with. It's something that she has to deal with. Yeah.

It's really disturbing and really disappointing and it feels like god i mean the the comment that's most chilling to me is um one black employee i think a writer or someone uh walked in and then a producer was like oh you have box braids too well we'll get you confused with the other one oh come on like it's like that kind of shit it's like wait it's not even like sophisticated thought not that any racist thought is even sophisticated but it's like, wait, it's not even like sophisticated thought. Not that any racist thought is even sophisticated, but it's like, whoa, come on. It's just so crazy that people feel comfortable to make comments like that. And it is her responsibility because it is her face and brand. And I'm sorry, but what's bothering me, it always has bothered me, is the dichotomy of what appears on screen and what goes on behind the scenes.

Because everyone knows that works in this industry that she has a reputation for not being nice and so for her brand to be i'm the nicest woman in hollywood it just it's it's it's lies and it's it's just the sort of um stuff that i hate about the industry which is that no one is actually projecting reality sure except our guests except our guests you know the only real person in hollywood is our guest is our guest. Except our guest. You know, the only real person in Hollywood is our guest. Is our guest. And we should say that the Ellen discourse, which we started on this podcast, eventually bled out into Patty Harrison's feud

with Ellen that she's accounted. But it all started here, before you start to give Patty Harrison too much credit. Because talk about toxic. Talk about toxic. I mean, that one and her toxic fooletry. Fooletry. And someone who has contributed to the rise of Patty even.

Our guest. Wow. She was like shaking her head like, what the fuck? I have to say, I don't think our guest had anything to do with the rise of Patty. And for you to say that. I'm going to, Patty, if you're listening, you owe our guest. This is so psycho. Your career.

You do. I think that Bowen is saying that because our guest is, you know, iconically and famously a writer on Shrill. A real mover and shaker on Shrill. A real mover and shaker on Shrill. And not only that, I mean, in addition to that, she is a writer at Saturday Night Live, which I think you know.

You know more about how she moves and shakes over there. Yes. She's very much a leader. Sets the tone. A thought leader. Thought leader at SNL. Has influence over the Thursday rewrite table lunch. Wow.

Gets to sort of press her thumb on the scale for what kind of lunch gets ordered. Wait, really? My priority is clearly. Like, what are we going to eat? Wow Gets to sort of Press her thumb on the scale For what kind of lunch Wait really My priority Clearly Like what are we gonna eat It's very important Very important

This is why I wanna I really I feel like I have like A proximity to the show Because you guys are on it But I also like Don't understand like What you guys are eating

For lunch Yes You know what I mean So like there's always more I could know Very important This is the split cider article that we're missing.

What is the food like? Bad. What's the food like? All right. So before we start to absolutely giggle too much. Sorry.

Because the wall's already been broken. Let's just say lots of things in store in the future for our guests as well. Yes, that's true.

So yes, this is our third installment of Summer of Cunt. We'll get into that in a minute for people who are new to the concept. She's one of our best friends for over a decade now. Well, let's just get this straight. Okay. For me, over a decade. And what about for me?

I don't know your life. I don't know the intimate details of your life, but can you say the first day that you met our guest yes i remember i've told her this recently i was like i distinctly remember and can she finish your sentence yes she can um okay so let's bring her into the conversation everyone please give uh a welcome into your ears to to Sudi Green! Hi! Hi! How are you even? Oh, God, I'm so good. I'm thinking about lunch now. Sorry.

So am I, to be honest. Wait, what is the deal with SNL Lunch? It's bad. That's the deal. It's that, like, we don't get fed there. It's so funny. Apparently, like, they use... It breaks the guild rule.

It has to. No, this is what happened, which is like- Yo, yo. Guild, honey. Call up the guild. Call up the guild. We can't even get started on the guild because you know I'm now all guild. I know. You are the WGA-

Union lady. What do they call it? Captain. You are the WGA captain for Shrill. For Shrill. As of three days ago, and then that morning i was told and then that evening honey i'm at the meeting she's at the zoom meeting you would rather be at the meeting than not because i told you i was like you were immediately like that's fucking disgusting no i didn't say that's

fucking disgusting i said i said you already do so much work you have two jobs you're so you're so busy all the time i just know that like adding another thing to your schedule which is like another duty i was like is that something you want to do but you said absolutely the fight for justice unions collective work yes writers trumbo honey trumbo never forget never forget trumbo it's a real culture number four never forget Trumbo that is not a burden okay that is actually

that's actually a purpose okay that's duty that's duty collectivism collectivism over individualism

it's actually so funny because I mean we gotta start it off talking about the WGA do we not okay

lunch leads to WGA it's all connected. Have you guys seen when Chelsea Peretti hosted the WGA West, like WGA Awards? And it's the funniest monologue

in the world. It's like joke for joke, so funny. It's also like written like to me, for me. Like, so that's why I love it. It was WGA humor. It was.

Probably the smartest kind. She comes out on stage she comes out on stage and it's like a ballroom people are like eating eating dinner or whatever and it's like noisy and to get everybody quiet down she goes lunch is here sorry i just wanted everybody to pay attention oh my god writer's room absolutely joke absolutely joke i love that she's so good she's so good uh bone and i have been doing a bit because we're now roommates we're roommates yes so we should just say be transparent sudi and bowen as as you know bowen is here in los angeles as of the moment and sudi is here as well they're staying together in a gorgeous sort of home in altadena gorgeous sort of home and i say sort of home because it's the home in the back it's a

prefab home built in the 40s by an architect gregory ain he built a bunch of architectural park formats are you fucking kidding you know all this oh oh we were told our airbnb host randy we have to talk about randy soon but hold on let's put a pin in that yeah Randy is an iconic Airbnb host we have to say but yes Sudi and I are Sudi and I are

have been in each other's cohabitating pods and then of course Matt's in our grander pod I'm in the pod who's really in our pod

it's us two us three Jared Jared your boyfriend Joel Kim Booster Joel Kim Booster and then we see Louis for Drag Race and Louis comes over for Drag Race in our pod. It's us two, us three, Jared, Jared, Joel can booster, Joel can booster. And then we see Lewis for drag race and Lewis comes over for drag race.

And, and, and Lewis is also being very, being very Greta and Greta. And we see Greta every now and then. I mean, I guess it's going to be up to the listeners. I feel like I've seen consistently.

I've seen between five and six people who have only seen us, who have only seen us. And all of us in the pod are getting tested weekly. I actually get tested every day now. And you get tested every day because Matt's in production scandalously. And you know, we're being as safe as we can. You know, I mean, I mean, everything has risk, right? Everything has a risk.

I mean, I mean, I mean. We're being safe. We're being safe. I mean, as safe as you can. As safe as you can be. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, like, you I mean. We're being safe. We're being safe. I mean, as safe as you can. As safe as you can be. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, like, you know, it's all about, you got to communicate. You got to communicate.

And you got to be transparent. And, like, you know, we're moving into a phase where it's not abstinence. It's safe sex. It's safe sex. It's safe sex. And you got to, and your mental health. And you got to balance it. You got to balance it.

But I'm not seeing any old people. I'm not seeing old people. No, no, no, no, no. I have to say. As safe as you can. To be totally real, I would not see anyone if I felt there was risk. And I feel. Well, everything is risk.

It's just a matter of assessing what I know. Of course. Really, the conversation around coronavirus, it does start with a, well, and it does end with a, and you know, so, you know. So we're being as safe as we can be. But we're really grateful and we're really lucky. We're really lucky.

We should say on a serious note, we are very lucky. The three of us, very lucky. Very lucky girls i i literally do feel lucky to be i'm i'm actually working right now and it feels very good to do that and i will say in terms of like this set is run so safely yeah so can i talk about the show a little please talk about the show all right because i've been telling you guys about it but i do want to tell everyone about it because i'm so excited about it. And like, you guys are going to love it. And I feel like everyone's going to love it.

It's a hit show. It's a hit show already. I think it's a hit. So it's called Hot Dog. H-A-U-T-E Hot. H-A-U-T-E Hot. Is it hot or is it oat? See, we are not pronouncing it like oat.

Oat couture. But the reference is oat couture, but the pronunciation is hot dog. But there's an alternative pronunciation, which is you split the difference, and it's haute dog. It would be haute dog. See, and it's not. No, it is. See, it's pronounced hot dog.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And spelled haute dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I will say basically what it is before we get too off the damn rails about the fucking title is it's a dog grooming competition show it's nailed it but with dog nail the picture nailed it but it's dog grooming and i'm not talking about people that like have never no and it's a dog good rumors no, it's really competitive like skilled groomers from all across the country that come to compete. Three competitors compete.

They have a first round, which is like they all get the same dog and they have to do like a cut, dry, wash, like basic technique. Same breed of dog? Same breed. Okay, not the same single dog. No, no, no, no, no. They all get the same breed of dog. So, for example, like three westies will come in cute and the job will be like y'all have to cut dry wash the dog and show us like the breed standard of that dog etc etc and then the second one is

the main challenge and that's like they get to bring a dog of their own choosing, whatever dog they want. And they basically style it, cut it, like color it into a theme. So if a theme is like Hollywood glamor, like the theme is like, I'm serious. It's the cutest thing ever. It's like,

get this dog ready for the Oscars red carpet. The breed standard of Hollywood glamor. Yeah. And that of course is Margot Robbie. But basically that it's like every episode is a different theme. So it's like a toy theme. It's like a disco theme. Country western.

I love a theme. As long as it's not circus. We were talking about this the other day. We hate circus. Oh, my God. I literally thought to myself yesterday as I was getting out of makeup. I was like, I realize I don't know all the themes. And I was like, I wonder if they're doing circus.

Because I hate circus. We all hate circus legendary ever since the circus theme on legendary we've all agreed that like there's i don't like that aesthetic it's a bad aesthetic and it's a limited there's limited motifs within that aesthetic it's like okay you do like a clown clown or stripes or top hat it's also like you know know, Britney did it. Now Katy Perry is doing it. And Pink did it. We don't need this topsy-turvy kind of like big top aesthetic anymore.

It's done. We've seen the skirt. We've seen the little like baton. We don't need it. And also I'm going to put a caveat on that. And I don't like magicians. I don't like magic either. I don't need it. And also, I'm going to put a caveat on that. And I don't like magicians. I don't like magic either. I don't like it.

Susie and I were watching Midnight Gospel. What the fuck is that? It's that show, that Peloton Ward show. But it pulls audio from this podcast that's like about meditation and transcendental stuff. Okay, for me, pass. It's great. But the third episode is that he talks to a magician. I was like, skip.

Skip it. We were so high and I was like, I don't like this. I don't like magicians. You need to skip it now. Sudi shut it down very quickly and I was like,

okay, so there's something going on here. You know, there's also like, what is funny about like a very successful magician is that like, showman trickery kind of like it's not art

and it's not real magic no and it's trickery which i don't like and then there's that like ponytail showman vibe which is really gross yeah and like sleight of hand which is i don't trust personally no then you have like popping off of base reality, you get like the cool magicians, which is like, I'm not your standard magician. I'm actually a cool magician. I have abs. Yeah, yeah. And then, don't even get me into the subset of women who date magicians.

Oh, yeah. Unfortunate. I mean, what it really is, is it's a representation for me of male privilege and the fact that you can be kind of the worst type of man in the world, which is a magician and date a model. David Blaine found dead. David Blaine found dead. Well, this is the thing, because now magician culture. They do date hot women. They do.

Well, the magician culture has. Magician culture is circulating yourself with a hot woman 100 but you're right about that now it's sort of bled into tiktok culture where this the origin of these are all cakes is magicians on tiktok and i called this out back in january um with miss maureen she asked me like what's freaking you out right now is like magicians on tiktok who will pour water into a glass and then take a knife and cut into it. And it's a chocolate cake. And you're like, how did they do that?

But this is what it's them distorting reality and making you question reality. It's not art. It's trickery. It's trickery. And also my thing with the cakes on Instagram that they cut over, which is where is the frosting? Where is the frosting? It's just fondant. Some of them are just fondant.

Some of them, you cut them open, and it's just like Betty Crocker cake. Yeah. No, that's a dry, just material. That's not cake. You need at least one layer of frosting in the cutting cake. I would agree. Otherwise, it's just like a baked good. It's just a brownie, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a banana bread. It's just- That's not cake. I would agree. Otherwise, it's just it's just like a baked good. It's just a brownie, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a banana bread. It's just... That's not cake. Right. I totally agree. I actually have a little bit of tea to spill about the, which I forgot to say on the last episode, but concerning the circus aesthetic with pop stars, get this. So at the era

of time when Britney released Circus and Pink had Funhouse out, you'll remember this also was the era of time when britney released circus and pink had fun house out yeah you'll remember this also was the era when kelly clarkson released all i ever wanted her album which had the singles my life would suck without you i do not hook up already gone etc not a good album no no no i think a great album well no she did not enjoy that experience no well this was her sort of like white flag album because she tried to do my december and then she came back and she was like i'll be a pop star again fine but one thing she did not submit to was that album was supposed to be called masquerade wow and the front cover was supposed to be her like with a little like phantom of the opera sort of mask on and she said too many

girls are doing this circus thing so no but if you look at the sort of album art, it's her in like a black jacket against like a sort of- Orange and pink. Yes, like a circus thing. Yeah. So they kept the circus- Color story. Color story.

But she was like, I want to be styled normal and we'll call the album All I Ever Wanted. We're not calling it Masquerade, but the album was supposed to be called Masquerade. And she was like, too many girls are doing the circus thing interesting there's too many circus girls and we need a pivot wait did i finish talking about hot dog well the i mean the last thing i really have to say about it is i'm having the best time and it's it's me jess rona who is like incredible she's like the head judge she's like the expert she's got a really amazing you should

all follow her on instagram if you don't already because she's like a celebrity dog groomer so she she grooms like katie perry's dog nugget she grooms like you know jane lynch's dog she grooms like megan malali's dog she's like a celebrity dog groomer and so she really knows what the fuck she's talking about and the other judge is robin feedy who i fucking love huge I love her and she loves you, Sudi. I fucking love Robin Thede and her stoil. Yeah. Oh, forget about the fashions on this show. Forget about it.

It's oat, honey. She looks haute couture. Is she wearing fascinators? I think she's wearing some headpieces. Some little small little hats. A fascinator is a tiny hat that's too small for your head. You can look forward

to at least a couple tiny hats. And she remembered you from when she interviewed you for The Nightly Show. Oh, shit. I forgot about that. Yeah, she said that she remembered you from when you guys had coffee and talked about you years ago interviewing for The Nightly Show. And a job you didn't get, but she said it wasn't because you weren't amazing. And she remembers you from that. Wow. Oh okay so i remember this was like i think after w camille bell this was after w camille bell so like i showcased for snl one summer and then the

next summer i submitted a packet and i got it and so like there was like that year where i was like going out for things all the time and And so they did the nightly show. This is why I'm a hack. And this is why I'm bad. They did a nightly show showcase at UCB East. And this was, Oh, I remember when you did this.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. To be a correspondent. And I was like, okay, bitch, did this yeah yeah yeah to be a correspondent and i was like okay bitch you gotta pull out your damn middle eastern ass sure mustache jasmine bitch material and you know i had multiples upon multiples of being like salam salam salam you know what i mean you absolutely have to get the

damn and before you said before you went on you you said, inshallah, I book this. I said, inshallah, I book this. And I said, merci, Oga, Larry Vilmore. I am not in your everything. Larry Vilmore. Oga Larry Vilmore, his comedy is very political. to come and um anyway so i did like all of my like capital p persian um material and i was like they're gonna fucking eat this up and guess what bitch they did but was i hired for the job no i who got that but she was it francesca i don't i think francesca started out was she on the second

season i think she i think she i think she got in later on. Okay. It was a really great experience. And I think I even went in. I didn't. Did I screen test? I can't remember. I can't remember. I blocked out most things from my entire life,

especially what has to do with my career. I don't know. I don't like to go back there. But now I am. And you can kind of see it in my head. We were talking. We went on a hike. We went on a socially distanced hike with our friend Billy Domino the other day. And then.

You did? Very naturally. Yes. Oh, I guess I was working. You were working. Very naturally, like college stuff came up. And we were just like, oh, my goodness. Remember that trip and that trip?

Very naturally. And then Sudi. And I support this move and this instinct. But Sudi immediately was like, I don't want to talk about the past and i was like sudi always well sudi is so comfortable ending a conversation i really am i don't want to talk about this i love that it well i think it's because i'm a big compartmentalizer and i really need to talk about this in therapy because i've been thinking about a lot because like you know yesterday who were we talking about were we talking about Palm Springs or

we're talking about somebody that has to do with SNL I can't remember and I just like kind of like shut down and like didn't want to talk about it and I think that I'm like such a big compartmentalizer that your worlds can't collide

I don't like talking about like work which gives me the most stress possible. And I also think, you know, like working at SNL, you're constantly confronted with the idea that you have of that place growing up. The image that people have of that place and the people that work there. Yes. Which is like, you know, mostly reverence and positivity and like people love the work that comes out of there yes which is like you know mostly reverence and positivity and like people love the work that comes out of there which is great but you're constantly like kind of grappling with your own experience and i think that that causes me stress yeah of course it's

also your job you know what i mean like and anyone talking about their job no matter what it is is going to be like that's work and when i'm not at work i'd prefer not to like get into it because there's complicated feelings about it you know what else i also think it is and i think this is how it is about like talking about college too and like um being nostalgic for that time which is i constantly have this anxiety of like i didn't enjoy that enough no or i didn't absorb that enough or i wish that i had made the most out of that experience or done it again or I didn't do it right. And I think that's a big thing with the SNL stuff, which is like, and that person was there and that show was so amazing and blah, blah, blah. But all I'm thinking about is like.

How stressed I was. How stressed I was. Or I didn't want to go to that after party because I was like really bummed out that day. Or I was exhausted. Or like, you know, we were talking about Skidmore and I all I could think about is like the anxieties that I had at that after party or like that I wanted to go home or like I didn't, you know, I didn't hook up with that guy that I wanted to hook up with or whatever. And like, what is that? Why can't why? Why do I only focus on that well i don't know what the answer is into why we focus on it but i actually do think that there is something to be gleaned from that which is

i need to just let things go more in the moment like in the moment of things understand later there will come a time when i'll wish i had enjoyed this. So why not enjoy it now? That's what I try to feel about. Like whenever I am feeling anxious or uncomfortable or feel like challenged by something, I just try to remind myself in five years you will be laughing about it or you won't remember it. You know what I mean? Either one of those two things. You'll either laugh about that thing or you won't remember that thing. Or it'll be like a negative experience but

that's literally the opposite of what i'm saying you stupid bitch yeah that's true that's true because sometimes i think no no well bone you are a stupid bitch and um and honestly matt what you're saying is true because i look back on the darkest days of my career when I was shitting water and I'm thinking about like the Emmys. Yeah. Oh my god. You say that was the most challenging thing

you've ever done. Right for the Emmys. Of your life. I don't want to say my life but that was the most stressful career situation of my life. Why? Why? Well okay basically it was the most stressful career situation of my life. Why? Why? Well, okay. Basically, it was the year that Colin and Che hosted the Emmys. And I will never forget. So then that was the year that they had the most diverse nominees that the Emmys had ever had.

Yeah. So I kind of came into that. I wasn't like at first hired to write for that emmys because i was at shrill this was the first season of shrill and then i came back from shrill and then i was like oh everybody that i know is working on the emmys let me be a dumbass and be like hey do you guys need me to like come and help also like fran gillespie my writing partner was like writing on it and i was like i feel like why aren't i gonna go hang out with that girl yeah and i was like oh it'll be fun lol literally lol e-l-o-h yeah we know we know exactly how it's spelled yeah yeah absolutely

yeah we're there so because this was like the most diverse nominee nomin group of nominees that they had ever had we wrote this like ironic like fun song for kate and keenan called we solved it yeah which was like we solved diversity which was like lol of course we didn't ha ha ha you know we went and cappernicked it like we didn't solve it and also like cut to like all of the nominees like all of the winners being white right truly i remember that about that year and i was like sitting in the writer's room and like i like remember turning to sam jay and me being like what happens if they're all white and her being like sudi they are gonna be all white this is like how it happens and it was like such a moment of like oh my god

like she wasn't fooled for one second and my like dumb liberal pantsuit nation ass was like it's happening yeah she was like no bitch yeah absolutely not so in like true SNL fashion you know Lauren was producing the Emmys and he wanted like every celebrity under the sun to be in this opening number and i was like great it's gonna be a pre-tape right and i like remember the day and like fran was like no it should be live and i ran suggested that it should be fran was like it should be live and i was god damn it i was like or it could be a pre-tape because we had like watched these other like opening numbers and like like colbert had done like a great opening number that was.

Had La La Land been out at that time? Yeah. It could have referenced La La Land at the beginning of that. Yes, at the Emmys. Yeah. Yeah, La La Land. What? I'm just saying like, no, bitch.

I'm saying like it could have referenced like that number in the beginning. Oh, yeah, totally. As a reference, fag. Fucking faggot. Fucking faggot. All right, keep going with your stupid story. And Fran was like, it should be live. And everybody was like, yeah, it's SNL.

We're used to it being live. This will be like something that we bring to the table. And you were like, no. And so then cut to like the worst week of my life. Okay, so first of all, the stage that they had, they had these like big screens and it was like all of these different, like 10 like separated LED screens that would open in this like cool accordion way and close. And oh my God, the guys who produced the show were these, this British production company

called Done and Dusted, who were all like, done and dusted, honey, dust to the stage, honey. Absolutely. And they like produce everything. I think they produce like the Oscars,

the Tony's like dancing with the stars. Like they're like huge. Yeah. The Oscars, the Tony's and everything. And dancing with the stars. Everything. Now hosted by Tyra Banks.

We'll talk about that later. So we're talking to the done & Dusty guys about these, about like the choreography and like what's going to happen. And they're like, yeah, they won't be able to make that entrance. They won't be able to because see the screens, they take about 30 seconds to open and close. And we're like, okay. And then we're like, well, then John Legend comes out on the piano.

And they're like, no, he can't come out on the piano because of the screens and I was like okay so you guys have to leave. Andy Samberg was coming down from like a thing from the ceiling. Well that they could do. They could bring Andy Samberg down like you know a hundred feet from the ceiling he's also like hanging out

up there and like the tea is that we almost cut him and he was like no don't you dare fucking cut me because i've been up in the rafters at rehearsals plummeting in my death like five different times like don't make this all in vain yeah exactly he's like basically are you fucking kidding me but that was like the chaos we were like yeah and then maybe we cut andy and like you know this the british director was kept telling us we had to like cut two minutes and he was like, I'm not being funny girls.

I'm not being funny. But like, anyway, I'm not being funny. I'm not being funny. He was like, you need to cut two minutes. And which means you have so much, which means you have to essentially cuts a major celebrity out of the number. Yeah, exactly. And like, well, also the funny thing was that like when they were like, you need to cut

two minutes, Fran and I have like, you know, SNL PTSD. And people come up to us all the time and say that we have to do it. And we nod our heads and we say, okay. But it's hell. But it's hell. I mean, it's hell. But we were like, okay, yeah. And the director took that as like, these girls aren't listening to me.

And because we were so calm. And we were like, okay, yeah. And he was like, I'm we were so calm and we were like okay yeah and he was like i'm not being funny and we were like no i mean he wasn't yelling at us he was being like he was at work and he was trying to direct and this was also like the day before the emmys you know what i mean and he was like the stakes are high he didn't understand like that we had understood it you know what i mean and he was like I'm not being funny. And we were like, yeah, no, we're going to do it. And they just like didn't clock that like.

You were used to that level of pressure because they felt like these are two young girls. Like they might not understand the gravity of what I'm saying. God. It is gender. I mean, the girls is. I'm not being funny, girls.

I mean, come on. Come on. But whatever. What are you going to do? So ultimately, what was it like rehearsing that number with all those celebrities? We couldn't make entrances and exits on this stage. And we had like a million celebrities that were honestly like so fucking down.

Like Kristen Bell was there. Ricky Martin was there. I mean, everybody was really, I think. Rue. Yeah. Rue was there. Ricky Martin was there. I mean, everybody was really, I think. Rue. Rue. Yeah. Rue was there. Everybody, I think kind of John Legend,

everybody kind of like absorbed, especially like the morning of the Emmys kind of absorbed what was happening. And we're like all pros and we're like, okay, we're going to make this work. But it was just like one of those things that wasn't working until the very end. Yeah. And we like really almost cut it. The working until the very end. Yeah.

And we like really almost cut it. The whole number. The whole number. Which would have felt awful. Which would have felt horrible. And so the reason why it was like kind of the worst week of my life was that every single morning I was waking up and having to go to these rehearsals that everything was changing. At SNL, you know, we change things all the time and our crew can handle it and our wardrobe department and everybody is just like, yep, this is how things work. But, you know, at a major award show,

everything is locked and loaded way, way, way, way, way before. And we were working kind of SNL style at a place that wasn't, didn't know that that was going to be the deal right the flexibility wasn't built in and the crews and the departments were not people that you were familiar with yeah and they all did an incredible job but it was all like a lot of like well we can't what are you talking about it's two days before the fucking emmys we can't fucking change that um so it was a lot of changes a lot of changes a lot of changes, a lot of changes, a lot of changes. And yeah, like the night before we had like done a run through and it was so it just like didn't work.

It just wasn't working. It just like wasn't working as a piece. Like it wasn't funny or wasn't didn't read. Probably never funny. But the entrances and the exits weren't working. The timing wasn't working. Certain people's parts weren't quite fleshed out or it felt sweaty. That's what I would say.

It felt sweaty. And when you say sweaty, define that for the lay people. It's overwrought and makes you nervous because it doesn't quite click. And the audience is nervous for you and the performers because they know it's not which is the number one thing you don't want is for the audience at home or in the audience watching to feel nervous while they're watching something happen yes yeah totally um and so the night before it was like do we cut it do we not cut it they really didn't want to cut it because they wanted Che and Jost to come out and be able to do their monologue with the audience already warmed up.

And also, it was hosted by Che and Jost, but something that they were really into was showcasing Kenan and Kate, who were both nominated. And they were starting off the show. And I think in theory, it was a really great idea to do this musical number at the top and um Jost took the script from me which had like a million rewrites on it and went through it and cut things down and move things and you know cut beats and everything and I really was sitting there talking to him being like you can't change that you can't change that because that person has rehearsed this number and tomorrow yes is the Emmys and he was like if this piece is going to survive this is what needs to be happened this need this is what needs to be happen this is what needs to happen and I This is what needs to happen. And I was freaking out.

And our incredible head of SNL costumes, he sat me down and he could see how nervous I was. And he turned to me and he said, like, you know, about all these like celebrities and amazing performers that were about to perform. And he said to me, they're all pros and they're not gonna fuck it up on tv it's their job yeah to do it tom said this tom said and not for nothing but you got talking about pros like anyone who even volunteers to do that number is going to be someone like kristen bell you know what i mean who has like a theater

background and is a professional and is ultimately a machine. Or Titus Burgess. Right, right, right. And then it was like, and it was a fucking miracle because we did all these changes. Then the morning of, everybody comes for the rehearsal and they think that they're just going to be doing what they did, you know, two days before. And everything's different. Almost everything is different. Wow. Almost everything. And everybody was like, okay, okay yeah got it and then we ran through it

it went great it did suddenly worked like you're looking at it and you're just like oh yeah and then this person comes in and then this point is made and then andy comes in and it all just like something's happening something's happening the dancers has come out it all worked and like everybody you know all of the producers everybody was like looking at us like it worked it worked and in that moment i realized that like oh my god i might like actually have if this didn't i had the thought of like if this hadn't worked i might like be fired. Wow. Like period. Like this was like such a like big undertaking that really wasn't working. My ass was truly, truly saved.

The one of each dancers is such a funny joke. The one of each dancers. Please welcome the one of each dancers. And then everyone comes out and it's like all diversity is represented. Choreographed by Mandy Moore. God bless Mandy Moore who was the other Mandy Moore.

The other Mandy Moore who absolutely absolutely took every single change and was like okay. What's your, I mean we're sort of talking about it now but like you look back on it now and you're like okay a very challenging

week of my life and career. But I've learned something. Like what's like, do you have this healthy distance from it now, two years later? I think that my takeaway from it is that that was the most pressure that I ever felt. And it was okay in the end and i survived yes but like shitting water panic attacks not sleeping like the whole shebang yeah yeah yeah yeah and i think i got so wasted that night yeah i would imagine absolutely ever and i was thank god it was like the first number and they did it and then afterwards i was just like i shaking. And then you're also nominated as probably a writer, right?

And you lose. Oh, yeah. I already knew I was going to lose. Did you know who was going to win the awards? Do you know that as a producer on it? No, no, no. I think those are all sealed. I don't think anybody knows except for like two people, basically.

Not even the presenters because they hire like independent people. Okay. But, you know, even with these shows, I never know exactly how real they are. Sure. With the Neil Patrick Harris of it all, speaking of magicians, it's 20 minutes ago. But yeah, that seems like I was very confused. And see, that's the thing with magicians is that I'm like,

I don't know what's real. And we're talking about it like four years later. Wait, what do you mean the Neil Patrick Carson when he goes to the Oscars and he was like in that briefcase over there on stage left like that's where like the best picture envelope is and I'll make it I don't remember what the fuck it was but I was just like

I like what is this for well I always just wonder like because the Emmys Oscars Tony's Grammys etc they are all ultimately television shows. Which you probably never understand more than when you actually write for it and are producing

it and are behind the scenes. So for me, it's like it's not that I question the validity of who wins or who gets nominated or what happens on the show, but I also know that it does have to adapt and be exciting for people to like it at home and watch it so i wonder if there's ever any sort of stuff going on with like

who wins to make it more exciting but then i realized that can't possibly be true because sometimes you do see someone win like and this is not knocking her but like julia garner from ozark wins an emmy and everyone's like, who? But if you watch the show, you would know who. I remember that was the year that everybody from Godless won. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which nobody had seen. Yeah, like it's not every year is a year where it's like everyone watched Friends and the whole cast of Friends won.

You know what i mean it's it's never like or like there's a narrative like you know it was the most diverse uh nominations that we've ever had and that resulted in the most diverse winners ever like it's not always linear like that and that makes me feel like oh it must be them going by the book and like the person who gets the most votes wins but in terms of like you're talking about like the producibility of these award shows, it's like, it's like with that year at the Emmys, it's like,

it was the most diverse nominees ever. And then it ironically ended up being the whitest winners. I mean, it's, it's ironic, but it's also, it does. This is what Sam was saying,

which is like the voting body is the voting body. Yeah. And it's still Hollywood. And like like kind of what i realized was that like in that moment even though the whole we solved it thing was like very like ironic and like tongue-in-cheek and like we weren't being serious about that at all but what i realized what i learned in that moment um was that like probably all of the non-white people in that audience were like yeah i was nominated but i'm not gonna win yeah could be you know and even if they thought they

were gonna win like i remember that being a particularly being a year where it was like there were a lot of deserving people of color that were nominated that did not win like and that's what's frustrating again and again is like and i say again and again but the fact of the matter is like in recent years there have been a lot of amazing people of color that have won and deservedly so like for example like i was so happy when tandy newton won because i thought that she deserved it for the first year and then she won for the second year and like you know uzo aduba has two emmys and like we saw viola davis get up there and win and like there's so many sure the only person that i feel like has constantly gotten the shaft year in and

year out is Sandra. I'm like, what the fuck is going on that we can't get this woman an Emmy? And I'm going to say Kenan Thompson. Kenan Thompson. Well, Kenan obviously. Kenan not winning that year.

I mean, crazy. And who was it? It was Henry Winkler, right? Yeah. Which is like the voting body. It's like old white guys being

like, we're not dead yet. We love this, you know, television legend. But also if you watch Barry, he deserves to win. And that's the thing about like, you know, Claire Foy is it's like, yes, she won because she deserved to win. But there were also women in that category who also deserved to win. So it's subjective.

But it's the reason why you have Kaminsky method making it past the first round. That is true. But the Globes is like a whole win. So it's subjective. But it's the reason why you have Kaminsky Method making it past the first round. That is true. But the Globes is like a whole different thing because it's like six people, you know. From different countries. Yeah, it's literally. It sucks, fuck that.

It's literally. Get out of Hollywood. It's literally 85 like older white male foreign journalists. But Kaminsky Method even makes it to the Emmys. But I do want to say that the, for every, like last year, for example,

for every kind of multiple awards rack up of like, let's say, a When They See Us, which was such a moment last year. Yeah.

You have, and I'm not saying, I'm not knocking the wins, but you have a Fleabag where it's like all these like white people. It's like Phoebe and- Women.

Women. White women. White women. Which is, I mean like Fleabag like deserved a lot of those awardsag where it's like all these like white people. It's like Phoebe and- Women. Women. White women. White women. Which is great. I mean like Fleabag like deserved a lot of those awards, but it's like, it's,

there's never, I don't know. I don't ever envision a year, maybe at any award show where it's like- I think if we've learned- It's not balanced out by like some like white- If people are voting, it's not going to be good. You know what I mean?

Like I think that's the thing. No, I disagree. I think it does defend. I think it does depend on the voting body. And I think that people that are artistic, if in a diverse voting body, which is where it lives and dies, will vote for the best art.

Like I think that like. If we can get like, yeah, the diverse voting i which i think they do try to do every year i mean you see like the academy announces like the new members that they're inviting and it is always like majority people of color as of the past few years like it seems like they really want to make this not a thing like where every year they're humiliated because yet again they can't they can't do this correctly but i think that if michaela coel was not was eligible this year i may destroy you would get

tons of nominations and it would do just as well as fleabag did last year in the comedy in the comedy series and it has nothing to do with really like capital r race period. It has to do with the fact that she released the arts, the comedic art that said a new thing that was performed, written for a new perspective and was the best and had people talking when no one was in the beginning. Is that it's like bottom up, you know what I mean? And it's like,

it all starts from like the ground, which is like, if, if the independent films and the ways that people get to that emmy nominated oscar nominated level are not also are are if if the gates to those things are closed yes for people you know who aren't white and male then the studios have to say we're gonna put for your consideration time effort and money into these projects as well that are that it's not just are really commercially successful all white

downton abbey ass shit you know what i mean like and and downton abbey was great but i'm just saying like you know it has to be equal and that's where the campaigning gets weird for me like i wish it wasn't even a thing i wish it wasn't even a thing. I wish it wasn't a political thing. It's like, if we're gonna have an awards show and it be authentic, then like, let's just do this completely even it out. But I also understand the need to campaign

and like, why people do it. But in terms of voting bodies, like, I think this is not a total analog, but with Grammys, with the Grammys, it's like, oh, Beyonce lost to Beck and Adele. Kendrick Lamar lost to Taylor Swift. It's like oh beyonce lost to beck and adele um kendrick lamar lost to taylor swift it's like there's these there i don't know it's like these voting bodies are going to be these hegemonic things that live on despite all these social changes well there's still institutions and i think it's important to do the work to dismantle

these institutions but i also feel like we need to place less value in these structures of power. And that to me feels like, honey, the one, the solution. I will fix everything. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, and yet you also like care and like want to win if you get nominated. But will you be mad if you don't get?

If I don't get nominated? No, I won't care. For what? He's gonna say that he doesn't care but he's gonna have about three days where he like has to recover yeah rebound from you definitely will because you guys get nominated every year yeah every year yeah but it's also

maybe it's comforting to know that like well we know almost know what the result is like you'll get nominated and probably lose because they can't get over John Oliver. Honey, I am happy to dress up and eat a Wolfgang Puck little pudding at the after party. What are they going to do this year? We don't know.

I don't know. Probably not have it. But they, no, they're going to have it. And Jimmy Kimmel is like the host and they're going to try to not do it over Zoom. Like they're going to do something with it. That's what Robin was saying. Robin was saying that she thought they were going to do something. We. That's what Robin was saying. Robin was saying that she thought

they were going to do something. We'll see. Okay, we have to... Let's take a quick break and we'll come back. This fall on Bravo. It's time to turn up. Think you've seen it all?

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New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez.

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Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll.

This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image and huge life transformations.

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Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. Okay, we're back. We have to, have to talk about summer of cunt this is ku3nt yeah that's what this is um many will say it's a lost summer and perhaps it is uh but we a student i still have a student i've been talking we still have mission driven things to work towards the summer i think we were talking on the way over here. Do you? We have movies we want to watch and we have things we want to develop around.

Bitch, the only thing we've been watching is the Disney magic. Oh, Disney fairytale weddings. It's gonna be the most amazing night. I have basically been enjoying

Disney weddings with these two while they've been here. Well, you have to say Disney fairytale weddings because it is a fairytale. Disney fairytale weddings on Hulu Plus. It made the list. Yes. And it's what we really have been enjoying together.

And now it really is what I'll put on when I'm in my... Excuse me? In your trailer? No, not in my trailer. And when I'm here at home that's what i i put it on every narrative i love which is theme park wedding and then there's a special series that is holiday so then you get the christmas element yes yeah and i'm regressing i mean it it's so you ultimately are rooting for them every step of the way. Are you? No,

not at all. Some of them you are. Absolutely not. They always have a hot non white couple that was clearly cast that are like smoke shows. And then the other couple, and this is ubiquitous across the board, dud, lipless whites with no lips, always something going on with the teeth and also like you and

this is you know i don't mean to be disparaging of this but it's part of like the nastiness of disney which is that middle class people put all of their money yes into this do you think if they're on the show they're paying for it? I don't think so. I think that they pay for some of it. I think they probably applied and they probably got it and Disney was like, we'll pay for your whole thing because you're on the show.

I don't think it's all free though. I really don't. None of these couples seem to me like couples that could afford this. Wow. But that is the demographic of the people that are doing Disney weddings. You think that the demographic of people that go out and get married at Disney are people who would save up and pay well beyond their means to get married in Disney and then go back to-

Yes, because that's what they do for the vacations. Yeah. That's what they're- I mean, they're saving up for- It's the American dream. Yeah. It really is. Disney weddings is the American Dream. Yeah. It really is. Disney Weddings is the American Dream. To get married

at 2 a.m. in front of Cinderella's castle is the American Dream. With special guest star Olivia Newton-John. And frizzy barrel curls because your hair and makeup was done at 9 p.m. It's the new distortion. It's the new prism through

which the American Dream is refracted. What's been your favorite episode of Disney Fairytale Weddings? I liked the first one, I believe, where it was the interracial couple, the Asian man and the white wife. And you found out it was revealed that it was his dream to get married in Disney. And she was so supportive the entire time

and got very emotional about how much she loves him. It's a beautiful, beautiful story. They loved hockey. I also love it when like a couple's entire love and like foundation of their lives is based on like hockey or like, you know, that's like a big thing or Disney in and of itself. But that made them more likable to me, which is that it wasn't their singular. And Disney was not their only interest. No, they also liked hockey. And then they brought the Stanley Cup to the reception.

Huge. Yeah, and they were freaking out. I would have freaked. I would have freaked. If they had like Betty Davis's Oscar on your wedding cake, I would freak. I would not. Let me just say this right now and be very clear.

Okay, Julia Roberts' Oscar. No, shut up. Let me be very clear. If I ran out to the reception at my wedding, and everyone that I knew and loved was standing around Julia Roberts' Oscar waiting for my reaction, I would be mortified. What do you mean? My jaw wouldn't drop, and I'd be like,

Oh my God, this is my dream! You would at least laugh. I would laugh my ass off because I, but ultimately I would laugh my ass off because I am such a joke. If you all thought, you know what Matt would really love on the biggest day of his life

to run out and see Julia Roberts' Oscar rented out sitting in the middle of the dance floor. It's rented out. I would be literally. Okay, what crop do each of you guys want. It's rented out. I would be literally. Okay what prop do each of you guys want? The DeLorean from Back to the Future. Oh that's fine.

I want come back to me. Come back to me. I want to get married at Barbra Streisand's house in Malibu. Yeah you want to get married in the mall. That's not a prop. You should get married in the mall downstairs yeah which is real i've heard i've had it confirmed no i mean it's known real it's a fact the mall yeah yeah that she is a mall what what do you do when you own a mall like so basically if you have a mall underneath your home it would have to be

staff well it's not a mall per se it's a actually very Disney because it's very turn of the century, kind of like early 1900s. It's a Victorian kind of walkabout. Yes. And there's a place for her dolls and there's a place for her costumes that she's kept, a lot of period costumes. There's an old fashioned candy store. It's kind of like a theme park more than it is like the Americana. Well, OK, so but is it staffed? I'm saying it has to be.

It's been staffed and it's been maintained. There's an entire play about like the guy who I forget what it's called, but Michael Urie was in it. Oh, you mean Byron Seller. Byron Seller. And he is it that that's the play that is based on oh are you saying things that are wrong i'm always saying things that are wrong but what i guess my question is like does she call in advance like two hours that's what i'm thinking it is and then and it's not like they're just sitting there the whole day

no they can't possibly be no like remember in um i believe it was richie rich yeah i knew where like he went down and there was a mcdonald's and there was like a huge roller coaster and it was like he owned it all and i was like so this is like a bustling mcdonald's and we're to believe that they're all working at a mcdonald's in his home by the way i want mcdonald's so bad right now oh my god how bad do you want mcdonald's now that i said it zero point zero zero i want mcdonald's so bad i fucking died what's going on i want it so bad i haven't eaten it every time i eat a mcnugget i'm like this is just chicken paste yeah but that's because you're eating the mcnuggets bitch i've always been a mcnugget burgers you need to eat the cheeseburgers. They're the most amazing burgers in the world. Chicken fingers all the way.

They're the most amazing burgers in the world. If you're a chicken finger bitch, pop off in the comments. I'm a chicken finger absolute bitch, but that doesn't mean that I can't enjoy the most amazing burger from McDonald's. Although I love chicken fingers, but I judge other people that love chicken fingers.

Yeah. Sudi uses chicken fingers as synecdoche for like trashiness. Yeah, of course she does. Or classism. Well, I don't like picky eaters. No, but she'll go like, I can't marry. We were talking about Indian matchmaking, I think. And then somehow it led into like the types of partners we want.

And she was like, you know, I can't date. I can't marry like no chicken finger eating dude. Well, it was that i was like going i like met uh like and went on a socially distant state with a guy who was like i love budweiser oh i was like okay is this classist of me to be like so unattracted to this person for liking budweiser but it's like i can't be with no chicken finger picky eater ass bitch like expand your horizons. Just because someone likes chicken fingers does not mean they're picky eaters.

I'll eat everything. And I love chicken fingers. Chicken fingers with no sauce though. So what? With a piss beer. Stop being this way. With a piss beer like Budweiser. It's not a piss beer.

It's Anheuser-Busch. It's all to the earth. I don't think so honey. Anheuser-Busch queen. Look. Y'all are. If you live in Fort Greene. You can't be drinking Budweiser sir that's what kind of beer

are they to drink um what's acceptable literally anything that's too silent yes all day ipa founders honey well no what i'm saying is that if you like budweiser that's fine but if you like Budweiser, that's fine. But if you have tasted other beers beside Budweiser and have said, no, I actually prefer the watery piss, then there's a taste level there that you are lacking. Some people like what they are used to. Some people like to drink a lot. And so they have things like Bud Light, things like Co bud light things like i want somebody as my partner i get it who is going to audacious expand their horizons audacious you want an audacious drinker

yes i want somebody who's an audacious drinker and at least at least orders a fucking Peroni. God damn. There was a time where I think back in college, like when I was first Oh, so you were talking about college. Sorry. Sorry, bitch. I don't want to talk about it. There was a time when I had like discovered craft beer and I thought it was like the coolest thing ever. It's fine.

Like being like, you know, like 21 year old. Well, we went to college. That was like the peak of that's when like uh you know like 21 year old 21 year old college that was like the peak of that's when like craft beer was like i was popping off remember i worked at beer craft yes i do you you are trash through and through why because i worked in a park slow beer craft store craft beer store anyway so what i'm saying is there was a time when i went to college and like was able to drink and i started to really like craft beer because i didn't know that it could be that yeah i had only ever grown up around my dad drinking corselite all the time and then you're

like it can taste like pumpkin wow and i was like oh pumpkin beers you know is my shit yeah i love pumpkin beers we used to go in to over the eight where they would do pumpkin beers with a cinnamon sugar rim. Yep, always. Which is like, why am I popping off on people who like Budweiser when I'm like a cinnamon sugar rim bitch? Shut up. It's fine. The judgment level has to get way down. So basically, I went back home for like a family thing.

And I remember like my aunt's friend that was there. I was talking about beer with her and she like exclusively only drank Coors Light uh-oh and I said to her like I love craft beer like I love this and like I love have you ever tried like um like this type of beer this type of beer and she looked at me like it was like a political thing you are gay and she was like and she was like I don't know I just like to drink this because I can drink a lot of it and like a political thing. You are gay. And she was like, and she was like, I don't know. I just like to drink this because I can drink a lot of it and like walked away

and I was just like, okay. So like culturally, it is a different thing. That's fine for them, but that person is not my partner. That's fine for them, but that person is not my partner.

There's a whole Gia Talentino essay in this where she talks about sweet green being like the perfect food for millennials or for this like dissociative time in the world where it's like for for that for your aunt she can drink a lot of it and that's why she likes quarter's light that's the reason why are you cold is that why you're doing that with your shirt a little bit

when i when i worked at beer craft um it was like this craft beer store in park slope and you could taste the beers before you got like a Costco. Yeah, exactly. You could taste the beers before you got it. And like it was all full of these like functioning alcoholic dads in Park Slope who would like, you know,

it was fine that they were drinking a lot of this beer because it was craft beer. It was like very clear like that that was the deal. Like getting drunk on a Sunday with the baby. God bless. I mean, we all should be able to do that.

I mean, we are getting drunk on a Sunday. Come on picnic tables. You know what I mean? Yeah. But they would be like, oh, what's that one? And I would just lie.

I would just make shit up. And I'd be like, that one's hoppy. And then they would be like drinking. They're like, hoppy? And I'm like, well, it's a cask barrel. And they'd be like drinking and they're like hoppy and I'm like well it's it's a cask barrel

and they'd be like cask barrel okay no no no we have to talk about the the performance of Sudi when she was working at beer craft I went in there once and she was truly wearing like at least two layers of flannels in a baseball cap oh she was someone else

back then it's so funny to see her like think she has like a refined taste I. Oh, she was someone else back then. It's so funny to see her, like, think she has, like, a refined taste. I saw her when she was, like, covered in flannel on flannel on flannel, like, mopping up nasty beer. And I used to wear your shirts. I used to wear your flannel shirts. You were giving hot butch energy, though.

Thank you for saying that. The reason why I was wearing, this was, like, right after I got, like, fired from being a, not fired, Kamau Bell, I was a this was like right after I got like fired from being a not fired. Kamau Bell, I was a PA there at his show and it was canceled. And so I was so, so poor and I got a job at Beer Craft and I would drink. The only way that we could function because you had to like mop down all the beer at the end of the night. And the only way that we could function is if we were like pretty drunk at that point to like hot mop, like sticky beer

off of every surface in this place. And so also you were encouraged, like the barrels like changed every day. Casks, I forget what the word is. Kegs. Kegs. The kegs changed every day. Cask is a whole different thing.

So you would have to show up and drink the new beers so you could tell people about them. And everybody was just functionally buzzed the entire time. I miss that. And I gained about 30 pounds. So I was only wearing jeans and a flannel for a good seven or eight months. We were like beer friends because at that time,

I was waiting tables at Ulysses in the financial district, which was like an Irish pub slash like really big beer bar. And there was like 25 different beers on tap at any different time. And it was just like, or not that much, but there was a ton. And I remember my favorite day would be like, I think it was Tuesdays or Thursdays, the like reps from the company would come in and we would try everything we were getting.

And it was just like, I also used to drink at that job so much. If you were in the service industry, you were drunk, you're drinking or you're high. I mean, that's like, come on. There was a time, there was like, I think it's six to eight month period where I was so high at work every day. You guys would talk about, I would, I would come and smoke with you guys in that period. And you guys would talk about i would i would come and smoke with you guys in that period and you guys would talk about going to work stone so high and this was right after we went to um uh chapel hill north carolina to go perform comedy with our sketch group and then

sudi drove us back in her van and we were talking about and tessa scara smoked us out and it was the craziest tweet i've ever smoked and sudi was driving and she was talking about the like the band yes and I was not stoned though when you weren't driving you you know you were sober and driving we must say but I was I went on a greyhound you guys hotbox that man yes oh I'm sorry no you did get so weird because you know what I was so stoned and I kept saying i'm experiencing reality in three different layers you did keep saying that and then you kept saying nobody should get that high and then go on a greyhound from wilmington delaware experiencing three different realities is what boniang so i we get back in on this greyhound smoking marijuana we get back on this we get back in on this greyhound the driver was insane by the time we pull into the port authority one of the passengers had called him out and said

your driving sucked and then he slammed the brakes oh yeah and was like who said that and it was i was too stoned for it i go to sleep i wake up the next day still stoned going to work and was freaked and then literally weeks later you guys were like yeah i go and i go into work stoned all the time i was like how the first couple times was not great but then you do get used to it especially because you're waiting tables it's you're not using your brain it's rough which told me a million times i'll never forget the microaggression that was i i i used to wait tables for a decade and then sudi was like i don't know i just feel like i'm not using my brain and not putting my roots down in a career and i was just like it's like i'm not i'm persian i can't help it okay i'm always thinking in that

way okay it was so aggressive towards me let's quickly quickly try to like uh set an intention for our summers of cunt this year it's it's not lost summer. It's tradition. I'll start. I was talking to Sudi about this. I don't want this to be a summer of productivity. I want this to be a summer of coming into my own and knowing what I want out of relationships. I was talking to Sudi. I was like, I can't believe I'm still dealing with the same dating bullshit which i know like does not change with your circumstance necessarily but i'm like i have to change the circumstances of my mindset and the dating sort of lay of the land and all that well because you were like well i was saying to you that you need to break your pattern yes and i'm also talking to myself in that same way which is i need to break my pattern i need to break your pattern. And I'm also talking to myself in that same way, which is I need to break my pattern.

I need to break my pattern. And what are the patterns? My pattern is kind of second guessing as soon as it starts to, the germ starts to grow even a little bit of intimacy. You jump to this person

doesn't like me. i do and also jump to it's like just a sex thing right those that's that's the that's the binary it's either one or the other there's no room for it this could be this could be something but i also said that bowen is it okay for me to talk. That Bowen is not really going for people that are on his wavelength and that he could form those feelings for. And I feel like it's whoever happens to be, you know, your current romantic, you know, dalliance,

you know, either it's a fun hookup or like whatever. Part of the self-fulfilling prophecy is that, well, this person is not on my same wavelength. They don't fulfill me like intellectually. I can't really see myself like, you know, falling in love with this person and,

and like finding a partner in them. And so then of course it falls into that binary. Yes. And I, and I think, you know, with myself, I like fall into this pattern of like, I say that I want this partner. I say that I want this like developed whole person.

And I date comedians, you know? I date the same guy that I've been dating since I was 19 years old. And it's the same issues every time. Yeah, you do tend to date a very similar person every time. It's different variations on that same person. So there's the Texas man, the chicks. Hello. I was going to say we must discuss the chicks.

We must discuss the chicks. There's different variations on a theme. Yeah, for sure. And it's what's comfortable. When I meet a funny man who I can do bits with and i think is cute it just it just happens and and it's easy and and you know i i love that guy but i can't keep complaining about not being with like um a fully developed person which is my main thing. And then keep dating comedians, male comedians.

Like it's, it's, well, you know what though? Like, I think that, I think that what we're experiencing at this age, which is like,

you know, becoming 30, I think that what we're 30 cusp, 30 cusp for me, third full blown 30 K U three NT colon 30 cusp. That's the title. I don't know about that um i didn't sign off on that i'm not seeing enough discussion um um i think that what we're realizing

is that at this age those people that you've tend to go for they can't fake being okay and cool anymore you know what i mean like at 30 it's like people are starting to really feel like why haven't i figured it out or if i have figured it out did i figure it out in the right way and everyone is very much facing their own stuff right now at this age and going forward you know it's not once you move through your 20s it's like you can't blame it on your 20s anymore you know what i mean it's like so i think that's why it's frustrating to deal with a type of person that is um uh not has not figured it out because this is a time when they are confronting that hard yeah and i also find over and over again that like i have figured a lot more out than maybe

other people my age have. And that's like, it doesn't matter too if I'm with somebody who maybe isn't as financially stable as I am or isn't as far along in their career as I am. I acknowledge that I got to those places very early in my life. And I am very much willing to be with somebody

who is not at that place in their life, you know, yet or ever, whatever. You know what I mean? I feel like I'm, that's not a big deal for me. It's a big deal for them. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's totally a thing. You're a fixed point and they are trying to find themselves relative, their circumstances relative to yours.

It's hard to date men when you're a woman who is successful. Dixie chicks. Dixie chicks. Tights on the boat. Who's going to do their taxes. Tights on my boat. Honey. You don't want to be doing any men's taxes.

Matt, what's your summer of cunt goal? Okay, so I would say that it's almost weird to even have a summer of cunt goal because I feel that everyone's summer of cunt ambition should just be to survive. Yeah. But I would say my summer of cunt goal is staying positive. And my summer of cunt goal is to be more honest with myself and to stop letting myself off the hook so many times. Like, sometimes I will, like like let myself slip in terms of,

like I think I could probably like be indulging a little bit less. Like I'm like sort of eating, my diet's not great again in quarantine. And like I do smoke a ton of weed and like sit around and watch a lot of television, which is like, and I feel like something a lot of people doing is like, it's quarantine, it's okay. And like the like you're reaching across the table i'm grabbing your hand and being like it's okay all you have to do is survive right now all you have to do is make it to the next day this is unprecedented what we're going through you know like no one has a rule book on how to do this right it's quarantine it's so different and i'm just like you gotta stop saying

that at a certain point because this could be for a while. I think we're all just saying like, well, the vaccine's coming. Who the fuck is the doctor here who knows that the vaccine is coming? Girl, how you gonna get it? And you're gonna take the first vaccine? Okay, honey.

Girl, AstraZeneca has a 2 billion dose commitment to the Oxford vaccine. It's gonna come eventually just because you say that does not make it true no i'm the authority no you actually are deeply not listen to me all i'm saying is that like we can't use this complacent time to be complacent if that makes sense yeah like like yes a huge focus of our lives should be just like trying to find like our little moments of positivity that keep us going day to day but also like i want to make sure that i'm still taking care of myself you know what i mean i don't want to use it also doesn't need to be your default

which is like full hedonistic debauchery right you know what i mean we don't always have to go there you know what i mean and i feel like people who ordinarily would deal with stress by like going out and dancing or going on having sex or going out and like you know drinking or like going out and doing this like you're facing all those things and you're supposed to be in your house and so for me like um I'm the kind of person that doesn't have great impulse control when it comes to like eating stuff or um you know like indulging or whatever and so for me i just want to exercise a little bit more self-control and just because someone else is like um doing one thing doesn't mean i have to do it i just want to stay more positive and i think the way i can do

that is to sort of be a little bit real with myself about the fact that like you know just because i'm in this apartment all the time doesn't mean that like um my life has to feel sloppy or i just i don't have to feel sluggish or you know like i i do i did start like working out um you know ariel i get on the zoom with him and like yeah he like we i work out with him and the first day we did that because i hadn't worked out in so long i felt awful i had to stop like three quarters of the way through and like almost threw up just because it had been so long yeah and also there's so much weirdness zero to 100 no and i really wasn't but it just kind of was like a wake-up call of like really the way i've treated myself over the past four months and um for me it's like i had made so many positive changes in that area that i don't want to fall back to

like a me and my mid to late 20s where it was sort of like i can do whatever the fuck i want like my metabolism is good like that's not really the case anymore like i'm 30 years old 30 cusp like again i am 30 years old not 30 cusp like he keeps kind of like taking the narrative you're on the cusp of your 30s between we just don just don't want your 30-year-old ass to erase that we're 29. You can do and feel however the age that you want, but me, I'm not gonna, again, this is the accountability of self.

Like, I am 30 years old. I'm saying that the three of us are bound to a common identity of 30 cusps. Okay, well, you keep dragging me back. And also, you know how I feel about the 30-year-old narrative. And I'm not saying that means old. I'm just saying it means that, well, you keep dragging me back. And also, you know how I feel about the 30-year-old narrative. And I'm not saying that means old. I'm just saying it means that, like,

I can't get away with the stuff that I used to get away with. And that's not a bad thing. It's a good thing. I'm trying to be accountable. You know what I mean? I just don't want to feel, like, shitty. And I feel shitty when I eat Taco Bell at 1 in the morning. Yeah, because it's

not good for you honey right and i know that but but like that's where my impulse control falters and like i don't feel good when i'm up till three in the morning and then wake up at noon that's why like i'm so excited to be working again and like i'm really excited to be like doing things again and like it's great to remember that that will return because i like to go to bed at 10 30 or 11 p.m and then wake up at 7 30 8 o'clock in the morning like i like that like i've really discovered that about myself and moving to los angeles like i like a routine i love to work i loved having a social life and to be honest with you like before this was all happening i had never never been happier. I had been never been so professionally successful, you know, like things were going great in my personal life.

You also love being busy. I love being busy. Yeah. And I had a whole, I would wake up in the morning and be so excited about the day. And there was so much going on and like so much stuff that's still going on in the future, you know, whether it's delayed or finding a way to happen and i just you know and it's so funny because while all this good stuff was happening like you got me that little tower of terror bell yes and i ding it it looks like a little like what would you call it like a bell hop bell uh-huh and i started dinging it every morning for luck and i was like i gotta ding it for luck and then one day i dinged the bell and i was walking out the door and i was like well i mean all this good stuff is happening now but it's gonna end like there's no way i can continue to be this happy and then i had my 30th birthday and then three or four days later it was like

quarantine went or the coronavirus went from something that was like not our problem to like very much our problem. And they were saying in a couple weeks it'll be fine. And then when it was clear that was not the case like I did like there was like a period there were like every six seven days I would have like a very, very dark day. And I was like, I can't believe I worked so long and so hard to be able to finally be self-sufficient and happy and have a nice apartment and like, you know, do all these things. And I finally, after a decade of like really struggling, was here and now like... Because you were.

Yeah, I mean like, and you know, lots of things. It's a huge setback for everyone. And, like, you know, so many people. It's just stopped momentum for everyone. And I am totally aware of the fact that, like, you know, for so many people, it's stopped so much more than just momentum or joy. But in the way that I'm dealing with it, I just don't want that to continue to dominate my life. The dark thoughts. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I hate it and I think less of people who talk to me like that and people who are negative towards me around the coronavirus it's something that I can't get over if you talk to me and spew sort of terror speak about the coronavirus and quarantine, I'm done, I'm out you're threatening my happiness and I can't talk to you as long as it doesn't hold you back from confronting realities Like you're threatening my happiness and I can't talk to you.

So as long as it doesn't hold you back from confronting reality is about. No, I can confront reality. Like I'm very aware. And some people want to live there. And you know, some people can't help it. And that's just like how they process shit like this. And like, you know, they need to keep up on the news. Well, those people can get, but those people can get the fuck away from me is what i'm saying like i don't want to talk to you i don't want you in my life if you are going to be some sort of like someone who's obsessed with fatality i'm out i like i don't

like it i don't like negative energy you just don't want to talk to like a black pillar who's like okay this like every we're fucked forever yeah i don't want anyone to that's i don't need anyone in my life that's like thinking we're going to be living in covid soup for the rest of our life even if that's true i just don't care to engage in it because of what i know it does to me and so like it's fair keep it away from me sure because that's just the way i feel and so what i feel like i'm focused on for summer of cunt is just making the world a beautiful place that i can still positively live in for myself sure which is hard yeah yeah um but it's hard to have goals in terms of like you know interpersonal relationships or my own body or this or that

the other thing without without relating to the coronavirus which is what we're all going through because for me it's like that is the dominating thing that is the equalizer of everyone right now and for me it's just like trying to find a way to live with this understanding that it might be however long yes you you don't want to plot your inner your your personal growth without considering the monoculture that is coded. Well, how could you, how could you, how could you live like that?

Like, how could you actually live thinking, well, this is what life is now until the day I die. Like, I don't get it. I mean, some people in the same way that you function,

that you would rather stay in a bubble of positivity because you're very sensitive to those kinds of thoughts. Some people get comfort in the reality and knowing what's going on. Some people need to know the facts, live in the facts and think worst case scenario so that they can prepare for that. And that is how some people function and cope.

I mean, I think the bottom line is that people we all know how horrible the situation is people are dying and the government is failing us and you know how you live with that every day as long as you know that and you're like responsible responsible for that responsible reacting to that then i don't know what i'm fucking saying i'm just like you're trying to present like a logical reason for why someone would be obsessed with the situation that we're now in because because they want because they want to understand what's happening yeah and they want to feel like my whole family it's like it's like another case here another case there like i mean that's the text thread is like anything you bring up it's like well yeah i mean and we're never going to get this and those people

are dying and like of course they won't wear a mask and everything i mean my entire like extended family lives in that every day but they're also you know that's just how they function they they are news uh sponges and they need to monitor the situation. And let me make clear that I am not someone who doesn't watch the news. I very much know what's going on. Matt watches the news. Is the news. Is the news.

I keep up every day with what's going on, and I am doing everything in my power to stop the spread in my own life. But what I'm saying is when people are comfortable with negativity and fatality, which is different than reality, reality is we are in a horrible pandemic and every single day there's more cases in the United States

because our government is failing. That's reality. I'm comfortable with knowing reality. What I'm uncomfortable with is people submitting to the idea that this is forever. And like

that's what's going to be top of mind forever. I just don't understand how could you what are you looking forward to then? You need to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Very much so. I don't think that that's accurate to say that this is the new normal and everything. I mean, huge cataclysmic events happen in the world, and then you adjust to a new reality,

and some things are different and some things are the same. And that will probably be what happens here i just get frustrated when when there's sort of a resignation to death like i i just like that because i need to like i like i like living if that sounds basic or whatever. Sudi, let's go to you. Sudi, what's your summer of cunt? Well, you know, I was thinking about this today in the shower. And I was thinking that like a big reason why Bowen and I were like, let's go to LA was that we were, you know, as safe as you can be. As safe as you can be.

You know. Everything is safe. Well, you know, everything's a risk. So you be as safe as you can and still things could happen. You got to mitigate the risk and be like, well, this is worth it. You know, we decided it was.

But, you know, it's because like Bone and I were like in our apartments in New York and we're both single and like a big thing for me was that like i kept having these dark repetitive thoughts like just living in like a dark thought cycle and i would like work and i had like the shrill zoom room and like a running joke that i would say like if i like talked a little bit too much or told a boring story like in the

shrill zoom room i I would like say afterwards, I was like, you guys are the only and first people I talked to all day. And so if I seem crazy right now, like that's why. And one of my like recurring dark thoughts was, and it sounds like so nasty, like in the world of COVID to like think of this but also like this

is what summer of cunts is about it's like often about our romantic lives i think also because like career wise or like life wise we feel good and so like we tend to focus on our romantic lives but i was like this was this summer or whatever i was like i was gonna get find a fucking boyfriend and i was gonna you know like snl was gonna be over and I was gonna get fucking snatched and then this was gonna be my like slutty summer which you know this is a pattern for me is like I have slutty summers which is like a god bless and I was like this is gonna be it and I'm gonna like fuck and I'm gonna find a husband but also like fuck and um like I just kind of was in this thought spiral of I'm alone in my apartment. I don't have a partner.

I'm going through this alone and I'm going to be alone because there's this window that I have before I have to go back to work and work like a thousand hours a week and be so burnt out that I like can't even like see, let alone like touch a dick. And, you know, they really don't talk about and they need a chapter in the snl book about like how to fix your sex life i mean come on how to touch a dick first of all um please let me know um but then you know it's funny because like just the other day i was in our airbnb and you know it's covet and i'm talking to this guy yes and we sort of had um go on there was a there was a phone sex situation i love it i love it i love it and you know i love it i love it i love it And after, okay, so I'll just say it went there. It absolutely went there. Did it finish there?

Oh, yeah. And the next morning, you you know he texts me and i was very much like i'm defining loose experience for him in terms of like me and i was like look it's quarantine i had never done something like that before it was fun it was a moment in time i got my damn night which i didn't say but like i was like you know i hope it was mutually pleasurable blah blah blah and like that's great and i was like i'm fucking empowered with my pleasure it's quarantine and i'm like you know doing this and then you know he's in new york and like with the time difference or whatever the next day he like texts me at like 2 p.m and like i'm busy and horned up and he's like i'm thinking about blah blah blah like come say hi and i'm

like this this this can't i this can't be i just it just um it was clear to me that like the experience for me was different than the experience for him and like that's okay but i just kind of realized because in the end it wasn't that satisfying of i have no regrets but it really wasn't that um satisfying of an experience and i think that i was like what if i just stop seeking this what if i just stop and i should have come to this so much earlier in quarantine but i was like why am i obsessed over finding like some dude to like fuck and look at when i wake up in the morning who the fuck cares he's probably gonna suck anyway so like why don't i just be absolutely 100 okay and happy and ecstatic that i'm single, be happy with myself, like celebrate myself.

And then when a great other soul comes to me and I see that soul and I say, I want to share my like joy with you and I want to share your joys and your sorrows. When I meet that special thing, then I will be like, let's do this. But if I don't see that thing, if I don't see that thing if I don't see that special soul then I need to be like celebrating my ass and not worry

about nothing's missing in my life that's what I need to get rid of nothing's missing in my life yes but it is understandable to me to want to seek out some quick little dopamine head rewards different getting your night is different but getting your nut is different than intimacy yeah but you build you build your channels for people who can help you get your nut and so you and so you communed or you whatever you connected with this guy and then you got your nut and then the next day he was like hey it's 2 p.m on the pacific uh coast why don't we blah blah blah and you're like wait no like it's just it's first of all you're allowed to say no of course and also

to be honest with you like i kind of think it's nice to have those relationships where it's like oh that's the guy i get my nut with online you know what i mean like i think it's fun what bollen no nothing it's absolutely fun it's fun and it's it's just like it's also it's its own little relationship and it's like don't think of that as a thing that's like i don't want to do this anymore unless it's making you feel bad it's great that he exists there and he wants to get his nut with you i guess i just felt that i wish and i'm not going into details yeah but i wish that the attitude on his part had been, let's get our nut together

and let this be like a happy, fun, COVID exciting experience. But it was not that way for him. I see, I see. And that was what was revealed to me, which is why I'm kind of like, I gotta be good with myself. Yes.

And also like, yes, and also like yes and also like i don't regret the experience don't put and don't put any extra stress on yourself that that's the part of kind of what i'm saying is it's like you know let things be easy in that department because it's so hard of everywhere else and also like i think like ultimately if you have the attitude that it feels like some of these guys might have it might lead you down a road of like fuck i'm single like was this wasn't what i needed it to be this wasn't what it really is and there and i may never have that etc just like don't live in that place wish that i just wish that men understood where i come from with a lot of hookups which is like i think that there's this binary of like we're either just fucking or we're dating and there

can be an in between where you are this is my ideal which is tender pleasure giving caring you know the most natural thing in the world is to have sex you know to explore to be vulnerable in front of each other and have it be this good experience for both people that is like two bodies you know what I mean and it's very natural but once you get into that like vulnerability with somebody I think that a lot of times they're scared that it's going to turn into like a committed relationship thing, which is like once you are that free sexual woman in front of them that's all they think of you as they think of you as just like this woman who was down to do those things where it's like it's not that you get to benefit for the fact that i'm sexually liberated but that doesn't mean that i am the person that you think that I am. Wow. This is the thing. The market is constantly fluctuating around the value that we place on intimacy, sex, singlehood, whatever. And so there's no fixed anything in our journeys around

relationships or not wanting a relationship um to put this in economic terms it's like the value changes in in all of those areas also intimacy and sex are two so different things but not for everybody there's they need to understand that they're different things yeah that they're two so different things they're two so different things yes they're such different things and i think that like ultimately like if if if the way that you have sex is like intimate always like and you need that then that's great but i think that some people could like lower the stakes a little bit by realizing that not everything has to mean like so so so so much well yeah 100 but yeah i agree with you but also it's like i also think deep deeply what it really is is it's like we all wish for

that moment when sex feels like more yeah and every single time we have sex and it doesn't feel like more we have questions with ourselves about why that was was it my fault was it his fault could it get better in do I judge myself about it yeah and that's something that's been like a whole journey I think for everyone is this just like especially living in a culture where sex is like vilified you know what I mean especially being vilified it's just no well it's fragile it is made to look like a bad illicit thing for many years well I think also like in as a woman as a woman it's worse having sex with straight men the what what I take from what you're saying matt is like the intention versus

the aftermath is often two things it's like the thing where like you're watching porn and you're like typing in your search words and then afterwards once you nut you're like i don't even know what the fuck yeah why like who is that i don't know who that is but it exists with just you and so you and so you don't have like a narrative back and forth about it. Whereas when you have sex with another person, you have to leave that situation knowing that you shared it with someone else. And they have an emotional conversation that they're having with themselves about it. Which is worse. Because when you're just left with your own thoughts and search words, there's no exhaust valve. So you're just like, well, this is my shit.

I think it's always going to be worth worse when you have questions about what someone else felt about it i kind of feel like the the pattern that i get stuck in is that i feel sexually free i also like am a horny and a sexual person and so when i'm attracted to somebody or on a date that's something that I'm looking for is like that fun hookup at the end of the night whatever like degree of hookup that is and I don't like to do the mental game of commodifying access to my body in terms of a relationship I don't like to hold back to get something down the line i don't like to engage in that and and i think that men are very excited when i am sexually down and excited and want to

fuck but then they get into this narrative of the commodifying of my sexual access. And then once we fuck, it's like, you are fuck. You are no longer like a person. Once you fuck, you are fuck. And, you know,

maybe people would say like, you have to let the emotions grow before the physicality grows. And I think that there is, you know, an argument to that. And, and, and,

and, and, you know, sex is better when you have a deeper connection, but I'm not always in that place yeah and that's why i have sex with a lot of people once because i see the look in their eyes when it's done and i'm like this is changed your view of me yeah you feel like they come out do you feel like a notch on their bedpost? This has changed your view of me and your view of me is not accurate. And I did you a favor.

Right. And like, you're not even paying me like the respect that I deserve for like, why can't this just be a mutual nice thing to do to somebody? Yeah, you're right. To make somebody else come. Sex should be mutual aid.

And that's a rule of culture number nine. Sex should be mutual aid. Community fridges. of culture number nine. Sex should be mutual aid. Community fridges. It's just so different in the community that Bowen and I are in. It's so different because it is it's like transactional is not the right word. It's just so like

the terms to arrive at the finished product let's say are like constantly fucked up and weird I don't know I think it can be there's no set terms of agreement to

arriving in sex yeah I think which also applies to heterosexual I think that for a woman entering sex though just me guessing it must feel like you know as I'm entering a sexual situation with this man, this heterosexual man, like there is go there you know what i mean yeah but as a fucking liberated woman who has done the work and educated myself on my own oppression i reject that narrative yeah but i'm confronted with that narrative with the other person constantly whether it's conscious or

subconscious yeah and and you know maybe sometimes it's in my head. I also feel like I've, I try, you know, sex is complicated for men too. I think that there's a lot of like nervousness and performance anxiety. Oh yeah. And like, you know, I think that there's a whole bag of worms. There's,

there's so, there's so much on either side, you know what I mean? I guess my ideal sexual situation. And, you know, if you know somebody, if you're listening right now and you know somebody who's down for this please reach out and if they have a good job and they're well

educated and read that's that's really kind of a requirement and and i want to say that with the caveat um uh uh because you know we're we're trying to find our partner as well but be as safe as you can be you know there as you can be when there's risk there's risk involved there's risk involved and you know they don't have to have the PhD

they just have to enjoy their work you know what I mean and like be passionate about it and be good at it but like I guess what I'm looking for

is like if I can't find that soul that I want to connect with and be vulnerable with and like fall in love with I wish that i could find

liberated individuals who um were interested in mutual pleasure and kindness yes yeah that's that that's what it is this is this is summer of cunt for all of us isn't it yeah i think it's just like men just have to not be like weird stupid fuck boys and which applies but but if you're gonna be then make sure the other person is a weird stupid fuck boy too yes because like for me it's like i think there's like i feel like it's like there's like people that are your friends and then there's people that are your friends where there's sexual chemistry and then the gay community i feel like it's like we've sort of figured out, because the situation that we're in

is so not sexually standard because we're outside of a heterosexual paradigm. It's like if you have sexual chemistry with a friend of yours and it's mutual, sex is part of the way you just hang out with that friend. And so I almost wish that- I had those people. Yeah. But I almost wish that i had those people yeah but i almost wish that was more of an accepted i wish people would just treat sex with the respect that it

deserves yes but also as a thing that's like natural and could be fun and doesn't have to be this thing after where it's like someone won or someone like feels like they got something out of it and like took something from someone else you know what I mean like it's it's too it's too complicated I think sometimes there's there's there's a there shouldn't be a flag involved it's not a capture of the flag mission yeah yeah and you have to see people's feelings into account and like you know what I mean like it should be a great experience for everyone involved and it shouldn't just be an experience for an experience's sake because people people a lot of people feel really um invaded because of it a lot

of people feel like like compromised because of it like i don't know there should be more communication there should be more communication the best sex that and i think that that is something i need to like really know that i want going forward. And like, you have to set the tone. The best sex that I have had recently was like with somebody who I had like slept with many times before and had been like a long period of times before we had slept with each other. It was quarantine. And we were like, okay,

like, you know, is this the vibe? Yeah. And there was sexy communication beforehand. And like, I like was like, let's show up for each other.

I'm like, it's quarantine and it's been a while. Like, let's make it worth it if we're gonna like break quarantine and like, let's like really be there for each other. Nut to nut, honey. Nut to nut. Is your nut negative? It is.

Mine is too. Let's nut together. Let's nut. I feel like, yeah, that's it. It's K-U too. Let's nut together. Let's nut. I feel like, yeah. That's it. It's K-U-3-N-T colon let's nut. Let's nut. I feel like it's important to nut.

Yes. I had something else to say, but I realized we have gone so long, and we have to get to, I don't think so, honey. We have to get to it. But before we do, we should just say, Gaslighter, the album by the Dixie Chicks aka the Chicks is fucking

amazing incredible and we've all been enjoying it and we haven't really touched on much culture but that is the culture that we three are experiencing right now yeah and I would say we haven't touched on much culture but the three of us together is is a culture. Is a culture. The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple.

Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her? But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What?

You told her? Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City, all new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates

again. And we're're gonna welcome you guys all to dudes on dudes i'm a dude you're a dude and dudes on dudes is our brand new show we're gonna highlight players peers guys that we played against legends from the past and we're just gonna sit here and talk about them and we'll get into the types of dudes what kind of types of dudes are there grunks we got studs wizards we got freaks or dudes dude we got dogs dog we'll get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, Gronk? We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes dude. We got dogs. Dogs.

We'll break down their games. We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dudes dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursdayursday during the nfl season listen to dudes on dudes on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts on thanksgiving day 1999 a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean he had lost his mother

trying to reach florida from cuba looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with.

His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him.. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzales wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation.

Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose.

My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations. I was a desperate, delusional dreamer. And the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers.

Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate, delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine. I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the kid that if you asked what happened,

I immediately started with everything but me. It took years for me to break that, like years of work. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. Shall we? We shall. This is I Don't Think So Honey.

This is where we take one minute to rail against something in culture. I have something, Matt. Do you have something? I do. Okay, so traditionally Matt goes first, and let's keep up with tradition since this is a traditional episode. Matt, this is Matt Rogers' I Don't Think So Honey. His time starts now.

I Don't Think So Honey is Zac Efron and the conversation around Zac Efron. Because recently I saw a little article that was like, wow, Zac Efron's new dad bod. Okay, we have to understand this is not a dad bod. This is what happens when you have a lot of help from a lot of substances, maybe illegal, maybe not, and you sort of age. And you sort of become like what Zac Efron is now. You could not achieve this type of body without outside help and i feel like there's sort of like this toxic conversation about around like his looks as if they're natural his looks are not

natural oh my goodness and so having a conversation with him without saying that is to me dangerous especially with gay men 15 seconds which i've seen a lot of gay men actually discuss online which they should be also i don't think so. Any Zac Efron, because I can't see him in a musical with this body. He needs to be slim enough to dance. I want to see Zac Efron dance and sing. If not, I don't think so.

And that's women. And you think that with that body, he cannot dance. I just feel like I can't take him seriously. If he were to start singing and dancing, and I want Zac Efron singing and dancing, he should be in dancing shape not bulking

up in the woods shape because that's really the only acceptable thing we can accept him as as a screen presence because we've now seen what happens in the aftermath of whatever he was doing to get his body the way it was in like Bad Grandpa sure but for you to for you to box it into a

Link Troy box he should stay in that box no no this is something i really feel about him as it's like that's what he's best that he's most charming doing that and it is heteronormative culture it is toxic masculinity that drove him away from what he's truly gifted from and then he peeked back in with greatest showman and was so charming and lovely in that movie and it was so fun to watch him return to that and now all of a sudden he's like what like left being the revenant in the woods like what the hell is happening in this new show and then everyone's like talking about his body transformation i'm like you want to talk about his body transformation let's have a discussion about superhero bodies the transformation about chris

evans's body and why it is the way it is the transformation is not from working out just let's have a discussion about superhero bodies. Let's have a discussion about Chris Evans' body and why it is the way it is. Because it's not from working out just naturally. The transformation is going from 10% body fat to 15%, let's say. It's not even that drastic. There's not even any way there's that much of body fat on him. And I just feel like there is a sort of, you can really boil down the toxic narrative which is like this is what an

in shape man looks like seeping down to america and the world i think we can really talk about it with like zach efron and what he looks like right now because it's like to me like i don't want to like guess the way he's feeling but like i i don't know if that he doesn't seem to me like a necessarily super happy person because i don't know if he's like if this is him living his truth then god bless but like he to me is like someone who got famous really young the industry recognized him as someone they could probably turn into an a-list star and they did all sorts of experiments on him to make him what he was and those have also been social because I don't think he's talking in his natural voice. And I mean, like, I just had a lot of mass trash.

His whole celebrity is based around the dichotomy of, yes, I sing and dance, but not gay, not gay, not gay, not gay. Yeah, he is literally hashtag no homo. Yeah. And it's like weird. It's weird to me. It's not even be gay. No, I'm not saying actually be gay,

but like, it's like, but it's like, it's like when guys it's not even be gay no i'm not saying actually be gay but like it's like but it's like it's like when guys at ucb would be like i hate when you call it improv theater it's like what you're doing is gay yeah what you're doing is theater and what you're doing is gay and so just like fucking own it yeah there's a rule that you can't wear shorts you have to wear pants it's theater bitch like you're up there people pay to watch you perform on a stage, a thrust stage. Also, every single woman at UCB has a fucking BFA from Boston Conservatory and was absolutely the most highly trained

musical theater actress who decided that she wanted agency and autonomy over what she performed, so she went to comedy and was actually low-key the best person on your team, bitch. Becky Chicoine, Sam Reese. Fuck off.

Not those. Fuck off to the guys. Fuck off to the guys. Okay. Thank you, man. Sorry. I just feel like I'm standing by that because I just think it's a shame because had he been natural, he would be a beautiful man.

And I'm not attracted to what he is right now because it's like so much anyway he's not for me I guess he's for straight man only now I don't know anyway this is Bowen Yang's I don't think so honey and his time starts now I don't think so honey parking it's the most inconvenient stressful

part of driving and why should it be at the end you know to end off the journey of driving with the most stressful, that's not how structure, a narrative structure works. It shouldn't, the climax should not be at the end. It's so stressful. And there's no moment to really like digest and take in the accomplishment that is parking. If you've parked a car, you are a superhero.

And you, there's no room in that narrative art for you to really appreciate yourself and the task that you have accomplished in parking a car in any space, whether it's parallel, whether it's in a lot, whether it's demarcated by lines. It is a huge deal. And parking, structurally, it's flawed. The positioning of parking is flawed and you know there's a lot of barriers around whether or not you pull the emergency brake up or if you're in a stick shift five seconds you know so parking I say

abolish parking let's just leave our cars wherever is most convenient that's one minute everyone in LA and anyone outside of New York listening to this just rolled their fucking eyes Bowen Yang the cusp of 30, finally arrives that parking is not fun. My other I don't think is going to be the colorism in Indian matchmaking. But that's for another time.

I feel like, yeah, that's maybe for another time. It was important that you landed on, I don't think so, honey, parking. The concept. Parking as concept. Yeah, he thinks that the car should just, I don't know, go somewhere else when you're driving it. You should be able to leave your car wherever you want. It is bad.

I'll give you that. It's bad. This is Sudie Green's I Don't Think So, Honey. And her time starts now. I don't think so, honey, organizing your books by color. Your rainbow ass, millennial, ubiquitous, aesthetic ass bookshelf okay first of all books are for words not for colors second of all we all know that you're keeping that pink book not because you read it not because

you loved it but because the pink spine is fitting very well in your ombre literary style. If you organize your books by color, you're basically saying to the world, I'm illiterate. I'm only devoted to aesthetics. And like, yes, maybe this is snobby, but guess what? Books are snobby.

They're inherently elitist, and I think that's okay and that we should be cool with that. I don't think so, honey. If you posted about this and you're not important and everybody does it and it's lame. And that's one minute.

Wow. Books are inherently elitist. Honestly, organizing books by color, that's just so confusing. How would you find anything? Remembering that a certain book is blue? That's exactly it. It's like, then these books aren't functional for knowledge.

It's purely aesthetic. I mean, it's got to be a rule of culture number 44. Books must be organized by author. No. They must be organized by author. Or at least by general subject no the rule of culture number 94 is books are

for words not colors books are for words not colors here's the thing though let's say you have a normal people where the spine is green and blue what are you gonna do then huh honey you gotta figure that break out of some you put it on the that's actually an easy one but let's say there's a two color.

You'd put it between G and B on the Roy J. It's counterintuitive. The whole organization is counterintuitive. If the spine has multiple colors on it, what you gonna do? You're gonna put it in the middle of where it would be on the color scale. But this is just to say that books literally contain multitudes. And so you cannot reduce them down to a single color. I organize my clothing by color.

That's fine because clothes are about color. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for validating me. Clothes are for color. I mean, as you can see, I do not organize my books by color because I only have two books. Catch and Kill by Ronan Farrow

and Jessica Simpson's autobiography. Thank you. Called Open Book. Open Book. Which I've read neither of them. But it's not that

I only own two books it's that all my books were in New York and I moved. And you can't really books don't travel well. And of course all seven Harry Potters

were too heavy to bring to really transplant from there to here. And I wouldn't now anyway. Yeah, I wouldn't. I would say I'd rather you have two books than 100 books and organize them by color. Yeah.

And also, where would I put them in this place? Where would you put them? You'd get a bookshelf. You'd get a bookshelf. That's a great point. Well, this has been our third Summer of Cunt. I think it's probably one of our most thought-provoking. I mean, I thought we provoked thoughts for sure.

Absolutely. And I think that if we've left anyone with anything from this episode, it's that they have to watch Disney Fairytale Weddings. Absolutely. Or Shut Up and Sing, Dixie Chicks. Which we watched last night, and I actually had already seen, so I felt okay to fall asleep during it. You fell asleep.

But what did you guys think of Shut Up and Sing last night? Loved it. Loved it. I loved the logistics of touring. That was my favorite part. Honestly, that was my takeaway. It was like the manager-artist relationship and the meetings.

I liked seeing the production meetings. I liked that a publicist was a subject of the documentary. Sandy Berger. Sandy Berger. And she and her beautiful curls was just pacing around that Rolling Stone photo shoot

being like, this is, the way I can boil her down is just in one word. No. No. No. No.

That's Sandy. Well. Cindy. Cindy. Fag. Fag. Fucking faggot. Well.

Matt, any closing thoughts before we leave? I would say, I have a closing thought. Okay. It's gonna be the most amazing night. But Sudi should have the closing thought.

I love you, cunts. We love you. Thank you for coming back for a third Summer of Cunts and a fourth episode. I'm honored. It's gonna be the most amazing night. Sudi. Wow. It's gonna be the most amazing. I'm Julian Edelman.

I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind scenes stories crazy details and honestly just having a blast talking football every week we're discussing our favorite players of all times from legends to our buddies to current stars we're finally answering the age old question what kind of dudes are these dudes we're gonna find out jewels new episodes drop every thursday during the nfl season listen to dudes on dudes on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts on thanksgiving day 1999 five-year-old cuban boy elian gonzalez was found off the coast

of florida and the question was should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story,

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. I'm Sheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women.

And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.