Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "Mo’ Canada” (w/ Monique Moses)
Episode Date: April 7, 2017Oh, what’s this? A bonus episode of Las Culturistas? On a Friday? Let’s do it, bitch! THE QUEEN herself, Monique Moses, joins Matt & Bowen in studio to talk CANADIAN CULTURE (…that means Can...adian Idol!), Michael & Janet Jackson videos, tattoos, Wagamama Ramen, and much more. PLUS, Monique has some MORE THOUGHTS on f**king Trump after RAILING against him at the “I Don’t Think So, Honey!” live show.LAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasCONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttp://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/las-culturistas/ Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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My grandma and your grandma were sitting by the fire.
My grandma told your grandma, I'm going to set your flag on fire.
You're talking about here now.
Here now.
Here now.
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Ding dong, Las Culturistas calling.
Hmm?
Hmm?
Hmm?
Ooh.
Well, let's get our sounds out whoo because at this moment begins a new
episode hey um if you didn't know this my name is matt rogers if you didn't know this my name
is bowen yang and we are guys this is our first episode back from uh that we're recording i guess
in the studio since the live show yeah Yeah. And how fun was that?
It was so fun.
Honestly, beyond our wildest imagination for how much fun it could be and how many people could show up.
There were so many of you guys there.
I couldn't believe it.
Seriously, if you came out to that, thank you so much.
Thank you.
It's just so much fun.
And wow, some real cultural attacks.
I mean, guys, Matt introduced, introduced i think a genius element into this
uh which was the the troll bowl and i have to give credit where it's due please that was anna
dresden's brainchild anna dresden's brainchild yes matt was very deliberate in the items that
made it to the bowl because they were all controversial sort of universally loved things
right and it will be henceforth known as the
troll bowl because you're trolling because once you get pull out one of these and you know what
we'll talk about that in a second because we have somebody in the studio today who was at the show
and killed the show and created an iconic culture moment i believe oh geez you know what let's list
the credits the credits honey she is uh one she is one of the members of the amazing sketch group Astronomy Club at UCB.
They have a monthly show there called Let's Talk About Race Baby.
Yes.
Look out for her upcoming series on IFC Comedy Club called Sport Court, you guys.
This is coming at you.
I just can't wait to find out what that's going to be.
Sport Court.
Like, is it named that because the two words rhymed?
Or is it truly a sport court?
You know what?
Probably both.
Probably both.
I love a show that's built around a rhyme.
You gotta.
You gotta.
And she is in the Amazing Herald team.
Some kid.
Truly iconic team right there.
Iconique.
Some great personalities.
Absolutely.
Guys, please welcome our guest, Monique Moses.
Oh, hello, hello, hello.
Wow. This is a true moment right now
jeez louise we're a bunch of friends here we're a bunch of friends we go way back we've been in
the trenches yes we've we've done many a 7 a.m wake up call yeah we all you guys we all met from
doing story pirates oh which is and that's all we're gonna say because two very separate entities
here yes i might swear a lot
and there I will never swear and you know what
for the rest for the next hour and 15
20 minutes no kids
everyone kids go to sleep
go to bed kids
we're gonna get a little salty
play some toka salon you know what
I'm saying I felt like a
kid today you guys I played
video games and tonight I'm gonna to go see the power Rangers.
Yes.
Good for you.
I've heard mixed reviews.
Really?
Have you?
Yeah.
I've heard from people who are awake and alive that it's terrible.
And then I've heard from other people who just love the power Rangers and it's a great movie.
Honestly,
I just,
I want to walk in there and I want to be as surprised as I was when we saw Mad Max.
Oh my God.
I wanted to like blow me away and it won't but but i'm going in with that kind of positivity
i mean wow yeah what did it what a special experience for you to experience mad max
without any context no any prior knowledge yeah well i have to say this i'm very excited about
becky g yeah and singer who's making her acting debut that's not true she was an empire for a bit she was
yeah i remember this she's now a power ranger so that's yeah she's playing um kimmy kwan is that
the name she's the asian one she's playing the asian one she's playing the asian one but she's
i mean i think the character is still i is still ethnically ambiguous ambiguous it's it's it's you
know what i don't hate the choice
Is she the yellow ranger
She's the yellow ranger and they kept
The canonical name
I guess
It's fun whatever
I'm excited for Power Rangers 2 honey
The bar is low because a lot of the reviews are saying
You know what it doesn't suck so that makes it good
Okay
Who's the villain again
Rita Repulsa Elizabeth Banks? Rita Repulsa.
Fucking Elizabeth Banks as Rita Repulsa.
That's it, that's it, yeah.
Which makes me laugh.
Yeah.
And I heard a theory today.
Wow.
That the reason, and I don't know if this is true,
so it's genuinely not a spoiler.
If it ends up being true, I guess it is a spoiler,
so spoiler alert, I guess.
But somebody threw a theory today that rita repulsa
is all green because she was the original green ranger like and that's like something they reveal
in the movie is that she's actually rita repulsa is actually like a jaded like kind of darth vader
esque old i'm power ranger who turned on them yeah you know what and this is so fucking such
such a stupid dredge but i think that
reminds me of carmen san diego when it's revealed that carmen used to be an acne agent anyway wow
yeah i just saw you do an impression of carmen san diego i have a thing i love doing like black
carmen san diego yes she's a little hood it's like nobody you don't want to find her because
you don't want to find this bitch she'll you don't want to find this bitch.
She'll fuck you back up.
You did that character on
Brian Foss' show.
Ding dong.
He's like, oh,
it's Carmen Sandiego and Monique goes,
black Carmen Sandiego.
I mean, we have to differentiate.
You must.
Guys, let's clink our glasses.
We're drinking some. Thank you
our producer Joe for providing us this cab.
2014 Cabernet
Mapuche. Mapuche
is wet for this.
Wow.
Okay.
I'm getting a little, I'm getting a few notes
of lemon. I'm getting a dried berry.
I'm getting a dried berry and some lemon. I don't know what that means.
There's cork in mine.
I'm just kidding. There's no cork. It's twist excuse me there's cork in my wine can i get a new one that's happened to me so many times at work and one time i literally told the woman
she's like there's a little cork in this and i was i literally said back does it matter oh no
and she was like um yeah and i was like okay did you okay But I should have gotten fired right then and there probably
Oh my god did you get like slapped in the face
Earlier that day
No I just was like I was kind of funny about it
I was just like
I mean does it matter
And she was like
I mean it could have been a joke
She was like it does
I was like okay cool
But in my heart I was like does it fucking matter bitch Yeah. But in my heart, I was like, does it fucking matter, bitch?
You're like, there's now a hork in your wine.
Yeah.
Right there.
Here's the question.
I've been doing it for 10 years.
We almost answer this.
Would you, would you bring it up to the waiter or waitress or server?
If, if something, if, if there was quark.
See, I don't know how you guys behave in a restaurant, but for me, I'm very like, if
I can deal with it, I don't say anything.
But that's me sometimes.
And then other times I'm like, you know what?
I fucking do this for people all the time because it's my job.
So I'm going to ask for more blue cheese.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And you are there to get the experience of dining.
So it can go either way with me.
Sometimes I'm like, leave them alone.
You wouldn't want to do it, so don't make them do it like today we went to brunch and i was very apologetic for
asking to make me a bloody mary yeah i was like i'm sorry i just really want one yeah no you know
i would i would ask yeah but the thing is i would try to put in a way and i bet a lot of servers
hate this but be like oh i've been doing this i work xyz i work over here i do this all the time
um would you mind if so it's like server to server trying to get us on the same equal
playing field yeah it's a fun little what about you you know what do you send things back do you
work in the service industry i don't i wouldn't know i wouldn't send i've never sent something
back but for wine if it was above like if it was above like, if it was above like, I don't know, 50 bucks for
a bottle, I would be like, oh, wow.
See, that's that's another thing is I just I just wouldn't pay that much.
Oh, see, that's the thing is I would always feel like it's a fucking twenty dollar bottle
of wine anyway.
So what the fuck am I complaining about?
But if it's a sixty dollar bottle of wine and yeah, I want to enjoy it.
Right.
OK, there we go.
So there are some parameters and conditions here great
it's very conditional
so it's very conditional
you know being a restaurant
it's very conditional
culture is conditional
that's not bad that's not bad
so Monique here we go and it's fitting
that we've been talking about like the
youth culture that is Power Rangers because now
it's time to pose the question that we pose to all of our guests yes here is Power Rangers because now it's time to pose the question
that we pose to all of our guests.
Yes.
Here we go.
Right, Bo?
Kick it off.
So it's time to ask Monique Moses.
What is the culture
that really you saw
and you absorbed
when you were younger
that made you say,
culture's for me.
I would like to be a part of culture.
Like what caused Monique
to step in a cultural direction?
I lived in a suburb outside of a small town, small city.
And there was no like cool dance classes.
So culture for me that made me want to be a part of like the world was Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson music videos.
Yeah.
And I learned how to dance through them because there was no Like I'm from I'll tell you
I'm from London, Ontario, Canada
But the suburb outside of that
Yeah
And like behind the fence of where I grew up
Was just rural
Like farms and Nazis
Yeah
So it's like
Right next
It's like hill people
It's hill people
And then suburb
And then like Huxtable suburb
And then
Huxtable suburb
The city
So nowhere to take great dance classes And then like Huxtable Suburb and then the city.
So nowhere to take great dance classes.
So I wanted to become part of culture.
I loved it.
Watching MTV.
Yeah.
And much music.
And so much music.
Thank you, Canada.
So were you like watching MTV from a very early age?
Well, I meant to say much music you know but much but i mean you you
americanized it so much music is like the equivalent in canada oh okay and yeah so were
you watching that at an early age yes oh yeah hell yeah oh wow my parents were like no you can't watch
that instead watch this more adult contemporary one so i watched vh1 really which is way different
than it is now which is now like a reality a lot of reality TV and like people throwing drinks in each other's faces.
Back then it was like,
every other video was like Jewel
and Sheryl Crow
and it was like the Lilith Fair kind of.
Didn't they have the bubble,
the bubble show, VH1?
Pop-up video was on VH1.
Yeah, I think that's true.
Yep, it was, it was.
And that was,
they all did it to like, you know,
adult contemporary like music.
So it was like Annie Lennox, I knew who she was when i was like six amazing but yeah the the the um michael jackson and janet jackson thing i remember first fully seeing it and was like
blown away like the thriller music video was like oh this is like the next level yeah totally um
curious geography question what was the sub suburb called outside of London?
It's called Kilworth.
Got it.
Uh, first, first place I met my family moved to in Canada was Kingston, which was also
Ontario, right?
I know where Kingston is.
Yeah.
So it's my first home that I vaguely remember.
And then we moved to Quebec.
Guys, I'm going to start a podcast myself because I think people's upbringings are so
interesting.
I mean, this is what we asked.
So thank you for this idea. No, I mean like this isbringings are so interesting. Oh, yeah. I mean, this is what we asked. So, thank you for this idea.
No, I mean, like,
this is, yeah, take it, guys.
Take it.
This idea, it's gonna call.
No, that's actually one of my...
Las Culturistas.
Yeah.
The Las Culturistas adjacent podcast.
Where are you from?
Where are you from, girl?
But, no, that's always so interesting
is we ask the question
and then some people do,
they describe their upbringings and some people just like have one very specific like movie or musical artist.
So you did a fusion there.
And you were Miss Janet Jackson and Mr. Michael Jackson in the suburbs.
Yeah.
And yeah, because you were a dancer.
But no, I wasn't at that point.
I mean, I wanted there was something in me that wanted to
dance and perform but i didn't know how so i would just like watch music videos and learn the dances
yeah um yeah and then from there on i was a dancer but then i stopped about five years ago see i'm
gonna focus on canada for a bit okay did you grow up with ytv hell yeah Oh my god Oh my god YTV was like the Nickelodeon
Of Canada
Canada
How long were you in Canada?
I was moving
How long did you live?
I moved 99
Okay
Wow
You were there a long time
I was there a long time
I moved to Colorado
Four months after Columbine
Oh wow
I think I've mentioned this
On the show before
Moved to Colorado Four months Like right after Columbine And Jamboné Ramsey Which took place in Boulder Oh my gosh happened oh wow i've i've i think i've mentioned this on the show before moved to move to colorado
format like right after columbine and john bernie ramsey which took place in boulder
and i just assumed i just assumed assumed people in colorado specifically just
were murdered yeah um bowen's also from aurora and from aurora so ontario uh aurora colorado
where the dark knight rises dark knight rises shooting. Holy moly what's going on in Colorado?
It's the shooting capital of America baby.
Damn that sucks. No no no yeah
sorry I didn't mean to bring it.
But that's all shit that happened there.
And yeah it sucks that that's like the
legacy. But anyway no YTV
like we would, I didn't grow up with
cable in Canada or the US
so that like
parlayed itself there.
Cultural blind spot.
Cultural blind spot,
honey.
So YTV was like this precious time to like watch cable,
like programming that was meant for kids that was like mindless and stupid.
And like they had goo,
like they had like the Nickelodeon style,
like yeah.
Yeah.
Goopy stuff,
right?
You can't do that on television.
That was a show that like,
what's your face?
Alanis Morissette was on when she was like a kid.
And it's a legacy show.
It's kind of the way that, you know, all that was a legacy show for Nickelodeon.
Yeah.
And what about Zoom?
Zoom, we got that.
Yeah.
See, we didn't have it.
We had Mickey Mouse Club.
Oh.
Yeah.
So I think that was like your Mickey Mouse Club was Zoom.
And you guys, wasn't Fergie on that?
Fergie was on the electric, whatever train show.
I almost said electric zoo.
Electric zoo.
And like really confidently ended it.
That show, Electric Zoo.
That show.
I actually don't know what it's called.
Governor's Ball.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Governor's Ball.
Governor's Ball.
No, no, no.
Do you remember that game show called Uh-Oh?
Yeah. It was like. Governor's ball. No, no, no. Do you remember that game show called Uh-Oh? Yeah.
It was like they slimed you basically.
It was like, it was like kind of cribbed from Nickelodeon.
It's all the same.
It's all the same.
But oh my God, YTV was where they aired Pokemon and Uh-Oh was where they put Pokemon on and
Sailor Moon.
And then like, it was, I would only get to watch it at other people's house, other kids'
houses or at school.
Did you guys ever watch a show called Maniac Mansion?
No.
What's that?
No, I don't know that.
That was a show with, um, um oh man what is his name he was on sctv back in the day like in the 70s and then maniac mansion
was a kid's show and he played the dad on it what is his name people are gonna kill me oh my god
it's like canadian rite of passage i need to know this guy no but same In that vein? Same vein. Not Christopher Guest.
No.
I should look it up, but I'm not going to.
Dana Carvey?
No.
No.
Same, but same vein.
It was Rick Moranis.
Rick Moranis.
Oh, my God.
I was a huge Rick Moranis fan.
I mean, weren't we all?
Can I look it up?
No.
Look it up.
I'm not going to.
Look it up.
Because I'm on airplane mode.
Oh, yeah.
It doesn't matter.
Here's the thing.
It doesn't matter what it was.
It was a fun show.
It took place in a weird house called the Maniac Mansion.
And it was like all kinds of shit was going down.
And it was on YTV.
And that's all I wanted to say.
Come on, bring it back.
Did you guys watch?
But did you at least watch TGIF?
Oh, yeah.
OK, here's the thing.
Let me tell you about a Canadian TV.
30% of it is Canadian.
70% of it is American.
So I think I did have cable, so I did
watch MTV a bit. But like,
yeah, I had like TBS
and all that shit. You had mostly
everything. I had mostly everything. But you know what
you guys had that I wanted was Canadian Idol.
I was like,
American Idol isn't enough for me. I need a Canadian
Idol too. What was compelling about it?
I feel like, did it produce stars?
Oh, Carly Rae Jepsen. Well? Carly Rae Jepsen was on it
but I don't think she came in for it.
She didn't do very well
but she became a star.
It was almost like a
training ground to be a pop star for America.
That's kind of interesting.
I actually don't remember
anyone that won the show but I do remember
listening to a lot of the performances and being like
yeah.
It's a supplement to American performances and being like, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Sure.
That's so funny.
It's a supplement to American.
Yeah.
I mean, I would have absorbed it.
I was the kid that was watching American Idol
and making rankings in a notebook that I had.
Jeez.
Week to week.
I was essentially blogging for myself at the time.
Wow.
It was like, I would be like,
this week, Ryan Starr didn't have as strong a performance
as she did last week,
so she's going to move down to the eighth spot.
And Kelly Clarkson ever climbing to the five spot.
They made the show for you, Matt.
I think that they really did.
It was for little gay 12-year-olds.
Oh, my God, that's so funny.
The closest I ever got to that kind of fanaticism
was my sister and I put together a playlist on
windows media player of all of clay aiken's performances okay yeah listen to them and we
were like this is wow clay aiken singing build me a buttercup is the best thing that's ever
happened in music yeah he was always like he did oh my god and he did um it was the first time i
ever heard uh don't let the sun
Go down on me
Go down on me
Yeah
And he
I mean he nailed it
I loved it
American Idol like
I don't know anything about it
It truly
But like for
For a little
Baby gay
That like loved music
Like it introduced me
To so much music
Like I knew what Motown was
Because of American Idol
Wow
Like that's
And that's
You know something
They had a Gladys Knight themed night on season two
and I was like, who's Gladys Knight?
Gladys Knight, that's what I'm saying.
And like, that's kind of cool
that like 13 year olds that were obsessed with the show
now have a vocabulary or some vocabulary
for like Gladys Knight music.
Yeah, it is kind of cool.
That's pretty awesome.
And I remember I went into my,
my like ninth grade art teacher.
She was a super cool lady, Ms. Knobloch.
And she came in one day and she was like, all right, just so you all know, every day we listen to good music.
We don't listen to crap.
And here's what I'm going to play.
Every day for the next two weeks, we're going to change.
And she was like, and we're going to listen while we draw.
Now this is Aretha Franklin's time.
And so we listen to this, all the good aretha franklin stuff that's awesome for like two weeks and so i know
like now that shit is my jam like i heard um do right woman do right man come on the other day
and i was like oh shit this is the stuff like and like edda james she was obsessed with so like it
was at least kind of and that was
like i used i could tell her like you know i know this song because of american idol and i felt like
i was listening to music like real music that wasn't like the backstreet boys the only thing
i knew from american idol is that i did watch from justin to kelly or whatever oh yeah come on i
think i did watch the first season but i just don't remember being as invested in it as possibly you were no i
was so all in were you in the u.s at that point no i was in canada i moved here in 2009 wow yeah
i was a grown ass woman when i moved here so why the decision to move just because wanted to pursue
everything my current fiance had a job opportunity so he was gonna move anyways and at that time we'd already
been together for five years so i was like hell yeah i'm moving with you but i didn't want to be
an illegal so i went to school uh but then you can't work so it was kind of like a weird
situation like a rock and a hard place rock and a hard place um i've been here ever since i'm
doing them am i doing the math correctly you've been with your your boo 14 years 12 years 12 years oh my lord what is the secret wait he just
got a test yeah first answer that is just like dicks in your mouth like 24 7 he doesn't go to
work he's just digging my man dick dick dick dick dick dick the secret constant dick um no the
secret is having a man child that won't ask you who to marry you for like 10
of those years.
And then when he does.
And then poking at him so that he finally does.
So what's this?
I asked that question on the ride, the tour bus that I work on.
And people are always like, earplugs.
Earplugs.
And I'm always like, and I go to school back, wah, wah.
Like, you nailed wah, wah. Just.
Like, you nailed it, sir.
You just gotta make them feel like they're the star.
You are hilarious.
Yeah.
Hilarious tourist.
Wait, fiance just got a new tattoo?
Yes.
I think I saw it on your Insta.
You follow my gram, baby.
What is it of?
It's of this really great design.
I don't know who the guy is, but it's a graphic designer.
And it's all these cool hands in different positions.
And they have eyes in them.
It's just one of his favorite pieces.
Do you have tatters?
No, but I'm getting.
You are.
What?
We went to the place.
And we researched a long time to find a good place to get his tattoo.
But we ended up just
going to the place just in the neighborhood and it ended up being the perfect one the guys who
work there are so cool uh i'll give them a plug because they're so dope you know uh all wolves
no sheep.com all wolves no sheep.com yeah so yes so my sister and I were in Universal Studios Florida.
Yeah. And we broke away from our parents.
And I think this is the time we like smoked a blunt outside the Hard Rock Cafe and then went into.
And we were like, should we get tattoos?
My sister and I almost got matching tattoos at Universal Studios Florida.
And I have to tell you, I wish that we had.
That's a real swinging doors scenario.
How would your life be different if you did get matching tattoos with your sister at Universal?
Why is there a tattoo artist at Universal Studios?
Honestly, there's fucking everything there.
It was their city walk section.
There's this place where you can get tattoos.
And I was like, mom and dad will be so pissed if we do this.
But let's get them on a party.
It was so, again, conditional.
It was like we wanted them.
But we were going to get them in a secret place on our body for that trip
so our parents wouldn't see.
What would it have...
And we didn't know what we wanted.
Oh, my God.
So I was like, Chelsea, maybe we shouldn't get one.
Yeah.
We're like, we don't know where on our bodies we want it.
We don't know what we want.
We're literally only doing it because it's like a little dangerous.
Wow.
Well, thank God we didn't.
Can you give us more thought to it i truly
every time i try to wrap my head around what i would get a tattoo of i just come up totally
blind i sure don't need one yeah for sure that's the biggest sign right there i just want to really
quickly say i got mad i were in austin about a month ago and we were walking down uh south six
no no no just just it's such a cool town though um and then there
was a tattoo parlor and i was like yeah like just like the urge came over me i was like yeah i'll
get a fucking tattoo because you feel adult and powerful getting tattoos is still that thing from
when you're a child where your parents were like no yeah it's the chore it's the the decision to
do it that's really empowering. That's thrilling.
Do you already mention what it's going to be of?
Of mine?
Yeah.
Okay, I'll tell you about it.
Okay.
Okay, so it'll be on my forearm, and it's going to be a bouquet of flowers, but the flowers will be a combination of all the different countries I've gone to
and all the flowers that I love.
So Ontario has a really beautiful white trillium i think is their flower and then i'm
gonna get like cherry blossoms because i've been in japan yeah i mean and then just gonna be a
beautiful and watercolor so it won't have uh like a black lining yeah yeah it'll be more artistic
okay that's awesome that's great oh that's that's you know what that's the perfect and it's very
well thought out too i guess it's like you know you can tell it's gonna mean something to
you lit up when you were talking about it i loved it you started glowing when you were talking about
it you look fucking gorgeous by the way and you look so amazing at the show yeah i was like that
look so gorge thank you yes and you also you you made the hat like... Hell yeah.
You were killing it in the hat.
Okay, as long as... The hat wore you.
Okay, great. I'll take it.
No, the hat didn't wear her.
She wore the hat. But no, it's
like you didn't wear the hat. The hat wore you.
I know, but that's a bad thing.
Yeah. Okay, I'm sorry.
I haven't watched enough Top Model.
When Tyra goes like, like you know the thing about
this picture is marnie was wearing the scarf but in this picture the scarf was wearing helena wow
and everyone's just like yeah you're right absolutely was there a contestant named helena
no i made those a marnie and god there was wish to God there was. Wish to God there was. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean.
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He looked like a little angel.
I mean, he looked so fresh.
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At the heart of the story is a young boy
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At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation.
Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well.
Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm Julian Edelman.
I'm Rob Gronkowski.
Guess what, folks?
We're teammates again.
And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes.
I'm a dude, you're a dude, and Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show.
We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past, and we're just going to sit here and talk about them.
And we'll get into the types of dudes.
What kind of types of dudes are there, Gronk?
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New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season.
Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app,
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I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian,
and basketball Hall of Famer. I'm a mom and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Fosterops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian, and Basketball Hall of Famer.
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Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose.
My latest episode
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I was going to ask you, are you the kind of person, and I just want you to miss this one um i was gonna ask you are you the kind of person and i just want you to
settle this i mean this is just personal preference if someone politely asks for the story behind the
tattoo will you willing will you like not non-begrudgingly offer it up of course i will
okay good and i forgot to add this point you're gonna make fun of me but there are there's gonna
be writing on it like the ribbons and it's gonna say unni and nuna which are korean words for a big sister oh that's cute
you guys know how i feel about that shit yeah i love it no see okay see that's great i feel like
rule of thumb is don't ask people for their tattoo story right don't ask don't expect it to be told
thank you i disagree people get that shit on their body to tell.
Yeah, you're right.
You know?
It's like, you know what?
I guess that's right.
If you didn't want someone to see it, then it wouldn't be visible.
I've just heard enough stories, or I've just heard enough from people who are like, I don't
owe it to you.
And I'm like, okay, those people suck.
I don't think so, honey, those people.
Wow.
Why would you not want to tell?
It obviously meant so much to you that you wanted to put it on your body.
It's not a personal thing.
It's a presentational thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For sure.
Quick anecdote.
This was back in the age when this was acceptable of me to do.
But we, my friends and I, this was when I lived in Stuy Town.
This was me, like, and Jack Quaid and Mike and Rob Tantum and, like, all these people.
One summer, we just did, like, a photo scavenger hunt around the city. Oh, that's fun. um this is me like jack quaid and mike and rob tantrum and like all these people one summer we
just did like a photo scavenger hunt around the city that's fine and one of the items was i remember
those one of the items was goofy stupid tattoo like we did take a photo of it and so we walked
around the west village and then we just walked up to this woman with like a sleeve and we were
like hi um we're on this photo scavenger hunt we need need like a silly tattoo. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh no, oh no, oh no.
That gives me so much anxiety.
Oh no, no, no, no, no.
How did she act?
We just need like a fun tattoo.
Do you have a fun tattoo we can take a picture of?
And she just very like glumly was like,
I want to have this fucking tattoo
of a bowl of alphabet soup.
And we were like, that's perfect.
And it was just the funniest reaction.
She was like,
I have this fucking tattoo of a bowl of alphabet soup. And we were like, yep, that's it just the funniest reaction I have this fucking tattoo of a bull's mouth
And we were like yep that's it
Wait did I really build up that story
No because I thought she was gonna like
Not tell you and be mad
But she gave you what you needed
No no no I'm sorry
That's what I thought was gonna happen
Was her being like get the fuck away from me
This is sexual harassment
I mean yeah I mean sure
No but it's not she
would she would have been it was fun acting crazy there it was yeah we i might be retelling it
poorly but anyway fun like i would so okay a good friend of the show friend to all of us oscar
montoya yes is the king of the ironic beautiful meaningless beautiful but stupid tattoos he will
admit to this really he'll admit to. Really? He'll admit to it?
I think he'll admit to it because like one time
He doesn't have a chicken leg?
Okay, he has a chicken leg. He has a chicken leg.
And then one time we were hanging out. It's dancing? Yeah, it's dancing.
One time we were hanging out and then
on his cap I noticed this tattoo of a
screaming cat face.
I was like, Oscar, did you get any tattoos? And he goes,
oh yeah, um,
I walked into this antique store and I saw this fucking, like,
collectible card with this screaming cat face that looks so stupid.
And then I thought, I want that on my body.
So I bought it.
I took it to a tattoo parlor.
I got it on my cap.
So precious.
And that's when it clicked for me a bit because I was like, oh,
like, it doesn't matter.
Like, it can mean, it doesn't matter what you put on your body as long as you
just like have that compulsion yeah and you want it and it's like oh cool it matters to you to yeah
yeah and i just hope it still matters like i feel like i'm taking i'm not in that cliche position
right now where it's like well just remember they're permanent my dad my dad used to tell us
a tattoo is a temporary solution to a permanent problem oh my god he's
equating it to suicide no i don't think he might have been i don't think he i don't think either
that was popular phrase back then for suicide or i don't think he realized that's maybe where he
heard it he also told me one time that the reason white people wear their hats backwards is so they
can put their face close up to the glass when they're in prison wow he also told me that and i
was like that's exclusive to white people oh i love that that's so funny i mean this is like this
is like in the mid 90s when i was like i want to wear my hat backwards. And he was like, I'm going to tell you this.
And it's like, that's not true.
I feel like those are urban legends that kind of have a little bit of, maybe have a little
bit of truth in them somewhere.
Potentially.
I mean, where is that coming from?
I don't know.
Either someone made that up and it was plausible enough to me as a kid where I was like, oh,
well, my dad does know everything.
I guess that's what's true.
That's so funny.
Because you really think that because your parents tell you that.
Right.
And you're like, how do you know all the answers?
And they say, because I know everything.
And it's the age where you're like, oh,
getting your ear pierced on the left side means you're gay.
Right, exactly.
And I think my dad, if he heard someone else say that now,
he'd be like, what are you fucking insane?
It's something that if you would hear now,
he'd be like, of course that's fucking not true. So it's something that if you would hear now, he'd be like, of course, that's fucking
not true.
So have you heard the other thing about the baggy pants about prisoners?
No.
You haven't heard that?
Oh, so apparently the urban myth is that guys in prison wear their pants really low
to sort of like one denote that they're down for whatever.
Oh my God. low to sort of like one denote that they're down for whatever oh my god but it also i heard is like
which makes more sense to me is that they don't give you belts in prison yeah so it's like you
your pants are like sagging but then when you get out of prison that style kept kept up kept up but
then it like blew up and was like universal so now everyone has baggy pants yeah but then it's a it's
a tool for your parents to be like don't wear baggy pants because those prisoners yeah it's because they were gay yeah because they
were gay honestly yeah and it's funny because like what is the truth like yeah what is it you
know and at their the thing about that is like there was like the first person to put their hat
backwards and why did they do it there was like the first person to put their hat backwards and why did they do it
there was like the first person ever to wear that wear their clothes a certain style you know what
i mean like for example the popped collar like who was the fucking little shit who was the first one
to say you know what i'm gonna start a clothing revolution and pop this collar and then it became
like the poster look for like privileged white stupid fucks.
Yeah.
But then like it needs to catch on in a way.
Yeah.
I remember like years ago, like I was just flipping through like some fucking like men's
style magazine and it was so convinced that putting a tie in between the buttons of your
shirt was going to be the new thing.
And I was like, no fucking way.
Oh, I think that is the stupidest thing
I've ever seen. And people do
do it, but my God, does it look
dumb? Wait, and no jacket
to cover that? No, no, no. You're wearing a shirt, you're wearing a tie,
but then you slip and tuck
in the tie in between these two
buttons on your sternum. And then the bottom of your tie is just
not visible. But no jacket. You're just wearing
a jacket. You could wear an open jacket.
I would imagine that you did, or there'd be no jacket because you'd want people to see what you did. You're just wearing a jacket. You could wear an open jacket. I would imagine that you did
or there'd be no jacket
because you'd want people to see what you did.
Because it's like a fashion statement to do that.
But that I don't think is going to catch on.
I feel as strongly that will not catch on
as when I was younger,
I was dead right about this.
When dudes would bleach the tip of their hair.
Oh yeah.
I was like,
that's not a thing.
Just the tips.
Yeah.
Frosted tips. Yeah, the frosted tips yeah the frosted tips
i was like you know what this is a thing that people are going to be doing for two or three
years and then we're going to look back on it and think the way we think about like crimped hair in
the 80s like pokemon go yeah yeah yeah you know like pokemon go like it was like already we're
like no that's not a thing that's not a thing yeah oh's not a thing. Uh-oh. Matt Rodder, sartorial expert.
Not even.
Not even. I've always made the wrong clothing choices my whole life long.
Well, you've stuck to, and don't take this the wrong way, safe, reliable, classic looks.
I agree.
I do utility wear.
I do almost always a flannel over like it's partly graphic t and jeans and like more often than
not these days like my my hat but did you want to be edgier the thing is like i think i've always
liked the thing is somebody the other day was talking about their friend that has a really
good fashion sense and i know what it is and like i like fashion like i like seeing for example on
rupaul's drag race like
my favorite part is the runway yeah i love seeing the looks like even as a comedian like i don't
really care that much to see them do like performance challenges i just want to see
what they bring to the runway i love fashion but it's just not something that i i don't wake up
every day and say okay what am i wearing you know mean? Like, and maybe in high school I kind of got there a little bit,
but I think that was more because I was just really,
um,
self-conscious about what everyone thought about me.
Yeah.
But I,
it's just not something I think about every day.
Why?
What about you guys?
Do you guys have a lot of presentation?
I was going to throw this over to Monique because I feel like Monique has a
very distinct fashion sense.
Um,
I'll just go really quickly. I, yeah, i feel like monique has a very distinct fashion sense um i'll just go really quickly i yeah i feel like i i look back at pictures of myself even like two years ago and
i'm like what the fuck was i thinking so now it's just like oh i'm gonna like be very cliche
new york asian and stick to like all dark all black uh these are my stores, guys. Yeah, but they're,
but they're reliable.
It's like,
and you know,
they work for you and they work for me.
Everlane,
Muji,
Uniqlo,
and the Lady Gaga
merch store.
That's it.
Those are my,
those are my four places.
But Mo,
I feel like Mo
has,
I want,
I want a Huffington Post
slideshow.
Oh hell.
The style of evolution
of Monique.
Monday,
Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday Oh my goodness
So right now, this is so funny
Because I'm doing a Facebook live with
Natasha Van Blatt tomorrow about like the top fashion
She's amazing
She is incredible
Wonderful fashionista but
Right now I'm actually I think I'm
Morphing
Into a different style I'm really like I think I'm morphing into a different style.
Here we go.
And I'm like, I'm really like actually focusing on style.
As opposed to before where it's like I just wore what I wanted to wear.
And it's like I had, I used my dance background mixed with this sense of like, I love street wear.
But then I also had to do age appropriate in the fact that I'm an improviser.
So I couldn't be like, I couldn't be like bomber jackets every day right so now i'm moving into like a zara meets um meets like uh urban yeah
i think so i'll still wear like timberlands but like i love tailored fits i'm killing turtlenecks
lately it's so weird well you look great in that one right now uh it's so weird and i think it's a mixture of like i love
layering me too i'm a big wearer yeah no and henry gets mad at me because i primarily wear his clothes
now so like for example this shirt i'm wearing this like kind of uh like green flannel today
and he really likes this shirt and i was gonna put this other sweatshirt over it because I love to layer and he was like
I hate it when you wear
my good shirts over my other good
shirts so you can't even see the one good
shirt and you have a t-shirt on underneath
that. That's so funny. And I was like
but I like to layer. He's like so then wear
something underneath it that's not as nice
and isn't gonna be like wrinkled or
whatever or not seen and he's
not wrong but like
what can i say the bitch likes to layer the bitch loves to be warm yes and the bitch loves the look
of a flannel popping out under a sweatshirt there we go there we go honey yes i i think you're right
on the right track you know my look is like casual gay guy whose room is probably messy and eats a lot of pizza but like you know like
lazy gay chic lazy gay chic chic on the end yeah chic where it used to be like it used to be like
american eagle nightmare right right i want to point out something it's not too specific about
monique she is rocking the rings, honey.
Yeah.
The jewels.
You need to have your rings.
You know what?
You know what it is about them?
They're not like over embellished.
No, they just look good.
Simple, clean, crisp.
Classic look. I love it.
I mean, I can't.
Thank you.
Thank you, boys.
I really appreciate that.
Thin.
I can't wear earrings
because I have like a thing
where I need 100% gold and silver.
Oh my God.
I'm a fancy bitch yes
i thought you were gonna say because like you were allergic to something allergic to fake ass shit
potential title of app i'm allergic to fake ass shit but also i'm kind of cheap and i don't want
to spend you know a couple bills yeah proper jewelry yeah so i don't wear i don't i wear chokers but i don't
wear like necklaces and earrings but i love rings these are these gold uh i think so i mean are these
were given to me by beau oh and there's your fucking engagement ring oh my god look at it
i love it look at that it's so good it's this perfect circle i love it i love it that's the
one thing as gays.
I was hanging out with my straight friends from high school the other day.
And my friend Ken was like, yeah, this is a question.
I don't know that.
Like, what do gay guys do for wedding rings?
I was like, I think we just do bands.
We just do bands.
Yeah.
For me.
Which is fine.
I like a nice classic band.
I just feel like there should be some diamond there somewhere.
Or I said, because i wouldn't want to
wear a diamond engagement ring but i would here's what i would do if it was diamonds all around the
band and it was just like one ring of diamonds yeah 100 i think that's take a diamond cut a
hole in the fucking middle of it and just stick your finger in oh my god wait this is what i want
can i walk us through this yeah walk us through us through. Unpack this for us, please. I'm unpacking this.
A dark, sort of
dark titanium band
with the tiniest
fucking microns of diamonds
along the north, south, east,
west. Around the north,
south, east, west. Bowen's
finger is the world, bitch. I have a
compass on my fucking...
Oh my god, that's stupid. Just four points, baby. fucking oh my god i mean that's stupid but
like just just four points baby yeah i love that and i think that's great yeah and still
that is actually very future forward thinking yes that's to me i've never seen that done and
that makes it drag drag is something that you've never seen done before honey yes um you guys we
actually are gonna take a quick break um to get a word from our
sponsors hello sponsors and then we're gonna come back and we're gonna get into it a little bit
all right so stay tuned uh we'll be right back with monique moses
bitch i hope that you're sitting down at this moment yes because i'm about to give you something
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I don't, but I should, right?
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I will, I think.
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five-day home try on all right that's enough of that let's go back to the show come on and we're back with our guest monique moses yes now okay as you guys know or maybe if you didn't
know we just had lost culturistas live i don't think so honey the live event yes and monique
was a part of a moment that stopped the world world stop carry on carry on yeah now you chose to go into the
troll bowl yeah and okay first of all very brave keep going thank you i mean in my head what i was
going to do was a scathing review of wagamama ramen yes which which which we will hear i'm not
gonna do that today no but like it i in my head that's what i was gonna do but then i thought i'm
second to last no one has picked the troll bowl uh-huh it's very popular when you do yeah yeah yeah and I did not think I was gonna I
thought I was gonna get some bullshit thing yeah but I got Donald motherfucking Trump okay and so
let me so I made the troll ball like I put everything in there and Anna Dresden created
the idea of the troll ball and I thought that that was so, that's so funny, especially because,
you know,
some people,
they might not,
you know,
exactly know what to do.
Like,
you know,
some people just like not,
might not have an opinion,
have a thing.
Yeah.
Anyway,
Monique draws Donald Trump.
And the reason I put Donald Trump in there is because I was just trying to
fuck with everyone that picked the troll ball.
And I think I certainly did fuck with some people.
So you picked Donald Trump and I look in the crowd and everyone's got up two fingers with some people you did so you picked donald trump and
i look in the crowd and everyone's got up two fingers yeah and it's like two minutes and it's
i've never it's like it was like the fucking roman coliseum people were screaming just foaming at the
mouth being like rabid like yeah they were and the war honestly i was shook yeah like believe you and i thought okay i can do this i can do this but
then i was like holy fuck there's so much to unpack here i know and yeah and i have to say
my apologies for throwing two minutes on you because like honestly looking back i was like
yeah you forced her to do two minutes on fucking Donald Trump. But I will say you were fucking hilarious.
Thanks, guys.
And you guys have all heard the episode already at home where it's going to come out tomorrow for us.
But I cannot wait.
But we were screaming, laughing.
We were.
Yeah.
But I get like like hearing coming off stage after two minutes and being like, oh, man, I did not fuck with Donald Trump.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And like what like
what a hard like it's an easy mark but it's also so hard like where do you even fucking begin yeah
and honestly like i like i remember going to matt after the show and being like i thought it was
perfect that mo monique just like just like did her thing on two minutes on donald trump and just
and just was like man fuck him man i hate donald
like it was also okay i'm glad that you like that your burns on your burns on him in regards to
trudeau were amazing also the real like of course we know this but then like just as you were going
like oh my god yeah she's canadian like it was so funny it was so neat and i don't know i i thought
it was perfect i understand i understand
this this like instinct of like or this feeling of like oh fuck like i didn't fuck with him enough
so anyway yeah um wait before we get to before we like dive into that because i want to hear it
oh you're gonna let me do another one oh yeah yeah we want we want you to come through again
and fucking get everything you want out of it because it's deserved come on yes honey but
I want to hear about this ramen place because I
because
when you first said
you were gonna come for like the ramen place
on the corner of the street I was like oh that's
fucking amazing and then when you picked
the bowl I was so fucking happy
because if there's an improv
queen it's Monique
wow it didn't show up.
No, Monique.
Oh, my God.
It was so funny.
Also, I was saying to Monique, this is someone that you need to see live.
You must.
You got to.
Because when Monique is on stage, you are safe.
You are safe.
You know what I mean?
And there's nothing like that.
There's nothing like being in the crowd for someone who is taking care of you.
You're going to have a good time when you watch Monique.
So yeah, Harold Knight, some kid, Astronomy Club.
You got to seek this shit out and you got to watch her show series because you have
to see Monique wherever she is.
And Sport Court, honey.
You're one of my favorites.
Sport Court, the rhyming web series everyone wants to see.
Wait, tell us about Sport Court.
Then tell us about Wagamama Ramen and then we're getting to Donald Trump.
Here we go.
First thing, Sport Court. Sport Court court i love saying it perfect name um it was written by joe shapa and it's uh just literally what it is it's about a court that's in the
basement of a sports arena oh and it's just random people who you know fuck shit up while
they're watching their favorite sporting group and then came down and they,
they need to be delivered justice.
Wow.
It stars me and a good friend,
uh,
Chris Roberti.
Chris Roberti is the judge and I'm his bailiff.
And we just have a really fun,
um,
relationship.
And it's just a dumb,
dumb.
How many episodes is it?
Uh,
six,
six.
Oh,
nice.
Good order.
Good order.
Um,
and here's the thing,
and this is just another little praise for
Monique. I could see her both as the judge or as the bailiff.
Yeah. Chameleon. Chameleon. Chameleon. Chameleon. We get a second season
and maybe we'll switch roles. Honestly, yeah. Work that into the story.
Okay, we can't wait for that to come out. April 24th, IFC Comedy Crib.
We love it. Love it love it love it love it
Okay so now talk to us about
Wagamama ramen because I just want to
I just want to say I'm very invested
In this because I'm recently
A ramen I mean I've always loved ramen but
Winter months I mean
We're it's warming up but I've been
Digging into ramen right and
Just getting some spicy tonkotsu
Some spicy misos yeah puts me
right to sleep oh my god my boss at work she's the best um she always wants to order ramen it's
so cute she's like can we order ramen i'm like yeah sure test and then we get ramen and then
we are immediately sleepy by like comatose yeah it puts you right to sleep so anyway you need that
five hour energy you need that five hour energy I'm a big ramen head now
but I
so I want to know
what's wrong about this
how did they fuck with you
so there's two things
you have to know about me
in regards to Wagamama
one I
I'm obsessed with ramen
so I eat at
every ramen shop
in the city
two
I work in Flatiron
so when Wagamama
I don't even know
if it's him saying it
Wagamama
Wagamama
opens its new shop
and they're like this fucking
Corporate juggernaut
Oh are they?
They have
Ramen restaurants
All over the world
Like Tehran
And fucking
The UK
Let's open up a ramen shop
In fucking
Tehran
I mean I think so
I don't know
I didn't research them that much
But they've got shit
In Boston
Boston is their only
I'm like
Giving them advertising.
Fuck you, Wagamama.
Anyways, they only have one shop in Boston.
So they open up a block away from my work.
I'm excited.
Because you know, I'm at work
and the only thing I need now is some fucking ramen
to make me feel good.
And I go, and why is that?
All I need right now is some ramen
to make me fucking feel good.
I want to, baby wants to feel good. Let's get me some ramen. Why do I go and why. All I need right now is some ramen to make me feel good. I want to.
Baby wants to feel good.
Give me some ramen.
Why do I go?
One soggy ass noodles.
Yeah.
Bad, cold, tepid broth.
Overpriced.
And this isn't just one.
This isn't just one time.
I gave them two chances and they fucked up both times.
Their auxiliary dishes are good.
Okay, like what?
Name some.
Like their buns,
their pork buns were popping.
Yeah.
But their ramen is all this weird fusion shit. You gotta deliver the main event.
And it's not good.
No, you can't.
Ramen's one of those things
that's a very delicate sort of thing
where you cannot fuck with the formula.
It's not good.
And they have these weird spoons.
I see what they're trying to do. They're trying to make
they're trying to give us their version of ramen
and it's like don't do it.
Come and give me what I want.
Wagamama. Come on. I don't think
so honey. I don't think so honey
wagamama. Thank you so much.
You know what? I guess I associate ramen
with like ramen that you eat in college and
I'm not understanding what ramen really
truly is. There's a different cultural side of the coin honey right but i do get get very hard when you say the word
spicy miso spicy like i'm immediately like ready to go here's a plug for a good ramen place you
guys they do ramen and sushi both very well do you know how rare that is this is a place called
um zutto z-u-t-t-o it sounds italian bitch it ain't it's japanese
where is this um i only order through seamless they're in my they're they're around hudson
square tribeca uh soho yeah um fantastic spicy miso ramen yeah give you amazing pork pork belly
some amazing soft boiled eggs oh it's the best i love it i love it so much that's incredible yeah it's
incredible but they fucked up so but you know what i didn't talk about them i talked about donald
all right so you know what so you floated around a lot of topics with donald trump but yeah but
monique is here to do another i don't think so honey and oh the woman has notes i mean i have
to i can't just go off the top of a dome.
No, no, no.
But the thing is, that's what's so crazy about I Don't Think So Honey is we go right off
the top of the dome and there's going to be a twist for today's I Don't Think So Honey.
No.
No, not for you.
For you towards us.
Okay.
I don't know about this.
What is this?
Monique is going to decide on the spot what we do our I Don't Think So Honey's on because
we did it to her.
Oh, I love that.
I love that. All right, so the coin has now
the tables have turned.
Yes.
And we're going to get our own taste of the troll bowl.
I love this.
It's going to come from the mobile.
I got a taste of the troll bowl myself.
I thought I did an okay job.
You did well.
What did you do again?
Sarah Paulson.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I think you did so good.
The one thing I would have changed,
and I'm sorry, this is a tangent.
For some reason I mentioned,
I wish you had done comedy bang bang,
which makes kind of no sense.
Because first of all, it's over.
No, I think it's amazing
because your whole thesis was
we want to see you in everything
and that includes comedy bang bang.
And this is the other thing I wish I had revised.
I mentioned her in memoriam reel,
which is kind of heavy.
And that's implying that she's dead.
You're just giving yourself
notes and no you can't judge i don't think so honey that way i don't think so honey is from
the heart it's about the passion it doesn't matter what the fuck you say no one cares it's about did
you make your case and guess what you made the case i don't think you did something amazing which
was i don't think so honey sarah pulsing you're too amazing to not work every goddamn day of your
life fuck you for not working more which is brilliant because you're able to come on it positively,
but also, you know, the stakes were high.
I can spin anything better than fucking Kellyanne Conway herself.
Oh, wow.
I have to say, if there's someone besides me who I feel is your arch nemesis, it is
Kellyanne Conway. someone besides me who i feel is your arch nemesis it is kelly and conway i think i think the end of
days we're all going to watch something on television like like bowen is katniss and
kelly ann is like the she is my nemesis she's my nemesis we're gonna see a televised fight to the
death by bowen yang and kelly and conway we will speaking of kelly ann yeah here we go here we go
this is monique moses are you ready i ready. And you got a minute on there?
Okay, we're doing one, right?
Yeah.
All right.
Monique Moses.
I don't think so, honey.
Donald Trump part two.
Time starts now.
Okay, Donald Trump.
I don't think so, motherfucking honey.
You're trying to repeal Obamacare?
I don't think you can, honey.
I don't think so, honey, because even your party doesn't like you.
Your party's like, Donald, you are dumb, dumb, dumb.
You are not a real president.
You think you're a real president? I don't think so, honey so honey no the only thing you can get done is by executive order it's like that teenager at a party when they have a party when their folks are away
and you know what you're gonna get your ass beat when they come home but you'll like still try to
have that party anyways and deal with it later fuck you donald trump you are like the motherfucking
baba duke okay spoiler alert 30 seconds he represents grief everybody is he even human
donald trump are you even human i don't even think so honey okay you are fucking demi gorgon
from stranger things you are just pushing legislation to literally turn the environment
into the upside down and it's probably going to take us like 11 years to reverse and you want to
know why i said 11 because it's a stranger things reference all right donald you need to take
several seats because you are the clown from it but the clown from it has better teeth fuck you oh my god three seconds uh why are you wasting our money you
fucking suck i tried to go through fifth avenue and i couldn't that's one minute oh my god stop
wasting our money on golf trips because everybody sees you oh we see you donald trump we do honest and honestly brava brava face i had no but you
know what the thing is like here's the deal now when people when i'm ever like challenged by
someone who did vote for donald trump and for some reason is still standing by him or the people that
are mad silent now because that's also a thing people that were real opinionated about how she
was equally as bad as him and now don't say a fucking word on facebook all of a sudden they're not as political
anymore they don't want to talk about it it's like come the fuck on but then i get to talking
to them and they say well why do you hate him so much and i get so overwhelmed yeah he's so
overwhelming that's what part of the whole shock of him being president is is it's like
truly where do you fucking start yeah we haven't begun i mean we've begun to process it but we
it's like just there are so many entry points oh this is a thing um i was just i was just home with
my parents this past weekend my mom and i had a nice bonding experience um because a lot of her
old students from med school who are still living in china
um and even some like family friends who live in colorado who i found out voted for trump and i'm
shocked and appalled at them and they've i've lost all respect for them but anyway a lot of my mom's
medical student uh medical student uh whatever uh students from from china who were still there
supported him like from afar obviously they couldn't vote but they were like wow
hillary's awful donald trump is better for china yeah and now all of them are trying to like all
of them are like have business in the u.s and come every now and then but now with this like
with this immigration crackdown and like visa crackdown like they're not able to get into the
country and they are they have such regrets about just siding with him. Yeah.
And I'm like, well, like that.
And I kind of like feel sort of it feels karmically satisfying for me to be like, well, fuck you for ever thinking that he was a good choice.
Like and I know it was of no consequence for them.
Like they didn't vote.
But still, it's like it's such an I told you so moment.
And anyway, you know what?
Some of us are smarter than doctors in China.
So I feel you so moment. And anyway, you know what? Some of us are smarter than doctors in China. So you should feel good about that.
It's just.
Did you read the article about the woman who voted for Trump and now her husband is being
deported?
Yeah.
I actually couldn't even read it.
I was like, this is too far.
Yeah.
It's nuts.
And it's weird, too.
As a Canadian, I should have more of an anger towards the travel ban.
But it's like, I don't even know what his aim is. So I can't even. I don't's like i don't even know what his aim is so i can't even
i don't i don't even know so did you vote you voted in canada no i can't vote you can't vote
anywhere oh shit so yeah so i'm just like a bystander i'm like a ghost so uh you would
have voted for trudeau though oh hell yeah oh my. Oh my god. He is a fine man.
He's beautiful.
He's smart. He's kind.
God. He shakes back, you know?
Yeah. When he gets a weird handshake
he just gets a real like a Trump
handshake. Also, that shot of his
booty. That's unbelievable.
It's crazy. You're obsessed.
I think the world is obsessed. He's a great dude.
He's kind of, it's nuts.
He's gorgeous. He's perfect. When I do stand up, I have
this funny bit about like
I gave him up. Well, actually I did that.
I did that at the show too.
I came here for fucking Donald Trump. I left
fucking Trudeau behind. It's like
seeing your ex just fly.
I know. I know.
Also, his first name is Justin. Justin.
And he speaks French.
Like,
do you hear,
do you hear him speaking French?
Um,
yeah.
At the Québécois,
like Parliament House or whatever.
Yeah.
He speaks perfect French.
Do you speak French?
I don't.
Un petit peu.
Un petit peu.
No,
I don't really.
I just like,
I speak direct translation,
which is not speaking.
It's just,
yeah.
It's just like,
it's like signs.
Yeah.
I realized I speak more Farsi than I do French.
Farsi, wow.
Because Sudi has taught me some Farsi.
That's amazing.
Yeah.
What did you say recently?
I think you posted something.
The way you say yes is ballet.
Ballet.
And then there's.
And then what's that?
When you want to give a term of endearment to someone,
tell them that you
care about them
it's like you say
they're
if it's a man
it's Bowen June
or Monique John
and then
my favorite
my favorite thing
is
like the way you say
like God willing
or we hope so
is Inshallah
Inshallah
like Inshallah
this podcast
gets a million views
you know what I mean
like this podcast this vocal podcast gets a million views you know what i mean like this like vocal podcast
exactly like every day i'm like inshallah i'll find out um that i'm going to disney world today
then i'll finally be happy inshallah um but that's my favorite word and i like to use it
in casual conversations i love it if you if you if you had told american eagle nightmare matt rogers
10 years ago that he was speaking farsi i think i i honestly think about this sometimes i'm like
jesus christ if 18 year old me could see like 27 year old me what would i think and i think i'd be
pretty okay with it it would be shocking because it would mean that i conquered a lot of my like
fears about my identity yeah and i would be i think
i'd wonder like how the fuck did that go yeah but um but i think it'd be nice to see that like
i was at least happy and gay without panicking about it yeah and be able to speak farsi and be
able to speak four words of farsi and layering i don well. And layering so well. Got my layer game down. Yeah. I don't
whip up enough Mandarin for you.
I realize. Teach us some Mandarin.
Some Mandarin? Yeah. Hmm.
What do we want to know?
You know what they say you should know how to do?
You should at least be able to ask
in any country you go to, where's the
bathroom? Oh, jeez. Great.
Is this what we want to know?
Can you first tell us how to introduce ourselves
um please so we all know
perfect beautiful are we mandarin you're mandarin guys any my relatives would fucking flip
okay great and then where and then where's the bathroom yes Your Mandarin now. Guys, any, my relatives would fucking flip this shit. 你好,我是Matt.
Okay, great.
And then where's the bathroom?
Yes, please.
It's a little tough, but just go with me.
Okay.
Just really make your tongue very pliable.
And make sure that when we say it, we say it in a polite way.
Yeah.
Okay, great, great, great.
So that makes it even more complicated, but sure.
That's fine.
This is, May I please ask
请问
请问
厕所
厕所
在
在
哪里
哪里
请问厕所在哪里
请问厕所在哪里
Close enough
请问厕所在哪里
Sorry
I'm sorry
No
No no no no no no no, no, no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
this is,
is it wrong?
No,
it's,
it's very wrong,
but it's fantastic
because there's
something so
compelling about
Matt just
so with
such poise
just saying
Mandarin gibberish
and it's
my new favorite
thing.
This is,
this is a new discovery
for me how we'll show matt
oh this isn't it's kind of offensive but it's amazing no i really it's not offensive i really
don't want to offend anyone i'm kidding this does not offend me which should not offend anyone else
there you go and you know what this brings me to an interesting point. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. This is a little tea. Okay.
Ooh, okay.
So, oh, no, I don't know if I want to go.
Wait, you can't. You can't say that.
I can't back off of it.
I have to talk about this, and I'm not going to name any names.
So I recently realized that the word F-A-G was in a show that I saw recently, and I thought
it was hilarious because it was justified well.
And the person that put up the show said that they had fielded some emails and, like, gotten was in a show that I saw recently and I thought it was hilarious because it was justified well. Okay.
And the person that put up the show
said that they had fielded some emails
and like gotten some complaints
because this is a straight white man
that did this.
Oh, sure, sure, sure.
That they were now going to take the word out
despite it being justified very well
because they got emails
from some actually women
who said that they shouldn't be able
to use that word.
Interesting.
And I've seen the show a bunch and it didn't offend me,
but it definitely opens up a very interesting conversation,
especially this week after that DCM poster.
Hell yeah.
About like words, how we use them, who gets to use them.
Because I have to be honest,
I was even a little confused after the DCM conversation.
Yeah.
Because when I saw the poster, obviously I cringed a little bit.
You know what I mean?
I was like, that shouldn't be on there.
But then why everyone was so mad about the word woke being used.
I thought everyone was without kind of saying it because no one was being very clear.
Everyone was kind of angry for different reasons.
Right.
And it was like, hold on.
And because it's social media and Facebook where anyone can say anything or give any half reaction or over the top reaction they want um i kind of found
myself saying let's actually have a conversation about the way that we use stay woke like who is
allowed is sure or is not allowed to say this what does it really mean because i think there's
a lot of misunderstanding about that like i have white
friends um and you know people of all different races around me and i feel like that word has
become such a part of the zeitgeist that i legitimately had to type into google like an
idiot what does stay woke mean where did it come from to tell you i think someone i wish i could
credit whoever said this comment but somebody was like unless
if this is a three-day symposium on diversity and race relations I don't think that it should
have been named the wokening absolutely right if that was like I see what they were going for
but that's the only reason why it's a cringy title if that if like diversity truly like was pervasive throughout the weekend yeah then
absolutely like do some weird pun or play on words or whatever but like yeah it's kind of
it's like an improv it's sort of it's like the veneer you know it's like it's not really what
diversity is not a theme you know what i mean diversity should be a given yeah it's like we should be you know you can't like the theme of
celebrating diversity that should be a part of every day yeah at ucb and so to kind of make that
the focus like i i absolutely 100 share in the frustration with that especially because you know
the people that decided to make it that way were white people yeah it's just like it's frustrating i thought it was handled really well i thought it was handled
there i really appreciated shannon's response yeah oh i i didn't read it it was very it's very
very graceful and it really it kind of like said like you know what like this is another opportunity
for a conversation and this conversation will never stop until excellent it will just never
stop yeah and that's great And that did make me feel
proud to be a part of the community because you know
what? At least we're having a conversation. And the artists
themselves was black, right?
I believe so. I don't want to say yes
or no because I don't know, but that
would make sense.
So you know what? I mean, but
going back to that
anecdote about
fag. Yeah, just say fag yeah just say whatever it's interesting
how like it's it's i don't know this is this might be a little thorny for for me to go into but like
if it's mostly if it's like women predominantly who are like coming up and like policing that
the usage of that word i feel like there's some sort of a erasure uh on gay men just
like on gay men b it's like oh well someone else is speaking on my behalf yeah right i don't know
if that's fully representative and it was just interesting because i've seen the show a bunch
and i've never thought to myself that offends me however i do have to say i'm grateful to the
people speaking oh sure because i think it means
i think what it means is like people have been hurt by things and you know you just you don't
want to you don't want other people to be triggered by something that but i think maybe there's a
little bit of an assumption that it's going to be a trigger where it's not like at the end of the
day we're a comedy theater yeah and you know like the comedy has to come first and if the comedy is
not coming first i do think like there is a second there is there is a opportunity to take a second of pause there
um but and shows of solidarity um are good and helpful in their intention but also um
you know also sometimes just just maybe not fully i don't know i thought this is so hard it's such
a it's such a tough fully called for terrible at this stuff yeah yeah yeah i mean and like
i remember when i first saw the poster i did like it because i didn't even see the title because i'm
colorblind as fuck and i was like oh dcm yay yeah and then i floated away from it and then i saw
this like this like moment of like all of Facebook with statuses about
the poster and I was like oh my god
what the fuck does the poster say I went back
and I saw what it was and I saw that I liked it
and I was like oh unlike
unlike my name is not on this
wow um
I mean that's where your color blindness
it will defeat me
no no no no it will save you
I don't mean i'm colorblind
in the fact that i don't know i mean like i'm literally colorblind like thank god like i'm not
allowed to fly a plane or like excellent be drafted fight in the war yeah um that's hilarious um
monique the time has come oh to give you your oh well you can well you also have the opportunity
to do another one of your choice oh yeah if you want so that was just a marquee moment for you oh you guys are giving me life
right now if you want to no pressure i mean sure i will i will only because fuck why not why not
okay but i want you guys go first we can go first yeah okay so this is now it's time you have to
choose because you've been troll bold yeah yeah yeah and maybe this is something for the
guests that come on to the future in the future this is uh like if you've been troll bold in the
past but yes you get the opportunity to come on here and troll us big time absolutely so um
bowen do you want to go first or should i uh i can go first okay bone's gonna go first so
monique really troll bowen here okay here we go and then i and then when you are ready just tell me and i'll start a minute on the clock okay bowen yeah your i don't think so honey is about vanessa carlton and it starts right
now i don't think so honey vanessa carlton how dare you come onto the scene the same time that
michelle branch does how dare you confuse uh the zeitgeist and and popular music at a time when
michelle branch could have really had a monopoly
on this post-Alanis landscape and music. Honey, you ruined Michelle Branch for me because people
kept getting her confused. They're like, Thousand Miles, was that Michelle Branch? I keep saying,
no, honey, Michelle Branch can rock a guitar and write a song that doesn't involve fucking,
doesn't talk about her taking a stroll down the fucking street.
I don't think so.
Vanessa Carlton, you fizzled out, honey.
I'm sorry, but you are the definition of a one-hit wonder.
You are the fucking, you're the fucking, what's his name?
Well, I don't, you know what?
That's a different story.
I don't think so, Vanessa Carlton.
15 seconds.
Who do you think you are?
Fiona Apple for kids bop?
I don't think so, honey.
Oh, no. Vanessa fucking Carlton. I don't think so honey vanessa fucking carlton i don't
think so honey your time is done five seconds vanessa carlton regina specter will eat you alive
that's one minute wow i don't know i love baby i mean you know what that was intense and you know
what again like you're we're all gonna judge ourselves based on
how we know of these troubles but that's why it's called the trouble you feel trolled and you know
what now you'll all take a second thought when you try to troll someone online you get get a
little taste of your own yes this is edifying and educational honey we are we are teaching the kids
to not troll okay monique it's okay i'm ready for you to hit me hard with the topic here we go um um matt your i don't think so honey is on um
is on uh socrates socrates socrates socrates the greek philosopher oh here we go i can't
wait for this this is matt rogers i don't think so honey time starts now I don't think so honey Socrates I'm a Plato bitch okay um first of all
um no offense to you Socrates but Plato said all the good shit also you are not my favorite thinker
my favorite thinker is Nietzsche bitch what doesn't kill you makes you stronger adopted in
the pop song by Kelly Clarkson and you you know what? I think that's true.
Socrates, guess what?
Maybe it's the fact that I'm not well read.
Maybe it's the fact that I have a fried brain from a little bit too much weed and not enough sleep.
But I can't remember anything that you said, bitch.
And guess what?
When I was in school at New York University, I faded to NYU.
I got an A plus in the class called Social Foundations 2, which specifically dealt with you and your teachings.
And still I remember nothing, bitch,
which means you have nothing good to say.
All I know about you is you were quoted in Legally Blonde
in the first scene and brought back at the end.
And guess what?
Even that wasn't about you.
It was about Reese, honey.
And guess what?
The world's about Reese.
Down with Socrates, up with Reese.
And that's one minute. I don't think so, honey. And guess what? The world's about Reese. Down with Socrates, up with Reese. And that's one minute.
I don't think so, honey.
You guys are it. You are everything.
Wow. Very on brand of Matt to bring it back to Reese
Witherspoon. Matt, I just
you know what? No. I'm gonna let you have
this, but I just want to let you know.
Oh no, what did I do wrong? No, no, no. You didn't do anything wrong.
Plato wrote
Plato wrote from the perspective
of Socrates and a lot of his works.
Well, let's just say I like to hang out
with my younger bitches.
Like Socrates.
Socrates was accused of indoctrinating the youth, honey.
What does that mean, indoctrinating the youth?
Does that mean being a little bit of a perv?
Oh.
Who knows?
Who knows, honey?
I think he indoctrinated the youth if you
know what i mean wow that's just to throw some shade at socrates literally there's a column over
there and that's how i came to greek and then i thought of socrates so i don't know anything
about there is a fucking ionic column in this in this bitch there is an ionic column in this
bitch where we record marble columns and now mo yeahble columns. Now, Mo. Yeah. Now you have, and I don't think it's the honey of your choice, right?
To be fair.
Yeah.
You get to do whatever the fuck you want.
Great.
All right.
So are you ready?
Oh.
Or do you, I should ask, would you like to do it?
Is there anything that's grinding your gears?
You can say no.
There isn't anything that's grinding my gears off the top of my head.
That's okay.
Or do you want us to troll you?
Yeah, troll me one more time.
Okay.
Okay.
What's a beloved institution okay
here's what I'm gonna say okay Monique
Moses that's me I don't think so honey k-pop
listen nobody wants to listen to your busted ass music everybody wants to listen to american music
everyone wants to listen to canadian music you're not even speaking English. Yeah, I know you're from a different country
that there's an entirely different language.
No, you have to speak English
if you want an international fan.
Oh my God, just because you can dance
asynchronously?
Honey, no.
People like individuality.
People like people that can look like Elaine
when they're dancing.
Don't try to look like a fucking army.
No.
And I don't think so, honey.
K-pop, what?
Are you trying to use yourself
against uh north korea and like trying to use k-pop again like as war related materials no honey
don't do that you are a popular music you should be for when we are in the club and we are fucking
twisted on that two on or we should be when we are like in a dance class and we're dancing don't try
to be 10 seconds and listen K-pop just cause
you look slick
and like everyone
is gorgeous
doesn't mean you're
anything honey
you ain't shit
you fake
you're plastic
and nobody likes
your dumb ass
oh that's one minute
but you actually
I do I do
I like you so much
I do love you
but you love K-pop
oh my god
we really just
turned Monique
against her own taste
honestly
that's the troll bowl
honey
wow
you know I love thanks for doing of course and thanks for coming on the show Monique against her own taste honestly that's the troll bowl honey wow you know I love
thanks for doing of course and thanks for coming
on the show Monique we love you so much
I love you guys so much where can we follow you
at on the gram oh you can follow me on the gram
or on the twits and what's your
what's your mobile handle my handle is
at Nutella Cartel Nutella Cartel
that's all one word give it to me
I am serving up that
Nutella goodness.
And we are eating it up.
Oh my gosh, you guys.
Another episode of Lost Culture Recess
in the goddamn book.
It's a fucking can, honey.
We love you so.
Thank you.
I love you.
Also, Monique is one of the best story pirates of all time.
Now that the episode is over
and the kids are listening again.
They wanted some milk.
Yeah.
Parents can bring their kids back into the room and let them know that Monique is a fucking
iconic story.
She's a master.
She's a pro.
We love you so much.
And she at the benefit a couple of years ago laid it out in the creator story.
Oh, geez.
You did.
You fucking improv goddess.
And I just want to mention very quickly, Monique and I auditioned together.
Yes.
And we're in the same call background.
Yes. And then look, look where we are now. And now we're married. And now I auditioned together. Yes. And we're on the same call background. Yes.
And then look,
look where we are now.
And now we're married.
And now you're her wife.
Yes.
And I'm her husband.
Yes.
And I'm his husband.
Amazing.
And you're my son.
Yeah, I'm your baby.
Gender is a construct.
Yeah, it is.
We love,
we're gonna raise our glass one more time
to all of you.
Thank you guys so much for listening.
Thank you.
Thank you, Monique.
I'm Matt Rogers.
I'm Bowen Yang.
Bye.
Forever. Dog. This has Bowen Yang. Bye. Forever.
Dog.
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Dog. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999,
five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez
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And the question was,
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Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home,
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Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times,
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We're finally answering the age-old question,
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We're going to find out, Jules.
New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season.
Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app,
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Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose.
My latest episode is with Jelly Roll.
This episode is one of the most honest
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We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story
from being in and out of prison from the age of 13
to being one of today's biggest artists.
I was a desperate delusional dreamer.
Be a delusional dreamer.
Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer.
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty
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Trust me, you won't want to miss this one.
I'm Sheryl Swoops.
And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby.
And on our new podcast,
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Because no matter who you are,
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And T and I have no problem going there.
Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby,
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