Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - “My Fourth Time on Las Cultch” (w/ Julio Torres)
Episode Date: June 12, 2024It's finally that time: Julio Torres has come back on the podcast. For the 4th time? You tell us! They unfold a world of Disney, fitness classes instructors subtweeting you to your face, dinner party ...etiquette (do not invite Julio!), the unpretentiousness of OMG Fashun, and how to use the bathroom at Animal. The sisters also take time to re-name Matt while also taking time to acknowledging that seeing a film at Sundance is a mess. It's an important episode because Julio is BACK (for the 3rd time??? Hard to say!) And of course, three engaging IDTSH's! Get into it! Fantasmas (on MAX) & Problemista (in theaters & VOD) are both out now so WATCH THEM NOW! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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And last season's drama was just the tip of the iceberg.
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How could you do this to me?
I don't trust her.
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Trust me, you won't want to miss this one.
Look, man.
Oh, I see.
Wow.
Bowen, look over there.
Wow, is that culture?
Yes.
Oh, my goodness.
Wow.
Las Culturistas.
Ding dong. Las Culturistas. Ding dong.
Las Culturistas calling.
Take a deep breath.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
It's obviously, you first have to inhale to exhale.
That's actually rule of culture number eight.
You first have to inhale.
You first have to inhale to exhale.
Breathing is really...
Fundamental. Fundamental. breathing is really fundamental
fundamental
breathing has really
saved my ass in recent
times and I feel like I need to
really dig into this
I am like out of breath I'm like
tight in the chest why
oh I'm so happy you're saying this publicly
because now we can all watch it because
you can't trust someone to watch their own health.
We all need eyes on Bowen Yang's chest and lungs.
Please.
Hey, my chest is down here.
And it is really tight and tense.
And I just need to like get it loosened up, you know?
I need like a massage every day.
This is really hot what you're doing.
Bowen's rubbing his titters
and sort of being very orgasmic about this.
Do you actually feel lately that you're breathing and like stuff is different? Bowen's rubbing his titters and sort of being very orgasmic about this.
Do you actually feel lately that you're breathing and stuff is different?
Yeah.
Something's going on.
The body keeps the score.
Yeah.
No, it's not this.
Our guest is making a little cigarette motion.
It's not that.
I am in Canada, and maybe that has something to do with it.
Although I'm at the same sea level, I'm at the same... No, it's this.
Most of my life is still the same.
It's not that.
You know what I'm going to say right now,
which is such a wife thing to say,
as I'm going to say this to our guests
and to everyone listening?
Well, he knows how I feel about the cigarettes.
The cigarettes are not really figuring in anymore.
Can I say something?
There was a deal that we made years ago,
and I periodically bring this up because it is important,
and it is sort of indicative of you not holding up an end of a bargain,
which is that when I started therapy, you were going to stop smoking.
That was the...
But then guess what?
What?
COVID happened.
No, no, no, no.
And everything changed.
Using COVID as an excuse.
COVID happened and now all bets are off.
All bets are off? Was that in the fine print
of the verbal agreement that we made?
Well, I'll just say for my health, therapy
has been amazing and I think not smoking
would help you feel less like your chest was locked
up and you couldn't breathe.
That's just me though.
I just wanted to remark
on how I've been breathing. I've been more
aware of my breathing lately, and all of a
sudden... And all of a sudden, it became
antagonistic, and obviously your problem is due to
stress, so why am I piling on? You know what
I mean? It's okay. You know what? This is
why it can't just be me watching this. It has to
be all of us, the community. We have to watch Bo and
Yang's health, because I clearly can't be trusted.
We have to watch each other. This is a mutual aid network at the end of the day. We were seeing... Speaking of us, the community, we have to watch Bo and Yang's self because I clearly can't be trusted. We have to watch each other.
This is a mutual aid network at the end of the day.
We were seeing, speaking of watching,
we were saying just before we got on with our guest,
we were talking about Disney for a hot
sec. Did you see this for, you didn't,
but did you see this, are you aware of the
four hour video
review of the Star Wars Hotel that
this girl posted where it's just the most
thorough dragging of the Star Wars hotel that this girl posted where it's just the most thorough dragging
of the Star Wars hotel
from every single... She didn't like it.
Hated it. So she basically was like,
she's this girl, her name is Jenny Nicholson, she's like a
YouTube video blogger,
a vlogger, I guess.
And her thing is
niche fandoms, theme
parks, and immersive experiences.
That's her whole bag. And the three
of those converge at Disney. And also
she's like a Star Wars freak. She's like
really super smart and
adorable and like she like has a big
following and she's very
very very detailed and clear
about her experience at the Star Wars hotel
which she said cost over $6,000
for two people. It was a two night
hotel stay. It was immersive two-night hotel stay.
It was immersive.
And you got to watch it on like 1.75 or times two speed
because it is so thrilling.
Like get on a Stairmaster, open this up
and you will be walking at a pace
you've never walked before.
Like it is a thrilling watch.
I never thought it would be.
People were sending me this like,
have you seen this yet?
And I was like, listen, I'm not this far gone. And then cut to me like
soaking in all of it. It was a blow by blow dragging of this experience, which is now
closed, by the way. This is giving me like, I didn't know my husband TikTok or the right.
Like I didn't know my husband. Well, this girl is nominated for a cultural award
for this video.
She is.
But anyway,
it was just so unreal
to think about
just how crazy it is,
like how far gone it is.
Because she was saying,
you know,
a lot of people might think
it's like the super rich people
that are buying tickets to this.
Like, actually, no.
Her experience is
it was a lot of middle class people who clearly had splurged on this vacation, actually, no. Her experience is it was a lot of middle-class people
who clearly had splurged on this vacation.
Oh, no.
Because they thought Disney is,
you know, when you say the word Disney,
you think of this, like,
experience of, like, luxury and excellence.
And, like, they're this brand
that, like, you're going to get something out of.
But it fools middle-class people
because you get there and it's like,
all right, you're cooped up in a hotel
with no windows
it is the hotel rooms are a size
of boxes and it's like
an immersive experience in that
like there's like characters walking around but like
none of the things are really playable
it's a really worthwhile
watch I sat there with my mouth open
I was like this is so crazy
I can't wait can I ask an insane
question yeah was I supposed to be talking this is what crazy. I can't wait. Can I ask an insane question?
Yeah.
Was I supposed to be talking?
This is what, your third, fourth time on the podcast?
I know.
Wait, how does it work?
Like you introduced me and then I talk, right? So the way it works is, yeah, that's exactly how it works.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Pretend I didn't do that.
Sit tight for like 90 more seconds.
Hold that thought.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hold that thought.
I will talk later.
Okay.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, that thing about you talking is going to come in a major way in a sec.
Now, whose voice was that?
I don't know.
Problemista voice.
Problemista voice.
Voice of a phantasma.
This is a very good friend,
a very special guest,
a true, true artist.
Pioneer.
A pioneer.
You might know his lovely work,
most recently in his directorial debut,
Problemista.
I wanted to give it the title, My First Movie.
And I think a filmmaker has called her first movie,
My First...
Oh, no, it's a musician is calling her first album,
My First Album or something.
That doesn't work as well for me.
My First Movie is so much more,
so much bigger.
You know what I mean? And that's why the title
of episode so far for
this is my fourth episode of
Lost Cult. My fourth episode
of Lost Cult. But I mean,
don't you, can't you picture
like two women at a nail
salon and then one of them goes,
what are we doing tonight?
We're going to go see my first movie.
It works in many different ways.
But when you really think in there,
why do you think he didn't take your advice?
I think it wasn't him.
I think it was the A24,
the suits at A24.
Blame the suits is what I always say.
I think about that with the Disney Wars, Disney World, Star Wars hotel too. Blame the suits at 824. Blame the suits is what I always say. I think about that with the Disney World
Star Wars hotel too.
Blame the suits.
Disney Wars.
Disney Wars.
But we're starting.
Girl.
Iger, come at us.
Now, he has a new show coming out on HBO
called...
Is it HBO or Max?
I guess it's Max, right?
No, no, no.
Not yet.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
You know what?
Well, let him tell us where it is. No, no, no. not yet. Hold on, hold on, hold on. You know what? We'll let him tell us where it is.
No, no, no. It is coming out on...
He's having to look it up.
It's coming out on HBO.
June 7th on HBO.
Prestige. Come on. It's not a new year's Max.
Garbage.
No, of course. Garbage on Max.
This is Fantasmus.
A really star-studded cast.
It'll be... I can't wait to see it.
I have a shirt that says
Phantasmus Haddad's Trucks, New Jersey.
And it is one of my favorite shirts.
I love that shirt.
Thank you, Phantasmus, for giving me that.
Not your first shirt, but your favorite shirt.
No, no.
My favorite shirt.
Should we bring him in so we can do some of that famous talking?
For sure.
All right, here we go.
Everyone welcome.
Julio Torres!
He's in the studio.
Hey, I just got here.
Yeah, you've arrived.
Can I say in a broad way?
You have arrived.
In a broad way?
Oh, in a broad way.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, not in a broad way.
You haven't stomped the board. I have certainly not arrived in broad way. But in a broad way like i you haven't stomped the board i have
certainly not arrived in broadway but in a broad sense and yes yes yeah wow any interest in broadway
um no in performing in broad broadway no no in performing in broadway no that sounds so
difficult like would you would either of you ever like fully be on a play yeah would you do it
i would do it i would i? Yeah. Would you do it?
I would do it.
I would do it.
You would do it.
Okay.
Wow.
Okay.
I think it would really depend on what it was.
On the text.
I've seen some one solo shows.
Jodie Comer was in this play last year on Broadway called Prima Facie,
which is just her doing a continuous long monologue.
And the subject matter was really intense and she was very physical
in it and it was just her and she never leaves the stage
and I was just like I don't
understand that but in a way
where I could walk in and like say a little
as we call in the best zinger and then leave
I would love that
I'd love to do my zingers
we are actively seeking
zinger parts if there actively seeking zinger parts.
If there are any zinger parts
in Lempicka,
Matt Rogers will take it.
Wow.
Now, like, let's say
each of us,
and Julio, let's just say
for the purposes of this
thought exercise,
you are on a Broadway show.
And the three of us
are on different Broadway shows,
or maybe it's the same one,
it doesn't matter,
but each of us just have to come in
twice per act.
And do our bazinga.
Do our bazinga and then walk out, right?
Yeah.
What are we doing in the dressing room
because I actually have four hours to kill.
I'm going to write.
I'm going to do this.
And then you just end up scrolling on your phone.
Yeah.
Right.
Unfortunately.
I wouldn't be on a show.
I would write a show.
Yeah.
But the idea of being there every night night seeing now like our friends
do it in o'mary i'm like whoa that looks so hard it's a lot yeah i think that i would be pacing and
socializing which would be even more tiring because i know you think you're socializing
with who with you like backstage like like with. With the stage crew. Not with the audience.
No, certainly not.
You're going to go outside and be like,
hey.
Hey, what do you think of the play? I'm about to be in it.
Shh.
I'll be sitting in the house. It's going to get really good.
It's going to get really good once I come on.
No, but that's how I tend to do my
downtime. But Bowen, I think you would really
literally be reading and laying on your back. Yeah, I'd be reading and laying on my back. But Bowen, I think he would really, literally be reading and laying on your back.
Yeah, I'd be reading and laying on my back.
But with our friends who are doing
O'Mary, do you see
firsthand what Patchett's having
on their social lives? Because that's the thing that
the three of us kind of care about, I think.
I think...
Can I go
out? Can I go out?
Okay, I'll take it, but can I go out?
Can I go to $3 bill?
Can I go to $3 bill on a Wednesday?
Hit up Animal for the first time.
Can I go to Animal for the seventh time today?
I don't know.
I think Cole does the play and then goes home and recharges is the sense that I get.
But obviously Cole is carrying the show.
And James becomes very disciplined, very like school night, like go home, take care.
And then like errands in the morning and then like play.
How does he feel about going into the summer on Broadway?
Literally on Broadway.
Literally on Broadway.
But I know that boy loves his summer.
That boy loves his summer, but he loves getting to do his work more.
So he did not mourn the lack of free time for a second, I don't think.
That's good.
That's perfect.
Yeah.
I mean, 12 weeks only, you're going to have a summer, right?
I mean, what is that?
Is that the whole summer?
Yeah, but it's like right in the peak of summer.
You know what, though?
Can I say something?
It's not a fucking about him, okay?
It's about the people in the audience getting to watch Greyheart.
It's about the fans.
It's not about him.
It's about the fans.
It's about the fans. It's about the fans that traveled audience getting to watch Greyheart. It's about the fans. It's not about him. It's about the fans. It's about the fans.
It's about the fans that traveled internationally to see O'Mary.
So I don't want to hear it about James' summer.
I mean, that's Broadway, right?
People do travel for this.
Oh, especially this show.
Yeah.
This is international appeal.
It's an international figure, Mary Todd.
I know.
They'll learn about American history.
They do.
Exactly.
So why?
So James,
but you know what?
This is pathetic.
I don't know if you knew you would,
you would come on here and that we'd be in a fight with James.
Wait,
but I just said that he didn't care though.
No,
that's not what you said.
You are putting words in my mouth.
You are putting words in my mouth.
Typical you.
No one ever said this would be fair.
I'm like, the wall is red.
And you were like, well, why is it blue?
Because he's colorblind.
I'm colorblind, honey.
Oh, wait.
This always comes up.
I feel like I'm always microaggressing on your colorblindness.
Wait, do you want to know where I just pictured you and I laughed a lot?
Where?
To myself just now?
The Star Wars Hotel.
I think that that would not...
I would be so upset.
I would be so upset the entire time.
Things that are hyper-curated and hyper-regimented when they want you to have like a very specific paint by numbers or immersive experience.
I it's I'm so allergic to it.
I just took.
Okay, wait.
I just took a every now and then.
Okay.
Every now and then I will take a group fitness class of some sort. Because I like that there's
a time where I have to go do it. And I know when it ends. And I'm not going to spend the whole day
thinking, I'll go work out in an hour and then another and then you know what I mean?
Is this generally group fitness classes? Are you talking about one specific group fitness class? I'm talking about one specific group fitness class. Okay, okay, okay.
And I
felt like I was
scolded for
not having enough energy.
That's probably true.
I felt like,
I mean, not scolded,
but definitely, like
the teacher said,
guys, the point of group fitness is to feed off of each other's energy.
Hmm.
And then looked at me.
Oh.
And then said something that I thought was so telling.
She like accidentally opened a window into her psyche.
She said, you can make noise here.
I'm not your mother or your wife.
Oh.
Wow.
Oh. I see. Okay. Got it. year i'm not your mother or your wife oh i see okay got it but see i think another reason you go there is to observe to observe you like observing i do love observing i do love observing
so then you being scolded so you're saying every i wasn't scolded that's a big word but it was like this motivation that feels aggressive and it takes you a second because
you're like this motivation that feels aggressive yeah yeah you're like i'm definitely gonna do what
you said but like also it's just like i'm gonna do what you said but you can't command me to feel
any sort of way about it exactly like i can turn this thing up, but I'm not going to, my energy might still be bad.
Yeah, exactly.
Okay, so you know what I also
hate? When, oh, this
negative energy I'm bringing into this beautiful
podcast. No, no, no, it's perfect.
Well, after this, you're going to say something you love.
Okay, yeah, after this, I'm going to say something I love. Animal.
Animal, the bar animal.
Great drinks, hot guys,
perfect music.
No, I don't like it when, you know when a friend makes a meal?
First of all, dinners in general.
Don't invite me to your dinners.
Don't invite me to your dinners.
Let me eat alone in peace.
Okay.
Yes, yes.
Noted. When a friend makes a meal and then there's that very performative, like, oh, wow, that was really great.
And then everyone echoes, oh, yeah, that was really yummy.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, thanks.
Thanks.
Yeah, that was great.
That was really yummy.
Thanks.
Thanks.
And it's like, it just feels so, like, performative.
Because then it's like, then I chime in and I'm like, yeah, thank you.
That was so great.
But it's like, I didn't get to say it at my own time.
Right.
Oh.
It's sort of like, okay, and now is the part where we express.
It's like, it's so like systemized.
You feel there's no way for you to be genuine.
Yeah.
About the way in which you've enjoyed the meal and the degree to which you have enjoyed it once other people have sort of started the ceremony.
Like now is the moment where you do it.
It's like a standing ovation.
Exactly.
Exactly.
But are you a fan of those?
How do you feel about standing ovations?
I'm not.
I'm not a fan.
I don't think I've seen you ever stand for a standing ovation.
And that's okay. What's the
State of the Union address? If you zoom
in, I'm there sitting.
Oh, yeah.
No, that's not true. I stand.
I rise. You rise?
I rise. When you were talking about
dinner, I thought you were going to bring up how
someone makes dinner
and then sets it down. Everyone eats it and everyone goes, oh, that was really good. That was really good. And then what I thought you were going to bring up how someone makes dinner. Yeah. And then sets it down.
Everyone eats it and everyone goes,
Oh,
that was really good.
That was really good.
And then what I thought you were going to say that annoyed you in the performance was what's in it or how did you make it?
I don't want to know.
I don't care.
No,
it's not.
It's about the person who made the dinner and I do this.
I'm guilty of this.
I go,
Oh,
that's,
that's fine.
I kind of,
I didn't,
if I didn't have this agreed,
I didn't really,
you know, like, like when you start to apologize, but that's you in fine I kind of I didn't if I didn't have this agreed I didn't really you know like like when you
start to apologize oh but that's you in
general though that's you in general you
don't like compliments but is that not a performance
oh it is a performance
it's all a sick performance
yeah that's why I'm with you
like I love to go out to dinner with a bunch
of people I think that's great because it's like it's
not we can all agree oh that was so good like it's
not about us no one's like put on the spot at that moment. Yeah. Also the thing with
dinner parties is, I don't know how to say this. No matter who you are, your food is not as good
as a restaurant's food. Your food, no matter who you are, if you're cooking the food at your house,
it wasn't as good as a restaurant. You're not a restaurant. You're not a restaurant, so why are you pretending to be a restaurant?
You'll never be a restaurant.
Because if you are trying to be a restaurant.
You made this once today.
Yeah, 100%.
And also, it's like, I could tell you only made it once today.
At a restaurant, they're making these things upwards of 9, 10, 11, 12 times.
Yeah, it's that assembly line taste.
They have to get it right.
Isn't tried and true.
Yeah.
Also, not for nothing,
I go to your house,
like the silverware isn't clean.
Oh, stop it.
What makes you trust
a restaurant's silverware?
I don't trust other people's homes
and cooking.
And if I have to do that,
it's like know that I'm not being genuine
when I'm like enthusiastic about it.
That's me doing my classic
Matt Rogers performance of enthusiasm. Wow. that I'm not being genuine when I'm like enthusiastic about it. That's me doing my classic Matt Rogers performance of enthusiasm.
Wow.
Because I'm not.
Where else do you perform enthusiasm?
Everywhere I go.
Everywhere I go.
I'm like, hey.
And what is the emotion you wish you could showcase?
Surly.
Oh.
No, I'm just kidding.
I'm actually, I'm happy to be everywhere that I go.
And I really do enjoy it.
The way you backpedaled immediately into your performative joy.
It's okay to be surly sometimes.
The bottom line is I would rather be at a restaurant always.
Always.
No, that's the t-shirt.
I would rather be at a restaurant always.
Always.
Thank you.
We should put that on merch.
We should.
But nothing we've talked about and covered so far
Julio disqualifies
Disney World for you
nothing wait what do you
mean like I think you would
still go and enjoy it
not that Star Wars hotel but I think you would stay in like
definitely not an overnight experience
fine have you ever done an escape room
no
Julio I think you might ever done an escape room? No.
Julio,
I think you might like that.
An escape room?
Yes.
You know who likes,
with the little games,
you know who we did an escape room with recently,
our mutual friend,
George McGraw.
Yeah.
We had a great time with George doing an escape room and he loved it.
And that was his,
it was his very first one.
We went in,
in Hollywood and he had a wonderful time in the escape room and then left even saying,
this is a big part
of my whole deal now.
Wow.
Julio, I think,
I don't want to prescribe
an open-mindedness,
but I think you can
be curious if you want,
unless you,
if you ruled it out,
I can't stop you.
No, I'll try everything once.
Okay.
Except for most foods.
Well, that's different.
The theme would matter, I think.
Yes. There's different themes?
Aren't they all spooky?
Like Saw? Not all of them.
You don't do this? Well, okay.
No, no, no, no, no. You're thinking
about Haunted House. You're thinking of Haunted House.
Oh, I was thinking Haunted House. And you're thinking
of scary escape rooms.
But there's some that are like, I mean,
remember the one we did in Brooklyn
that was themed to like...
It was Chinese themed.
What were you escaping?
A Chinese room.
It was a Chinese curse.
It was a very fun escape room though.
Yeah. But are you good
at puzzles and are you good at like... Yes! Yes you are. No, but are you good at like puzzles and are you good at like
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not good at puzzles.
He famously thinks outside the box.
He famously thinks very outside the box.
I'm like, what if I made a dress with a box?
That's thinking outside the box.
Thinking about not even what goes in the box,
what the box is going to wear.
That's thinking outside the box.
Wait, have you seen OMG Fashion?
No, I need to start.
Julia Fox.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, we need to start.
It's really fun.
Okay.
Basically, it's like the episodes are like 20 minutes.
Perfect.
And three people come and then she's like,
make me a dress out of this plastic bag.
And then they come back and then she's like, I me a dress out of this plastic bag. And then they come back.
And then she's like, I like that one.
The end.
And it's so entertaining.
I do have to watch that.
Julia.
It's so Julia.
Yeah.
It's very unpretentious.
It's so unpretentious.
Well, that's the thing about Julia Fox that I think she gets better than anybody,
which is make it inviting and yet also like so severe.
And so like from somewhere,
but like make it like unpretentious.
Yeah.
I told something to,
uh,
I was doing,
I was doing press for your favorite,
my favorite,
my favorite thing in the world.
And you know how you go and then they're like,
put you in the clothes and they take the pictures.
It's called a photo shoot.
And I said something that the stylist or one of the, not the stylist, but someone that was working with the stylist looked at me like, what?
Because I said, I don't.
They were showing me clothes that were like really nice clothes like
or whatever and i was like i don't want to be aspirational uh-huh i don't want
for anyone to see this and think i should spend money on clothes yeah. And then it's like, you could feel
like the blood vessels
breaking.
Yeah.
Because it's literally,
it's literally
what they do.
It's literally the whole point.
They're selling something
with you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that
if I'm that person,
like,
what that could feel like
to me
is like a superiority thing.
But I think that
that's just your truth
is like you don't want to
be a part of that
it's not the way that you dress it's not
what you like represent and stand
for so it's not it's not even just
like I'm better than fashion
and this person shrivels and turns to stand
in that moment. No I love fashion but I think like
ideally like someone would see a picture and be like
lol oh my god I should go get a plastic bag and like make a scarf out of it.
I need a Luave eye patch.
Yeah.
Because I saw Julio Torres wearing a Luave eye patch and I want a Luave eye patch now.
Wait, did I?
No, I'm just saying that you would hate that if anyone were to ever say that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You want an eye patch? that's fun at least.
But like a Luwabe eye patch that costs like $10,000,
like $5,000, whatever.
Exactly, exactly.
Which probably it would, right?
Something like that.
I don't know what the price point is.
But this is the thing about Julia,
not to keep talking about Julia,
but she wears things that like no one would ever think to wear.
She's wearing things that are not aspirational either.
Yeah, here's where it is.
I hate like operating and wearing things
that have been like pre-approved by committee
that everyone has like decided,
oh, this is good because, you know,
the whatever magazines decided that this was good.
So you are wearing this like check mark.
Yes.
So you would never do the McDowell because that literally is one person.
Anna Wintour going down the list of being like, Julio can't wear this.
He has to wear this.
Which I didn't know.
Yeah.
I didn't know that either.
Every single person.
Imagine having a party where you tell people what that's literally a wedding, right?
That's what they do.
The bridal party.
Yeah.
It's like we're all wearing this horrible color.
But also, like,
if you were to show up
to, like,
a very traditional wedding
in, like, jeans
and a t-shirt,
like, people would say something.
Sure.
This is why I don't go
to weddings either.
Right, right.
I think they would,
but that's also going away.
You send me
your wedding invitations,
it's going straight to the trash.
Wow.
You heard it here first.
You heard it here first.
But I'll send a text. I'll send a text. He's not coming to dinner. He's not coming to your wedding invitation is going straight to the trash wow you heard it here first you heard her first but i'll send a text i'll send a text he's not coming to dinner he's not coming to your
wedding yeah no and he's not coming to your met gala sorry sorry no those three things
the real housewives of new york city are back for another bite of the Big Apple.
Look who it is.
Joined by elite new friends.
Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her?
But things could change in a New York Minute.
She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy.
What? You've told her?
Not today, Satan. Not today.
The Real Housewives of New York City.
All new, Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose.
My latest episode is with Jelly Roll.
This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had.
We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13
to being
one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations.
I was a desperate, delusional dreamer, and the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble. I
encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate, delusional
dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine. I had such a victim mentality. I took zero
accountability for anything in my life. I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately
started with everything but me. It took years for me to break that, like years of work.
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Trust me, you won't want to miss this one.
I'm Julian Edelman.
I'm Rob Gronkowski.
Guess what, folks?
We're teammates again.
And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes.
I'm a dude, you're a dude, and Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show.
We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against,
legends from the past, and we're just going to sit here and talk about them.
And we'll get into the types of dudes.
What kind of types of dudes are there, Gronk?
We got studs, wizards.
We got freaks.
Or dudes dudes.
We got dogs.
Dogs.
We'll break down their games.
We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are.
Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak?
Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude?
We're going to find out, Jules.
New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season.
Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean.
He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba.
He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh.
And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere.
Elian Gonzalez.
Elian Gonzalez.
Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. Gonzalez will make headlines everywhere. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question
of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take
his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom.
At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation.
Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well.
Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network,
available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Let's talk about Animal. What do we love about it? Are we so happy?
Are we sponsored by Animal?
We're not. It's big for the community in Brooklyn.
Yeah.
It really has taken the community by storm. can i say it we definitely need to figure out a bathroom situation and we can't and won't because there's no way to change it it just sort of is
what it is it's that one bathroom thing and it's got like a trough and there's like at any given
time if it's busy like i don't know how you pee in there without getting pee shy and that actually
became a big conversation amongst people that i was there with. It's like, if you wait in line and then you get there and it's like, there's so
many people behind you waiting. And also you're right on top of other people. And I don't really
deal with pee shyness, but then at Animal, I was like, because it was a topic on my mind and
because the space was so small and cramped, like in terms of peeing. And by the way, we love the
establishment. We've been to the establishment
many times
we're just talking about
the bathroom
and this phenomenon
I left not having peed
because I was like
I don't know how you do that
in there
I don't know how you do that
in there
you couldn't emotionally
access a part of you
that would be comfortable
enough to pee
literally
and what did happen was
I went outside
and peed on the street
it's okay everyone
don't be scandalized
people do it all the time like I went outside and peed on the street and It's okay, everyone. Don't be scandalized. People do it all the time.
Like I went outside and peed on the street
and it was no problem.
It flowed out of me like truth.
Oh my God.
Interesting because you didn't feel
the need to perform there.
Yeah, it wasn't even about
feeling the need to perform.
It was like feeling the immediacy of performance.
Like you must pee now.
Like because you're having a lot of time here.
I regressed.
Animal.
Okay, you heard it first.
Animal is fun, but it will make you regress.
Yeah.
And I actually do think that that's true.
Like, while I think it's a really fun establishment, I have comments about the bathroom and the
fact that everyone I've ever seen there is regressing.
Oh, wow.
My God.
Wow.
Well, can I ask, is that when you say single bathroom is it like one person single person
occupancy in theory or is it like one place for everyone to go to pee in the trough i'm talking
about the bathroom and animal that trough like the one where it's like there's like i guess
bowen doesn't know what the bathroom and animal yeah i guess you've never even been there before
liar i've been to animal i have just never had to use the bathroom there yeah same actually
you've never had to pee at Animal?
I guess you're always kind of like
in and out. I guess, but I also like
no, I don't know why. I think it's just
a weird coincidence. I have no qualms with
using a public restroom. Yeah, me
neither, actually. I see what's happening here.
I see what's happening here. What's happening?
Hey, no one's out to get you.
You guys are the two gay faces
of that other bar.
No one's out to get you.
They have big portraits of you up.
And so y'all are trying to poison the minds of the gay community in Brooklyn.
You guys are the faces of the gay community in Brooklyn.
You have big portraits up in what's it called?
Macri Park?
No, not that one.
Rosemont.
It's called the Rosemont.
Rosemont.
There are huge portraits.
And okay, wait, hold on. But I would like to know, Matt, that this is the second time that you have said something bad about some express a negative opinion and then attributed it to us.
Because you were just dragging the bathrooms at Animal and Bowen said, I've never used the bathroom at Animal.
And then you said, oh, you're dragging Animal.
Yeah, he was.
This is my whole thing.
By the way, you haven't even let me talk about the
bathrooms at Rosemont, which are also not good
enough. Right, right, right.
But there's no gay bar where the bathrooms are good
enough. They're not good enough at Metro.
They're not good enough anywhere.
It's the charm. It's part of the charm.
Part of a Brooklyn gay bar charm
is like you're going to have a bad time
going to the bathroom.
It's the doing drugs in the bathroom.
It's that.
That makes it a problem.
It's like grow up.
Grow up.
Like do them outside.
Well,
there's,
they're basically like
at the door
to Animal.
I'm just giving everyone out there that maybe isn't like a Brooklyn gay
person,
an experience there.
You'd walk up to the door and it's the only door I've walked up to where
the person at the front runs through a spiel before you're allowed in.
It's like,
it's definitely not the only place in.
That's a very New York thing.
Is it a very New York thing?
Okay.
Well,
honestly,
Julio,
it is very experientially. It really feels like a Disney pre-show. Is it a very New York thing? Okay, well, honestly, Julio, it is very experientially, it
really feels like a Disney pre-show.
Which makes me feel like you belong
in Orlando, Florida. That's where you
belong. Wait, but I don't think
I'd heard the speech at Animal.
What is it? It's basically like, what is it,
Bob? You've heard it. It's like, no drugs in the
bathroom, and then there's a joke about
where you could do it, and then, you know, there's
like, you know, and the biggest rule is have fun yeah it's giving flight attendant yeah miss
door has a routine miss door has a routine and that's a real culture number 77 miss door has a
routine yeah miss door has a routine anyone doing security at any bar from now on is they're not
security they are miss door miss door border patrol is miss door they is they're not security. They are Miss Door. Miss Door. Border Patrol is Miss Door.
They're the most Miss Door.
Customs officials are Miss Door.
They're Mrs. Door.
What are you doing in the United States?
All right, Miss Door.
Little nosy Miss Door.
It's giving nosy Miss Door.
Are you carrying more than $10,000 in cash?
Okay, Miss Door.
Are you Miss Door? Yeah. Oh, Lucas, I'm actually looking for a sugar daddy, Miss Door. door are you carrying more than ten thousand dollars in cash okay miss door are you miss door
yeah oh look it's almost looking for a sugar daddy miss door what do you think they would do
be so confused and probably take us all away i mean like i don't think i don't think they have
a sense of humor down there at border i mean i think they have to suppress it they do if they
think it's funny they won't show yeah they won't show. Yeah, they won't show.
They definitely won't show. They definitely won't show. But the border people in Canada,
I got here, they are not Canadian in behavior and manner. And they are not being kind and welcoming.
No, they're really drunk on power. I'm going to say it. Wow. Do you have a Canadian passport? No.
No, it's funny. I showed up. I had my work permit form
and then I got there and they were like,
you don't need to be here. I was like, why? They were like, you're in the system.
You're a citizen. I was like, oh yeah.
And then I left.
You forgot you were a Canadian citizen?
I forgot that. I thought work permit just meant you needed to
have that no matter where you went.
It just didn't matter what your nationality was.
I'm just so stupid.
I take all these things for granted.
But didn't need it.
You're not stupid, Bowen.
I don't think you're stupid at all.
I think you had a moment.
Let me tell you something.
I think you had a moment.
You just had a lapse.
You have a lot on your plate.
And you can't keep track of all these things.
I know.
You have to give yourself some grace.
Thank you.
I do think, Bowen Yang,
I'm going to say this to you publicly.
I do think it is hire an assistant time.
This is so interesting
because assistants are on the brain.
Yeah, they should be.
I think it's time for you to hire an assistant.
We have a cast assistant.
So on Canadian sets,
they have a cast assistant.
Oh, okay.
And we have one person.
His name is James.
He's wonderful.
Different than a PA.
Different than a PA.
And so he just is for whatever, principals, whatever. I hate the
hierarchy thing, but it's like principals get a cast assistant. And then he was just like,
what do you like to drink? And I was like, I'll stock your fridge. I was like, oh,
Diet Coke and Celsius. And then I showed up the next day and it was full of, and I was like,
Diet Coke and Celsius.
This is dangerous.
Be careful with the Celsius.
Oh, I know.
That's sort of what an assistant does though.
And they can also do things
that aren't just like elective
and like, this will be fun to have Diet Coke.
Like that'll be amazing.
Even though it is like something you asked for,
you should have the Diet Coke.
It's like-
But that feeling was amazing.
I know, but think about this.
Like now you can have a person
that like responds to the emails
you don't want to respond to,
pays certain bills,
like, you know, like gets on top of things. I just feel like you're a prime candidate for one we'll see we'll
see julie what were the names of the fictional assistants and you know way back in the day
hans and celeste hans and celeste now have those names changed in sort of what they mean to you
now that we all know and are very close to a Celeste in our lives. I'm speaking, of course, about Celestium.
Oh, that's so interesting because...
The name is a little bit more real now, right?
Wow.
I never thought about that.
You create this name for this idea of this person
and then all of a sudden there comes the real person.
Well, no, because Celeste is so different than the idea
of Celeste
which
that's what I called Greta
Teitelman's character
in the movie
The Idea of Celeste
because the idea of Celeste is Greta Teitelman
and Celeste Yim
is not the idea of Celeste
they are their own person, of course.
I am 100% riding hard
for this train of thought.
Because Greta Titleman is Celeste.
Yes. Yes. She is
Celeste in concept.
But I do think about this
quite often. I do draw this. I connect
these dots in my mind
whether I'm with Celeste Yim or not.
I go, my only other whether I'm with Celeste Yim or not, I go, my only
other encounter with the name Celeste
has been with a couple other Celestes in real life,
but mostly I think about Celeste
like Julio's fictional assistant.
Intern. I'm sorry, intern.
And now I feel like what I've noticed is
Unpaid. Unpaid intern. What I've noticed
is Julio has now moved into the realm
of made-up names.
Fictional names, names that are not...
Oh my god, yeah. I love a made-up name.
It's my favorite thing to do.
Is there any sort of switch in that?
Do you feel like there's truth to that statement
of you feel like in order
to further filter out from reality,
you go, let's make up these fictional
names, Bebo, and put it up in Peanut,
and all these names.
Yeah, well
creatures are funnier when they have
fake names, I think. Of course.
I think that's the general rule. Of course.
Because then they become more
like unplaceable, I guess.
And they also get an inner life.
Immediately. Immediately.
Like the learning curve for people to know
how to spell Putitupimpina is always funny.
Yeah. I think I can spell it.
Go ahead.
P-I-R-U-L-I-N-P-I-N-P-I-N-A. Yes! Pirelli and Pimpina. I. You're so close. N. Yeah.
P.
I.
And A.
Yes.
You did amazing.
Thank you.
Yeah.
That was really good.
Wow.
That was very good.
Thank you.
Now, names.
Matt is a big name person.
I was just thinking to myself, like.
What's your favorite name?
Beginnings Chang. Oh, my God.
Well, Beginnings Chang is, like, such a...
Is it Beginnings?
...important name in, like, pop culture history for me.
Like, Beginnings Chang, like, that's...
Wait, I'm so sorry.
Can you fill me in on who Beginnings is?
Go ahead, Bowen.
Who's Beginnings Chang?
Deep House Dish, which is the sketch that James Anderson wrote on SNL in the early...
Oh, well, of course, the king of...
The king of fake names.
Jenjen Binks. And I'm Jenjen B king of fake names. Jenjen Binks.
And I'm
Jenjen Binks. And I'm Jenjen Binks.
But when Maya Rudolph hosted SNL,
Beginnings Chang is stuck in her
brain. Beginnings Chang is
from Stretch's Generations.
You know what I mean? Absolutely.
I was sitting here thinking to myself,
do you feel like the concept of your name?
And I was like, I don't.
Our names are Matt Rogers, Bowen Yang and Julio Torres.
Do you feel like the concept of your name?
No, I don't.
I don't.
What would you name yourself?
Probably like a little sound of some kind.
Well, actually, I met someone who had a kid named Inti.
Inti?
Inti.
Inti. That's so cute. Which I was like, oh, I wish I kid named Inti. Inti? Inti. Inti.
That's so cute.
Which I was like, oh, I wish I weren't Inti.
I always want my name to be like Lida.
Like L-E-E-D-A.
Lida.
Lida.
Like, isn't that so beautiful?
That is.
That's so elegant.
You're making an elegant face.
I love Natralia.
I love like Leilani.
I love...
Elantra. You like your L's.
Elantra. I love
beautiful, sort of ethereal
feminine name.
Like Lorelei. My favorite
friend, and now I'm letting everyone
know they were not my favorite friend in high school, was
named Lorien.
Lorien? L-O-R-I-E-N-N-E.
Lorien.
Lorien.
Wasn't that good? Wow. L-O-R-I-E-N-N-E. L-O-R-I-E-N-N-E.
Wasn't that good?
Wow.
I was just like, how do you get a name like that?
Because no one I grew up with had one.
Everyone was Amanda.
Everyone was Matt. Everyone was Amanda.
Everyone was right.
Especially rule of culture number 19.
Everyone was Amanda.
But can I say, Matt?
I think you, out of the three of us,
embody your name the most.
Yeah.
Matt Rogers, I think it feels really good on the tongue to say.
So to speak.
I disagree.
I think that Matt Rogers sounds more serious than Matt the person.
And I would say that Bowen is beautiful for you.
Yeah.
I like Bowen.
I don't know, Yang, I'm like,
I forget that that's my last name.
But it counter, it grounds the Bowen.
Oh, interesting.
It humanizes the Bowen.
Uh-huh.
I agree with you that Bowen is like,
it's got this like,
there's like a beauty and a whimsy to it.
But also, didn't you say
it's quite a common Chinese name? Oh, really? Yang is very common. Bowen is, it's like a beauty and a whimsy to it. But also, didn't you say it's quite a common Chinese name?
Oh, really?
Yang is very common.
Bowen is, it's pretty,
all Chinese names are very unique.
Like, it's like the characters are infinite.
But I like Bowen.
The Yang is something that I like forget about,
which sounds weird.
A Y is so pretty, though.
I like the Y.
The Ys are very pretty.
I like a Y. Now now letters that you guys want your so matt wants an l leo i think you want like you want a q i want i definitely want
i would love a q i would also love an i a lowercase i uh-huh. You have one. I want more and for them to have more of a spotlight in the name.
Because right now, the I in my name has a supporting role.
The I in my name is very like, would that be all, ma'am?
You know, in the scene.
Oh.
But I need the I to be a protagonist.
Oh, my God.
Inti.
Inti. I'm going to ask you a question. Oh my God. Inti. Inti.
I'm going to ask you,
I'm going to ask you a question.
Yeah.
Can you name me?
Yeah,
I can.
Hold on.
Okay.
Kevin Banks.
Kevin Banks?
Wait,
is that someone already?
But how is that so much different than Matt Rogers?
You don't,
okay,
okay,
okay.
Kevin Banks.
It just seems like if you wanted to give me
like a whimsical, silly name
that you feel like
I've earned,
Kevin Banks, okay.
I'm looking at myself
being like,
am I Lance?
Well, you could be Lance,
but that's taken.
It is taken.
There's another
big gay Lance.
You can't do that.
Too many.
I have a first name for you.
I have a first name for you.
Okay.
Roo-lee. Roo-lee? for you. Okay. Roo-lee.
Roo-lee?
Roo-lee.
Roo-lee.
Roo-lee.
You think I should be named Roo-lee?
Roo-lee.
Roo-lee.
Don't you want it?
You wanted an L
and you wanted something interesting.
You know what my name should be
and sorry to him?
Leland.
I'm taking it.
Leland.
Sorry to which Leland? There's a Leland And sorry to him, Leland. I'm taking it. Leland. Sorry to which Leland?
There's a Leland songwriter and singer.
Leland.
And that's a stage name, but it's a beautiful stage name.
No, I don't think it's Leland.
I think Leland is too cookie for you.
Okay, so sorry.
So Matt, do you want a quote unquote established name?
Here's my name.
Philip Dunkrit.
No, no.
What is Dunkrit?
No, you want to play a Philip Dunkrit.
You don't want to be one.
No one take the name Philip Dunkrit.
Like that's something that I'm using.
Philip Dunkrit.
What is Dunkrit from?
I don't know.
I made it up.
I made up a word.
We're talking about how that's fun.
Yes. Okay. I have one. I't know. I made it up. I made up a word. We're talking about how that's fun to do.
Okay. Yes.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
I have one.
I have one.
Go.
Dustin Dallas.
I'll be a Dustin Dallas 100%.
Dustin Dallas.
That is so gay porn though.
Yeah.
No.
I think it's perfect for you.
Dustin Dallas or like Dunkin Dallas.
Dunkin.
No.
I like Dustin.
I can be Dustin Dallas.
Dustin Dallas.
Yeah.
One of my favorite porn stars' name is Dustin.
Dustin what?
Does he have a last name?
Hazel.
Dustin Hazel.
That's a great name.
I'm not familiar with Hazel's work.
He's wonderful.
Yeah.
Okay.
Check it out.
I feel like both of you,
I'm thinking of your output and your art and your work,
and both of you, I feel like in your future,
if not already,
have like a gay porn type of
story to tell
through your writing your directing
your performance
you mean that like something we make
will generate a porn spoof
that we are not involved in
what he's saying is he wants us to do OnlyFans
together that's what he's saying
he wants us to start up a channel. He wants to watch
us fuck. I can't open a small business.
I like, I really, I do
not have the time.
It's so much admin work.
Oh, I can't. I don't know how these people...
Our friends who have OnlyFans, it's like
the amount of time it takes to like
interact with people
and it's just, no.
It is like
a crazy hard job.
Yeah.
I recently saw someone have like sort of a little bit of a breakdown.
Like it's this guy on OnlyFans.
And I guess he got a message from someone.
And he put the breakdown on OnlyFans?
It was like, no.
He didn't have a breakdown on OnlyFans.
Although I have watched some people that I follow on OnlyFans
like post long things about how they haven't
been feeling well. I have seen
some people really open up about what the
toll this takes on their mental health and stuff.
And I'm like, God, then please
take this to another platform or to
another service. Not because I don't
want to hear it, but because I'm like, this is
not, you're not going to get what you
need from your OnlyFans followers.
But maybe the transparency
on Twitter the community would rather
100% that's where they're kind
I guess what I mean by
take it to another platform is like take this
feeling somewhere else to feel better
about it like therapy or like with friends
or something like that but I did recently
see someone that I follow on OnlyFans
who I also follow on Instagram
sort of say that people in his DMs
get very familiar
and sexual and treat him sort of like
garbage, like not a person.
And he was saying it's like, this
particular creator was like, I
don't want to have sex with
you and your boyfriend. Like, I don't want, if you're
an open relationship, like, I'm not someone who
wants to participate in that. That's my preference. I'm like,
because of my job, it seems like everyone thinks they can talk to me crazy and like throw
anything by me and if i react in a certain way it's like oh suddenly they're like oh fuck you
you're not as fun as i thought you were like no like you subscribe to me which is so childish to
think that like someone's job right is like how you should like interact with them when they're not.
It's very like, no, honey,
there's a human under Mickey.
Right, exactly. You can't walk
up and grab Mickey's butt just because
Mickey the character is such a slut.
You know what I mean?
There's a human in there.
Even though Mickey's a big whore.
But also, I feel like
the two of you, people want feel like the two of you,
people want friendship
from the two of you.
Yes.
And that's not a bad thing
to,
like,
that is not a toxic thing
to, like,
that is so different
from people on OnlyFans
being, like,
treated and talked
and spoken to,
like,
chattel because it's
completely sexual
and whatever.
Like,
I can handle that.
Yeah.
The parasocial thing with us
is, like,
maybe sometimes people will talk to us
as if they know us. And what's funny
is when they start doing it,
one time someone came over to Bowen and was like,
bitch! And yelled bitch.
And it was like, you could feel them
feel in the moment. It was Robert De Niro.
It was De Niro.
It was De Niro at the SAG Awards.
He was like, bitch!
You little F-flur.
Yeah, sometimes it's like,
you can literally see in a moment people realize like,
oh, I just talked to him like I know him, I don't know him.
But I think it's just, you know, tales all the time.
Totally, totally fine.
I do feel like, this sounds like such a naive discovery,
but I feel like people who have followings
will engender and reflect the things
about them onto those people like on a larger scale does that make sense like perfect example
of sarah sherman like her fans are people who sent her fan art and are so creative and so
kooky and weird and silly and like that's because that's who she is. And like, I feel like Julio,
you invite people who are extremely like thoughtful and like artistic.
People,
what are you saying?
That like people like walk up to Sarah and be like,
do you want to see my sit?
And she does talk about that.
She's like,
people do also like,
I think we all have this thing of like anyone who has like an online or like a
persona in one public facing way and then a
private inner life which is almost everybody like has this weird dissonant thing where it's like oh
but you think that like you're able to bring that to me and i'm supposed to like honor and appraise
that in a way that you expect and it's not exactly what it is and it's not exactly what it is. And it's not exactly what it is.
Like I'm trying to find the right words.
You found them.
I did.
But like people seem very measured with you.
Who you're talking to me?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't think I've had any interactions
that have made me uncomfortable.
Yeah.
No.
There was one at my Christmas show
and I adore this person.
And if this person hears this and knows it's them
or thinks it's them, like just take it away from you.
I'm just saying it in an amorphous way.
There was someone who came up to me once at one of my shows
and said, I have to tell you,
I hated you for a really long time.
And I listened to the podcast and I hated you.
I couldn't stand you.
And then I realized I was you. And that's why I hated you I couldn't stand you and then I realized I was you
and that's why that's very powerful and they go like because when you are like too much or you're
annoying or you say the thing that you shouldn't say like I just I said I hate him and then I
realized no I hated myself all the things about you that I don't like were the things I didn't
like about me and then they were like and now I don't like were the things I didn't like about me. And then they were like, and now
I love you. Like, I appreciate
you. I respect you. You inspire me.
Because I have learned to love myself.
And I was just like, sort of taking it in
and I was like, oh, like, I
get it, but like, it's not,
it's a lot when you're on the receiving end of
it because it's just like, oh, okay.
Like, you're still hearing the words, I
hated you you
know of course and the reasons why yeah and the reasons just like and i'm literally standing there
like with the vinyl she had bought in my hands like signing it like okay oh my god people waiting
behind her i was like okay what did you write thanks for not hating me anymore i know i can
be too much winky face i'm knowing me i probably probably wrote, love you, mama, XOXO, Matt Rogers.
You know what I mean?
Matt Rogers clocking in with a love you, mama.
Me on autopilot writing love you, mama.
Love you, mama.
It's Lake.
We love you, mama.
Love you, mama.
Love you, mama.
Love you, mama.
XOXO.
Don't smoke.
Wow.
That's beautiful.
Bowen. Wow. But yeah, beautiful Bowen.
Yeah.
What do you have anything to say to that person that called you a bitch?
Robert De Niro.
Do you want to say something to Robert?
Robert was, it was in the middle of Tribeca film festival,
his festival.
It is his festival to revitalize downtown New York to revitalize downtown New York after nine 11.
You know,
I was,
I was a volunteer for the Tribeca Film Festival twice
when I was in college.
That's great.
It must have been good enough
for you to go back.
I just thought like,
oh, if I'm the best volunteer,
they're going to give me a job
and I'm going to get a visa.
So I was just like doing,
I would do anything
that people would allow me to do.
Yeah.
But did you learn a lot about film?
No.
I'm not going to learn it.
No, I didn't.
I was like, I'm not sure.
In a little Tribeca Film Festival t-shirt.
That's the thing about going to those festivals,
it is so hard to see anything.
I don't even know how to wrap my head around like getting like-
Logistically, yeah.
Forget it.
I've been to Sundance twice.
I've not seen a movie at Sundance.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding. I just added. That's not true. You went last didn't you you told me about things you saw last time you went
bib no i've never seen a movie at sundance i had to wait and then it was like oh the ticket is in
a seat like you know you have to get in here early it's like any of the good stuff like i
couldn't even finagle my way in with like. I was like... You're like, can I please watch a movie?
I definitely wanted to watch a movie.
Watch a movie.
I got tickets to one movie,
which was the Brooke Shields documentary,
and I was excited about seeing it.
But then you're at Sundance,
and it's like, oh, so much.
And you're so tired.
Everyone's so hungover the entire time,
and we didn't end up going.
And there's the Uggs Lounge or whatever.
Right.
I mean, when there's the Uggs Lounge, do you really have to go see a movie? You know what I mean? There's so much to do like the Uggs Lounge or whatever. Right. I mean, when there's the Uggs Lounge,
do you really have to go see a movie?
You know what I mean?
There's so much to do in the Uggs Lounge.
Yeah.
They have Coco.
They make that main street of Park City so fun.
Like you don't ever have to leave.
I'm not a festival person.
I must say,
I have a hard time with festivals.
I think that Edinburgh really took it out of me.
Yeah.
It's a tough one.
Well, that's totally different from like
South by which you did for Problemista.
Yeah, but there you just show
up. You're not really doing anything.
The movie's made.
But you're still
promoting it. You're still like putting on a face
to like talk about like the thing you made
and yeah, yeah, yeah.
You answer questions and
yeah, I'm always like be likable be likable
you don't have to try you are
the real housewives of salt lake city are back
i love that oh my gosh welcome. Oh, my gosh. Welcome.
And last season's drama was just the tip of the iceberg.
You're recording us?
I am disgusted.
Never in a million years after everything we've been through did I think that you would reach out to our sworn enemy.
We were friends.
How could you do this to me?
I don't trust her.
The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City,
Wednesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it
on City TV+.
I'm Julian Edelman.
I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks?
We're teammates again.
And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes
on Dudes. I'm a
dude, you're a dude, and Dudes
on Dudes is our brand new show.
We're going to highlight players,
peers, guys that we played
against legends from the past and we're just gonna sit here and talk about them and we'll
get into the types of dudes what kind of types of dudes are there grunts we got studs wizards
we got freaks or dudes dude we got dogs dog we'll break down their games we'll share some insider
stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are.
Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak?
Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude?
We're going to find out, Jules.
New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season.
Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Thanksgiving Day, 1999,
a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean.
He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba.
He looked like a little angel.
I mean, he looked so fresh.
And his name, Elian Gonzalez,
will make headlines everywhere.
Elian Gonzalez.
Elian.
Elian.
Elian.
Elian.
Elian Gonzalez.
At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with.
His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him.
Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom.
At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation.
Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well.
Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story,
as part of the My Cultura podcast network,
available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose.
My latest episode is with Jelly Roll.
This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had.
We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13
to being one of today's biggest artists.
We talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations.
I was a desperate, delusional dreamer. And the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble. I
encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate, delusional
dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was
everybody's fault but mine. I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything
in my life.
I was the kid that if you asked what happened,
I immediately started with everything but me.
It took years for me to break that, like years of work.
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. You know, I was
coming over here on my work over here.
I was like, Julio,
you got to remember this time be funny.
This time you just got to be
funny. I am
always so...
I recess to audience member
often. And I'm like all these these are funny and i'm enjoying it
and i'm like quietly like he and then i'm like oh wait no well you couldn't wait to talk at the top
i know i know and i have to be charming and engaging so that people will consume my product
hashtag press hashtag press yeah it must be
charming and engaging
so that people
consume my product
so to that point
I would hypothetically
go to a wedding
there
I was gonna say
to that point
to that point
you would hypothetically
go to a theme park
I'd go to a theme park
I think it's
I'll go to a theme park
I love Christmas
I'll eat anything
weddings are awesome
invite me to dinner.
Just consume my product.
There.
Love group fitness.
Was praised for my attitude.
Celebrated even.
You're describing our lives.
You're describing what we have to put ourselves through.
I enjoy group fitness.
I will say the only thing about group fitness.
This is why people consume
your product i know it's good well well then i'll say okay so here's the thing here's the other side
of the coin though yeah i am so enthusiastic about so many things that when i'm enthusiastic
about things or if i'm negative about something people are like whoa or they like react to it weirdly but then i don't know the
comment recently i guess has been like that we like too many things okay wait did you were you
in a don't leave the table till you finish anything household actually my parents would
not let me get up and leave the table unless my dinner was finished. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. See, I was in a...
My mom
would be like,
if you don't want to eat something,
don't eat it. Don't eat it.
Because if you ever do something
that you don't want to do, it'll make you sick.
Oh my god.
Yeah. That's actually
very healthy. I, like, my whole childhood
just white rice and saltines. Because I was like, I don't like color. Color gives actually very healthy. I like my whole childhood just white rice and saltines.
Because I was like, I don't like color.
Color gives me a headache.
White rice and saltines.
Yeah, just more white rice and saltines, please.
I want to eat erasers.
That was me as a kid.
They look so yummy.
They do look really yummy.
Because you know what they look like?
Gum. Famously edible. They do look really yummy. You know what they look like? Gum.
Famously edible.
But the big white ones.
Those felt so good in the hand.
Yeah, when they were a little translucent.
Yeah.
Which is your favorite.
I do.
That's why I love tofu.
Just like open up a carton of tofu and eating it.
Tofu is great. Tofu is
amazing. Tofu does not get talked about enough
as being one of the great things. Can I
make tofu for you guys for
dinner? And you guys don't have to
and no one can say it's good.
Are you good at making it? Like I've never
heard you say I'm really good at preparing
tofu. Babe, I make a good
mapo tofu and I can
make a good vegan version and
you guys would both like it but not have to go
through the whole charade of saying, oh my god, this is so good.
And I swear I will not ever
ever once say, oh, it's fine.
I did my best. We don't need
silence. Yeah.
Well, because that's our genuine friend
and he's not going to be like, oh, I'm
upset because they didn't tell me how good the food was. You know what I'm saying? No. Yeah. Well, because that's our genuine friend and he's not going to be like, oh, I'm upset because they didn't tell me how good the food was.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Not like
that. It's not like that. I will say there's one person
whose food is restaurant quality and it
is Dave Mazzoni. His food is restaurant
quality. Wow. What does Dave
Mazzoni make? Italian feast. He'll just
like, I remember one time we were there like
years ago. Yes. Very that. Like
rich Italian food. Oh my god.
Bowen, do you remember years ago
when we were at we were doing some meeting for popular at dave's house and then like out of
nowhere we didn't even smell it cooking he just comes down with like so much lasagna and like
cannolis and like like it was just like it was just like there were so much happening and we
were just like oh my god and it was just like excellent but ital much happening and we were just like, oh my God. And it was just like, excellent.
But Italian food, you can't really mess up.
So Dave sucks.
Yeah.
Italian food, it is my understanding
that when it's done very well, people really like it.
Oh, what are you, not an Italian food fan?
Oh, man.
You don't eat that?
No, I don't.
Not really.
A lot of it has egg and cheese and butter.
What is the current pop culture that you're consuming?
Like, for example,
have you hit play on the Billie Eilish album at all?
I have not hit play on the Billie Eilish album at all.
What is the current pop culture that I'm consuming?
By current, you mean like active, right?
It's like 2024 to question mark.
Yeah, 2024 to question mark.
What's out right now?
What is a thing that's happening right now
where you were like, I want to engage in that.
Like, I feel as though...
I have been engaging.
I have been actually engaging in OMG fashion.
I...
What else?
What else?
What else?
Perfect name, OMG fashion.
It is the perfect name.
I'm trying to, like, really...
Anime is very daunting for me
because there's so much of it.
So I never really know where to start.
But I have been watching the show Pluto,
which I hear Pluto's good.
I really have been enjoying. It's daunting,
but it's quick. You watch it in
a day or two because not a lot of them do
more than one or two seasons
unless it's your huge show.
And James and your boyfriend knows all of the
good ones, too. He does. He does. But then
the suggestion list is so long.
I know. Yeah. Yeah.
You should watch Assassination
Classroom. Assassination
Classroom? Do you want to know the premise? They teach them how to be assassins?
But okay, here's the thing. I don't
I don't like bloody.
Me neither. It's not bloody. Can I tell you what the premise is?
It has the name assassination in it, Bowen. I think
you're going to like it. No, no, no. Here's why.
What's the truth? Well, here's the plot.
Okay, and I might put truth, but this is the plot an alien with this a big yellow head and like two small
eyes and a smiley face like mouth has blown up half of the moon and the world is like oh my god
what's happening and then the alien where's the rest of the moon well yeah like oh my god the
moon is gone.
Like, this is fucking up the gravity, whatever.
Okay.
And then this alien goes down to Earth
and takes over a school in Japan
and becomes a teacher at that school.
Gets staffed.
Well, he like takes over the school
and becomes a staff member
and staffs himself as it were
gets an id the whole thing the whole thing where's a parking well like where's the like does teacher
drag like dresses up like a teacher but has like an alien face and head or whatever and he's
teaching a class full of students like has a class full of students he goes if one of you can kill me
the only way you can get the moon back is if one of you kills me.
But like, they all like try to kill him,
but he always like thwarts them.
And there's a reason why this all happens.
And it's actually a really well-constructed story.
I think you would both really like it.
Assassination school?
Assassination classroom.
Classroom.
Okay.
That's on Crunchyroll.
I'm bookmarking that not only for watching and enjoying, but also
because it reminds me of my I Don't Think So Honey,
which we'll say in a second. But first, I want to
ask both of you, if you have heard
about this movie that just
premiered at Cannes called The Substance
with Demi Moore and
Margaret Qualley. Tell us. I have heard
the buzz, but I have not seen the movie.
So this is, I guess, it's like
it's this movie that won Best Screenplay at Cannes.
It got one of the longer standing ovations,
which they go off with standing ovations.
They do love a standing ovation at Cannes.
And just really...
They timed them.
Yes.
And Lily Gladstone, who Bowen is working with now,
was on the Cannes jury,
and I'm dying to find out what the tea was about
watching this movie and what it was like, because
apparently... It's a thriller, right?
Yes. It's like a horror thriller,
but really it's body horror. So it stars
Demi Moore as an
aging actress. She's like an Academy Award
winning actress, and her name, just to give you a sense
of the tone, is Elizabeth Sparkle.
So she plays
Elizabeth Sparkle. She's a former academy award-winning
actress who now does like fitness videos so it's supposed to be like jane fonda she's up in years
ish like hollywood has told her she's fucking ancient she's really in her middle age like
she essentially gets like replaced at her job which is doing this fitness you know video
because they're going to get a younger person.
She is told
that she can start taking this
supplement or this injection
or whatever it is called the substance.
And what it does is
it literally allows
your cells to replicate so that
another younger, better
quote-unquote version of you
comes out of your spine splits and the younger version of you comes out of your spine splits,
and the younger version of you comes out.
And that's what Margaret Qualley comes out of?
And that's Margaret Qualley.
So basically, the rule is the you that's younger
has to sustain and take care of the older body for a week
while you go live your life as the younger, more vibrant thing.
Then, after a week,
the older you comes to consciousness
and has to maintain the younger body.
So basically, it becomes this story
about how...
It's like a body swap thing.
Essentially, yes.
But it's like the younger version
apparently starts really feeling herself
because she's young, beautiful,
in the world, is valued.
Yes, very that that i am a human
i have legs and eyes yes and sort of just like
sorry like like becoming a star in this younger body but then goes to the old body and she walks
around the around the world and basically like everyone's like, like whatever, treating her like, I guess, to me more.
You know what I mean?
And she is unable to see that she's still valid in her older body.
So the younger version starts to slip in terms of taking care of the older one.
And the big rule of the movie is to remember that they are one organism or else things will be catastrophic.
Like no spoilers because I don't know what
happens, but apparently... I know, also
remarkable that you have not seen this movie. I know,
but I'm fascinated by it. Like, I've
read so much about it because I also feel like I don't
know if I'm going to sit through it, so I'm consuming
a lot of it because it was the talk of the festival.
Wait, what do you mean you don't know if you're going to sit through it?
Because of what I'm about to say.
So, I'm very squeamish too.
And apparently the third act is the most intense,
graphic, sustained, violent body horror
in cinema history since The Fly.
Like in the late 80s with Jeff Goldblum,
where his body essentially decomposes
because he turns into a fly essentially so
this movie was
apparently had people like passing out and throwing
up after watching it but it was also
very quickly acclaimed. Oh my god it's been a while since we
had those urban legends of like
people like
gave birth during the movie
they burped
the last one in my memory was Passion of the
Christ
and I was like The last one in my memory was Passion of the Christ. Yes.
People were screaming.
People were screaming.
People saw Christ.
It was bloodletting.
Oh, my God.
That's so funny.
But apparently,
Demi Moore may even be up for an Oscar
because she is like apparently incredibly fearless
and brave in the way that she acts this last
act.
And also the fact that like,
she's confronting this thing that's been said about her for the majority of
her career.
She was,
you know,
young people have been talking about her appearance,
the way that she's,
you know,
conceptualized in everyone's mind's eye is like this idea of like cinematic
perfection.
And then that person got older,
may have had work done etc the entire like trajectory of her career has had this shadow of you know the male gaze on
it and so for her to do this movie i think she's getting a lot of like what apparently is well
earned praise for it and the movie won best screenplay at can because apparently it's just
that bold so that's like a greta gerwig jury right there so i'm excited what do you mean it's just that bold. So that's like a Greta Gerwig jury right there. So I'm excited.
What do you mean it's a Greta Gerwig jury?
She was the head of the jury.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I thought you were saying it's a Greta Gerwig-esque jury.
No, yeah, yeah.
I was describing the vibe. No, you were actually listing the people.
But just for her to preside over that jury
and her to be as renowned and talented writer as she is
and for her to give that best screenplay,
I think it's exciting wow greta like her vocabulary with like film history
is like so wild i'm like oh like i heard some of her feedback like when she was sharing thoughts
all of her quotes were like you know that it reminded me of the classical structures of a
blah blah blah and i'm like oh my god like you really do know it all like where does one learn
what would your master
class be on if you had a master class what would it be on hmm fucking masturbating at the worst
times of day that would be my master class what's the worst wow we got the meme from this episode
what's the worst time of day um i'm going to say, like right before they need you on set.
Yeah.
No,
no,
no,
no.
I like like four,
4 PM.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
No,
that's pretty bad.
I actually was 10 minutes late to therapy because I like,
I had it at four and I like had to come at 3 15 PM.
Like something happened or whatever.
I was like,
I have to jack off.
And then I got in the car and I was,
we had traffic.
Cause I have to go all the way to Pasadena.
And I was like, well, fuck this traffic.
I'm like, no, fuck you.
Because you had to jack off at 315, 320.
I do agree it is the worst time.
What was the name that I gave you?
What was the name you gave me?
Dustin.
Dustin Dallas.
That's a Dustin Dallas move right there.
I will tell you this.
Sorry I'm late.
I had to come. This is something I will tell you this. Sorry I'm late. I had to come.
This is something I will,
speaking of during the day sexual behavior,
I won't say who or why or what,
but I was at one of those group fitness classes
during the day a couple weeks ago,
and the instructor was so hot and encouraging
and so there was an energy. More and so like all of it
just like the best version of what that person is
where I went home
got on Grindr
and
you went to Cerebro
in the middle of the day
I never do that
from someone else
from someone else very much thinking about him.
From a surrogate.
I must find the ideal surrogate.
Exactly, the substance.
To fulfill my fantasy.
I must find.
I must find the boy.
And if not, a surrogate will have to do.
A surrogate did it.
Was that your grinder name?
I must find the boy.
I must find the boy.
Or else a surrogate will have to do.
And then I had a lot of,
you know,
surrogates come forward.
Not a lot.
I mean,
do you think the surrogate,
you think you'll see the surrogate again?
Actually?
Yeah.
This guy like fucking really,
it was great.
I actually was,
it made me realize like,
huh,
maybe sex during the day is the move.
Oh,
I love it.
Yeah. Same. I think it's great you know I don't know I just
there's something about having sex in the daylight
oh the lighting and the lighting
is great the reason I say 430 is
you come and then
if you get lucky later on in the night
then you're like oh
I already ate
I already ate you know and then it's
like oh and then you kind of get some performance anxiety around that.
What a busy life.
I think that's why I liked the daytime fuck.
Because it was like, now I don't have to even encounter the thing at night because I'm not looking for it at night.
So I'm not going to be disappointed at night.
You know what I mean?
I did that during the day and it went really well.
So I don't have to feel bad about it later.
Disappointed at night.
Another great title for something.
Disappointed at night. For this episode. Disappointed it later. Disappointed at Night. Another great title for something. Disappointed at Night.
For this episode.
Disappointed at Night.
Disappointed at Night.
That's beautiful.
I think it's my fourth time on Las Culturistas.
My fourth time on Las Culturistas.
Is it the fourth time or is it the third time?
Fourth.
I don't know.
I mean, canonically, it's going to be fourth, I guess.
Because you were on once with Anna.
You were on once.
I remember your first episode was iconically called Yes, dot, dot, dot,
because we talked about...
I don't think that was my first episode.
That was not your first episode?
Really?
I don't believe so.
I think this is fourth.
I think this is fourth.
Yeah, well, it's fourth no matter what.
Okay.
My fourth episode of Lost Cult.
My fourth episode.
Holy.
Holy.
Should we do I Don't Think So, Honey? Yes. Oh, God. I told him. Hooli. Hooli. Should we do I Don't Think So Honey?
Yes.
Oh God,
I told him.
Okay, yeah.
Totally forgot.
This is the fourth time
on this couch.
Oh my word.
The Real Housewives
of Salt Lake City
are back.
I love that.
I love that.
Oh my gosh.
Welcome.
And last season's drama was just the tip
of the iceberg. You're recording us?
I am disgusted! Never
in a million years after everything
we've been through did I think that you would reach out
to our sworn enemy. We were
friends! How could you do this
to me? I don't trust her.
The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.
Wednesdays at 9 on Bravo or
stream it on City TV Plus. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode
is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had.
We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13
to being one of today's biggest artists. we talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations.
I was a desperate, delusional dreamer, and the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble.
I encourage delusional dreamers.
Be a delusional dreamer.
Just don't be a desperate, delusional dreamer.
I just had such an anger.
I was just so mad at life.
Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine.
I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine. I had such a victim mentality.
I took zero accountability for anything in my life.
I was the kid that if you asked what happened,
I immediately started with everything but me.
It took years for me to break that, like years of work.
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Trust me,
you won't want to miss this one. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel.
I mean, he looks so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere.
Elian Gonzalez.
Elian.
Elian.
Elian.
Elian.
Elian Gonzalez.
At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with.
His father in Cuba.
Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him.
Or his relatives in Miami.
Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom.
At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation.
Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well.
Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story,
as part of the My Cultura podcast network,
available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm Julian Edelman.
I'm Rob Gronkowski.
Guess what, folks?
We're teammates again.
And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes.
I'm a dude.
You're a dude.
And Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against,
legends from the past, and we're just going to sit here and talk about them.
And we'll get into the types of dudes.
What kind of types of dudes are there, Grunks?
We got studs, wizards.
We got freaks.
Or dudes dudes.
We got dogs.
Dogs.
We'll break down their games.
We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are.
Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak?
Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude?
We're going to find out, Jules.
New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season.
Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Okay, so this is Las Culturistas,
this big segment.
I don't think so, honey.
We do a one minute, you know,
twirl on something that's not so great.
And the aliens of it all actually reminded me I woke up on the conspiracy side of the bed this morning
and my eyes have been opened to something
and I really have to,
I have to alert the world.
Oh my God. This is Matt Rogers. I Don't Think So Honey's Time Starts Now.
I don't think so honey aliens existing. I'll tell you what it is. If you don't think,
my dad sent me a drone light show. It was like a Star Wars drone light show. And I was like,
huh, you know what this reminds me of? Those unidentified flying objects that are all around that no one can explain.
It's like, I'm sorry, but things moving unnaturally in the sky, they're drones.
I'll tell you who has more money than even NASA.
Elon Musk.
SpaceX is the reason why there are quote unquote aliens.
There are no aliens.
What they're trying to do, and this is Elon Musk, and I'm saying this and there's going
to be a bounty on my head
after I say this.
I'm bravely saying it on Last Coach.
Elon Musk wants us to believe
that there are aliens
so that he can start a war.
We can have a common enemy.
15 seconds.
Okay?
Because there's nothing more powerful
than you creating your own army.
He wants to basically convince us all
there are aliens
so that we fear the external and he will control us this way i
don't think so honey and that's one minute oh my god that's how i feel i don't think there are
aliens i think it's spacex your most marianne williamson coded thing yet oh i say that i i i
go oh any anytime someone says marianne william Does anyone feel that I'm, does anyone feel I'm right?
Well, I don't know if you're right, but I do, I do think that that is, it's compelling.
Like, I watched this drone show and I was like, wow, like.
A drone show?
It was like a Star Wars themed.
They make shapes in the sky.
Yeah, like, it's like essentially replacing fireworks shows.
So you're going to see less and less fireworks shows as time goes forward. It's like, it's like essentially replacing fireworks shows. So you're going to see less and less fireworks
shows as time goes forward.
It's Sky Entertainment.
Okay, another, okay.
That is the name of your LLC.
Sky Entertainment. If it wasn't
Basic Instincts Inc., it would be
Sky Entertainment. Isn't that a great name?
Maybe my last name is Sky. Maybe I'm Dustin
Sky. Yes. Oh, Dustin
Sky's good. So it's like synchronized swimming, but with robots.
100% Julio.
That's exactly what it is.
That's kind of cute.
It is programmed Sky Entertainment.
Lights in the sky.
And basically they can control to do anything.
And also then you don't have like the environmental issue of like the fireworks every single night, I guess.
Because you're watching robots move around in the sky.
100%.
So basically, and they can do things that fireworks can't.
Like they can create these designs
and these lettering in the sky.
Like what you can see they're capable of
is like mind blowing.
And I'm watching it and I'm like, I'm sorry,
but who is out there still saying
that there are aircrafts that move
in ways that things can't move?
I'm like, there are drones in the sky
that can do anything.
Like, why are we following this train of logic?
I see your point.
It's like this helicopter went backwards
and they don't do that.
I have news for you.
Yes, they do.
When they're not helicopters, they're drones.
But Matt, how do you explain, like,
pre-Elon Musk, like, this was a phenomenon?
Okay, I don't think it was.
Oh.
I don't think it was.
I think UFO sightings have...
Yes, people always
said UFO sightings, but none of them
could ever be substantiated.
Now, all of a sudden, we have quote-unquote
substantiated... But we
declassified a lot of these documents. Not we,
I just mean the government has declassified a lot of...
No, they ask you. They ask you to co-sign. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I co-sign. They're like, I need Bowen's signature.
Well, Bowen is Illuminati. I'm
Illuminati. But I feel like this is slowly coming to the surface.
But I respect and I agree with Julio.
This is compelling.
I don't know that I'm following you completely.
This is all you need to know.
Anytime you see something in the sky that's moving in like an unidentifiable pattern or like an unnatural way,
the way that, quote unquote, birds don't move or quote unquote
you know aircrafts don't move
it's like you
should just watch a Star Wars
drone show just watch it and then
you'll understand that things very much do move
like that wait I'm sorry when you say Star
Wars drone show yes I do mean Disney
if that's your question oh so this is at
Disney very much so
and what makes it a Star Wars
drone show? Is it like
they form Princess Leia's face?
I'm just going to show you on this, okay? Because it's literally
unbelievable. My dad sent it to me like he
does all the time. So can you see this?
Now look. Look, that's a drone.
That's not a firework. That's supposed to mimic
the two sons of Tatooine.
And you'll see they're starting to drift
slowly down as if the sun is setting.
Okay? And now they've
disappeared. Now see that they've
disappeared and now look what happens.
They're rearranging.
They've rearranged in seconds
to create this Death Star in the sky.
And the Death Star is slightly rotating.
So what I'm saying is,
if we are able to create this
in the sky for entertainment
why would we think that elon musk and spacex or bezos or whatever the fuck whatever is going on
whoever has the amount of money that can do this in the sky would not try to control human ideology
and fear as it relates to the unknown fear is a controller and i feel that this is what's happening in a major way and I think that sheeple
think it's aliens
but there are no aliens
wow
okay
no
again I think it's very compelling
I'm compelling
I'll look into it
you know I was on mushrooms the other day
and I was with Henry Kapurski
and he said you're making a really good point
and I pointed at him and looked in his eyes
and said I am very compelling
I am very compelling
I am very compelling
and he couldn't help but agree
you always were
you always were
he always was.
Because just know that Elon Musk
is going to assassinate me now.
This part of the episode is going to be mysteriously
not there anymore. No.
And I'm going to be the only one who knows the truth that the
both of you were in
cahoots with SpaceX.
Yeah. Has anyone else's algorithm been
feeding AI images of
Elon Musk and Zuckerberg
kissing in the hot tub?
Yes, I got you.
There's a lot of Elon Musk.
It's like Elon and Mark Zuckerberg
being a couple.
It's a very believable couple, I would say.
I'm like, oh yeah, they're a tea.
It's like when people were doing the Trump-Putin
gay love thing, and it's like
now they're doing that with new AI technology. It's like when people were doing the Trump-Putin gay love thing, and it's like, now they're doing that with,
but with new AI technology,
it's like that same sort of, like, goof.
We have unlocked human potential.
Oh, honestly, with AI, we've officially gone too far.
You want to know why?
Because on this new season of The Circle,
Oh, no.
one of the people competing is just full-on AI.
And Michelle Buteau is narrating it being like, and
the producers are not,
they have no idea what this AI is going to
do. And it's just an AI.
It's learning the game. It is learning the social dynamics
that it's going to play. And it's doing an
incredible job so far. I've only watched
one and a half episodes. But I'm like,
I literally was like sitting here like watching
it. And I'm thinking to myself
like, at what point is the AI just going to learn
to take over the show?
Like I just, the AI thing is really,
and now we're having fun with it on Netflix's The Circle?
I mean, I don't know.
We've already sort of like.
Get an AI host on The View.
Honestly, we're really close.
Like, wouldn't it be fun if one of the hosts was AI? Would it have
compelling things to say? You've already asked
the question. And you don't have to
pay that host. Right.
You don't have to pay it.
Can't believe it. Like,
they're basically saying like, oh, like,
what if this AI, like, wins the circle?
What then?
It's doing a really good job.
It's better at social stuff than humans?
I don't know.
What is the circle?
It's a game.
Yeah, what is it, bro?
It's a game show?
It's like a game show where everyone is locked in their own rooms
and they only communicate through this social media platform.
And then people have to like...
It's as if like influencers was
gamified like the whole concept of like being likable on the internet was like gamified into
like a survivor slash like big brother style of like eliminating people it's fun it's really like
it becomes very compelling it is like a little dystopic and it is like kind of simplifying
oversimplifying what social media is, but it's fun to watch.
But I'm going to watch, I haven't watched in a while.
I'm going to watch this one. It's just interesting
because like they're all in their own room.
They all have these avatars and that's how they communicate.
And some of the real humans that are being
themselves are communicating.
And you see the other people sort of like
digest the way that
they've said hello. And they're like,
hmm, that person sounds really wooden.
And I bet that person's a catfish
because a lot of them are catfish.
That's like part of the game.
And they're fully real human beings
expressing themselves normally.
And then this AI comes in aware of the fact
that they need to have more of a personality.
So it like stutters by accident.
And wow.
So they say things like a little bit offbeat.
A little bit off, like on when they meet in or whatever yes and basically the ai has chosen its avatar and its
personality and it's like age and like it's a guy it's like a white guy and it's mid-20s it looks
like cute but non-handsome like non-threatthreatening, holding a cute dog. And the AI is, like, studies have shown
that 70% of photos of dogs, like, do better.
Like, you automatically are a more likable person.
And it's, like, working.
You see the other people, the contestants being like,
I love that dog.
I know I'm going to get along with Adam.
There's, I guess, like, there's some magazine
or something that does, like, videos of, like,
doing press junkets.
Like the one I saw a clip of was Chris Hemsworth and Anya Taylor-Joy like playing with puppies.
And there's something so like dark and primal about that.
Yep.
About being like, here are these two beautiful blonde people playing with dogs.
Enjoy it.
Eat it.
And it is widely enjoyed. Eat it. That's the thing. Eat it. And it is widely enjoyed.
Eat this.
Here's some content.
It's like woof.
To say nothing of the dogs, but woof.
Woof.
Why am I saying it like woof?
You find that I'm AI?
I think I'm the least AI out of all of us,
to be honest.
Refreshingly human.
Bowen Yang, AI.
I am.
I'm AI AF.
Well, let's find out what AI has to say.
Bowen Yang, do you have an I don't think so, honey?
I do.
It's very, very stupid.
It's not...
But I think people will relate.
This is Bowen Yang's relatable I don't think so, honey.
His time starts now.
I don't think so, honey. His time starts now. I don't think so, honey.
Cutting up a bell pepper.
There is no agreed upon way to slice bell pepper.
And we're all, this is why language and communication
is broken down across the world.
It's not social media.
It's because we have not settled on a way
to chop up bell pepper in our salads,
in our soups, in our stews, in our snacks.
Everyone's like, oh,
you got to cut around the stem, or oh,
you got to get the white pithy stuff out. You got to get the
rounded part out. It has to be
straight strips. No. We have
to agree upon one way to cut bell
pepper. Otherwise, this is the Tower
of Babel all over again. If we can't agree
on how to do this one simple thing,
then what hope do we have as a civilization?
What hope do we have for society?
Why are we growing these damn vegetables in the first place
if we're not even going to agree on how to use them?
It's not about personal preference.
It's about making sure there's a standard way
and a way that sort of encourages equality.
And that's one minute.
I was going to say it's like the Tower of Babel
all over again.
We must find a way of cutting the pepper
that encourage equality.
Equality and community.
That was really important, Bowen.
There's no community around bell peppers.
Well, I will say in terms of the stem,
you definitely do have to cut around the stem.
And I think that the rule of thumb with bell peppers
is you just have to do a little bit more work.
You have to dice them more than you think.
But it's worth it.
It is worth it.
I love bell pepper.
Oh, certainly.
Julia, what do you think as a vegan?
How do you feel about bell pepper?
I think they're very important.
How do you feel about it?
I think they're very important.
Yeah, you love the question.
You love the witness. Very leading question. How do you feel about it? I think they're very important. Yeah, you led the question. You led the witness.
Very leading question.
How do you feel about it?
I think it's very important.
How do you feel about representation?
I think it matters.
Julio is going to still say the truth,
no matter how you look at it.
I know, I know.
Talk about bell peppers.
To me, bell peppers are neither a plus nor a minus.
They're like iceberg lettuce to me.
But iceberg lettuce is no nutritional value.
If it's there, I'll have it.
I'll never miss it.
Okay, fine.
What's your, like, if you had to make, like, sort of like your little vegan lunch, what is it?
I think my favorite food, well...
Sushi?
What?
You like sushi?
Sushi.
Oh, sushi.
No, but I do like meals that are contained so sushi is very good a burrito i think is really good because it's a big capsule of food
yeah and by contained you mean like actually the food keeps itself together the food keeps
itself together yes i don't need you unraveling in front of me. Right,
got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it,
got it. Yeah. So you go to Chipotle,
let's just say, you're certainly
not going to get, like,
a burrito bowl. No, I don't go to Chipotle.
Well, but you wouldn't get a burrito bowl.
If I hypothetically had to go to a Chipotle,
I would not get a burrito bowl.
Right. Is a taco
self-contained?
That unravels in front of you very often.
A taco's needy, right?
A taco needs to be held.
So needy.
Oh my God.
Needs to be held or else it's nothing.
Yeah, you're right.
Sushi needs nothing from you.
It's so true.
It's so true.
Sushi needs nothing from you. Just enjoy it.
You know, there's a lot of people
out there thinking that you can't eat
too much sushi.
I have to say, last night I found out that wasn't
true. You can.
Because I woke up this morning and I felt like
garbage. And I was like, what happened?
Too much sushi? And I realized,
well, it's because a lot of people are talking about how
they don't think you can eat too much of it where do you hear that no matt listen to your body i
don't really remember how where i heard it but it's out there but the sushi doesn't need anything
from you yeah do you know what i mean that still doesn't change the fact that sushi does not ask
anything of you and it's on you that you ate so much yeah it's a theory i understand what you're
saying i'm not really following,
but... Is that what I said to you
about the drones?
Yeah, I think it's compelling.
I don't really understand
what you're saying, but...
Wow.
That's not how I said it.
Okay.
Well,
we'll talk about this offline.
Okay.
Leo, are you ready
to do I Don't Think So, Honey?
Yeah, and I'm actually
very proud of it
because I just thought about it.
Okay.
I did not prepare.
This is Julio Torres' I Don't Think So, Honey.
Time starts now.
I Don't Think So, Honey, the barricade around the portal.
Are you familiar with the portal?
No.
It's the circular portal in New York.
It's like a big screen with a live feed between Manhattan and I want to say Dublin.
And the whole thing is that like tourists in both cities can just like wave at each other.
There's a barricade.
30 seconds.
Where is it?
I want to say it's Madison Square Park, maybe.
There's a barricade.
And there is a barricade around the portal, guarding the portal, because too many
people were exposing themselves in both countries.
15 seconds.
Or just showing foul things to each other.
But frankly, if you don't trust the public with public art, we have failed as a society.
Five seconds.
If public art is too delicate
or begs itself to be used in a specific way,
then you are condescending to the audience
and we don't need it.
Oh.
And that's one minute.
That's beautiful.
That was really,
not only was it beautiful to hear you say,
I don't think so, honey,
the barricade around the portal,
but also the facts were there too. If public art can't be public, honey. The barricade around the portal. But also, the facts were there too.
If public art can't be public, we've failed.
Yeah.
If public art can't be public, we have failed.
Release the portal.
Open the portal.
Drop the barricade to the portal.
Drop the barricade to the portal at once.
If I were mayor, and I will be someday,
that is the first thing I'll do
I will say drop the barricade to the portal
Everyone must have access to the portal
That would be my first tweet
As mayor
You're not going to be mayor
Yes I will be
No you have a thriving Hollywood career whether you like it or not
Well look at Reagan
Look at Reagan
Look at Schwarzenegger Yeah Look at Schwarzenegger.
Yeah, look at Schwarzenegger.
I'll do it.
Now, the portal is beautiful.
I've just looked up.
I've never seen this in the city.
Me neither.
Well, it's flopping.
It's giving the vessel
all over again.
The vessel is so sad.
The vessel is just like...
Have I shown you my collection
of guys on Tinder
that have pictures with the vessel?
Yes.
I would love to see it.
A lot of gay guys. Exclusively gay guys. The people you see on... They're the only ones I can see on Tinder that have pictures with the vessel? Yes. I would love to see it. A lot of gay guys.
Exclusively gay guys.
The people you see on Tinder.
They're the only ones I can see on Tinder.
They won't let me see anything else.
The vessel is the gay Machu Picchu.
So, like, straight guys on Tinder
will stand at Machu Picchu
and pretend like,
can you believe where I am?
I'm a man of the world.
Yeah, it's like,
I saw the vessel.
There's any men Marcus close to here.
Yeah.
I have something I want to bring to the group.
Go ahead.
There are pop stars.
Let's just say pop stars.
Are there just artists that are either portals or mirrors?
That is beautiful.
That is absolutely beautiful.
And I can tell you who's a portal and who's a mirror.
Beyonce's a portal.
Taylor Swift is a mirror.
There you go.
I think you're right.
Beyonce transports you somewhere, brings you somewhere into a new experience. Taylor Swift is a mirror. There you go. I think you're right. Beyonce transports you somewhere,
brings you somewhere into a new experience.
Taylor Swift-
Is about relatability.
Is about reflecting the audience back at them.
Yeah, yeah.
I do think that there is a case to be made for-
Katy Perry is mirror.
Katy Perry is a mirror.
Katy Perry's music exists to make you feel a certain way.
Whereas you listen to like some of these
other artists and it's like this exists
mostly as an artistic expression
yes yes that is very
beautiful and I think there is we need to
get you a doctorate I'm gonna say there's validity
in both of course there's validity in both
one is not better than the other no
of course I do think that
when people were talking about like oh what was better
like the renaissance tour or the Eris tour?
And I was like, I think I can't
pinpoint why they're equally
different and valid because one
was a mirror experience and
one was a portal experience.
Yes, I think there's definitely
room for both. I think mirrors
comfort us
and portals propel us.
Yes, and they're propel us. Yes.
And they're both necessary.
That's really good.
But sometimes mirrors can scare us the most.
And so can portals.
Portals, sometimes you need a portal.
But sometimes, dot, dot, dot,
mirrors can scare us the most.
Scare us the most.
That's a very, like, Desperate Housewives.
Absolutely. Outro. Edie Britt punches the Desperate Housewives outro. Absolutely. Edie Brint
punches the medicine cabinet.
Mirrors.
We use them to take a look
before we leave the house.
To check our husband's tie before
he leaves the house.
To inspect some pesky
mascara in the corner of our eye.
Yes.
Mirrors comfort us,
shoring us of our own image.
But what if a mirror
showed us
what was never there?
Dun dun. Oh my god.
Let me tell you something. I am re-watching
Desperate Housewives now! Oh my god!
I want to do it.
Where's Alfred Woodard? She's working.
She's thriving. But I want to see her more.
I would imagine booked somewhere.
Yeah, no, she is.
I checked.
Betty Applewhite.
Betty Applewhite.
What a name.
Well, Julio, this is your fourth time on Lost Colch.
This is it.
We're so grateful.
This is it.
This is it.
No more.
This is me dot dot dot now.
This is me dot dot dot now.
Did you watch that?
Yes, I did last night.
You actually did?
I did last night.
What did you think?
We just need your abridged take on this is me now.
Compelling.
Okay.
Although, hold on.
I'm going to leave everybody on this.
I can't tell if J-Lo is a portal or a mirror.
She's a mirror.
J-Lo is a mirror and this is me dot dot dot now aspire to be a portal.
Yes, 100%. That was perfect.
Of course, but I don't see myself
in J-Lo. Like, I don't know
what she's reflecting back. It's not for you
to see yourself in J-Lo. But if you do
see yourself in J-Lo, you really see yourself
in J-Lo. You really see yourself in J-Lo. Yeah.
Right. Okay. It's the thing of like
are you a fragrance or vitamin water?
What? You know what I mean? It's that thing.
Are you Charlize Theron
stomping to
Dior a portal? Or are you
Jennifer Aniston for vitamin water?
Yes. I see.
Yeah. Amazing. We need both.
Zendaya is both. Interesting.
I don't think Zendaya is vitamin water.
Is she? I think Zendaya is like
all of it?
In her heart is the Disney girl.
And she kind of can't...
She'll never like totally escape that
no matter how artistically
and critically successful she is.
Like she'll always be a little bit
like one second away from like,
Skechers, it's the S.
What is that that you just said?
Skechers is the S?
Yeah.
That's sort of a shoe campaign.
Her doing a Skechers commercial.
Yeah.
Got it.
That's interesting.
Like we haven't escaped the world
where it's like Zendaya for Spearmint Gum.
You know what I mean?
Like probably not soon.
Well, okay.
Here's what I'll say is
I did not know she was a Disney star. She was. Shake it up. Doesn't that change things a little bit? Well, no, but's what I'll say is I did not know she was a Disney star.
She was. Shake it up.
Doesn't that change things a little bit?
Well, no, but I'm saying is I was not seeing her through that lens and I was perfectly satisfied.
She's ascended that for sure.
Yeah.
She's the most crossover mirror portal person we have currently.
Wow.
Interesting.
She's a mirror portal.
She's a mirror portal.
She's what Lana Del Rey would call a glass spaceship.
I love that.
And Lana's a portal through and through.
100%.
Yes.
Yeah.
She's a portal.
Well, much to discuss with infinite people.
When we come back.
When we come back.
On hour eight of Las Culturistas.
We'll be right back.
Phantasmas. It's out on June 7th?
June 7th on HBO.
On HBO.
But you'd watch it via HBO Max, I think.
Well, it's Max.
Oh, sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Yes.
Sorry, Zoss Love.
We met Max.
Sorry, David.
Kisses, love.
Sorry, David. Kisses, love to you.
Sorry, David. Kisses, love. It's actually Rollercoaster number 99. Sorry, David. Kiss is love. Sorry, David. Kiss is love to you.
Sorry, David.
Kiss is love.
It's actually Rollercoaster number 99.
Sorry, David.
Kiss is love.
Well, this has been a joy, delight, and more.
We end every episode with a song.
Oh, that you sing.
Yes, got it.
Okay.
We have to end it there.
Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye.
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On Thanksgiving Day, 1999,
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