Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - “‘No.’” (w/ Ego Nwodim)

Episode Date: March 16, 2022

Um, is it absolute Tolkien vibes? Because it is the return of the KING. SNL superstar and Montezuma’s nemesis Ego Nwodim joins Matt and Bow in-studio and don’t you even DARE tell her what to do. She’s a bona fide rom-com legend in “Love Life,” okay?! The trio talks ideal vacations, Wikipedia lies, Euphoria High, and unfortunately, Ego and Bowen’s lack of sexual chemistry. Also we invite all the publicists to decide whether or not the “Cis and Sissy” sketch is a flop or a slay based on the live reading(!) of this incredibly stupid table draft. Listen now, by royal decree! Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. Look, man. Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow, is that culture? Yes.

Oh, my goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas. Ding dong, Las Culturistas calling. I guess it's the return of the king. culture yes las culturistas ding dong las culturistas calling i guess it's the return of the king lord of the rings down council of elrond boot can i say

you know what's really fun to do to teach a straight man the word boots because you're setting them up for failure and misuse 100 so basically and maybe this is my misunderstanding of it but i always feel like boots is the way you end a sentence it's like a gay period yeah yeah yeah like the way that our guest came in here today it was giving regal excellence it was giving regal excellence boots

and so i'm working on the show and our director is and i'm going to shout him out because let me tell you i'm obsessed his name His name is Andy DeYoung. And he's directed all your favorite shows. And he's directing I Love That For You and I Loved It. He's wonderful. And so he sort of caught me in like a fantasia on the side of the room. And I was sort of spinning around. I landed the word boots.

And he said, what's that? And so now I've taught him boots. And so sometimes he'll come over and give a note. And he'll just say boots and walk away. That's great. And isn't that great? I believe the children are our future it's i feel like it's always great when a director can take a note

yes when you can give a director a note and say hey maybe try this next one by ending it with boots yeah and he gives me a note and i say that's cute now you do this actors on set anytime a director gives you a note you have to give one back that's the rule that's how sets work yeah the way that sets work is it's a conversation you know what i mean like you as an actor are in conversation with the writers the directors the producers the showrunners the network and you're always have to give them feedback you have to give them feedback constantly and honest and honest you know there's no such thing as authority or a pecking order in those environments really i mean this is honestly can we get real let's get let's get real for one i was having a conversation yeah with a friend of ours okay nardino love industry boy has grown up in the

in the business grew up in the hills of ho. Grew up in the hills of Hollywood. Grew up in the hills of Hollywood. And he said something so real to me. What did he say this time? Well, he basically was like, everyone's just scared. Everyone's just terrified. Like, you can just barge into any office and freak them out and they will do what you tell them to. And I'm kind of like, I will never, it will never get to that point with me where I am like, put the fear of God in someone.

But I'm like, I think there's a truth to that who was scared I was scared I was scared that Tyra Banks dot gif I was scared oh my god scared is this after that girl fainted I was scared yeah I was scared we didn't even mention that on our Tyra Banks like we ran down the list of Tyra Banks iconic moments and we didn't even get to who was scared I was scared and we also didn't that didn't even get to who was scared. I was scared. And we also didn't. That was scary. Who was scared? I was scared. I was scared. It's so true.

I mean, listen, first of all, can I just say something I found out recently? Yes. Did you know that this podcast has been cited in academic work for our insight into the entertainment industry? I wish I was kidding because it sounds like the stupidest, dumbest thing I've ever heard that anyone would listen to this and say, we're going to gonna need to cite this in academic work but it's true this podcast has been cited in academic work than you this podcast has received critical acclaim my two favorite things on our wikipedia page are the podcast has received critical acclaim period aka boots boots

and the podcast has been cited in academic work for their insight into the entertainment industry and it's also on my wikipedia rogers has been cited in academic work for their insight into the entertainment industry. And it's also on my Wikipedia. Rogers has been cited in academic work. Oh, so it's you. No, no, no, no, no. It is both of us. And it's also on my Wikipedia. And I don't know if you've read your own Wikipedia yet.

Sick. But if you did, you might be in there for your academic insight. Which is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. Sorry, we're speaking as two people who unfortunately have Wikipedia pages. Yeah, sorry. Sorry, but mine has, Bowen is famous for his viral lip sync videos.

And I'm like, Well, you are. But I kind of want to just burn it all down. Own it. Then why were you on the other two doing it? Because honestly, that was a big point of contention. I'm going to get real.

I was like, I wasn't really, I didn't want to do it. Because you didn't want to be known as Ms. Lip Sync? Yeah, because I feel like I closed the book on that with my guest spot on Girls5eva. And then... But the girls kept clamoring.

Well, the girl being Sarah Schneider, who had to call me and convince me. And it felt very Hollywood. Insight into the entertainment industry. Well, speaking of King. Speaking of King. Listen, Phil, speaking of the entertainment industry, we have a real player here today. So everyone that wants insight into the entertainment industry is going to be thrilled with this one because we have an amazing star.

I've learned so much about the industry through our guests. Shoulders back, walking into any room and saying, I'm King, deal. There is, boots! There has never been a moment

that I have been in King's presence and thought, I don't know. I've never, I've never been around here and thought, well, I want to leave this situation. I've never been around King and thought,

I mean, never. I am so excited she's here. We actually, the noise we made when we first saw her was this. One, two, three. Ah! Everyone, welcome. Welcome. Ego Lodum!

Oh my god. What are you doing on your phone? Get off your fucking phone! I'm on Bowen Yang's Wikipedia page. And what kind of things do we got? A lot of paragraphs. So I thought, let me go straight down to personal life. Yeah, personal life.

Openly gay, did we get? No. No, personal life. Openly gay, did we get? No. No, personal life is one sentence. It reads, Yang resides in the Clinton Hill neighborhood of Brooklyn. That's not even true. And that's no longer true. He does not live in the Clinton Hill neighborhood of Brooklyn. Please update it.

Cite this podcast as your source. Yeah. That's what I was doing. Thank you. Pardon my manners. No, I'm sorry. I don't mean to. I didn't mean to. That's what I was doing. Thank you. Pardon my manners. No, I'm sorry. I don't mean to. I didn't mean to.

Shame. Phone shame. Phone shame. You can't phone shame people these days. No, because a lot of people need to be on it for work. Yeah. There was such a window for work. People need to be.

It was funny. I was on my phone at dinner like three months ago with my parents. And my mom was like, can you get off your phone? And my dad was like, he's got to be on it for work. And I was like, that's a lie. Shout out to your dad. He wasn't on it for work. It was like maybe six months in the culture where you could acceptably be the person at the dinner table who goes, everyone phones in the middle.

Stack them up. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And honestly, that is a social situation I would leave. Yes. I would actively have been like, I'm good. No, we're not. No, we're not doing this.

I'm an adult. I have an aversion to people telling me what to do. Yes. So, yeah, a big time. Just like. Why? I don't know what it is, but I think it's an abnormal amount. Like when I was a kid, I was going to clean my room and I used to keep a messy room.

And I was going to clean my room and I used to keep a messy room as a kid. And I was going to clean my room on this particular Saturday. But if anyone in my house said to me, you need to clean your room, I'd be like, well, no, I'm not doing it. I mean, when you came in here, we said sit in this chair and you said, absolutely not.

I'm going to sit in that chair. And it was a bit and you are sitting in the OG chair. In the OG chair. But had you wanted to sit in that chair, I would have respected it. I would have respected it. Imagine just telling people no. no no and i've been doing it since i was six well it's a full sentence it's a and that's a rule of culture number 17 no well it's a full

sentence and that's a fact motherfuckers okay but you you okay is it an authority thing or is it just being told what to do by anybody it's being told what to do by anybody and then authority i was always the like sure i'll sure i'll consider doing that but why explain to me why we're doing that so you on a set of a television show or film yes director comes up to you says ego can we try that where you um you're hurt by it no you're more hurt by it i like i know i know i like the version i did where i was actually okay and content with it okay well i think we got that right yeah so do you think we could no okay great well you move on all right and then you save the whole crew

save the crew yes no over the production doesn't go into like debt trying to pay people overtime no he's bought on today and I'm the motherfucking hero. And you say no fratter days and then the crew all goes, hey. They do. And then they bow at my feet. No, they don't do that. They don't do that. Guys, I don't I'm not, I'm not this person

on set. No. No, no, no. Gracious queendom. Let's clear it up. Let's clear it up. Do you get sick of me? Answer this honestly. Oh my God. Do you get sick of me? Yes, this is real.

Do I get sick? Do you get sick of me constantly being like, no one more graceful and poised? No, I love it. Thank you so much. I receive it. I will do it any single time I see you. Because I don't know if I'm graceful

and as poised as people perceive me to be but I'm here for the adulation the perception the grace is in the no the grace is in the I'm not doing that but you know what it's also I'm laughing because I'm like I think the very my friend last night I went out to dinner with my friend and he's like yeah you're just so good at being like, no. I just had the same exact conversation. He's like, I'm always people pleasing. And I'm like, yeah, but also there's like a bunch of people that don't like me for it. But I also don't care. Name names.

It's funny because I don't think they'd want me to know. I'd be like, I know you know. I know that you don't like me because I say no. But it's not popular opinion to be held to not like me. So you have to suffer in silence. It's not popular opinion to be held to not like me? No, I fucked it up. It's not a popular opinion to hold.

To hold. It's not a popular opinion to hold to not like me. To be like, you are unlikable, that I'm unlikable. That's so powerful. But it's also okay. I genuinely, I don't care if people like me and i sound like this is my like i'm walking into real world real world road rules challenge yeah i'm not here to make friends it's not that it's just that i'm like what a burden to bear to be thinking about who likes you all the time yeah like that seems exhausting to

me and i tried it once and i was oh my God, I can't do it. I don't know what it is. I have that thing. I think it's from... Oh, I care so much. I care so much that... And you know what's funny? Is that it is an impossibility

for everyone to like you that you come across. Yeah. And then they'll... You ever have, like, a first interaction with someone that just goes a little bit left?

And then it's doomed. And then they walk away, and you're like, wait, no, you like me. Yeah you like me you just don't know it yet and you feel I fixate on that person but do you fixate on this the same way because you actually you are more detached than the two of us

well my brain will sometimes go like that more so I'll play like a social interaction over in my head and be like oh that was oh my goodness I could be perceived this way. It was like my boyfriend yelling out of the window. Uh, you should tell him.

And then my brain was, I was like, I need to address this right now and explain. I was going to, the fact that I was going to tell you this thing, but now my boyfriend has made it seem like I had no intention of like skirts away. And I'm like,

I don't want you to leave this interaction now thinking ego had this important thing. She was supposed to tell me and she wasn't going to tell me what a fake bitch but that's someone I care about that's someone I care about so no I don't I will walk away from interaction and be like well whatever most of the time

but every once in a while I will be like I will play an interaction over and over and over in my head like oh I didn't show up well in that one. Uh-huh, uh-huh. I'm still human. You know, I'm still human. But part of me wants to just kill that instinct in my head.

Well, it's like I would like to kill the instinct in my head for myself because I know what damage I can do to myself when I go down the road of like, what did I do wrong? How do I have to be malleable in every social situation to make sure that people like me? But more of it is just like, what I hope to get rid of is this thing of like, assuming that everyone will like you, period.

Because if you're like putting yourself out there as a thing and like, you know, let's say like the entertainment industry, blah, blah, blah. It's like, people are allowed to have their the entertainment industry. It's like people are allowed to have their opinion on you. That's just their right. Like we have opinions

about people on this podcast for all the doodah day. If you put yourself out there, you are, you know, you're up for debate. Absolutely. But you are up, your existence is up for debate.

The way you exist is up for debate. The way you exist is up for debate. The way you exist is up for debate. But also, I like people who are bold, who are boldly themselves, whatever that might be. And so if you are boldly yourself, surely someone on this planet, there are billions of people on this planet, is going to have an opinion that is not favorable towards you. Because you've taken a stance of sorts of like, this is how I live. And someone's not going to like that. And then some people are going to absolutely adore it. And then a vast

majority of people are just not thinking about you. Oh, and that's actually the biggest thing is that you realize it's like that thing of when you put an outfit on and you futz with it, like in your hair, the little tiny things. And then you're like, oh, wait, no one fucking cares anywhere near as much as I do. And that is so freeing.

Yeah. Yeah. You can be also crushed by that knowledge, too, where you're like, wait, people don't care. Yeah. Well, they can't. I'm saying like that it can go it can it can come at you from either direction it's like oh i'm not being looked at and i'm not being people aren't staring at me and being like oh what about this person is going on yeah that level of like they don't care no one's taking me in exactly it's a mobius trip absolutely it's a schrodinger's

cat is it no but No, but good. But good try. You know what's the thing about me? I'll always try. Yeah, you know, and is that not a rule of culture? The rule of culture number 30. You know what's the thing about me? I'll always try.

I love it. King, you have a traveled aura about you. I do. Because I feel like you've been places. My vibe is off, first of all. It's not off. What are you saying? No, I have been seeing stars for a week.

Talk about this. I went on a vacation of sorts. Of sorts. We'll say less about that. And then I came back. And this has happened twice now in the last six months, where I go on a trip to somewhere kind of tropical. On the plane home, I start going, hmm, something is afoot.

You got the revenge. I got the revenge. And I'm like, I didn't do anything to Montezuma. I personally don't know the motherfucker. You had to respect. Montezuma was nowhere near the place that you were at. Exactly. Exactly.

She was vacationing somewhere else. I was vacationing somewhere else. But somehow Montezuma is so obsessed with me. And I've been sick for over a week. And so, but just like. But seeing stars, that's like fainting language but because i was dehydrated oh but i didn't realize it i didn't realize i was dehydrated so that i'm like a person who when i'm sick i don't want to be at all and so i'll like push through i'm like we're fine we're fine

but stomach stomach stuff is it'll really have you out can't avoid it and so anyway i was trying to be like i think we're past it we We're past it. That was a day. But then every day this past week has been like, no, you're not. Just lay in the bed. And so that bitch Montezuma got me. But guess what? I'm coming for you. Yeah, I'm coming.

She will get her. Ago feuding with Montezuma. That's huge. Huge. That's the biggest feud since I'll say it. Nikki and Mariah. Oh, are they defing? They were. Are they squashed it? I'm sure they're not thinking

about it anymore. I mean, they've both moved on to bigger and better. Oh no! They've both moved on to bigger and better. Where was I? Where were you? Montezuma's Revenge. Montezuma's Revenge. Montezuma's House. Can you name the last great,

because I think you and I both want luxury vacation experience. Oh, yes. We've chased that for years and we haven't really, nothing's really gotten us. Nothing's gotten us. Okay, I will say the last one,

the last where I go, okay, we've done it. We're doing it, right? But now I think I'm gassing it way too much in my head. Seafire, Kempton I go, okay, we've done it. We're doing it right. But now I think I'm gassing it way too much in my head. Seafire, Kempton Resort, and Grand Cayman. That sounds lovely. Jodi was just there.

Oh, great. I saw. Yeah, and I thought. Hair goddess of SNL. Hair goddess of SNL. And I was like, you're in the best place on the planet. It sounds like the best place. I took my mom. I took my mom. Oh, my oh my god yeah it was really sweet um

and it was right after a labor day so there's a weekend after so everyone was back to school back at work you know it was like what year was this do you remember 2019 okay 2019 before the great before yeah the great before and it was i mean wonderful but i now i need to go back before i vouch for it like that because i am like are you just big upping this for another reason is it actually luxury i think it is i think the service at the seafire kimpton yes oh is it really is it really it was like i in a place to like in a place where the bar was just lower but i don't think so did you feel luxuriant i felt luxuriant then it seems like and the service was fantastic and the water was blue oh see that's something i would really like to go somewhere where you come back and you go and the water was so blue i don't think i've ever been

because those people that is something people say when they're like oh yeah the water was blue it's like remember the famous episode of kardashians where she loses her earring and she freaks i don't't think I've seen it. Wasn't it one of the sisters like, there's worse things happening in the world? Yeah, they're like, Kim, people are dying. Yes, that's right. And she was crying because of her earring. Like, zooming out, the water there was really blue.

Yeah, yeah. You have to think. That's the thing. That's the vacation I have been chasing. Is that. Like, blue water, lovely hotel, just lounge lounge go to a spa if you will and i have not yet achieved since i think see fire kimpton wow is maybe it i'm thinking about going to hawaii at some point because i've never been there and i feel that that could come pretty that's a blue

water place hawaii is a blue water place i found myself in hawaii did you okay what it says i feel like a big part of your your tent poles in life are vacations and i think you and i share that yes yes and i found i truly i i'm i maybe because i'm a pisces i don't know astrology is like i it's cool it's like a fun little game to me. Yes, I'm a Pisces too and this is King. Okay, King. I didn't know King was Pisces. I'm just having a moment. We're making eye contact and I'm saying King. March 8th. Wait, 5th. Okay, I'm 10th. What? So five days

later I were born but different year. Well, that doesn't really matter. Can I ask you a question? Yes, please. Rising? Oh no. Okay. What does rising represent? How you show up in the world? It's how you are. You're presenting.

Capricorn. Okay. I'm Pisces. You're a Pisces. Are you a Pisces? I'm a dripping, wet, soaked, blue water vacation, squirtle ass, surfing USA, ahi tuna deep diving motherfucking Michael Phelps ass

gold medalist soaked to the bone yes seafood fish boots Pisces that's a motherfucking Pisces not a part of me is dry wow

well and we aspire and we aspire but that's why i wanted to ask because i i'm i'm so soaking wet that when you said that i was like i want to see how deep no pun intended it goes is it those little little fish with the lights on its head i mean let me tell you, I need water. I need to be in it. I'm drinking water. You need to be by it. I need to be by it. I need water at all times. Yes.

Yeah. And so. The hydration station. Miss Baltimore Crabs. Crab. What do you guys call me? Miss Crab Cake. Miss Crab Cake.

Miss Crab Cake. Wait, what? Do you and Heidi? Miss Crab Cake. Well, they bully me. There was a season where Heidi and Bowen were committed to making my life hell. And they posed it as a bit. But they were bullies.

By the way, I want to confront you on Las Culturistas. Confront me on Las Culturistas. She's been saying this for weeks, months. I've been meaning to confront you. She said, I've been meaning to confront you on Las Culturistas. Please. I'm so glad you asked me to be here. Why were you bullying me so viciously?

Yeah. Viciously. I was a repertory player at the time. I think Ago... How dare you? I think Ago had the best bit around being promoted ever in the history of SNL. She got promoted to repertory in her third season and walked, stomped these halls, these hallowed halls saying, you better treat me differently.

I'm rep now. I'm rep. You're featured. I'm rep. And you were trying to sort of knock her down a peg. You were bullying her. What the fuck? Matt, can you believe it?

Yeah, actually I can. I get bullied constantly. By Bowen. Bowen. King. You don't write me into your sketches. Oh, no. I wanted to be in...

I wanted to be in... You wanted to be in Dianna Warwick's talk show. I wanted to be the niece in Dianna Warwick. I couldn't do that. I could not do that. I think we'd have more problems than fun. I don't... Let me...

Okay. Holy shit. Let me do my impression of the niece. Do your impression of the niece. I really want to see you do the impression of the niece. I want to do the impression of the niece. On Dionne... Why is it low energy?

It's really low energy. Okay. On Dionne, you look great. Aunt Dion. Why is it low energy? It's really low energy. Okay. Aunt Dion, you look great. Thank you. Wait, wait, wait. Thank you, Brittany. Aunt Dion,

it's not Machine Gun Kelly this time. I promise. All right, bring him out. Can I just wait? Hold on. Real, real, real, real talk? Get real right now.

Or else. The moment... You know those moments... I do. Where you... We're just like... You don't even know this. No, no, no.

You know this. This is my sister. You know what I'm about to talk about. First of all, this is Pisces Scorpio. I know. Pisces Scorpio. Okay, okay, okay. Pisces Scorpio.

I don't know. The moments when something happens to someone you care about and all it is is pure happiness and you're talking about when dion was really there thank you i did know you didn't know and knowing is more than half this is my other breath this is your other we are two breasts on a on a on a on a human i would love for you to lay on my chest, each of you. One on the left, one on the right. One on the right. Ego's shown me...

Can I say? I have. They're gorgeous. They really are good. They're so beautiful. They're really beautiful, and I'm really proud of them. You should be proud of them. I think it's fine. The thing is... I wonder if I should say this public

say it well no i'm kind of it's it's not a bad thing it's like sometimes i fancy like i fancy myself a nudist right without having any knowledge of what that really entails but i do think like i i i don't care bodies are great i'm like we should all be there's no there's no like there's no like the ethos to new to being nudists like you just show up and you're naked that's all it is yeah and so i'm like so a bit of a nudist in that regard and so i did not show him during work hours in case anyone's wondering yes this was off hr off the clock you know i'm i'm snl hr oh my god i didn't know where to like locate you guys so thank you you could just text me okay cool just text me shoot you a text um so yes i did show bone my breasts but also we're married

yeah yeah yeah presumably it's it was in the marital space where are we at right now yeah because you're you're over here talking about your boyfriend i need space. I haven't seen you in weeks. I know. And it's because I need space. Allow me to have space. Yeah. This fall on Bravo. It's time to turn up.

Think you've seen it all? I don't think you've been a good friend to me lately. We're friends like that. Who needs enemies? You ain't seen nothing yet. Cheers to being Germanic. With the Real Housewives of Potomac. Oh my gosh, can I take this in?

It's gonna be amazing. New York City. Everyone is a gossip. No one gets a happier life. Salt Lake City. We don't wear costumes, we wear fashion. And below deck sailing. You broke the rules and now you're here getting upset.

Watch all new seasons on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. Let's have a real good time. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian. El will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian.

Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami.

Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski.

Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude. You're a dude. And Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, players peers guys that we played against legends from the past and we're just gonna sit here and talk about them and we'll get into the types of

dudes what kind of types of dudes are there grunts we got studs wizards we got freaks or dudes dude we got dogs dog we'll break down their games we'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose.

My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image and huge life transformations.

I was a desperate, delusional dreamer, and the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate, delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine.

I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything but me. It took years for me in my life. I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything but me. It took years for me to break that, like years of work. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. You have your boyfriend shouting out of a car window at you he's always

shouting at me by the way when you were last on lost coast you did not have the boyfriend no well and so things have sort of well well well when i was last well when i yes okay well had you met him no no no no no no no no no king was one of our first guests on zoom post post then no i had not i'd met him i'd met him by the way at that time but we were not oh that's right that's right that's it's giving love life it's it is giving love life yeah guys you were so good thank you thank you thank you that was so much fun that was really fun and will is an incredible actor and just having to rise to the occasion

of acting opposite him was a very fun challenge. That was a fun one. Well, you guys, I don't know. I mean, that episode was like a full... I loved it. I had to text King right after. And King did text King.

King did text King. I knew King texted King. I stopped King in the hallway. Do you remember this like, I knew King. I knew King texted King. I stopped King in the hallway. Do you remember this? I go, King. And you said. I just watched your episode. And then you said.

I don't remember. A lot of people are going to be praising your work in that. But I want you to know that I think you're hack. You're hack. You're not good at what you do. Yeah. I didn't believe a single moment. That's what you said.

And then I said, bowen thanks i he said hey mama yeah stick to sketch he did stick to the world of the surreal honey yeah he looked at cue cards that's where your that's where your eye line's gonna be yeah just stick to the cue card don't try any of this other stuff no yeah no he was very sweet he was very sweet and complimentary we went hard left we went hard left. We went hard left. So you had met him. I'd met him. Are you comfortable talking?

We don't have to talk about this. No, I don't want to talk about him. I don't want to talk. About what we've gone through. Okay, but can we... I love him, by the way. I love him. He's amazing, but I don't want to talk about him.

In general, but King and I have checked in just in general terms with our growth. Yes. Say that. Say more. I mean, since she's been on the pod, we've both been on separate journeys. Because we both would lament and just really commiserate with each other about how it's so crazy how neither of us have been. Smanged. In these been. Smanged. In these relationships and smanged.

And smanged for that matter. But you were getting smanged. Not really. Oh, and you want to know something? Divine smanged. Smushed and banged? Smushed and banged. Just smashed and banged.

Smashed and banged, smushed and banged. Bars on the floor. That's like, it's like, human beings need to do that you're in a long term relation no so I was so this is why I haven't seen you so that one

ended but very amicably and well but you know sort of what happens when a relationship ends is it gives opportunity to go out and get as you guys say smanked which which I love. Okay, we love that. Okay.

But we have grown. I feel like since I can actually chart the growth and the evolution a little bit of the Three Kings. Listen, I certainly know you. I know about your journey, but I don't know whether you're sharing the journey. Are we sharing the journey? We maybe shouldn't share the journey. Got it. Because the journey is a big question mark.

And the journey's not over. And that's one thing about journeys. Well, the journey never ends. And that's a Fendi fact. A Fendi fact. That's a Fendi fact. Okay. But I just think...

I think that's a rule of culture, actually. I do think... 55. The journey never ends. And that's a Fendi fact. Sorry. What's the rule of culture, actually. I do think... 55. The journey never ends. And that's a Fendi fact. Sorry. What's your label of choice? You want a Fendi thing?

You want a Gucci Prada? I want a Jimmy Choo. Jimmy Choo. Bonobos, of course. And 99 liquors. Did you drink 99 liquors in high school? I did not. I didn't even really drink in high school.

I was like a good kid. Little nun. I was a little nun. I was a little saint. Couldn't be me. Couldn't be me. But I also, I feel like, yeah, I'm like, I grew up in the suburbs, but I feel like suburbs kids are parties.

I look at Euphoria High and I'm like, not my high school suburbs but I feel like suburbs kids are parties I look at euphoria high and I'm like yeah not my high school can you imagine that show being reality like it is so psycho that they that they exist in the world in that space I'm like there's no I don't even think there was any like I can't say anyone in my high school I went to public school but I'm like I just if there were anyone in my high school like those children. Magritte's surreal. It really is. I'm just like, even one person, I think we'd all would have known and it would have been such a scandal.

I mean, that's a lot going on there. That school. I watched the pilot. I watched the first episode, what, summer of 2019. And I freaked out. I had such a crazy response to it because I was like i feel fully inadequate i feel like developmentally stunted because that wasn't high school for me i watched that first episode and i was like i guess that's what high school should have been like absolutely not well no no because you'd be living a very different life hard fast and dead i watched

that show and i thought well well, I guess everyone else's high school experience was like this except mine. And I'm sorry, I'm making this about me, but that was my response to it. I was like, I can't watch this. I think in consuming anything, you're gonna make it a little bit about you because you're consuming it. And so when you see this insane

high school where they dress designer, they come in, they're absolutely fucking and bleeding all over the place bleeding cruising crushing snorting shooting shooting like living dying come back to life being held hostage in like the grossest apartment you've ever it's the most insane show so insane and it's i'm like these are not high schoolers these are grown people living in a very specific place yes not and i also they're just not high schoolers no of it okay but that specific place being la and like honestly between watching euphoria and fucking like licorice pizza like

through the decades i'm like growing up here in the city of Los Angeles is fucked up. Yeah. I gotta say. It's not. Kids should not grow up here. Well, I want to raise our children here. You and me? Yeah, in LA.

Yeah. I don't want that. We have to discuss this offline. Okay. Will you guys have a natural child? Will you guys have sex? Or will you do Petri dish? Well, I feel like.

Go ahead. We fucked and nothing's happened nothing came out nothing came out did you enjoy it sex together i feel like it was we had we had a choreographer in the room yeah and an intimacy coordinator but was not we weren't shooting anything either we weren't an intimacy coordinator to sort of make sure that everyone was well-respected. Yeah, yeah. But there were no cameras. You penetrated. Yeah.

I enjoyed it. Nothing came out, but I enjoyed it. Nothing came out. It was as if something did. He kept telling me, you have to take my word for it. I enjoyed it.

I enjoyed it. During the act. Yeah. And I was like, I don't want to take your word. Your body will say that you're enjoying it. I can't just, sex isn't about like taking my word, you know. Love life, episode four. Yeah, exactly.

Sex is not about taking my word. And I think either you or I, or we both blacked out during it. Yeah, we both blacked out. Yeah, we got stressed and we blacked out. But we're still able to maintain a friendship. And that's what matters. That's not a marriage. That's not a marriage.

That's cohabitation. No, but I think all good marriages are based in friendship. Yeah, but ultimately, your body has to tell you. Okay, well, all right. Well, then we'll talk offline body has to tell you okay well all right well then i'm worried about you guys offline offline can i tell you something as a friend as the third king i'm worried about you guys i really am okay offline offline offline offline i can we wait hold on okay both of you have dated friends yeah and i think that is that is what i want and i i can't i can't go

through my list of friends who do you want you've dated no i i don't i can't think of a friend but i'm saying that's where it has to start i have to date a friend because i don't i don't want to meet someone new and have that be like the i think that the dating friend thing gets confusing though just to actually say this it's like when you have a friend and it becomes more, then you have to negotiate sex with them. You're like, whoa, I haven't really necessarily thought of you this way. And then all of a sudden, here we go. Let's just say breaching the subject. But it's foundational.

I don't think it's like you compromise. I think it's like, I don't know, because you and your boyfriend started out as friends. Yes, but like barely acquaintances. We did not have any real friendship. Like we went to a party together platonically. He invited me and now we're together. But neither of us saw each other.

Because I feel like if I'm friends with you for an extended period of time, my brain just shuts down even the possibilities like i'm like no yeah like it could be the most handsome person on the planet and i'm like i'm my brain is like you're my friend like you're my friend i wouldn't want to ever bump so then you think so then you think you got in there right on time with with with with yes yes because i'm like we didn't we didn't actually like establish any friendship it's like went to this party and then a year and a half later connected and it was like it's giving

love life yeah it is and that's all i want is for my real life to reflect love life i mean don't you though like every time i watch that show and i i i i watched the first season in one day and the second season in one day it's i guess my favorite show um but i always it ends and i'm always like i kind of i want my story i want my story told and it really is and to live my story to live my story and to have it end happy at 29 yeah happily ever after yeah that's the thing about it is like that's not real those parts are not real where it's like and it wraps

it gets all wrapped up in a bow it's all look how good and clean and pure it is I'm like it's rom-com I understand

but I we're misleading people no I think you can give them home you know my favorite movie what is what were you about to say though I was gonna say

well name your favorite movie first and then I'll say it one of my favorite movies? What were you about to say, though? I was going to say, well, name your favorite movie first, and then I'll say it. One of my favorite movies, this is sick, is Blue Valentine. I like Blue Valentine a lot. It's one of my favorite movies. It's giving reality. It's giving reality. It's giving life is not all clean lines and, you know, and it's mess. That song in Blue Valentine.

The penny and the... Yes, the you and me, you and me. They're so good. They're so good.'re so good michelle williams is unbelievable it's cuckoo bananas yes absolutely like honestly the scene where she's like okay you want to have sex okay just fuck me he's like well i don't want you like that and just negotiating like what they what he wants for sex and her she's like i just want you to shut the fuck up yeah leave me alone the shower scene when he tries to start it up in the shower and she's like i just want you to shut the fuck up and like leave me alone the shower scene when he tries to start it up in the shower and she's like not into it it's like oh god like

i don't know that felt very voyeuristic to me in a way that was like makes you go cross-eyed because you you recognize some of it and you're like oh god i can't believe there was a room full of people like recording this that is also a thing like with i've done now well is it a spoiler if i say i've done a love scene no no so in fire island i had a scene like that and obviously you did too on love life um so you know like with the intimacy coordinator of it all and like what a what a process that is did i have a question for you When you were having the conversation with the intimacy coordinator, did you feel emotional? I did. Well, yes.

I mean, I felt remarkably vulnerable and that felt, and then I was like taken back to, I want to say quite childhood in any way, but it was just sort of like, oh, I really have to have this conversation with this person I don't know. And I have to tell them what I feel safe with and what works and like hear what the director's vision for this is and now i'm like oh i don't know and like do you have my back so i felt very i felt vulnerable just even in my conversation with her and that felt like mildly scary yeah i like to do things that make me scared anyway but so i i was like well this is a bizarre experience how about you well the the scene that um happens in the movie that's not out yet and so no one knows what i'm talking about because i'll be vague is it's it's it's a very specific circumstance and so i was surprised because i loved the intimacy coordinator i worked with right away and she sat down like cross-legged on the ground in front of me was like okay like

slapped her slapped slapped legs was like let's talk about it and then she asked i wonder if we had the same one because she is i i loved her but basically like during the conversation like she was asking questions about what she thinks the character was feeling and i despite myself i don't know where it came from i started to get emotional emotional and upset and i said to her i was like i'm getting upset and she sat there and she said this happens all the time and i started to really cry and i was like i'm really sorry it's just it's not because i feel uncomfortable doing it it's just because i'm thinking about what it is and etc and she said i want you to know this happens all the time and i thought to myself like when now whenever i watch a love scene i'm like you know

it is really vulnerable because you are being watched and perceived also you have to embody whatever is going on in the scene and sometimes like you know sex is very complicated and emotional and it brings up a lot of different things and so i really do think like that that was like a really interesting challenge was performing that because and i didn't expect it because you think you hear about how choreographed it is you hear about how unemotional is unattached but not really because you still have to perform it yeah you still have to act it yeah as a like as a young person watching whatever so much younger than i am now watching blue valentine i remember being like i think they're actually having sex and my sister being like there's no way they're actually having sex and i'm like it it i think they're i think they

went for it because i was like derrick c and france is like a unique director and he had ryan live with eva mendez in the house where they did place me on the pines for a while so i was like maybe they got they came the two of them came to some agreement like we will fuck because i was like this just looks so real like the emotion in both of them and so yeah i read the script for love life and i knew what it was going to entail and i do remember reading and being very moved by it but then also going oh that means i would have to be in that vulnerable position um and then yeah you you go and you do it and you're like i feel so oh we did our we did our uh our sex scenes first first day was like nice to meet you yes it was

literally i that was those were the first scenes we did oh my god and i was like okay oh wow yeah do you yeah yeah and i was like what a love to do this at the end of the week with you because now i know you the familiarity is so important the person i do this scene with i was close to at that point because we had done a lot together and i can't imagine having just met i mean like oh okay and like will is so wonderful and was and is remarkably respectful and everyone on set was incredibly respectful couldn't really ask if if you have to do it for on the first day a better situation a better group of people but it still felt like oh we're starting here we're gonna go for it and then we're gonna was it a closed set like did people it was a closed set it was a closed set but it's so crazy you're like as an actor

you're these are the things you i don't say enjoy watching but you're like it's real this is like a slice of life but then when you actually have to perform it yourself on a set in front of people because even though closed set that's you know the dp is still there the director still um standing by you're and someone's watching the monitor someone's watching the monitor you're like oh my gosh this i don't really want you guys to know what I look like when I'm fucking. I don't want to hear the words marking rehearsal before I pretend to cum. I know! You know what I mean? I know!

Just sort of how I feel. But it's just like, it is a thing. And so now every time I watch a sex scene having been involved in it, and especially with something like Blue Valentine, which famously pretty much got an nc-17 at first and then they had to cut it there was a thing with the ratings i remember what it was was there's a scene of like him performing oral sex on her yeah yeah and there was a controversy because it was like we see blow jobs happen all the time like women performing

sex acts on men and often it's like pg-13 right but a woman is being pleasured by a man and it was like threatened with an nc-17 rating it felt too much and that was a whole you know conversation about you know like feminism in terms of this whole thing but they went in on those sex scenes there's that shot of him like like from her like perspective like him fucking her and it's like you know yeah i i i truly to this day though i'm like i watch them like they're not you still don't know i'm grown as hell and i go are they are they really not fucking it i mean it's a question they went for it and i i had so many things like this would be my this will be my first intimate scene and I'm at

the stage I'm at in my career and I'm like you don't want to go I don't personally want to go all out for the first thing I do I don't I don't want to unless it's I mean yeah it just didn't feel like the time and even and that's what's also strange as a like self-proclaimed nudist of sorts being like well not it's different but yeah my thing is my thing is around like sexualizing my body so like as soon as that happens i'm like well no that's not nude that's not the version i want right i'm like couldn't we all just walk around naked and not be like yeah and now i see that you're naked yeah i see you're naked and i'm getting turned on just you know so um but anyway i felt just i was like this is not the time i want to do

this version of it so i did have a sort of like very open conversation about like this is what i'm comfortable with this is what at this stage in my career this is what i want to do and you know yeah because it also would be weird to be like yeah given full frontal and then go and be on snl like a couple months later and be like and I want you to think of me as goofy. Like, yeah, I was like, that just feels too exposed to me. Totally. I feel like, and this might sound weird, but I feel like you hold both of those things

very well at the same time. Thank you. Right? And like what I was going gonna say earlier was like i feel like you i this this isn't what i meant to say but i was like you better get used to it because you're gonna be doing rom-com i feel like you are rom-com queen if you want to be right okay i mean you had you had it so that's that's why i was that's why i was like so excited when i after i watched it because i was like wow i just love it when i see the future if that's what you want like i love it when people

that you that we know from snl like yourself like ad like cecily like like so many like bowen like so many people when they get an opportunity to show the dynamic nature of themselves as a performer and i was really happy that you got that and i was real i also really liked when you're because I texted you before but when your character comes back at the end of the season and you find out her playwriting is like kind of bad bad! Oh my god!

Or not even kind of bad but so bad. How did you feel when you found out she was bad? I was like oh well that's embarrassing. I was like I'm glad I didn't know because I was originally supposed to do one episode and then there's this like you might might do a second one in this season. And I was like, great. So all I have, because they were still working on what that second episode might be, is the context of this playwright.

And she seems like she'd be good. And she takes herself seriously and he's supportive of her. Goes away to Vermont for a writing fellowship of sorts or a workshop and then to have that be the book it was a horrible playwright and it makes it i mean like it's a you are not a king you're a little ass boy also that she liked her own line that she said it out to put it in her fly like she walked by me i'm like hell yeah ola is oh she is kind of toxic it is a person i do think people are like rooting for her and then by the end being like no she's a mess i'm still rooting for her i'm rooting for her too i think that she'll win the

pulitzer prize and i also think it was so funny the way you like played it like when you were so smug about like yeah see yeah gotcha I published my play and here it is. And it got you. Didn't it? Gotcha. Good. Gotcha. Good.

And I'm like, and there was a scene where it was like, I think he like calls you out on it. And you're like, I don't know what you're talking about. Gaslighting queen. So insane. And then my,

my new boyfriend being like, I was there when she wrote, it's not about you. I was like, what are you talking about? I was there, perched over the computer. I was like, what are you talking about?

Just the weird, the strangest interaction. But that was very fun to get to come back and I feel like I'd be like a little more playful in that scene than perhaps otherwise.

But yeah. You know what? I want to be rom-com queen. Well, okay. I guess, who said it? Someone was like, we're going to be rom-com queen. Well, okay. I guess some... Who said it? Someone was like, we're going to be...

Oh, I was... Whatever. This is so gross. I had a meeting where this guy was like, well, we're about to be flooded with rom-coms. And I was like, I think so. I guess you're right.

The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple. Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her? But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What?

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podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother, trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name,

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Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well.

Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had.

We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations. I was a desperate delusional dreamer and the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine. I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything but me.

It took years for me to break that, like years of work. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. We're speaking right now in the moment, like we're recording this the weekend that Marry Me comes out. And this is what I think, like if anyone is going to bring it back in like a major

mainstream way, it will be J-Lo. Because J-Lo is four quadrant, J-Lo is, you know you're going to bring it back in like a major mainstream way, it will be JLo because JLo is four quadrant. JLo is, you know, you're going to be entertained. It's a throwback. And also it feels now, you know what I mean?

And so even a plot as dumb as marry me. Yeah. And I love that. It knows how dumb it is. Like, but it's committed to, we need more of that, that re that,

that magical realism, I guess like that surreal magritte surreal type of romantic situation that we can just go for the ride on the way we go for the ride on these like superhero movies yes here for it here absolutely here for it i want more rom-coms yeah i'm like i want king and more rom-coms put me in rom-coms Industry listens to this? Yes! Industry, Put Me in Rom-Coms. Academia listens to it, at least. Academia, this podcast has received

critical acclaim and has been cited in academic work. As have you. Honey. As have you. Wait, can we pull up your Wikipedia real quick?

Yeah, do it. Do it. Do you ever read it? I don't. I don't. I don't. So you've never seen it? I've seen it one time. I ever read it i don't i don't i don't so you've never seen it i've seen it one time i've seen i have seen it one time i'm not gonna lie to you i

have seen it of course many moons ago but i don't read it i don't read it i don't know what's on there so i almost started to look myself to try to beat you to it to be like don't say anything about but read i want to know what it says under personal life that's always the most fascinating thing mine says rogers is openly gay it says okay and it said mine says he is colorblind oh and they can cite it because they need the citation they cited it in 2006 modem who is of nigerian heritage graduated from eastern technical high school in essex maryland near baltimore she received a biology degree from university of southern california decided to be okay and then and it's basically your story yeah i have i take in Essex, Maryland, near Baltimore. She received a biology degree from University of Southern California

and decided to, okay. And then, and that's basically your story. Yeah, I have a, I take issue with Essex, Maryland, near Baltimore. So I grew up in Baltimore County. So it's Baltimore. There's Baltimore City and there's Baltimore County.

Know the difference. And I went to a Baltimore County public school, Eastern Technical High School. So when people say near Baltimore, I'm like, but it is Baltimore. So I take issue with my Wikipedia. Someone fix it. Someone fix it. This is the thing.

Excerpts in any city, the places that are kind of in the city, kind of not. They're part of the city. They're part of the city. No one has the local pride enough to be like, no, no, no, no, no, I'm from Aurora, Colorado. I'm never going to say I'm from Aurora, Colorado over Denver. Because who gives a shit? Who cares?

Yeah, I mean, with Long Island, it's like that. I usually just say I'm from Long Island. I don't say I'm from Islip. You know what I mean? Because who cares? Right, because who cares? Who cares? You have to give people an in

that's all I'm saying that's all I'm saying I was thinking it might say something about our relationship and it doesn't well Bowen has many rumored boyfriends you rumored with Jeremy O'Harris before

do you want to confirm or deny I cannot confirm nor deny oh how often do I show up in Okay, so many people... Do you want to confirm or deny? I cannot confirm nor deny. Oh, oh. But how often do I show up in Mr. O'Harris' coronavirus mixtapes? Not that much. You're right. I mean, read between the lines, people. Read between the lines.

Jeremy took a Polaroid photo of me and my boyfriend this summer at a GQ... Not quite GQ party, but... No, no, no. No, I'm trying... I realized that when I said GQ, I was like, it wasn't a GQ not quite GQ party but no no no I realized that when I said GQ I was like it wasn't a GQ party I'm here for GQ to be like she's never been invited to one of our parties but it was a GQ adjacent like invite Ago to your party no it's fine you don't have to but he took

a Polaroid and to this day I'm like where is the Polaroid what has he done with the Polaroid I know now it's like I'm sure nothing bad I think it was cool but I was like where is it I was you know you take a polaroid what has he done with the i know now i know i'm sure nothing bad i think it was it was cool but i was like where is it where's the i i was you know you take a polaroid i'm like i want to see i want to have it i don't trust the polaroid polaroids can go either way polaroids can even be classic forever or absolute garbage well they're very forgiving yeah and so that filter wise yeah filter wise and then if they're bad and they're bad And there's no saving it

Well because it's not like You can't go like you can with an iPhone Boop boop boop boop boop taking many photos A Polaroid really is a moment You get your exposures I want us to do A nudist sketch Okay let's do it on NBC

On NBC I think there's a way to do it Okay where we're butt-ass naked. I'm not even... I'm looking at you in the eyes. Yeah. I'm going to write... If you want to be on it with me... I want to do it.

Okay, go. King won't write with me at SNL. No. Here's... I was just going to bring up... I'm nodding. Matt's nodding. Matt's nodding.

Matt is nodding, making eye contact and nodding do you want to talk about let's talk about it oh my god the sketch the sketch we wrote that ate fucking shit it was a table read that a lot of things ate a lot of things ate shit but i think ours really did and can i just say yes didn't deserve to because you know why why okay so i might have mentioned this before but ego and I were at the host dinner and, you know, you give little side conversations and Ego and I were talking about some thing

and then you, me, and Chloe maybe talked about the time when on the Tyra Banks show she came out one day and pretended to have rabies. Yes, yes. And this is back to top two of the moment of culture. Yes, yes, yes. And I was like, she. Yes. Yes, yes. And this is back to Top Ticket Moment of Culture. Yes, yes, yes. And I was like, she's barking,

barking, barking. And I'm basically like, kind of explaining all the beats to the table and to you. And then, do you remember this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I turn and I see

Lorne laughing like I've never seen him laugh before. True laughter at this moment. At the premise of Tyra Banks barking and foaming at the mouth, pretending, like thinking that having rabies turns you into a dog.

Into a dog. Yeah. And Lauren laughed like... We'd never... I'd never seen him laugh like that. I'd never seen it. I'd never seen it at a host dinner. And so then I was like, well, we have to write it then.

Correct. We were like, let's write it. Daddy loves it. Daddy loves it. We have to do it. We do it. We do it and it eats absolute shit

because and you know what you want to know my theory of why I told you this already you did because we named we wrote this with

Will Steven King Will Steven oh yeah I remember yeah and we were like what should this talk show be called

it was gonna be like a Regis and Kathy kind of talk show it was like two people having a talk show we named the talk show. This is chaotic. This is chaotic.

Tell them. Cis and Sissy. Where my name was Cis, short for Cisman. That's C-I-S-M-A-N. Yes. And your name was Sissy. And I think the room kind of like really tensed up because they saw the word sis and they were like

oh what's this gonna be about also they did I think they I think they maybe did I can't tell if we're giving ourselves too much credit or not enough

but I do think you're right I we we also have to say that like the room is now the demographics of the room are don't favor that kind of thing

well absolutely would not absolutely would not. Absolutely would not. We did not take that into account. I'm stopping this short of, like, pulling it up and reading it. I mean, let's read it. Should we perform it? Let's do two pages.

Let's do one page of it. The sketch should be heard. The sketch should be... Let's just do one page and then see, and then we'll do... Okay, I can pull it up. Do you need me to read stage directions? This is ridiculous. This is... No. Okay, can can we we'll cut around this so that it's very clean right doug okay um are you emailing it hold on i am i need to save this as hold on hold on

hold on is this worth it i loved it you uh You guys have pretty much decided you know why it bombed. And now you're bravely going to perform it on the podcast. And the readers are going to tell us if it bombed because of Sis and Sissy or if the sketch was bad. I think the sketch is bad. We're going to find out because we're going to do it. It can be both.

It can be both. Sis and Sissy show. Open on talk show package music daytime talk show applause today on sis and sissy peloton instructor cody rigsby human rights activist seema gaudry and a performance by r&b trio web the girls cut to live talk show and here they are the daytime duke and duchess sis Berman and sissy Dutouat

Bonanego enter upset and low energy hi everyone thanks guys yeah yeah hi guys wow okay um get a big show today Seema Gowdry is here in studio this girl built libraries for indigenous children in Sudan.

We love that, don't we? Give it up for her. Give it up. Give it up. It's clapping, clapping, clapping. So incredible. Okay, just a heads up. We're a little out of sorts.

We had a crazy morning. Sisman and I were getting milk bobas before the show. As we do, and boom, a poodle in the parking lot, totally unhinged, lunges right at us, mouth full of teeth, and hand to God, bitesodle in the parking lot totally unhinged lunges right at us mouth full of teeth and hand to god bites me in the box he sunk his teeth in that thing i was screaming kicking the dog boba everywhere it was a true nightmare oh my lord i thought poodles had manners are you okay totally fine we went to urgent care i did test positive for a little bit of rabies, but I'm all good and I got my box totally stitched up. Give it up for urgent care, y'all.

Woo! Good for you guys. And you're sure you're okay to do the show? Yeah, totally, totally. I'm just a little tired, kind of worn down right now. Hey, Sissy, do you need some water, sweetie? Actually, yeah, that'd be great. Sorry, just one sec. Long silence as Eggo walks in her heels to the back of the set.

Slowly sits from a bottle of water, milking the moment. What a professional. What a fighter, right? Give it up for Sissy Dutouat. Rodney, how was your weekend? Actually, sis, it was great. I had the kids. We made pigs in a blanket and watched Michael Clayton.

It was chill. Eggo returns to his seat. Okay. I'm back, ready to do a show. Take your returns to your seat. Okay. I'm okay. I'm back. Ready to do a show. Okay. You go, girl.

All right. You know him from Peloton, Dancing with the Stars, and Getting COVID Three Times. It's Cody Rigsby. He was like, walk on. Mikey enters as Cody. He's muscular. What's up, chicas? Hi, Cody.

So good to see you. Now, Peloton is getting into scripted content, right? You have your own streaming series? I do. It's called Hit and Run. It's about a divorced teacher's mission to bring clean water to Jackson Hole. I'm sorry. Is Sissy okay?

Ego is convulsing. Starting to foam at the mouth. Oh my god, Sissy, it's the rabies. She's barking like a dog. Sissy, no! She's foaming! Oh, dear lord. Hold her still like a dog. Sissy, no. She's foaming. Oh, dear Lord. Hold her still.

Bowen tries to pin her down. She's fully foaming at the mouth. Sissy, it's me, your BFF. We host a show together. Sissy, snap out of it. She's coming to. Oh, my God. Sis, is that you?

Where am I? I wasn't turning into a dog, was I? You were, Sissy. The rabies took hold of you. Oh, no. I knew it. I don't think that's how rabies works. But you could be demon-possessed, and that you can't do much about.

Now, I'm pretty sure it's my rabies, Rodney. I should know. I have it, okay? Oh, my God. Cody Rigsby! It's so good to see you. Hey, that was definitely a demon. Cody, drop it. Sissy has rabies rodney i should know i have it okay oh my god cody rigsby it's so good to see you hey that was definitely a demon cody drop it sissy has rabies she's turning into a dog it's fine we have a show to do thank you our next guest is nominated for the nobel peace prize for her literacy hold on i need that water i think i caught some of sissy's foam in my mouth oh no

this could be really really really bad i'm gonna fine. I just need a sip of water. Oh my God, sis, not sis. I'm okay, really. Drooling foam everywhere. He didn't even get bit. Jesus Christ. My box gave sis rabies. Oh my God, I cannot live with that guilt.

I cannot. Wait, I lost my place. You're foaming. Oh, okay, okay. Maybe that's a sign that we could stop. Keep going, now. Oh, no. Matt is foam stage momming my ass right now. Okay.

Oh, no. I felt it coming back to... Bo and Eggo are climbing on the table and on the floor, behaving like dogs. Can I help? Should I go? Yeah, go right now. I think we're entering the endgame here. I might have to shoot them. Oh my garters, we went rabid, folks. What is

going on? I think I'm having trauma flashbacks. All I remember is tapioca and brown milk. Thank God you guys are okay. I was gonna kill you both on air. Well, my God, that's all the time we have today, everyone. Apologies to Sima Gaudry who flew here on her own dime. But don't worry, she's not leaving here empty-handed.

We're sending her home with the sis and sissy wine opener. That thing is cute. You know, I'm getting urges to lick my own ass. I think we should cut to commercial. That urgent care sucked. Boo! Boo! Audience boos.

Music. Daytime talk. Out. Okay. There's something here. There's something here. There's something here. Okay, I know. It wasn't all bad.

And honestly, Matt, I appreciate you stage mommying me and being like, you keep going. You keep going. What were we going to do? Stop before that line about her going back on her own dime? Believe in your jokes. You're so right. You're so right. You're so right.

I thought that was good. I honestly did not deserve the full bomb that it was at table. I mean, played to literal silence. It was like we were doing a dramatic piece, a moving dramatic piece. Silence. The only voices were our own. You wouldn't look at me. You wouldn't look at me.

It's because you knew it was bombing. You wouldn't look at Bowen. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I said, I don't want to. I felt like it was his fault it bombed. You kind of bailed at what point i'm kidding i'm kidding you know you didn't bail i'm kidding i'm genuinely kidding i'm hurt you

didn't bail there was nothing to bail on king any week i would write with you well let's do it this this well we can't well i would assume you guys write together all the time you don't we should we should it just depends but i also would that make the marriage weird no it wouldn't what i sometimes think is like people i'm gonna say no i and i ever since you said i can't stop thinking i kind of think people are like okay guys cute like calm down but like not ill-intended i don't think they're ill-intended and i don't genuinely don't think they think about us a ton but i do think when it's like all right we're about to do a a two-hander they're like okay king this king that i don't know but it's like what you said it's like it's not yeah i don't think that's no one's like rooting against us you they just feel you're there you feel that

they're over it we feel like we've seen it we know we know yeah yeah yeah but we the audience needs to know i i'm in the audience and i have to say something i don't feel like snl caters to me yeah as an audience member i don't think they do i think whenever you guys are in pieces yeah they they're catering to me yeah yeah but but other than that i don't know yeah i mean listen let's try to write together some more i love this this. Even if people are like, whatever. I think we just, we got to keep repeating it until it breaks through. You need to do this sketch every week. Oh my gosh.

You need to bring this to the table every week and make it a thing. I'm sorry. I feel like we need an intimacy coordinator in this room because I do feel very vulnerable that we read that. I do too. While we were halfway through, I had a thought. It was funny. Okay, thank you.

I went halfway through. No funny okay thank you i i won halfway through no it was i was laughing he was laughing he was halfway through and i we were all laughing but halfway through i was like we didn't ask will but i don't think will take no no no he's fine no will will will doesn't care he's gonna love it the sketch got performed on las culturistas it went it went it went itistas. The sketch. It went. It went. It went. It went.

As they say. The sketch went. It went. The sketch went. It's going. It went. It went. And tell us what you think about it.

And they will. And they will. Well, Stephen, we love you. Yeah. Yeah. They will. We love Will. Anyway, how do you feel?

I feel vulnerable. Do you feel a hangover? I feel vulnerable, but I feel alive. I thought this. And wait, if we're going to return to the topic of was it sis and sissy show I think that maybe there might be a moment where they said at the top sis I'm nervous

but the fact is it wasn't that but I also feel like this is just something that I think is very apparent in any kind of performance all it takes is one thing to be a little off and then everyone gets nervous yeah yeah yeah if they're anything just it could be the smallest thing so they i don't even think they were open to enjoying the rest i think what a stupid premise like in a good

way i mean stupid in a good way like a mean, stupid in a good way, like a stupid, silly premise. And they, I don't know, but also energy at table matters. Cause there, you can literally submit the same exact sketch a year and a half from now. And all of a sudden it's like the funniest thing.

Well, you know what you have to do? Just change the name sis and do it again next week. With Mulaney. With Mulaney. Is that who's hosting? That's timely. That's a timely comment. Take that that's a timely comment take that out no no no it's fine it'll already have happened but it'll happen and now and you the audience will know if the sis and sissy show or whatever sis's name is going to be actually got in i think that you know john melanie would make an absolutely

stunning cody ripsley absolutely absolutely what do you think went wrong with TSA? Oh my god. This one went to dress rehearsal. So Ego and I wrote a sketch with Allison Gates and Alex English that was around Thanksgiving and it was me Don't tell, because we might do it one day. Oh, okay. So we're not going to

read that one? No. No, we're not going to read that one. No, no, no. Ego say you really are feeling vulnerable i'm scared all i all i will say all i will say is that it was a crusher at table yes really crushed yes i i i don't feel any sort of qualms about saying no it did it did it did a great job and then something it and then there was just a lot of technical there's a lot of business there was a lot of business the business will kill shit oh it's so true whenever they come to me on set and they have a lot of props i'm like we gotta minimize we gotta minimize the business okay same with me on sets i

feel like i go when they're like and you're gonna start your line here and then you're gonna want to land here to finish the second part of the line then you're gonna grab and i'm like okay no no now we dance in and it's too much is landing on a mark one of your skills on that they put the tape on the ground and when you i think i'm getting really good at it i think i'm getting there i just i just shot a bunch of commercials and it required a lot of like your what i just described as like technical technical business dancing and here's this and then you're gonna do this and i that's literally someone telling you what to do yes and i go no so we were there all day where we were fighting back the camera can follow me yeah the camera's gonna do what i want but i i landed i i was getting

really good at it by the end of it i was like the landing on the market not looking down at it and just being like okay it feels like it's around here but it's a skill i'm guessing at snl that's really important huh no not totally because people try to like minimize that on during the blocking process yeah and then you're like trying to get to your mark you're also getting to your mark oftentimes i feel like when you're not on camera too so yeah that's true yeah so you have time to set yeah and you're like're like, okay, yep, I see it. SNL is like easy. Yeah.

I think it is. Because there's cue cards and you get to set your mark. It's easy. It's easy and we work one day a week. Yeah, for sure. You work one day a week. They set your marks for you. You have 45 minutes to get there.

You have big cue cards with huge legible writing. Yes. You have amazing professional actors that come in to host. Exactly. Exactly. writing yes you have amazing professional actors that come into host exactly exactly wait on our last sketch that got cut the last show i like i feel like a lot of people were like fumbling for whatever reason on the last show like at least during dress during dress whoever was writing the cards god bless i don't know because i don't there was a word that was totally mushed together like you know when you're like running out of line yeah yeah yeah you go i

could just write this like i can mush it together it's one thing it's if it's a journal entry but it's a cue card i was like i don't know what that says and heidi it was in heidi's sketch and i said i apologized her after she's like no I can see the thing you were trying to read and I also was like what the fuck is she supposed to read just letters mushed together and I thought dear God I was like I cannot read this but like my line is supposed to be such a throw

away we've been on me for way too long I'm like I literally I was doing math in your head like that's a T that's an H and then being like, maybe that word doesn't matter. And you go, just read the next word and hope that that one word isn't going to make or break the line. I was like, I don't know what that says. It's hard.

And I get nervous. We've only done it once. Because I've only done it once. You've done it on the Tonight Show. But on the Tonight Show, when they flipped a card and it goes away so fast. Yeah. And also the thing was, it was was bone and i doing it together and so they they made it so that one one of us was red and one of us was green yeah yeah call back to me being colorblind okay i was like shit i have to tell you girlfriend i don't know the difference between

those and so then it was like and then and then they were like oh well you should have said that we're gonna have to change it and i'm well you should have said that we're going to have to change it. And I'm like, I should have said that. How would you have known that that's what was going to happen? Like, Hey, just so you know, like I'm colorblind. Don't pick these two colors.

Right. Right. So just pick opposite colors. Yeah. It was tonight. So with Jimmy Fallon was ableist and it comes from the top. Okay. And he's attacking.

He's attacking Lauren. I'm attacking Lauren. Michael on the the podcast it comes from the top it's an ableist atmosphere ableist atmosphere towards vision i'd say it is i'd say it is and that's all i have to chime in and say tell you what could not read those fucking words couldn't read those fucking words and the sketch got cut all because i it did get cut but it was not because of that it was such a good sketch though but i also didn't want it was it was such a good and funny sketch but they had to change their whole premise ultimately the day before the show like it killed the table yeah literally because it was like too much penis content in this episode can you change your

entire premise of this and it was like well anything they say now is just not gonna be as funny as like he has a weird dick. That note is always really frustrating where it's like, there's too much of this thing. And so you are, we've chosen you. You're the one that's like, you need to change it. And I'm like, I bet they could change that one joke in theirs and that other. Do you ever think about saying as a full sentence? No.

No. I have said no at the workplace. I have. I haven't said it enough. I've said it. You've said it. You give yourself credit. I've said it.

Y'all are going in. Are we going in? It's fine. Okay, okay. We'll cut. I'm just saying y'all are going in and I'm obsessed. Me as a fan? Obsessed.

We are pulling back the curtain. I'm sorry. We literally read a sketch. Read a sketch. No, that was iconic. And Cis and Sissy Show was the best thing that's ever been read.

Firstly, I think the title of the show, we could change it, but I do think like, I like the Cis and Sissy Show. I like Cis and Sissy. His name is Cis Berman, so his full name

is Cisman Berman. Yeah. I think that's so funny. Yeah, I think it is too. I think it's funny too and i'm now i'm wondering and now i'm wondering if it should be changed i don't think it should but wait you think it's funny i think as a social experiment if you came in and you said like it's the beavis and sissy show right and then they were just like and they were like oh my god i

fucking loved that yeah i got it yeah and they get the cis and sissy show because they were like literally panicking because of cis. I've been called this before. Yeah. Yeah. And they think it's bad. Yeah, they did. They're like, it's the guilt.

The guilt will also keep people from laughing, I can say. Yes, yes. In a black female body. I go, oh, we can laugh about this, but you feel guilty and it's barring you. That is a fucked up stupid thing. right yeah it is it's yeah it's frustrating anyway the real housewives of salt lake city are back i love that oh my gosh! And last season's drama was just the tip of the iceberg. You're recording us? I am disgusted!

Never in a million years after everything we've been through did I think that you would reach out to our sworn enemy. We were friends! How could you do this to me? I don't trust her. The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Wednesdays at 9 on Bravo, or stream it on City TV+. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had.

We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations. I was a desperate delusional dreamer and the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine. I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything but me. It took years for me to break that, like years of work.

Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez.

Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him.

Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski.

Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude, you're a dude, and Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past, and we're just going to sit here and talk about them. And we'll get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, Gronk? We got studs, wizards. We got freaks.

Or dudes, dude. We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games. We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude? We're going to find out, Jules.

New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I think it's time. I think it's time for the segment on the podcast called, say it with me, I Don't Think So Honey. It's one of the most famous segments in pop culture podcast history.

The podcast has received critical acclaim and been cited in academic work. Matt and Bowen will often perform I Don't Think So Honey, a segment from the podcast as a live show all around the country with 50 local comedians each taking to the stage to say in one minute a rant on pop culture that successfully ends

in the words I Don't Think So Honey and has therefore fully dragged the subject I do have something okay I'm very excited this is Matt Rogersgers i don't think so when his time starts now i don't think so honey thirst traps in the morning oh when i wake up and i look at my phone and i see that you've tried as you've tried to put thirst traps up in the morning this keeps me in the bed because then i feel like i have to take care of business

no thirst traps in the morning post them in the afternoon i'm trying to get up get a coffee in me and start the day but when i roll over and look at my phone and i see thirst traps in the morning post them in the afternoon i'm trying to get up get a coffee in me and start the day but when i roll over and look at my phone and i see thirst traps in the morning i'm there for 45 minutes longer and yes what are you doing just jerking off baby i jerk off i'm a man and i'm 31 and i jerk off i do it i love it but i don't want to do it in the morning because then you can't do it at night and guess what not that you can't do it at night but when you get into your 30s everyone yeah it's hard to jack off again and again and again and again and then be ready to go in the evening so me someone with a famous lack of self-control don't want to see your thirst traps in the morning and you might say matt put

your phone away this is your problem this is not my problem sure but i don't want to take responsibility for it so stop with your hot little sexy thirst drops in the morning I don't think so honey get my dick out of my hand and get me out of the bed I'm sorry I cut you off

that's okay mama that's one minute something happens when you're physiologically it's as if I'm having sex with ego because on the third

masturbation of the day nothing's coming out well yeah nothing's coming out and that's what it's like to sleep with me with me no with us if you're sleeping with us nothing's coming out

you know the thing is like I am like a horny person in the morning that's just kind of my thing and when I'm not with anyone else, it feels like, oh, am I going to do this right now?

Because I'd love to have the juice for later. Yeah. And I often get in trouble for this because out of boredom or out of just susceptibility to thirst traps in the morning, I will sort of indulge. And then, you know. There needs to be a way around getting up in the morning.

Okay, this is a scenario. You get up in the morning next to your partner. Sure. You're both horny. Yeah. But morning breath. Morning breath and also for at least I can speak for the gay experience it's harder to have sex in the morning

not that you have to you know take it up the butt as it were every time you have sex that's not necessarily sex your sex is your sex but if if the mood feels the same that way then wonderful but it's just

like so many things so much baggage in the morning. But that's when I'm so horny. But that's when I'm the horniest. That's a lot of baggage. And that morning breath thing is real. That's real. How do we fix that? There's got to be like a...

A surgery. A surgery. Yeah. Or by doing like the ladies did in the old days where you creep out of bed in the morning while your man is still asleep and you sort of brush your teeth and put a full beat on. And you lay in the bed like this.

Describe what I'm doing. He's laying, chin is in the air, eyes are closed, kind of coming to slowly. Oh my God, so effortless. Some bedroom eyes. Yeah, biting up the lip. Yeah, smiling, winking.

Really, really. Pointing. Kind of a me, you, me, you. Okay, blowjob action. And then, oh. Oh, motorboating something. Motorboating, oh. Getting rails.

Yeah, sitting on it. Coming. Yes. Something came out. That's what I wish for. Oh, I haven't had sex in a rail. Yeah, sitting on it. Coming. Something came out. I haven't had sex in a while. Really? Well, guys, slide into Bowen's DMs. There's no one while you're here in LA that you can hit up? I've been too tired.

I've been too tired. Okay. Jesus. All right. Time to go. Bowen, do you have a I Don't Think So Honey I do

well that sounds really like a fun idea alright so this is Bowen Yang's I Don't Think So Honey his time starts now I Don't Think So Honey chromecast

you're gonna have me in front of some friends I have over and make me look like a damn fool trying to scrub a dub dub

on the episode of the thing the the film, what have you. And there's always the lag, there's always the spinning wheel that's telling you, that's laughing at you in the face, saying no, no, no, I'm not going to show you where you fast forwarded to just

yet. Let me think for about 45 more seconds, okay? 30 seconds. Chromecast, I feel like you are designed to humiliate the user. And we are past that in technology right now. In the UI, in UX, the experience is to feel

humiliated. And I don't want it anymore. And I want to say no. No, Chromecast, give me an Apple TV in every screen I encounter. Give me an Apple TV in every hotel I go to. In my office, really. I need an Apple TV so I can use the little gum stick remote to actually have precision control.

And that's one minute. It really is frustration station. Yeah. When you are trying to screen throw. Screen throw. Yeah. And then you get that that because it's it's false advertising it's like this is not what's happening on my screen in fact

i don't know i just think i just think we're being like someone's watching us and laughing at us god god or the people in the room or someone at google is watching us saying giggling silly bitch look at these fools spinning their wheels. Going insane. Going insane. I have to say, like, like when you,

when you have something up there and then like, it's going to doing the stop and start. You miss every joke in a comedic piece. You miss every intentional dramatic beat. It's just, you can't, you can't be doing it. No.

I would rather have a bunch of people over and we watch something on my computer in front of us on the table than to screen throw it up there because it's just wrong. It's just wrong. It's just like clicking along that line. So awful. Okay, that's it.

It's time. Any thoughts on Chromecast before we start? I am a neutral party as far as Chromecast is concerned. However, Chromecast has hurt King, and thus now I've got beef with Chromecast. We know what side of the fence you're on. Yeah, your beef is my beef.

Your beef is my beef, and my beef is your beef. Your beef is my beef. People need to know that King is your beef. It was a good thing. People need to know that King is a singer. But no. Am I? No. Are you a singer? No. You just matched

pitch. Oh, did I? That means a singer. If you matched pitch, that means a singer. That's a little culture number 104. If you matched pitch, that means a singer. It's time for Ego Wotums, I don't think so honey i think she's ready i do believe i'm ready this is ego wodems i don't think so honey her time starts now i don't think so honey asking me where i am you don't need to know where i am

don't ask me where i am i'm where i'm supposed to be where the fuck are you worry about that oh I mean if you have a question an invite you want to send my way just do that just go ahead and do that don't ask me where I am that's not your business you're not my parole officer I'm not on parole there you go yeah I've still got a significant amount of time to pop off about people asking me where I am don't slide in the dms with it don't send a text message don't send an email I actually don't like any of those forms of communication as well. But that's not about this right now.

I'm where I need to be. You send the invitation. I could be in bed. I could be in the shower. I could be at the gym. I could be at your daddy's house. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.

What is the order of business? What do you need from me? I'm allowed to be where I want to be. Where are you is what I'd say. Where are are you you are out your damn mind is what it is ask me where i am i do not think so honey and honestly it is no more rude question than without a hey or hello just you looking down at your phone and seeing the words where are you shut the fuck up are you nuts you better go yourself. You were at my daddy's house, though. I was at your daddy's crib, okay?

And listen. You fucked him. Context matters, but just a cold where are you? Terrible. No. Rotten. Never, ever, ever gonna work for me. So awful.

Where are you? And especially when they do where, just the letter R, just the letter U. I'm sorry, do I- Get right. Yeah. you're out of your mind it was where you are that's that's what i have to say about that respect people's space you can be wherever you want to be if i have an invitation for you bone i'm gonna send you the invitation if i want you to know where i am i will give you the drop pin yeah i will drop the addy drop the addy share the location shit yeah where am i where am i you know what's a good way to go about this hey yes okay hello hi hi and then be like was wondering what you were doing i'm here now we have some common ground now we can start a

conversation don't command any information from me. No, it's not okay. Because you're going to take where I am to mean that mean I'm available or I'm into whatever you're about to pitch me. Just give me the information. And then I'm allowed to decide. Also, where are you? There's something in it that says you're not where you're supposed to be. When I get a text that says, where are you? I'm like, am I supposed to be. Like when I get a text that says, where are you? I'm like,

am I supposed to be somewhere else? Yeah. No, no. And it's so stressful. It's like, let's say the thing, it's like the equivalent of like,

we need to talk. Oh my God. And I love to send, we need to talk text to my friend as a joke, as a joke. That is terrorism. That is actually, no King,

that's not acceptable. No, no, no, no, it's acceptable. It's acceptable because he knows I never have to talk to. Terrorism. That is actually, no, King, that's not acceptable. No, no, no, no. It's acceptable. It's acceptable because he knows

I never have to talk to him about anything. We need to talk. What about when you actually need to talk to them? I'll just say, hey, I'd love to tell them when you're free.

This is your boyfriend? No, no, this is my friend. I don't do it to my boyfriend. My boyfriend would truly be like, we need to talk. Doing that bit with your boyfriend? I do the bit with my friend,

my friend Patrick. I do this bit. We need to my friend Patrick. I do this bit. We need to talk. Period. Period. I've sent him that text multiple times. What about when you actually need to talk to him? I'm sorry.

But like, if I actually need to talk to Patrick, I'll just call. I'll just call or I'll text. Yeah. You know what else I hate? I'll say the thing. What else I hate that I talk about is just when you get a random text that's just, hey! Exclamation point. And nothing else.

I'm like, what. Oh, no! They both threw their hands up at the same time. They threw their hands up at the same time, but I feel them on that. Not, hey. Hey! And then you're like, um, hi. It's such an easy fix. Because even just saying, hey, what's up?

Hey, I was thinking of you. Just something. Have you been? Yes. Hey! I'm just like, gotta give you something. There's like a bit of a sociopathy to that, I would say. Like, hey.

But thank you for starting this conversation on where are you. Thank you. You know what else it is? It is not only do you have to give them the answer, or do they expect you to give them the answer on like a location but then you kind of have to give the story behind it i'm at this place because of this reason yeah so true because yeah you're sort of like are you again are you trying to invite me to somewhere am i somewhere i'm not supposed to be right now but it's like you have information you want but you want to have the upper hand here by first hearing where I am.

And I just answer to you like you're my mother or something. And I don't have to do that. I'm going to text you that every week. Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? But you guys have a reason to do it because you're at work together.

Like, hey, where are you? Exactly. I'm like, there are versions of like, you wanting to give me something or I've wanted to hand something over to you and gone to your dressing room and you're not there. I might go like, hey, where are you like that's exactly i'm like there are versions of like you wanting to give me something or i've wanted to hand something over to you and gone to your dressing room you're not there i might go like hey where are you but i also would probably be like probably i can't say with full certainty be like i have something to give no like like and literally i've done this so many times where i've gone over to your dressing room knocked on your door no answer i just walk away

i'll get her later yeah yeah same Yeah, same. Wait a minute. You gave me a gift. No, I didn't. And I opened it and I was so happy to get it. What was it? It was truly, it was Boy Smells Candles from their holiday collection. Oh, I love. And I freaked. I was like, oh my god, thank you so much. And then you, this is what you said. Do you remember what you said? What did I

say? You don't have to pretend to like. I was like, I'm not pretending. Also, wait. Candles are my favorite fucking love it you gave me a gift timeless bowen got can i say yes we can say bowen got two theraguns um i got one theragun one wait you gave me no no i did the same you get you gave the extra theragun we got to Eggo I'm calling you out I did the same thing to Joel no no no this is what happened I show up to work one day and there's a theragun

first of all they gave everybody a mini theragun for Christmas did I get a mini theragun? I can give you mine let me have that one let me have that one 80 wouldn't mind if I said this. 80 and I both got these special edition gold Theraguns with like 24 carats.

With a note saying there's only 500 of these that we made. That is so stupid. 24 carats. Guess how much it costs, man. $2,000? $1,000. Yeah. That's insane. Insane. And I $1,000. That's insane.

And I was like, I don't want this. Yeah, but then what do you, I mean. And then, so it was sitting in my dressing room for like a full week and a half. And then Ego comes and visits me and she goes, what's this? It's this crazy insane. And you were like, it's something a gift? No, it wasn't even, no, I was very transparent.

I was like, I don't know, but I was like, guess how much this costs, King? And she was like, uh, and I think you also said $2,000. I said $2,000. I said $2,000. Pisces. Pisces. We guessed the same prices. That's Pisces.

We guessed the same price. Yeah. Tell us all this time. Pisces. Anyway, I gave it to King. But then I was doing a bit where I kept being like, oh, what is that? What's this part in the box? Like, oh, and I'm like, do you want it back?

You don't realize what you gave me. And he's like, no, no, no, I'm fine. And then there's a note in it, and he's like, well, what's the note say? I'm like, do you want it back? Do you want this thing back? And eventually, the bit just escalated where I would snatch the box and run away.

And then pretend to run away. Like, I'll never see you again. Well, Bowen didn't do gifts this year. No? No, he let me know he wasn't doing christmas well for me for me i did well i don't think i really did give i did i did do i mean i the candles i did i gave you and heidi the candles which is so nice look at me but i but there is a scent in there that i really really love yes the the blue one that blue one yeah yeah i love that scent so much um but i am i go you

should be able to go either way i was informed in late december from by bone that i would not be getting a gift this year late december i didn't say that you did you told me i didn't get you a gift this year i'm just telling you and i was like that's fine i didn't get you anything either i did okay you had gotten him something i didn't get it it. I didn't. Oh, my God. But you know what, though? For your birthday, I did send you a pair of earrings. Yes. And they never got to your apartment, and they were expensive.

That's fine. That's annoying. I was really annoyed by that. They were like Gucci earrings, and I sent them to you, and they never got to you. Well, that's very nice. That sucks. That's very nice. That's okay. What do you want for your birthday?

March 10th. I want a leather jacket. That's okay. What do you want for your birthday? March 10th. I want a leather jacket. Okay. Yeah. I have one she can have. Okay, just give me Matt's leather jacket. What do you want for your birthday? What do I want for my birthday?

Oh, he has a great birthday. Don't worry about him. Oh, I'm having a lot of fun on my birthday. I'm going to see Katy Perry in Vegas. With about 4,000 gays and you'll be at work tonight I'm walking on air

I'm walking on air that's going to be us I love it thank you so much for this was king and we talked about intimacy we talked about the biz this podcast has been cited in academic work

it has talk about rom-com aspirations we read a sketch we end every episode with a song okay tonight I'm walking on air

I'm walking on air bye I'm Cheryl Swoops and I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby and on our new podcast we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day because no matter who you are there are levels to what we experience as women and T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose.

My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one.

I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars.

We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him.

Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.