Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "Pis Sussy Cis Pussy" (w/ Patti Harrison)

Episode Date: May 2, 2018

Have you heard the news? Patti has moved to sunny Los Angeles, California...and is freakin LOVIN it! But she returns to NY to share stories with Matt and Bowen - including stories about how Vocal Positivity is very important and so are “Beautiful TERFs”. Patti also details the story of her time on tour in Scandinavia while Ellen screamed slurs at her while impaling concert-goes with her engorged privates. Also, Guy Branum calls in for this week's "Voice Mem-OH-you-bitch."---LAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasSUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS TODAY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASTforeverdogpodcasts.com/las-culturistas  Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple. Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her? But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What?

You told her? Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City. All new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo. Or stream it on City TV+. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski.

And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules.

New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba?

Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. podcasts. biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. Forever. Dog. Look, man. Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow. Is that culture? Yes. Oh, my goodness.

Wow. Las Culturistas. Ding dong. Las Culturistas calling. Roo-coo-coo. Roo-coo-coo. Roo. Roo.

Roo. Excuse me. What are those in the air? Those are Roo-coo-coo birds in the air. Shoot them down. Oh. Kill them. For their them down. Kill them. For their plumes.

Kill them all for their pubes. Plumes, I said. Oh, plumes. And scene. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good scene. That felt good.

I feel like I felt my character. He wanted to kill the birds for their pubes. Yes. And make a little pube house. I felt like I was supposed to just communicate the information, and that was my role, and that was where I fit in. Straight man. Yes.

You with a straight man. I am a straight man. And I was the bird puba. In every improv scene, guys, there's a straight man, and there's the people that want to kill the birds for their pubes. Yes. And if you think that's not a scene that's actually happening right now on the UCB stage, you'd be wrong.

Bird pubes, the new go-to topic. Yeah, it's the new pineapple. Oh, yeah. There you go. Guys, we have a very special guest with us today. Our friends over at Story Pirates are employers, as you might even say. Crazy. I've made thousands working with them.

We have I-9s with them. So do. Is what we're saying. Or is it W-9s? W-9s. I-9s with them. So do. Is what we're saying. Or is it W-9s? W-9s. W-9s, I'm so sorry. But Story Pirates just did their Changemakers benefit recently, and they asked us to offer up an auction item,

which is to be able to sit in on one of our recordings and then attend one of our live shows for free. And we have a winner, you guys. Yes. Everyone, please welcome. I hope I'm saying it right. Moser. Travis Moser is in the house.

Hello. Now, listen. I was very gooped when I heard that someone bid on our item. Because did you hear how much he bid? Can you reveal this? No, I actually don't know. You can reveal it. I don't want to know.

Because imagine if it's like $5. I'd be fine with that. It goes towards a good cause. I believe I'm worth more than that. I will find out. Find out. I don't want to know. You tell Matt.

I don't want to know. But what if it's also $1,000? And I'll be like, bitch, no. I don't think people would be bidding that much. No, we're not Hamilton. They might have. Who knows? We'll never know. But we're very happy that you're here. No, we're not Hamilton. They might have. They might have. We'll never know.

But we're very happy that you're here. But Travis, you've been surprised. I'm so sorry. But you're surprised. This was a surprise. Yeah. So basically I saw it on, I think it was Matt or maybe you were. Someone tweeted it.

I tweeted it. Because I care about. You care about people. Well, specifically benefiting children and their education and everything. That's why I support StoryPirate. That's why I tweeted it. Okay. Anyway.

But so I saw that, I think. And then I mentioned it because I was first a fan of your podcast. And I got Mike to be my boyfriend of this. In a couple weeks, it'll be 15 years. What? Yeah. Okay. So because it's been so long, it's like he ignores 98% of the things I say.

So I thought this would kind of go into the ether. And then- Your relationship is older than a lot of kids. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of children running around not as old. But so then I mentioned it to him and then he kind of,

I thought he'd forget about it. And then someone he works with is somehow involved with, or does stuff with Story Pirates. A chain of fools. Exactly. So he bid on it without telling me. Whoa.

Wow. Were you at the benefit? I was not at the benefit. So you didn't see my performance. I did not. I'm sorry. That's okay. Oh, but that's so sweet of Mike.

So then he surprised me on a couple days ago, like the day, I guess it was Sunday. so i was thrilled this is like a bizarre but i i do want to if i could just say like i i really appreciate this podcast and the amazing guests like patty and everybody you bring us and i love hearing you guys your relationship and um being part of it and you're hilarious you love it you're the best and also you got us some you brought a very nice gift for us some helly hello dolly themed thank gifts and thank you for that you were a sweetheart and also i've been listening to your music and i think it's okay yes travis is a very accomplished cabaret singer tell us about your tell us about your so it's

very like cabaret broadway standards type stuff so it's not not, you know, whatever. But, um, so, um, I just did a show, Joe's pub a couple of weeks ago. And then I'm doing a couple of shows out of town with the Pittsburgh CLO. And then in August I'm doing a Madonna thon. Oh, so, yeah.

So, and that's a great tickets like aren't on sale for, you know, a couple of months or whatever, but, um, it's an amazing, fun party. We get amazing people like Molly Pope and a whole bunch of people.

And it's a really great time. Oh my God. That's coming up at the end of the summer. And they can find your music on Spotify? Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes. Anywhere you can find music. There you go. Oh my God, wait.

Those are some solid plugs. I might look into the Madonna you might have to go we'll go I'm actually putting an auction up on Story Pirates so hopefully you can bid on it I'm gonna fly away with joy

Travis are you gonna hang out with us yes I'd love to but at this time we have to ask you to switch chairs for the dais thank you Travis Yes, I'd love to. All right, cool. But at this time, we have to ask you to switch chairs. For the dais. Switch chairs at the dais. Thank you, Travis.

Travis, oh my God, but these gifts are so, so wonderful. These are beautiful. There's a copy table book of Broadway, of Spot Co. Is it Spot Co? Is it Spot Co? Spot. Spot Co. The thing is, you guys, he went all the way over.

If you want to sit in those chairs because they're comfier, you can. But also, you're allowed to be right here and hanging out with us. But this is truly wild. Truly amazing. Well, there's David Sedaris forward, and there's stuff by Chip Kidd. I can't wait. Prolific poster designer. And proceeds go to Broadway Carriers.

Oh, my God. So, so great. Thank you, Travis. And now we move on to really the reason. For the season. For the season. Oh, my God. I mean, she's one of the greats. A return guest.

She's a return guest. She's in that sort of pantheon. In that sort of pantheon. Yeah. It's like an EGOT. It's an EGOT, baby. Oh, God. I have the credits right here.

Listen. Writing for High Maintenance currently, which we're very excited to see. You can see this individual performing alongside my co-host, Bowen Yang, at the Up Next Showcase at Clusterfest. It's going to be on Sunday, June 3rd. Yes. And that is actually going to be the night after our Clusterfest performance on Saturday, June 2nd. Because these guys are going to be up next character performers. Yes, yes. This is amazing.

It's going to be amazing. Showcase other incredible performers in there. And also she's hosting It's a Guy Thing on May 8th at UCB Sunset with Ms. Catherine Cohen. Oh, Catherine. And you guys should check that out in just a few short weeks. Our favorite. And I think this is. Oh, and hold on.

I have to list my favorite credit. Hold on. Which is. She looks ornery right now. It's her star turn in that video that we all know and love titled. Cake farts. No. Stupid naive slut tries to do the splits.

Epic fail. I think it will be studied in schools. She has the Instagram of the year. That's for sure. Okay, and please welcome... Stupid naive slut. Let's say it together. Here we go.

Stupid naive slut tries to do the splits. Epic fail. I was going to introduce our guest that way. Please, everyone, welcome stupid naive slut Patty Harrison. Thank you so much. How are you, naive? Well, I'm not naive anymore. Oh, she's learned.

Yes, now I am a cultured middle-aged woman who is a slut. Learn from my epic fail. Oh, boy. What did you use to... Guys, spoiler alert. She tries to do the splits and then she finds out that she shit out blood

or she's farted out blood. Yes. What was the material for the blood exactly? I do want to know this. It was gochujang. Gochujang? Yeah.

What is gochujang? It's a Korean hot sauce. Yeah. It's so funny. It was, yeah, just smeared and far away enough. It just looks like really thick. Thick blood. Yeah.

Dark blood. And tissue. Tissue that blasted out of my ass. Connective tissue. You can't use nowadays ketchup for blood on a film. Because now we have color. So you can see very much that it's not the color. Now we have color.

Now we have color. Nowadays, television's in color. Back in the day, we used to just use ketchup when we had black and white film. I miss, I really miss back in the day when things weren't so complicated. Me too. Thank you.

Go off, queen. Go off, queen. Slay her. Born in the wrong era. things weren't so complicated me too thank you go off queen go off queen slay her born in the wrong era I was born in the wrong era I miss back then when we the conversation

the public conversation you know what it was about it wasn't so dark it's so dark now everyone wants to talk about these things and a lot of times it's like it's inappropriate

it's so inappropriate in front of my children and they're rubbing it's like it's inappropriate. It's so inappropriate. In front of my children? And they're rubbing it in my children's face. Back in the day when you opened up your phone you didn't see abbreviations? No. Let me tell you something. I don't care if you're different or what. Just don't bring

it into my kids school. I don't care if you're purple, if you're gray, if you're gray, if you're A, B, C, D, E, F, G. I don't care if you're a cup of piss.

I don't care if you're a cup of piss. Don't bring that into my family. Don't bring that into my family. I have to say something that's really scary. That has shocked me. Go off. My phone used to be in black and white and then it updated and now and now it's color but wait wait i'm actually teared up because you guessed you have a color phone exactly right oh my god wait can we talk about this we have a a friend who, remember this? He showed us his phone.

It was all in black and white. And apparently it's supposed to make you less addicted. This is true. This is something that we did here. It's like he black and whited his phone out so that he feels less like addicted to the screen. Because we are addicted to our screens. Each and every one of us. Is it because your bang bus video is a black

and white now and you can't see all the hues of the seatbelt? Yeah, of the seatbelt. No, that's what I'm getting off on. Let me see the color of these seat belts on my bait bus. Wait, is it bang bus is the straight one, bait bus is the gay one?

I believe bait bus is the straight one because they bait straight men to be on them,vis is confirming travis is confirming okay but i have to say and we can talk about this um i'm allowing ourselves to have i'm giving ourselves permission to talk about oh and the first thing you have to do is just give yourself the permission it's actually rule of culture number 44 give yourself permission to talk about bait bus talk about the acting is very good i love it so convincing they seem shocked so shocked and then so willing to fucking ass yeah yeah yeah it's really it is really like or get fucked it's just frustrating when you're watching other porn and then you're like oh you're meisner showing yeah yeah yeah i hate when it seems like they're acting

it's like okay stella adler okay okay stenaslavsky you know imagine imagine a dick in my ass okay i can feel the lemon in my butt and sometimes kabuki or no theater training is sometimes sometimes yes yes and actually truly did now now here let's go around the table who has formal acting training oh not me not me not me neither travis you have formal acting training guess who has formal acting training joe hpj hpj is pointing at himself in fact i've actually seen hpj act and it's a powerful experience. Oh, yes. And actually, we used to do...

Volcano Town. We did. Yes. Were you in Volcano Town? No, no, no. I was never. Joe and I... Well, Joe directed it and was also in it, but Joe is a very good actor and a fantastic

director. He and Alex actually are really, really good theatrical directors. Oh, my God. Wow. Little known fact about HPJ. What kind of productions? What kind of... Well, that was like a heightened sort of like comedic sci-fi

soap opera, actually. Episodic life. I loved it. Thank you, bitch. Comedic sci-fi soap opera? That sounds bad. It sounds like... Remember? Okay, so... I'm gonna mention this. She's kidding! She's kidding. that sounds bad it sounds like remember okay so I'm gonna mention this

she's kidding she's kidding also but you know what was cool about it it was it ran for a year and every month was a different episode

of the show so it ended up being a 12 part installment wow yeah it was actually really cool it's like sell it

sell it freeform how many episodes was I in? I think I was in three episodes what was the name of my character? pop tv luxifer I was the lord of the mountain

because I'm a very powerful performer I clock that I clock something about you like evokes mountains yeah I think so I feel like well can I tell you something

invoke invoke evokes mountains so stupid when you go up the mountain it's harder to breathe so you need someone with very big lungs to play

a part of someone who's going to be on top of a mountain. Okay. Well, without formal actor's training,

show us what that looks like. Would you like to see? Yes. Look how open I am when I make this sound. Yeah, he's very open. You have experience as a singer, so.

For those who can't see what's going on, Matt is loosening up his shoulders. He's jostling. His head's tossed back. Some big grin. His ass is out.

His ass is out. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Matt. Here comes the note. Oh, my God. And now in his jeans, they pulled themselves back up. His ass is no longer out.

His ass is no longer out. He sung his pants. He sung his ass out of his pants and then back on. Oh is no longer out he sung his pants he sung his ass out of his pants and then back on oh my god back into his pants wait there's blood dripping out of your pant oh no oh no out of out of your flare dungarees there's blood pools of blood oh and it's black blood it's dark blood it means It means it's from your liver or your kidneys. Can I taste this? Gochujang. Bowen, it grows. Oh, it is gochujang.

Yum. He tricked us. Can I tell you guys something? Yeah. A nerdy, filthy secret that I would never tell anyone else but you guys. Why? Okay. That, what I just sang, was the note from Sex on Fire. Her!

Isn't that Sex on Fire? Oh. Right? Oh, that video. I have a V-O-X of a god. Oh my god. What is, what do we think Kings of Leon is doing right now? Probably five different things because there are five different people. You idiot.

I don't know. I just mean, even collectively, just like, what's the best descriptor for what they are each doing patty they are each separately networking with hives of teen models at at a pop-up event for like i don't know a denim phone case it's like this pop-up event for this new denim phone case and then there's just like all these teen models there with like cocktails and then the the band but have you been spending time in la yes yes okay can you smell the tea do you enjoy it or do you want to come back very bad? Okay, here's the thing.

I love it. I love it. No. She was telling me. I really like it. It's very, you know, people. Okay, so the most boring conversation you can have about LA is that the weather is nice. And so that's what I'm about to talk to you guys about for the next two hours.

Because it is really, really nice. We all know. It's really nice. It is. I know, I know. I just feel like such a New Yorker that I don't know if I could ever go. But it changes everything.

Everything. When you wake up, when you, like how you feel. I don't know. Someone told me, someone told me that New York,

the hustle of New York is what makes your art good. The stress and depression is what makes your art good. So if you go to LA too soon, you'll be happy, but your creativity will die. So you feel like you already are at the peak. You could not get any better. You feel like you are the most cultivated version

of yourself artistically and comedically. And therefore, you're so much better than us. So you can just go out to LA and sell yourself that's what you're thinking matt i don't believe that at all i actually think i'm doing a bad job and the thing is is i don't know if i want to get better i don't know if i want to get better i think i want to stay bad i want to get worse stay bad i want to stay bad steve jobs stay get worse. Stay bad. I want to stay bad. Steve Jobs, stay bad. Stay bad, Steve.

Jobs. Fine. You're doing great. I feel like it's, I do, I'm sure that there's truth to that. Like, you know, being around so many people who are like, you know, yeah, really like everyone's like clawing and that LA is very like breezy and you become more relaxed and maybe you lose perspective a little bit. Sure. But, you know, it's it's warm. There's little lizards running everywhere.

That's a huge. They have those in Florida. What kind of lizards? Sunny ones. But I think. What did you say? I started to say small ones And then I said tiny ones So I still ended up saying

Siney ones Siney ones They're siney Siney When something is small and tiny They're siney What about It's actually rule of culture number 91

When something is small and tiny They're siney What about what? What if something is huge and big? They're boog. Oh. They are boog. She had them boog titties.

And that signee ass. And that signee ass. She had boog titties and a signee ass. Say it, Patty. She has boog titties, and a sine ass. Thank you. Oh, my gosh. That tasted disgusting coming out of my mouth.

Boosh, titties, sine ass. Front runner for, you guessed it, title of episode. Oh, baby. Okay, so then what if you untrained actors? What's a descriptor for her? Cis pussy. For her cis pussy. if you untrain actors okay you're an untrained actor but you are an actor yeah so my assignment to you right now in this moment is to describe this person who has bouj titties yeah and it's tiny ass what their cis

pussy looks like but the subtext is is that your boyfriend just fell down a mountain and he's in the hospital but there's no more news from that because you're not

allowed to be in the room because you're not family so oh my god you're and I'm describing someone else's cis pussy oh no her

her his girlfriend's cis pussy the person with the boog titties and the signee ass no it's not anybody connection to you it's just this person

right okay and separately outside of that your emotional state right now is your boyfriend just fell off a mountain my boyfriend yes and you don't know you don't know if he's okay or not you can't have more information at this time now describe the cis pussy okay well i just want to set this up so i'm just gonna like provide. Okay, so here we go. Ooh, she's got that bouge, them bouge titties, that siney ass. And that piss-a-see-sis-pussy.

Piss-a-see-sis-pussy? Piss-a-see-sis-pussy. Piss-a-see-sis-pussy. Sounds like a huge hit. Bowen, you took me there. Pissousi. I was there with you. What is that? That is Uta Hagen.

That's Uta Hagen. Pissousi. Pissousi. Pissousi. Pissousi. I love it. Pissousi. That's your new hit.

Oh, yeah. Pissousi. Pissousi. I don't know. Pissousi. Pissousi. I don't understand this. Pissousi. Pissousi. Oh, the fish. The fish. Excuse me Yes

It's my favorite song Stand up Fight back Stand up Fight back I don't know what's happening We have to talk about Patty Harrison's run

Of gay anthems On her insta story months ago She has a bunch of songs I'm being attacked online If you don't follow Patty Hardison you should do that Because you should just do that Familiarize yourself pause pause this, come back.

Oh my god, I am crying. I am crying about it. Patty had a song that was called The Queer is Beautiful. Wait, can I cover it right now? Cover it. That's so much an honor as an artist to have your songs be covered. Yes, absolutely. Here we go.

Who you are is beautiful. That's so much an honor as an artist to have your songs. Yes, absolutely. Here we go. Who you are is beautiful. Being queer is beautiful. Yes, queer. I think that's roughly. Yes, queer. You also did like her face good. You were in character fully.

Oh, really? Yeah. Oh my God. You embodied Patty. You were in character fully. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh my God. You embodied Patty. That's Meisner. I think you have to, because my face contorts around the nose to do the, that noise.

And you did it. And you sing it in a better key. No. Than I did. But I don't bring it to that same register that you do. That's straight. Yas queer.

I think it's the same i don't think there's a difference patty my assignment to you and this is just offline this is just on your own time okay we need to piss to cease this pussy song i don't know i think i'm not i'm not like my favorite song that you ever did was you performed this live and then i never saw you do it again was do you want to see my ass? Do you wanna see a pic of my asshole? Wow. You have so many hits. So many.

And the thing is, is I'm not allowed to make music legally because of a sex crime that I did to Jimmy Iovine. But you own up to... Jimmy Iovine. Jimmy Iovine, president of Beats. Of Def Jam. Of Def Jam and Beat.

Interscope. Okay, but you own up to the sexual crime. Yes. What was it? No. It was... Okay, so I actually have... How did you attack this vulnerable, old, and rich white man?

Contractually, it's... If anything that I say technically, legally about it is retaliation. Consider retaliation. I know, yeah. But I will say is that I bottomed his entire torso consensually. Yes. And I made him come too good

and then and he got mad because he's like you know I hate when the coming is good and then he dropped me from the label and just like just like fucking burned my career cauterized my career

cauterized it even. Yeah. Oh my God. Cauterized. Ooh. Just like, just bled you dry. Yeah. Truly, I'm not allowed to make music anymore.

Okay, well. Sucks. Irrespective. Sucks. It sucks mostly for us, the listeners. The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple. Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends.

Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her? But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What? You've told her? Not today, Satan. Not today.

The Real Housewives of New York City. All new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian.

Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him.

Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob

Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again, and we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude, you're a dude, and Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past, and we're just going to sit here and talk about them.

And we'll get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, Grunks? We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes, dude. We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games.

We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude? We're gonna find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the

iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian, and Basketball Hall of Famer. I'm a mom, and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby, journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts, you know, just all the shit we go through.

Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I, well, we have no problem going there. Listen to levels to this with Cheryl swoops and Tarika Foster, Brasby and I heart women's sports production and partnership with deep blue sports and entertainment. You can find us on the I heart radio app,

Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast presented by elf beauty, founding partner of I Heart Women Sports. Well, I was, I wanted to ask, and if you're not at liberty to talk about this, that's fine,

and I'm sorry. What is the songwriting process for Patti? And I'm even half genuinely asking this. So, I think a lot of times it's I hear a song, and I hear a song like that's playing, you know, over the radio at the store, in a car. And then I just steal whatever is good about that song.

And then you don't have to talk down to us. Wow. Same. I have a lot of I I really think it's funny when a song has a bad point of view yeah so funny so whoever sings a song if they have like a really bad point of view and they really what's an example of that um if if if there was just a song that was like, let me hit my kids, please. It's like someone asking for permission to hit their kids. They haven't done it yet. They're going to do it. They want to do it.

And they're just asking the general public. Oh, I realized now that that was, uh, that was, I just lifted the melody of that. What was that song? And that's what makes me high. Because that was, I just lifted the melody of that. What was that song? And that's what makes me high. Loving is so good. And that's what makes me high. Oh my God, what is this?

I know what you're talking about. I feel the beat in the groove. And that's what makes me high. But I love the song you just came up with. Let me hit my kid, please. And then the please is what sort of keeps it driving. I love the song you just came up with Let me hit my kid Please And then the please is what Please Is what sort of keeps it driving I love it

I love it Oh my god Better not vote Better not vote You better not vote Better not vote this year Better not vote Better not vote this year

There's nobody good who's running There's nobody good who's running. There's nobody good who's running. Yeah, it would take a lot of time to get to the ballot. Who cares who could benefit from your vote? Just, you know, brainstorm. We deserve an ideological match in our candidates. An ideological match. Thank you. This is what

I need. I need some workshop environment. I don't have one. Here's one. Can you just slide into like... Trump is a beautiful man with a beautiful butt. Trump is a beautiful man with a beautiful butt Trump is a beautiful man with a big fat dick and a beautiful butt

When I see Trump I wanna fuck Trump and his big fat beautiful butt All of the blood in Matt's body is in his face right now. All of it's in his head. But here's the thing. I want to console Travis on this as well. So everyone here is a recording artist. Yes. When you can make the sound, you do it no matter what it hurts your body.

Travis agrees. Yeah, and sometimes I hurt myself trying to make noises I know I can't make. Yes. Like what? Like a Mariah Carey whistle tone? Patty is dead in the eyes when she does that. No. That's my...

No. Wait, what? You're going to hear this really cool noise I can make? Yeah. Oh, God. That it's basically I just vibrate my throat so hard that the tissue in the back comes loose, and it comes... I can like it comes it like I can

I can spit it out later just like oh my god I can't no that's a whistle tone that's a whistle tone when do we become a shock jock I don't know

today bitch since today it's you your fault Travisvis he brought this energy in here with his gifts travis travis famously did not get me a gift travis that was rough we we will rectify this in some way and i'm saying we the three of us me matt and travis count me out so i really do i have a complex about gifts because when I was little. Gifts or gifts? Gifts. Yes. With a T.

You always have to make that distinction. I want to listen to this. About getting gifts. Yeah. Because I, when I was little, my sister and my older sisters or my mom, if I had older sisters and then I had one sister, there was an age gap. So like all of my sisters were teens, except for one who was like two years older than me.

So she was a kid when I was a kid, everyone else were teenagers and they would get us gifts together. Like on my birthday, my sister would get gifts. And then on my, on my sister's birthday, I would get gifts every year because if I saw her getting gifts and I didn't get gifts, I would have a meltdown.

Oh, that sounds horrible. And see, I never unlearned that, Travis. I never unlearned that. And what happened today is that Bowen got an amazing gift. Matt got an incredible gift. Yes. Thank you, Travis.

I did not receive. I didn't receive a gift. What happened today was one of the most disgusting displays of

nepotism. Yes. Nepotism and favor currying and erasure erasure we were all dancing around it what happened today was clearly erasure

trans erasure trans erasure I'm invisible in this room so I have to talk twice as loud To get half the attention And think three times as fast And I think very fast Wait is this thing true

About growing up Oh the gift thing is true I understand why I didn't get a gift I will do self harm later Because of it Stop doing self harm No no no stop Announcing that you will do self-harm later because of it stop but like stop doing self-harm no no no stop stop announcing that you will do self-harm do self-harm stop announcing it thank you for the permission rule number 44 thank you for the permission oh no we already said this yes i know i'm just

this is we're calling it back i'm referencing it of course of course. Speaking of self-harm. Oh, no. Did you see the trailer for the new HBO limited series Sharp Objects? Oh, the Gillian Flynn. That has Amy Adams. It's another Gillian Flynn novel. Yeah. It's directed by Jean-Marc Vallee, who directed Big Little Lies. Big Little Lies. So this is a prestige HBO limited series event that's happening.

And they have a producer from Get Out. Yes. Starring Amy Adams. Yes. And Patricia Clarkson. Oh, Patricia. prestige hbo limited series event that's happening they have a producer they have a producer from get out yes starring amy adams yes and patricia clarkson oh patricia miss patricia the original clarkson we love patricia we love patricia and it it's about like amy adams has like a very dark past and she has like a history of self-harm but she's also like very very obsessed with like solving the murders of like young kids so that sounds like really fun okay okay it sounds like a light watch well you um you you did read gone girl it's one of the few books you've read yeah and um are you excited can you fucking believe what he just said to me can anyone believe the audacity are you excited to to embark again on Gillian Flynn.

Do you believe that I could read a book? I've bought you many books. You bought me a book. I did. You bought me a book recently. Wait, hold on guys. Hold on, stop. What? Okay, sorry.

This is real. Is that another bird? Okay, I have this is real. This is real. Is that another bird? Okay, I have no idea what's going on. Oh my god. And it's gone. Are they going to be able to hear that on the pod? I hope so. It was like this.

Double, double, double. It's like a Bavarian dance. I love it. It's fun. There's so many. See, this is the point I'm trying to make. Music is all around. Well, that's the thing is when you brought up sharp objects,

I thought what came to mind to me was a box of sharp objects by The Used. Oh, how does that one go? You take a pill to feel better. Oh, my God. Nothing else matters. That's really good. I just feel stronger, sharper. You got a box of sharp objects. What a beautiful.

I can't believe. Oh, we had a whistle tone. I can't believe we used this here. Okay, I'm getting a whistle tone. Do a whistle. No. No. I actually can do Mariah whistle tone.

Guys, we're redefining whistle tones. That is reclaiming. But this is all about, this is music positivity. This is vocal positivity. Any voice is valid. I love vocal positivity. Any voice is valid. No, I like a skinny voice.

No, I like a thin voice. I like a thin voice i like a thin thin small waist on the voice oh little tiny but beautiful hips wide hips tiny waist perfect tits perfect natural tits wide hips natural waist perfect little perfect tits. That's my voice. This is a musical episode. The earth is fertile with music. Impregnate it at your will. Yes. Do you believe that?

I do. Travis believes that. Patty, are you... He makes legit music, though. Yeah, it's true. We're all dilettantes. Not to say that we're not all making legit music But it's just something a little bit different

Right I mean I was saying we're all dilettantes We're all I mean we're all dabbling We're not What is a dilettante? Like you're an amateur You're just sort of like posturing as someone

Who's doing something instead of being the actual thing Yeah But I do believe that of us all sitting here patty is the closest to being a pop star and therefore i do want to ask you a certain question which is if you had all the money in the world as the pop star that is patty what does your concert look like how does it start like who comes out like what's is there a story like what kind of fantastical aesthetic elements are we having? Like, if you could do a world tour, like the 1989 tour or, like, Beyonce formation, like, what is the Patty tour? So my tour would be called – well, let's not start there.

Okay. Let's not start there. Let's actually say that it would be an audio visual experience there would be you know there would be pre-filmed things that and there would be huge screens oh wow and there would be lights lights that would come up so the so the concert is about to start imagine concert's about to start i can see everyone there's like there's what is stadium it's like like 50,000 people. And then the lights go out and everyone's like.

And then some lights come on. And then the screen comes on too. And then I come out. And then music is playing. Oh, my God. There's so much music playing. Everyone's dancing and screaming. I come out.

Dancers come out. They're dancing too.. I come out. Dancers come out. They're dancing too. They're doing the routine. We painstakingly practice. I come out. I start singing a medley of my hits from my first album. And it's like a medley. Yes. That.

But it's like in the key of another one of my hits and they're all in the same key because it sets you up for the next song that you're going into in the medley yeah it's and this is like an amazing medley then my outfit also by the way looks beautiful oh my god to describe it everyone is like people are taking pictures of it. People are taking thousands of people have their phones out. Are people describing your outfit as like yes gag slay. They say gag

people are saying gag. Are they screaming Patty? Well one person actually is screaming a slur just like one person out there over all the screams of adoration I can kind of hear one slur and i'm like i think i know what they're saying i think it's a slur yeah and but i'm like i'm not trying to focus too much on it so i'm like i'm like focusing and again my choreography

is slightly less intense than the dancers right i can fully focus on dancing and i need time to kind of vamp and like walk around like points here and there and be like and then i i point and i'm like are you and i stop and there's also i'm not lip syncing but there is a vocal track in the background it has the chorus on it and then the lead yeah and people are like oh and then i hear i hear like in the distance i hear like i hear like and i'm like wait not only did i hear a slur but i think i recognize the voice. And I'm so like, we're going into my first,

my first song is actually one off the new album. Oh my God, great. And it's like, it's a song that's like fast. And then so it's like, yeah. And then it's like images. There's images that correspond with the song.

So the song is actually about moving on. So that's going on. And then a spotlight. Not planned. A spotlight. I'm like, what is going on? A spotlight. Goes to a crowd.

Guess who is in the crowd? Ellen DeGeneres. Ellen DeGeneres. That was it. That really was it. Because we talked about her last time. Yeah. And she's erect.

How big is her dick? It's 17 inches this time. This time it's 17 inches. It got bigger from last time? Yeah. She did something. She got like an. She got a penile implant? Yes.

She got a penectomy. Oh, no, no. Penectomy is when they. A penectomy. No, penectomy was when they removed the penis. But she got a penile implant. She got a penectomy. And then.

Got her penis removed and then got a penoplasty and a african rhino horn in the place so actually when i said it was 17 inches it's actually closer to four and a half feet long and she's lancing my fans just like lancing my fans in the crowd like oh there's like a stack of my fans are Just like lancing my fans in the crowd. Like, oh, there's like a stack of my fans. Are you sad as you see this happening? I'm so sad. I'm crying on stage.

I'm like, stop the music. But they turned my mic off because she fucked it. No. So she talked to the tech people? She talked to the tech people. She's very powerful. She's very powerful. That's when I realized that she talked to the tech people ahead of time. And that very powerful. That's when I realized that she talked to the tech people ahead of time.

And that is not, that was like, oh my God. And still the music. This is bigger than that. And then there's a part in the music where all the percussion drops and it's just like,

it's like this arpeggio of like harp. It's a beautiful part of the song. And I'm like, Ellen, get out of here. And she comes up on stage stage does a flip with still about six of my fans stacked on her horn does a flip the centrifugal force of the flip flings the fans

at me off of like and she's about she's flipping probably like 20 feet up in the air so it's like that's insane she can get that high yeah yeah i know it's the air. So it's like- That's insane. She can get that high? Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's like a full, and it's like, it's a really fast rotation. We don't know how powerful it is. But all the fans- But the fans have come towards you

in the air. They smack into me, knock me down. Oh my God. And my big platform shoes break. No. Embarrassing. Embarrassing.

Embarrassing. So embarrassing. What an epic concert fail. Yeah, Jennifer Bowman, who's our costumer she's like made those shoes herself like special and so it's okay did she get out of the arena huh did she get out of the arena oh jennifer bowman doesn't come to my shows because we have a bad relationship so then so that's the whole thing and then um so then by that time you're knocked out and the fans i guess are long dead by now yeah or at least several of them like six and maybe some that got injured in and during the

fray and they're like they're all mad they're like this is not what we came here to see so now we're here to see the music we're here to see patty man but at this point they've all turned because they're mad and they're all saying tranny you tranny and i said stop it stop it and then that's when ellen turns to me no and guess what she fucking says no no what guess what she says what does she say she says? What does she say? She says, you are a bitch. And my heart breaks. Oh, my God. Because I believe it. And it's Ellen. It's Ellen.

She is a hero. A hero of mine. In that moment, she's gotten everyone to turn on you. They obviously have taken sides with her, even though they've killed probably some of the people that they know. Yeah, they start killing. I mean, the fans are so mad, screaming tranny. They start killing each other.

Killing each other. This is so serious. Just so you know, just so you know at my tours, all my fans are cis because I won't let trans people in. I don't like trans people. You're a TERF. I'm a TERF. You're a TERF.

And it's TERFs only. Yeah, TERFs only. Yeah, TERFs only. Trans-exclusionary radical feminists, for those of you who aren't with it. And they're all straight. Beautiful, too. Straight, beautiful TERFs.

Straight, cishet, beautiful, gorgeous TERFs. They're saying tranny, but also, Ellen, I remember originated the pronunciation tranny. Tranny, yes, with an H and two Ns. T-R-O-N-N-E-I-G-H. Oh, with an H. O-N-E-H. Trani. But so they're screaming, Trani, Trani. And she's like, hey, you know why I say it that way?

And I was like, oh, why, Ellen? This night couldn't get any worse. And she's like, because it's a play on pronunciation of the Vietnamese language, because I know you're Vietnamese, too, you Trani. Oh, no. Ugh. Just cut Steve or twist the knife. She fucking puts that knife on a screwdriver. Let me tell you something about her.

Electric screwdriver. Yeah, it's more than just twisting the knife. I am. Yeah. She really went there. She really went there. That's a gorgeous tour. And that is literally just Stockholm where the tour starts.

That's literally just the first leg of the tour. And talk about why Stockholm. What does Sweden mean to you? Why is that meaningful? Rich culture. A lot of amazing art. The government in Sweden is just really progressive socially. The access to health care.

The way people treat each other even yeah predominantly white blonde yes yes it's it's sort of easier when that matters it matters and a lot of amazing pop comes out of Scandinavia pop but see the thing about Sweden and the thing that it's it just it's a great case study

in homogenizing people to more easily govern and more easily socialize and provide access. If the people look the same, it's easier. Yeah, absolutely. Once you all look the same, then you all act the same. Then you all buy tickets to the same concert. That's beautiful.

That's a really good economy model. I disagree. Okay, but you're still like... Everything I said up until this point, I was setting up that you would say that so I would agree and then I changed my mind in real time. Okay, cool.

Okay, all right. And that's what people come to expect from my shows. Yeah, that they're going to expect to like, for example, get through it and live. Yeah. Yeah, that might not be the case. Well, that's why they turned on each other. well and the tour is called cis hats only it's radical turf this hat turf turf beautiful turf yeah it's called beautiful turf colon cis hats only uh uh

colon uh uh dharma and greg live for one night only. And they're there. The actors who play Dharma and Greg are there. Oh my God. What? Jenna Elfman? Yeah. Famous Scientologist? Famous Scientologist.

And I'm giving, I give her like a 20 minute platform in the middle of the show just to talk about Scientology. And she's like really charismatic about it because she's like, I know it's so crazy.

You guys probably think I'm crazy. Yeah. It really is. A lot of it's so stupid, right? Likeuring people in with that disarming disarming disarming yeah she's like you know what might be fun what if you just like took some friends and you went to like the church of scientology as a joke because the doors are always open you should see how like crazy stupid some of the decoration is it's so gaudy and everyone's like haha that's so funny and but it's like under the guise of like, oh yeah, come see how stupid this thing is. But it's 50,000 people and they're going to go. And they all go.

And how many of them fall for it? Hmm? How many of them fall for it? Did you not hear me? Wait, are you? I said they all. All of them? But I know all of them go, but how many stay?

How many sign on the dotted line when push comes to shove? Well, when push comes to shove, joke's on you, bitch. They were all already Scientologists, because it's also Scientologists only. Yeah. Only beautiful Scientologists who are also TERFs. Cishet. It's called Beautiful TERFs, colon. Cishet only. Cishet. It's called Beautiful TERFs, colon. Cishet only.

Cishet only, colon. Dormer and Greg live one night only, colon. Scientologists only. Title of app. Can I say something? It seems like if you wanted to touch more people with your music, you would open it up to more people. Yeah.

You have a very niche fan base right now, and almost no one knows that you even are a pop star. Yeah, you know, and it would seem that way. It really seems that way. I know it also seems that I'm making this up as I go along. It does seem a little bit. I was thinking that. I am actually.

Do you hear that? Yeah, it's like a truck backing up. Yeah, that's the sound of my brain backpedaling. Oh, wait. You're going to backpedal on this? I'm going to change the name of the show. Okay, to what? Patty, you can't do this.

It's going to be called Reba on the CW. I'm a survivor. I'm a survivor. I'm a survivor. And Barbara Jean comes out. Oh, I love Barbara Jean. Really so beautiful, funny, talented. So funny, so talented. Comedic timing.

Here's what I'm going to say. I bet your ass actually really watched Reba. I bet you love it. I bet right before dinner, you watched Reba. bet you love it I bet right before dinner you watched Reba and then What I Like About You starring Amanda Bynes shut up you fucking bitch fuck you

no you fuck you you watched Reba no I did not yeah I did watch Reba okay so I didn't watch it so it was on the way. Okay, so. Yeah. I didn't watch it because I liked it. So. Okay, so. It was

on the TV when I came home from school sometimes. What was that? What else was on that block? It was Reba. It was Reba. What I like about you. And then I believe. Hope and Faith was ABC. Yeah, ABC. Two and a Half Men? No.

No. On the WB? On the WB. Wait. You know what? Maybe then they switch over to their dramas and it was like Everwood time. Oh, sure, sure, sure. Did you ever watch Untouched by an Angel? Yes.

I love me some Roma. Do you ever get that you look like Roma Downey? Do I ever? Yeah. Never in my life. Do you think that's true? Because I would ask you the same thing.

I've heard it every day, each day. That's a lie. That you look like Roma Downey. I can see the way your eyes are glossed right now. Fucking lying to me. Who do they say you look like because I know who I think you look like. This is real. I have been told that i look like um i get the actor who plays winnie cooper as a child yes yes with danica mckellar yeah i feel like i look like her if someone put like

buffy the vampire slayer prosthetics makeup on my face where like when they transform they have those like big brow ridges and they're like all bony. It's like yeah maybe if her face exploded from the inside and her bones exploded but her skin caught all of it so it didn't exit the skin. Wow. Here's what I need. That's all cartilage. Then I'll take that.

This is what I need from Patty. This is what I need from Patty and it's actually not a debate per se. Okay. We need Patty to do an impression of Nicole Scherzinger taking herself seriously singing. Oh.

I feel like we're putting her on the spot with that. Not right now. I'm saying down the road in your career. Do you mean... Like when she sings Andrew Lloyd Webber's Standards from Cats or Evita. She'll get up on stage in a beautiful gown. What was the song

where all the men are singing around her and they're like, she's beautiful. And she's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. She's doing the notes from Phantom of the Opera

and they're like, sing to me. She's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,'s like you know the video we're talking about and there's all the smoke yeah yeah wait you was it you and joel that was watching that in la and you posted uh i would i don't you posted it yeah it was on my instagram story but i wasn't with joel yes you did i remember i was just like i like, I wanted to be like, that's you. Oh, my God.

A whistle sound. Hey, watch this. Pushing on my buttons, babe. Pushing on my buttons, babe. I love the down tempo. I thought it was pushing up my buttons babe i love it wait i thought it was pushing up my buttons i want you i'm telling you to loosen up loosen up my buttons pushing pushing at my buttons babe push on push on it's like push it's the Pushing. Pushing on my buttons, babe. Why do you keep running me? Wow.

Wow. Say what you're going to do to me. Oh my God, wait. We have to talk about something with Patty that's been like, for some reason, a recurring theme in recent episodes. You saw Cats with Sudi that one time in Mitra, right? Yeah. What are your thoughts on Cats? Why did you guys even fucking go?

Okay. So here's the thing. We got, we were at dinner i'd never seen it we were not we were not dinner we were at lunch and mitra was like my mom got me and my sister tickets to see cats mitra was like it's really funny it's really dumb you should see it and sudi was like i'll get tickets right now we should like eat edibles and go. Oh my God. And I was like, okay,

I will. Seems dumb enough. I think Cats is the only, only musical I've seen on Broadway. Okay. That's fine. That's fine. It's the only thing I've seen on Broadway, I guess.

It is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life it really was one of the best nights of my life i laughed so deeply in the moment like as you were watching yeah it was and i was high but it was it was nearly you know it's nearly 17 hours long yeah yeah uh there are over three and a half million characters each one gets their own song they either sing about themselves or another cat they adore in their community in the community there is a villain yeah there is a villain they a cat that they sing about for about seven and a half hours you never see him. He's this villain. He's evil. They sing about him. He comes out.

He does this really gay dance. He chokes one cat who lives and then he runs away and you never see him again. And then they vote an old cat into heaven and she floats through the ceiling of the theater. And it's just like, at one point the cats come together and make a train they make a and not like they make a train like they're lined up right their bodies come together and they form the shape of a train talk about the scene memory the song beautiful

song memory so i thought i was laughing so hard just because this musical is you know the most insane like brilliant uh over use of resources like it's the most brilliant waste of resources every dancer is they're all tens they have perfect bodies they're all like like doing all these front walkovers and the splits every single one of them can drop into the splits immediately and i was laughing so hard and then memory when memory came on i did get quiet and i teared up oh my god it's a beautiful song so it brought me so any song i have to say yeah if any song where the first chorus is in a lower octave and then the second chorus they like bump it up yeah i love

that it's always very powerful to me so that happens in that song very cheap in a cheap way that made me cry cheap but still earned um because you had a sustained obsession with jellicle cats yeah you might still you might still have this but i remember there was a period of time when i would get texts from you or you would post photos on instagram of like a jellicle cat jumping up or you you like posted you like tweeting a picture of a jellicle cat and like captioning it with like me catching other people's cum. This affected you. It really did. I think

the meter of Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats is the best comedy. It's like, Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats. Jellicle can and Jellicle do. Jellicle can and Jellicle do. We had to sing that For a sketch on Mod

When I was on Mod Like two years ago And they were trying to explain Like the pattern Of the song to me And I'm like This is fucking unsingable How do people know it?

And it's like There's Nine key changes It just keeps going up and up It's It's like the What is the Oh baby

It's a yo Oh love on top Yeah It's the love on top Yeah the, oh, baby, it's a yo. Oh, Love on Top. Yeah, it's the love on top of our generation. Of our generation. I want to turn, have you ever performed Cats at the UZU Musical Theater? Travis. I've never performed Cats, but that production of Cats is one of Spock's finest. Wow.

Okay, so yes. But this is nothing but a ringing endorsement. This is a beautiful endorsement. Yes. You had an amazing time. But I will physically attack each and every person who was cast

in that musical. Yeah, sure. Because you want to take their body. Huh? Because they're tens? No, why? Why do you want to attack them?

Because I'm a ten. Okay. And when I see other tens... You gotta get rid of them. There's no room. I gotta get rid of tens. So how do you feel about us? You don't think that we're tens?

You don't feel they're in by us? Hmm? No, we're not tens. We're not tens. You both combined are like a hard one. Together combined, you are a one. And we're both integers. You're integers.

You are integer. On the ten scale, I'm an integer. I'm still an integer. That doesn't feel good. That doesn't feel good that's fine no i i can i agree we're we combined our one fine fine hey but you know ones get fucked they sure do you know why you know how you know wow because pigeons are ones on the 10th scale and there's pigeons everywhere fine fine do you feel that living in la has made you a selfish self-indulgent naive naive hollywood hungry power hungry social climbing motherfuckersfuckers. Motherfuckers. Or are you still the innocent lamb that we knew? Stop it. So, I want to

let you in on a little secret. Okay. When I was born, when I was born, my mom was in labor. I was birthed vaginally. Yeah. Thank God. My mom is cis.

Your mom is cis, yeah. Pizouzi cis pussy. Pizouzi cis pussy. My mom was giving birth to me. And I had breached at one point, so that was scary for a little bit. It was a longer birth than they planned. Anyways, so they were delivering me and at like as the doctor uh they got me unbreached which was incredible like it's like a great thing uh and as they're pulling as they're delivering me um they my they said that my eyes were open as i came out, which is like insane. Cause usually it takes time for your eyes open,

but my eyes were open. And as they were delivering me, I said, I haven't seen you in so long. We should get coffee. Oh, are you around? What's your schedule?

Like next week we should get coffee. No, I mean it. And, and, uh, yeah, I really mean it.

I know. I know. Let's just like not make it like a big thing. But like if you're around, you can just text me. And the doctor was like, you feel climy. You feel like socially. I said, no, I really mean it. Let's get, let's, oh my gosh.

What are your like spots? What are your like spots? I don't have spots yet because I'm new to town. But if you have some spots that you love oh i love tapas i came out and i came out you love tapas i love tapas um but uh i do think i think if anything la has made me more earnest. Really? And this is real.

And you know, this podcast wouldn't denote that because you two are evil slime. And draw that out of me. Make me evil slime. I'm kidding. I love you both. See, I'm earnest. I love you both. We love you.

We love you. We love you. Do you know, we just had to earnestly interview some people. We did you both. We love you. We love you. We love you. Do you know, do you know, we just had to like earnestly interview some people. We did Tribeca Film Festival. Yeah. Okay. How do you feel about this? We interviewed Paris Hilton.

Oh, oh, wait, wait. Okay. Go. I was, I think Patty is,

I want to know your Paris Hilton insights. What are the things that you think about her? Because according to her, there are a lot of misconceptions about her. Okay. I think that the, I don't remember the second season a lot but i thought the simple life was very funny very funny that may be you know that is i'm saying that as someone who saw it when it came out and i haven't revisited anything other

than a couple clips and so i'm sure there's stuff in it now that's like rough bad bad bad yeah but that being said which and I also think it may be that show was really funny because of Nicole Richie maybe more she was the star yeah but I mean I think stars are blind is you know great I think

she is probably it seems like in her career, she was born evil and then became self-aware that she was evil. Yes. And now she's like kind of self-deprecating in the way that an evil person can be. I know exactly what you mean i would say that well all i know is i really hadn't thought about her in so many years to be honest with you i know she's extremely famous with the people that she's famous with yeah she's got like 10 million followers on instagram

she's got like this whole billion dollar empire she's internationally like booking dj spots like she's like extremely famous with the people that care. Yeah. But I hadn't thought about her in years, and so I kind of didn't know what to expect when she came in. But she came in, and she was Paris Hilton. She was Paris Hilton. The first thing she did was hug us, which I thought was like—

She was the only one that we interviewed the whole weekend that the first thing she did was come over and give us a hug and a kiss. But I think that is so ingrained after years of like having to like meet a million different strangers. And it's like in a way I think in terms of press like it is a I I'm convinced it's like a disarming tactic. Like it's like I'm nice. I am. It's like, look how nice I am. Like I've got this horde of PR people behind me.

Like, well, my turn. What would you what would be an authentic? I don't know. Reaction that she could have you then? I kind of thought it was authentic. The thing is, it seemed like she came in as being herself. I mean, the thing is, when I say she came in and she was Paris Hilton, I don't mean she came in and she was a nightmare. What I mean is... She was not a nightmare at all.

She came in and was, like, really kind of a nice version of what you'd think Paris Hilton would be. She came in, she said, matching blazers, loves it. She said, like you'd think Paris Hilton would be she came in she said matching blazers loves it she said like all the Paris Hilton lines and then she and it was like it was warm in the room

because of the lamps and she was like she was like it's so fucking hot in here we were like yeah we know which we had been talking about all day

it was hot and then she goes she goes that's hot and then like kind of giggles yeah yeah yeah but like

and like then she went in the bathroom got ready came back out and we had like a good interview with her she was no she was she was, she was great.

She was great. It's just, it's like, you know, the thing is like. There are so many little contours around her fame and around how she like moves, like navigates any space. Yeah. I don't know. She was the last interview we did of the whole weekend. I think it was good that she was last because she obviously was like the most famous person

we talked to. But then after having done it, like it was a good experience. We also sang her song with her. We sang Nothing in this World to her. Do you remember Nothing in this World? famous person we talked to but then after having done it like it was a good experience we also sang her song with her we sang nothing do you remember nothing in this world no nothing in this world can stop us tonight i can do what she can do so much better oh yeah yeah um it's good yeah i remember it because of what you just did thank you um no this is what this is who i think what oh what were you gonna say this is what I think. What? Oh, what were you going to say?

This is who I think Patty would be excited about because we quoted Bring It On on her last episode. We talked to Eliza Dushku. Eliza Dushku. Oh my God. She was so nice. Round off, back handspring, step out. Step out.

Back with her handspring. Step out. What is it? Forward back tuck, half springing. Layout. Or something like that, to that effect. What is it? Forward back tuck, half springing. Lay out. Or something like that. To that effect. I don't remember the whole thing,

but I just remember, your school has no gymnastics team. This is the last resort. I transferred from Los Angeles. Your school has no gymnastics team. This is the last resort. Oh my God. Fucking roasted that dumb little cunt.

Roasted her cunt. Her little cunt. Roasted her cunt. Her little sissy. Roasted her cunt. And she has not aged a day. Not a day. Anyway. Oh my God. I'm sure she's smoking hot.

She's absolutely smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking hot. What was surprising about that? Did she surprise you in any way? She was great. She was producing a movie about Robert Mapplethorpe. Yeah she like surprise you? She was great. She was producing a movie about Robert Mapplethorpe. Yeah. Who is that?

He's a, like an 80s photographer. Like a New York Lower East Side photographer in the late 80s. He actually passed away in 1989. Or maybe 70s,

but he took a lot of, he took photos of like the New York Underground, BDSM. Very famous photographer. Yeah. And I think her brother, Nate, is in the gay community and I think that like

it was obviously important to him maybe he brought it to her and like she's helped like it become a thing that was like kind of I think the idea but it seemed like they were super close to the product and they were having the after party for the Tribeca premiere at the Eagle which I thought was in New York at like what is that

it's like the big leather it's the big gay leather bar franchise around the world. Every big city has an Eagle. Travis is nodding his head. He knows of the Eagle. It was cute. They were just very they were there to talk about a queer project.

You felt that openness and that difference. And Eliza asked for a picture after, which was just like a truly starstruck thing. Not because she wanted a picture with us, but because she was like, oh, let's take a picture. It was like fun. It wasn't like, hi, I need a picture with you guys.

No, she was like, we cut. It was a great interview. We cut. They haven't posted it, but we cut. And then she was like, oh my God, that was so fun. Can we take a picture? And I was like, oh. Yeah, she was awesome.

She was great. She was like, I've never had a picture with integers before. We only interviewed one person, well, two people that gave us a sort of salty vibe. Do you want to say? I won't say who, I don't,

I will not say who they are. I don't want you to. I will not say who they are. Guess what? I know who it was and I'm going to put them on the list right now. Put them on. It was,

it was, did that tell you? Oh no now it was um it was uh uh did that tell you oh no it was uh it was it was uh um uh it was uh it was nina from teken and marie osmond yoshimitsu oh yeah and and marie osmond marie osmond it was nina from teken marie marie osmond and yoshimitsu. Oh, yeah. And Marie Osmond. It was Nina from Tekken, Marie Osmond, and Yoshimitsu from Tekken. From Tekken slash Soul Calibur. Yeah, slash Soul Calibur. Important to know. Yeah, they were all really nasty. They came in all together for a project they're doing called Look Who's Talking 3.

Okay. Look Who's Talking 3? Look Who's Talking 3. You know, you remember Look Who's Talking. Actually, it has nothing to do with Tekken, and they're really trying to break away from the Tekken 3. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Marie Osmond's trying to break away from, you know,

singing and dancing and dancing with the stars and performing with her brother and stuff like that. So they're actually doing a third movie of Look Who's Talkin'. Yeah, with, you know, the movie with Kirstie Alley and John Travolta and the baby. But the thing about John Travolta and Kirstie Alley is they're, you know, kind of both going through hard times.

Yeah, yeah. So they're not going to do it. And so Marie Osmond, Yoshi from Tekken, and the other one from Tekken. Yoshi from Tekken. It's Yoshimitsu. Yoshimitsu. Did you ever play Dead or Alive? I did.

I loved it. All of the women were fucking, like, just looked crazy. You could. Ow! My dick fell off! Ow! My dick fell off! Oh, this conversation made my dick fell off ow my dick fell off oh this conversation made my dick fall off stop ed oh their tits are big there you could go into the

settings and make the boobs jiggly you could not really there was boob jiggle settings on this video game yeah and like the later like dead or alive 2 dead or life 3 what do you think about that patriarchy huh patriarchy what is that word um it's so it's um just like the sort of it's when a balloon pops when it gets too high in the air it's when it's when a what's in what's when tits jiggle and my dick doesn't get hard enough yeah you know i actually don't i actually don't think it is the patriarchy. I think it's a woman's choice. If she wants to be a six-foot-tall, 14-year-old, 100-pound ninja with... 700-pound tits.

Yeah, like no discernible scale to measure them yet. They're so big. Yeah, why not? It's a woman's choice. We don't know real ninjas. We don't. We don't know real ninjas. We don't know what they look like. We don't know who they are. We don't know what they're all about. That's true. Is it time

to get into our new segment? It's time to get into, and by by the way someone left a review saying that they hated this segment well guess what we're gonna keep doing it we left the review with someone we can't blast her drag her they left it they left a nice a nice review but they said caveat um i i love last culture it's just but i do not like this voice memo segment but hey but we're gonna keep doing it because i feel that this last week's was really good. And the week prior to that was really good. And the week prior to that was really good.

And oh, wait, I think all of them have been good. So you can just, you know, give it a chance. We're trying something new. Yep, yep, yep. And today's voice memo, oh, you bitch, comes to us actually from friends of the show, Guy Branum. So let's see what guy has to say i i have not heard this i have not heard it either okay here we go oh hey bowen and matt it's guy branham your old friend um just calling to say hey and how uncomfortable i'm made by the

sheer number of times since nathan lee graham i think's his name, that you guys have said, this is the best show ever. Oh, episode, yeah. That really, you know, I think steps on the legacy of those of us who really, you know, built Las Culturistas. Wow. You know, the Beth Newells of the world. He's trying to get in with that baby.

The Catherine Coens. The Catherine Coens. Wither them. What about the Marsha Belskis? What about the guys? Also, hello to Patty. Patty, unlike your voicemail from a couple of weeks ago, I'm not going to be doing a fun little skit.

Okay. Skit. Where I prevaricate to sort of, like, emphasize the ridiculousness of of of what i'm saying my my art and comedy is rooted in truth oh uh and so i don't play little games like that well i'm trans and why aren't we talking about blockers more oh you know like we'll go we'll go as a people and we'll all watch love simon and we'll be gently disappointed by love simon but it never crosses our mind that k canon in making blockers has given us a much better gay teen comedy is it because it centers on a woman

i don't know you would think the fact that it was mainstream would make like gay people more into it because all we fucking want is for the mainstream to pay attention to us um but i don't understand why only only riley jess silverman she is the only queer voice who has been calling out to america and saying hey riley blockers is a good movie that you should be excited about um and it's really funny and ike baron holtz is my friend and my friend dave stasson worked on it but i'm not just being enthusiastic about it because that yeah um my friends worked on it i'm being enthusiastic about it because blockers is a very funny movie and i like i like a nice mainstream comedy i like getting stoned and going to a mainstream comedy brooklyn children you feel the need to be better than mainstream culture. You only want to approach things ironically or at a distance or in your stupid boxy sweatshirts.

Let me tell you, like this whole, oh, look at how dramatically oversized my shirt is thing. That is sizist. It is fundamentally sizist. It is just one of many ways that you say, oh at how thin i am fuck all of you is he doing it i don't think so honey right now i probably shouldn't get into ragey threats of how i will start crushing your bones between my gigantic meaty fists that's probably not what lost culturists is about but oh when i went and saw blockers i wasn'toned, so then I went and saw I Feel Pretty Stoned. It was really good. She's a good actress.

In conclusion, Patty's comedy is rooted in lies. As is my gender identity. My life as a goddess comes out July 31st. And I will be doing a show. Heard it here first.

I will be doing a launch show at Union Hall but I don't know what the day is oh my god maybe I shouldn't be saying that but you guys should all come to my launch show and buy my book especially Patty so she can learn how to make a comedy that is rooted

in truth love Guy oh did I make clear that I am in Palm Springs and my God. Love, Guy. Yeah, I'm gonna fucking buy Guy's book. Oh, did I make clear that I am in Palm Springs and have been drinking since 10 this morning? Oh. I don't know if I made that clear. There you go.

He won. I went to Palm Springs in the middle of the week for no good reason. Okay. Just to luxuriate. I rub it in and I mean sunscreen. And also get stoned, but not watch I Feel Pretty.

Okay. The end. Okay, and that's our voice memo, you bitch from Guy. I'm happy that he's having fun. and also get stoned but not watch I feel pretty okay the end okay and that's our voice memo you bitch from Guy I'm happy that he's having fun I agree that

that we're not talking about blockers enough because I don't think enough people have seen it I haven't seen it I heard it's good I heard it's good

our friend Emily Schmidt wrote for it as well friend of Kay Cannon Patty let's talk about well let's talk well first of all there's a lot to unpack yeah I will say that it does make sense in learning that he was drunk recording that um

you know because i was wondering i was like why would he think i would buy a book right oh he must have been drinking heavily i would buy a book. As for comedy, my comedy being based in lies. Yes, as is your gender identity. As is my gender identity. As is, I mean, everything that I'm saying, everything that I'm doing, the way I wear my hair, the way I'm talking to you right now. Yes.

The way I'm looking at you, even though people are just going to be able to hear this, the way that I'm looking at you, all of it is acting. This goes into some like J.D. Salinger territory. We have an unreliable narrator, you know, in Patty, but she's narrating her own life. I don't know who J.D. Salinger is and I don't know what Prevaricate means.

He wrote Catcher in the Rye. Catcher in the Rye. I know that fact. Prevaricate. That book. That book. Should we look up Prevaricate just to like humor ourselves? Let's look that up before we do that. I don't think so, honey. It's Prevaricate. Okay. Prevaricate. That book. That book. Should we look up prevaricate just to humor ourselves? Let's look that up before we do that.

I don't think so, honey. It's prevaricate. Prevaricate. And what is Catcher in the Rye about? Catcher in the Rye is about a boy who's mad annoying. He's very annoying. Here we go. Prevaricate.

The end. Not going to read that. Verb. Speak or act in an evasive way. He seemed to prevaricate when journalists asked pointed questions. Okay, I do do that. It's a word for dodging. There you go, deflecting.

Prevaricator, that's all you want from me when I come to you with my questions. Prevaricate, that's all you do to me When I come to you When I'm begging For the truth For the truth Prevaricator

Prevaricator, my first single. Now, we're... I thought that... Now, we're on iTunes. Who, who, who, who, who... Very Tina Turner. ...was the good hook. Yes.

That's the hook. It's time to move on. So, it's time to move on to I Don't Think So, Honey. This is the segment where we take one minute to rail against something in pop culture that is bothering us, that we're not really loving. And this is our safe space one minute to really go for it. And I'm ready to go.

Yes. Okay, great. You have one. Yes, I do. So one minute's going on the clock. Matt Rogers is I don't think so, honey, as time starts now. I don't think so, honey. People who can't give Melania Trump the credit for at least looking really good.

Like, listen, you can say what you want, but you cannot say, you can factually say that she doesn't look good. All of a sudden, the conversation has turned to Melania Trump's wardrobe. And we always discuss the first ladies and the way they present themselves. And you know what? You can't say that she doesn't look good. She does look good. She does look good. Whether or not the outfits mean more than just looking good, that's up for debate. If it's more interesting for you to say she's wearing white and that's like a statement, the strong hats are a statement, the retrofuturism is a statement, that's fine. But just like, don't

make it more than it is. She looks good. You can't say she looks bad. You can have your opinion on Melania Trump. But you don't need to say that she looks bad. The woman is dealing with enough. You don't like Donald Trump. Guess what? She is married to Donald Trump, y'all. She has it much worse than us. Just give her a fucking break.

Five seconds. She could be an evil person. We don't know. But let's assume that she's not because that's nicer. And that's one minute. You heard it here first. Melania Trump has it worse than most American people. I'm just saying that she has to be married to Donald Trump

and that's gotta be hard. And I am here right now. I made a surprise. Melania. Melania. And I want to say thank you so much, Matt Rogers, for standing up for me. I love you and I will be by your side as you have been by my side for the rest of your life. I love you and I will be by your side

as you have been by my side for the rest of your life. I love you. I want to be here with you. Please look at my outfit. What do you think of it now? I think it looks amazing. It's a red,

really strong-shouldered ensemble that looks like it was made by Comme de Siam. Yes. Oh. Comme de Siam. It was made by Comme de Siam. Comme de Siam. It was made by Comme de Siam. Wait, let me clarify.

I think I know what you're trying to say. We'll go. I don't think that Melania Trump is like an innocent. But all of a sudden, every news channel I go to, they're all like, Melania Trump's wardrobe. What do we think? I don't know. It's like, no, you can't argue that she is presenting herself well. You know what I mean?

She looks a lot more expensive, and she looks a lot better, more presented and more proud of the way she puts herself together than fucking garbage that she's next to all the time. And also, today, Whoopi Goldberg compared her to Jacqueline Kennedy. Okay, here's the thing, though. Matt's media diet and news diet is still The View. He's not really evolved since eight years ago. You can't have that set the bar for what the conversation is and what the tenor of that is.

I don't want to do this show anymore. Stop. I mean, Matt matt you can't like stop you wait are you mad okay matt's leaving and this is real matt matt come on oh okay i don't want to do this show oh this is oh wow what matt got up and left i think he probably has to take a shit huh i think he's i think he just actually like needs to to expel fecal matter from his body i had a fucking shit since i texted you and told you i was here in front of the building is this true no oh okay my comedy my personality is lies

is lies is lies um fine fine okay well it looks like you've really hurt matt's feelings um you know i thought i thought this was just part of our you know our banter is just is oh my god what is this i'm a ghost of who oh my god oh my god matt died No No Matt how Well you never got to tell me in life What you really wanted to tell me And now's your chance before I cross over Oh my god Matt What do you want to tell me

Wait how did you die A broken heart My friends didn't support me Oh my god Who are your friends Patty and Bowen You Oh my god

Now's your chance to God. What about Travis? What about Travis Moser? Oh, hey. Well, we just met earlier this evening. Hey, I just want to clarify to you a ghost that I wasn't actually your friend. Well, this is your moment to tell me what you really want to say before I cross over to the other side. Oh, my God. Matt, wait.

Matt. The view is news. The view is news. I didn't mean what I said. Thank you. Now i can go wait what were you gonna say i wanted to tell him i'm back to listen oh no he's listening oh no i just wanted to say like i think that i don't know sometimes he does the same when he talks where he like rotates his shoulders and it's like i don't think he realizes he's doing it but it is so jarring and it like makes me lose track of what i'm talking about

he just like rolls his head around his shoulders and now that he's dead he's not going to be doing that anymore which is like i don't know you're northern now i can cross on oh no i didn't know he was listening i know he. He heard. The afterlife. Bowen Yang. I don't think so. Oh, my God. Wait, wait. Hold on.

Okay. All right. Yeah. Okay, go. Hold on. Hold on. What the fuck was that? All right.

Hold on. Bowen Yang. My phone's being crazy. Do you want to take mine? Can this... We're keeping all of this. Bowen Yang, I don't think so, honey. Time of this. I don't think so honey, time starts now. I don't think so honey, book club

is okay. I was foisted with this, you know, invitation to join this Asian book club, which I thought was a great, would be a great idea, but guess what? The meeting is, the first meeting is May 12th, which is

two and a half weeks from now, and I'm expected to read the 800-page monster brick that is Pachinko within that time period. Bitch, I have so much reading material to sift through. I have Jumper, that New Yorker article that came out a few years ago about

the Golden Gate Bridge not having railings to prevent suicide, and how that is, you know, a sociological issue about aesthetics and about mental health. I have some great new books for authors that we're going to interview for this podcast that I'm so excited about. I do not have time to sit and digest an 800-page book about a multi-generational story about Asians to talk about, because I deprioritize my own race, and that is a choice I'm making in 2018. And that's one minute. Wow. He's making the choice in 2018 to deprioritize

his own race, Patty. And that's okay. But your race is like my race. But your race is just like my race. That's cute. I like that you added an extra few words. No, you know what? I just, I don't have time. That's cute. I like that you added an extra few words. No, you know what?

I just, I don't have time. It's about time. And it's about deprioritizing race. Sorry. I don't know. What is prioritizing race? You know, leading with it. I don't know.

But here's the thing. People of color can't turn it on or off. It's part of their external identity. Patty, are you ready for your i don't think so honey yeah okay then your time starts now i don't think so honey what ellen degeneres did to me in that hypothetical concert situation that wrong. The way she went and she got a panectomy. She went and she got a panectomy. She got her penis removed.

Ellen DeGeneres. And then she replaced it with a rhino's horn and proceeded during my opening, during my new song. It wasn't my opening because the meddling was over. The medley was over.

I was debuting a new song from my from my new album about moving on and then no one was talking about it and then she impaled my fans and then did three front flips so fast rotating so fast flung my weaponized my fans dead bodies at me on stage then proceeded to get the whole crowd chanting tranny before they attacked me and then i think she said something about my race too if i remember correctly right she tranny before they attacked me. Five, fifteen seconds. And then I think she said something about my race too. Oh. If I remember correctly, right? Tranny.

She said tranny because she's poking fun at my Vietnamese origin. And that is something I don't think so. That's one better. And that is something I don't think so.

Honey. That is wrong. Wrong. That is wrong. Now I have a surprise. Travis, would you like to do an I don't think so honey. That is wrong. Wrong. That is wrong. Now, I have a surprise. Travis, would you like to do an I don't think so honey? Do you have anything that I don't think so honey about? You can also say no. Or we'd love to hear it.

Can I do a troll ball? Yes! But like, it has to be something. I don't want a thing where it's like, I hate Michelle Obama. It has to be something where it's like, we honestly hate her. Okay, fine, fine, fine. Go ahead, get up to the mic, and I'm going to do a troll poll.

Can we cut this if it's horrible? No, we're keeping it because it's going to be great. It's going to be great. Okay. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Wait, can I select from a few? Yes, let's give you options.

Give them options. Okay. I don't think so, honey. Expensive tableware. that's a that's a rough okay that that's that's that's niche that's niche i'm what else matt come on i don't think so honey tommy lee jones okay i don't think so honey uh people who walk in lines on the sidewalk okay side by side um i don't think so honey people who walk in lines on the sidewalk. Okay. Side by side. I don't think so, honey. People who walk in lines on the sidewalk.

Oh! It's like, we are native New Yorkers, honey. Oh! We need you to move to either the right or the left. Oh!

And we need you to stay, not mom and dad on the right and sister and brother on the... Oh! We need you all to go on the right or the left. So that we New Yorkers who are getting places can then trudge forward to our destinations.

We're going to our Ripley Greers. We're going to our dearest darling Forever Dogs. We're going to our Patty's beautiful concerts with impaling and different activities with Ellen DeGeneres. We need you to move to the left. No lines. No lines. No,

this isn't, you know, a daisy chain of people just moving along. It's like, please get out of my way. The world's ending.

I need to get to my destination. A-S-A motherfucking P. Five seconds. I don't think so. Honey. Yes. Walking in the

oh my gosh amazing daisy chain of people no no no no no no what was the Joe the Joe Wrigley

the what Ripley Greer Ripley Greer have you been there no what is that it's a rehearsal space slash sometimes audition space

for many a musical theater rehearsal many a play rehearsal many even a comedy rehearsal it's actually play rehearsal, many even a comedy rehearsal. It's actually in the same building at a dance rehearsal. Oh, I heard about this fire. I heard about the

there's always a fluffle over there. Ripley Greer is like kind of insane. Like being there is like an insane heightened experience. It's like a multi-sensory experience in the way that that movie about the pill that makes you access all your brain with Bradley Cooper. It's exactly like insane heightened experience. It's like, oh, God. It's like a multi-sensory experience in the way that that movie about the pill that makes you access all of your brain with Bradley Cooper. It's exactly like Limitless.

Exactly like Limitless. It's exactly like Limitless, which is now a show. Is it really? Is he in it? No. He's very famous. Does anybody? I've never watched it.

But you know Bradley Cooper's going to be in that A Star is Born movie with Lady Gaga. And I hear it's really good. The trailer brought everyone to tears. Can you believe that? Was it at Tribeca? No, it was at CinemaCon. They showed the trailer and the reactions were over the top. And also people that have seen the movie have said that it's amazing.

And that Bradley Cooper is incredible in it and does a great job directing. And that Stephanie Germanotta, a.k.a. lady gaga is a breakout performance as an actress would you support that and celebrate that i think that she is an incredible performer singer i think she has paid her dues i think she deserves to have a place i want to see bradley cooper nut i want to see brother i want to see him not at the end wait i do i am curious i've always wanted to ask patty this because i think she has a very interesting complex relationship with the song i'm born this way and with lady gaga in general because i talk about that because she is able to constantly just like mine it for some comedic value and just with how fucking

stupid the lyrics are i'm beautiful in my way i mean lebanese your orient like your lebanese your orient okay so talk about like what like what is it about born this way that you keep coming back to okay so the so lady gaga yeah you know that song was on born this way that album yes know, coming hot out of the Fame Monster. Yes, yes. And game-changing album. This is like her big cum, or her big cum. Her big nut. Her big nut.

Her big second nut. She was jacking off on the first album, and then she finally nutted on Born This Way. And she would probably say that, too. That era Lady Gaga, who was always saying really, like, Get your dicks out, Scandinavia! Get your dicks out! And then she alsoicks out and then she also had like a weird

accent in her music Lady Gaga and she would like say something like that I think Born This Way you know it's the first pop song top 40 pop song that used the word transgender in it maybe also the

you know first top 40 pop song that referred to you um your orient also uh i just think born this way is uh it's just the song the idea of the song is is really fun like a great and then uh everything else about it is you know there's a there's a rap break where she's talking like she's recording a voice memo in her phone it's like weather lives disabilities live you outcasts belittletease redress and love yourself today and then she like comes in and there's a live version of it I think she did at like the American Music Awards or something or the Grammys where she's in that like full latex

suit and there's an organ on stage and she's just playing I love I really really really loved late Born This Way era Lady Gaga I think Shia says a great song I think Bloody Mary is an incredible song

Government Hooker also baby you and i okay but do you balance it out with like oh lady gaga's fucking ridiculous so that era of her was also you know shiza yes a really like nice feminist really like thoughtful it seemed she was trying to be subversive and like

but after that she started dating the gap tooth model guy and engaged him then she started doing all those interviews where she was like I'm not a feminist

yes I love to cook for my man I don't like folding on everything I like being sexually submissive yeah and it was just like what she defaulted sure reneged on all of it was that the weird art pop phase this was like between art pop and born this way she was dating taylor kinney and she was like because she met him on the uh set of you and i yeah you're right okay so that that's interesting i think she

was mentally all fucked up like while she was creating art pop sure sure i think yes i think she folded to the pressure of her celebrity the celebrity that she was commenting on in the fame monster it's like the all the nut was being put back in to well once you know you have to clean up the mess and it sounds like she had a really hard time once you know once you know yeah once you, you have to clean up the mess. And it sounds like she had a really hard time cleaning up the mess of the nut. Yeah, once you nut, you have to just suck it all back in. Yeah, once you nut, you, of course,

have to gather all the nut into your hands and slurp it up. No, I was saying you use your genitals. Oh, yeah. No, you don't do that. Or your asshole

to just inhale it. Yeah, right. You don't eat your cum. You don't do that. Well, you know, whether or not you eat your cum yeah you don't do that right well for you know whether or not you eat your cum yeah whether life's disability leave you outcast or eat your cum tonight baby baby you are born this way I'm on the right track Here you come

Here you come You up Sing for me Wow As HPJ lurches for the controls We have to be wrapping up Travis Thank you so much for coming today

Thank you so much It was an honor to have you Thank you for being here And thank you for bringing this great stuff for us. And also, please check out Travis's music. Is the song that you just released Feels Like Home? Is that what it's called? It Feels Like Home.

It's very beautiful. And as is the rest of his little catalog that he has on Spotify. And go check out his shows and everything. It sounds like Madonna-thon is going to be very cool. Madonna-thon. I can't wait. I'll be there. And as for you,

traitorous hoe, how dare you come in here? Oh, I'm going to come in here. I'm going to say nasty things about Ellen DeGeneres. I'm subversive. That's what she said. She said that to us

before she came. Yeah, and that's her real voice. Did you know that I'm dating Ellen? Fuck, Patty. Yeah.

I'm a homewrecker. Yeah, and she refuses to use a condom. Oh my Ellen. Fuck, Patty. Yeah. Yeah, and she refuses to use a condom. Oh my God. Well, it's because what condom's

going to fit her thick rhino dick? And I did too. Yeah, I'm like, oh, yeah, and she just spits on it.

That's not safe. It's not safe. You just slowly fade out on this for the end of the episode. I bleed every time. Okay, everyone.

And I love it. I laugh it up. Patty Harrison. Sometimes she'll like put her finger in and then she'll pull it out and I'm like, I'll put the finger in my mouth.

May 18th at UCB Sunset. It's a guy. May 8th. May 8th. I'm so sorry. Also, also go see Guy's show. Go see Guy Branum's show

and buy his book. Yeah, buy his book. And buy his book for me. Oh yes, buy his book for Patty. Get the audio book for Patty because she doesn't read

she doesn't read if you ask her if she gonna read well she doesn't read she don't read in the morning she don't read in the afternoon she don't read in the night time she don't read never queer is beautiful yes we have to go bye Forever Dog This has been a Forever Dog production Executive produced by Brett Boehm Joe Cilio And Alex Ramsey

For more original podcasts Please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com And subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts Spotify Or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook. I'm Julian Edelman.

I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find age-old question. What kind of dudes are these dudes?

We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, off the coast of Florida.

And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace,

the Elian Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. I'm Sheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day.

Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Sheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.