Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "Seek Treatment!" (w/ Pat Regan)

Episode Date: January 3, 2018

His Mom's friend met Colin Quinn on a beach and told him that he did comedy. A Swedish woman once told him that he would do well in Europe sexually. He has a teen cousin who has a vest that was featured in Ryan Murphy's Scream Queens. And after a short hiatus from Lloyd Night...he quit Lloyd Night. Yes, the THREE time "Las Culturistas Icon Award Winner" is back to stake his claim as the greatest Las Culturistas guest of all time. Welcome to 2018, Culturistas!Without further ado...Pat Regan. #KatieHolmesIsFamily #Suits #RHONY #Survivor #JuliaRoberts #DragRaceAnd PLEASE contribute to OPERATION CHART TOPPER by going on Apple Podcasts to SUBSCRIBE, Rate 5 Stars, and Review!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistas/twitter.com/lasculturistas(@LasCulturistas)LAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASTforeverdogpodcasts.com/las-culturistas Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This fall on Bravo. It's time to turn up. Think you've seen it all? I don't think you've been a good friend to me lately. We're friends like that, who needs enemies? You ain't seen nothing yet. Cheers to being Germanic. With the Real Housewives of Potomac.

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You broke the rules and now you're here getting upset. Watch all new seasons on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. Let's have a real good time. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all

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We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. I have some scalding hot tea.

Come on. HPJ, Hot Producer Joe, just revealed to us that what he does when he goes into the Apple Store is he goes around to all the phones and iPads, and he likes and subscribes on those iPads to Las Culturistas podcast. That's incredible, and I love it. And this is what will make Project Chart to Operation a success. Yes, because if you don't know, now you know. Project Chart to Operation is really in full effect.

It's actually been a huge success, you guys. We even got up to, I think, number 61? We got up to number 59 on the charts. So we cracked the top 60? We cracked the top 60, girl. Oh my goodness. Well, I mean, we have HPJ to thank for that

and everyone at home who's been rating, reviewing. I was just telling these guys we are here with Pat Regan. Say hi, Pat. Hi, guys. Hi. Hi.

I was just sharing with them that I humiliatingly will grab people's phones and, you know, I'll do this five-star review thing. Have you done the same? I've done the same with my father's. Yeah.

Now, have you been doing this for us? I took my straight wife's phone and gave a five-star review and it saved our marriage. And that's just what works for our family. Yeah. That's amazing. There you go. Whatever works for your family. And, yeah, you can dictate whatever's going to work for your family when you do this.

I mean, it works for Joe's family to just go into iPhone stores and, you know, the iPhone stores. Break all the laws. So please help us keep making Project Chart Operation a resounding success. Yeah. And we'll see you on the reviews. Oh, look, man. Oh, I see. Wow.

Look over there. Wow. Is that culture? Yes. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Las culturistas. Ding dong. Las Culturistas calling.

And I would say that we are bravely starting 2018. Bravely. We are recording this on January 1st. Wow. Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit. Yeah. What do you mean by rabbit? Well, people say rabbit, rabbit the first day of every month. I never knew

that anyone ever said that. It's a very sort of like folksy thing that people do. Apparently, I just learned about this this year because someone would just out of nowhere text me rabbit, rabbit every now and then. What? What? And then I would realize slowly it would dawn on me it was the first of the month. That's insane. And I Googled it.

When you discover a phrase that's popular and well-known, and you literally have never heard of it in your life. Right, yeah. I can't think of one for me right now. What was your response just now when I just said rabbit, rabbit, rabbit? I was like, literally, I've never heard that in my life. And you know what else? There's a person that I heard about who everyone else knows about, and I

had never heard of in my life until this year. Who? Connor Oberst. I didn't know who the fuck that was. Our of in my life until this year. Who? Connor Oberst. I didn't know who the fuck that was. Connor Oberst. Our guest doesn't know who the fuck that is. Connor Oberst opened for Kacey Musgraves one time when I saw her in concert. Okay, well, if he had come out there and I had been at that concert, you know what I would have said? Who the fuck is that?

But you want to know something? A lot of people were there for Connor. That's insane. And then they left when Kacey went on and I was like, that is so disrespectful. That's got to be rule of culture number 19. When people leave, they are not having respect in terms of concerts. Yes. In terms of concerts.

That rule is a little bit, it's a journey to get there. No, no, no. I think we just have to say it again. Okay. When people leave before the headliner, have some respect in terms of concerts. There we go. That's all it takes

every now and then to really cement the permanence of a rule of culture. Can I say something? Yes. I've been really excited about this guest. Oh my god. Because there's guests and then there's this guest because there's guests and then there's this guest there are guests and then there's a guest that really has

worked his or her or their way into the mythology of what we do here and become really this true star in fact famously you suggested perhaps they should become permanent and I really, truly...

In passing, I thought, wow, what are some interesting things to do with the show? And I don't really want to get into this right now. Yeah, because you know. No, no, no, no, no, no. I want us to focus on the guest and not about what I said about the guest. Does that make sense? I do, I do. I get that. Famously, our guest, the three-time and only winner of the Las Culturistas Icon Award.

It's fascinating. Fascinating. That's the way it struck out. Like, we did a culture war and they said probably, like, I mean, it would be crazy if Pat won. We all knew Pat could win. Yes. But then Pat won. And then we had to honor that second win at I Don't Think So Honey.

Yeah, right. Live. And who could forget when he came out in the mist. In the mist, and there's a beautiful Mindy Tucker photo of him in the mist that he might be using for promotional purposes for a credit. Yeah, and of course we say shout out to Mindy. Shout out to Mindy. But yes, and this is actually really

fascinating and upsetting that he has a credit. Because it breaks the whole sort of his own mythos. Right, I mean he is of course New York City's most beloved comedian with zero credits or projects. Word for word. Of course, famously, the credits prior to this actual credit was they included one time his mom's friend met Colin Quinn on approached him and told him that he would do well in europe sexually and who could forget the fact that his cousin who's a teen owns a vest that was featured in an episode of ryan murphy's scream queens or who could forget the fact that he was blacklisted

from the third installment of my show Live on Broadgate and we have breaking news. After a short hiatus from Lloyd Knight he has left Lloyd Knight for good. We can now report that our guest has finally left Lloyd Knight for good. He is on to other opportunities, perhaps even paid. Perhaps maybe even getting 20 bucks

for doing a set somewhere. That's huge. Oh yeah. People need to understand that in New York City, that is rare. When you find your Venmo and there's $20 in there after doing a set, it's like a Christmas morning. Absolutely. Now, can we talk about the actual credit? The actual credit.

I can't wait to see this. I'm going to be hooting and hollering. Yes, you know I'll be hooting and hollering. Matt, what's the credit? Well, I'll tell you. On Friday, January 5th at 7 p.m., but the doors open at 6.30 p.m., at the Duplex NYC in the West Village, right on 7th Avenue, and I think West 4th.

Okay. There will be Pat Regan, unwrapped and loving it. Yes. With amazing featured guests as well. Aaron Jackson, Josh Sharp, Naomi Ekper again. The list goes on. Derek Katz. Derek Katz. Okay. Alright.

Sorry. Well now that he's spoken out of turn. We must introduce Pat Regan. I would never speak out of turn on my own behalf but when it comes to my openers I'm a mama bear and I will always always always fight for them. Yes. You would identify as a mama bear. I would identify as a

mama bear. For your openers. For my openers. Yeah. Don't come for me. Don't come for my family. Don't come for my openers. So you identify as white gay. I identify as a white gay and that is my minority. My gay is a minority. My gay is a minority? White gay is a minority.

And then do you identify as mama bear? Is that a minority? It's not a minority though. It is a marginalized people. And in some spaces for sure it's a minority um it's not a minority though it is a marginalized people and in some spaces and in some spaces for sure it's a minority absolutely yeah yeah okay so pat i think i'm going to get ahead of what you were trying to address just now after your um really shocking cough now do you want to tell everybody what's going on yeah so a couple of different things are going on with me right now i won't hear it as per usual you know um we're all multifaceted here and i want to tell everybody what's going on? Yeah, so a couple of different things are going on with me right now. I want to hear it all.

As per usual, you know, we're all multifaceted here. And I want to also say, like I already said this off air, I want to reiterate on the air that my brain feels tired right now. So, like, I might start slow, but whatever. This is famously exactly what Pat said on the last episode. I know, and it's not by design. It's not contractual. It's really my emotional truth right now.

Is that you feel tired? I feel my brain feels tired. Well, what kind of events did you get up to last night on New Year's Eve that would leave you in a tired state? I went to one party that was like very alt-Brooklyn comedy scene. Absolutely. What was stressful about the party was I got there 35 minutes after start time, which is safe, I think. And, of course, I was the first person there. Oh, no.

It was a really good party but everyone was like I knew people too well to introduce myself but not well enough to just start chatting it's that horrible middle liminal space I by necessity need to be central to any group of people that I'm involved in and I didn't feel like the star of the party

that's tragic my anxiety got the best of me and I couldn't stop coughing. Yeah. And so the host actually gave me cold medicine, which was, which was nice. That is really nice. So then I left and I went. You didn't refuse the cold medicine outright though? Cause that's what I would have done.

I didn't refuse the cold medicine outright because I felt I might need it. Okay. That's fair. That's why they have it. That's why they have it. That's why they make it for people to take. I might have a cold. This would be such a bad week for me to get a cold

because I'm interviewing for a temp job tomorrow or Wednesday. Thank you. And I also have my show on Friday, so it wouldn't be ideal. It's a big week. Well, you could get up there and you could do the show a little sick. I could get up there a little sick, but my mom's been very sick. I don't think my mom could do a show right now.

Yeah, no, I don't think she could either. So if I get the sickness that my mom has, that would be bad news. Which is an aggressive cold. It's like, yeah, it's an aggressive cold. It's like a voice affecting cold. So it seems like the cough is lingering because it's still sort of... So also another thing going on with me right now is

we just talked about this offer but I want to bring it in on air. It would be important to important to share it on i have no problem saying something twice um i've been chewing nicorette gum i've never smoked in my entire life a cigarette and um for reasons unbeknownst to me i started chewing nicorette gum and it makes me cough sometimes but i'm gonna stop but could this be because you are becoming addicted to the nicotine in the gum yes okay i think so yeah okay all right but that's like that also makes me cough but Could this be because you are becoming addicted to the nicotine in the gum? Yes. Okay. That's, I think. So, yeah.

Okay. All right. But that's, like, that also makes me cough. But I, whatever. The gum? Makes you cough? The nicotine. Some, I think so.

Like, when I, when I chewed it. It might be a placebo. Maybe. I don't know. But, like, maybe I shouldn't have brought that in. But. No, no, no. I'm glad you did because this is.

No, I'm happy you did. That's a culture. Really? That's quite a quirk. Totally. So that, that I think is also a contribution. I was, like, never did that's a culture that's quite a quirk totally so that I think is also a contribution I was like never gonna

quite a quirk I was never gonna talk about the cough but if we're gonna talk about the cough like I wanna really make sure I represent all factors

and you know what and I do wanna apologize to you because I was the one who took the cough and brought it into this conversation absolutely

and right now you're drinking tea we all are we all are this is a nice change of... Can I tell you something? I actually can't stand when people are coughing.

I can't stand when people are coughing. Same. And literally, I just told Bowen, I famously can't watch The Crown because the first two episodes of The Crown are Lane Pierce... Price. Lane Price from Mad Men just coughing too much.

And I said, I am not sitting here. This is just not what works for me and my family to sit there and watch the ground I don't want to watch people cough it doesn't work for me and my family never on my screen if it happens in IRL it's like okay maybe that was not scripted but when it's on a Netflix or Reg I don't need to see it

but I haven't gotten into the crown yet but I want to because I'm famously very into the succession to the British throne. Are you? I'm very into it. It is. Anything where humans are quantified by something silly, I really am attracted to. It's really excellent.

I wrote it off pretty early on last year when it came out. I watched the first two episodes. They were such a snooze fest. I was like, this is not for me. Like this sort of crusty, stupid,

coughing, sort of British sensibility. No. No, thank you. But then it really picks up as soon as, I mean, spoiler alert, King George VII

does pass away. Okay, wow. And so immediately Elizabeth must succeed, take succession. And then the show just really picks up after that. So why not start it there?

Good note. The emotional context of Elizabeth and her relationship with her father is very important. So anyway. I don't know. I mean I've never watched the show. I don't know. But you want to get into it. Well I love like I'm very attracted to like I've never watched the show I don't know but you want to get into it well I love

like I'm very attracted to like I always know like the top 10 yes to the throne okay can you rattle them off right now

I might not know names but I'll know so Charles so Charles William George Charlotte Harry

and then Charles and then Edward I believe Charles's younger brother and then Edward's two believe, Charles' younger brother, and then Edward's two daughters, Beatrice and Eugenie. Oh, my God.

Then the next boy is Andrew, because Charles is one of four, so then it's Andrew. I think Andrew has a son and a daughter, and then it's the sister of... I thought Charles. I thought Charles' sister was the oldest

I thought Anne was the oldest of those siblings but because she's not a girl if you were born like before 1980 something then if you're a girl so it goes to like Charles and then like his kids

and then the next after Charles and his kids and with Elizabeth I want to be all you show with like Beatrice and Eugenie is there like a script supervisor whose like job

is to figure this out yeah I'm sure on the crown in the cast it's like okay guys, wait, actually, seventh is Eugenie. I mean,

in real life, I would love that job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be a great job. Someone comes in and is just like, hey, actually, this is not the way it works.

What are your thoughts on Megan? I love her. I loved her on Suits. Okay, wait, so she is like a legit actress? Yeah.

Do you watch Suits? No. I know you famously watch Suits. I famously watch it. Very attractive men in Suits. Yeah, wait, that one guy. Hot men watch Suits? No. I know you famously watch Suits. I famously watch it. Very attractive men in suits. Yeah, wait. That one guy.

Hot men in suits. No, two guys. Oh, never mind. I'm thinking of the guy from The Doctor Show. I'm thinking of the guy. His name is Mark Fuerstein. I think he's so hot. Mark Fuerstein, if you're listening, Matt, thinks you're hot.

He's so fucking hot. Famously not Meghan Markle. Famously, famously. No, but... Meghan Markle, I've watched Suits with straight boys, and I'll tell you what, hot. Famously not Meghan Markle. Famously, famously. No, but... Meghan Markle, I've watched suits with straight boys and I'll tell you what,

they go gaga over Meghan Markle. Really? Well, she's gorgeous. I thought you were gonna say over the men. No. I mean, the gays would go gaga for Meghan, of course.

Totally. But I mean, you know when there's one of those girls that's like, oh yeah, she's pretty, she's gorgeous, but then there were

lots of other girls and then there's certain ones that straight boys just love. Royal Pains. That's the show I was thinking about. Royal P gorgeous. But then there were lots of other girls and then there's certain ones that straight boys just love. Royal Pains. That's the show I was thinking about. Royal Pains. Wow. Okay, wow. I just said Royal Pains and the headphones knocked off Pat's head. Totally. I don't have any experience with Royal Pains

except that I don't respect it. Alright. So what's good about Suits? Just the guys are hot or the storyline is compelling? So this is Suits and I never ever wanted to be on college talking about Su but that's where you are when you come into these doors you have no idea what's gonna happen next yeah so suits is like there's one hot lawyer one hot like fuck up um and the hot fuck up is really smart like he made but he's like from the streets and so he i think used to make money like taking SATs for people because he's so smart

but such a fuck up and he's so hot yeah so then he like is running away from the cops or something and he accidentally

runs into hot lawyers like law firm who's interviewing new lawyers and he sits down and he's just like so smart and hot

and hot that the older hot guy is like wait but he's such a fuck up but he's such a fuck up and the older lawyer is like I can like make something of you so they like that makes a lot of sense wait. But he's such a fuck up? But he's such a fuck up and the older lawyer's like, I can make something of you.

So they create- That makes a lot of sense narratively that he would take a chance on this hot guy who's been the star of the show so far. Just two hot white men taking a chance on one another.

Why is this day special? Why is this day special over the other days? So then he ends up getting the job at this law firm. They create this lie that he went to Harvard Law

and then it's kind of the politics of the firm. Who will find lie that he went to Harvard Law and then it's kind of the politics of the firm. Like, who will find out that he's like not, he's actually a fuck up. And that young, the young hot guy and Meghan Markle

who's a paralegal but like she's actually really smart too and capable of so much more. They kind of have like a romance. So, she's not only on the show,

she's a big part of the show. She's a huge part of the show. That's insane. There's also this red haired woman on that show and I haven't seen it in years. And even when I saw it,

I didn't see it. Jessica Chastain. It was Jessica Chastain. Whenever we don't know their name, there is Jessica Chastain. Jessica Chastain turns in a really fun performance in suits.

Wow. Yeah, it's almost like Joanie from Mad Men, but like a little bit. Wow, that feeling when you call her Joanie. Who the fuck are you? I know.

Her best fucking friend? I haven't watched Mad Men since I was in diapers. Yeah, well, guess what? Only one person calls her Joni, and that is fucking Roger Sterling, and he was sleeping with her. Totally. And I famously wasn't.

No, you weren't. But this redhead is like buxom also. Not as buxom, but that's a high standard. Joni is the most buxom. Yeah, and she's fun. Maybe she doesn't have red hair. Maybe I'm conflating the two. Wow.

But she's a fun part of the show. But she is a fun part of the show. The show is fun, and everyone's really up early doing good work at their office, and there's something aspirational about watching it. Yeah, because you can tell they got their shit together. I thought this exact same thing about, I was watching Erin Brockovich two nights ago. Congrats, Homo Brag. Thank you, Homo Bragg.

There's so many scenes of just a character working, staying late at night at the office. And there's something aspirational about that, too. Totally. In a similar way of watching people getting to the office early and doing work. Wait, so I'm actually glad you actually just said Erin Brockovich. Okay. Because I

talked, I think, to you about this a little bit. Yeah. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about Julia. Is it because of Wonder? I don't know what it is. I know what it is. I recently watched on Netflix Mona Lisa's Smile for the first time. Thank you for that.

Yes, thank you. Women can do anything. Even be a mom if you're white. I have to tell you. Jennifer Goodwin's one of Jennifer Goodwin's first roles. One of Jennifer Goodwin's first roles. one of Maggie Gyllenhaal's first big parts. And I'll tell you what. I never liked Maggie Gyllenhaal. I never trusted her. I don't trust her still.

Okay, because this is me. Katie Holmes' fucking family. You know what I mean? And I think that when they replaced her, that was callous in Batman. Yeah. And Maggie, it's like, to me, Maggie broke girl code. And that was my entrance into Maggie Gyllenhaal. But who could have done that?

Who could have filled in for Katie? But it wasn't Katie's choice. I'm saying, it wasn't? I am making this up, but I don't think it was. I remember feeling like, it was like, Katie Holmes was going through that whole moment with Tom Cruise. Her stock plummeted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everyone's like, we hate Katie, we hate Katie.

And I'm not here to defend Katie. But what I will say is, like, she was that character. And she's family. And I won't, we can't put her out to pasture. And so Maggie Gyllenhaal, I've just always had a bad taste in my mouth. But I'm saying, you can't blame Maggie for that. For the Katie stuff. No, but I think

She could have refused the part, Bowen. She could have said, I'm not being in the Dark Knight. Because Katie. Because Pat's her family. I like to think that I would have. I like to think if I was Maggie Gyllenhaal and they came to me and they said, listen, we're going to fuck over Katie Holmes, this young girl in the industry. Yeah.

You would have said Katie is family. It's the top female role in this film. What do you think, bitch? So anyways, I just always was like, and then I thought Maggie Gyllenhaal did fine. I was like, I don't know if I'm getting something from Maggie Gyllenhaal that I couldn't have from Katie. Honestly, I think, here's what I'll say. She was giving you a lot in, spoiler alert

for The Dark Knight, the scene where she gets, for lack of a better word, incinerated by the Joker. She was giving you some really good acting when she realized that she was not going to live. Yeah. Right. And I don't, and I think that Katie Holmes is about as talented as, like, I don't know, like, when she realized that she was not going to live. Yeah. Right. Right. That was powerful. And I think that Katie Holmes is about as talented as, like,

I don't know, like, one of the more talented birds in the world. I want to be. She could probably do as much as, like, a penguin could on screen. Like, she absolutely can come out there and be like, oh, that's cute. Like, and then it's over.

What do you think about that? I want to be really clear about, my argument is not that Katie Holmes is talented. Right, of course. And that would never be my argument. That is a house of cards. So clarify that. My argument is that Katie Holmes is family.

And we cannot put her out to pasture. I understand. We just can't. She had the role. Let her do her movies. What makes her family? Is it that you've known her? Dawson's fucking great coach.

Okay, I was going to guess. Teaching Mrs. Tinglebatch. Okay, so she's your family because you feel close to her because of the project. For anyone. Like, I didn't feel like Maggie Gyllenhaal was family yet. Yeah, yeah. Like, she was a your family because you feel close to her because of the project. For anyone. I didn't feel like Maggie Gyllenhaal was family yet. Yeah, yeah. She was a new person.

I don't do well with new people. No, you don't. But so then I... So did Mona Lisa Smile make her family? So, flash forward to the end of 2017. I'm looking for something on that.

Just days ago. Yeah, just days ago. And I watch and I'm like, oh, wow. I love Maggie Gyllenhaal. Yeah. Honestly, can I tell you the scene that's the real gag?

Because I didn't even get to say what the real gag of Mona Lisa Smile is. And this is actually indicative of a much larger problem, which is that no one ever gives Kirsten Dunst the credit. No, you're so right. She never gets the credit. She never gets the credit. And I was recently talking to someone about Shailene and how they thought that Shailene gave nothing in Big Little Lies. And I said, actually, I don't think that's true. I just think Shailene makes it look

easy. And I think Kirsten Dunst doesn't get the credit ever because she makes things look so easy. Like, you never think like, oh, that person is turning in an amazing performance because you don't, it doesn't smell like acting. It's just good and the part. Like, so, and she's also so malleable.

She can do so many different things. You could associate her with so many different kinds of performances and kinds of movies. So Mona Lisa Smile just floats on by, and the story of it is like Julia Roberts or whatever, but low-key, Kirsten Dunst is killing it in Mona Lisa Smile, especially the scene towards the like towards the end of the movie

there's two and and give me a hoot and a holler if you agree okay okay having freshly seen

okay the scene where she's like your husband hates you yes he hates you yes and she's really talking

about herself and Maggie's like and Maggie embraces and it's someone that was like beating against the chest yeah like yeah that was a really it's a great moment and then that's funny I was gonnaaces and it's someone that was like beating against the chest like yeah

that was a really It's a great moment and then That's funny I was gonna come I was gonna come for Kirsten when you were done talking Oh

But now that you've worked that scene and I'm remembering that And now I'm gonna twist the knife Okay The scene where she's on the bike following the car at the end like looking into the car Yeah

That was alright for me She There was the most lived in performance from her Yes For sure Julius Doss is a full psycho in that movie and I will go Forgot she was in it She's someone who flies There was the most lived-in performance from her there. Yes, for sure.

Julia Stiles is a full psycho in that movie. And I will go to the next. Forgot she was in it, bitch. She's someone who flies under. And forgot she was in it. I think Julia Stiles is very niche. I think those who like love and those who don't love don't even know she exists. I love. I love 10 Things.

One of my favorites. I love 10 Things. Love Larissa Oleynik in 10 Things. Yeah, Larissa Oleynik in 10 Things really knew the assignment. But Julia, so I watched Mona Lisa

and I'm like, I'm just like having this moment with Julia Roberts. Julia Roberts, not Julia Stiles. Never, never Julia Stiles. I'm having a moment with Julia Roberts.

Yeah, I've never had a moment with Julia Stiles. No, we just said 10 Things. No, I do. Yeah, but she didn't give you the moment in 10 Things. Yes, she did. No, at the end I know. Yeah, but she didn't give you the moment 10 things. Yes, she did. At the end, she's reading.

When she reads the poem, she is giving you the moment. Oh, come on. Yes, okay. That's actually rule of culture number 22. When she reads the poem, Julia Stiles is giving you a moment. Yes, that's true. She gives. I hate the way.

And she goes up against him. You didn't call. Yes. I don't hate you at all. I hate the way. I don't hate you. Not even a little bit. Not even at all. Run out didn't call. Yes. I don't hate you at all. Wait, I don't hate you. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.

Run out of English class. Yes, go, queen. No, and speak. And then we're going to, I'm going to. Oh, my God. And when she was mortified when Heath Ledger was singing that song on the bleachers, she was like, oh, my God. She was truly a white feminist in a good way.

In a good way. She was a painter. Militant. Played field hockey didn't care about decorum yeah oh I'm sorry

I'm so sorry before we move on she was not a painter that was not another teen movie and also she and that was of course a parodying

yes that moment Rachel Lee Cook's character and she's all that who was a painter but they did play with paint in that scene yes their meet cute

like montage it wasn't in that it was paintball but it was they throw border balloons play with paint in that scene. Their meet cute montage. It wasn't in that paint. It was paintball, but it was they throw border balloons filled with paint. Can we be clear? So unclear what that fucking diversion was. What the hell was that? If they were trying to,

and I will say this, shame on that movie because they had an opportunity to bring a lot of tourists to whatever that was and it was not clear what it was. No, I, no. They paddle boated there. They had to have a lot of tourists to whatever that was and it was not clear what it was. They paddle boated there. They had to have a montage of them having fun and they had to make it contemporary

because it was a contemporary telling of Taming of the Shrew and they had to make it modern, which at the time was paintballing, throwing paintballs at each other. Julia Stiles will always take a Shakespearean reimagining. She'll always take that. She'll always take that role.

Even now that she's like, I feel done acting, she'll like O. And also Tami. And also she did Hamlet. A modern Hamlet. She played Ophelia. On stage? On film? On film. I think I remember this. And I forgot who else was in it, but there's big names. Talk about your moment that she gave you

in Mona Lisa's novel. Why are you thinking about her? I want to say one last thing about 10 things I hear gave you in Mona Lisa's mouth Julie Roberts why are you Julie Roberts why are you thinking about her I want to say one last thing about 10 things I hear about you that I may never get to say again Allison Janney turns in a fun performance

that was one of Allison Janney's first like breakout movie roles yeah it was so fun it was the first time she took a small nothing part and made it into a thing which

well yeah no it was she was before that yes around the same time okay maybe right before but it was like it was timed out timed out and it was building on all of that.

Yeah. So that's what I wanted to say about Johnny. The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are back. I love that. I love that. Oh my gosh. Welcome. And last season's drama was just the tip of the iceberg.

You're recording us? I am disgusted. Never in a million years after everything we've been through did i think that you would reach out to our sworn enemy we were friends how could you do this to me i don't trust her the real housewives of salt lake city wednesdays at nine on bravo or stream it on city tv plus i'm julian edelman i I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes.

I'm a dude, you're a dude, and Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past, and we're just going to sit here and talk about them. And we'll get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, Gronk? We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes dude. We got dogs.

Dogs. We'll break down their games. We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dudes dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop

every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean.

He had lost his mother, trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian.

Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzales wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom.

At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian, and Basketball Hall of Famer. I'm a mom, and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby, journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman. And on our new podcast,

we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We wanna share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts. You know, just all the s*** we go through. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I, well, we have no problem going there.

Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. And then, um, and then, so... Julia Roberts. Julia Roberts. I didn't have a moment with her in Mona Lisa's smile, but I thought the whole time I was like, wow, I'm in Julia Roberts right now.

Yeah. But then it also got me thinking, I don't even know Julia Roberts. You know what I mean? You don't know her. You know what I mean? No one does. I feel like I know the stars of today.

I don't know Julia Roberts at all. And I've never seen Aaron Brock. But my end time... It's one of the best movies of all time. I would love... You have to. You would love... It. But my entrance to Julia. It's one of the best movies of all time. I would love. You have to. You would love. It's never not great to watch.

And it's very relevant now, shall I say, in these political times because it's all about the difference that one person can make. And so is Mona Lisa. But my entrance to Julia and my favorite Julia moment, of course, has to be my best friend's wedding. Yes. Dance at the end and most of i got moves you never seen oh yeah no she's great in it but she does and here's the thing about my best friend's wedding too on paper and this is the mark of someone that's really great on paper that character is so awful so unlike like you can't like that person right like imagine and

also it's kind of like this with l Woods. Imagine getting that script and being like, oh, and also, we have to like her. Bye. It's like, no way. Yeah, so hard. But like,

but like, there's something, because just because it's so annoying, you know what I mean? So annoying, the motivations are so bizarre. Right, right.

Selfish. Yeah. And then to turn it around and make it a thing, I think My Best and Joyding is one of the best ever. I do too Kat Mead Diaz's

second role Kat Mead yeah and I famously said that Cameron Diaz's karaoke scene in that movie was an emotional tearjerker

I don't get that but I still don't get that I don't know that I can't get into it I don't want to get into it my roommate caught me watching Aaron Brockovich

this weekend caught caught there's shame around it well because he was like I tweeted about it I was like last Aaron Brockovich this weekend. Caught? Caught. There's shame around it for you? Well, because he was like, I tweeted about it. I was like,

last Aaron Brockovich viewing of 2017 and then like, later on in the day I was still watching it at home and he goes, didn't you already see this today?

And I was like, I didn't finish it. But he said that Julia Roberts did not deserve the Oscar that we hear over Ellen Burstyn in Requiem for a Dream.

Oh, wow. Wait, was she the... Take a walk. But who was she in Requiem? Because I don't know that name. I didn't see it. Ellen Burstyn is a legendary actress who plays the mother. Okay, I watched that movie in college, and I'll say that woman really did a good job.

But then she... Apparently she won the Oscar the next year. No, Ellen Burstyn's never won an Oscar. I don't know that she... I have to bravely step out and say, sorry if you're a gay who is an Oscar gay, I actually

consider myself among you, but I do not know if Ellen Burstyn has won an Oscar and we have to look it up. And I didn't even know who Ellen Burstyn was. No, no, no, she did win Best... Yes. In the 80s? No, she won... She. In the 80s? No. She won... She won in the 70s. For what?

For a Scorsese film, Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore, Best Actress. There you go. Actually, we're going to be crucified for not knowing that. I think that we can get a pass on that. From a 70s movie,

I don't know. I would forgive that. I would forgive that. Someone recently said to me... You're a forgiving person. Someone recently said to me that, they were like, oh,

like, loved your episode of Culture is Dust. Shout out to the podcast, Ron. And I was like, oh, thank you. They're like,

it's so hard like listening to something because you want to like get, you want to be in the conversation. I was like, oh, I know, like I identify with that emotionally. Absolutely.

And they were like, especially when the person keeps getting like facts wrong. Yeah. And I was like, okay, honey. That was definitely a read on our podcast. Look, I'm not saying everything.

But I think it was specifically of me because I listened to, when I was here before, I listened to that back and I said lots and lots of wrong things. I said that, who's Red Hair Desperate Housewife again? Marcia Cross. I said Marcia Cross's character in Melrose Place was an alien, which is like not true.

That was truly a crazy thing to say. She had an alien, which is like... That was truly a crazy thing to say. She had an alien-like scar. Someone did come for me for misstating that Anne Hathaway's love interest in Devil Wears Prada was the guy from Rooney, and that was actually Princess Diaries. You know what?

I just want to say to all the culturistas out there who are listening, I hope. Thank you for saying this. We are not. We are not the paragons of truth. We don't have fact checkers here. OK, we do not have that luxury. We are just simply operating from a place of common and oftentimes incorrect cultural knowledge.

And that is the beauty of this podcast. Yeah. Everyone can access this. There's no you know know there's no barrier of entry here okay so when you when you DM us on Instagram be kind also Pat hold my hand across the table because I have to tell you something because I feel like that you identify

with me in a certain way okay I'm so nervous right now this actually is kind of like a quote I live by life by which is I don't know my words but I do know my heart and I feel that you don't know your words but you do know your heart I have no idea my words but I know my heart like the And I feel that you don't know your words but you do know your heart. I have no idea my words but I know my heart like the back of my hand. Yeah, exactly. So if I'm

ever getting something wrong, it's just that I don't know my words but I do know my heart. Like the words I'm saying are wrong but I am speaking the truth. Absolutely. Thank you. Now that we had that moment, I feel like Bowen Yang, he does know his words very well. You are a word queen. I don't know my heart. I know.

That's what's so hard. That's what's so hard about being gay. Yeah. It takes so much longer to know your heart. Absolutely. Yeah, that's actually really true. Can I ask you something? Okay.

So being a white gay that was growing up on Long Island, did you have a type which I feel like was forced upon us and force fed to us gays living on Long Island, was the the tan guido type man and i still like subscribe to that not that i would like date that man or maybe i would not close-minded if if you're out there listening um but yes that well i think that will always be like my first all right my first like sexual awakening attraction was cartoon cyclops from x-men and that kind of like standoffish like comb over like militant man that that and then also those like very like popped collar like puka shell necklace yeah and i like still will i'll never like pass over a porn of that i'm sorry but how does how does scott and x-men um that i guess those are two separate things i don't i don't know okay that, that's fine.

I wasn't like interrogating you. No, and I didn't feel like you were, but Well, I think that the thread here is that you're not like Just masculine men.

Your sexual impulses are like crazy. I remember when Jersey Shore came out, my first thought was oh, was not that oh, those people

are ridiculous. It's like, oh, I desperately want to fuck Pauly D. It was like Pauly is very hot and so is Ronnie very hot

no Ronnie I don't get because I think Ronnie has an anger problem I get Ronnie yeah I mean yeah like if you're gonna talk about but then you're getting into their personality

you're right and this isn't about that it's Pauly D and Vinny and Vinny's such a sweet boy I'm not sexually attracted to Vinny though I am embarrassingly and famously sexually attracted to the situation

for me a situation's like a butter face I mean absolutely he's a classic butter face classic butter face yeah situation is like a butter face. I mean, absolutely. He's a classic butter face. Classic butter face. Was there like a type growing up in Denver that was like forced on everyone

that was like, this is hot? Yes, yes, yes. It was like the skier-swimmer hybrids. Totally. It was the ski bums which are just

the geographical equivalent to like a surf, a surf bum person. Yeah, yeah, yeah person yeah that's I think pervasive like oh that guy surfs and therefore

is hot yeah but for me like my high school was very much like the hot guys of my high school were tape up like pretty tan

with tape up like that so remember tape ups blowouts they were big when I like I'm even

two years like everyone's two years younger than me and you guys are included in that famously famously but when I think Owen's two years younger than me and you guys are included in that. Owen's three years younger than you.

Are you serious? No, 27. I'm 29. Yeah, but he only just turned 27. I only just turned 29. Well, somehow I'm right. Our birthdays are a week apart. Scorp. I'm very much a Scorpio. But I... But no, blowouts were

big. That P so that's about it. That Pauly D haircut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you prescribed to that. I subscribed to it, and I still... Did you just correct me, bitch? Let me tell you something. Fuck you.

I have your back, honey. Because it is prescribed. It is prescribed. Okay, sure. It could be subscribed to, but it is also prescribed. And I look to you because I don't know my words, but I do know my heart. I get betrayed and I look to you. Who knows his words? I know my words and I don't know my heart, but I will say that

prescribe implies a pre... a pre sort of... Prescribe is like a doctor writing something down for you. Or I guess you could say culture prescribed that to me and I subscribed to it in turn. Or you ascribed to something.

Hmm. So, anyways. You know what? No one's wrong. But yeah, all of my high school crushes did kind of like fall into that. Okay. So, you liked a lot of guys that were named like Justin. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You know, and so now when you're out there on the hunt. Mm-hmm. As a monster, are you looking for a Justin? Not really, but if like that would be like a fantasy situation because all those guys aren't inherently straight. You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah. Like you'll never meet, like unless they're like newly gay, I feel like you won't often meet a gay Pauly D. I don't need that, but yeah, I'm like a trans. And also, you know what? I don't need D. I don't need that. But yeah, I'm like a... I don't need it. I have a question I'd like to pose to the group. Okay. Which is would you, at this juncture in your lives, have the patience, have the time, even if

the chemistry wasn't like full... Let's just say... I know what you're going to say. Do we have the time and the patience to like bagger vance in a newly gay person into like as as we're in a relationship with them i don't think i wait what do you mean by bagger i'm sorry i'm sorry he means like you know like like like are you gonna be like their sherpa oh no like yeah i think that i think it depends on the person i I do understand, though, wanting to be someone's, like,

Sherpa into the gay world. Like, I understand, especially if the connection is mostly sexual. Right, right, right. That's why I think a lot of us have stories about, like, a call-me-by-your-name type situation where you hook up with an older guy. When I saw that movie, which I give a solid 8.5 out of 10.

I don't dislike it as much as Bowen. But I see some issues with it. But it wasn't, I mean, I'm not going to sit here and say it swept me away. But I did connect very much with that. And I think there is something in, like, a younger or newer gay that you're like, I want to be the one that saves them. Right. I don't necessarily feel that but I famously from the other side of it came out

when I was like 25 so I felt like lots of people were like not sure if it was like sexually like but I always felt like gay friends were like teaching me how to be gay. Yeah. I feel this might be irresponsible of me to say I feel like coming out now there are tons

of materials out there honey for you to read up. It's a whole fucking different story. Honey, it's funny. I've been tutoring a little bit at my old high school. Thank you, Algebra. It's so funny being back there because it's like a Catholic school and there's so many just gay kids now. You're good at math.

I wouldn't have said I was. He can communicate it. That's what's important. It's not about being good. It's about communicating. And also, I'm kind He can communicate it. That's what's important. It's not about being good. It's about communicating. And also, I'm kind of good at it. And so... You know what? The fact that you just claimed that, that looks really good on you.

I know. I'm in a really good space right now about kind of accepting credit when I deserve credit. Yeah. That's amazing. But I don't remember any algebra, so every time I'm going to go meet him,

I don't know what he's doing. I just, in the hour before, try to learn as much algebra as I can and then hope it covers what he's doing. Oh, that. Wow. But there's so many gay kids in my high school, and I always want to go up's doing. I just, in the hour before, try to learn as much algebra as I can and then hope it covers what he's doing. Oh, wow. But there's so many gay kids at my high school, and I always want to go up to them and be like, you know, you were not allowed to do this when I was here.

Yeah, yeah. But it wouldn't be appropriate. No, I don't think it would. I think also it would jeopardize your position there as a tutor. It would absolutely jeopardize that. But in some ways, I feel like there is some thin obligation to let these children know, these young girls know what the struggle was

and how we paved the way. Truly, well... Truly, well... We're taking credit when credit is due. On the other side of the coin, I have this gay uncle, and it's like the exact opposite. Oh, where he makes you feel guilty about it? Not guilty, but it's like I feel that generational difference.

Which I appreciate. Yeah, yeah, totally. I saw Torch Song with him recently. Oh, that he makes you feel guilty about it? Not guilty, but it's like I feel that generational difference. Which I appreciate. Yeah, yeah, totally. I saw Torch Song with him recently. Oh, that's nice. Oh, you saw Torch Song. You're the third guest. We've had so much discussion. I don't need to talk about it, but what I will say is that Tabitha from,

do you guys watch Tabitha's Salon Takeover? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm familiar with her. She's this Australian lesbian, goes into small businesses, and is a bitch to everyone to fix their business. And she was in the audience five rows ahead with her girlfriend looking gorgeous. Amazing. Famously one of Kate McKinnon's first,

the first sketch Kate McKinnon was in on SNL was an impression of Tabitha. I had no idea. That was the first one. Fun fact. Yeah, I remember. I guess I remember her from doing Penelope Cruz, which I guess was bizarre for her to do. When she did Penelope, she did an impression of Penelope Cruz, which I guess was bizarre for her to do. When she did Penelope,

she did an impression of Penelope Cruz that was literally like. Just like lisp, lisp, lisp, lisp, lisp. Like literally the joke was, this woman says words weird because she's ESL. She's Spanish, yeah. Like, it's, but hey, I mean, I guess you can do that. She got right in there hot and beautiful and blonde.

There's definitely a way to do that blonde there's definitely a way to do that what I'm saying is check your privilege Kate McKinnon send out the message that's a beautiful thing about I guess having more gay visibility is we can criticize these gay successes openly it's like when you come for Sam Smith

it's like when I come for Sam Smith but I also come for him from a place of supporting him. Yeah, I feel that that's a crucial part. People always think that, like, oh, gays are talking shit about each other. Gays, gays, gays. Everyone's always like, gays, gays, gays.

Everyone's always like, gays, gays, gays. But that's not necessarily it. It's just that we want the things that represent us to be as good as they possibly can. We have high expectations. And also, we are allowed... I mean, I don't think so many critics, for the most part, but that's why art exists,

is to have a discussion about Call Me By Your Name. And when you come out and you give your tweets and you make your Facebook posts that literally make it seem like you're stupid if you don't like Call Me By Your Name, then you're contributing to a toxic culture. Thanks. I almost always, when I connect with culture, it's about observing culture. Thanks. I almost always, when I connect with culture, it's about like observing people.

Okay. That's why, like, that's why I respond positively to reality TV. Yes. That's why that's the big draw for you for like, I watched a lot of Beverly Hills housewives yesterday. Oh,

what do you think? Which season? Erica Jane is a superstar. Okay. So this won't win me any fans. I don't like Erica Jane. That's insane. Yeah. It's not what I, I feel it. She, it's not what I'm there for. Like, get it. Okay, so this won't win me any fans. I don't like Erika Jayne. That's insane. Yeah, it's not what I feel. It's not what I'm there for.

What are you there for if not for Erika Jayne? I'm there for Aileen Davison. I'm there for an older woman who's just trying to make friends and navigate her social. And I don't feel like that's what... Erika Jayne's using it for something else, which is fine, but it keeps... I feel like she's doing drag in a way that I'm not trying to watch

when I watch Housewives. Do you know what I mean? I want to see women try to connect over their lives in a way that Erica Jane I don't think is willing to. I think that Erica Jane is different than all the other houses because she's not necessarily directly contributing to the drama as much as she is commenting on how ridiculous everything is and being too good for it and

literally being too good for it. Which I don't want to watch. I do. You want someone who... I want someone who's there doing it and then I, as the viewer, have my own commentary. Erica Jane 's sin is that she doesn't want to play ball. Yes. Yeah. It's not what she signed up for. Tell me if you... We'll use Bowen as a

barometer for this because he doesn't watch it. Right. But tell me if this wouldn't tickle you. Lisa Vanderpump, who's like the housewife. I'm familiar with Lisa. She is starting shit. Yes, yes, yes.

Like, and Lisa Rinna also, who starts a lot of shit. I love Lisa Rinna. No, I can't with Lisa Rinna. Lisa Rinna, it's like, yeah. After Veronica Mars,

I will follow her to the ends of the earth. Right, but. She knows she's on Housewives and it's like really tough. She, yeah, she needs to like take, she's gotten even better's on Housewives, and it's, like, really tough. She, yeah, it's... She needs to, like, take... She's gotten even better since, like, two seasons ago,

where she was, like, literally... I think her brain was actually literally fried from, like, trying to contrive, like, arguments with people. Yeah. Okay, so Lisa and Lisa... Well, she'll literally say two different things to two people,

and then be bewildered that it's, like, a problem. Ugh. But, okay, so Lisa Vanderpump, like, says to someone, you better not wear pink. Pink is my color. And Erika Jayne... They cut to Erika Jayne, and Erika Jayne, like better not wear pink. Pink is my color.

And Erica Jane, they cut to Erica Jane. And Erica Jane rolls her eyes. Direct cut to an Erica Jane talking head. And she goes, I'll wear pink wherever the fuck I want. You can't own a color. Beat. It's not possible. I love that. And then another beat.

She goes, also, why would you want to own pink? It's not that great of a color. And I'm like, you're gotta be kidding me if you don't enjoy that. See, that I like. That's like her actually giving her opinion on an interaction

in a way that I feel like... It feels like she has writers in a way that I don't like. Oh, really? I don't think that we're seeing like an actual person. I feel like we're seeing like a performance piece

and that's fine, but it's not what I want when I watch Housewives. Interesting. You want interpersonal drama. You know who I want? I want Sonia Morgan all day every day. That's a woman who's trying to engage with her life on screen and failing but

at least what we're seeing is a real human being. Sonia's on Real Housewives of New York and she's truly a real like but drugged out mess kind-hearted it's just really interesting to hear um and this is just true of anyone who talks about reality shows but like of what we demand of reality show you know people it's just that like like you're like i'm listening to you say i wish she engaged with her life more and i'm just like that's like, that's so interesting.

That's so interesting that we are... I'm not saying you're making demands of anybody. Thank you for acknowledging that you're not saying that. But to hear just the overall conversation around reality show stars being like, she should change her life in this way that is fully on display for the rest of us. Well, no one has made this demand.

They have signed up for it. You're right. It's true. I forget who said. Maybe it was you. Maybe it was Joel. Pat is just bitchily side-eyeing me. He's very smug right now.

So smug. But someone said, you have to know the assignment. You have to understand the assignment. You said that. You have to understand the assignment. I said that on Faye Resnick. Okay, Faye Resnick understands the assignment. Absolutely. Whenever she's doing anything. Is Faye Resnick. Okay, Faye Resnick understands the assignment. Absolutely.

Whenever she's doing anything. Is Faye still in the universe or no? She's still in the universe, but she hasn't made an appearance in a little bit. But she's never been a regular. She's always been like someone who pops in. Who is the housewife who understands the assignment the most? Lisa Rinna thinks that she does.

But that doesn't count. It doesn't count. Maybe like Dorinda Medley. I fucking love Dorinda. You would be obsessed with Dorinda. I think you've said this to me. Because Dorinda will literally be screaming. But then also on the flip side, Dorinda's like the coolest one.

She gets very incoherent. Yeah, it's like when she's sober and present, you're with her the most because you're like, yeah, Dorinda gets it. She's like someone that you know, like you love Dorinda. And then when she has a moment where she's being like, either like too sloppy or incoherent,

it is so crazy because you're like, where is the person who exists inside you that's rational? Oh, I love that. These are my favorite housewives.

That is you. That is me. Yeah, you're kind of Dorinda. These are my favorite housewives. My favorite housewife is Carol Wadswell, who's kind of boring, but I'm like, housewives. My favorite housewife is Carol Wadswell, who's kind of boring.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like her too. But yeah, she's never like, it never feels like she's making demands of me to like be entertained by her. Like she's truly just loving, like she really, it's truly voyeuristic to watch her

because she's not trying to, like she doesn't, like she's a Kennedy. She doesn't care if she gets off the show tomorrow. That's crazy that your favorite is Carol, but you also prefer a housewife that mixes it up. I don't always, I prefer a housewife who's authentic.

Who engages with her life. What I'm looking for here, what I'm, my criteria here is authenticity. Like 1,000 trillion percent. If like do scripted, Erica, I think Erica should do scripted or do concerts,

which she does. But like, and then, and then if that's what you're looking for, you can go and pay for that concert. But I don't think that she – I don't think that – there's something about Erica that offends me. And also there's something about her that feels very, very, like, pandery to me, like, specifically the gay men. That it's, like – that is also, like, I feel patronizing.

Like, she has this creative director Mikey who's like she brings on all the trips and like it just feels

I mean he's living his dream life but also like he'll like get her all ready and then she like locks him up like in his freezer while she like

goes to like you know what I mean I just feel like she really like gay men feel like toys to her in a way that I don't like. And I don't know what this woman is.

Isn't that not true of all the housewives, though? No, not in this way. Not in this way. Do you know what Beverly Hills really goes out of its way to do? And I noticed they really go out of their way to do this. Oh, yes. They want you to know that the housewives and their housekeepers are family. Mm-hmm.

But that's a tradition. Like, New York did that a lot. Like, Luann's house. the housewives and their housekeepers are family. That's a tradition. New York did that a lot. Luann's housekeeper was her family, Rosie. They love that. Oh my god. Do you make up all this Luann news? I know. Even I'm following this because it's so big.

Truly what we've seen in the last 10 years is the complete unraveling of a person. And it is crazy but she's in treatment now. Maybe it's the best thing that could have happened because now she's in treatment. Yeah, you got to get to the bottom. Luann's narrative is this. Like she grew up in Connecticut, was like in nursing school, moved to New York on like a modeling contest. She won a modeling contest.

Beautiful girl. Beautiful young girl. Beautiful woman still. This was a woman who saw what the world had to offer and wanted it and who can fault her for that

not I not I especially not you and not you and not me and not HBJ and not HBJ and not this hoe

and so she wasn't booking in New York who can't relate to that who can't relate to that well Bowen books

I forget why I don't you do books and you book too no I don't. You do books. And you book, too. No, I never book. And then why were you in L.A. last week? Didn't book. Okay, well.

Guess what? Didn't book. I'm sorry. That's okay. Came close. So Luann goes to Europe, IDKY, I forget. And she becomes. She marries the Count.

Not yet. I mean, she is, like, becomes this kind of, like, personality in Europe. Like, she's, like, a game show host in Europe. And she becomes this, like. Oh, my. She becomes this kind of personality in Europe. She's a game show host in Europe, and she becomes this- Oh, my God. Did you know this? No. Okay. I forget what, but I remember thinking, wow, she was a deal or no deal host of Europe.

Oh. She also did sports commentary. It was insane. She was the Meghan Markle of the time. A little bit. And so she then- Wait, no, actually, not at all. She was like the Erin Andrews of the time.

Didn't Meghan Markle own all Deal or No Deal boxes? You're actually weirdly right. You're actually weirdly right. Bowen's actually weirdly right about that. A Deal or No Deal girl is going to be royalty. In the royal family, yeah. Honestly, when you look back at Deal or No Deal, it was truly offensive. It's deeply insane.

When you look back. But so she's like is making her money like as a TV personality in Europe time of her life meets the count her and the count

have a whirlwind they go they subway come back to New York on vacation subway to after two weeks take a subway to Town Hall

get their marriage they go to the Swiss Alps where they're raising their kids they're raising their kids there for years Luanne is driving her kids along the Swiss Alps where they're raising their kids. They're raising their kids there for years. Luanne is driving her kids along the Swiss Alps mountainside. Car tumbles off cliff.

No. Okay? What? Destroyed. They climb out of the car. She's looking for her kids. I swear to God. This woman,

like this is the story of Lou. Keep going, keep going. The story of Lou. She gathers her two kids and she brings them, she walks barefoot, walking along the Swiss road. I forget.

Maybe they're not barefoot. I forget. Why isn't this a TV movie? It should be. You are just regaling this. It will be the story of Lou. So they get to a neighbor's house. They knock.

They're like. She's like, our car fell off the cliff. So they get back to her husband's account. He can't believe what's happened. No, who could? The Swiss are never the same for Lou. After that experience, she felt she believe what's happened. No, who could? The Swiss are never the same for Lou. After that experience, she felt she hated

the Alps. Yeah. Oh, I mean, I would understand. Okay, so is that why? So she moves to the Hamptons where she becomes

a New York socialite and becomes friends with who but Jill Zarin who was in talks with Bravo about a show called Manhattan Moms. Jill says,

I know this woman, Luann, she'd be great. Luann was doing these insane, stupid, self-produced web videos with her and her daughter shopping at TJ Maxx for deals. It was like,

even us in the Hamptons look for budgets. And so, yeah, crazy. I've seen them. Is that what kind of caused the dissolution of her marriage to the Count

long distance? By the time she got to the Hamptons no the Count came to the Hamptons but by the time they got there I honestly think like the car tumble like played a part like they just were disconnected.

She gets on this reality show. That is an origin story. She becomes like desperate to protect her family because now her marriage is crumbling but she just signed up for this. So for the first like

three seasons she's very closed off very like pretentious and very like holentious and very um like holier than now because she doesn't want anyone to see like the cracks in her life count leaves her for younger woman she's single and that's when she got really real and that's when audiences really came around on her yeah also jill left who like had become like a real

villain of the show and so luann was, then branched out more by herself. And so Lu for a couple of seasons was great. Like she famously like was always bringing guys back to hotels and like banging them. Like, but they would go on trips, like brought guys back and like famously. I saw an episode where she banged a guy and they all got really jealous.

They all got, well, they all got really mad that like he, she like banged him and then like, they like left this guy like upstairs. Yeah. Yeah. He was,

he was in the room and what's her face? Who was so annoying? Heather Thompson. Heather was like, I can't believe He was in the room and what's her face who was so annoying. Heather Thompson. Heather was like, I can't believe there was a man in this house. How would you feel?

It was really, and also that plot line lasted all season. Yeah, because they were really mad about it. That wasn't fake. They were really mad. And Luann's thing was,

what if I had a man in here and you brought the cameras in? Because they have like, there's unbroken code. Don't bring cameras to my room when the door is closed because you don't know what I'm doing in there so whatever

and they did that they burst it in and she famously now this woman who used to be this like European like ingenue slash like countess

is now like in it's morning she's in huge shades a black bikini and just a bathrobe and she's like don't be all uncool be cool

don't be all uncool we've all seen the gif and so then she meets this guy Tom who has slept with two house spies Ramona and Sonia previously

oh really I didn't know that they're all they're dying to like break this apart like they just hate that Luann's like winning and

like he's cheating on you like he's doing all this stuff and she's like no me and Tom love each other like we're both players and we found each other like I'm the I love when girls are like

I'm the female version of him you know what I mean she was really into that and so then I bet my match so then on a Miami trip

Bethany gets a photo texted to her from New York City at the Regency Hotel Tom making out with a woman and Bethany flips out

Bethany and Luann long term rivals flips out doesn't know what to do sobbing inips out, doesn't know what to do, sobbing in her bedroom. Oh, I don't know what to do. I wish I didn't get this, but I didn't. What do I do?

It's a huge problem for her. Yeah, it's really hard on Bethany. And so she conflicted about whether or not to tell Luann. Yeah. As her enemy. Famously, she goes, Luann, I have to... So she already tells other women, and they're talking about it behind Luann's back.

But all under the guise of being good girlfriends. Yeah. And so Bethany says Lou I have to tell you something really bad and Lou goes I hope it's not about Tom and Bethany goes

it's about Tom they tell her she like to flips out but it becomes this thing where now it's clear on cam on cam now it becomes clear

Tom's cheating on her but it's also because of the narrative that's built up like it becomes this thing where if Luann does not marry this man the other women win because they've been trying to break them up

from the beginning. So she got married, divorced four months later and then famously what happened? She, in a drunken rage, locked herself in someone else's hotel room, slammed doors in cops' faces. Telling people that she would kill them. Telling cops she would kill them. But what was this Christmas incident about this year?

This is when she got arrested. Oh, this was that. She was drunk and disorderly and screaming. I read a report that she tried to escape from the handcuffs in the cop car. Screaming, I'll kill you all. Yeah. Oh my god. It's a fall. And yeah, there's something

Shakespeareanly tragic about that. But I will say this. That is the story of Lou. I will say this. That is the story of Lou, but the story of you out there listening, Las Colterias' listeners, I just want to point to someone.

Mariah Carey. Mariah. Last night on New Year's Rockin' Eve, she planted her two goddamn wealthy feet. In the fields like eight degrees Fahrenheit. She was looking freezing as fuck and screaming for her tea. Yeah.

But she never got the tea but she did sing well She sang well. two of her big songs. Her first single ever

Vision of Love and Hero. And Hero. And she sang them. And that is a triumphant story. And I'm happy that 2017

and this is actually also very indicative of 2017 for me starts with a tragic display of failure from Mariah and it comes back and she was triumphant and maybe that's a narrative we can write into 2018 on

that your lowest lows can launch you into your highest highs what was your highest high of 2017? Running the Icon Award three times in one year. Absolutely. And it was our honor to bestow that upon you. I would hope that's also both of your highs. What was your highest high of 2017?

That's not necessarily a bit question. Okay. Not necessarily a bit question. Highest high of 2017. The live shows were so fun truly i mean that um and it was really cool to see the response and that sounds you know really no i think that's good whatever but um and going to australia was really emotional because it was it was just me like it was just me like going back to the place where it was like oh like i'm sort of in some way here no well it was like i'm my dad kept back to the place where it was, like, oh, like, I'm sort of in some way. I'm from here.

No, well, it was, like, my dad kept saying, like, you're made of these things. Like, you're made of these minerals and of this water and all this stuff. Like, this is what made you. And I was, like, oh, that's cool. So that. What about you, Matt? Well, I first want to say that's, like, me and Pat, we have that, but with, like, Long Island, New York. That's beautiful.

That's beautiful. And we're, like, made of, like, bag made of bagels and cancerous cells in the water. I love that. Probably for me, probably going to Just for Laughs. Yes. Beautiful. Probably that was the highlight. But then,

also I think when you have a year with a lot of high highs, you have a year inherently with a lot of low lows. I had a lot of low lows. Really big time low lows. I had not that high of highs and not that low of lows. That's good. That's nice. That's good.

I'm really excited for you about that. Are you hoping for higher highs and not necessarily lower lows? I would say that that's a fair thing to say that I'm hoping for. Yeah. I had a good year. I had a good year, but a boring year. You know what I mean? Like nothing, like things were good this year. Like last time I was here famously in 2016, I was, like, in a bad place.

And now I'm in a good place. I think that you starting the year with this show that you're doing is going to be a very good thing. Tell us about the show. So I'm going to be doing my show called Pat Regan Unwrapped and Loving It, the duplex. And I'm doing 30 minutes. It's going to be a little storytelling. I love it. And it's just, like, where I'm at right now.

You know what I mean? And there'll be lots of my jokes, but lots of stories. Okay, so a little different. A little different. I've done similar sets twice before. You've seen one. It'll be very similar to that, but with new stuff. Right, right, right. So like a half hour you're doing up there.

A half hour, yeah. And yeah, I'm excited. Aaron and Josh and Naomi and Dara are all opening up that's amazing what an amazing state now so like also we have to say shout out to the duplex

which is becoming a very preeminent place for people to go do their work yes and they treat us good yes shout out to the duplex

shout out to the duplex preeminent place now are you going to be doing will you ask them to remove the piano I will not but I will be addressing the piano because there will be a but I will be addressing the piano.

Because there will be a piano on stage, and famously, I don't know if you identify as a singer. I'm not a singer. I don't sing. I'm a triple threat in other ways. How? I don't need to list them. You're right. You don't.

You don't. Very good at podcasting. Very good at famously keeping track of track and field statistics. These are threats. Now, I don't want you to start a podcast because I think that people might choose to listen to that one over this one, and that would be really terrible because I first and foremost

care about me and Bo. It would be a huge betrayal. Okay. And it would be a huge betrayal. Okay. But do you ever think about starting your own, I don't know, platform for your voice on a mass level? Wow, what a question. I feel like I'm on the couch of, and I hate to use

this kind of inflammatory word, but Ellen, I feel like I'm on a talk show couch right now. No, it's more like The View. I'm not calling you Elle. I'm saying I feel like I'm on a talk show.

It's like Stern. I feel like I'm on Stern. Yeah. But maybe, yeah, I don't know, maybe. I haven't given it a ton of thought. I think the world

is your oyster. I would listen to Pat, and again, it would be a huge betrayal if he did think the world is your oyster I would listen to Pat and again it would be a huge betrayal if he did start his own podcast but I would listen with enthusiasm a podcast of Pat really just digging into

the research minutia of some topic it could be running, it could be the housewives it could be anything that he's passionate about my deal with all things is I feel like some topic. It could be running, it could be the Housewives, it could be anything that he's passionate about. My deal with all things is I feel like I have such low awareness of some things

that are maybe important and then the things that I rent arbitrarily that I'm drawn to, I become obsessive and know every single thing about it. That's culture. That is culture. That's why it's always easy to say what it is. For me it's like Orlando, Kelly Clarkson,

reality television that was competitive. For me it's running, track and field distance running at the NCAA level, at the professional level and it's Housewives and Housewives adjacent reality. Oh, I guess it's video games.

You know, day planners. Like, what's the trendiest day planner? Wait, really? Yeah, and I got a new one for the new year, and it's really, it's great. I'm worried that I'm going to fall off of it, though. And, oh, God. Did I see you writing your day planner today? You did.

When I met you at photography. It's called, guys. No, what do you write? Are you just like, this is what I'm doing today um yeah and there's just like you know

fun little layouts for like the month and you write your you know your goals or you can just scribble like today I was drawing I was

trying to like you know costume design like what my uniform for the year would be like what like the template and I think it's

just gonna be like you know ribbed black sweater gray running shorts or no no not running gray joggers pants with the template for him. And I think it's just going to be like, you know, ribbed black sweater, gray running shorts, or no, no, no, gray joggers, pants. You'll draw out your outfit? No, and poorly.

I'm just like, oh, like what? Because it's nice to dream. It's nice to dream. Can I tell you one of my goals for when I'm rich? When I'm rich, in my 30s.

What? Stylist? No. Kind of. I'm going to get really into fashion. And I want to be fashion police. Do you watch Project Runway? I have old seasons. what? stylist? no kind of I'm gonna get like really into fashion and I wanna be fashion police do you watch

Project Runway? I have old seasons but I always like it and I trust my aesthetic but I just don't try and that's why I often end up in like hoodies and running pants

Matt is a new convert and I feel like Matt has really gotten an education I love Project Runway and now I will be more interested in the things I put on my body

because of it like right now for 2018 I believe I'm gonna be trying like cause I love to be four interested in the things I put on my body because of it. Like right now for 2018, I believe I'm going to be trying. Because I love to be four years late on trends. I love a buttoned up to the top flannel and a nicely fitting pant. I am on a lifelong quest to find a pant that fits me well. Oh, yeah.

And it's hard. It can be difficult. It's really hard. Because a lot of times what's good for your waist is not good for the inseam. Yeah, I just, they, yeah,

and I don't know where to put them on my hips, but, you know. Oh, it's so, it's such a struggle. But I think that

that's what your 30s are for is, like, finding those answers. That's comforting. But, yeah, so I want to,

like, get really into fashion. Like, I just feel like I don't have the money to, like, really go into a store and be like,

these are the things I like. So I end up just, like, wearing whatever. Yeah. I do want to ask you, just because it's been referenced multiple times in this conversation,

age is such a big touchstone for you. Famously, you're the first 23-year-old. You will be the last 23-year-old. Exactly. As you keep referencing you going into your 30s, I want to know, Pat, and I'm sorry if this feels like you're on the couch of Ellen,

but what are your hopes? She has two love seats, by the way. She doesn't have a couch. She has two armchairs. I'm just quoting Pat. She doesn't have a couch. Okay, well, guess what? I don't know my couches, but I know my heart.

I don't know my set layouts, but I know my heart. What is your overall feeling as you enter? You're not 30 yet. No, I'm only 29. I'm like a young 29. You have another 10 months of being 29. Exactly. So what is your overall feeling? Because I'm

getting to this point now where I'm just like really thinking about age. But as you enter your 30s, as you keep referencing it, and I'm just pointing this thinking about age but as you enter your 30s as you keep referencing it and I'm just pointing this out this is just an observation what is your overall feeling? Totally so I'm going to try not to like push to think of answers but I'm just going to say things that I feel like I think about as I'm getting older Here we go. I want

to have a nice apartment like I want to have a nice apartment somewhere that's like my space and I want to feel like I've created like I think I want to write like essays, like prose essays and I don't do that quite enough. I'm doing Artist's Way right now

and I shout out its praises though I have produced nothing since doing it. It's only, the only thing is Morning Pages. Right, exactly. And I also want to run a fast marathon and I'm not sure like what that number is but like I want it to be like,

I want to feel like I've put in like five years of years of, like, a certain level of training that I know what it looks like. And right now my life is too, like, transient. Like, always, like, this week is going to be really bad training and, like, last week wasn't great. I had some good weeks in the fall. So cold. But I want to, like, this is boring, but I want to, like, do that by the time I'm 35

because after 35 you kind of start declining. Where even if I could, you could run really well after that, but if I run my best marathon after that I'll always be like I wonder if I started like I wonder if I really done in your prime yeah because I famously used to run quite a bit and now I'm like trying to reclaim that so that's like on the list and um I think I want to be I want to be like I want to write television I guess also at some point but I'm not like I don't need to I don't need to I would if I had to choose being like writing television and writing like more

like um prosy stuff I would choose prosy stuff and I don't know how much of that is I just like don't like Celtics or like how much of it is like that's what I want but I also I've like released the dream of like not even the dream but like the put upon dream of like being like I don't need to like be on television I don't need to act anymore like I never wanted to act and just because I like doing comedy like

I was like I guess I have to act but I don't feel good at acting and I also don't like it so I'm not good. We were just talking at coffee about the difference between performance and acting like it's this kind of weird thing where it's like you could be very good at like sketch comedy or like improv or something or being on stage and like doing these things but then when it comes to like a cameras in your face or like you have to actually engage with someone in a real way on stage and like getting to the truth the situation like that is so hard right and just because you are good at comedy does not mean you are an actor

and it is so hard it's so much harder than it looks like Erika Jayne was just doing an audition on Real Housewives and I literally I said to Vaughn I was like she turned it out she was great in that audition and I'm and I think that she's probably

a very talented woman that I would probably get along with but I don't think that she's a good Real Housewife right I was just saying you know she accomplished acting on that show in a way that I didn't expect. And a way that, like, even though she was doing nothing too great, I turned to Suti and I was like, wow, she slayed that audition. You know what? She did really well in that audition. This was an audition from last season. I think season seven.

Yeah. She, like, took notes. Like, she did a read with Aileen and then, like, she got notes and she, like, slayed the notes. She did. She took direction well. Amazing. Amazing. Yeah. Erica. I think she's a talent. I really do. But I just like,

but not a housewife. Wow. Okay, so it's kind of like that performance versus acting thing. Like I don't think that Sonia Morgan would be a very good, yes, exactly.

Anything else. Yes, but she is a good housewife. Yeah. It's rare to intersect being a good housewife and being a good actress. But Aileen Davison does it. But here's the thing.

It's like crazy. Imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine if you realized that your true talent was being a housewife on television. That's huge. I would,

right now, being a reality star is like one of the best gigs you can get with SpawnCon being what it is. You know what I mean? Maybe we should just do that.

I would do a reality show in one second. Because I love reality, people always ask me if I would do reality. And i would do a reality show in one second because i love reality people always ask me if i would do reality and i would do any reality show i have to reveal something i would do a cool version of gay batch yeah oh totally oh i don't know actually that's the one i don't know if i would i don't know if i want to like find love on reality tv it's so humiliating but what if you were like a breakout star see yeah but there are other there's so many easier avenues if I was on gay batch

I'm kind of being physician if I was on gay batch I would be there for the wrong reasons and because I have so much respect for the authenticity of reality television

I would have trouble like being okay with that I have a question about reasons is it a wrong reason to be there if your goal is to become

the next batch that's the wrong reason that's the wrong reason to be there absolutely okay so my reasons are bad but here's the other thing too.

In a way, I don't mind wrong reasons if like, I'm not a big like, wrong reasons like queen because I think that, because I think as long as, as long as you're opening to the,

open to the possibility that it could happen, like even if you're there for another reason, but you're like, oh, if I like this guy and like we explore love together and I find love,

then as long as you're open to that, then I think you just need to be there and be open to it. That's beautiful. Some people are there and you can tell like, they're not ready to emotionally open themselves up and I find love then as long as you're open to that then I think you just need to be there and be open to it that's beautiful some people are there and you can tell like they're not ready to emotionally open

themselves up and look for love and I think that's a big ask I wouldn't be able to do that but I also would never sign up for that reason so I think

Wells is an example of that like someone who like big time who is there not for the right reasons but not even like yeah like I think

Wells is there for his ego that's why Wells is there my sister was like oh my god Wells and his girlfriend, who, what's her name? Oh, from Modern Family. From Modern Family. I don't know her name. What's Tara Hyland? Yeah.

She's like, my sister likes a bachelorette and bachelor, and she was like, oh, Wells Adams and Tara Hyland are so cute. They're so cute. And I kind of was like, yeah, but you know they're only dating each other because they're famous and wouldn't be dating if they weren't famous. And literally what they have in common is the fact that sometimes people take pictures of them. Right.

Well, see, I could, like, knowing Wells the way that I do and feeling like I kind of know Sarah just from, like, watching her, I could see them, like, being really in love. But I think that Wells would never, like, go on. Like, I think Wells is someone who requires that certain level of privacy that he couldn't do it there. And I think he, like, if you watch JoJo's season, Wells is completely unable to try to open himself up to a relationship.

Then why is he repeatedly on these shows? Because he's popular. He especially was popular in JoJo's season because they would have you believe he's witty and funny. They certainly would. It becomes increasingly clear that he's like witty and funny they certainly would it becomes increasingly um clear that he's not but i they let him like go on extended bits on bachelor in paradise as like this girl went into the ocean and he like narrated it as like this like australian sea captain or something and i was like what the fuck is going on contextually he was funny and joy because he was

like at least like the voice of reason but then he became like during his first season of bachelor in paradise he famously like went on a date with Ashley I who's my of course the biggest well documented I will watch Ashley I's full SpawnCon stories

like I don't care I have the storm Ashley I have the storm Ashley I have the storm and she's only guilty of feeling that was when it became clear that like

that's when that was the well it's first season where he'd already been on a season and that's always a change like every season two every Housewives second season is their real first season where he'd already been on a season and that's always a change. Like, every season two of, every Housewives second season

is their real first season. If that's when we're seeing them after they've already been on. Yeah. Not even relaxed, but aware. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, they then understand. They've seen themselves once.

Right, they know how they look and so Wells, you could tell in his first Bachelor in Paradise season, knew he was funny. Like Alyssa Edwards. Yes. Yes. And then it only got worse in his second Bachelor in Paradise season, he was funny. Like Alyssa Edwards. Yes.

And then it only got worse in his second Bachelor in Paradise season. Though I have more respect for that because he didn't come in as a contestant. He was there just as a bartender who wasn't looking for love. I see. You lean into it and you either succeed at leaning into it, I think like Alyssa Edwards does. Alyssa Edwards is probably the most famous RuPaul's Drag Race queen at this point. Isn't it crazy that I don't watch RuPaul's Drag Race? It really is. You know what? You should

maybe even start with All-Stars 3. Start with an All-Stars season? Start with an All-Stars season. I think you can start. You catch up really quickly with an All-Stars season. Because they have to give you background on queens that have been there. So I also think with RuPaul's Drag Race, you can start with literally

any season because that one season, no matter what the quality of that is, like some people might even say season 7 is quote unquote bad. Like, you could start with an All Stars 1 I think is known as kind of being bad, but you could start with any and get obsessed regardless of quality because of what the show is and then just start from

wherever you want in the beginning. And choose your own adventure after that. You can pick the season that your favorite queen was in, but I think you would fucking love some of that. Well, I feel like your reality show media diet has to include drag race.

Well, it's becoming... You have an obligation. I have an increased sense of guilt over not watching RuPaul's Drag Race. Oh, I mean, don't feel guilt about it. No, I get that too of Game of Thrones.

Just, you know, make that actionable and just do it. Totally. It'll be on my 2018 action items. Thank you. Because actually, I'm sorry to everyone listening if you don't watch RuPaul's Drag Race, just you know make that actionable and just do it totally it'll be on my 2018 action items thank you because actually i'm sorry to everyone listening if you don't watch rupaul's drag race but actually it's going to be a part of 2018 lost culture races we are going to be talking a

lot about rupaul's drag race yeah like it's going to be something that we talk about so you don't bravely that is brave in this climate i think that i um, I think that I lately have been watching a lot of Survivor, even like old seasons of Survivor. But is that true or is that just a thought? I think that because it's true. He thinks that but based on research that he's done on his own life. I reflected and I came to the conclusion that I've been watching quite a bit

of Survivor. That's amazing. Watch the pilot episode of the first season. I recently watched it and I was like, oh, this was finding its sea legs, if you will. Do you want to hear something hysterically funny? Yeah, absolutely. I have never seen the first season. I recently watched it and I was like, oh, this was finding its sea legs, if you will. Do you want to hear something hysterically funny? Yeah, absolutely.

I have never seen the first season of Survivor. I've seen almost every other season. Yeah, but I watched the season finale of the first season while I was on vacation with my family.

That's actually literally same. Literally same. That's how I got into Survivor was the final four of the first season, which was famously Rudy, Susan, Kelly, and Richard. And Susan Hawke's famous speech.

But I, and then I came into- I would not give you water if I saw you, and Richard. And Susan Hawke's famous speech. But I... I would not give you water if I saw you dying of thirst. With a heavy Minnesota accent. But I... That was a star in the making moment. Because she didn't understand what reality television was. No, that... Reality now is a whole different game.

Yeah, because you know. And then it went through in adolescence, where it was like, now these people are coming on having seniority shows. And now we're in a new place where like these people have grown up watching it. And it's like just a part of their world. Like even though I'm a big – I watch Big Brother on CBS and that is – My sister is obsessed with it. That's the kind of fans because it's on three times a week.

Yeah. It demands that you not have a relationship. Like it demands you for the summer. And there's also live feeds where you can watch them 24-7 and even Julie Chen is like posted up yeah true

yeah Julie Chen should get an Emmy an Oscar award for Big Brother an Oscar award and um Oscar award is the title of the episode

sorry no it's the story of Lou misleading it makes you think the whole episode is going to be about Lou and it's not this episode has been

so much more than about Lou it's not about Oscars either. There's a big chunk about Lou. Remember Julia? Oh, TBT. TBT. Jew Lou. TBT did our Julia Stiles conversation.

But most of the Big Brother conversations are them laying around on their couches with their big comforters on them. And they're like, do you think I'm an Amanda? And they're only points of reference. They're trying to figure out who they are to the outside world who's watching which is like that's something we didn't see on reality like five years ago who do you think bowen would be pat's favorite queen because i think i know oh this is so hard i think i know who would be his favorite queen um tricksy no i think he would appreciate tricksy because of her no it has a sharp wit it has to be someone who's not that self-aware.

So really? Someone who I guess knows the assignment. I don't know. Someone who knows the assignment but is also like not fully tapped into what makes them watchable. I think that's maybe I'm like misreading what Pat responds to within Housewives world. So it's like it's knowing

Lisa Rinna knows the assignment but she's still not authentic because she's trying to do it too much. And you love Lisa. The assignment is to just be authentic. And so if you're trying to do that, then you're not, you know what I mean? So it's like, I don't know what that means in the RuPaul verse, but for Housewives verse. No, it reads. I think it's like, I truly think it's like maybe a Chi Chi. I think he'd like Katya actually.

He'd love Katya. So I'll say this of like when I've seen. There's something in Katya actually he'd love Katya so I'll say this of like when I've seen something in Katya for everybody when I've seen drag shows like around town I think when I've the ones that I

when I'm like impressed or like when I the ones that I get the moments that I get into are like the fun like impressive almost like athletic like um

dance stuff okay cool I will say that watching a live drag performance is so far away from what the entertainment value of Drag Race. But having said that, I do think you'd like Alyssa. You'd like Alyssa, you'd like Chi-Chi,

you might even like Kennedy, because Kennedy's authentic. And I think that when I watched it... Even though she's not the most interesting, engaging queen, I love Kennedy. Love Kennedy. And I think that I agree that I think what I would respond to is not necessarily... I think that the one whose drag I like the best wouldn't necessarily be the one who I like the best, but I would connect on a personal level. Yes.

I think you would hate the, like, look queens. You would not like the look queens. Like, you would not be a Violet Chachki fan. You would not be a Pearl fan. I might like that, though. I like the realism of, like, I like when I feel like they're really recognizable characters from my life that I've seen. You know what I mean? Like, once ago, I know that woman. You know what I mean? That's fun to me. But then I'm like, wait, then isn't it just, like, I like when I feel like they're really recognizable characters from my life that I've seen. You know what I mean? Like, once ago, I know that

woman. You know what I mean? That's fun to me. But then I'm like, wait, then isn't it just like characters? The thing about Drag Race, too, that's very interesting is that it's a show about professional attaining some sort of professional success or actualization where it's, you know, might be

true in the Housewives world, but it's like you're watching these people grow as artists. And so you might respond to certain narratives about people figuring out in the moment what makes them great. And I feel like maybe a Kim Chi Pat would like, or someone who has this great arc of like, I don't know what I'm, I'm out of my league here.

And then who like- I always respond to that. My favorite genre of movie is like Girl in Big City, like trying to make it such a good genre then I think you would like Chi Chi I recently just watched

Frances Ha and I really liked it is that bad I really liked it Lady Bird is the only Greta Gerwig movie I've seen I've never seen Lady Bird oh you got it

you would love Lady Bird you would love it okay I'm starting to think I might like that I want to say one thing about All Stars coming up

somebody told me a hint about some tea. And I will say, if this tea is true, it is going to be an unpredictable and very fun season. Can you say what that tea is? If I said the tea, it would actually be sort of revealing the success of one or two contestants and therefore I will tell you after if you want to know

I will not get mad at you because I have been really through it on this podcast and in my private life about potentially ruining quote unquote things but I don't think that that's true I think that people are out to get me is what I'm saying.

But I'm being brave in 2018. Yes, famously. And something that the listeners can look forward to in 2018 is maybe some specific content relating to Drag Race on Lost Culture. There definitely will be. And yeah, we're

taking a stand. Outside of the regular episode release cadence. I mean, maybe you've listened to our episodes in the past with Josh Sharpe and Aaron Jackson and also Nicole Silverberg where we talked entirely about RuPaul's Drag Race the entire time. Yes. I don't know if it'll be that. It might not be that in depth, but we'll see. But we're going to be discussing it.

Absolutely. Okay, let's move on to I Don't Think So Honey. I get so nervous for these. I was really the bull. That's insane because you were the icon. And that's fine. And that's why.

Oh because you think that heavy is the crown. Heavy is the crown and that is a Lisa Vanderpump quote. Is it really? She originated the quote. She originated that quote.

Yeah. What's the best Real Housewives quote Heavy is the head that works. Heavy is the head. Heavy is the head. So what I'm thinking

about now is like what Luann's headline will be and this is what I've settled on this is what I would pitch I have the right

to remain silent but I'll always speak my truth that's gorgeous who can I send that to I would love to be that guy that writes it Andy Cohen

I want to know this is how you know when you like see like I remember seeing like like behind the scenes of like Ashley Simpson like writing her songs

and it's like some guy, some like old guy with her in a studio and they're like collaborating together for like hours. Like that's how I picture like those taglines

getting written. Like each housewife goes in and they like, they have like a 12 hour like who are you this season? What about, the housewives that are like pathetic and nothing,

their taglines are always like, I'm always extra mad about them. I was like, ugh! Like when Kristen was like, pretty is not as nice as it looks. I was like, ugh! Well, because the previous season, her first season,

she got shit because her tagline was, I may not be smart, but I'm pretty. And then she got shit. So they said, pretty is not as dumb as it, or... Pretty is not as dumb as it, or something like that. It was just so stupid. But I actually like Kristen Teichman. I don't need you to find me strong.

I need to feel like I know Kristen Teichman. If I saw her, I'd connect with her emotional truth. Controversial. I'm going to say this. I am not here for housewives that are young. They're hit or miss. I don't want young housewives. I want housewives in their 40s who feel like

there's something on the line totally even if there's not because they're rich and taken care of for life they

you can see the panic in their eyes because what I love is when there's a nice balance when there's a cast with like a 30 year old like

and then there's but also like a 55 year old that's what I like yeah yeah well anyway let's do I Don't Think So Honey because there's obviously,

I mean, this episode is looking back on 2017 and looking forward to 2018 and there's so much to discuss. Yes. But we do have to eventually end it.

We do. So now we have to do I Don't Think So Honey despite your fears. So, okay, but to assuage those fears, you know, Matt and I will go first

as is traditional. We'll always go first. Oh, thank you. We'll always set you up for success. Thank you. Don't ever forget that. Thank you. Okay, Matt, do you want to go first as is tradition. We'll always go first. Oh, thank you. We'll always set you up for success. Thank you. Don't you ever forget that. Thank you. Okay, Matt,

do you want to go first or shall I? I'll go first. Okay, all right. This is Matt Rodgers' I Don't Think So, Honey. His time starts now. I Don't Think So, Honey,

people with regrets. Okay? Because guess what? They're in the past. And unless you have a little time machine like Doc Brown-ass bitch, you can't go back.

And so why would you even waste time saying that you have regrets? Guess what? That thing that happened in 2004, you will never go back there. So look forward, honey. Yes. I don't think so, honey, regrets. Why would you even waste someone's time saying that you have regrets unless you don't want them to make that mistake in the future? 30 seconds.

And if that's true, don't frame it to make that mistake in the future. If that's true, don't frame it like one of my biggest regrets is. You have to frame it like, honey, for the future, dot, dot, dot. And never mention regrets because regrets are, you know, regrets are

not this season's highest fashion accessory. I'll tell you what is. Confidence. What's wrong with being confident? Let me tell you something. What do I regret? Nothing. Je regrette rien. And that is one minute.

Non, je regrette rien. I impose on the sanctity of your... I thought your time was up. I thought we were going to reflect on it. That's why I spoke up a bit. Can I tell you something? I don't think so I thought your time was up I thought we were gonna reflect on it That's why I spoke up a bit Can I tell you something? I wanted to I don't think so honey People who don't courtesy flush

Because earlier today I had to piss someone's shit Off the side of the bowl And that was my shit So convert I wasn't gonna give you up But he took a Big shit

I took an explosive shit And it clung to the walls of the toilet And I had to When I went in after him I had to piss the shit off the sides of the bowl. And that is friendship. Wow. I actually wrote a song about this. Cool.

Do you want to perform it now? Sure. Okay. Or save it for the end of the podcast. We can do it at the end. We traditionally end with a song. I do have a song about this. Okay, so we'll review it. And I'll just say conversely, I hate when you're at like I was just out of conversely, I hate when you're at, like, I was just

at a brunch, and I, and, like, I hate when you're at, like, a closed space, and this isn't, I don't think this is, I don't think so, honey, but, like, when you,

when the flusher's not strong, and it's, like, you can't, The onus is on you to press down on the flusher. Or when you flush it, and it just, like, it doesn't really do anything,

and you have to, like, wait. The water pressure. I have to step in, because it doesn't matter. I mean, that's to wait. The water pressure. I have to step in, because it doesn't matter. That's not an excuse. If you are leaving the bathroom, and it looks like you've used it,

it's wrong. I agree, but I'm saying it's hard sometimes. And I don't care if you leave your piss in the toilet, because to save water. That's disgusting, especially if your pee is highlighter yellow. You're sick. You're sick mentally, and you're sick physically. And seek yellow. You're sick.

You're sick mentally and you're sick physically. And seek treatment. And seek treatment for that. Seek treatment for that because you know what honey? You're really sick actually. And it's really sad.

And you know what's funny about this whole thing? This what I'm saying is a lot more engaging than my actual I Don't Think So Honey and that's me being brave in 2018.

Where all my I Don't Think So Honey is going to be really boring but everything else is going to be so so so so so good. Wow. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so.

I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so.

I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. reference. It's such a scene right now me looking for my phone. Okay, no, no, just use mine. Just use mine. Alright, this is Bo and Yang's. Oh, I have my phone. I can volunteer that. Just forget it. I was like, I have to pee and I'm like thinking about that. Well, stop thinking about that

because you're somewhere where you have to focus. Alright, I don't think so, honey. Bo and Yang, your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. The general manager of the Colorado Ski and Golf on Havana Street in Denver, Colorado. Bitch, I had to get my ski boots resized because one of your salesmen sold me a shitty

Solomon boot. And honey, I had to, I was in horrible pain last year when I was skiing, and my dad was livid, was like, we have to, we have to correct this. So next year, which, you know, is this year, i.e., we go to the skiing golf, we say, someone

sold us a terrible product that gave me horrible cramps last year. Can you please help us? George at Colorado Ski and Golf, the general manager, roundly ignored us for the better part of 45 fucking minutes until a nice young man, Zach, came and

said, we will heat these up. We will expand the width and expand. Where is the pressure pressure I will help you Zach I love you so much but I I will I will I'm gonna do something

I'm irresponsible call 303-337-1734 to complain about the general manager George last one minute wow oh my god

in this end you are one of the best ever I've never done this before but I will use my platform to sick my supporters. I don't see you getting your fucking notebook out and writing that down. Because it's not because I don't.

And George, if you're listening, seek treatment. Seek treatment. Seek treatment. I have a few things to say about that. One, George, seek treatment. Two, come into the stage, Solomon Boot. Three, Zach

will always be the savior. And was he hot? He was hot. You can't be named Zach and not be hot. And work at a ski shop. It's rule of culture number 51. You can't be named Zach and not be hot. And work in a ski shop. And work in a ski shop.

Zach, I will say, is the platonic ideal of a salesperson who works. Explain. He's just so helpful. He was so understanding. He listened. And here's the thing. He might work on commission.

The service that he provided for me, free of charge. He said, this is totally free. You bought the boot from us. We get to recustomize this for you totally free and you know what got none of that from George but that being said call their place his place of employment and complain

don't even do this I'm sorry I released the phone number not to not to attack the establishment but to one complain about George, but two, please, please, please get Zach a promotion or a pay raise.

Zach deserves it. I love Zach very much. Z-A-C. Because what could he be making? I don't know, but he deserves to be making so much more. He was so well-spoken, so nice, so genteel. I loved him. Thank you, Zach.

I love Zach. Yeah, he sounds like a really good guy. Okay, so, you know, time has come. Okay, I'm going to do it. This is going to be Pat Regan's I Don't Think So Honey. And his time starts now. Okay, I Don't Think So Honey bread. Because my 2018 thing is less bread.

Just less bread. I don't like the way it's insidious. It invites me every day for lunch. I'm like, I'm not going to have any bread. And I start considering options all the way from sleep to bread. And guess what? It puts me at, I need a 12-hour sleep after I've had even one slice of bread and i don't like it i don't like the way it makes me feel i don't like the way it tempts me i don't like the way it makes my body

look i don't like makes me feel bloated like i don't think so honey bread like it's involved in every single dish it's all over and it ruins lives it ruins families it's damaging it affects my entire day i can't escape from it. It's everywhere. Like, it acts like it's my friend and I want it. And then when I eat it, I feel so, so tired. My brain gets tired, as it is right now. Because guess what? I ate bread even though I said I wasn't going to. Me in the beginning of 18, I'm going to eat less bread.

Me also in the beginning of 18, eating bread! And that's what I hate about bread. You can't trust it as far as you can throw it on things. Honey bread makes me so fucking tired. It's like an ambient pill shape, like a goddamn baguette. If you sell bread to people, seek treatment, honey! And that's what happened.

What do you mean? Come on, Pat. You delivered. You delivered. Oh my god, thank you. Treatment! It's like when Meryl is in the post and she gives another amazing performance. It's like, she did it again, bitch. She did it again.

But Pat has done it again. All right, now listen. Pat is mouthing over the mic that he has to pee so bad. So I guess that means that we have to end our episode. But wait, one more little thing. January 5th, Friday, January 7th at 7 p.m. at the Duplex. And you guys, it's going to sell out. It's going to sell out.

Buy your text. Buy your text in advance on purplepass.com. Did you sign up Your purplepass account I set my purplepass account Tickets are flying Off the shelves Come on We gotta get them

And link on my insta Pat Riggs P-A-T-R-E-E-G-S My twitter is At P.O. Regan Follow me bitch If you don't follow me On twitter

Seek treatment And now as As Pat is getting ready To go pee I'm gonna sing a song About courtesy flush Please This is Bowen Yang

Last Culture Recess This is Matt Rogers Last Culture Recess We've just had About Pat Regan Here we go sing a song about courtesy flush. This is Bowen Yang, Last Culture Recess. This is Matt Rogers, Last Culture Recess. We've just had Pat Regan. Here we go. Matt. You got a courtesy flush if you want to be my husband.

Courtesy flush when you leave behind the toilet because if you leave your pee in... I fucked up. He lost it. You got a courtesy flush if you want to be my husband. Take a deep breath before you leave the toilet. Because if you want to be with me, baby, and someday adopt a kid. You got a courtesy flash. All your pee and shit. kid. You gotta courtesy flash all your PN

shit. You need to flush two times. You need to flush two times. Beautiful. Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced

by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram, at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes.

We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season.

Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Sheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment.

You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story,

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