Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "Something's Wrong With You, Precious" (w/ Billy Domineau)

Episode Date: May 10, 2017

JUST LISTEN, BITCH!!! Bowen & Matt bond/spar with old friend and brilliant comedy mind BILLY DOMINEAU (Family Guy, 9/11 Seinfeld Spec Script). You cannot contain Billy’s wavelengths, HONEY!!! HE’S LOUD!!! This is quite literally a mad comic madcap masterpiece. I’m not even going to tell you the topics that are discussed because I don’t want to RUIN this JEWEL for you. THAT’S THE IHOP WHERE MADONNA KILLED HERSELF!!! BLYTHE DANNER GETS IT!!!LAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasCONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttp://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/las-culturistas/ Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question. What kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season.

Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami?

Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate, delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate, delusional dreamer.

Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. I'm Cheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women.

And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Sheryl Swo and Tariqa Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Ooh-la-lee! We're on Facebook.com now. Like us at Las Culturistas for exclusive pics,

maybe some outtakes, honey, some animated I don't think so honeys. Who knows, honey? Maybe one of us will post a nude. But Bowen, I'm not on Facebook. What can I do? Well, bitch, sign up for it, honey. Yeah, get on Facebook, you idiot.

Who do you think that you're... What are you proving to anyone? I don't know. Jesus Christ. Ding dong. Today's show is brought to you? I don't know. Jesus Christ. Ding dong. Today's show is brought to you by Casper.com. Receive $50 towards any mattress purchase at www.caspertrial.com forward slash las culturistas. And by warbyparker.com.

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don't forget to subscribe on iTunes, give us a five star rating, and leave a glowing review. Yes, God. Dive in. My grandma and iTunes. Give us a five-star rating and leave a glowing review. Yes, God. Dive in. Ding dong, Las Culturistas calling. Bowen, what have we done? I don't know. We have opened the doors into the maw of the mouth of hell. The doors are open. And let me tell you, we are diving right into the depths.

Into the depths. And the depths of not only hell, but also our memories. Our memories. And honestly, no. We've invited an angel from on high. Yes, yes, yes. I mean, this is a part of both Bowen and I's cultural history. Absolutely. Absolutely.

He is part of our cultural history on an individual and a shared level. Yes, absolutely. I think together we have shared. What have we, what are the three of us shared together? What's a memory you have? The three of us dressing to the nines. Oh, my God. For the ball.

For the violet ball at NYU. I was literally going to say the same exact thing. Oh, my God. But that was like a great memory. Yes. And it was like out of a Dashboard Confessional song. It was like we dressed up. We got dressed.

Went to the ball. That's my little dashboard confessional impression. My Chris Carraba impression. Chris Carraba. And we went to Bopes Library and danced the night away. And it was very fun. Yeah, that was a good one. And these are NYU memories people.

But you know what? Why don't we include him in the conversation? Let's include him. And let's list off the credits. Let's list off the credits. He has been a writer on Family Guy. heard of it heard of it heard of it heard of seth heard of seth heard of seth many people haven't um and he's also famously the brilliant mind and uh writer behind the 9-11 seinfeld spec script that truly is i think truly is a seminal

piece of work. I think it's one of the best fucking things I've ever read in my life. You gotta go check it out if you haven't already. Please look up 9-11 Seinfeld spec script. And then don't judge yourself for doing so. Oh no, and you know what? It's gonna be a beautiful experience for you to read it. Guys. And here

he is. It is Billy Domino! It is so cool to be here on pod save america john so we should love it over there this is crazy it is crazy oh my god we should say we should say that our we got into the car with billy the very first, well, pretty much first thing that was said. In LA. In LA. Catch up. We're in LA still.

So I get off the plane. So Matt gets in on Wednesday night, stays with Billy, and they spend... We spend the night together. It's great. It's everything you guys think. Talking about the movie Thinner. Mm-hmm.

We're talking about the movie Thinner. I cursed you. Thinner. So then... Thinner. Cut to about 12 hours later. Look up. movie up imdb movie up find it 12 hours later i touched down in la give someone a residual check who's in that oh no one no no wait there is someone in it you you talk and i'll pull it up i'll tell you what's in it there's a man who

gets thin a man who gets a lizard and then a man like who what gets leprosy i think his skin falls off i'm looking it up man i'm looking it up i feel like it does have a famous actor in the lead role when did this you fucking wish i have no idea say the joke okay so basically um i touch down and then i ask whether or not i should meet billy at his place or at the in and out on sunset and orange and the plan is instead to go to Sunset and Orange. So that's where I go. First place I go after the airport. But anyway, Billy picks us up, picks me up. We drive away and he

points to the IHOP across the street. He goes, that's the IHOP where Madonna killed herself. No one was shocked. We saw it coming for years Honestly, Hollywood news And Hollywood news

And honestly, this is just as insane Last night, Billy came to our Popper Let's Show At UCB Franklin We hung out at Bird's after work Which is a bar next door And then Billy just screams my name Says, Billy, get over here And so I do

And he pulls me close And all he says is Bly the Danner if there's one person who gets it and many do but if there was one who got it it would be blithe danner i think blithe danner does get it she gets it but if you're on huff you get it and many have tried to be on huff hank azaria. I'm sure Oliver Platt was there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But she gets it. How many people work with Terry Polo and Ben Stiller in the same movie? Not many. Terry Polo. What's Terry Polo up to? Not getting it.

Not getting it? I guess Terry Polo's kind of lucky she had the first Meet the Parents, huh? Yes. I didn't know how to respond because that was objectively true. Then you get Meet the Fockers and you get the other one, Meet the Wedding. Meet the Baby.

Meet the Wedding? Little Fockers. Meet the Wedding? These are pun-based sequels. Who plays the Wedding? Who plays the Wedding. These are pun-based sequels. Who plays the wedding? Who plays the wedding? Who plays the wedding? Gloria Estefan. Subtly, too.

Did you ever see Music of the Heart? I didn't. I felt I didn't need to, and I stand by that 15 years later. You know what? I will say it was a pre-9-11 world, and we weren't ready for that kind of authentic emotion yet. Had that come out in 2002, I think i think bam we would have had something there's a moment in music of the heart where meryl streep has said goodbye to her children they're gonna go like stay with their father or something and she's in her apartment like being really sad they're not there and they

like the she she drops off at the plane and they're getting on the plane and everything and the phone rings and she looks at the phone and what she assumes is that the plane has crashed and she gets up and it's like this moment where she's like, oh shit. Oh my God. Walks over to the phone

and my babysitter looked at me all the time and was like, you don't think. And I was like, I don't, I don't know. Would they inject drama

into this? Stakes? And she picked up the phone and the kids were fine. But there was a crazy moment in the movie Where they tried to make you think that like That woman's children Were dead in a plane crash

And that was what they were trying to get I went through a series of anxiety streaks In my adolescence From like third grade to Let's say like sixth grade at different times And they took various forms for about a year at a time Like the first major one Was that I had this dream in like the summer after third grade that i was at a

restaurant uh with my family and a gunman came in and was you know going to chew up the place and for like a year after i became convinced every restaurant i was going to go into it's just like yep it's got you know this is the one i dreamed of a restaurant once and so i would like i couldn't go into restaurants but i bring this up because because the next thing to happen after that was I was convinced if my parents were not home within 30 seconds of that time, must have been a car crash. And in the early days of cell phones, I would be calling them frantically from the house. They wouldn't be answering because the cell phone never worked because it was a car phone back then. It didn't work. And I just harassed my parents

for you know sweetly thinking they were dead and you know but ultimately it was a very like selfish thing because it's not like dead for you know their for the their personal concern at that time it's dead because of my exactly it's my reaction to it honestly i used to do something similar when this is like very kid logic but every single time my parents would leave the house, like after 6 PM to go to the store or something or to go here, I would always have to go with them because I was convinced that if I was in the car, an accident wouldn't happen. I was like the key. Like, well, I have to go with you because if you go by yourself, like you're, you'll

die. What is that kid logic? Cause I had that same thing and I think i've talked about this before but first month or so of moving to colorado was freshly after columbine after dramedy ramsey and i just assumed people in colorado just fucking died they got shot just like or strangled shot or strangled or whatever um and so yeah i had a full-on meltdown in the third in the fourth grade after school because my mom was late to pick me up and i was convinced that she had died oh yeah one time my one time that's calm it sounds like it's common but yeah let's keep going well

no i was getting picked up from track practice and uh and my no one showed up and i was like well this is what happens this is it that's someone's some, they're all dead. Everyone's dead. It happened. It finally happened. And the important thing was I saw it. And I, and I walked home from school and it was not close. And I just got home and my dad had literally just forgotten to get me.

So that was great. That was great. I had like, I've met Matt's dad on multiple occasions. There is not a dad who by looks alone appears more likely to forget to pick up a child.

I don't know the situation, but whether or not this is true, the truth is, the capital T truth, is that he was in the yard looking at a lawnmower, just kicking it, trying to make it work.

Oh, yeah. I should have picked you up. The man loves to be in the yard. The man is a dad of all dads. He is. He is a capital D dad. He really is. And Katrina's a capital M mom.

Oh, absolutely. You know what? They're very much parents. Not that this matters, but capital P. Literally no resemblance to your father. You or your sister. What are you saying? I'm not saying anything.

No, I'm asking you right now. What the hell are you saying? You are a legitimate child. How dare you, the milkman? The milkman. Was it the milkman doing it to my mama? Twas. Who was doing it to my mother, Bowen?

I got a delivery and someone got to sign for it. Oh, Matt, it's your dad. Oh, no, my father. Oh, no, this cream's going to go bad because I got to sit down and dish. That's not cream anyway um scene does this man deliver his cum does he not even bother to have sex with these women like is this actually a sperm service

yeah it's milk I'm just gonna say I watched the worst porn last night tell us about it it was just like I was on Pornhub as anyone would want to do no I do

xnxx.com that's too many letters well I also that's too many letters without cents they've gotten much shittier recently also xvideos.com

okay I'm sure that's part isn't that part of the Pornhub family no xvideos is more snippets and Pornhub is like

like you like pirated full length. Oh, okay. I'm always looking for full length stuff. I would recommend Pornhub, absolutely because it's just for everybody. There's something for everybody there. But go to MyVidster and just search keywords

with MyVidster and then any full length will show up. So Billy, what is your porn it was just the most watched video and normally i don't go by most watchers no highest rated exactly thank you so much because the community knows yeah he knows what's gonna work if the community has responded you know that some they were all coming can i just say this has been a rough year for the community and the community as a whole needs to come together and give a clear thumbs up or thumbs down to your porn. Let us know because we need that 85% or above, honey.

Oh my God. Wait, so describe the porn. Okay. It just said in the title, it was like mom asked son to impregnate aunt. And I'm just like, okay, I'm going to click on this because this is stupid. But like, I just, you know, I assume maybe this is just a short... Mom asks son

to impregnate aunt. And I'm figuring, I'm like, well, it can't just be that. This is obviously shorthand for I'm your stepmom, and this is my sister by marriage. You know, they always have. But no, it was straight up, I'm your mom. this is your biological odd

and she needs a baby in her and then it happened it was pov it was pretty bad and it was just and it was like just so on the nose like the most ham-fisted dialogue what was getting people off was in not any way what was happening on the screen. It was entirely the dialogue. This is people who need to know I am your mom. I am asking you to have sex with your aunt. My sister. That's geared at

the incest demo. Which apparently is now at the top of Pornhub. Let me tell you, especially with gay porn too, it's like, oh no. Gay porn? What is this? It's like, there's a whole channel that might as well be called, oh no, it's just me and daddy at home. Like mom left for two months for work. It's just me and daddy at home and we fucking.

I also love I'm a Married Man. I love any, like. First person title, franchise? If the title of the porn says the whole arc oh my god i love it like i'm a married man it's like every single video is deaf is like a straight guy being like oh shit man i'd love to just itch my balls you know like i'd love to touch my own fucking balls and get get really uh you know horny on myself and then the gay guy touches me goes whoa oh i'm sorry you You ain't me. You're a

different being. I don't know about this. I have a wife. I got milk to deliver. And the gay guy's always like, well, she's not here. And then he's like, I guess you're right. And that was something I really love. And I love my point to be very emotional.

I will constantly think back to an impression of gay porn you did in Just a Phr I all constantly think back to an impression of gay porn. You did in just a phrase. Once you're like, you want to know what all gay porn is like. Here's what's like. Uncle Phillip. Uncle Phillip.

That was also the same thing. We were describing dead in the eyes, porn stars. You're like, no, I don't like young guys who are fresh on the scene and excited i think guys have been there for too long just dead inside that and just i can only describe it as like eyes glazed and crossed yes like like wait there's a one really guy really good guy that's actually still into it after many years who Who is this? Well, have you ever watched Dominic Pacifico?

No, I have no idea who this is. I'm usually pretty up on my gay porn shows. And of course, there's Colby Keller. Yeah. I do love me some Colby Keller. He followed me on Twitter, and then after his whole election bullshit, I unfollowed him. Really? Oh, yeah, he's a full crazy person.

Just think, you know, Trump can do some things, you know, we're gonna be fine. There you go. And imagine that person inside of like a scruffy muscle bare body. Yeah, and then someone inside of him. Throwing out one more thing and then we're gonna find out Bowen's porn fantasy. I just wanna say

the hottest porn star that's working is named Carter Dane. Oh, I know who you're talking about. Yeah, he is the truth. Okay. Now go, Mo. My favorite porn fantasy? My favorite porn fantasy? Walk us through.

Oh, gosh. Like, what's your type? This is... Do you know Tyler Saint? I have seen Tyler Saint. He is like the gay porn masseur. Yeah, okay. And he will just give you a massage

and then casually slip in like a toy in your ass. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen him. And they'll be like, what are you doing? But the diet, you know what gets people off? It's kind of the same thing as Billy's ant impregnation video. The video I made with my real-life mother and real-life aunt. She and Linda got in on it.

Billy's ant impregnation video is the title of this episode no no I don't know okay listen I understand your personal objections but we talked with the people in corporate and like they've done the analytics on it

it will play well you'll get a bump it's testing well I'm sorry but do you want to get to 500 ratings on iTunes then title okay all right billy's what is it billy's and copyright copyright tyler said we'll like chat with these with his clients partners and they're like yeah so where's it hurting oh you you pulled you oh you asshole you pulled the asshole okay and then he just fucking just gives it to him yeah um i will say can the three of us quote from memory the dialogue not the dialogue but the the words from cake farts oh yes i can okay i have so much less experience with cake farts but please please. Wait, okay. Cake farts is like... Here we go. You know what I like the most?

Cake farts. Let's get this done. How do I want to do this? I know. And then she... Guys, spoiler alert. She sits on a cake and she fucking farts on it. I've only seen it once or twice. Again and again and again.

And it's fantastic. Exactly as good as you think. It's fantastic. Well, what makes it as good, and tell me if my memory is wrong, but I actually don't because I want to remember it this way. We're not talking like a fancy layer cake. Nope. We're not even talking like a circular Carvel cake. It is like a rectangular homemade pancake.

With brown icing. With brown icing. And just the most ridiculous... I mean, maybe that is a great move by the person who was in charge of art that day just for masking's sake. In charge of art! Listen, did you not...

You weren't here for the condom bill in the last election. A lot of people work in porn from the ground up. You're right. And we thank them. It's not just your Tyler Truce and your Charlie St. Clouds. It's a lot of people who are doing good, honest work.

If Charlie St. Cloud had been a porn, I bet Zac Efron would have won an Oscar for that. If that is not already someone's porn name, the gay porn community has let me down. And me personally. Go on, Bowen. I'm coming for him. Talk more about your exact porn. Oh, that that's it it's just to be in be in a scene with mr saint see i like the porns that are like i'm i just want you to know that i really care about you emotional porn emotional porn where two people really connect and they look each other

in the eyes which definitely means those porn stars are fully crazy oh yeah like i love to see crazy people yeah like they could commit to a trash bag right now like the way like you like me at home is truly buying into the fantasy yeah you at home like hunched over in bed making sure your headphones are on tight and i'm crying yeah and i'm crying, but you are crying. It's been a long day and it's like 1135. And normally that's not too late. But like you said, I'm going to start going to bed earlier. And like, this is how you have to get to bed

because your life is that bad now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like that. It's like that. It's like that. It's like that. Billy, we're going to ask you the question we ask all of our guests.

This is a perfect segue. Perfect segue. What was the culture that you grew up with that made you say, culture is for me? What made you want to step in a cultural direction? I mean, I think it's a little bit cliche having listened to many episodes now, but it's like everyone else, the first Gulf War. I mean, we all saw that video of the bomb going down the chimney and we said, what can I do? You, fuck you.

The first Gulf War. And, you know, we saw so many men come back from that and we don't know why they're sick. And to this day, all of my art, and it is art with a capital A, is designed to answer that question of what could we have done? You know what? Yeah, that reads. I remember when I was a young kid in the first Gulf War. Yes. And that's the end of that thought.

That's the end of that thought. Because we know the rest. We know the rest. I haven't been the same. It's branded into our cultural knowledge. Do you know, I never really understood what the first Gulf War was until Lost. Oh, I'm sorry. And Saeed was revealed to be in the Gulf War.

Was he the guy who was on the other side? He was taken before there was taken. He had skills that we found out about. Republican Guard. Okay. Oh, okay. Yes, now I know who you're talking about. Charlie was asking him on the beach, like, oh, well, something, something, something.

He was fixing something. And he's like, oh, how did you know that? And he's like, I was in the military. He's like, oh, yeah. Which war did you fight? And he's like, oh, well, something, something, something. He was fixing something. And he's like, oh, how did you know that? He's like, I was in the military. He's like, oh, yeah. Which war did you fight? And he's like, oh, the Gulf War. He goes, oh, where were you? Marines?

Military? And he goes, Republican Guard. And it's like that moment. It's like, oh, my God. What nationality was Saeed? Do we know? Iraqi. Oh, yeah.

OK. I'm sorry. Yeah. What would you expect? i don't know i also i'm not fully up to speed on the goal for either well let's talk about it because it's important we bring it back i mean if because it's your cultural expertise uh go ahead i mean like saddam went to kuwait yeah and we couldn't have that and we just had to say you know what you know we're gonna push you back and free the people of kuwait and then we send some bombs and we send some tanks and then we said okay we're doing it we push you back to baghdad now iraqis take care of the rest of it

bye so what are you saying what i'm saying what are you saying i'm saying it's complicated and we may never know we may never know um listen i think that i that read Listen, I think that... I truly think that I know the piece of culture that made Billy and I as close as we are. What was it? And it is Precious based on the novel Push by Sapphire. One of the greatest tweets of all time. Before I was even on Twitter, Matt showed this to me

and it cemented our friendship around this movie. Seth Meyers once had a tweet that was just like, guys, does anyone know what the movie Precious is based off of? That's a good tweet. On Thanksgiving Day 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean.

He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he look so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian Gonzalez. Elian.

Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast

network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again, and we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude. You're a dude. And Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past. And we're just going to sit here and talk about them. And we'll get into the types of dudes.

What kind of types of dudes are there, Grunks? We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes, dude. We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games. We'll share down their games.

We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dudes dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on dudes on the I heart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl swoops,

WNBA champ, three-time Olympian and basketball hall of famer. I'm a mom and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster, Brasby journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife,

and I'm also a woman. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts, you know, just all the shit we go through. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I, well, we have no problem going there.

Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby and iHeart Women's Sports Production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.

Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image and huge life transformations. I was a desperate, delusional dreamer and the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble.

I encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate, delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine. I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything but me. It took years for me to break that, like years of work. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. That's a good tweet. Did we see it twice? We each individually saw it twice in theaters. We saw it the second time, both of us, in theaters. You saw it the first time with Jenny Jaffe in a theater. Oh my God, yes. In a theater like in Harlem.

In Harlem. And then I think Jenny was telling me that like once she gets pushed down the stairs, like the theater was there to laugh. The audience was there to laugh. And then when Precious got pushed down the stairs, everyone started clapping and laughing and just getting up out of their seats

and having the time of their life. It was, I think, different for everyone. We all have our own view of what happened that day. But I'll never forget, like, I genuinely thought Precious was amazing. And then we came into school and we got into a... Not you and I. We've always been on the same side about Precious. Pro-Precious.

Pro-Precious. It is one of the greatest melodramas ever made. It's great. But we had a friend in our class with us that was like, it is not good. And I was like, how could you say it's not good? Who said that? Louther?

Alice Roth. Listener of the pod. Alice Roth. Alice, you said Precious wasn't good. And you were like, and honestly, looking back,

this was a good justification. She goes, they named the baby Mongo. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I mean, that's fair.

Listen, Precious has never been, um um or the novel pushed by sapphire they have never been elevated uh for the sake of their subtlety yeah it's to tell a hard and aggressive story that you may or may not be ready for and it go whenever the choice is okay should this be you know a one or a ten precious says we need a new number we need a larger number like yep yeah it's it's truly it's honestly and i actually talked about this in my screenwriting class paul selig who this is now the second time i'm referencing him would you bring him up with john early oh beautiful he knows paul sel No, he doesn't know Paul Selig, but we were talking somehow got into the topic of

he somehow came up. Maybe it was a movie we were discussing in class and I saw John Early in a diner last week because I'm popular. Go on. He's very popular. It's a celebrity sighting. It was an accident, but go on. Of course, of course. So basically

Paul Selig, who was a medium also a teacher and he said um you know you could win an oscar people were arguing whether or not the writer of precious deserved to win an oscar for it okay and he did win an oscar for it and he was like you could win the oscar for best adapted screenplay for the scene with monique precious and mariah at the end of the movie. Fantastic scene. I agree with that. It also features the best on-screen performance ever by Sherri Shepherd.

Oh my god. Saw the movie Barfly last night. Piece of shit. I'm sorry. Something's wrong with you, Precious. We can quote this movie. Precious. We can quote this movie. Precious is saying, I'm sorry, because Sarah Shepard didn't like the movie Barfly. This is after she shows up and being pushed down the stairs,

covered in her own blood and carrying a bloody baby by her mother. And her mother tried to throw a TV from 10 stories up down on her. She's apologizing because the movie was bad. Something's wrong with you, Precious. That was insane. Yeah, she really tried to That was insane. Yeah. She really tried to kill her daughter. Yeah, that happened.

And then she comes back later and she wants to reconnect. Wow. You too. In case the porn tell doesn't work out, this episode can also be called, Who's Gonna Love Me? Since you got your degree. And you know every fucking thing. I love that movie. Also,

Mariah. Bowen, don't laugh. You're sick. This is drama. Mariah. Sorry. Now you've been calling this office. Trying to get reconnected with your daughter. That's all I really have. Mariah was. Can we talk about the abuse?

Can we talk about the abuse? Can we talk about the abuse? You know, Precious knows. We never know what drugs in my house. Precious knows. I wouldn't accept that. You know what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about. Specific acts of physical and sexual abuse.

Honestly, did Mariah... Here's the discussion. Yes. Did Mariah deserve the Academy Award nomination that she did not receive? Wow. I mean... This will be the last question I ever ask in my life. You have your bag packed in a cape on.

Yeah, yeah. I'm taking my bag. There's a gypsy cab outside. I'm not going anywhere. I'm just taking the bag and jumping off the ceiling. I'm jumping off the roof. It's going to weigh me down. You're jumping onto the gypsy cab.

This is why you didn't order an Uber. That car be made of aluminum and light enough. You need an 88 Skylar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fall onto the roof will kill me. This is the elaborate plan. The fall onto the roof. Talk about the fact that Mariah did not receive

an Academy Award nomination for talking like this and having a mustache and precious based on the novel Pushed by Sapphire. I'm going to go get a soda. You want a soda? You want a soda? Yeah.

Soda's fine. Soda's fine. Yeah, okay. I forget what she says. What did she say? We haven't watched it in seven years because I'm starting to feel guilty. You need someone to write your checks, sweetie.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. What is it? Yeah, just watch it again watch it but did she receive did she deserve an academy award nomination she did not get one but should she have gotten one well this this question can't be answered in a vacuum because there are only so many nominations that can go out who else was nominated i'm gonna bring that up phone i i'm happy that you said that billy and you know we did this last week as well with John. And that was about The Blind Side, which was the same year.

Same year. Oh, yes, it was. Okay. That was the first year of the ten nominees, too. Well, Monique. So bad. Monique obviously won that year. Yes, she did.

All that mattered that year was that Monique won and that Christoph Waltz won for Inglourious Basterds. Bowen does a great Christoph Waltz. Do your Christoph Waltz. No, I don't. You just, there is just, there is just one line that you said

all that year at NYU at any party. If you were ever drunk, you would scream. This is it. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Lovely.

Beautiful. He was amazing. Continue to talk while I bring this up. Oh, my is so difficult i mean now now i'm realizing like how this all the conversation flows centrally through matt even though we're in a triangle yeah i mean i touched it with mike with my chin he's this leg of the triangle is the most i'm searching oscar nominations precious precious all right here we Oscar nominations. Precious. Precious. Here we go. Okay, okay, okay. Academy Awards. Now you're on the page with the Academy Awards. Motherfucker. Okay, hold on.

Such language. No, I want there to be dead air. You know what? We'll cut this out. We'll cut this out in post. All this has gone in post. Do the alert to the postman. This is cut out. Postman, cut it out. Leave it out. We don't need this. gone in post. The alert to the postman, this is cut out. Postman, cut it out. Leave it out.

We don't need this. This is filler. There's been so many nominees. All right, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Now, the... Oh, my God.

Fucking Wikipedia is garbage. Just to put it in the queue, I'm going to give you a serious answer to the initial question. Brett, I got it. Stop it, Brett. This is not a safe space anymore. This has been broken. Okay, here were the nominees. There's anger. We should be able to

talk about Precious with levity and joy. Here are the nominees for that year. Monique and Precious, she won. Penelope Cruz in nine. Oh, I remember that. Vera Formiga in up in the air. Maggie Gyllenhaal in Crazy Heart. And Anna Kendrick in Up in the Air.

I have documented feelings about Anna. About Anna Kendrick. I actually didn't get her at all in Up in the Air. Can I talk for a second about my dreams for the future? I just, since 2008, I have gone to bed every night dreaming of the day when each of my children will be introduced to Crazy Heart for the first time. It's a movie that binds us as a nation, as a people, as humanity. Were Neanderthals still around, it would bind human Homo sapiens to the Neanderthals and create a world of peace.

We all remember that movie. We all remember the songs. We all remember thinking, he looks old for the crazy heart. Whatever. For the weary kind. That was it. It was a good song, actually.

Out of those five, if you were to take out one and put in Mariah, I mean, I feel like vera formiga it was not really a performance in that movie as well as it was like a good script i never saw up in the air still happened but bowen spoiled it all for a room full of like 500 people during improv show i remember you were personally like shocked by that moment i couldn't believe when you said that that Vera Farmiga's character was married in that movie. Sorry. It was a scene where two people, our friends, I believe Mike Spence and Haley Hepworth, probably were sitting on an airplane having a conversation,

brought up that one of them was watching up in the air on their seat back screen. And my response as a flight attendant was just to say, she's married. She's married. She's married. She's married. At which point they explode. Why would you say that? Honestly, I apologize to everyone

who has to edit this. Listen, I've peaked 10 separate times already and will continue to. Listen, the thing about that is Bowen actually has a documented history of spoiling things.

Of course, we all remember when he spoiled Katya's elimination. Have we talked about Katya Gate? I hate to put the gate suffix on anything, but that was an iconic moment of filth. Of filth. It was true filth, and it's true sensationalism. Bowen Yang is, of course, the face of sensationalists. Katya, no!

Facebook post. Bowen, what have you done? Well, we haven't watched it yet. We're on the West Coast. It could have meant anything. It could have meant I was excited for her. No, here's the thing. It's the Super Bowl of drag.

It's the Super Bowl of gay life. And you have to watch it live and expect that people will talk about it. That is the most classist bullshit I've ever heard. You're calling people out for not owning a sling box at a parent's house on the East Coast. Honey, I'm calling people out for not going out to their local gay bars and supporting gay culture and gay nightlife. That is what I am calling.

And I will stand by this forever. It is the hill I will die on. I promise you. Bowen does not respect the East Coast, West Coast time divide for programming. Bowen, do you want advertisers to get their money's worth? Or do you want people to be trying to watch drag race at 6 30 no gay wants to buy a subaru forester at that time honey wow wow i am so happy that billy is here to make you understand the full extent of

how badly you should feel no you should feel bad and i will never ever drop it when you ruin kazuya's elimination for me, that was a moment. Stop reaching for your bag. Take off your cape. Please don't go to the roof right now. I'm going. I'm going to jump onto that car. Yeah, you've forgiven me for this.

I've forgiven you, but I will say this. I was genuinely pissed. Sorry. And a lot of people were. And that was when I think you revealed to all of the social media networks that you were a sensationalist. You are proud. It was like my roommate, Arman, who watches, loves Drag Race, Hina's girlfriend, Kayla. It's appointment viewing for them after a long day of struggling in L.A.

They come home to that. They have that. And they know that RuPaul is going to be mother, father, god to them all at the same time. And they burst forth from their room that night. Because it had been ruined.

I mean, yeah, it's funny that he's getting dragged, but I'm pissed at Bowen. Wow. Because at that point it had been the top five and Katya, I think, was very much the fan favorite. And it would be shocking to just hear that Katya was eliminated. And guess what? A lot of people just heard.

Yeah, we just heard it in a vacuum, announced without any fanfare on Bowen Yang's wall. It's very easy to get the tea on RuPaul's Drag Race 2 about what happens. It's very easy. If you want it, it can be found, but most don't want it. I just don't want it from my greatest friend. I mean, does that title even apply?

Anymore? But when will it stop for you? When will you stop? The madness is what we're talking about. The selfishness what we're talking about. The selfishness, the narcissism, the idea that you matter so much in a universe so big that we are mere specks. This is the role I have settled into.

It is not the role. It is the cadence with which I speak. And that is I only say something if I'm sure I want to say it and if I'm sure that it needs to be said in the world. And honey, you better believe that in that is, I only say something if I'm sure I want to say it. And if I'm sure that it needs to be said in the world. And honey, I will tell you better believe that in that moment, I was shocked that Katya was eliminated. And I didn't know where to channel that frustration. And you had to speak.

And I had to speak. And there was no other place for me to put it except on Facebook. And the words you needed to speak were, Katya, no! I have to say, Doreen,ologue just now i peeked over at the computer and i saw my lines relative to everyone else and i am ashamed i am so sorry i have very little vocal control i don't do well from the diaphragm but the thing is billy the thing about you is we love we love that you have no vocal control no thank you in fact billy and i were in hammer cats together and very frequently so the way hammer cats worked

in college was all month long for three weeks you'd be writing writing writing writing writing and then there'd be a week of the show at the end of the month and every night monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday usually the show should be on Saturday. We rehearse every night. Honestly, maybe not the wisest model. But dedicated. But super dedicated and they produced good work. But this is before you learn

what marking in rehearsal even is. And this is before you learn how you don't need to constantly prove to everyone else your identity. And your identity doesn't have to constantly prove to everyone else your identity. And your identity doesn't have to be the loud one. Honestly, though, I identify with you with this because we both write. Back in the day, we both wrote high emotional sketches.

I'd say one out of three sketches I wrote required a sugar bottle to be broken over. Honestly, I also loved to scream and shout and holler. Billy sometimes would be losing that old voice by Thursday afternoon. Oh, yeah. And from day one, David Sidorov, who's been mentioned on this podcast before, he would be telling me,

hey, you can mark your voice. It's totally fine. No, I'm fine. I can do this. I can power through. That was the most aggro I'll ever be in my life telling people no i'm cool to scream all week meanwhile i am pounding mucinex because i hear that's what opera singers take before a big show or something what is oh my god so billy living with billy yeah you guys are roommates for many years roommates for many years

living with billy and just watching from afar with fascination. The things he would put in or on his body was just... Billy was one of the first people... Wait, elaborate. Sorry, this conversation you guys had about just like... Computer, elaborate. Elaborate. About Billy exerting himself.

This is a fascinating conversation that I really want to have. Billy was one of the first people who showed me that baking soda was a thing you could put on your body when you showered. Oh, yes. What? Or, wait, but like, Billy, like. What can't baking soda be used for? What can't baking soda be used for?

But did you ever do, did you ever do something with vinegar? Yes, I did. You didn't know me as much during that time. Yes. But like, that's mostly been an LA thing. I didn't wash my hair for a year and a half To mixed results Yeah

You went that long? I was using occasional baking soda and vinegar Which does like when you use it in the day Like your hair is equally clean as any shampoo But you should still wash it As I start itching the back of my head Yeah your filth I have lice.

Bowen and I have been talking this whole time. You look bad. But no, I probably introduced you using a baking soda face mask. For the sake of exfoliation, nothing gets those blackheads and sebaceous filaments quite like baking soda. I highly recommend it.

Does baking soda sponsor this podcast? Casper Baking Soda? Casper Baking Soda. Casper baking soda? Casper baking soda. Casper baking soda. Promo code face. Wait, speaking of showers, Billy. Billy, can we tell everybody the cardinal sin you committed in our shower? I mean, I did so many.

You pooping dare? You pooping dare? I've done a lot of bad things in showers i've shared with bowen i've used them for too long i've one day when he came home he came home to find me screaming teenage creed way off i totally like uh and you know and at one point that came up you know as a joke later the i wasn't sure he had heard it but it but it was it was absolutely heard by Bowen. But the number one thing is, okay, so Dangerbox, the improv group Bowen and I were in at NYU. Every beginning of the year, once we get the new people in, we'll do a secrets night. And, you know, we get drunk, we get high, and we bond by sharing stupid secrets.

And one senior year, Bowen and I were living with David Sidoroff in beautiful Stuyvesant town 14 and A absolutely beautiful we'll talk about what absolutely means in a moment but we will like after many secrets are already shared and many had already been

heard by people in previous years they're mainly for the new people I you know like alright Bowen I have a secret for you and everyone else. Last week I shit in the shower and I screamed. What? What? And he had to stand up. He couldn't be near me.

I adjust. Listen, sometimes a fart is a shart is a shit. We've all been there. And if you haven't been there, you, you need to go there. Everyone, if you are sitting at home and you haven't been there You need to go there I have yet to shit in the shower Everyone

If you are sitting at home And you haven't pooped Your pants In the shower It's time to poop I shit my pants In the Whole Foods Two days

Like three days ago On Easter No Billy Just a little bit But it did cross the line Have you ever Have you ever pooped in the car When you're driving

Have I ever pooped No thank you I mean nonsense I'm sure I did As like a four year old When I was in high school I was driving? Have I ever pooped? No, thankful. I mean, nonsense. I'm sure I did as like a four-year-old. When I was in high school, I was driving home from I think track practice. From cross-country? I pooped in that car.

Yeah, a little-known fact that's never been mentioned here. Matt Rogers went to NYU on a cross-country partial scholarship. Has it never been mentioned? Yeah, that's true. I guess we can reveal that. They should rescind that money from me because I went, well, actually, no no I did get to go to NYU on an academic quote unquote

scholarship because they couldn't call it an athletic scholarship because it was a D3 school I'm about due for another I'm about due for another pantshitting moment yeah I mean I mean that was actually one of the first times that Matt and I got to truly bond is in colloquium class in

dramatic writing we have, every three weeks, uh, you have to produce a new short scene. They end up often being sketches for the people who are like, Oh yeah, you wrote it. You wrote a shitty scene. I wrote,

it was like, it was a dramatic, I was a dramatic storytelling with actors, with bodies. Yes. that groundbreaking theater. Absolutely. I mean,

yeah, it really was everything that julie taymor could hope for in a five dollar budget um but um i was uh i wrote a story about time i shit my pants in an eddie bauer outlet when i was in eighth grade and the process of how it built up and how a rate the radio playing in the bathroom and once i finally got there was what caused me to shit my pants as i was unbuckling my belt and i i was lucky enough to embody that truth you were embodying the truth of my body that's actually is how well i remember i i did an internal transfer into tish from nyu and billy transferred from you chicago yeah yes so so we were both sophomores technically in the eyes of the program at NYU Tisch.

And so we meet each other and we're in the same film class. And Billy says to me, I'm just trying to get to know anybody. Probably same for you. This is the first day we're talking about? The first day we ever met. And Billy says to me, yeah, I did a lot of improv and comedy in Chicago. So I'm definitely going to be continuing that here with Dangerbox and Hammercats. And I was like, oh, well, I'm going to audition for Hammercats too.

And I think you looked at me and I looked at you, and we both thought there is absolutely no way that person is funny at. I can't tell you like the initial. It wasn't even loading because it wasn't that active. It was the dismissal of each of us on that first day when we were in that film group together going out

and essentially filming stock footage of like street signs. Yeah, yeah. It was horrible. It was so stupid. We should go and do a Getty image search

to make sure our stuff hasn't been put up there as part of NYU's money making schemes. But he literally, he just like was so like confident that he was going to do it.

I was such an ass. I was like, well, I think it was probably born out of being nervous and like anxious. I certainly was. And I was like, yeah, I'm an audition too. Hmm. We'll see. And then I walked into class the next day. The other class we were in together because they put us in a lot of classes together in

the very beginning. And they knew something. No one else did. They knew something would be connected. But anyway, so... Bo and I shared eyes just now. I don't know what that was. They went up the ventilation shaft.

No, no, no. Not here. Don't blame me. Blame George Lucas. He wrote it. He wrote... I'm sorry. I'm LaCroix choking right now.

LaCroix, done for podcast. He's literally regurgitating as LaCroix. Oh my god. Are you okay? Don't come for me. Viceroy. Viceroy. Don't come for me about Star Wars episodes one. Dioxin gas.

And just, I have two words for you. The Gungans. The Gungans. Oh, no, two words for you. The fucking, what were the green Asian people? They were the Trade Federation. The Trade Federation. Oh, my God.

So, way to just take all your loathing of Asians and Jews and put them into one nice lizard people. Bannon must have been a producer on that the gungans were the absolute worst black stereotype too i mean 100 and not even black it was like caribbean stereotype yeah yeah yeah where all of a sudden you he did one good thing and then jar jar brings like had to be his slave yeah oh. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I totally forgot about that. It's not just... And it wasn't even a thing of like,

okay, I helped you, now you help me. Jar Jar offers. He's like, I'm your slave. He's begging to be made submissive. He's like, you did something good for me. I'm your slave now. Oh, my God. Just like, what like...

Oh, stupid cartoon logic. Well, I mean, you have to remember 2001 it was a different time 1999 oh yeah right oh wow yeah you're right I'm sorry I'm ashamed I'll never forget like I was so excited I was one of the few times that I went to movies like with

friends and I bought you know we got tickets in advance like I think the first time I ever ordered movie tickets online I was very big into the internet age then and all the possibilities that were on the tips of our fingers and we could tickets in advance. I think the first time I ever ordered movie tickets online, I was very big into the internet age then and all the possibilities that were on the tips of our fingers and we could just taste it. But I went out and bought two lightsabers that day at Toys R Us.

I was making my dad fight with me at the yard and I wanted to bring them to the movies and my mom said no. Oh, yeah, so exciting when that came out. That was the first Star Wars I had ever seen. But then as kids, did it register that it was a bad movie? Absolutely not. Absolutely not.

My dad walked out saying, like, oh, my God, that's terrible. I'm like, what doesn't he get about this? I mean, as a child, it's amazing. The pod race, just like Anakin at all. The video game, the pod racing video game was a big old deal. It started the whole podcast. You know what? Star Wars podcast race

is a bad sketch we need to write. This is after the race with Sebulba. Nobody beats Sebulba. Oh yeah, because it wasn't enough to have your

conversation of a top culture. It wasn't enough to have your generation hybrid in the train federation. You actually had to go full Shylock with Watu, the junkyard owner. Oh my god. I don't even want to... No, we've talked too much about Ep1. Wait, wait, wait. What was I just saying before that?

School? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh and then I had content I walked into the class Billy and I shared together and I think Sono Patel was like how was your weekend and I was like really good actually I auditioned

for the sketch comedy group and I got on and Billy goes so did I and I was like I knew they had chosen four people out of like the 150 that had auditioned. And I was like, looked at him and I was like, what? And he was like, what? I will say, though, we had that moment and then we immediately thought, all right, I'll trust the process.

I was just going to ask, when did the chill? By the end of that class. I think, well, for me, it was when, I guess we had a mutual acceptance of each other. Well, because I'll never forget this because it was also when I met Sudi, but the program had us write monologues and we all had to deliver the monologues

because we were going to be casting each other in the scenes that we had written. And so, I mean, no shade to anyone that might be listening to this from that time where we all were in the same class, had written. And so, I mean, no shade to anyone that might be listening to this from that time where we all were in the same class, but it was so bad. I mean, there weren't actors doing it and no one was a good writer at that time.

And Billy was so funny. Of course. He was so funny. And I was like, oh, wow. I mean, I get it. You, me, and Sudi all had really good pieces. You did just a straight up monologue about a time a guy peed on you at an OAR concert.

Well, it was part of it. It was, I went through my iTunes playlist and put it on shuffle and every time I got to a song, I would write what that reminded me of. And one of them was, it was an OAR song and I was in an OAR concert in high school

and I ran in very fast because I was excited that my friend Lorian was going to go pee in the boys' room. And I was so an OAR concert in high school, and I ran in very fast because I was excited that my friend Lorianne was going to go pee in the boys' room. And I was so fucked up. But I slipped on a puddle of piss, landed on my back in the piss, and a guy turned around that was in the urinal with his dick out, still peeing, pointed at me and laughed, and a little bit of the piss got on me. And that became a monologue in the beautiful start of your friendship. And that is Billy's fantasy porn.

I need you to pee on my sister. Oh, no. Okay, on that note. But wait, but one more thing. On that note, Casper mattresses. Wait, one more thing is I just want to say also who was amazing, who I'll never forget, was I went to the bathroom because I was like, this is so bad. And as I was coming back in, Sudi Green was like slaying.

So she did a monologue. It was like. Sorority girl. Sorority girl initiation. She had to go through A lot of things It was so good Yeah

But anyway That was like And then you put The two of us In a scene together So it was a scene That you wrote And Sudi and I did

Together Which is kind of funny It was an iconic moment Like in terms of The historical significance Of it Yeah it definitely was I brought you two

I said yes And I was like Oh these are the two like people that were great and then um it was a scene that you wrote it was like a sketch that you wrote about how like me on the phone trying to get tickets to broadway yeah and she was like it has was it cats it has to be cats or rent no it was how it had it had to be cats and then like uh and then you were willing to accept rent but both were already gone. Yeah.

Oh yeah. That's what it was. The game was she was like she was like it has to be cats. Tell them that we have to get tickets for cats.

And I was like do you have anything for cats? And we just weren't getting that it was not on Broadway anymore. If you don't mind may I? Because I remember my scene. Sure go ahead.

I remember my art. It was a husband and wife who had come to New York so that you could have your surgery on your deviated septum. You'd come from a small town, and you had a great health plan that would pay to get it done in a better hospital, and you were willing to do it in New York

because your wife really wanted to see Cats. But you didn't want to do New York. You were willing to see Sacramento, as you'd always wanted to. And now she was pissed that Cats was no longer on Broadway. And these are the specifics that you need to be a great writer. If you're going to slay in

Freshman Colloquium at the Dramatic Writing Department at NYU, let me tell you, you need to have certain things in your toolbook. And write such gems as the Matt Rogers Christmas Colloquium special. That could be an entire episode of this. You talked about the wedding last week.

That needs dissection. It's still the greatest thing I've ever written. It's problematic, question mark? Well, we'll find out. I want to know. Listen, we have to take a break, don't we, Bowen? Don't we? We do.

We'll be right back with Billy Domino. Ooh, bitch. It's that part of the show again. It's a little bit of an offer for you. The listeners of Las Culturistas Casper is offering $50 towards any mattress purchase at Casper.com. Now, is this the friendly ghost? This is not the friendly ghost, but it is a friendly mattress, honey.

Okay. The Casper mattress is an obsessively engineered mattress at a shockingly fair price. It's got just the right sink, just the right bounce, and it's made up of two technologies, latex foam and memory foam. Latex memories. Yes, that joke never gets old. That come together for a life well slept. Now, Billy, what's your experience with Casper?

I trolled Casper on social media last week. And what happened? Well, after suggesting their mattresses were made of poop in order to get a mattress for myself so they could prove to me that they aren't, they did in fact offer me a free mattress via DM on Twitter. Although I realized even though I'm currently broke, I don't need a mattress.

So I made a little deal. I'd give them a good blast on social. A positive blast. Not a negative blast, but a positive one. If they were to donate not one, but two twin mattresses to Los Angeles' LGBT Center to help homeless youth and things like that. And they fucking did it. Yeah, because you two are benefiting

personally from it. We all are. Each one teach one. Absolutely. What alternative is this? The alternative is Casper mattress not being a good mattress, but it is. The reality is it's a fantastic mattress. They have an amazing social media manager who did donate two Casper mattresses to the Los Angeles LGBT Center and gave Billy Domino a free Casper mattress to prove that it was not made of poop.

Objectively not feces. I love that. That's the most Billy Domino thing I've ever heard. The Casper mattress is now the most awarded mattress of the decade. So what are you waiting for? Go get one to receive $50 towards any mattress purchase. Go to caspertrial.com forward slash Las Culturistas. Bitch, write it down.

That's caspertrial.com forward slash Lascultureistas for $50 towards any mattress purchase. Billy. Seriously, it's not poop. It's not poop. And we're back with Billy Domino. Billy, can we talk about Vlad? Yes, Vlad just came up briefly earlier as Bone and I were saying. Absolutely.

Absolutely. Bone and I, after our first year at nyu together so going into effectively junior years we were looking to move in together now as a twosome or were we originally going to be a threesome we were originally going to be a threesome i think i was supposed to do that but then matt matt who was going to live with us we had even i remember do you remember talking about this uh by the computers and tish and talking about our plans yeah and matt even made the matt even argued for okay if we do share an apartment with threesome we must on our living room wall uh put in big letters for precious girls everywhere my god we were monsters and he was what happened with that you became an ra. Oh. Yeah. A short-lived RA.

That was post me getting... They told me that I was an alternate and to make other plans for housing. And then I was like, let's all move in together. And then I guess something didn't work out with somebody and I got made to be an RA. But then that left Billy and I to go and find some apartments

with a broker named Vlad. Now, for those who don't understand, a two-bedroom apartment is much more expensive per bedroom than a three-bedroom. It's also harder to find in general. Three bedrooms, they're out there to be had. And for those of you who don't know, there are, of course, always other people to ask.

Well, not other people who would end up being on a podcast with you seven years later. I mean, we can throw you under the bus if you like right now as being like yes you're expendable and replaceable in fact i'll do that and say yes that is true so anyway we moved on without you yes um it's now gonna be billy and bo and ding ding sweetie and it's got to change to ding ding because i'm taking ding dong with me god damn it i think it's in the contract that ding dong is forever dog. Yeah.

But anyway, we met with Vlad who was, how would you describe him, Billy? He was just this beautiful Slavic elf. Yeah. He was just a wonder. He was a wonderful, upbeat man who was, you know, going to business school at night. And he, like any good real estate agent, and i should know because i became one for two years after graduation that was my get by that's true um but he was very optimistic about uh whatever uh was a possibility for you in terms of housing and he was never afraid to twist what you

had just said to make you think you were on the same page so you know what uh can we do can we do an improv let's do it i would love to do an improv okay so let's you're gonna be you're gonna you are in charge of this improv so you if we break rules you let us know um but you know but yeah bowen you be bowen um hi vlad um bowen yes absolutely yes yes um so don't find the big place yes we're gonna find a place so vlad my my friend billy and i we were thinking that we would find... Married couple, absolutely. Just my roommate, just a friend.

Very accepting. Well, thank you, Vlad. We were just looking for, like, a place that's two bedrooms. Studio, yes, can definitely do a fun... You'll put a wall up, a fun studio bookcase. Somewhere below 14th Street. Clinton, yeah, a fun studio bookcase. Somewhere below 14th Street. Mm-hmm.

Clinton. Yeah, absolutely. Hell's Kitchen. Okay, well. Very big high rise. Party, party, yes. Something quiet and close to a train. You know, big bars, big scene. You get the girls.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, sure. D-Train. D-Train. Okay, well, Vlad Vlad Thank you so much And we definitely can't do pre-war Oh pre-war is the only It's got so big

You got wood and a refrigerator Absolutely Absolutely Well hey It's okay for us to do that accent Because Yeah it is Because I am who I am

That's all I'll say Well I'll say. Well, I would say that was a very good improv. Now, after having seen it, I have a very good depiction of what that was. Yes, thank you. I've never actually met a real estate broker that wasn't a complete sketch comedy character. It turns you into a monster like you'd never even expect. And you would know. I would know. Like I did it like within the first week of like training wheels off and being a renting agent on my own.

By the way, the company I worked for was very nice about taking on young people because they were willing to skirt the law. You have to have a license. They're like, we'll train you for your technically be a trainee. Yeah. But like, I guess trainee is not an acceptable term or a good one to, you know, sort of. Put in a business card. Exactly. So they decided, okay, well, we can't call you a real estate agent.

Let's call you an apartment shower. You're the person who shows the apartment. And so they didn't even put apartment shower. They just put shower, which just looks like shower. Or it just looks like shower, not a grower. Billy Domino's shower. So I went around handing these out to people in deep Brooklyn for a year and a half. And everyone was just like, what does it mean?

Shower. Shower. I mean, showers have been a recurring theme this episode. Have I ever told you guys about Lawrence? No. The guy that we dealt with? Oh, my God. Lawrence, tell us.

It was the real estate agent in Brooklyn. He showed a lot of places in Park Slope. I just won't say where he works. Dish. But fine. Destination real estate. in like brooklyn he showed a lot of places in park slope i just won't say where he works but um dish but fine destination real estate um avoid them if you're looking for places in brooklyn because they're misleading we they he me david mazzoni and our friends andrew martin amanda shechtman we were all we were all looking for a four-bedroom together. Because as we've just been established by Billy, as you go up in the amount of rooms, it gets a little cheaper. It gets cheaper.

So basically, we see a four-bedroom. And it's a four-bedroom that that fourth bedroom has a wall put up. And that's how it's constructed. And he was like, yeah. So they showed it as a four-bedroom. It was listed as a four-bedroom. So we take it because it's amazing, move in, and when we get in, the wall is down. It was a very nice apartment. And I was like furious because he never told us that we would have to put the wall back up ourselves.

That was never said. It was marketed as a four bedroom. So I feel like, and then he was like, it was like so difficult dealing with him. And he was such a monster. Like, no, no, no, no. They never let you speak.

He was such like a Brooklyn dick. And I was just like, ugh. And I've literally, I said to myself, I'll never have a bad experience with a real estate broker again because now I know better.

And then when Henry and I were moving again, we had another bad experience. Can't you just see him furiously lifting like not enough weight at Blink Fitness? 100%. He was not a happy guy. Billy can make these classist gym jokes because he is at Equinox now. Are you? And that is his truth. Listen, when I got the family guy job, I, one, paid off a lot of debt,

and two, the only way I treated myself was like, listen, I want a gym where I can feel very comfortable and relaxed showering afterwards. And if you've never been in an Equinox shower, it's a wonderful experience. How so? It's just like, it's not like, you know, you're in a group shower.

It's not like you just have, like, group shower it's not like you just have like the shower curtain there's no hint of mold or anything it's constantly being cleaned if someone is not in a shower that shower is being cleaned and it is

I only use the cardio equipment I only use the elliptical the rowing machine the treadmills and like I'm not a weight person because I don't want to get

I don't want to bulk up you don't want to bulk up I want to be toned lean mostly lean yeah I mean certainly strong but like and I'm not a weight person because I don't want to get, I don't want to bulk up. You don't want to bulk up. I want to be toned. I want to get lean. Mostly lean. Yeah. I mean, certainly strong, but like, and I want to lose the weight.

The muscles are going to help. But like tone and like metabolism. Yes. Yes. But like, so it's not, I don't need all the insane equipment and like, I need to start making use of the classes, but I just do it because I'm really, I'm renting the second bathroom for, you know know for a little under 200 a month it's ridiculous so tell us about the celebrities that you've seen i have seen not so i primarily go to the hollywood equinox sounds good sounds like celebs not as many there because

it's newer and it's all it's like sort of inability where the celebs go is the weho equinox or right on it's right on the western end of the sunset strip near like the viper room and the whiskey and all that stuff dish and a lot of sex a lot of sex i i imagine there would you had sex with john crier you had sex with john crier he's shockingly good i I mean, like everything that he holds back during Two and a Half Month, all that anger comes out in bed or in a locker room. Yes. Wait, so wait,

what's the deal with this WeHo one? Oh, at the WeHo one, I have my biggest celebrity sighting there. I saw two in one night. I saw Mickey Rourke, who was getting private training. Oh my God. The face isn't getting better.

No, it won't get better. But I love him. I i mean matt and i know i love the wrestler wrestler love it one of my favorite movies yeah and but the really shocking sighting of the night was i saw fabio there so fabio does go to a public you know a public gym in that sense yeah we just do it all at home but he was there sitting on uh like the leg curl machine uh in a button-down shirt and very tight jeans he would do one rep and then rest and let people come and talk to him he was holding court on the leg curl were they heavy weights like was he doing like no it was just like not much at all and he was barely ever doing it and he was just sitting there and like people come over him

and shaking their hand and then like after a few minutes, just to save face, was acting like, okay, but I got to get back to doing the leg curls now. He just wanted to be on display at a place where there was... I'm shocked he wasn't charging for a handshake. Right. Well, he wanted to be on display at a place where there was a check-in desk. Yeah. But did he look okay?

Did he still have the hair? Fabio looked fine. Fabio was aging like a human ages. Okay, sure, sure. He's got to be, what, 60 at this point? Yeah. 65? Something like that. He's, of course, most famous for being on Apollo's chariot and taking a bird in the face on its first run ever.

It was Bush. Have you heard about this? No. You've never heard about this? I thought Fabio's claim to fame, and I know it wasn't, but it was for being on, I can't believe it's on Butter Rads. I mean, absolutely, for sure. Like like in the actual way it's famous the man has experienced multiple career renaissance and one of them had to be they opened up in bush gardens williamsburg they had like their first like hyper coaster which means a coaster over 200 feet and it was

called apollo's chariot probably a lot of people know it if you've ever been, if you live in that part of the country, you've definitely ridden it. So like, you have. If you ever think 200 miles, you'll ride the chariot. Maybe that's just me. Because if I lived in Virginia, I'd be on the thing. Wait. What?

Oh, no, I've never done Apollo's Chariot. I've never been to Bush Gardens Williamsburg. Anyway. What? I've never been on a roller coaster. I'm almost, it was Apollo's Chariot, right? I'm not wrong. It was Apollo's Gardens Williamsburg. Anyway. What? I've never been on a roller coaster. I'm almost. It was. It was a Paul's Chariot, right?

I'm not wrong. It was a Paul's Chariot. Okay. So he was on the inaugural. And it was Bush Gardens Williamsburg, right? If it's a Paul's Chariot, it's got to be Bush Gardens Williamsburg, baby. That's actually the tagline of the coaster. So he was on the first one.

The entire coaster advertises the park. Basically, he was on the first time they ever ran it. And he got hurt. And it was like, Fabio's going to be running in the front row. And he took a fucking bird in the face and it broke his nose. He smashed right in. And you can pull up on YouTube and there's just him. It's going down the first hill and suddenly you just see, bam, he grabs his nose and he's bleeding.

And he's scared because he barely understands what happened. And he's got a deep, deep gash. Oh, no. I forget if it broke his nose fully or if it was just a big laceration. I think it did. Oh, my God. It was insane. That's awful.

Especially because it was a celebrity and the very first time it was going on the track. I know. And that bird had to ruin it. Bad bird. Bad bird. Honestly, you think the bird died? I hope it did. Oh, that bird very dead. Go to bird hell. You think that bird

died though? Yeah. That's sad when a bird died. I remember when a bird died, I cry. But then the next day I see another bird and I think, good. Billy, what's your theory about Moonlight? About like, about the movie Moonlight.

Your theory that you told us at In-N-Out Burger. Oh, I think he's gay. And you know what? It's subtle, and I'm willing to hear other arguments, but it adds up in the end. If you piece it together, I think he likes dudes. What's your theory about the celestial bodies in Moonlight? Oh, I think, you know, it's got to be the moon.

Because, you know, the moon is the happier sun. Or no, it's the sadder sun. I think the moon is lonelier than the sun. The moon is lonelier than the sun. So that, guys, is how lots of culture used to work. We'd pimp each other out for week-old bits that we can't really remember. But we'll fill in the gaps. But hey, it's still fun for the listeners,

for people who haven't heard the bits. For the children who listen, they know. Careful of the things you do. Children who listen. Keep going. I'm not gonna because as both of you know and anyone in a danger box or Hammercat's car could test you, I famously can't harmonize.

I have no ear. What are you saying? I'm saying I'm no good. What are you saying? I'm saying I'm no good. No, Billy's one of those singers, and I don't know what it is, but for people who are self-proclaimed or self-labeled tone-deaf singers,

they end up trying to sing along to a melody, but they just, their ear is apt enough in such a way that they'll just sing the harmonies without thinking about it. I think I'm the reverse. I've heard you sing a harmony. The only song I've ever heard you sing is, you're a rich girl

and it's going too far. Cause you know it don't matter anyway. You can rely on the old man's money. You can rely on the old man's money. It's a bitch girl. It's going too far. We don't have the rights. Stop now. Stop now. We don't have the girl. We don't have the rights. Stop now. Stop now.

We don't have the rights. He says it's a bitch? Yeah. Yes. This was 1985-ish. I don't like that. There were bitches then. This was the Reagan years, and life was a bitch.

I don't like this. If you had gone through it. Can I just say, as long as we're on, like, I don't like this, like, no, I just can't. Okay, what's this? My mom is recovering from surgery, you know, currently. She's doing fine. It was planned surgery. It's leading to a better life. Everyone's very happy.

I'm excited to see her. But I think it's going to be late to great things. She's going to look fabulous. She's going to have a career renaissance. A mini renaissance. Yeah, mini. Once you've had more than one, it's renaissance. But so she's just on the couch right now, you know,

and so she's, you know, watching lots of Netflix and, you know, stuff like that. And I'm trying to make different recommendations to her. She mentions that she's very excited to watch that Casey Anthony miniseries that just happened. Like, I guess it's a documentary. Based on that, I'm like, oh, my God, if you're interested in, you know, that true crime stuff, which she is to an insane I'm like you have to watch people who are his OJ Simpson's the best thing on TV last year and it's on on Amazon or on

Netflix right now and I go on for five minutes talking about you know Sarah Paulson and talking about Courtney B Vance and then at the end she's like oh my god sounds incredible of course I could never watch it because of that man. Like, what? Are you talking about, I could never watch anything with OJ Simpson, that man is evil.

I'm like, well, don't worry, they don't make him look good. It's not like he's making money off of it. She's like, oh no, I agree with you completely, but I couldn't do it. Oh my God. What's your mom's first name again?

Suzanne. Suzanne. You don't remember when I said Sue earlier when we were talking about mom odd porn? You better listen. Yeah. Sorry. You're not really a listener, you're just a spoiler. You don't remember when I said Sue earlier, when we were talking about mom odd porn? You better listen. Yeah.

Sorry. You're not really a listener. You're just a spoiler. You know what? I thought it could have been Linda, because you said Sue and Linda. Linda is my aunt. But there you go.

Linda was the one that got pregnant. You didn't say respectively. Linda was the one that Billy got pregnant. Dude, if I'm talking, if I said, parallel structure, baby. Excuse me. No.

Parallel structure. That is why the word respectively exists is so you can do a one-to-one association and correlation. And the reason respectively exists is so that we can understand

when people don't make clear parallel structure happen because if I'm saying to you that this is mom and aunt for impregnation porn, when I say Sue and Linda are here, you should understand

that Sue is mom and Linda is all I fucking did. You should understand that Sue is mom and Linda is all I fucking did. All I fucking did was ask you what your mom's name was. You should have known that. And you didn't know. You know what? Also, you've met her. The overall decibels of this episode are much higher than usual

because Billy is our second straight white cis male guest. I know. What are you doing? Like you're losing your brand. Willingly. What are you doing? Well, I mean. Like, you're losing your brand. Willingly. No. You're seeding it.

We want to incrementally expand it. This episode is sponsored by Serta Mattresses. Serta, we're rocks. Here, how about this? We're going to turn it around. We're going to get the thing. Lenscrafters, come look through your fucking face. We're going to turn this around right now.

What? Billy, I want you for the next few minutes. To be very gay. Go ahead, Billy. Be gay. Guys, I can't be on the spot like this. No, you talked in a high voice and that is offensive.

You better be gay right now. I wasn't being gay right then. I was on a high voice acting like I wasn't gay. So I will not hear any of that. So if you actually think about the context of what just happened. I think Billy is a really fascinating, it's just a really fascinating specimen. Billy will project masculinity in his way, which is just high, but forceful and very aggressive. I'm grabbing Bowen's wrist as I speak.

Do you think that he should be gay right now? Yes. Come on. I'm on the spot right now, and I don't know what to do with it. I don't know what to do with it. Talk to us like you are gay. Okay.

Billy? Billy, how is Fire Island? I mean, I'll go again. Great. That's all go again. Great. That's all we needed. There's foam in my bag. Have you been watching RuPaul's Drag Race? No, I'm always bad.

I always never know when it's going on, and then it starts, and then I feel like, well, all you have to simply do is look it up. All you simply must do is look it up like any other fucking TV show. I'm trying to reject technology in all its forms. No, okay, but this is actually actually this is the place to talk about it as long as you're going to bring this up i brought this up especially to you bo before what so how do you pronounce your name rachel dolazal okay that was a that was a pivotal moment for me in sort of recognizing like i because

i you've always known me to be someone who is performatively sexuality fluid is that an accurate term ah performatively yes sure you've never been afraid to step in and out of you know yes and then like and then and oftentimes like there's especially a period for like about up until right around the time Rachel Dolezal happened that I was like consistently tweeting in a way that would make you would at any reasonable portion think like okay you are a gay man like you're just speaking from you know that particular truth right and then and I was doing it like that choice because I like doing it and like a lot of the joke oh my god I touched oh my god oh but um I uh was you know it was my God. But I was,

you know, it was just the jokes that I was happy to be making. And then I got that happened and I just had this mental collapse of being like, oh my God, have I, you know,

just because I feel close to the gay community. You're thinking too hard about it. Yeah. You're thinking too hard about it. Well, that's also me being a narcissist, which is very true. Do not let Rachel Dolezal

ruin your tweets. Oh my God. No, don't let Rachel Dolezal jettison you into a narcissist but if we don't learn from her it's like she never happened it's like she'll show up again no those who don't learn from rachel dolezal are doomed i god bless rachel dolezal because we got her and Kim Davis on the podcast. I would live for that. I would live for Kim Davis. And I honestly,

if we had Rachel Dolezal on, I wouldn't bring anything up. I'd just be like, so, um, what do you think of, what do you think of big little lies? Big little lies. Um,

no, Billy, I, you have, you have jumped, you've, you've switched your hats with, with sexuality, no, Billy, I, you have, you have jumped, you've, you've switched your hats with, with sexuality, um, in such a way that is not insult or not.

You're not claiming it as your own thing. Like, uh, and you're not like, if you were like fucking the president of glad and you were just claiming that you were sometimes gay, then that would be a parallel. I have a question for you. Please. This is real. Uh-huh. Who are you afraid of there? Who am I afraid is going to come for me?

Who are you afraid is going to come for you? And be honest. If I'm honestly going to be honest, I feel like Joel Kim Booster stopped liking my tweets, liking statuses after a while, and honestly it was around the same time I was considering it. there was something about an interaction too i had with him someone who i think is amazing to have incredible respect for he's hilarious and after initially feeling like he really liked me we just like didn't like talk as much so yeah this is and joel if you're listening

right now this is me coming for you no i have i bet there's nothing to that with Joel. I feel not loved. See, I feel like... I don't fully understand the situation. Well, here's what I'm saying. I'm just saying that I'm seeing a lot of people who are upset about, like... If you're a white, straight woman, I don't need you to be upset about someone saying the word faggot for me. I really don't. We had a conversation the other day. I literally don't need you to be upset about someone saying the word faggot for me. I really don't. We had a conversation the other day.

I literally don't care for... Yeah, I don't need you. That's all I meant to say. We don't need you. Thank you, but we don't need you. And your voice definitely doesn't need to be the loudest. Oh! So it's just interesting because I also feel like a lot of this stuff, like, oh my God,

what am I doing? What am I putting into the world? Yeah. a lot of a lot of this stuff like oh my god what am i doing what am i putting into the world yeah it's kind of interesting like who exactly who are you afraid is gonna come for you yeah i have to ask myself that question a lot i'm like i feel weird about this tweet or i fear to feel weird about this or i've seen this and i feel strange about it what exactly am i afraid of and the answer a lot of times is like someone that wouldn't even be offended by it it's just someone that enjoys being offended. And I think there's like a big difference.

Right, right. And it's like it's never for the other person's benefit. Like the call out culture is never intended to help the person that is being called out. It is only a tool for self-aggrandizing. If you're posting it on Facebook, you wanted likes for it. Yeah. And that's something you have to admit to yourself, I think. It's fine.

It's fine. Whatever. It's fine to want likes. And you know what? Do what you want. But also just know that you're- Don't use this as your way to get likes. We had an extensive conversation the other day about the use in a Facebook response of

the phrase, like, I thought about direct messaging you, but uh thought this would you know be more helpful to do right like it's like don't just don't think that we're all gonna be like on board for that because we see through it like i see through it personally i agree i know that you want likes which is why i as a cis white male advocate uh you know always play devil's advocate, you know, because that's, that helps everything. It's important that anyone who may or may not be oppressed knows that there's a different side that they should see from the view of their oppressor. Even if it's active oppression,

they must understand the good it's bringing them. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Vlad. Now, no,

this is, wow, this is real. I for real struggle with that a lot because, and now even I'm thinking on the other side of it, it's like you want someone to speak up for you. Now, no, this is, wow, this is real. I for real struggle with that a lot because, and now even I'm thinking on the other side of it, it's like you want someone to speak up for you. But the thing is, like, oh, no, no, no. Remember that we're also in company.

No, no, no, no, no, no. But here's the thing, and this sounds so. Maybe you can speak with more clarity about this. Probably not. But this is all I want to say is that allyship is absolutely necessary. But yeah, I think we're all just really trying to compete for who can speak up. That's, I guess, the part that bothers me. May I attempt to turn a phrase?

Sure. You don't have to stay in your lane, but don't jump the fucking median. Oh! There you go. that's pretty great but does the median mean that they're they're going the opposite way oh my god oh my god and of and of course you would have you know uh into such a vinjay gould say you know the median is not the message that we have to you know understand how to look at a data set in a way that's holistic and not focus on the abstract absolutely absolutely i mean guys if you want to talk more about um a scientist in

the 1980s analyzing his own mesothelioma diagnosis i'm happy to stick around we can do the is this for the premium we can do the after hours billy has more access to everything he knows than anyone i've ever met billy and this and please this just come for me in the comments billy is the most functionally hilarious person who is on the spectrum yeah and when he says come for me in the comments he's talking to you i'm talking to billy come for us in the comments of this episode. I have a few things to say. Billy Domino. God, what a fucking treasure. Do you feel like a treasure?

Do you feel like a treasure? One can never feel like a treasure. I am not gold. I am not a chest. But can one feel treasured as one who is kept in the heart, as one who is kept in the spirit, as one who is kept in the light? Yes, I do in this moment feel like a treasure because I'm sitting here with you.

And there's a candle in the background. Do you think that you text us enough? We live across the country now. And do you think that you text us enough? Now I'm fired up. So what people who are not in the room right now are not seeing is that there is a table between us that Matt and Bowen are on one side of

and I'm on the other side. But really, it's not a table. It's a stand-in for Nevada and New Jersey and Colorado and Pennsylvania and Nebraska and Ohio and Iowa and Indiana and Illinois, which is where we meet if we take that particular route across the country.

So what are you saying? We should all go to Chicago together for a weekend? I'm saying we shouldn't worry about it and just have fun. Yeah. We only live once. We're in our 30s. Billy, what's your favorite movie?

What's my favorite movie? I know the answer to this. So yeah, there are... So my favorite movie is probably Boogie Nights. Boogie Nights. Although I haven't seen enough P.T. I've never seen Magnolia and I feel bad. I've never seen Magnolia either.

Don't see it. Don't see it. It's a lot of frogs raining from the sky. Yeah. And oh, I don't like that. No, it's not good. Amphibians need to choose. Okay.

You're a fish. You're a reptile. Choose. You know what? Don't see any movie with Tom Cruise. Wow. I mean, I'd agree with that for financial purposes. I live so close to all the Scientology centers.

You do. That was literally the first thing I asked when Billy picked me up was like, you got to drive me past Scientology. And that building, let me tell you, it screams I'm fake. I took these two on a drive around. What did you blast out of my Prius speakers? Betty who? Ooh, somebody loves you.

Oh, somebody loves you. Those people God. Oh, somebody loves you. Those people need to know that we are here for them. That is the perfect song. Here's how you spot a Scientologist in LA if you live in like that, you know,

on that Silver Lake, Los Feliz, East Hollywood border. You're going to find them if you ever want, I mean, you're going to see the Scientologist slaves

on the sidewalks, you know, handing out the free personality test things. But where you're really going to see them with some consistency is there's a Vons you're going to find at sunset and virgil and you're going to go

in there any night of the week but particularly weeknight around 12 30 a.m and you are going to see multiple pairs of scientologists and they will be together in pairs they don't go out alone as far as i can tell do they dress a certain way they are they well even if they weren't but they do they they are still wearing their scientology uniform is going to be black pants and a blue or white button-down shirt and usually a black vest because you know essentially their dress is like helpers it's attendance we're here to guide you into your spiritual journey but because they're getting paid you know literally slave wages or i shouldn't say literally in that sense but like you know they're being paid below minimum wage is what i'm looking for. They are out to purchase always.

They're never purchasing a full load of groceries or anything. They're always buying one toiletry, either a stick of deodorant or a new toothbrush, something to that effect, and they're getting one personalized size snack, like one of the tiny buckets of Cheez-Its or a single Milky Way or something like that. This is the saddest thing.

It's so scary to watch. All I want to do is reach out and say, hey, people are here who aren't in that. This is the saddest thing. And I don't, it's so scary to watch. And all I want to do is, you know, reach out and say, Hey, people are here who aren't in that. And, but there's no,

like it would almost in some ways almost be a hate crime to do that because you have to approach as it's religion. What a scene. I mean, God, I'm like, I should write it. The fact,

the fact of the matter is, the fact that they have something called the Celebrity Center means that they want you to know that they have celebrities and that that matters to them. And that is inherently fucked up. No, but do you know the history there? Like in terms of why? Please.

Like the general idea of that is L. Ron Hubbard, when he was founding it, was saying like, no, it's not about, you know, getting a ground up like grassroots. You know, we are the real turn of the people fuck that the way you bring in people is you know he has said he used the term celebrity in the exact same way that someone will now say influencer when they're talking about social media and he's like we need to get those high profile people who can then spread our message for them who people want to be like and we then we need to make scientology you know an essential part of that person's identity and then in trying to mimic that person's path be it tom cruise or ann archer i mean she's the big scientologist we're all interested in and

our and archer's a scientologist i think she's her son is that guy her son is miscovige no no no her son is this guy do you remember that documentary that came out? I think not Martin Bashir. There was a BBC documentary one time about Scientology trying to figure out what the ins and outs were. There was a public, I'm forgetting the guy's name. Tommy something, I think. I'm almost positive. Yes, Tommy.

I can't remember his last name. He was the voice of the church. He one time got the BBC reporter so upset that the BBC reporter like ended up screaming at him on camera and they took him off the dock but that is Ann Archer's son

has Ann Archer been on the pod yet? we're gonna bring Ann on after we're gonna bring her on to promote Fatal Attraction oh my god I, what an opportunity. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, so Dave, our friend Dave Mazzoni, previous guest of the pod. I really thought you were going to say friend Dave Miskovich.

Our friend Dave Miskovich. My friend Dave Miskovich. Dave just casually. And I know what he meant. But the other day, do you remember this man? He was like, I mean, Scientology is just as insane as Catholicism. But it's like, well, no. Well, here's where he was coming from.

He was saying that we don't know what Catholicism was like thousands of years ago. We don't know that they have an imprisoned people. We don't know. There's a lot. I mean, any organized religion, hot take here, they're fucked up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm not, look, your belief system is your belief system. But I do believe there is a certain bizarre, but there's a dark quality to organized religion.

Which is why the official religion of Las Culturistas is non-denominational Pentecostal. Yes. We're not part of any formal, you know, Southern meeting or anything like that. We're just here to speak our truth at any time when we can. Absolutely.

And speaking of speaking truth. Yes. Now, I think it's that time in the podcast where it's time to do I Don't Think So, Honey. However, this episode is a little different, isn't it, Beau? It's a little different.

I think we're going to try something new. Shocked. Everyone at home gasps. This is kind of a bizarro take on I Don't Think So, Honey. And this was proposed actually by billy a segment called i doubt it sweetie now explain how i doubt it sweetie would be different from i don't think so honey i'm not sure i mean to let's be clear this started when i screamed

jokingly at bone uh one day or can you have me on the pod are we gonna do i doubt it sweet so because of that miscommunication we're now gonna do I doubt it sweetie so because of that miscommunication we're now gonna do I doubt it sweetie and I think we should all choose something that we're a little skeptical about not something that we hate yeah I think in my mind it's just about like you know here's

that thing that you weren't thinking about that you didn't think was going to be a thing but I'm gonna tell you it's not really a thing I actually have one you have one great so let's start this off matt is gonna set the tone this is hugely important so matt thank you for doing this matt we got one minute on the clock for the first ever i doubt it sweetie and matt rogers i doubt it sweetie time starts now american crime story season two is to be about Hurricane Katrina. I doubt it, sweetie.

These have to be good. They have to be like engrossing and entertainment. You're going to kick it off with American Crime Story, the people versus OJ Simpson, and then you're going to cast Annette Bening as someone we don't know?

I doubt it, sweetie. I'm happy that Annette Bening is going to be on a show. I'm happy she's working with Ryan Murphy, but really? And thening is going to be on a show I'm happy she's working with Ryan Murphy but really and then you're going to tease us and say that the third season is going to be the murder of Gianni

Versace and totally gag us and tell us that Penelope Cruz is going to be playing Donatella and you expect us to sit through season two of Crime Story and it's about Hurricane Katrina I doubt it sweetie honestly I'm just not gagged for it. When it's Ryan Murphy, I have to be gagged.

And am I gagged here? I doubt it, sweetie. Also, to be honest with you, I don't know that American Crime Story can top OJ Simpson. I doubt that, sweetie. And I don't know. I guess I'm cautiously optimistic because I trust everyone, but American Crime Story, Hurricane Katrina, I doubt it, sweetie.

And that's one minute. I just doubt it. I doubt it. I doubt it, sweetie. I doubt it, sweetie. Sweetie, I care about Katrina, I doubt it, sweetie. And that's one minute. I just doubt it. I doubt it. I doubt it, sweetie. I doubt it, sweetie. Sweetie, I care about you and I doubt it. But you agree. I agree.

Yeah, it is weird the way they're rolling out the promotion for season three and season two, ahead of season two even coming out. It feels like they feel weird about their decision. Yeah, absolutely. I think had he come across, and also we know what season four is going to be. What? Charles and Diana. No, no, that's Feud.

That's Feud season two. Oh, Feud, Charles and Diana. Duh. American Crime Story, Charles and Diana. What a fucking idiot. That classic American crime. But it's like they're getting a solo. Matt and I once auditioned,

along with our friend Jenny Jaffe, for this pilot for that Comedy Central was doing. They were doing a quiz bowl show. And they paired people from college with a celebrity alumnus. And so Jenny Jaffe and I eventually made it to taping. And we were paired with Christian Sennigan. Yes, I remember this. We went against the Dartmouth team with Rachel Dratch. And we won.

We got like 50 bucks for it. Never made it to air. Didn't hear back from them it to air didn't hear back and i didn't even make it onto the fucking show you didn't make it to the show because they had us auditioned in threes and now it's down to twos and then and but just on just general dollars question of what is the capital of france or no what is the capital of germany matt rogers ding ding chimes in Belgium oh man yeah

I'm not smart no I always tell Bowen this that I'm not smart and I always say he's one of the smartest people you dumb boy he not a dumb boy

that's what I mean you saw what happened on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire yeah I mean well by the time by the time this yeah no it's well

it's already been out wait it's already been out I thought it was 420 well when we're recording this it's gonna be to be out tomorrow, but this is coming out in a couple weeks. Yeah. If you didn't fucking cut me off, you would have heard me say, oh, yes, because by the time that this is available on iTunes.

This is the cis, white, straight, male energy, and I don't like it on the show. I doubt it, sweetie. Billy made me fucking bang the mic stand. None of you can come to Equinox. Bowen Yang, your I doubt it, sweetie, it's time for you. This is Bowen Yang's I doubt it, sweetie, and his time starts now.

Katy Perry trying to release a fourth album and it's supposed to be good? I doubt it, sweetie. Katy Perry, I don't know what your POV is anymore besides going out on a Saturday or whatever the fuck it was before. Katy, I doubt it was before. Katie,

I doubt it, sweetie. Look, I saw you perform live at radio city music hall at the fundraiser concert for Hillary Clinton's campaign. And I think we lost because of you. Bernie would not have won, but you,

but Hillary would still have lost 30 seconds with you in that fucking concert. I doubt it. Sweetie Katie, no one needs you anymore. And I don't mean to mistreat our female pop stars and just really just go after them but i doubt it sweetie katie perry i don't know what the chain to the rhythm is at first i was sort of gagged for it but then i saw the video and i know matt was gagged for it but i saw that video and the words that came out of my mouth were i doubt it sweetie you're gonna have it in a theme

park but not really stick to your guns with what the message was? I doubt it, sweetie. I get it. We're all zombies and robots but why add another unusual thing and be in a fucking theme park?

So Katy Perry, I doubt it, sweetie. That's one minute. I don't know. I think we were early to judge Chain to the Rhythm. I think it's good. I think the message is good.

I think we were early to judge Martin O'Malley. I wanted to hear more from him. What pop star would have done the Martin O'Malley benefit? I think it would have been someone fun, someone who's doing interesting work. Sheryl Crow.

Oh, absolutely. She would have been game. She did the John Edwards stuff, didn't she? But I think Martin would have gone for Becky G to get that Latino vote. Absolutely. Lincoln Chafee got Philip Glass. It didn't work out.

But I mean mean it's objectively A good decision but just not A practical reach For the votes now look Katy Perry I mean I don't think we're too quick to judge because It's a fine song but I feel like it's not Charting and so we were talking to our friend Amanda

And the studio is scrambling to get out Another hit that's going to chart Before her album comes out Because they won't release her album until she gets a number one. How dare they? That's how the fucking biz works. It sucks. But I mean, it sucks for everybody. But I'm just saying.

This industry is a monster. It's horrible. These doctors. These doctors. Matt, could you quickly do your impression of every patient ever on something like Grey's Anatomy? But it's about them. They're the protagonist. It's about them.

These doctors. They don't know my husband. Beautiful, beautiful. Billy, it's time for your I doubt it, sweetie. Okay, we're going to do an I doubt it, sweetie. Okay, unless you want to do an I don't think so honey okay i'm gonna be really honest with you can i do both yeah really we're gonna do it all right so this is billy domino's i doubt it sweetie time starts now you're gonna upgrade your disneyland day pass to a season pass and actually use it

i doubt it sweetie you're buying this pass today and you're not even sure here at the window should we do a park hopper you don't even know what a park hopper is and you think you're going to come down anaheim regularly and make this a thing to the point where it pays off i doubt it sweetie it took you so long to get down here you've been living in la for three years and you kept saying i'd love to go i went to disney world once first of all disney world is different you have to have a whole different mindset if you're going to be going to Disneyland. If you think you're going to turn that into something that's going to be financially worthwhile, I just doubt it. Are you going to know what

restaurants to go to? Are you going to know what lines to get into at the right times? And frankly, it's just a hassle sometimes. I doubt it, sweetie. Because I don't want you to commit to something right now that you're not ready to commit to. Because we all know anything involving money is a scam. Because I doubt it, Zui, that you're actually ever going to make use of that.

So why don't you just go to Knott's Berry Farm? That's it. That's one minute. Do you like Knott's Berry Farm? I've never been. Okay. Really? I've never been to a place.

We're going to Universal Studios Hollywood tomorrow. Yeah, I heard about this. There was a moment where we briefly considered Knott's Berry Farm, and I looked it up, and I was like, there's no fucking way. There's no fucking way. Knott's Berry Farm looks good for roller coasters. I've been to Disneyland once for a day. I mean, one, I had a Six Flags membership last year,

and I actually got it canceled because I stopped paying the bill on it. And they sent these angry emails you would not expect from an amusement park talking about how they were going to come after me if I didn't pay my bill. Oh, my God. Yeah, but it's a great value. Henry and I had a season pass to Great Adventure, and we only used them once. Yeah, see, that's how they get you.

I used it. My good friend Alexis, we probably went like six different times. I even went by myself one day it felt really good it feels weird when you walk around Valencia in the 110 degree heat but yeah describe to me in three words what California Adventure is oh it's good

well it's actually not good at all a dull fucking mess okay like yeah California Screamin' is good I love what it's striving for and it doesn't quite get there especially now that Hollywood Tower of Terror is gone Yeah, there's California Screamin' is good. I love what it's striving for, and it doesn't quite get there, especially now that Hollywood Tower of Terror is gone. They're probably in some Avengers thing, I think.

No, it's a Guardians of the Galaxy themed thing. Same fucking thing. It sucks. I can't believe. All right, so now you're going to do an I Don't Think So Honey. Okay, yeah, I'm sorry. I have to actually do a real one because I respect your program, and I like it.

Yeah, absolutely. We've done so many, so the listeners know what they're getting, but with Billy Domino, they don't know. So this is Billy Domino's I Don't Think So Honey. Yeah, absolutely. We've done so many. So it's like they know the listeners know what they're getting. But with Billy Domino they don't know. So this is Billy Domino's I Don't Think So Honey. Time starts now.

You're going to make me wear a black suit to your wedding? I don't think so, honey. Okay, if you're going to have me at your wedding as a groomsman which I'm going to this weekend

to a good friend of mine in San Francisco I'm going to do that. I'm going to be happy to drive up and pay money for it. But you're going to let me wear the color of my choice? I don't think so, honey.

A black suit? What is a fucking funeral? We're here to celebrate marriage. We're here to celebrate life. We're not here to fucking mourn. What is this? I don't think so, honey. A black suit? What is a fucking funeral? We're here to celebrate marriage. We're here to celebrate life. We're not here to fucking mourn. What is this? I don't think so, honey. Do you want me to wear a black suit?

First of all, why are we wearing a black suit to your funeral? Was your life that boring? That dull that we have to do nothing but cry? Why can't we be New Orleans style? Why can't I be a trumpet? Why can't I dress any color I want? I can dress in gold. I can dress in moth.

I'm here to be me because me is what loves you. I don't think so, honey. Also, if you want me to wear black at your wedding as if i'm at a funeral what is this the fucking morning of your bachelorhood what is it you're not you're sad you're not gonna have sex with anyone else ever again and that means i have to be sad i have to celebrate with desaturated colors let me tell you this is not a funeral a marriage should not be the death of sex marriage is a time to get fucked five seconds time for you to go out and explore new things with a willing partner i don't A marriage should not be the death of sex. Marriage is a time to get fucked. Five seconds. It's a natural time for you to go out and explore new things with a willing parter.

I don't think so, honey. That's one minute. Oh, come on. That's great. Yeah. Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen you wear black to a wedding. I have one black suit, and I have to wear it this weekend to my dear friend Lanny's wedding. He and his lovely bride, Emily, they're getting married up in Oakland.

I'm leaving tomorrow for it. I'm a groomsman. I'm so happy to be there, but I have to wear black. I don't wear black. I don't do it. And Billy's signature look is a pink fucking suit jacket,

and it is iconic, and it looks great on him. I feel like I've seen you wear blue as well. No, no, no, not blue. Like an off red. I'm colorblind. That's true. Have you ever thought about

getting the glasses and crying? Wait, are there glasses that will crack my vision? We're going to make him cry. Oh my God, we're going to make Matt cry. You haven't seen this? No. This is like the new cochlear implant video. This is like these glasses.

They're not perfect, but they help with saturation. So they make a clearer line between the different colors. I don't think I want to know. Oh, wow. Because then I'm want to know. Oh, wow. Because then I'm going to know, wow, the world's beautiful and I'm not seeing it. But one, you can wear the glasses if you want to. And two, let me just tell you, in 10 years, you're going to be able to correct your color blindness.

Literally, what's going to happen with CRISPR, they're going to inject a virus into your eyes. They've already done with monkeys. Thank you, Radiolab. That is going to essentially implant the proper are they rods or cones for color uh oh god i think they're rods yeah but um what is it gonna do make me see everything brighter no well the glasses are going to make you see like you've told me before like you couldn't tell if your sister's hair was brown or green it's gonna help make it a starker version

of in this case brown at least it should and it's gonna be more likely to help you see you know the difference with that but what's gonna do when they inject the virus into your eyes in 10 years it's going to regrow the rods or the cones or whatever it is that you are missing and then you're going to be able to see in color so don't worry in your time you think it's going to make my life better i think if you want to see things it's all if you want to i mean i don't know i don't know matt is it going to make your life better i doubt it sweetie i doubt it sweetie and on this to be continued, no. I'm so good on closures like that.

You're so good. I mean, I'm so glad we're closing on CRISPRs. CRISPRs. So it's not a virus. It is a virus, but it's also the snippets of DNA from the virus that will express the phenotype of the rods and the cones that will help you see color. And that's why Bowen Yang is doctor. Blessings.

Blessings. Blessings to you all. Thank you, Jad. Blessings to Billy. Thank you, Jad. What? Is it at Billy Domino? It's at Billy Domino.

BlaineFabin at gmail.com. Oh, come on. No. Matt, we're going to block that. We're going to bleep that out. I mean, people already have my email off of the spec script. A different one. Granted, not my private one.

Okay, so we're going to bleep that out. But just so everyone can know the shame of what he just did, please actually bleep it. Please leave that moment in. We will. People need to know what he just tried to do to me. Yes, absolutely. He just doxed me on your own Why don't you want to get an email?

Because we have listeners. And look, Matt, this is... Why don't you want to get an email? Listen, but I will take an email because what we're tiptoeing around is I just got laid off from Family Guy a few weeks ago and it is time for me to work.

And it's time for Billy to work and he will find the work in no time. I have no doubt about it. Matt, will I forgive you for this? Like, you did not forgive me for Kotigate. We will find out. Does it personally affect you if people email Billy? Like it personally affected my enjoyment of RuPaul's Drag Race?

Yes, absolutely. Who's to say? That's all the time we have. You doxed me, no! You doxed me, no! And then you can find Billy Domino on Instagram at momsforsoda in public schools. It's an agenda we are pushing.

I'm Bowen Yang. I'm Matt Rogers. And I'm just happy to be here. Bye! Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Joe Cilio,

Alex Ramsey, and Brett Bohm. For more podcasts, please visit foreverdogproductions.com Dog. Dog. please visit foreverdogproductions.com. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll.

This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars.

We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez

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