Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - “Summer of Kunt” (w/ Sudi Green)

Episode Date: May 23, 2018

This episode marks a SEA CHANGE in the LCU - and you’re just going to have to listen to the end to find out why! (It involves a “diva moment” from one of our esteemed hosts…)But first, fan favorite Sudi Green is back - and just in time to make some Summer resolutions. It will be a Summer about loving oneself, about opening up creatively, and about finding a man with no roommates to worship your body. And of course Matt and Bo dive into pop culture, tackling Kelly Clarkson, Nicki Minaj, Demi Lovato (and her consistent vibrato), and much much more. “Voice MemOH, You Bitch” from Christi Chiello. ---LAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasSUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS TODAY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASTforeverdogpodcasts.com/las-culturistas  Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple. Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her? But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What?

You told her? Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City. All new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo. Or stream it on City TV+. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski.

And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules.

New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba?

Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. podcasts. biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. Forever. Dog. Look, man. Oh, I see. Wow. Look over there. Wow. Is that culture? Yes? Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow, is that culture? Yes. Oh, my goodness.

Wow. Las Culturistas. Ding dong. Las Culturistas calling. Oh, there's a bit of verve. There is a little bit of verve and also a little bit of swerve in the words. And what I love about my best friend is that I can look him in the eyes and he knows the cadence with which my voice will take.

The rise and the falls, mama. Do you think that is because we have spent so much time together that cellularly we are together? No, this is the reason why. And I can trace it back and locate it to a specific moment. And I think our guest was actually

in the room when this happened. Because oftentimes she can match the swerve and the fervor and the warmth herself. This was when we realized that like this is why we have this sensibility that we share is because we were watching one night. We got a little stoned like five years ago. No!

And we were watching. I don't smoke. We were watching the season finale of season two finale of Grey's Anatomy and we watched the part where Izzy says it was me I cut his all that wire I did it and no one helped me I thought I was a surgeon but I can't

I thought I was a surgeon but I'm not so I quit and then we realized we laughed at that because we like we're just like speaking along with it and we were and then you said the reason why we find the same things funny is because we we listen to that cadence, to those things.

It's about the cadence. In fact, the funny thing that we've been saying over the past couple of days, and you know what I'm going to say. You go. Is, and this is a great segue, it's a phenomenal segue, is in the promos for the SNL episode last week.

You know what I'm going to say. Yes. Tina Fey and Nicki Minaj. Yes. is in the promos for the SNL episode last week. You know what I'm going to say. Yes. Tina Fey and Nicki Minaj. Yes. Tina goes, here, do you want to be Tina or should I be?

You be, you be Nicki and I'll be Tina. Okay. Okay, great. Hi, I'm Tina Fey and I'm hosting SNL this week with musical guest, Nicki Minaj. Nicki,

should I say it? Yes. Really? Yeah, say it. It's going to be lit. You shouldn't have said that. Nicki Minaj is so good in these promos.

She's an actress. First and foremost, an actress. Now, we say Saturday Night Live, and it's a phenomenal segue into It's a phenomenal segue. Our phenomenal guest, who we are proud of, realizing her destiny each day. Truly. And, I mean, She's nod i mean she's she's nodding in agreement she's nodding in agreement it's been a journey to get her back on it's been a journey to get her back on because the bitch is booked the book is the bitch is booked and busy and can't be bothered the credits i mean let me tell you something

one of the like writers du jour of Saturday Night Live. There you go. Okay? She's also written for Maya and Marty. And I'm proud to say that we have a web series out. And I will remind you of this till the day I die. It's a power couple. Fantastic.

That is featuring Bowen Yang. And listen, there's many, many, many fucking things to come. Because our guest, as Chris Allen once said in a song no one remembers there were no boundaries yes there were no boundaries it bears repeating he says it one more time there are no boundaries well let's introduce her shall we everyone it's sudy green Suzie Green! Oh, shit. A two-time guest. Chris Allen. Remember Chris? No.

I think the winner of season nine? Oh, okay. Oh, no. I think he was the winner of season... Well, this is funny that we say this because last night they crowned an American Idol winner. Sure. And then who is it? Do we care?

Her name is Maddie Pope. Come on, Maddie Pope. Wait, do you know what the tea is, though? She's dating the number two guy? She's dating the runner-up, which they revealed live on the air. It's like a Justin and Kelly dream. What's it called when you're in a captor situation? Stockholm Syndrome.

Yeah, like they in in the trenches together you know what i mean and it's kind of it's actually exactly like not kind of like but it's two people on american idol ending up dating is exactly like um when they liberated the jews from the camps and then so many of those liberated those liberated Jews moved to towns together and created new families. Right. Is that trauma? Is that so? Well,

yes, because, Oh my God, you guys, I did the show this weekend called you're the experts, a podcast hosted by Chris Duffy. Lovely guy. But he always brings on like some academic,

some scientist person, specialist, whatever to come on. And then like, it's a panel of three comedians that sort of play games to sort of talk about and riff off of their profession. And it's usually some like cool esoteric scientist that like it works with like brown dwarves in space and like that kind of stuff but the doctor for this time that i was on was the most successful like she she is the scientist for match.com

she is the she's published eight books she's a phd about love she's the love anthropologist the love doctor basically she's the literal love doctor and she was 50 cents said in his song i'm a love doctor like 50 cents in his song and she was she was amazing and what she said was that like people who go through these like very not traumatic experiences but like american idol american idol jesus um just what they like i mean that is that is something that just sort of triggers some susceptibility to i get it i get it yeah it's like it's like um why so many co-stars get together there you go there you go it's a way to hack love if you so wish to do.

You hacked love. Well, do you think that she can help us? Because for the first time in a long time. The three of us are all single. All single together. Oh, y'all, let me announce. And I was not the person who came up with this. I believe it was Matt.

Go on. But it is the summer of cunt for us. Can we reveal? We can reveal. It is the summer of cunt with a K. That is the title of our group chat, the three of us. Yes, yes, yes. And there's many different,

we're also in a group chat with a bunch of gay boys you know and love called twink corers. Like when you core a twink. Like when twink, do you know this? I know and love called twink corers like when you core a twink like when twink do you know this i thought it was called twink choir which would honestly which would be a beautiful choir um but summer of corers apparently twinks when they get had sex too they say when they get they get cored oh Oh, gorgeous. Like an apple. Like a gal. Like, core me, daddy. Like an apple. Did you ever have, like, one of those slicers in your kitchen that had, like, all the little

segments? Yeah. And you just, like, push it over. And my mom eventually got rid of ours because she said, too hard to clean. Really? Too hard to clean. Oh, because you've got to get in there and just rub every surface? Well, I just put it in the dishwasher.

Is the dishwasher safe? I believe so. Okay, because Bowen is rich. Yeah, very rich. Very wealthy man. Just put it in the dishwasher is it dishwasher safe i believe okay because bowen is rich yeah very very wealthy man let's go down this path like we can just run it every two minutes for one item you do have a dishwasher don't you at my place in brooklyn yeah yeah wait have you did you guys ever do you remember that song that you guys brought into PopRoulette one day about the dishwasher? And I'm gonna dishwasher. Oh my God. Wait, what?

Was that us? And I got a dishwasher. I'm gonna wash the dish again. No, that's not how it went. Wait, how did it go? Okay, you guys came in and the two of you wrote it. We did write it together. What?

And it went like this. Then I got a dishwasher and it changed my world. Then I got a dishwasher and it changed my world. Then I got a dishwasher and it changed my world. Ooh, boy. Yes! Oh, my God. I remember. Wait, and do you remember it had a harmony?

Yeah, it had a really good harmony. I went up on the third during, ooh, boy. Yeah. Ooh, boy. Ooh, boy. Wow. Oh, my God. Wait, that's a hit.

Was the game just? Then I got a dishwasher and it changed my world yeah i got a dishwasher and changed my world oh boy was the game just that we had a dishwasher it was truly a nothing song the two of you knew it was never gonna go and um you came in and you were like i think think Matt was like, I'm going to go first and we're going to read this song and I really, it viscerally is like imprinted in my brain.

Holy shit, you really remembered it. That's crazy. Oh yeah, I definitely did. I gotta say, I brought in nothing but turd nuggets to properly because I was still getting my sea legs in terms of being a writer, but you two were already seasoned at that point.

Yeah, that was in the beginning for you. But I was just like, how does this work? But I also think you were super in your head. Absolutely. And I would always be like, Pauline, just write it. You wrote a couple really good things, though.

I loved your Grindr song. Grindr was fun. He wrote like a 50s doo-wop song about being on Grindr. My favorite part about, and I'm sorry, Bell, but Grindr does remind me of this. My favorite part about the sketch group that we were all together in, which is called Popperulette, which you guys have talked about in the pod.

Look it up. The videos are online. Yeah, you know, do or don't. But we did take a regular ice. But the best part about Popperulette would be we performed a lot at this space called The Pit, and we would all be backstage because not all of us would always be singing at once right and um sometimes you would just be hearing the performance going on and you would

just hear somebody eat it just 100 and i did that like a million times in big and beautiful which is like and big is and it's a banana and then like like you hear the person laugh on station I just remember there was one time that we did Grindr and it was like from the beginning it was off it was just a full car crash I know because sometimes I bombed so hard in that space

that like I could hear people but then we would all be backstage and like look at each other and it would be so funny because everybody would just be like no I like this these pieces that we would these pieces that we would all be backstage and like look at each other and it would be so funny because everybody would just be like, okay. No, I like this. These pieces that we would. We all did it. These pieces that we would rehearse to death.

Oh my God. Like because we used tracks. It wasn't, it wasn't like a band situation where like, oh, there was a mess up and like you can look at the band and like you can jump back in. It was like, no, if you fucked up to the track, you were done for. I'm getting so stressed out just thinking about this. Everybody did it. I mean, everybody fully ate it at one point.

But also the fact that we were so over-rehearsed at times or very well-rehearsed at times. And it would be like Dave Mazzoni, just like his head blown up with power in the basement of Tish and being like, you move on fart and he pops up on cum. You got the passe on cum. Broken doll.

Tessa, broken doll. It's about your parents buying you stuff at Christmas, okay? And we're all going to be little elves. Five, six, seven, eight. It's so fucking true. Wow. Wait, I will say this, though though i think that popper let was my personal creative peak that's not true yes it was a one that's not true yes it was two when

sudi was like you know look up the videos or don't i would didn't the three of us on summer of con before it was summer of con like yes do a little exchange recently of like video links like within the last like few months we're like oh my god remember this video and like and the main consensus was so much and you know also the thing is that well we are incredibly young yeah that's true we still we are very young but also like it's weird to say that we were so young when those were coming out like i'm watching i remember like you know entire weeks of my life being like rehearsals preparing for the show preparing for video shoots you know putting money into this and i was like 22 yeah i will say i'm really i have no pop regrets about pop roulette

i did that because i knew city would hate it um but that really was like that was rigorous i mean we we met twice a week for a long time. Twice a week, three hour rehearsals. We were coming out of, I think like also an advantage that we had was we were coming out of NYU where we were used to that rehearsal schedule. And I feel like a lot of times when people start comedy, they didn't necessarily go to school for like the arts or whatever. So it's not that mentality.

And in fact, pop roulette wasn't really a lot of people that identified as comedians like there were some people that were like dabbling in both i would say like half the cast hadn't even thought of themselves that way before right the group and now everybody is like so funny and doing great things yeah but it was like oh no this is like first and foremost an acting and performing group, and we want to just be snatched. Yeah, it was, that really was. It was kind of just like,

especially those first few months. Remember that? Like when we put the show up at the pit, we were like, yeah, we'll see what happens, and then people actually liked it, and it was cool. I liked it. I mean, just the fusion of sketch comedy and pop music is something that I love.

I almost quit so many times in those first couple of months. Yeah, of course. I think it was. I just remember really viscerally, like you guys had maybe met a couple of times, and Matt was like, come in and do musical sketches, and I can't sing and all this stuff. And then I think I wrote a song about finding Mitt Romney sexy or something. Murray Hill was the first really good one that you wrote.

Oh, yeah. That's a great one. Sudie wrote a really good song about Murray Hill. And it was our first big production number. And you didn't come in with a realized song because you had never written a song before. But there were people in the group that had real musical talent. So it was this thing. And that's why I wanted you to come in so bad.

Because I knew that we needed people to come in with really, really, really good comedic ideas. And this is even before you were in the group. This was before I was in the group, yeah. But I knew that there was something possibly to that fusion of good sketch comedy material and people that could execute performance on a high level. I was like there's gonna be something to that and you know we were committed to that shit for a long time four years yeah four and probably two and a half of those years we met twice a week that's that's

a lot and like look like my dream is to like do a little like reunion show where we just i would love to do like a live band and then we just sing the songs and like maybe do, do a new one or two. And I would love to do that at some point. A great, great time. Great time. Great.

I also, I honestly, like I look back on a lot of those videos and I do, I, I feel very proud of them. Yes. Even if some of them get the, get the clicks.

I will give, I'll, I'll tell you the one that i like that you wrote it's so fucking stupid you guys it's called name your baby something weird oh my god it's so ridiculous it's just like this like you have to be high when you watch it truly truly the moment that is a snapshot of time where i was a walking breathing marijuana leaf and like I just had no money and like was wearing a 90s romper every single other day

my parents are probably going to listen to this for sure if they listen to it they've heard fucking my deepest darkest secrets so it's alright but um you know that was truly we would get oh my god you I remember one time you went over,

this is maybe so inside baseball, but whatever, it's the three of us. I remember one time you went to my apartment that was in the East Village. I think I know what you're gonna say. And we got so stoned and watched the Serena Williams documentary. And then we were like, okay, we have Pop Roulette, the Serena Williams Netflix documentary.

Well, it was about Venus and Serena. And Matt goes, okay, we have Pop Roulette, the Serena Williams Netflix documentary. Well, it was about Venus and Serena. And Matt goes, okay, we should write something. So we go, I think we went into separate rooms or whatever. And you wrote this monologue, which was like, I am the Serena Williams of bartending. Yes. And it was so funny. From Tampa. It was so funny.

The Serena Williams of mixology. So I guess what we're saying is that you need drugs to be creative. I also, the same day, I wrote Freedom Tower. that you need drugs to be creative that was i also at the same the same day i wrote freedom tower oh my god yeah that was freedom tower dick of america penis in the sky freedom tower penis of the gods imagine it between my cars my thighs oh so many feet up baby sweeping me up fucking me doggy style freedom tower dick of America

penis in the sky oh oh oh oh oh oh oh here we go.

Freedom talk. Dick of America. Penis in the sky. And I'm so glad our parents paid for tish. It's worth every penny. It's worth every goddamn penny. Oh damn oh my god you know what i was just saying the other day actually that i had been like i think college up until when i got uh snl such a stoner and the minute i started working at snl i like could not smoke weed it made me so

paranoid i mean i would never like you know go to work high, but like, you know, you get home at like, you know, 10, 11 or whatever. And I was just like, smoke and watch TV. And the minute I did, I was just like, everybody hates me. And what am I doing tomorrow? And I'm not funny. And I would just spin, spin, spin, spin, spin my wheels.

And now I feel like it's kind of set a thing where like, it's not as casual for me anymore. Like I truly need to be in vacation mode yeah and have nothing on my plate you need to be you need to be on an off week on a dark week on a dark week and not even have like a phone call that could happen that day wow it has to be so clear i mean i'm the same way now truly like i don't do it i have not smoked in about a full month and i don't like that's just because like the last month has been crazy. I think smoking during the day too.

It's just like a different thing. No, can't do it anymore. Can't do it anymore. No, you're right. It wasn't, it was a thing for your early twenties. It was, it's not a thing anymore. It has changed. And once again,

we're bringing back the fact that we are young. Yes. But at a time we were younger. We were younger. Crazy to think. Crazy to think. We actually also just talked about this with francesca ramsey because she was on the podcast um recently great app very very good hmu honey

you gotta respect hmu always respect hmu you can get some lemare out of it they're the eyes and ears trust they are but she was also saying that she used to be a real fucking stoner. And now, you know, not. But yeah, it does change over time. So young kids, go ahead and get your toke on. So we're so young. Now, I wanted to go around the table and ask, what does summer of cunt mean to you this summer? What are you hoping to get out of this summer of cunt?

I will go first. Sudi texted me today and said she always what I love about sudi is she always frames things as a question okay so she said she uh she texted me today and she goes should we get snatched this summer and i was like yeah definitely we should um it's not like you know let's get snatched this summer it's like should we get snatched should we yeah um yes we should and my plan is to um transform my body that's my plan and talk about how your body has transformed up until this point which is i feel like you kind of have experienced something where like your constant diet of chicken fingers and cheese has a little bit. You still look very good. That's the thing though is Matt has basically nothing to complain about but I understand

wanting to aspire to something better. Here's what I think. You know we're talking about being single again. And also being young. And also young. With being single again you want to impress. You want to be the best version of yourself. And you i would like to do that that's all and you know

it's interesting like lately and this has been happening more lately but and then of course we'll continue to go around the circle so i'll make this very quick but i i um compare myself to to other people a lot like on instagram and i'm oh, they have like a much better body than me. Yeah, it's definitely a sickness. And I know I need to get out of that. But really, I would just like to look better for myself. And I also,

I also, I'm not stupid. Like I know that like in the grand scheme of things, like I don't have too much to complain about. I'm lucky to have like the metabolism I have. And we should all accept our bodies as they are. And radical self-love is the ultimate, fuck you to patriarchy.

Yes. But also a healthier lifestyle for you. I love. And you know, I. To see you, you know, just even wearing a soft short, you know, with the promise of maybe going on a jog or something. I've actually gone on two jogs. Soups this month

this is what you and I have to do we should go in on like a cute pair of outdoor voices shorts little lululemon top for Matt and I think that will be his starter pack yeah you definitely need a cute sports bra I have workout clothes no but you need like the shit that will make you say

you need to look like Anthony you need to be like it needs to be the shit that'll make you say, oh. You need to look like Anthony. You need to be like. Anthony. It needs to be the shit where you're like, oh, you know what? This is, I got to put on my Outdoor Voices shorts and my Lululemon top and I'm going to go for a ride. Like make it a lifestyle moment. Athleisure, honey.

Athleisure. But here's the thing. Like I feel like I am. I'm very on the go as a person. I am a very physical person. When you don't, when I close the door, I'm dancing. You mean you're horny? When I'm in my room my room i'm dancing when you say you're a physical person you mean you're horny all the time yeah it's definitely true um like what i am uh but i fully

am okay i know that's why i said it but but listen when i close the door i'm dancing when i'm in my room i'm dancing i'm always moving i love to. I'm always moving. I love to pace around. Yes. You see me. I love to pace around. I love to walk. I walk sometimes when I can take the subway. Come on, you walk.

I always walk. What I need to do is change my diet. You are right. It is bad. Okay, but here's what I want us to do in this exercise as well. I want the other members of the circle to offer one suggestion of what they want the person to get out of summer of cunt okay so now now that we're talking about me you guys go and then you guys okay so for you

matt i want you to just expand your scope your your scope your cultural scope just a little bit because we because you and i had to be on the view well because no no no no no beyond the view exactly um because title event beyond the view just because those six women all have a different perspective doesn't mean that you're getting all the news. Exactly. Matt, thank you for saying there's six of them because everyone forgets Paula Farah sometimes is on.

I never forget Paula Farah. Keep going, Bob. Matt and I did, um, this assignment for this podcast, uh, this other podcast where we had to watch this documentary on Netflix about K-pop and I loved

it. And Matt, I could tell was interested, podcast where we had to watch this documentary on netflix about k-pop and i loved it and matt i could tell was interested but i think i want matt to see those as opportunities to widen his cultural uh scope and maybe read and listen to you know cool different music and that kind of thing i want matt's cultural palette to increase expand i famously like what i like but i hear that for you this is my wish i want you to write i really want to write more i want you to write something specific every day oh yeah that's probably a good one

and when you write I want what you write to be you thank you no I really agree that is the most important it's important to be you I agree with you in a real way

the real housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the big apple look who it is I agree with you in a real way. What? You told her? Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City. All new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude, you're a dude, and Dudes dudes on dudes is our brand new show we're gonna highlight

players peers guys that we played against legends from the past and we're just gonna sit here and talk about them and we'll get into the types of dudes what kind of types of dudes are there we got studs wizards we got freaks or dudes dude we got dogs dog we'll break down their games. We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian.

Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to

get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Sheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian, and basketball Hall of Famer. I'm a mom, and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby, journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman.

And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts. You know, just all the s*** we go through. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I, well, we have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment.

You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. I think that you're so, this is like kind of becoming a little self-helpy,

which I don't know. I love it. But I think that you are so funny and creative, but I feel like when it comes to pen to paper that you are not assigned,

he needs an assignment. I am the same way though. I'm the same'm very i'm very disciplined at work and very like shit like you know but then when i'm writing on my own it's a completely different ball game and i um yeah you know watch garbage on youtube i used to write for fun more when i was in college and after college for popular i would write for fun all the time and now you know what i think happened and then when I have a show that I want to put up, put up, I always impress myself with what I can get done. But I do.

I miss, I miss writing stuff. You were both always so disciplined. And that was, that was inspiring. Honestly. And I'll, this is,

this is maybe now a little inside baseball and then we'll move on to, we'll go around the table, go to studio. We'll continue the baseball, but the baseball, but the podcast and doing like all this kind of stuff around the podcast and you know writing the recaps and stuff like that that takes a lot takes a lot of time and then it's like a lot of things to manage and like

you know all these things and all of a sudden you're like wow when's when's the last time i wrote something fun for for for me exactly how i feel okay matt can i tell you something you can always tell me something but only my best friend oh my god thank you okay this is a sponsor that i truly love because it has impacted my life in a really really tangible way are you talking about quip i'm talking about quip because she talks about quip i talk about her all the time no um i love my quip toothbrush so much. I used to be pretty touch and go with my toothbrushing habits. I'm gonna admit,

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you'll get your first refill pack free with a Quip electric toothbrush. That's your first refill pack free at getquip.com forward slash ding dong. That's spelled G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com forward slash ding dong. D-I-N-G. D-O-N-G. Thank you. Get Quip. t q u i p dot com forward slash ding dong d i n g d o n g thank you get quip sudi's turn for summer of cunt what are you hoping to get out of it i'm well first of all i feel like i should say that my breakup is very real and very raw and that the other day um i cried in whole foods just looking at foods that i used to eat and buy with my lover it is not easy it is hard it's hard truly was weeping in whole foods because i saw like a fondue kit and i was just like he used to eat cheese off my nipples no

um so that is the caveat which is that I'm raw and figuring it out every day. But what I want for a summer of cunt is, I keep thinking, that I would like to make love with or to a 37 to 42-year-old man. Yes. And I don't even know if I really want to, I don't know what that is. I don't know, you know, south of the border,

what that means. I don't know what above the border that means. I don't know what kind of belly situation I'm talking about. I don't know if I'm going to have to be on top, on my side,

you know what I mean. Yeah. What are the mechanics of that? I don't know when all that shit kicks in either. I feel that what I want is a man with no roommates to worship my body. That's what I really mean when I say I want to fuck a 40-year-old man, which is like no roommates.

I want you to have like liquor. Like I want you to have a bar cart. I want like different brown liquids. You know what I mean? to have a bar cart. Yes. I want, like, different brown liquids. You know what I mean? Fasten me a drink. Fasten it. And then be, like, just, you know, I just need that worship. And be wearing a bathrobe in the morning. Oh, absolutely.

Put the t-shirt on immediately when it's done. And have him say to you the morning after i gotta go but stay as long as you want i just came yep just did that's those are the best that's the best thing you can hear our main parents gonna listen this episode they listen to you guys and they listen to you guys on their road trip to miami oh my god i love that hi n, Nana. Hi, Dan. Oh, my God. I'm going to have to warn them about this. Whatever. Who cares? This is my truth.

It is your truth. You're an adult woman. And I was cutting strawberries today, and I wept. I wept. I wept for what I've lost. It is really hard. It's very hard. It's really hard.

It's so hard. Anyway, whatever. Breakups are hard. This is a big breakthrough that I've discovered. I don't know if people have talked about this before, but breakups really suck. I think this is the first time people are really getting into it. I should write a book. You should write a book about it.

I should be the love anthropologist. Yes. Because I went through one breakup. Okay. What are you going to do, Bowen, for summer? Wait, we have to say what we want for Sudi. Okay, you go first this time. Oh, okay, great.

Okay, well, I... Tear me apart. No, I'm not going to tear you No, I'm not gonna tear you apart. I'm not gonna tear you apart. What I wish for you is that I hope that... It's very similar to what you said to me, but I think that what you really want

and something that you crave is to sort of make a name for yourself again as a performer and i want you to do something fun on stage i want because what people i think like you know in terms of what they might know about you now is that sudi is very much a boss at snl and as a writing supervisor and you know you might have you know, the feature on the Kanye Quiet Place sketch that she did. And it has many images of Suti being a boss director, like on set and et cetera, et cetera. But Suti is also a phenomenal performer. And it like, you know, before SNL happened, you were very much like performing a lot and on big stages, y'all, and really killing.

And so what I and I know we talk sometimes about how you know you're grateful for what you're doing and everything but you also like miss that and i said i want you to have that opportunity and i think you can give it to yourself yes and book me honey and book her book her and also know that we are working as well and trying to create our own project. Yes. Oh, there's creating our project.

I'm going to blow a wish into the air that we get to do our project soon. There's some good things coming between the two of you with some good people. Hopefully involved. Um, my city, my thing for you is, um, for you to find other,

other, um, avenues of joy and of relaxation. This is getting deep and gorgeous. I really love this. Yes. Find other avenues of joy and relaxation that go beyond. And listen, this is so necessary specifically for you to travel.

But I think you can find the things that bring you joy, bring you joy, that make you happy here, right? Yes, okay, I'm so happy that you said that because you do, you travel a lot, and I think you should rediscover New York. Yes. Yes, I want to do that because, you know, there's places that I've never been, places I've never gone.

Also, you know, not to be a classist, but there is also, like, I feel like a difference between having a little money that you can spend on the plays and the restaurants and it is kind of annoyingly like a thing in New York where it's like there are certain things that are just

closing you can go and you can see the you know what I mean? I think I'm very open for a staycation i'm i'm leaving my day job soon i i have all the time in the world oh well i don't think they know not the listeners wait no i want you to let your graphic design firm know that you're quitting they know the listeners don't listeners don't know He's quitting his day job

Yeah Just cause This is huge It's a big deal I was there for almost Five years And so this is This is a big one

It's the right move I applaud him I'm very proud of you Summer of cunt And here I thought Summer of cunt Was just about us Getting horny

No But really it's about us Getting deep and connecting As sisters I think this is a big summer For us As sisters I really do And also I hope this conversation is entertaining to literally anyone because it is really it is really giving me life okay that's the first time that's been said on

this podcast giving me life i like it oh okay bo now you go okay um My summer of cunt I Am looking forward to some And I already feel this I feel some sort Of sexual loosening And I mean that what I mean by that is just Like dusting off the cobwebs Like figuring out oh this is what a Successful date looks like oh

Like this is oh I am good at flirting like I am good at these things So that's fun i want to sustain that as long as i can it seems like in the past it's only ever sort of come at me in little spurts i want i want that to be something um obviously leaving the job is a big deal yeah having more time to myself too right yeah i mean that's kind of the like the the main goal out of all this is to just have stuff. But yeah, that's it.

Just to be more in touch with myself. I mean, that sounds so broad. And this is my dream for you. Is that you are free. Every day. Every day. Every day. And when you are free, you are you.

Oh! Because I think that you need to just let go and have fun, honey. Because sometimes you miss the forest for the trees. Yes. And sometimes the call comes from inside the house. And sometimes you're an inner saboteur. And I want you to be fancy free and say, I'm Bowen.

I have a lot going for me. I'm cute. I'm fun. I'm funny. I'm smart. I got no day job. And just be living that life. I just have this image of you, very Carrie Bradshaw.

Carrie Bradshaw, the musical. Not Sex and the City, the musical. very Carrie Bradshaw, you know. Carrie Bradshaw, like, the musical. Not Sex and the City, the musical, but Carrie Bradshaw, the musical. Okay. Which, trademark, nobody can write this now because we're going to write it. Because we're going to write it. And you are still, like, a masculine man, but you are wearing a pink layered chiffon skirt. Yes, yes. And you're just kind of walking down the street and you're really working

the skirt and you're just like in cobble hill and people are just like clocking you and smiling and that's like my image of your summer very you know the scene in closer at the end when um when when natalie portman is walking down the time square and everyone's turning around and she's in that like white t-shirt that that i love that movie yeah oh my god i saw closer when it came out which i think i was pretty young yeah we were in 2004 okay well once again we're young um that is the theme of the ep and i remember watching that movie with my dad oh and natalie portman like opens up her crotch and tells Clive Owen her pussy tastes like sweet cream. And I just being like, I don't even know what that means.

Later on, there's this scene where Clive Owen is confronting Julia Roberts about her affair with Jude Law. And he's like, what did his cum taste like? I know. And you watch that with your dad? I feel like my parents and I had this dynamic where something would come up on the screen and we didn't want to watch next to each other.

And then it would just be this kind of silence and people were kind of side-eyeing people. I feel like my dad or my mom would eventually just go, ack! You know, like, ack! And kind of put your hands up. But then also I remember one time my sister and I were watching The L Word, which like truly was like a sexual awakening for me.

We were watching The L Word. I really used to just feel things watching The L Word. And then like my dad just like sat down next to us and just kind of watched. And I was like, okay, I shouldn't have said that. This happened to me a lot too. No,

this happened. It wasn't, we were like 14. It was like college. When I was first getting into true blood, I was home because I got my wisdom teeth out and I was just like watching so much true blood. And every time my dad would walk in the room to like check on me it would be like a scene

of like exclusively vampire sex and there was one part where that was like it was the scene was only about Jason Stackhouse's ass and I'm just watching it and he's like are you watching porn I was like no like every time you come in it is porn like for sure but like it's

all it's really dramatically potent when you're not here I have to say what I want from Bowen I agree with Judy I think you need to give yourself a fucking break oh my god I've been so tightly wound for the last two years oftentimes like oftentimes I think like

you're not thinking about the good stuff you know what I mean like there's so much good stuff happening and there's so much fun to be had. And I sometimes will think like, Oh, I wish that like Bowen wasn't fixated on like the, the things that are like, um,

not a hundred percent above the situation and just have fun. Like we have such a, like a fun summer coming up. I just want like you to embrace like, you know, the good stuff that's, that's happening. And I think that, and I want that to bleed into good stuff that's happening. And I want that to bleed into all aspects of your life. Obviously, I think that the boys are in for it this summer, honey.

When Bowen Yang hits the club, I think that all of you need to be servicing him immediately, bitch. I think that everyone should get on the knees. I think that everyone should flap the mouth. Oh my god, I love this character for you. What? This character is the one who emcees Bowen's sex life. Honey, darling, honey. You should do

Paris is Burning. Don't. This is a character that you are going to write now because I do like to also assign Matt characters. You should do Paris is Burning. Don't. This is a character that you're gonna write now because I do like to also assign Matt characters. You should do Paris is Burning Ball MC giving financial advice. Oh honey, you need to get

to the bank and ask her what you can do to lower the insurance rate. Matt was doing a character this weekend during downtime at Fulterfest and I have to do it and I think it's worth doing. Fine. Matt said

Matt went on this run as like a stupid drag queen character whose catchphrase was there is nothing wrong with trans. There is nothing wrong with Tran. There is nothing wrong with Tran. No, but

Tran is here to stay. No S, no S. But the cadence, the vocal affect was, there is nothing wrong with Tran. This was the pitch. Tran is here to stay.

Let me tell you something. Tran is here to stay, honey. Let me tell you something. There is nothing wrong with Tran. That Patty episode fucked me up for life. I mean, truly wild. Okay, but this, I'm so glad we did. This feels like a real, motorboat therapeutic amazing.

Honestly, I hope so many comments. It felt like a conversation with Revis, right? Because I love that. I love it when people will come to work or something or whatever, and they're like, you guys just seem like friends. And it's like, yeah, bitch, we are. We spend every fucking day together. There was a time when that was true. Oh, you're friends.

Who isn't friends? Who isn't friends with their coworkers? I don't know. Oh, your friends. Yeah. Who isn't friends? Who isn't friends with their coworkers? I don't know. I guess a lot of people. Do you feel very tight with people at work? Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Like more so this year, I feel like, well, Fran Gillespie. Yeah, we need to have her. We need to have her on. She's doing the LA show. I know, but I want to have her on as a G-U-E-S-T. We will. Absolutely. She is truly the, it was actually on Monday

I had an audition and she walked in to the audition. We were auditioning for the same part and it was just so funny and we weren't like even really excited to see each other because I spend every fucking waking moment with her. We write a lot together

and like when you're producing a sketch together especially if you have a video sketch and then another sketch and then it's just like she's my whole world your what your work wife the bitch buys me juice she just texts me she'll just text me juice press and i'll go yes and she knows what to get me and i saw her and we literally weren't excited to see each other and then we like kind of started chatting and then she had to go in and then I was like, I'll see you tonight. Yeah. We literally had a dinner that night. It's just so funny when you see somebody every day

and... We know about that. There just becomes like an unspoken language. 100%. 100%. And also like a shorthand of like telling peoplepoken language. 100%. 100%. And also like a shorthand of like telling people to shut up. Yeah. Or like we can't, we communicate so much like,

I'll just say to a friend, okay, I'm not going to push it. Which is like, oh, I like that joke. Oh, yeah, well, it didn't work. Okay, I'm not going to push it. We don't have to have a five-minute conversation about this. Yeah, no, no, no, no. You know what I mean? Like, okay, that's it.

And literally like i catch myself just saying to fred and she does the same thing to me no yeah yeah just that yes just that and you need that you need that we have known that from the very beginning though because when when sudi and i were in hammercats that's something that uh the director who made me director said to me he was like it's really important that the people who make decisions creatively together are just able to be super honest and say i don't think this is it it has to but let's move on to do something else and that you're just like you can't be precious with no ideas like that and so the fact that there's someone at work that you can work

closely with that it's like well you just can't tiptoe and it's not about tearing somebody down at all because also the minute you kind of go in on somebody for like who they are what they've written even if you think it's stupid like that dynamic is ruined yeah it can't be a judgment thing it's also not about you it's not about you and it's just about like okay once i feel like and this goes for like everybody once you've been in comedy for a while you you know when something feels right, feels funny. Yeah. You know when something feels like

it's not there yet. And so it's just all about like, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee. And you don't even know what you're doing. And then you just get to that feeling that it's like, oh, okay. I mean, maybe. And it's not always brilliant,

but it's like, okay, well, I think we can turn this in. The way that we are, it's like if it makes us laugh, that's how we know it's good. And even like this weekend during vulture fest like you and i had to shit out like a bunch of segments like games where we play with these celebrities like oh what if we played cling on or clingy and then like like i pitched that and then matt was like no and then i was mad for like a millisecond i was like well come on and then i was like yeah i know he's right

like that is always another idea to get to but you have to get to, but you have to get to that place of honesty and for the other person and to accept that this is all, this is not about something personal. It's about just coming up with something funny. Because I mean, you're both there because you had that relationship to begin with.

Exactly. You know what I mean? And truthfully, I mean, that's like, anything that's ever been successful with this podcast or any of our creative endeavors together, with night soap or whatever um it's because it's made us both

laugh yeah we wanted to do it and i genuinely hold and will always say if you are having fun doing it everyone that watches it will have fun and also if you want to do comedy and you want to be successful at it, you have to sleep your way to the top. If you are a woman in comedy, and I will say this to kids, if you're a woman in comedy, the

thing about comedy is that it's a male-dominated industry. So there's a lot of things and places and people to do. Flap it. Even if they're not funny, just do it to prove that you're cool. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

And to get better at sex because guess what? You might not be good the first time. You might think that having sex and being funny are separate because let's be honest, a lot of people that are funny never have sex right but

actually the more you fuck and cum yeah the the funnier you become and like totally it has been scientifically proven that like comedy is in cum and like you can if you get the cum then you become funny and also you might be thinking that like what I'm saying is like crazy and untrue and like obviously ridiculous because you're thinking, well, Sudi, what if a woman is in power in comedy? And the thing is, is that that doesn't happen. Right. Exactly. And if they are, then eat that pussy. Eat that pussy.

Eat that pussy. But you will never, ever see a woman in power. No, never, ever. And you know what they say? Cum is a great source of protein and also comedy. And you know what they say? There are only two genders. Yes, of course.

Yes. Only two. Absolutely. Yes. Two, maybe just one, which is men. Which is men. Yeah, well, in comedy, there's only one course. Yes. Only two. Absolutely. Yes. Two, maybe just one, which is men. Which is men. Yeah, well, in comedy, there's only one gender. Right.

There are only two genders outside of that. Yeah, yes. But in comedy, there's only one gender. Right, right. Do we legally need to say we're kidding? Mm-hmm. We're kidding. We're kidding.

We're kidding. Now that's on the record, everything, HPJ, give him the thumbs up. Okay, great. HPJ is a witness, and he actually has a notary here that is writing down that we are kidding and that we are being dumb stupid bitches and we're all gonna sign it yeah yeah yeah okay suity we've been asking all of our guests recently this um and especially because you went to this very sort of apocryphal no that's not the right word but this very consequential showing of cats oh my god my fucking watch oh my god yeah um so you went with you went to go see cats with our

friends patty and mitra right um so tell us about your experience with the musical cats well i mean what else is there to say have you been asking everybody about cats or just patty you would be shocked how many times the musical cast has come up on this podcast. It's so stupid that many times. How many times has it come up? Well, let me just say that when Patty talked about cats, she said that we went to lunch. We didn't just go to lunch. We went to a kebab Persian grill lunch.

Kebab. Okay. We had some nice jujube kebab. Jujube kebab. We had a beautiful, you know, rice. We got ash, reshte, you know, all these things. And she is trying to hide that she had Persian food. Pekarchak.

Patty June. Patty June, ever with your revisionist history, this is like talking about a revolution without saying America had CIA coup in Iran okay we need the whole context Patty June inshallah Patty comes back to the show she can explain herself she can explain why she does not like why does Okay. Also, another thing that we must talk about for cats is why there is no Persian cats. Yeah, that's actually true.

That's erasure. That's erasure. Erasure. Erasure. So there is in cat. In cat. Ben Affleck Argo. In Ben Affleck Argo. In cat, there is one cat who is white cat.

And I am thinking, maybe this is Persian cat. But then, and everyone will know, in cat, the white cat is the dance captain cat. And there is a Persian, we cannot dance like this one cat so I said that this cat did not put out any chai this cat did not put out any nuts nothing then no fruit so I said this cat is not Persian cat. Well. And that is all I will say about cats. It's crazy because we've been led to believe there's so much to say about it, but that was your one big problem with it. No, I mean, okay. It was honestly the best day of my goddamn life.

Did you like it? Yes. Okay. So my family does not like musicals. They never really cared about them. That about them. And they had no idea. I mean, I come from a family that like everything is kind of I was the youngest and my dad is, you at like seven years old, it was like, where did this come from? What is this? Like I saw Funny Girl at a friend's house and I was just like, this is the most amazing movie you guys all need to watch it. It truly is.

And my mom works at a library and they would get like donations and stuff. And I think that she found this like VHS copy of Cats. And so I had this VHS and Cats also is like you know for my dad and my sister like that was like a musical everybody made fun of like it was it is stupid but I was like every time I was sick I was watching this VHS copy of Cats and I like it was like came from nowhere you know what I mean so you get the show you understand it um yeah i do i think that it is really um i don't know i think it's like eight and early 90s like british kitsch i think it's like very british and charming in that way i think that people love cats and it is when you go and see cats, everybody in the show is so amazingly talented and everyone is doing cats.

Yeah. Like that's the only thing you can think of is like the training, the fucking pirouettes, the flexibility, the range, the choreography. Everybody's on stage the entire time. The makeup, the bodies, everybody's on stage the entire time,

the makeup, the bodies, that outfit is not forgiving. And everybody's putting all of those resources and putting it into Cats. And that's so stupid and funny and fucked up to me. The objective of all of that is just Cats. It's art. It's truly art and commerce. It is just like,

and also Cats is good because I think that because I think that you can go and see it and pretty much get it and not really speak the language. And there was a lot of foreign tourist groups. And I was sitting next to a couple that did not speak English. I don't know where they were from. They were Asian. And they didn't speak. Well, I didn't hear them speaking English. And the husband

was asleep for a lot of it and then the woman nudged him when memories was playing and they both hummed along to memories and I was like this is international cats was the Grizabella good yeah she really was

she really was you know what you should you should talk you should have anna dresden back on the podcast because she has like a like seminal cats experience herself oh i need to hear about that and also my favorite part of cats is um there is a part where the cats get sleepy and a little sexy and they go to sleep on the stage and they kind of roll around on each other and I was like are the cats sexy?

Yeah I think they are. Rum Tum Tugger isn't he like a fuck cat? They're sexy. They have like a sexy spoony cuddle. Well Sooty famously once told me a friend of Sooty's I think had like a crush on me and sudi was trying to and then i said to sudi i just can't picture having sex with him and sudi said

well matt everyone has sex god i'm so i love it when you quote me back to me i love it well matt everyone has sex and they do everyone has sex and if you want to make it in comedy i feel like what i said before no i want to i kind of want to say because i feel like what i said before was kind of sexist yes i'm not very progressive and i just want to put a caveat on what i said earlier which is that if you are a man, again, there are only two genders and I will not go back on that. No, no,

no. If you are a man, you can also sleep your way to the top. And I think that that is actually feminism. Absolutely. And I think that's like in Trump's America, that's actually really brave. We have a friend and I will not say who it

is but this friend one time like I said like we were talking about how another mutual friend of ours had allegedly slept with the director and like got apart and I was like would you do that and they were like absolutely that's what you do and I was like no I don't. I don't know. I don't know if that's what you do. I mean, I don't judge. No, we were also 20 years old, and it was not a thing. I mean, I think that. He was dumb. You know, if you want to do that, go ahead and do it.

But I don't think that that's how it works. No, it's not. But it's Summer of Cunt. It's Summer of Cunt. And what if Summer of Cunt means that we book? I don't think I'll book book I probably won't book this summer I love that I love looking out on the summer

And just saying you know what this summer I'm not gonna book I didn't book last summer I signed on the dotted line and I can't book Wow Okay wow and look at him And he's feeling exclusive Honey wait I want to completely change the subject because I watched Wow. Okay. Wow. And look at him and he's feeling exclusive, honey. Wait, I want to completely change the subject because I watched something before this, which

is I watched Kelly Clarkson's Billboard Music Awards performance. Oh, wow. Thank you for bringing this up. I did not watch. She slayed as a host. She sang a medley. Yeah. Of other people's songs.

Of other people's songs. Kind of being like, I can sing all of your music. But did you notice that she had a lot of sweaty costume changes? Yes, she had a lot of costume changes. She had like, they were kept cutting to the audience a lot. Well, mostly because you want to see Taylor Swift here, Kelly Clarkson sing What You Made Me Do. Yeah, right. And like lip sync to it herself I don't know her whole

life is a performance but um very true like then they were cutting away because it would be like oh now she has a hat on and glasses because it's Bruno Mars now there's there's there's feathers and it just reminded me of like you know like

when you're seeing somebody do like a JFL character and there's like a long pause while they're like putting on a full flight suit where it's like you can just put on aviator glasses and look at that you're a pilot yeah you know what i mean well kelly's costume transitions were quite seamless at the jfl callback I went to recently, that wasn't the case. Well, how was Kelly Clarkson's JFL? It was really good. Her impressions were weak, but her original characters were really good.

Well, you know, the thing is that if you can't do impressions, don't do them. That's what I always say. And that's what I always say to Kelly Clarkson. If you can't do impressions, have a take. Yeah, make it a character. A lot of people on SNL can't do impressions, but they have takes. No. No, I bravely am going to say it.

A lot of people that are famously impressionists. On SNL can do every voice and person in the land. You're right. Sooty's on record for saying that. Even the celebrities that come on. Oh, yeah. No, every host is killed. I'm saying no.

I don't like this. I don't like this. Wait, wait. Okay, so what else about Kelly? Was that all you were going to say? Were you just reading her for her costume changes? And also, I agree that she's got a new stylist. Oh, there's a new stylist 100%.

What are you guys clocking about this that you would say that there's this that you would because they have found out how to dress her yeah there was a 10-year period between my 2007 and 2017 where since she has had the baby people have not done her right styling wise yeah and i think it's fashion people i mean i don't want to throw out generalizations but i do think it's fashion people and they see mom and all of a sudden their brains get scrambled and they see mom that you know isn't a size 2 and it's like and they don't give a fuck what the fuck that's what it is and this is

this is something I would really like to say and I almost would do and I don't think so honey about it but I have a prepared topic so I'm not going to but I will say this the industry has done Kelly dirty for a long time and taken advantage of her and what's kept her in the game as long as she is is her talent because she will she's the one who every nine months or so she'll have like a viral singing moment and everyone

will be like oh my god Kelly Clarkson is amazing now I think what happened is america has sort of rediscovered her in like a renaissance because she got out of the american idol contract and meaning of life is so amazing the album and hoda loves meaning of life yeah oh my god hoda and her are close friends which is very on brand oh wait can i just really quick say yeah one. One time I saw Hoda in Birdie Rock and I was really starstruck because I love Hoda and Kathie Lee. My best friend and I, my best friend Janan,

we always say that we're Hoda and Kathie Lee. Although in our dynamic, I'm Kathie Lee. But I really do identify as a Hoda. Well, you know, compared to Janan, I kind of am Kathie Lee because she's like a mental health practitioner. Right, right, right. She's the Hoda for sure.

Yeah, she's definitely the Hoda. But I saw Hoda and I had never seen Hoda in the building before and I kind of got like starstruck. And she walked past me and she's on the phone and I hear her just say, I don't think it's a big deal. And I was like, Hoda's chill? Hoda doesn't think it's a big deal. Whatever she's talking about, she doesn't think it's a big deal.

Of course not. Oh, she's so chill. I love Hoda. She's a chill vibe. Well, think about it. She must be chill because she fucking drinks every day on that show i can't believe how much they drink well you know i think it's a beautiful art of like being a boss bitch but also just being i don't know i hate to say

likable because i think likability is like who cares a ruse but i mean she's likable everyone who's quote-unquote likable is not actually likable that's a performance I don't think being likable matters I really don't like Blair St. Clair on her you know final episode when they were doing the drag con panels she was like I think the really important thing

is to come off as likable and I think that the minute you're doing a performance to cater to people it's a trap I think that people see through it I think that the minute you're doing a performance to cater to people, it's a trap. I think that people see through it. I think as long as you're being yourself and being vulnerable, people are interested. And I also think that likability is like a trap, especially for women to be like accommodating and sweet.

And like, I don't find that interesting. No, it's not. You know, like I don't find like I. Here's the thing. Somebody that people always say is likable. Kristen Bell, who I do like. I don't like Kristen Bell because she's crying about a sloth on Ellen. Right.

Or she's doing a cute whirlpool commercial with Dax. Yeah. You like her because she's talented. Because she's great on The Good Place. Yeah. And that's a good show. and she's good on it. We had this discussion, actually. I forget which episode,

but we were talking specifically about Taylor Swift. It was Guy Branum. We were talking about whether we preferred the Taylor Swift Disney princess or the Taylor Swift reputation. Like, yes, I am actually not an an easy person yeah uh as opposed to the of course yeah and i i it's it's it's a weird it's a hard one to answer because i think she's now as of recently like in the new social climate i think she's pretty problematic but i do prefer

someone who's real but also you have to think about, and this is like something, I think now like in the era of Time's Up, this is like definitely something that matters and you can't separate what people do from their art. But, you know, outside of that topic, you kind of have to ask yourself like at SNL, a lot of people like, you know, like my parents' friends and stuff will ask me, is that person nice?

Are they nice? And first of all, even if they weren't, I can't say it. Yeah, you wouldn't say that. You know what I mean? And also, I don't need people to be nice. I don't want people to be assholes. Right. But I don't need the performance of like,

hey, how are you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean? You just want somebody to be on the show and be easy to work with, and almost everybody is. Yeah. And it's Like, I mean, you just want somebody to be on the show and be like, you know, easy to work with. And almost everybody is. Yeah. And it's like, I don't know that I never think that I never really like see somebody that I really like. You know, I never I don't care if Nicole Kidman is nice.

Right. I'm sure she is sometimes. And I'm sure sometimes she's not. Like a human being. What does that mean? How does that prove out to you? There's no like agreed upon like action of

niceness. I think that some people I think that like maybe the more you care about celebrity the more that you care about if that like who that person's real personality is. Sure. Everyone's curious because I think the media now is so sensitive that like we know

almost everything. So why don't why should we know everything? You know what I mean? Like there is so much access and so much coverage. So it's like, well, we know this much. Why not find out the truth? Also, it's like that. Like anybody who is successful and powerful can't be nice all the time because the world

isn't nice. And sometimes you have to boss up. Boss up. He bossed up. Can't be drinking pickle juice. Can't be drinking pickle juice. I truly was like on set. Nicki Minaj did that.

Yes. That time video we did. I did not co-write a song with Nicki Minaj. Yes, you did. I did not. I wrote a song. It would say lyrics by. And did you write lyrics to that song?

This is revisionist history. No, Suti, answer the question. Did you write lyrics to that song? Yes, I did. Did Nicki Minaj also write lyrics that are on that song? Yes, I did. So then you co-wrote a song with Nicki Minaj. Technically.

Yeah, which is whatever. So own it. If the song gets nominated for an Emmy, God willing, you will be nominated together. And inshallah. Inshallah it gets nominated. inshallah it gets nominated for an emmy and you and nikki stand up on that stage together okay and she's definitely we don't play with these april fools and nikki would definitely go to the creative arts emmys she goes every year whether she's nominated or not i think it's important to go to creative arts because she

really wants to recognize you know the best web series of the year and the best like digital content that was paired with a show versus the digital content that's just purely digital content. Right. You know what I mean? Not like, you know,

exclusive to, you know, you guys know the difference between those two categories. The shmemmies and the Emmys. Oh, wait, no. Yes, of course. No, I'm talking specifically

about digital content and what those categories are. Okay. Yeah, she definitely goes in You Know Why because she really wants to meet Tom Colicchio. And every time she goes to the Creative Arts Emmys, you know, it's always like a thing with her people and his people, and she never gets to meet him. And so she goes the next year, she's like, I really want to meet Tom Colicchio. But there's a lot of shit between her and Padma.

Oh yeah, you know, there's stuff. Oh gosh. But, so Nicki Minaj, when she was like kind of early in her career,

she put out this YouTube video that the three of us are obsessed with. It was on MTV. Yeah, she talks about bossed up and she talks basically just, she's very eloquently explains

how like, there are different standards between men and women and when men are- She talks about Donald Trump too. When men are, yeah, yeah she does pre-donald trump when men are bosses it's a good thing and when women are bosses they're bitches and i was watching nikki like slay on set and i was just like thinking oh my god how many times have i watched that bossed up video and like also thought to myself like you bossed up you bossed up and if

i had accepted the pickle juice i would be drinking pickle juice right now spill a little tea she slayed on set oh she slayed yeah it was crazy she shows up drops her black chinchilla coat hands it to an assistant goes this, this is my mark, sits, they play the playback, slay, slay every time. I mean, slay every time.

She's a superstar. We were watching, she knows she's been kind of absent for a couple years after Pinkprint, now she's back, but I was over at Dave's and we were watching Chun-Li and Barbie Ting's, the videos.

She is a superstar. And it makes you realize that all these other ones, you know, there are stars and there's talented artists and then there are superstars. Nicki Minaj is a superstar. She's a superstar and I have thoughts on this later. Oh. I have thoughts on this.

I love that. I love a tease of a thought great um let me finish my thought about kelly okay yes i don't like that people got rid of her and the only reason they got rid of her because she was the biggest pop star in the world since you've been gone era she shut she closed the vmas and all that they got rid of her because she wanted to, God forbid, make her own choices about her third album, My December. And Clive Davis

tried to ruin her. And I don't want anyone to ever forget that. I do not like Clive Davis at all. He killed Whitney. Okay. Blood on his hands.

I would say, you know, one of the reasons she was unhealthy was him okay but anyway but um but i don't like i'm half kidding and her death and the details of it no i don't i don't i don't like him because he of what he did to her and then i think she had to throw up a red flag and she had to put make all those shitty songs by the way with Luke, who she said, I don't want to work with and they forced her to work with him anyway. She knew. She knew.

Because she had a bad... Kelly has now come out and said she had a bad, quote unquote, just bad relationship with him while they recorded Since You've Been Gone

and Behind These Hazel Eyes. Those were her two biggest songs off that album. And wasn't there a thing where she didn't get a songwriting credit and like he pushed what happened was no what happened was those songs were huge hits but he she did not like the experience of working with him she said he's quote not a nice guy not a good dude um and she said what after the third album was was not going great and she was like, okay, you guys win.

I'll make another straight-up pop album. I just have one thing. I don't want to work with Dr. Luke. They said, okay, on the schedule, Dr. Luke. My Life Would Suck Without You was produced by Dr. Luke. And she said, I told you I don't want to work with him. And they got the song, and it was written by Dr. Luke. And so got the song and it was written by Dr. Luke and so you know because it was written by Dr. Luke it was a lot

of sexy lyrics that weren't her brand and so she rewrote a lot of the song. That song was a number one hit. It kind of like made her like a pop star again for a while. But she said don't put my name on the songwriting

credits because I refuse to have my name next to his. I'm embarrassed that I even worked with him. And she says now, she probably missed out on millions of dollars from that song because she said, I don't want my name next to his. Fuck Dr. Luke. And also, fuck Ryan Tedder for doing her dirty too.

Ryan Tedder did her very dirty because Ryan Tedder, he is a, I'm sorry sorry not to throw shade but jack antonoff in that all that sounds the same the ryan tedder shit halo what is he right he does halo already gone and like if you look up ryan tedder there it's really this they're really the same i'm like no it's right about your embrace and now you sing um how does it oh never mind i'm already. Um, how does it? Oh, nevermind. And I'm already gone. Uh,

oh, how does already gone go? Um, babe, I want, want you to know. Right. Of course,

it's one of my favorite songs of hers. I can't believe I can't just spit it out. Um, but anyway, so she had like another bad experience on that album and her being quote unquote difficult because they were making her do shit she said she didn't want to do like ability again and also she gained a little bit of weight because god forbid some women do that um how dare they and they they pushed her you can only get

smaller you can never grow and a woman if she starts out thin, at the end she must disappear. There is nothing wrong with grow. And then she became a mother and forget it. It was like, we'll put out one single from each other and that's it. I gotta say, it was painful. It hurt me to see Kelly in that first week of the voice auditions in that bedazzled football jersey. I think it looked cute.

No. I didn't see it. I think it looked cute. I got to say to you, no. Circle skirt, off the shoulder, bedazzled football jersey. I want Kelly to give me Adele level glam. She is. Now she is.

Well, that was part of that. She wanted to look cute. She was a sneeze she was a sneeze away from doing a cold shoulder top all right well also if you notice this about the meaning of life she should not be wearing ann taylor loft honey if you notice this about the meaning of life her also is they are letting her have her hair bigger and like a diva like she always should have she should meanwhile they straighten the shit out of her hair bigger. And like a diva, like she always should have. She should have. Meanwhile, they straighten the shit out of her hair

on all the albums. Like, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Which, by the way, thank God for that song. But they put her in this horrific,

like, bang, this brown hair that didn't work for her. She should be blonde. I love it when like, somebody with a voice, truly like the set piece

is just their look, their costume, and they don't move and they sit there and they just play. Barbara. Barbara. Sure. Elton John couldn't move on that piano. And so then he would do all these outrageous things with his outfits because that was part of the show. Kelly is amazing for two reasons. Her incredible talent and her amazing personality.

And her babies. Right. And she's in this moment now where she gets to, on The Voice, they just booked her again for next season, honey. With J-Hud. She's going to be on it with Jennifer Hudson. She's going to be on it with Jennifer Hudson. Jennifer Hudson, Kelly, and then Blake and Adam.

I don't know J-Hud. But Kelly and Jennifer being on the same season is going to kill me. Wait. Okay. Kelly and Jennifer being on the same season is going to kill me. Wait, okay. You know what I also watched was Christina and Demi. And I got to say, it is Demi Lovato. The Billboard Music Awards are truly her night. She is the queen of the Billboard Music Awards.

She was not at the Grammys this year. And Demi Lovato is the queen of the Billboard Music Awards. Do you see her face when Taylor won and she didn't? No. The cameramen were shady. They cut to Demi, and Demi was stone-faced because Demi does not like Taylor Swift. Because I'm sure Taylor Swift has ruined her life in some way.

Did you guys watch the Demi Lovato YouTube documentary? Yeah, we watched it together. That was so good. It was so, like, I thought about that. Simply complicated. So good. It was so... I thought about that. I stand for Demi. Yeah, me too. I stand for Demi.

Always Demi. I was nervous to talk to you today. Why? Because the last time I sat down and talked to someone this long, I was on cocaine. First three minutes of the documentary. First 30 seconds. My favorite thing is that in the documentary first three minutes

first 30 seconds my favorite thing is that in the documentary and everybody it's on YouTube and it's called like can I be me

or something like that simply complicated no because can I be me is Whitney which I also have to talk about okay Demi

in the the YouTube documentary is super super fascinating because she talks all about like her addiction issues. And she's super candid about it. Her eating disorder.

Her rage. How she still battles with that. Yeah. Yeah. She really, really goes in. And the first hour of the documentary, they talk about her whole journey. Them covering up the abuse and all this stuff. And it's super, super real and raw.

Yeah. The second half of the documentary is more about her like life today and it is just a series of photo shoots and like planned music video shoots and it will and it corresponds with each album so like the song will be like only forever which is like that whole album is really, really good. So good. Really good. Only Forever. And she'll be like, I guess, but they won't like talk about that song.

It'll just be an interview with her. And she'll be like, I guess I'm still kind of looking for that person that I'll be with forever. Only Forever! Cut to her in a nightgown all of a sudden in like a bedroom like with a four poster bed like looking at the camera and it's like. She's also so fucking hot. She's so hot. She's so hot. Oh my god.

Okay wait and then this is the best part. Her chest is like a creamy surface. Yeah her skin is like. Flawless and her hair is perfect. Her face is beat. We're going in so many directions. Her face is so beat. The best part is when she is singing Only Forever and she's singing that big note where she goes,

Only forever. And then she goes down. She goes down. And she just says, she takes her headphones off and she's like, how was that? And he's like, amazing. And he's freaking out out or whatever the producer and then she goes i just want to make sure the vibrato was consistent and then they see on the computer like her sound waves and it just like perfectly spaced and it's

like you fucking bitch she knew your vibrato was consistent i love that i always wanted to say that i wish i were in a position in my life where I could just be like, I just want to make sure the vibrato is consistent. For me being like, I'm thinking like this. Like whenever I write music of the show. It's like, I think it's kind of like. How does it work to write a song of the show? Do you have to sing it to the talent and then like.

Well, you know, I think. Well, I mean, I've only ever really written songs with cast members and some of our cast is just so like musically talented Kate is a musician oh yeah she is Cecily and Adie have really strong music backgrounds

I mean like even Melissa sings Melissa can sing so well Chris Redd like used to be a rapper like yeah it's kind of just and then we also have a musical director and it kind of all in that way just like all comes together also most actors even if they say like oh I'm not a singer like

they can sing well they have some yeah I love I love when I really can't sing like I'm not a singer per se I have a very

limited range that is super high and like hard to hit hold on wait can you watch the screen we're just gonna make sure my verbato is consistent

only forever Only forever The wave. It looks good. It looks perfect. How consistent is it? It's perfect. Wow. And you were worried that your vibrato wasn't going to be consistent. Yeah, that's why I asked.

Is it vibrato or vibrato? Vibrato, bitch. Vibrato. Shit. She's not a woman. Vibrato is a man Vibrato. Shit. She's not a woman. Vibrato is a man. She's a man. Okay, so.

Wait. What? What was I just gonna? There was something we were talking. Oh, Christina Aguilera. Wait, can we? Before we move on to voice memo you, bitch. Her two songs that she's released are both flops.

Bad, bad. What? I like Accelerate. No, it's bad, stupid. Accelerate. Accelerate. Get with it's bad, Sufi. Accelerate. Accelerate. No, you know what I forgot to say? For Summer of Cunt, that Summer of Cunt, I want to be Christina Aguilera and I want to

be new lips forward. And I'm going to get Christina's lips and I'm going to do no eye makeup so it's all about my lips and I'm just going to be serving lips. I already got them. Can't you see? Oh my God. Can't you see? I have no like dip in my upper lip because it's so full.

But they told me, what do you want to get it filled with? And I said candy. oh my god i was gonna say candy i was gonna say like skittles today skittle juice today i had a mango and i was like oh my god fruit is what candy is based on oh my god this tastes like a mango i honestly have that it's actually rule of culture number 66 fruit is what candy is based on i bet I honestly have that thought. It's actually rule of culture number 66. Fruit is what candy is based on. I do have that thought regularly. I'll eat the most delicious tangerine and I'm like, oh, this

is as good as candy. Well, also half the time that I crave gummy bears, I realize I'm like craving fruit. Should the title of this be Simply Complicated? No, I think it's Summer of Cunt, Simply Complicated, or Consistent Vibrato. What about There Are Only Two Genders? complicated no i think it's summer of cunt simply complicated or um uh consistent vibrato what about um there are only two genders

um okay listen it's at this time where we have to uh move on to a segment that we like to call voice mem oh you bitch and um today our voice memo is coming to us from a friend named Christy Cielo. Oh, Christy! And she is excited to call in and she has some... She's got a good voice. She's got a great voice and you guys are all gonna hear it and you have heard it if you listened to her episode. And I'm excited because she's got some tips

for us, Bowen. Oh, tips. And she's excited about us but she's got tips. Okay, okay, let's listen. Hey Matt, hey Bowen, this is Christy Cello. First off, I just need to congratulate you on all of your success as of late. I have social media. I'm connected. I know what's happening.

And Vulture Fest looked incredible. It looked so incredible. And I'm so happy for you guys i saw photographs of many important celebrities in attendance i saw a photo of donny osmond you know i saw the stars of nickelodeon's drake and josh and i think i actually saw the Michelin Man with his family, which is really sweet. Like, I love when stars bring their families out of hiding. When they, you know, let them out of the closet and the cages that they're held inside. But I'm just thrilled for you both.

And I can't think of two performers, two thespians, two artistic souls more deserving of success. But I'm going to be real with you. With success comes a lot of pressure, okay? That's true. A lot of pressure, a lot of ego, right? And a lot of fame. Fame is what's going to come fame is not did you hear that knock that's fame knocking on your door i give you guys approximately three days to two weeks and you're gonna be superstars and as somebody who has lived it, because as you know,

I am incredibly famous. My advice to you both is to absolutely let the fame change you. Let it change you entirely. What do I mean by that? I mean, the old person, you know, the Matt and the Bowen that you are now,

when you become famous, those people die. You hold a funeral for them. You mourn them for about a day, and then you never think of them again because now you're famous. And you only talk to people who can help you emotionally, financially. If somebody can't offer you something, they don't exist in your world. Okay?

So let that theme change you. And if you have any questions, you can call. You know what? I was going to say you could call me, but, you know, I'm very famous, so I might be too busy for you, actually. What? What was that?

What was that? Someone famous is here oh okay well guys i have to go because somebody famous is here to see me um but congratulations and i'm looking forward to your fame okay toodaloo i'm coming oh my my god. Famous! Famous. Well, thank you, Christy. That was famous celebrity Christy Ciello, and I have some tea to spill. Christy and I crushed a White Castle commercial audition, and they told us we could release the dates.

I don't understand what happened. What? I thought you guys were going to say we crushed a White Castle, like just rolled in. No, no, no, no. I famously don't even like White Castle, but I was thrilled

to be the face of it for a moment well now you can never be because you said i famously don't like white now i'm holding out for that mcdonald's money oh yeah you'll get that mcdonald's money and really if mcdonald's knew how much i've supported them over the years they would be asking me you would barely make it back oh you know the mc the McDonald's by my house just got renovated. Wait. Yeah. Oh, but it's still a McDonald's. Yeah, no, it's like new and improved and gorgeous.

The one that you always used to go to, which was like a true 90s McDonald's. Wow. Now it has kiosks and everything. Yeah, on Graham Avenue, baby. Amazing. Grant. Grant. There's one right on Greenpoint Avenue, too, right on where I live.

Oh, bitch. So we should let fame change us We should we should and I will And it has already I love that I love that for you And I wonder for you guys Because We I feel like are

Celebrity Adjacent Not adjacent that's almost like Too close I would say that All three of us have talked to somebody insanely rich and famous. Yes. Yeah, that's definitely. Is that anything to brag about? We don't know.

But when you go home, does anybody in the grocery store that maybe was a soccer mom or hockey mom. Say. Famous. To our hometown. Famous to you. Famous. Famous. It hasn't happened yet. It hasn't happened.

Not from a soccer mom. Oh, wow. I feel bad for you guys. But I do want to spill a little bit of tea about Vulture Fest. Yes. Hilary Duff gave us hugs. Oh, that was fun.

You seem different. Sutton Foster you seem different Sutton Foster loved us and Juliana Margulies told me I could be Matt Bomer's brother also Bo Burnham

and that's huge that's a huge deal Matt huge compliment that you look like Matt Bomer I see it Bo Burnham recognized me

from the Tyra Banks thing and he was not the only one one of the girls from oh my god you had a viral vid not the only one one of the girls from oh my god you had a viral vid we haven't even talked about the viral vid I mean you know whatever it happened Aisha from the bold type also immediately

fangirled over Bowen do people know what the viral vid is when you gay you guys know about Bowen's lip sync to Tyra Banks' famous meltdown on top model you seem thinner and richer.

Tell them. What do you mean? Oh, and this weekend was when it all sort of came full circle and Tyra finally tweeted back. She said, I mean, dot, dot, dot, genius. And the cycle is complete. Yeah, you're done now. I feel like I have achieved sentience.

And I don't really know what that means, but I do throw it out a lot. You've achieved knowledge. When I am like Evan Rachel Wood in Westworld, and I'm like, there's so much beauty in this world. Have people watching it this season? Okay, yes, and can I spoiler alert this episode? Yeah, spoiler alert.

Spoiler alert, which is the Shogun episode. Yeah, I heard that it was amazing. I watched Evan Rachel Wood and James Marsden and James Marsden, like they have this whole scene where he says to her, I'm gonna botch the line, but it

really filled me with something where he says, I'm going to see the world with you or whatever. Like basically saying like, I know that I'm a robot and I'm going to see this truth with you. And I was just like,

I just want a man to say to me that they're going to see the world with me. Like for everything it's good and it's bad and it's hard truths and whatever. Like, you know, I'm going to walk and step with you. And I was like watching them make love. And it's like, you don like you know i'm gonna walk and step with you and i was like watching them make love and it's like you don't really see her body but you see his butt at the end and i was just like yes you see his full butt james marston yes yes i've not seen that is this

a spoiler alert have you do you not watch i love celebrity men's butts i know i know so it's a dark reality it was so gorgeous and i was kind of feeling like those notebook feels where just I love celebrity men's butts. I know, I know. It's a dark reality of me. It was so gorgeous, and I was kind of feeling like those notebook feels where just something just like hits you deep in your woman pussy, and you're just like, I love that man.

You know what I mean? And then she takes him. This is going to be a grew moment, I know it. Into a room where there is a dead, rotting cow carcass. And she says, this can't be you. I know this is you. And then men come in and take him. And they made love, and he said that whole speech to her and everything.

And then these guys like take him and like are gonna like reset his brain or something and she knew that was true she planned it and i was like this is good tv i'm sorry if i spoil i definitely spoiled westworld well you said spoiler alert which is really all you need to know. Rule of culture number 92. If you say spoiler alert, that's all you need to do. That's all you need to do. It's time to move on to I Don't Think So Honey. Oh my God.

End of ep. Well, not yet. Not yet. This is the culmination. Hold on. Okay. All right. So Bowen, tell them what I Don't Think So Honey is.

I Don't Think So Honey is our segment in which we take each one minute to rail against something in culture and repeat the phrase, I don't think so honey. So I don't think so honey is our segment in which we take each one minute to rail against something in culture and repeat the phrase I don't think so honey. So I have something. Do you have something? I do. Okay, so then

this is a first. Who would like to go first then? I can go first. This is kind of custom. Great. This is okay. Great. That's not true.

You always say that. I always go first. That's not true. Okay. All right. Well, anyway, I will crunch the numbers later. Real tension. This is actual tension. Well, anyway, I will crunch the numbers later. Real tension.

This is actual tension. But anyway, this is Matt Rogers. It's Las Cotterillas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. That's alphabetical. Yeah, but... Okay, no, we're not getting into this. This is Matt Rogers' I Don't Think So, Honey, and his time starts now.

I Don't Think So, Honey, the people on the street who want you to sign their petitions or give money to a cause, not because they're doing that. When I say, I'm so sorry, I have to go, and then they say something snarky or bitchy, I don't think so, honey, that. No.

Listen to me right now. I am not the unusual thing for needing to go somewhere while I'm walking down the street. You are for standing there trying to get me to stop and sign your shit and you are really pushing it honey when you say like okay when i am trying to go somewhere and let me tell you what you don't want me to do which i will do next time someone does this to me turn around and say what because i will bitch if you say oh well okay fine i'm gonna turn around and say what was weird about what i said i polite you politely told you i needed somewhere to go you should get a fucking job okay five seconds i am not weird for needing to go somewhere you're weird for standing there

with nothing to do and a clipboard in your goddamn hands i don't think so and that's one minute you're so right and also like when they give you shade and then you give them shade back and then they're shady it's just like look i i am walking somewhere with purpose this is new york city i and i'm going somewhere you're like hey can i stop you for a second i say no i actually have to go somewhere which i'm actually in in the process of doing which you can see and you know being on the streets of new york this is what i'm entitled to do you didn't even owe them that response. No. And I said,

I'm so sorry. I have to get somewhere. And they do, psst. Why are you doing that? Now you've made it unpleasant. Like, and guess what? There was no social contract

that said, like, I had to stop and listen to what you had to say. I know what you have to say. And I don't have time for it. The thing you do is you avert eye contact and you have headphones on

and then you just avoid it altogether. And let me clarify, it's not the people that are doing that that I might not think is a honeying. It's the people that do that

and then give fresh attitude. Don't be fresh. Don't be fresh. It's actually rule culture number seven. Don't be fresh. Don't be fresh, HPJ. Did your mom

used to tell you that when you were little? Don't be fresh. My mom said that used to tell you that when you were little don't be fresh my mom said that all the time word for word in perfect English okay

so this is Bowen Yang's I don't think so honey ready your time starts now I don't think so honey getty images who do you think

you are trying to sell a picture of me for 525 dollars 95 95 dollars in some cases look have you heard of miss mindy tucker motherfucker she is one of the best out there and guess what she does her gig for free most of the time mama we pay her every now and then but bitch getting images i don't know who the fuck you are your camera people having to voice tag or whatever the fuck it is they do when they talk into their cameras and say names

looking like a fucking lunatic bitch get your shit together get over yourself stop like get your watermarks are off i can hack it and i can get those watermarks off myself and 15 as long as i know some of my way around photoshop but most people don't and don't have this prohibitive thing on your site 525 dollars more like 525 600 reasons to fucking hate getty images bitch i don't think so honey getty images and that's one minute i have a great great love for getting images now that we've been in them i'd like to keep being in them but but I do think the photos are too expensive. We love Getty Images, but man, that is... No, but we love...

What if after every, I don't think so, honey, you just went, no, but we love... No, but we love... Okay, we're gonna do this for whatever shoot it is. No, but we love... Oh my god, wait, hold on. Someone's FaceTiming us. Look who's FaceTiming us. Oh my god, it's Dave Mazzone. Dave Mazzone, pick it up! No, he definitely love. Oh my God, wait. Hold on. Someone's FaceTiming us. Look who's FaceTiming us. Who is this?

Oh my God, it's Dave Mazzoni. Dave Mazzoni, pick it up. No, he definitely made a mistake. He just hung up immediately. It was a butt FaceTime. Oh my God, wow. I know him. All right, so this is Sudi Green.

This is Sudi Green's I Don't Think So, Honey. And her time starts now. I Don't Think So, Honey. People saying that we can't have Nicki Minaj now that there's Cardi B. Oh no. I am seeing this and it is being talked about and I absolutely disagree. We have two female rappers in the game right now. And the fact that that is like revolutionary and like mind-boggling for some people is

bullshit, okay? Just because you had a pastrami sandwich for the last seven years, which is Nicki Minaj, and all of a sudden you got tuna salad, which is Cardi B, doesn't mean that you're only eating tuna salad now. 30 seconds. Because guess what? How many male sandwiches rappers are out there? So many.

A deli full. And we're not saying that we can't have Migos and Common. You know what I'm saying? Also, Kanye West, who as we know is very wise and present on Twitter, said that he wanted to see a tour with Nicki Minaj and Cardi B. And I agree. I think that they are powerful. I think they should release a song together.

I think their music is different and I want them to exist in the same space and unite together because they have more star power than all of those men in the game combined. I don't think so, honey. Two queens. And I want a new era of queens. Yes. And that's one minute. Also, you know what?

There's a lot of ones that got pushed out, which they didn't leave voluntarily. I mean, no one made space for them. Where the hell is Eve? Where the hell is Foxy Brown? Where the hell is DeBrett? Missy Elliott. Missy Elliott.

I don't mean to say that there are only two rapper women. Because honestly, though, I love. No, but you know what? It is true. We've done this thing where, and you know what people, I think people think, done this thing where... And you know what people... I think people think it's because they wear fun costumes and wigs. Bitch, all the white chicks wear fun costumes and wigs,

and you're not saying that there's no room for all of them. Their music is different. To say that one cancels the other out is such bullshit. Their styles are very different. What was the situation with them when they talked at the Met Gala? Did they have a beef and they had a confrontation? No, no, no. There was no beef, but Nikki was on

Beats 1 Radio promoting. She sounded heard about something. She sounded heard about something where Cardi maybe just maybe... It was about motorsport. It was about motorsport and about how they couldn't get them together and how the media narrative was oh, Nikki's being nikki and nikki and doesn't want cardi to be in the same

room as her and no one none of the amigos and not even cardi no one backed her up and support her and say actually no this is a total lie i really think it would be so cool if they released a song together because they really are both stars and they really like it's like when remember when like it was peak gaga and peak beyonce and they released videophone and telephone i'm gonna say something shady videophone i know what you're gonna say i don't think that that would be a good idea for cardi to go on a track with nikki minaj why because nikki minaj is a beast yes so is cardi she'si. She's not. But they're both good as pop. Matt, no,

you haven't even given her album a full listen. Yes, I have. She's not, she's not, she's not, she's not as skilled an MC in the way that Nicki is.

And that's fine. You know what? I mean, I think Dua Lipa is amazing. I don't think it's a good idea for Dua Lipa to do a duet with Beyonce. That's apples and oranges.

But I also think that Cardi, yeah, I don't think that she's at Nicki's level. She's not at her level yet. And also, Cardi has a real poppy or catchy commercial rap album. I think a lot of her songs are really

good. Be careful with me. That's all I have to say. And I'll say to everybody, hey, be careful with me. And also, guys to say and i'll say to everybody hey be careful with sude's anthem and also guys check out these other female mcs jungle pussy lizzo yeah for sure like amazing like even azalea still i mean like whatever if you're willing to forgive azalea bo and yang endorsing azalea oh my god truly maybe yes um but there's so many options out there we still have that it's a whole deli it's a whole deli there's a notary here there are stars

and then there are superstars Nicki Minaj is a superstar Cardi is a superstar as well I don't know I think time will tell

I don't get why you're being so shady with Cardi I'm not being shady I'm just saying she's been out for less than a year like you know what I mean

but she shows immense promise Nicki Minaj is a queen it's like Chance the Rapper coming in and then it's like Jay-Z. I mean, like, obviously there's a difference between the two. We love them both.

Right. We love both. Right. But you have to acknowledge that one of them is a legend and one of them has promised to be, to get there. That's all I'm saying. Yes. It's the difference between icon versus legend.

And I think that Nicki is an icon and a legend. And I think Cardi is an icon. Okay. So then let me ask you this. 2010, Nikki just released Pink Friday and there's all this beef between her and Lil' Kim. What about that? Isn't that an icon and legend situation too?

I think that, but I think that well... And I think it's fucked that they were pitted against each other or whatever happened. But then now it seems like you're the one who's pitting them against each other. No, I'm not pitting them against each other other i'm just saying i don't think it's a good idea it would be a good idea for cardi to go on a track with just nikki minaj because i don't think that cardi would benefit from that just yet until she cultivates her skills to that level i think nikki

is a beast i think she's an actress i think she's like a performer and a like artist in a way that like we we haven't seen that fully fleshed out with with cardi i'm not pitting them against each other i'm just saying one is on a way another level the same way that when nikki was on that kanye monster song and nikki had that like star turn moment because she was being brought you know it's preparation meets opportunity and she had the opportunity and then she stepped her pussy up yes and she had that amazing amazing verse i think that cardi would turn out a bodak yellow for nikki minaj and we've seen cardi slay and that is bodak yellow i mean that's a slight bodak yellow is amazing that's what i'm saying i feel like i'm i'm wow

i can't believe i'm like an expert on rap you are um insane i want to say that barbie tings and chun li they're both like pretty middle of the road Nicki songs in terms of skill and dexterity and flow. She's not like doing the whole monster level thing. She's not doing even stuff that she did on Pingprint. Like Cardi on, what is it called? Her album. No one's going to help me out?

I forget what her album's called. Oh, Invasion of Privacy's called oh Invasion of Privacy yeah so how come I'm the one attacking Cardi but I'm the only one who knows her album you are attacking

she just is so good and has flown and is like is spitting fire but anyway that was Bowen's diva moment no one's gonna help me out

that was Bowen's diva moment no one's gonna help me out like when that that video of Christina Aguilera when someone coughs during her interview coughing during my interview really that was Bowen's diva moment no one's gonna help me out like when that that video of Christina Aguilera when someone coughs during her interview coughing during my interview really

that was Bowen first of all I think that diva moment is just Christina Aguilera being funny and being joking being like coughing

during my interview she's joking that's a clearly a joke I don't think she was joking but when Matt but when Bowen said no one's gonna help me out

he was not kidding he was actually no one's gonna help me out I'm a bad bitch fuck the bitch love that yep and who are we whose songs are we singing you'll be careful with me don't bite the hand i do what i like i do i do don't nobody in here bite the hand why are you feeding me chicken fingers don't but nobody we had a great time nobody in here bite the hand nobody in here bite the hand

nobody in here bite the hand and you know that's one of my famous catchphrases stupid stupid don't bite the hand

I don't know my words but I do know my heart the implication that you're giving us like opportunity it's just gorgeous I have been since you were both young children

no I mean look I'm gonna start listen I invited you Matt no no no no I invited you to the what was that place you went

I don't oh Vapiano you stupid bitch I invited you to that Vap, no, no, no, no. I invited you to the, what was that place we went? I don't, oh, Vapiano, you stupid bitch. I invited you to that Vapiano and started your career. No, look. This is, it's been a great time with Bowen and Judy. This episode marks a sea change in Las Culturistas lore and the Las Culturistas

universe and the LCU because Matt has had a monopoly on all the catchphrases. I'm gonna start turning out the phrases, bitch. No one's gonna help me out with this. No one's gonna help me out with this really really so stay tuned for that oh my god this has been a such a fun episode all the do die day just to

make it just to remind everyone I really have enjoyed this time I feel like the worst side of me has come out and I want to thank you for giving me the freedom to say things that I will definitely regret. Absolutely. And that you will call us up a week later and be like, can we take these parts

out? We'll be like, yeah, of course. I don't know. I don't think anything's coming out. I'm kidding. Well, I'll only request certain things stay in. Of course. And we'll make the choices around what to cut. Yeah, you guys make the choices, but I'm on the side of a raw, pure truth.

Thank you. Unfiltered, unedited, unadulterated. And of course, we do end every episode with a song. Yes. And I think we know what song we're going to end it with. Okay. And I got a dishwasher and it changed my world. And I got a dishwasher and it changed my world.

Oh boy. Bye. Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram, at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba?

Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details,

and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question. What kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists.

I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. I'm Sheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby.

And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tariqa Foster-Brasby. An iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.