Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - “The Russian Tsarina” (w/ Sarah Squirm)

Episode Date: August 23, 2023

She’s back and she’s cute as a pumpkin, it’s Sarah Squirm! Bowen’s flying solo this week but is joined but his OTHER Long Island track star Piscean legend, and she’s currently “of touring experience” in a city near you. Bowen and Sarah discuss what grade they would teach, what the Eras Tour even is, and how incredible it was that Michael Jackson was the biggest freak who was also the most famous person in the world. Fascinating treatises on “relatability” in culture get their overdue space on the pod, and you MUST wait for the story about the titular Russian Tsarina. Get your tickets for Sarah Squirm on tour at https://linktr.ee/sarahsquirm. @sarahsquirm Bonus episodes are available early for subscribers to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/lasculturistasSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are back. I love that. I love that. Oh my gosh. Welcome. And last season's drama was just the tip of the iceberg. You're recording us? I am disgusted.

Never in a million years after everything we've been through did I think that you would reach out to our sworn enemy. We were friends. How could you do this to me? I don't trust her. The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Wednesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV Plus. I'm Sheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the

real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home

and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Look, Matt. Oh, I

see. Wow. Look over there. Is, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow. Is that culture? Yes. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas.

Ding dong. Las Culturistas calling. That's right. Don't adjust your dials. It's just Bowen today. Matt is taking a well-deserved break. Very well-deserved. I mean, you all know it's fine.

He just had so much fun at Kelly Clarkson in Vegas. I could not join him because I was at home losing eight pounds to a bacterial infection. It's all good. It's all good. Oh, and my guest got me a bagel burger. And you want to know something? I didn't even open the bag to see what it was or what it looked like because I, guess what, did not have an appetite. Swallowing felt like daggers.

I threw it in the garbage. Isn't that terrible? Sorry, Greta Thunberg. Well, anyway, I mean, let's just get right into it. Our guest is one of the greats. Muse status, even, to me, at least, to my mind. I think she's America's muse in a way. She's on

her live and in the flesh tour this summer. Upcoming dates. August 25th in Portland. August 26th in Seattle at the Thing Fest. September 7th at the Hopscotch Music Festival in Raleigh.

September 8th in D.C. September 9 Festival in Raleigh September 8th in DC September 9th in Pittsburgh that's the Beyonce makeup show for the Renaissance tour people we're sorry she cancelled but Sarah's coming into town and of course September 10th in Philly and September 13th in LA

I think I got those dates right this is all from memory guess what I love our guest so much and you must go see her on tour. Seeing this person live is, I think, a pretty religious experience. I remember the first time I saw this girl and I thought, I'm going to be crying to her on Thursdays about my sketch being pulled. I know. We can't talk about the show that we're on together because of this damn strike, these double strikes.

But you know where to find her. You know her. You love her so much. She really is one of the great minds, people, styles, aesthetic legends

of the world and generation. Everyone welcome Sarah Squirm. Well, somebody did their damn homework tonight. Honey, I love to go home and write on my little workbook. Hi, Sarah.

If you put a gun to my head and said, what are your tour dates and tell me the days and tell me the venues, I would not be able to do that. Honey, well, you're living it. You're up there performing. You don't have time to worry about dates. I'm hosting a damn show where I have a guest on and I need to sort of get up to speed. You're giving Palm Pilot vibes today.

Palm Pilot vibes? I don't like the sound of that. Did you have one? No, did you? I remember we got the Costco version, the budget Costco version, and it was a POS. Hey! Hey! Sorry, Palm.

You didn't slay until the trio. You didn't have one? No, because don't slay until the trio. You didn't have one? No, because don't you need it to schedule? Did your dad have one? Your parents? I don't think so. I'm sorry, I made it a gendered thing. Oh, you don't think my school teacher mother had a Palm Pilot to be scheduling one's homework

and one's quizzes? That would be cunty if she did. If mom was serving Palm Pilots down the house boots. Down the house boots. I want whatever bacterial infection you had. Tell me more. Yeah, I want it. I just want it cleansed.

You want it cleansed? I do feel like reborn. Like, I think I'm coming out of this being like, I'm never smoking a cigarette ever again in my life. Cigarette? That's interesting. Like, you know how like a pregnancy craving, it's like, I'm never going to eat garlic again

or something like that. You had a bacterial craving. That's a craving what's the opposite of a craving i don't know an anti-graving get that away from me hi that's really what i just like 30 seconds like 30 milliseconds no it's an a to c you're laughing too much at me. Because you're, I haven't been live in the flesh with you actually. I know. In a minute.

Oh my God. And you're making me laugh. And you are making me feel shy. Why? Because you were going like, this next person coming to the stage is the muse. She's the icon. She's the moment.

And I was getting shy and I was giggling. But you know, this is how I feel about it. This is not a discovery for you. Well, and not, you know, for the listeners at home, one of the best compliments I've ever received in my life,

my short life, barely legal life on this planet, is that you said that the short that I made was a visual feast live on Las Culturistas. Live on Las Culturistas. But that was back when we were on Zoom and like we didn't really know each other that well. But that was like, I put that in my hat as the nicest compliment I've ever received. And that was like i put that in my hat as the nicest compliment i

ever received and that was live on las culturistas i've given you at least a baker's dozen more better compliments but there's something about the texture as we didn't know each other that well and for you to just come right out and say what you made was a visual feast i said so you do know me better than i know myself actually but you knew that about yourself as you were making it. Sometimes you just need to put words to the paper, into the ear. Yeah, totally, totally. Totally, 100%. Now, where does this come from?

No, no, no, no, no. This is a compliment that I was, this is the most accurate compliment I've ever given you, which was something I told you the other day, which is you are someone, you're the person who is the most attuned to literally in antiquity when people would describe

genius, it would be like the root word is jinn. It's a genius, like a fucking demon in the walls. And it's like you commune with the demon in the walls. And it's kind of a liberating thing because whatever work you make, whether it's great or bad, it's like you can't take all the credit for it i'm closing my eyes right now to erase you what do you mean so i don't even hear because

you said the biggest compliment on the planet well you're sure sorry okay i'm being i'm being i'm being alone no you're being sweet no well no I do sometimes feel like that often times creativity can be a demon that does possess you yes because the worst feeling actually this is something Jack Bensinger

taught me Jack which is that sometimes I do feel plagued by like oh my god I just had an idea but I don't have a pen and paper to write it down

and actually I'd rather die than be in this situation right now and Jack said if you ever have an idea and I'm outing him right now we love Jack Bensinger. Jack Bensinger. Readers, Katie's

published his finalist. Check him out. He's a good one. He is a good one. He's one to watch, would you say? He's one to watch, you would say. He, when he has an idea and he can't write it down because he's being possessed by the demon. Yes. He goes like this. He holds on to it. And so then like whatever, whenever the movie's over, because he couldn't

write it down during the movie, he goes, why are my fingers like this? Oh yeah, I'm holding on to it. And so then like whatever, whenever the movie's over, because he couldn't write it down during the movie, he goes, why are my fingers like this? Oh yeah, I'm holding on to that idea and he remembers it. He's a genius. Did I just out him? That's like one of the most intimate, vulnerable things about a person, how you hold on to your idea. But I don't think that's like a naked sort of

exposition though. I mean, we can ask him after. Permission, do I have consent to out your creative process? And then if he says no, then we're cutting this. Permission. Do I have consent to out your creative process? And then if he says no, then we're cutting this. Cut it. But if you're seeing this at home, if you're listening to this in your car. Isn't that amazing? That's incredible. Like you're in the shower, you're all suds dub. You couldn't possibly write something down. You're completely wet. And then does he tend to, okay. So, so, so for people who are listening, who can't see, it's what, what Jack Bensinger does is he puts his fingertips together his index

and his thumb right i forgot a podcast isn't a visual medium we forget all the time and but he he puts his tips together just to like kind of like kind of like not quiet coyote but the opposite of quiet coyote where it's index and what could you possibly be talking about about a quiet coyote this is quiet coyote and who is she this this is for classrooms this is like a second grade like why coyote one two three eyes on me yes drop everything and read you could be teacher i could be teacher we should be teaching because these girls these girlies need to know these girls they need to be taught you would be what grade would you teach i would teach the oldest that you could be that is the bravest answer you could be because i want to come in and be like every single thing you've been

taught is wrong and you need to go back and respect your mothers of history that is so brave this is how i know you're fearless no no but but here's the thing. I think it's also because that is like the age demographic that I feel the most like I need to get to. You look to your left and you look to your right at Sarah Skormleib and in the flesh and you are not seeing those age of people. I'm telling

you that. But you want them? I want them. Because doesn't that make you feel... Don't you get all the like 20 year olds and like the 19 year olds listening in, tuning in? I think they don I want them. Because doesn't that make you feel, don't you get all the like 20-year-olds and like the 19-year-olds listening in, tuning in? I think they don't like us. What do we have to do to get them to like us? I'm not like too concerned.

I'm pressed. To impress. I feel like they're okay. They're fine. I feel like if they like us, they'll find us. But I feel like, this is interesting that you're connecting. I'm going A to Z.

You want these students to be in your audience. But I also understand that like younger kids, younger kids, they already like love you. Because I'm colorful, shiny. You're a baby. I'm baby. Gotta love gotta love you but you know there have been like 14 year olds in my audience this summer that the parents took them and i have open assholes on the screen during my show and i kind of stand there and i go should i say something i feel like because it's the poster is a trigger warning. There's an eyeball on it. There's some blood on it. They know.

It's Sarah Squirm. You would think it's going to. I know, but I do feel guilt, of course. No. I've created a traumatic experience for the family. I was just at dinner with a father of adolescence. Go on about this. It was Michael Cruz-Cain, wonderful comedian. And he was talking about

taking his kids to see someone's movie that's coming out. I can't say what. Because Pencil's down. We're on strike. Pencil's down. And acting drama masks down as well. Acting drama masks.

They should have put that on shirts. Oh, acting drama masks down as well. Acting drama masks down as well. I got an invite to, well, I can't even say, to something that you're in. Ah, yeah. And I can't partake. No, none of us can be partaking. Well, I think they were inviting me to have the screener dropped.

Got it. You think I should do it? Just to bear witness. Just to bear witness. And you don't have to, like, show up. This is, okay, tell me if this is annoying. This is the shakiest thing, which is thatah is in something but we can't but we can't talk about it we can't talk about it right all right no i'm going to hop stop you're you're

embarrassed stop stop it stop but take me on to dinner how do we get on this oh guilt i think the parents are like, I don't care. Because they're like, they've seen everything on the internet. And the kids have seen everything on the internet. And they've heard everything under the sun. Right, right, right, right. I mean, I just like, can you imagine having the access that these children be having? What was the lewdest thing?

That I had ever seen. Right, because you'd seen like a Cronenberg film by the time you were like 12. I saw The Shining when I was 11 and I threw up. Girl. What part did you throw up at? Old lady?

I didn't understand the blowjob. Yeah. Because I didn't know what it meant. Well, he's like in a dog costume or a bear costume. And that was the image that kind of stuck with me as an after image behind the closed eyelids.

And I threw up. I was scared. That is a little unsettling. If you don't know what it is, your brain literally at that age can't fill in the gaps and you're like, nothing can fill in that space. So I have nothing to do but empty myself. Yes.

Oh my God. Say that, Bowen. We need to talk about the fear of empty. I think it's what governs everything. Go start now. It's what like fucking that feeling post nut is about. That feeling when? That feeling when you're like, you've just, you nutted and you go, I feel awful.

Even though I'm craving empty right now, like you talking about this bacterial infection, I'm craving the purge. I want to start at zero. But this is a good thing because you want, you fetishize the empty. Yes.

Which no one does. Ah. So the fear of empty is like fucking what we experience every summer. It's like, I got nothing going on. I have a fucking breakdown every summer. It's like, I got nothing going on. I have a fucking breakdown every summer.

Totally. A hundred percent. Fear of empty is having a light show, let's say. Yes. Total. Well,

it's not quite that. I'm kind of extending this. No, I know what you mean. But like, I am, now that we, never in my life have I like,

I have a job. And so, well, I don't actually. I'm pencils down. I'm pencils down. We're pencils down. Drama mask acting down. The curtain,

theater's closed. The theater's dark on Monday. The theater's dark on Monday. But now that as someone who works and is busy, I crave an empty open schedule. And I fantasize about going on a long bohemian walk. Yes. And just having my little thoughts.

And this time hasn't really counted, has it? No, it hasn't. Why, I wonder. I don't know. Right, right. Fear of Empty. Is there a book I can read about this? Yes.

It's called Animal Joy. And it's about laughter. And it's so... And what do we always say? Laughter. Laughter is the best medication. You know who makes me laugh more? No one makes me laugh more than Mr. Bowen.

Mr. B. That's not true. Mr. B.Y. Thank you. But I think someone who makes us as a duo laugh more than anybody is Matt Rogers. I can't even, I tell you, there have been many a time when I text Bo and I say,

I'm currently listening to Las Colterisas right now, laughing my literal ass off. I, I'm just going to say I'm doing okay right now, flying solo, but you're holding space. Matt's the one who really drives the damn laughs. You know what I'm saying?

Well, because today this, today we're doing a TED Talk on the fear of empty. Yes. So the laughs will come later, but we're being Bowen serious. We're being Bowen serious. But I love nothing more than to talk with you about this shit. You have such a connection to every part of this. The instrument,

the generative process of it. Like, I'm like, Sarah is... Can I be telling you about things that are unlocking me, actually, lately? Tell me. Voice lessons. Because there are things

in your throat that you have no idea about. Actually, you have control over your voice in a way that many people do not. And stand up, be counted. And use your voice. Wait, tell me. There's just like,

I've been taking voice lessons and I'm learning to scream. Voice lessons from Melissa Cross, scream coach to the stars. And you're really good at screaming without breaking the instrument, without hurting the instrument. And there, you're really good at screaming without breaking the instrument, without hurting the instrument. I have no control,

but I'm blessed with screaming. I can scream. I love screaming, especially at work. I love screaming. And thank God I have, I suffer no consequences. Because you have a connection

to your throat chakra that not many people have. That's why you're not getting hurt. I close my eyes. I think blue. I think blue. Is that true? Well, not, not always. But if I want

to align my chakras, the first one I go for is blue. It's throat. And that's why you don't have difficulty expressing yourself. I do. Or do you? I do. I do. It's inflamed sometimes, you see. Interesting. You see. This is interesting to me. This is orange, which is sacral. Are you...

Solar plexus. No, no, no, no, no, no. Sacral. Which one's sacral? Root, sacral, solar plexus. No, no, no, no, no, no. Sacral. Which one's sacral? Root, sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye. I'm going to be needing better connection with my root, I'll tell you that. My root needs to be uprooted. Okay? Nothing's been down there. My root has been blowing out the toilet lately.

Okay, so bacterial infection in full effect. Oh, of course. 100%. Well, maybe that is what's going on. No, did I tell you I went to the gastrointestinal doctor and he was like, did every test on the planet, put tubes down my throat, put tubes up the throat. Down your throat? Yes, I got an endoscopy. Can you believe something like this?

Did it inspire anything? Yes, it did. You might have to see the show to find out. But he literally, and I respect this, he went, I don't know what to tell you. You're just Jewish. Can you respect that? Excuse me? I can't respect that.

And he's Jewish, so we can say that. Okay, but still, he should know better. To say that you have an incurable disease, which is being Jewish. And he went to school. He gets paid so much money to say, to go beyond your Jewish. But I actually kind of appreciated it

because he was like, you actually don't have a problem. The problem is so deep within you that it's like inseparable from your spirit. No, I don't buy it. He was like, basically like, your disability is that you're Jewish. No, I don't like that.

I do like it. Because it's like, your disability is that you're Jewish. No, I don't like that. I do like it. Because it's like, you're not crazy. You have this. Okay, okay. So as long as you're... You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

As long as you're, like, at ease. Well, I'm as much at ease as I can be as someone who's blowing their back out diarrhea style in the toilet. What? I've been blowing my back out diarrhea style in the toilet for my whole adult life. Really? I'm worried that

it's something. I'm going to tell you something and nobody in this room is going to like it. Tell me. Stress. Don't you hate that? When the doctor is like it's stress and you're like, yeah, well, I know that. Right. It's like my doctor telling me like, you're Jewish. I'm like, yeah, I know.

Boning, I hate to tell you this, but doctor's orders, you're Jewish. I know that. Okay. God. God. I need to get to the bottom of voice lessons now. Tell me more. So it's just

okay. I'm going to say something that's not going to make sense because it's 11 a.m. theing hour it's too early for that's a rule of culture number 67 11 a.m the witching hour god i love that i love when you guys do that last culture ding dong someone's at the door i hope it's my bagel burger oh my god i say that every episode well i can't believe you threw it out. I'm sorry. You could put it in the fridge. I'm not like that. I don't.

Oh, no. Fridge is not the way. You know what I'm saying? I know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying? I, well, it's just, I'm unlocking different parts of my throat that I didn't know that I could use to express myself. And I can make sounds in ways that I didn't even know about.

And how you make sounds, you know how they say like language shapes understanding? 1,000%. 1 million percent. Couldn't agree more. Couldn't agree more. The tube in which you use to express language could actually shape your understanding of language, which can actually shape your understanding of ideas, if this makes sense. If you can follow me.

I'm so with you, Capisce. And then, and then i mean not to brag i've also been taking plenty of scons and does that affect the tube you use well because it's like they're like actually your challenge for today is you have to move this specific muscle that you didn't even know existed and you're like wait that's actually the fact that now i can access this muscle that i didn't know existed like now it could be weaponized as a tool for laughter. It's like therapy. It's like once I have an awareness of the issue,

I can either solve or weaponize. You know? And you know that my therapist broke up with me, of course. Do we want to get into this? Because I think it's really interesting because this man has done you wrong

and we don't have to get into it. We can get into I don't know how specific we should get into because he can be tracked down easily by the public. But he And he might deserve to be tracked down. He might deserve to be tracked. Listen. Listen. Listen.

People just gotta know that he told me that I looked as cute as a pumpkin. This man is not appropriate. He's not appropriate. And by looked as cute as a pumpkin. This man is not appropriate, is my opinion. He's not appropriate. And by the way, cute as a pumpkin? Okay. Sir, it's July.

Sir, say cute as a string bean, maybe. String bean. Those are adorable. Literally wearing a pumpkin. I was going to say, And that is so cute. I know. A Christmas pumpkin? Is there presents inside?

I don't really know what her... Doesn't she look... What do you think this is? I think that's a bear hugging a pumpkin wearing the cap as a head. But it looks like it's in the pumpkin. It's a really interesting picture. But wouldn't you say that this pumpkin is shockingly red? It's a red pumpkin. It's a red pumpkin. It's a really interesting picture. But wouldn't you say that this pumpkin is shockingly red? It's a red pumpkin.

It's a red pumpkin. It's a blood pumpkin. Say that in front of her. She can hear. She can hear. I'm so sorry. Wait, we don't have to talk about him. I just like, he's out there and he's listening tonight.

And if you're listening, just know, you walked out on the best mind pussy of your life you can't you can't have this you can't come from this place though because i think vindictive wanting revenge against my therapist you can want revenge i just i don't think he was the best fit for you in the long term not did it help when i i texted him i said i just need you to know i am having constant intrusive thoughts that i am at the bottom of the ocean in the titan submarine when everyone's like where's the sub where's the sub you're like i'm in it i was literally like i'm in it and i would like be on stage like in the middle of like my hour and i would just be like i'm sorry everybody

i have to just take time to acknowledge that I am currently at the bottom of the ocean. Yes. Like all of a sudden I'd be dropped into being at the bottom of the ocean. That's huge of you though. I, is it to be such an empath that I was, I was on the sub with them. It's not, I don't think it's that you're an empath. Sure. You're an empath. You're connecting, you're connecting to their experience. You're absorbing it as your own in some way. Sure, sure. I was making it about me. Go on, go on. Making a giant tragedy about me. Go on, go on. It's that you're so

aware of your own state and surroundings that you're like, guys, I'm on the Titan Submersible. Please. I know I'm on stage right now, but we need to just take a second. To just acknowledge. To just acknowledge. And I think that's amazing. I just couldn't escape

and neither could they neither could them well well you maybe well do you feel like you've escaped I haven't actually I was released

when when they died when they died when we when we discovered that they died so it's more about like a collective consciousness

yes I was tapping into sort of a a symbology in the collective unconscious wow but then when I would like I texted him like I'm having intrusive thoughts that I'm in I was tapping into sort of a symbology in the collective unconscious. Wow. But then when I would like, I texted him, like I'm having intrusive thoughts that I'm in,

I'm at the bottom of the ocean. What would he say? He would kind of like stoke the fire and send me like a bunch of like crazy conspiracy paintings done by like a schizophrenic outsider artist about Titanic submarine conspiracy theories, connecting to wars in the Middle East. And I was like, this is actually not helping!

And this is what I'm saying is that that's a perfectly illustrative thing where he was not being a good... He was not giving the give. He was not giving the give as Sarah likes to say.

And that I've kind of copped for my own and my own vocabulary. I mean, who could... Of course, I'm not the birth mother of this. Who could cop? The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple.

Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her? But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What? You told her?

Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City. All new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image and huge life transformations.

I was a desperate delusional dreamer and the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine. I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything but me. It took years for me to break that, like years of work. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian, and Basketball Hall of Famer. I'm a mom, and I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian, and Basketball Hall of Famer. I'm a mom, and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby, journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts, you know, just all the we go through. Because no matter who you are,

there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I, well, we have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. I want to say things about culture that I shouldn't say. Muzzle me. No, I'm not going to muzzle. of iHeartWomen Sports. What? I want to say things about culture that I shouldn't say. Say.

Muzzle me. No, I'm not going to muzzle. I will look into my eyes. On God, I would never muzzle you. I would never, ever silence. I just am going to say something that's going to get me sent. Say it.

It's going to get me sent. And you can cut this. It probably won't. We'll cut it if we feel like we have to. Someone explain to me the arrow store you want okay we'll explain to you the arrow store do you want to go there girlfriend girlfriend i would love to go there girlfriend you are so on girlfriend you're so on by the way she we need to talk about marianne because well she we're voting for her we're

voting for her yeah of course period well we're actually working in the cabinet. I'm doing her and Cornel West. I'm voting for two. You can. You can. Okay, so. This is, okay, era's tour. What questions do you have? It's Taylor Swift. She's up there doing three and a half hours of songs.

Which you have to respect. Which you have to respect. That is the one undeniable thing that I think no matter where you're coming from, you can go, that's something. You have to respect. You have to respect. That is the one undeniable thing that I think no matter where you're coming from, you can go, that's something. You have to respect. You have to respect that.

But what else? By the way, I think you are setting people free. You are giving fucking Moses right now. And there will be a fucking, what is it? There will be repercussions, for what I'm saying. I'm saying,

but then guess what? Guess what's waiting for you at the end of this? A treat. A Passover. You know what I'm saying. I'm saying, but then guess what? Guess what's waiting for you at the end of this? A treat. A Passover. You know what I'm saying? I just am like, okay, listen. I got re...

What? No. Don't be afraid. You're muzzling yourself. I'm not muzzling. You know what I'm saying? Did you see me black out and go somewhere else?

Were you in the submersible? Well, I just got really distracted actually by how like the crazy lights are in the i heart radio yeah the lights do be crazy doobie doobie they doobie doobie i just what are we talking about yeah give me madonna give me are we going to celebration tour madonna if you're listening to this we're gonna be there at Celebration Tour, front row. Her dates are crazy, though. It's like right in the middle of work week. Assuming we're back at work, it's like after read-through,

and then Thursday night, and then Friday night, and then Saturday. It's like, well, we can't. I just like, this is what really pisses me off. This is what I have to say about culture. Go on. Stop making fun of Madonna.

That is your mother. That is your mother. That is your mother, period. And throughout history, throughout time, throughout every era, everyone's been mad at Madonna, making fun of Madonna, mean to Madonna. That's the genius of Madonna. We almost lost her. We almost.

And it was fucking scary. It was. And I go, we need to be remembering who the stars are. And it's celebration tour period. It's celebration tour period. We're going. We're going. We're going. Okay, we're going. Okay, so you're confused and it's celebration tour period celebration tour period we're going we're going we're going okay okay so you're confused that heiress tour is not celebration tour i just am like if she really are generations madonna you know she's not she's not but that is how she's she's our generations um she's her own thing and i think think she's like, I know this is about to sound crazy sauce.

Okay, I'm on the random sauce train with you. She is our generation's Beatles. In that the breadth of the genres are wide. It's a wide berth of genres. It's that the mania around her is like so- You're saying there's Beatlemania around her. There's Beatlemania around her. There's Beatlemania around one person. In a way that's

different from like Elvis or fucking like you know like anyone between Elvis and Madonna. It's like people are connecting on like a songwriting level and like on an aesthetic level that is like neither here nor there.

It's like. But it's like relatable in a way that I can't, I do not want my superstars to be relatable at all. I hear you. I want to be aspirational to the point of like, they are aliens walking the planet. Totally. And it's like, you can't even like,

how could you even aspire to be Madonna? How could you aspire to be a god among men? Exactly. I have a very healthy relationship, I think, with Gaga, let's say. Sure. I need her to be an alien to me at all for the rest of our lives.

And she is remaining to be alien. She's remaining to be alien. I think that is like, and that is, guess what, that is something that is a model that is established by Madonna. Right. And even like Michael Jackson, you know what I'm saying?

It's like Michael Jackson, we're not going to have that. The person closest to that is, I guess, maybe Beyonce right now, where it's like she comes out on stage and people start fainting. Totally. Like we're not going to get that necessarily with anyone else. You know, and what I want to say about Michael Jackson. This can be cut. I just think it's like true.

How do I say this? No, no, no. Say whatever you're going to say because we have a million corollaries. Totally, totally, totally. It is like unbelievable that that person

was the most beloved human being on the planet. It's crazy. And he was a fucking freak. Yes. And that is the last time a true freak. No, I know. I know. I know.

Like, and we are not, by the way, we are not, Las Colteristas, excluding the things that he has done. No, yeah, I think it's part of the whole thing. But it is, like, amazing that it's like, I want to live in a world where the biggest freak on the planet is the most famous person in the universe.

I know. Like, we've lost something. We've lost something. And people aren't even, like, they don't make freaks like that anymore. They don't make freaks like that anymore. And there won't be stars. I don't think there will ever be someone like that who is, like, the New York Times did this whole thing where, I think it was on Still Processing, where it's like, this is like right when, like, the Neverland documentaries were coming out.

It's like, you can't really cancel Michael Jackson because he's baked into every facet of pop culture. Totally. You know what I'm saying? If we're going to talk about Madonna, let's talk about Michael, where it's like, every dance move, melodic structure, piece of clothing that a pop star wears, the root is Michael. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

The root is Michael. Maybe Elvis, if you go a layer below, but the root is generally Michael Jackson. Totally. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? And it's like

what are you going to do? Not play pop music at Bar Mitzvahs? No, of course you're going to play pop music at Bar Mitzvahs. Of course. And then you explain

to your kids well he was you know troubled and he caused a lot of harm. Are you not supposed to like play

off the wall? No. Well, I can say you can't. I think you're allowed to do whatever you want. Nobody knows what I do in the privacy of my own home on my kitchen Sonos.

On my kitchen Sonos. Were you sent to Sonos? I was sent to Sonos. You were sent to Sonos. And I call it my kitchen Sonos. My kitchen Sonos. That's a Sonos era, I think. What do you mean? Is it called an era?

Oh. I think it's called era's tour. I mean, my Sonos era's tour. Do you have any other questions about era's tour? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You know what I mean. I know what you mean.

What, and just okay yeah is it the lyricism and the what is getting you there what is getting you there what's the storytelling what's getting you there is that taylor swift is the perfect like artist who is also at the same time you know it's like those dolls that like where you flip the skirt it's one doll you flip the skirt down it's another doll she's the perfect person to switch from I'm pop star to I am also

the surrogate for the audience so this is what's interesting I do not want to see my life at all reflected in anything do you know what I'm saying where it's like I don't want to watch Real Housewives you're a unique girl no no what I'm saying? Where it's like, I don't want to watch Real Housewives where the- Well, you're a unique girl.

No, no, no. I'm a scape girl. I'm a fantasy girl. But, and I'm saying, if you see yourself represented on a stage like that, then it's like, well, fuck you.

You're doing my thing. Ah, that's interesting. My thing, pumpkin spice latte. Pumpkin spice and cute as a pumpkin. Oh! I just am like, why would you want to see your like a mediocre boring life reflected back to you on a stage i 100 agree i came to this show so i can forget it's like when we watch real housewives yeah and it's like i want to see such oppressive

wealth that i am transported away from my shitty one bedroom apartment that stinks a little bit because I burned the incense to the core to the core and like I don't want to see a fraction of a sliver of my life when I'm watching these women see but you're so attuned to like that separation in your life and I think most human beings on this earth are not. And that is what I have to say about culture currently as a lost cult, Teresa. The culture has got to change. Totally.

Like you can be like, there's nothing more whole about a person than knowing this is who I am. And this means these are the things that I am not. And therefore I can more health means these are the things that I am not. And therefore, I can more healthily engage with the things that I am not. Right? Oh. Well, when you say it like that, I guess new therapist just dropped his bone.

This guy, I'm going to say, was not good. This was not a good guy. You know what? Am I allowed to say that? Yes. He was not good. Yes. And I what? Am I allowed to say that? Yes. He was not good. Yes. And I would,

so I was in dream analysis. Was he the dream analyst? Of course. There are better ones out there. Or, here's my new thought. Here's my new take. Okay.

Maybe we don't need to be doing the dream analysis, Sarah. Maybe, maybe, but was he coming at it from, you're going to love this book, by the way,

Animal Joy. Animal Joy. Because was he doing it, was dream analysis, was he coming out of, you're going to love this book, by the way, Animal Joy. Animal Joy. Because was he doing it? Animal Joy. Was dream analysis, was he doing it from the Freudian school? Jungian. Huh?

Jungian. Jungian. Is it about like sublimation and like condensation and like, It was like, I'd be like, I had a dream where, well, okay. Where like one thing stands in for another thing. It's not that like, oh, I had a sex dream about Tom Cruise. I guess I fucking am attracted to Tom Cruise.

No, Tom Cruise is standing in for another thing. Yes, that's like your super egos. Way of managing. Yeah, the monstrous other and blah, blah, blah. And it's like, well, maybe I just want to fuck Tom Cruise. Ever thought about that? Is that even so fucking crazy? No. Well, that's what, like, I couldn't get my mind around that. other and blah blah blah and I was like well maybe I just want to fuck Tom Cruise ever thought about that? Is that even so fucking crazy?

I couldn't get my mind around that my puny little limited like monkey brain couldn't even fathom for one second it's like well maybe I did just want to fuck Tom Cruise and maybe I don't need all your fucking crazy bullshit. Maybe so Maybe so Where are you now with this journey? Do you want a new therapist?

I do. But then I was also like, I, and I'm going to say another thing that'll get me locked up and thrown away without a key. I think that there are many therapists roaming these hallowed halls.

Who don't deserve it. Who don't deserve it. They should be in jail. There are so many fucking therapists and a lot of them are very stupid stupid. I know where to start. Yeah. With the culling.

Me too. Real housewives. Every therapist who goes on real housewives, they go to jail. Well, they're not. Do you notice they're not therapists? It says like guru or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's always like. Guru. Yeah, it's always guru or like, it's like counsel. You know what I'm saying? They're lawyers. Where it's like breath and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Dorinda, do you remember?

Who was she saying? Dorinda. It didn't say therapist in the lower third. It said like. LCSW, a social worker. Ew. Just kidding. We love them.

We love them seriously. We love them seriously. We were banging our pots and pans for them. We were banging pots for them at 7 p.m. on the dot. But you know what I do on Giselle? I know I do on Giselle Bryant's Instagram every week. What? When Potomac is on.

I go, you need to see a therapist who doesn't want to be on TV. You fucking idiot. And this is why i'm here today because me and bone actually extremely disagree i'm gonna kill you i'm gonna kill you my favorite housewives on the planet you're dead wrong period you don't put a face like that anywhere she's got a bad face it's the eyes look let's study the face a little bit more cheekbones all wrong cartilage on the nose fucked up cheekbones towards the heavens to god are you kidding me filled with thanks to god she's dressed well fucking freak exactly exactly that's what i

want to be seeing i don't want to be seeing a shirt and pants I want to be seeing a I guess we're hot gluing a feather boa to the neckline of a v-neck t-shirt or whatever I wish you would do that she is out here wearing v-necks and yoga pants and then like a giant turquoise earrings

awesome specifics there giant turquoise earrings I think you're so fucking wrong I think she's one of the best we have. You're the stupidest bitch in the world. And she gets on TV and she goes, I'm going to fuck all of your lives up. Guess what?

See your stupid little lives? I'm going to ruin them. And guess what that makes? Amazing TV. Ramona Singer. Doesn't. The best housewife in history. You're so stupid.

Today I came to iHearthard radio to defend michael jackson you supporting openly racist housewives she is delivering what no one on the planet could have a remote or giselle both of these women are missing the part of the human brain that has empathy compassion and reason right so they're like perfect there's a pathology there there's a pathology there that makes basically the most amazing television on the planet by the end though i think people were like fed up i wouldn't giselle still going but it's like i think most all my youtube algorithm now is karen huger dragging Giselle for 10 minutes. Wendy Osefo dragging the Green

Iron Bandits for 10 minutes. It's like the internet hates these fucking women. Robin and Giselle specifically. Well that and that is like that is what a scandal makes. And by the way by the way Vanderpump Rules whatever you have to do to get Rachel back

on the TV. I think it's done fucking do it i don't care continue to film the season keep the cameras up my pencils are down my drama masks are down but your cameras are up the lights are up the gaffers are laying in wait yes get her back i don't care what you have to do why Why is everyone forgetting what good TV makes? What does good TV make? Fucking crazy people. Yeah. Who are insane.

Does there need to be a level of exploitation there? Because now we're getting into this whole, like, reality reckoning. Has it happened? I feel like this is all, like, Bethany paying up the ass for, like, PR. Well, it's like they should be unionized, right? Is that what's happening? That's part of it, but it's also Bethany recruiting Rachel, everybody to be like, reality TV

bad. But I'm also like, I think you're onto something where you need these kooky, kooky people to be on TV. But that's as far as I can agree with you. Well, like Carlton. Uh-huh. When are we going to get someone like that back?

You know what I'm saying? If we go down this road of like only finding people who do not offend the sensibilities. How do you feel about Roni right now? You can be honest. I've kind of dragged Roni on this show. I want to gather my words. I want to gather my words. I think we're getting- Because it's important.

We're getting little glimmers of like- It's so funny that Jessel is like the closest thing we have to a my words. I think we're getting- Because it's important. We're getting little glimmers of like, it's so funny that Jessel is like the closest thing we have to a Ramona. Yes. Where it's someone who is just a little disconnected. Something's missing. Yes, there's something amazing about her. Yes, yes.

I want to see loathsome human beings on my television. And this is what I'm talking about, the fantasy. Yeah. In my life, I am not friends with loathsome, psychotic individuals well sort of but they're just your therapist

I was about to say that 10 times fast 10 times fast I it's like I want to be watching the fantasy world yes

of this disgusting New York underbelly I this is fucking New York City I want women

who have been to Little St. James. Yeah. What is that? Jeffrey Epstein's Pedophile Island. Oh, okay. Oh. Oh, okay.

Okay, okay. This is what I was saying. I was saying this like two shows ago. We had a damn Ranzawill who was in Jeffrey Epstein's contact book. Ghislaine Maxwell. Yes. Took the Carol's author portrait on the back of her grieving book.

So when you buy her book about grief... It says photo credit Ghislaine Maxwell. And that's what I'd be needing to see on my TV. This is you, your fucking city! You need a fucking princess. Yes! You need a Radziwill. Yeah, and you need a fucking princess yes you need a rads will yeah and you need just like the wealth in new york city is the most evil you need you need like a little flavor of old money yes you need old money connected like inbred inred. Like I need like engineers of the war in Iraq. Yes, yes, yes.

I 100% agree with you. You know what I'm saying? See, this is, I can get behind this, especially as it being your like organizing principle around culture. It's like you want to see, like you would want to see an architect of the Iraq war as a pop star. 100%. You know what I'm saying? bethany says mention it all

mention it all mention it all mention it all mention it all that's what we need to be seeing i don't need to be like mildly entertained by women in high society who haven't like it's like i want to see like the violence exposed 100 i need to i need real housewives to do a mask off on the rich of new york because what we're getting right now it's just like nobody's meaning anybody any harm no harm no foul everybody's being you know i'm saying everyone's afraid to be like a villain yes and. And we almost got, we almost got it with Aaron. We almost got it with Aaron because it was revealed that Aaron donated to Trump. She donated to like Act Red

or whatever it was. And then she's kind of walking it back and I go, don't be walking it back. Let's expose this. Shine the light. I think she did expose something in her inadvertently

in her language. She said, she didn't say I never supported Trump. She said, I never supported Stop the Steal, which is such a fucking, to refer to the insurrection to January 6th to stop the steal

it's like okay so then you're at least like so you're acknowledging there was a steal well I'm like you're at least a little bit couch like encroached in like Republican fucking totally like jargon totally so like that is something that I'm a little bit fascinated by totally or it's like

in with Salt Lake City. It was like we found out that Whitney was friends with people who stormed the Capitol. Yes. Get those girls on the show. Salt Lake looks like it can be given. Meredith Markle was in my dream. Let's do the dream analysis right here and now. I don't remember.

You just like zung something like into the back of my... You zung... We're going. We're going. You zung something into the back of my cerebellum. I just went... Meredith Marks was in my dream. I don't remember why.

Oh my God. Are you going to do a show called Cerebellum? Talking about the... Enter the twisted mind of Sarah Cerebellum. The limbic brain of Sarah Squirt your command of the English language is like beyond anything

anyone's world it's the immigrant it's the immigrant reading through the dictionary really eating no no no I said eating through the dictionary

eating through the dictionary guess I didn't eat enough bagel this morning it's Sadell's it's Sadell's oh my god we love Sadell's Sadell's shout out

shout out to Sadell's best bagels in New York City if God. We love Siddell's. Siddell's. Shouts out. Shouts out to Siddell's. Best bagels in New York City. If you want to come kill either me or Bowen, we might be there at some time. Come kill us. Please put me out of my misery. I need to go with you because I've never,

I've not been with like friends in a while. What's your bagel order? Just period in general. So boring. Bowen. Don't talk about my friend Bowen like that. Holy bagel. Holy bagel. My boring. Bowen. Don't talk about my friend Bowen like that. Holy bagel. Holy bagel.

My God. I know. And then like scallion cream cheese. Maybe some lox. Please. And capers. I like capers. You're a high class woman.

No. You really are. That's so base. A caper though? My God. I didn't know I was in the room with a billionaire. You used to be on Real Housewives. I fucking engineered the Iraq war.

Say that. Make me a pop star. Say that. What's yours? Toasted, flat, sesame, bagel. This is going to fucking rock and shock everyone. I'm lactose intolerant Jew. I was diagnosed with being Jewish.

Can't touch cream cheese with a 10-foot pole. And I do not touch this cream cheese surrogate because it kind of reminds me of the ghosts of the past. No, the ghost seeps in. The ghost seeps in. You need to bless the cheese. I have been ordering a toasted flat sesame bagel with peanut butter.

Isn't that kind of crazy? No, I love it. Is it? To order peanut butter at a restaurant, I think that's like child's play. You are punk rock. I actually am like very punk rock today in the sense that my hair looks like

it has been dragged through the rats on the C train. You look amazing. You are the most stylish person. You are. And people don't know this about Bowen. Your sense of design. No. I step into your sense of design. No. I step into your dressing room, my pencil's down, we're not promoting the show.

Pencils. Your dressing room is designed to the, like, it's like. Shut up. You have one tiny little end table that pulls the room together in a way that I can't even possibly comprehend. You know what I'm saying? It's like, I couldn't just, like, tiny little end table that like pulls the taste together. Gun to your head, you'd find one that pulls it together. I don't know.

Get out of my head, Bowen, please. Please. In this country? The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are back. I love that. I love that. Oh my gosh. I love that. I love that. Oh, my gosh. Welcome.

And last season's drama was just the tip of the iceberg. You're recording us? I am disgusted. Never in a million years after everything we've been through did I think that you would reach out to our sworn enemy. We were friends. How could you do this to me? I don't trust her.

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Wednesdays at 9 on Bravo, or stream it on City TV+. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story

from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations. I was a desperate, delusional dreamer. And the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate, delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine. I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything

but me. It took years for me to break that, like years of work. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian, and basketball Hall of Famer. I'm a mom, and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby, journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day.

See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts, you know, just all the we go through because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women and TNI. Well, we have no problem going there. Listen to levels to this with Cheryl swoops and Tarika Foster Brasby and I heart women's sports production and partnership with deep blue sports and entertainment. You can find us on the I heart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.

Did you see Barbie in Oppenheimer? I did. I did see Barbie in Oppenheimer. I told you this. Oppenheimer. I did. I did see Barbie in Oppenheimer. I told you this. I was like, because everybody was like, oh, my God, Barbie, like, so my childhood. And then everyone was like, oh, the weird Barbie that everyone, like, drew on, like, classic. Like, we all had a Barbie that was that.

And I was like, it wasn't, like, ringing anything to me. And so I called my mom and I was like, did I have Barbies? I was like, didn't I have Barbies? I just assumed I had Barbies growing up because it's like yo classic we all had Barbies growing up. My mom was like I don't think we had a single Barbie in the house and I was like I think I implanted Barbies in the house because everybody's like well Barbies in the house. Do you think

that there is something going on where there's like a little Mandela effect situation where everyone's like a little Mandela effect situation where everyone's like, I loved my Barbies growing up. Cut to, they were never Barbies in the house. Cut to, open the files. I don't see a single Barbie blurry in the frame in any of these childhood photos. And I was like, I never let you have a fucking Barbie.

You kidding me? Is that your mom? I guess I did. Yeah. Yeah. Mom, I don't think you sound like that. Mom, I've heard your mom. She's really, she's not caustic like that.

No, she's very beautiful, gorgeous woman. Gorgeous woman, gorgeous woman. I, yeah, I guess I had to check my own nostalgia for Barbie and go, well, I guess I had an Aladdin one and I was in love with that thing. And then I had two maybe garage yard sale Barbies, and those are my sisters. And that is the extent.

And I'm not going to retroactively suffuse it with all this meaning and shit. By the way, did not take away from my experience watching the movie. We can all go into these experiences especially now that we're gonna

I guess we're gonna have more and more brand movies going forward it's like you can go into these things being like

oh yeah I had like I had a couple Hot Wheels growing up period and it can end there you don't it's not a contest about who loves

Hot Wheels the most so you're saying toy movies are gonna be the new superhero movies? 1,000%. Now with Barbie, there is a new model going forward for a movie about a product that we can get away with being like, isn't this meta and fun? Well, then you guys better be doing movies about twigs and rubber bands

because that's what I was playing with as an intelligent child. I can't wait for the Twigs and Rocks movie. Honey, let's do it. Let's do the Twigs and Rocks and Books movie. We're writing a movie, Hollywood. It's called Books. Ever heard of it?

Fucking babies. I'm done with these movies about toys for children. Because when I was a child, I didn't play with toys. I played with twigs, rocks, and books. Such a liar. I obviously had toys. I was addicted. Talk about Long Island.

Would you and I have been friends? A hundred percent. You don't think I was like, I had a fucking sniper rifle crosshair on all the gay guys in my school? Shing. Come to mama. Shing, shing, shing. I think what we would have been, I was a theater dork ass. Right.

Right. Weren't you a theater dork ass? I was a theater dork ass. I, and you of course know my famous story about how I didn't get a part in Into the Woods. And I was... I don't know this story. I need to know. Wait, you don't know this story?

Tell me. I was like, not to brag, amazing at the track running. But I was like, I have to quit the track team to pursue my love of the performing arts. Oh my God, you and Matt are so like... Oh my God.

He was a Long Island track star. He was a track star. Wow. Both of you, these are the two Pisces loves. Oh my God, he's a Pisces? Yes.

And we have the same exact body type. It's like crazy. Oh my God, I forgot he's a Long Island legend track star. Yeah, both of you. I like quit the track team because I was like,

I have to be performing hilarious comedy constantly all the time. And I was a horrible actor. And so I never got a part in anything. And everybody, my parents were like, you're giving up

like possibly a scholarship because of this. And I was like, I literally need to be, I'm a storyteller, I'm a performer. I'm a performer. I'm a storyteller.

I'm a seer. And I, Into the Woods is the musical. Not the play? I'm being stupid. No play the piece i'm being stupid no of course i'm laughing of course no well into the woods i didn't read the play i only read the book i haven't seen the movie i only read the book and played with a rock yeah i i was cast gave up my athlete dreams or whatever and I was cast

in the chorus of Into the Woods yes which was behind a scrim the entire time wait wait wait start over you were in the show but you were behind the scrim

I was cast the chorus did not get to be in front of the scrim that's abominable so that's so rude I was in silhouette the entire production behind a scrim.

But I... I've never heard this. And I just happened to be the most annoying individual on planet human earth. And I went to the costume closet by myself. And I got my own costume. I read a record. I picked it out all by myself. It was a red ball gown with like black lace trim all over it.

And I was like, and I made them put me in the playbill. Because I was like, oh, this dress is like really Russian. And it like informed my character. I made them put me in the playbill as sarah sherman the russian czarina because i was like living my fantasy yeah and then it was like everyone else is in the chorus but like i made my own character for myself like in the chorus behind the scrim you know why you did that because i needed attention there was just like a gaping void in my soul because you're a fucking star you're a fucking

star behavior and i will not be silent i will be in russian's arena not one line but I had like an accent. The Russian Zarina. And I had a fur cuff. And behind the screen that no one saw. And I had the accent. Wow. In weight. Do you have the accent now? It's in there.

If I had a gun to head, I am the Russian Zarina. Yes! Standing O. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh my God. That was my dream. So we would have been friends.

We would have been friends. Unless you wouldn't have liked the annoying bitch who was like, actually, I'm actually the Russian Zarina. I'm not like you people. Oh no, I would have fully supported you.

You would have stood. I would have been like, guys. What's the past sense of stand? Stood. Stood. I would have standed and gone, guys.

Guys. Sarah is the Russianussian czarina if you call it the czarina that's incomplete she's the russian czarina do you want to hear actually the most i can't stop talking because now you just unlocked something please do you hear the most damning thing on this side of the yes this side of the the rind the rind yeah say that ten times fast I did a show in Houston Texas not to brag a couple weeks ago I love that oil money kind of cool

no is that Dallas I think it's all Texas totally Houston's oil money shouts out respect I want not very good shows for Sarah there no just kidding just kidding don't talk to my friend sarah houston um there was a guy in the front row sitting at my houston

show holding i saw at the corner of my eye i go that's our elementary school yearbook oh that's see but that's scary on him and i went something zung in the back of the cerebellum. And I went, oh. And I was like, is that our elementary school yearbook? And he handed it to me. And I signed his yearbook. I actually can't even say this out loud. Do we need to cut this out?

No, it's just, I might as well be shot in between the eyes execution style for what I'm about to tell you. Is this the damning part? I signed his yearbook. I know my signature isn't worth a cent, but when I'm famous, it'll pay your rent. This was back in the day you said that? This was in an elementary school. That's so funny, Sarah. That's not damning at all.

I need electrocution. I need electric chair. Why? Why is that electric chair? Because that is the most invader zimmed ass, hot topic girl ass, annoying ass. I'm about to fucking one up. Go now. Fifth grade.

Why are you laughing? This is what I'm signing in people's earbuds. Can't believe I'm about to show this. This will end me. I won't look at you. Will that help? No, you have to look at me. You want to?

Okay. You have to hold my hand. This is what I signed in people's yearbook. And by the way, before you say anything, I actually love you. I love you so much. Before you say what anyone else says today, on the day of my daughter's wedding, I love you. I love you on the day of my daughter's wedding. This is what I signed.

Coolest Chinese kid in America. Coolest Chinese kid in America, Bowen Yang. What if I sign that? I don't know. That's so cute. No, that is kisses up to heaven no no no that is disgusting

were you were there like well here's my question if there were a lot of Chinese kids at the school were they all like hey I'm right here I was the only one at the school so of course my sample size was small I was biased by my own little like cohort but then you want to know something?

This is what all the kids said. Bowen, like you are though. Always me like being so validated by all these fucking like white kids. Jocks. Well Denver is like none

of it really. Denver is, what was talk about Denver. Okay, literally. Paramount. Paramount. Me, Meg, Patty. Love. Giving them laughs.

We're giving them a show. Yeah. Everybody after the show, so high. Stoned out of their mind, I know. Stoned out of their mind. Like, that was an amazing show. Like bong in, is that a bong in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? This is an amazing show, man.

Like drooling high. Drooling high, but sweet. Sweet, but like guys, I'm going to say something. Okay, say it. We're going to be- We're going to pump the brakes a little bit. I've had to this summer.

I've been like, what am I doing? It's for virgins, really. Think weed's for virgins? I mean, as someone who cannot partake because last time I smoked weed, experienced ego death of the highest order. Oh my God, I love it. You love experiencing ego death of the highest order?

Every now and then, like once every two years, I love doing that. You are a little bit Mr. Weed, aren't you? Rule of culture number 73.5. Bone yang. Bone Yang. Bone Yang is a little bit of weed. What'd you say? I'm going to tell you I'm like stoned.

I will say for myself, I was talking about weed as if I was a virgin. I kept being like this is the best strain. This is like one of the best. You got to try the Girl Scout cookie. And everybody's like, oh, edibles. we're acting like as if an edible isn't like as potent as a crack rock it's one of the highest oh it is the hardest drug you could take is a weed edible is a weed edible and everybody's acting like they can drive a tractor trailer on edible. No way. It's a fucking crazy drug.

Absolutely. I have hallucinated on weed edible. Girl. I told you I've been diagnosed as Jewish. I'm not connecting those dots. I have like fully had like psychosomatic hallucinations where I was like convinced that I shit my pants on weed edible but oh I've actually had that I'm like there's something there there's a lot my center of gravity and my groin is off well actually because any drug and I found this out from a

weed guy like you have a lot of serotonin receptors in your intestine or something right serotonin that's my next show after Sarah Bellum. Love it. The reviews are in. It's a hit. It's so off-Broadway. It hasn't even happened yet. It's so off. Girlfriend, you are so not off-Broadway. We need to talk about Marianne. Keep going.

We must. Oh, if a drug is too go crazy on your serotonin, it can make your stomach go do Cirque du Soleil flips in there. Honey. Oh my God. Why did you make me think about our, well, we can't talk about the show.

I know. I know. People don't even know what we know. You know what I'm saying? Sarah. You guys have no idea. You guys have no idea. We shouldn't even talk about it

because there's something so sacred about Totally. you and me Totally. sitting down going, what do we do? Another day at work with Nurse Jackie, more like Nurse Bowen,

the way he's helping me there. Dr. House. The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple. Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her? But things could change in a New York Minute.

She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What? You told her? Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City. All new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+.

Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations. I was a desperate, delusional dreamer.

And the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate, delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just soional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine.

I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything but me. It took years for me to break that, like years of work. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian, and basketball hall of famer. I'm a mom, and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby, journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman.

And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts, you know, just all the s*** we go through. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I, well, we have no problem going there.

Listen to Levels to This with Shro Smoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.

Now, let's talk about Marianne Williamson. Yeah. Because she is someone, we could all stand to be a little bit more like her. Wouldn't you say? A hundred percent. She diagnosed, she said, I'm sorry, there's something in the speaking of collective unconscious. A river runs through the collective unconscious that's a river of pain.

And she- Keep going. She diagnosed the problem. She did. And it is a spiritual malady that is afflicting this world. And yeah, maybe we should have the president

be addressing that. There should be a department of peace. Yeah. Department of peace. A hundred percent. State mandated meditation sessions every day. Siesta. Siesta.

If we transition to siesta culture, we would be, it would be over for us hoes, honestly. It'd be over for us hoesta culture we would be it would be over for us hoes honestly it would be over for us hoes we would be everyone would be pan which is something that I don't respect but you would if you had siesta culture

totally totally you'd be like I'm pan you're pan we're all pan you know what in a moment of panic I conflated pan with Polly. I see. And so I'm like, if we had Siesta culture, would everyone be Polly? Because everyone has so much goddamn time on their hands. Jesus.

And that's the thing about Polly. The secret ingredient is time. That is! The reason they all fall apart is there's no time. Who? How many hours in the day? Who among us? Who among us? Not me, certainly. Certainly. I think it's time for I Don't Think So, Honey. Wouldn't no time. Who? How many hours in the day? Who among us? Who among us? Not me, certainly.

Certainly. I think it's time for I Don't Think So, Honey. Wouldn't you say, Sarah? Oh. What? I've completely forgot. Ready?

Ready. Okay. I don't think so, honey. This is where we take one minute to go off on something in culture that's really getting our grinding our gears,

getting our goat, wouldn't you say? Oh, my God. what can mine be? You'll find something. Oh, okay, I'll find something. You will. Well, Sarah, would you like to time me? Oh my God, it would be my honor.

Thank you so much. This is my I Don't Think So Honey. My time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey cough drops. You don't do shit. You don't get down there to the throat. You're just kind of like clicking and clacking around the front of my mouth and my teeth. But you're not reaching where you need to reach.

Even these medicated lozenges are not giving the give. My throat is screaming. My tonsils are covered in pus. And there's nothing that's touching the syrup from the lozenge. I need you to reach down there, okay? My throat can handle it. Why are you so scared to get down in the deep? Rolling in the deep Adele style.

I need you to really get in there, but the reach is not reaching, okay? Halls, you're busted. Come up with new flavors. Cherry and honey. Have you heard of popcorn? Have you heard of barbecue, mama? I need you to step up the game because the flavors,

the labs are churning out flavors and then the halls, whoever's doing, you know, liaising between the labs and the... Oh, wait a minute. I was so lost. You were so lost. That's one minute. Do you know what I'm saying? If you ever go, I have between the labs and- Oh, wait a minute, I was so lost. You were so lost, that's one minute. Do you know what I'm saying? If you ever go, I have a sore throat, and someone says, I have a cough drop,

go, what are you talking about? As someone who is up taking vocal lessons experience, guess what they said? What'd they say? It doesn't touch your vocal cords. Period. It's a different tube entirely, so what are you kidding yourself?

But we've all moved through this life knowing that. And we've all been kidding ourselves going like, yes, but it literally is in the front. It's in the front. It doesn't go down here. What are we even talking about? Fine. You just had yourself a mentholated candy, you idiot. You fucking piece of shit.

You fucking piece of shit. You fucking piece of shit. You should have been chewing on a leaf this whole time. You make me sick. You make me sick. Throat coat? Yeah, it's throating your coat. Yeah, but what about my tonsil?

I need a tonsil console. And let me tell you something about vocal nebulizer. What is that? I think so, honey. Your time starts now. You want to be treating your vocal cords? What is a nebulizer? It's a saline mist that hydrates your cords because nothing you swallow or drink is going where your cords cords. What is a nebulizer? It's a saline mist that hydrates your cords

because nothing you swallow or drink is going where your cords are. Can you tell me something? Does a steam thing help? 100%, 1 million percent. As someone who is

of experience of me on tour. Yes. And that's the steam. That's the steam. What does it do? It just like fucking It just gets there fucking it just gets there

in the way that obviously your stupid little cough drop can never. The cough drop can never and it's supposed to like melt in my mouth

and then not touch throat. It's not doing anything. It's not hitting your back wall. It's not doing anything. Ricola holes.

And it's actually dehydrating on the I think. No, I know. L-O-L. That's what I was saying. No, I-G-B-O-L-T. You remember what it's actually dehydrating on the I think LOL No IGBOL IGB IIDTSH What is it the I just about burst out laughing The new Gen Z way of laughing You connect me to the youth

You really do You know the kids in the schools No you don't Sarah do you have something I do but I almost wonder if you've already it doesn't matter

it doesn't matter because it's like I can't even imagine someone wouldn't have popped off about this it doesn't matter if someone already has it's about if you

if it's in your heart this is Sarah Sherman's Sarah squirms I don't think so honey her time starts now I do not think for one second so honey

QR code menus. Someone has to have done this already. No. Are you serious? I'm going to a restaurant to be gathering and connecting with the people around me. I did not come to a restaurant to sit at a table for everybody to be on their phones, looking at their screens, smartphones.

I don't think so, honey. They're making us dumber phones. Make me sick. Dumb phones. Make me sick. Make me throw up right now? I did not like the experience of, oh my God, we have romantic lighting with all these little

tea light candles lighting the place. Well, now I'm seeing the harsh garish light of an iPhone with brightness up to 100% ruining the vibe. I don't want to be on my phone anymore. That is why I am in the room with people connecting, making eye contact, making soul contact with people. I want pen to paper. I want feet to the grindstone. I want bristle and mortar menus in my hands.

I want paper media not to die out. I want the print media to stay strong and I want my menu to have sauce on it. And that's one minute. You know what I'm saying? Paper media is not dead. We need to save it. We need to save it. And you's one minute. You know what I'm saying. Paper media is not dead. We need to save it. We need to save it. And you know who's saving it? Willa Bennett High Snobiety Magazine. Willa Bennett High Snobiety

Magazine. I saw magazines in a store physically. A high snob stack. This is the only magazine. This is the only magazine. Condé Nast is shaking in its little lacquered boots. here's listen well listen these qr code menus first of all what are we playing chess what are we playing checkers

checkers what are we playing snake what are we playing fucking and by the way people use the moment of the qr code menu on their phone to then be sneakily looking at other things and text and applications and such and i said this is a no phone time this is no and now all my friends have kind of because when you open the phone it opens the portal to now all hell to hell oh now all of a sudden oh my friend over here is doing the wordle for today i don't think so honey your time starts now again i go off again four more minutes. Wordle, come on. When's the Wordle word going to be Bowen for once? For once.

Open up Wordle to proper nouns or I'm gonna shut it down. And what does Bowen mean as Sarah means princess in Hebrew? Well, in the way that Sarah

means princess in Hebrew, Bowen means in Celtic son of Owen. And you can run and tell that. And it literally means that. Why is that making me? I just about burst out laughing. I just about.

I g-ball. Every day I'm. That means nothing. It means nothing. Every day I'm g-balling with this girl right here. This girl is my soul food. You are my sister. My sister.

Actually from the same mystic. We're talking about Gio in the sky. Gio? Gio. The Italian god, Gio. Italian Gio. I love a guy named Gio. Do I know a guy named Geo?

There's a guitarist in Moona. He's straight, but he loves being- They let guys in there? They let guys in there. There's a couple guys in the band. Kind of rolling around in there? Kind of rolling around in there, but Geo in Moona, lovely Geo.

You know what this is making me think? I just went to Jersey City, and let me tell you, we need to be- In Jersey City. Lovely Gio. You know what this is making me think? I just went to Jersey City and let me tell you, we need to be. In Jersey City. Period. Period. There's Gios running around.

Not to be too Italian fetishistic. Oh my God. But Jersey is like the fucking spot. Like you have no fucking idea. Oh my God. You don't even know what hit you. I think so, honey. Your time starts now.

Jersey, slay all day. Slay all day. Get me on the damn train. Path. The path. Train. Train. You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying? Jersey, is there something? There's something about it. It's a Yemesei claw. But something about, I'm going to go a step further and say there's something about Sarah in Jersey. No, do you know what I mean? I need to see you there because you're in your element there. You like basically wouldn something about Sarah in Jersey. No, do you know what I mean? I need to see you there

because you're in your element there. You like basically wouldn't recognize me in Jersey because I'm like finally like, oh, I'm at peace. I'm home. I think like there's something about the Long Island girl that just feels like I can finally take my shoes off, take my bra off and just like relax.

Because Manhattan and Brooklyn and Queens. It's hustle and bustle.'s well it's not even that it's like it's kind of like a a sinkhole and you all think you're all that in a bag of chips because you live here you're nothing you're nothing and guess what the people in jersey have a fucking clue period you think you oh you think you're the cat's pajam because you live near the Myrtle L. You idiot. You fucking idiot. These people live where Tom Sharpling used to do his show.

Period. Period. I don't know. And love to you, Tom. Love to WFMU. And you must be listening because there's a radio person as well. Radio guy. Everyone, check out Sarah Squirm on tour live

and in the flesh. Because many of you are not. But I promise you. Many of you are not buying tickets and you need to be. You need to be.

This is finalist behavior. If you go to August 25th in Portland. No way. You are still remembering these days. August 26th

in Seattle at the Thing Festival. Are you hydrated? September 7th at the Hopscotch Music Festival in Raleigh, North hydrated? September 7th. This is amazing. At the Hopscotch Music Festival in Raleigh, North Carolina. September 8th in D.C. September 9th in Pittsburgh.

September 10th in Philly. September 13th in L.A. And let me tell you something about that Washington D.C. show. There are a lot of tickets left. I made a lot of enemies in D.C. Well, that's okay because it's a whole town of,

you know, who's on... Engineers of the war in Iraq. Engineers of the war... Iraq. Engineers of the war. And D.C. Bring back Real Housewives of D.C. We need the Salahi girl. Back. Back.

On my TV. Sarah, I love you to my core. Son of Owen. Princess in Jewish. In Hebrew. In Hebrew. Princess of the disease of Owen. Princess in Jewish. In Hebrew. Princess of the disease of Jewish. I love you. Thank you so much for coming on this show.

And you know what? I think I'm going to get back together with my therapist. No! No! We end every episode with a song. Whoa! We end every episode with a song. Whoa. Let the music make you lose control. Bye.

Bye. I'm Cheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production

in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode

is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer.

Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski.

And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.