Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "Theater of The Face" (w/ Heidi Gardner)

Episode Date: October 23, 2019

Heidi Gardner joins Matt and Bowen in the studio to discuss the pros and cons of pet ownership, if Santa were real, Halloween costumes through the years, the NBA, School of Rock vs. Sound of Music, Christopher Guest, and more!MERCH! MERCH! GET YOUR LAS CULTURISTAS MERCH!https://www.teepublic.com/stores/las-culturistasSUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS TODAY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST. LAS CULTURISTAS IS PRODUCED BY EMMA FOLEY.http://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/las-culturistas/ Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple. Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her? But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What?

You told her? Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City. All new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo. Or stream it on City TV+. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski.

And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules.

New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba?

Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience

as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Forever.

Dog. Look, man. There. Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow. FOREVER! DOG! But guess what? Listeners at home. Oh my God. Literally BTS. Because we are dealing with a situation in the studio right now where we all can hear out of only one of our ears. Yeah. In our earphones. And right before we hit record, hot producer Meg yelled at us and said, no sudden movements. She said, try to limit your movements. So Bowen. Truly.

I mean, no, no, no. We're back. Oh,'re not we're not here we are literally being i i feel imprisoned i feel i don't feel good i don't but it's okay because we're gonna as it's called rally um and i just want to say i do want to reveal i am the cause of this because the second you counted three two one to say, I yanked my own cord, completely ignoring the ground rules that were set before me, and that has resulted in us being here at this present

moment with only one working headphone. You know, it's a real handy cam. HPM is presenting the box, and she's gonna try to fix it, but in the meantime, this is where we are. This was my impression of HPM earlier no sudden movement yeah she yelled

and you should know that all the hot producers here are also abusive because that's what happens when you're hot you treat people very badly you

have no sense of boundaries you never learn empathy no so while she toils away no I have something else to address

okay I have an important thing to address. Go. Bowen Yang. Yes. You have bad lift etiquette. I'm sorry. What?

I will tell, I will tell you how you run into the middle of the road. No, I wasn't doing that. No, I was checking to see where the car was. I was like, I couldn't see our lift driver had like pulled up to the side and I couldn't see him on the street.

And I just wanted, I just ducked. I did a little side, sidestep to see if he was on the road in the lane. When do you think I was born? Yesterday? Stop. I truly was like, okay, great. And then, and then I actually have, this is so, so, so patently false because I then ran to the left, opened the door, said, hi, Bowen, I have a friend coming in. So please don't drive. I'm actually not even done. Okay. So,

and maybe this is a little bit of it. I don't think so, honey, right off the fucking top. Okay. You run into the road and you've been doing it. Even when we were in Los Angeles, you run into the road and you can tell the Los Angeles drivers are like, Hey, you don't need to do that here. It's chill. It's LA. And you will run into the road and you'll endanger yourself and me by doing so. And then now let me get to my second part or the B portion of the argument. When you open the door to get in the car,

you don't get in one leg at a time. You crawl over the seat. You, Bo and Yang, are a seat crawling. I'm in shorts and I want my knees to hit the upholstery. The Last Culture Races listeners have to chime in on this because we have to know. What do you mean crawling in? You crawl and your knees are all over the seat, damn. Why is that bad?

It is so bad because it's like not how you get in the car. You get in one leg at a time. And you never put anything nothing except your butt should be on the seat damn damn no you i damn bird i damn bird i can too i can there's nothing unhygienic about my knees going on the seat it's not about unhygienic it's it's that i don't know it's it's not it's it's not done it's not done that way okay i don't know what they taught you at the fucking Long Island debutante ball that you... We don't have those.

Well, whatever. We have sweet 16s. Yeah, and they tell you, oh, don't put your butt on the seats. No, we don't go over that there. We only go over what kind of alcohol to drink in what water bottles. That's what goes down with sweet 16s.

I learned how to get in the car the old-fashioned way watching my mother and father, thank you, who set it a really good example for me, including all the older cousins that I had. Very heteronormative. I would watch my older cousin Jesse get in the car and I would say, okay, I've learned it. And here you are.

I don't know who the fuck you've been following into vehicles, but I know you climbed all over the seat. Frequently your shoes do, do, oh, we're back. We're back. And now is it because of me? Cause I, I, oh no, I was turning the jack. Frequently your shoes do. Do. Oh, we're back. We're back. And now is it because of me? Because I. Oh, no. Now it's gone.

I was turning the jack. Okay, sorry. All I'm saying is, Bo and Yang, you're running into the road after lift. You are crawling all over the seats. It's questionable behavior. You know who isn't questionable? Without question. Without question.

A hot person who is not abusive. No, this person has never struck me or threatened to strike me. Though if they wanted to, I would allow them. If they wanted to, I would allow them. Yeah, this is a person that could hurt me. Truly. Physically. I think about her.

My soul gets lighter. I get happier. Yeah, it's a joyful presence. And you two have such a deep connection. We have a deep connection, spiritually. Well, we met at JFL. We were the same year at JFL. And you can tell, this is the energy of this person.

You have an interaction with this person. And then you walk away. And you turn around and you go, wait. There was something there. There was something there. There was something there. And you have to understand the presence of a star. Yes. And so when you meet this person and the exchange is so damn good.

Damn good. And then you hear they go on to great success. You say, well, I'm not surprised. And then when you watch their performance on the Saturday Night Live and you see them slay, you say, well, that's because there was something about that person. Something about that person. And I wasn't the only person that thought it. Lauren Michaels also thought it.

You think, yes, damn. You think, damn, bird. Damn, bird. I really love her so much. What's it like to share a space with her? We don't share a space. Okay, never mind. Oh, but you mean just like the office?

The colleagues. We're such lovely colleagues. She and I have written some things that haven't seen the light of day for good reason, I guess. Well, we really don't know that. We love our guests so much. A talented, talented comedian. And you should welcome into your ears.

An incredible actress. Heidi Gardner. Heidi. That was you we were talking about i'm blushing no you're good no you are you are so nice didn't you feel that we had a vibe at jfl we did have a vibe like instant just like oh i like you yeah and then i met your incredibly dear family yes yeah my husband was there and our like best friend Rob, who also immediately were like,

we like him. It's great to have mutual like. Yes. Have you met the mother? Heidi's mom? Have I met your mom? Oh my God. I don't think you have.

I don't think I have. Why? Is your mom an icon? An icon? If there ever fucking was one. Oh my God. What makes your mother iconic? She wears her sunglasses at night.

My entire life. And she says, also walking down the aisle at my wedding. I thought, I'm not going to have to have that discussion. She'll know you don't wear the sunglasses down the aisle. And then as I'm going through wedding photos, I'm like, she wore the damn sunglasses. You didn't notice? No, because I was in the back. Yeah, of course. She was in the back.

So what happens at weddings is they come out last. Oh. Okay. I'm glaring at you. You need to know better. But I met her at an after and it was such an energizing presence. Her brag to Bowen. So she was full sparkles.

She had a sparkly dress on, sparkly tights, sparkly boots. And Bowen and everyone else who was so kind to her at the after party, like the immediate thing they said was like, oh my God, you look great. Cause she really did. She looked stunning. And she let everyone know, whole outfit, $5. Like H&M dollar dress dollar general

tights dollar so every piece was like a dollar yes holy shit god it wasn't even a one-er

not a one-er it was a yeah where is she living now because where is she shopping she's in Kansas City she's in Kansas City great great

I actually just got a text from her that I feel like you guys would love. It was an iconic text. It was. It was an iconic text. She was at America's Best, which is like a lens crafters, getting new lenses for her glasses. The first text was she saw a glasses case that had a kitten on it that looked like my cat, Cubby Bear.

Cubby Bear. And so she's like, honey, it's cheap. I'll buy it for you. And so I was like, I would love it. Thank you, mom. And then she said, also, honey, you know I'm a bragger. 98% of the people working at America's Best know who you are.

She's a bragger. And who are those 2% that she didn't get to? We have to go back. I think she got to them. I just don't think they know who I am. Oh, so she was checking to see that they knew. She wasn't informing them. And she ran the damn numbers.

She ran the damn numbers. She crunched the figures. She crunched the figures to get them. What is her name, her first name? Ernie. Ernie. Ernie? Come on.

I know. Heidi's life, Heidi has people with, people and pets with incredible names. I want to say Tweaky. Yeah, Tweaky. Cubby Bear. Who the fuck is Tweaky? Tweaky is her cat.

Tweaky. And then her husband, Zab. Yeah, my other cat, Marshall. Marshall. Marshall's a good cat name. Now, is Tweaky named Tweaky because it's a Tweaky cat? Yeah. Yeah, okay.

For sure. For sure. She's a Tweaker. It's kind of like how a white cat would be named Vanilla. Oh, yeah. But yours is better because it's a personality thing. Yeah. Who wants to be named based on the color of their fur? I want a Tweaky cat. But Tweaky's probably, is Tweaky hard to deal with sometimes?

Because I remember when you moved her to New York. She did act like a baby. We were up at night with her. She was just so confused. New place and up 11 floors rather than. Oh, wow. And so she cried all night. Like, I don't have kids.

This is going to sound very lame. No go. But I felt like, oh, this is how it feels. Because I would get up and I would take her into the living room and sit with her. Which is exactly like mother. Well, I have an announcement. No,

the cat, the cat culture is difficult. I think because they don't listen like dogs. You know what I mean? Dogs. I feel are like the guy I'm dating now has a dog and it's like, um, really she's only one and a half.

And so it's, she's sort of all over the place, but you will tell her what to do and she'll eventually get it. Whereas a cat, I think is just kind of like, I don't know what it is about their personality. Maybe they're a little bit bitchy, but like they just kind of do what they do.

And the cat, the cat's personality, it's kind of like you buy the cat. It's cute. You get the personality that you get. You know what I mean? Yep. Speaking of pets.

Speaking of pets. Any pets on the horizon for you in your new place? Oh, I don't think so. Me neither. I think like, well, it's interesting because all of our friends, well, Steven just got a cat. Oh. And such a cute cat.

I'm not a cat person, but tweaky and this new cat that will got cute cute cute but i feel like it's so hard to it's so hard to have a pet yeah when your schedule is demanding when you're working that when i hear that anyone that can resist getting a pet i'm like wow you have good boundaries and self-control i'm like i'm thinking the grass is always greener because I'm like anyone who can have a pet you have such good responsibility and you have such good sense of whatever task management.

I could never. I'm so like I'm such a hedonistic blob when I'm not at work that I'm just like I want to just sit here and not have to think about anything else. I want to have a dog eventually. have to think about anything else yeah I want to have a dog eventually yeah but you do have to ask the question who is it for is it for the animal or is it for you and Tweaky sounds like Tweaky lives a great life and Marshall oh they

really do a full life a full life with adventures and lots of food and everything like that yeah does you have anything in the do you have lots of toys for the animals yes we have like there's this classic actually i just told will about this because he has his new kitten right the classic like best cat toy is called dub bird dub bird yeah so when you look for it um and it's just one of those ones where you it's like a handle and then a bird hangs down from it but like that like that sort of wire with the thing on the end and you go like that? It's like a fishing pole with a cat or with a bird. But this is like a big bird. It's just feathers.

It doesn't really look like a bird, but they think it does. They love that. But also sometimes, like the other day, I took just a ribbon that I had lying around, and I took one of their mice that are on the floor, fake stuffed ones, and I tied the mouse's tail to the ribbon and made my own toy, and they're super into it. Yes. Toy maker, Heidi. Toy maker. Yes. I think Toymaker Heidi. Toymaker. Yes.

Toymaker. There'll be no more Toymakers for the king. Do you know that song? No. What is that? Is that King and I?

It's from No. What am I saying? It's from Did you watch Christmas specials when you were a kid? I believe it's from God.

It's from one of those claymation things. Okay. Sometimes I'll say even Rudolph. Yeah. Sometimes I'll say, even Rudolph. Yeah. You guys watch Rudolph when you were a kid?

I think it's because I'm dating a Jewish man. I was like, you know this reference, Rudolph. And he's like, no. Oh, and you think that's because he's Jewish

that he doesn't know the Christmas thing? Yeah, that's a Christmas special. Okay. And he was one of those people who just did... I don't know. See, the thing is,

I'm from a culture where it thing is like i'm from a culture where it's like i'm from i'm from a culture of long island where it's like pretty much everyone is like even like jewish people that i knew were like yes we do christmas because it's long island culture but then i talk to people and they're like no i don't know any christmas things it's not part of my worldviewview. And this guy is Florida Jew, which is different. Florida Jew. Yeah, I think, I don't know exactly like, because I have,

then I think about it, I have no point of reference for any Hanukkah stuff. Right. You know what I mean? Do you have, are you a Christmas girl? Yes, a Christmas girl. And also when I hear that,

like in Jewish culture, not doing Christmas, obviously because it's not part of it but uh i also see that as really good boundaries and self-control because it's like if you because it feels like if you could even though it's not like why not so i just think wow there were a lot i remember i did have some jewish friends growing up who were like we also do christmas and it's like yeah interesting and i thought that i honestly grew we also do Christmas. And it's like, yeah, interesting. And I thought that I honestly grew up thinking like,

well, even if it's not your thing, everyone does Christmas. Christmas is such, you know, right. But Christmas is such, Christmas is such a,

like a Rorschach test for people because, at least in terms of like upbringing, because I know, I know someone who like was in such a religious family such a religious Christian family that they didn't celebrate Christmas. Does that make sense?

Because Yeah. Because Christmas takes away from the religion of it all. Exactly. Yes. It loops back around it being so secular

that like they can't touch it. Or you have like the Christians who love like or you have like the people who are so like into Christmas for all the holy reasons. And then there are people who like are into Christmas for the secular reasons.

It's like, it's like, it's, there are so many different ways to come in on it. And they see Mariah Carey stomp in and they say, I don't think so, honey. For me,

you know what? I think Christmas changes year to year for me. Either like two years ago, I remember I was total Scrooge hated it last year. I loved it three years ago. Didn't care. Like I it's Christmas is weird. I like it every year.

Are you from a religion fam? No, not from a religion fam. And so Christmas is about presents. It's about presents and Mariah. I mean, my, I was so,

I was like that little kid that would um get up in the middle of the night and unwrap the ones that my like uh my mamaw and vampos and then tape it back up wow so they knew that me and my older brother were doing that so then they would do early christmas presents like we were disgusting oh so you were so badly behaved that they were like we can't even enjoy this. Yes. Like give away the presents early. Yes.

Early Christmas presents on top of regular Christmas presents. Wow. Yes. I guess that's a way to get more presents. Were you a Santa hunter? A Santa hunter like. Like were you up being like tonight's the night? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. For sure. I remember one time I was like gonna get santa like i fully stayed up all night and i was like tonight's the fucking night and i remember my grandmother was over and um i heard her say something and spoiler alert for anyone who's listening to this podcast who thinks that in a world where santa is just spoiler alert, we're going to spoil the fact that Santa's not real. Okay. Thank you.

So I went down and was like peering around my balcony and my grandmother said to my dad, ooh, what a busy Santa you've been. And I was like, gotcha. Gotcha. So they knew you were going to get up? It was four in the morning and she said it to my father because he was bringing in the gifts. And she said, oh, what a busy Santa you've been. And I literally remember being like, I got what I came for.

And I went back to bed. Also, it sounds like your grandma was flirting with your dad. Yeah, she was like, ooh, Santa. I saw grandma kissing dad. No! Santa's out of the equation. Wow. Now, this is embarrassing, but I wish full on,

if I had three wishes, that Santa was real. Yeah, that'd be good. Oh, that's so nice. That would be cool. See, the thing is, though, and I think about this a lot. So he could, that would be,

what is going on the whole year? Like, is it genuinely, like, if Santa's real, is he, like, literally, like, doing research on every kid in America, being like, okay, this person's not getting gifts, this person's in the middle of my list. Like, what's his life?

Or it's one of those things where he just has to decompress 364 days out of the year, where he's just like, it's so much work in one night. He would be busy. If he was giving, and I don't think he would be. I think every kid gets presents. I don't think he would be doing

bad. Because even if you're bad, you deserve a present. But I think making seeing what every single kid in the whole entire world would want. You'd need the whole year. And also probably you would have a lot of people working for you too like the elves i think it

would be less making toys and memorabilia and more just like assisting like kind of like being like like a like an assistant role or like you know like a managerial clerical clerical they really what they do is a lot of like spreadsheets. Yeah. eBay. eBay. Trying to find memorabilia. Yes, yes, yes. Honestly, you need some people that are like some meteorologist types to make sure that we're mapping out a travel plan. There's so much that goes into it.

I will say just, I mean, Heidi, that's such a nice idea if Santa were real, but I feel like if you were to bring Santa into this world, you would be creating a life. You'd be creating a man who is who suffers so much and and would you feel comfortable bringing into the world a man whose only purpose is to make other people happy like i don't i don't i wouldn't live i couldn't live with that but if that made him happy i mean honestly he's so stressed out yeah but this will sound cheesy but i mean like when you make a kid smile or when you give a kid a gift for real though it feels so good i love to watch children smile it's just that bowen doesn't he's the kind of bitch who doesn't like when a kid smiles he won't even get a pet he won't even get a pet you have to understand

he's operating at a different wavelength my thing is, I'm wondering what I would be comfortable with Santa making per year. Probably it's a seven-figure situation. I mean, I'm done with maybe even eight figures. He might be making $10 million a year. Santa has to be a trillionaire in order for us to... For him to be so untouchable. There's no way that he will ever be poor. It's got to be Amazon, Jeff Be and like like he like there's no way that he will ever like it's got

to be amazon jeff bezos disney bob eiger and the north pole santa okay and the north pole is like the corporation i think honestly if we're going to name the llc it probably would be something called north pole llc um ho ho ho llc and what's Mrs. Claus doing? Is she just like posted up or is she involved? She's the first lady. Yeah, she's running things too, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's a lot of work. Like the first lady, she'd probably need like a platform.

Yeah. Like be best. Be best. Or let's move. Or let's move. Yeah. I think I think this is like probably like a really in-depth discussion about santa more than more so than move than i've ever had in my whole life and to bravely have this conversation without it even being the christmas season so brave it's really brave and it's important is that your favorite holiday chris i really like thanksgiving. Why? The food. You do enjoy the food?

Yeah. The food and the weather. Okay, the weather is pretty good, but I just can't be doing turkey. I mean, not even the turkey. It's not about the turkey. It's about stuffing for you? And sides and just massive amounts.

Yeah. It's my number one. I don't know. I think Christmas is my number one holiday because I don't like Halloween. Because I feel like we dress up enough. Oh.

Yeah. Don't you feel like Halloween doesn't excite you because you always get to wear a different wig. That's true. And it's never it's just never that.

It's like the New Year's. For me it's like you I have done so many costumes that I thought would be a hit. Yeah. And just nothing. Nothing. Come on.

And then like you show up and like you're uncomfortable. That's the thing about Halloween too is it's like it's never a comfortable costume. Like sometimes I'll just like dress up as something shitty because I wanted to wear good clothes. You know what I mean? Like I want it to be comfortable. I don't want like but then you have to look hot. When you were single,

did you feel the pressure to like look hot on Halloween? Or after you were single? Or after? No, I think I was never like vulnerable enough to really like be like, this is what I want.

Like I was just like, I'm gonna be funny. Yeah. Or just, you know, even, but you also do that thing where you're like funny. Like my friend and I were like Siegfried and Roy and the tiger, you know? That's really good.

And I was the tiger, but I was like, so I'll be funny, but I'll do really cute cat makeup. And the blood will be cute. It'll be played. It was just like, just go for it if that's what you want. I love that. Halloween is, to me, honestly, New Year's Eve is a dress up holiday too in terms of costume, I think. Because you can just go out wearing like a little crown or wearing like some funky glasses.

And everyone's just like, oh, it's New Year's Eve. Let them. But you are in drag in a costume. And also New Year's Eve, there comes a point which is the most exciting and then everyone knows to leave whereas halloween is just sort of like dirt extended and it depends depending on what day of the week it falls on like you don't know what nights to go out that's the whole thing too sure that's the whole thing that's the whole thing too you know i heard they do halloween very well in la oh like i heard like like santa monica boulevard is is pretty fun yeah so that's though where i had

so i had a year for that parade which was just huge where i was like i am going to kill it was like lady gaga was like two years into being famous so like big yes and again rather than just being lady gaga because i was like that's like too cool and pretty. I was like, I'm going to do something funny. So I was Lady Gallagher, the comedian that would hit the watermelon. Lady Gallagher? So it was like a mismatch. It was like both things. I had the mallet and the mustache, but I had the hair. And I was like, oh, this parade is going to love me.

They were like, what is this? I dared my husband, Zeb, and our friend to, as a joke, because I was like, you guys are going to fall on your faces

at this parade. Will you please be the Matrix twins? Remember? Yeah, of course. Because it was like nine years later

and I'm like, you're going to get laughed off the block, Santa Monica. They were the hit. Like, I'm not, men, women women throwing themselves at the twins, the twins. But it was your idea. It was my idea, but I wanted, I thought they were going to get made fun of.

They were the hit. I mean, they were going into secret rooms, like off barbershops, like they were like, they were for sure sex rooms and stuff. And like, no one, no one commented on my costume. No one got it. No one. And then my other friend, Austin, I had helped him put together his costume,

which was John Travolta from Battlefield Earth. Yes. Oh, yes. Which looked incredible too. And one person commented on it. It was all the twins. It's all my God. The twins.

It was Zeb and who? Zeb and our friend Brad. Wow. Yeah. And Zeb couldn't give a shit about Halloween. Or maybe Zeb likes it. No, the year before this is so bad. I made Zeb be Dr. Evil also to be made fun of. And that one

he did his own makeup and did his own bald cap and it was he did his own makeup and did his own bald cap. And it was, he did not come close to Dr. Evil. He just looked so sick. Like, and he almost didn't go out. Wow. Honestly, dressing up as Dr. Evil is funny.

It's really funny, no matter what. And doing this, like, it's timeless. It's timeless. It's without time. You have had some really hit or miss Halloweens Matthew go ahead judge me so last year

drag me absolutely drag last year you did gay Jackson Maine yeah it was so stupid it was like I had no it literally was just like

I wore this wig that looked like Bradley Cooper that I had no it did not look like Bradley Cooper it did that was the only part of the costume

that was good it was a thick curly raven hahaired wig. And then you wore a black lace top. You wore eyeliner and a cowboy hat. And that was CK Jackson, Maine. That was so dumb. I looked really, really good from the head up, I thought.

The thing with me is if ever I'm going to do gay anything, or if I'm going to do my own makeup ever, what I do with eyeliner is so stupid. I look like a raccoon every single time because I don't understand that you just do the top. I always give myself a thick bottom. You do the underlay. And I'm just like, because I really want to achieve my makeup goals,

which is the smoky eye. I just want to be able to apply my own smoky eye and I want it to be like really stark, like Kelly Clarkson in the Breakaway era. You know what I'm saying? The number one smoky eye of all time was Reese Witherspoon at the 2007 Oscars when she wore that like dusty purple dress and she had like this perfect smoky eye to match. I love a smoky eye. Anyway. I love it too, but it doesn't work on everyone. I know.

That's what it is. I think that it should. And that might be what's going on. I think, you know what it is? My eyebrows are too. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, you have good eyebrows. The eyebrows.

Yeah, but that doesn't thank you. But they are so thick. So it's like the smoky eye is like not going to. Well, for you, it's different because your eyebrows are arched. Your brow bone is arched. It's such a deep cliff over your eyelids, maybe. It juts out so far in a good way. You're saying I have a deep cliff?

I'm saying you have a deep cliff into your eyelid. So that might be part of it. There's a shadow that's being cast down onto the eye, so it obscures the smokey. So you think that you could pull off a better smokey eye? No, I definitely can't. You know what I can't pull off is a cat eye because

I love a cat eye. Any eyeliner I go gets sucked up into my eyelid because of my almond and it just like... What's your almond? My almond eye. It's like the Asian look. It's like a nice PC way of saying small eyes small eyes for asian people okay almond almond dye almond dye i was gonna say um i do want to talk about makeup hold on but i i have to document i think matt what you do is your halloween costumes have been day of character day of but characters that you made up

that day where you'll be like I'm like I was one time years ago I was like who are you and you were like I'm the sexy secretary at work her name is Gina or something yeah one time I just like dressed up as a woman put on a busted wig and like got drunk and I was like I'm the fucked up secretary at the party Gina

and then everyone was like what's and she had like a full character game which was that um she was daring people to throw drinks on her and then and then my friend luke did throw a wax candle on me and i and actually to be honest with you do you all know whose dress i was wearing that it was ruined sudy greens really it was sudy greens quote unquote good black dress that I use for costumes. And our friend what she did she wore it. I remember she wore it

she played Joan from Mad Men in a Sketch one time that we were doing and she used to wear that dress and I was like can I wear this tonight and she's like yeah just don't ruin it. And then my friend Luke threw wax on it and the text that she sent him afterwards was historic. What did she say say she was like i don't

understand why you would do this and i was like okay and then i was like she was like you'll pay for the dress and this is what i'm gonna reveal right now the dress was like 15 dollars and i think he paid like 70 bucks oh so she scammed his ass she scammed his ass scammed his ass yeah like dry cleaning bill or she asked for money I mean I can tell you that the dress Is still ruined and was never replaced It's like probably at the bottom of a prop bag That I still have but honestly

That costume was a fail if only for It's tragic ending but I have had Some good ones I was also your husband Who's having an affair at work And I just like wore a white button down and loosened It and had like lipstick on my collar. Easy,

easy. I give it to you. Public domain. Easy. And then I was Jason Stackhouse one time in true blood era. Did you watch true blood? No, but I think I can see you in my head.

Yeah. Maybe you can. I was like white trash. You can, you can see. Yeah. But what do you want to say about makeup? Oh, I'm starting to wear a little bit of it.

I'm not wearing any today. But I got it. You put highlighter on. Sometimes I'll put a little highlight on. Put some damn concealer on. Maybe even put some setting powder just to like let it all like sit. Makeup queen. Yeah. just to like let it all let it all let it all like sit makeup queen yeah and i'm just i'm thinking like how does that get passed down to you like like how do you like how do you learn it except

from the video i guess like how did people just learn it before how did you learn makeup i i think it was a little bit watching my mom yeah Yeah. Great. A little bit playing around. I don't know. You just start. See, it's like when people are able to pick up a guitar and just play. You know, those infuriating people. Are you one of those people? With makeup?

No. Are you musical? No. All right. You can say. But with makeup, some people can just be like, hmm, I'm going to just play around. And they do something incredible to their face. Meanwhile, I look like a raccoon every time I do it.

I will say the cutest thing I've ever seen is a few years ago, I was home at my brother and sister-in-law's just over the holidays. And they have daughters who had friends over. So there were probably like six girls there that were like under the age of seven. And I like went into the other room to like get ready for dinner and i sat in front of like i think i asked to use one of my niece's mirrors so i sat in front of her mirror and i was like i'm just gonna do my makeup and these little tinies all gathered around me and just watched me do my makeup like they were watching tv and i was

like that's right like i first thought when you're that little and there's makeup like they were watching TV and I was like that's right like I first thought when you're that little and there's makeup involved they were just like they just want to see transfixed yes it was very cute I remember being enamored with it too maybe it's like a a thing because I remember watching my mom like that was actually a part of

um I think it was other people like just him sitting in the room while his mother did the makeup like that really struck me like just remembering what it was other people, just him sitting in the room while his mother did the makeup, that really struck me. Just remembering what it was to be younger and your mom doing her makeup around her or doing her hair. My mom had a salon in our house,

a little hair salon, because she worked out of the house. So it was truly a room for my hair, a little gay boy's dream. But I would watch her do hair all the time and her makeup all the time. It's a thing. It's like theater. Yes. Did you ever all the time and her makeup all the time it's a thing it is like

it's like theater yes did you ever reach in theater of the face theater of the face did you ever reach into title of that did you ever reach into

your mom's makeup stuff I would I never the makeup stuff blacked out I've blacked out moments where I and like it's slowly

coming back to me now truly as we're talking about this is I would like reach under like the sink in my mom's bathroom and just grab her makeup kit and put it on. And I think, I don't know, I try not to take too much so that she would notice, but I would put lipstick on and put eyeshadow on,

and it was so much fun. Well, she probably noticed. She definitely noticed. It was makeup on your face. But for her, I think it was well she probably noticed so much she definitely noticed it was makeup on your face like for her it's like this for her i think it was like this chilling thing but for me it was like but also like fun i don't know yeah cute cute i would do so on sunday and you know my mom and we're talking about you know such a presence of a woman, on Sundays, I would just ask, can I go into your room? And so she would let me have the entire day in her room.

And she used to have those old hat boxes, those beautiful ones that hats would come in. So she had six of those stacked up that all had old, beautiful hats with the lace and feathers. She had her whole top drawer was costume jewelry of my grandma's. And then she used to wear like the mini velvet dresses with rhinestones and bolero jackets. And she had those like lingerie heels with the ostrich feathers.

So Sundays, just hours of dress up with that stuff. Yeah, I was going to ask if you were like a dress up kid. Yeah. Yeah. But with adult mother clothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, honestly, that's some of the best costumes you could ever find. Like I've never experienced any garment like,

my mother had this like, I wore it in this web series i did called broadway aunts where we played like these aunts from long island who loved broadway who didn't have kids but they loved theater so my mom had this like truly like head to toe pantsuit that was leopard print and i'm like where did you wear this but it was truly like Florida ceiling, like leopard, leopard, leopard, leopard, leopard. And then she had a lot of cheetah and leopard stuff. Which is like, that's huge. That's costume. Yes.

So fun. I mean, the thing is like, I just, I wish there was more wigs around the house. Cause I used to take the towels from, I used to take a towel and put it in my back of my shirt and I would pretend it was hair. Oh, this is like,

we were literally talking on the way over here. Like Bowen read a study about how gay being gay is not necessarily genetic. It like there are environmental factors. So the fact that there were a lot of towels around, of course I was going to think they could be my hair. So I put it, I would put this, the hair in my back.

I would say my name was Tina and I would run around the yard because I saw a contestant on Legends of the Hidden Temple named Tina. And I thought she was my icon. So then I was Tina. And I would run around and my mom would be like, he's pretending to be a superhero. He's pretending to be Superman. He is. To who? To your dad?

To like everyone. They were like, what's he doing? And they were like, oh, he's a superhero. And I would run up and I'd be like, I'm Tina. And Tina's a superhero. I'm Tina. And then my mom said she asked, this is so early 90s, but she asked the doctor what this could be.

And the doctor was like, it means he's very smart. It means he's willing to take on different alter egos and identities. It means he's curious about the world and she's like okay cool so he's being Superman wow I'm Tina Tina

I went the other way where I would put on a hat and this is this is a little too hetero even I would put on a hat and be like I'm the Dark Lord. The Dark Lord? And I would go, this is Sundays at Chinese school.

No, no, no, but it was like me making sure the younger kids were having fun and I would like, I was the Dark Lord and these kids were like warriors who had to kill me.

And I, no, but it was so fun. And this is of your own design? This is of my own design. I would like LARP with these kids when I was like 10 years old with these like five-year-olds

who were at the Chinese school when I was 10. And they would have to chase me and like kill me with like their mystical swords. Did they kill you every time? Yes. And they were like,

and they loved it. You acting out a fantasy where you are the dark lord telling them you have to kill me and allowing them to kill you every time is very you. Meanwhile, I am Tina. You are the dark lord telling them you have to kill me and allowing them to kill you every time is very you. Meanwhile, I am Tina. You are Tina.

Wow, Tina and the dark lord. Tina and the dark lord. Heidi, if you can think of a childhood alter ego you had, who would that be? Oh my god, a childhood alter ego. You know, I had this gymnastics teacher, and her name was Jennifer. And so I was probably nine, and she was 20. The best. And bleach blonde, natural blonde.

I want to say bleach blonde. She didn't have to dye it. She came that way. Highest ponytail in the world. Was still wearing it to the side. Leotards, jean jackets and she freaking jennifer 20 year old gymnastic teacher total dream girl babe came to my fourth grade birthday party and now imagine that you are a 20 year old girl going to a fourth graders birthday party. It's like,

what a loser. You think in your life, like, wow, that was so amazing. When Jennifer came, she was a 20 year old girl. She had a high pony and she came to my birthday at fourth grade.

And then you're like, what? I think there's enough 11 years is enough of an age difference there or 10 like is enough of an age difference where, where it's weird. It's weird. If it's a 20 year old showing up to like a 14 year old's party I disagree I can

see them being friends maybe they were friends like maybe they were on the same like Jennifer where are you if you're listening she just knew it would mean a lot to me and it did and you remembered it to this day or her and my dad had something I don't know now that's the first time that

ever hit me but she was his type. Oh my God. She was his type. Okay, we've got Tina, the Dark Lord, and Jennifer. Jennifer could be one of your characters.

The 20-year-old who's at the fourth fourth grader's birthday party. Yeah, one of your characters. Yeah, one of your characters. I feel like I'm literally like that old aunt that's like,

that should be when you act. That should go. You should do that one. That's that should be when you act. That's a go. You should do that one. That's a sketch. That's good. That's a sketch. Wow.

I can't believe I saw, well, not the birth of, but I saw before everyone else, characters you have made iconic on the SNL. Really? Such as, no. Who? The boxer's girlfriend. Oh my God.

You did. I did. I saw that before everyone else. And I said, this is a damn good character. Was that based on Amy Adams? It was based on all of them. Rachel McAdams and Southpaw,

Amy Adams. You forget about Rachel McAdams and Southpaw. Yeah. Which was almost better dialogue than Amy Adams. Really? What is, what is, she literally is like that.

Wait, it's her, Ben McKenzie? No, Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake Gyllenhaal, yes, I'm so sorry. I think that Rachel McAdams

is the one that like flat out says like, I'm the fighter or like, I fight for our family or something like, there was something, that was the thing

that first gave me, watching the preview, that gave me the like, wait a second, that sounds a lot like what Amy Adams said. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it is such a good observation. But I will say, doesn't Rachel McAdams get it in that movie?

I believe she gets, spoiler alert, gunned down. Oh, no. Yeah. That's like a crazy part of the movie in the beginning. It's like someone that doesn't like Dick Gyllenhaal shows up and there's gunfire and Rachel McAdams unfortunately passes away. And it's brutal. You don't kill off Rachel McAdams.

You can't. Well, that's exactly why you do. Because people say you can't. Oh my God. That's a secret. That's a secret. It's kind of like, remember in Dark Knight when Maggie Gyllenhaal blew up I can't believe that

I would never believe that you never would have guessed never would have guessed yeah that one I could see really yeah

I don't think we loved her no I don't think anyone loved Rachel Dawes which is the character the character's name but it was just

shocking to me I had never seen a movie like that like I remember i was watching it with my best friend from high school laurie n and i turned to her in shock and she said to me i just gained so much respect for this movie oh wow they allowed maggie to blow up because i think like honestly honestly i think that watching no i kind of get what she was saying I agreed I was like yeah because the thing is like you would never kill off this character because it's too like it's a subversion yeah it's a subversion that we hadn't seen before and she was like wow now I truly believe that anything could happen because they did that because no superhero movie is like

you know Spider-Man wasn't gonna kill Kirsten Dunst right yeah which is probably why they didn't go with Gwen Stacy they had she had she played mary jane because gwen stacy famously dies in the comic books yes are you a comic book queen i'm not um my husband zeb he writes for marvel so he's a comic book queen that is the coolest he's a comic book queen that is such a cool fucking job. It is a cool job. Does he love it? Yes. Yeah. He wrote for them like 10 years ago, then like took a break and now he's writing there again. And you can tell he's, um, he's excited.

Feeling, feeling himself. Yeah. I literally, now I'm thinking about like with all the Marvel, it feels like Marvel is still everywhere. And I'm kind of like, now I feel like we're at this point where it's like, are you going to submit

and actually, like, know what everything is? Or are you going to be like, I can't do this? It's so much stuff. I mean, it's all, it's very accessible. Like, you literally could just, like, download the app on your phone and buy, like, old issues and volumes. And, like, read through, like, Ultimate Avengers

and be like, I know everything about. What are the Eternals? The Eternals are a race of beings. Aliens, right? They're aliens who are supposed to fight. I don't know fully what that is. So you know this is like the new Avengers is the Eternals.

And Angelina Jolie is in it, blonde. Oh. Speaking of wigs. We've seen a picture? We've seen a still and she is blonde. And I believe it's the first time that Angelina Jolie has been blonde since Life or Something Like It. Whoa. Remember that movie?

Was that after? That was after Girl Interrupted? It was like right around that time. But they were like, it was like sort of like a romantic comedy, I guess. And she had blonde hair. And I think she played like someone who thought she was going to die in 24 hours or something and then doesn't. Someone checked this fact like fact checked this

and wrote it and you read that. Wasn't she blonde in Gone in 60 Seconds too? She was. Blonde with dreads. Wow. But I don't know, did that come? It had to be after. Gone in 60 Seconds feels like a movie that

you're like yeah i won an oscar um what do i say yes to uh this yeah yeah yeah like you know that period of time after you win an oscar we all know we all where it's just like what you gonna do now huh and it's like halle berry has kind of not really like popped off in the way like some people have an after Oscars curse right this is what Hollywood says where it takes it's a few year period of like weirdness before you figure out like where you fit in still

like you win the Oscar and you think oh wow every opportunity is mine the thing about having every opportunity is you can choose the wrong ones you can say no or you can say no too many times exactly yeah because you're looking for the next thing right and then also you could just look at it like oh wait that was the opportunity yeah like that was it and and you and you did it and yeah and you were rewarded for it quit quit i

wonder what it feels like the day after you win an oscar because there's like those like months of lead up where they do all the press and you know you're going to be up for it. And then you win. That moment has to feel like euphoric. And then the next day is like, what? It's probably just like a come down of like a drug or something. Yeah. Like, I don't know.

You're just kind of a wiped slate for two days or something. I don't know. I think I'd be happy every day if I won an Oscar. I'd just be like, well, I won an Oscar. That's the thing. You think it's going to make you happy, but that's the whole secret of Hollywood. Nothing does.

Oh, wow. Nothing makes you happy. You know, they said in Wicked, Because getting your dreams is strange, but it seems a little complicated. And no truer words have ever been spoken or sung. No, and you cut off too quick. Because the next lyrics are, There's a kind of a sort of cost.

There's a couple of things get lost. There are bridges you cross you didn't know you crossed until you crossed. Are you familiar with Wicked? I am. I fully thought at the end of the first act the show was over and when I was told there was gonna be another act

you thought Defying Gravity is as big as this gets it seemed huge and then I was like there's more it is as big as it gets that is so

coming from out of town to see a Broadway show like oh that was great and then they say well act two is just gonna begin in ten minutes and you're

like what come on we went we were in we were in fire island and um we were went off on this riff cole scola was there and he was like we were talking about how countess luann is gonna do chicago on broadway oh so this is like happening and the thing is like we were like like what who is she drawing in like are people from out of town coming in to see countess luann and i thought maybe but then i thought about like those dads that like come to see like um like unique like authentic new york things and they like they would want to come to like um new york i'm like i don't want to see countess luann i want to see a new york character actress up there I want to see a union woman up there acting her heart out.

I come to New York for the good New York pizza and to see New York character actresses who really stomp the boards. Get up there and work hard for it. They've had their equity cards for decades. They're hard-earned equity cards. I want to see them raise them high. Like a suburban dad

saying that. Yeah, just like that. You got to go to New York for the unknown actors. So, I mean, Countess Luanne, like, works, I think, in that. What?

No, I'm saying, like, she's, like, a celebrity. She's not a character. Like, she's a draw for some person, like, some type of person who doesn't know. Yeah, so I think,

like, you know, people from this from the burbs who are coming in to see countess and she stands for she stands for like some really like rarefied thing in new york where it's like oh great we get to breathe the same air as her for like yes a night yeah and while we're breathing the same air as heidi we have to ask the question heidi what was the culture that made you say culture is for me? Just the formative culture that made you want to move into a cultural direction. I think, I mean, I was such a little pop culture little geek that, or comedy little nerd thing.

That I think it, I would say it was like a mishmash of Waiting for Guffman and Jack Black. Wow. Those go hand in hand together, I think. Jack Black is culture. Wow. He really is. And he, I have to say, is being copied by someone. Do you know who I'm going to say?

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. I love him. But Adam Devine is doing a Jack Black impression. A little bit. A little bit. You know what I mean? A more sanitized... And that's not to say, like, it's worse or better. No, it's just saying he's obviously an admirer of Jack Black's.

I will say, yes, when Adam Devine, like, the first Workaholics, I was like... The way he was delivering lines was like... It was killing me. In the way that like, same, like the flair that they put on the end of lines.

That kind of, like, I don't even know how to do it, but it's like, it is like, it's like a specific pattern that's like, and this is not a shade to Adam Devine, but like,

you can tell he was like, Jack Black was like a thing for him. Sure. But like, yeah, School of Rock is my, is I think one of my favorite movies of all time. It's for him. Sure. But, like, yeah, School of Rock is, I think, one of my favorite movies of all time. It's so good.

Saving Silverman. Oh, yeah. Are you a Tenacious D fan? Oh, I mean, I was, like, a little, I was a Tenacious D, like, groupie. Really? I used to, like, travel to shows to see Tenacious D. I loved them so much.

Wow. Oh, my God. They were pretty amazing. They were, I liked, I liked they even like broke through to me I like try to put up every shield to be like no this is not for me when I was like a teenager and I was like oh but this is actually very good wow they are very good I'm hilarious

and incredible songwriting singing yes it really was great and also just like tribute is like a ride of a song gorgeous there's nothing like Tribute. And Wonder Boy. This is just a tribute.

If you listen to that again, it's like epic. So they had movies too, right? Like in the Pink of Destiny or whatever. Right, right. Yeah. I don't think I've ever seen any of the movies. Me neither. But didn't they have like a moment like a few years ago where they were like, they were

back? Or are they back now? They are back now. They're touring now. Great. They were just in my hometown, Kansas City, on my birthday, but I couldn't go to it. Couldn't do it. I wish I would have been there. Have you met Jack?

I, so just being a super fan back at that time. Yes. Oh yeah, of course. I met him like at a concert. Yeah. But you know, and like could barely form. Just was like like you're just so everything

you do is funny yes he's amazing no and also that's like this is like sometimes i think we were just talking about oscars like i always think like you should nominate people for performances that no one else could give school of rock is something that no one else could do. No one. It's like on the same level as like Jim Carrey, Ace Ventura, no one else could be that vulnerable and also

that funny. That should get the ultimate ultimate award. Just for the kind of iconography that is like that scene where he is where they're like well what would your song be like they're learning their regular there's something they're gonna do and he's like saying and he

is that there's that long segment where he's like pitching them his song and then this would come in and this would come in and he does it all in like one shot it's so good and and to act with kids that whole time and like be on the same level and like he's the audience but also they are and he's the funny thing but the kids are also fun it's just such a good movie yeah i think

about that movie constantly i was obsessed when it came out and like saying teacher's pet all the time i still like hum it like it's oh yeah classic I just like hum it and I'm just like what a great song. Like ooh la la la. Great, great movie. It's like, I think it's even like better than like Sound of Music in that way. Like it tells like in terms of the story it tells

I mean I do too for sure. I'm not. It's rule of culture number 11. School of Rock is better than Sound of Music. No it's like the same like 11 school of rock is better than sound of music no it's like it's the same like archetypes that are happening it's like

he's cast out of this group to go like work this thing that he doesn't he thinks is gonna be bad and not rewarding he meets these kids

he like finds inspiration in them you think that ooh la la la la is better than hi I'm a hero with a little legal yal yal yal yal yal yal yal

I just think no sound of music is like all time classic but like school of rock so school of, Sound of Music is like all-time classic, but like School of Rock. So is School of Rock. School of Rock is phenomenal. Miranda Cosgrove. Early Miranda Cosgrove.

Who did I Don't Think So in Chicago. Yes, Becca Brown. So she played the bassist and she just did our show in Chicago. She's great. That's so cool.

It's the coolest. She's a Chicago comedian. She's great. Also, my friend Zach Infante was in it. Zach Infante. Yeah, he played the manager. Okay, yes.

The little one that's like, the harmonies and the lights and the... And then he's like, you gotta relax. That kid. I did shows with him in college and he was a friend of mine.

There is... I do think about the kid who played just gay voice all the time. I'm like... Oh, yeah. What's his deal? I don't know,

but I'm just like, I hope he's... I think he's doing great and I think he's working. He's in the biz, but it's like, I hope't know but I'm just like I hope he's I think he's doing great and I think he's like working he's like in the biz but it's like I hope he like is so

I think he must be so well adjusted to have like been willing to play that role and played so well the gay kid but to have like

it was a time when like I remember like singing in the theater with my friends and like having like all the kids like everyone laugh at that and I was like

are we laughing for the right reasons at him or with him and I think like you have to be so well adjusted to like have made it through that and like understood that that and I was like are we laughing for the right reasons at him or with him and I think like you have to be so well adjusted to like have made it through that and been and like

understood that that's what was happening yeah and like he like whatever he like took one for the team I think

that movie also has 100% that movie also has iconic Joan Cusack yes Sarah Silverman Mike White yeah

Mike White oh Mike White we wrote it right White. Oh, Mike White. Who wrote it? Right. Yeah, he wrote it. That's right, that's right. Then he was on Survivor. He's the most interesting person.

Didn't know gay. Gay and then fucking, Survivor and then fucking. Incredible screenwriter. Enlightened. Enlightened, yeah. Yeah, he's amazing. We were just,

Zeb and I were on a whale watching tour in Provincetown. Oh. And Zeb was like, nudged me and was like, hey, there's a guy over there that's a celebrity. You might want to check it out. And I was like, he's never done that celebrity wise. And I was like, oh my God, there's a big celebrity on this whale watch, you know? And I looked over and I was like, my god this big celebrity on this whale watch you know and I looked over and I was like

that's not a celebrity that man looks kind of like Mike White that's what you're thinking isn't it and he was like uh huh was this post SNL when you had been around celebrities already

this was two weeks ago there's a major celebrity there like heidi's like breathing the same air as robert de niro like six weeks of the year and then it's like big big hey there's a big big celebrity over there celebrities like i kind of look like mike white i just have to say because we were talking about jack black and um uh mike white have you guys seen the movie, the D train? Oh, is that also with James Marsden?

Yes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So funny. Really good. So funny. And like under the radar,

but just like, and it's like classic Jack Black. It's like the Jack Black that like popped on the scene. Totally. He, did you like Tropic Thunder? Yeah. It's weird when you watch it now because the Robert

Denninger stuff is like crazy we don't know I think they were making a comment on it but whatever I haven't watched it in a while but Jack Black like underrated good part of that movie yes and I actually respect that movie it was like pretty epic I didn't see I haven't seen new Jumanji and I hear he's great in that

oh he's so good in Jumanji I need to see that oh my god I forgot he was in that right right and he's he's playing like the like he's playing the main kid um or one of like I forget exactly what goes down but one of them turns into him and they're like fuck yeah oh no you know what it's the hot girl the hot girl in the mood and like in the in real life gets it sucked in the game and she becomes Jack Black and she's like, ew. So good.

That's so fun. That's a really fun turn. Yes. He is, and I feel like he, that couples nicely with Waiting for Guffman or with Christopher Guest stuff too.

And like, Waiting for Guffman, so good. You've seen it. You haven't seen it. I haven't seen Waiting for Guffman. That's fine.

It's fine. It's annoying, but like, I haven't seen it. That's fine. It's fine. It's annoying, but I haven't seen it, but I know iconic Parker Posey, I get the whole vibe. Iconic Parker Posey, iconic Catherine.

Yeah. Iconic. Catherine O'Hara, yeah. Iconic Eugene Lovey. Everyone's so good in that. Fred Willard. I mean, everybody. Every line, everything.

One of my favorite lines from that movie is in the very beginning where it's the city council woman who's the descendant of Blaine Fabian. She's like,'s the city councilwoman who's the descendant of Blaine Fabian. And she's like, you know, it's hard being a descendant of Blaine Fabian. I certainly understand how the Kennedys feel. And I'm like, that's such a funny.

It's such funny. And like, God, I don't know. I miss that. Like that was it. Yeah, that was like that was the first piece of like whatever, like prestigious comedy. Not prestigious, but it was like someone like bought it for me my friend Dylan my friend Dylan fucking bought it for me for Christmas one

year and she was like here you'll love this you should you should watch this movie and I was like a freshman in high school I never seen it and like my all I was watching all I was consuming comedy wise was like the

Simpsons and SNL and like Seinfeld and that was that but this was like the first piece of like this is so specific yes and I and I think you would like it but I took it in and I was like wow yes and I was obsessed oh what a good obsession you know what my favorite line is what when he needs more money for the show so he goes to like the city council and he asked for a hundred thousand dollars and they're like they're so taken aback and they're like Corky I mean

the budget for the entire town for the whole year is $10,000 and that that includes the pool

and he goes well there's no swimming in my show and then like what does he say like and then what does he say like I feel so

what does he say he's so upset he's like about to cry and then he said I'm gonna go home and bite my pillow and hate you in your ass face

yeah yeah in your ass face I was just thinking today I was like thinking about Parker Posey's line reading of I was reading about New York it's just an island

it's just an island it's just an island this is so good I think I think I think it might still be my favorite Christopher Guest

is it yours or is it the first one you saw no I saw Spinal Tap like very young loved it Waiting for Guffman is my favorite

but I will say that recently I've watched Best in Show like just a few times I'd seen it back then and loved it yeah

Mighty Wind Michael McKean and who's the other actor that plays his partner yeah yeah he's got three names it's like yes i know exactly what you're talking about yeah they're amazing so good that is my favorite on-screen couple of all time they love each other so much and are also so funny and they love their dog so much talk to daddy I literally say that every time someone else is paying whenever we do I've done it to go on a bunch I'll just go talk to daddy and literally no one ever catches it but it's my favorite

reference when he he's packing seven kimonos for the day and a half they're gonna be gone and he calls them out like we're gonna be gone just a day and a half and then he goes and gets like another two kimonos yeah the day and a half they're gonna be gone and he calls him out like we're gonna be gone just a day and a half and then he goes and gets like another two kimonos so funny oh i love them also just like yeah truly like that movie i think is my favorite christopher goss without having seen government yeah yeah mind you um but it just for me it's like the relationships are all so strong like that's what i love about that movie like even like

Jennifer Coolidge and Jane Lynch like it's hard because it's a lot of couples it's just couples yeah and of course Catherine O'Hara and Eugene Levy are like iconic yeah especially when she's like when they're they're getting their credit card return they're like I'm sorry the card isn't and she goes

no that's a good that's the good card that's the good card that one should be good that's the good one two two gay couple two queer couples in that movie yeah oh yeah jane lynch jane and jennifer well they get together they get together but it's like also gotta love jane lynch in that movie where she's like you know um it's it's not atypical to have a female you know head of household you know that's the way it works for my family mom went out and made you know got made the bread and dad just stayed home and it worked for my family until my mom killed herself in 98 crazy so dark insane insane also and just jennifer cool just sitting there the whole time like

iconic is her first scene when she's talking about what she has in common with her husband who's like bedridden and old and she goes we both love soup like you think that that like because I've heard that so many times in my life you think I'd be over it no and then seeing it again

I'm like you genius woman like oh my god we both love soup and snow peas and talking and not talking we could talk or not talk forever and still find things to not talk about it's like so good the she just put together the best lines ever also parker posing in that movie is on another level they're monsters, those two, with their braces. Yeah,

with the braces. And then when she goes, when he's telling the story, I was at one Starbucks and she was at the other Starbucks and it cuts to her and she just goes, it's so good.

It's so good. And they said they're things in common where like, well, we love catalog. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. Sometimes I'll just say, honey, what's new? And she'll have to flip through and see what's new honey what's new and then and he's oh i think this is just so like he does such a good job of being an asshole like when his dog barked at someone else and he told them i will sue your ass so quick or something like or i'll sue you so fast it'll make your head spin at the airport.

Yeah. God. Oh man. There is so much in that. That movie is gold through and through. Mighty Wind is very sweet. Mighty Wind is like

there's not as much like it's not as pop it doesn't pop as much. I think Best in Show is like the most like it's the most jokes per minute. And Mighty Wind was trying to do something different

I think. It was like so sweet. I remember what like they performed at the Oscars. Yes they did. minute. And Mighty Wim was trying to do something different, I think. It was like so sweet. I remember what like they performed at the Oscars. Yes, they did. Yeah. And then have you seen For Your Consideration? Okay. For Your Consideration is kind of like,

it's still worth watching. I'd say it's kind of known as like the misstep of all those because that actually was the one, I think it's the only one that's like not. It's not mockumentary. Well, I think it is mockumentary, but it's, or maybe it's not. But there's something different about it. It's like not fully improvised. Likeary well I think it is mockumentary but it's or maybe it's not but there's something

different about it it's like not fully improvised like it's more scripted than the other ones I think that I think it might be still be kind of loose and improvised

but it is it not mockumentary at all there's no one talking to camera there's no one being like well we're getting ready for you know okay cool

it's truly just like the first scene is Catherine Han's character Marilyn Hack driving into the lot and like there's this Catherine O'Hara yeah yeah yeah sorry sorry I lot and like there's this Catherine O'Hara sorry sorry

I said Catherine Han you did sorry Catherine O'Hara also another amazingly talented actress yes everyone's so talented these Catherines but yeah that's like

the only non-monchumannery one but then Jennifer Coolidge's Jennifer Coolidge in Best in Show no in A Mighty Wind and in For Your Consideration so criminally underused she probably wasn't available

like for the whole shoots. She plays one of the producers, right? She's the producer. It looks like the family has been baked into the cookies. And I want to see that. And I want to see that. And I want to see that. And then she has a whole part where she's like,

the job of a producer is... I forget what the line is, but her delivery is so funny. You know who's in all those scenes Sandra Oh Sandra Oh I know I'm very aware that Sandra Oh is in that movie

it's just I think it's like I need to revisit it because it's like it gets shit on all the time or maybe not shit on but it is regarded as like the misstep

yeah you also mentioned before Jim Carrey yes was he also huge for you yeah me too you know

like Ace Ventura and Dumb and Dumber for sure. But then when he went, when he joined forces with Ben Stiller on The Cable Guy, and it was just that extra level of weird. It was just like, oh, I loved it. And people didn't really like The Cable Guy. Yeah, because I think it challenged them. You know what I mean?

Because that movie is, I think, about something that we're not, like they didn't really talk about but like that was that i think it was meant to be like a like a sort of like deeper weirder kind of deconstruction of that kind of like obsessive person yes to me one of the best performances ever is liar liar oh i'm just gonna say about how difficult that is no one no one else in the world no is capable no of that it nope and still like i i just can't i i still have such a like special place in my heart for jim carrey even right now i'm like such a fan of his instagram and all his like inspirational posts yeah it's definitely taken a turn but it's like yeah but how could you not take a turn after a life like that like

it's a lot going on yeah but the thing is, liar, liar. Of course, all the physical comedy. And the nailing of every joke. But then there's that moment where he's like, I'm a bad father. And he hears himself say it. And then he was able to say it. And he's like, I'm a bad father. And Maura Tierney, who is icon Maura.

It's rule of culture number 93. Icon. Mora. She's in it too. She's like, you're not a bad father. And he's like, I am. I am. And she doesn't get it.

Like that scene is so good. And then just like the whole thing. Like, oh man. Like he is. And then his dramatic work too. Like you've seen the Truman show. Yeah. That movie is really crazy

it's crazy I actually I only saw it recently for the first time and it's like it's it's really ahead of its time they wouldn't

I don't think they would make that now or maybe they would but it just would be like it would be very different like it it was the perfect sort of premise for a movie that for a movie that came out

at that time yeah and then like Eternal Sunshine we were just talking about in the car fucking love that movie

well they you know I was just watching the movie Thelma and Louise on the plane have you seen Thelma and Louise one of my favorite movies of all time but like the way that movies

used to like take their time setting up character and like really kind of seep in worlds like you don't see that anymore like even my best friend's wedding Dave had never seen my best friend's wedding like and we i was like we have to watch it now like we dropped everything and watched it that night but like the amount of time like it takes to get to

know julia roberts it takes her like a little while to get to the actual wedding and then you meet cameron diaz or whatever romantic comedies now if they ever make them it's like first scene like over a cityscape hey my name is miranda and i work in a magazine and this is my life and it's just like whoa we're already in it it's like crazy rich asians that first scene when it's like the text goes around the world it's like it's just we're thrust into the world so quickly that it's like you miss when movies didn't feel like they had to be like 85 minutes yeah you know like isn't it romantic i loved but like it's so fast literally 85 minutes and they cut so

much out of it you could tell and we've had confirmed that it's like I don't know I just miss when movies like were feature felt felt like that yeah when you get thrown into it you don't know what to care about yeah just instantly it's just like yeah you're just spewed and it's so nice to sit in and decide oh I like this person I'm starting to fall in love with this person. Yes I think that's why often times now you see like a lot of lead characters that feel the most

nondescript. I would say that about Crazy Rich Asians actually I would say that Constance Wu is like the we are Constance Wu. She's the surrogate. And like all the supporting characters are the ones that pop, like obviously Awkwafina and like, you know, Michelle

and like all these supporting characters. But it's like, when you watch something like My Best Friend's Wedding or any of these Jim Carrey movies, it's like you really know who the lead character is. And for My Best Friend's Wedding,

it's like a fully unlikable protagonist who you still root for in some way. Yeah. And I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that Julia Roberts is playing her and you root for in some way. Yeah. And I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that Julia Roberts is playing her and you root for Julia.

You just do. But it's interesting to watch these movies from the 90s and then see what romantic comedy Netflix is making now or whatever.

And it's just like the formula seems to be just different. Things need to be shorter as people's attention spans get shorter, I guess. To go back to Jim Carrey, I would,

there was a period of time when I would watch like ET, like I would watch these like Hollywood, I would just watch like TV just to see if he was like on, like my mom, like my sister would be like, Jim Carrey's on ET tonight. Oh, you mean entertainment tonight.

Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. Not yet. Extraterrestrial. And I, and be like, Jim Carrey's on ET tonight. Oh, you mean Entertainment Tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry. Not yet. Extraterrestrial. And then like I would like sit within inches of the TV

just to like watch him be interviewed and he would just make these crazy faces. Just his whole purpose in these interviews was to make the person laugh. Yes. And I was just like, how does he do it? Yeah.

I need to understand how this man's brain works because I want to be that someday. It was like truly like this crazy crazy crazy obsession like my first full celebrity obsession as a kid and still like yeah still like follow him on instagram like wow jim yeah or like when he would show up on the mtv movie awards like you knew he would win comedy performance of the year and then sometimes he was like in character or like like you knew he would win Comedy Performance of the Year and then sometimes he was like in character

or like you just knew he was gonna do something funny yeah that's the thing too is it's like that used to be

where they'd have the presenters at the Oscars and you'd come out and be like okay this is gonna be the wacky one

and often times it would be like Jack Black or Will Ferrell singing that song about Del Taco that one year do you guys know

what I'm talking about oh my god I was like Jack Black Will Ferrellrell. Seeing that song about Del Taco that one year. Do you guys know who I'm talking about? Jack Black, Will Ferrell. But now it's like I feel like they've relied a little. You kind of get the same people out there every single time now but it did used to feel like Jim Carrey would show up. What a novelty.

No one else would matter. Have you ever seen like he presented like Meryl Streep with like an AFI award one time and it was literally him like not on mic just screaming across the auditorium like meryl and she was like oh it's a delight and it's such a delight to have this and like he was just like running around the auditorium and that was just the presentation oh but then there was also but then it was at the same awards where fucking um tracy ullman came out and presented something for meryl too? Yes, this is iconic.

So you have to watch this. So it's like Meryl Streep receiving like an AFI Lifetime Achievement Award. And Tracy Ullman tells this hilarious story about how they, which I had no idea they did a movie together called Plenty in the 80s. Which was like a drama with Tracy Ullman and Meryl Streep. But they literally filmed it in like tunisia and so they were flying from tunisia back to the like united states or whatever and tracy allman tells a story about how they were positive the plane was going to crash because it started crashing like it started to go down and tracy allman is like doesn't maryland she's like i she's like well the papers are gonna have something to say about this and then she goes and i could see the headline now screen goddess streep perishes in tunisian air disaster meanwhile

limey comedian stacy pullman also on board she says it really good i don't do it as good as tracy allman none of us could none of us could that's what makes tracy icon jim carrey though On board? Also on board. She says it really good. I don't do it as good as Tracy Ullman. None of us could. None of us could. That's what makes Tracy an icon. Jim Carrey, though, like, I think, like, we're due for a renaissance or something. I know I see.

He's got the Showtime show. That's right. Oh, I haven't seen it. Have you watched any of it? No. Speaking of Showtime shows, you know what I feel like you should watch is Kirsten Dunst in On Becoming a God. You must have watched it.

Everything. I mean, I just wrote this on a piece of paper that was like anything she does yeah i wish i did like wow every single movie also every single look yep like yeah her and the virgin suicide we didn't even mention the we literally on our last episode of the pod that we recorded we talked about her so much. And then today in the news, she was quoted as saying she feels that Hollywood doesn't appreciate her. Read the quote. Read the quote. I've got it.

I've got it. You got it. But literally we were just talking about how she's like never won a major award, rarely gets nominated for shit, but always has the best taste in things. Like always seems to know like what projects to pick and they all have like staying power you know what i mean and just this under even though she was so big like also she's understated in a way because she's never obviously yeah and she thinks so too never gotten like do you think she floats a theory that she says i think maybe people think of me as the girl from Bring It On.

I think that people, because she was so kind of big when she was younger, I think people in their dumb minds are like, oh, you can't take her seriously. She's like a teenager. Meanwhile, she's fully 37 years old. Yeah. And your theory is that Hollywood thinks she's younger than she is.

I think that there's like there's like a perception of her as being like not like a leading lady type when she so obviously is and is like really makes everything look so easy

that she does cause she I feel like this might be a weird thing to like connect but I feel like she in like what

2003, 2004 like her career was like I feel like on the same level as like let's say a Natalie Portman

both of these big blockbuster franchises Wimbledon like Wimbledon and then like Natalie was in

Star Wars Kirsten was in Spider-Man Closer and like Virgin Suicides or like yeah I mean

she's got some resume like they had like very similar trajectories. And they both work with prestige directors too. It's like, you know, like there's like a lot of... What did she say? What's the quote? So the quote is, I don't know.

I've also had a lot of disappointment. The things that people like. Remember when Marie Antoinette came out? Y'all panned it. Y'all panned it. And now you all love it. Remember Drop Dead Gorgeous? Panned.

Now you all love it. It's interesting panned now you all love it it's interesting for me i feel like a lot of things i do people like later i she's so right yeah and it's it's kind of it's kind of confounding it's like she is due like such yeah such a such a more like widely celebrated career then yeah there's like so many smaller performances of hers that are just overlooked. Like my favorite example of like someone like really slang and like no one noticing is like her and eternal sunshine of the spotless. Yeah. Yes.

Another Jim Carrey tour de force. Yes. Speaking of Jim, I think so good in that. Yeah. Um, did you guys watch Fargo season two? Yeah.

Oh yeah. I mean that whole show, but what she does is so hard. Like, She's so good in that. Did you guys watch Fargo season two? Yeah. Oh. I mean, that whole show, but that season. What she does is so hard. Yes. And also, the thing about her is she's a real character actress. She embodies characters, and she's good at accents. Yes. She's this unbecoming, a God-intentional fighter.

We were talking about it today. I was talking about it today with someone, and they were saying, you see her and she's like really playing this woman like her transformation is like she gets her braces off but her body is still like this a normal woman's body you know what i mean like it's like she just like really commits to authenticity in a way that i feel is like rare i think and then part of this for someone that came up in the 90s when it was like a lot of like there wasn't so much awareness on the fact that we like do this to women in hollywood where it's like you know i bet a lot of her contemporaries are like you know like have been

are like a victim of that kind of culture which was the late 90s early 2000s i remember like perez hilton was calling kirsten dunst like a shit stain on his website like yeah seriously like she's been through a media age that was like very cruel to women sure she in the same interview i think was like i don't know i guess i'm just chill like yeah but like in a way that was just like i don't know people like people like don't people like look like overlook me because I guess I'm just like chill and I don't like make too much play the game as much

I don't play the game which I think I truly think she does because she was on Colbert like recently to promote the show and I was like oh yeah like I forgot that this was like

Kirsten Dunst like the person she's not like larger than she's just like a chill person no yeah she's an actress who that's what she does

like she's not a celebrity figure but don't you I have don't you have like such respect for that I'm just like god that's so refreshing and I am obsessed and like that's what she does like she's not a celebrity but don't you I have don't you like such respect for that I'm just like yes so refreshing and I am obsessed and like that's what I want here's a question for you like do you

get like a lot of like press like opportunities do are they asking you to do a lot of press now that you're like like not a veteran of the show you're out of that like embargo for like not like not not too much, you know, you know, more than a year ago, but yeah.

But you on Seth was truly a beautiful, beautiful moment. I loved it. Did you see Heidi on Seth? I did, I saw it, yeah. I was like, this is so cool. I was like, oh my God. Do you feel comfortable with it or is it weird? I'm trying to get more comfortable.

I think that being like a people pleaser my whole life, I can err more on the like polite. And the closer I can get to just being myself is like a challenge. I have every time I do something like this, you know, just to make sure I'm being myself. Yeah. And also it's like that thing of like be yourself, but also be like entertaining for us.

Well, it's like a lot to appear effortless. It's like effortful to be effortless. Cause being effortless truly is the hardest thing in the world. Ironically. Well, some people. Is it even real?

It's probably not real. Yeah. I think some people are just really good at like and having a lot of energy when they go out there but you know i was recently watching um like a clip of aubrey plaza on um it was like a super cut of aubrey plaza on conan and i guess her bit on conan is that she goes out there and is like whatever like okay i don't really i really don't want to do this and that's like a bit that she does but like i really respect like sticking that bit because to go out there and be like anti-energy but it's so funny like that is hard and then if it's not yeah i mean and he's laughing

and he's like he's like um so what have you been doing and she's like i don't know i've been busy and he's like okay all that kind of stuff. And she's like, um, I don't know. I did a movie that I'm here to talk about, which you know, and he's like, okay,

but now she's so lucky that she has that. And then it is effortless at this point. But like, how do you get those? Because you know, the first few times weren't like that. Probably. You had to be nervous. How do you get to that point where now it's easy?

I know. Also, Kristen Wiig, whenever she goes on, like whenever she's on The Tonight Show, it's always as a character. She'll go on as a Carrie star. Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan, yeah. I know, in a bald cap, I'm like,

oh, you want to get to that place. Where people automatically are just excited. Like me with Jim Carrey on the MTV movie. Yes. like just knowing yeah you're in for it they're gonna do something funny yeah i think like i think i think i think it's i think it's like we're it's already there for everybody to just like show up and like not expect people to be excited but just to like don't know, like carry that as if you like walk into, walk into a situation,

carrying this, uh, image of people already being excited that you're there kind of just helps. Well, being a guest on like, like Joel recently told me that he's going to start doing press for like sunny side. Joel can booster is like on that show.

Sunny side on NBC. And he said that he, he mentioned he was doing a show and I'm like, I looked at him and I'm like I looked at him and I'm like but you're my friend you're not allowed I'm gonna watch you

on a show get interviewed no no wow it was weird I was like he was like

I'm gonna be on Seth Meyers and I was like no no you can't you can't do that yeah

you're not famous you're my friend you're my friend I have a friend my friend Michelle who the second I got on SNL was like what about the trolls and I was like

Michelle I was like well yeah you know that'll be hard you know and she's like do you want me to start it and I was like what do you mean she was like like start so you know so like the first negative thing comes from a friend and I'm like oh my god and every time like she's always just kind of being like

asking the questions like what if this doesn't work out and i was like i'll be a teacher i don't know like michelle teacher michelle but it's and she's been my friend since second grade like yeah i feel like you have been embraced and beloved like in a way that like not that we haven't seen in a few years but like i really feel like the response to you has been so good do you feel that well not according to michelle michelle's the one who's like orchestrating like the camp like truly michelle but i do feel like you've you've like it's you've hit hard oh that's right and I it is very fun to watch you say s-l-a-y it's it's it's the coolest thing in the world you really kill those weekend update characters do you have like someone that you write with a lot at the

show like oh like or how what's what's the machine that is Heidi Gardner the machine well you know uh from being a shy person at first I think like like the first few weeks at SNL, you know, I was first year writing by myself, you know, which was just because it's scared to knock on doors. And you're like, hi, I'm me. And also, do you want to write with me? So that was like a character defect. But also, I think let me get my point of view out to even just the writers and producers.

And then, you know, Sudi I write with all the time and Fran Bowen, James Anderson, you and Mikey. Yep. Me and Mikey. Oh yeah.

You and Mikey are like a, it's a thing. Yeah. I mean, that was a goal this year. I was like, I want to have like chemistry with a cast member. Yeah. I want to do something. with a cast member yeah i want to

do something oh my god so that is fun andrew dismukes is um oh he is wacko yeah so i love his shit and also i loved that um floribama shore sketch that you guys did a couple years ago where you were like um i was born in epcot i was born in epcot centers and then sudi told me about the line that was cut what in the i was born in the china section. I was born in Epcot centers. And then Sudi told me about the line that was cut. I was born in the China section of Epcot centers, which means I'm half Chinese, half Disney. Which I can't believe they cut that. I know, I love that line.

It's so funny. Half Chinese, half Disney. It's so funny. Also the fact that it's Epcot centers. Centers. Epcot centers. That is such she can just tap into like southern non

like fucking southern nonsense like Bayou panhandle yes that's why I like working with him well it was like me him and Luke Knoll and I think we all come from different parts of trash that we could all and then to let that trash just swamp together

was like, oh, this feels so good. It's perfect. It really is so vivid. Luke and I love that boy. Cute boy. Let me tell you something. We run into each other a couple times in Los Angeles and handsome.

So handsome. So funny, he can play the guitar. Yeah. We just played, Zeb and I played with Luke and his girlfriend, Caitlin, a, like, one of those card games. Yeah. Like, I would say

it's like a geekery type game. Like, one that I'm not, like, I've played Settlers of Catan with them. I'm not used to those. Right. And this one was called Love Letters, and it was all, like, you earned cubes to have sex with a princess and it was really fast a fast playing game but it was very fun because i'm always intimidated i'm like my mind ain't gonna work like that i'm not gonna get this but he's really

into those so any luke no fans he's in the role. You gotta send him board game pieces. He'll like that. But he's got a girlfriend, Caitlin, who's awesome. So listen, girls, don't be sending nothing. We're only talking to you men. If you're a boy out there, you're a Luke Null fan, you can send him game pieces. But only game pieces that he and Caitlin will like.

Luke Null. And I will say he was referring to these game pieces as fuck cubes that's the only time I'll cuss on this wow that's the only time I'll cuss on this another front runner for title of that that's the only time I'll cuss

on this have you ever met Rachel Jorofsky yes don't you feel like they have very similar energy yes I knew her for like a week and I thought she was awesome you guys just remind me so much of each other she fucking loves basketball too

she loves basketball so you're like a basketball queen yeah because I think Heidi and other people I think have all had separate conversations with me where they're like, you basketball is the best sport to follow because there are narratives that

play out. And it feels, it's like, it's like, explain, I will, I will compare some, but it's like drag race.

It's like you, there are, there are these people that you're just like invested in and you want to see where they go and you want to like see. So yeah. Talk us through like the, the, the perennial appeal of basketball.

Well, the narratives. Well, just from the start, I grew up in the time of Jordan-era basketball, which was just superheroes. You know, like the Air Jordan dunking was just super fun. And also, there were so many personalities on every team. And so there's usually the star, like the every team and so there's usually like the star like the michael jordan the charles barkley the shack and then there's always like a number two

you know it was like jordan and pippen and so lately in basketball um there have been these like kind of super teams where there's almost like three players that are like amazing and then so it's like on the Golden State Warriors, it was like Klay Thompson, Steph Curry, and then they got Kevin Durant. And then that makes a super team. And then you're just like, they're never going to lose. And they won like five years in a row.

Well, what's happened with the NBA like over the summer is that now it's back to those two-man squads. Like there's no super team. So now none of us know what's back to those two-man squads. Like there's no super team. So now none of us know what's going to happen. And it's like this motley crew of like people partnering up, like James Harden and Russell Westbrook, who used to play like seven years together, and now they're back together.

And everyone's trying so hard to win a championship. And like Kawhi Leonard and Paul George are together. There's all these combos. And we don't know what's going to happen. And it's just like so exciting to see how will these personalities work together, play together. Yes. And I'm a massive LeBron fan who's been a part of super teams as well. If anybody cares about the NBA lifting, who will be like, she didn't mention LeBron having a super team too.

But he did. But I'm just a LeBron lover because he, to me, is like a real life superhero. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Who was the, when the draft picks were happening, I remember we were at work

and you were watching and who's like the kid that everyone wanted? Zion. Who's like, who also would seem like the next LeBron. Like he looks like, who also would seem like the next LeBron. Like he looks like, like when, like LeBron's, I'm not saying this in a creepy way, like LeBron's physique is out of this world.

Like it's a robot, it's a superhero, it's a man, it's a everything. And Zion has the next physique. The next top physique. Because we're LeBron. America's next top physique physique. The next top physique. America's next top physique. Did LeBron have a similar physique to Michael? To Michael Jordan? Michael Jordan was lean and tall.

And then he had to bulk up because people were coming after him. Then he did get more muscular but LeBron is just his own. How tall is LeBron? I think he's 6'9". But LeBron is like lean muscle, but buff, huge muscle.

Could do anything. Yes. Crazy proportions. Yes. He spends a million dollars a year on his body alone. Just working out? Wait, what? In terms of vitamins and like diet?

So diet, workouts, cryo. He's got his own cryo chamber. Those are the only three things I can think of. And so I'm sure more money gets dispersed to other places. I'm sure like 700K goes to food alone. He's got to have like the best of the best putting in his body. Well, I will say, so there was this one time where he posted his meal on InstaStory, and I clocked it because usually it was a steak and broccoli, and he loves wine.

But this one night, it was wine, a steak, and then what i refer to as jojo fries which are like the potato wedge fries oh but at the college dorm um in the cafeteria that i went to they were advertised as jojo fries so my friend and i know him as jojo fries so i screenshotted that that he was eating jojo fries and i sent it to my friends uh from college jenny and austin i was like oh my god lebron eats jojo fries too like this so because anything where i can have like the same pudding as lebron yes um and then that night he didn't play he was sick oh yeah did they make you sick in college probably because i ate so many jojo fries Do you think that it was that he was sick and then he was like,

well, I want to eat what I want to eat. It's not a normal game day. I'm going to eat Jojo fries. Personally, I think the Jojo fries made him sick. They interrupted his system and you can't play on that. I honor that theory. I also think he could have just known that he was sick

and he was like, I'm going to eat what I want to eat. I'm not playing tonight. I'm not playing. I'm going to eat what I want to eat. I'm not playing tonight. I'm not playing. I'm going to eat JoJo fries. Yes. It could go either way. JoJo fries.

When really, I mean, basketball players can play on anything. This is another thing I love about the NBA is that a lot of basketball players coming in, because, you know, they're like 17-year-old kids. You know, they haven't learned from the nutritionist yet. So they're just addicted to candy. There's a stat that Derrick Rose, when he was still, he missed out in college on an NCAA tournament

because of a gummy bear overdose. What? And I eat a lot of gummies, honey. Me, you, Citi are the gummy queens of gummy bears. You know how many gummies? So many. And there's lots of guys like this in the NBA. There's a shot from the Phoenix Suns two years ago.

I love it. It's one of my favorite pictures. I should frame it. Where they are on the bench. There's a game going on. On the bench, the players are passing around a Tupperware full of what appears to be Halloween candy. There's a lot of different little tiny packages and they are eating it on the bench. Unbelievable.

And then playing. They're fine. And you think it's because they just went straight from being 17 to being like professional athletes. Yeah, they still love candy. They're still kids. I love that. Yeah, they're still kids.

No, that's probably right. Yeah. And I don't know if that explains, I mean, I don't know why I love gummies so much I don't either I fucking love them I have a question maybe this is going to be a little bit

incisive but what say you about all the cheating that goes on in the NBA these men are cheaters every NBA player seems to be a cheater and we need a comment from you on that. A comment?

I mean, gosh, I'm such an NBA loyalist. There are a lot of cheaters in the league. A lot of cheaters. Well, I mean, I don't know

what the rules are when you get in a relationship with an NBA player. I feel like there might be a conversation up top. Adulteristas. No. I don't. I think that's true. It seems like there might be a conversation up top adult aristas no i don't it just seems like there's so much a lot of road a lot of stuff we don't know a lot of conversations that

we're not privy to but there are you know i don't know there are couples that i just think are um are coupled up yeah that don't you know like duane ray wade and gabrielle union that's true they are a beacon of hope tight you met them right i know i just saw them oh my god gabrielle union is an icon forever yes and for her to be now married to duane wade that must be huge you must have liked her much more. Yeah, I mean. They just, yeah, and they're so, I mean, I follow both on Instagram. They're so kind. They have a good relationship.

I think they take shots at each other in a way that I like. Yeah. Yeah. And even like sometimes, I can't remember who it was, but she posted a picture in a swimsuit and another player, I can't remember who it was just wrote like damn and then Dwayne Wade was like dude

yeah like he's checking up on it you know but it is their friend yeah that totally disproves and dismantles your whole thing you're right I think that every relationship in the NBA is healthy it's healthy I think that it's all healthy and I've obviously had discussions

that we're not privy to and I'm happy to have brought it up on the podcast because now everyone knows. Being a wag is its own job and like there are so many things. Wives and girlfriends. Okay, wag, great.

So, you know, that's all it is. Oh my God, the wag episode of Atlanta you should watch. Okay. It's very good. It's very good.

Wait, it's called Wags? I think the episode is called Wags. Okay, cool. And it's, oh, what's her face? That amazing actress. The female lead in Atlanta. It's a bottle episode where she just goes out to dinner with this friend who's a wag.

Is this E-Beats? Huh? Is this E-Beats? Yeah, yeah, it's E-Beats. And then I think it's a bottle episode of just her character hanging out with her old friend who's now a wagon and is rich and fucking doesn't give a shit. He's just like, oh, I'm still

poor. It's a really good episode of television. I'll have to check that out. And now it is time for us to check out I Don't Think So Honey. It's our segment that we always do on the pod. It's one minute to rant against something in culture that we

don't like our tours are completed for the year y'all thank you for coming out to our shows if you did come out that was very kind they were so fun every show is so good there was not a bad show truly not not a one thank god for that and thank god because there could have been I would have said you know we had a bad

show in Wichita we didn't go to Wichita but we didn't go to Wichita, you know, we had a bad show in Wichita. We didn't go to Wichita. We didn't go to Wichita. I don't think we have a fan base there. But if you live in Wichita and you want us to come, we can hang out. We'll go to a local. We'll go to a local bar. Chili's.

All right. I have one. Okay. This is Matt Rogers' I Don't Think So Honey, and his time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey Gators. Gators, you guys are crazy. You're reptiles. You are crazy. You're reptiles. You are crazy.

You eat kids. The other day, I was in Walt Disney World. And by the other day, I mean several months ago. And I was thinking to myself about that gator that ate that toddler. That was inappropriate. You took that life. Hello. You can't be having gators.

And also, if you're Walt Disney World then you're not doing enough gator maintenance you need to be getting in there and finding them and pushing them out gators y'all are dinosaurs you shouldn't actually be here I don't think so honey

dinosaurs are extinct for many years come on I don't think so honey gators that you they can also kill you with their tail

that is really fucked up did you know that if a gator swings its tail it could break your leg and snap it in half and Ken misses in books I don't think so honey gators

because you ruined my favorite state which is Florida I don't think so honey gators you kill someone and I'm becoming a god intentional Florida spoiler alert I don't think so honey gators and that's one minute you know you haven't watched it yet but you know a gator kills a character i know that a gator eats a character that's amazing

and i heard from my friend he said quote you will gasp when it happens incredible florida is your favorite state um my favorite state is california okay there you go if that's true about the gator then I would quote your friend From the Dark Knight and say I have so much more respect For that show now Well they did it Also I really was in Disney World and I kept thinking We were leaving the hotel and I kept thinking about

That horrific story About how that gator ate that toddler I can't believe it I read about it and it was a mistake to read about it Because it's really even more upsetting. But it was an ongoing story over the course of two weeks. New developments kept coming out where the parents

were trying to sue. Well, the parents were going to sue and then it was like, no, it's not a thing because the kid wasn't necessarily supposed to be there. But now when you go to the Walt Disney World Resort, everywhere there are signs that say, that are in front of the water that are like,

don't come here, don't come here, don't come here. You can tell they really went the extra mile to make sure that it never happens again because how horrifying is that? Yeah, yeah. Very horrifying. Very horrifying. Let's sit with that.

No, I'm just kidding. All right, this is going to be, so my I Don't Think So Honey was very successful on Gators. Great. This is Bo and Yang's I Don't Think So Honey. His be, so my I Don't Think So Honey was very successful on Gators. Great. This is Bowen Yang's I Don't Think So Honey. His time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey, you're up. You need to be closer to America

because I would have gone to vacation in you for my five days, the only five days I have off this whole summer. I was going to go vacation in you, but you're too far away and it would have been too much time for me to spend flying and trying to adjust to the time difference.

Europe, it would be perfect if you were just a little bit closer, about an hour and a half closer to America, then it would be so good to be in you, darling. But I can't vacation in Nice. I can't go to, you know, Lisbon or wherever the hell I would have gone. 30 seconds. I had to cancel a whole continent in my head. And I was like, I guess I'll settle for Turks and Caicos.

So that's where I'm going. I'm going to Turks and Caicos. But part of me wishes I was at, you know, the Amman resort in Switzerland. You know, part of me wishes I was in New Europe. Listen, it's not that I don't like you. It's that I wish I could. I wish you allowed me to like you. Five seconds.

And that's all. That's my beef with Europe, the entire continent of Europe. Also, you're going through some moments right now with the white nationalism. And that's one minute. Of course, that famously ended on the words, the white nationalism.

I would say, I guess it would be better for you if Europe were Canada, huh? If I was what? If Europe were Canada. If I was more, if Europe were Canada, absolutely. If Europe were Canada. I'm so sorry, I misheard you,

but yes, I understand. And famously in Canada, Montreal is sort of like the European city of Canada. Yeah, so why don't you just go there? I don't understand it.

Stupid. Montreal, I don't want to like vacation there because it's like, you can go to La Ronde. Oh my God. Oh my God, we haven't talked about La Ronde.

You know who I saw in La Ronde? Kevin Hart. Oh, Kevin Hart. What's La Ronde? La Ronde. Oh my God. Oh my God. We haven't talked about La Ronde. You know who I saw on La Ronde? Kevin Hart. Oh, Kevin Hart. What's La Ronde? La Ronde is this island in, it's this island in Montreal along the St. Lawrence River and it's a theme park.

They turned it into a Six Flags park. When I was a kid, when I was a kid, all I wanted to do was go to La Ronde. They wouldn't take you? My parents said, no, that is for, that is for rich kids. all I wanted to do was go to La Ronde. They wouldn't take you to your parents? My parents said no. That is for

that is for rich kids. And they were totally bullshitting me but they were like they just didn't want to take me to the theme park. It does sound like it's for rich kids.

La Ronde. La Ronde. Well I think I think my sister and I use my sister went all the time but for me it was like I used that as

leverage to be like well then when we moved to the US you're taking us to Disney World. and it worked but my whole childhood because all the all the cool kids went to le ronde over the summer every single weekend and i was like i want to go so badly oh i'm so sad for you that you didn't get to go i can see the little you like begging you got to go i got to go to anything i desired I desired, hun. Because I was actually taken to anywhere I wanted to go. My parents never restricted me.

I never heard no. I never heard no at all. I could say the name of a theme park and we would be on our way. Hershey Park. Yeah. I've been to Hershey Park many times. Many times. And guess what?

I've done every roller coaster in there. Oh my God, this monster. And I would get to go now. If I said to my parents I wanted to go. This is how he is to me. I knew it. They didn't make it happen. How about that?

Heidi is horrified. Because I was at a theme park once, Worlds of Fun, where I'm from. Worlds of Fun, Kansas City. Worlds of Fun. I've been to Worlds of Fun. But you haven't, have you? No. Okay, so I was at Worlds of Fun and with two of my friends well a friend

and then his little brother who wasn't so little at the time he was eight and the mom was there and she still pushed the eight-year-old in a stroller and that is who i am thinking of that you got pushed no i literally would be the one i would be the one who would walk on my own two damn feet to every goddamn attraction. No, you got pushed and you were like, roll me to the roller. No, I literally I worked really hard to be able to walk. And who was I in that park? No one because I

wasn't there. I was the only one to go. Boo hoo. Stupid. Meaningful. Listen, now we turn to Heidi Gardner. Oh my god. And it's going to be your I don't think so honey. This is Heidi Gardner's I don't think so honey. Her time starts now. Okay, warning.

Europe's going to take it again. I don't think so honey. Croissants are good in France. I don't think so honey. America got better at it. I don't think and the proof is in the pudding. Go to Dominique Ansel,

the creator of the cronut. He forgot about the crow part of it. Okay, because the croissants in France are low to the ground, no flake. America practiced and got better. It's the same as like with

the NBA. We're the dream team basketball in the Olympics. 30 seconds. But like sometimes, you know, you get lazy because you think you're the best and then Portugal or Spain comes in and wins. France has done that with croissants. Go to Proof in LA. Go to the Village Bakery. You'll get a high-flying

croissant. Lots of butter. That place, Maison Cuisere, which I just butchered the name. Just a joke of a croissant. And honey, I grew up eating grocery store croissants and I've gotten better. I don't think so, honey.

One of our best. That was really good. Are you talking about I grew up eating grocery store croissants and I've gotten better. I don't think so, honey. Yes! One of our best. That was really good. Are you talking about Costco croissants? Because those things were high-flying. I'm talking about Sun Fresh, but I bet we see that we're thinking the same in our head. Big, wide, plump.

Yes. Low-to-the-ground croissants. I don't think so, honey. No flake. No flake. No flake. With a hard K. We are Portugal.

We're Lisbon. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. I love that. I'll be going to Dunkin' Donuts and enjoying the croissants there. Oh, very good croissants.

High flake, but I like them. High flake? Yeah. That's what we like. No, I'm just saying, like, if the barometer is no flake you'd rather have no flake wait what do you want i want flake and i want butter and i want big oh my god i liked you so much and then in the last two minutes with the theme park snobbery that you have shown and brattery. Brattery.

And then just help cockily this Dunkin' Donuts. I just want to say that my I don't think so, honey, had nothing to do with the Dunkin' Donuts croissant. Because I don't have, I will try it. But he's putting that on to me. You gotta go. He's putting that on to me. You gotta go. He's putting that on to me. All I'm saying is they know how to pair it

with an egg and a cheese and a sausage. Oh my God. See, no. I just want a croissant. I just want... I don't like Chris sandwiches. Chris sandwiches are no. You don't need it.

Shut up. I do. They get so greasy and become their own thing yeah they definitely do but I enjoy what they become I don't do just a croissant because I am not a pastry queen I am

you know I love a croissant it's truly my bread and butter oh fuck now Heidi hates me too oh my god you guys are bad at this you start really strong and charming

at the beginning I was delighted and towards the end she had no respect for us oh my god and it attracts wow this is a fantastic episode of Lost Cultureistas a fabulous episode we Lost Culturistas.

A fabulous episode. We've been fantasizing about this very moment for very much time. Where can people find you every week on television? Saturday Night Live. It's going to be on right now. I guess we're in the season. Oh, yeah. By the time this comes out out we'll be in the season season 45?

that's cray I know isn't that fun that is fun it feels like I've been here the whole time 45 years baby 45 years baby Heidi what a joy you're truly the best person

the best person I heard one with the best person and i heard you give good gifts too christmas gave everybody a plate of cookies and i and like i said like numerous people told me that but you know whose cookie was on that that was the best cookie michelle michelle the one my troll my best friend she made she came over and helped make cookies and her cookie got all the attention

no I didn't make and no comment about no cookie I said they were all good no comment about no cookie we love you so much

we love you and thank you for being here I love you guys too and now we do we finish every episode with a song and if you wanna be

the teacher's pet, oh baby, you just gotta forget it. Rock got no reason, rock got no rhyme, you better get me to school on time. Da-bow!

Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog. wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram, at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy, Elian Gonzalez,

was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzales wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom.

Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes?

We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Sheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there.

Listen to Levels to This with Sher Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart

Women's Sports. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. founding partner of iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one.