Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "To The Shoulder" LIVE (w/ Big Dipper)

Episode Date: April 17, 2019

This week marks the first intimate LIVE INTERVIEW episode of Las Culturistas, featuring the very special guest, Big Dipper. They discuss breakups, award shows, capitalism, and fisting!---MERCH! MERCH! GET YOUR LAS CULTURISTAS MERCH!https://www.teepublic.com/stores/las-culturistasLAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasSUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS TODAY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST. LAS CULTURISTAS IS PRODUCED BY EMMA FOLEY.http://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/las-culturistas/ Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This fall on Bravo. It's time to turn up. Think you've seen it all? I don't think you've been a good friend to me lately. We're friends like that, who needs enemies? You ain't seen nothing yet. Cheers to being Germanic. With the Real Housewives of Potomac.

Oh my gosh, can I take this in? It's gonna be amazing. New York City. Everyone is a gossip. No one gets a happier life. Salt Lake City. We don't wear costumes, we wear fashion. And below deck sailing out.

You broke the rules and now you're here getting upset. Watch all new seasons on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. Let's have a real good time. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all

times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're gonna find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on

Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13

to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate, delusional dreamer. Be a delusional of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one.

On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Forever! Dog! Look, man. Where? Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow, is that culture? Yes. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Las Culturistas. Ding dong.

Las Culturistas calling. Woo. I love this for you guys. Okay, whose idea was this? People listening at home There is a unit of upholstery There's a mat And two gorgeous people are sitting on it

Freaking gorgeous Were you the last couple that held up the show? We were told backstage The last couple Is getting a drink Are you in fact a couple? No. No?

What's the chief reason why you are not? Gentlemen. What was your, I want to hear from you. What was your diplomatic, you were going to say he prefers, you know, what were you going to say? Yeah. Dick. Just a dick. A dick on anybody.

Can I say, I don't feel like the dick is what makes me gay. You know what I mean? Like, let's unpack. It's the, well,

I don't feel that the dick is the most attractive part of the man. This is what's happening. Or the male presenting. You're a homosexual, which means you're attracted to the most attractive part of the man. This is what's happening. Or the male presenting. You're a homosexual, which means you're attracted to the same gender. Uh-huh. And you're just attracted to men.

Right. And men don't have to have dicks. But mostly like ass, actually. Okay, there we go. We got it. We got that. Oh, listen. Listen.

That was just a cold open, really. That was just a little teaser for what's to come. Cold open. This is the very first time we've ever done something like this. Yeah. Yeah. Where we've had a crowd. It's fun.

It's super loose, super cash. Super loose, super cash. You're wearing like a stripe. Yeah. I wore this. Oh, this is going to be a theme for tonight. We're going to talk about breakups in general. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wore this to a thing, to drinks on Monday with this guy and I thought he was going to want to get back together and instead what he wanted to do was just have a post mortem on us. He wanted to have a talk back about

the relationship? And I was like, okay. I want to dress for the boyfriend I want to have. And I put this on and I was like, I want to accent my shoulders. Literally. Can I ask the question I ask you every time this happens? Which one was it? Because there's two boys. Yeah.

This one was the one who was already a doctor. So there's two of them and one of them is already a doctor. And one of them is like a baby doctor. A baby doctor. They're both going to listen to this.

They truly both listen. It didn't work out. It's fine. In essence it was another breakup, right? Existentially, it felt like a rejection. It was like, okay. I'm not a fan of the positions

that you keep putting yourself in with him. Oh. This is an intervention. We're all here because we love you. But that's okay. You're in Los Angeles, babe. There's so many gay men. There's one right there.

There's one right there. There's a dick right there. He chose to sat on the floor close to you. No, he was ushered in and placed. Okay. This is truly our first conversational moment of catching up. We've been separated. We've been separated. We've been separated.

And he's been the Bethany Frankel all of a sudden. He's like, I gotta go. I'm so offended. He walks in. At no point was I ever a Bethany Frankel. Not even when she was likable. Never. Because I also am not that creative.

He walks in. He walks in. He goes, oh, hi. Sorry. Hello. Good to see you. We haven't seen each other in a while. He walks in. He walks in. He goes, oh, hi, sorry. Hello, good to see you. We haven't seen each other in a while. I got to go. I got to go. And then it's like,

yeah, it's like I get it. Matt used to, you know, sell muffins in a grocery store and now he makes Skinny Girl. It's great. You know I identify with Dorinda. Yeah, but all of us want to be Dorinda. Is that true?

And what you and I both are are Ramonas Ramonas and Sonia Risings. Yeah. Yeah.

Are you guys fans of Real Housewives of New York? New York. My takeaway from the whole thing is what the fuck is Sonia's new apartment? Oh, it's so sad.

It is so sad. Her shoe rack is... Ikea. And the fact that she still has her assistant cut up chunks of banana or whatever the fuck and put them on a plate and bring them to her while she is supine in her bed. Talking to herself out loud.

It's sad. It's not great. Whatever, she voted for Trump. I don't care. I don't feel sorry for her. Okay, no, but this is the thing about the Housewives. Tell us the thing about them.

At least for New York. Sonia, Ramona, Luann. Yeah. All little Trumpettes. And this is even worse. Tinsley registered in, I think, Florida? And didn't vote!

And did not vote. Guys, okay, just chill. You shook your head. You were like... We've chilled the room. It's fine. We can move on. Anyway, we can... This is not about the election tonight. This is not about the election tonight. This is about breakups. This is about breakups. Our guest

broke up with someone two hours ago. So that's why we bring this up. That's that feeling of thickness in the air. It's that. It's that. And I broke up with someone recently too, two years ago. And I talk about it not a lot. Yeah.

But that's okay. He's doing well. He's petting elephants in Thailand. Don't worry. He doesn't listen anymore. He told me that. Okay. Oh, well, in that case,

it's really nice to see a white person in Thailand. Here we go. Just... Drag white people! No, no, no, no, no, no. Take us down! Because honestly, it immediately puts me in... It just, it takes me to an eat, pray, love place.

And then I feel better. I feel nice. The shocking thing about, like, gay people in Thailand is if they were even to say that they were gay, like, whisper it, they'd be immediately like... No, not in Thailand. Not in Thailand? In Thailand, it's the gays are running around

running amok. Really? Yeah. No, Thailand is great. Thailand, though, is this... I've never been, but I... You would love to have gone right now. You'd love to expound. Yeah, I'm just... Yeah, I actually will just stop it right there. What do I have

to say about Thailand? I do want to go to the eastern part of this world. No, no, no. Last thing you said, I want to go to the east. I would like to go to the east. You keep calling it the east. I would like to go to the east because they have a large Disneyland in Shanghai

that I would like to go to. Yes, queen, yes. Why did you just go like that? You are? Okay. What's your name? What? You have a sweatshirt.

Oh, it's a denim. Even better. What's your name? Amanda. Hey, girl. I know about 45 Amandas. Hi, you pointed. She has a very popular Disneyland Instagram.

Really? You're exposing me. No, that's good. If I would love to have a Disneyland Instagram, in fact, I sort of do. It's my personal Instagram. So I just went for my birthday. It was really great.

Yes. We ate. I ate a turkey leg somewhere. They're so big. He got the tryptophan, honey. He got all of the tryptophan. Anyway, bye. Wait, no, no, no.

How often do you go? Do you have a season pass? Yes. What's the cadence? How often are you go? Do you have a season pass? Yes. What's the cadence? How often are we going? Seriously? Okay, that's literally what I'm going to turn into if I move here.

I have Sunday off and I was like, hmm. And then can I ask, what do you do? Do you have a job? Do you work? I do, yeah. I'm a social you have a job? Do you work? See, that's cool. For what? It could become uncool so fast right now. Literally for what?

Yeah! Wait. Go back, go back. So does he get... Well, say your job into the mic. How did this happen? I'm a social media producer for Dr. Phil. By the way, you asked how did this happen? It's because I said the word Disneyland

and you went like this. That's how this is currently happening. Okay, so... Does he come up with like social media ideas and you make them a reality it's more like strategy like we help him with that like we kind of come up with stuff to post for him

what does he struggle with what does he have trouble doing social media wise he wants to post like a lot and we have to be like no don't post that much you need to like less is more yeah yeah I agree less is more I agree

cool okay so gotta say gotta point out Dr. Phil my second favorite TV doctor I like Dr. Oz oh I think that's a hot button issue

in this room? Well, post- The fuck? Post-Trump interview, he's done. Oh, I didn't know about this. What happened? What do you mean

you didn't know about this? This was in the fucking lead up to the fucking election. Don't scream at me. Where, like, he gave Trump a platform to show off his fucking physical and be like,

look, my prostate is sound. I'm so happy you said the words prostate because that reminds me of a story I have about Dr. Oz. So I once went to the Dr. Oz show and it was an all male audience. And this was in college. I went with Billy Domino. We went

and it was an all male audience and the warm up the guy who warms up the crowd clearly has only ever had crowds of all women because it's Dr. Oz. So he came out, and he busted through. Hey, queen.

Yep. So I'm telling my Dr. Oz story. You're just in time. We're talking about Dr. Oz. So the stand-up that warms up the crowd for Dr. Oz busted through the door. He just goes, where's my men? And everyone was like...

And he literally immediately caught himself and he's like, sorry, I'm just excited. He was like, I'm sorry, I'm just excited that there's men here. And we were just like... His job is to like make us comfortable. And we were just like, we're not for you and you're not for us.

Did he say the words, sorry, I'm just excited that there's men here? He said some variation of that, yes. Oh, wow. But anyway, that was helpful. They passed out little pretend ball sacks and we felt it up for testicular cancer. Oh.

Testicular. Yeah. What are the signs? Rock hard little pebble in your ball sack. God. No, but how's life been? This is truly, I do want to catch up. Yes.

Like, great. Great? I'm very happy. Good, good. Are you happy? I'm good. Yeah? This trip has just ended up being,

I wanted a little mini vacation, a pseudo vacation for myself, and it just ended up being, the boundaries are down, and work is life. I'm living for the way you're holding the mic. Like this. So, yeah. It's just

hard. How did that happen? What's happening? I gave her a little H.J. and then I worked my way up the shaft and I landed at the rim. Do you know what? We watched a video in

the room I'm in the other day and it was a woman who, she was like being a DJ at like a bar mitzvah. And the mic was like this. And the mic lodged all the way down her throat somehow. And so now every time I go to a show and they say, the mics are not that hot, so go like this. I'm very hesitant.

And by now, I mean the one time I've been at a show since then, which is right now. Anyway, the moral of the story is be careful of mics. Over and under on one of us swallowing a mic tonight. What do you think? I think one of us will.

One of us will swallow a mic. I think our guest may swallow a mic. Was that an intro? Is that like a segue? Maybe. I want to say one more thing before we bring out our fucking stunning guest. Stunning guest. Bowen Yang has some ink.

Oh, yeah. Did you see his tattoo? I got a tattoo. Thanks. You marked your body. Marked my body. I'm seeing my parents in two days and we'll see what they think. Will they be... They'll be mad. They'll be mad. But it doesn't

matter. This is like evocative of Chinese school. Is Sharon in the audience? Sharon! Sharon and I went to Chinese school together in Denver. Okay. And this brings back memories.

But I think I'm going to lead with, this is what I'm going to tell my parents. Because you're going to get this. I'm going to be like, this is actually a tribute to Lao Ye, to Grandpa. Because he loves calligraphy. Because this is a calligraphy grid. And I think that's going to be my spin for it.

Will this work, Sharon? I don't know. I guess I think it's going to be my spin for it. What do you think? What? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sharon. Sharon. An accusation has been hurled. Wait, you are the new Amanda.

Sharon. Okay, queen. Sharon, you and I weren't in the same classes. Shut up. Sharon you and I weren't in the same class shut up tell me all about how Bowen Yang cheated his way to this very stage in Chinese school

in Chinese school yeah okay yes oh there's so much dirt on you Bowen I'm just kidding he was the actually amazing student

I was the cheater no you never cheated you were very good. I think we all cheated throughout Chinese school. I think it was just unrealistic to expect. What is Chinese school? It's basically every Sunday we were forced to suffer through this classroom full of Chinese kids who didn't really speak Chinese to each other.

We spoke English. Yeah. But it was, Chinese school was actually a battleground for the parents to work out their political bullshit. It was. Oh, actually, but Chinese school gave me one good memory.

Do you remember this kid, Sharon? This kid, one time, this was at peak Yu-Gi-Oh culture. Oh, yeah. And this, couldn't have been older than nine years old. This little boy in a bowl cut was walking

around the halls of Chinese school holding up a holographic blue eyes white dragon card. A card that is in every starter deck. And he's holding this up and walking around the halls,

showing it to people, just not saying a word, just being like smugly, being like, look what I have. And the parents, the teachers, the students, we were all like, we don't give a shit. And that is social media. So we got that kid. I just have to interview one more person and it's this queen sucking on a lollipop.

This young woman is sucking on a lollipop and you wanted me to see so I am going to ask you about it. Hi, how are you? Great. How's the lol? It's pretty good. What flavor? I think it's

chocolate. Ew. That sucks. it's pretty good what flavor? I think it's chocolate it's brown ew that sucks and that concludes I thought the most disgusting thing you could say

was grape and you said chocolate a lot of grape shaming anyway is it time? I think it's time I think we bring out our very special guest

we truly have a very special guest. He is someone who truly was out there putting shit out for a while. And he still does. He's still so good. He has an album out called Late Bloomer. He's wonderful. He's done amazing stuff.

Actually, someone said this to me. They didn't start, this guy that I was talking to was like, I didn't start drinking LaCroix's until his song LaCroix Boy. And this guy is permeating the culture constantly. And he's an amazing musician, amazing producer. He produces a podcast on this network called Race Chaser, hosted by Willem in Alaska. And God, he's so talented.

Such a funny, great, talented musician. We're so excited to have him. So please welcome here and in your ears, Big Dipper! We gotta kill this switch. You're from the 70s, But I'm a 90s bitch I love it Yeah.

Yes. Oh, yes, yes, yes. We wanted to come out to Iconopops. I love it. And then we got scared and came out to Lizzo instead. But I came out to it. Yeah, you came out to it. Hi.

Hi. Oh, we're kicking our feet up. We're doing Ottomans if you'd like. So you have one. Why is this night different than all other nights? Because Ottomans. So listen, we did break the news to the audience that you had went through a breakup. Are you feeling comfortable to talk about it?

I heard you say that boldly. Yeah. Mere hours ago. Yeah. How are you doing, Emosh? I'm good. One of the issues was I was told I'm an avoidant personality. That's not a Myers-Briggs.

Here I am doing a show instead of dealing with it. Oh. No, but you've dealt with it. Yeah, I feel like that. Okay, so can we tell the audience that you went into this with a script? I did, yes. Yeah.

It was really intense because it was a brand new experience for me. I had never really been in that experience before in that situation. And I knew that I wanted to say exactly what I wanted to say. So I wrote it on my phone like an asshole and then read it. That's cool. Did you ever look up to make eye contact? I did a few times.

But listen, you would have the same reaction, right? To what? You've read a script before that has emotional beats in it. For sure. And I'm a good writer so I wrote like something that was

Did you feel you gave a good performance of your own script? I mean that's the problem. I was trying not to. Not to perform? Yeah I was just trying to be and I felt like there were elements of it that were performative. Okay. Oh. How did the audience respond?

Not well. It was very intense. I'm also trying to take a note because I listened to the podcast. On a recent episode, there was a conversation about talking about experiences in your life but not speaking for the other person.

Did you guys hear that on their podcast? Do you remember this conversation? No one here has ever listened. No one listens to the show? No. These are all my cousins. No, just the idea that I can talk about what I went through, but it appeared

like it wasn't received very well. No. Well, I'm sorry. but I don't know. You know, like it appeared like it wasn't received very well. No, no. Well, I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm sorry too. It's sort of like a sad, weird,

shitty situation. Yeah. One aspect of this that we, you don't have to speak for him. Sure. But one aspect of him that we're them. Woman. No,

I'm just kidding. No, my fucking asshole fell out. I was so scared. Also, earlier when you were like, it's the thing for me about being gay. It's not the dick. I was like, it's the dick.

It's the dick. It's the dick. It's not the dick for me. It's the dick for me. They all look the same. You've seen one. You've seen them all. I think.

We need to hang out more because that is not true. Is that because your dick is like a fork or something? Could be. Yes. Spork. Spork. Oh, it's got concavity. So one aspect of this is that you were like in the period of you guys dating, you were traveling.

Yes. But things were being hashed out as you were traveling, which I feel like in, in the nascent stages of a relationship, when one person goes somewhere far away, it's kind of like hitting pause. It's like, well,

we're not going to see each other. So let's just effectively pretend that this is on a, on a little bit of a break. Right. But he was, whatever. We don't have to get in really good into this. It was very intense.

It was start to finish six weeks. That's, it was, yeah. Condensed. And I was in another hemisphere for 12 days of those six weeks. It was very. Without him or with him? Without him. Okay.

So, but I think one of the worst things you can do is take a vacation to save the relationship. Like we had a friend that did that and then they ended up breaking up in literal Paris. That's like and then fly back sitting next to one another? You better believe. Really? That's what

they did? Yes. Yeah. They didn't change their scene. I know, but I didn't think about the flying back yeah you gotta think about that you gotta think about logistics always but also in the i'm not gonna well i guess i am in like the last few months of our relationship we took a euro trip and i thought wow this is wait what relationship are you referring to do you listen to the show? These are all my cousins. No, but I just remember we took a European

vacation and I was like, is this helping? And you think it is because it's like you put yourself in a romantic setting and you're seeing new things together and having a new experience and that kind of prolongs dealing with what's real. It's like in that episode of Mad Men

when Don Draper longs dealing with what's real. It's like in that episode of Mad Men. When Don Draper and January Jones go to Yes. They go to Italy and she's got that perfect haircut. And then they love each other and then they get back and it's like

back to the 50s babe. The haircut falls away. The haircut falls away. It was all a piece. Yeah. The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are back. I love that. Oh my gosh. Welcome. And last season's drama

was just the tip of the iceberg. You're recording us? I am disgusted. Never in a million years after everything we've been through did I think that you would reach out to our sworn enemy. We were friends. How could you do this to me? I don't trust her.

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Wednesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude.

You're a dude. And Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past. And we're just going to sit here and talk about them. And we'll get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, Gronk? We got studs. Wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes dudes get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, Gronk? We got studs, wizards, we got freaks,

or dudes dude. We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games, we'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dudes dude? We're gonna

find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season listen to dudes on dudes on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts on Thanksgiving day 1999 a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean he had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba look like looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian Gonzalez.

Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him.. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzales wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami.

Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura

podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian, and basketball hall of famer. I'm a mom and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby, journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts, you know, just all the we go through. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I, well, we have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart women's

sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Yeah. Wait, and what was the outcome of your post-mortem? Just that... Did you get critical feedback to change things in the future? A little bit, yeah.

Yeah, that's like an intense thing, right? And I... When someone's like, I don't know you very well, but let me tell you all about yourself. Well, he was framing it in terms of like, and he's going to listen, he was framing it in terms of like... Shout out.

Hey. We've had conversations and he's going to listen, he was framing it in terms of like, Hey! We've had conversations where he's felt uncomfortable about any mere mention of him when I've talked about him. Well, that's because Bowen used his first name on an episode once, but we're not using his first name on this episode. So he...

It's Kevin. No, it's not. Yeah, I was going to guess. It's not Kevin. He would never date a Kevin. Who knows? And he was Yeah, I was going to guess. It's not Kevin. He would never date a Kevin. Who knows? And he was like... Are you Kevin? Okay. He was like, you know, I was really attracted to you until you did this. And I was like, well, sorry I did that then.

What did you do? Well, because I was in this place. There was this big disparity between and this is all just insecurity. I was like, what am I doing with a guy like this? I was like, oh, he's way out of my league. And then out of that insecurity, one night just pillow talk, I was like,

I was testing the waters and I was basically being like, so I've and whatever, in as many words, I was like, I was testing the waters, and I was basically being like, so I've, and whatever, in as many words, I was like, I'm sort of seeing other people, but I don't know. Like, maybe I don't have to. Whatever, it was more graceful than that. But apparently, me talking about seeing other people

while we were dating non-exclusively was like the thing that like just killed it. He wanted it to be unspoken. I'm sorry. They wanted it to be unspoken. It's actually rule of culture number nine. Bowen Yang is straight.

We didn't say that together. Bowen Yang is straight. Sorry, now it's locked. Remember when I said I had a note for you? What's your note? This is my note as a listener. Yeah. I know that you have, there's a person out there who keeps track of all the rules,

right? Yes. Kelly, Joe, Kelly, Joe. I would just like, I want to encourage you to just put a one in front of your numbers.

Cause we're probably up in the one hundreds now at this point. I hear you. And no, I'm like listening. And I'm like like i hate the fact that there's like a nine a b c oh no no you know what i mean so kelly keeps very good track of things matt's go-to number for rules is 17 no it's 14 either of those and then 70 those are the only two numbers i know 72 i don't even know two don't know how I just did that and she'll do like a .17.1

I mean I figured but wait what was I saying oh yeah the thing for him was that that was the thing that like killed it for him wait we were saying something you were straight I was straight

so here's the thing I'm sorry that you went through a breakup We were saying something. You were straight. I was straight. Bowen's straight. Anyway. Anyway. So here's the thing. I'm sorry that you went through a breakup. Yeah, me too. But we're not here to talk about him, them, she. Right. We're here to talk about you. Yes! And so...

Which apparently was why the breakup happened. Too much talk about me. Too much talk about me. Oh, no. So let's just continue that. Yeah. We ask everyone a question here on lost culture is to us and that question is what was the culture that made you say culture was for you yes this is

the formative pop culture in your life that turned you into this beautiful gorgeous hunk of man we see before us so go on and tell us that um i thought about this a lot because I know that you asked this question. And something that really stuck out in my mind was the 1999 VMAs. Okay. Which VMAs was that? Chris Rock hosted. Britney performed with NSYNC and introduced them by saying, I'd like to introduce you to some friends of mine, right? Oh, my God. Yeah, god, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it was like... Oh yeah, it was like a track, right? The classroom, the classroom. And then TLC performed in the all red, no scrubs moment where they gave them eight feet of stage. Do you remember this? There was like a scrim down

and you were like, they don't get the whole stage? What the fuck? What the fuck? Was that your Fiona Apple one or no? Who? No, I'm just kidding. That was rude. I didn't mean to say that. She gave my sister an eating disorder. I don't know. Fiona?

Didn't she give everyone an eating disorder in the 90s? Absolutely. Do you remember the video for, what was it called? Smooth Criminal? No. Criminal. More like Smooth. Oh, yeah.

Not Smooth. Thank you. Okay. So 99 VMAs. How horrible. 99 VMAs. 99 VMAs had so many good live performances. And just like there was a lot of crossover that i didn't realize was probably like back-end record

companies being like oh if these people work like this we'll make more money you know like and it was just this sort of like convergence of like art and capitalism and like pop culture and didn't they do it at like the met or the at lincoln center or something and that was when diana ross like uh uh uh jiggle jiggle kim's titty yeah that was iconic yes that whole show i feel like was really iconic and after that show was so cool i then and i grew up not having cable uh-huh yeah i then made it my business to always like my friend taped it for me so i watched that on vhs sure so i then made it my business to always go watch the vmas yeah and and they sort of never really i mean there were moments but like in my mind they never lived up to that yeah and i really really am like into pop music.

I'm really into like, I love thinking about, even when it's like a trash strategy, I love thinking about like, oh, they put those words in that song that helps sell this car because Ford kind of owns this record company. You know, like that kind of stuff. I'm like, who's doing that?

You know, like I always think so. And I like figuring that out. So it fostered your love for pop music and capitalism. I guess capitalism, yeah. I don't think I noticed that until much later because I'm extraordinarily dumb. But so pretty. But one time...

Do you remember this I was really into X Factor when it came on and so I was telling Sudi like you have to watch X Factor with me you will love X Factor and like she would hate X Factor but we sat down to watch it and there was this scene I remember the moment I became aware

of capitalism because she was like look how many Pepsi cans are in every single shot. And I was like, oh my god. And this was like the moment I saw the Pepsi cans and then I couldn't unsee them. Now everywhere all I see is

Pepsi cans. I literally was having this conversation the other day because I just watched an episode of High Maintenance where he like wakes up in a Casper mattress store and you're like, oh that seems fun. And then you're like wakes up in a casper mattress store and you're like oh that seems fun and then you're like wait cat like it says casper she's wearing a hat they're like in a store and i was like oh they got paid by casper mattress not even high maintenance right and i was like is that a job i can do where someone goes you need to we like like fiddle

a way to put these products into a script and i'm sure that job is that your job oh okay well email me because i'll be good at that job because rap music about anal sex does not pay well it's frightening when you think about like how much we're being like sold at all times. You know the movie Josie and the Pussycats? I think that shit is so ahead of its time in genius. And I think Parker Posey should have won an Oscar for it.

If only for the scene where she comes down the stairs at the party and they play a musical theater version of Pretend to Be Nice. Why did you do what you do to me, baby? And she's like, driving me crazy. You know if I could, I'd do anything for you. Yeah, the embellishments on that were beautiful.

Such a genius movie. Have you seen that movie? Never. Stupid bitch. Oh, you'd love it. I was just smiling and nodding with you. You haven't seen Jailing the Pais Have you seen that movie? Never. Stupid bitch. Oh, you'd love that. I was just smiling and nodding with you. You haven't seen Josie and the Paisley Gatlin movie? Is Rosario Dawson in it?

Yes. Wait, hold on. Is Rachel Cook in it? Yes, Rachel Lee Cook. Okay, I'm aware of it. I just haven't seen it. Don't do erasure. Rachel Lee Cook.

And who's the third? And who's the third? You know. Tara Reid. Stop. Rachel Leacock. And who's the third? And who's the third? You know. Tara Reade. Stop. Tara Reade. I was going to guess someone who was dead. I was going to guess Brittany Murphy.

Oh. No, it was Tara. She would have been great. She would have been great. Yeah, okay. She would have been great. No, she was busy at the time with riding in cars with boys. So she, no, no, no.

Tara Reid, she was dating Carson Daly at the time. Sorry, I'm thinking of Tara Lipinski every time you say Tara Reid. Honestly, they look alike. Okay. Do they? Tara Lipinski and Tara Reid? Yeah. It's a great movie.

Wait. Oh, yeah. She was dating Carson Daly at the time. And there's this scene where Carson Daly tries to kill them. Oh it's so good. Wait. Carson Daly is in the film? Carson Daly plays Carson Daly and he tries to kill

them. Well no it's actually funny because Is it? It's funny because the record execs are like oh those two know too much. We have to get rid of them. So we're going to send the two of them Rosario Dawson and Terry, to TRL. And they're going to go, and then they get to the studio, and it's all cardboard cutouts of all these

celebrities. It's really funny. It's so stupid. And then Carson Daly comes out with Aries Spears from Mad TV fame, and they, the two of them have to kill them. And then it was actually a vehicle for Aries Spears to do his Mike Tyson impression. Yeah, it was that. So that's what it was.

Parker Posey and Alan Cumming. I just told you, I was like, I'm very inspired by capitalism. That whole film was like agents being like, and then. Yes. So that movie is about like, they become this like pop star super group like overnight.

Right. And in their music deeply embedded in the tracks is like, you want to buy Starbucks you want to buy movie phone oh then I should watch this film yeah no you would love it that's why I bring it up cool I didn't just bring it up

I didn't just bring it up to sing that song yeah I wouldn't put that no probably not it has an amazing performance by missy pile and she's incredible oh missy pile's really good in it too and alan coming and alan coming jesus yeah it's good it's good i can't believe you haven't seen it yeah okay so what's i would say 2000 vmas sort of lived up to 99 where you had the canadian you had justin and britney in

that was the year right i think in 2000 it was like Eminem did the big like the number where he had all the people the music video where everyone was dressed like him. What was that song called? Just Like Me? The Real Slim Shady? I'm so mad that we're talking about Eminem.

And then Brittany did Oops I Did It Again? Ain't Got No Satisfaction into Oops I Did It Again. Yeah, that was good. Did you say Oops, I Did It Again. Ain't Got No Satisfaction Into Oops, I Did It Again. Yeah, that was good. Did you say Poops, I Did It Again? I was short. He probably did say Poops, I Did It Again. He loves poop.

Uh-huh. He loves to talk about it. Yeah, that one probably lived up to it. Yeah. But you had two adjacent years of awesome, awesome VMAs. And there have also been very bad ones. Was I with you when we... No, I think I was with Greta.

When we watched the Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Madonna thing. Yeah. That actually was a good performance. I know the kiss gets most of the fanfare, but the choreography was good. Britney sounded okay. I'm going to such like a nowadays

statement which is I saw a tweet and I literally can't remember who tweeted it but it was about that and it was like something about the editor who decided to yeah was that your tweet no did you see this but I remember it someone saw this

on gay Twitter right but it was the idea of like, oh, whoever decided to cut to Justin Timberlake's reaction made Bionic not a number one album. That was the beginning of the end for Christina. Had we seen the kiss with Madonna, her album would have gone to number one. I know, yeah.

I was like, that's an insane thought and true. And true. I have a friend, we have a friend, Colin, who will text me regularly this exact sentence. Just on like every few months or so, he goes, remember when Beyonce said in interviews that she was disgusted by Madonna kissing Britney and Christina? Just to remind me that Beyonce was at one time

tacitly homophobic. She's homophobic, kills animals to make clothes. And is a great performer. World's best. Humanizes Beyonce. Well, that's thrilling. And now that we're talking about performance, I feel this

is a good opportunity for us to see a performance. Queen of the Segway. Bitch. Bitch. Tell us a little bit about this tune we're going to hear. Or would you rather not and just do it? No, I'll tell you this tune is about erasure of skinny people.

Erasure of skinny people? Correct. Okay. A.K.A. Celebration of Chubs. Okay. Celebration of Chubs. I love that. Great. Can we play the first song? Yes!

Can you turn it up a little bit? Okay. So this song goes out to all the Chunkitas in the house. Ooh. Whether you're like a Chunkita or a Chunkita okay so it's about eating ass as well

that's what I should have led with you know who I am Chunkita fuck a skinny man let me feed ya you know who I am Chunkita Chunkita ooh you're shaking in your boots You know who I am. Chunky da. Chunky da. Ooh, you're shaking in your boots.

Jaw gaping. Don't know what to do. Bitch, yes, I'm fine. And yes, I know it. And yes, I grabbed your dick. Where you think you're going? I see you falling in lust. After all of me, shape of my gut.

Feet wide 13. My weight a plus. Plus size a must. Trust I'll make you bust with my robust thrust. It goes. 38, 50. Thicker, thick, thickest. I'm big. You can't miss me. Every inch. Beautiful.

My flute. Fully tutable. Plump like a pastry. Doughboy tasty. Really wanna date me? Let's do it ass to face. See? Fall in line. Laws of attraction. Boy boy bye if you ain't about that booty action you know who i am chunky the fucking skinny man let me feed you you know who i am chunky the excuse me dude i don't mean to be rude but show you just my type so i'm gonna

need you to move you're sitting in the wrong spot, I bet you forgot that bubble belongs on my face. Dinner time, say great. Oh, you know I'm nasty. Inquisitive. Ask you where that ass be. I'm a chunky. Do you think in the butt? You know I def want to meet you.

Then eat your skeet when I beat your meat. Don't cheat the fleet. Watch your flavor sweet. Are you triggered? Tweet about it. Full figure? Did you ever doubt it? Sugar on my tits.

Grease my sweat. I'm what you dream about. And we haven't yet met. Are you listening to the song that I sung? I need one thing. Your hole on my tongue. Okay. Wow.

Truncita. Trunc Wow, Truncita. Thank you. Okay, we can cut that. Cut the track. Wow. So you love eating ass. Yes. Talk about that.

Talk about that. It's fun. Do you not like eating ass? No, I do. You like getting your ass eaten. Yeah. Me too. And you're all about the butt, so.

I'm sorry. Is that your finger? This is not what you guys like? With those eyes. A crazy smile. The booty hole. No, I love eating ass. Okay, so is that something...

Did you like... Have you always loved this? Was it a journey for you? Sure, it was a journey. I think like as a young person, when you realize what gay sex between two men is

there's like a little part of you that you're like in the butt hole? I couldn't fucking believe it when I realized what I had to do I was like I was like well that's crazy and then someone was like well do you know about douching? And you're like, what?

No. Which now you're not supposed to do. Well, you're not supposed to do it too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you can't do a fleet on him before every encounter. No. We have a friend who's currently getting railed on the regular. Sick me.

I don't know who you're talking about. Anyway, he is butt chugging enemas. He's just constantly using enemas and I said, blank. You can't keep doing that. You're going to

hurt yourself. And he was like, call me by my name. What is it? No. Yeah, I I've heard mixed reviews on that. you're gonna hurt yourself and he was like call me by my name what is it no um yeah I I've heard mixed reviews on that on enemas I've heard people say like

oh you shouldn't do that at a mall and then I've heard other people be like it's just water it's fine everything in moderation everything in moderation

right but it's I do I do have a friend who likes to get fisted okay and um he is he is someone that I have known for a while since I was young.

Like, always of age, but, like, in my early 20s. And I had a crush on him for a while. Yeah. And then now he's moved out here. Uh-huh. And he messaged me recently and was like, hey. I was like, hey? And he was like, do you like fisting? And I was like hey i was like hey and he was like do you like fisting and i was like what

like out of the blue and now i know to no i'm out i can't that's too much for me. No, no, no. We're not. To here? We're not shaming King. No, but that's bad. So what's insane is that there is literally nothing romantic about it. I've never kissed him. Oh. Like, I will walk. I don't take off my clothes. I'll just roll up my sleeve it's truly

i'm out i'm done you're like a yeah you guys go ahead and be like sisters about this the fuck amanda no not us bitch sharon i don't know you're a freak Sharon will fucking go there and lollipop bitch is up to her elbow she's a crazy bitch it's Rula culture number 91 your elbow

I just also am really interested in this delicate double tap becoming a visual sign for someone. Oh, yeah. Like, hey. No. And on an off night. No, no, no.

But yeah, he's just like, your arms are so big. They are big! He likes that. I was literally doing, I don't know if people saw, I was doing this earlier. I was like doing like a... To who? No.

Someone told me that this, so they're releasing an emoji that's the hand, but it's doing this. Like an Italian, like whatever. That's what they're releasing an emoji that's the hand, but it's doing this, like an Italian... That's what they're calling it? Like a chef's kiss or something. But someone tweeted that this is actually proper technique for fisting, is that you cone and then you ball.

Not the way you're doing it. How do you do it? Well, it has to be more straightforward. You guys, no. Because you were going like to be more straightforward. You guys. No. Because you were going like this. No. No. Show us your hands, Matt. You've got

big hands. So what? My hands are for like reading and writing. Someone who does not read. I do so read. I have read upwards of 11 books. Double digits.

Sickening. Let's list the books now. We need an updated list. The Seven Harry Potters. Yeah. Rob Lowe's autobiography. Rob Lowe's autobiography. My favorite book.

Bossy Pants. Yes. Lena Dun My favorite book. Bossy Pants. Lena Dunham's book. In Cold Blood. Did I already say that? No. In Cold Blood. You're at 11, right? No.

Seven Harry Potters. And of course, parts of the Bible. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, cool. So we're going to float away from that conversation. Wait.

Okay. I do want to talk about this. So, I mean, clearly. How did we, I brought that up just fully on my own. Well, I asked about eating ass. And then all of a sudden we were literally shoulder deep in butthole. Shoulder. Yeah.

Right. That's what that's called. That's what that's called. That's what that's called. I do want to talk about this. Clearly a seasoned performer live. You're like a staple on the pride circuit. So you're going town to town for all of their respective prides. I mean, like, whatever.

We just started to, like, quote unquote, tour. Sure. And it truly is exhausting. Yeah. And, like, whatever. We just started to, like, quote unquote, tour. Sure. And it's, it truly is exhausting. Yeah. And, like, I don't know how, but we do them in little legs and, like, they're, like, weeks apart, so it feels manageable. But for some, for, like, I imagine you have to, like, chunk out months of your life in order to, like, do this.

Maybe? Well, no. It's more of just, like, like, people are like, oh, are you out on tour? And I'm like, my life is a permature because I don't like, I don't have a record label. I don't have an agent. I don't have management.

I don't have a book. Like I do it all myself. And so often what happens is someone's like, Oh, can you come to new Orleans? And I'm like, great. Who do I know in Atlanta?

You know? And I start to like build a thing. So it's this like constant Rolodex where I'm like, you know, like, great, who do I know in Atlanta? You know, and I start to, like, build a thing. So it's this, like, constant Rolodex where I'm like, you know, like, hey, Dave, like, you have a club in, you know, Charlotte, North Carolina. So I have this, like, I'm constantly sort of just juggling it around. And so to me, what the most exhausting part is every time I'm in a new city, I'm like, hey, yeah, I remember you from a year ago. Let's go out to lunch.

And I like all these people, but there's a difference between just doing your calendar and being like, oh, these are my travel details and this is what I do. So the more exhausting part is the logistics of it. But performing is like, it's so sick. The amount of places and scenarios that I've performed in, it's like truly i flew to stockholm

for 36 hours and they like flew me out and paid me and got me a visa and did everything i performed on a bench in a basement with a cell phone light on me yeah for 20 people amazing i love that i mean i was like this is the gig and he was like yeah we're so excited to have you thank you did you get to see the city of stockholm okay so this is like such a shameful go yeah we did we did more shameful than what we've done you don't need to shame me we're not here to do that i'm kidding i'll show you a wild ride. Double tap. The amount of power you feel when you're that far inside of a human body. You

feel. Yes. Yeah, but that doesn't help him. No, I'm just encouraging you to do it if you find a willing participant. I'm just saying. I have nothing to say. Just something to look into it scares me of

course of course to think about that that's fine because it's we don't need to talk you're right we don't i just worry about buttholes getting like ruined beyond repair do they snap back to what they were afterwards that's up to the owner of the butthole. How is it up to them? Exercise, maintenance. So, Stockholm. Talk about that gorgeous city. Did you go to the Museum of Pop Music?

No, but I saw it. That's such a dumb thing to say. What was the shameful thing you were going to say? The shameful thing was that it was clear. So this is also a thing that happens. A lot of my music and my videos and my Instagram content is really sexual. And so there are sometimes, and why I mean like I've performed in every scenario,

sometimes I'm booked by a person who sees that and goes, I want to bring you here. To have sex with you. And I own a club, so I have a budget in which I can say, oh, I have a stage and I can bring you here and blah, blah, blah. So it gets, sometimes it gets complicated, especially because when they reach out,

they're not going through a management company that it's like me on the phone. So the guy in Stockholm, I think, and then was, uh, later confirmed by a friend of his, he had a crush on me.

And so he was just like debilitatingly nervous the whole time and then took me around on like a 10 hour tourism day and never did he ever get more comfortable it wasn't like no and he was so uncomfortable it made me so uncomfortable that like at a certain point i just stopped talking and so there was like a six hour period where we like took a ferry across a bay to another town ate lunch walked around took the ferry back truly didn't talk the whole time and i was like i'm alone in stock on my cell phone doesn't work like like i now i like turn my phone on and like find friend and i go like i'm good like i'll just handle myself but i agree he was like let me take you around i was like sure and i tried for a while but he just got he was like so nervous

and i was like well i guess i won't say anything yeah what are you like in those situations like when someone is being when someone's go-to is like to be quiet and nervous do you do more i do the most you um yeah i tend to do the most but i i'm like i'm i'm dripping sweat already so like i i'll give you like five minutes of the most and then i'm like yeah exactly so that's why i like i gave up but it feels shameful why why is that shameful though to be like he brought me to europe and i was just quiet are you ashamed in that scenario no but it's like an embarrassing like oh what if i like had an awesome time in stockholm there's a lot to do there like the museum of pop music i saw it yeah it's mostly abba which is like okay but but they're you know it's mostly ABBA, which is like, okay. But they're, you know. It's like four songs.

Like they're obsessed with ABBA. Oh my God. The whole nation is obsessed with ABBA. Them is a fighting words. There are people in the audience who are mad. Two movies made, one in which it was an entirely a retreat of the first movie. They used the same songs. Retreat?

What'd you say? What the fuck is your name? That's my boss. That's my future boss. What did you say? I didn't hear. Demi Lovato. Demi Lovato.

Wait, did we meet outside? Yeah. She said Demi Lovato. And that did we meet outside? Yeah. She said Demi Lovato. And that's our joke in a game show. We say that the gay aloha is Demi Lovato. It's a way to say hello and goodbye. That's incredible. Well, I disagree.

But I did like Mamma Mia too. I haven't seen it. So we saw Mamma Mia 2. So he didn't know that Meryl... Spoiler alert, Meryl's dead and not in the movie. I didn't know that. We sat down and we were so high. Wait, she's not in the movie at all?

She's in the movie at the end. It becomes very clear like five minutes in. She's on the poster. Yes, fully. It becomes clear like five minutes in that she's fully dead and will not be in the movie. And everyone in the character is like talking about the specter of Meryl being gone.

And then I turn to Matt and I go, wait, Meryl's not in this movie? I was like, no, she's dead. And then he's like, so then what the fuck are we here for? And then I was like, Cher in like an hour and a half. I know.

And so we sat there and sat through the whole movie. But who's the queen that's like the star? Lily James. Yeah, I like her. Lily James. She's Cher. Is Cher sort of like a teen angel moment in Mamma Mia 2? No. It's not like a, it doesn't happen in a dream, if that's what you're asking.

It happens in real, it happens in happens on the same level of reality, but it's truly... Once Cher shows up, it's all worth it. She nails it. And Christine Baranski's fully nailing it the whole time. She's acting with her whole body in every scene.

She's in the background like... And God. And the casting of young Christine Baranski. Genius. Best casting ever. Yeah, so good. Can I ask you about a film in Christine Baranski's... Her oeuvre?

Her oeuvre? Yes. What is it? What is it? Marcy X. Do you know this film? Oh my God, with Lisa Kudrow. Lisa Kudrow and Damon Wayans?

Yeah, yeah. She runs like a rap label. Well, no, she's like a conservative senator. Marcy X. Do you know this film? Oh my god, with Lisa Kudrow. Lisa Kudrow and Damon Wayans. She runs a rap label. She's a conservative senator. Christine Baranski is railing against the rap label. I got a bootleg copy of that film in New York when I was like, I don't know,

17 on my first trip to New York. That is also an answer to your question. Oh, great. Of what culture was for you? Great. Where did you grow up? Chicago. Chicago, yes.

Well, in Evanston, technically. People who grew up in Chicago would hate if I said Chicago. Chicago. Yeah. Yeah. I'm from a suburb called Evanston, Illinois. Yeah. Home of Northwestern University.

Yeah. Yeah. When you hear Evanston, Illinois, what do Hope of Northwestern University. Yeah. Yeah. When you hear Evanston, Illinois, what do you think? Mean girls. No. What? Where else is Evanston ever mentioned?

Bowen and I are story pirates. Oh. Which is a children's theater company. Yeah. And we take stories written by kids and act them out. And the most famous story is called

The Day My Head Got Stuck in a Barstool. And the kid that wrote it was from Evanston, Illinois. He was from Evanston, Illinois. At Northwestern is a thing called Griffin's Tale that started that. See, I have this weird relationship with Northwestern because I applied,

did not get in. I think it was because of this question on the essay that was like, who do you want your famous... If you had famous parents, who would they be because you would want their characteristics? And I said Beyonce

and I think it was too soon for that to be an appropriate answer. Because she had just said that gay people were disgusting. Yes, exactly. It was like early 2000s and I was like, Beyonce!

And they were like, you're trash. Now if you were Beyonce, they were like, you're humanitarian. So I didn't go there but I actually taught at a theater program there for like six years called the National High School Theater theater institute you're an educator i was yeah for a while and then i got fired when i started rapping oh i guess they heard your lyrics about fisting to

the shoulder yeah exactly and they said this gentleman can't be forming young minds they they were like you're a high risk for too many parental calls. Ah, fuck. Yeah, so I got fired from all my teaching jobs. Damn. You know, they say that a lot of people in the entertainment industry, if they don't succeed, they go be teachers. I feel like I

couldn't be a teacher now. I'm a high risk for parental calls. I just feel like you would make up new names for everyone in the class. Oh yeah, I wouldn't learn one name. You'd be like, lollipop. I'd be like, girl. So horrible.

Queen. I'd be a bad teacher. No, I think you'd be a wonderful teacher. You'd be so encouraging. I would be, I'd get petty. I'd get fucking petty. Pass would be, I'd get petty. I'd like, I'd get fucking petty. Passive aggressive, like grading papers.

Yeah, yeah, with the kids. Or I'd just be like, God, you guys are dumb. Yeah. I would just like not put up with any of like, if they're not at my level, then I don't want to talk to them. You're not tolerant of people that aren't on your level. No, it's true. It's true. It's true.

Bowen Yang famously says about dating, if I'm spending time with you, that's a big fucking deal. It is. It is, though. I'm fully behind him saying that. Whatever. I think everyone should be that confident

when they're dating someone. Truly, like, and this is the lesson that I learned. Go off. Go off. To this guy. Go off. I had to just be like oh no we're all on each other's level

here. It's fine. Everyone's in the same. Everyone has the same shit and everyone should just like it's already been flattened anyway. Desire has been flattened. Attraction has been flattened. Can you explain that? Yeah. Okay. I don't know what that means.

You'd be a fucking terrible teacher. None of the students can understand what you're saying. I want to know about desire has been flattened. Desire has been flattened. There'll be a test in two minutes. Everyone has this is, here's what's going on

right now in the world, okay? Everyone has Amanda, Sharon, Lollipop, Alexis, Queen, Demi Lovato, Olivia,

Olivia, wait, where's Olivia? She's over there. Oh, hi, Olivia. So we Demi Lovato Olivia Olivia Hi Olivia So we Here's We're walking around All of us are walking around Close your eyes Find it

I got it We're all walking around And this is irrespective of whether or not you have a phallus. We're all walking around with giant boners all the time. Why? Because we open up our phones and we see people we want to fuck on it and, and desire is flattened. And so now it's like, now when I have, now when I have sex with people, I'm like, this is truly a wash. This is like, I could be sitting at home and this, I would get people, I'm like, this is truly a wash.

This is like I could be sitting at home and I would derive the same pleasure. Why? Because desire has been flattened. So you're saying that we sexually as a culture have been dumbed down by social media and mainstream media. Truly, it's not even a gender thing anymore. It's like, oh, men think about sex every seven seconds. It's everyone thinks about sex all the time.

It's just what it is. I don't know. Whatever. It's sad, really, the world. It's sad. We just need to throw our phones away and all walk around with Yu-Gi-Oh cards in our hands. With Yu-Gi-Oh cards. With Yu-Gi-Oh cards. And

if I were to be fisted to the shoulder, like I wouldn't care. I'd be like, yeah, this feels normal. At least I'm feeling something. Desire has been flattened.

There you go. On that note, i think we go into another song i think it's time for another fucking tune yes so tell us about this this next song yes uh this song i wrote years ago is one of the first songs i wrote but it holds up um it's a celebratory song about just things that I like. Or in general things that anyone likes. It's a celebratory song about

things that you like. Great. Hit it. And turn it up. I wonder if he's back there. Can you play the song? Isaac? Can you turn it up. I wonder if he's back there. Can you play the song? Isaac? Isaac? Can you turn it up? Yes.

Okay. This song goes out to all the things that are cute. That's cute to me. That's cute to me. That's cute. That's cute. That's cute to me. That's cute to me.

That's cute to me. That's cute. That's cute. That's cute to me. When you hold my hand, that's cute to me. At the hot dog stand, so cute to me. That's cute to me. That's cute. That's cute. That's cute to me. When you hold my hand, that's cute to me. At the hot dog stand, so cute to me. Look me in the eye when you touch your thighs. Dick ride all night, that's cute to me.

Because you're the best when it comes to sex. Love that gentle touch. Love to caress. Fuck, fuck me good. Yeah, it's plain to see. The way you make me feel is so cute to me. It's cute. So cute.

C-U-T-E me. That's cute to me. That's cute to me. That's cute to me. That's cute. That's cute. That's cute to me.

That's cute to me. That's cute to me. That's cute. That's cute. That's cute to me. When you buy me things, that's cute to me. Side of onion ring, so cute to me. It's cute. That's cute. That's cute to me. When you buy me things, that's cute to me. Side of onion ring, so cute to me. It's a smiling face that puts me in a place that makes me want to date you.

So cute to me. Our chemistry's unbeatable. This cute syndrome's untreatable. Because I'm obsessed with your pecs and chest. You want a titty fuck? That's cute to me. It's cute. So cute.

C-U-T-E-N-E. That's cute to me. That's cute to me. That's cute to me. That's cute. That's cute. That's cute to me. So cute to me.

That's cute to me. That's cute. That's cute. That's cute to me. Oh my God. This is like the cutest intimate audience of a live podcast recording ever.

Give it up for Big Dipper. Big Dipper. Thank you. That was cute to me. That was cute to me. That was cute to me. Okay. I was checking to see if you were done with the lollipop or if you were fully savoring it.

We're done. Was it like a fudgesicle? No, it was a chocolate lollipop. It was disgusting. I just don't understand what a chocolate lollipop is. So here's the deal. It is time to do our segment cold. I don't think so, honey.

Yes. deal. It is time to do our segment cold. I don't think so, honey. So this is our one minute segment that we take to rail against culture. We are for this is for the people listening currently on tour. We will be in Texas, Austin, Dallas and Houston birthplace of Beyonce knows problematic cultural figure and great

performer in April. Yeah. So, I think, should I go first? Yeah, whatever you want. I'll go first.

You go first. Because I'm fired up about something. Oh, he is. Standing. I've made the decision that we're going to stand.

Yes. Great. Galvanized queen. Cool. This is Matt Rogers' I Don't Think So Honey as time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey

that when I rolled up to the gig tonight, Bowen Yang was smoking a cigarette outside. Because he told me as recently as yesterday that he was done with cigarettes,

that he had slipped back into them but now was done and I pull up in a fucking lift and the lift was not chatty so I was in a good mood. Immediately,

my mood was deflated because I see my best friend fucking killing himself. I don't think so, honey. Here's the thing about cigarettes. They're full of carcinogens, honey. They're not good for you. Do you smoke cigarettes, sir?

I do not. That's good. You're going to fucking live longer than this stupid bitch, Bowen Yang. And what happens when Bowen Yang dies? 30 seconds. My career fucking destroyed. Nobody's going to fucking fuck with this after he goes. Outside of professional aspirations i'd like

him to stay in my life personally i enjoy him very much he's the love of my life i need him around and so when he smokes cigarettes and fills his lungs with bad black smoke i am very personally offended and then when i came out to him he tried to be cute with me and make a joke and I was like, no, I don't like it. And I'm telling you right now that I don't like it. And I don't think so, honey. And you deserve to be publicly humiliated. You shouldn't smoke cigarettes. And if any of you smoke cigarettes, fuck you!

And that's one minute. It's not just you you're hurting i know it's not just you you're hurting oh i'm serious this is not a comedy show this is for real i think no i think this is good this is a turning point you should fucking stop and then i said put that out right now. And he said, no, let me have it. And I was like, that's so fucking dumb. Yeah, don't smoke cigarettes. How long have you smoked? For years. He's gonna lie. No, I was gonna be very honest

about it. For a couple years, I started this job at this office, and culturally it was the thing to do. And you just would go out and have a smoke break. And I was like, and i was like i'll do it and then you were an adult when you started yeah post been doing so good too and now he's got a stressful new job i used to smoke i get it i used to smoke a lot and then i when i quit it was a wild it was a wild yeah right i used to smoke like a pack a day like crazy crazy. Wow. Yeah. Is anyone here struggling with cigarette addiction?

Anyone? No. We've all gotten the memo. But who vapes, really? Anyone vape? Oh, no one. Wow. I smoke weed each and every day of my life.

So there's this, that's neither here nor there. There's this book that, there's this book like How to Quit, it's called How to Quit Smoking or something, where apparently it's this amazing book that everyone's reading right now for smokers are reading right now and you can only quit on your first read through of the book otherwise then it won't work anymore because if you fall off the wagon and start smoking again then it will not work okay so you're reading the book right now not yet no i'm gonna wait for the right time what the now is the right time this is insane Now is the right time. This is insane. It's a matter of timing.

Can I just say when I quit smoking I used to smoke in my car all the time. I used to fake smoke in my car. What does that mean? I would just hold up two fingers

and inhale and exhale and hold out the window and drive around and just live my fucking life like a lunatic. Yeah. And it was so helpful.

Get this though. It's like people do toothpicks because it's the oral fixation and they just want to simulate that. Doing this doesn't look as dumb as actually smoking cigarettes. Right, of course. That should be a new ad campaign. Everyone's just fake smoking.

Yeah. I'm really serious about it. Anyway, so go perform now. This is fake smoking? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm really serious about it. Anyway, so go perform now. This is Bowen Yang's I Don't Think So Honey. And his time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey hotel mini fridges. Hear me out. You're a goddamn tease.

You hear me? There's a game show I play every time I go to a hotel. It's Is This this water bottle free? And it's really hit or miss. I feel like I should veer off into something personal about Matt right now because he just dragged me. No, I haven't done anything to deserve it. No, yes, you have, Matt.

You have not checked in with me. Like, I have, like, I really feel so distant from you. And I really tried to resist this for a long time. Matt just got this new job and I'm so happy for him. 20 seconds. There's this symmetry happening where we were out of sync in our lives and I got something and I felt like he was like... 10 seconds left.

And now I feel a little left behind. What the fuck are you talking about? You have 8,000 times more money than me. I just really want... That's one minute. You're done. I'm sorry it hurts your feelings that I just did that,

but you can't. We haven't checked in. We have checked in before the show. But so briefly. We're going to spend the evening together. We're going to go do karaoke with Olivia, who's gone. By the way.

Anyway. Well, you know what's happening? What? Is I'm watching old episodes of Grey's Anatomy. Oh. And I watched the episode where Christina leaves. Oh, stop. Why do you do that to yourself?

Because I'm so stupid. Because. I miss you too. I miss you. It's fine. This is so fucking gay. It's actually not. It's actually not gay to be two gay men who are platonic.

That's actually very anti-queer. That's what that is. Okay. Okay, Dipper. So mine could be you ignoring me? Yeah. No, just kidding. No, okay.

Push comes to shove, Dib. It's me and him. It's me and him. I mean, fully aware. If the zombies come in, it's us. It's us. We leave you behind. Who die first?

It's the two of you who die. No, for sure. We die first. Absolutely. Anyway. Everyone should read Severance by Ling Ma. It's an amazing post-apocalyptic book about millennial culture. It's great.

Sorry. That was a bit, and then it actually turned into a recommendation. Book number 12. So this is Big Dipper's I Don't Think So Honey. He has one minute. And his time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey,

emotional manipulation. Uh-huh. This is a new experience for me, but I feel like when you say something like I feel this way and a person looks at you and says no you don't.

That there's something fucked up about that. Yeah. I don't think so not listening and not hearing you when you talk the words out of your mouth that are the things that you actually mean. I also don't think so when you've taken the time to write them down and proofread them so that you know what you mean. And the person's still going, yeah, I'm not sure that you really think that way. Five seconds.

I'm just really raw right now wait ten seconds oh my god I literally fucked up I don't think so honey breakups I'm gonna end there and that's one minute that's one minute I agree with you I don't think so honey breakups either they are so hard and can I say as a real thing

I'm so sorry you had to go through with it they're so fucking hard. I've been thinking about mine a lot recently and it's like, what the fuck? Which one? The one. That was Gorge. So we have approximately seven minutes left

and I would like to open the floor. Does anyone Just before we do that, can I just say I love your show and thank you I would like to open the floor. Oh my God. Does anyone, does anyone. Just before we do that, can I just say, I love your show and thank you for having me on.

And I, it's like, I, you know, people, people always post that meme of like the girl eating next to a poster. And it's like me when I,

it's like fully that. So this is like a very meta dream come true for me to be here so i'm just love you i i love you guys and i'm happy that you're gonna be around more and we can like actually hang out in real life i know i would love yeah i do love la something to look forward to you know what i mean What? No, no, no, no. So, um, sorry. You want to do this Q&A bit? I just want to know if anyone wants to ask a question to Bowen Yang

or Big Dipper. Or Matt Rogers. I am moderating this. Oh, you just wanted to do this so you could walk. Yeah. Yeah. So, what's your name? Jen. Hi, Jenen what's up what what does it feel like in there oh

oh my god i'll keep it i'll keep it brief warm tight uh or or loose depending. And it depends on the prep work. The prep. But mostly it feels like an empty cavity. There you go. Satisfied, Jen? Yeah. Feeling good? Hi, who are you?

Hi, I'm Nick. No, you can't feel organs. You have a great shirt. You're going in a colon. What's on the shirt? Alpaca, also giraffes, various long-necked mammals. I love a pattern. Sickening.

Sickening. Wow, I wish I was alive. How are you doing and what's up? I'm doing very well. Will you outline for us verbally the dynamic movements of the Matt Rogers walk? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. movements of the Matt Rogers walk. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. For people who don't know there's a Matt Rogers walk challenge. So you just have to like envision yourself like like Beyonce

and like no like more like Ali Larder and obsessed honestly. And you just kind of take a few steps that like don't go anywhere

and make sure that you like you trip over your feet a little bit and then you just kind of take a few steps that don't go anywhere and make sure that you trip over your feet a little bit and then you just kind of beckon. And then you kind of spin and notice your surroundings and sort of play with them. And then just sort of stop and then go like this again in another direction and you are going nowhere. It's important to have no direction.

And then you do a little bit of that and have someone film you because you crave attention. Great. So that's that. Anyone else? Anyone else? The floor is open. We're done? Great. We're done. Wow. done wow um first of all

everyone give it up for Big Dipper one more time thank you we love to dip we love to dip this was really fun we've never done like a live pod episode we've done I don't think so honey but we've never done a live episode like this and it was really fun

so so so great so thank you for joining us thanks to the Lyric Hyperion. Say hi to us after the show. We'll be right back. And we do end with a song. We do end with a song. Here we go. How do I get through

a night without you? If I had to live without you. What kind of life would that be? Oh, I need you in my arms. Need you to hold. I'm not doing that. Hold. Hold.

If you ever leave. Baby, I'm not doing that. Oh, if you ever leave Baby, I'm gonna take away everything Real in my life We'll do one chorus. How do I live Tell me now How do I live That's a bad clap.

Without you I want to know. How do I breathe without you? If you ever go, how do I ever, ever survive? How do I? How do I? Oh, how do I How do I How do I Make some fucking noise for Matt Rogers

Give it up for Big Depper Bye, thank you Forever Dog This has been a Forever Dog production Executive produced by Brett Boehm Joe Cilio And Alex Ramsey for more original podcasts,

please visit forever dog podcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest forever dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at forever dog team and liking our page on Facebook. roles life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists i was a desperate delusional dreamer be a delusional dreamer just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer listen to on purpose with jay shetty on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast trust me you won't want to miss this one i'm julian edelman i'm rob grankowski and we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes.

We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season.

Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami?

Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Sheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby,

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