Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "Too Mischievous!" (w/ Blair Socci)

Episode Date: October 18, 2017

Legalize Oatmeal Raisin! The talented, warm, and LA-Bound powerhouse Blair Socci is in studio to talk about religion, dating, competitive surfing, Jagged Little Pill (!), and her idol: Gwen Stefani. Matt shares some of his father's aphorisms (to an unreceptive Bo). Bowen talks about the time Jude Law broke his heart (to a very receptive Matt)! And yes they talk about Scandal, and trips to Mexico, and trucker hats, and auditioning, and TLC, and fuck-nannies....BUT the highlight, in an episode full of highlights, is Blair's loving tribute to the women of the comedy community. Some beautiful and necessary words! NYC will miss her very much!LAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasCONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttp://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/las-culturistas/ Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This fall on Bravo. It's time to turn up. Think you've seen it all? I don't think you've been a good friend to me lately. We're friends like that, who needs enemies? You ain't seen nothing yet. Cheers to being Germanic. With the Real Housewives of Potomac.

Oh my gosh, can I take this in? It's gonna be amazing. New York City. Everyone is a gossip. No one gets a happier life. Salt Lake City. We don't wear costumes, we wear fashion. And below deck sailing out.

You broke the rules and now you're here getting upset. Watch all new seasons on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars.

We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby.

And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarikaqa Foster-Brasby,

an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. You guys, this is Matt. We have two shows coming up in Novembermber and they are real gags people on november 7th we are part of new york comedy festival we're so excited bowen and i are pumped to bring coach war and i don't think so honey death match to the villain stage in brooklyn on november 7th this is going to be two teams. One, Team Matt. Another, Team Bowen.

Boo. And they are going to be going head-to-head to find out which team can deliver the best. I don't think so, honeys. This is a head-to-head deathmatch tournament competition. And Bowen and I are going to be captaining two teams. We have an amazing blue ribbon panel we're going to be revealing very soon. It's going to be very good. November 7th, Culture new york comedy festival tickets on sale now and then it's back to basics bitch on november 18th we're gonna bring in our

our third edition i can't believe it's been three times of i don't think so honey live 50 comedians all killing it on the stage you and the audience getting your laugh on getting your gig getting someone's phone number. I think a show is a really good place to meet someone. It's like you're having a good time, you don't have to talk about shared interests, you can talk about the show, it's happening right there. I don't know. I think

it might be a good idea. So come as a single person or come with a new date. But either way, come. To either show or both, we have Culture on November 7th at New York Comedy Festival and I Don't Think So Honey Live, Brooklyn Podcast Festival, on November 18th. Ding dong, Las Culturistas calling. Snacka snacka roo roo.

We have several different snacks out in front of us today, and let's say what they are. Please, we have a Pepperidge Farm favorite, but underrated, Santa Cruz. It's a deep cut, It's oatmeal raisin. And honestly, I'm going to say something. Go. Maybe it's because I'm not a cookie person, but I prefer oatmeal raisin over chocolate chip. Bitch, I always prefer oatmeal raisin over chocolate chip.

Thank you. I didn't know this. If I had it my way, chocolate chip will be banished. Yes. I feel that oatmeal raisin is the only cookie. Legalize oatmeal raisin. I don't want chocolate chip coming in, walking into the club thinking it's the shit. No.

Oatmeal raisin is the unsung heroine. Do you really believe this? Yes. Or are you tickling me? I'm not. Why would I? I didn't know this about you first of all. You didn't know this about me?

No. I'm an oatmeal raisin bitch. I'm an oatmeal raisin bitch for life. Have been since a young age. Since the jump. I think this is what connects us. Since the fucking jump. Okay, what else do we have? Talk about the variety of this candy.

Here we go. I mean, M&M's, a cultural institution. We've got pretzel. We've got crispy. What's the difference? They're subtle. And of course, the classic milk chocolate M&M. Now, I had the idea before we started to empty out all the packages and put them on the table. And do a little taste test game. the idea before we started to empty out all the packages

and put them on the table. And do a little taste test game. And we would go and pick from the M&M's and we wouldn't know we were getting a pretzel, a crispy, or a milk chocolate. Shapes give it away though. Oh. Between the pretzel and the crispy, it's like those are tough, but the milk ones are

just little flat discs. I guess you're right. I mean, I guess my plan wasn't so good. Also, where are we putting these M&Ms? There's no bowl to speak of. I don't know. We're not talking about a very big table here, guys. We're not talking about a very big table.

We're talking about a small table with three, count them, three people sitting at it. And you know that I'm Matt Rogers, and you know that's Bowen Yang, but who is the third person? Who could it be? Could it be one of our chicas? Our chicas! When I saw her today, I said my chica!

You did. You did say that. HPJ is chortling over there. HPJ got us some gorgeous Pinot Grigio. Say the brand. Regalato. Regalato. It's a Venetian. It's Pinot Grigio delle Vignette. I haven't tried it yet, so I'm going to do a small sample.

Look, I'm butchering my Italian, but this is a true. Ooh, very dry. It's very dry. I was saying it's dry, which I like. And normally I don't like dry wines. Okay, here we go. Speaking of Italy. Famously.

This Italian goddess is with us tonight. Let's tell the guests who she is. Let's talk about credits. You may be hearing this iconic voice on the podcast, How to Be a Beefy Lady. And this is an independent podcast. There you go. Now, this is a self-made, untethered podcast.

That means the podcast has the sky's the limit. Sky's the fucking limit and Blair's her own boss. Now, you've seen her, not just heard her. You gave away the name, you stupid bitch. I'm sorry. You've seen her, not just heard her, on MTV's Ladylike. And, you know, if you happen to be in Montreal in July, you might have caught her on stage as one of Just for Laughs' new faces in the stand-up category.

Ooh. Which some would say is the premier category. The premier category. She really, she's a good one. She's a good one. And she just literally broke our hearts, actually, by saying that she was flying away and going to LA. But I'm happy that we got her in the studio before she makes the big move. Oh, yes.

And she looks unreal. Okay, and we're going to talk about this look. Yes. Here we go. Welcome, Blair Saki! Oh, my god, hello. I can't even tell you what a fucking thrill. Oh my god, Blair.

Listen, this is a thrill for us. It's a thrill for us. I mean, if anyone has ever been on the internet or heard anything I've ever said or seen one of my Instagram stories, they know that I'm a fucking freak for Matt and Bowie. Oh, we're a freak for you. We're a freak for you. And I remember probably my favorite part of I Don't Think So Honey, the second one, was literally looking over and seeing Christy Cello and Blair Saki laughing and living and giggling and moaning and foaming.

I gotta tell you, Blair's Instagram story from that night was like, I felt like a fucking You are! I'm gonna make this about me. She was like

selfie-ing him from the mirror in her room being like, on my way! Like it was the goddamn Kevin Hart concert.

Yes! The concert. The Kevin Hart concert. You know, he performs in stadiums. You guys are my Kevin Hart. Oh my Hart concert. You know, he performs in stadiums. You guys are my Kevin Hart. Oh my god.

I was like, I have a night off and I am putting on my best dress to go sit on the floor and see these gorgeous men. But you know Blair slayed it at the first live show too. Slayed it. Slayed it. And speaking of gorgeous dresses, you're wearing

a romper? No. Is it a romper? No, it's just a shift. It's a shift. Is this a shift? A long sleeve. What's the difference between a shift and a regular? Shift to me is a straight cut. Oh, a straight cut. What I love about this, and it's, what

color would you call that? Because I'm famously colorblind. Of the flowers or the background? The background. The background, I'm going to say. Maybe. I'm going to even go further and say it's a Bondi blue. It's a deep blue with purple tones, and it's rich and gorgeous. And it has orange flowers on it. And orange.

And you know what? I'm going to say Mandarin tangerine flowers. I was going to go tangerine, too. Yes, it's a deep orange. Thank you. And now this is for a special occasion there's going to be a date tonight but you know what I think this is a perfect blend of the fall and the spring thank you so much

because we're saying goodbye to the summer and you know what I am fucking so happy about it I will reserve I have some reservations about that but just really quickly before we move on from Blair's look it's the perfect middle ground between this is a straight up capital D date look or this is just my everyday wear and I think you nailed it, Blair.

Thank you so much. I wanted to show my collarbone. Yes. But also have a little loose, you know, casual. Yeah, and you're going to be very comfortable in it too. Absolutely. And that's what's most important. You never want to when you're on a date

and I literally haven't gone on a date in I think years. But I feel like you never want to be distracted by anything. I feel like you need to be very present and you don't want to be distracted by what you're wearing or feel shitty about what you're wearing. It's important to pick the right thing to wear and truly um for gays out there i will say listen up gays you will never be fully prepared for a date because you will

probably not have access to a bidet before and i will never feel fully prepared for a date unless i have a clean hole and most of the time I don't. And that's just right there for you. It's an asymptote. It's a limit. You will never reach that ideal and just live with that. And that's what I'm saying. And I'm sorry to make this about asses.

Oh, no. I feel the same way. Obviously, it's not the exact same. No, please. But if I am thinking, okay, something is gonna get in here tonight, I'll go into the bathroom and I'll do a little clean up, see what's

happening, some soap and water. Love it. I'll walk out, a hair toss, I'll feel ready to go. Yeah, there you go. Honestly, for me, it's like if you go to the lengths of a full excavation, which is sometimes what we do, sometimes that in and of itself, even if the date is not It's like if you go to the lengths of like a full excavation, which is like sometimes like what we do. Full excavation. Sometimes that in and of itself, even if the data is not going great, like you will see it through because you put the work in.

A hundred percent. I can imagine. No, that's just like, I mean, if you spent an hour getting ready. And I also realized that many women like this is just part of getting ready at all. Sure, sure. Like it's just part of the gig. Yeah. But, like, if I spend an hour on specifically an area,

Yeah. It's like, I would like the area to be, like, seen. Sure. While it looks so good. I'm just bringing that up as, to illustrate that, like, you will most likely never reach that ideal, so don't be too precious about how you're presenting yourself, or worrying about

anything on a date. So I'm just saying that. Dates, Blair, agree, disagree? I mean, no, this is so stupid and basic. Dates are bad. Oh, I don't like. Do you enjoy dating? Well, here's the thing. I had a very private breakup this year.

And so then I did take not seven, eight, but nine months off dating. Love it. You know, which in contrast to the other partner who was a, you know, day turnover. Oh, okay. A one day turnover. Jesus. Everyone I was looking, the days looked that much longer. But, you know, I need an incubation period.

So I recently just started dating again a month ago. And now it's great. And I think before that, I was thinking, I don't want to do this at all. Very closed off. And then my therapist was like, you need to think about dating again because it's going to get to be such a big thing in your head that it's going to be scary and you just need to treat it casually like you're just meeting someone new and learning about them yeah um oh that's so yeah now i've been being real casual just enjoying no pressure type thing yeah i love that see i went through something similar where i went through a breakup as well and i like my right away was to be very social right away but and I don't

mean like dating I just mean like social yeah going out and doing things and his experience with the breakup was different like he wanted to like really like be introspective and so now it's at the point where he is going out and seeing people right now and I'm kind of like in the phase where it's like actually I'm gonna be a monk for the next six months. Yeah. So it's flipped. And now I'm like, huh, I don't know how I feel. Sure. So now because like it is a thing.

It's like that's it's so much more than thinking about how do I feel. It's also you do compare yourself a little bit to the other person and their rebound rate. Right. A hundred percent. to the other person and their rebound rate. Right, 100%. And because that was such a public thing and it was like, oh, okay, it made my way more obvious. But that I... No, I don't, obviously.

I'm actually very introverted. I love to stay at home, which makes it very hard to be a comedian every night. But I love to binge watch, lock up the doors, binge watch till death and just like never the only contact I have with

people is through text. Yes. I love that. I feel that. To be honest with you, lately I've been feeling the same way. I feel like my days of going out and doing five or six shows a week, which I know with stand-ups it's a lot like my days of going out and doing like five or six shows like a week which i know what stand-ups it's like a lot more yeah you'll go out and get like three shows a night yeah like you're like maybe it's too much honestly like i feel like especially like

in the ucb scene which is like where i'm in and bowen is like dip dips so in the legion for some time i've tipped my toe, with like, you get so, it gets to be so much. Now whenever I go over there, it's like, I really enjoy being there, but you never know who you're going to see.

I think with this last DCM, I kind of realized like, oh my like, it's not even social anxiety, it's just like, I'm so tired socially. I really would rather be home now. Our lives are exhausted.

Yeah. I tell that to my friends, we're like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm staying in. I'm so fucking boring. And I'm like, our lives are exhausting. I need one day a week, 24 hours silence. Yeah. Have to.

Yes. I know so much better about it. Yeah. And then maybe you get something done for yourself. Yes. And I, you know what I've been doing, guys? What? It's sad.

First thing in the fucking morning, I'll brush my teeth and I'll like splash water've been doing guys and it's sad first thing in the fucking morning I'll brush my teeth and I'll like splash water on my face but I will go straight to that $600 gaming laptop and wait for a fucking dungeon or a raid on this online RPG

Final Fantasy 14 you're a video gamer I'm a gamer but I'm not I will never fucking play an Overwatch because I don't want to fucking deal with more shitty people on the fucking internet than I have to

oh my god Overwatch haven't even played it but I just hear horror stories about the culture and the people and I hope they all fucking get a life

I wish I knew what it was but we know I don't know Hop Producer Joe's laughing because he agrees I have no idea what you're talking about you have no idea

what I'm talking about you're my full support. Yeah, seriously, you have to deal with... Thank you. Like, you have to deal in your time the way you deal. Yeah. I think, for me, like, I'm trying to find, like, a new, I guess, like, hobby. Because for me, the way I feel that alone time is a lot of, like, being on Facebook.

Or, like, being on, like, Twitter. I notice you reading a lot more. You're reading a lot more. Well, I have been reading some books, but. But you've been reading interviews. You've been quoting interviews. You've been really dredging. Not dredging.

You've been scraping all this gorgeous, delicious social drippings. These social drippings. Well, yeah. I guess, like, I try to, like, keep up to date with what's going on in the world. But also, like, at the end of the day, like, you're still sitting on your couch on your laptop. You know what I mean? I wish I enjoyed Do you enjoy something? Oh, well, you know, when I

was in the just the trenches of humiliation and despair where I was like, my friends were texting me like, don't kill yourself. And I was like, okay, I won't. Yeah.

Thank you. But I started going to yoga every day. And it was hilarious because, you know, I'm not, that's not me. I'm so. Still not you? No, it's me now. Oh, great. But you found your own way of enjoying

it. I did. Well, I was just like, okay, I gotta show up for this every day and you know, maybe. And then it really helped me. Oh my god. Not to get serious, but I started believing God again. Wow. What a rollercoaster. I love it. It's been back

and forth one million times. All my friends are always like yeah we're afraid you'll end up in a cult um and would it even be that bad if you did okay it depends on the call it truly depends on the call i'm not born again now even though i did decide to believe in god again um because now i'm too old and too wise to know that i am too mischievous to be a part of an organization. But that is, no, but that's beautiful. Too mischievous to be part of an organization.

Too mischievous. I think that might be a title of that. The title is Too Mischievous. No, it's Too Mischievous to be part of an organization. Maybe. We'll see. We'll cut it down. It's long, but we'll talk. But Blair, I think I don't think that is, I don't think that's a bad thing that you found this by yourself

and it's all coming from within. Maybe eventually it will be, but right now it doesn't have to be validated by other people. It's just yours and that is huge and that is beautiful. But how did you come to that? I don't know. I think when you're in such pain and you're just like, I didn't even know.

When I'm in a relationship, I didn't even know, like, I, when I'm in a relationship, I'm 100% in and I have such like, I'm really traditional in the way that I forget that I am. I was just so in love

and all this stuff and so, when you're that heartbroken, you don't realize you're like, oh, fuck, like,

who am I? Yeah, right. You know? So then it just started from that and then all these, I journal so much. Yeah. I started meditating.

Yes. Fucking zen bitch. Huge. Yeah. I mean, yeah, people in my life that I've been close to that have been going through something hard, they swear by it. They tell me all the time that it would be good for me. That and probiotics.

Yeah. And honestly, though, one step at a time. One step at a time. I can't be a kombucha drinking meditator. Oh, my God. That and probiotics. Yeah, and honestly though, one step at a time. One step at a time. I can't be a kombucha drinking meditator. Oh my god, that's so weird. All my friends are like,

you're fucking weird. You're a weird fucking yoga virgin. Yeah. I was like, I know, but this is just what's happening

and like, if I can get up another day, it's good. I would like start crying and also I was like bombing all winter too before I could like get my act because I couldn't go back to my regular jokes.

Right, sure. And then so I had to put together a new act. You know, I'd be crying before I walked on stage. Yeah, just, it was wild. But also because it went through it so hard, it came out of it quick too. Yeah. Because I just went full in.

I noticed that. And even, I think you and I at the jane one night for greta's show oh i think i was very much still going through it then but you i was like really just like i was just really like really blown away by like just you i mean you were i walk into that beautifully lit room dimly lit room you're sitting there on this like velvet upholstered couch with a glass of white wine. And I'm like, Blair, like that is, this is you in top form. It was a vision. And it was a vision. And then you talked to me about, you know, what you're going through and how it still felt fresh.

And I was like, okay, but look at you now. Like this is not going to be, I'm sure it was challenging. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, this is not going to be what like destroy ruins it never would have been yeah yeah that like i was like no like blair is like fine but okay i'm i'm curious about this okay belief in god is it is it certain is it a certain like um is it just under a certain sort of religion is it like a christian nomination no no nothing now well you know what i used to say universe and i was like that's now fucking more corny than saying the word God.

The God. I think you're right. I think that you're right. But to me, it is universe, but now I say God. It's something. And not to bring her beliefs in this, but I always find this so cool and refreshing. Christy. Christy.

Yeah. I think Christy back into this is Catholic and is just so open about her beliefs and is yet also like a mischievous little little thing. Yeah, she is so funny and so herself. Like, do you guys have conversations about this ever or no? Yeah, no, we've talked about it a lot. And like she's invited me to church with her and stuff. And I'm just like, it's not church isn't for me. It's a whole different thing. Yeah.

Yeah. But yeah, we know we about it all the time and stuff. Like, I think that was my whole – I was raised Catholic, too, and so that was my whole thing where anything I do, I'm always, like, kind of all or nothing. Right. And now that it comes with age that you find your own way that you're not – everything's not all or nothing. And so I'm not Catholic at all, even though, like, Italian, it's so whatever.

But now I just pray all the time, and I feel great. And, you know, I don't really know who I'm praying to. Right. It doesn't matter. It's almost like an organization of thought, I think. Yes. And also, was it Roman Catholic that you were raised? Yes.

I was also. So where are you from originally? Remind us and the viewers. Orange County, California. There you go. Hello. The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite

of the Big Apple. Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her? But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What? You've told her?

Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City, all new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother

trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian, Elian, Elian Gonzalez. Elian, Elian, Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with.

His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzales wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Julian Edelman.

I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to dudes on dudes i'm a dude you're a dude and dudes on dudes is our brand new show we're gonna highlight players peers guys that we played against legends from the past and we're just gonna sit here and talk about them and we'll get into the types of dudes what kind of types of dudes are there grunts we got studs wizards we got freaks or dudes dude we. We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games. We'll share

some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dudes dude? We're gonna find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL

season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian, and basketball hall of famer. I'm a mom and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby, journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts, you know, just all the s**t we go through. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women.

And T and I, well, we have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. So I guess this would be a good time to ask this question then. So we're going to ask you the question, Blair, that we ask all of our guests,

which is really the central question of Las Culturistas, which is what was the culture that shaped you, a young Blairsaki, to become the Blairsaki of now? Like, it could be a movie, television shows, music, something, like, cultural, or, like, any situation that you went through that you feel, like, made you who you are today.

Or even, it can even be, like, Orange County as a neighborhood, or as, like, a culture, or anything that, like, you feel has an overarching has had an overarching effect on you now? Okay, a few things. So, I grew up in Orange County at the beach.

I was like a competitive surfer. Yeah, oh really? Unbelievable, I love. I knew this. I did not know that. Which to me now just sounds hilarious. Very Blue Crush. Blue Crush. Blue Crush, one of my favorite movies.

There you go. Kate Bosworth, realness. She had to put on 20 pounds of muscle to play that role. Wow. Oh, Joe, that fucking bitch. Yeah. So Surf. And then there's absolutely Orange County, this gorgeous, gorgeous Sims game is a culturally barren place.

It's a gorgeous, gorgeous Sims game. It is. So I found my way through a few different things. One, Gwen Stefani. Yes, she is someone that's never been mentioned on this show actually out of Anaheim California yeah there you go my god my truth um also cryogenically frozen woman who ages backwards it's almost believable almost 50 years old and also she is very similar I think to like Pink where like something about that,

they just keep putting out music that's like relevant. You know what I mean? Like her last album was like pop in the way that like it feels like pop now. But you forget that like, I don't know what happened. Like maybe she was just like peace out on my solo career or like the second album didn't do as well as the first solo album. But that first solo album. Oh, Love Angel Music Baby.

Love Angel Music Baby. Still ahead of its time. That was Baby, still ahead of its time. That was defining. Still ahead of its time. Of course, there was the Harajuku Girls. Of course, we have the Harajuku Girls. Here we go. As an Asian person,

I will say that, like, I mean, of course, like, blatantly, like, on paper, it is, like, appropriation, and it sucks. But I was just like, this is so cool that like she has these people and she's like referencing and paying tribute to this thing

I still think part of Harajuku Girls you know as a single and then as it sort of overarches in that album was kind of a tribute in a way I mean it sucks I thought she meant it as one and it sucks like she thought she could get away with, like,

turning her R's into L's in some parts of that song. Like, that is bullshit. But that album, I thought, was very cool. It was a way to surface Asians in this way that was not, like, kung fu bullshit. Like, it wasn't, like, that kind of, like, hackney thing. It was like, oh, no, these people, like,

influence fashion and culture and all these things. So was it like part of no doubt though like oh absolutely oh my gosh since day one um tragic kingdom my first cd that's a good first cd it was my first cd that i listened to in on my stereo in my room with the door closed just wild i couldn't believe her beauty. I couldn't believe her crop tops and baggy pants. And just everything about her, I was like, I will die if I ever have abs like that. Yeah, she's crazy how fit she is.

Everything about her, I just thought she was the coolest. Yep. And then besides that, my brothers i wanted everything to just do anything they did so i was very involved in sports and i had um how many brothers i had two older brothers um and they didn't let me hang out with them a lot So my mom would take me to the San Juan Capistrano Public Library and I would check out the maximum three

week amount of books. You maxed out. I read all 64 Nancy Drew books at the San Juan Public Library. That's so great. I love that. So Nancy Drew, Gwen Stefani, and the Ladies of Blue Cross. Yes!

That's me! That is you. Yes. I love that. That's great. And that makes, that all triangulates for you so well. To a cool fucking person.

Oh, thank you very much because I also, I just have to also throw in, I would be completely remiss, TLC. Oh, of course, of course. Second CD. Saw them in Anaheim

at the Honda Center. Oh my God, oh my God. First concert. Yeah, they were, and also I think they kind of get lost because Destiny's Child kind of were like the defining girl group after that. But like people forget, like the children have forgotten. Children have forgotten. How amazing TLC was.

Crazy Sexy Cool is just top to bottom brilliant. And even Fan Mail, even their second album is like. Oh, I like Fan Mail a lot. Oh, I fucking love Fan Mail. And also I listen to Crazy Sexy Cool once a month. And then now I just thought of one more and that's Jagged Little Pill. Yeah. Oh, great.

That's so funny. On our last episode. Was it last episode? It was last episode. Jagged Little Pill was also mentioned. Incredible. Jagged Little Pill, Mike Kelton. Mike Kelton.

Yeah, Mike Kelton. Yeah, Mike Kelton. Yeah, this, and like, that makes so much sense because, and Mike brought this up and I want to see what you think about this.

Like, she was intelligent about like her pain because she turns it into something. She probably wasn't this girl that was like actually screaming at people

and like making a scene. She probably, and I think she is in interviews, like Alanis Morissette is like a pretty, seems a pretty introverted, quiet person.

But then when you listen to her album, you would think, oh, this person is like- Angry. Angry and probably a lot to deal with. But then you see interviews with her and it's just like this very kind of plaintive- She dialed it up. She dialed it up.

Yeah. 100% agree. Yeah. Also, my mind every day is blown that You Oughta Know is about none other than Dave Coulier. Yeah. Also, my mind every day is blown that you ought to know is about none other than Dave Coulier. Yeah. I didn't know that. Uncle Joey of the Full House? Yeah, the song was about him.

Like, strongly allegedly. Oh, my God. I don't know how everyone came to this conclusion. She might have said it at some point, or maybe he might have alluded to the fact that it was him, but they apparently dated, like, in Canada. Oh, my God. And she was young. Like, really young.

And she went down on him in a theater, apparently. Of course she did. She's a fucking, she's the, you're the queen. You're the queen, if you hear this. She is the queen. Wow, you got, you have a lot of 90s queens on that list. I do, and, like, I feel for them the same way I did when I was that age. Yeah.

Yeah. And I feel the same way my stand-up. If someone saw me on stage, they would think I was a completely different person. But I am. Then you're in real life. I'm a full opposite person. That's kind of a healthy way to compartmentalize in a lot of ways.

Right? It's like... Well, if that's... I was just gonna say, if that's true, then I fucking step out there the same way I am when I'm not. Same. I like that too, though. No, but it's like a whole different kind of art. You know what I mean? Like, it's so different. Right. It's so interesting. Like with a Joe Pera,

for example. I don't really know Joe on a personal level. I don't really know joe on a personal level and like i don't really know what yeah who knows what he's like what he's like like you know in reality quote unquote but i feel like that's another example where it's like maybe it's like a totally diametrically like opposite thing but i mean i i find that to be like i'm jealous of people who can do that blair like people like you who are like able to like flip something well me, I don't feel like I'm flipping something because that's a very real part of myself. That's just never expressed anywhere else. And for some reason, like, when I sit on the stage, because I am really very laid back. And, like, you know, I'm usually a beta with people like in your personal life yes

and then when i get on stage that's the person that i feel and that's what it is which is larger than life it's yeah but it's not you know that's really the mostly the only time i feel that way that's and i bet that a lot of and that's interesting that a lot of like your idols i feel like would say the same thing because like i don't know what gwen stefani is like in person but she can't possibly be anything like she is on stage because she's so wild on stage right yeah i remember my cousin like was like into like only like jack johnson type, like very surfy type music. And he was like kind of like a bro-y like high schooler.

And they went to go see Gwen Stefani in concert off the solo album. And he said it was the best concert that he had ever gone to. I'm sure. And then I was like, maybe he's just going to a lot of boring concerts and this is the only good one he's ever seen.

A fun one. But like, I think the kid went to a lot of concerts and like she put on a real fucking show, apparently. What do we think of the fact that she's like, is she getting married to Blake Shelton? Oh. Okay, this is what I think. Tell me what you think. Okay, so after-

She spun in the chair. She's excited to share this thought. After you deal with someone that's so fucking squirrely, you go the other way to what you think of as a real man, of some sort of cowboy and stuff. Even though Blake has had three divorces, he seems like this amiable... He's extremely likable.

It's like, I want to not like him, but also I'm so happy that she's got this rebound she's really happy with. This fucking, you listen to me right now. This fucking famous dude banging the nanny thing is so trite. It's so crazy. Fuck you, you're boring.

Yeah. These fuck nannies that come out of nowhere. It's like the new fuck buddy, the fuck nanny. The fuck nanny. It's like, all of a sudden, I think it started with Jude Law. Jude Law did it. Of course. And they all have the prettiest wives.

Yeah, Sienna Miller was his wife. You don't get more gorgeous than that. No, you don't. Insane. Insane. I remember being heartbroken when that happened. Because I was obsessed with Jude Law. And I was like, he's getting a divorce.

He must be miserable. But also, fuck him for fucking the nanny. Oh, you know how charming he is that he's a sociopath. Like, you don't get to be that charming and also not be a sociopath. An unfeeling sociopath.

Oh my God. That could just charm, he could fucking charm a Green God's Goblin. Yeah. Oh my Green God's Goblin. He was also in the remake of that movie,

Alfie. Alfie, which was. Yeah, which is so. So, our name is starring Jane Krakowski and Susan Sarandon. And Nia Long. And Nia Long was in that. Nia Long

used to be in more shit. Nia Long also has an age of day in decades. Nia Long is cryogenically frozen also, and also I think she's another one of these. Another Nia Long. Megan Good. Megan Good is literally... She's gotta be good Megan good is I could she's

gonna be almost 40 and I could stand to watch her and literally everything oh my god the charisma the gorgeous yes she's actually you know what she no matter what she's doing always seems cool uh ever since cousin Skeeter. A hundred. Like, so cool all the time. And also, I feel like she is one that, like, you always are like, she'll be, don't worry, she'll always be around. But it's got to be hard for her. You know what I mean? To get parts. It's got to be hard for her because, you know, all the black actresses that are her age and, like, there was all that, like, there was that gabrielle and union won like she won like like essence woman of the year okay and she gave a speech and it was it kind of went viral where she was like it's amazing to be spending standing up

here right now because everyone in this room every woman in this room whenever you succeeded i hated you like whenever you booked, I cursed you behind your back. And that was the way I lived my life for 15 years. And then I had to really, someone said something to me and they said like, they put me straight and I really had like a two year period

where I had to like sit with myself and say, why can't I celebrate other women? And honestly, part of it is because the industry makes you fight for a certain amount of spots. That's it.

But also, it's like like what that creates is like a true hatred and competitiveness. Like she said that she was up for the Kerry Washington role in the Shonda Rhimes scandal show. Olivia Pope. Which I am a faithful watcher of scandals. Yes. But I mean, she would have been incredible. She would have been incredible. Olivia Pope. Which, I am a faithful watcher of Skid Row. Yes. But, I mean, she would have been incredible.

She would have been incredible, but I think Taraji P. Henson was also up for it. That's the thing. Every black actress was up for it because it was a black role. And I think, maybe that's what she was probably saying

in that speech, right? Is that, that's just the- She was like, that's the reality. We all offer the same stuff and every time you guys got something and I didn't,

I was mad. But you know what? We've turned, we have to, it's not that we have to hate each other we have to start hating the reality and fighting against the reality and that was like the crux of the speech but she was saying like she came that close right to booking olivia pope but everyone knew that was like carrie washington's part because like just the kind of actor she is the kind of person she is she was best suited yeah but now it's like that's hard because I think she said something too like every year it's like you look at the pilot season and there's two three roles for you at all yeah so you have to think about someone like Megan Good who's pretty specific as an actress because

she is so like cool and hot and like chill and laid back you don't really see her do a lot other than that like she probably has to fucking fight and struggle for parts i don't know man you think we're not saying that that's not true i'm just thinking of zoe kravitz who you think is right yeah epitome of fucking cool and hot and she's have every role in the world and I want to watch her to the end of days yeah

she fucking books her ass off yeah she books on books on books on books I think also though

that's such an important thing and it's so hard because especially like when you come in the stand up world where it's like such a singular thing

but what I think about is stand up besides being on stage and I love my when you come in the stand-up world where it's, like, such a singular thing. But what I think about is stand-up besides being on stage. And I love my guy friends, but the most thing that I think about what I'm grateful for is the women that I have become friends with. And even this year, and as you get older and you're like, wow, I'm doing this really wild thing, probably sacrificing a lot of, like, I would have been married young with kids and all this right right right i'm really sacrificing

for this thing in life that i believe in and these women that i am so lucky to be friends with and these stand-ups and you know other comedians the smartest most kind, loyal people who understand you in a way that is unparalleled and will never be experienced. It's the most beautiful thing that I feel so lucky to every day have. I can't even, and make me such a better person. And it's just like, I think, when I think of any of us getting any success, we all get success. Truly. You're going to make me cry. And it's about believing that and letting that be the energy that you lead with.

Because that is contagious, I think. The second you walk into a room and you throw a look over your shoulder, that energy is out there. And I think it has been getting better. The communities are strong. You know what I mean? You don't see, I think because people have started to call out the bullshit a little bit more and say, no, it's not our problem

that the situation is a toxic one. It's the situation's problem. Let's all work to change this and support each other. But just to bring these two pieces together and to bring up a lazy example, it's like whenever Joel and I go out for the same fucking shit all the time, it's not like, oh. Joel Kim Booster. Joel Kim Booster, sorry. Another gay Asian comedian.

Whenever we go out for the same things, it's not like a – there's an eye-rolling moment where it's like, oh, of course we're up for this. But it's like there's no contention. There's no acrimony there it's just like okay if either of us book this then like we've only ever been supportive for each other when like those kinds of things have like played out and to zoom out of that all the all the fucking gay men in new york go for the same shit like and it's right but then there's no like yeah but then like by some miracle, it's because of those. It's because of this community where people where we've sort of caught up to that and gotten smart about that, where it's like we are able to get ahead of that and not let those feelings get in the way and just be supportive of whatever happens.

And whatever success falls on any of our friends. And that's what makes me fucking not to be like, oh, who pat ourselves on the back. But that's what makes me fucking, not to be like, ooh, ooh, ooh, pat ourselves on the back, but that's what makes me proud of the I Don't Think So Honey shows. You know what I mean? Because that's literally 50 or 100 people now we've had on the shows who on any other bill

would be the only person. Like, that's different. Oh, yeah. All the fucking washed out. You can't have more than two gay people. Yeah. You know what I mean? And that just goes to show,

I left the stage and someone said to me, they were like, it's so crazy that people say they can't find diversity because you could just look at the show and there's like literally dozens of people. The people that I saw and learned of from your guys' show, and it's so cool.

And also just that's the best thing about booking your own show. And I love doing that because I don't think of the, oftentimes I'm like, who do I think is the funniest? And then I can easily have an all-gay lineup without even thinking about it. Right, right, right. But that's, you know, like, I am very, the people that I think are innovative and that I'm interested in, right now that I, like, want to hear.

Yeah. They're gay. They're gay. They're gay. They're gay. interested in in right now that i'm like wanna hear yeah okay okay okay okay yeah i hear like this you know stand up you it's just like i love hearing the different shit and like right it's so it's so refreshing and fun for me like it just feels i love it i love it and every now and then there's a straight white who will who get me not saying that the straight whites aren't good have we talked about this

Matt and I love one person who does who is like a little throwback to the old school oh yeah I know who you're talking about Martin Urbano

or Martin Urbano Martin Urbano truly legendary he just moved here this year. From Chicago or something? No, from Austin. So goddamn funny.

He was, I was so fucking terrified of having to follow him because he's just bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Yeah. And he's so fucking, I mean.

And so nice. The nicest guy too. Yes, yes. I mean, he's incredible. And I was just praying that I didn't have to follow him. I'm sure you killed. I mean, he's incredible and I was just praying that I didn't have to follow him. I'm sure you killed.

I mean, she was amazing and great, but the thing is like, yeah, he is one of those, like, he's just like totally something different. You know what I mean? And like, you see that

and you're like, yeah, fucking more of that. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yep. And that's just cool and then to see his success after that, like.

Unbelievable. It's so cool. So funny. That's the kind of thing. And also, I'll say again, one of the SNL hires we just found out about, too, who fucking destroyed JFL is Sam J. Sam J. And that's someone that you've never seen anything like. No, no.

And that's, you know what I mean? It's just very cool. So just wanting people to catch up on the fact that you have no idea what you're a fan of because you haven't even seen it yet. Exactly. You've never seen a show with more than one gay. So it's a shame when people walk away from the shows and are like, oh, the gay guy was funny and they didn't even know their name. Sometimes it's like when there's more than one gay on, you have to know their names because you have to know how to tell them apart when you talk about it later. A hundred percent. And also, like people just don't that aren't familiar with comedy. They have very little frame of reference.

Yeah. Like a lot of times. I mean, and I'm sure this happens to you in whatever capacity. Right. Yeah the same thing. But, like, people are like, oh, like, they'll always drop Amy Schumer in with me just because I have blonde hair. And so they'll be like, oh, either it's like, you know, I love that you're trying to do the Amy Schumer thing. When I literally, I could not, if you heard her stand up and my stand up nothing no you literally nothing in common yeah or like they'll put her down or they'll say she's better than me there's just they'll they'll be like i like you so much better than her or like you're an amy schumer wannabe like or something so like it's always that's just the one woman

blonde that they know yeah and so but they just don't know like so lazy yeah and you also hear about like it's amazing too like you hear about other comics that like they let that get to them and then they get vicious right you know what i what I mean? Yeah. Yep, yep, yep. Oh, boy. Not to blow her up even more, but she's been blown up, but she did deserve it. But I can't imagine that Eliza is pleasant to be around when the topic of Amy Schumer comes up. Sure. You know what I mean? I'm sure that's fucking crazy.

I will just say this like a fucking shady bitch. Say it. If you spend an interview shitting on other women. If you spend an interview shitting on your fucking own kind in your own community you're gonna get

what you deserve. Of course. It's 100% gonna come back around. Blair, do you do World War II jokes? I'm just kidding. Don't fucking answer that. That's a fucking reference.

I don't and so I'm not a real comedian. No. But I like to spend my days pretending. See, this is the thing about Blair. I think this is why you're able to talk so deeply and at such length about this. It's because I think you are so aware of your place in in this industry and that that sounds that sounds weird but I just think you just know yourself you know what you want you know where you are you know where you're gonna go and that is so cool because I think that is something that even

I don't even have that is something that not a lot of people have wow that is the nicest thing in the world because you know you don't feel that way ever, which is so crazy to me because I have followed you guys probably before we had even met. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Yes. Yes. I go to it. I was going to both of your shows before I think we'd even met.

But then we were following each other on, like, social media and all that stuff before we had even met for sure. But I don't even know i come from like i think an athlete mentality and my dad is like this self-made like you work for everything you get type thing and and athletes you know you have a bad game and you still have to fucking play the next day i'm like i don't know what i'm doing anything more than i'm gonna try my hardest be nice to people i'm gonna fuck up a lot knows? I'm doing the best I can every day. I don't know my place at all. I just hope and keep going. I don't think that's true because the fact that you're able to talk about yourself and the community.

Don't you tell her what she knows and doesn't know. Bitch, I'm trying to compliment her. You shut up. No, it's so beautiful. I compliment. Wait, so you say you come from like an athletic mentality. Yeah. So surfing competitively, was your dad like a coach type dad?

Oh, 100%, but not me. My brother. Oh, God, that's great. My dad was a varsity football and baseball coach. Matt. Yeah. Oh, my God. And so I've identified with you when you say the kind of you approach it like an athlete thing.

Yeah. with you when you say the kind of you you approach it like an athlete thing yeah because a big like way in for my dad for me with like the comedy and acting and like you know entertainment industry thing yeah is kind of like thinking about it like like but when i'm getting ready for a show he's treats me very much like like when i was getting ready to run like a track meet or something or like warming up what does he do he, yeah, you gotta get in your... He's like very like... You know, he gets it and relates to it in that way. A hundred percent.

And it's so interesting to see this replace that in my life in a way. Yeah. Absolutely. My dad texts me. And granted, my parents have never seen my stand-up. Any of my TV stuff. Really? Nothing.

They fully support me now because they realize it's something I am doing, but it's like their biggest nightmare, whatever. So they've never seen anything, but my dad will text me if I have a big show or something. He'll text me, remember, even Kobe Bryant gets nervous before a big game. Ah! Even Kobe. Even Kobe. That's's so fun that's so sweet it is sweet it's so funny because like i used to watch all these sports and stuff because and like i didn't really realize it but it was just to connect in my family like and as soon as i moved

to new york like i never watched for us again but like i it's funny because you're just like okay this is my family this is the way they will never understand yeah this whole side of me or you know so that's like the way we connect that's why you relate yeah see we were man it's it's my dad used to say, you know, hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. My dad says that to me. Yeah. One million times.

And I think it's like, I think he thinks he made it up. Maybe he did. But, but he would like write it down as an affirmation. And that is also a thing. Like my dad, like he was, he would teach like little league camps and he would write down like an affirmation every day. And that in its own way is like kind of religious in a way. Right.

Or like ritualistic. You know what I mean? Like repeating mantras. Yeah. Amazing. So effective. I'm just trying to break down the syntax of this. Hard work beats talent.

When talent doesn't work hard. So he's saying when you're talented but lazy, you have to work hard. No. You are deliberately misunderstanding. No, I know I am deliberately misunderstanding this, but I'm just trying to get to the bottom of the logic. He's saying that it wouldn't matter.

I know what he's saying. Okay, go. It wouldn't matter if you were talented if you didn't keep working as if you had something to prove it's so true though like don't you really like i mean don't you feel that way there's so of course don't you know the most talented people in our community who should like who are lazy as fuck yeah and then people that work so hard yeah right bowen and then people that work so hard who you if you have all the talent in the world great that means that you better work hard i see what he's saying yes no hold on hold. Just syntactically, on the

sentence level. He's making fun of my dad. No, I'm not making fun of your dad. He's saying hard work beats talent as opposed to talent not working hard. Like, vis-a-vis talent not working hard. Why don't you say it this way? When talent doesn't work hard,

hard workers beat talented people. With a talented person who doesn't work hard. Hard workers beat talented people. With a talented person who doesn't work hard, another person who is... Well, you can't put that on a poster, bitch. Fine, fuck you. You can't fit that on a goddamn poster. Here's the thing. Rule number 71 of culture.

It has to fit on a poster. Look, I will say this. Both of you guys have these amazing, hardworking athlete parents. The way things were ingrained into me with work ethic were my two very scientific parents, academic parents who, like, would pep talk me, like, before standardized tests. And we're just very scientific about it. And, like, with, like, stuff that's been happening with me with stuff recently where I've, like,

gone in for stuff, like, my dad will just will just be like yeah just go in and do well like it's as if that's a given as if like that's there's like not doing well it's not an option which is healthy but not healthy at the same time and like i yeah like hearing you guys talk about your dad's like this is like very cool but also on the other hand think there's like, there's also merits to like the other, the alternative, the other side of that coin where it's like your parents are just like, you will do well and failure is not an option. Well, I'm just, I. And a warm loving mind.

Yeah. And I'd rather have that than the parents that are like, and you know, God bless these parents. You probably raised your children to be lovely people. But the people that are like, do your best. And that's okay. And if it doesn't matter, that's all right. My dad would never say that.

I remember I was in like a real slump in baseball, and I was sitting in the car like moping, and I turned to my dad and I'm like, I don't know, I'm in a slump. And he's like, well, that's because like you suck right now. He's like, you're not, like your swing is like horrible. It's like you haven't learned anything. Oh, my God. You literally look like a mess.

I don't think I would have been able to live through any of that if my father were my coach. No, I mean, I also understand culturally that's like it was different. You know what I mean? You probably understand what I'm saying. I do completely. My dad, the same shit. God bless him.

Really good dad, but he's a fiery man he's definitely walked out of the gym before when i wasn't playing well um yeah yeah yeah but i'm the type of person now like i am to myself yeah obviously i'm gonna prepare and work as hard as i can but i'm saying if i fuck up or bomb I did the best I could and that's a place you can get to when you know well it's like okay well I'll walk out of here and it'll be

up to me how I deal with it it's like you know what I mean like that's kind of like yeah it's like well that's part of it you know what I mean I will do better next time because that sucked. I'm learning and I'm doing the best I can. If I'm preparing the best I can and I'm doing the best I can, that's the best I can do. And if you know what your best is, then it's fine.

Also, like, I only know as much as I know. Yeah. Like, I have to fuck up in order to learn. But also when I'm going in for auditions which i don't audition that much but like when i go in i have this thought like okay i'm not a size zero that is what sometimes my negative thought yeah yeah but and then i'm like okay well whatever i can just be as good as i can be and then we'll see what happens and that's when you're thankful

for the fact that you worked hard to get there because at least you look around and like if the fucking sometimes I'll get

sent in for these things and like like I'll look around and these other guys around me are like fucking knockouts like I'm just like there's no way

no no no no because there's no way like because if you put me in a room with like Chris Hemsworth, it doesn't fucking matter. You know what I mean? It's like you look around and it's like,

oh, it literally doesn't matter. Why not him? Girls are going to be learning to masturbate to that guy. Yeah. You know what I mean? I was like, I would cast him. But it's again, you put your... Right.

That's what I try to do. Put my head down. These other people, Chris Hemsworth Hey Bosworth Hey Bosworth is not in the audition room with me So all I can do Yesterday I auditioned for Trashy, white trash

Florida surfer who steals a lot I think you tweeted that Honestly I think you should book How did you feel about it? I think you tweeted that. Honestly, I thought it was a joke. I think you should book. How did you feel about it? I think it went really well. Yes. I ran my

scenes, then went to the elevator, had my dirty trucker hat on that I got in a party bag from a surf contest years ago, they came out and grabbed me and said, hey, can we run it again without the hat?

That's good, though. They wanted to see more of you. They wanted to see it without the hat. And honestly, can we talk about the hat for a second? Because Blair pulls that look off with a prom. Yeah, you fucking rock that hat. Because it's genuine. You cannot do it in a contrived.

You cannot come contrived with the backwards hat or the forward hat. Rule number 15, honey. You cannot come contrived. You cannot come contrived. And it's so natural. It's not forced. It is organic. I mean, it's not forced. It is organic. I mean, it's trashy, but sometimes it's way on with some greasy roots.

But you know what? There's nothing like it. There's nothing like it. Because I feel like if you're going to come in and you feel like, I didn't shower today or this isn't my day, I do sometimes like to lean into it. You know what I mean? Oh, absolutely.

Put the hat on, bitch. Put that t-shirt on. I have a Jimmy Buffett t-shirt. Absolutely. And I rock it. Absolutely. I love a jogger with maybe a crop sweatshirt and a hat. You know.

Where do you like to go to vacation? Well, my family vacation. Hopperdus or Joe knows where I'm going with this. My family vacation. Growing up, we drove. This was before when it was safe. We drove down to like far down the Mexican Peninsula. Baja Peninsula.

Several times a year with a big trailer full of shit. And we would just like stop at various Mexican villages. And we would, you know, fish and eat lobster and get stomach sick. And, you know, it was good. That sounds outrageous. That sounds very cool. Yeah, then we had to stop when things started going down. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You ever go to, I don't know, Disneyland? Yes. You did? How do you feel about that? I love Disneyland. You'd probably guess that from who I am. That's why I ask. Yeah. You were so close to Anaheim. I was.

So you had a season pass. Only I didn't actually you had a season pass. Only I didn't actually because my parents hated it. Your parents hated it? Yeah, but our best family friends loved it so I got to go all the time with them. And then I had this shady older boyfriend once that bought me

a season pass and we would like go a lot in high school. It was weird. I wish that was my boyfriend. Sometimes though, Matt. A season pass can be a trap in high school. It was weird. I wish that was my boyfriend. Sometimes, though, Matt, a season pass can be a trap in a prison. What are you saying? Maybe Blair's ex-boyfriend was trying to keep her close

by buying her a season pass. Oh, for sure. Oh, my God. It's like when you think your boyfriend might leave you so you, like, buy a house. Yeah, you get pregnant. Kylie!

Oh, my God. Kylie. Yeah yeah i guess we should talk about kylie but also no no no big chloe isn't that insane it's almost like it was planned oh okay so much happened this year where i had to come to face reality, which has been, you know, the cloak has been lifted. Yeah, oh, for sure. I mean, we definitely have had a year. We've had a year. Yeah. Okay.

I might be bi, and I have a type. I thought you were going to say I might be biased, and you, like, had to catch your breath. But you fully said I might be bi, and I was like, oh, great. Bi, bi. I've never hooked up with a woman a woman but i'm attracted to it um and like a certain no but it's horrible because i see them through the male gaze which is deplorable oh yeah oh you're not alone you're not alone i like these women with huge asses and huge tits, like, insane, which also makes me sick in Hot Producer Joe because I spent my whole life, like, wanting to be so thin,

and now these women that I want to fuck don't look anything like this, you know, this body that I wanted to hate so bad. No, that's just your just what you're attracted to. That's all just equilibrating. And I think it's okay. I wouldn't see that as you looking at other women through the male gaze. I don't think that's it.

I also think everyone in their heart is disgusting. If you saw the way that I literally will be walking on the street and when I see a hot guy, I will turn around and watch them walk away. Like, it's crazy. I'm bad. I can't comment the girl is skinny with small poop in her forehead. I should be in jail.

One time, I literally one time saw Jonathan Groff on the street. And Jonathan Groff is my dream. Number one. I am in love with him. Right. And he was walking past me on the street, and I literally just kept looking,

and he was walking down the street, and I just stopped and watched him go. It was so bad. I was like, if anyone saw this right now, or if he turned around and saw me literally stopped on University Place, just literally gawking, I should be in prison. Yeah. I should be straight up in jail. I should be straight up in jail.

You should be. Yeah. But it's crazy because like, you think about like these straight men and like the way they like, whenever a straight man is like looking at a woman or gawking at a woman, I give him the dirtiest look.

I'm like, excuse me, we can all fucking see it. Yeah, how dare you. And you're disgusting. Meanwhile, there's me like staring at Jonathan Groff's like ass. No,

when gay men do it too, I fucking hate it. Yeah, I should be in jail. I'll look over at a pack of gays at low T on Fire Island and I'll be like, you animal. We are animals though.

I want to say rule number 132 of culture. We are animals though. That's true. That is the truth. Yeah, I don't want to discriminate against skinny women. All I'm saying though is that you better show me your papers as natural. Oh, wow.

If it's natural, show me the papers. Yes, bitch. Just kidding. No, no, no. I celebrate you and your fast metabolism. But here's the deal. I feel like my type is personally changing to where now I can't even say that I have one. I just literally am attracted to what I'm attracted to.

And that's that. Oh boys, I have to disagree. You have a type? No, my type historically has been charisma. X-factor? X-factor, there is

no rhyme or reason or pattern. She loves stars. She loves stars. But that's not a type that's on a physicality. No, because then all my girlfriends are like, really? And then I'm like, but I just, I'm so connected. He's got that je ne sais quoi. Oh, je ne sais quoi.

Yeah, the je ne sais quoi can take it a long way. It's why whenever i watch the voice i get a woody for adam levine okay he has a je ne sais quoi yeah i absolutely didn't even care for him until i saw that show and then i saw the humanity yeah i I know, the sense of humor. I know. The wit. Yeah, I love Adam Levine, I do. But can I say, I've actually been jerking it to Adam Levine since a young age.

We high-fived. I love Maroon 5 unironically. I want to say that and expose myself to the listeners. Did you ever see the video for This Love? I love it, and I love that song! Okay, when he's like... Owen is disgusting. No, he's judging. I'm not judging.

I was obsessed with It Won't Be Soon Before Long, their second album. Yeah, that was really good. I talked about them, all killer, no filler, but I just... Keep going. Adam Levine... I'm attracted to him okay why don't you know about him and of course we know that adam levine is like literally like to anyone with a sense pretty much a national punchline but sure sure go on no he's celebrated the world over

right but like to our comedian friends like you say adam levine in a room and literally everyone laughs no i don't think that's necessarily true. I love how these people who like sleep on trash bags are laughing at Adam Levine. Platinum artist married to a model with a gorgeous baby. I mean, we're in no position. You're right, Blair. We're in no position to laugh at him.

I don't think that happens. Can you talk about your feelings about Adam Levine and your feelings about us saying we like him? Well, first, I think I'm trying to laugh at him. I don't think that happens. Can you talk about your feelings about Adam Levine and your feelings about us saying we like him? Well, first, I think I'm trying to negotiate two things. One, my overall indifference towards Adam Levine. Like, I don't care that he exists anymore. And

two, whether or not that's, like, creeping into, like, full-on, like, distaste. Because I feel like him on The Voice, granted, I haven't seen that much of The Voice, but Matt and I watched it last night, the premiere episode, and I loved it and was so moved. But all I care about,

the only person I care about, I don't even say Miley because whatever. I like Miley. Only person I care about is Jennifer Hudson, and she's only been on this season. Wait, is she a judge? She's a judge now. I think it's really good.

Wait, so is Gwen not a judge now? No. She does it like every other couple seasons. So this year it's, Blake and Adam do every single season, and the girls rotate out. So right now it's Miley Cyrus and Jennifer Hudson, and next spring, the next season, is going to be Kelly Clarkson and Alicia Keys.

Oh, and Alicia Keys. And then I don't know what they're doing the year after that, but I believe Gwen Stefani will be back. I think the girls now are going to be in rotation, unless Jennifer Hudson or Kelly Clarkson are like huge hits, and then they'll keep them. But Christina Aguilera, too, comes back. Yeah.

I love it. The fucking drama of the chair spin. Yeah. Love it. Genius. Genius. It's so dramatic. Christina Aguilera,era i mean no thank you

i always i always give respect to christina aguilera because she she was truly it for me when i was like eight years old okay she came along when there wasn't a pop star with any gusto, with any real pipes, but I mean, truly. There's no place. There is just nothing behind those eyes. There you go. Wow. I think there is,

and I think it's meanness. This score has been officially settled at Chris Ficello and Matteo Lane's show, Battle of the Divas. There was a Britney versus Christina show. Matt represented Christina. I represented Britney. I roundly lost.

I won. And I am ashamed. But Matt's argument was, Matt's whole thing was very. Sex positive. Was very ad hominem. It was very personal. He attacked me. I came out as a proud SLUT. But you didn't.

Sex positive, talented talented talented bitch which is great which is one thing but it's another thing entirely for you to attack me as someone who you called me old yeah and irrelevant that one is famously younger than me and matt's whole argument was that i was i like Britney, was old and somehow he won. No, no, no, no. I, first of all, I was, it was entirely an argument about my own and Christina's own talent. Which is fine, but then you dragged me into that. And Britney Spears said she was a virgin and was a liar. Because her career would have dramatically changed if the second she said she lost her virginity.

She was looking out for herself, and you cannot fault her for that. I don't know, but... I can fault you for calling me old. How dare you? You look so old. Shut up. Shut the fuck up.

You look like a fresh daisy. I had no idea what I was bringing up. I should have known from the hard eye contact that Matt gave me when the name Christina first left my lips. Blair, here's the thing. The fact of the matter is, the show is over, and the votes

have been tallied, and I fucking won, and Christina fucking won. So, unless he wants a rematch with another pair of pop stars, that's gonna have to be bones across the bear. The fact that he couldn't bring it home for britney i'm mad i just want to say at least britney doesn't feel the deep lacking within herself to do a every 20 seconds to make up for some sort of deep, deep gaping emotional hole inside herself. Britney Spears is one big emotional hole.

She can't even walk by herself. Look at her Instagram. Oh, man. She walks on her fucking hands across football fields. Can Christina do that? No, Christina has to go about living on the rolling chair who loves sliding through the room. Diva. Oh, my God.

That's a diva. Britney Spears, look at her Instagram. Look at her fashion shows. You'll see a lot. She's happy. Britney Spears has been resurrected in a bikini body, which is not how I rate success or happiness. You know what?

Let's table this conversation. Let's move on. Let's move on. I don't think so, honey. Here we go. Now, Blair, this is a segment in our show You know what? Let's table this conversation. Let's move on. Let's move on. I don't think so, honey. Here we go. Now, Blair, this is a segment in our show which has actually come to be known as one of the more popular segments of our show. One of the only.

Yeah, it was one of the only segments of our show. We tried another one once, and we didn't like doing it. Oh, dear. And so we have, I don't think so honey, it's one minute to reel against culture. And it's our time to go negative. And Bowen, I think that you should start since I famously started the last dozens. Will you keep time for me? I will. I will keep time.

I'm happy to do that. And this is Bowen Yang's I Don't Think So Honey. And it's time. Starts now. I Don't Think So Honey. And it's time. Starts now. I Don't Think So Honey soft veggie burgers. Bitch, I ordered a veggie burger from Dumbo Kitchen right around the corner from where we record after the gym because I wanted a healthy meal. And look, the second I bit down into it, the fucking burger patty gushed out from the sides like a fucking fruit gusher. It's structurally unsound

food, and I cannot be made to eat something like that that will just fall apart, and it doesn't have the architecture to be a real food, a real burger! Honey, I want the illusion of a real burger, and you are not giving me that illusion. You are not making me feel like I'm

eating an actual burger, but I'm actually eating something much healthier, and bitch, I want to eat a healthy meal, and are not making me feel like I'm eating an actual burger, but I'm actually eating something much healthier. And bitch, I want to eat a healthy meal and you're making me feel like a fool, like a foolish fool for eating a veggie burger. 15 seconds. I want, put a fucking egg in that so you can seal the whole thing together after you fry it because bitch,

I don't know who your cooks are back there, but they are not. Five seconds. They are not bringing home the bacon, which I love because it's meat, bitch. I don't think so, honey. That's one minute. Vegetables in general. Wow. Now there's an attack on veggie burgers that are too soft.

Too soft. Has that happened to you guys? They fall apart. I eat just a regular burger. So do I. But bitch, every now and then I want to be a little good for myself. Same with me. I like to fuck with a veggie burger even though I'm famously a meat eater and

if they serve up a soft one, I'm not pleased. No, thank you. How to be a beefy woman? Don't eat a veggie burger. Eat a full burger. This is Matt Rogers' I don't think so, honey. His time starts now. I don't think so laundry machines. Bitch, you need to start taking dollars.

Stop it, laundry machines. In this quarters only. First of all, bitch, how come we haven't updated it so that I can't use change to build up to the amount you need to use? Why is it quarters only, bitch? I don't think so, honey. Everyone is on the dollar

now. The world is on the dollar. They're not on the quarter. It is time to end this plague on America which is causing us to go down to our local stores, our local delis, and ask them to change out our dollars

for quarters. It's inconveniencing them. It's inconveniencing us. It's slowing down the process of getting our clothes washed and dry. I don't think so, honey. I want a machine that takes my single dollar and I want a machine that takes my single dollar and I want a machine that takes my $5 bill and eventually I want a machine

that takes my $20 bill with Harriet Tubman on it. I don't think so, honey. Laundry machine. That's one minute. Wow, you want to pay $20 to a laundry machine. I'm just saying I want the option to be able to put in any bill I choose and then spit back change properly. I don just saying I want the option to be able to put in any bill I choose and then spit back change properly.

I don't think it's funny every time I have to go down there and be using quarters. I don't think it's funny at all. And also, quarters, here's the thing with them, as I found out today, sometimes the metal

of the quarter gets a little melted and misshapen and you put it in the machine and it gets stuck in the machine because the quarter isn't in perfect shape. And so we need to do away with this quarters. Thank you Matt. That is his platform. George Clooney for president

by the way. 2020. He might run. Okay. This is Blair Saki's I Don't Think So Honey. Blair are you ready? This is Blair's I Don't. I don't think so, honey. Blair, are you ready? This is Blair's I don't think so, honey. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey. FaceTime. Oh, really?

Oh, you think that you are going to get to see my face in the interior of my own home when I'm locked up in my dungeon trying to be personal with myself? You think you can fucking FaceTime me? Oh, yeah, like I don't have aquaphor all over Dried out skin so that it is in healing time. It's in repair It's in repose 30 seconds And you want to violate me by seeing me with my aquaphor face and my hair in this scrunchie and Aquaphor on my lips too.

Don't even forget about it. No, that is what text message is for. You're trying to be egregious. You're trying to violate me. You're trying to see me when I'm not supposed to be seen. When I'm not trying to have my face out in the world. My face is always out in the world.

I don't think so, honey. FaceTime. FaceTime. Don't FaceTime me, bitch. Oh, that's one minute. Oh, I think you, you really took that to task, bitch. You are being egregious. Quote Blair Saki. You know who always wants to FaceTime? The bitch to my right.

Always FaceTime. All my friends want to do it. And he FaceTimes me on the do-la-day-la- who-on-the-do-da-all-the-do-da-day. But you always... Do-la-day-la-who-on-the-do-da- he-da-on-the-do-da-day. I'm the more vulnerable one in that situation. I look like a fucking

jaw-of-the-jabba. Every time we do FaceTime, I comment on how bad I look. You look fine. I look horrendous. Your jawline is discernible when we're on FaceTime and I collapse my fucking jaw into my rib.

I have very tired and black eyes. And whenever I look into the face of FaceTime, I have to make an ugly face because I have to lean in. No. You shouldn't be looking at your own face when you're on FaceTime.

You should be looking at the face that's across the fucking receiver, that's on the fucking screen, bitch. When I'm trying to connect with a loved one, I don't want that connection to be mired with what my own fucking face looks like. Thank you, and it's distracting. It's so distracting.

I can't even... I just want to connect with my friend on a pure level and not have to see what's going down. I'm truly a texter. I'm a texter. Guys, I don't know. You're never going to fully be known to your loved ones without FaceTime. That's all I think.

Do you FaceTime your parents? All the fucking time, bitch. Rosebud told me something last night when I decided to take the night off and have a vegetable. Who's Rosebud? Rosebud Baker. Oh.

Incredible comedian and friend and woman. And she FaceTimed me when she knew I was very vulnerable eight episodes in to Transparent without even knowing what happened. Wow. Told me and I said, you know, I don't like it when you FaceTime me. And she said, but think about it like this. When you were eight years old, did you think that you would ever be able to be in different places than your friend

and see them on a small device where you're talking to them? And my world broke open and i was like you are seeing the beauty in life see but that's that's really you're being egregious because that's to say that just because technology is there that we should use it that's to say that's like saying hey can, would you ever even imagine drones? Yeah, but this isn't a positive way, but surely I was being manipulated. You're correct. Surely you were.

I don't think so. I don't know about this. Surely. She's the best. I don't know about her. You know what? The tech world right now is going through an identity crisis, but what will never go away

is engineers building good products that make people happy. FaceTime makes everybody the world over happy, honey. You know, Hillary... And, no, let me finish. Okay. It's a product that is bringing good into the world, and you two pillorying this amazing...

You know Hillary? Pillorying this landmark technological achievement. Steve Jobs unveiling the iPhone 4. Can you remember when the Earth moved that day? How the world shook? How the tectonics of the world shifted?

You guys are desecrating that legacy and I won't have any of it. I don't update my phone until I fucking absolutely have to. And that's my goddamn prerogative. Hillary Clinton says, we shouldn't run from technology. We should find out a way to use it that doesn't harm us. That's paraphrasing.

You are desecrating the words of Hillary Clinton, my hero. She also said, it takes a town it takes a town she also said um after trump gave his inauguration speech quote that was some weird shit said george w bush i had to agree which might be the whole line of the fucking book it's's amazing. That's real. Like she got real and she, Oh, love it.

And I loved, I loved when she quoted other people calling her a bitch. Cause I was like, yes, never did this before. You're doing it now. I love it. Okay.

Yeah, here we go. Okay. So this has been an amazing episode. I think this episode has been really eyeopening and it was real in parts and it was tender in parts and it was hilarious in parts and it was so fun. And we got into some little fights. Yeah also culture is about um you know disagreeing and then coming to a certain place and then moving on from there it's like a lot of fun and debate yeah are you are you a debater no i'm furthest the furthest i'm like I'm exhausted Where do you guys Get the fucking energy

I'd rather just Disagree in private I feel the same I feel the same I feel different Because as Christina Aguilera Once said Thanks for making me

Fatter Fatter Modulated mid phrase That's cool Thanks for making me Fatter You went Thanks for making me Fatter. You went, thanks for making me

fatter. Loved it. Loved it. Boobie tripping over my body. What's the first word of that? Sweat dripping over my body. Oh, I said boobie

dripping over my body. That would be weird. Sure. Hey. Hey. You know what? What? We ate all the M&M's.

We didn't even break into these oatmeal raisins though But that's okay We're gonna go eat the rest of these cookies guys We thank Blair It was the time of my life And my biggest honor I'm just gonna talk about the Gaga documentary

But you know what? That's for another episode It is, yeah Just give a three word review Each of us Yeah That's my three word review Is Gaga is each of us Just give a three-word review. Dejavu. Yeah. That's my three-word review, is Zaga and Dejavu.

My heart exploded. Great. Love it. My review? Five foot two. I was going to say Rockstar Dream, but then I was like, fuck, that's only two words. Five foot two, bitch. Five foot two.

I said the first line of the documentary should have been, you know, I'm only five foot two. People think I'm a lot taller. So stupid. I thought that would have been hilarious. The actual first lines of the movie are, her first words are, Taylor and I are in a fight right now. So that sucks. So that sucks. So that sucks. I love it.

Maybe I'll go home and get totally stoned and watch it again. It's really good. Oh, I'm for sure going to watch it. What about when she took off her top and she's like, sorry, I feel more comfortable. Yeah, that was fucking stupid. I was like, Gaga, come on. I was like, I'm going with you everywhere you want to go. And I just feel more comfortable. It's like, no, a producer told you to do that, Gaga.

It's fine. I was like, well, at least you know what my hero's nipples look like. When I fall down to pray, I try to make the world seem better. Lord, show me the way to cut through all this worn out leather I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away Baby, I just need one good one, good one

Tell me that you'd be the good one, good one Baby, I just need one good one to stay. For your consideration, Grammys 2017. Bye! Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com

and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram, at Forever Dog Team Team and liking our page on Facebook. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind scene stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars.

We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him.

Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are,

there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarikaqa Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose.

My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one.