Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "Trauma-Rama" (w/ Fran Gillespie)

Episode Date: June 28, 2018

A Very PRIDEful June ends with a BANG!The hilarious Fran Gillespie joins Matt & Bowen to warn about the dangers of microblading your eyebrows. Don't microblade your eyebrows. Your eyebrows will turn into bleeding caterpillars. Aside from that, the trio discuss the horrors of giving advice when you're young and unaccomplished, consuming label-less vodka in high school, marathoning NBC's Heroes, how hair color affects your body chemistry, Celebrity Boy Crushes, Titanic, being mean to loved ones, the insanity of In Touch magazine, and MORE! ---LAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasSUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS TODAY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:twitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASTforeverdogpodcasts.com/las-culturistas  Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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las culturistas ding dong Las Culturistas calling Matt you had a big night last night Yeah It's history making I had sex With Sudi Green We woke up in the same bed And it was a bit that

Really she forced upon it That we had had sex And I was like look I'll go with it And if people want to believe that we had sex, I'm fine with that. Like, because I do feel like-

She tweeted out a statement. Or you tweeted out a statement. I tweeted out a statement that confirmed that we had sex. We did not. But I think it's fun. And Sudi has, for nearly a decade,

loved to push this narrative that we've had sex and have a sexual relationship. Well, Sudi- And we have fake had sex on stage. And my parents and her parents both watched.

Oh, you guys did not fake make out. Was that what you were talking about? Just sticking your tongues in each other's faces? No, Sudi is the woman in this role that I have made out with the most. And then it really hurt my feelings one day when we were going to do a sketch.

Billy Domino wrote a sketch where we played, this is a very college sketch, we played children who woke up on Christmas morning and were so excited that they fucked. And that was very much Sudi and I's... It's shocking. Schedule relationship. I remember that, that day.

And we were running it one time. It was like a best of show at the end of the year. And Sudi expressed frustration that we had to kiss and it hurt me. What was her frustration? She didn't want to kiss me. And it was weird because she had gaslit me into thinking I was a good kisser. And then all of a sudden one day she was like, oh, I really don't want to kiss you tonight.

And I was like, well, we don't have to. But like, ouch. Can I ask you something? Anytime me, you, Sudi, and your mother Katrina are in a room together, you never fail to bring up the time when Sudi, like we were all together after a show. Because Sudi does this thing where she likes to kiss people on the mouth and I want to ask

my guest if she's experienced this phenomenon with Sudi because she is very close with Sudi but Sudi likes to kiss on the mouth Let me finish this story. You go ahead. So then Sudi and I kissed on the mouth just as a way to say goodbye or to show affection. I can't believe this happened. And then Katrina your mother

asked me, asked you. Asked me, so how long have Bowen and Sudi been dating? LOL. And I was like, oh my God, it made me sick to my stomach. Was it, was that, this is what I have to ask you, stop. Was that born of jealousy? I was jealous. I was jealous of both parties.

I knew it, I knew it. And also like, I was just like, was jealous of both parties. I knew it. And also like, I was just like, mom, you can't think this. I was like, I just was like, it's so,

I don't know. The fact that she sexualized you both. And you now, it seems. She's sexualizing you. She sexualizes everyone. And let's bring our guest in on this because we need to get her.

I want to know. I want the tea. Well, our guest is, I'm so excited for this. This is a really good one for me because I don't think our guest knows this but we love and I told I tell Sudi this because I'm very gagged that they're so close and I love our guest very deeply in fact this our guest was the reason I became obsessed with UCB and I used to seek out your performances and go a lot

to your show oh let's get it she was my favorite improviser at UCB when I was first going. First going. Okay. I always talk about a scene that she did with Middle Ditch where they played

The Sun and the Moon. Oh my God. She doesn't remember that scene because she's done so many, many thousands of scenes. It's improv.

It's disposable. And her action as you played The Moon and your action was boop, boop, bee-doop. Which sounds right. It sounds right. And the credits

come rolling down. credits come rolling down they come rolling down she is a writer at Saturday Night Live supervising writer writing supervisor the title doesn't matter but it does

and she's written for What Hot American Summer 10 Years Later and Big Mouth which I'm obsessed with Big Mouth I fucking love Big Mouth I fucking love Big Mouth

so so funny please welcome Fran Gillespie hello yeah you are my fave I'm learning this now and it's embarrassing me don't be embarrassed because I genuinely love

also Sudi always tells me don't ever tell her that and she says don't be a fan yeah it's funny when people are like oh my god I saw all of your improv shows or whatever because I just can't imagine how many bad shows that was. It is true.

I was doing UCB most days of the week for the better part of a decade. I can't remember any single scene. That's probably good. Not a single one. I truly cannot remember one improv scene. Who can? It doesn't matter. Not a single one. I truly cannot remember one improv scene. Yeah, no. Who can?

Who can? Well, I guess I can. It doesn't matter. Because I was watching it with you. But your own, you don't remember. Also, but when I say I sought out your improv shows, I mean, I went to like five. Right. You know what I mean?

I really enjoyed like five good ones that you did. And the memories are only positive, so don't you worry. But it is just like there are so many thousands of shows that it's like i the percentage is like i i would say what do you think the improv percentage is 50 good and bad i mean when you're very talented for you it might be you probably judge them more harshly i mean i would say half the time i walk off stage i'm like oh boy there goes that night but then half the time I'm like yeah let's get a drink you know what I mean then those are the extremes

of it it's like you walk off stage and you like I guess my worst shows are ones that are just completely fucking off the rails but not in a fun way there's like off the rails where like everyone is being insane and then you're like out of breath

at the end of the show and you're like that was crazy and there's off the rails where like everyone is being insane and then you're like out of breath at the end of the show and you're like that was crazy yeah there's off the rails where it's like the audience wasn't even laughing yeah right like we were all definitely screaming yeah definitely improvising but like i i peeped like the first row and like people were frowning yeah yeah we did the assignment but was it fun which is like honestly a lot of improv for me I never got improv I don't know we've talked about this a whole bunch

on this podcast but like I was very much on the sketch side of things because improv just terrified me so when people like we would sometimes do a sketch show

after an improv show was getting out and it'd be like all the really good improvisers and they would like talk about the set and I would be like trying to listen in

like how do they talk about it you know what I mean it's a language I never understood but discussing an improv show after an improv show like there might not be anything more disgusting than that like oh I'm sorry

oh no this is great when you're like first on a Herald team and after the Herald you go backstage and then just like people are apologizing to each other because you just like don't know each other that well and you're like you know there's so much pressure and the stakes are so high that you put on yourself and then you like go backstage and it's like i'm so sorry for that second beat were you thinking analogous it's like oh oh oh no it hurts it hurts not even here were

you thinking analogous like or time jump yeah like the group game we were all dogs right yeah okay good okay good yep and I thought that but it was like so disgusting

talking about when they were I think I think I had Brandon Gardner for 201 and he was like explaining what analogous and time jump

time lapse time jump time dash time dash I didn't even get right because when he was explaining it I was like

performing so hard that I understood. Oh, no. That's what being 20 years old in an improv class is. I was like, absolutely. I get it. And you're thinking about how much you understand and you're not hearing any of the information, which is unfortunately when I started singing in improv classes

when I was 19 years old. Same with me. Yeah. Actually, I started when I was 18. I went to NYU just like you guys. Just like us was 18. I went to NYU, just like you guys. Just like us. And when I got to NYU, who cares about this backstory? But I'll just-

No, a lot of people care. Okay. So I went to NYU, and I grew up in Chicago, and I went to NYU. And when I went to audition at NYU, it was the first time I had ever been on a plane. I knew absolutely no one on the East Coast. I'm Midwest, born and raised. All my family lives in the Midwest. We had only been on car vacations.

Not only, they're incredible. We love them. We love car vacations. And I love a car vacation. Did you have a nice good van for it? Fuck no. Oh my God. We had a Volvo station wagon and I sat in the way, way back because all my other siblings

said they got car sick, which I found out later they didn't. No, no, no, no. I say that too. I'm in it. I'm one of those assholes. It's like, oh yeah, I can't sit the middle. Car sick. It's like, yeah.

I can't even sit. I have to be in the front. And my sister said I kicked in my sleep so I would sleep on the floor and she would get like a queen size bed when we went on vacation

anyway it's so brutal but we had a Volvo station wagon and I sat in the way way back sometimes with my little brother

sometimes just with a cooler of food and the only time people would interact with me would be like excuse me turkey sandwich and I would just be like and these, and these weren't short drives.

Turkey sandwich. 14 hours. No. 14 hour drives, two stops. Oh, yes. To go where? We went from Chicago to upstate. Well, you would call it northern Minnesota.

It's like almost Canada. And we went every summer. Upstate Minnesota. It's like, and we went every summer. Upstate Minnesota. It's like, and we went every single year for 20 years and it was great, but I had never been on a plane. And then,

so when I went to NYU, obviously knew nobody, knew nothing, had nothing, was just like completely lost, sobbing to my mom. And she's like, just join a club.

Just go and join a club. Just like have, you know, she was over it too. Well and she's like just join a club just go and join a club just like have you know she was over it too yeah well she was like i'm gonna pay for you to do like one of those orientation activities it was the sex in the city bus tour okay um i did sit with a nursing student who was like in her 40s i was like okay no friends there um But so then the same day, I auditioned for an a cappella group. Was it Enharmonix? Actually, I think it was. Wow. Was that the Tish one?

Yeah. It was like, oh, well, maybe. Yeah, that was a Tish one. That was like the one. Where they were like, their thing was like they were fierce. Oh, my God. I think it was Enharmonix. I've never thought of that name probably

since i auditioned yeah but then i also auditioned for hammer cats yes fam and hammer cats was in its second semester because it started mid-year the year before i got to nyu and so it was like the second semester of hammer cats and then was it was like donald and of Hammercats. And then I- Was it like Donald and Derek and DC? Wow. Donald Glover, y'all. That's what we're talking about. It was Donald and Dominic. DC was my age.

And so he was also auditioning. Oh, cool. But he knew the head of Hammercats because they had grown up in Arizona together. Dan, was it Dan or Dan? It was, his name was AJ. Oh. And I think he like writes,

um, uh, uh, God damn it. Poems. Poems. No, um,

what's it like, what's like a gamer, uh, video games. Oh, video games. Oh, that's kind of a,

what's like a gamer? What's like a gamer? And she made like a little drummer boy hands. I'm sorry, what's like a gamer? Yes. Um, and who else was in it?

Oh, Dan Greger, Doug Mann, Lou Perez, Greg Burke. So then I joined Hammer Cats and then Forevermore. We hung out, I would say, six days a week. Oh, yeah. And that was just my social life. But then they all took UCB classes. I had never heard of UCB, but they were like, you gotta take UCB classes. So I started when I was like 18, 19 years. Yeah, yeah.

Which is so... So early. So embarrassing. No! No, no, no, no. It's embarrassing to think of who I was when I first started. Doing improv? Yeah. You're never the best version of yourself back then. Oh my god. Bad behavior every single day of my life. But also like

was so stupid and knew nothing. So dumb. And so like, I couldn't improvise about anything because I didn't know anything. Right. Yeah. Also like, wasn't street smart or book smart.

So it was just like, but at NYU, but all my, so all my scenes were like about having like a mom and siblings. You know what I mean? What were you majoring in at NYU? My major ended up being English and Spanish. Okay.

Originally it was musical theater. Oh. And I transferred immediately because my first semester of college, my classes were like voice lessons and Alexander technique. And of course, writing the essay. Writing the essay. Writing the essay. Yes.

Out of respect. And I also didn't have friends in those classes because it was like musical theater people, which I love, but I would say... You're not that person. I was not making friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I won't blame them.

It was me. It was like, I didn't have friends and the classes were insane. And I knew how much the school was costing. And so I was like, this is not happening. So I transferred immediately and was an English and Spanish major. I did the opposite of you. I was in CAS and transferred into dramatic writing at Tisch.

So I was like, let's make this degree worthless. No, it wasn't worthless. But I'm happy I did it because you met people that matter now. I know. I did it because you met people that matter now. I know. I think about college and I'm like, I had, during college, I had two NYU friends. And then just truly every single day doing UCB stuff. Yeah, that's where you met the people. Yeah.

I mean, it's where like, I was just there so, so much that when I think about college, I just think about like, you know, Hammercats and UCB. And UCB, yeah. But I don't think I got my willies out. You know what I mean? Sure. Like, I think I had problems later into my 20s because I was like, but I didn't really have a college experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was a person like at Turco, like talking to the improv group and being like and where is um the party afterwards do we get together and like drink beers okay um yes like i was a person that like at the turco was just like okay who's someone i connected with in this uh school and where's the party is someone driving are we doing the designated driver beer pong partners just like who just like didn't get my willies out and so like into my like late 20s was definitely like you bringing like beer bongs to ucb parties and being like who wants to play flip cups and living on ratio stands is like you know no like not doing like truly a child yeah so you didn't like do get your partying um hat on in high school you know in high school we did party but it was like we i was not cool in

high school um but definitely i i have the exact same personality now that I had in high school. And people don't like that. Especially if you're like just kind of like always loud and mean, but also 16 people are like friends with you because you're like kind of scary. Yeah. We have to, we don't want to be on the other side of it. Oh my God.

I've befriended so many people like that. Cause I desperately wanted to be cool. I wasn't cool. I knew I was never going to be, it was just like, whatever's happening is happening. Boys like definitely didn't like me romantically, but like, you know, I was just, I don't know.

But we would get, we would shoulder tap. Do you know what that is? Explain. Okay, shoulder tapping is where you park in a parking lot of a liquor store and someone goes and taps a stranger on the shoulder. You give them 20 bucks and say, if you get us a brick of Milwaukee's Best, you can just keep the change. And I grew up basically on the Northwestern campus. And so constantly, constantly, like, you know, a 20 year old with a fake id himself was like okay fine and so we

would shoulder tap and get like a big brick of beer and then like go drink it in like someone's basement i mean never with boys just like you know just like me and my girlfriends just like oh we would drink a friend of mine had a pool new a pool and we would drink beer bungs from the pool yeah of course wow of course wow of course we used to get like a little plastic we would get one handle of bacardi razz the first alcoholic drink i ever had was bacardi razz and now it's like when i say the words i want to throw out i know we'd mix it with orange juice and just like have our little plastic cups and be in my one friend who had a cool mom's backyard and be sipping this weird drink, Bacardi Razz and orange juice. Is that a thing?

That's too many flavors. Too many flavors. Yeah, right? We didn't know at the time. Bacardi Razz is already a flavored thing. It's so much. Is it carbonated or no? I don't think it is.

No, okay. And then we would just put it together because you knew you needed a mixer. It's an alcoholic drink. You need a mixer. So you get that and that and put it together and I don't know. Bacardi Raz was like a thing. You decide you want something. It was Bacardi Raz and 99 apples.

99 proof apple vodka. And I had one friend, Kenny, who I just referenced in the last episode, who would fill a water bottle up with 99 apples. And then he loved to show off how he could chug it. He's going to love hearing this. He listens.

I'm going to throw up. And literally, we would be insanely fucked up. And I would just like, honestly, I'd almost like, it was like defining how to not drink like in the very first few weeks of discovering alcohol. So I guess like we got like our vicious alcohol problems out of the way very early and like really wrecked ourselves like right there because it's Long Island and that's just what you did.

Do you guys have drinks that you can't have anymore because it was like when you- Wheat beer. Yeah, beer yeah because okay at my college graduation i went back to long island my parents threw me like a graduation party and they had um blue moon on tap and it was like an open bar the situation they had had so i was drinking a lot of blue moon because i thought for some reason it felt like it was light to me i don't know i didn't really know any better whatever Whatever. Yeah. Wee beer is sneaky though. Okay. And it's also like kind of tasty. Yeah. It tastes like orange-ish.

Yeah. It's like dessert-ish in a way. It comes with an orange. You can't really have more than a couple. Right. But I had more than a couple. And then my uncle, my one uncle was like buying us tequila shots. Oof. And so let me tell you. And wee beer doesn't, it tastes good going down. It does not taste good going up. Couldn't smell it for like eight years. What's that drink for you, and wheat beer doesn't, it tastes good going down. It does not taste good going up.

Couldn't smell it for like eight years. What's that drink for you, Fran? I mean, when I was young, because we didn't have money, we would get the cheapest vodka you could ever possibly get. Was it Georgie? I mean, I think it was like label-less. It was like so cheap that it was just like a bottle. And it was like, you know,

you needed to like check with the cashier what it was. But I can't have any vodka. Yeah, I can't have any vodka anymore either. Because it's like the easiest thing to get wrong if you buy it cheaply. And if it's like an $8 handle of vodka and you're like, there's no way it's good. You will throw up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's yours, Bowen? Like Mike's hard, but that's everybody's, right? Oh, yeah. Mike's hard. I vividly remember a night when all my drama complaints

forced me to stay at this person's house when my parents were freaking out being like, come home now. It's 10 p.m. Come home. It's a Friday.

But then this was, Heroes had just come out on NBC. Holy shit. Way to transport us. People were freaking the fuck out about this new show, Heroes. And so everyone was like, but no, we're marathoning Heroes.

We have Mike's Hard Lemonade. You're staying. You're drinking at least three and then you're gonna call. And then John's gonna give you a ride home. And then it was like the worst day of my entire the worst night of my whole life being forced to watch heroes while drinking mike's hard lemonade did you get like black i didn't get black i just like i got like i got like asian blush like red and i was just like i don't this doesn't

feel but mike's hard doesn't have a ton of alcohol in it but it has so much sugar that you're just like it's like pounding like fruit punch and then like could you imagine drinking like a gallon of fruit punch no no and then just like yeah but it has that vibe a little thimble of vodka or something

honestly like the boys would drink like beer and the girls would drink like these like synthetic drinks, like Smirnoff Ice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like they would get, they were drinking, they were getting more fucked up

because like that's a drink you get fucked up on. And Smirnoff Ice also is like basically Mike's Hard Lemonade. It's like sugar. Or the Mike's Hard, you know, because they were sweet,

they were like for girls. Anybody else uncomfortable with the color of smirnoff ice yeah it looks does it look like cum yes it's like watery it's like it looks like it's so fucking insane to be like chugging it looks like it looks like if you you know when people like dip they like yeah it's like if you were doing that with like gum like if you're like chewing gum and then just like spit spit it. It's disgusting. Did people do like dip?

Did people dip around you in high school? I knew some guys. I stayed far away from those dippers. Dip is a big baseball thing. Yeah. And dip is, well, the funny thing about dip is it's like, it's something that you can get a buzz on even,

you know, like if I was sitting here i could have dip in my mouth and you wouldn't know or you would because my my lip would be bulgy but it's not like it's like um it's like acceptable and acceptable way of like even when you're working or just like in public of like getting a buzz yeah but it's so disgusting because it dyes your gums. You're black. And it's just like the most obvious like don't. It's so gross. It's a no. It's a never. It's a no. And then people have Gatorade bottles

and then just be just like spitting into the like mini Gatorade bottle brown juice. Stop. That's the most heterosexual thing I've ever heard in my life. Not that it's a Gatorade bottle. Now that I'm talking about this, I'm like, wait, would that be like kind of a sexy thing for me to get into?

And if you started, started dipping. Dude, should I dip? I think you should dip. Dude. Just start getting Gatorade. Wait. Was it, does a Julio Torres joke like. I got, I got my straight friend a gift and I got him an empty Gatorade bottle

okay wait Fran let's talk about drinking reminds me of a time I don't know if you remember this this was at DCM like 3-4 years ago I hope I was nice no you were so nice it was the three of us in Tarver and I think Brandon Scott Jones were standing outside a bar we were all wasted Foss was there too

and we were all standing outside a corner and then we were talking about how pride was insane because pride always falls during DCM not this year but we were like someone was like

everyone gets so naked on pride it's like pull your pants up and then you came darting out like you heard us one of us say this

and then the bit the entire night was pull your pants up like you saying pull your pants up pull your was, pour your pants up, like you sang. Oh, do you remember that? Pour your pants up. Pour your pants up. I do remember that.

It stayed with us. It stayed with us. That was the first time we ever interacted. And I was like, that shit just nailed it. Pour your pants up. You better pour your pants up. You better pour your pants up. I actually really am remembering that now.

And I'm happy that that was a memory, because speaking of a storied UCB history, or if you're just like around long enough, this will happen. Things are coming back to me to bite me in my ass now where people are like, six years ago, you said this to me. And it was not nice. You know, it's just, it's never not nice, but it's like, okay. So like someone puts on instagram and when i would

go on tours to i toured so much you did a lot of tours for years it was like my main way of making money yeah and whenever anybody would ask me like for advice like kids on these are not kids but you know these these college students yeah would be like what should i do i would always say like don't go to grad school. Don't move to the middle of nowhere. Just move to New York or LA. I do stand by that, but multiple times now, I've been

tagged in Instagram posts, and it's like, at BrangleSB told me when I was 20, why would I do anything except move to New York or LA? It's never negative, but I'm like, damn, why do people remember that? Don York or LA? And it's never negative, but I'm like, damn, why do people remember that? Don't blame me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because it's hard to make it. Yeah, I know. It's not bad advice, but I'm like, ugh. It's not bad advice. It's not. That's the thing that keeps coming back to me because people are tagging me in a lot of posts like that. But I am haunted now by like, oh, yeah,

after a UCB show in in 2005 you said to me and i'm like oh my god brace yourself brace yourself because also it's like don't you look back on a younger version of yourself giving advice and you're like no bitch no we're gonna listen back to this and be like to our fucking podcast like two years from now even oh no no already i'm like i know that there's hundreds of hours of us talking. Yeah. And I'm like,

well, something's coming back. Yeah. Something's coming back. And it's also just like, it's dorky to like hear advice you get. Like, and who am I to be giving any type of advice? But it's also just like,

please don't quote me back to me. Because also like, if it's, yeah, you don't quote me back to me because also like yeah if it's yeah you talk to me after a show i was probably in a hurry to leave or get to mcmanus yeah so like we're drunk already right exactly like if you cornered me after a show in 2006 and i was like short with you like i'm so sorry but i that's just me like Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I see people who have so much patience, are so kind, will give like everybody the time of day. And I'm like, I just think for me,

it would come off disingenuous. Sure, I mean, there's a risk of that. Like I, yeah, but you, but I will never forget the advice Fran Gillespie gave to me. No. Which was, put your pants up. Put your pants up. Put your pants up.

And that's good advice. Let me tell you something about these sluts on pride. You look like a mess, honey. Put your pants up. Put your pants up. Put your pants up. And that's good advice. Let me tell you something about these sluts on pride. You look like a mess, honey. Put your pants up. No, we love nudity on pride. We love nudity on pride. Although not when it's centered towards muscly cisgendered

white male bodies. Yes, you need some shame too. Cisgender. We went to the gay bar the other night. Well, you didn't come. I didn't come. But I went out

and I couldn't believe, like, I don't know if you're experiencing this in LA. Well, you didn't come. I didn't come. But I went out and I couldn't believe, like, I don't know if you're experiencing this in LA. Well, you now live sometimes in LA, sometimes in New York. By costal. By costal. I couldn't believe, like, everyone here is, like, so hot.

Like, I went to the gay bar and I was like, oh, forget it. Like, if I'm, like, a New York whatever number, like, bump me down five. Everybody is so good looking in LA and women too it's like everybody is like thin tan blonde yeah and

I mean truly like everybody even just look oh this is mean but be mean girl be mean be mean I was gonna say this is so mean oh my god I was gonna say look at the performer pages I know no no no no you're right and everyone knows it you're right there's a difference it's like we got some tv faces in la

and um and they're on tv writers yeah but but the thing is and they are on tv and that's true that's true yeah most of them but i think it's like an active lifestyle. Well, I am a New York person through and fucking through. I was saying. When people do a like 9.30 show or, you know, like a UCB show ends at like 9.30 or whatever. And it's like, what's everybody doing? And it's like going home. I actually need to wake up early and tomorrow morning for Pilates. It's like, yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Meanwhile, it's like you do like a 10.30 show on a Tuesday at UCB. We're going to the bar. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't matter what's happening. Right. We did a show.

But it ages you. It really ages you. Sure, sure. The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple. Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Minkoff.

Have you ever heard of her? But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What? You told her? Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City.

All new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV Plus. This week, Charlemagne the God sits down with Vice President Kamala Harris for a conversation you don't want to miss. The things that we want and are prepared to fight for won't happen if we're not active and if we don't participate. They tackle the big questions, politics, policy, and what's next for the country. Doesn't the Biden administration have to take some blame for the border, though? Charlemagne, first thing we dropped was a bill to fix the broken immigration system, which, by the way, Trump did not fix when he was president. Don't miss this in-depth interview with Charlemagne the God and Vice President Kamala Harris,

only on The Breakfast Club. Catch the full interview now on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Mike and Ian. We're the hosts of How to Do Everything from NPR's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Each week, we take your questions and find someone much smarter than us to answer them. Questions like, how do you survive the Bermuda Triangle? How do you find a date inside the Bermuda Triangle? We can't help you, but we will find someone who can. Listen to the How to Do Everything podcast on iHeartRadio. Hola, mi gente. It's Honey German, and I'm bringing you Gracias, Come Again,

the podcast where we dive deep into the world of Latin culture, música, películas, and entertainment with some of the biggest names in the game. If you love hearing real conversations with your favorite Latin celebrities, artists, and culture shifters, this is the podcast for you. We're talking real conversations with our Latin stars, from actors and artists to musicians and creators, sharing their stories, struggles, and successes. You know it's going to be filled with chisme laughs and all the vibes that you love. Each week, we'll explore everything from music and pop culture to deeper topics like identity, community, and breaking down barriers in all sorts of industries. Don't miss out on the fun, el té caliente, and life stories.

Join me for Gracias Come Again, a podcast by Honey German, where we get into todo lo actual y viral. Listen to Gracias Come Again on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts I've really Sudi Bowen and I are having what we call the Summer of Cunt with RK where we're all gonna get

very attractive and snatched oh if you wanna join oh my god if you wanna join I can't wait we should add you

to the text thread Summer of Cunt text thread and just tell each other like what we're doing like the other day I almost had a slice of pizza but I texted them and I didn't they're like it's like a yeah yeah yeah like

my sponsor it's beautiful oh my god i've eaten lots of pizza while i was here well then the like main issue in la for me is i'm a uh a fourth meal or before it was a thing yeah i got that midnight meal baby right before you go to sleep, right? Yes, of course. That's when I'm hungriest. Of course. The amount of times... Field me up. Please. The amount of times I have woken up

with remnants of sandwich on my bare naked chest. Truly turkey slices all day, every day. Or just like... Chicken salad, baby. That's mine. Oh, I know.

On my body. At least the word salad is in the equation. I used to do tuna salad. Oh. Before, I did tuna salad. Oh. Before, I did tuna salad because it was like

$2 a container. But then a girlfriend of mine, Sue Galloway, was like, you're going to get mercury poisoning. Because I was eating like a container,

like truly resting it on my chest, eating like with my bare hands until I would fall asleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Honestly. Like four or five days a week. Oh my God. Minus fucking pretzels. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Honestly. Like four or five days a week.

Oh my God. Minus fucking pretzels. Oh, I love pretzels. I love pretzels. I'll sleep with a bag of pretzels. Hard pretzels. Like not even like... Wait, what kind?

Bavarian? Okay. Do you know... Bavarian twist? Bavarian twist? I love Bavarian twist. Not even like the plastic bag of pretzels. It's like a hard plastic little like tin

that you get from like CVS. And the pretzel rings. Yeah, they're like hard pretzels. I don't know. I'll take a picture of it and send tin that you get from like CVS. And the pretzel rings. Yeah, they're like hard pretzel. I don't know. I'll take a picture of it and send it to you later. Take a picture. Well, I'm all about the rods. Yeah, I love the rods.

Love the rods. All about the rods. Title of ep. Let me tell you. Okay. And now look at the beauty glow up that we're all experiencing. Fran, you came in. Oh, yes.

You kind of Streisand effected this it's not exactly a Streisand effect but we wouldn't have noticed this if you didn't mention that you were wearing a baseball cap you're like here's where I'm at she sits down and she goes I said oh I have the same hat but it says New York like I had a stupid opening line

and then she goes I have to tell you why I'm wearing the hat and you had terror in your eyes and I'm like oh my god I literally was like she's gonna take the hat off and she's gonna be bald would you be weirded out if I took the hat off and my hair here was connected to the hat and you guys

and so I take the hat off but the hair was part of the hat and you're just like what and I'm like I have to complain I've never had hair it's always been attached to a hat and you guys are like you're thinking back like full Kaiser so say like wait we've never seen Fran without a hat oh my god

my hair's connected to the hat that's my turn I was like the only explanation for what she's ever she's gonna say right now is that she's bald like if it's hair in your eyes but then the explanation was micro blading yes it's true fran talk everyone through what is it hey so basically in my lift over here i was like just don't bring it up nobody just don't do it just like who cares just like don't bring it up and then i come in here and i'm like we've got a

problem gentlemen i'm literally sit down please sit down i literally I'm not gonna tell you this But here it is I don't wanna tell you But please sit down gentlemen Yeah Microblading What is it? Microblading is when You tattoo your eyebrows on

Okay and so Talk about And why get the procedure I was gonna say Thank you so much We didn't talk about this We didn't talk about The rationale leading into

The procedure right? Okay well Here I don't put thought into Anything I don't put thought into anything i don't do research beforehand um i got an iud without doing any research went alone it is years ago went alone didn't know that it was like basically uh one fourth as painful as childbirth went alone because i hadn't done the research. Oh my god. Got an IUT and they

were like, you're probably going to be laid up for a few days. I was like, dope. I have a show tonight that I will do. They gave me like Vicodin and I was like, okay, I'll trust you. But that is just like, that's just to say I don't research anything.

I don't put the time into it. I'm just like, life just to say i don't research anything i don't put the time into it i'm just like life would find a way i'm like it will all work out just like go ahead and do it what's the worst thing that can happen i'll power through yeah exactly well microblading turns out was uh done by a doctor who had like microscope glasses on. And I was like, sorry, what's happening here? And first of all, I just want thicker brows. I can use a pen for this. Please.

I have been for years. The rationale was I'm bored and was like, what can I do that will like distract me? And cost money. Yeah, it was like, i basically have no eyebrows and all it took was two girlfriends being like oh you should get microblading and i was like okay and then i heard it like another time and i was like yeah that's happening and and i'll take this two times i truly two separate occasions in the last week someone's's like, oh, just do microblading. I was like, and it's done. It came in. It was fate. Yeah.

Yeah. So basically, they thread dye into your eyebrows. And what I found out after the procedure, your eyebrows completely just like absolutely poor blood. I'm not able to- Bleeding into your own eyes. Yeah. Good. like i'm not able to look into your own eyes yeah good i'm not able to see what's happening

because there's no mirror but i do see um her gloves are getting covered in blood and i'm like uh-huh yeah sorry what else is happening also also i had to numb i didn't numb my eyebrows which is like what i what's happening like why did i do this oh my god but so your eyebrows like look super super dark and also scab and also you basically look bad for a week oh but here's the thing i i think you look good no no i i said this outside and and it's perfect analogy. It's like I'm wearing pajamas, but also heels. It's like one thing. Yeah, fine. It's like one thing where I'm like trying.

But then like if you're not trying, like the rest of the way. I remember one time I like saw a picture of who's the person in Elizabeth Banks. I saw a picture of Elizabeth Banks with like almost white blonde hair. And I said, should I do white blonde hair? And she's like, no, you'll have to wear makeup every day. And I'm like, oh, you're right. Oh my god, yeah. How insightful. I can't. Sudie. Because I'm not doing that. I'm not

wearing makeup every day. I won't do it. But now that I have I mean truly two bloody caterpillars that are now living on my floor. Weren't you blonde? I was blonde. You were, yeah. But not like white blonde. It was like,

yeah, I was blonde. Because all of a sudden when you said that, I pictured you with white blonde hair and I was like, no, I feel like I remember that. But then I was like, no, because then

you would have to put on so much makeup. And I did. When I was blonde, I definitely had to wear more makeup. But then it was like, I started SNL. Truly just the blonde all, I think fell out in

one day and um because of just sheer panic yeah yeah it actually turned white i have no hair now no job no hair that's me all my blonde hair fell out and it was just like yeah i'm not wearing makeup and i don't have blonde hair anymore but it is very funny because people will like not know my name who I've like spent thousands of hours with because my hair is a different color like if I haven't seen I lived in LA I would say like under two years like a year and a half maybe

before moving back to New York and people friends I made in that time will be like hey I'm like it's Fran and you just it's like absolutely no ego when you're like, my name is Fran. We actually do know each other

very, very well. It's just, yeah, different hair color. It's just so funny when people are like, hey, Andy. Yeah, uh-huh. Just me, Fran,

many hours, many hours spent together. But did you like having, this is your natural hair color now. Yeah, yeah. Did you like having a blonde this is your natural hair color now. Yeah. Did you like having a blonde hair? Yeah, it kind of made me feel like, lighter?

Different. I dyed it right before I moved to LA and it made me feel, yeah, like I would say dumber and also got more attention. Yeah. Really?

Doesn't that suck? It could have been completely psychosomatic, but I got way more attention. Sure. I bet it's not psychosomatic. I guarantee that guys are just that dumb. Like, oh, blonde.

It's true. I talk to blonde. Well, you know what's so funny is at bars or like at a party, it would be like a different type of attention where a dude would be like, can I grab you a drink? Instead of like, I mean, when you're like a brunette i mean now nobody hits on me but like back then when i was a brunette it would be like you know what i mean like uh you watch killing eve but but then i was blonde it was like when i was blonde it was

just like no effort absolutely like yeah sure i'll take a drink. Yeah. Dang. Unreal. Totally different attention. Yes. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Eight to ten hours. You know, I always look forward to getting my eight to ten hours of what do you think I'm talking about? Eight to ten hours of exercise.

No, I wish. I wish I was a machine like that. No, I'm. I wish I was a machine like that. No, I'm talking about sleep. Wait a minute. But the way you sleep is different from the way I sleep. Well, the good news is, Bowen, we can both get what we need

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How you like to lay. And I think we've talked about this before on the pod. It's two gigs in one mattress. Two gigs in one mattress. And you rarely get two gigs in one. Oh, no.

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I felt different when I was born. Yeah, you felt like guys were approaching you? Not that guys were approaching me, but the people would approach me in a more like, they were more compelled to speak to me. They were like, hi, wow, I love your hair. And like, you know, it would just be like a confidence boost. The only time I ever dyed my hair was,

I dyed my hair jet black in college to do like a part. I honestly don't think it looked good on you. I thought it looked so good, but it changed. I dyed my hair jet black in college to do a part. I honestly don't think it looked good on you. I thought it looked so good, but it changed. I looked in the mirror, and Sudi was like, it's bad.

You look bad. And I sometimes mention wanting to do it again, and she's like, don't, because remember, it was bad. Sudi will always give you the tea. What was the... It was called Marat Saad. It was a performance of the assassination

of Jean Paul Marat by the Marquis de Saad. And it was like a punk rock musical version that Liz Suedos was doing at NYU. And it was just like crazy. And I was playing the Marquis de Saad. So naturally, because it... That's a big booking. Real big booking.

She booked. And it was controversial because I was a dramatic writing student doing it as a drama main stage it's very high school musical very controversial and I got a lot of shade from the musical theater kids

who wanted the role wow but I had a relationship with the director Liz Suedos and so I got the part thank you Liz rest in peace Liz

but I thought I'm playing an evil character we must dye my hair black right of course that means mean so I went and dyed my hair black. Right, of course, that means mean. So I went and dyed my hair black, and I had just seen the movie Black Swan. Oh, good.

And I had a bad interaction with a voice teacher. I did the scene in Black Swan where she menacingly marches to Lincoln Center to go dance. I swear to God, I had black hair. I became an evil person. I was just storming in, and I walked in,, I had black hair. I became an evil person. I was just like storming in. And I walked in and I told everyone, I just had a fight with my voice teacher.

And my hair is black. This will be the performance of my life. And I went and I gave like a fine performance because I didn't know how to sing or do anything. But having black hair changed me chemically. And so now whenever I'm like, I kind of do want to dye my hair and do something fun but i can't do black hair because it literally changes me inside like it makes me mean well it's like i want to be blind because i want to be fun but i already feel fun microblading

has changed me now i'm a shell of a person i don't want to do anything went to a party last night absolutely the entire time which just like could only think about it like you're like oh what are you doing this summer I'm like well eyebrows um for one thing eyebrows for one thing I'm the same way I'm the same way as you like when you came in and couldn't help it that's how I was I was telling you guys like a year and a half two years ago I had like a herpes scare where I really thought I had herpes and I've since found out I do not although it is fine if you do i love you and support um but everyone knows every everyone knew that i thought i had herpes everyone like extended friends of mine i

was like they're like i was like how are you and like they're really good how things are going on good how are you it's like probably have herpes yeah it's just sometimes you gotta wear your heart on your sleeve yeah and also you want to like get out in front of it. Yeah, I know. It's like the worst thing in the entire world is for me to find out that people are talking about my eyebrows behind my back. So I'm like do it in front of my face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to be in on the joke.

I think it's like it's like a thing of like never having feeling cool and like, you know, like that kind of deal where it's like you have to just get out of it. You got to be on top of the joke. And I also like, you know, I was never cool, which is why I think I was a bully. But I'm like, I also get bullied because I'm a bully. And also had many siblings and like just was bullied and became a big bad bully. And so I'm like, well, you can't bully me. You tell me. What are we talking about?

Do you identify as a bully now? Yes. Really? That's why you been suiting it along i you yeah absolutely like sometimes no truly i will just go in on someone yeah only friends yes right right right right right like it hurts to be close to me because only friends rip them to shreds and then truly sometimes it will just be like dude you're like mean yeah yeah no i mean look when you when you get in especially when you get with someone else that's like that oh it's like oh baby but then you have to be able

to take it like no you must i feel you can probably take it i mean i actually think i can't i'm not one of those people where it's like then I get insulted and all of a sudden I'm like oh no you broke the rule no no I'm getting insulted all the fucking time and I'm like yeah duh I put a target on my back because I'm throwing darts all the time yeah yeah it doesn't matter yeah and also like I truly think you can't say something about me that I haven't already thought about myself yeah and if it's like anything you think about me it's already i've already heard it or like i've already thought it i mean i bully people but it would never be in a cruel way yeah no it's always gotta be fun sometimes when i'm like dipping into that water with like i'm you know i've gotten to a point

with a friend where it's like and now i'm just ripping their ass to shreds and then i like see their face fall and i need to be like i'm only doing it because i love you yeah wait okay but what okay so just to go back to the thing of like you can take it like you have to be able to take it does it matter who it's coming from like let's say it was Sudi or like a friend close collaborator whatever if Sudi were to say something like gut like a gut punch to you like it wouldn't be it wouldn't be a gut punch she talked about

this on her episode because we just had an episode with her and she said that now it's like at the point with you guys were like funny you said something well like you can just be like no it's not funny right it's like we move on it's not that's how she and I always were too when we ran hammer well. Well, I gotta say, time is not on your side at SNL. Right, right, right.

And so you don't really have time to be like, maybe that could work. Let's think about it. It's like, dude, TikTok bitch. We gotta turn this in. Yeah, we gotta go. Like, we literally need to do things

in a time frame where it's like, I don't have time to think about this. There's no room for humanity. No. And so now there's just a shorthand where it's like, no.

And there will be times where like, we will not be, have the same opinion. Right. And sometimes it's like one person's got to give. And I do think

that there's like a 50-50 there where it's like, sometimes she gives, sometimes I give. Because it's like, if we're absolutely not on the same page and it's like dude you can push it and then you know it's like give it a minute and then one person has to be like we have to move on yep we have to move forward because

we don't have time to be doing this yeah but like I mean Sudi would never oh one time this is not mean because this but this is a full example yeah i came into work and sudi was like you need to get natural light in your bathroom where you do your makeup oh my god that is me but it was true it was true it's helpful and it was true she's one of the few people who will do that she has it was true i like like went to the bathroom and it was like the bronzer looked crazy yeah and it was like a monday pitch day where like you're going to be with every single one of your co-workers speaking in front of them and i looked like and she was right i didn't have natural light in my bathroom i mean she didn't even know but she was like you got to get natural

light where you're doing your makeup i was like oh yeah but that doesn't hurt my feelings no it doesn't it's a good note. Like she told me one day, she looks at me and she goes, I have to tell you something. The difference when you don't have facial hair and when you do is crazy. You don't look good with facial hair,

don't have it. And I was like, okay. And now I'm always shaved and sometimes I'll go hang out with her and I'll be like, I have to shave. Because I'm scared of her. I'm scared of my wife here's the thing she's never like really like read me for filth like like hygiene appearance wise and maybe that just means that that's not where our friendships that oh I mean that is the thing

it's like if I haven't bullied you it probably means that I don't care. We're just not close enough. Right. And also like, I also have scary friends that I wouldn't bully because, um, I think that when I would open that door, it would come back to me in a way where I like,

Ooh, no, no, no, no, no. And also maybe is there someone out there who like you could become close with who's like better at that than you. It's like,

if you want, Oh, you want to cut people down? Here we go go but i bully people about like insane shit that i know just gets under their skin like yeah i went to disneyland a couple days ago oh my god we almost went we're supposed to go on sunday it's incredible i mean truly you're never gonna have a bad time there no but at the end of the day we'd been together like 10 12 hours and at the end of the day um i was with kyle mooney and he's like all right i gotta go grab my backpack from the lockers and i was like oh but what and he's like my backpack's in the lockers and i never dropped it i mean for two

days i've been like and you're a guy who puts his backpack in the locker like it's not an insult but i know it's bothering him i i renting a locker at Disneyland because he was coming from San Diego and then coming straight to LA. So he had a backpack of like, you know, like four nights worth of clothes that he locked in a locker at Disneyland. But kept it a secret until last minute. And I was like, that's psycho. You're a psycho. I don't know him, but I was on the same flight as him i sat six rows behind him and at the end of the flight all he had checked in the above carriage was a skateboard

no and i well i thought it was so funny i was like he has no bags he only has a skateboard bitch i live see i would definitely go in on that but then last night i show up to the party and i was wearing this hat and he's like looks like the sandlot's here i was like oh man i love it bullies bullies bullies if only you knew that that was attached to there right then it'd be a whole other level the thing about some people though is like sometimes i have a hard time like reading sudi especially now that the bitch has money and she buys like good clothes and like wears good shoes and like you know look snatched I'm

always like damn bitch like now you get like the better job than me and more money and you look better fuck you but you can't resent her for that

no I just because now she's using her position but I do feel I will get to a point a point where I can be like hmm I've and then now and like

for maybe a six month period I'll be like you're also I mean like you're presenting different genders like it doesn't you're not competing against each other no I'm just kidding I'm just saying I would love to be able to be a bully again to her do you feel oh you can still believe me people

definitely still bully it's like I think more fun to be like oh you think you're somebody now more fun for people to like more fun to be like oh you think you're somebody now like it's more fun for people to like try you know be like

snatch your from the face to latch on to yeah here's a question do you feel like do you ever get comfortable working

at SNL or is it always a panic oh god um do I get comfortable working at SNL like do you feel

like you walk in the you cause you ever walk in the building and are like, yeah, this is work, or is it always just a little bit like, okay, it's Saturday Night Live? Well, I will say that the work schedule is, on average, let's just say you work three weeks in a row and then get two weeks off.

Then you work three weeks in a row and get two weeks off. Give or take. Sometimes you only get one week off. Sometimes you only work two weeks in a row whatever sometimes you work four weeks in a row and so the work schedule is such that like by the end of a run like in week three of three out of three i'm so tired yeah but also just like i have spent now at the end of three weeks say i i spent 120 hours there a week at the end of three weeks i've been there more it's the only thing i've been doing thinking about whatever so it's not like

okay i'm comfortable now it's more just like this is what needs to be happening let's go yeah but then you get a hiatus very regularly that's like it's incredible you get these like hiatuses where you just like sleep and watch tv but then day one when you go back it's like always reset and it's i always feel like crazy i always feel like sick to my stomach the the day because you're resetting and it's like yeah i haven't been here for however many days, but now I'm starting over. And really, every week can, like, it doesn't matter what you did the week before because there's another week to do work.

And so it's like a reset every week. But if you've been on hiatus and then you come back, it's always just like, okay, and now I'm in the mindset. And, you know, there's 21 episodes a year and so you get like seven hiatuses so that's like seven times cycles or like i don't even know how many but you're just like completely resetting every time you go back and yeah that is the hardest day and also the week begins with pitch and pitch is really nerve wracking. Yeah, because you get like a couple seconds

to be able to impress somebody and everybody. And like it is a very strange room where like sometimes things work where you're like, I can't believe that worked and sometimes things bomb.com and it's like you can't figure out why and I've worked there three years and it's like there's not a perfect formula I mean and we're just talking about a Monday pitch but like there's no perfect formula and that's the way the week

begins where you like are with all your co-workers the host is there all the producers obviously Lauren and it's like okay every week starts with like I hope I say something that makes people laugh that sets the tone for the rest of the week it's

so wild that is never I'm never comfortable at a pitch God the first time you ever did that had to feel fucking insane

well actually that is the craziest thing is when I and I think a lot of people feel this way. But when I started at SNL, I was my most confident. Really? Because I had just gotten hired at SNL. Right, right, right, right, right. And like, you know, it happened. And like, you walk in and it's like, oh my God, I'm here. But you see that a lot. When people are new, they're like the beginning of the year, everybody's the most confident because they don't know. And then it was like the more I knew, the more like,

it just becomes more intimidating the more you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. So does the atmosphere like wildly change based on the host? Or is that kind of like? Not really. Yeah, not really. I mean, only if the host is a super extreme in bad or good. Yeah, right, right, right.

Or this year there were some hosts that were friends of mine. And so that was kind of a wild feeling. I mean, that really changed me. Donald. Yeah. Yeah. Like an old friend. That's been so cool.

It was really cool, but, you know, he's someone I hung out with every day for years and then not at all. Right, right. And, you know, every time I see him,

it's great and, you know, it's totally natural to be hanging out. But then it was like, okay, he's coming to host. He is a legit superstar. Like seriously.

And then that was such an insane week for him too, because that was when This is America was like exploding. And now. This is America got released during the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember I went down and got to watch that performance on the floor and I was like, this feels different. You know what I mean? Like there was something going floor. And I was like, this feels different.

You know what I mean? Like there was something going on and it's just so crazy to think about him and his trajectory because he was someone where, when I was in dramatic writing and hammer cats, he was like my sort of like an idol because it was like, he was like ahead of me and like did both of those things and like wrote on 30 rock. And it's like so crazy to think about why you um sort of like looked up to him then and then why millions of people around the world look up to him now but it is truly wild for me because like

i you just don't really have a sense of how famous somebody is right especially if it's just like well it's just donald but then it's like not really I mean it's also Childish Gambino yeah right it's but it was very fun

having him host that was that was great but like if a host is incredible or awful yeah

those are but really that happens so infrequently like Will Ferrell was an incredible host and I think everybody just felt like happy that week

if that makes any sense yeah of course it does he was like so personable you feel safe he was so nice yeah but the cast

has so much interaction with the host that I think that that affects their week more because you know like

they have to legit work with them in the scenes they're with them yeah yeah but yeah so an extreme host i think can change the temperature but it doesn't really happen a lot i mean for the most part like a host is a very very famous person that you won't really talk to a lot right yeah yeah yeah as simple as that so was it always like a thing for you like was was that like where

you wanted to be snl or were you like everyone where it's like well i guess that's what that's what it's all leading up to is snl i'm telling you i have like no brain cells and don't really think about anything yeah and i'm just like everything will work out and it happened well i think about it now and i'm like I can't believe how lucky I am or how lucky I got because like I didn't I mean obviously I was at UCB for years I saw everyone around me yeah yeah get hired and get work it never really bothered me it was I was never like damn like yeah you know it i was never like drinking poison and expecting it to kill my enemies yeah i was never like really because i think i'm like stupid i'm like not thinking about that i'm like good she got the movie like i'm not like i'm not like how can i strategize to also get work right i'm like oh good for you i've never anyway but yeah yeah i relate to that so

yeah go on sorry it's just i'm never i really am just not strategizing because you don't expect like it's like that thing of like well i don't expect it to happen for me so i wouldn't dare be jealous or like covetous of a position someone else has because it's like i'll just keep doing my thing i'm already surprised it's working i truly think that for me it's like you know i don't have room in my brain to be like thinking beyond just like and tonight i'll do show and yeah tomorrow i'll do podcast yeah yeah i don't i don't but then you know i was working at funny or die and i was, it was the summer. And I was like, you know what? I think I'd like to submit to SNL. Yeah. And I had, because I had been working at Funnier Diet,

just had sketches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it just was like, here we go. There's a packet already there. Yeah. I actually had applied a few years earlier and didn't get hired. And then didn't apply for a few years and then i was like

i already have the sketches yeah so why not right and so i and then i applied and that was the year and that was the year that whenever that packet comes around every year i'm always freaked out because i'm always like i know i can write sketches but it's like because i'm supposed to do it for this show and like there's a deadline on it. It's like all of a sudden I'm like, my brain breaks. I honestly think that it just helped so much that I was just like looking at a backlog of things I already had. I think sitting down and being like,

I have one day to think of commercial parody, like which is how the show actually works. Right, right, right. But I think when you're thinking about writing a packet, it's just like, I don't know. If you're making a case for yourself to these people who don't know you, then just put your best stuff in there.

Yeah. I think it's a really, submitting a writing packet, I just, it does not work in people's favors. I mean, that's why just having a writing sample, like a pilot you're proud of, I think is probably more helpful than like, okay, and we need one topical joke,

one joke about Brett Favre. Yeah. Brett Favre. Also, what I think is probably more helpful than like okay and we need one topical joke one joke about Brett Favre yeah also what I think happens is when you get the late night packets and maybe this is too inside based on but you look at the host and they'll you try to write in their voice and that sucks yeah it's really hard it's so hard because it's like a lot of times you watch these

shows and no shade but like there aren't a lot of jokes in the monologue it's just the host being there whatever version of their charm or the voice is like not specific but um packets are so hard they're really hard and also like yeah i mean i don't know how to be good at it is it just like i don't know whether or not it's better to like write a seamless packet that's in the voice regardless of whether or not you like it or to give them yourself i think it's probably a mixture of both and then it's funny to see who gets hired

on these shows and some of these people have such specific voices. Like for example, I'll mention Julio Torres. He has such a specific voice and you would never think that he would ever compromise that.

And on the show, he has not compromised that. And you think, so his packet couldn't have been a Saturday Night Live packet. It had to be a Julio packet because that's what makes him so iconically

special well I don't want to I don't have facts but I think Julio didn't submit a packet because he was hired at the end of he was hired as a guest writer at the end of me and

Sudi's first season I think based off an audition you know what you're right you're right you're right you're right and so I mean this is like talking about a very specific person who has like such an incredible and unique and hysterical voice yeah but yeah I don't think that's the thing is also I shouldn't even

think too hard about like what works for everyone because literally something different is going to work for everybody right yeah and that's the biz that's the biz Fran we're going to ask you what we ask all of our guests, which is what is the culture that made you say, culture is for me? I'm doing a Fran Gillespie voice.

It was like the pop culture where something in your life that was like this happened and you experienced this like a movie or a television show or like a musical artist or something where you were like, oh, I now i know who i am oh i guess i have an answer but it's lame no i love it titanic oh my god titanic was huge for me too titanic was was the thing that made me like that opened the door to all of show business yeah titanic okay so i wasn't really allowed to watch tv growing up i could watch one show a week

and it was the simpsons and good one but i did go to movies like would go to movies a lot but um i also wasn't allowed to have magazines that had the word sex on the cover or sexy right like i wasn't allowed to have like a, a, like, you know, YM or Seventeen. Yep, all those. The covers would be, like, ten ways to blow him to smithereens. You know what I mean? And it's, like, Chad Michael Murray shirtless and it's, like, tomato red nipples. And it's just, like, this is erotic.

Nuts. It's truly, like, they were out of control. People had Sean William Scott, like, fully fucking naked. Iconic. Iconic cover. Yeah. Amazing cover. it's truly like they were out of control and i was people had sean williams scott like fully fucking naked iconic i got a cover yeah yeah but the thing was it was like it made sense i wasn't allowed to get those magazines but i was like nine you know or like eight or nine or whatever and i wanted these magazines because i became so obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio. Absolutely. That I just wanted every single magazine that even there would be like an insert. Yeah. Yeah.

And so I became really, really obsessed with those like teen magazines and I would babysit. Of course, I was like could be in charge of an infant, but like couldn't look at the word sex. Yeah. But I was like babysitting all the time and i would use my babysitting money to go to the corner store and buy all these magazines and just hide them under my bed and i would read i would every single one and they came out well teen people came out every week oh no a lot of them were monthly yeah they were they said i would get like 10 a month and then cut out the photos and make photo albums. Yep, yep, yep.

But in like a nice photo album. Yeah. He was so iconically hot. Like, oh my God. I had a Titanic. I had two Titanic posters that I absolutely would kiss. And I was so obsessed with him. I bought the VHS.

It was a double. The double, yeah. Because, you know what I mean wait did it end did the first did the first tape end after the car fucking scene was it like right after I think it was no no no I remember because they do

that late in the movie the first tape ends no I think the fucking is in the first tape yeah the fucking is definitely in the first tape and then the first tape I believe and culturists listeners, if you can contest this, let me know. I believe it's after the glass with the water starts shaking. That's the moment that it

cuts off. After the fucking, after the iceberg hits. Sound of Music was a double VHS and I would stop after the first one because the second one was all about Nazis. So I would just always stop after and I was like and the movie's over. Wonderful. after the first one because the second one was all about Nazis. So I would just always stop after Diane Ely

is an oligot that let me leave. And I was like, and the movie's over. Wonderful. Oh my God, Julie Andrews is here. Julie, it's Julie.

I actually got her voice back. I was like, the movie ended. Good. It ends on a puppet show. Did experiencing Titanic, the movie,

also cause you to want to know everything about the actual ship itself? Well, the Oscars, yeah, but. Not actual ship itself well the oscars yeah but not the ship itself i was i knew everything i bought books about leonardo di caprio like books that were clearly made in like three or four hours where it's like and he's popular now and then it was just like oh my god yes those books but then i would watch like basketball diaries

which i was like didn't like as a movie, but I was like, and he's here. Good. Like I was so obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio. And then it just, that was probably, God, I would have been like sixth grade, maybe fifth grade. Maybe fifth grade. And that just launched me. And I was completely fucking boy crazy.

Wow. Crazy. In general? Oh, no. Just for Leo. Celeb. Celeb boy crazy crazy in sync it was like 98 degrees backstreet boys i truly became the most extra person it was like constantly i just found this locket that i had i was like a year ago um but i've had found this locket i was like oh i wonder whose pictures i put inside oh pop it is leonardo caprio and usher oh so we've got like good but so i like cut their

little faces out put them in this locket and i was like wearing usher and leo every day just on your heart yes it was like a locket i got for like my first communion or whatever and i i couldn't i was so fucking boy crazy and celebrity culture crazy but what's insane is i didn't even watch tv i wasn't allowed to yeah so i'm like worshiping matthew fox from party of five holy shit no clue what the show's about yeah no idea and i'm in for him yeah i remember the first time i saw that tearing on my heart music video with justin timberlake on that bed in the white wife the white like oh my god I almost called it a wife beater that's where like my Long Island-ness comes out

what would you call that? Tank? let's do that and he just like was like so sexualized and he had to be what 16 17 years old that changed like something chemically and had like ramen noodle hair but it didn't matter.

He was the hottest person I'd ever seen in my life. I know. And like then coming into school and all the girls were talking about him and I had to be like, I hate Justin Timberlake. I hate him because my body was just fighting with itself. It's like, no, you have to kill this.

It was just so, oh my God. But if I had been allowed to be, I would have been boy crazy too. I mean, I was just so, oh my God. But if I had been allowed to be, I would have been boy crazy too. I mean, I was just pouring over these like pop culture magazines and like even like Z-Bop. Like I was going so crazy. And I think that that is when,

and now I'm like so obsessed with like reading Us Weekly just cover to cover. And I don't know why, I don't care. Well, because now it's just like so obsessed with like reading Us Weekly just cover to cover and I don't know why I don't care well because now it's just like so stupid I I think it's so funny like it's fun the what they think are jokes in Fashion Police like oh my god you like growing up like I thought it was so funny we get Us Weekly and like as this fucking nine-year-old I'd be like I have first thing I would turn to was Fashion Police. Yeah, absolutely. I was like, what did they say this week?

Because it was comedy. Like I remember there was, but it wasn't though. But it wasn't, but there was, I literally, I could, it's just kind of like,

and this coat's yellow. It's bitchiness. It's just like, I don't like this and here's a pithy take on it. But I remember one time like, they're all rude. It was probably like,

some insane celebrity like Maria Conchita Alonso like was in like a fucking fluffy thing and I'll never forget how hard I let I couldn't get over it for two days.

I was telling my mom about it until she had to tell me to shut the fuck up. The caption was how many Muppets do you think died to make this outfit? And I thought that was

the funniest thing in the world. I remember it to this day. It's barely a joke. It's barely. It's the word Muppets and the image of them dying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's dark. You know, I was obsessed with Traumarama. That was something in 17 where it was like,

I had my period all over my mouth. And then it was like, and then it was like. That's like very Dresen. That's a Dresen joke. That's a Dresen joke. That's an Anna Dresen tweet. I had my period all over like very Dresden. That's a Dresden joke. That's an Anna Dresden tweet.

I have my period all over my mouth. 500 likes. The Traumarama truly was just like on my second date with my uncle, all of a sudden, like, wait, where was this from Traumarama? 17.

Wait, the title of this episode is going to be Traumarama. But they were all bad. And like every third one was just like period shame. It was like. I got my period all over my second statement. It's true.

It's just they're all so stupid. But I like I ate it the fuck up. And I still like I just can't every time I'm in an airport I'm getting like Us Weekly you know I had a subscription Us Weekly and then I was like this cannot go on wait how long ago how long ago for years yeah okay I mean I I think I cut it off maybe like when I was like going back and forth between LA and New York too much and was like missing too many. No, I think I probably cut it off like a year ago. But here's the thing.

A year subscription is like they pay you. Right. Like it's nothing. It's no money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I will shove like an $8 us weekly. I'm like, can I get two? Just one to sit on.

But then if you'd like have a subscription to a magazine it's truly like a dollar a year yeah yeah yeah and i'm like yeah i can't have a subscription because i know like i haven't read a book in like six or seven years but i could like tell you that like lincoln from this season of the bachelorette has a history of assault you know what i mean you read that on the page you read it on the fucking page. Wait, but true or false? Like Us Weekly actually used to be like a people level. Like you could go to it for real news

and now it's fully a tabloid. Well, People's fully a tabloid. People is? People's a full tabloid except you're going to get a serial killer like every other issue. Yeah, right, right, right. It's like she didn't know her daughter was a dog.

It's like People has has a human interest story, and that makes it journalism? Well, that's the thing. It's like this week they released a Kate Spade, Anthony Bergean thing, and it's sad, but it looks like fucking they got engaged. You know what I'm saying? That is the editorial treatment.

It's like, oh, look at that. All about the wedding. Literally, I'm insane. The cover of Us oh, look at that. All about the wedding. Like literally insane. The cover of Us Weekly the other day, we were in the supermarket. Dave and I were getting groceries at the other Airbnb and we were like paying for it. And I look over at the like rack of magazines

and it's like Us Weekly was saying like, Jen and Brad texting. And it's like, what? How would you know? And also like, this is like not what I remember. You know what? It's just crazy. Well, the worst one is In Touch

but it's the cheapest oh but then how do you feel as a reader about In Touch In Touch has is

absolutely like the most rumors it's like is Khloe Kardashian dead like it has and it has evil stuff too like

it's like not scared to speculate and has been sued so many times like it's like not scared to speculate and has been sued so many times because it's just like and truly it's really nasty shit yeah

it's like Sharon Stone on heroin and you're like just I like get it because sometimes I've read

all the other ones and it's also $3 like Us Weekly it will push like $6 yeah but InTouch is $2.99 oh my god i'm sorry i just i i haven't katherine zeta jones insane around town like yeah it's in touch is yeah in is mean and on the cover life-ruining mean they'll have mean photos like us weekly

will never do that in touch will put put like a terror read on the beach. It's like, leave alone. Like, InTouch will do. A terror read on the beach. I haven't had like the giggles like this in so long. Fran just has the knack for just pulling out these random specifics. Which one is getting you the most right now, bitch? She didn't know her daughter was a dog

is good for me this is like a new form of joke this is a new form of comedy like like that could be an improv game trauma or just like making up cover stories for these rags it's but even though like truly every section is like its own beat you know what i mean like they have well us weekly has that page where it's like uh quote and quotables yeah but it's just like can you believe ryan seacrest said this? And it's like, a picture of Ryan Seacrest. And then it's like, two days a week, I'll eat goldfish. And you're like, okay. And it's just like the wildest joke. No, I can't believe you said that.

Fuck. Where did you get it from? When did you say this? Who else has reported that he said this? The poor goldfish. And it's just like pictures of people with the quotes. I mean, yeah. I've now spent

It's in your bones. Thousands and thousands of dollars. And Leo is to blame. How did loving Leo that much inform your opinion of Kate Winslet? Oh, you know, respect. Respect. I never was jealous and I'm glad they're still friends but i gotta say uh what you doing in the wonder wheel movie yeah what you doing in the wonder what you

what you doing like not kind of like fully she also worked with roman polanski yeah on carnage i got a carnage movie adaptation that's two i that wonder wheel movie you gotta look at that cast and be like you knew already you knew who else is Justin Timberlake Timberlake who honestly come on

you're adding on you're putting fans to the fire there but for him it's like okay he doesn't do a ton of movies yeah right for her it's like

you knew you have options also she has such an incredible resume and it's like yeah exactly you have options like Give me a break. Also, she has such an incredible resume. And it's like, yeah, exactly. You have options.

Like, you can't think this is a good idea. No, no. And then there was like an actress roundtable or whatever where she was like talking about Wonder Wheel. And she like brought up Woody Allen or whatever. And it like pans the room. Yeah, everyone's the best. And to just like, you know, like a marion couture just like face dropped just like dude yeah yeah and you're still going on about it yeah i know i know what you're talking about so i will say this if you are an actor that has worked with one of those directors

here's what you don't say but i had a great experience right that is not it doesn't matter it's not the point right like we don't want to hear about how great your experience was right you because your individual experience unfortunately doesn't literally matter and like i don't know it's just crazy i do think but her as an actress i love you ever seen little children oh yeah i mean she's one of them one of the best and i do like that her and leo are friends i mean now now I don't have a Leonardo DiCaprio thing. Also, like, you know, that was for that time. And it was the gate opener to, like, me being absolutely just obsessed with celebrity culture.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't, like, I will read those magazines. But now the person I would be most excited to meet would be like jwoww maybe honestly oh my god really i mean like i also think just as part of my job like i can't feel like too attached or you can't be like wow we're totally different levels of human yeah no you have to be able to talk to them and i don don't really care. I do like reading all the gossipy stuff but like

I think the person that would get me the most excited would be like maybe Rachel Lindsay. Honestly. Are you a big Bachelor fan?

Huge. Were you with Rachel the whole time or were you disappointed at the end? Disappointed at the end. Same. Well now

Peter Krause. Peter love him. Why wasn't he The Bachelor? Yeah, I think he should have been The Bachelor. Because I actually know. Do you think he has a history? No, I think he was actually supposed to be The Bachelor and they were going to announce it.

And the thing that I heard is he got so upset and nervous that he had to go throw up. And it was like a thing of the next day he was going to be on Good Morning America and that he literally panicked because he was like, this doesn't work for me i understand that it would be good for the show and the fans want it and i feel a lot of pressure and he got so upset because he's a sensitive guy and i mean i think that's why everyone loved him and why wait we thought it made the most sense because they had such chemistry because he's just someone who's a

good dude he's great and i mean remember her eyelashes still on the floor oh that was that scene was so hard to watch that's a better Peter Krause rumor than the one I made up which is that maybe he has a criminal history oh yeah I don't think it's something like that

like a DUI or something I don't think it's something like that I think it's just legit he why wouldn't you want him to be the bachelor and then like the showrunner

like Mike Fleiss was like tweeting out like uh why would you want to have Peter as the Bachelor when he doesn't want... He's messy on Twitter. Mike Fleiss. The showrunner of The Bachelorette and Bachelor is like, he's a lot,

and he'll tweet out some shit. He gets gossipy on Twitter, and sometimes he blows his load and is like, tomorrow, guys, it's coming, and then shit goes wrong. And it feels like every season of the bachelor or bachelor in paradise or whatever, there's this,

this insane controversy. Like now, like apparently like one of the guys who does really well is like liking all that transphobic shit on Instagram. Like, this is what I heard. It's like this guy, Garrett,

who got the first impression, who allegedly does well on the show. Um, he is literally like one of, one of those, like an alt-right person. Oh, you know, I gotta say, I'm not feeling good about Becca's options. They're like weird aggro dudes. It's not a good year. They all also look the same.

Do you like her? I am happy she's the Bachelorette, but I also think that like, it's going to be a boring season all the dudes look the same and they're like something weird is going although i do love that the guy rolled off the bed oh that's just classic i mean he broke his face rolling off the bed had to go beautiful yeah well he's gonna come back he's gonna come back but the thing is like after rachel who i think was the best bachelorette until the last episode yeah I

I don't know she Becca doesn't have that star quality she was the Rachel was the only one that like drew me in and was like

she's why I started watching the whole franchise yeah I'll be like I'll watch this season yeah yeah she was so great oh god

I'm just remembering now that one time I was walking down the street and I thought I saw Rachel Lindsay and I it wasn't the street and I thought I saw Rachel Lindsay and it wasn't her. Wow.

But I was walking behind her and then... That's her ass. That's her ass. And then I passed her, stopped, turned around and said, excuse me, are you... Never mind.

No. On my street. I get it. I get it. Bad. I've had this happen with every person like I've seen people

like Matt walk down the street and I'm just like is that Matt and it's not it's like I understand just being so excited

to see someone yeah it's true you like manifest and I'm Bowen's Rachel Lindsay and Matt is my Rachel Lindsay for sure

that's nice I do kind of want to be the gay batch you would be a gay batch that would be great I. That's nice. I do kind of want to be the gay batch. You would be a gay batch. Oh, that would be great. I really want to. I don't know if I want to be the gay batch or I want to be like in a promo with a white background

and like holding a rose. I don't know which I want more. Not that this would be bad, but if, when, not if, when there's a gay bachelor, do you think that contestants will end up hooking up with one another? They did this with Finding Prince Charming on Logo.

Okay. But the unspoken rule was that the contestants could not fuck each other. Well, of course that's an unspoken rule, but like, I mean. I think it makes it more interesting that people hook up in the house. But then the whole show is just going to be like, I wanted to come and pull you aside and tell you that, you know, these people like each other. Well, what they did on Finding Prince John Moore,

which I think is a little problematic, is they cast a fucking model as the Bachelor, and the rest of them were kind of a little bit more... I don't know. It was weird. It was by design that the contestants were not in the same lead, quote-unquote, as the Bachelor himself. As the guy.

Oh, that's strange. It was weird. Everyone's aspiring to this one strange. So it was weird. It was like, it's like everyone's aspiring to this one person. Because of his looks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just didn't, it didn't feel good.

It's so, there's a lot of like design flaws in just saying gay bachelor, but like, I don't know. I think there is a way to hack it where it's like the contestants are allowed to hook up

with each other and that is an element. Well, here's what I want to happen with my narrative on the gay bachelor. I want to be a contestant and just people love it. I want to be Rachel Lindsay. And then they bring me back and everyone's like,

yes, it's his time. He needs this. I want to be on The Bachelorette because I want to go on the dates. Yeah, they're fun. I mean, nobody would want to, like if I was The Bachelorette, I don't really think people would be fighting to be with me,

but they would be like, and we want to make it to Italy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to, like if I was the bachelorette, I don't really think people would be fighting to be with me, but they would be like, and we want to make it to Italy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to go to like Stockholm. But wait, there's one thing I want to say before we do Adam Vick's 100, which is you will like this.

So when Rachel Lindsay was filming her season of The Bachelor with Nick, how do you say it? Vile or Vial? Nick Vile. Nick Vile, who I think is hot. Yeah, he is.

I like all his Instagrams and I'm like, you're like a stupid bitch. I'm always like, I love you. I really, I fall for it all. He's not funny, though. He thinks he's funny. He's not. It's important to say that. He does comedy in wigs.

Okay, what? Anyway, because wigs are comedy. A wig got me to JFL. That's true but anyway this isn't a wig that's a hat with hair that's different Rachel Lindsay shot

her fantasy suite date the day after the election and it had been like three months since they were allowed to like use their phones or whatever but like and so she was very tuned out of the election but obviously she like got posted up in a bar like in like sweden or something and like was it well it was like watching and drinking at the election what's happened she thought hillary's gonna win it's gonna be amazing like we're gonna bring this home and then donald trump won so she proceeded to get

fucking drunk she said this on an interview and she woke up the next day and was like really truly hungover and had to film like her fantasy suite date and like remember when she did that with nick and everyone was like oh my god she's so comfortable and dropped in and like they're so natural and comfortable with each other she was so hungover that she says that when they got in the fantasy suite she fell asleep immediately they didn't talk and that's that's why he eliminated her the next day and her energy was very like i kind of understand because she knew that literally they they spoke not at all they did not have sex in the fantasy suite he sent her home because he's like well i did speak to the other two in the suite and we didn't get a chance to talk because you passed out

that's so funny yeah which it worked out for her because then she got to be the bachelorette but everyone was like that's crazy that she didn't win they had the best chemistry etc it's like no she just like got tanked from being so depressed about the election that's so funny

and they didn't allow them to talk about it on air and remember at the fantasy I think her date that day was like them going and like drinking during the day yeah so she had like

hair of the dog baby that's so funny yeah but she said that in an interview and I thought that was so classic there you go I need to know what that in an interview and I thought that was so classic. There you go. I need to know

what happens in the suites. I mean, I need to know. I think they ask the hard questions. Because this is another thing. It's like, like Becca, who like,

if you look at her Instagram, she's like a Hillary supporter. But if she ends up choosing someone who's like an alt-right person. She won't. She can't. She's smart.

She may have. That's the thing. They're not allowed to talk about it on the air air so you have to ask that question in the fantasy suite and it might not be top of mind oh right for me if i'm dating for me i would never go on a date probably with a republican yeah and also like you would assume that you were attracted to this person and like they share your they share your political alignment or i would ask that question and if you're in a situation where you're not allowed to look at any instagram you're not allowed allowed to do anything, and you are not allowed to ask that question because it's not cool for air, what the fuck? You could end up getting on one knee or saying yes to someone who has a crazy thing about them.

But don't you think you would know there would be other red flags when you were hanging out with someone? Like, oof, I think this guy might be trouble. You would think I mean if there's like an aggro anything yeah like you know what I mean you would think you would think but and also like um probably top of mind when you get in the fantasy suite is you've been hanging out with this person for months like you want to fuck

I know and then maybe like the pillow talk afterwards it's like so um are you super religious but anyway Hail Satan Hail Satan and you get you get in the

as he comes Hail Satan you get in the fantasy suite and then you're just like that for three all three of them say Hail Satan when they come

yeah that would be cute that would be historic okay historic let's move on to I Don't Think So Honey this is our segment

in the show where we take one minute to rant on something that's just getting our goat. In culture. In culture, in life. Fran was on our I Don't Think So Honey live at the Echo Plex. She drew Hilary Duff.

Yes, thank you for coming out, everyone. And I have one. I have an I Don't Think So Honey topic. Because I was jarred by something recently. When we were in LA. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I know what this is. Okay, I'm ready.

This is Matt Rogers' I Don't Think So Honey. His time, yes. I know what this is. Okay, I'm ready. This is Matt Rogers' I Don't Think So Honey. His time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey, the name egg slut. I literally was hungry and then I saw egg slut and I was like,

I can't eat now. Because it's not, I love eggs, I love sluts, but egg slut, like the idea of being a slut for an egg, I don't think so honey.

No, no. Like like i don't know like for me eggs are very specific i need them scrambled i need them like in a specific way i don't need them like in a sexual sense right and also when eggs are like a little bit cold like i get very weirded out by them also like i they have to i'm very specific about my eggs and so like you know being a i don't know egg slut there's two words that can't go together and already i have a complicated relationship with eggs so when you put them in a sexual thing and you want to be a slut for eggs like

I guess I would be a slut for eggs like if I knew that I was going to enjoy them but unfortunately I don't always have like a consistent relationship with eggs and so you know I do consider myself like a little bit more on the slut side and I'm very proud of that but the thing is like I don't know about egg slut it made me not hungry and I know

I needed to eat so I don't think so honey and that's one minute wow I agree it turns me off egg slut egg slut but it's the egg part that gets me and also like who named it you know what I mean like could they be there are a lot of things in LA that have

names that they want to be the draw and most of them are like a run-on sentence you know what I mean like there's like a popular bar called like don't come knocking on mama's door yeah right right I love that though I love that you know what I mean like there's so many like it's like a Michelin star restaurant called like pigs are home I mean I appreciate a stupid fucking name our podcast is called

Las Culturistas oh that's good but I literally said it I said it out loud I pulled it out of my asshole and Bowen laughed because it was so dumb

and then we were like okay yeah this will be the name of our dumb podcast that now like is the main thing we do so funny I mean yeah

what's it a name a name can take you anywhere can look like anything potentially success okay let's do Bowen Yang's I mean, yeah. What's it a name? What's it a name? A name can take you anywhere. It can look like anything. Potentially success. Okay, let's do Bowen Yang's. I don't think so, honey. And Bowen Yang's time will start now. I don't think so, honey.

Styrofoam cups and bitch here in Forever Dog LA. What do I see? A stack of styrofoam cups. Brett Boehm, hot producer. Brett thinks it's fine to have an unsustainable cup. Stupid bitch. Stupid bitch. Stupid bitch. Forever long LA, I don't think so, honey.

There's no ventilation in this room. There's some vent in the ceiling. It's doing nothing. Stupid bitch. I cannot be in this room where the curtains are drawn, the cups are styrofoam, and will never disappear off the face of this earth, will never biodegrade in a landfill, and will just outlive all of us.

I don't think so, honey. Styrofoam cups and this Brita filter in the fridge that does not have a good pouring exit rate. It's not intuitive. It's not intuitive, Brett. I demand better cups, better ventilation, better Britas, honey. And if you cannot accommodate this, then I will be the queen diva, best believer, big Frida.

I cannot have the styrofoam nonsense in this place. And that's one minute. I have something to say about this. Two things. One, also, if you eat styrofoam, your risk of cancer goes up. Also, Who's eating styrofoam?

I don't know. Kids, dogs. Dogs. Adults who don't know better. Your risk of cancer goes up when you're eating. Styrofoam. Sharon Stone. Is cancerous. Also, when you're eating. Styrofoam. Sharon Stone. Is cancerous.

Also, when I was young, I did a science project which was which kind of cup will keep soda the coldest and Styrofoam won. Yes, it is an insulator. It's a great insulator. Hold on.

HPB, what do you have to say? Can I rebut? Yes, rebut, rebut, rebut. Okay, please. Hot producer Brett's going to come over and tell us what's up

I can't believe I'm ashamed of these cups this is gonna be a whole fucking production he's putting on the fucking

headphones and everything here we go shit what's going on that hit a real sore spot for me why? good

I usually do not have styrofoam cups I usually get biodegradable cups from the Target that is like three blocks I'm not seeing them where are they? well she wasn't beautiful tonight I usually get biodegradable cups from the Target that is like three blocks.

I'm not seeing them. Where are they? Well, she wasn't beautiful tonight. I was in a rush this time. I was taking other preparations for your arrival. I noticed that you did not mention the gamut of pastries. Fine, fine, fine.

What are we supposed to do? Not eat? Brett, thank you for the pastries. I was just like running with those donuts. They were good. French bakery. I had one. It was definitely French. Well, thank you in the pastries. They were good. I had one. It was definitely French. Thank you in a real way.

Thank you in a real way. Fine. Well, then fine. Then shame on the bodega. There's no ethical consumption in capitalism, but don't chop there. And thank you for the donuts. They were delicious. We love you, Brett.

Love you, Brett. That was all a bit. We love Forever Dog LA. They did roll out the red carpet for us, honey. Yes, bitch. And we love it. Okay, so now it's time for Fran Gillespie. I don't think so, honey.

Oh, God. I forgot that this was going to happen. Okay, I have one now. Okay, great. Okay, this is Fran Gillespie's I Don't Think So, honey. Oh, God. I forgot that this is going to happen. Okay, I have one now. Okay, this is Fran Gillespie's I Don't Think So, Honey, and our time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Movies that say based on a true story. I don't give a fuck. I don't care. It doesn't make it more

interesting that you and your buddies had a little run-de-s-buzz. Like, I don't care at all. If you're like, but can you believe it was true? It's like, okay, why not just like do something interesting? You know what I mean? Like, the only thing I care if it's based on a true story is the jinx. And it's a documentary, so cool.

Or like The Staircase. If it's not a documentary and then you're just like, oh, can you believe that this is based on a true story? We're not kidding. It's like, yeah, you're not kidding. It's boring. Like based on a true story, like me and my friends hung out and that's not a lie. It's like, yeah, I really, truly don't give a shit. I will still see it, but I can't be like compelled to be like, and it bad but it was kind of true and so that's good

anyway i don't think so honey based on a true story and that's something and you know what's worst on that based on real events what the fuck does that mean that's the new based on a true story based on real events like the blind side based on real events what does that mean you took these people and like kind of fucked up their life a little bit and now there's a film oh you spent an extra fifty50,000 buying people's life rights congrats that's not even that the 50k is low yeah you're oh my god that's so that's so

funny I hate it and it's also like it's one of those things where it's like this isn't good so what if we say like but it's true it's almost true right right right that doesn't make it good that is like that the worst seasoning you could put on any bad thing.

Yeah, based on a true story. Guess what? True stories are often boring. That's why they're not movies. Fiction is queen, honey. I don't want to see my own life because it's not interesting enough to be a movie.

If you have a film and you have the opportunity to get a crew together and you're blessed and privileged enough to get people that are actors and talented get them together

and guess what? I don't want to watch them act out a real story. I want to see spectacle, honey. I want to see a Hollywood glamor. I want to see everyone wearing a dress. There you go.

Amen. Amen. Amen. Oh my God. This is, this is one of the first times, trauma, trauma,

trauma. This is one of the first times I've fully cried from laughing. I, and thank you, Fran, for giving me the gift. Well, thank you guys for having me.

Well, listen, we do close every episode with a song. Here we go. You want to lead us, Matt? Yes. God bless America. Land that I love.

Stand beside her And guide her Have fun with it Through the night With a light From above From the mountains If you want to hear the rest of that

go to a football game. Thank you. Bye. Forever Dog This has been a Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey.

For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram, at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind scene stories crazy

details and honestly just having a blast talking football every week we're discussing our favorite players of all times from legends to our buddies to current stars we're finally answering the age old question what kind of dudes are these dudes we We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm NK, and this is Basket Case. What is wrong with me? A show about the ways that mental illness is shaped by not just biology. Swaps of different meds.

But by culture and society. By looking closely at the conditions that cause mental distress, I find out why so many of us are struggling to feel sane, what we can do about it, and why we should care. Oh, look at you giving me therapy, girl.

Listen to Basket Case every Tuesday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, friends. I'm Jessica Capshaw. And this is Camilla Luddington. And we have a new podcast. Apple Podcasts, or small, we're there. And now here we are opening up the friendship circle to you. Listen to Call It What It Is on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Keri Champion, and this is season four of Naked Sports. Up first, I explore the making of a rivalry, Kaitlyn Clark versus Angel Reese. People are talking about

women's basketball just because of one single game. Clark and Reese have changed the way we consume women's basketball. And on this new season, we'll cover all things sports and culture. Listen to Naked Sports on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio apps, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Black Effect Podcast Network is sponsored by Diet Coke.