Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "Vaginismus or: The Woman Is Fine" (w/ Catherine Cohen)

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

It's Mr. Bo and Mr. Ro with Ms. Co on a "really good day, astrologically"! And that's that me nirvana! Fresh from being medically fingered on the upper west side, Catherine Cohen is BACK on the podcast to talk about her new Off-Bro show at the Lucille Lortel theater (so... Ms. Lo, we guess!) It's called Broad Strokes and you can go see it now until September 5th! The three old pals reminisce and conspire for a Seek Culture reunion, discuss pelvic floor dysfunction, and look back fondly on their most memorable fingerbangs. Also, "Espresso" in its terrible twos, how Dr. Love filled the hole in Catherine's heart (literally), and the "euthanasia coaster". All this, an attack on routine, an attack on thumbs, and an attack on British accents (that we are the perpetrators of). Catherine is sweet as honey, delightful as pie, and God's gift. Go see Broad Strokes at the Lucille Lortel in NYC!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hey, everybody, it's Matt, and I just wanted to remind you that you have until September 20th to see Titanic on Broadway over at the St. James Theater. Please go get tickets now. Again, you have until September 20th. It's Titanic. It's incredible. You will love it. It's fun for the whole goddamn family.

Muha. Look, Matt. Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow. Is that? Culture, yes.

Oh, wow. Las Culturistas. Ding-da, the Las Culturistas calling. Our guest has a new nickname for us, Bo. I'm so excited. Mr. Bo and Mr. Roe. What? Dings on the way here, I go,

I was like, just getting so giddy thinking about seeing you both, and I can't believe I'm going to see Mr. Bo and Mr. Ro. Like, it's everybody. And Miss Cow. And Miss Cow. And Miss Cow. So we just for Ro. Row, Ro, Bo, your Co.

She is. Doing her fantastic show at the Lucille Lortel, home of legends. July 14th to September. Fifth. My new off-Broadway moment. Everyone welcome. Catherine Cohen. Mr. Cohen.

Mr. Co. Mr. Roe. Yes. It's like stepping into off-brough. Yes. It's like stepping into a warm bath being in a CDA. Get bathed. And careful when you step in because you might slip and die.

Well, I am greased up. I got a pedicure today. Wait. Is that where you were? Sorry, I was like, wait too here where I just was. And you were like, it's somewhere I never expected I'd be. And I'm like, no. I see you at the spa, actually.

Where I just was, it sounds like I am a cartoon who made this up to come on a podcast. I was just being medically fingered on the Upper West Side to treat vaginismus. Can you define vaginismis? That's a show. Because unfortunately, I know, the new hour is writing itself. It's title of it. Vaginismis. Vaginus is basically when your pussy has burnout

and it starts hurting for no reason No Pussy has burned out for good reason For no reason Burn out what do you mean Is it like your Puss? Yeah And your Piusi

Piusi How I like to pronounce it your Piozzi Pioz is hard Mama se Pioce Pia Piae Your pussy your pussy says chus Which is by in German

Totally Your Puss says chus Now he's been learning German It's really good And why? He knows so much many of the words. You know, we're gonna go, I'm going to Berlin.

Oh, wow. I might join me. I just want to, I just want to know the culture, even though everyone there's research to do. You gotta go to that naked spa. Yeah, the one that's like a spaceship. There's a bunch of them there. I loved it. Wait, Vaginismus. Vaginismus. Vestine. Yeah. You two do

a show because Vaginismus sounds like Christmas. Could be festive. Have you heard Vaginismas? At the Recavella Center. Coming this December. Princess and Prince of Christmas. Christmas touchdown. Oh, period.

Do you want to be the princess? I'm ready. Yeah, I want to fly in. Let's go. I want to get pink on the thing. On the Tony's, yeah. Wait, you know what's so funny? Brian was showing me the opening because I missed the beginning.

Yes. And she was spinning so fast. It was crazy. But then she started talking and he goes, wait, we are on 2.5 speed. I go. And then I go, go to one. I go, okay, still fast. Still fast.

Still fast. On 2.5. I can't imagine her going faster than she was going. I'm lying. It was crazy. Wait, it's like that time, that news footage of that woman being like helipatid. I know exactly what you're talking about. It was so funny.

Is she okay? I don't know and that's what makes it. Someone check on her. Someone check on that woman. Is she okay? The woman who spun? Google spun woman. Spunning woman.

Spinning woman helicopter. There's one who's more famous than the rest for the velocity in which she spun. Yeah. Speaking of spinning. Is it the viral spinning woman helicopter incident referred to? Yes. 2019 Mountain Rescue. Yes.

Heroing 2019 Mountain Rescue. 74. She's also wrong for her for title of that. Yes. I remember she was elderly. Yeah, and she was already nauseous. And then I was like, just projectile.

Okay. The woman is fine. Oh my God. New title is fine. So now we can laugh and there can be levity about this. Yes. Optimism.

Wait. Medically fingered. Medically fingered. Could have been something more. It's medically fingered. It's a thing. When did you notice vaginismus or suspect vaginismus? Yeah.

It's kind of like you start having painful sex and you don't know why. God. They run everything. And it can happen to butthole too. And it's a less festive name. Because for butthole, it's called pelvic floor dysfunction. Yeah. It basically is an issue with your pelvic floor.

And so what they do is they go in and like massage it and they kind of foam roll it. But what that means is you're on the Upper West Side and a woman's fingering you. And you're like, okay. You're like, it's like, how did I get here? Like record scratch? Like, what's happening? Right. I pay your $300.

Wait, hold on. Have you heard of when, have you heard of this other thing, which is when you are, this happens to uncircumcised penises sometimes where the tip starts to get very tight. And then you have to have an adult circumcision despite not wanting that. Wow. Because sometimes with uncircumcised penises, they can get. very tight and painful. As in the hood gets a little,

it's like when the draw strings go. Ah! We just really did that. I did it. Prop work well. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, it hurt.

Think about how it feel. Think about how it feel. Well, are you okay? Yeah, of course. The woman is fine. It wasn't her first time. The woman is fine. No, it's,

getting fingered on the Upper West. Oh, literally. Go oaf. U.W. Most memorable. Hunger bangs, go. In a cab. In a cab.

Wow, that's risky. Is that wrong and bad? No, that's great. Is that right and good? That's writing good and more. Everyone go. My most memorable one is not my own. It's a friend of ours who I will remain nameless.

And a former CW star who will remain nameless. Our friend, I will tell you right after this, was up against the bar at drop-off service on 13th and B. And a CW star that she had been talking. It is not KJ. Appi. I can confirm. Okay. Came up to her.

They made eye contact and he just started, I would die. Are you kidding me? That would work on me. That's crazy. Okay, so, but what's your, I think Kat's asking us, what's your most memorable finger?

Yeah. Mine. Okay. All right. Maybe the first time I realized it was possible to come while that was happening. Because you don't really know,

you're like, I know this is never going to happen. And then suddenly you're like, oh, oh. And you're talking, we're talking out with no, Are you talking out with no dick touch? You're just like, oh, I have a G spot there.

With no dick touch. This is lost culture. This is lots culture. This is not. No, with fingers. With fingers. No penis. That's what I'm saying.

No, no dick. Well, when you can figure out how to come with a dick in there, then that's Nirvana. No, no, sorry. That's actually the definition of nirvana. That's a rule of culture. Number one. Number nirvana. When you figure out you can come with a dick in there, that's Nirvana.

That's not me. That's not me espresso. No, no, go ahead. It doesn't matter. Yes, it's not my story to tell. I, it's, yes, it is. What was your best finger? Most memorable.

Most memorable finger bag. Is that what? I didn't even ask the question. Who did? I asked the question of all of us. Just to clarify, I wasn't saying, is there a dick in there? I was saying you were coming hands free, essentially. No one was touching your dick.

You know the story of Big Bro. Yeah. Oh, you never heard the story of Big Row. Who is Big Bro? Which earmarked Big Bro, because it leads to a cat conversation. Mr. Mr. Big Bro. I wish he was here. Okay, circle back.

He's so sweet. He's wonderful. Yeah, years. Okay, so this was years ago on Fire Island. This was like my last big, like, slutty hurrah on Fire Island. And are y'all going this year? Are you all going this summer? We're making cameo.

Well, he's got, yes, I can't say when. Oh. Deli! Three options. We'll already have been there. there when this comes out. And that's the truth. Oh, that's amazing to think about.

Wow. Put yourself in those shoes, those beach shoes. Yeah. If you're out there listening, I already got fucked. We hope. So years ago on Fire Island, we were at one of them parties. We were at the pavilion. Yes.

And I ended up striking up a conversation with actually two men. And I went back to their home with them. And one of them got too tired for the three of us to participate altogether. So I ended up having sex by the river, which is what I called it, which it was the bay. It just looked like a river at the time in my state. And I rode him doggy style. And he made me call him big bro. And he called me Lil bro.

And when he said the words Lil bro, and the way I describe it is I shot a load to this guy that's never come down. Now that's that mean Irvon. And since that's that me nirvana. And I literally was so blown away that he has canonically remained in my life as big bro. He now knows he's big bro on the podcast. Introduced himself to me at a party last year as big bro. So have you hooked up sins?

Several times. Oh, great. So he's a fixture. I'm actually reminded that I must see him again soon. He's friend of the pod. He's friend of the pod. Friend of the pod, Big Bro. Yeah.

I'd love a visual after. Oh, he's so bad. I had for years an image of what big bro looked like. And when I met him, I was like, you have kind eyes, which I did not expect Big Bro to have. He's very sweet. Wow. Very kind individual. Bowen came to me about Big Bro, and he was like, I just didn't expect that would be Big Bro.

In the way that I'm like, oh, he's a beautiful, gentle soul. I thought he was like seven foot five, like jacked to the God. Because he is, he's more stocky, big bro. I don't think, I think he's just perfectly fine. He's hot. He's hot. I just, it just,

in a way that was just like, oh, wow. Yeah. Good for you. That's big bro. But doesn't big bro seem like Texan to you or something?

Yeah, it seems fratty. Can I, can I, um, share my memorable thing? I'm ready. Let's go,

we're ready. And I was administering. Oh! And it was. You never thought to be there. The doctor? Doctor. Dr.

Vaginosis? Whatever. I, but then this was my first time doing it. It's early day. of gay. Cool, cool. And,

early days of gay. And I really, I learned a lot. Really? Because I would, because, you know, you start with, you start with one,

you go to two, you go to three. Right? We're having fun. Uh-huh. Then it escalates to guess the number. Four, five.

Five. You was. Which is really a fist. Which is, which is halfway to a fist. And then while I'm there, I would consider that a fist. Sure.

But who am I? Can you punch someone like this? Who might to make that decision? You're always in the street, Spine like this. This is the Catherine Turner. Why I ought to. Come on.

With the rings, it would be really. Yeah. Why I ought to. Well, don't get me started on this. Or, uh, thinks I'm dead. Thanks, yeah. I look at the app. It goes, you are dead.

It goes, you are an alcoholic loser freak. What's your resilience? What's your resilience? One. No, no, no, it's not even the number. It's like, strong. I actually recently went from solid to strong. Yes.

Ooh. So you can't sleep, baby, I know. I need a new, I need a new song. Wait, but why is it so back? It's ever, it's just, have you noticed espresso is back? It's the best song ever. It makes no sense. No, it's perfect.

It makes a ton of sense. What are your questions? Yeah, we can answer them. That's that me. That's that me espresso. Yeah. So me espresso is the drink we're being served. Okay, well, you're taking out of context.

And can we just do a whole context? Think about me every night, oh, is it that sweet? I guess so. You must be addicted. Said you can't sleep because of being addicted to me thinking about me. Baby, I know, I get it. That's that me, espresso. That's what it's like to be addicted to me.

I will keep you up all night. That's me espresso. I do understand. Here's another way to think about it. And my do it is 2026, and I need listeners to know that it's 2026 and we're on backing this. We're on backing this. We're on back to a two year old song. It's only two years old.

Oh, toddler. Or two and a half. Terrible choose. So naughty. Terrible cheese. So you're here and what happened? Okay, hold on. First, if you want to think about it as the espresso brand name is called me.

Okay, that's what I was thinking. Well, hey, that's that. Do you ever try that me espresso stuff? It's not illy. You know what I mean? It's not an espresso. It's the me. I actually didn't even know that.

You know what I mean? Me espresso. I don't know if that's... Oh, her brand is a... Her brand is called me. Got it, got, got it. I'm like, oh, that's that me espresso. Never find another like me.

The first best single ever. I knew it, I knew ya. Do you say, can I say there is a version of it that she just did at the Toy Story 5 premiere, which I prefer to the piano version. The piano version is kind of gorgeous and you can tell it's a pretty song. It's a little bit too much like, I knew it, I knew it. When Ms. Swift gets behind a piano, I go, oh my God. You see your shoulders drop.

I feel that at home. My nervous system resets. And I go, we're so back. I need to see you behind a piano. Can't play it. But you can learn? I'll sit there. I took a lesson.

I think you can, I just want the image of Catco behind a piano. I don't think you have to do anything. Do you ever get behind the piano? I can't do it either. That's because we love to be. I love to be up. Thrust. I have to be forced.

Oh, quickly. Cool. The story. The story. So I just got carried away and I went. And he was like, no, no, no. And that's at the end. There was one side.

Where were you? Huh? Where were you? It was Williamsburg. Oh yeah, that's what I had to happen there. And it was very, it was a very. Bedford stop? Huh?

Bedford stop. No, I'm going to say. Deeper, so to speak. Metropolitan, Deepa. Okay. Metropolitan. Totally. Anyway, what were we talking about?

Say you can't sleep. Say you can't sleep. We were talking about. We should have been rotating between fingering and it's right. Hold on quickly back to Fire Island. Yeah, yeah. You need to make your grand return. Yeah.

I know. It was 2018. Why don't you perform at the ice. Palace. I will. I must. Why don't we have to do that? We'll book you. I would love. I'll come back. Because, yeah, remember 2018, we're all on a school bus. Were you guys on that school bus? Yeah, you need the shuttle to from the train station to. I know you think of, no, no, no. Actually, I actually mean a school bus. When I was not in that school bus. Okay, club coming rented like this school bus to take us from the club to to the ferry. To the ferry.

Fabulous. That's so fun. So I got to get back on the school bus. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, I'd love to return. That was a really fun. I got a really great photo of me in a bikini. Like, it's time to go back. No, but we worshipped you. Remember that?

But then. Body worshiped. But then the sun sets. Stop. And you're trampled. It's Black Friday trampled in the streets. The women are. Get out of way.

I'm like grabbing a canoe. I'm like, I'm like, I had a great time. You asked me before. I know. I actually, I went for like one hour on Fourth of July.

a couple years ago. It was too much. It was a lot. It was too much. Scary only because normally it's like the invasion and it's the best time ever. I will own up to the last time I blacked out. Blacked out. Yeah, it was just really intense.

Everyone was going really hard. Blacked out. Went back to our house with one of our friends, had 40% hookup. Everyone came back. I was passed out on my back on the dock. That's beautiful. On the dock. I wake up to a text from Ronan Tharo.

saying, hey, there's a bunch of people trying to find you because you dropped your wallet on the boardwalk. Tough. I was like, holy shit. At least you found it. Pictures of last night and it up on line

screwed. Oh, wow. Katie. What song is that? What song is that? Last Friday night. Last Friday night. I couldn't realize that was the lyric.

That's beautiful. Yeah. Pictures all last night. There was a time when she wrote quite good songs. A lot of good songs. Oh, what about, you know what didn't get its due? Just because it's open.

It's going to have to get all we will over again. Please. We've made the first unlistenable piece of audio in history. I have to tell you, when Katie Perry released Never Really Over, I said, oh, we're so back. I know, and it's never over. It's never really over. I love that song. Do you believe that?

What do you think of her in Trudeau? Well, they made their red carpet debut yesterday. Congrats. It was, you'll never believe it. They touch noses. Why? Well, that's what you're doing.

You're fucking adorable. If you don't touch noses at your wedding. Let's talk about, because from one happy couple to another, you and Brian will be wed. Now, you've selected, I'm exactly like everyone else. I'm normal.

You've selected, just like our friend, Joel Kim, a New Year's wedding. You know, Joel and I, always for years been talking about, like, we both want to do New Year's Eve. And it's how. happening. It's happening. I, last year was my first, sheek. I love New Year's Eve, but now I get it.

How funny was crawling in that thing? So scary. I haven't laughed at heart since. Like the way I was laughing because I was so scared, but also so, my inner child was out. Right. But also you were like wearing a dress. Yeah, I was drunk and my inner child

was out. I mean, I'm not the child was showing you were. I didn't expect to look like that. Are you gonna, are you gonna like get a presence there? Like, are you gonna get like a home there? I feel like I still see you there. Yes. Well, you know, I officially have my visa. So I could leave any second.

Let's go. I might get the hell out of here. So visa meaning. Visa. Visa meaning you go in there and no questions asked. It's easy. Yeah. I mean they could live there if I wanted.

Oh, really? I'm not going to live there, but I just want to work there more and I love going. And I was just there. That's amazing. I had a gorgeous. I had gorgeous two weeks there. I have to shout out. I saw Moona there, which was so fun.

Oh, the best. At heaven, which was amazing. That was, I guess, like, the night before the cultural awards that we taped. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you were off in London. Yeah. But Catherine, Catherine was saying she wanted an invitation. I wanted to be there.

And I said, I'm sorry. Mr. Bo. And then, and then what I said to her was, I was like, you know my dream. Literally, I think it was in the blue sky, was that Sikh culture reunited. We're going to make it happen. We have to make it happen. We got to get Mr. Po. We're getting Mr.

Po. Where is Po? Po. Po, his middle name is O. Owen. I know. It's he's Mr. Poe Reagan. Mr. Poegan. I think, okay, the only way we top this year, the only way is if it's C-Culture reunion

and your voice goes out and you have to use the computer voice to talk. That was an all-timer. That was an all-timer. We turned darkness into light. Absolutely. Every time. Every time.

That was a tough. Havon. For those of you who don't know, we were doing a combination show of Sikh treatment and Las Culturries. That's called Seek Culture, where it was basically an advice show, which is from four people who should not be giving it. And there are shirts floating around somewhere. Yes.

Oh, I still have it. Seek Culture. Yes. Oh, my God. I still have it. But anyway, so basically, like, we are showing up for the show. We were doing it in a church. Remember it was in a church?

Yes, murmur. That murmur. That's beautiful. Yeah. Catherine shows up, no voice. I'd injured my vocal cords. Yeah. And I was interrupted not to speak.

It was really traumatic. But I go, I really wanted to do the show. And so I don't know who suggested it. But I found a thing where I type on the computer and it speaks for me. And so I did that with every time out of all of us. You crushed the hardest out of all. It was so fun. I'll never forget, you showing up sobbing in our arms.

Like we all held to each other. We said, it's going to be okay. And I were Ben Platt was backstage. And I hadn't met him. And I was like, he was our special guest. And he was like, no one understands. stands more than I do. I was like, yes. So literally, you were speaking. I was speaking like that. But I'm all healed. Stop interrupting me. No, I'm ready for our reunion. We'll get into it.

We have to. But how does it feel to know that you can crush without your gorgeous asset of your voice? That must feel good. Everything feels good. You know, it's a really good day. It's a really good day astrologically. Is it? Wait, I had heard this. It's quite auspicious. So to be here with you, too, means a lot to me. Tell us about the auspicious. I don't know too much. I just, I watched a little bit of Chani. Chani. She's walking around Prospect Park. She's talking. She's talking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a beautiful day. Like, be grateful, be in tune with what you want. She said, reach out. She said, I'm not kidding. Reach out to old friends. I'm seeing all friends today. And if there's someone in your life who like, you know, you haven't been able to connect with

and you've been wanting to, like, just do it today. And now a quick break from our sponsor, Vital Proteins. And it is vital. College and Peptides is a wellness. supplement that supports healthy hair, skin, nails, bones, and joints. When we hit 30, our body's collagen production starts to drop, and that's when vital proteins steps in. Their iconic blue tub is everywhere. People love vital proteins, in part because it's so easy. Just mix it into your coffee, tea, or smoothie, and you're good to go.

Right now, you can get 20% off your next order by going to VitalProtines.com and using promo code. Las Culturistas 2-0 at checkout. Huge thanks again to our sponsor, Vital Proteins. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus. From $94 a month, price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term

and auto pay credit. Visit bell.com. and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist Ari Chambers. Hey, what's up y'all? It's your girl, Sam J. And we're the host of everyone watches women's sports, a new podcast from Together and I Heart Women's Sports. Because let's be real. Women's sports is giving us way too much to talk about these days. So Kelsey Finler, she became the first female solo rower to go from California to Hawaii. My first thought is, like, what's up with the snacks? Like, what are we eating? The highlights. The The rivalries, the breakout stars, the moments that take over your entire timeline.

And the conversations that start during the game and somehow keep going all week. Every week, we're breaking down the biggest stories across women's sports. Naomi Osaka showing out, she beat. Sabalinka. Shoutouts to you, Naomi. You get the palm, Naomi. You get the palm for that. Because we're not just interested in what happened.

We're interested in why everyone's talking about it. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to everyone watches women's sports on the I-Heart Radio app. Apple Podcast. wherever you get your podcast. Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. You know us, or rather you know them.

Tony and Candice, Nina and Lance, Spike, and yes, the chicken. We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia, AEO, rewatch, our brand new podcast. Each week we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning, breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters, revisiting the Portland locations you know and love, and opening up about our creative process.

How did any of this get made? Why do we think that was a good idea? We're ready to talk about it. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chryssel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more.

Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song, a melody. Well, I thought he was going to write. I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia. Ayo rewatch on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My first guest is Harris Holtan, Shakira, and Yerrin, Samira, and Gracie.

I'm so excited for it. On the bouncy bed. You have surprises. Many surprises. Welcome to Sweet 305, where the group chat comes to life. What a B. It's like a way to say like, oh, my God,

oh, my friend, hello, hello, my brother. Look, never I've ever had I've evered with my kids, my kids, and my family. Uff.

That's my love. That's all the novel. You're the only person I know that loves a yellow starburst. It's lemonade. And no, there's someone that you say,

I'd like to collaborate with this person. This is Sweet 305. Listen to Sweet 305. with Lele Pons as part of my Coutura Podcast Network on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I think this was an auspicious thing.

I'm sorry. I think everything happened the way it was supposed to. And I kind of say, I have to be real, I was, this was, I was very late to the recording. There was some Google Calendar drama. There was some Google Calendar drama. It was, we literally said yesterday, oh my God, cats coming tomorrow.

I'm so excited. The second I walk out the door of this building, it gets dumped in the trash. Of course. And then I was like, I have the day off today. This is great. Oh, that's tough. No.

But then my heart sank when Matt calls me at 115. He's like, hey, I'm at the recording. I was like, and I'm, did I not immediately go, no? Yeah, I mean, he's upset. I heard you. You sounded really like. He's upset. I know him.

So immediately it went to what happened. No, no. And I could feel. And I just also like I was in your body like for you. I was like, oh, that feels so bad. especially with old friend. But I was hoping, what I was hoping is,

because I know that feeling when you're rushing and then on the train, you're like, feeling bad. And I'm like, I was like, I hope he's not feeling bad on the train. It was fabulous. I read my book. What are you reading?

It's a book about Japanese men's fashion. Ooh, totally. It's so. Fabulous. It's not this. It's on the nose. It's, it's this. It's this.

I will always have trauma from one time making you wait for me for lunch at the diner on. 14th Street for 45 minutes. And look at me, no memory. I know, but like, I was like, oh, this happening to Catherine is so, I was like, I don't want you to think. But can I say this? I actually like, like, I actually like, like, I actually feel like relaxed. Totally. And I can be on my phone. And we got, we got 45 minute ketchup. We needed a good catchup. So it was nice. Yeah. When was this? Say, you have no memory. Truly no memory of that. See, there you go.

See, there you go. This is like five years ago. Well, I used to do the thing that I actually want to bring back where I would be like every Wednesday, I'm going to get breakfast at this diner. And whoever wants to come can have it with me. Oh, I have a diner. I have chills. Well, I know, I need to find a good one because the one I used to go to is one. But you know what I like?

My favorite is, of course. We're two neighbors to not be doing this. My favorite is bus stop cafe. Bus stop. Thought I saw you at the bus stop. I didn't, though. Oh my God, Taylor. Did you know that, did you know that allegedly she

stylized that song as the one with the numerical so that every time you type's in the 1975, you'd see her song first. That's a theory. That's information No, that's interesting I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit B-S a yes and say no No, that was an interesting melody

I didn't Be and saying yes Remember how hard I cried when we saw that We saw, oh wait, when we listened to the song? No, at the concert Oh, at the concert, yes, yes, yes, the one Are you all going to the wedding? Well, at this point it will have been,

it will have happened. He went. I quote unquote, I have not gone yet. We have this is mid-June. Rachel is so gag I'm completely glad I have been telling him for months I was like you're definitely getting invited

He was like no I'm not So y'all are clicks No I would not say that I appreciate her deeply And I did shoot off our text When Tortured Poets came out Which I was still warming up to And now it's major

But now it's like one of my favorites Smallest man who ever lived Tortured Poets is everything My favorite is My favorite is um I don't have a skin People's windows. You know what I'm saying.

I don't. Who's afraid? A little lonely. She's like, so wrong, bro. That's it. By the way. Okay, what are you going to wear? What are you going to wear?

I don't know yet. Oh, right. What did you wear? What did I wear? A tuxedo. It's black tie. I cannot wait to hear about it. It's boxed at Madison Square Garden.

Why her? No, no big bags. Only small purses. Makes sense. Because I'm shocked there even letting in small purses. I, me too. Like what could be hiding?

Are they going to take phones? No, no, yes. I don't know if it's yonder pouches, but it's like no phones. Wow. So I might have like someone come meet me after the event to hand me. Isn't that crazy? Oh, you can't even bring it to the venue. Like, unless I, yeah, you can't bring it to the venue.

This is going to be amazing. I think Travis was like, we got to invite Bowen Yang. I actually think it was a Travis thing too. Yeah. That's amazing. And I think Taylor was like, absolutely. But I definitely think, because Travis, the way. the way that you met him was he said

Bowen, you're a legend in the hallway. Wow. Which is the only way to get greeted by Travis Kelsey. Can I say big bro energy? It's big bro! This is when I revealed, Big Bro was Travis. Hey, Taylor, I got there first with your man. It's still up there.

He fucked the shit out of me in the pines. To the sky. Travis Kelsey banged me out. Print it. Page six. Print it. Exquisite. Print it.

I mean, Oh, I'll report back once it happens, of course. Keep in touch. But it's not the wedding of the year, yours is. Yours is. Thank you for saying that. And I'm excited. I've been to Houston.

Scenic, Houston. I mean, I had a great time. It's an amazing city. I mean, it's the fourth largest city in the country. Gorgeous, queer history. Lots of queer history. Great. How so?

Great food. There's like that, oh, what's that neighborhood called? Montrose. Yes, Montrose. Fabulous. We have my parents live right by Montrose. Yeah, we're going to do New Year's Eve. So it's going to be.

wedding black tie drama moment all night I was in the movie the drama I haven't seen it don't tell me the twist I actually don't know the twist don't tell me Still god bless it you're so good you still don't know it You guys I really me and my phone sometimes I just go No it's the only way Isn't it the dream though

Why Iona Me punching my phone That's great I do this to my phone Can I just say ah That was cool I got it I got it bus stop I didn't.

No. I thought and I saw you on the bus. The next day. The next day, brunch? Next day, New Year's Day brunch at my parents' home. So she. Oh, I love that. Where I've been a gorgeous home.

Wait, what's the dog situation? Oh. No longer. Rest in peace, Murphy. You're going to love the way this looks when you see this. Well, my parents have a new dog named Neo. Neo? Yeah, he's really, really crazy.

Yeah. That's so cute. He's a German Shepherd. He's really badly behaved. They tend to be, I think. But until you get them together and then they're very well behaved. They're just goofy. He's sweet as hell, but he's wild.

My dad is obsessed to them. And one time he was actively biting my hand. And my dad goes, stop, you're going to hurt his teeth. I go, so he's biting me. But Bo, do you know that I got a dog? Tell me. Me and Brian have a dog. We adopted a dog.

Wait, did you leave your phone in there? Could you have it for a picture? I left it with Taylor for the wedding. My dog. Taylor has it. Taylor comes to go. Guys, give me your phones.

Thank you. She's going to collect them, right? She's going to be outside with a big bucket. Yes, yes. A thousand phones. A thousand phones. You can have that. You can have that.

Thousand phones. You got that for a little hotel, honey. I don't have a show. A thousand phones. There could be a thousand phones in a room and they all have to go in this big. And a thousand phones just got off in the bucket. I don't know. Okay.

What on God's greenerance was saying? Oh, my dog. Your dog. My dog is named Romeo. He's seven amazing pounds. He's fully grown. He's a chihuahua mix. We don't know what else yet.

We're going to do the test. You're going to do the test. He's sweet as honey. Yes. Delightful as pie. Yeah. And he's God's gift. Sweet as honey.

God sent him to me. God sent him. He's yellow. He's a little yellow golden blonde dog. If Romeo were to bite my hand, you would be, you would go dad moan and be like, stop, you'll hurt his teeth. Well, because he always wear the finest rings. No action, because a mother's love means, means Romeo, we don't bite.

And if he bites, you go statue. Do you know about statue? Yes. I know. Yes, yes. I one time I could tell recently my dad was annoying. The eyes rolling back. You went mummy.

You went mommy, girl. Remember the mummy? Remember. Bugs under the skin. Yeah, bugs under. That's stuck deep in the subconscious. You did not like the scarabs. Exactly.

Yeah. Who would? Who would? Who would? Who would? Who would? Everyone go around and say how you want to die. Okay.

In me sleep. Quickly. I want to be, I legit want to be like at the store and get like snipped in the back of the head. Cool. Quick and I'm doing something I love. Snipe. Sopranos style. I just want it to be quiet.

You're like reaching for a bag of Doritos. I want to. Reach for a bag of Doritos. I don't want it to be a loud gunshot. I want it to be like, you know, muffler, silencer situation. Clean up on aisle too. So to not bother anyone. Yeah.

Real clean bullet hole. Clean polite bullet. Exit entry. Yes. Pitch the ground right after it leaves your head. Yes. Okay, your turn. I would say that I would like to consciously euthanize myself.

Cool. I would like to go to Europe and sort of let a few. people know this is the deal. Oh, and... Are we those people? Yeah, do reach out. Culture awards.

Culture awards. I would say... Yeah, my phone. Like, in my old, old age, like being like... Yeah. Like 50. 52.

I'd like to sort of, like, you know, once I feel like I can't live my life anymore, the way... I get euthanasia. Is that too dark? No, no, no, I get it. I'm so glad I brought you. I deeply understand people being like,

yes. It's my life. I want to. Well, can I, I worry that I brought this up on this podcast before, but do you know about the euthanasia coaster? The euthanasia coaster, like a roller coaster? I heard about this. It's a concept for a roller coaster that would go at the exact speed that would kill you,

like painlessly. I think that's, that's, you just unlocked something. Wouldn't that be awesome? Yeah, Disney, death Disney. So how fast are we talking? I don't know that he did. Terminal. That's not terminal velocity, but in a sense.

What is terminal defa? Terminal velocity, how do you define that? Vaginismus. Vaginismus. I actually don't know. I'm no longer a science person. Anyways, you go on it and then. Terminal velocity.

You go on it and you die. Terminal velocity would be a crazy name for a roller coaster. What? The roller coaster that would kill you? Yes. Doesn't, but it would kill you. Okay, well, you know what? We're pretty close to that, by the way, because the one that's in Six Flags, Kadia City,

Becca, can you look up how fast that roller coaster goes? Cadia City. Where is that? Saudi Arabia. Oh, that's the Saudi one. Guys, we can't go. I know how badly you guys both want to go to Saudi Arabia and you were just talking about it. You know me.

You guys were both just saying, you would love for, in your words, that fat check to cash. Let's do the queer-ri-od comedy festival. Finally, no spoilers. Cabernet, cabaret. Guys, stay tuned. Okay, first up, Fire Island, second. In Canada, City. Wait, what is this?

What is this? Falcon's flight. Falcon's flight. That's okay. Close to $2.20. So, 155 miles per hour, and by the way, that one's over 600 feet tall? How fast are these F-1 cars going?

You know, that's a big part of my life now. Wait. F-1? You know that my fiancé is an F-1 podcaster. So now you're in the fold. So F-1 cars can go to. So almost dead. Almost at death levels of this coaster.

But I guess they're like protected by car. It's about the angle. This is a fucking punk. Oh, the death coaster has a kite of like thousand. Vertical. But just think of just the infrastructure cost of it. That's a lot of money. Can I reveal something though?

It's not the speed that's killing you. It is the G-Forces. It's the G-Force. Yeah. So you can. You can move at a very, very, very high speed. It's the turning up that I believe would kill your... That's a relief because when I run, I do things you can never believe.

You fucking rocking. Me doing a 12-minute mile around Prospect Park. Terminal velocity. Boom, zoom. Watch out. Watch out. Watch out. Come on.

12-minute mile. If I get under 10, I'm like, whoa. So that's like a half hour around the loop Sure I haven't done a while It's been a while So we all have to go to Psycho Sundays At Berries with Amina

I'm good Psycho Sunday No shout out to Amina Where is that? It's at NoHo Barry's NoHo It's very hard to get into this class I got in by the skin of my teeth last week

I'm trying to be regular She does a mild challenge And We're basically like You have like seven minutes to get as close to a mile as possible. After doing all this workout. Well, so the way it's, I actually experienced that after doing, I for some reason was on

the floor first, then went, did like a bunch of like, you know, the jogging warm up. And then we did the mile challenge. And I was like, maybe if I did the trail mile first, I'd be able to do this. But I did fall short. Damn. And I say this as self-proclaimed cardio king. You're a cardio king? Historically, I've always been.

Both of you are. You got to use those lungs. You know me. On the treadmill. Yeah, I'm getting, getting ready. I've never done a show where I have like a set and rehearsals and a director and like a band. It's like a full. So cool.

So I'm excited to dive into that. Oh, that's so excited. Like all along, not that anything was missing in the past, but it's one of those things now that we've been doing this for a while where you're like, oh, it feels so good. It looks so good to see like you in that set. Yeah, I can't wait. I love you having like a residency at the Lortel. I'm so excited. It's like so right.

Music to mine ears. I've been envisioning it. I'm so excited. What's the set going to be? The set is beautiful. Derek McLean is designing it. He's amazing. And you'll have to come see.

Catco and Broadstrokes.com. Yes. Broadstrokes. So just to talk about what the show is about. You had an experience, which is called a stroke. I had a stroke. Isn't that crazy? The show was writing itself.

Yes. It's called, the show is called Broad Strokes, and it's about a stroke I had almost three years ago. Yeah. And when I was in the emergency room, I was like, this better be a good show. Because I was fucking freaking out. This better be, this better be a tame stroke and a great show. And luckily it was. Yeah.

So did they ever find out? Yes. Can they find out why these things happened? I had the Haley Bieber special, because this happened to her. I thought you drank the heroin smoothie and you a shirt. Holy shit. You were to hear first. No, I was basically, I was born with a whole show.

hole in my heart. Wow. Called a PFO. I didn't know I had it. Live my whole life healthy. Healthy as a clam. One day, my arm stops moving. I go, what?

The day of the stroke? What was that? Yeah. That was the stroke. Remember that? Was the Lord's song out at that point? Yes. I think it was.

But I was like, what, what's up? Maybe, no, it must not have been. Anyways, I go to the hospital, MRI, CT scam, whatever. They tell me I have this hole in my heart. They diagnose me very quickly, which, was so lucky. And then there's a procedure where they can fill up the hole to prevent future strokes. Mr.

Foe, the PFO. Yeah. Yeah. And my cardiologist's name, I'm not kidding. Derek McLean. Dr. Love. Wow.

Dr. Love filled the hole in my heart. I go, it's too on the nose. Filled the hole in my heart. It's never going to land. That's going to be in the show. Of course. Of course. Of course.

Anyways, when I got home from the hospital, I was freaking out. I googled it. And the first thing that pops up is Haley Bieber's name. And that was the second that I go, I'm going to be okay. Yeah. The woman is fine. More than okay. Yeah, the woman is fine.

Because I was like, my life's over. Like I was, you know, of course having a total meltdown. And then when she gave me the strength. So Haley, I'd love for you to come. Like, can I just say the concept of a show about like a brush with mortality or any kind of fatal thing is like is the most profound thing to me? Like, because you saw Josh's show. Love. Like, I just, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, like, I, like, you

describing this, I go, I just know you have something profound, you will sing to us. Yeah. I hope so, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's hard to, like, land on a message at the end of the show, because I'm like, wait, I'm, like, not over it, but I'm figuring it out. That's part, that's it's all it is. And doing it is, is a bit of exposure therapy not to be so dramatic. So when you say not over it, are you, when you talk about like the feelings that you have about it, is it just, is it fear that it could happen again? Is it like, is it just the idea that you are like negotiating in that moment with a life or death situation? Like, where are you at? Yeah, I've always been a hypochondriac. So I think when you're proved right, you're like, damn, what else am I right about? And like, if not only because something bad happened,

but something bad can happen when you feel totally good. Yeah. So processing that, But my thing is, if something bad can happen, what if something really amazing happened? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't stop doing this lip bite. Even like in front of my family, I'm like, I have to stop. Performing Catherine Cohen for them. Ridiculous. Anyway, so yeah, I think I'm like still, I'm still tweaking the show, making some changes.

Yeah. So figuring out, yeah, where I'm landing, but I'm really excited about it. So that's the, that's the journey. Yeah, that's really. And yeah, there's music, jokes, and that's the whole thing. Yeah. A beautiful costume by Kelsey Rand. of course, my girl.

It's going to be beautiful. It's going to be great. Alex Timbers is directing the show. Can we know? Can we know the color of the costume? It's iridescent. I couldn't say what color. It's every color. It's real culture number 50.

It's iridescent. I couldn't possibly say what color. That's so, I mean, I have chills. Yeah, I hope to see you. Oh, you're going to see us. It'll be fun. We'll be a party. September 5th, it's going to close.

So basically, I guess, what I think then is you're going to have a fall extravaganta. What's fall? Is this wedding, winning, wedding? I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. Because I feel like fall is you. Fall is me. You are fall. I am fall.

But you know, in my old age, 26. A winter? No, I just like, I used to hate the summer and now it's growing on me. Okay. I hate the summer too. But is it growing on you? Why is it growing up? I don't know.

I'm like, damn. I don't do the humidity well. No, my hair. I'm a little happier. In the summer. He likes the summer. Classic response. I'm thinking I'll try to shoot over to Berlin.

See, this is the, so we can get into our scriptings. Let's go. We got a right of film. Oh, right. The nightclub. The nightclub. I was rejected. What are you talking about?

That's crazy. Oh, from Birkin, you went and were rejected? Yeah. Stop it. That's crazy. Well, my friend lives there and they were like, we're definitely getting in unless like it's done for the day or whatever. Sure, sure, sure.

And so I'm telling myself that. So what time did you go? God, what time was it? Doesn't matter. It must have been, it was like there was no line. Right. Do you know what I mean? Like everyone had been like.

God. And we walked in and they were just kind of like, and I had my friend like dress me because I was so scared, obviously. I had a slicked back pony. You need to. Wait, like in Running Man? Oh my God. Wasn't that amazing? You looked amazing.

Anytime you came on screen, I was screaming to the heavens. I need that to look like that. Also, you were in a full-blown Oscar film. I know. Sentimental value. Isn't that? You were so good in it. Thank you.

You on the beach? Oh my God. I had the time of my life. That was the coolest thing ever. Yeah. Oh my God. It was major. Were you that?

Did you shoot that for a while or was it just like? It was like a week in France and a week in Norway. Listen to yourself. How was Renata? I did not work with her. Oh, you were with Elle. Yeah, I love Elle. She's the fucking best.

So funny. So cool. She's my girl. Yeah, we like El. And then Renata, I only met briefly at like an Oscars. thing. And I was like, I love you. I was like, I'm in the movie. She was like, of course.

You know, I have a theory that people can't recognize me with sunglasses. So I always go, it's me! Do you think that's true? Totally. I, yeah. It's a me. If you can't hold of sunglasses today, I recognized you down the hall. I even went and I did like a whole pose and a gasp

and Catherine just walked towards me and I couldn't tell if she was doing a bit because her sunglasses were staying on. And I was like, is this the bit? And she just didn't see me. I was listening to her. I'm my drop dead. I was like locked down. When is New Olivia?

Is it today? It's in two days. Okay, cool. I'm really excited. I'm so excited. Friday as in this, Friday, June 12th? Yes. Oh, wow.

Because remember when they said stop that train and Olivia Rodriguez, we're coming out at the same day? This is the, this is Barb and Heimmer for Gays who pee sitting down. Yep, yep. Me.

Do you guys like ping sing down? I love it. I'll do it every now and then. Sure, why not? Well, I'll pee sitting down if I use the bidet. Right. You know what I mean?

I'll be standing up and use the bedet No, stop it Let them Let them Wait them Do you think Mel Robbins P is standing up

Sure Have you seen the amazing video of her squirming out of bed What? She has this thing I'm like Did I make this up? She has this thing

Where she's like Sometimes you have to just Throw yourself out of bed And it's her like She's writhing on the ground I get it though She looks amazing by the way I was like

Okay body She's writhing like a slug And she's like And now I'm up You know I don't understand Why is she on the ground Because

Because I get it because sometimes it's like you know you need to get up, but your body just is like, this is me every morning in New York. It's hard. Meanwhile, I'm up at 5.30 a.m. in L.A. I can't wake up. Here it's 10 a.m. I'm like, oh, no. When do you guys go to bed? It depends where I am. It depends where I am. Right now because we're like not working anymore for a little bit. Like, I went to bed at like 1.30 a.m. last night watching the Michael Daxon documentary. Went to bed at 2.m. last night because I watched.

Summer House twice. Wow. Let's get into it. So. So. So what I'll say is, I mean, I actually haven't watched the latest episode, but I did watch all 10 seasons in 2.5 months. You and like, I think Hunter Harris did this.

Hunter wasn't a watcher? Hunter wasn't a watcher until the scandal broke. And then she was like, well, I guess I got to watch. And then she interviewed Sierra for her cover story. Yes, amazing. She watched all 10 seasons. It's so good. So I fucking love that show.

It's amazing. I love Kyle. Me too. I love Kyle. No, Kyle. Okay. Watch. Okay, so you haven't seen this reunion.

So we're recording this after the third. You guys can talk about it. I don't care. So there's just a moment where he like breaks it down so well to West. He's like, what you did was essentially isolate Amanda in a way that like, what's your plan to make sure she's okay because I still care about her. Wow. It's really, people like West make me very nervous. That's like so scary.

What? So, so scary. Wait, so what do you guys think's going to happen with the show? Like, who's going to be on it? I think there's going to be two different shows. Yeah. Oh, like, in the city. I think in the city is the one that Amanda is on now.

And I'm sure that West, if they're going to be in a relationship, will be on that show. And then Kyle will, I'm sure, deal with that. I'm sure Summerhouse continues with the great cast that they have and the great new people they've added, who I really like now by the end of the reunion, who I was a little bit non-committal on the whole time is Bailey. Oh, well, I went on her amazing show, It Girls.

Oh, yeah. I follow it now. Yeah, it's amazing. Yeah. I was so gag to see her on SummerHouse. I was like, that's that girl. She did amazing work. Yeah.

It's not easy. We love Mia. I think KJ is great. I think Dara crushed the ring of him. Dara crushed. But they broke up. Why? Oh, that's sad.

I think he's dealing with a lot. Yeah. He's going through it. Yeah. Wait, where's Lindsay's apartment? I think of Friday? That's the craziest apartment I've ever seen everywhere they live.

I go, I've never seen anyone live anywhere like this in New York. I've lived here like so many years. You know why that's Hevan? Because it reminds me of when, of before we lived here where it's like it was sex in the city, it was France. It was like heightened kind of liminal space

non-existent fantasy New York. Yeah, the neighborhood. It's back to that in a way. There's a pianist at the party. Right. I'm like, I've never seen. Your barbecue. Taylor's going to be behind the piano.

Me. Taylor's actually doing the good version. of the Toy Story song at Bowen's house. I knew it. Wait, but the other thing is, did you notice? Did you watch it in the city last night too? I didn't watch it.

I have to watch it. Okay, so Kyle and Amanda were fully having drinks at Ulysses. Whoa, his old place of work. Where I used to work. No way. Like, they were on Stone Street and then Kyle said something like,

this street is really cool. And I was like, well, Kyle, it's actually the oldest street in New York. Yes. Stone Street. Wow, I mean, I would get really star-struck to see any of them.

I mean, this is the game. We fully partied with Kyle and Amanda last year at Can Lion. Hit it off with them so hard. Had a group chat with them. No. You had a group chat with them? We have. And then and then we thought we actually, well, we've kept up a relationship with Kyle.

We'd love to have you guys on the podcast together. Kyle and Amanda on seek to see treatment. Oh no. I'm at here, but yeah, either one. Well, Kyle wants to do a flower boy podcast and I think we're going to have to do that. We have to. And you went to have to fly in Kyle Cook to do. get stoned drinking flower boys.

Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist

Ari Chambers. Hey, what's up, y'all? It's your girl, Sam J. And we're the host of of everyone watches women's sports, a new podcast from Together and I-Heart Women's Sports. Because let's be real. Women's is giving us way too much to talk about these days. So Kelsey Finler, she became the first female solo rower to go from California to Hawaii. My first thought is, like, what's up with the snacks?

Like, what are we eating? The highlights, the rivalries, the breakout stars, the moments to take over your entire timeline. And the conversations that start during the game and somehow keep going all week. Every week, we're breaking down the biggest stories across women's sports. Naomi Osaka showing out, she beat Sabalinka. Shout out to you, Naomi. You get the palm, Naomi. You get the palm for that.

Because we're not just interested in what happened. We're interested in why everyone's talking about it. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to everyone watches women's sports. On the IHeart Radio app. Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here.

You know us or rather you know them. Tony and Candice, Nina and Lance, Spike and yes, the chicken. We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia AEO rewatch, our brand new podcast. Each week, we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning, breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters, revisiting the Portland locations you know and love,

and opening up about our creative process. How did any of this get made? Why do we think that was a good idea? We're ready to talk about it. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chrysler, the mayor, himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more.

Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song, a melody. Well, I thought he was going to write. I thought you're all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia. Ayo rewatch on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My first guest is Paris Holtin, Shakira, Luke and Ierrin, Samira and Grace

I'm so excited on the bouncy bed You have surprises, many surprises Welcome to Sweet 305 where the group chat comes to life What a f*** It's like a way of saying like, Oh la, my God, hello, my God, hello, Myrana, what a f***. Look, I never have ever been

with nobody, except with my my kids, my children, My SIEG-My Amante. Oof, yeah, that's That's the only person I know that loves a Yellow Starburst. Lemonade. And no there's

someone like you like to collaborate with this person. This is Sweet 305. Listen to Sweet 305 with Lele Pons

as part of my Coulura podcast network on the IHeart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you know my parents called me a couple nights

ago and they go do you know the phrase clock this tea? And I said, I do. Where did they hear it? They go Aunt Claire just told us about it

because she's a teacher and all the kids are saying. kids are saying clock this tea what does she teach what grade I don't know I think middle school cool kids yeah yeah fucking cool kids god middle school are saying clock this tea is so funny they do want to hear their voices saying it clock her tea yeah they're like say it to the teacher wow miss g you really clocked my tea I did not do the homework that's literally what they're saying to her

is that amazing she clocked my tea so hard when she realized I got she gagged me a bit and when she clogged me a bit watch me clocking her that person's tea off their Scantron. Scantron. Do they still use skin? If I have banned. If they don't, I'm so sad. Oh my God.

If Scantrons have no fans, I'm dead. Crazy. Tea clocked. So hard. I would clock your tea and your tea. If you guys said you didn't like scantrons. I would clock your tea. I love them.

Yeah, because my tea is I love. Foolish girl. Wait, this might be I don't think so funny actually. Oh, good. Because you doing this makes me think about just the, the physicality. of being on your phone is so pathetic. Which is just, it's just, the fact that it's mostly like, if you look in a room,

if it's a room of people where the vibe is bad and everyone's just on their phones, it is ultimately a bunch of human beings. Just ignore the phone of it all, but just going like this. Literally twiddling. Yeah. And I'm like, that's so lame.

It's so sad. It's a Zoom out Disclosure Day moment. What are we doing? We haven't seen Disclosure Day at this jump true. It's very disclosure day of movie. What are we doing to get off our phones? I, it's in the other room for me. when I sleep. I have Opal.

Like, it's, I, I might want to start brick and full time. In February, I deleted TikTok. I never got on threads. I had not had Twitter for a long time. And I, like, limited the way, the kind of stuff I can get tagged in and stuff. Right. So, like, I'm, like, not aware of any discourse unless people tell me things are happening. And then I go, look.

On reels, I see some things. Yeah. But I've just noticed that, like, going out of my way to limit things I have, access to on my phone does all of the work. And then you really are like, you can be on your phone to interact with people that you want to interact with. It's just the extra stuff that feels like a trap. Because then it's like you get into like a wormhole or an algorithmic spin out. And that's I think what has helped me is just like limiting the apps. Yeah, I bought brick. I haven't used it once. I think he might like it. Pat's been bricked since November. He keeps telling me. That's amazing.

I'm so happy for Mr. Poe. Yeah, Mr. Poe. Because I envy that. I don't envy, but you know what I mean? I want that discipline. But Opal's not doing it for you? Opal, you can like... You can sneak in.

And I'm like, oh, what the... It's defeating the person. The four of us have to do something. No cameras. And we have to... No, literally... That's going to be hard because I'm filming a new reality show called... The four hours is no cameras, no mics.

And we all have to just have, like, a day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel as though. Because it's been too fucking long. I think he's coming soon-ish. And that's a whole other thing. That's a wrench in the plans too, which we don't even acknowledge is his L.A.

I'm not going to stress this enough. Lifestyle. I know. He loves it. He's become healthy, fit king. Love that. I know. That's always been his thing, though.

I feel like he really wants to come back here eventually, but I think he's enjoying it. That's great. That's all that matters. As long as he's happy. That's all that matters. It's all that matters. Okay, it might be time.

Yeah. And I just want to say, well, I'll say this for the end. But the auspices of this day are very profound to me. Majorly, laziness. Majorly laser. You mean in terms of the June 10th, Chani of it all? And the June 10th, Chani of it all in terms of, you know, me being a little late. And again, I apologize.

But I think it kind of blasted my ego away. Oh, my God. You know what I mean? Blast that ego. Hi, readers and more. This is Matt, by the way, from the future. And I am going to, for the first time in Lost Culture American History, retake my, I don't think so, honey, because I am listening to it back and I hate it. and I have something better.

It's just old. So I didn't want it to go out into the world and into your ear holes and other holes. So I'm going to do 60 seconds for myself on the clock right now and I'm just going to pop off. Here we go. This is, I guess, Matt Rogers is I don't think so, honey, and his time starts now. I don't think so, honey, when magazines, entertainment magazines, take pictures of couples that have broken up and do the Photoshop thing where it looks like the photograph has been ripped in half. It's just that out thing so honey for me.

It's a little too dramatic. I've never personally been in the position where a relationship has been so bad that I had to rip a photograph of us apart. Then again, most of the photos that I look at are digital. I am a child of the internet. That being said, when you go online digitally 30 seconds and you see that Us Weekly has taken a picture of you and someone that is very special to you. and ripped the photograph

and half, babe, you don't know that it's a ripable situation. It's not in this case, 15 seconds, not speaking about anything in particular. Of course. Don't rip me and the boy in half, please. Five seconds left. Everything is great, and there's no reason to rip photographs. And that's one minute.

So there you go. There's my offering. And back to the show. This is Bowen Yang's. I don't think so honey as time starts now. I don't think so honey. I'm going to go back to it. Thumbs.

This is actually what I think we would be a better race of people if we did not have I think we needed thumbs to get to where we are in civilization, but I think let's hack them off so that we don't use our phones anymore so that we can connect like this. I think this is the idea. The idea is this. If we are, we know our need, our evolutionary need for opposable thumbs is obsolete. I think this actually solves so many problems with the pernicious rise of technology, the development of technology, I should say, with the way that you can form a fist,

with the way that you can wield weapons against your own fellow man or woman or anyone in between. I think thumbs are the reason we have fallen as a society. I'm not so serious about this. It's going to go in the book. It's going to go in the book Thumbs are the reason Why we're so miserable And that's one minute

That was beautiful Here's what I'll say about that rule in the book That one has you written all over it As someone who loves my thumbs And also I don't care for thumbs anymore Also first race To cut off their thumbs

Bowen thinks you're the best race What do you mean race You said we'd be a better race of people If we all cut up for thumbs I meant the human race And I'm saying First whole race To cut off their thumbs

Sure Let's make it a contest They win the race war. How many rules of culture are going in the book? 50 or so? How many in the book? Yeah. 100.

Hundreds. 100 rules of culture in the book. Oh, yeah, 100 rules. When are we getting the book? You'll see. Let's just say next year. It's being written. It's being written.

The rest is still unwritten. The rest is still. Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you. Only you can let it in. No one else. No one else. Can speak the words.

We all start levitation. dating off the shirt. Hi, oh my God, what is the cover going to look like? That's for, that's a meeting that we have. Do you have a vision though? Yeah. Yeah. Totally.

I'd love to. Collap? To make it. I'd love to pivot into graphic design and I'd love to paint it. I'd love to paint you both. Just to talk, just to go back to the race thing real quick. Yeah. If I'm speaking to white people.

Okay. If white people all decided to cut off their thumbs for the benefit of this planet, all is forgiven. y'all would tear our thumbs we owe our thumbs like I'm so serious like right am I not right like thumbs are like ruining us. Thumbs are over. Thumbs are over. Okay.

I'm cooking. What about this? Will you miss this? Not really. Really all. I'm gonna go because it can still because, okay guess what? You can still go like this. Yeah, this.

I'm a bee. I do this. this all the time. I do this all the time. It feels so good. You can still do this. Oh my God. If I lose these, it's this. Mine eyes. It's this. Mine eyes. My eyes. If I lose thumbs up, it's middle finger. Wow. Wow. Okay. Oh my God, I'm nervous. Don't be nervous. You're the master. No, I don't know. You've done so many indelible ones in your years. I'm trying to remember what I've done. You've done, I don't think so honey, my dreams. Oh, did I? Yeah. Did I do the moon? The moon.

You sort of tend to come in very esoteric. Well, I have something to say. But then you go abstract, but still so accessible. I hope so. Well, I have something to say. Well, I had to refrain from saying, no, no, I'll just go into this. I wanted to say, I don't think so, honey, why can't my dog talk? I was going to bring this up.

He needs to say something. But that's not what I'm going to say. He needs to say something. I wanted to get an aura ring so I can track his sleep score. Okay. I'm ready. How, wait, how do you know it says bad things?

It's an app? Yeah, no, it whispers to me. Like aquamarine. Aquamarine. All right. Oh, God, I love her. I love her. All right.

This is Catherine Cohen's. I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now. I don't think so, honey, routine. I don't want to hear about your routine. Do the same thing every day. I'd be bored as a bird. I'm not doing the same thing every day.

I want to fly. I want to wake up when the wind wuffs me awake. I want the world to carry me to the next thing. I want the universe to take me from corner to corner not knowing what can happen. Anything good can happen. Everything good's around the corner. What I want a routine?

Five to nine before your nine to five? No. No red light mask. No collagen. Vitamins are a scam. No. 30 seconds. You don't need to put 14 creams on your face for $1,000.

It's over. No routine. Lemon water. No, no. Frothing your matcha. No, no. Like a no routine. Journaling, it's all been sad.

15 seconds. I'm done with routine. Every day should be different. Every moment. Variety is the spice of life and I'm hungry for a bowl of spicy, spicy, spicy life soup. I don't think so honey routine. If you're just listening, it looked exactly like you think.

Very like, oh, oh. Woman in the wind, the woman was fun. fine. But she was in the wind. Well, I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to have a routine in it. It's just it's been 30s. You're so right. It's been so many years.

It's not happening. Do you all have a routine? Can I say when I get the opportunity to get a rupeen? Rupine. Rupine, what happens when I get fingered? Rupine. Are you being? What's the Rue?

Rupines' drabred race. My redemption on that joke. What happens when I get a routine is I do become happy for about three weeks. Wow. And then I'm like, we have to switch up the routine. But I think of routine for a short period of time. Routines in short bursts. The only real thing in my routine, my routine right now, is dualingo.

I'm finding legit community. That's awesome. German? German, but then you see, like, my mom and I are on a friend quest together. That's lovely. She's learning French. Oh, cool. And you give each other little boosts, and you give each other likes, and you can leave comments.

and like, oh my God, this king in Australia who I met over the summer last year is like commenting on all my accomplishments going, you tour. And I'm like, this is community. See, that's what Soche is for. That's what Soch is for. This is what Soch is for.

Keep the thumbs for now. What's you tour in Australian sound like? You tour. You tour. Tell us about the tour. Tell us about the tour. I thought you tune. Okay.

Get Bell, Pure Fiber Internet with Crave Netflix and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist Ari Chambers.

Hey, what's up, y'all? It's your girl, Sam J. And we're the host of everyone watches women's sports, a new podcast from Together and I heart women's sports. Because let's be real. Women's sports is giving us way too much to talk about these days. So Kelsey Finler, she became the first female solo roer to go from California to Hawaii?

My first thought is, like, what's up with the snacks? Like, what are we eating? The highlights, the rivalries, the breakout stars, the moments that take over your entire timeline. And the conversations that start during the game and somehow keep going all week. Every week, we're breaking down the biggest stories across women's sports. Naomi Osaka showing out, she beat Sabalinka. Shoutouts to you, Naomi.

You get the palm, Naomi. You get the palm for that. Because we're not just interested in what happened. We're interested in why everyone's talking about it. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to everyone watches women's sports. On the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, Portlandia fans.

Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. You know us, or rather you know them. Tony and Candace, Nina and Lance, Spike, and yes, the chicken. We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia, AEO, rewatch, our brand new podcast. Each week, we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning. Breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters,

revisiting the Portland locations you know and love, and opening up about our creative process. How did any of this get made? Why do we think that was a good idea? We're ready to talk about it. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chrysler, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin,

legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more. Kyle is going for it here. Are you fully improvised, not just words, but a song, a melody? I thought he was going to write. I thought you're all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia. Ayo, rewatch on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

My first guest is Paris Hocin, Shakira, Luke and Ierian, Samira and Gracie. I'm so excited on the bouncy bed. You have surprises? Many surprises. Welcome to Sweet 305, where the group chat comes to life. What a f***! It's like a way to say like, oh, my, my God, hello, my friend, hello,

my brother. What a . Look, I've never had to be a lot of anybody. Except with my kids, my kids, so, I know. Yes. I'm so, my amante. Uff!

That's incredible, yeah, the telenovela. You're the only person I know that loves a Yellow Starburst. It's lemonade. No, there's a guy that you like you say, I'd like to collaborate with this person. This is Sweet 305.

Listen to Sweet 305 with Lele Pons as part of my Cultura podcast network on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Y'all, I did like a British accent for a tape and I sent it to my British agent and I was like, it was pretty good, right? And she was like, oh!

Just pure laughter. I was like, oh, I literally thought I You're laughing. I thought I tour. You thought your tour. Actually, you know what I was thinking earlier? You know, what's your dream role? What's your dream role?

What my dream role is for you at some point in the future? Mrs. Lovett? Yeah. It is my dream role. I would like to be Sweeney Todd in that production. Of course. What's y'all's dream role? Oh, that's fabulous.

I think the role I was best for, I don't think I can do now, which is Book of Mormon. Andrew Rannels. Oh, yeah, yeah. You could definitely do that. if you wanted to and you would tour. You would do it on tour. You would do it the national tour. You should do the tour.

There's a lot of ones I want to do, but now I feel uncomfortable saying it because like, now it's like it's going to feel like I'm asking to do it. What's wrong with that? This town, I swear to God. A surprise around every corner. How fun was the Tony Awards? So much fun.

It was my favorite award show. It was my favorite award show I've ever been to. It's the best. Ragtime. Shout out to my brother. Shout out to your brother. Billy Cohen. You guys got to go see it before our closing.

I was at opening night. Yeah. So cool. It was so great. I was in the front row of opening night. Oh, my God. Billy Cohen is so good. I'm so proud of him.

Yeah, really. I mean, you should be. It's really an amazing show. I will say I was Jellicle Pilled. Sure. We love Jellicle. Yeah, it's so fab. Oh, my God.

Yeah, it's a blast. But the thing is, it's just kind of a shame that, well, it's not a shame because it's great that there's to a fuck and Rocky horror is incredible I haven't gone yet I need to go oh you have to but like there's so much good stuff I was like oh god why did one of these have to win this is a good year

it was really good are there any good plays on right now Death of a Salesman Giant oh it's really good Oh proof we're gonna go see Iowa I need to go see what did you say Dog Day afternoon might I don't think so

also a lot of these shows by the time this comes out but we are going to see IO amazing wait. What else? Love. I'm seeing a 25th annual Putnam County spelling.

I fucking love that show. Wait, where? It's New World Stages. Oh my God. Yeah. You know, of course I played the teacher mom. What's her name? Teacher Mom.

The only adult girl? You played her. I was a child. I played the role of teacher mom as a child. We always knew you were a winner. That one. Oh. So I'm going up on the stage to spell a word.

Wait, that's fun. Where are you having dinner before? I'm getting dinner at... I guess I'm doing this. Come on. It's called... He's not good with the rest of us. What are you doing tonight?

What am I doing tonight? He thought he had the day off. I am hanging out with a friend. Love. I was going to ask, what was your day off plan? Was to play this game called Death Stranding. Can I talk to you? I want to get into video games.

Okay. What device do I need? Switch to. Switch two, not place. PlayStation? PlayStation is a little bit more like esoteric, like hardcore. Okay. Like, but I mean, there's great games on it for all, but I think Switch 2 is perfect breadth. Like, you want to start small, okay.

And then go big. Ooh, it's got everything. If I loved the Sims growing up, what should I play? You should play Tomodachi life. You should play Pacopia. Yeah. Okay, cool. There are Sims games.

I know, but I can't go back there. You should, you should pay Tomodachi. Okay. It's basically, it's basically, it's basically. It's like the Sims, it's like the same, everyone's like talking to each other and you can be on the news. Oh, great. You can like make versions of all your friends and they're all into town like just like fighting. So cute.

It's, one question is that the thing that people keep making like. Memes of yeah. Yeah. Okay. Tell me some of those memes. If people are memeing it, you know it must be popular. Yeah, it's happening.

Yes. That's one of the rules of culture. Means make me laugh. Sorry. Rule of culture. Number two. Memes make me laugh. I on my phone, I'm a laughing.

I mean, I know. I'm LMAFO. You're getting into some fun hobbies, F1 and video games? I'm a fucking rock star girl. Pick me. Hell freaky, yeah. I'm not really into F1, I just support him from afar by knowing about it. He contains multitudes.

He's that. He's that one. He really is that one. He literally is that mi espresso. He loves y'all. I love him. And his sister's your number one fan. What?

I'm your number one fan! You know, I'm a number one fan! I saw, the first time I saw him was in a production of cruel intentions the musical with Constantine Rizzuli. Of course. And Amanda Shackman. And who else? Other people, I'm sure.

Frankie Grande was in it. Oh my God, Frankie! Yeah. And I never saw it. It was before we were dating. Yeah, wow. Okay. Well, he was great.

He played the Joshua Jackson. Part Throb. That movie is everything. It's so good. He's everything. I love her. You're everything to us. Thank you so much for having me.

I can't believe the Lutel. It's completely. The Lortel is so lucky. The Lululetel. You're doing it at the O'To. At the hotel. The hotel. I'm doing it the Yotel on 9th or whatever.

On the 10th. Honey, 10th. With the car dealerships. Honey, you think Yotel is on 9th? No tell. It's on 10th. Oh my God. Hackow.

Someone needs to pull up the video of Mel Robbins falling out of bed for me. And then I'll go. She's the real MRO. No, thank you for coming. I hope to see you at the show this summer. Barbecue, dinner. Game show is all happening. All of it.

game show. It's our summer. It's that summer. And we're planning on doing and you must come. We're going to do a drink at my apartment, go have lunch, and then in between me and Catharines,

and then go over to Catherine's and have like another drink there. It's going to be a progressive dinner. It's going to be called a progressive dinner. We'd love you to come. I would love progressive dinner. You can meet Romeo. You let me know,

and I got to meet Romeo. You can bring him to the barbecue. And you have to let us know the diner you choose for Wednesdays. I know. That could be really nice. I just, I like, I start crying.

I wish I could like see friends out having so many plans. I know, come if you want. It's brilliant. It's like come if you want. Yeah. I'm going to be here not what, like nine to 12. That's a long time. I can't wait to hear when you're where you're shooting.

That's so fun. I will that I do sort of know actually and I'll tell you after. I just can't say on the mic. No. It's exactly beep. It's a little bit. Well, I'll tell you. Sorry, sorry.

We know you're going to buy tickets to see Ketko. Why wouldn't you? The L low is very lucky. and that is from this B-O and this M. Rowe and that's C-S-So and Mel Robbins M. Melro. We end every episode with the song.

That us espresso. And for a fortnight there we were forever running through you sometimes that's about the wedding night and her bedrocked into my neighbors your wife bought us flowers.

I want to kill her. Yeah. Bring it back. It was so much better than everyone gave it credit for a fortnight. What's because people? A huge number one song with two billion streams. Anyway. I love posty. I want to lick him up. I want to kiss him.

Do you see him at the Beyonce cowboy Carter in those jeans? Of course. Yummy. Bye. Good night. Lost Culture Reese is this is the production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and Iheart Radio Podcasts. Created and hosted by Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang.

Executive produced by Anna Hosniye and News by Becker Ramos. Edited by Hot Dog Sandwich. And our music is by Henry Kmerzky. Hey, everybody, it's Matt, and I just wanted to remind you that you have until September 20th to see Titanic on Broadway over at the St. James Theater. Please go get tickets now. Again, you have until September 20th. It's Titanic.

It's incredible. You will love it. It's fun for the whole goddamn family. Mwah. My first guest is... Paris Hilton, Shakira, Luke and Yerrin. You have surprises? Many surprises.

Welcome to the Sweet 305 podcast where the group check comes to life. What on? You're the only person I know that loves a yellow starburst. It's lemonade. This is Sweet 305. Here, oversharing is encouraged. Listen to Sweet 305 with Lele Pons on the IHartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Raiders of the Lost podcast, we accept.

Explore cinema like no one else, including huge interviews with stars like Ryan Gosling on Project Hail Mary. It was like the Jaws shark. Didn't always work, came with its own problems. That's what made it great. The cast of obsession. On set, there was so much magic happening with each scene we were putting together. Deep dives into classics like 2001 of Space Odyssey or Fight Club, plus weekly episodes on all industry news. Listen to Raiders of the Lost podcast on the IHeart Radio app.

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And for more, follow at Raiders of the Lost Podcasts and at TikTok Podcast Network on TikTok. Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. The Dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form. We're launching Podlandia, A.O. rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together,

breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chryssel,

the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more. Kyle is going for it. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song.

Well, I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia, A.A.O. rewatch on the IHeartRadio podcast or wherever you get your podcast.

What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist, Ari Chambers. Hey, what's up? Y'all, it's your girl, Sam J. And we're the host of Everyone Watches Women's Sports, a new podcast from Together in I Heart Women's Sports. We're breaking down the biggest headlines.

Naomi Osaka, showing out. Shoutouts to you, Naomi. The viral moments. I've been obsessed with Kashan Rocks, boxing journey. She looks good. Her combos are swift. And the stories everyone's talking about across women's sports.

Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to everyone watches women's sports on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast. human.