Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "White" (w/ Cole Escola)

Episode Date: May 1, 2019

In an Aaron Schocking episode, Cole Escola joins Matt and Bowen to discuss Bowen's status as a white bitch, Cole's forthcoming memoir "How Do I Do It At 71?", Matt's narration of a straight porn, and the year of the destination hook up!---MERCH! MERCH! GET YOUR LAS CULTURISTAS MERCH!https://www.teepublic.com/stores/las-culturistasLAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasSUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS TODAY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST. LAS CULTURISTAS IS PRODUCED BY EMMA FOLEY.http://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/las-culturistas/ Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Forever. Dog. Look, man. Where? Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow, is that? FOREVER! DOG! By your behavior. Oh, by my behavior. I have been very Aaron Schock. I've probably betrayed the community in many different ways. Have you ever felt your dick move to a picture of him?

No, truly no. Truly no? You can't even cut to that. He is so, this is the thing, and this might not make sense to you, because he might fit into a certain mental model of what you might like. You are a bitch. Truly, that was so bland. So bland.

Even just physically, it's like, there's a more interesting version of this somewhere else. I think you're definitely right. Although I will say, me as a Long Island, born and raised, I am who I am type person, there is no way I'm going to see someone like that and my body at least not respond. But here's what my mind says. Okay.

Absolutely not. Okay, great. Because he's very harmful to the community. And we're here to announce that on Las Culturistas. Right now, for the very first time, you're hearing from us. If you were on the fence about Aaron Schock, it's time to jump over that fence, hon. It's time to jump over that fence. Which is what happens with the fence.

You have to jump over that fence, hon. It's time to jump over that fence. Which is what happens with the fence. You have to jump over it because at this point, we're here to say Aaron Schock is harmful to the community. Aaron Schock is canceled. It's actually rule of culture number four. Aaron Schock is canceled. Right here and now.

I mean, there's just a lot more to, there's a lot more to talk about with Aaron. We don't, we cannot get into it. Well, can we just say that we turned a corner? What? You and I. You and I? Because you texted me and you said, OMG, you were following Aaron Schock on Insta because somebody, an alleged fan,

Oh, this person. Screenshotted the fact that I was and I did not remember that I was following on Instagram. Actually, and this person, if they're listening, and I have no problem putting them on blast. I'm not gonna name them, but that was kind of shitty of you. That was kind of shitty. You should not have screenshotted it to what, rubbing Matt's face that he did this shitty thing. That didn't make me

feel good. It didn't make me feel, even I was like, oh no. Well, cause then it's like, what are you trying to do? You're trying to make me look bad? Like, you know. The only thing I said was, on Twitter at least, was then it's like, what are you trying to do? You're trying to make me look bad. Like I, you know, I mean, the only thing I said was on Twitter at least was just all caps, Matt.

Yes. And I texted you like, were you really following Aaron Chuck on Instagram? Truly? It must've been one of those things where it's like, you follow someone like, cause they're a car wreck or you follow someone cause you're, yeah,

sure. Honestly, maybe, I don't know. Maybe it was just a thing of like, he made my dick move once and I followed him. I follow a lot of people with no brain on there who make my dick move. There you go.

And bitch, thank you for owning up to that. Because if you were deflecting and saying it was for some other bullshit reason, then I would be like, well, I'm not going to lie. I'm going to,

I have a penis, a working gay penis. I have a penis. It works at its gay. WG. It responds to stimuli. And it's, yeah.

And oftentimes that stimuli can be a toxic snake in the grass. And guess what's in that working gay penis of yours? Cartilage, honey. And blood vessels. And it gets hard. Now I'm very upset. And when you think about Aaron Schock, the cartilage fills with blood, honey. Never again.

Now I associate him with only evil. Trauma. Trauma. Now I associate him with only evil. Trauma. Trauma. Now I associate him with trauma. The one thing I will say about Aaron Schock is that. One thing Bowen will say. It just, it disappoints me that he gets to live in West Hollywood and like be completely protected and like not have to like. I'm sure if he walks the street.

Honestly, if he walks the streets, no one would, no one would do anything. Well, no one would notice because he looks like everyone else. And that's what I'm saying. I actually think it opens up an interesting conversation about why when someone has abs, we let them get away with everything. Truly, if he didn't

look as hot as he looks, it wouldn't even be a question. And this is the thing. If I had abs, I would be ruling the world. You would be emperor of the world. I would be emperor of the world. You would be emperor Palpatine status. Yes.

Because I do believe that you'd be evil. I think you are six abs away from being a very cruel person. I really do. And you're white. I agree. And I'm white. You're white too. And I'm white.

That's another thing about you, you white bitch. Nothing. You are a white bitch who's six abs away from being a very cruel dictator not unlike emperor palpatine herself famously emperor palpatine had abs number 93 famously emperor palpatine had Under that robe, he was so fucking hot. Palp had all the abs. Oh my God, imagine just him being cut, jacked as hell. And then he reveals his fucking washboard abs. His cum gutters.

You could wash a board on those abs. Anyway. Speaking of good bodies, our guest. Our guest. He's getting up and leaving he's out no no oh my god can i just tell you yes i just saw our guest i always love seeing our guest perform and when i heard that he was performing in los angeles i was very upset because what it was i did not have a ticket because it was sold out. Of course it was. And then our buddy, Sarah Schneider,

had an extra ticket and I hopped on that train and I went all, I rode it all the way to the show. And there you go. And there it was. Cola Scola performing unbelievably well. And funny. Funny, bitch. It's just breaking news. It's Cola Scola. I'm. Funny, bitch. It's just. Breaking news.

Breaking news. Cola, scola. Funny. I'm not staying very long. This was not what I thought it was. Funny and with a good body and the soothing voice. And the soothing voice. Well, I thought.

Who are you? Because I've been on this podcast before. Yes, yes. But I thought that this was a different one. Because I thought, like, well, they wouldn't ask me on the same thing twice. No. We switched up the brands. But this't ask me on the same thing twice. No. We switched up the brands. But this is exactly

what it was before. Why I didn't want to come back. No, the last time you came on here, first of all, okay, welcome into your ears. Cole Escola. That's who this is.

The last time you came here, you were about to go on a date, I believe. Do you remember this? I don't remember the date. But I remember what I was wearing. You were wearing a red corduroy jacket. And I almost wore it again.

It was red, but with a black corduroy. Oh, that's what it was. Red canvas, black corduroy. Actually, I iconically remember this. Iconically. And I like what you're wearing right now very much. And I often, in fact, almost 100% of the time, really like what you're wearing.

Thanks. I hate it. And now, Cole, cole i'm gonna ask you the question i always ask you how are you doing i'm okay and that's that's the answer honestly a second time guest the question we always ask them is how are you doing how are you doing but but no but that's just me assist giving an assist to cole to answer the way he always answers, which is, I'm okay. I'm okay. Yeah. As if like it's just occurring to me. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Better. Better. Better. Better. Cole, I want to talk to you. Something you've said to me has really reverberated in my head for months.

I don't think you're an idiot. But I don't think, I don't think think I wish. Don't let that go. It was coming from a place I was hungry. I was He was hangry. You ever heard of that? Hangry? I needed to absolve you of whatever guilt you were carrying around. Thank you.

I think you said to me 2019, the year of destination hookups. Let's talk about this. Okay, yeah, I want to know. Okay, because I think I might do something like this eventually, probably very soon. I might literally go to a city just to hook up with someone I met through DMs. Yeah.

Wow. That's what I did. I did that once in January. I went to Columbus, Ohio. Yes. Oh, my gosh. Rented an Airbnb. Was it worth it?

sure it was hot I don't regret it it wasn't life changing I've done it again I just got back from London and Paris yes oh

and there are people there well I paid for Tinder Gold. Yes. So you can plan ahead. Yeah, so that you can plan ahead. And I knew I was going to go to London to see All About Eve on the West End. Who was in that right now?

Look, I had a good year last year. I've made some money. I can talk about it. Let's end the stigma on wealth. You have your creature comforts. And wealth. You have your creature comforts and God forbid you have your creature comforts. Please. No, I burn money.

I don't know. I never learned, you know. I grew up poor. It's fine. It's not your responsibility. You're right. It's someone else's. It's none of my business.

It's none of my business. My finances are none of my business. Okay? You're right. You're actually right. Did you plan ahead and successfully execute hookups in London and Paris? I planned. Well, another thing that I'm trying to do this year is just like really intense but brief love affairs.

Yes. You know? Because I don't want a relationship. Right. I don't. Doesn't that flatten out everything though like doesn't that like isn't there like no texture to any sort of intimacy anywhere that's no what do you mean you're misinterpreting like i like people like i literally did the exercise of

listing all the guys that i have or will very soon hook up with yes and it just i kind of felt i was like oh but i'm looking at these names and this means nothing to me well they're all ryan or will very soon hook up with. And it just, I kind of felt, I was like, oh, but I'm looking at these names and this means nothing to me. Well, they're all Ryan. They're all Ryan and that's what you mean.

Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. Of different races. Of different races. But they're all Ryans of different races. But no, I look at this list and I'm just like,

oh, this is just like, it's like, this doesn't make sense anymore. It feels monotonous. Or it just feels like, it feels like there's doesn't make sense anymore. Or it just feels like, it feels like there's two. It all blends together. It all blends together.

See, that's not how, I too have a list. Okay. And I read, what I do is, who's on your fuck list? This is so disgusting. This is really disgusting.

And we are three piglets. We are truly three oinking piglets in the barn. That's where we are right now. Disg muddy barn of sex and it's gross make me sick gay men it's dark gay culture disgusting and shocking of us so you were saying you when i read the list of people i find what are their names mostly their Their names are mostly... Jaden. Honestly, I think there is a prevailing name. I think Alex is Alex.

I think I've hooked up with a lot of Ryans. With a lot of Ryans. You have hooked up with a lot of Ryans. Should I go to the list? Yeah. Let's bring it up. Oh my God, that's so many people. I'm just kidding, I can't see it.

No, that's the list of the US presidents. I've only fucked nine. Miss you, Jimmy. Which one? What I'm saying is when I read the list, every one a memory. Every one a beautiful memory. Like a gorgeous scrapbook.

And I think, I read each name slowly too. So I can remember our romantic times. Because I think that what Cole is saying with your affairs is you want to have intense, passionate, weekend-like experiences. Or even like a month long if we're in the same city.

Okay. But I picked some, I just had one in London. Yes. And then I knew that, and then I was like, we were talking for like three weeks on Tinder and then WhatsApp

And then I met up with him And I thought if it goes well Then I'll take him to Paris Oh wow Did he make it to Paris? He made it to Paris Wow he went to Paris

Looking for answers to questions That bothered him so. That's a Jimmy Buffett song. Oh, I didn't know. Yeah. No, it's not. I thought you were making that up. Would you like to wager a bet?

I, no, I wouldn't. Put your phone away. There's so many dangerous things on my phone. My fuck list. Jimmy Buffett songs are plenty. He strokes it with all four of his fingers. All four of my fingers Why is Aaron Shock here?

Oh no Aaron Shock It's a picture of Aaron Shock Giving a shitty handjob of Coachella It's my background on my phone You know what? I don't find him attractive Why?

The picture quality It's very It's very It's not even pixelated It's very razor It's yes It's very it's very it's not even pixelated it's very razor it's yes it's very razor like pictures I took

of myself on my razor when I was in good shape it's that and it's like it's been repost it's been screenshotted and posted so many times yeah

and there's there's that patina on it where it just patina it just looks patina the patina

on the news on the news. On the news is, on the Aaron Chalk photos. Yeah, I get what you're saying. It's the quality. I often feel that. It's very meth-y. Very meth-y. Very meth.

Yeah, it's very meth. Yes. Well, I don't know. The thing is, like, he did take a lot of professional photos back in the day when he was in Congress of himself on the cover of, like, Men's Fitness and that shit. Oh, right. So this is really, it's really not even the gay community's fault.

It's the fucking straight community's thirsty ass fault. Because they put him on the magazines and they put him on the map. And you know they're the ones who voted him into office. So really, once again, we can blame the straights. Well, that's letting ourselves off a little too easy. Especially yourself.

Especially yourself. I'm desperate to be exonerated. Neither Bowen nor I can get that to you. Yeah, and we can't. We're not the ones to. No. You have to. You need to talk to your sister. Well, Bowen, you know what Bowen told me?

You know what Bowen said to me? The words he said to me? What did I say? He said, I don't know. Examine it. Examine it? Wait, examine. And then I said, thanks, Bowen.

Thank you so much. And then he sent a shrugging emoji. Yeah. Because, yeah, you literally treat me like I'm subhuman whenever it comes up that I smoke cigarettes. And you just like, you fully shame me. These are two completely different things. They're absolutely not.

They are. Aaron Shock and cigarettes are the same thing. Following Aaron Shock on Instagram is not going to kill me. Validating white supremacy in gay culture is actually more destructive than me smoking a cigarette. You know what's even grosser than what you're saying? The fact that fucking listeners are going to agree with every word that you say because they want you to win

and me to lose. And that's ridiculous. And you know what? You're white. And that's the fucking most disgusting thing about all this. Is that you say because they want you to win and me to lose and that's ridiculous and you know what you're white and that's the fucking most disgusting thing about all this is that you are a white man you're a white person and you masquerade you continue the charade and you smoke cigarettes

and it's disgusting and it often results in bad breath like many cigarettes do the fact that you use white as an insult at Bowen is maybe the funniest thing I've heard. Because I know

it's the one thing I could say to him that could truly hurt him. There is nothing that I can't refute. There is nothing worse that could happen to Bowen Yang

than he wakes up tomorrow looks in the mirror and looks into a white face if you saw a white man in the mirror you would be destroyed oh my god what is going on Matt you're so drunk LA's changed you

I did have a bourbon Bloody Mary we had a brunch today I had a nice Bloody Mary. We had a brunch today. We had a fun brunch. Where? I had a nice Bloody Mary. Sweet chick. Sweet chick.

Lovely. If you're listening, sweet chick. Thank you, sweet chick. And can we say- A few meal vouchers, please. Meal vouchers from sweet chick. So here's something we can kick around. Okay. What about hot waiters?

And do you remember- They're everywhere. I think you still live in this area, but when I lived in Park Slope near you, we went to that diner that one time and there was that one waiter. You remember. Yeah,

I do. The one, because he would always message me on Grindr. Yes, yes. We were, where were we?

It was Daisy's Diner or it was Fifth Avenue Diner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We all must have been doing the same show or something and then went to it.

Yeah. Yes, it was something like that. to a party or something? A dance? Yes. No, it wasn't the underwear party

under the key food. I've never been to one of those. I've never been to that. No, it wasn't the underwear party under the key food. I've never been to one of those. I've never been to that. Oh, Inferno? But that's a sex party. It is a sex party. That's scary. That happened last night.

Oh, it did? Someone invited me to it. I was like, no, thank you. Oh, yeah. It wasn't... It's just not... It's just people having sex. Right, right, right.

Which is... I thought it would be more exciting than it was, but it's just a little like... Yeah, they fucking. Yeah. And you know what the interesting thing about sex is? It's not that interesting. It's not.

It's not. In fact, my theory about sex... Wow, wait. You sit down. Everyone sit down. Everyone sit down. Sit down, sit down. Come in.

Everyone come in. Hi, thank you. You guys waiting at the door, come in and sit down. Come in. Just get a spot on the ground there, thank you emma you just stood up sit down you can move that yeah my god okay so here's my theory about sex okay it's weird and gross and it's strange that we do it i love wow it is Wow. It is. We are all little bags of meat smushing

and slapping together. And it is insane that we do it. And recently I hooked up with someone and then two days later we hung out and he said, isn't it weird sex? And I was like, yes. He's like, isn't it weird that we're not laughing the whole time it's happening? And I'm like, yes, it is. Sex is

psycho. Sex is psycho. Yeah. It's holes and poop and blood. Well, that's why I don't get it. It's sweat. It's tears. It's sweat. It's tears.

It's crime. It's poop. It's crime. It's blood. It's crime and holes and poop and blood and sweat. And ultimately death. And ultimately death. Ultimately death.

They call it that in France, you, it's called Le Petit Mort Le Petit Mort The little death Because every time you come you die a little Oh my god, that's a beautiful lyric I think, but that's why I find it Insane that people don't Like to talk during it

Oh, I do Oh, like dirty talk? Like, you like that, bitch? Like that? Like, oh, do you like the way that tastes? Yeah. Can I get you anything else? You still working on that?

Do you need water or more cock, bitch? How are you doing, bitch? How's everything tasting? Fine, bitch. Better, bitch. How's everything tasting? Someone's hungry, bitch. Better, bitch. How's everything tasting? Someone's hungry, bitch. Are you very verbal?

Yes, we talked about this yesterday. We did, we spoke about it yesterday. And so now that you're saying this, you and this person saying it's so funny that we don't laugh during the whole thing. There's gotta be something where you just remain human and you don't be completely blinded by hormones. Yeah, there's got to be something where you just remain human.

Yeah. And you don't be completely blinded by hormones. My line, I always, I have two jokes when I'm done having sex. Come on. Oh, no. Do you want to say them now? Yeah. Okay.

Because then they're not going to feel fresh when you do them. Well, I know, but I'm either going to keep doing them or I'll come up with new ones. Exactly. And that's a writer. And that's a writer. Thank you. And that's a writer and that's a writer and that's a writer you know because i'm pushing by by telling them here i'm pushing myself to come up with and that's great material go the first one is immediately after i come i say get out and then my other one my other one is immediately after one of us or both of us come

I go what is this stuff what is this pee what is this stuff even though you've shared it with the world and shared it out you cannot retire them no i know they must go on those are those are evergreen thank you oh my god canon canon canon guys is canon over no stop no canon's not over okay i'm just worried that's how much we respect you you said canon in a mocking way and and there's Bowen, white-ass, stupid Bowen, being like,

we have to retire canon. No, I appreciate it. I don't want to be behind the times. Listen, neither do we. I'm 71. I'll be 72 next week. And happy early birthday. Thank you.

Thank you. Imagine if people were- I wish I was a Taurus. Ugh. I know, that would be chic, right? Hitler was a Taurus I know that would be chic right Hitler was a Taurus actually Wait is today his No yesterday was his birthday

Oh my god he shares a weekend with Christ Oh wait this is coming out at a different time Right so for the listeners We're recording this on Easter Sunday I What are you gonna say Because I had a point with the Okay you make your point

I was gonna shift gears Okay ready Here's what we're gonna say I'll say what I want to talk about. Bowen, say what he wants to talk about. And then everyone in the room will vote on which one we'll discuss. Okay. Okay.

And Emma, you're going to be a deciding factor. Adding you as a fourth person in the room... Yes. We'll break a tie. Okay, so Bowen, present your topic. My topic was not a topic. It was more of a line. It was more of a prompt to ask both of you, actually,

and just to have a roundtable discussion about what the protocols are. Like, let's say, like, oh, I do Tinder Gold. I tap the plane icon. I change my location to this city. Get my likes in. See who liked me and swiped right on me. And then set my traps? Because now I'm developing these little

processes. Well, you've got to be honest. Yes. And say that you're not from there. That you're not there. Yes, of course. Or if you don't want to seem desperate, you can say like,

oh, I was just there, but I'm coming back. Totally, totally. Okay, so that was my little prompt for all of us is to talk about that. To have a prompt for all of us is to talk about a process, to have a process conversation. And I wanted to talk about, because Sweet Chick had hot waiters, and I wanted to say, have you ever left your number for a waiter

and then fucked a waiter? The waiter never got back to me, but I have left my number. I've left my number too. And you've fucked the waiter. No, I've never fucked the waiter, but it's resulted in some texts that I think could have gotten to a place. There used to be this

bartender that worked at Joe's Pub, who worked in the back, in the Joe's Pub, the theater space. And he was the hottest person in the world and he's the only person with a little ponytail I've ever been attracted to. Matt, that was Aaron Shock. You are disgusting.

I'm disgusting and harmful. Wait, but you texted with him though. Yes, he texted me and he was like, hey, this is so and so, your bartender. We should meet up, cutie. Winky face. Which had to mean... That's as good as sex because it's the validation.

I know, and I probably did come to it thinking about it. Which is, you know... this is the true flattening of desire of desire if we're equating the chase to sex yeah yeah you know that's the flattening of desire let's talk about that some more yeah i think that wins no it doesn't win i don't think we need to vote it's such a dumb pseudo intellectual conversation that i don't want the need to vote. It's such a dumb pseudo-intellectual conversation that I don't want to have. The flattening of desire? Yeah. Although,

I actually am happy to talk about it because I truly feel numbed. I feel numbed to meeting guys and having sex with them now. You feel numbed to it? To meeting them? Not that I'm just, and it's not about me.

It's not a volume thing. It's not about me like, having too many. I'm literally not even having that much. It's just like it all doesn't no one's nothing's standing out i don't know it's because you haven't done it with the right people and i think you could actually take a note from cole's book okay and i think you you need which is coming out this fall yes called how do i do it at 72 how do i do it at 72

a novel by colesco with a foreword from Margaret Atwood. She's doing the foreword. I love how novels have forewords. You are white. Stop. Now, wait, what were you? I think that you are doing the right thing by romanticizing things and making them feel meaningful. Yes. But that's so much

effort. It's a full-time job. It really is. I haven't made money in seven months, but I've had a lot of encounters. Beautiful encounters. He's wealthy, wealthy, wealthy

in romantic affairs. I know what you're saying and you want to have these like fun before sunrise dates. Yes. Where you just walk around a town. Yeah. Talk, talk, talk. Yeah.

It's not, you know, I take big swings and sometimes they really miss. Yes. Okay. Let's talk about the misses. Yeah. Because the misses are. Yeah. I think that you need to, I guess, humanize yourself for the listeners

who think of you right now as someone who's an international god who goes to, you know, places like Paris, who has a vetting process in London for a Paris trip. And I'm sorry, but can afford Tinder gold, which is thousands of dollars. He had a good year last year. I had a good year last... What can I say? Look, I'm not ashamed, okay? We need to destigmatize well i am the one percent and i don't you know what's funny is that

like when i first started being able to pay my rent without worrying about it yeah yeah one of my first thoughts was like oh no i'm part of the problem now yeah because i could pay my rent i was so like fucked up by yes everything that i was like wow i i'm the one percent yeah yeah no no no pay my rent totally that thought ran through my mind literally on the uber on the way here i was like who am i taking an uber to this place as soon as i paid off the one percent as soon as i paid off my credit card after years and thousands of dollars yeah i was just like well i'm a monster yeah you are i know no struggle. Yeah.

Like, look, George W. Bush was not a bad president. All of a sudden, I'm like, what's happening? Fiscally, I am conservative. Look, I've been poor, okay? I know what it's like. I don't want to go back there. You look down at your hand and you're so white that you can see through your hand. You're becoming a ghost. I hand rice paper honestly wait okay so talk about the failures so what just

like scribe a time when you took a big swing and whoa wanna well that well just like not being able to stand the person by like, you know, hour two. And, um, then being stuck with them for a few days. Wow. Isn't it painful? It's painful.

When you have wonderful sex with a person. Yeah. And they are bad. Yeah. In their heart. In their hearts. When they have a bad heart. Yeah.

When I fucked John McCain, I, because the chemistry was there was there there was never a question about the chemistry eye contact we loved arizona we loved cactus growers cactus like cactus growers the two of you you know we both care about megan the same amount yeah which is not at all that would be so funny if it came out in like the tabloids that megan mccain's adoration for her father was completely one-sided wow like his diaries came out like dear diary it's me john mccain this is good i don't know how to say this, but I don't love my daughter. It's weird. I always thought having a daughter would... I should love her, right?

I should love my kid. I can't find her. There's something about her. Anyway. I had a dream that my house was on fire and she was in it. And all I could think was, oh no, my house. And the papers within the house. So many papers burning and also my daughter and I thought of the papers.

God, I hope she's okay. She's at Columbia now. Did she go to Columbia? She did. She actually talks about it frequently. Oh my God. And how that makes her a real New Yorker. You know, I have such a complicated relationship with Meghan McCain and why?

And why? And honestly, and why? Why do I try so hard? It should be open and shut. She sucks. Bye. Yeah. Do we think she sucks?

Yes. Yeah. I don't even want to open the book. Don't open the book. Let's not even open the book. Just leave it shut. We need to just leave it shut. Bind every side, honey.

I bind you, Nancy, from doing harm to yourself. What is that? It's from the craft. I think that's Romeo and Juliet. No. you, Nancy, from doing harm to yourself. What is that? It's from The Craft. I think that's Romeo and Juliet. No. No, it's The Craft. Do you think... Wait, have you gone your whole life thinking The Craft is Romeo and Juliet? Yes, I think

they're one and the same. I love Shakespeare. I love when that one girl starts losing her hair. Ben Stiller's wife. Ben Stiller's wife. Christine Taylor. Oh my god, wait. Ben Stiller's wife. Ben Stiller's wife. Christine Taylor. Oh my God. Wait.

Ben Stiller is in phase two right now. Of his life? Or phase three or four. Four. What does that mean? She's directing now. She escaped that Patricia Arquette vehicle, which by the way,

you should see. You're talking about Ben Stiller or Christine Taylor? No, Ben Stiller. Oh, Ben Stiller. I call her, I call him she. She, yeah. But,

but did you see? We're gay. Did you see Escape at Dinamora no cause I feel Patricia in Escape at Dinamora

could provide you with great inspiration is it good is she good she is good did she win awards

she won almost every award she won oh yeah she did like she is in a shitty wig yeah

they made her skin look bad I love that skin on And she has like, I love that skin on camera. She has sex with Benicio Del Toro. Like, and it's, it's this moment where,

where like, there's a crazy scene in Escape at Dannemora, which it's, everyone argues, everyone argues whether or not this is good acting or bad acting from Benicio Del Toro. Okay. So they, Escape at Dannemora?

No, no, no, no. Escape at Dannemora. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. So, in Escape at Dannemora. Yes. That's what I meant to say. So Patricia Arquette and Benicio Del Toro have Okay. So they- At Escape at Dannemora? No, no, no, no. Escape at Dannemora. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. In Escape at Dannemora. Yes. That's what I meant to say. So Patricia Arquette and Benicio Del Toro have like an interaction sexually, romantically, et cetera. And then he says to her, don't tell anybody.

That's bad. That's bad acting. That's bad. He says it like that. And then he leaves. And I swear to God, it is the most. And she just like sits with it. And it ends the episode.

It ends on like four seconds of her face like not understanding what the fuck that was. And I actually think it is a genius choice. I love choices like that. It is so bizarre. But it's so scary. That it's like, no, I wouldn't tell anyone after that. It is so bizarre. But it's so scary. That it's like, no, I wouldn't tell anyone after that. You're crazy. Nothing in human behavior says

do this. Right. But something happened in the chemical artistic collaboration between Benicio del Toro and Ben Stiller and Patricia Arquette receiving Don't tell anybody. And you are,

you don't know what to do as the viewer. Wow. How did you feel me doing that to you right now? I almost left. Both times. I almost left. I was hot. I was hot. That was hot.

Well, it is. Yeah, it's warm. It is really warm in here. It's Easter Sunday. It's Easter Sunday. Can you believe that choice? That's crazy. I have to watch it now.

You have to watch it, Cole. I think you have to watch it. I feel like it's bad. I feel like Benicio Del Toro is a bad actor. He's an Oscar winning actor. And then I feel like it was like. So is Jennifer Hudson. And so is it was like, it got Jennifer Hudson. And so it was Jennifer Hudson.

And it got to editing. And then Ben was just like, let's just, let's just end it. We can't, we can't address this. I don't know. Um,

that's it to me. It was like, and it's so funny cause it's, there's a clip of it on YouTube and you can read the comments and every other comment is a different take. It's like, this is insane. And then one is like, this is so unsettling so amazingly amazing character choice the next one is like what are you fucking talking about this is crazy the next one is like wow this scared me for weeks couldn't believe it it's i honestly it is so polarizing and

let's just say it made it to this podcast. Speaking of comment sections, do you ever read the comments on porn videos? Yes. I love a sincere paragraph on a porn video that's like, this is what I love. Two beautiful men just enjoying each other's touch. I once had a friend very much like the blonde young man in this video. Just going on and on. It's one of my favorite things. One that I came across recently was, wow, the sounds that that bottom makes, that's how a bottom should be.

You can tell he's enjoying it. Yeah, I love you can tell the bottom is enjoying it. That's a frequent comment, which is like, so often the bottom is just not enjoying it yeah that's a frequent comment which is like so often the bottom is just not enjoying it you know well they they probably aren't even when it seems like they are because porn shoots seem like hell they seem like hell yeah i i um i wonder that sometimes you know sometimes like i'll often like i don't know something about do you guys ever watch straight porn straight porn not really porn why does that sound familiar straight porn i do sometimes i love to watch straight porn okay okay and then like i don't know i feel weird afterwards kinky but okay okay this is like sort of like um in the

kids all right but reverse there was i i watched this one porn sometimes which is um it's this girl and her step they're in one of those bedrooms and they're separated they're in two different beds in the same bedroom and she's like don't come over here you're my stepbrother so don't you can't and then basically she's just like

she looks over and he's like jacking off and she's like what are you doing you have to stop and he's like come on let me doing? You have to stop. And he's like, come on. Let me sit with you. She goes, fine, you can. And then he comes over and she's like, you can touch my pussy. And then he reaches over and, like, starts figuring it out.

She's like, yeah, that's the way. And then, like, basically, like, it escalates. Okay, fine. You can lay on top of me, but only a little. And then, like, basically like it, it escalates. Okay, fine. You can lay on top of me, but only a little. And then like he does. And then it escalates to the point where it's so fucking horny and hot. Yeah.

She's like, I can't help it. Oh. And she takes him and pulls him into her and they proceed to have 26 minutes of the most passionate. Youother you gotta link to this when you tweet honestly it's psycho but it's so hot something about it like I was like honestly I wish I could just decide I've had

enough and just pull someone into me but like you can't do that as a gay and you can't unless your butthole's ready at all times oh yeah that's oh I know what you mean yeah yeah yeah I think Matt you

you have to do some performance piece where you play you do a straight horn and you play both you play both sides I would be really good at that yeah

that was like Mike where are you from Mike Tampa I was just shocked at your straight girl. Don't come over here. I need privacy right now.

I'm your half sister from Aram. They're related by blood. Stop it. You're my real brother. Stop. Don't come over here. you're my real brother by blood So if you fuck me, it will be bad

I'll be over here with my legs wide open If you fuck me, it will be so bad And I'll be mad I can't describe How furious I'll be If you fuck me, Daniel. That's what I love. You can tell they're a really brother and sister.

Just enjoying exploring sexuality. I had a similar experience with my sister. That's beautiful. Oh, you know what's actually a fun language learning tool? I have gone down this rabbit hole of Chinese porn. Gay Chinese porn. It's great. I love seeing myself represented

in porn. Who's a plot? That was me. I had to close my eyes. And it's fun to read the comment section and be like oh what are they saying oh learning you mean are they in

no no and the comments are even on Pornhub it's like the comments are in Chinese what are they saying they're like that's what I love a brother and a sister they're just as gross well actually yeah they're just as gross but it's just

it's just interesting to see the terminology change but the concepts still remain the same where it's like wow that zero bottom oh

that zero is really good with that one top they call it zeros and ones and then if you're verse you're.5

isn't that funny no and then it's like oh my god this is the beautiful thing it's fully on a spectrum. Someone will be like, I'm a 0.7.

Like I'm more of a top than I am a bottom. Wow. What an efficient way of doing things. I'm a 0.2. What an easy way to ascribe value to tops

and take value away from bottoms. Air and shop. China. I don't think so, honey. China. China, white China. Good thing you're absolutely

not from there, you white bitch. Good thing your parents are obviously descended from sweden or something descendant from sweden yeah that's exactly what i said just said white white yeah white yeah you white yeah white yeah white nice one white I love it it's insane well listen we have on our hands here a wealth of material

for the children really that listen to this yes because we know 18 year olds listen to this oh they do and now I'm even more self conscious oh boy

because we had some true teens come to our shows around the country yeah and then they say often they'll ask their parents about the content of what we discuss oh like sometimes it'll be like hey mom what's the movie um you know ghost what's ghost yeah can you describe ghost yes and now it's gonna be like hey mom what is it when a stepbrother fucks his sister um but then you find out they're blood related yeah yeah yeah yeah is it legal do you watch porn mom oh my god do you think parents watch porn no no no no one's parents watch porn no and if you actually have a child you're not allowed yeah too busy too busy and they don't know how to watch it i just don't believe for a second a parent would watch porn it's just too devastating to think of

that that would be true i'm sorry i'm sorry i just can't believe it for one second you know wait didn't kevin spacey watch porn in american beauty. Not to even mention him. Well, his co-star Annette Bening, and this is my Kids Are Alright reference, she and Julianne Moore's character watched straight gay porn, gay male porn. Oh. And the kids are alright. I think that a lot of people,

if we just came out about our porn preferences, a lot of stigma would be removed from the world. Yeah, okay. Oh, should we share keywords? Should we share our keywords? Oh, key search terms? Key search terms. Mine have been daddy a lot recently. I like watching somebody just like

be older than the other person. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I like a distinct age difference. Yeah. The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple. Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends.

Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her? But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What? You've told her? Not today, Satan. Not today.

The Real Housewives of New York City. All new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian, and Basketball Hall of Famer. I'm a mom and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby, journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts.

You know, just all the s*** we go through. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I, well, we have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski.

Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude, you're a dude, and Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude. You're a dude. And Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past. And we're just going to sit here and talk about them. And we'll get into the types of dudes.

What kind of types of dudes are there, Grunks? We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes, dude. We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games. We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are.

Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dudes dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean.

He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian, Elian. fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami.

Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Are there any white Yangs? I don't know.

You got to. We're going to. Emma, will you look that up? What if I took what if I had a stage name and I chose Yang as my last name? Matt Yang. Matt Yang. Stage name is Matt Yang. Matt Bowen Yang.

Otherwise known as Matt Yang. Matt Yang. Bowen. What would my white name be? Something Bowen. My last name would be Bowen. Yeah. Julie Bowen.

Julie Bowen. Famous white person. Oh, one of the most famous white people in Hollywood. Oh. Isn't she a Republican? Oh, of course. She and Tucker Carlson had had like an affair wait did you hear about that i mean it's it's it's a rumor but it's a pretty well sourced sourced rumor i would say and look if she wants to sue please um i feel like she's that kind of person who'd like back you into a corner at an event

that was not for this type of conversation and wide-eyed explain to you why and trump is good that and also when modern family first came out she would like go on talk shows and like fully shit on sofia vergara and like do the accent and like be like a monster and i'd be like what the fuck are you doing i actually like really enjoyed julie julie bowen as an actress I like her as an actress. I loved her in Weeds, I guess. Was she on Weeds? Yeah, she was on Weeds. She got fucked by Hunter Parrish.

What? Yeah. Star of. Why wasn't that me? Star of Weeds. Star of Weeds. And Spring Awakening. I saw him in Spring Awakening.

I was going to say Spring Awakening. I didn't. He was fucking hot. You saw his butt. You see every, what's that character's. You saw his butt. You see every... What's that character's name? Melchior? You see every Melchior's butt.

Yeah. He was Melchior, right? He was Melchior Gabor. I don't know the show. You don't know the show Spring Awakening? No. It's fine. It was after my time.

So I can't ask... If I asked you this question, would you know how to answer? What? Are you a Hanschen or an Ernst? No. I don't know what that means. Hanschen is the toppy sort of like come cream away the bliss i get this is a gay character this is a gay character

okay he corners the ernst who's like oh uh-huh yeah to give you an idea blake daniel played ernst on the great white way uh-. We love you, Blake. We know two Ernsts. Ben Moss was an Ernst. In the touring production. I love that. Two beautiful boys. Let's drink to that.

Cheers. We all have iced coffees from different places. I forgot to say my search my words I like specific videos like there's this one video of this

drunk straight French guy giving like his friend a handjob and he's like joking the whole time and it's like amateur you know I like amateur stuff and I don't know. And it's like amateur, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like amateur stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't know why, but it's just like one of my, and I sent it to my, I have this good friend who we send each other porns that we think the other one might like.

Oh, that's interesting. That's a beautiful friendship. And we also send each other guys on Tinder. You actually do that share function? Yeah. We use the share function. actually do that share function? Yeah. We use the share function. Do we know the person?

No. His name is Tebow. Tebow? Yeah. He's Belgian. I would know immediately. But he lives here. Yeah.

Okay. Cool. So is this someone you've hooked up with? Yeah. Yeah. We had like, it's a somewhat romantic friendship. Right. I see.

Yeah. I love that. How are you with like managing money not very good not good he says not good and it's not my business i've said that are you someone who can do no strings attached uh i don't know what that means like you hook up with your friend and you're like that was fine yeah yeah okay yeah got it yeah are you i am i i don't know i've literally last night good friend of ours and it was just it was a nice little peck goodbye and he would and he would i'm sure he would are you talking about joshua d sharp mr josh sharp yeah i knew you were but

it's because i know the boundaries. I know the thing on his end is like, okay, well that's he and Blake. He and Blake are in this beautiful relationship. Now here's the question I have for you. Since you were last here, there's no doubt been culture in your life

that has affected you. So what do you even like? What do you watch? What do you do? What culture is affecting you now profoundly what do you even like? What do you watch? What do you do? What are you into? What culture is affecting you now profoundly and influencing you as an artist, of which you are a very good one? Do you watch television?

No. Actually, I want to ask Cole this. I think Cole, a difference that I've noticed in Cole's performance is that the costumes are getting very sophisticated. And you're getting, oh, who's your friend who designs all your stuff? Andrew Yang.

Yes. Yeah. And he's a white Yang. No, he's not. He's half. Yeah, he's half. So then he's a white Yang. Yeah.

There you go. So, I mean, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous costumes. Yeah. Is that, has this been like a choice or like a direction you wanted to, this sounds like such a silly process question. I just like to have like, I like to heighten. There you go. You know, I just love a heighten. That Queen Elizabeth gown.

Thank you. Do you own that? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And it was originally made for Katya? It was built on Katya. It was built on.

Because we're the same size. Really? Yeah. Yeah. That's beautiful. And I couldn't be in LA where he was making it. And so he would send me all these pictures of Katya wearing the... Hey, Brian.

Oh, my... Brian. Do you know Katya? We've only texted and... I see. And such. And texted and such. Texted and such.

Not like that. Yeah, right. I'm being so crazy. I think it could have potentially been like that oh my god that's rude you're being rude you guys would be cute together I'm not looking for anything

I said that when I came in here I'm not looking for anything serious we both proposed and we said choose I said I'm not looking for anything serious we both proposed and we said choose I pick no one I really do think that I will be single forever no because I want to be

you do? I do is it because of a hard relationship in your past? partly and I just don't, I don't know do you see yourself in long stretches of not monogamy but of like intense intimacy with one person for a while? No.

Wow. No, I don't want to. I'm just not open to it. What's your upper bound on like how like, what's the max amount of time that you'd want to like date someone? A month, you said earlier? Maybe three months.

Like, yeah. I love that. Yeah. That's beautiful. Do you think that is where we're all headed well i think everyone wants different things yes and people are different and god loves everybody and i think we should all just strive to care about each other and if we were and i think be kind to each other yeah thank you that too happy easter happy fucking Easter. I don't have any culture that I'm obsessive.

You're not absorbing anything? What do you do? I don't know. You sit on your Tinder golds? I do. I really don't think I've watched anything since 1930. Yeah. Truly.

Oh. I find that it is hard to sit and watch, for example, comedy shows. Yeah. Because I'm always trying to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. shows because I'm always trying to do it. So then I don't want to enjoy it. You know what I'm watching right now, which I'm really enjoying? I just started watching Shrill. Oh, yeah. I really like it.

Oh, that's on my list. Everything's on my list. That's the thing. Everything's on my list. But I appreciate something that's not like, this is the comedy show that we do comedy and this is like a very like real drop dead show

that was very racist it was racist to white people so I'll apologize to the white person at the table Bowen I'm so sorry that's okay I forgive you you were absolved Cole I do think old movies

that's why I still watch and I was gonna say like I think and this sounds so obnoxious and gross but i think you should explore like french new wave stuff thank you as like a new source of inspiration thank you god maybe i imagine being told that oh my god that must be so good it does yeah just just to explore this thing as inspiration no to be the kind of person who's told you know what i think you'd enjoy french French new wave stuff. No, but I'm saying like...

No, truly, I love it. It's in the whole sort of neighborhood of things that Cole is so versed in already. And it just doesn't seem like... It seems like a sensible extension of that.

Yeah. Oh, I went to... I went to Olivia de Havilland's house in Paris. Oh my God. Yeah. Is she still at Louisville? She's house in Paris. Oh, my God. Yeah. Is she still at Louisville? She's 102 years old.

She's suing Ryan Murphy. Is that an active lawsuit? The next, it was like dismissed. Yeah. And now there's the Supreme Court is all that's left, truly. And they haven't, I don't think they've decided. They're probably going to be like, no, we won't hear this case. But they haven't said that yet, I think.

The true literal Supreme Court. Yes, the true literal. Ruth Bader Ginsburg looking at Olivia de Havilland versus Ryan Murphy. And watching a big clip of Catherine Zeta-Jones. Being like, hmm. She's like, I do want to sue his ass. Yeah. Yeah. Drag her. Drag her. she's like i do want to sue his ass yeah yeah drag her drag her we at the supreme court have declared that they dragged ryan murphy was unfairly dragging olivia de havaland no and

then no but imagine rbg watching that and being like now i'm. Yeah, yeah. Just for wasting my time. Honestly, that would make Ryan Murphy so happy because you know he's currently prepping. Oh, yeah. Like, feud America versus Kavanaugh. Like, you know Blasey Ford versus Kavanaugh is something that Ryan Murphy would do. Yeah.

Or De Havilland versus Ryan Murphy. Yes. Or eventually Ruth Baderand versus Ryan Murphy or eventually Ruth Bader Ginsburg versus Ryan Murphy but the thing is to go to Olivia De Havilland's house in Paris I just typed in Uber destination Olivia De Havilland

and it took me there and you got to go inside? no no no it was just like outside and I mean I'm sure she was home because she's 102 yeah she's not like out no and there was a security guard in front wow which makes me think i don't know i just wanted to be like near her for a minute that's great it is very very funny and entertaining to read her statements on her lawsuit like yeah i will be suing yeah and

like i wonder if it's her language it's almost sounds like it's probably her language it is absolutely because she still she speaks like that like there are interviews of her from like even 10 years ago and she's like what a wonderful opportunity this is for me to sit down and speak to and it's like no no no like because she's a hundred over a hundred years old she still thinks in terms of like 1941 publicity yes yes yes she was in her 30s then yeah truly that's psychotic it's psychotic you shouldn't live past no no what 72 i i yeah you're gonna die soon i'm gonna die i'm saying you should die soon wait uh this is a piece of culture that I do love is Catherine Zeta-Jones' Instagram oh I'm not up to date

no she has a good Instagram and also did you see what she posted after Notre Dame so basically it was the Notre Dame and then interfaced over it was this woman with her head in her hands grieving and crying

I have to pull up the caption it's so good but she also she has like a home line called Casa Zeta Jones yep that's her like home like bed linens and like just tacky

tacky stuff and we can't we can't we have I'm gonna pull up the Zeta Jones one and then we absolutely cannot mention celebrity Instagrams without mentioning. Reba or Glenn Close. So this is the photo. You can see it's a woman with her head in her hands.

And the Notre Dame in the background. The caption reads, Our sacred Notre Dame. Heartbreaking. Like just like two prayer hands. But this, you have to go to this Instagram, people, because the woman with her head in her hands, the image is insane.

Now, I don't know if you guys are aware. What did Glenn Close do? She went live? This is one of the funniest things that has ever happened in life. I'm going to play it, because it's just too good. Okay. Hello, everyone. I'm play it because it it it's just it's just too good okay hello everyone i'm um sitting here on a cold and windy night and i'm thinking about notre dame upsetting pictures of it burning and i found something i wrote 17 years ago about that incredible building and at a time when it brought me great comfort and i

think that's why personally i feel so attached to that place i was filming in in france may 2002 and it was when all the headlines said that we were going to fall into a nuclear war because of the confrontation between India and Pakistan. So I went to Notre Dame. And I wrote this afterwards. And I just wanted to share it with you. I went to Notre Dame Cathedral. And that's where it cuts out. Because she didn't know.

And then she posted a video later going like, I'm ignorant. I have a bad Instagram. And I read my whole thing. I'll maybe try to time a little bit and put it on Instagram. Has she put it on yet?

Yeah. Oh. Sorry. She's the cutest. Her Instagram is the best. The best. I couldn't believe when she started. She goes, I went to Notre Dame. And then cut.

Her Instagram is better than any Best Actress nominated performance. No. Oh my God. Honestly. Why win an Oscar? You won. Yeah.

With this? You won. I bet she'll win with Sunset Boulevard, the movie. Do you believe that this will happen? I, if Cats is going to happen. Yeah.

Yeah. Although I just, I, Glenn's got to win. Glenn's got to win. How did you feel when she lost? Like what went through you? Sad.

Sad. I was like, I loved Olivia Colman. Loved her. But I was like, poor Glennie. Poor Glennie. And also, Olivia, wonderful, but also was not a leading actress. Not the lead performance in the film. Thank you.

I mean, that's what we were saying. And let's just say, let's clap for ourselves. And I said that. And I were saying. And let's just say, let's clap for ourselves. And I said that. And I said that. And you said that. And here's the thing. Glenn and Sunset Boulevard, they better make it. Because you're right.

We're going to get Cats. And then I thought to myself when you said, well, if we're going to get Cats, we're going to get Sunset Boulevard. And I thought, yeah, but Cats has like Taylor Swift in it. So what will we have to do to sex up sunset boulevard to get it made maybe modernize it i think could it be good as like a thing that like as like a modern thing no no no and it's gotta have that grandeur it's gotta be a silent movie star because there's a whole song about right we didn't need words we had faces yes we didn't need words. We had faces. Yes. We didn't need words. And,

but it's also like, what was I going to say? But, oh, my thing is, would they make, like, Andrew Lloyd Webber stuff in that close proximity?

cats, I mean, like, how long do we have to wait until Santa's full of words? If cats is a hit, yeah, we'll get it.

I think it will be. Yeah. Yeah. Taylor Swift is in it. I know, but then, we'll get it with, like, two, three, four years later, I think. will be yeah Taylor Swift is in it I know but then we'll get it with like two, three, four years later

I think I think we'll get it in two years I think so too because look I mean look at the end of the day but it's not like we're getting

Sondheim stuff after Into the Woods you know what I'm saying right well that wasn't was that a hit maybe it was it was a hit

I don't think Sondheim translates to film I know I thought Into the Woods was good. But I just don't, I think musical theater is tough to translate to film. Like Sweeney Todd was bad. My mom loved Sweeney Todd. The film?

Yeah. That's so funny. I know. She's an idiot. I hate her. I'm kidding. Mom, if you're listening, come back to life. I can't tell you how bad.

I'll tell you what musicals I think work. Like the big frothy ones like Chicago. Like the spectacles. Like Hairspray. Yeah, those work. Catherine Zeta-Jones. Catherine Zeta-Jones. So good at that.

But like complicated musical musicals, that shit that's not gonna work no although you know what would you know what would make sense

from Sondheim as a filmic thing is um is it Merrily where it's told in reverse no no no yeah right

yeah yeah like that would make sense where it's like you would it would be easier to just show that in an interesting way

yeah not be bound by the structures of like theater. I don't know. Anyway, silly conversation. No, I don't think it is silly at all because of what we see now is a lot of the same.

And I want to find a way to make this work. Thank you. We need to find a way to make Sondheim work. Amen. And we need to find a way to make Shakespeare work, right? We love Shakespeare, huh?

Huh. We love the part when they lift her body up in Romeo and Juliet. I love Romeo and Juliet. I think teen suicide you need more of that. Amen. More teen suicide as entertainment. Amen. Do you think that

it was irresponsible of Shakespeare to write that? Yes. Yeah. Do you think he's cancelled? I think we are officially here to say we are sick and tired of these kids. William Shakespeare gets to walk around West Hollywood being a protected citizen. And why?

Remember hot Shakespeare and Shakespeare in love? Yeah. What was that actor's name again? Joseph Fiennes oh he was related to and he's in Handmaid's Tale now oh right and he

in Shakespeare in love could fuck very sexy he was hot I love hot people I do I I've just gotten into it

I've gotten into them lately now what if he's a hot well now well subjectively he might be hot to some people, but might not be to others. That's not true. The Aaron Chalks of the world. Oh, no. Aaron Chalk's not

hot. There you go. Hot or not dot com. Hot or not dot com. Hot or not dot com. Okay, ready? Emma's gonna say the name of people, and we're gonna say if they're hot. Everyone turn to Emma, and go. Gus Kemp, are they? Gus Kemp would be hot. Hot, hot, hot. And a sweetie. Really hot. Good, really good athlete. Hot. And a nice, and a nice man. Salty hole. Did hot. Really good athlete. Hot. And a nice man.

Salty hole. Did you meet him? Yeah, at that crazy warehouse party. We went to a warehouse party and he got to meet Gus and I have yet to meet Gus. Gus, I adore Matt.

And we love Matt. Yeah. And Matt and Gus were both at this party and they were very nice. I bet they would be a joy. Have you guys had sex? Ever?

Me and my wife? Because you're talking like a couple of fucking virgins okay okay next next next person val kilmer val kilmer he didn't age well i can't i can't picture him i have such a hard time remembering what men look like he was batman and batman forever before george oh wait before george clooney but But after Michael Keaton. See, I can remember Keaton

and I can remember Clooney. That middle, I see Nicole Kidman, I see Alicia Silverstone. He was with Nicole. I don't know. When Nicole played Dr. Chase Meridian.

Chase Meridian. Dr. Chase Meridian. Wow. It's culture. Wow. That movie is insane. Was Uma Thurman in that one too? No, that was

Batman and Robin With Chris O'Donnell Who by the way Is dead He passed away this morning He passed away this morning Chris O'Donnell Oh my god

Remember when he was like The hottest Hottest Yeah I'm slapping my thighs I bet he has a hairy hole You know he does you know don't fight me on it no i honestly i bet the only thing that is hairy about him is his hole

i think otherwise he's complete you remember wait so when we went when we went to that comic con thing what was that flame con flame con there was there. One of the vendors had drawn up all these hot, hot, hot pictures of superheroes. And I got so horny for these pictures that I bought a bunch of them. And there was one of Chris O'Donnell. You should have jerked off before you went. I know. I should have jacked off before I went or else I wouldn't have spent literally $75 on a picture of a nightwing but with his chest showing.

But the pictures are amazing. They're beautiful pictures. They're gorgeous pictures. illustrations the illustrations yeah come on of course and um but yeah i should have come first but there was one really good picture of chris o'donnell and he looked so hot and i was like wow he was hot end of thought next always jerk off christian bale and doesn't do it for me. I don't like the body transformations. It's too chaotic. Again, I can't picture him. Really?

I don't love his face. I can't. I don't like his face either, but the bod is something else. When it wants to be. For me, it's all about face. Yeah. All about face for me. Next.

One more. Jimmy Stewart. Jimmy Stewart. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

I would love to just put his legs behind his head and just leave the room. And make him beg for it. Cole. Come back, Cole. The theme of this episode is that he leaves. He just abandons people. You are a fucking tease. I love to tease.

I love edging. Huh? You're tearing up. Can I say, I want to give Bowen props. I want to give Bowen props. Yeah. Because I actually think

it's odd that we discussed me doing my performance before as the porn star actress and we haven't commended Bowen on his fabulous sketch, The Actress Starring Emma Stone, that he co-wrote with Julio Torres.

Did you see that? That was funny. I loved. I shared. I liked. I shared. I feel that she could win an Emmy for that. Literally, I told you this. Speak on this.

She would do takes and then we would just look at each other and be like, oh my God. Yeah. She's real. She's really fucking talented. She deserves that Oscar.

Not that I ever called it into question before, but I was just like, oh, she knows. I didn't even see La La Land, but I loved her in The Favorite. I love La La Land. She was fantastic in The Favorite.

And I love The Favorite. I need to see La La Land. I think she gave the best performance in The Favorite. I really do. I think she's the protagonist. She 100% is the protagonist. I need to see La La Land. I think she gave the best performance in the favorite. I really do. I think she's the protagonist. She 100% is the protagonist and I thought she gave

the most difficult performance and the most compelling performance. I gotta see it. I gotta see La La Land. You gotta see La La Land. I truly do. It's actually one of culture number 41. Emma Stone gave the best performance

in La La Land. Wow. No, the actresses was really fun. And it was just me and Julio just clockety clocking. Yeah. And it wasn't even like this thing of like, well, where should this go? And it was just like, let's just write it. Yeah.

And then I was just like, oh, she should have a voiceover throughout the whole thing. That like talks through her process. She slay. She she slay and then we she slay and then we're just like let's call back the things that she finds the bin and that's it

if you haven't seen the actress yet the SNL sketch that Bowen and Julio wrote you should check it out it will be linked with the episode as long

as well as the porn as well as the porn and if you click the wrong one NSFW boo boo boo boo so it is time for I Don't Think So Honey.

Yes. Oh boy. With our own Cole, who has done this many times. He's been an amazing part of our live shows in the past. And of course, he's a veteran of the pod. And so we're going to do I Don't Think So Honey now. And I actually have something I thought of on the car ride on the way here, which is important and must be discussed. Yes.

Okay. Great. This is Matt Rogers. I don't think Sony's time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Mel C. Erasure. Here is the deal. When you think about the Spice Girls, you think about everyone else except Mel C.

And that is disgusting. I don't think so, honey. If you think of the Spice Girls and the first thing you go to is Victoria Beckham. If Victoria Beckham is synonymous with the Spice Girls, I will eat my hat. Because she won't even go out there and tour with them. Now currently, she's making her shoes, her brooches, her vests, her gowns. And I

don't think so, honey. I don't think so, honey. Ginger? Ginger left the group. If the first thing you think of when you think the Spice Girls is you see that Union Jack dress, guess what? That Union Jack dress walked its ass out of the group and therefore should not be synonymous with the group. Mel B? Guess what? A twirl and a dance on dancing with the stars and some clackety clackin on america's got talent or whatever the fuck she's on is not spice girls and she had nowhere near

as good of a voice as mel c baby spice is just an image honey the singer and the voice of the spice girls was mel c also famously never forget she had the most iconic song after, which was, I'd sun to you like a flower leaning toward the sun. And if you don't know that, I don't think so. And that's one minute and eight seconds. Mel C. does not get the credit. She carried the Spice Girls. You're right.

You're very right. Very true. Very true. Wow. You can't even say anything. No. You cannot put holes in that. Well, I was just in London.

There was the guy that I was with wanted, we had breakfast at this cereal place and there was a wall that was wallpapered with the Spice Girls. And he goes, why isn't Mel C on there? And I looked and she was. And he just didn't see her. And I was, and yeah. Mel C on there? And I looked, and she was. And he just didn't see her. And I was, yeah.

It's real. She is invisible to the naked eye. I think it's because she gave like... You have to cross your eyes a little. She's magic eye. You have to cross your eyes a little bit and then back up. Because she gave a slightly homosexual energy, I think people were like, not her.

She was queer. She was a queer icon. I'm saying she wasn't, but the image was. Oh, it was the image of her. No, no, no. But she was like, yeah, she was giving you something not feminine. Did you hear the tea about how Ginger and Mel B hooked up back in the day? Yes.

Wait, Ginger and Mel B. Jerry Hallowell and Mel B. And Scary. Who, by the way, Scary, that's so racist. I know, I was totally racist oh for her to be scary oh she's scary she has

she has an afro I thought it was something she picked because she had a larger than life no none of them none of them picked them it was a music journalist

who like assigned these names to them and then they just adopted them like ooh scary cause why cause why oh she's worried they can't even say why

they can't they're too ashamed. So this is Bo and Yang's I Don't Think So Honey. And his time will begin now. I Don't Think So Honey, my foreskin. I am finally over you. I used to wear you as a badge of pride. But now you're just getting in my goddamn way.

You know what? And while we're at it, my balls. You're blocking my taint, honey. And I like my taint. It's one of my favorite parts of my body And my balls, I don't know about you It kind of feels like you're dead weight Honey And my scrotum, oh my god

You itch too much sometimes And sometimes I get scared about what's going on down there Everything's fine, I'm being tested But it's just There's just a lot of business Going on down there And if it could all go And But

If it could all go I would I would just do the surgery tomorrow But my foreskin Is just getting in the way I I start to feel self-conscious About it now

Maybe I'll Maybe I'll come back around On it soon But right now I'm thinking You gotta go I don't think so Five seconds

My foreskin You're You're wrinkly You're crazy You're darker than The rest of my penis on it soon, but right now I'm thinking you gotta go. I don't think so, honey. My foreskin, you're wrinkly, you're crazy, you're darker than the rest of my penis. That's one minute. Wow. You know, you could get that right snip right off. I don't think you should. I'm famously

uncut as well. Am I sitting at a table with two uncuts? I think so. I think you are. I think you are. You never know. You never know. Listeners right now, look around you, okay?

Look to your left, look to your right. One of those people statistically is uncut. One of those people that you're looking at is uncut. And now it's on you to suck it. It's on you to suck that dick Yes absolutely Well with that challenge Well my problem is I don't

Like when a lot of guys Fetishize the foreskin And then they're like all over it And I'm like just treat me like A regular dick Treat me like a regular boy Treat me like a regular boy treat me like a regular boy that would be a real patty lapone you sounded like a regular boy you you need to take like a

one hour and perfect a patty lapone impression because you have it i i know i have it i have the warble and it's just itble. Maybe it's the Long Island thing because she's also... Nicole, are we getting a peek into the process? It takes an hour usually to nail down some sort of character affect. I just think that's all it would take him. Yes, of course. That's all it would take me.

Great. I agree. This is Cola's Scolas. I don't think so, honey. If someone else has done this already, cut me off and I'll start over. I hate it when people do this when they ask if someone else has done this. It doesn't matter. Yeah, we hate this. Okay.

Everything you just did, we hate. Okay. Wow. Listen. This is Cola Scolas. I don't think so, honey. His time starts now. I don't think so, honey.

Paper straws. Oh my God. I, you have to, because if you don't drink it fast enough that straw will dissolve and look i i've got one right now and now i can't get these last sips up i would have better luck pouring this on my ball sack and sucking it out of the wrinkles in my balls than i would getting it out of this cup with this fucking paper straw you know what i mean and and and and like okay you you don't you want you care about the environment you don't want animals to choke on plastic but guess what you know you you care about sea creatures that much stop eating seafood

stop it stop stop eating seafood stop it okay yeah 15 seconds don't buy water bottles. Give me a fucking plastic straw, okay? Give me one. I would... Please. And I still have seven seconds. Five seconds. And you know what? My dad, by the way, fought in Vietnam. That's one minute.

Your dad didn't fight in Vietnam. He did. So that we could have this fucking paper straw. Thank you. No, I wasn't disagreeing. I wasn't disagreeing with you. Imagine if Matt was like, liar. Your dad didn't fight in Vietnam.

Both of you are fucking dumb. Because you're white and your dad did not fight in Vietnam, you fucking liars. Draft Dodger, white. Both of you, stupid. I sit here with two stupid uncut people. Two stupid uncut white people. Stupid uncut white people.

Two uncuts and a cut. It's because my foreskin isn't that isn't long enough to be pulled over and yanked on and so it just hurts when people do that. They tug at it and they're like, oh, Jesus.

Hey, stop tugging. That's for everyone. Culture number 178. Stop tugging. Maybe stop tugging is a good title of that. Stop tugging.

Stupid uncut white. Uncut white. Stupid uncut white. Whatever. Stupid uncut white. I mean, what an F. This was fun. The hilaranous. I didn't like the last one, but this one I like.

The last one, you know, who cares? I was so nervous you were not you were about you were about to go on a date I was you thought you think that that was

preoccupying you no no you were nervous to do the show of course why because you guys are

so rude yeah well yeah we're very rude everyone knows it everyone talks about it we're two cunts last night at the show

you had 50 comedians. 60 actually. We overbooked it wildly. All anyone could talk about backstage was like, were they, that email was rude. He looked at me weird. It was just, yeah. What we like to do is create a negative, toxic,

potentially dangerous space for many people in the community and invite as many people as we can to share in that toxicity so that everyone knows to feel bad. Yeah. Yeah. And it works. And it works.

Okay. Well, I feel toxic and bad. I feel toxic and bad, but Oh, I love our guests so much. We love our guests. This is a fantastic episode.

And you can find them on Tinder gold. Tinder gold. Tinder gold. Swipe right and call in for your chance for two free tickets. To Paris. To Paris. We end with a song. We end with a song.

What good is sitting alone in your room? Come hear the music play Do you not know this song? I don't know it as well. Life is a cabaret, old chum Life is a cabaret, old chum And I love a cabaret. Forever.

Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski.

And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules.

New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby,

an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13

to being one of today's biggest artists. I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one.